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Giggl
February 10 2011
PAGE 8
TIPS FOR TOWNIES:
ASWC approves new club
How to hit on Whitties
þf!Cbdlqbhf!nbobhfe!up!tobh!b!dpqz!pg!uijt!ofx!dmvc(t! constitution for our faithful readers.
Kvtu!jo!ujnf!gps!Wbmfoujof t!Ebz" 1. Do a totally sick skateboard trick in front of her. Nothing gets a girl to ublf!ifs!dmpuift!pû!gbtufs!uibo!b!upubmmz!hobs!pmmjf!nduxjtu/!þjt!bmtp!bqplies to your trick bike. BMX? More like SEX!
ifbe! pwfs! up! Tubscvdlt-! tif( t! cpvoe! to notice you and your friends. Nothing looks cooler than a bunch of sk8rz ditching seventh period to just dijmm/!Zpvs!npn!nbz!opu! #hfu# ! zpv-! cvu!uijt!hjsm!efüojufmz!xjmm/
3/! Iboe! ifs! b! gmjfs! gps! zpvs! cboe( t! show next weekend. When she sees how much more hxc you are than those punx you go to WaHi with, tif mm!upubmmz!xbou!up!xfbs!zpvs!efoim jacket with all those Ramones pins on it.
5/! Iboh! pvu! bu! Sfje/! Tif (mm! upubmmz! mistake you for a student. Chicks— especially college chicks—dig college dudes! She might even hit on you! Be sure to wear that cool shirt you own—the vintage Nirvana shirt you hpu!pû!fCbz!mbtu!zfbs/!Upubmmz!hobs/
3. Hang out at the little park on Main Tusffu/! þf! ofyu! ujnf! tif! efdjeft! up!
5. If you spot one at Safeway, don't hesitate to ask her what her major is.
She'll be so taken aback; she'll never expect the one-two punch coming her way when you quickly follow up by asking for her number. People can't lie well when they're surprised, so you know you're getting her legit digits! (Disclaimer: As with any dating scenario, the Backpage cannot advise sexting until at least after date #2, which these tips are guaranteeing you.) 7/! þf! usjfe! boe! usvf! xijtumf"! Ofwfs! fails! wooot-wooooo!
ART ICLE I: NAME
Nicki Minaj Fan Club (NMFC) ART ICLE II: MISSION We're making somethin' fresh. We're hoping to create an environment for all Harajuku barbies and bad bitches to shine because we're hotter than the Middle Eastern climate. We plan to get rid of all da haters and da hoes because we'll pop you and then we'll pop ya sista. We give a lot of money to the babies out in Haiti. ART ICLE III: MEMBERSHIP Sucka free. ART ICLE IV: EXECUT IVE BOARD We Are Young Money.
Real Talk: E-mailing professors
ART ICLE V: MEET INGS We meet on Pink Fridays. CONTACT INFO: 718-SIT-URASSDOWN
Professor, þjt!xffl-!J!ibwf!cffo!sfbmmz!tjdl/!J!ibwf!tujmm!cffo!dpnjoh!up!dmbtt!cfdbvtf!bqqbsfoumz!J!dbo(u!hfu!fydvtfe!cz!Divdl!Dmfwfmboe! vomftt!J(n!jo!b!dpnb/!Ipxfwfs-!bu!ojhiu!J!ibwf!cffo!hpjoh!up!cfe!bu!mjlf!8!q/n/!cfdbvtf!J!gffm!tp!cbe/!þjt!jodsfbtf!jo!sftu!ibt! led to a decrease in complete homework. Would it be alright if I turned in the paper on Monday? Because if I turn it in tomorrow, you will only get a mediocre intro. þbolt" Real Talk: I'm kinda sick and really unmotivated. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------AS I TYPE THIS I SHOULD BE IN YOUR CLASSROOM FINISHING MY MIDTERM. I CANNOT EXPRESS HOW MORT IFIED I AM THAT I MISSED THE MIDTERM. I have been dealing with a lot of personal issues lately and they came to the surface this morning. I hope you can understand and I will be in to see you to hopefully reschedule. *G9X¾,9XW ¾ ¦Y¾Z\i¾Y\giQwQGD¡¾ ¦Y¾kZegGe9gGD¾9ZD¾i\\¾PkZN\pGg¡¾6GhiGgD9s¾q9h¾iPG¾+keGg¾ \qX¡¾ \s¡ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dear Advisor, J!bn!wfsz!tpssz!gps!njttjoh!pvs!nffujoh!uijt!bgufsoppo/!J!qvmmfe!bo!bmm.ojhiufs!up!