Wild Sister Magazine: Sisterhood Edition

wildsister

ISSN: 1839-2318

a bad education Being your own Soul sister

The missing ingredient

May 2013

#23

sisterhood WILDsister│May 2013│ 1

What’s inside 3

Editor’s Note

Contributors

4

5

Tell Us What You Think!

How to Break Barriers and Create Connections

6

A Quiet Moment

Self-Kindess: Finding True Ease in “Easy Pose”

9

12

Cover image:

Your Friendship

by Lori Portka

13

Your Secret Weapon to Finding Your Soul Sisters

A Bad Education

17

20

Sisterhoods

Love Note

23

25

Sisters

Overcoming the Fear: How Holy Crap Moments Bring Change

27

29

On Being Your Own Soul Sister

Quotes of the Month

41

35

How I Overcame My Fear of Flying and did 7 flights in one month

40

The missing ingredient to your self-love recipe

45

{Be} Inspired

50

Contribute

WILDsister│May 2013│ 2

33

Affirmation of the Month

39

Card of the Month

42

Latest on the Blog Advertise Connect with us

48 51 52

M a y editor’s note Love: Sister,

1

This month, and for the months ahead, I am writing to you from Ubud, Bali. Living in this magical place has been my dream for a long time, and now that I’m here it is pure heaven.

Even in my two weeks here, I can see how much sisterhood is a strong part of life here. Community as a whole is the foundation of everything in this beautiful part of the world. Mothers, daughters, sisters, cousins, aunts, all living and working together every day. Laughing, sharing meals, making offerings to place at their doors and in their temples, it’s all done together. I’m in awe of the amazing sense of sisterhood, brotherhood and community here.

So it is perfect that this edition is all about Sisterhood.

I have wanted to create a Sisterhood edition for a long time, and now that it’s here, it’s even more inspiring than I imagined.

I so adore the stories in here. Together, these women weave a beautiful tapestry of truth, love and strength.

2

It took me many years before I discovered what true sisterhood was. Before then I didn’t think I needed it. Now I know it is as essential to happiness and health as air is to survival.

3

1. Achieving a dream.

2. Watching the sunset through the trees.

3. Working on new Wild Sister projects.

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Sisterhood is like oxygen for the soul.

To our sisters,

wildsisters

{May 2013}

Editor Assistant Editor

Creative Director Jen Saunders Wild Sister

Dani DiPirro Positively Present

Danielle Tate-Stratton danitatestratton

Writers Dani DiPirro Positively Present

Jess Carlson Jess Carlson

Anne-Sophie Reinhardt Cinda Stevens Lonsway Jen Saunders Tara Bliss Roar With Cinda Such Different Skies Wild Sister AnneSophie

Guest Writers Jess Morrow

Rhiannon Griffiths

WILDsister│May 2013│ 4

Ina Sahaja

Ruchika Batra

Brenda Rodriguez

Vienda Maria

Rachel Awes

Donna Morin

Want to join this amazning group of women by contributing to WILDsister?

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let us know

what you think...

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Take a photo of you reading this issue, post it on instagram + tag it with #wildsister.

I’ll re-post it and give you a shout-out on our Facebook page!

Tweet it!

Here are a few tweetables you can send out right now {I’ll re-tweet it!}: Hanging with my soul sisters in @wildsistermag SISTERHOOD edition. http://tinyurl.com/b7426l #wildsister {clicktotweetthis} Reading: SISTERHOOD edition of @wildsistermag. http://tinyurl.com/b7426lo #imawildsister {clicktotweetthis} Soaking up the love with the @wildsistermag SISTERHOOD edition! http://tinyurl.com/b7426lo #wildsister #sisterhood {clicktotweetthis}

pg 37 pg 25 WILDsister│May 2013│ 5

pg 13

How to Break Barriers and Create Connections

by Dani DiPirro

All differences in the world are of degree, and not of kind, because oneness is the secret of everything. ~Swami Vivekananda

With

all of the differences in cultures and personalities and opinions and thoughts, it’s no surprise that we often don’t really understand other people. Sometimes, no matter how hard you try, it’s hard to connect with someone because you are so, well, different. If you’ve ever experienced this before (and most of us have), you know how frustrating it can be. No matter how much you might want to connect with some people, it’s not always possible. Sometimes it seems as though there are rivers and streams and entire oceans between you and another person. But personal connections are pretty important to our happiness.

