Wildling Magazine - Volume 14 by Wildling Magazine

VOLUME 14

ÂŠ 2019 Wildling Magazine All rights reserved. No part of this magazine may be reproduced by any means without prior written consent from the publisher, except for brief portions quoted for the purpose of review, as permitted by copyright law. www.wildlingmagazine.com info@wildlingmagazine.com Instagram @wildlingmagazine Facebook facebook.com/wildlingmagazine Front Cover image by Stephanie Bryan Inside Front Cover image by Rebecca Lindon Back Cover image by Nina Polli Inside Back Cover image by Stephanie Bryan 1

CONTENTS VOLUME 14 March 2019

Contributors

Dalston Dolls

Editorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Note

Rainbow Child

A New Life

49 Poland

13 Earthsiders

Pack Your Bags

Joseph & Alexander

The Grumpit

Costa Rica

Virgin Islands

Best Foot Forward

Stockists

CONTRIBUTORS

Nina Polli www.ninapolli.com Sara Hocking www.julieguertin.com Stephanie Bryan www.earthsiders.com Rebecca Lindon www.rebeccalindon.com Elizabeth Glenn www.elizabethglennphotography.com Jenna Anderson www.jennacole.com Polly Bateman www.thepollybateman.com

Image by Stephanie Bryan 3

EDITOR’S NOTE Volume 14 is a little smaller than usual... it’s been a busy time at Wildling with the launch of our new SS19 Wildling Woman fashion range (go take a look at our website!). This issue takes us around the world, travelling with families to Costa Rica, Poland and the U.S. Virgin Islands. We’ve also got three artisan profiles focused on mothers in fashion, doll-making and literature, plus there’s some personal parenting essays and fashion stories to bring us into Spring. We love to hear your feedback and if you have your own story to share - you can contact us via the website or on info@wildlingmagazine.com Rebecca Lindon Editor-in-Chief

A NEW LIFE PERSONAL ESSAY words and photography by Nina Polli

The car took on a life of its own, gliding silently across the thin layer of snow. The french country roads gently curved around the steep hills and knarled grapevines lined up neatly in the valley below. My three year old son sat peacefully in the back, blissfully unaware of what was about to happen. My worst nightmare was in process. We were going over the edge, and there was nothing in all the world I could do about it.

There were no thoughts of past and future, I simply soaked in each moment as if it were my last, forever grateful to the grace that manifested my greatest heart wish.

One year later, I returned to work as a fashion stylist in London. Long days away from my boy, stimulated nagging thoughts regarding our future. My instagram account told its own story. I followed creative mothers, who lived in romantic The next moment the airbags exploded, snapping far flung places, whose children enjoyed being lost my mind back into my body. I looked around in in nature, dirt under fingernails. Kids foraged for disbelief. We were both absolutely fine. berries, fed chickens and ran wild and free, a very different world from the one we were living in How did I find myself sitting in a mangled old East London. Volkswagen, seven meters down from the road, in the snowy vineyards of southern France? When I received a job offer in the south of France, I seized the opportunity for a new life. I packed Six years before, I had been on the greatest up everything I owned and headed off, naive to journey of my life. I was forty years old, single and the challenges that lay before me. I was about to childless and I made up my mind to follow my embark on a whole new journey of fertility, an greatest heart longing, to become a mother. opportunity to apply all I had learnt. I was about to conceive a new artistic career. It was a journey like no other. One bitter disappointment after another, fuelled my wish At that time there were no thoughts of rekindling and kept me moving, one day at a time, towards the latent creativity within. Yet life continually meeting my child. For the first time in my life, I throws what looks like hurdles in our path, was not prepared to give up, in fact there was no blessings disguised as challenges. On arrival, the choice. I finally found the right donor and after organisation I was about to begin work with, two years of trying, conceived my son Mika. He regrettably confessed that due to an unforeseen was proof, that when the longing is great and you financial crisis, they could no longer offer me put every ounce of your effort into a achieving a employment. The shock reverberated throughout goal, it cannot fail to happenâ&#x20AC;Śin its own time. my whole system. I had left my work in London, rented out our little apartment and moved After the birth, came the cosy fog of being alone everything to France. There was not one item left and caring for a newborn. Each day was spent in London. I couldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t imagine going back there. exhausted, in a bubble of blissful joy and wonder. 5

I was a single mum with no job, unable to claim any benefits and with very little savings to fall back on. I calculated I could stay three months in the house I had rented and that would be that.

