41 08 willamette week, december 24, 2014 by Willamette Week Newspaper

p. 8 P. 25

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WILLAMETTE WEEK PORTLAND’S NEWSWEEKLY

“No! Worst sex scene! Worst! Poor Doogie.” P. 47

ing Clos Closing Time t Time 2014 was barmageddon in portland.

You don’t have to stay home, but you can’t go here.

wweek.com

VOL 41/08 12.24.2014

by matthew korfhage p. 17

james rexroad

NEWS The top stories of 2014. HEADOUT NYE PARTIES, MAPPED. FOOD BEST TASTES FROM 2014.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

CO U RT E SY O F S C H O O L B OY Q

FINDINGS

PAGE 34

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 41, ISSUE 8.

Uber is faster, cheaper and more reliable than Portland’s taxi-cab cartel, according to a reader. 4

If you want a Dickensian with figgy pudding and parsnip soup, there’s a place. 30

Long-shot U.S. Senate candidate Mark Callahan is still mad about that endorsement interview. 10

“Division Street” is now a song about gentrification. 33

The landlord may freak out when a shotgun gets pointed at people, even an old shotgun that doesn’t work. 17 The people of Oregon finally found a liquor they like better than HRD Vodka. 24

ON THE COVER:

Christmas

Paul Revere’s last recordings weren’t. 34

Angelina Jolie can makes a POW camp look like a Tom Ford catalog. 48 Vape pens are faster, cheaper and easier than rolling joints. 52

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Bartender Patty Wright of Magic Garden poses for a very rare photo. By James Rexroad.

People moved to Portland and told us what they liked and did not like. Readers both liked and did not like this.

STAFF Editor-in-Chief Mark Zusman EDITORIAL Managing Editor for News Brent Walth Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Aaron Mesh, Beth Slovic Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, James Yu Stage & Screen Editor Rebecca Jacobson Web & Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer Books Penelope Bass Dance Kaitie Todd

Visual Arts Richard Speer Editorial Interns Gabriella Dunn, Parker Hall, Dakota Smith CONTRIBUTORS Nathan Carson, Rachel Graham Cody, Pete Cottell, Jordan Green, James Helmsworth, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, John Locanthi, Grace Stainback, Mark Stock PRODUCTION Production Manager Dylan Serkin Art Director Kathleen Marie Special Sections Art Director Kristina Morris Graphic Designers Mitch Lillie, Xel Moore

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

INBOX PORTLAND’S TRANSPLANTS

CABS VS. UBER: NO CONTEST

I was born at OHSU and have lived here my whole life, and I hear more about this stuff from the media than from “natives” or “transplants.” [“Invasion of the Transplants,” WW, Dec. 17, 2014.] Sure, I hate the passive-aggressive side of Portland, but it’s easy to find folks with an open sense of community. Hipsters bug me a little, until you actually speak to one and find out it’s not all glasses, beards and trust funds. I also think we stick together when the moment really calls for it. It’s not about where you come from, it’s where you are now and how you got there. That’s Portland. I love this weird city, and those who aren’t here just for property value do also. —“Marshall Mannell”

My friend and I ordered two taxis (Broadway and Radio Cab) at 1 am on a recent weekend to take us to our respective homes [“Drivers, Wanted,” WW, Dec. 17, 2014]. I told him a cab would take forever, but Uber would be there in minutes like in every city I travel to for work. He said he was going to wait for the cab, so I agreed to humor him. We waited 65 minutes, and after three calls to complain, I hit the Uber button. A car was there in four minutes. My friend gave me the middle finger as I drove away. I really don’t give a hoot about the BS taxi monopoly. I care about things being done correctly, affordably and efficiently. So, the taxi industry needs to either get their IT and logistics figured out to compete, or wait for Uber and others to squash them. Sorry, but there’s a reason paperboys don’t deliver the news these days. —“Tom”

Why would you write this article? You could certainly interview these people without such an awkward and divisive context. My mom’s family moved to Oregon City in Conestoga wagons. My dad and his brothers moved to Deschutes County from California in the early 1970s. Even though he has lived here for most of his life, he is still a Californian to us. To his credit, though, he has done a stellar job of integrating into Oregon without whining. —“Patrick Connell”

Dentistry In The Pearl That’s Something To Smile About!

I could have written this piece in 50 words. Here are my astute words of advice about moving anywhere: When you get to the new place, don’t bitch and moan about all the things it lacks that your old city had. Tah dah, nobody hates you. —“Tom Mcroy”

CORRECTIONS

In last week’s cover story (“Invasion of the Transplants”), it was incorrectly reported how long Intisar Abioto has lived in Portland. She has been here 4½ years. In the same story, the marital status of Jason Lytle was incorrect due to an editing error. He is separated from his wife. WW regrets the errors. LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification. Letters must be 250 or fewer words. Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Fax: (503) 243-1115. Email: mzusman@wweek.com.

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

It doesn’t seem very likely that Portland will have a “white Christmas” this year. But does it ever happen? —Bing Crosby, Stills and Nash Before I answer your question, Bing, I feel I should mention an incident last week in Klamath Falls in which a group of teenagers were kicked out of Walmart, which threatened to call police, for caroling. There’s video of the contretemps on YouTube, and a social-media furor has ensued. In a battle between the War-on-Christmas crowd and Walmart, it’s hard to know who to root for—you just hope the battle will be long and bloody. Still, it’s not like this was a few delinquents belting out a Bud Light-fueled rendition of “You Can Suck All the Dick You Want and Still Be a Virgin, Mary.” It was a full choir doing a fourpart arrangement of “Carol of the Bells,” a hymn so inoffensive that Walmart used it in a holiday commercial in 2007.

I suspect the Walmart manager’s decision in this case had little to do with caroling per se—it was probably part of a more generalized desire, prevalent among retail workers during the holiday season, for everyone, everywhere, to please just shut the hell up. Still, it was pretty tone-deaf, and the store has apologized. Now, on to white Christmases! First of all, you’re not getting one. I’m going to go out on a limb and predict you’ll get the same greenishbrown, sloppy-ass Christmas you always get, flecked as usual with familial discord and topped off with a light dusting of frank hostility. According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, the chances of Portland getting snow that sticks on any given Dec. 25 are less than 1 percent, which makes it a oncein-a-lifetime event. Since it actually did happen during the winter storm of 2008, everyone older than 6 should just go off somewhere and die— we’ve had ours. Merry Christmas! QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

ORGANIZED LABOR: A union boss’s criminal past resurfaces. YEAR IN REVIEW: The top 10 stories of 2014 on wweek.com. COVER STORY: Last call for some classic dive bars in Portland.

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Portland seems to be coming to terms with the so-called “sharing economy”—witness the deal, first reported by wweek. com, that Mayor Charlie Hales cut with Uber to have the ridesharing company leave town for three months while Portland reconsiders its taxi rules. Meanwhile, not all is going so well for Airbnb, the short-term rental site Hales has embraced. The UBER DRIVER mayor and other commissioners amended city code to allow many of Airbnb’s 1,600 Portland hosts to operate legally, but few of them have sought the required city inspections of their properties. The city is now considering fining Airbnb $500 each time hosts fail to post their city permit number in listings. On Dec. 18, Airbnb director of public policy David Owen likened the City Council’s “objectionable” plan to the National Security Administration forcing Web companies to turn over data on consumers. In response, usually placid Commissioner Nick Fish angrily accused Airbnb of acting as if it’s above safety rules. “We have an obligation to go after folks who are not following the law,” Fish said. The City Council is scheduled to vote on the new rule in January. Two weeks ago, WW wrote about a prison rehabilitation program that really works—just in time for the Oregon Department of Corrections to shut it down. The Family Preservation Project, a parenting program at Wilsonville’s Coffee Creek Correctional Facility, has proved successful in preparing female inmates to return to family life by helping them stay connected with their children (“Hard Times Get Harder,” WW, Dec. 10, 2014). Corrections had announced it was ending the program Jan. 5. But objections from state Rep. Jennifer Williamson (D-Portland) and other legislators have won it a brief reprieve. Prison officials now say they will phase out the program, allowing inmates currently in it to finish up while barring any new participants. “It’s a great program, but it’s an expensive one,” Williamson tells WW. “We’ve reached the best compromise we could.” Potential for a shake-up of the Portland Public Schools Board is growing. Two new candidates have announced plans to run in the May election: Mike Rosen, a Southeast Portland parent activist and manager of the watershed division of the city’s Bureau of Environmental Services, will challenge incumbent Greg Belisle; Paul Anthony, a North Portland parent activist and CFO of a financial services ROSEN company, wants to replace Matt Morton. Rosen and Anthony criticize five of the board’s seven members for routinely backing Superintendent Carole Smith. Rosen calls the majority a “rubber stamp” for Smith. “They provide no oversight and no accountability,” he says. “The feedback I get from parents is, ‘We’re done, we want change.’” Give!Guide has raised $1.6 million, ahead of pace to reach its $2.6 million goal. See the list of 136 worthy nonprofits and make your donation by Dec. 31 at giveguide.org. Read more Murmurs and daily scuttlebutt.

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A UNION BOSS’S CRIMINAL PAST AND ALLEGATIONS OF NEPOTISM ROIL ONE OF OREGON’S BIGGEST LABOR GROUPS. By nigel jaquiss

njaquiss@wweek.com

From its name, Plumbers and Steamfitters Local 290 sounds like an old-fashioned, low-tech kind of labor union. Even its logo consists of pipes and valves. Yet the union’s 4,000 members perform some of the most intricate, high-value construction work in Oregon. They’ve helped build Intel’s multibillion-dollar fabrication plants in Washington County, Oregon Health & Science University’s state-ofthe-art labs in Portland, and SolarWorld’s Hillsboro headquarters. Local 290 is proud of its role in Oregon’s high-tech economy. But a pending election for the local’s top post is dredging up history reminiscent of labor unions’ darker days. “When you look at public perceptions of unions, they are not good,” says Ron Murray, a retired plumber and longtime Local

“Those convicTions happened a long Time ago…. WhaT am i supposed To do, craWl under a rock?” —Fritz “Al” ShropShire

290 member. “At 290, we take pride in being the best of the best, but right now, we are another example of a union gone bad.” Murray and other dissatisfied Local 290 members are fuming about the union’s top official, business manager Fritz “Al” Shropshire, who won office in 2011. They say members back then weren’t fully aware of Shropshire’s criminal record. And they don’t like the fact that, after the election, Shropshire’s wife, Clara, was installed in one of the union’s top jobs. “Members are pissed,” Murray says. “It looks like we are going back 50 years to oldstyle union cronyism.” In an inter view, Shropshire, who’s

paid $135,000 a year, says he’s never tried to hide his criminal past from Local 290 members, although he acknowledges there was little discussion of it when he ran for election last time. “Those convictions happened a long time ago,” he says. “It’s not something I’m proud of, nor is it something I’m embarrassed about. What am I supposed to do, crawl under a rock?” The Intel building boom and the state’s economic rebound have filled the pockets of Local 290 members and driven up revenue from dues by nearly 50 percent since Shropshire took office. It’s the nation’s ninth-largest local of the United Association of Plumbers and Steamfitters, covering western Oregon, Southwest Washington and Northern California. Local 290 has played a growing role in Oregon politics, giving nearly $100,000 to candidates in legislative and statewide races in 2014—more than double what it gave to previous campaigns. One of the union’s primary functions is running an apprenticeship program that the Bureau of Labor and Industries says is among the state’s biggest. Last year, Clara Shropshire took over as director of that apprenticeship program. In the current election, A l Shropshire, 61, faces former union official Lou Christian, whom he beat three years ago. Christian declined to be interviewed for this story, but in Facebook posts he points to Shropshire’s nepotism. About the hiring of his opponent’s wife, for a job that pays about $90,000 a year, Christian wrote, “Al knew it was a conflict of interest.” Shropshire says criticism of his wife’s hiring is off base. He says Clara is fully qualified—she has 20 years’ experience as a steamfitter, won her position in competition with 26 other applicants, and has done an excellent job. Moreover, a committee, not Shropshire, selected his wife for the position. “I totally backed off from any involvement,” he says. “I did not lobby one way or the other.” Christian notes, however, that Shropshire handpicked at least half the committee members that hired his wife. Clara Shropshire’s hiring has renewed grumbling about her husband’s background. In 1974, Washington court records show, Al Shropshire was convicted of distribution of heroin and served 14 months in prison. In 1989, he pleaded guilty to possession of cocaine and served 40 days in jail. In 1993, the then-president of Local 290 hired Shropshire as a business agent for the union. That violated federal law, which says anyone convicted of various crimes, includ-

leo zarosinski

STEAMING MAD

ing narcotics violations, cannot serve as a union official until 13 years have passed. According to court records, nobody noticed that Shropshire was working in violation of the law until 2002. Local 290 used union money to hire Shropshire an attorney, who filed in Clark County Superior Court to have his client’s cocaine conviction expunged from his record. “In order to save Mr. Shropshire’s job, the prohibition must be shortened by approximately 10 months,” attorney Stephen Buckley wrote. “Mr. Shropshire has led an exemplary life since his release from jail.” The judge granted Shropshire’s petition, clearing the cocaine conviction and

preserving his job with the union. Shropshire says he’s never tried to hide his criminal past and believes the convictions are irrelevant. “I don’t think it reduces my ability to lead,” Shropshire adds. “I think I’ve done a very good job over the past couple of years.” Murray says Local 290 members will decide whether that’s the case when votes are counted Jan. 7. “Here you have a union official who was hired illegally and worked illegally for nearly a decade. He acknowledges that,” Murray says. “The union movement started out being for the people, but has become for the union and to cover up for the bigwigs.” Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

NEWS ries. And (all kidding aside) we’re thrilled you liked them. What follows is our annual roundup of the most-read 2014 stories on wweek. com. As it does every year, our list includes weighty investigative reporting, outrageous cultural turns, and simple entertainment— stories as thoughtful, inventive and idiosyncratic as Portland itself. You also clicked on stories about Oregon’s controversial first lady, a troubled natural-bread kingpin, and the umbrage a U.S. Senate candidate took at being asked about his faith in mythical holiday creatures.

Our list excludes items from our regular features (such as Best of Portland) and guides (Restaurant Guide, Bar Guide, election endorsements) that draw huge numbers. You sent our Feb. 26 cover story, “26 Reasons to Love Portland Right Now,” through the roof—and we’re bringing it back as an annual feature. Please enjoy this look back at what made you heat up the Web. Meanwhile, we’re already searching for the stories you’ll love in 2015.

THOMAS TEAL

TOP 10 STORIES 2014

Yes, dear readers, there is an Easter Bunny. We’re exhausted from trying week after week to convince you climate change is real, city taxi regulations are written in blood and public docks on the city’s river should belong to everyone. As it turns out, you love stories about swimming holes and doomed food carts, icebound bike rallies and a whiny shoe company executive who thinks our city is— wait for it—boring. Will we ever figure out what stories will make you happy? Actually, we brought you all these sto-

“Best Swimming Holes Near Portland,” June 18.

Portland gets wet—at least based on our most-clicked story of the year, a guide to Oregon’s best swimming holes, which started packing them in back in June and didn’t empty out until the middle of September. Now, it’s winter. Your options for hypothermia-free swimming are more limited. Here’s our cold-weather guide. MT. SCOTT POOL

Buckman Pool 320 SE 16th Ave., 823-3668, portlandoregon.gov. Best for: Privileged inner-eastside Portlanders. Save the Buckman Pool! Every year, the city tries to cut this expensive, chlorinated basement puddle from its budget. That’s because only about 500 people use it each year, at a cost of about $300 each. But every year, denizens of the bestconnected Democratic political neighborhoods in the city step up to declare the hardship of going to a pool 25 blocks away. Well, if you’re a liberal but don’t like to share, this pool’s for you. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Mt. Scott Pool 5530 SE 72nd Ave., 823-3183, portlandoregon.gov. Best for: Playdates. There are larger, fancier indoor pools in the metro area—Vancouver’s Firstenburg Community Center, and the wave pool at Big Surf! in the restive tribal region of North Clackistan—but unless you want to travel deep into the ’burbs, this aquatic center is your best bet. It has two pools—one for grown-ups doing laps, and the other a watery playground with a respectable 120-foot water slide. There’s also a hot tub, but don’t expect it be kiddo-free. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Tub & Tan 8028 SE Stark St., 257-8191, tubandtan.com. Best for: Playdates. The Montavilla neighborhood’s top attraction, Tub & Tan is “the premier relaxation host of the Pacific Northwest” and offers tanning beds plus both indoor and outdoor tubs. With the indoor tubs, you get your own TV and restroom. The outdoor tub has a fireplace and a waterfall surrounded by landscaping with native plants. Both have free towels and mood lighting. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Float On 4 5 3 0 S E H a w t h o r n e B l vd . , floathq.com. Best for: Seekers. Time spent in a float tank is like being dissolved and poured into a human-shaped mold. Southeast Portland’s floating nerve center, Float On offers both open-room and womblike tanks for $65 for 90 minutes. The water is about 40 percent epsom salt and clean of pathogens. We wouldn’t suggest working on your backstroke during a session, but floating is as refreshing as most workouts— without the physical exertion. Just don’t touch your eyes. TYLER HURST.

Bagby Hot Springs Mount Hood National Forest, bagbyhotsprings.org. Best for: Cold days, hippies. In the summer, Bagby is great. But—provided you can travel the unmaintained roads leading there—cooler days are even better. In the dark and drippy forest surrounding these remote springs, water comes out of the ground boiling hot and is fed through a system of log “pipes” into private “tubs” inside shacks made from timber. Even the odd dogs owned by odd people who congregate here seem as if they just popped out of the Great Northwest Novel. MARTIN CIZMAR. CONT. on page 10

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

cont.

When we heard the news, our reaction seemed appropriate for the scale of the event. “Burn every guidebook to Portland,” we wrote. “They don’t make sense anymore.” We were talking about the imminent death of Cartopia, Portland’s first great eastside food-cart pod, at Southeast 12th Avenue and Hawthorne Boulevard. Cartopia was doomed to closure in October, we were told, and the site would become that great Portland cliché of the new millennium: a mixed-use apartment building. But it never came to pass. The real-estate deal to redevelop the site was never finalized. On Sept. 17, the cart owners signed a new two-year lease with

“Worst Day of the Year Ride Canceled Because of Bad Weather,” Feb. 6.

w w s ta f f

Even Portland’s worst weather usually isn’t so bad. Though long and dreary, winters on the Willamette River tend to mild. That’s why, for its first 13 years, Portland’s Worst Day of the Year bike ride was good for a smarmy chuckle. The ride was named in honor of Feb. 8—the day, in 1996, torrential rains caused the Willamette to rise 11 feet. On Feb. 9, 1933, the temperature fell to the coldest ever recorded in the state: minus 54. So on the weekend closest to Feb. 8, Portland cyclists gather for a weatherdefying winter ride. About 3,500 slip on

gloves, take a nice little ride around the city and drink hot cocoa. Sometimes it’s so balmy they don’t even need gloves. Then came Snowpocalypse 2014. “I think that Mother Nature finally got sick of us saying, ‘Come out and laugh at the weather,’” says organizer Porter Childs, 10

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

their landlords, good till the end of 2016. The main effect of the impending closure, says John Eads at Pyro Pizza, was brisk summer business. “July, August, September,” he says, “before the news it wasn’t going to end, we saw people coming out, trying new things,

cart location at the Tidbit Food Farm and Garden pod on Southeast Division Street, anticipating that the Cartopia cart would close. “It worked well with the annual [winter] downturn,” he says. “I didn’t have to lay people off. It worked out better for the staff.”

CArtopiA lives

getting the last-minute food in.” In August, Eads also opened a second

Only one of the Cartopia carts left the pod before the noose was unstrung: Bubba

“and decided to teach us a lesson.” Childs and his team started hearing predictions of snow the weekend of the event. They knew Portland snowfall rarely was enough to disrupt much. “I don’t think we really worried about it ever,” he says. Organizers first canceled a challenging part of the route along Northwest Germantown Road, which had been hit by freezing rain. By Saturday, with snow blowing (7.3 inches in all, according to the National Weather Service), they called it all off. “We decided that the conditions were unsafe for staff, volunteers and riders and that we would have to cancel,” Childs says. “The truck loaded with event equipment was frozen in place for the next three days.” The irony was rich. The Internet took notice—our story went viral, drawing interest from national media. “NPR picked up the story, and I heard from friends in Georgia and Massachusetts who listened to the report,” Childs says. Portlanders responded by holding a crosscountry ski race down West Burnside Street. C h i l d s, m e a nw h i l e , went for a “crazy, slippery trail run” in Forest Park. Barring another blizzard, the Worst Day of the Year Ride will be back in 2015, scheduled for Sunday, Feb. 8. It starts and finishes at the Lucky Lab on Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard. And they’re not dialing back the Portlandiness even one notch. “When we get over 3,000 riders, we are going to buy everyone a beer,” Childs says. “Laughing Planet is serving organic handmade soups, the Last Regiment of Syncopated Drummers pounds out the start, and the mayor and first lady are riding.” MARTIN CIZMAR.