So what to do?

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Looking at yourself can be a great way to understand at least your contribution to the situation.

{clicktotweetthis}

First, we need to give some thought to why we have trouble connecting with those who are different than us... I’m going to state right now that I’m not the best at connecting with other people. When I’m in the mood or making an effort, I’m pretty good at it, but those moments are more rare than they probably should be.

However, being the way I am sometimes, I know that it can be difficult to forge connections with others and I think I have some ideas on how I can improve my interactions. Hopefully these suggestions will help you out too. When you’re struggling to make a connection, especially with someone who is very different from you, here is my advice:

The Six Steps for Making a Connection

Figure out why you want to connect. This first step is a vital one. First, before anything else, you need to figure out why you want to connect with this person. Do you want to connect with him/her because s/he is a coworker you have to be around often? Do you want to create a romantic connection with this person? Do you want to connect on a level that will allow you both to get something out of the relationship?

Give some serious thought to this because it’s very important to understand the why before you understand the how. Wanting to connect with a coworker on a basic level is very different than wanting to connect with a best friend.

There are so many different levels on which we can connect with other people. There’s no right or wrong level, but you should definitely assess what level of connection you want to have before you move forward.

Be open and honest about connecting. Don’t try to do this on your own. It’s really important that you open up to the other person and let WILDsister│May 2013│ 7

him/her know that you’d like to have a better connection. Let him or her know that you want to work on it and you’re going to do whatever you can to work towards a better relationship.

Depending on the situation, you’ll probably want to word this differently. I’d advise not using phrases like “I like to have a deeper connection with you” with someone like your boss or “I think understanding one another better will help us be more productive in the office” with your spouse (unless, of course, you happen to work with your spouse...). Give some thought to how you want to go about bringing up the topic, considering the situation, the other person, and the relationship you want to have with that person. The more open you are, the more likely you’ll be to forge a greater bond with that person.

Determine what walls you might have up. It’s always easy to look at the other person and say something like, “I can’t connect with him/her because...” It’s a lot more difficult to look at yourself and figure out what you might need to improve upon. I have all sorts of walls up—blocking people out from all different angles—and I know that it’s up to me to address those barriers if I want to figure out how to connect better with others. One of the best ways to deal with this step is to get yourself an awesome therapist. If that isn’t an option for you, I’d suggest doing some soul searching to see if perhaps you have some walls in place that others find hard to break through. It’s easy to point fingers and say that the other person is difficult to connect with (and, yes, sometimes this is the case), but often connecting with someone (or lack of connecting) has to do with both people. Looking at yourself can be a great way to understand at least your contribution to the situation.

Personal connections are pretty important to our happiness.

{clicktotweetthis}

Tear those walls down if you can. Once you’ve figured out that maybe you have something to do with the reason you and another aren’t able to connect, you need to work on those issues.

Whatever they may be, there’s got to be a way to work on them. Again, therapy is great for this.

Remember, being conscious of the walls you have up is a great first step and you should be proud of yourself for getting to the point where you actually care enough to think about what you might need to change. However, it’s important to actually work on these things after you’ve acknowledged them. This is definitely one of the hardest steps (for me, at least), but it’s the one that can make a HUGE difference in your relationships. In fact, sometimes, if you manage to complete this step, you’ll find that a connection has been made. More often than not, I find that I’m the one who is holding back from connecting with others. However, if this isn’t you, or if, for whatever reason, you cannot remove certain walls completely, you’ll want to move on to #5.

Ask what’s holding others back. Before you give this step a shot, remember not to assume anything. It might seem obvious that someone else has barriers up for a specific reason, but making assumptions about why another person acts is usually a very bad idea.

(Trust me, this usually doesn’t go over well, even if you’re right about why they are doing what they are doing.) Since assumptions are dangerous in almost any form, it’s best to flat out ask someone why they are holding back from connecting with you. Yes, this is probably awkward, and may seem nearly impossible when it comes to dealing with those you aren’t particularly close with, but, believe me, asking is a lot better than assuming. If you make the wrong assumption, you might be doing more harm than good. And, as awkward as it might WILDsister│May 2013│ 8

seem, you’ll feel a lot better when you’ve reached out of your comfort zone to make a connection with someone else.