As many obstacles as there were, there were miracles. Navigating the legalities of setting up a small business in France, establishing Mika in childcare and trying to find and register a car, were all confusing and daunting in equal measure. My grasp of the french language is basic, so many times I felt utterly defeated. However as my bank balance began to diminish, the miracles spontaneously arose.

I decided to paint, to create something of my own using my dormant skills as a textile designer. This was the moment of conception. The challenge was great, yet it was life conspiring with me. The loss of the job seemed completely overwhelming but yet at the same time it pushed me to take a leap I met a friend, who lived in the french hills. She had of faith. a little house, next to hers, that she used for guests. If we needed a place to stay we were welcome!

We arrived to share a lunch with her and look around the place. The rustic iron teal gate creaked open to reveal the most sublime environment. Ivy and old roses clambered over stone buildings. The view across the hills and into the valley below was breathtaking. Carp gazed at us through the shimmering pond water. The orchard in the back was light and breezy, the apple, pear and cherry trees had lovingly offered the best of what they had to give. Chickens and geese flapped and pecked in curiosity of the new visitors. The donkey in the field behind, sent us into shrills of laughter every time he brayed and his little baby politely ate apples from Mika’s outstretched hands. As we sat cosy, at the long wooden table on her terrace chatting, butterflies danced among the remaining autumnal flowers and the garden pulsed with the beauty and life of the divine. We had a magical home. Every time, I thought, this is not possible, the universe provided a solution. And so it was with the old Volkswagen, a friend offered the car to me. Yet here it lay smashed up in the snow, seven meters down from the road. By yet another miracle we survived our accident unscathed. The car however did not. As soon as the airbags burst, I jumped into action. Afraid of a movie-like explosion, I grabbed Mika out of the car, told him to cling onto my back and attempted to climb up the steep hillside, through snow and vicious brambles. I couldn’t do it with him on my back, so he sat bewildered in the snow while I climbed up alone. Less than one minute passed and a car drove carefully around the corner, on a road normally so quiet. A young man and his three year old daughter stopped and he was able to reach Mika and carry him up to safety. Each disappointment I experienced whilst trying to conceive Mika, strengthened me and made the outcome even more transformative. It slowly dawned on me, how I could use those past

experiences to encourage myself to design and illustrate again. To create works of art on paper and fabric. The ego voices taunt me, ‘it’s too hard, who’s going to buy them? How will you fund something like that?’ All legitimate questions, but I try not to let them dissuade me. Truth is, it is hard, I don’t know who will buy them or how I will fund it, but nothing ventured nothing gained. Could it be that by doing what you love and allowing creativity to flow, with the intention of bringing softness and joy to our hardened world, that all these questions will find their answers? Many times I have considered giving up. The challenge is at best inspiring and at worst completely disheartening. But what if I gave up trying to conceive Mika one month before it happened? How different my life would be. The Yoruba proverb “Your failures in life come from not realising your nearness to success when you give up”, is an uplifting reminder of what I know to be true. I have a dream of printing my designs on fabric and producing clothing for children and adults, to find a way of working which is flexible, creative and joyful. At present I sell cards and limited edition prints and I have time to be with my son and enjoy the abundance that surrounds us. And so it is, that we live in a natural paradise, I am painting again and Mika is running wild and free, foraging for berries with dirt under his fingernails. With every card or print I sell, there is a deep profound gratitude. I am at the very beginning of this process and will continue to vacillate between fear and joy but the words of Sarah Ban Breathnach say it best, “Expect to have hope rekindled. Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways. The dry seasons of life do not last. The spring rains will come again.”