üojti!b!qspkfdu!boe!xbt!kvtu!hpjoh!up!ublf!b!41! njovuf!obq-!boe!uifo!J!xplf!vq!üwf!ipvst!mbufs/!Ipqfgvmmz!ju!jt!opu!upp!nvdi!pg!bo!jodpowfojfodf!up!sftdifevmf/ *G9X¾,9XW ¾49WG¾9ZD¾A9WG¾9ZD¾pQDG\¾N9YGh¾¡¾¡¾¡¾»ZkwM¾h9QD¡ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Professor, I have been so busy this week with this paper, plus a project and another paper. It's 2 a.m. and it's only halfway done and I ibwf!npsojoh!qsbdujdf!upnpsspx!/!/!/!upebz/!Jt!uifsf!boz!xbz!J!dbo!hfu!bo!fyufotjpo@!J!xpvme!sfbmmz!bqqsfdjbuf!ju/!þbolt/ *G9X¾,9XW ¾ s¾g\\YY9iG¾h9QD¾eG\eXG¾Mg\Y¾ \hGh¾ 9WG¾B9Z¼i¾NGi¾PsePs¡¾ ¾hP\qGD¾iP9i¾+G9iiXG¾N\\Z¾qP9i¼h¾ke¡¾, 88 ¾ !¼¾
ILLUSTRATION BY ALFORD
Backpage Top 10: Pet peeves of having a serial killer roommate 1. You cannot have pets. 2. She forgets to flush the toilet sometimes. 3. She has an annoying laugh. 5/!þfsf(t!efdpnqptjoh!gmfti!jo!uif!dpnqptu/ 5. She keeps leaving the kitchen light on. 7/!Tif!tjoht!pû.lfz!xijmf!tfxjoh!qjfdft!pg! human skin together. 7. She's passiveaggressive. 8. She mixes glass recyclables with paper and plastic. 9. Her alarm clock keeps waking you up. 10. She has a really messed up sense of humor.
COMIC
kanye tweet of the week kanyewest Kanye West NO ALCOHOL BEFORE TATTOOS
ILLUSTRATION BY ALDEN
CROSSWORD by ADAM BRAYTON Puzzle Slut
ACROSS 1. Ad _____ 4. Paisley of country 8. Apolo of speed skating 23/!þf!dbtf!pg!2.Bdsptt!jt!xjuijo!Mbujo!efdm/ 13. Steck of climbing 25/!Qsfüy!pg!obvujdt!boe!tnjui 15. Average guy? 16. Part of the cerebral cortex 17. It may follow a duel challenge 1
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18. GEORGE: current Oscar nominee 2:/!Mfbsz t!esvh-!gps!tipsu 22. Play dialogue direction 36/! `````!uif!dibmmfohf 28. Vaulted recess 31. Neither follower? 32. T IM: jazz saxophonist and composer 35. Wayne or Jon 47/! Ep!`````!puifstú 48/! If!`````!po!uif!tjef!pg!dbvujpo 49/Xibu!uif! S !tuboet!gps!jo!pshbojd!difnistry 40. Chain outdoorsy coop. 7
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53/!TDPUU;!Cspbexbz!tipx!bcpvu!b!ühiuer* 48. Enemy ships in sector 47: a ______ 50. Relaxation 51. Name in TV sets 52. 2006 Irish musical 53. Ugly girl, to an Aussie 54. Tolkein foe 55. Pukes 56. Group with distinctive beliefs 57. Amount after reductions DOWN 1. Islamic pilgrimage 2. Large string instrument 3. Bass or treble 4. Flower preceders 5. Consecrate again 6. Racist dragon of song 8/!Tivûmfe!pû!uif!npsubm!dpjm 8. Desert havens 9. Capital of Finland 21/!Hvopxofst !psh/ 11. Alley _____ 19. W inemaking yeast, to Jose 20. Mother earth, to Agamemnon 23. Not a thinker 24. Goes astray 25. Bruins sch. 37/!Pqsbi t!epdups@ 27. Sass 29. Stroke 30. Ascus, in mycology 33. Calm 34. Grinding surface? 4:/!Tibhhz t!fydmbnbujpo 41. President-______ 45. Tire metal? 46. Earth-tone 58/!Tfotf!pg!xibu t!bqqspqsjbuf 48. Plaything 49. Genetic encoder, abbr.
ILLUSTRATION BY SLOANE
ANSWERS TO LAST WEEK’S
*Yes, the Puzzle Slut knows that in order to keep absolutely true to the theme, there tipvme!cf!b! U !bu!uif!foe!pg!uif!botxfs/!!Up! üy!uijt-!xsjuf!uif!njttjoh! U !po!uif!nbshjo/!! þfo!ju t!ljoe!pg!mjlf!opuijoh!ibqqfofe"
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