“Nike CIO Anthony Watson Quit His Job Because Portland Is Boring, Says Fortune,” Dec. 12.

Anthony Watson, 38, instantly became one of the highest-profile newcomers in Portland when he arrived in April: wildly successful, dapper, British and one of the very few openly gay Fortune 500 chief executives. His abrupt departure in December for “personal reasons” led to rampant speculation in the press, including a Fortune magazine article quoting an anonymous source who said Watson was underwhelmed by the Portland social scene. “As a single gay guy from London,” said the source, Watson “underestimated what it would be like. It was a culture shock.” (Watson has since tweeted that he does not dislike Portland; he’s declined, however, to respond to press inquiries.) T h e Fo r t u n e p i e c e a n d Wa t s o n ’s departure raise the question: Is Portland a tough place for a successful gay man to date successfully?

Bernie’s Cajun cart. “Bubba Bernie’s is gonna be pissed,” Potato Champion owner Mike McKinnon said in September. “He’ll be howling.” He was. We tracked down Stephen Bernard, co-owner of Bubba Bernie’s, in Hillsboro, where he owns a drive-up cart called Hello Sailor Coffee Co. that offers, according to its Facebook page, “great espresso and other refreshments served by charming attractive baristas.” Bernard says he operated Bubba Bernie’s in Cartopia for six years. When he thought he had to clear out, Bernard says he was faced with unloading the cart without being able to guarantee the buyer a viable location. Bernard says he’s recovered but counts himself as a victim of the Cartopia confusion for having to sell Bubba Bernie’s under some duress. “Initially I was upset,” he says. “I just wish I got a better sale price.” MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Gregory Gourdet, chef at Departure and one of the current stars on Chopped, says yes. Gourdet—who says he’s dated only two men in the six years he’s been here—believes it’s difficult to find people in Portland who are as career-oriented, driven and busy as he is. “My job is No. 1,” he says. “People move here for lifestyle.” Daniel Bergen, a writer and editor at PQ Monthly, says Portland’s gay nightlife is different from that of cities like London or Barcelona. “Our jam is basically sweaty, genderqueer dance nights at bodegas and edgy drag shows at Rotture,” Bergen says, “not male-dominated circuit parties and bars.” “Portland is Portland,” says Stephen Marc Beaudoin, executive director at arts organization PHAME. “It’s not trying to be anything else than Portland. It’s a great place to be an LGBT person, meet folks and date. I don’t see any huge out-migration of LGBT people. Maybe I’m missing it.” Watson tweeted Dec. 17 what may be his final statement on our city: an image of a very bored-looking Santa in Pioneer Place. “I think,” he wrote, “I’ve found the loneliest #SantaClaus in the world.” MATTHEW KORFHAGE. twitter

“The Death of Cartopia Brings the End of the Golden Age of Food Carts,” May 22.

james rexroad

TOP 10 STORIES 2014

wAtson (Center)

CONT.

help site prospective shops. The Oregon State Bar is changing its code of professional conduct so lawyers can advise their clients to follow state law, not just recite the federal ban. 5. Big-brand marijuana is on the way. Seattle equity firm Privateer Holdings in November announced a “first global cannabis brand” called Marley Natural. (Yes, named for the late reggae singer Bob Marley.) Oregon is the first state to allow out-of-state investment in its pot market, and tobacco companies are said to be eyeing the opportunity. Coming soon: the marketing of the “Two-Buck Chuck” of legal weed. AARON MESH.

when he thought we were focusing too much on the leading contenders, state Rep. Jason Conger (R-Bend) and Portland neurosurgeon Monica Wehby. At one point, we had to warn Callahan to stop interrupting others. The interview went sideways 66 minutes in. Callahan called out WW staff writer Nigel Jaquiss for writing “blah blah blah” in his notebook while another candidate spoke. Callahan angrily accused us of showing disrespect. Editor Mark Zusman tried to rein it back in. Z u s m a n : M a r k , h e r e ’s my question—climate change, do you believe that it’s a myth or reality? Callahan: It’s a myth. Zusman: It is? Callahan: Yes. Zusman: OK. Jaquiss: [Clears throat] Where are you on the Easter Bunny? It really didn’t go well after that. An

agitated Callahan wouldn’t allow Zusman to ask another candidate a question. When Callahan wouldn’t calm down—“Who do you think you are?” he asked the newspaper’s editor—Zusman told him to leave. Video of the interview went viral. Some cheered our decision. Callahan became the toast of right-wing media as far more people denounced us. Hundreds called or sent emails, savaging Jaquiss, mocking his name and demanding that he be fired. (“Nigel Jackass” was a staff favorite. He remains employed here.) For this year-end update, we offered Callahan—who finished a distant third, with 7 percent of the E. BUNNY primary vote—a chance to turn the tables: He could interview Jaquiss on camera, ask whatever questions he wanted, and even throw Jaquiss out if it suited him. We’d put it all on the Web. Callahan was in no mood to let bygones be

bygones, insisting Jaquiss and WW still owed him an apology. We declined. He then spent several minutes berating us, as is his right. We withdrew our offer, as is ours. We really did intend to give Callahan the final word. We still will: “This is still an open wound,” he says. “You owe me an apology, and I won’t take part in anything involving your newspaper until you apologize. You guys really screwed up. You guys were trashed nationwide. You guys came across as being stupid and childish. There’s no closure.” BRENT WALTH.

“BlahBlahBlahGate,” May 2.

MARK CALLAHAN

It turns out Mark Callahan is still mad. The Republican candidate for U.S. Senate was virtually unknown before WW showed him the door during our primaryelection endorsement interview. In April, Callahan joined four other candidates for the interview. He grew agitated

CALLAHAN

NIGEL JAQUIS

On Nov. 14, 2013, a troubled ex-con had a mental breakdown at his workplace and then went out and slammed his car into two police vehicles. It would have been an event that went largely unnoticed except the driver was Dave Dahl, whose cartoon face beams from the wrapper of each organic loaf of the popular Dave’s Killer Bread. Dahl’s redemption story had become legend. He had gone to jail for dealing meth and overcame addiction and a violent rage (he had a history of assaulting police) to cofound the wildly successful bakery. WW’s reporting revealed the legend of Dahl’s clean living was more myth. President of the company, Dahl had become increasingly dependant on alcohol, especially after a New York investment firm bought a 50 percent stake in the bakery. In the spring of 2013, WW reported, Dahl went into rehab after an intervention from family and employees. He had been on leave from the bakery when he was arrested for ramming the Washington County sheriff’s patrol cars. Our story also asked: How would a company so reliant on a prominent symbol do after the icon falls? As it turns out, very well. At the time of Dahl’s arrest, his bread was sold in 14 Western states (black states

WA S H I N G TO N C O . S H E R R I F DEPT

in map above). Now the market for Dave’s Killer Bread has nearly doubled to 27 states— including Texas, Florida and Ohio (red states in map above). Company officials say their product will be sold nationwide by the end of 2015. The bread’s label once carried a firstperson narrative from Dahl, but this year the company’s marketing shifted away from Dahl’s story to a focus on the bread’s natural ingredients and the company policy of giving ex-convicts a second chance. “What started as one man’s journey has turned into so much more,” the bread wrappers now read. Dahl pleaded guilty except for insanity Oct. 31 and will avoid jail time while being treated for what his attorney describes as previously undiagnosed bipolar disorder. Company officials say he remains an adviser to the bakery, and helped with the rebranding of the bread wrappers. “It’s an amazing time for the company,” says CEO John V. Tucker. “We’re all grateful to build on the legacy of the Dahl family.” AARON MESH.

W W S TA F F

MARKET ADDED IN 2014

KENNETH HUEY

DAHL

1. You can pretty much light up now. The district attorneys in Multnomah, Washington and Clackamas counties have stopped prosecuting marijuana crimes. “They’ve decided it’s July in November,” says Leland Berger, a lawyer who founded Oregon CannaBusiness Compliance Counsel. 2. Your tax dollars are already being spent to regulate weed sales. The Legislature this month fronted the Oregon Liquor Control Commission (now also the weed board) $583,000 to prepare for regulating pot sales. The agency hired Tom Burns, the architect of Oregon’s medical-marijuana program, to oversee the rule-making. The Portland

W W S TA F F

The corner of Southeast 10th Avenue and Morrison Street smelled like victory. Backers of Measure 91, which legalized recreational marijuana in Oregon, celebrated a historic win Nov. 4 by passing around a 2-inch spliff outside Holocene. “I’m all about those bowls, ’bout those bowls,” a woman sang. Pot sales aren’t legal until July 1, 2015, but the arrival of a new industry (worth $40 million a year in tax revenues for the state) has already brought changes to the state. Here are five:

City Council has allotted $65,800 for the annual salary of Portland’s first legal-weed regulator, who will help decide where pot businesses can operate. 3. The federal government is wiping its hands of prohibition. The U.S. Department of Justice ruled this month that Native American tribes can now grow and sell marijuana on tribal land in any state that has legalized weed. And Congress passed its “cromnibus” spending bill to de-fund federal prosecutions of medical marijuana. 4. Here come the lawyers—and the realtors, landlords and banks—all ready to take in marijuana money they once rejected. Portland credit union MBank is taking pot businesses as customers while real-estate agents

D AV E ’ S K I L L E R BREAD MARKET PRE-2014

“ B re a k i n g B re a d ,” Jan. 8.

“Oregon Says Yes to Marijuana,” Nov. 4.

TOP 10 STORIES 2014

CONT. on page 12 11

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TOP 10 STORIES 2014

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“Illmaculate Declares ‘I Will Not Perform in This City’ After Police Swarm the Blue Monk,” March 2.

When Illmaculate stormed out of his own show at the Blue Monk on March 1, he couldn’t have imagined people would still be talking about it nine months later. It was an impulsive act, born of frustrations both immediate and long-standing. Yeah, the 14 cops who descended on the small, now-defunct venue on Southeast Belmont Street, allegedly out of concern for the club’s capacity, wouldn’t allow members of his entourage back inside. But as a veteran of Portland’s rap scene, the MC born Gregory Poe had seen this kind of thing happen too often. Minutes after leaving the building, he went on Twitter and declared, “I will not perform in this city as long as the blatant targeting of black culture and minorities congregating is an acceptable common practice.” OK, chalk that up to the heat of the moment, too: Poe was back on a Portland stage the following month, performing at the release show for his Clay Pigeons mixtape. But the incident caught the attention not just of local media but city officials, and forced Portland finally to confront its often-strained relationship with hip-hop culture. The ripple effects were felt throughout 2014, from this summer’s PDX Pop Now local music festival, which booked the most rap acts in its 11-year history, right up to last week, when the city’s Independent Police Review published the results of its investigation into the Police Bureau’s policies toward hip-hoprelated events. The report called for increased transparency and continued dialogue—not exactly the scathing indictment some were hoping for, but it’s a start. MATTHEW SINGER. 12

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

CONT.

CHRISTOPHER ONSTOTT

FAC E B O O K

CAMERON BROWNE

W W S TA F F

N ATA L I E B E H R I N G . C O M

17. “The Flaming Lips to Play Free Show in Waterfront Park,” July 22. How Major League Soccer All-Star Week came to love a “merry band of psychedelic pranksters.”

W W S TA F F

12. “Portland Is America’s Only Livable City, According to Notable British Magazine,” July 29. For the 378th time, Monocle blows Portland kisses.

18. “Saki’s Big Bet,” Nov. 12. The owner of Lents nightclub, landmark and eyesore the New Copper Penny squares off with the city’s urban-renewal advocates. K E N T O N WA LT Z

13. “The Hole Story,” Jan. 15. Secret freshness codes, intentionally surly service, and high-speed cash churn: What it’s really like working at Voodoo Doughnut.

his mate establish a full-fledged pack in Southern Oregon. We’re unlikely to learn more about the Mount Hood wolf, Klavins says, but more will follow. “Given half a chance, wolves thrive, and there’s a lot of really good habitat in the Cascades,” he adds. “It would be impossible to prove what happened to that specific wolf—there’s a mystery around it. The fleeting nature of those prints on Mount Hood and the fact that we don’t know what happened really captured people’s imagination.” MARTIN CIZMAR.

LEO ZAROSINSKI

14. “How to Dance Like Future Islands: An Animated Guide,” Aug. 13. All the moves from the lead singer of the synth-pop MusicfestNW band.

19. “Transgender at 10,” Aug. 6. Why Oregon is becoming a destination for transgender children and their families.

RONITPHOTO.COM

The note about the wolf was buried on page 6 of a lengthy, otherwise unremarkable state report: “A single wolf was documented once in the White River Unit.” What seemed like an aside was huge news: The “White River Unit” is agencyspeak for the eastern side of Mount Hood National Forest. That meant a lone wolf had reached Mount Hood the previous December for the first time since 1947, when the species was driven to extirpation in the state. “It used to be that the wolf issue was in Idaho and Yellowstone,” says Rob Klavins, an environmentalist and wolf expert for Oregon Wild. “Then the discussion was all about wolves in Eastern Oregon. Now, wolves are here, and all of a sudden it’s relevant to people in a different way.” Wolves made a lot of news in 2014. In June, researchers learned that OR-7, the collared wolf that famously crossed into California and back into Oregon, had found a mate and sired pups in the Rogue RiverSiskiyou National Forest. In October, the state held tense hearings into whether wolves should be removed from the endangered-species list and open for hunting, as they now are in Idaho. Look for the debate to flare again in 2015, especially if OR-7 and

HAYES

paid $5,000 to enter into the sham marriage to help the man gain legal immigration status in the U.S. The story went national. Kitzhaber’s once-lofty lead in his race for re-election against his then-struggling opponent, state Rep. Dennis Richardson (R-Central Point), narrowed. The marriage furor threatened to overshadow a more serious question: Did Hayes violate state ethics laws that prohibit using a public position for private gain? Over time, however, Kitzhaber was besieged by questions about Hayes’ consulting deals. On Nov. 4, Kitzhaber won a fourth term by 6 percentage points over Richardson. But he and Hayes now face a possible investigation by the Oregon Government Ethics Commission into whether the first lady illegally used Kitzhaber’s imprimatur for personal profit. BRENT WALTH.

16. “Stripper Responds to The Oregonian: ‘I Am No Mary Magdalene,’” Aug. 8. In which a former dancer tells the Cupcake Girls where to get off.

I N S TA G R A M

“For the First Time Since 1947, a Wolf on Mount Hood,” Feb. 26.

OTHER TOP STORIES 11. “Olympia Man Dies After Injury That Left Him Naked Near Burnside Bridge,” Oct. 16. After WW’s story, Portland police stopped calling the death of Cougar Burleigh an accident and opened a homicide investigation.

USDFW

It started with a simple fact check. WW staff writer Nigel Jaquiss had spent months investigating whether Oregon first lady Cylvia Hayes had used her exclusive position as an adviser to Gov. John Kitzhaber to leverage $85,000 worth of private consulting work for herself. Jaquiss had thoroughly documented his story, yet one detail nagged at him. Hayes had told reporters she had been married twice before meeting Kitzhaber. Other media dutifully reported it as fact. But Jaquiss’ background research of Hayes turned up court records showing she had been divorced three times. Were the records somehow wrong, or had Hayes lied? And if she had, why? Hayes didn’t respond to Jaquiss’ question about the marriage, and the cover story went to press without making an issue of the discrepancy (“First Lady Inc.,” WW, Oct. 8, 2014). Meanwhile, Jaquiss kept digging. By noon the next day, WW had pieced together evidence that Hayes’ third husband was a then-18-year-old Ethiopian immigrant, and that Hayes, nearly 30 at the time, never lived with him before their divorce four years later. The subsequent story on wweek.com documented a sham marriage that violated federal immigration laws. Hayes declined to comment, except to tell WW she had concealed the 1997 marriage from Kitzhaber until the newspaper had asked about it. The next day, Hayes held a press conference in which she admitted she had been

OREGON.GOV

“ Oregon First Lady Cylvia Hayes’ Undisclosed Third Marriage Was to 18-YearOld Immigrant,” Oct. 8.

TOP 10 STORIES 2014

15. Hotseat: Robin Lopez, Jan. 8. The Trail Blazers center, comic-book nerd and Disneyophile riffs on Goonies, Teen Titans and Angela Lansbury.

20. “The Long Goodbye” Aug. 6. The threat of foreclosure could displace the last African-American family on one Northeast Portland block.

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CAMERON BROWNE

UP IN SMOKE: Slabtown owner Doug Rogers on Dec. 6, the day before he had to hand over the keys to his bar.

CLOSING TIME 2014 WAS BARMAGEDDON IN PORTLAND. YOU DON’T HAVE TO STAY HOME, BUT YOU CAN’T GO HERE.

BY M AT T H E W KO R F H AG E

mkor fhage@gmail.com

world was ending. Some wept openly, one woman danced the worm so hard she thinks she might have shattered her knee, and the next night at least two people had sex in the basement. We’ve all got our own ways of grieving. The Day of the Dead, Nov. 1, was the last night of Slabtown, a cavernous, black-painted punk-rock and pinball bar that sat in the shadow of the I-405 overpass for nearly a half century. When it closed, it was the last independent all-ages rock club on Portland’s westside. For some, it was more of a home than the place where they actually slept that night. “One guy did two hours of karaoke all on his own,” says Doug Rogers, the last of many owners of Slabtown, of the final evening. “There were people sitting in chairs unable to move, people crying. It was intense.” CONT. on page 18

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

CLOSING TIME

CONT.

Bands played on a small stage in a dim room, each one singing cover songs of bands who’d lost a member to overdose, suicide or heart defect. Sad Horse covered Nirvana, and the Gnash did Elliott Smith. It was an elegy sung in the words of the dead. The death of Slabtown is noteworthy on its own. But it speaks to a larger drift in the Portland bar scene. This year, it seems as if the map of Old Portland bars has been blasted with a shotgun. Dozens of bars have shut down (see page 20), as they do most years. But this year those hit hardest have been the longtime institutions. Among the mainstays open for 20 years or more who have closed their doors or will soon are the Matador, Produce Row, Hollywood Bowl, and beloved pole-free strip bar Magic Garden. In Portland, 2014 was closing time. If we add up all the stories WW has written about closings, they’d rank near the top of our most-read stories this year. If we had to hazard a guess why, it’s that these old bars serve as canaries in a coal mine. Aside from their place in the memories of Portlanders who grew up in a much more rough-and-tumble city, their death signals a change in Portland that many have already come to feel is irrevocable. “Every good bar, everything you see is going under,” says Jason “Plucky” Anchondo, a bartender at underground Ethiopianrestaurant bar Langano Lounge until that venue closed in May. “Everything’s going straight to shit.”

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

where couples might shoot pool all night and where dancers often skipped a song or two without any complaints. A nd it, too, is going away, on New Year’s Eve. Ba r tender Pat t y Wr ig ht is Mag ic Garden’s most beloved figure. She has worked there 23 years, and legend has it she’s never been late to a shift. When WW instated a Mayoral Madness tournament pitting prominent Portlanders against each other in a faux mayoral race, Wright beat Stumptown founder Duane Sorenson and a successful tech CEO in online voting. But the Suey Wing building that holds Magic Garden was declared unsafe by the Portland Fire Marshal in inspections between 2008 and 2013. The Chinese Consolidated Benevolent Association sold its crumbling building to Urban Development + Partners. On a recent Thursday, patron after patron leaned across the bar to pay their respects to Wright. “It’s kind of scary,” she says. “It’s sad, because we worked so hard to turn this place around. They write about us in newspapers, this little hole in the wall. In New York magazine, in Playboy. “We tried to make this a nice neighborhood place, with naked ladies. And now they’re going to take it all away.”

VIVIAN JOHNSON

ut even as many of these classic institutions have closed, it’s not as if there are fewer places to have a pint. The number of liquor licenses in Portland, according to the Oregon Liquor Control Commission, keeps increasing. Over the past four years, there’s been a steady uptick of about 100 new liquor licenses each year, to about 3,000 today. But Portlanders with a sense of history have been unnerved by the recent rash of closures, says Jen Lane, owner of the BarFly website and bar-tour buses. “Somebody just arriving here, obviously they’re not going to notice it,” she says. “But the places that are closing, these are places that have played vital roles in our lives.” At BarFly’s Christmas party, a packed house at Tonic Lounge raised a glass to this year’s fallen bars. That’s not an annual tradition, but this year it felt right. When the old, time-unchanged bars go away, it strips away a sense of shared history and landscape that belongs to several generations. Once gone, it’s lost forever—because there w ill never be another place like Magic Garden. In Old Town, where police take on the role of dorm RAs, and guys with vape pens patrol the streets luring packs of drunken men with strip-club coupons and promises of Portland’s hottest women, the half-century-old Magic Garden was like finding a Fugs LP at Hot Topic. The rare strip club that’s more a friendly and lowkey dive bar than hall of sin, it’s a place

SHORE LEAVE: Sand Bar was owned by Dan Zilka, who also owned Boxxes, one of the last holdouts in the West End district that was once the center of Portland gay nightlife.