EARTHSIDERS PERSONAL ESSAY words and photography by Sara Hocking

I’ve been so fortunate to become a bonus mom to my partner’s two kids, who were 8 and 11 when he and I met three years ago. Initially, the transition was pretty rocky for me. I doubted myself. I was unsure of my ability to parent and to help support these two fully functional beings. It’s not like I got to learn how to do it before they could walk, talk or dress themselves. They could do ALL of those things. I had also gone from living on my own for years, to living in a household of 4. Being someone who needs a lot of personal space and quiet time, it was completely overwhelming to me. I feel like I’ve finally hit my stride now and have found a balance between what I need and being an effective and supportive parent. I do feel like it’s important to note that I never look at the kids like they are someone else’s. They are just as much my kids as they are their mom and dad’s. As a woman, I’ve been stretched. Growing up in a household where your mom is a state police officer, having a female role model included someone who took a gun to and from work. Parenting has helped me find my softer, nurturing side and allowed me to develop greater compassion, understanding and forgiveness than I thought possible. It’s been a balancing force in my life for my natural, more Yangtype personality. Being a mother has taught me the the value of individualism. Our oldest is extremely strong willed, but doesn’t always know how to appropriately communicate her thoughts and feelings. It would be easy to insist that she do what I say when I say it. If I were to approach her that way, I would be squashing her spirit and who she innately is. Instead, I ask her to think through things and explain to me why she should or shouldn’t be able to do something she disagrees with. I see the value of her as an individual person. Ultimately, all of us are ONE, so in a way, my perspective is an extension of that belief. The aim of Earthsiders is to be THE place that parents come to for inspiration and support around consciously raising magical children. Our children have innate abilities that are unlike anything humanity has seen. When we foster these abilities, we allow our children to learn and grow into people capable of utilizing these talents, rather than young people who are lost and confused and trying to discover who they actually are. In a way, Earthsiders is here to help parents clear the path for their kids.

If we are focused on raising conscious, aware and free children we are tasked with a few things (sounds so simple, right?). First and foremost, we have to be absolutely authentic in our approach with them. When we make a mistake, admit it. We need to apologize when it’s required. Through our authenticity, we model to our children what we expect and the kind of people we hope they will become. Admitting we don’t know something is an experience most kids don’t have. They are used to parents and adults having all the answers. Being vulnerable in this way illustrates to kids that we don’t always know. Another aspect is that we have to face our inner darkness to be capable of parenting them. If we are not, we will get lost in the projections and blame them for what is happening inside of us. Their foibles will trigger our uncertainties. As we live consciously, and shine lights on the shadows within us, we become like a lighthouse able to clearly guide our children.

As for freedom, this is a tenet that I give the ultimate value to. We give our kids rules. But, why? Are they about safety? Are they about living in a healthy and positive way? Too often our rules are punitive, subjective and something we’ve implemented without much thought. When we can pair back the “rules” that we give our kids and allow them more space to explore, to fail, to imagine, we are preparing them for the new paradigm we are entering. Parents can find me through Facebook at the Earthsiders page or through the website: www.earthsiders. com. We are always looking for unique perspectives and stellar writing, and encourage parents to share their writing with us to share their voice. To find other like-minded parents, I have found a lot of success in Facebook groups geared toward awakened, aware and conscious parenting.

JOSEPH & ALEXANDER ARTISAN PROFILE words by Alana Sorokin

I was fortunate to grow up on Sydney’s Northern Beaches and always had a love for the ocean. Having watched the Netflix documentary “A Plastic Ocean” it opened my eyes to the harmful effects plastic has not only on our oceans but to our foods and inevitably our health. If you have not seen the documentary then do - it will completely change the way you view plastic and more importantly educate you on the harmful effects. I was living in the tropics (Singapore) and found myself constantly looking for shorts that were eco friendly, transitional, good quality, affordable and interesting prints). I found it tricky to find something that ticked all the boxes which lead me to come up with the idea of Joseph & Alexander. J&A are actually my two sons. Joseph & Alexander is a quirky swimwear brand with a difference - we wanted to create interesting swimwear that not only tells a story through our prints but has an important message which will hopefully lead to a conversation opening with children and parents when wearing the shorts. The recycled plastic element was super important to us - we searched endlessly to find the right manufacturer that shared the same vision and ethos as our brand and fortunately found one! Our designs all have different messages from our “Trapped” print featuring sea animals caught in fish nets, to “Water Love”, a colourful take on summer and the ocean. The colourful prints are fun and kids love to point out certain sea animals. When you explain that the material is made from recycled plastic previously found in the ocean, the mind becomes curious and naturally the questions start “wow that so cool how is it made” etc.. We are launching our sister label soon which includes a mummy and me range. We have also collaborated with a contemporary artist based in Dubai who champions social change and have created a unique design based around plastic bottle caps which are launching this summer for both boys and girls in the style of J&A - colourful, playful with an important message. Helping the cause starts at home from recycling, limiting single use plastic, carrying water bottles etc.. As a business we donate 10% of our annual profits to “A Plastic Ocean’s UK foundation” and J&A will be hosting beach events throughout the summer for our eco-warriors which will include a beach clean up. www.josephandalexander.com