Attempt to break through barriers. Once you’ve clarified what’s holding someone else back, do whatever you can to work on breaking through those barriers. How will you know what to do? Ask! No person is the same so something that might be helpful for creating a connection with one person might be really uncool with another person. In order to work on connecting with someone, you need to figure out what would work for them. Reach out and ask him or her what would help to create a stronger connection. Ask if you can help him or her in some way and offer to be open-minded to any and all suggestions. (Of course, don’t do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but do be open to doing things someone else’s way.)

Communication, connecting, and improving relationships takes (at least) two people, so put in all the effort you can and ask the other person to put in effort as well. The real key here is to be open and honest about establishing a connection and, after that groundwork has been laid, to really work on creating that connection. The hard Ws work will pay off.

Dani DiPirro is the author of Stay Positive: Daily Reminders from Positively Present and Live Happily Ever After Now: A Guide + Workbook for Living in the Present Moment. She is also the founder of PositivelyPresent.com a site dedicated to helping people live positively in the present moment. To check out Dani’s latest book, and watch the Stay Positive video, visit StayPositive365.com.

A Quiet Moment

WILDsister│May 2013│ 9

by Jess Morrow

there are sisters everywhere

{clicktotweetthis}

Last

week, a woman prayed for me.

We had, perhaps, one thing in common—the same course of study at the same university. Beyond that, she wasn’t a person I ever would have imagined bonding with.

Still, a little over a week ago, I found myself holding her hand, closing my eyes, bowing my head, letting her pray for me to a god who isn’t mine.

She was born thirty years before I was, in a very different part of this city. She speaks a dialect I know well, but don’t speak myself, because it isn’t mine to claim.

Perhaps prayers to her god aren’t mine to claim either, but it was a gift freely offered—surprising, moving, lifting my bowed head toward a light with which I was once familiar.

I haven’t been myself in a while—followers of my blog and newsletter have surely noticed a reticence, or at least a change in tone. I’ve been moving toward the darkness I see and feel, trying to get to know it better, hoping that if I move into it, I’ll see there was nothing to fear.

It was a simple, bright moment on a dark, snowy April day in a city that dies and lives in tiny ways every day. I’ve been tracking little deaths in poems all entitled “Swansong.” “Swansong #1,” “Swansong for Joe Louis Arena,” “Swansong for a sisterhood,” “Swansong #13.” My book, coming, dark, sad, something that brings me no income and seems to have no home on my blog—yet it gives me shivers every time I pick up the handwritten pages. My swansongs.

She had asked me if I’d gotten the job, the third summer teaching job I’d applied for. We were at the

WILDsister│May 2013│10

back of a classroom full of students speaking rapid Chinese, the unfamiliar tones rising and falling. Our soft exchange went unheard.

I hadn’t meant to fall apart in front of her, this darkeyed woman who knows parts of the city I never will. I never mean to fall apart in front of anybody, which is why my blog has been so very empty this winter and spring, why I leave classes quickly with my head bowed. “Never let them see you sweat, Jess,” I still remember my mother telling me.

But at the question about the job, I suddenly crumpled like a child with a scraped knee, clumsily wiping at my eyes and nose with my sleeve.

She sat beside me, this woman, and took my hand in hers, and prayed her prayer, to her god.

Her warm hands clutched my cold one, and even though I didn’t understand the words much, something in them went right to my heart. I looked up at her with watery eyes and said the only word that came to mind: “Thank you.”

She nodded to me. “It’s gone now, girl. You sent it to God. Just wait now.”

I should end the story here, because that moment alone was profound enough—the sense of sisterhood between two women as different as we were; the way my heart cracked wide open at the idea that somebody would have the heart and take the time to pray for me. (I’d been driving on the freeway earlier that day, listening to Emilie Autumn sing/scream “Pray for me, if you want to, pray for me, if you care…”)

I remembered, that day, that I need to look up more, make more eye contact, let others touch my hands, and trust in their gods.

Because there are sisters everywhere.

Ws

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