“WE TRIED TO MAKE THIS A NICE NEIGHBORHOOD PLACE, WITH NAKED LADIES. AND NOW THEY’RE GOING TO TAKE IT ALL AWAY.” —PATTY WRIGHT, MAGIC GARDEN BARTENDER

ANNIE, ORPHANED: On Dec. 31, Magic Garden, the friendliest little strip club in Portland, will close. Shown is Annie, dancing on the club’s pole-free stage.

n part, Lane attributes the closures to the recovering economy—and the reality that classic bars, with $3 beer instead of $10 cocktails, aren’t paying the kind of rent that property owners can now get with other uses. “There are a lot of predatory developers,” she says. “They find landlords and say, ‘Isn’t it time to retire?’ Wouldn’t you like to have $10 million?” It’s true that if you tell any Portlander a food cart or a hot-dog stand is closing, they spit out the word condo like the pit to a cherry. Others mention the money brought in by New Yorkers and Californians. But Lane says she’s seen it firsthand, on a visit to Hawthorne District mainstay the Space Room in the early 2000s. “There were literally these sleazy real-estate guys from L.A., straight out of the playbook, saying, “‘You don’t know what you have here,’” she recalls. When popular Chopsticks II opened in 1995, owner David Chow says his strip of East Burnside Street near 28th Avenue was a no-man’s land of crime and boarded buildings. He outlasted several landowners. “My friends wouldn’t come see me,” he says. “I remodeled, and every year there was new ownership. The first three years, I lost money. I almost gave up. A new owner comes in, and I say,

CLOSING TIME M AT T Y N E W TO N

CHRISTOPHER ONSTOTT

CONT.

“THEY FIND LANDLORDS AND SAY, ‘ISN’T IT TIME TO RETIRE?’ WOULDN’T YOU LIKE TO HAVE $10 MILLION?” —JEN LANE, BARFLY

‘You’re number five.’” When new construction transformed Chopsticks’ section of Burnside for a more desirable demographic, Chow’s newest landlord didn’t let him renew his 20-year lease. “I pay every time, no problem,” he says. “They say I’m a good tenant. If you’re a good tenant, you don’t get a good result. I don’t know why, but she must not like me.” Lisa Lucas, his landlord, says Chow has indeed been a good tenant. But the neighborhood had changed, and her company could make more money with a different business on the property. Chopsticks will close in August 2015. Historically boozy Club 21 on Northeast Glisan Street—home to packedhouse rock shows both free and local, as well as an almost seizure-inducing density of ’70s beer kitsch—may have avoided a similar fate only because its lease is still good for another 12 years. Its landlord, real-estate firm ScanlanKemperBard, submitted designs to the city of Portland to demolish the bar’s distinctive witch-castle architecture, an artifact of the building’s time as a Russian Orthodox church, in favor of a towering, 220-unit apartment building with a parking-lot basement. To save the bar in the future, says Club 21 bartender Bradley Shaver, the owners are considering moving the entire building to a vacant lot before their lease expires. Meanwhile, rock dive the Know’s building on Northeast Alberta Street is also for sale. A ramshackle, graffitied, dirt-cheap drinking hole that has become Portland’s most reliable home of punk and hard rock, the Know has two years left on its lease, after which owner Ryan Stowe hopes he can continue business as usual. The auto-upholstery business next door already had its rent doubled this year under the current owner, he says. “ We had an empty lot across the street from us for almost eight years,” Stowe says. “Then a bunch of stores went into the Acme Glass building, all these places that had been there for generations. The owners saw dollar signs and sold the building.” He says it’s scary not knowing what the future will hold. “But we kind of knew this was coming,” Stowe says. “If it comes down to it, we’ll have to find somewhere else.” CONT. on page 20

LEGENDS OF THE FALLEN: BAR STORIES The Matador, 1999: Pet Night! “I had Pet Night, where everybody could bring their pet. Naturally there were dogs, cats, birds. People brought fish. [One customer] brought a horse. I said, ‘If that horse kicks anybody to death, I might as well lock my doors.’ Everybody had to move the horse every time they had to go to the bathroom; the horse was hanging out watching people shooting pool. My bartender Ike brought a bunch of goldfish, and people were doing goldfish shots. The dogs were fighting. Luckily, the horse didn’t shit in the bar until he was already on his way out. There was a cop right there. The cop was out front and the horse was coming out of the Matador, and they walked the horse into a trailer around the corner.” —Angelo Marchi Boxxes, 2008: Whipped Cream and Other Delights “Back in 2008 or so, I took my very George Costanza-esque dad to Boxxes for his firstever drag show to watch my friend Jinkx Monsoon perform. The best part was when Jinkx was performing a number from Sweeney Todd and sat in my dad’s lap, and covered my dad’s face in whipped cream. My dad—to my surprise—loved it and laughed the entire time. He’d never been in a gay bar before, and after that, he was a huge fan of both Boxxes and Jinkx.” —Allie Ross Magic Garden, 2010: Pig Fight! Chef Eric Bechard was arrested outside Magic Garden in 2010 after a fistfight over the provenance of a heritage pig used in a cooking competition. From the police report: “Ms. Uriba [sic] said Berchard [sic] quickly showed up at the Magic Gardens [sic] and began conveying his disgust with why the competition had brought a pig from Ohio, and had not bought a pig locally to support the local market. Ms. Uriba said Berchard communicated he was a local chef and owner of a restaurant, and stated he was representing local Oregon chefs. Ms. Uriba said as she stood in front of Magic Gardens, Berchard became so enraged over why Oregon shefs [sic] are so much better than chefs from outside states, Mr. Berchard pushed Ms. Uriba in the chest, causing her to take several steps backwards.” Langano Lounge, 2014: Last Night “As soon as I said, ‘Hey, bar’s closed,’ everybody ripped everything off the wall. It blew my mind. [Bartender] Jud [Nichelson] was so bummed. He was like, ‘I want the sign.’ But he went outside and it was gone. He was so sad. Jud got home later on that evening, and the Langano Lounge sign was left on his front porch.” —Jason “Plucky” Anchondo East End, 2011: Mala Noche Walt Curtis, unofficial poet laureate of Portland and author of Mala Noche, stayed in a studio in the basement of East End until 2011, its door leading out to the bathroom line: “Walt Curtis was an unofficial part of our lease. He was a friend of our landlord’s from way back. The bathroom line was pretty long sometimes, which meant he had a lot of time to mess with people. Sometimes he’d invite people back to his studio, and they’d drink and have a good time. Sometimes he’d scare the shit out of them. But finally, he pulled out a shotgun. And that was finally it.” —Tony Mengis “I had my father’s old shotgun, which was not even working—I had it by the door, and these two young gentlemen came in. They picked it up and playfully started pointing it. There was this insane drag queen, I could see his eyes looking at the situation—I realized he was going to call the cops. Sure enough, my lovely landlord, Lewis, says, ‘You have a gun in the room? The cops are gonna shoot you.’ And so I got my 30-day notice.” —Walt Curtis Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

CONT.

ut most of the bars that closed this year did not do so because of rapacious developers. In many ways, the end of these bars came for reasons as much cultural and idiosyncratic as economic. East End was lost to an electrical fire, and the East Bank Saloon (home for years to the best masters basketball team in the nation) and the Grand Cafe (home to the old manager of the Portland Mavericks baseball team) were sold by owners ready to retire. Landlords in better economies also become more recalcitrant about terms: Both Slabtown and the Matador were lost, in part, to disputes over who was responsible for building improvements. And although Ethiopian restaurant-music venue Langano Lounge was closed to become apartments, those apartments are run by the bar’s former owners, a retirement-age Ethiopian couple. According to Anchondo, the bartender, they’d grown tired of fighting their neighborhood association over noise complaints. For Rogers, the end of Slabtown isn’t just the end of a bar. It’s the end of an idea, a vision of Portland in which a bar is a reflection of its neighborhood and its owner’s personality. “What we’re seeing now,” he says, with the bars closing, “is the chickens coming home to roost from gentrification.” He says Portland has recently courted an upwardly mobile, white, technical class of transplants, and this leads to a homogenization of a city once based in eccentricity. “Those neighborhoods frequently have all of the same businesses,” he says. “Little Big Burger, Pine State, Salt & Straw.” Tony Mengis, co-owner of upstairsdownstairs music venue East End—an equal-opportunity home to punk, glam and metal that was just as famous for its restroom lines as its taste in music—says he has a hard time understanding what Portland has become in the meantime. Mengis plans to move to Amsterdam by early 2015. In November, he sold almost everything he owns. “I see Portland changing,” he says, “and I don’t know how to change with it. And frankly I don’t care to. I don’t know what people with beards want.” When the old bars finally fail, the bars that replace them often reflect a new set of values. The site of longtime dive Hal’s

PHOTOS BY JAMES REXROAD

CLOSING TIME

POSTCARDS FROM THE END: (From left) Patty Wright, Portland icon, at Magic Garden; the Mentors shred for a crowd of shredders on East End’s basement stage in 2013; and David Chow, owner of Chopsticks II. “Every holiday we have from now on is our last holiday,” Chow says. “Last Halloween was the last Halloween at Chopsticks.” Chopsticks II will close Aug. 31. Chopsticks III will remain open on Northeast Columbia Boulevard.

Tavern is home, as of this year, to a bar called There Be Monsters, filled with British Empire maps, distressed walls and barrel-aged cider; the city’s best shuffleboard table has been moved from the front to the back of the bar. The new owners of 20-year dive Madison’s taped over their neon sign’s “I” and burned the Declaration of Independence’s signing into the bar to become Mad Sons, a bar themed after the

MANNY

SELECTED BAR CLOSURES, 2014 FISH GROTTO (1891) Indefinite temporary renovation; owner Dan Zilka plans to lease the space. PAL’S SHANTY (1922) Closed after arson by a former employee. Will be a Hotlips Pizza soon.

PANTS OPTIONAL: Final night at the Matador. 20

American Revolution that has both nitro coffee and root beer on tap, alongside artisanal cocktails. A rotating array of failed sports dives at Southeast 20th Avenue and Division Street became an Old West-style bar called Double Barrel. Oddly, all of these bars took considerable pains to make themselves look older than the ones they replaced.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

HOLLYWOOD BOWL (1962) Becoming Orchard Supply, a hardware boutique owned by Lowe’s.

MAGIC GARDEN (1960s) Building declared unsafe, then sold to developer. THE MATADOR (1971) Landlord dispute, now vacant. SLABTOWN (1974) Landlord dispute, now vacant. PRODUCE ROW (1974) Closed suddenly for “personal reasons” by the owner of Multnomah Whiskey Library; vacant.

ngelo Marchi, former owner of the Matador—a bar that famously had monolithic urinals and a hot-pink sink in the men’s room, where the Taxi Boys played a rock concert in 2011—doesn’t buy the notion that this dieoff speaks to anything new. “There’s a particular element about the Portland subculture,” Marchi says. “When a ship catches fire, the rats can swim to

EAST BANK SALOON (1978) Owner retired. Becoming “Stolen Soul Lounge,” from Lutz Tavern owners.

BOXXES/BURNSIDE LOUNGE (1994) Vacant; owner Dan Zilka plans to lease the space.

JIGGLES (1984) Got in the way of Cabela’s.

CHOPSTICKS II (1995) Landlord declined to renew lease.

THE GYPSY (1992) Vacant. THE GRAND CAFE & ANDREA’S CHA CHA CLUB (1993) Sold to become a sports bar called Pour Sports.

MADISON’S BAR & GRILL (1996) Closed; became bar called Mad Sons after the “I” was taped over. TENNESSEE RED’S (1996) Sold for the fifth time, becoming P.R.E.A.M. pizza spot.

CLOSING TIME N ATA L I E B E H R I N G . C O M

CONT.

another ship.” In the early ’90s, Marchi says, the Americans with Disabilities Act caused a number of bars to close; in the late ’90s, a building boom did the same. “They ’ll appropriate another place that will suit their needs,” Marchi says. “There’ll be a transmogrification of some steely-assed, meth-induced biker bar. The loss is what will fuel them to congeal in another place.” The bars will live on mostly in the memories of the people who went there. Unlike successful restaurants—which may make careers, and garner attention from national media—the old bars belong only to the people who go there most. Like churches, they aren’t just a building but a gathering of the faithful, and they can inspire near-equal devotion. And

like all things sacred, they come with a reliquary. On the last night of the Matador on West Burnside Street in September, people took most of the bar out the door with them. The bar’s final owner, Casey Maxwell, ceded the bar’s many velvet paintings to valued regulars and staff. “He said we could have everything except Scott Bakula,” says bartender Nathaniel Hubbard. Those paintings have since spread around town—although not at Maxwell’s other bar, the Conquistador. One painting hangs above the entry door of Star Bar on Southeast Morrison Street. The Matador’s old hand-painted sign hangs above the kitchen door at Club 21. Other toreador paintings are in the homes of the many bartenders who passed through

FEZ BALLROOM (2000) Vacant; owner Dan Zilka plans to lease the space.

TIGA (2006) Rent raised, became Southern brunch spot called Muscadine.

TIGER BAR (2000, along with two replacement bars) Became burlesque bar called the Royale.

EAST END (2007) Electrical fire.

THE BLUE MONK (2002) Lease sold to new art gallery/ music venue called Liquor Store after difficulties with fire marshal. LANGANO LOUNGE (2005) Owners replacing bar and restaurant with Langano Apartments.

THE PRESS CLUB (2007) Closed because of the “fiscal aspects of the business.” TREBOL/LUCHADOR (2007) Closed due to “unsustainable rents.” COUTURE ULTRA LOUNGE (2009) Closed the day after Valentine’s Day.

the Matador over the years. Some of the bars may live beyond memories, and actually revive elsewhere. “We’ll be back,” says Slabtown’s Rogers, who says he’s already looking at places in North and Northeast Portland to create another all-ages music venue. “I’ve got three different people I’m talking to right now,” he says. In the meantime, he’s excited about the venue that Black Water Records, a punk-rock label, is starting on Northeast Broadway. On a busy recent Thursday, David Chow of Chopsticks sat at his bar, surveying a room whose walls are papered with photographs of the many people who’ve sung there. “Look at all these people,” he says, his arm out toward the karaoke stage. “How can be?”

JINX LOUNGE (2009) Rebranded as 12th Cocktail Lounge, then sold to become ham-themed bar from Nostrana’s Cathy Whims. THE WORKSHOP PUB (2009) Now Lucky Horseshoe Lounge, owned by former Portland Tribune food critic. BLITZ 21 (2011) Now a different bro-y bar. IVORIES JAZZ LOUNGE (2011) Now a Thai restaurant.

This is his catchphrase—it can mean anything—printed on the T-shirts that bear his face. After WW reported his bar was set to close, he says, his 19-year-old venue filled with customers, sometimes people he hadn’t seen in years. “ I t houg ht , ‘ People don’t c a re,’” he says. “But ever ybody came. From L ong v iew, t hey c ome dow n t o buy T-shirts. Last week I have one couple who proposed marriage onstage.” He’s scout i ng loc at ion s i n i n ner Northeast and Southeast Portland for a new Chopsticks. While he spoke, one of his regulars stopped to suggest he buy Starky’s, a bar near Southeast 28th Avenue that was put up for sale in November. “People know me,” says Chow, smiling, drink in hand. “I think, I can’t stop now.”

VIE DANCE CAFE (2012) Beau Breedlove left for new business opportunities at Breedlove Creative Enterprises. SAND BAR (2013) Vacant; owner Dan Zilka plans to lease the space. LIGHTBAR (2013) Dark. Will become Smokehouse Tavern, second outpost of Smokehouse 21. SAUVAGE (2013) Now home to Will Preisch’s Holdfast fine-dining pop-up.

THE HUCKLEBERRY PUB (2013) Lost and gone forever. OSCAR DRAKE’S (2014) We never knew ye. THE ROYALE (2014) Closed, became Whiskey Dolls Game Room. EASY COMPANY (2014) Closed, became Big Trouble. CROWN ROOM II (2014) Sold to same developers closing Magic Garden.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

STREET

SANTA, BRUH DRUNK IN A HAT, BRO. PHOTOS BY KATIE DEN N IS wweek.com/street

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

FOOD: Best thing I ate. MUSIC: Best Portland albums. BOOKS: Best thing I read. MOVIES: Best moments from the year in film.

30 33 45 47

SCOOP FOX SEARCHLIGHT PICTURES

A YEAR IN PORTLAND CULTURE BY THE NUMBERS. SCREEN: The Grand Budapest Hotel was the most popular movie at Laurelhurst Theater, with 6,932 tickets sold for 125 showings over 12 weeks. The Grand Budapest Hotel was also the most-rented movie at Movie Madness, with 382 rentals. The most popular DVD at Multnomah County Library was Gravity, checked out 2,902 times. STAGE: The most popular show at Helium Comedy Club was Dave Chappelle, with nearly 3,000 tickets sold for 10 shows. The most popular show at Portland Center Stage was Dreamgirls, which sold 21,760 tickets. SHOES: Nike released 165 special-edition Air Jordans this year at an average cost of $172.42. Nike maintained the same three versions of its best-selling shoe, the Air Monarch IV, at a retail cost of $65. TUNES: The most popular record at Music Millennium was Jack White’s Lazaretto, which sold 422 copies. The most popular records at Jackpot Records were Syro by Aphex Twin and Rocks the House by Etta James. Legendary Portland jazz drummer Mel Brown played 156 shows at Jimmy Mak’s. WORDS: The most popular book for adults at Multnomah County Library was Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn, checked out 1,918 times. The most popular children’s book was Diary of a Wimpy Kid: Hard Luck, checked out 2,114 times. The most popular e-book was My Beloved World by Sonia Sotomayor, with 1,736 checkouts. WEED: There are 69,429 medical-marijuana patients in Oregon. Only 16.87 percent of those patients live in Multnomah County, which has 19.31 percent of the state’s population. As of our publication date, there are 189 days until marijuana is officially legal in Oregon. You will be able to carry 8 ounces in public.

NW 9Th + LOVEJOY PEARL DISTRICT 503.477.8604 WWW.PEARLSPECIALTY.COM

OPEN UNTIL 10PM

BOOZE: The most popular liquor in Oregon by volume is Fireball Cinnamon Whisky at 409,812 bottles sold; it displaced HRD Vodka after a long run as Oregon’s favorite liquor. The most money, however, was spent on Jack Daniels Black Label: $1,343,276. The most expensive liquor currently available in Oregon is the Macallan “M” singlemalt Scotch, at $4,999.95 for a 750-milliliter crystal decanter. BEER: According to the Oregon Brewers Guild, 28 new breweries opened in Oregon last year, including five in Portland and 12 in the Portland metro area. Widmer Brothers brewed 35,294,616 pints of its hefeweizen in Portland. The bestselling beer at Belmont Station was Laurelwood Workhorse IPA, with 246 cases sold. The Oregon Brewers Festival drew about 85,000 attendees. SPORTS: The Trail Blazers paid forward LaMarcus Aldridge $195,195 for every regular-season game. The Timbers paid Diego Valeri $14,705. The Timbers player with the highest percentage of goals scored per 90 minutes played is Maximiliano Urruti, at .76.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

HEADOUT

Party t o o F y b

WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK IN ARTS & CULTURE

ST. JOHNS: Reggae dance music at the Central Hotel

KENTON: Don & the Quixotes at the World Famous Kenton Club

2 MLK: Comedy Extravaganza at Curious Comedy Theater

ALBERTA: Party with MarchFourth at the Alberta Rose Theatre

OVERLOOK: New Year’s Eve at the 3 Alibi

T H E PE A

RL: Dinner

at Blueho ur

OLD TOWN: Last hurrah at Magic Garden

N: DOWNTOW l with al B s r’ no er Gov b and Soul Patrick Lam the at Vaccination el Sentinel Hot

405 8

MISSISSIPPI: Ural Thomas and the Pain at Mississippi Studios

LLOYD DISTRICT: Portland Winterhawks at the Moda Center

SOUTH PARK BLOCKS: Rave at the Portland Art Museum

MULTNOMAH VILLAGE: Bingo at Renner’s Grill

CULLY: C Klauder aleb C Band at ountry the Spa re Room

pagne HOLLYWOOD: Cham liards Bil ’s Sam at ht nig at mid

KERNS: Free chocolate buffet at Pix Patisserie

205

BUCKMAN: Les Sins at Holocene

HAWTHORNE: DIVISION: New School Lumbertwink Beer at Bazi at Funhouse Bierbrasserie Lounge

14 TABOR: Bollywood dance party at Alhambra Theatre

MONTAVILLA: Tub into 2015 at Tub and Tan

BROOKLYN: Hot Tuna at Aladdin Theater

21 WOODSTOCK: New Year’s Eve at Lutz Tavern

22 SELLWOOD: Roller-skating at Oaks Park

LENTS: New Year’s Eve at the New Copper Penny

99E

FORGET TAXIS, UBERS, MAXS, DDS AND DUIS. WHY NOT PARTY WHERE YOU LIVE THIS NEW YEAR’S EVE? FIND YOUR HOOD, FLIP FOR FULL LISTINGS. I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y ADAM KRUEGER

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

TUODAEH ERUTLUC & STRA NI KEEW SIHT OD OT TAHW

1. ST. JOHNS: REGGAE DANCE MUSIC

8.THE PEARL: DINNER AT BLUEHOUR

[YEAH MON] Marijuana will be legal in Portland next year, and this just might be the perfect way to see our reggae-toned future of good vibes and natty dreads. The Central Hotel doesn’t have beds, but it will have a DJ, and there’s probably someone selling weed around the corner. Central Hotel, 8608 North Lombard St., 477-5489, centralhotelstjohns.com. 8 pm. 21+.