COSTA RICA TRAVEL ESSAY words and photography by Stephanie Bryan

We travel as a family every summer and really wanted to visit somewhere that was unique, different and had opportunities for adventure. Costa Rica fit the bill for us and allowed us to have the relaxing beaches, as well as tons of outdoor activities. We purchased several guide books and maps before our trip and we each planned an activity for our vacation. We tried to vary our adventures so we were able to fully experience the culture and country of Costa Rica! We spent a day on a guided buggy tour of the country and it was purely amazing. Our guide took us off road and through some of the more rural areas of Costa Rica and it was so neat to be away from anything “commercial” and truly immersed in the country. Our buggy tour concluded with a delicious meal at the beautiful home of a Costa Rican local, which was the perfect way to end our day. The wildlife, especially the monkeys, were the highlight of the trip for my children. They both still talk about feeding the monkeys and all of the animals we saw. We visited an animal sanctuary in Guanacaste one afternoon and were fortunate enough to be the only visitors that day, so we really got to see and learn so much about the wildlife of Costa Rica. I think one of the most beautiful things about Costa Rica is just how simple everyday life seems to be. I loved seeing how the people of this country lived and how they embraced the everyday with such happiness. Sometimes life gets so busy and hectic and chaotic that it’s easy to forget what matters most. Costa Rica reminded me that all we really need is each other. What’s next? Right now we are packing for our trip to St. Lucia!

BEST FOOT FORWARD FASHION photography and styling by Rebecca Lindon

Boots by Chapter 2 Kids.

Sandals by Saltwater Sandals.

Travellers and High-Tops with Liberty laces by Amy & Ivor.

Suede moccasins by Step 2wo.

Trainers and sandals (opposite page) by Bobux.

DALSTON DOLLS ARTISAN PROFILE words and photography by Mopsa Wolff

Before parenting, I used to edit documentaries about contemporary artists. I enjoyed my work, it was the very early days of digital video and the work was interesting and challenging. I was good at it too. I juggled the two worlds for a while but then it became clear that the kids that had arrived in our family were not the type of straight-forward, lifecomes-easy characters that some children are. They were wonderful, unusual and challenging. I knew I wanted a work life that would give me flexibility when my family needed it and the creative payback that I needed too. About 6 years ago I made a doll for my daughter’s October birthday and was happy when both my boys also wanted one for Christmas. That first doll is still a favourite, full of beautiful imperfections. After making 3 in a row I felt I was up and running and started making some for other people, and so, with my friend Sevim, Dalston Dolls was started.

I would like to keep enjoying Dalston Dolls and building the business slowly. As well as making dolls myself I run doll-making workshops. I find it rewarding seeing how people feel when their doll comes into being from their own hands. I see lots of big smiles and proud faces. Teaching doll-making has become a bigger and bigger part of it and I would like this aspect to continue to grow. So my latest adventure is co-running a new studio space called Manus Workshops in East London, where we host as well as teach handwork workshops and short courses.

I love that what I create goes on into someone else’s life. The dolls my students create go on to be given to their children and perhaps their children’s children after that. Occasionally I am asked to repair a doll that has been treasured and needs to be brought back to life for a new generation, that feels like a conversation with a stranger through their handwork, unpicking and mending the time and I feel happy when I am making and to do it with love they put into this precious object. a purpose is an added bonus. Its nice to think that my dolls will be treasured and play a part in a child’s I always knew motherhood was going to be life. important to me but I underestimated the levels of exhaustion. I was equally unprepared for the An important part of having my own business is way our children make us fall in love with them. the ability to be true to my principals. The dolls Nature’s way of tricking us into all that hard work! are proudly plastic-free and support local ethical I’m grateful to be able to do something that fits in suppliers, they are stuffed with organic wool from a with my parenting and in many ways compliments lovely ethically-sound farm in Yorkshire, their hair it - often during the workshops people will talk often comes from an organic company in Wales. about their families, their children’s birth stories and their own identities.

Image by Gemma Booth.

The type of dolls I make have a considered ethos behind them which is important to me. They are made of natural materials which respond warmly to the child’s senses, they have simple faces onto which the child can project their own emotions and, as handmade objects, they hold the time and love that was taken to make them. This all fits with what I have learnt from my own experience of parenting. I believe parenting thoughtfully and with commitment is one of today’s greatest undervalued roles. It carries such low status and yet is so important to do well.

Finding time for self care was my biggest challenge in the early years. It is hard when you see a little vulnerable being that you want to love and protect, hard to pull back and say ‘I need to look after myself now’. The truth is that sometimes the best way to nurture them is to nurture yourself first.

Motherhood has stretched and reshaped me! My children have taught me the value of tolerance, kindness, humour and gratitude. Living in the present and seeing the positives as often as possible. How good it feels to look up at a great big 16 year old starting to make his own way in the world and As mothers we can find ourselves giving and then feel proud of him. giving some more until we are almost used up. www.dalstondolls.co.uk

RAINBOW CHILD PERSONAL ESSAY words and photography by Elizabeth Glenn

Motherhood is not all sunshine and rainbows. There are some days filled with guilt of being touched out, frazzled to the breaking point, anxiety resurfacing and manifesting itself in ways that my child is absolutely not responsible for. There are some days I feel the waves of depression roll over me, holding me under the riptide current, gasping for air. I beat myself up over the mother I said I was going to be that day, and how I actually measured up. What is she going to remember? What is the overarching theme of her childhood going to be? When she looks back on the foundation of her life, what is she going to think of it? What are the words she will someday use to describe me? At the end of each day, she’s asleep and I’m missing her terribly. I ache for sinking my pursed lips into her round, soft cheek. Truth be told, if I give myself a little grace, every day with her truly is good. She was never brought into this earth to be my heroine, but she is. She’s the rainbow after the storm, the light streaming in my window that gets me out of bed in the morning, the wind in my hair that brings me back to life. She is good. I’ve been pondering a lot lately about gratitude, and what an element of magic that’s been in my life. I love the saying that goes “Gratitude takes what we have and makes it enough.” That rings so true to me, and every day if I am present and aware of all the blessings I’m surrounded by, my cup feels full to overflowing. Especially my motherhood cup. The key term there being IF I am present. When the phone gets put away, the scrolling stops, the hustling halts, and I see her hands transforming from baby dimpling to long and lengthy little girl hands. When I notice how cute she looks when she smiles. The trill of her belly laugh that’s remarkably similar to the baby giggles that rang out through the house not so long ago (but also almost five years ago now). When I see the vivid colors of her eyes, of her twirling dress, and my heart breaks at the theft of time. I would never have noticed those things if I had an illuminated screen glowing in front of my face. So like I said, motherhood isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. But if I take the time to see the goodness and realize how wildly, overwhelmingly, fiercely blessed I am in the details of every day, it kind of is sunshine and rainbows.

POLAND TRAVEL ESSAY words and photography by Jenna Anderson

My in-laws are in Poland, and we’ve been able to visit a half-dozen times since we got married. When the kids were younger we took them to Ruda Slaska, my husband’s childhood hometown, and that was the only thing they experienced while on the European continent. On this visit they spent a few days in Wroclaw, a week with their grandparents in a tiny forest town called Chlebice, a week in Ruda, and my son and I did a day trip to Krakow together. It’s important to us that they feel connected to that side of their heritage. Highlights of this trip included hunting for dwarf statues in Wroclaw (there are over 300 now!), paddleboats on the Odra River, hunting for grave markers in the forest of Chlebice and drinking fresh apple juice while grilling sausages over an open fire at my in-law’s house. For my children, the highlights were making their own lollipops and standing in a fountain we were later told was off-limits during our time in Wroclaw. My daughter said her favorite part of being with her Polish grandparents is that she gets to watch a lot of TV :). My son and I are already talking about expanding our annual tradition of a mother-son getaway (we’ve been to Krakow three times together), using that time for overnight trips that will expose both of us to new parts of Poland. Our Polish family members have a beautiful relationship with nature. They hunt for mushrooms (a national sport in Poland!), make jams and liquers from the fruit they grow in their backyard, and can tell us the names of most of the plants whenever we take a walk together. We’re working to re-landscape our backyard right now with plans to cover it with ivy, fruit trees, and berry bushes to recreate some of that magic on our side of the world. I’m going to take my daughter on her first day trip to Krakow, and my son and I are making plans to go to Zakopane together, we’re both swooning over the images of Tatra National Park. This year we’re going to fly into Amsterdam before moving on to Poland - I’ve been once and am really looking forward to taking them on a ride through the canals and bike rides through Vondelpark.