[DINE] There are no oysters served this night at this most Pearly of restaurants, but for a mere $65 you can dine on matcha foie gras and barbecued pork crepes, to the sounds and feeling of DJ ATM. Wine extra. Bluehour, 250 NW 13th Ave, 226-3394, bluehouronline.com. $65. 21+.

2. KENTON: DON & THE QUIXOTES WITH

[BALLS AND BUBBLY] A jukebox, 14 pool tables, two dart boards and video poker: You’re a winner tonight, champ. Especially with free Champagne at midnight. Sam’s Billiards, 1845 NE 41st Ave., 282-8266, portlandpoolhall.com. Open till 1 am. 21+.

SPECIAL GUESTS

[TARANTINO MUSIC] Surf rockers Don & the Quixotes sound like they come straight off the Pulp Fiction soundtrack. The World Famous Kenton Club won’t have milkshakes or Uma Thurman, but they will have Sprite and tasty pork-belly sliders. World Famous Kenton Club, 2025 N Kilpatrick St., 285-3718, kentonclub. com. 9 pm. Free. 3. OVERLOOK: NEW YEAR’S EVE AT

THE ALIBI

[UMBRELLA DRINKS AND KARAOKE] The first person to five Celine Dion songs at this age-defying tiki bar wins. Or just sing “I Will Always Love You” over and over while crying into your Samoan Sunset. Alibi, 4024 N Interstate Ave., 287-5335, alibiportland.com. Free entry. 21+. 4. CULLY: CALEB KLAUDER COUNTRY

BAND

[SOUTHERN ACCENTS] Grab a beer and get ready to stomp your boots as Caleb Klauder and his Country Band fiddle in a down-home new year. The Spare Room, 4830 NE 42nd Ave., 287-5800. 9 pm. $15 advance, $20 day of event. 21+. 5. ALBERTA: PARTY WITH

MARCHFOURTH

[SECOND LINE] Portland’s answer to New Orleans’ marching bands includes extra-goofy hats, tattoos and lefty politics. MarchFourth’s shows run the gamut from Sousa-like marches to trad New Orleans second-line fare, and it’s hard to stay in your seat when a dude is banging away on cymbals. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 Northeast Alberta St., 7196055, albertarosetheatre.com. 8 pm. $37 advance, $45 at door. 21+. 6. MLK: CURIOUS COMEDY

EXTRAVAGANZA

[LAUGH IT OFF] Yeah, 2014 was pretty meh. We can joke about that now. Expect sketch, standup, improv and aerial feats—and also snacks, a midnight Champagne toast and dancing into the wee hours. Curious Comedy Theater, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477, curiouscomedy.org. 8 pm. $50 in advance, $60 at door. All ages. 7. MISSISSIPPI: URAL THOMAS AND THE

PAIN

[BAR-HOP STOP] Great bars abound on North Mississippi Avenue, most without music. Years pass and friends come and go, but soul music is forever. Let defending Best New Band poll winner Ural Thomas and the Pain show you why. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895, mississippistudios.com. 9 pm. $25-$30. 21+.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

9. HOLLYWOOD: SAM’S BILLIARDS

10. LLOYD DISTRICT: PORTLAND

WINTERHAWKS VS. SEATTLE THUNDERBIRDS

[RIVALRY] Tickets are cheap, the Hawks are pretty darn good, and you can skate on the rink with players after the game. Keep an eye out for any dislodged goalie’s teeth—they’re supposed to be lucky. Moda Center, 1 North Center Court St., 797-9619. 8 pm, $15-$60. 11. OLD TOWN: MAGIC GARDEN’S LAST

electronic music scene gets an accomplished artist for the night. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639, holocene. org. 8 pm. $25 at door. 21+. 14. MONTAVILLA: TUB AND TAN INTO

2015

[SOAK IT IN] Wish you owned a private hot tub to steam your way into 2015? Montavilla’s Tub and Tan is the next best thing, a mellow place to bubble into the new year without a stem in hand. Tub and Tan, 8028 SE Stark St., 257-8191, tubandtan.com. Last session begins at 11 pm. Call for pricing. 15. DOWNTOWN: GOVERNOR’S BALL

WITH PATRICK LAMB AND SOUL VACCINATION

[FUNK AND SOUL] Saxophonist Patrick Lamb is one of the finest in the land, and his band isn’t too shabby either. Those looking for a funky way to spend their evening should have it here. Expect a few special musical guests to show up, too. The Sentinel Hotel, 614 SW 11th Ave., 224-3400. 7 pm. $100-$150, $50 after 10 pm. 21+.

12. KERNS: FREE CHOCOLATE BUFFET

17. HAWTHORNE: NEW SCHOOL BEER

[BUBBLY CHOCOLATE] It’s time to start thinking about what the last thing you want to eat in 2014 will be. May we suggest a free chocolate buffet paired with Pix’s sizable Champagne selection? For those planning to shed some pounds in the new year, this might be the best way to sneak in last bites. Pix Patisserie, 2225 E Burnside St., 971-271-7166. Chocolate free with beverage purchase.

[CELEBRATE BEERVANA] Portland’s beer blog of record hosts an anniversary party at this cozy Hawthorne neighborhood beer bar, which favors Belgians and the Belgian-inspired. Blogger Ezra Johnson-Greenough promises Oakshire Hellshire IV and beers from Upright, the Commons and Block 15, plus food from chef Paul Kasten, formerly of Wildwood, who’s about to launch a venture in Southeast Portland. Bazi Bierbrasserie, 1522 SE 32nd Ave., 234-8888, bazipdx. com. 7 pm-1 am. 21+.

13. BUCKMAN: LES SINS (TORO Y MOI),

BEN TACTIC , DJS KIFFO & RYMES

[HIP DANCE PARTY] Multiinstrumentalist Chaz Bundick (Toro y Moi) introduces his new solo project, Les Sins, which sounds like his old act, only with dancier beats. Portland’s moribund

LUTZ TAVERN

[CLASSIC HAUNT] Sometimes the best way to celebrate the future is to revisit the past. Lutz Tavern, colloquially famous for popularizing Pabst Blue Ribbon in Portland (ever heard of it?), is the neighborhood bar’s neighborhood bar. If bars could wear plaid and sit on barstools, that is. As luck would have it, they offer a decent selection of Oregon craft beers these days, too. Lutz Tavern, 4639 SE Woodstock Blvd., 774-0353. Free entry. 21+.

RAVE

[CLOSING TIME] The famously polefree stage at Magic Garden is marked for demolition, with the raggedy and beloved Old Town strip club closing after this final night. Bring plenty of dollar bills and be prepared to help drink the weird and gross liqueurs. Tip Patty extra well. Magic Garden, 217 NW 4th Ave., 2248472. Free entry. 21+.

AT PIX PATISSERIE

21. WOODSTOCK: NEW YEAR’S EVE AT

16. SOUTH PARK BLOCKS: INSPIRE TRUTH [NEW AGE RAVE] It’s not looking at Van Gogh on molly—trust us, we asked. A somewhat odd cocktail of rave looks and New Age sentiment, this party centers around one question: Who do you want to be in 2015? If the answer is a person who smells like patchouli and understands crystals, this is the place to be. Portland Art Museum’s Mark Building, 1119 SW Park Ave., nye-inspire.me. 9 pm-4:30 am. $25-$108. 21+.

HURRAH

20. TABOR: BOLLYWOOD DANCE PARTY

[DANCE SEQUENCE] If you want to dance your way into 2014, and fouron-the-floor bass isn’t your thing, what better way to ring in the new year than with a little Jai Ho. Don’t worry if you don’t know what to do—there’s a dance lesson at 10 pm. Featuring DJ Prashant and the Jai Ho! Dance Troupe. Alhambra Theatre, 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 6100640, alhambrapdx.com. 8 pm-2 am. $15-$20. 21+.

ANNIVERSARY PARTY

18. CLINTON/DIVISION: LUMBERTWINK [PLAID RIGHTS] One of Portland’s biggest and best queer dance parties, Lumbertwink appeals to lumbersexuals. Obviously. Put on that red plaid flannel, oil that beard, and lace up those Danners. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734, funhouselounge.com. 8 pm-2 am. $10, $6 in plaid or union suit. 19. BROOKLYN:

HOT TUNA

[TAKE TO THE SKY] It’s been 45 years since Jefferson Airplane played Woodstock, and Jorma Kaukonen and Jack Casady are the perfect musicians to fly you into year 46. Hot Tuna, their bluesy post-Airplane project, is still going strong. Aladdin Theatre, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave, 234-9694, aladdin-theater.com. $75 advance, $80 day of show. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

22. SELLWOOD: ROLLER-SKATING AT

OAKS PARK

[THAT’S SO REAGAN] Whoever said that roller rinks were left to die in the 1980s were, well, temporarily right. That doesn’t mean you can’t still strap some wheels on your feet and accidentally barrel into strangers at breakneck speeds while wondering how this ever went out of style in the first place. Dig those dusty skates out of the basement and bring your kids (you’re in Sellwood, so you have kids, yes?) to learn some lessons about predigital childhood. Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way, 233-5777, oakspark.com. 7 pm-1 am. $20. 23. MULTNOMAH VILLAGE: NEW YEAR’S

EVE BINGO

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HAPPY 2015!

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

N E W Y E A R â&#x20AC;&#x2122; S E V E PA R T Y

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

HAPPY 2015!

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

FOOD & DRINK BEST IN 2014 P O D N A H ’ S : C H R I S R YA N P H O T O . C O M , C O C O T T E : T H O M A S T E A L , KACHKA: NOLAN CALISCH

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@wweek. com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

WEDNESDAY, DEC. 24 Dickens Christmas Feast

For the fourth year, Ned Ludd will offer a five-course Christmas Eve feast that will stuff the dickens out of you, with beef roast and drippings, gooseconfited celeriac and parsnip soup, smoked salmon and figgy pudding, plus cider and wine pairings. This is somehow meant to evoke Dickens, though we doubt Tiny Tim or Oliver Twist ate nearly so well. A tasting menu is available all night. Ned Ludd, 3925 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 288-6900. $100.

Chinese Christmas Eve

In a theme night somewhere between terribly clever and terribly uncomfortable, Three Degrees will shoulder aside the salmon and kale on Christmas Eve for a high-end Chinese dinner with dry pepper chicken wings, dan dan noodles, Peking duck and crispy cucumbers. Of course, you should see a movie afterward. Three Degrees, 1510 SW Harbor Way, 295-6166. $35.

SUNDAY, DEC. 28 Burnside Brewing Fourth Anniversary

Burnside is 4 years old as of Dec. 28, and they’re celebrating with free snacks, prizes, $4 beers, live music from Big Wet Country and Oleana, and the tapping of their 500th batch of beer, a NW Red Cedar IPA, which they brewed on inspiration from the Beers Made by Walking series in Forest Park. Cheers! Burnside Brewing Co., 701 E Burnside St., 946-8151. 6-11 pm.

Where to eat this week. 1. Smallwares

4605 NE Fremont St., 971-229-0995, smallwarespdx.com. Smallwares’ brunch service brings new life to a world of floppy eggs and overbuttered toast. Try the beef meatball ramen, which opens your sinuses with horseradish and fills them with uberbeefy broth. $$.

2. Stella Taco

2940 NE Alberta St., 971-407-3705, stellatacopdx.com. Alberta’s new taqueria charms with killer brisket tacos, a wide selection of margaritas and three house salsas, the hottest of which is a pea-soup-green concoction, available by request, that may melt your face. $.

3. Umai

Southeast 33rd Avenue and Hawthorne Boulevard, 502-4428, umaipdx.com. This tucked-away food cart mixes the natural saltiness of its soup with tender pulled-pork shoulder to create a sort of light-headed ecstasy amid probable brain dehydration. But the best part is the flavorful, al dente cart-made noodles. $.

4. Boxer Ramen

1025 SW Stark St., 894-8260, boxerramen.com. Boxer has been open just over a year. A recent visit reminded us why we like it so much: a simple but well-executed menu of four tasty ramens, tater tots topped with crinkling bonito flakes, and Japanese tallboys. $.

5. HK Cafe

4410 SE 82nd Ave., 771-8866, facebook.com/pages/HK-Cafe. “Now you know where to go for Chinese food and u will come back soon because quality and price is best in town,” says the Facebook page for this Eastport Plaza dim sum shop. This is all 100 percent true. $.

TRIPLE CROWN: (Clockwise from upper left) Podnah’s chili, Cocotte’s escargot in basil pistou, and Kachka’s Siberian pelmeni.

THE BEST THING I ATE OUR FOOD WRITERS DISH ON THEIR FAVORITE TASTES OF 2014. A friend is leaving Kachka as we’re getting seated. “You’ve got to order these,” she says, and snakes her arm over my shoulder to point to the Siberian pelmeni on the menu. Kachka’s plump, savory, hexagonal meat dumplings are a pile of little jewels, one that always starts a heated fork fight between my husband and me. Whether you have them steamed, pan-fried or swimming in a bath of chef Bonnie Morales’ meaty broth, they’re always topped with plenty of tangy smetana (sour creme fraiche). In his book Travels in Siberia, Ian Frazier said they ate so much smetana that it made him and his compatriots smell like “grown-up, dusty, sweaty babies.” I long to smell like such a baby. If the staff would let me, I’d jump into a vat of the stuff. ADRIENNE SO. It may not have been the best thing I ate this year, but it was certainly the thing I couldn’t stop eating once it appeared on the table— and that was even before I asked what it was. What it was, was Tanuki’s squid jerky: sweet-salty-spicy-sticky-stretchy tendrils of culinary wonder. Our table was cluttered with a dozen other plates from our omakase extravaganza, not to mention 1-liter bottles of Asahi and tall glasses of soju sangria, and yet I had eyes—or taste buds, rather—only for cephalopod. REBECCA JACOBSON. This being Portland, it’s surprising that the best bowl of chili I’ve had in my life didn’t come on a cold, damp day. It was a warm August night, actually, when I ordered a bowl of Texas red chili at Podnah’s Pit. It was more curiosity than want, and I had plans to set the bowl aside as soon as my brisket arrived. Well, I forgot all about that brisket, along with the ribs, pulled pork and even the cornbread, scraping up every last bit of that obscenely rich beef-and-pepper stew. The

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

deep brownish-red sauce was thick, almost creamy, like tomato soup. It was just spicy enough to be interesting, but also sweet and smoky. Roasty beef chunks had a reassuring firmness on the fork that quickly melted away, like a Southern-tinged beef bourguignon. I get giddy just thinking about it—especially on nights like these. MARTIN CIZMAR. While scanning a menu at Hotel Quellenhof in Arosa, Switzerland, my eyes fell upon “Bistro Rösti”: foal steak cubes served with herb butter over a bed of potatoes similar to hash browns. Horse, much like dog, remains a taboo meat in the States. But, when in Switzerland… The small, dark cubes of horse flesh, lying atop golden brown rösti with two flowers of butter sprouting from opposite ends, was still sizzling when the waiter brought it to the table. I would be hard-pressed to describe big differences between horse and beef, but I can tell you it was delicious. Meat, potatoes and butter. Meals don’t get much simpler than that. JOHN LOCANTHI. While it may not be the hippest joint on the scene, Pause on North Interstate Avenue is a time-tested favorite among Overlook neighborhood residents for its low-lit, laid-back vibe, cushy red booths and generously sized patio. It’s also home to what I strongly believe to be the best-tasting, most beeflike veggie burger in the city. Despite my status as an avowed carnivore, I order it every time. Smoky and mushroomy, covered with Tillamook cheddar and housemade zucchini pickles and nestled in a pillowy bun smeared with chipotle mayo, it’s a veritable umami bomb that stands up to even the most unabashedly sinful meat creation. KAT MERCK. I don’t generally dream of snails. At least in this neck of the woods they’re too often overcooked into the texture of a child’s balloon, or so garlicked-up and herb-salted they taste like a sea-logged basement. But Cocotte’s

escargot in basil pistou ended up being one of the most balanced and unlikely treatments of escargot I’ve had. The low richness of lentil, eggplant and thankfully tender escargot play against the crisp sharpness of radish and leek, all swimming in the near-sunshine of a garlic-basil pistou. God help me: I now dream of snails. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Portland’s 2014 summer was one for the books. Long strings of languid, sunshinedrenched days yielded produce of exceptional quality in vast quantities. Peerless among the bounty were the Triple Crown blackberries from Unger Farms sold at the midday Wednesday Portland Farmers Market downtown. The Secretariat of berries, Triple Crowns are as big as your thumb, as juicy as a ripe peach, and offer the perfect balance of sweet-tart purple berry flavor. During their fleeting appearance in late July, relishing an unadorned, just-purchased pint in the middle of the market square was my peak pleasure for the year. To keep the memory fresh yearround, I also put up a flat or two for future pie-baking. MICHAEL C. ZUSMAN. I’ve been accused of taking multiple cheap shots at the Lloyd District this year, so consider the following a form of mea culpa: I still believe the neighborhood is a “glorified suburb” representing “the rotting tauntaun carcass of American consumerism,” but it is also home to the best damn 40-year-old hoagie shop in Northeast Portland. Taste Tickler’s sign faded long before Jimmy John’s and the Mexican Quadrangle—that’s where Qdoba, Chipotle, Muchas Gracias and Taco Bell are all within retching distance of one another—moved in, but the small sandwichand-bento eatery has maintained, largely on the strength of the Famous Tickler. It is basically a steroidal Italian sub: fistfuls of ham, salami, pepperoni, lettuce and tomatoes dusted with Parmesan and shoved between two pieces of bread thick enough for batting practice. It took me a year of living nearby to try one, and it’s been a Saturday afternoon go-to since. So apologies, Lloyd: You’re not such a bad tauntaun carcass after all. MATTHEW SINGER.

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

MUSIC

THE BEST THINGS I HEARD 243-2122

No one is going to miss 2014, least of all Portland’s music scene. It was a year of loss, from people (Linda Hornbuckle, Paul Revere, Pink Martini’s Derek Rieth) to institutions (Slabtown, East End, Langano Lounge), and also the year that forced us to admit we’re not as inclusive as we’d like to think. But great music always rises above bullshit. Here are the songs that helped us navigate the mire.

I M A G E C O U R T E S Y O F E LT O N C R AY

Grouper, “Clearing” The haunting sparsity of Liz Harris is impossible to shake. On “Clearing,” she whispers heartbreak over nothing more than gentle swaths of sustained piano, with her voice gradually becoming indecipherable, and the muddled beauty lingers well after the last notes fade. BRANDON WIDDER.

Sallie Ford, “Coulda Been” As the lead single from the debut of Ford’s new all-girl band, this poppy garage number delivers a welcome heap of crunchy guitar and bongos as the former Sound Outside leader ruminates on a sour relationship, and the spastic, electronic meltdown at the end only reinforces the sentiment. (BW)

Mimicking Birds, “Memorabilia” Singer-guitarist Nate Lacy pairs jaw harp and rippling, electric guitar with such delicate finesse that you might overlook his cascading references to formaldehyde and diphtheria—lyrics as ethereal as the song’s gleaming instrumentation. (BW)

Shy Girls, “Sittin’ Up in My Room” Dan Vidmar, with an assist from DJ Portia, shows off his interpretive powers by bringing out the sad, lovestruck delirium underlying Brandy’s 1995 pop-R&B hit with production that’s hazy and minimal but not afraid to throw a few shotgun blasts into the mix as well. (MS)

Liv Warfield, “Why Do You Lie?” The R&B powerhouse and Prince protégée shook The Tonight Show set off its moorings when she made her national television debut in January, flanked by a fleet of horn players from the New Power Generation. While the studio version, from sophomore album The Unexpected, doesn’t hit quite as hard, Warfield’s insinuations are blunt enough to induce sympathy pains for whatever poor sap did her wrong. (MS)

Sleater-Kinney, “Bury Our Friends” 2015 is set to be the Year of Sleater-Kinney, but let’s not forget that day in October when Corin, Janet and Carrie released their first song together in 10 years, and it was just perfect—a loose firecracker of a song, ferocious and tender, heralding the return of the best band in the world. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. JAMES FITZGERALD

Elton Cray, “Nosetalgia” Though his aesthetic is old-school, MC Elton Cray has no interest in reliving the past, which for him includes memories of a crack-addicted mother and being bullied in school. When he ends with the repeated refrain, “Fuck being humble,” it’s the rare instance of rap braggadocio that’s clearly been earned. (SG)

Liz Vice, “Empty Me Out” In a year saturated with synth-pop anthems, Vice’s retro gospel soul came off as both a throwback and a breath of fresh air. Under a laid-back groove, Vice layers her low, powerful vocals over simple keyboard melodies, singing of finding hope in Jesus but never proselytizing. (KT)

Agalloch, The Serpent and the Sphere

Simultaneously gorgeous and abrasive, the quartet’s fifth fulllength has an air of triumph even in its quiet moments, which nearly approximate black-metal flamenco.