PACK YOUR BAGS! FASHION photography and styling by Rebecca Lindon

Zeus wears vests and trunks and Evelyn wears swimwear, both by Frugi.

Vest and trousers by Minimalisma and hoodie dress by Frugi.

This page: shorts by Mingo Kids at Bon Tot and sweaters by Bob & Blossom. Opposite page: Sunglasses by Izipizi at Bon Tot and clothing modelâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s own.

Tutu skirt and fawn mask by Obi Obi, angel wings and headband by Meri Meri, all available at Smallable.

Eve wears dress by Minimalisma.

THE GRUMPIT ARTISAN PROFILE words by Polly Bateman

I have been self-employed most of my working life, bar a brief but profound period working in military medical units in Germany, the UK, and also on an operational tour in Iraq. My role involved looking after and supporting service personnel and their families when they were admitted to hospital, as military postings most often mean they were based away from their primary support network of friends and family. Plus military life doesn’t mirror usual working environments, so the issues the families dealt with were often unique. I noticed I was quick at sensing what people would need, as well as seeing patterns in their behaviour. That’s when my passion for working with people was born. I started to see themes in what people were dealing with. This was a total change in focus for me. In 2006, I became a coach, and over the course of the next few years added to my training with various courses such as NLP, psychoneuroimmunology, anxiety & phobias, health coaching and selfdevelopment. It became vital for me to constantly expand my awareness of my identity - the pieces of me that drove what I did, felt and thought - because I can only take my clients as deep as I have gone myself. It was a liberating experience because it gave me the freedom to live with no regrets, to risk winning! I became a Mindset and Performance Coach and that’s when I decided to get the Grumpit out into the world. Friends had been telling me for years they loved it and I should do something with it. But it wasn’t until I took myself on that personal growth journey that I was able to actually put the Grumpit out into the world. I first developed the Grumpit when Harry was 4 years old. I was always making up characters that we would talk to as a way of explaining some of the differences between humans and animals. We had a shark that used to come for tea and ask us why we had such long fins and two tails (our arms and legs). I would talk to the shark as if he was really there and Harry would look at the space I was addressing, totally engaged. He’d ask his own questions, and I’d do the shark’s voice. I’m sure I looked quite mad to the flies on the wall! So my imagination has always been colourful, and the Grumpit was another one of those moments. People tend to view ‘how’ they are as ‘who’ they are, and this isn’t the case. It’s a complex idea to explain to young children, but by creating this lovable character as a representation of their “reactions” and their “states” it enables us to separate from how we are feeling to who we are as a person, and view what’s happening more objectively. I wanted Harry to get that his fears weren’t him, and the Grumpit was a way to show him that he was his own person and his fears were separate from him. Whenever Harry was facing a challenge in his

young life, I could see focusing on the issue (or the block, as I like to call it), like the height of the slide or the unwelcome broccoli on his plate, actually didn’t take the resistance away. In fact, Harry would dig his heels in and defend his resistance to overcoming the challenge. He would fight for his comfort zone. I wanted to find a way to show him how to manage the fear, dread, or sense of being overwhelmed, so I intuitively created the Grumpit to help him. Everyone has their fears, and I could see the need to make ‘fear’ something Harry could manage. It was important that ‘fear’ wasn’t any more scary or threatening to him as a “form” which is why I infused the Grumpit with a touch of comedy. As a family, we have all laughed about and loved, our own Grumpits, and as we lived with them more I could see my Grumpit had been keeping me safe. I finally saw I needed to soothe my own Grumpit and take a risk because a great idea in my head and with my friends had been better than a failed idea out there. So I spoke to teachers, children, parents, friends, family and consistently got the feedback that nothing like this existed at the moment - a character the reader didn’t simply identify with externally, but a character that actually was THEM. Everyone has their own Grumpit, and they are reactive to our individual experiences. After getting this feedback and seeing how powerful the Grumpit was for Harry, I decided to introduce it to other children and the Grumpit worked for them too. That’s when I realised I had to get this out there, so I wrote the story and set about finding an illustrator. Irina (the illustrator) beautifully captured what was in my head, a sort of gormless, cute, cuddly, and instantly lovable ball of fluff. A talented friend made me a puppet version, and when we brought it to the schools I visited, the children would literally go berserk for it to the point that we had to limit when and how long we had it out for. That’s when I knew we had got the appeal of it right. Using this tool the children were able to think more clearly and take responsibility for their emotions. They are talking to their Grumpits, weighing up what is really happening and this sense of ownership brings out a natural nurturing for their Grumpit (themselves), and they soothe their Grumpit, which means they are actually self-soothing. Being freed up like this….that is empowerment. From the school workshops we did some surveys and really got to see what children are dealing with. That’s when it became clear to me this could become a series which I am really excited about and I would like to expand the reach and impact of the workshops I have been doing with schools. I have developed a training programme for teachers so they can help children struggling with life or schoolwork. Teachers themselves are dealing with a lot in today’s teaching environment, and the Grumpit concept can support them in coping with the children they have (and all of the emotions and struggles those children bring to school). 66

We often live in ‘Grumpit mayhem’ as a species, which means we’re reacting to our circumstances all the time and this creates pressure on our mental health - especially amongst our children. My vision is to share the Grumpit as widely as possible so people can have a tool that supports them in seeing that how they are being is NOT who they are as people, so they don’t identify with negative feelings all the time. I dearly want to see this grow, and I’d love to see the Grumpit animated, running around, inspiring children. An App that could be used in schools and at home would be amazing, a TV series, and my biggest dream is to see it as a film. I’m super-inspired by freeing people from what they’re dealing with. I love empowering people to live their greatest life, in whatever form that means to them. By giving people tools to effectively manage their own lives, to be able to do what’s important to them that’s REAL freedom right there. So many of us are stuck or feel like victims of our circumstances, when the truth is we are all way more powerful than we dare believe. Supporting people to live a life they love - that’s what gets me excited and out of bed in the mornings! How my child inspires me is an easy one - he is innocent and raw. I see children struggle everyday. Their greatest fear is that they are ‘wrong’ in some way. Children just want to know they are enough. Having felt so insecure myself growing up I am passionately driven to support any child to feel as confident as possible and to learn to trust themselves. This builds self-esteem and put together we start to see children taking more responsibility for themselves, those around them and their environment. It also helps them to be more resilient and in today’s environment this is much needed. I was much more of a victim of my circumstances and self-focused before my son, Harry, came along. I didn’t know how powerfully I’d love him. I don’t think we do know how deeply we can love, or how much we can cope with, until we have our children. As a mum, I was determined to ensure Harry grew up as secure as could be. I have always sought to use my coaching skills to empower him, and I would make up all sorts of stories to capture his imagination and specifically to grow his EQ. The ‘Tiger Mum’ in me wanted to ensure I could protect him too and I always had to consider what impact my dreams, decisions and actions would have on him. My husband is a military man so with one parent that is frequently away and can go at very short notice, I had to be the stable one, the rock. Learning how to do that without clipping my own wings has been a challenge. Plus I get that we are Harry’s role models and it is my job to show him how to make life work no matter what is thrown at you. That drive and that sense of responsibility is definitely something that came to me once I became a parent. I see my greatest responsibility as a parent, aside from protecting my son, is to show him how to grab life and truly live it. I am always handling how to make it all work, and finding the balance has been a learning curve for sure! The book and subsequent series is all part of teaching my son how to live his fullest life.