Ages and Ages, Divisionary

The indie-folk ensemble exorcises demons both personal and sociological via bright seven-part harmonies and optimistic acoustic melodies.

EMA, The Future’s Void

Illmaculate, “Woodstock” There’s no shortage of politically engaged MCs in the world, but on “Woodstock,” Illmaculate displays an impressive purview, referencing Howard Zinn, Fred Hampton and Edward Snowden against production pilfered from Sky Saxon and the Seeds’ gritty, 1965 garage-rock nugget “Pushin’ Too Hard.” DAVE CANTOR.

Ages and Ages, “Divisionary (Do the Right Thing)” This was a rough year, but singer-songwriter Tim Perry and company delivered one hell of a pep talk to get us through: Four minutes of pure optimism that crescendos into a full-on group sing-along, assuring us that whatever “the right thing” happens to be, we’ll do it all the time. SHANNON GORMLEY.

It took the better part of a decade, but Aan’s long-awaited debut is a genuine triumph— nine spiraling tracks of nuanced, neo-rock ’n’ roll.

The Resistance, “Mount Olympus” This is the year Portland hip-hop broke through—onstage, in the streets, in official city documents—and St. Johns’ the Resistance helped put several cracks in the glass ceiling. It did so with tracks like this, a fire-breathing cipher cut from member Rasheed Jamal’s upcoming solo album, Sankofa, with Jamal, Mic Capes and Glenn Waco spraying lyrics like machine-gun fire over a beat that’s “epic” in the Grecian sense of the term. (MS)

Hustle and Drone, “Evaporated” I couldn’t have asked for a better song to take up residence in my head for months. It got stuck in there partially from the combination of shakers and low, fuzzedout synth, but the main draw is the tense moments between the beats that build to the staggering, funky, falsetto chorus. KAITIE TODD.

Aan, “I Don’t Need Love” For the first single from its long-delayed “official” debut, subgenre-neutral rockers Aan tossed needling guitars, looped drums and singer Bud Wilson’s nasal howl into a cement mixer and churned out a wildly tangled ball of desperation, announcing the arrival of one of 2014’s idiosyncratic highlights…finally. MATTHEW SINGER.

Aan, Amor ad Nauseum

JASON QUIGLEY

BY WW M U SI C STA F F

COURTESY OF HUSTLE AND DRONE

WW ’S MUSIC WRITERS PICK THEIR FAVORITE PORTLAND SONGS OF THE YEAR.

BEST PORTLAND ALBUMS OF 2014

White Glove, “Division Street” An anthem for our times, White Glove’s ever-so-slightly tongue-in-cheek anti-gentrification screed “Division Street” chooses its targets carefully. The sing-along dirge, which Colin Meloy dubbed on Twitter the “best and truest song ever written about Portland,” certainly feels like a heartfelt elegy. However, if you take the lyrics literally—“places to eat” replacing meth cooks and adult theaters—you shouldn’t be surprised if you find the tune shamelessly pumping from the new residents’ SUVs. JAY HORTON. HEAR IT: Stream our top Portland songs of the year at wweek.com.

The lyrics cover everything from selfies to satellites while the music mixes doom, folk, art rock, and noise. One of the year’s most gripping, undefinable listens.

Greylag, Greylag

A remarkable alt-rock debut, channeling Jeff Buckley and Withered Hand, with a gust of Americana.

Hustle and Drone, Holyland

Buzzing synths and dance-floor grooves pair with the duo’s mastery of space and propulsion to give each track the feeling of lifting off immediately after breaking your heart.

Illmaculate, Clay Pigeons The St. Johns-built battler’s post-Blue Monk effort features brilliant rapping and tracks that bluntly address the anxiety of becoming an overnight veteran who hasn’t yet hit his prime.

Mimicking Bird, Eons

Though nominally a folk album, the cosmic glue that holds songwriter Nate Lacy’s second effort together is from a universe far, far away from typical bearded minstrelsy.

Night Mechanic, Day Surgery

A rush of blood to the heart for anyone wondering where all the great indie-rock guitar bands have gone, with hooks that explode like a shaken soda can.

Stephen Malkmus & the Jicks, Wig Out at Jagbags Professor Malkmus drops his catchiest solo album yet, combining goofy slacker poet lyrics with twisted guitar solos and sly basketball references.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

MUSIC

THE AWESOME, THE AWKWARD AND THE AWFUL

SleaterKinney announces reunion and new album.

CHARTING THE YEAR IN PORTLAND MUSIC.

Soul singer Ural Thomas, 74, wins WW’s Best New Band poll. Community radio station XRAY. fm finally launches. Illmaculate storms out of the Blue Monk, sparking a city investigation into the Portland police’s conduct at hip-hop shows.

Dead Moon plays its first show in eight years.

THE AWKWARD Crowd attending Schoolboy Q show cracks a beam at Crystal Ballroom. Native Americans protest the Flaming Lips’ free show at Waterfront Park for MLS All-Star Weekend.

THE AWFUL Soul Coughing’s Mike Doughty releases “EDM” songs containing previously unheard Elliott Smith vocal tracks.

Voodoo Doughnut pulls its release of Paul Revere’s final recordings after discovering Revere did not perform on them.

Portland loses Slabtown, East End, Langano Lounge, Dekum Manor, Jackpot Records’ downtown location, 360 Vinyl...and probably some other places we forgot.

Sasquatch cancels its inaugural second weekend.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

Roseland Theater shuts down Action Bronson show after onstage altercation with security.

MORE: Read our full pieces on these stories at wweek.com.

ADAM KREUGER, JAMES REXROAD, CAMERON BROWNE, T K T K PAU L R E V E R E T K T K , CO U R T E SY O F E A S T E N D, T H E AG E N C Y G R O U P

THE AWESOME

BEST IN 2014

DEC. 24–30

MUSIC

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines. Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

FRIDAY, DEC. 26 The Von Trapps

[THE HILLS ARE ALIVE] Turns out all that stuff in The Sound of Music—Julie Andrews, problems like Maria, “Edelweiss,” etc.— actually happened. In September 1938, the von Trapp family fled Nazi-occupied Austria and toured the U.S. as the “Trapp Family Singers.” Seventy-five years later, the great-grandchildren of Maria and Georg von Trapp continue to perform under the family name. All four—Sofia, Melanie, Amanda and August—are singers, and lend their precise harmonies to songs across the stylistic spectrum, from classical to Motown to the traditional Chinese New Year song “Gong Xi,” which they recorded while in China this year. This spring, they put out Dream a Little Dream with your mom’s favorite Portland band, Pink Martini. Yeah, they do “Edelweiss.” And yeah, it’s beautiful enough to make even the most hardened bartender shed a tear. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 6:30 and 9 pm. Early show sold out. Late show is $13 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Castletown

[THE REAL MCCOY] Naming your band after a tiny village in Ireland could be read as a twee affectation, like wearing a derby or naming your backing band “and Sons.” Or it could mean that you’re someone that’s done a lot of research into the roots of your preferred music, so you know what you’re talking—and singing— about. While the the jury’s still out on every other band that’s named after a municipality in County Cork, Castletown falls into the latter category. The sound is a callback to late-’60s British folk, a seamless, low-key blend of Celtic, Americana and bluegrass. At the forefront is singer-guitarist Robert Ritcher, whose deep and pleasantly weathered voice sings songs of lighthouses and fair maidens that are far more convincing than that of most derby-doffing radio denizens. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Tortalandia, 4144 SE 60th Ave., 4459966. 7 pm. Free. All ages.

SATURDAY, DEC. 27 Holiday Friends, the Weather Machine, Snowblind Traveler

[POP] Few songs sent my roommates and me dancing around the living room this year more than Holiday Friends’ “Spirit Girl.” The entirety of the band’s debut album is like that, full of surf guitars, thick layers of synth and anthemic singalong vocals, reminiscent of both the Beach Boys and the Killers. But further listening reveals a seriousness beneath the sunny surface. Under the staggering drum beats and hollow organ, Scott Fagerland’s woozy falsetto sings of bitter breakups and industrialization. Fresh from opening for Vance Joy, the Astoria quintet is set to perform new material at this month’s headlining show. KAITIE TODD. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

SUNDAY, DEC. 28 Esme Patterson

[AMBER-HUED ROOTS] Ditching the safety of the three-part harmonies that made Colorado folk-rock act Paper Bird so safe, songwriter Esme Patterson has been consistently on the road and releasing new music. Her latest effort, titled Woman to Woman, finds the songwriter composing rejoinders to some of music’s biggest names and the female characters in their songs. She recently wrapped up a fall tour with the bawdy Shakey Graves that brought her through town, but Patterson is setting up shop at Al’s Den for a weeklong stint, dispensing the amber-hued roots stuff she’s staked her name and overwhelming voice to. DAVE CANTOR. Al’s Den at the Crystal Hotel, 303 SW 12th Ave., 972-2670. 7 pm. Free. Through Jan. 3. 21+.

Reignwolf, Down and Outlaws

[THE BLOOZ] With bluesy, distorted riffs and raspy vocals, Reignwolf vibes on a ’70s hardrock blend a la Jack White. It’s not necessarily cutting edge, but the project has earned a good deal of hype for being essentially a one-man band, reigned over by Thomas Cook. Not only does Cook write the entirety of his material but he often plays guitar and drums at the same time. And seeing that Cook has toured alongside Black Sabbath, successfully recruited Pearl Jam’s Matt Cameron to play drums and been called a musical “badass” by Tommy Lee, Reignwolf has certainly proved worthy of the accolades. ASHLEY JOCZ. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 2319663. 8:30 pm. $20. 21+.

Rick Bain and the Genius Position, the Hugs, Mister Tang

[TRIUMPHANT RETURN] If you’ve seen Rick Bain around town recently, he was more likely selling you pottery at Saturday Market or fixing your electricity than playing music. The Portland psych-rocker released three acclaimed, atmospheric, ’70s rock-inspired albums in the early 2000s, only to disappear from the music scene for almost a decade. But Bain has spent that time dreaming up a new album, which is apparently on the way. He has yet to reveal any details since he began teasing it over a year ago, but it’s probably safe to assume that his upcoming show will include at least some new stuff. SHANNON GORMLEY. Rontoms, 600 E Burnside St., 2364536. 9 pm. Free. 21+.

Orden Mundial, PMS 84, Wild Mohicans

[INTERNATIONAL PUNK] Orden Mundial hails from Palma de Mallorca, Spain, but the shredded vocals and addled pogoing of its primeval hardcore wouldn’t give you the slightest idea otherwise. That this purely American brand of punk exists in a far-off place such as this is all the more proof that the underground movements of ’80s counterculture have left an indelible mark on the social and political consciousness of the global music scene at large. PETE COTTELL. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 473-8729. 8 pm. Call venue for ticket information. 21+.

CONT. on page 36 Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

SUNDAY–TUESDAY/CLASSICAL, ETC.

C O U R T E S Y O F FAT W R E C K C H O R D S

MUSIC

MASKED AND DANGEROUS: The Dwarves play Sandy Hut on Tuesday, Dec. 30.

Jake London

[SINGER-SONGWRITER] Los Angeles musician Jake London calls Portland his hometown, which is obvious from listening to his debut album, Runaway Heart. London’s music is full of steady streams of slide guitar, bright melodies and raspy, heartfelt lamentations, which trickle alongside references to rain and being a “Bridgetown kid.” The slow, gentle sway of “Hearts Like Ours” is a highlight, trading his usual slide guitar for a dusty tambourine and thoughtful touches of piano, and leaving behind a feeling that is both sweet and hopeful. London returns to the studio to start work on his sophomore release after the tour. KAITIE TODD. White Eagle Saloon, 836 N Russell St., 282-6810. 7 pm. $10. 21+.

MONDAY, DEC. 29 Coronation, DJ Roggy

[NOUVEAU WAVE-O] You know that feeling when you see a new local band before they’re ready, and you feel like you’re in one of those dreams where you’re naked at the mall? Coronation gave me that feeling a few years ago. But times have changed, and so has Coronation. Not only has the band upped the ante with its musical chops and honed its disco newwave stylings, it’s also added a third member. David LiaBraaten will be debuting tonight on synth, vocals and percussion, helping flesh out the sounds that the synth-drums ensemble was already mastering as a duo. Fans of early Roxy Music, the darker end of Devo and generally sexy, nerdy dance vibrations will have one last chance to cut a rug before the New Year festivities commence. NATHAN CARSON. Church, 2600 NE Sandy Blvd., 206-8962. 9 pm. Free. 21+.

Lloyd Jones

[ACOUSTIC BLUES] Lloyd Jones looks and dresses like every other aging white man who is way too into the blues, weird sunglass frames included. If you close your eyes, though, you would swear that what you were hearing was coming out of a smoky bar in mid-1960s Mississippi. A local blues hero who has shared the stage with B.B. King, Taj Mahal, and Buddy Guy, Jones isn’t just playing way-too-nice gear and pretending in the garage. As with all the greats, the best way to see him is to see him without an amp. MATTHEW SINGER. Muddy Rudder Public House, 8105 SE 7th Ave., 233-4410. 8 pm. Free. 21+.

Thirsty City: Karmelloz, Speck, Anechoic, Burt Sienna

[AUDIO DOPE] If ayahuasca exists in The Matrix, Karmelloz’s Source Localization is the shamanic chanting that will get you through the dark places. Released on Vancouver’s 1080p netlabel in March—then a much quieter and humbler corner of the Internet— Source Localization is a cross section of dark music, from the industrial techno of “NASA Boyz” to the ghostly ambient “Feature Net.” It’s an album that has proved prescient for many of the 1080p

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

releases that followed, imbuing a playfulness and sense of nature (shout-out to the thunderstorm and wooden-flute samples) to the often stifling world of electronic music. MITCH LILLIE. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 473-8729. 8 pm. Call venue for ticket information. 21+.

TUESDAY, DEC. 30 MarchFourth Marching Band, Soulfire Sacred Dance Ensemble

[GYPSY CARNIVAL] For those who have not witnessed MarchFourth Marching Band in the flesh, remedy that at once. The troupe, formed around Fat Tuesday some 11 years ago, combines an arresting blend of carnival theatrics, gypsy song and funky, Cajun-inspired tunes. There will be stilts, costumes, acrobatics and general tomfoolery. It’s the most perfect Portlandification of New Orleans you’ll witness. The 20-plus member group released Magnificent Beast in 2012, an aptly titled mashup of big-band brass, groovy basslines and enough whimsy to make Sufjan Stevens jealous. MARK STOCK. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm. $25 advance, $30 day of show on Dec. 30. $37 advance, $45 day of show, 9 pm Dec. 31. 21+.

The Dwarves, My New Vice

[NSFWHC] Chicago-via-San Francisco hardcore punk outfit the Dwarves exist to gross out and appall anyone who’s willing to pay attention to their gore-soaked transgressions against taste and decency. Although frontman Blag Dahlia and guitarist HeWhoCannotBeNamed are the only remaining core members on this year’s Burger Records release The Dwarves Invented Rock & Roll, the requisite pop-culture trolling and album art laden with naked women is a clear indicator that the gang still has plenty of buttons left to push. PETE COTTELL. Sandy Hut, 1430 NE Sandy Blvd., 235-7972. 9 pm. $13 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Portland Youth Philharmonic

[CLASSICAL CHRISTMAS] One of the holiday season’s most familyfriendly classical concerts is also one of its best. All four of Portland Youth Philharmonic’s sub-orchestras, as well as a band composed of grown-up PYP alums, perform a program worthy of any adult orchestra, including a breezily joyful recent composition by American composer-conductor Steven Amundson, Angel’s Dance, Richard Strauss’s gleeful gem Till Eulenspiegel’s Merry Pranks and more. BRETT CAMPBELL. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm Friday, Dec. 26. $16-$47. All ages.

Oregon Renaissance Band

[REAL HOLIDAY MUSIC] Most common Christmas carols date back no earlier than the 19th century and composers like Mendelssohn. They’re mere whippersnappers compared to the fare performed at Oregon Renaissance Band’s

holiday concerts: centuries-old early Baroque and even Renaissance tunes by composers such as Michael Praetorius and the Irish harper Turlough O’Carolan. The same goes for the instruments: viola da gamba, lute, sackbuts, recorders, krummhorns, bagpipes, racketts, tartold, spinettino, tabor and other unfortunately archaic noisemakers that make ORB’s shows unlike any other, and make those so-called “traditionalists” seem like young punks. BRETT CAMPBELL. Community Music Center, 3350 SE Francis St., 823-3177. 7:30 pm Friday-Saturday, 3 pm Sunday, Dec. 26-28. $12 students and seniors, $15 general admission. All ages.

Classical Revolution PDX

[BACH IN THE HOUSE] A bit of wordplay turned tradition, Classical Revolution PDX’s eighth annual Bachxing Day gathering invites mostly amateur musicians to play some of J.S. Bach’s hits (this year including a Brandenburg Concerto, selections from his comic Coffee Cantata and more) solo and in ensembles of various sizes. In keeping with the spirit of Boxing Day (named after holiday gift boxes), this year’s party is also, in collaboration with Ethos Music Center, an instrument drive for young music students in need. Kid-sized violins and guitars are especially needed and music accessories are also welcome. BRETT CAMPBELL. Vie de Boheme, 1530 SE 7th Ave., 360-1233. 8 pm Friday, Dec. 26. Sliding-scale donation suggested. 21+.

Devin Phillips

[NEWER ORLEANS] Saxophonist Devin Phillips is a musician from New Orleans and not a Portland Timbers defender, but he is still one of the Portland area’s most impressive men to watch swing an axe. At Wilfs in particular, his quartet ebbs and flows thoughtfully, sharing some of the best contemporary takes on classic jazz that the city has to offer. PARKER HALL. Wilfs Restaurant &Bar, 800 NW 6th Ave., 223-0070. 7:30 pm Saturday, Dec. 27. $10. 21+.

The Ensemble

[CONTEMPORARY CHORAL CHRISTMAS] To hear most holiday concerts, you’d think composers stopped writing Christmas music at the end of the 19th century. The Ensemble, the high-level vocal group drawn from top choirs such as Cappella Romana, Resonance Ensemble and others, proves otherwise with this concert’s selection of a cappella Christmas music from the last century. The selections include works by 20th-century masters Maurice Duruflé and Kenneth Leighton, seasonal compositions by active American composers Frank La Rocca and Frank Ferko, a world-premiere carol arrangement from Minnesota composer Linda Kachelmeier and much more. BRETT CAMPBELL. St. Stephen’s Church, 1112 SE 41st Ave. 4 pm Sunday, Dec. 28. $10 students, $15 seniors, $20 general admission. All ages.

Sound Narcissist

[CLASSICAL JAM] Violist Mattie Kaiser made an indelible contribution to Portland music when she founded Classical Revolution PDX in 2007, attracting a community of musicians that brought the music out of stuffy, archaic concerts and into informal club jam settings. Kaiser decamped for New York a couple of years ago, but she’s back in town for a holiday visit. She’s inviting old friends and other classical music types to bring their instruments and music and join her at her old CRPDX jamming grounds for a classical jam after her duo Sound Narcissist (with pianist Aaron Butler) plays music by Shostakovich and more. BRETT CAMPBELL. The Waypost, 3120 N Williams Ave., 3673182. 7 pm Sunday, Dec. 28. Free. 21+.

For more Music listings, visit

MUSIC ALBUM REVIEWS

ALBUMS WE OVERLOOKED IN 2014 BEARCUBBIN’ GIRLS WITH FUN HAIRCUTS (SELF-RELEASED) [BUBBLE PROG] To relegate Bearcubbin’ to the ghetto of “math rock” is a big mistake: Odd meters and frenetic rigging aside, what Girls With Fun Haircuts offers is a lesson in economics rather than long division. Armed with a loop pedal and an endless palette of bizarre tones, guitarist Chris Scott builds to one impossibly dense crescendo of nervous, twitchy fretwork after another, while the frenetic pace-keeping of Mike Byrne, former stand-in drummer for the Smashing Pumpkins, follows the zigzagging structures like a Ritalin-deprived middle-schooler. PETE COTTELL.

JACKSON BOONE STARLIT (SELF-RELEASED) [COSMIC PSYCH] Jackson Boone’s Starlit detaches from Earth about 50 seconds into opener “The Moon in You,” when the celestial strings float in, and proceeds to spend the remaining runtime drifting somewhere around Jupiter like Matthew McConaughey in Interstellar. Produced by Riley Geare of Unknown Mortal Orchestra, Starlit has the feel of classic Syd Barrett (and the last UMO album, actually), with drifting pop hooks carried by languid breezy guitars. If it isn’t the best psychedelic album to come out of Portland this year (and it just might be), it is certainly the most gorgeous. MATTHEW SINGER.

SHITTY WEEKEND SHIT WEEK (USELESS STATE) [SNOT ROCK] Andrew Link is a busy guy, working in a handful of ensembles and helming the Useless State imprint, but he still found time this year to conjure up Shitty Weekend’s full-length debut, Shit Week, a descent into a realm of snotty rock that’s mined too infrequently. Link is adept at distilling any lyrical idea—like, say, smoking weed every day—into about two efficient minutes. What makes the album so unique, though, is its ability to combine punk’s background in pop with first-wave hardcore and a fixation with the best adolescent trappings of the genre. And it features some hot sax, too. DAVE CANTOR.

THOMAS MUDRICK ABIQUA (TEN DOLLAR) [WEIRDO POP] In a town that boasts a burgeoning psychedelic scene and an interest in keeping itself weird, the fact that Thomas Mudrick’s Abiqua wasn’t the most esteemed album of the year is kind of mind-boggling. From the experimental loopiness of “Earth Nipple Ripple” to the melodious, hippiehappy “Over the Hills,” the album is not only one of the catchiest Portland records of 2014 but also the most sonically diverse. Blending country twang, funk and psyched-out garage pop, Abiqua is a bizarre, creative and spiritual journey. ASHLEY JOCZ.

UNDERLORDS TAKE ACID UNDERLORDS TAKE ACID (RAT PLANET) [SLEAZECORE] Edited down from 11 hours of improvisatory jams recorded live to tape, the seven tracks of Underlords Take Acid’s self-titled spring debut sharpen a riff-scape of staggered menace with the serrated sleazecore majesty of a Martian grindhouse epic. The so-called “stupor group” of Jonnie Ray Monroe (Fist Fite), Josh Hughes (Rabbits) and Captain John Monsen-Keene (Diesto) planned only a minimal vinyl release through Eolian Empire sister label Rat Planet. But for the face-melting faithful, the local legends’ metal-tipped psych maelstrom layers an enrapturing cinematic allure with ballsy abandon and moments of quiet grace. JAY HORTON. Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

MUSIC CALENDAR

[DEC. 24-30] Doug Fir Lounge

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Editor: Mitch Lillie. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/ submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: music@wweek.com.

830 E Burnside St. Ducky Pig

Dublin Pub-Beaverton

Venti’s Cafe And Tap House-Salem

2840 Commercial Street Greg Botsford and the Journeymen

Lola’s Room

1332 W Burnside Come As You Are’ - 90s Dance Flashback

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

6821 SW Beaverton Hillsdale Hwy. Free Style Fridays

Vie De Boheme

Metropolitan Bistro and Bar

LAST WEEK LIVE

Edgefield

White Eagle Saloon

Mississippi Studios

White Eagle Saloon

Montavilla Station

DANIEL COLE

2126 SW Halsey St. Boxing Day with the Stomptowners

Half Penny Bar & Grill 3743 Commerical St. S The Boomers

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd. D Worthy, Jre, Aidan Moore, Amine, Zach Drury, Living Witness & Quinn Billions, Packard Browne

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. SNAP! ‘90S Dance Party, Dr. Adam, Colin Jones, Freaky Outty

Hotel Oregon

310 NE Evans St. Jon Koonce

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Linda Hornbuckle Band

Kells

112 SW 2nd Ave. Grafton Street

Lan Su Chinese Garden

239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

LaurelThirst Public House 2958 NE Glisan St. Old Flames

Metropolitan Bistro and Bar

NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM: Near the end of his and Josh “DJ Shadow” Davis’ set at Roseland Theater on Oct. 7, Lucas “Cut Chemist” McFadden pulled out a record sure to blow the crowd’s mind: the demo acetate of Afrika Bambaataa’s “Looking for the Perfect Beat.” Like the rest of the night’s selections, it came directly from the massive trove of vinyl Bambaataa himself loaned to Cornell University in 2013 that Davis and McFadden were given permission to access for their joint Renegades of Rhythm tour. McFadden threw the record on one of six turntables laid out in front of them and, well, it sounded like a demo—a rough outline of the robo-funk classic whose finished version would become a tent pole of hip-hop’s primordial age. Even if it was more about the physical WED. DEC. 24 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Vivid Curve

Andina Restaurant 1314 NW Glisan St, Danny Romero

Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Danny Hay Davis & The Rat Pack

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St Daniel Cobel, Michael Dean Damron and Count Kellam

Duff’s Garage

Gemini Bar & Grill

456 N State St. Jacob Merlin and Sarah Billings

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown Quartet

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Christopher Brown Quartet

Jo Rotisserie & Bar 715 NW 23rd Ave George Colligan Trio

Justa Pasta

1336 NW 19th Ave Anson Wright Duo

artifact than the music, the moment exemplified the rarity of what we were witnessing. Against video collages of streetscapes, b-boys and album covers, Shadow and Chemist traced hip-hop’s development, as it moved from Bronx block parties to Manhattan dance clubs, on to Miami and Washington, D.C., and eventually into the general pop stratosphere, and using the actual building blocks to tell the tale. They even went beyond the records, at one point pounding on ancient drum machines, including one manufactured in 1967. “You can’t even buy that!” McFadden declared. It was the best show I saw this year, partly because it was the only one I’m sure I’ll never see again. MATTHEW SINGER. See the rest of our top concert picks of 2014 at wweek.com/lastweeklive.

The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd. Pete Ford Band

Trail’s End Saloon 1320 Main Street Big Monti

Wilf’s Restaurant & Bar 800 NW 6th Ave. Ron Steen Band

THURS. DEC. 25 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Vivid Curve

Chapel Pub

430 N Killingworth St. Steve Kerin

House Call Ugly Sweater Party: Mikey Velazquez, Mena Lynn, bahb, Joshua Faded, Easy Company

FRI. DEC. 26 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Vivid Curve

Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. The Bobs After Christmas Holiday Show

Andina Restaurant 1314 NW Glisan St, Danny Romero

2530 NE 82nd Ave Suburban Slims Blues Jam

Kells

Edgefield

Lan Su Chinese Garden

2126 SW Halsey St. David Kelley

1037 SW Broadway Portland Youth Philharmonic Concert

The Lodge Bar & Grill

Artichoke Music

Landmark Saloon

6605 SE Powell Blvd. Ben Rice B3 Trio

2126 SW Halsey St. Hanz Araki

Elsinore Theatre

170 High St. SE Salem Tuba Holiday

112 SW 2nd Ave. Pat Buckley

239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse 4847 SE Division St. Whiskey Wednesday, Jake Ray & The Cowdogs

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

Edgefield

The Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

3130 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Friday Night Coffeehouse

Beulahland Coffee & Alehouse 118 NE 28th Ave. Rough Cut

Biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. Feathers and Shoemaker

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Billy D. and the Hoodoos

Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Live Music

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd. Randy Starr

Community Music Center

16755 SW Baseline Rd Jay Purvis

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. The Von Trapps

Ponderosa Lounge

10350 N Vancouver Way Ryan Oetken

Rock Creek Tavern 10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Wil Kinky

Rotture

315 SE 3rd Ave. The Cockpit, Sosa, Art of Hot, Nick Dubz & Easy Company Music

Sandy Hut

1430 NE Sandy Blvd. A Dwight Christmas

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Year of The Coyote

The Lehrer

8775 SW Canyon Ln. Contraband & Gold Dust

The Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Cafe Cowboys

The Secret Society 116 NE Russell St. Pete Krebs And His Portland Playboys

Tony Starlight Showroom

1125 SE Madison Tony Starlight’s Neil Diamond Experience

Torta-Landia

4144 SE 60th Ave. Castletown

3350 SE Francis St. Oregon Renaissance Band

Trail’s End Saloon

Crush Bar

Valentines

1400 SE Morrison St. A People’s Choir

Dig a Pony

736 Southeast Grand Ave. Cooky Parker

1320 Main Street Lisa Mann

232 SW Ankeny St. Deep Burn

1530 SE 7th Ave. Classical Revolution PDX 836 N Russell St. Reverb Brothers

836 N Russell St. Jokers & Jacks, Josh Nielsen

Wilf’s Restaurant & Bar 800 NW 6th Ave. Tony Pacini Trio

SAT. DEC. 27 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Vivid Curve

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. The Soul of Winter: LaRhonda Steele, Christopher Brown, Tahira Memory, Saeeda

Andina Restaurant 1314 NW Glisan St, Toshi Onizuka (Trio)

Apex Events

3000 Columbia House blvd suite suite 120 ThxEdm

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Straight No Chaser

Biddy McGraw’s

6000 NE Glisan St. The Hillwilliams

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. The Sonny Hess and Vicki Stevens Band

Boon’s Treasury

888 Liberty St. NE Happy For No Reason

Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Live Music

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd. ON-Q Band

Crush Bar

1400 SE Morrison St. Family Affair

Dublin Pub-Beaverton 6821 SW Beaverton Hillsdale Hwy. The Junebugs

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Eric John Kaiser

Half Penny Bar & Grill 3743 Commerical St. S Magical Mystery Four, Beatles Tribute

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd. Air Sex Championships

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. DJs Kiffo & Rymes, DJ Spencer D, DJ Quincy

Hotel Oregon

310 NE Evans St. Mark Alan

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Mike Phillips, Karen Briggs

Kells

112 SW 2nd Ave. Grafton Street

Lan Su Chinese Garden

239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

LaurelThirst Public House 2958 NE Glisan St. The Old Yellers

16755 SW Baseline Rd Jay Purvis 3939 N Mississippi Ave. Holiday Friends 417 SE 80th Ave. Kevin Selfe

Ponderosa Lounge

10350 N Vancouver Way Dylan Jakobson

Rotture

315 SE 3rd Ave. Blow Pony, Christ-Mess with Jackie Hell

The GoodFoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Shafty

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Mysterious Skin, Spetsnaz C.Z., Panzer Beat

The Lehrer

8775 SW Canyon Ln. The Ben Jones Band

The Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. James Clem

The Secret Society 116 NE Russell St. The Jenny Finn Orchestra

The Secret Society 116 NE Russell St. Karen Lovely’s 1920s Prohibition Blues

The Spare Room

4830 NE 42nd Ave Larry & Teri

The Whiskey Bar 31 NW 1st Ave Lazy Rich

Torta-Landia

4144 SE 60th Ave. Live Music

Trail’s End Saloon

1320 Main Street Dope Ass Kats, Mermaid in China

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killingsworth St. Audios Amigos, Rllrbll

Vie De Boheme 1530 SE 7th Ave. Chris Baum

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Soul Saturdays with DoveDriver

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Garcia Birthday Band

Wilf’s Restaurant & Bar

800 NW 6th Ave. Devin Phillips Quartet, Jazz Saxaphone Extraordinaire

SUN. DEC. 28 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Esme Patterson

Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Afton Presents - Local Music Showcase

Andina Restaurant 1314 NW Glisan St, Danny Romero

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Kevin Selfe and the Tornadoes Jam Session

Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Portland Casual Jam

CONT. on page 39

DEC. 24–30

5474 NE Sandy Blvd. Ron Steen Jazz Jam

Corkscrew

1665 SE Bybee Ave. Live Music

Doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St. Reignwolf

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Rhythym Renegades

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Chris Margolin

Habesha Lounge

801 NE Broadway St. Halfbird, Terror Apart & Uneasy Chairs, featuring Withering of Light and American Merkin

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. JD’s Senior Songwriter’s Showcase & Jam

Kells

112 SW 2nd Ave. Pat Buckley

Lan Su Chinese Garden

239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

LaurelThirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Open Mic (9 pm); Freak Mountain Ramblers (6 pm)

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Anthemtown Open Mic

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Joe McMurrian & The Eclectica, Smut City Jellyroll Society, The How Long Jug Band

Plews Brews

836 N Russell St. Jake London

Rock Creek Tavern 10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Irish Sundays

MON. DEC. 29 Andina Restaurant 1314 NW Glisan St, Jason Okamoto

Rontoms

600 E. Burnside St. Rick Bain and the Genius Position, the Hugs, Mister Tang

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. Hot Tea Cold

Slabtown

1033 NW 16th Ave. Grand Style Orchestra

St. Stephen’s Catholic Church 1112 SE 41st Avenue The Ensemble

Church

2600 NE Sandy Blvd. Coronation, DJ Roggy

Corkscrew

1665 SE Bybee Ave. Open Mic

Edgefield

Star Theater

2126 SW Halsey St. Groovy Wallpaper with Fester’s Newphew

13 NW 6th Ave. Church of Hive

The Firkin Tavern

Jimmy Mak’s

1937 SE 11th Ave. Open Mic

221 NW 10th Ave. The Dan Balmer Trio

The Foggy Notion

Lan Su Chinese Garden

3416 N Lombard St. Open Mic Sundays

239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Orden Mundial, PMS 84, Wild Mohicans

Plews Brews

The Muddy Rudder Public House

Portland Metro Records

8105 SE 7th Ave. Irish

The Ranger Station PDX

4260 SE Hawthorne Blvd Hot Club Time Machine & Guests

The Waypost Coffeehouse & Tavern

3120 N Williams Ave. Sound Narcissist

Vie De Boheme 1530 SE 7th Ave. Jet Black Pearl

MOVIES p. 47

White Eagle Saloon

8409 N. Lombard St. Open Mic

8409 N. Lombard St. Med Monday

PO Box 6793 Fire Monday’s

Pub at the End of the Universe 4107 SE 28th Ave. Open Mic

Rock Creek Tavern 10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Bob Shoemaker

The GoodFoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. Sonic Forum Open Mic

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Thirsty City: Karmelloz, Speck, Anechoic, Burt Sienna

The Lehrer

8775 SW Canyon Ln. Organic Blue Monday, Dover Weinberg

The Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Lloyd Jones

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Singer Songwriter Showcase, Eric John Kaiser

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Jon Koonce

Colin McDuffie

Open Jam

Eye Candy

Jimmy Mak’s

Rock Creek Tavern

Venti’s Cafe And Tap House-Salem

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown Septet

Embers Portland

11 NW Broadway Recycle Dark Dance Night

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Open Bluegrass Jam

Lan Su Chinese Garden

Sandy Hut

2840 Commercial Street Lounge Night

Vie De Boheme

1430 NE Sandy Blvd. The Dwarves, My New Vice

1530 SE 7th Ave. Salsa Night

The Lehrer

Helium Comedy Club

345 NW Burnside Rd. Open Mic Jam Session, Hosted by Sacred Road Country Band

836 N Russell St. Anthemtown Artist Showcase

Jade Lounge

Pub at the End of the Universe

Triple Nickel Pub

Ford Food and Drink 2505 11th Ave #101 Pagan Jug Band

239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

Midnight Roundup

1510 SE 9th Ave. Helium Open Mic

2342 SE Ankeny St.

4107 SE 28th Ave.

8775 SW Canyon Ln. Hot Jam Night, Tracey Fordice and The 8-Balls

White Eagle Saloon

3646 SE Belmont St. CHRIS HORNBECKER

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

MUSIC CALENDAR

TUES. DEC. 30 Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. MarchFourth Marching Band, Soulfire Sacred Dance Ensemble

Analog Cafe & Theater

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. People’s Ink Weekly

Andina Restaurant 1314 NW Glisan St, Neftali Rivera

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Ode to Joy: A Holiday Celebration

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd. A.C. Porter and Special Guests, Blue Tuesday

Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Soul Provider, Naomi T

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Wingtips

TRAPP MUSIC: The Von Trapps play Mississippi Studios on Friday, Dec. 26.

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

MUSIC CALENDAR

DEC. 24–30 W W S TA F F

BAR REVIEW

Where to drink this week. 1. BTU Brasserie 5846 NE Sandy Blvd., 971-407-3429, btupdx.com. Not only has the food gotten spicier since the place opened, but this Chinese restaurant and brewpub now offers an herbal lager with rice flavor that pairs beautifully with the food.

COURTESY OF GRACIE’S

2. Savoy Tavern 2500 SE Clinton St., 808-9999, savoypdx.com. All-Way Restaurant’s In-NOut-style burgers just got added to Savoy’s menu next to all those Mule variations and infused liquors, making this a fine place to eat and drink casually near the toniest restaurants in Portland. 3. Civic Taproom 621 SW 19th Ave., thecivictaproom.com. This little spot could stand to be more adventurous in its beer selection, but you know what? It’s nice to get delivery of purple potatoes from Boise Fry Company and a solid craft beer around the corner from Providence Park. 4. The Knock Back 2315 NE Alberta St., 284-4090, theknockback.com. The Knock Back has added top-notch bartender Jesse Card to make an unlikely transition to fine cocktail bar, with whiskey cocktails using pumpkin, quince or Madeira as mixers. 5. Lucky Horseshoe Lounge 2524 SE Clinton St., 764-9898, luckyhorseshoepdx.com. The loosely Westernthemed Lucky Horseshoe keeps a neon horseshoe in the window, its bottles in a metal tub on the bar, and its Occidental or Gigantic beers on tap at a cool $4.

MERRY CHRISTMAS: Maybe it’s childhood church services, or maybe it’s just memories cribbed from movies, but there’s something reassuring about being in a large, ornate room during the holidays. A space that might normally seem stuffy is suddenly warmer from gilded molding, crystal chandeliers hanging from towering ceilings, and heavy curtains. Factor in the boozy mix-your-own-hot-cocoa bar ($13), and you’ve got a nice little Christmas outing at Gracie’s at Hotel deLuxe (729 SW 15th Ave., 2222171, hoteldeluxeportland.com). Available in December from 7 am to 2 pm Monday through Friday, the cocoa bar is well-trimmed, with everything from crushed candy canes to candied bacon available for spooning onto a fluffy pile of whipped cream or mixed into the cocoa and booze, which a server gets from the bar, pouring it into a mug you’re handed to fill with milk or dark chocolate and then gussy up. You can go as simple as Maker’s Mark, sprinkles and coconut, or try allspice, bacon, ginger and maraschino cherries. Either way, you can sit in a padded booth and get a nice little buzz, plus a sugar high. When it’s time to go back out into the world, someone will swing open the doors for you, but you’ll almost be sad to go. REBECCA, MATT, MATTHEW AND MARTIN.

Valentines

232 SW Ankeny St. DJ Theo, Romeo Alfa DJ

SAT. DEC. 27 Coyote’s Bar & Grill

WED. DEC. 24 Dixie Tavern

NS 3rd & Couch St. Hump Night

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. King Tim 33 1/3

Plews Brews

8409 N. Lombard St. Full Spectrum

Pub at the End of the Universe 4107 SE 28th Ave. Wicked Wednesdays

THURS. DEC. 25 Jones Bar

107 NW Couch St Thirsty Thursday

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Shadowplay

The Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

House Call Ugly Sweater Party: Mikey Velazquez, Mena Lynn, bahb, Joshua Faded, Easy Company

FRI. DEC. 26 Coyote’s Bar & Grill

5301 W. Baseline Road 80s Dance Party with DJ L’Eighties Man

Funhouse Lounge 2432 SE 11th Ave. 90’s Party

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Turnt Up with DJ Pavone

The GoodFoot Lounge

5301 W. Baseline Road 80s Dance Party with DJ L’Eighties Man

Crush Bar

1400 SE Morrison St. A Family Affair Continues

Dig a Pony

736 Southeast Grand Ave. Freaky Outty

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. Lamar LeRoy

The Conga Club

4923 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. Salsa Saturdays

The Lovecraft

2845 SE Stark St. Soul Stew with DJ Aquaman

421 SE Grand Ave. Darkness Descends Dance Night

THE ROSE BAR

Valentines

111 SW Ash St Gran Ritmos IV

The Whiskey Bar

31 NW 1st Ave Bass Cube Christmas Party

232 SW Ankeny St. Nine Inch Nilina

SUN. DEC. 28 The GoodFoot Lounge

2845 SE Stark St. MOM (Motown on Mondays) on Sunday

Valentines

232 SW Ankeny St. Lovers, Appendixes

MON. DEC. 29 Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Fight Church TV, Jessie

Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade

511 NW Couch St. Metal Mondays, Metal Kyle and DJ Shreddy Krueger

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Departures, DJ Waisted and Friends

TUES. DEC. 30 The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd. DJ Easy Finger

Valentines

232 SW Ankeny St. Twin Peaks

PERFORMANCE BEST IN 2014

counter clockwise from top left: Brud Giles, Gary norman, Blaine truitt covert

BEST OF THE STAGE

Death, sex and money featured prominently on Portland stages in 2014. So did punk rock, kitty litter and confetti. The year’s top theater and dance shows embraced raw emotion— several gave our tear ducts a workout—but they also knew when to party. Here are our picks for the best of 2014. the piano lesson