With every new stage of life, I have to remind myself that I am in new territory. How can I expect myself to do things perfectly that I’ve never experienced before? Sometimes that means putting it in perspective for other people too. For example, when Harry gets upset or frustrated with me, I have to remind him, “I have never had an 11 year old before, so I am doing the best I can. I may not get it right, but I need your support to help me work it out”. This creates a sense of team and empathy from him, and we sort it together. When Harry was little, if I made an obvious mistake, I would tell him I was sorry. I have even asked him a couple of times if I should go on the naughty step. He was mortified at the suggestion the first time and wouldn’t consider it for a moment. The second time however, I had accused him of something he hadn’t done, and as soon as I realised I apologised for it and for being a bit stroppy and asked him if I should go on the step. He was so cross with me he said, “Yes!” I wasn’t there for long. He couldn’t bear it and released me after about 30 seconds with the question “Have you thought about what you did Mummy?” (I had to fight the laughter). My friends weren’t sure about this tactic but I inherently believe children are pretty balanced as a rule. What this practice did for our family was create a sense of justice and balance. I don’t pretend I am perfect, and I don’t impose “do as I say not as I do” on him. I know that doesn’t really work for children, and they call you out on it. If not to your face they definitely know and it builds resentment on their side. It also takes pressure off me trying not to be perfect all the time. Harry understands that I’m human and don’t always get it right. By seeing me deal with this, he is learning he doesn’t have to live up to an impossible standard, which is healthy for him. We also celebrate our mistakes and make them our friends, they’re our greatest teachers. He knows I am the boss, and I will call a decision he may not like. He also knows why I make those decisions because I always help him understand how I came to it. I always speak to his higher good by acknowledging his strengths. For example if he’s being lazy or unhelpful, rather than moaning at him or berating him, I will say something like “I know you don’t expect me to do this all myself and how much you love helping me have a better day”. As a result he wants me to believe in him and steps up to it. He wants to be enough, and that’s all people (children and adults alike) need to know; that they’re enough and are valued for who they are. Learning that didn’t come overnight. Plenty of not handling it well came first but I saw it didn’t work, it didn’t change anything and just made him defensive. It’s been a constant learning curve. Evolving and growing all together has been one of the greatest learning tools I can give to my son. Motherhood has taught me that I am stronger than I knew I could be. I can keep going even when I am dead tired or upset because I have Harry. It has taught me that it is okay to not be perfect and to take comfort that even when I get it wrong, I know I am doing the best I can. Motherhood has also taught me what being grateful really means. 69

Life can often not work out the way we envisage and so I have learnt to focus on what I DO have. Struggles, challenges and emotional highs (and lows) are all part of being a mother and I have found the best thing for helping me stay positive and be strong is gratitude. However, when something really upsets me, then I allow myself a timeframe to be sad, angry or wallow because I am human and I feel stuff. But when that time is up, I focus on what I have, what I love and I get back on my feet. Lastly, I learnt to value myself. If you don’t value yourself then no one else will because you won’t let them. I used to take care of everyone else FIRST and ignore what I needed, but it left me grumpy, knackered and resentful. Then I realised all I was teaching Harry was how to put yourself last and be the family donkey. This was not a message I wanted him to get about me, women or himself. It was also at odds with what I was teaching him verbally, and children learn by example far more than by what you say. There was a moment when he answered me back with the exact same thing I would say to him. That’s when I got it - he’s learning how to be from me, so what do I want him to see? Motherhood has taught me to lead by example, admit when I get it wrong and to be truthful (most children have sussed you out long before you think). It doesn’t work to tell him one thing and then do another. So instead of telling him “Do as I say, not as I do” we practice sound reasoning and critical thinking skills as a team. Instead of a blanket “NO!” for behaviours and words Harry’s not allowed to engage in, we talk about age appropriateness and the reasons behind the rules that are set for him. This creates clear boundaries, while giving him a process to think through situations in his life, all the while giving us both the opportunity to build trust in each other. So even when I make a mistake Harry is clear that I am doing the best I can and that is all we can ever do.

VIRGIN ISLANDS TRAVEL ESSAY words and photography by Stephanie Bryan

St. John in U.S. Virgin Islands is a very special place to us! My husband’s family owns a house on St. John, and he has been traveling to the Virgin Islands since he was a little boy. My husband and I were also married there back in 2007. We have been talking to our kids about where we got married for years and we finally felt like they were at great ages for traveling to the island. We were so excited to travel there as a family and explore all of our favorite island spots. We have so many wonderful memories of visiting the Virgin Islands, but our favorite is probably the lazy days where we spent hours on the beach doing nothing more than laughing, playing in the sand and snorkeling! The island of St. John has more than 50% of national park land, so there are tons of isolated beaches, hiking trials and more to explore. It truly is wonderful place to escape and there were many days where we had an entire beach all to ourselves. Snorkeling was by far a favorite activity for both of my children. The waters of the Virgin Islands are so amazingly clear and calm and we were able to see so many beautiful species of fish on all of our snorkeling adventures. There really is nothing better than swimming near schools of colorful fish, sea turtles and sting rays. We stayed at my husband’s grandmother’s house during our time on St. John, so being able to stay somewhere that felt like “home” while away on vacation was wonderful. The house gave us the luxury of being able to cook our own meals while also allowing us to relax and unwind in the comfort of a home. To finish our trip, we took a boat over to St. Thomas and spoiled ourselves with a few nights at the Marriott Resort. It was a magical resort and the Virgin Islands will always be one of our very favorite destinations.

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