THEATER 1. The Piano Lesson (Portland Playhouse) Portland Playhouse is more than halfway through August Wilson’s 10-play Century Cycle, and this electrifying production, directed by Kevin Jones, reinvigorated the project. Set in 1936, as the Great Migration sent waves of blacks north, the show had all the emotional resonance, folksy humor and rhythmic musicality Wilson demands. By play’s end, I felt as haunted as the characters themselves. 2. One Flea Spare (Shaking the Tree) If there’s one show I wish I’d seen twice this year, it’s this one. Naomi Wallace’s play, about a plague-ravaged London, is both textually dense and sexually visceral, and this production was plenty unsettling—but also far more rollicking than you’d ever imagine a stint in quarantine could be. Credit goes to director Samantha Van Der Merwe, who produces some of the most mesmerizing and thoughtful work in town, and to the unwavering commitment of the actors, particularly Matthew Kerrigan and Jacklyn Maddux. And props to David Bodin, who played dead for an absurdly long stretch of time. 3. All the Sex I’ve Ever Had (Mammalian Diving Reflex) OK, OK—this one isn’t strictly local. It was produced by the Toronto-based Mammalian Diving Collective during the Time-Based Art Festival, but the cast was exclusively Portland (unlike several productions on this list that featured out-of-town actors). The show, essentially a chronological recounting of the sex lives of the five performers—all between the ages of 66 and 76—spoke to the human condition in a way most theater can only dream of. I laughed. I cried. And I spilled way too much of my own sexual history afterward. 4. A Kaddish for Bernie Madoff (Alicia Jo Rabins) Probably the best experimental song cycle about financial corruption ever created, Alicia Jo Rabins’ one-woman show blurred the line between theater and concert: She employed spoken word, live violin, electronic effects and abstract projections to explore the intersection of finance and spirituality. The end effect was to make the Bernie Madoff scandal both entrancing and enlightening. 5. Lizzie (Portland Center Stage) Once in a while, the biggest theater company in town tosses its heft behind something truly delicious—like this boisterous rock opera, which imagined ax murderer Lizzie Borden as a foot-stomping hellion, and unfolded with lots of primordial wails and power stances. The punky anthems of rebellion and revenge remained in my head long after the final ax dropped. Runners-up: Middletown (Third Rail Repertor y), The Three Sisters (Portland Experimental Theatre Ensemble), The Caretaker/The Homecoming (Imago Theatre), Masque of the Red Death (Shaking the Tree). REBECCA JACOBSON.

one flea spare

director’s choice

SPRING DANCE

poked fun at herself as an aging cat lady—thrashing about to chants of “60 is the new 40,” and repeatedly reciting a 1. Director’s Choice (Northwest Dance Project) grocery list while smacking herself on the head with a fan: Portland’s scrappy chamber company was on top of its “kale, quinoa, cat food, kitty litter...gin.” Performance art game for its April show of greatest hits, Director’s Choice. can sometimes zip right over your head, but Hummingbird The company, which turned 10 this year, brought energy landed, and it resonated. AARON SPENCER. and drama, and the dancers stuck the choreography with confidence. The standout piece, A Fine Balance, featured Andrea Parson and Viktor Usov (both Princess Grace Award winners) in a tumultuous duet around a table and 1. Eleven (Elevate) chair. Chaotic and seductive, the show was testament to Elevate, a new company that unites classically trained the company’s longevity, and created new fans. And if you and street dancers, came storming out of the gates in its missed it, you had no excuse—it was broadcast live on the debut performance. The evening-length show featured side of a downtown building. 11 pieces that drew from hip-hop, modern and ballet to explore a range of emotions—joy, exhilaration, remorse. 2. Reveal (Oregon Ballet Theatre) The depth of feeling and level of dedication were remarkThe first season for OBT artistic director Kevin Irving able: In Complicated, a real-life broken-up couple danced was a journey of artistic buzzwords—Dream, Create, Cele- the heartbreakingly relatable story of their final days brate—but the climax was naturally his big Reveal. Irving together. (Next time, they should hand out tissues to cleverly straddled a line between old and new, reprising weeping audience members.) The final vibrant number, fan favorites and adding a dash of contemporary work. In which soared along to Explosions in the Sky’s “The Only the case of Bolero, a contemporary piece choreographed by Moment We Were Alone,” left the 12 dancers—and all of Irving’s partner, Nicolo Fonte, for the company in 2008, it us—breathless and hopeful. was like Irving had always been there. For its reprise, he ushered in the towering Artur Sultanov, former OBT prin- 2. OBT 25 (Oregon Ballet Theatre) cipal, to dance with Alison Roper in her farewell season. A 25th anniversary is a big one, and OBT threw a fantastic Roper had her final bows several months later, but here party to celebrate, complete with live music, confetti and her dancing was at its most ebullient, and the company’s a surprisingly touching moment under a disco ball. The direction was clear. technique here was as poised and practiced as we’ve come to expect from the state’s premier ballet company, but it was the 3. Hummingbird (Linda Austin) cheerful mood that made the show. Recently retired princiOne of the most entertaining shows of the year was a fund- pal ballerina Alison Roper returned for Christopher Stowell’s raiser for Allie Hankins’ fantastic Like a Sun That Pours Carmen, handily portraying the manipulative titular characForth Light but Never Warmth. Among the acts—drag ter, and Xuan Cheng and Michael Linsmeier performed an queen Pepper Pepper doing a death drop and Luke Gutg- exhilarating pas de deux set to Fleet Foxes’ soaring harmosell climbing into a pair of pants with his boyfriend—was nies. And the final minutes topped it all off, with a handful Hummingbird, a then-in-progress work by performance- of dancers playing snare drums to Pink Martini’s live score, art pro Linda Austin. In the funny and personal piece, she their grins jovial and infectious. KAITIE TODD.

FALL DANCE

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

PERFORMANCE

DEC. 24–30

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.

OWEN CAREY

Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. Theater: REBECCA JACOBSON (rjacobson@wweek.com). Dance: KAITIE TODD (dance@wweek.com). TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: rjacobson@wweek.com.

as such. Unlike, say, Noises Off—Third Rail’s comedic caper of choice last winter—Ludlam’s play fails to build. Instead, it relies on knowingly terrible puns and campy mugging, and Lamb and Norby are only too happy to oblige: In the second act, they crawl across audience members’ laps and steal sips of wine (“Don’t worry, I don’t have Ebola,” quips Lamb). Despite a few exuberant moments, including some amusing repetition of “Total Eclipse of the Heart,” the real mystery of Irma Vep remains unsolved: Why would the normally savvy Third Rail bother with such a shopworn clunker? REBECCA JACOBSON. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 235-1101. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Jan. 10. $24-$47.

The Santaland Diaries

Like Santa Claus and Rudolph, this stage adaptation of David Sedaris’ stint as a Macy’s elf will never die— we’ve lost count of how many times Portland Center Stage has produced the one-man show. For the third year running, Darius Pierce dons the striped leggings as Crumpet. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays and 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays through Dec. 28. $25-$60.

Twist Your Dickens

it’s teatime: The Mystery of Irma Vep plays at the Winningstad theatre through Jan. 10.

THEATER Blithe Spirit

Death is entirely a laughing matter. At least, that’s the case in Artists Rep’s production of Blithe Spirit, directed by Christopher Liam Moore. Noël Coward’s 1941 comedy finds well-to-do author Charles (Michael Mendelson) inviting the spacy psychic Madame Arcati (Vana O’Brien) to his home for a séance as research for a novel he’s writing. But the joke’s on him: The séance accidentally summons the spirit of Elvira (Sara Hennessy), Charles’ bratty first wife, who’s been dead for seven years. Charles is the only one who can see or hear her, which leads to a slew of gags wherein his current wife, the stern Ruth (Jill Van Velzer), mistakes his jabs at Elvira for comments directed at her. Most of the humor, though, is faster and more novel. Charles—played with a perfect mix of snark and charm by Mendelson—is as clever as he is cruel. “You’re not the dying sort,” he quips to Ruth. The couple’s flighty maid (Val Landrum) supplies no shortage of humor, whether shrieking the names of visitors or sprinting through the house. Posh accents and a lavish set—marble floors, chandeliers, giant bookcase— all denote that it’s a period piece, but the brisk pacing allows this production to skirt Merchant-Ivory languor. Blink and you’ll miss a bit. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm Wednesdays-Sundays and 2 pm Sundays through Jan. 4. $25-$55.

A Christmas Carol

Portland Playhouse brings back its adaptation of Charles Dickens’ classic tale, which picked up a Drammy last June for best play. It’s a rollicking version of A Christmas Carol that manages to find both novelty and intensity, while remaining kid-friendly (but still fun for adults). Portland Playhouse, 602 NE Prescott St., 488-5822. 7 pm most WednesdaysSaturdays and 2 and 5 pm most Sundays through Dec. 28. For additional showtimes, see portlandplayhouse.org. $20-$36.

Frogz

Imago’s long-running extravaganza, which has toured the world and spent time on Broadway, returns for the holidays. It’s a family-friendly, fantastical show featuring elaborate costumes and impressive acrobatics. If you’re raising kids in Portland, it’s basically required viewing—and for good reason.Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 231-3959. Many showtimes through Jan. 4. See imagotheatre.com for schedule. $17.50-$34.50.

The Hullabaloo: Frankenstein, the Little Monster

For the 10th year running, Jane A Theater Company presents a family-friendly romp filled with singing, dancing and a wee monster running amok. Post5 Theatre, 1666 SE Lambert St., 286-3456. 7 pm Fridays and 2 and 4 pm Saturdays-Sundays through Jan. 4. Free.

It’s A Wonderful Life

For the third year running, Stumptown Stages presents a musical adaptation of Frank Capra’s classic movie. Brunish Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays through Dec. 28. $29.65-$43.65.

The Maid’s Tragedy

Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher’s rarely staged 1619 revenge play The Maid’s Tragedy, like Jacobean tragedy more generally, anticipates film noir in both its fixation on female sexuality and its resolutely bleak atmosphere. Hapless hero Amintor (Steve Vanderzee) faces a situation as simple and ferocious as a bear trap: He discovers on his wedding night that his new marriage is a sham, cooked up by the wicked king to preserve his own secret affair with Amintor’s bride Evadne (Brenan Dwyer). In Northwest Classical Theatre’s incisive production, the poisonous atmosphere is apparent even before Amintor and Evadne face off beside their marriage bed. From the opening scene, as stalwart war hero Melantius (Tom Walton) declares himself unsuited to the peacetime

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

life he’s reentering, the spectacle of unchecked violence pulses underneath each well-turned witticism and polished manipulation. Under Barry Kyle’s assured direction, the company stages a feverish party en route to the charnel house. The supporting cast, sporting increasingly pallid and expressionistic makeup, offer some diverting turns— particularly memorable are Melissa Whitney as spurned lover Aspatia, sullenly blocking out her environment with headphones, and Matthew Dieckman as giddy courtier Diphilus. Walton and Vanderzee seethe at the corruption surrounding them, but it’s Dwyer as Evadne, alternately haughty and tormented, who makes this production incandescent. JOHN BEER. Shoebox Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., 971-244-3740. 7:30 pm ThursdaysSaturdays and 2 pm Sundays through Jan. 4. $20-$22.

Mary Poppins

Northwest Children’s Theatre presents a musical version of the classic tale, which draws from P.L. Travers’ original stories and the Disney film. NW Neighborhood Cultural Center, 1819 NW Everett St., 222-4480. Noon and 4 pm Saturdays-Sundays (and some Mondays and Tuesdays) through Jan. 4. $17-$23.

The Mystery of Irma Vep

Third Rail’s The Mystery of Irma Vep leaves little doubt about one thing: Co-stars Isaac Lamb and Leif Norby have got chops. Charles Ludlam’s 1984 cross-dressing romp—two actors, seven characters, countless costume changes—requires its performers to juggle wildly divergent accents and attitudes across a nonsensical storyline that draws from Hitchcock’s Rebecca, Wuthering Heights, schlocky horror movies and Victorian pennydreadfuls. There are werewolves, vampires and one very horny Egyptian mummy. And Lamb and Norby, two Portland stalwarts, gallop through the proceedings with remarkable ease and evident glee. But for all its giddiness, the show doesn’t go anywhere. In his director’s notes, Philip Cuomo describes Irma Vep as ridiculous, but there’s little here that actually qualifies

In a move of stunningly bad taste, Portland Center Stage brings back this spoof of A Christmas Carol. Though the show boasts a seal of approval from Chicago improv behemoth the Second City, last year’s production left an aftertaste worse than that of spoiled eggnog. Jokes were alternately lazy (foul-mouthed nuns), insulting (“Police Navidad”) and tone-deaf (JFK’s assassination), with the talented cast hamstrung by the abysmal material. Many of those performers are returning this time around, which just makes us weep over the wasted comedic talent. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays, 2 pm SaturdaysSundays and noon Thursdays through Dec. 24. $29-$69.

COMEDY & VARIETY Boxing Day Comedy

Christmas was yesterday. Today, you’re broke and hung-over. Take in some standup from a few Portlanders and Angelenos, including Mikey Kampmann, Jay Weingarten, Jason Traeger and a “surprise guest” whose identity you can probably figure out if you think about which Oregoniansturned-Californians would be in town for the holidays. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 894-9708. 9 pm Friday, Dec. 26. $5.

Christmas Comedy Bingo

Are you an orphan? A Jew? A lonely soul without any friends? Such a staunch anti-consumerist you refuse to celebrate Jesus’ birth—not even with sugar cookies and spiced beverages and expressions of love and gratitude? Well then: Down to Funny’s Christmas standup showcase is for you. Audience members get bingo cards and there will be prizes, which you can pretend are gifts (unless you don’t like gifts, you miserable killjoy). Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 8 pm Thursday, Dec. 25. $3-$5 suggested.

Classic Singles: Ballads of Loneliness

Jana Schmieding puts on a solo sketch comedy show, filled with ballads, about being young and single. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 9:30 pm Friday, Dec. 26. $5.

ComedySportz

Family-friendly competitive improv comedy. ComedySportz, 1963 NW Kearney St., 236-8888. 8 pm FridaysSaturdays. $15.

Curious Comedy Open Mic

Curious hosts a weekly open-mic night. Sign-ups begin at 7:15, and comics get three minutes of stage time apiece. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 8 pm every Sunday. Free.

Flying Fruitcake

Curious Comedy isn’t kidding with the “flying” thing: In addition to original sketch comedy, improv and musical spoofs, this holiday revue also features aerial displays. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 7:30 pm Fridays-Saturdays through Dec. 27. $12-$15.

Funny Humans vs. the Wheel

If you go to enough shows around town, you start to memorize comedians’ sets. Think of this weekly show, hosted by silly duo Adam Pasi and David Mascorro, as an antidote to all that repetition: Comedians start out with a planned set, but halfway through, they have to spin a wheel to determine what comes next—crowd work, one-liners, maybe even a heckle battle. Bar of the Gods, 4801 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 232-2037. 9 pm every Sunday. Free. 21+.

Golden Girls Live Christmas Special

’Tis the season for men to don fluffy wigs and oversized glasses to play the four Miami gals for this live stage adaptation of two holiday episodes of the TV show. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. 7 pm Thursdays-Saturdays through Dec. 27. $20 general, $40 VIP, $50 two-person table; $140 five-person booth.

Helium Open Mic

Generally regarded the best openmic night in town, Helium’s sign-ups fill quickly. Show up between 6 and 7 pm to snag some stage time. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888643-8669. 8 pm every Tuesday. Free with a two-item minimum. 21+.

Hell or Highwater

Curtis Cook hosts a monthly standup showcase featuring a consistently good lineup of comedians. Tonight’s show features a bunch of local comedians who’ve landed on WW’s Funniest 5 poll—Sean Jordan and Nariko Ott this year; Nathan Brannon last year—as well as Los Angeleno Molly Fite, who impressed at Bridgetown last spring. Expect a surprise headliner, too. The High Water Mark, 6800 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 286-6513. 9 pm every last Monday. Free. 21+.

Midnight Mass

Host Amy Miller celebrates a bunch of birthdays and holidays (secular and otherwise) at December’s installment of this monthly standup showcase. Tonight’s show features sets from— deep breath—Kristine Levine, Nariko Ott, Anthony Lopez, Jason Traeger, Billy Anderson, Cory Michaelis, Adam Pasi, Josef Anolin and a surprise guest or two. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. Midnight Saturday, Dec. 27. Free.

Mike Lawrence

Standup—most likely of the nerdy variety—from New York comedian Mike Lawrence, who has appeared on Conan and with John Oliver. Lola’s Room at the Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm Sunday, Dec. 28. $20. 21+.

Naked Comedy Open Mic

The Brody hosts a thrice-weekly open-mic night. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 9:30 pm every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Free with one-item minimum purchase.

Open Court

Team-based, long-form improv open to audience members and performers of all stripes. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 4779477. 7:30 pm every Thursday. $5.

Random Acts of Comedy

Curious Comedy puts on a freewheeling show that brings together sketch, standup and improv. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 9:30 pm Saturdays through Dec. 27. $7-$10.

Resurrection: The (Un)Brunchening

The early-afternoon comedy showcase stays up late (well, relatively speaking) for a special evening install-

DEC. 24–30 ment featuring standup from Caitlin Weierhauser, Amy Miller, Nariko Ott, Molly Fite, Andie Main, Josef Anolin, Steven Wilber, Philip Schallberger, Adam Pasi and others. Trevor Thorpe hosts. (Tip: Buy your ticket online and you’ll get a free Grey Goose drink.) Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 7 pm Saturday, Dec. 27. $12. 21+.

Seven on 7

Brody presents a prime-time installment of a show that mashes standup and improv, with several comics each doing seven minutes and improvisers then riffing on that material. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7:30 pm Friday, Dec. 26. $8.

A Something Kind of Musical

Domeka Parker and Aden Kirschner put on an improvised musical that they promise will boast Broadway-style bravado. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7:30 pm Saturdays through Dec. 27. $9-$12.

Standup at the Corner Bar

Andie Main hosts a twice-monthly standup showcase featuring a handful of comedians performing 20-minute sets. Rialto Corner Bar, 401 SW Alder St., 228-7605. 10 pm every second and fourth Saturday. Free.

Steve Byrne

The star of Sullivan & Son brings his lively brand of standup to the Helium stage. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-6438669. 7:30 and 10 pm FridaySaturday, Dec. 26-27. $20-$29. 21+.

You Are Here

The Brody ensemble puts on a weekly improv showcase, generally featuring a ton of audience participation. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 8 pm every Friday. $9-$12.

DANCE A Burlesque Nightmare Before Christmas

Layne Fawkes, Johnny Nuriel, Alice Faeland, Jasmine Rain and others— take on roles like Jack Skellington, Edward Scissorhands and the Corpse Bride. Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 7:30 pm Sundays through Dec. 28 . $12. 21+.

Mad Marquis’ Christmas Day Spectacular

Not everything during the holidays is family-friendly, and this show, produced by Critical Hit Burlesque, definitely isn’t. Featuring burlesque, boylesque and cabaretstyle performances, locals Ivana Mandalay, Romeo Bedwell, Zed Phoenix, Layne Fawkes, Doc Tetanus and Angelique DeVil mix their usual dose of tease with the spirit of the season. Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. 8:30 pm Thursday Dec. 25. $10. 21+.

The Nutcracker

You already know the story, but the holidays are a time to celebrate tradition, right? Oregon Ballet Theatre is one of only six companies in the country granted permission to stage George Balanchine’s famous version of Tchaikovsky’s ballet, and every year it pulls out the extravagant sets and costumes to tell the classic tale of dancing candy canes, pirouetting snowflakes and sword-wielding mice. This year’s version sees soloists Candace Bouchard and Martina Chavez sharing the role of the Sugar Plum Fairy, with a live orchestra at six of the performances. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 222-5538. Many showtimes through Dec. 27. See obt.org for schedule. $25-$144.

A Very Merry Circus

Sky Club is pulling out the stops for its holiday-themed show, inviting acrobats, LED flow artists, aerial dancers and burlesque performers to show off their most sparkling (literally) holiday spirit. Fenix Cobbledick, Layne Fawks, Theadra Taylor, Belinda Rose and Johnny Nuriel will all perform, joined by Richie Stratton as the emcee. Sky Club at Ankeny’s Well, 50 SW 3rd Ave., 223-1375. 9:30 pm Friday, Dec. 26. $5. 21+.

For more Performance listings, visit

BLAINE TRuITT COVERT

Analog Cafe’s annual holiday series salutes the movies of Tim Burton. A pre-show circus kicks things off, featuring aerialists, juggling and other circus acts. Later, dancers—

PERFORMANCE

ring around the rosie: The Nutcracker is at the Keller auditorium through dec. 27. Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

VISUAL ARTS

dec. 24–30 BEST IN 2014

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. By RichaRd SpeeR. TO Be cONSideRed FOR LiSTiNGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., portland, OR 97210. email: rspeer@wweek.com.

Emily Hanna Wyant: Gotta Make Money to Make Money

earlier this year, as artist emily hanna Wyant tells it, she was pitching her conceptual artwork to local galleries. She kept getting the same polite “no thanks” from gallerist after gallerist. “We love what you do,” they said, “but it’s not work we could sell in a gallery.” So Wyant decided to turn the metaphorical lemon into lemonade, creating a new body of work critiquing the object- and sales-obsessed gallery system. Tongue firmly in cheek, she has churned out dozens upon dozens of faux gold bricks, as if to flip galleries a collective bird. “here you go,” the installation seems to shout, “a pile of tangible objects with a fixed monetary value—will that do?” This installation, entitled Counterfeit Gold Bricks, is comprised of “gold bullion” made out of spray-painted wood and cement. Other pieces, such as Wu-Tang Clan, continue the anti-materialist riff via imagery drawn from the bling-flaunting world of hip-hop music. Through Jan. 16. Nisus Gallery, 8371 N Interstate Ave., Suite 1, 806-1427.

James Florschutz: Wedges

a dramatic, 13-foot sculpture called Monument welcomes viewers to James Florschutz’s show at augen. This towering obelisk commands the gallery’s deSoto Building exhibition space in a way few other shows have, with the possible exception of Jim Riswold’s satirical installations. The title of Florschutz’s show, Wedges , is strictly descriptive. his sculptures are made from wedges of salvaged wood and other hand-gathered bric-abrac. Some pieces look like oversized wheels of brie cheese, others like icecream cones. Throughout the show, the artwork’s rough-hewn textures have an appealing tactility. Through Dec. 27. Augen DeSoto, 716 NW Davis St., 224-8182.

Michael Kenna: France

Michael Kenna’s black-and-white photographs of urban and rural scenes in France are standard-issue retreads of worn-out travel-photography tropes. You want the eiffel Tower framed by the branches of berry-laden trees? check. how about the romantic French countryside at sunset, sunbeams breaking through silvery clouds? Kenna’s got you covered. There are tree-lined boulevards and trees silhouetted against moody clouds. did we mention there are trees? There’s also fog. and reflections in water, mostly of trees. This would make great porn for arborists. For the rest of us, director charles hartman should stand by with smelling salts to revive gallerygoers who succumb to this hackneyed snoozefest. Through Jan. 31. Charles A. Hartman Fine Art, 134 NW 8th Ave., 287-3886.

Michael Vahrenwald: The People’s Trust

a century ago, when money was money and banks were spelled with a capital “B,” architects built banks with towering columns and statuary to communicate the ideals of stability and tradition. Today, many of the great banks of the last century have closed, their headquarters replaced by cheap shops and restaurants. photographer Michael Vahrenwald has captured images reflecting this incongruity: staid former bank buildings, their names still chiseled in granite, now inhabited by pawn shops, payless stores, an el Rancho Mexican restaurant and shops for auto parts, wigs and liquor. Through Jan. 3. Hap Gallery, 916 NW Flanders St., 444-7101.

Sandy Roumagoux

Rarely do an artist’s aesthetic and political sensibilities jell as neatly as do Sandy Roumagoux’s. Since 2012, this gifted painter has also been the mayor of Newport. in her series of new paintings at Blackfish, Roumagoux paints the city’s Yaquina Bridge in inventive permutations and renders seascapes of the Oregon coast as only a dedicated habitué could. in her Ocean Series II: Nye Beach Weather, limpid drips of paint complement undertraces of graphite, sensually evoking one of those fierce squalls that make life on the coast so visually and viscerally thrilling. The Yaquina Bridge, as depicted in Fragments: Yaquina Bay Bridge, is an etude of rigorous architectonic planes and sinuous curves, split into six canvases. Roumagoux may be Newport’s mayor, but her seductive paintings do double duty as boosters for the city’s chamber of commerce. Through Dec. 27. Blackfish Gallery, 420 NW 9th Ave., 234-2634.

Sightings

if you’ve ever been to one of those cheesy rotating restaurants on top of a tall building, you’ll understand the conceit behind Jessica Mallios’ video installation, Tower of the Americas. Mallios set up a camera in front of the window of a rotating observation tower in San antonio. The camera focuses not on the view outside, but on the glass window itself, with all its smudges, cracks and dried Windex drips. By honing in on these imperfections, the artist invokes a dreary bathos: the intrusion of mundanity into an otherwise exalted vista. paired with Kevin cooley’s video installation Skyward, Mallios’ contribution makes for a strong double bill in curator-inresidence Rachel adams’ second show at disjecta. Through Jan. 11. Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate Ave., 286-9449.

For more Visual arts listings, visit

THE BEST VISUAL ART OF 2014 By R icha Rd SpeeR

rspeer@wweek.com

As winemakers say about extraordinary vintages, “It was a very good year.” 2014 gave us a mother lode of materially and thematically engaging visual-arts shows. Month to month, the most reliably kick-ass programming came courtesy of Hap and Upfor galleries, which continually raised the bar with challenging exhibitions across a gamut of media. Big news in 2014 was the retirement of longtime Portland Art Museum chief curator Bruce Guenther. Guenther could be crusty and arrogant to people he didn’t have use for, but if you were thinking of donating a couple million bucks or an important painting, he was the picture of charm. Curatorially, he was formidable, and PAM would do well to replace him in 2015 with someone approaching his caliber of aesthetic savvy. Fortunately, no matter who succeeds Guenther, Portland’s visual-arts culture isn’t dependent on museum curators. Our art culture doesn’t trickle down from august institutions; it bubbles up from street-scene incubators like the Everett Station Lofts and multi-use spaces like Compound, Nationale, and the Goodfoot. Across a broad range of venues, this year delivered an embarrassment of aesthetic riches. Here are some of my favorite shows.

It Is Not our KINd of Beauty by Hayley barker

of Edgar Allan Poe, A Dream Within a Dream, at Charles A. Hartman. Best Installation: Claire Ashley and Bahar Yurukoglu’s absurdist Intimate Horizons at Disjecta, curated by Rachel Adams. Best Prints: Artistic License at Butters, featuring elegant monoprints by Bernd Haussmann, Eva Issaksen, Melinda Stickney-Gibson and a host of other regionally and nationally known artists.

Best Show of 2014: Hayley Barker’s Apparition Hill at Charles A. Hartman—dramatic paintings based on the artist’s pilgrimage to a mystic shrine in Herzegovina.

Best Photography (tie): Carol Yarrow’s sensitive photo essay, One Mahogany Left Standing, at Blue Sky; Sarah Knobel’s agreeably creepy Icescapes at Newspace.

Best Painting: Sherrie Wolf ’s Museum at Laura Russo—a witty and technically assured tour through 600 years of art history.

Best New Public Art (tie): Hannes Wingate’s supersized bird’s nest (now disassembled) on the east side of the Burnside Bridge; Linda Wysong’s “log dog” sculptures, collectively titled Eye River, along Southeast Clay Street.

Best Drawing (tie): Dan Attoe’s unnerving fantasia of Northwest landscape at Fourteen30 Contemporary; Wes Mills’ fastidious works on paper at PDX Contemporary.

Best Glass: Constructions, Jeffrey Sarmiento’s reflections on gender and cultural identity, at Bullseye.

Best Sculpture: Lee Kelly’s Pavilion, based on his travels to Nepal, at Elizabeth Leach.

Best Eye Candy: Gregg Renfrow’s luminous abstractions at Elizabeth Leach.

Best Conceptual Show: Eva Lake’s Anonymous Women at Augen—a moving reflection on the simultaneous empowerment and objectification of women in advertising, fashion, and contemporary mores.

Best Reason to Drive to Forest Grove: Curator Jeff Jahn’s Anthropometry: Science and Design in the Contemporary Art Experience at Pacific University.

Best Mixed Media (tie): Laura Ross-Paul’s ecstatic integration of city and nature, Urban Forest, at Froelick; Anna Fidler’s spooky channeling

Best Reason to Drive to Eugene: Ryo Toyonaga’s deliciously pervy sculptures and paintings at the Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art.

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

BOOKS BEST IN 2014

BEST THING I READ FAVORITE BOOKS READ IN 2014 BY SOME OF OUR FAVORITE LOCAL WRITERS. The Wilds by Julia Elliott: a very well-written book of short stories that are creepy and weird in the good way. In the title story, a girl wearing a homemade crown of bird skulls tells of getting taken prisoner by a feral pack of boys, known as the Wilds, who live nearby. “Their chests glowed with firefly juice. They had steak knives strapped to their belts and some of them wore goggles.” How can you go wrong with that setup? —Arthur Bradford, fiction and children’s writer (Dogwalker, Benny’s Brigade) The best single book I read this year was Alice McDermott’s lean, lovely, shimmering, lucid, limpid, haunting novel Someone. Generally, I am terrified of reading fine novelists while I am writing a novel, for fear he or she will overwhelm me with better, cooler, wilder music than mine, but I couldn’t resist reading a new novel by McDermott, who absolutely owns Irish Catholic New York, in the way that Faulkner owned a slice of Mississippi, and Flannery O’Connor a slice of Georgia, and Harry Mark Petrakis owned Chicago, and Raymond Chandler owned Los Angeles, etc. McDermott’s Charming Billy and After This are superb, and Someone is, unbelievably, just as good. —Brian Doyle, novelist and essayist (The Plover) The book that I would shout about would be Roxane Gay’s novel An Untamed State. What rearranged my DNA (my highest form of book praise) was the radical amplification of class struggle and human “worth” played out on the body and mind of a woman. I’ll read it and teach it again and again. —Lidia Yuknavitch, fiction writer and memoirist (Dora: A Headcase, The Chronology of Water) A Season of Saturdays: A History of College Football in 14 Games by Michael Weinreb: College football has always been a mess, but it’s our mess—an American mess driven by violence, money and ego. And yet we love it like a favorite memory. With a hell of a lot of heart, humor and honesty, Weinreb connects the dots from 19th-century New Jersey to 21st-century Eugene, and achieves the difficult task of answering the question my wife asks every Saturday in the fall: “Why do you care so much?” —Ryan White, music writer (Springsteen: Album by Album) The Road to Emmaus by Spencer Reece, published this year by Farrar, Straus and Giroux, is a book I’ve read three or four times and would highly recommend. It is a soft-spoken book with a gentle disposition. The Road to Emmaus, with its 18 poems, is infinitely readable, but the overall feeling after closing the book is one of listening to a friend speak calmly and clearly about their life with a full understanding of its ups and downs, with its troubles and joys. It is a book to share with others and a focal point for conversations concerning family, friends and lovers. Sit in a bar with this book and contemplate with Spencer moonlight on the waves, but also the ocean’s dark, roving troughs. —Carl Adamshick, poet (Saint Friend; Curses and Wishes) I can’t say I read a lot of brand-new books this year, so I’ll have to go with Masters of Atlantis by Charles Portis. I could choose The Dog of the South or Norwood, too, both of which are great, but for me, among Portis’ books that are not True Grit, Masters of Atlantis was a mind-blower—an

epic story of the rise and fall of a Masonic-like cult (maybe Rosicrucian-esque?) over the course of the 20th century, told in hilarious comic vignettes, featuring a cast of socially demented, spiritually adventurous grifters who probably are not any more self-deluded than your average Presbyterian. —Jon Raymond, fiction writer and screenwriter (Rain Dragon; Wendy and Lucy; Night Moves) My favorite book of the year is Fives and Twenty-Fives by Michael Pitre, a tremendous book about a U.S. military road-repair crew and their translator in the war in Iraq. —Willy Vlautin, musician and novelist (The Free, The Motel Life) Rene Denfeld’s The Enchanted is an astonishing novel. It transmutes her work as a death-penalty investigator at the Oregon State Penitentiary—this grimly majestic Victorian pile—into a sort of memory palace of damage and redemption. —Paul Collins, essayist and historian (Duel With the Devil, The Murder of the Century) I want to recommend Citizen by poet Claudia Rankine. This book is necessary. That is, it is earned. It has found its way to the center of what can be expressed in language. Now, our job is to listen. —Emily Kendal Frey, poet (Sorrow Arrow, The Grief Performance) Picasso’s Tears: Poems 1978-2013 by Wong May: Her fourth book of poems, but first since I was born. Wong May’s long-awaited 330-page return to the poetry-reading conversation shies away from nothing all at once. —Zachary Schomburg, poet (Scary, No Scary; Fjords Vol. 1)

There is no shortage of strong, talented women in the world of music, but they are woefully under-represented in fiction. Enter Anna Brundage, the protagonist of Stacey D’Erasmo’s beautiful novel Wonderland. Anna is a former indie-rock star who walked away from her musical career. Seven years later, at age 44, she’s hoping to make a comeback. D’Erasmo evokes the world of the touring musician with grit and gorgeous detail, and gives us a powerful, complex character in Anna. It’s a novel about taking risks and exploring what you’re capable of, against the common wisdom that at middle age your time for risk has passed. I would have loved this novel at any age, but as a woman and an artist now in my 40s, I found it especially resonant. —Cari Luna, novelist (The Revolution of Every Day) One of my favorite books of 2014 is Family Feeling by Jean Ross Justice. This is a short-story collection for grown-ups; there is nothing flashy or shocking in these pages. Justice is simply a superb writer of stories that, as the Pulitzer Prize-winning Paul Harding notes, “explore those mysterious feelings that bind us and loose us and bind us again, to and from one another.” Her stories remind me that memories are not simply given but shaped and reshaped, and that the art of memory, of learning to honor its complications and ambivalences, may be linked to the art of becoming more fully human. No other book this year has moved as much as this one. When I am feeling low, I reread the ending of “Double First Cousins,” and I re-enter my day with gratitude. —Mary Szybist, poet (Granted, Incarnadine) Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

One Week Left To GIVE! More Than 7,600 Portlanders Have Given This Year. Have You?

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Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

MOVIES

BEST OF THE SCREEN

BoyHood

sNowpiErcEr

NigHTcrawLEr

THE raid 2: BEraNdaL

2014 MOVIE SUPERLATIVES.

We love top-10 lists as much as the next schmuck. But there’s a lot they may have trouble capturing—the tiny but brilliant cameos, the grossest gags, the ways in which Clint Eastwood and Cameron Diaz have failed us. So in lieu of another top 10, here’s a ragtag assemblage of cinematic highlights (and lowlights) from the past year. Best Nutjob: Nightcrawler Jake Gyllenhaal put forth a career-best performance as the year’s most terrifying sociopath. (He should really hook up with Rosamund Pike in Gone Girl.) Looking like a chihuahua in a death grip, his morally clueless crimescene videographer could have been the bastard son of Travis Bickle. AP KRYZA. Best Punk Rock Anthem: “Hate the Sport” The 13-year-old Swedish girls in the delightful We Are the Best! may want for musical talent. But they’ve no shortage of pluck and passion, and they caterwaul their way through a screed against sports fanatics who give no thought to starving kids or the threat of nuclear meltdown. Sample lyric: “Children in Africa are dying/But you’re all balls flying.” Also: “The world is a morgue/And you’re watching Björn Borg.” REBECCA JACOBSON. Best Use of Creative Weaponry: The Raid 2: Berandal There are a half-dozen fight scenes in this Indonesian action flick better than any single one Hollywood yawned out last year. Part of that is the cast: amazing martial artists who perform (and in many cases choreographed) their own fight scenes. And part is the batshit fight scenes themselves, in which characters maim and disfigure each other with—among other things—baseballs, a hot plate, hammers, seat belts, the door of a toilet stall, crockery and a surprisingly deadly broom handle. RUTH BROWN. Best French Feminist Weepie: Violette Martin Provost’s biopic about 20th-century French writer Violette Leduc is pure angst and gloom wrapped in the warm colors of summer. We watch Violette cry about being a bastard child, cry about being alone, cry in a nun’s habit, cry in a bathtub, cry over Jean-Paul Sartre and cry over Simone de Beauvoir. BLAIR STENVICK. Best Anti-Heroine: Cameron Diaz in The Other Woman and Sex Tape The hungover owl glare, the addled rhythms and brusque intimacy of post-coital amusement, the nihilistic slapstick…Cameron Diaz is aging into Robert Mitchum—the late-’50s version, bloodied yet unbowed and still willing to give a damn but unable to pretend it’ll make any difference. JAY HORTON. Best Performance by the State of Oregon: Wild Sure, the Columbia River Gorge looks pretty great in this adaptation of Cheryl Strayed’s memoir about hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. But even better is an earlier scene in a forest so dense and verdant it would look like CGI to anyone who hasn’t spent time in western Oregon after a heavy rain. (RJ) Best Off-the-Rails Craziness: Snowpiercer Snowpiercer packs a Margaret Thatcher-channeling Tilda Swinton, an ax-wielding Captain America, poison fish, cannibals, ravers, sushi, debutantes, surrealist pro-

oBvious cHiLd

paganda, drugs and bugs into one perpetually chugging train, turns out the lights and lets them all clash. It’s the most purely wacko and visceral film of the year. (APK) Best Earworm: “Everything Is Awesome,” The Lego Movie Sure, Guardians of the Galaxy had you humming “Hooked on a Feeling” for the rest of the day, but “Everything Is Awesome” has taken out a long-term lease in your vestibulocochlear nerve—right next to “Let It Go” and the cantina song from Star Wars. (RB) Best Psychedelic Animations of Toilet-Seat Bacteria: Wetlands Wetlands had a depressingly short run in Portland, perhaps because its teenage heroine’s quest to turn herself into “a living pussy-hygiene experiment” proved too much for audiences. That’s a shame: The German film boasted more than its share of gross-out material—anal fissures, cum converted into chewing gum, the nastiest public toilet since Trainspotting—and a whole lot of heart. (RJ)

Best War Beasts: The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies Truth in advertising at last: Nearly half of The Battle of the Five Armies is the battle itself. Amid the skirmish, don’t miss the beasts of burden who make this elegant warcraft possible—some familiar, some fantastical, all awesome. A giant boar charges into battle with a hammer-wielding dwarf at the reins, giant trolls go into business for themselves, and wizards transform into bears in midair. They steal every scene they’re in. MICHAEL NORDINE. Best Visual Pun: Usher Raymond’s Cameo as a Wedding Usher in Muppets Most Wanted I mean… (RB) Best (Er, Worst) Timing: Let’s Be Cops In a year that’s been characterized by police brutality, Fox put out a goofy movie starring two knuckleheads as dudes who pretend to be cops just so they can screw around and have fun. There may yet be a way to use comedy to address police violence. This movie is not it. (JNH)

Best Action Figures: Chris Pratt in Guardians of the Galaxy and Channing Tatum in 22 Jump Street Shruggably two-fisted charmers with deft timing and easy physicality, Chris Pratt and Channing Tatum lean heavily on an Old Hollywood presence—a manipulative transparency indistinguishable from actual flirtation. (JH)

Best Film Without Words: The Great Flood Bill Morrison’s documentary is a giant middle finger to voice-over narration. The film, about the Great Mississippi Flood of 1927, patches together archival footage—often splotchy or scorched—and sets it to a mesmerizing score by Seattle guitarist Bill Frisell. It’s astounding. (RJ)

Best Reminder of Clint Eastwood’s Deteriorating Mind: Jersey Boys Remember when Clint Eastwood spent 10 minutes talking to a chair on live TV in 2012? Watching his adaptation of Jersey Boys gives a good glimpse of what it must have felt like to be on the chair’s end. Terrible pacing, lost opportunities, meandering plot lines and a completely disconnected dance number at the end turned this Broadway musical into 2014’s most frustrating bore. (BS)

Best Thing We Didn’t Know We Needed: Apes With Machine Guns Dawn of the Planet of the Apes finds greatness in a scene in which an ape on horseback double-fists machine guns while galloping toward a war zone. It tops that when the same ape hijacks a tank. (APK)

Best Movie Filmed Over the Course of 12 Years: Boyhood But also just one of the best damn coming-of-age movies ever. (RJ) Best CGI Penises: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles There were a lot of reasons to knock the Ninja Turtles reboot: incomprehensible action sequences, laughably bad dialogue, and the cold hard fact that Megan Fox gives far and away the most nuanced performance in the entire movie. But its most heinous crime is the appearance of the titular turtles. The film took the Turtles of our youth—lovably anthropomorphized and cartoony—and made them look like steroidal dongs. JAMES N. HELMSWORTH.

counteR clockwise fRom top left: coutesy of sundance institute, a24, chuck Ziotnick, sony pictuRes classic, twc

BEST IN 2014

Best Role Model for Our Times: Jenny Slate, Obvious Child Would a condom have been a good idea? Yup. But as a bumbling comedian who winds up pregnant after a one-night stand, Jenny Slate doesn’t reduce her character to clumsy gaffes or airheaded quirks. She’s messy, but not in the way of a manic pixie dream girl. And she’s real, in a way that the Girls girls (or even the Broad City gals, bless their hilarious hearts) aren’t. Thanks to her canny performance—and Gillian Robespierre’s smart script and direction—Obvious Child normalizes a common, legal medical procedure without ever growing preachy or strident. (RJ) Best Sex Scene: Gone Girl No! Worst sex scene! Worst! Poor Doogie. (APK) MORE: Read more superlatives at wweek.com. Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

MOVIES

into the woods

big eyes

unbroken

Photocaption: the gambler tktktk

the imitation game

UPHILL BATTLE A HEAP OF HOLIDAY RELEASES, REVIEWED. The holidays can be rough—especially if you’re one of the heroes in this year’s Christmas Day releases. These poor souls endure untold abuses: domineering spouses, police interrogations, withering sexism, family curses, gambling addictions, institutionalized homophobia, shark attacks, sadistic prison-camp commanders and even Meryl Streep in a scraggly gray wig. In other words, the multiplex is just the escape you need from the family Christmas party. The Imitation Game B As geniuses often are, British mathematician Alan Turing was an odd duck. And, as Oscar-season biopics often are, The Imitation Game is a resolutely traditional film. Full of childhood flashbacks, handsome sets, inspirational anecdotes, sharp zingers, self-aware laughs and a careful dash of devastation, it takes a prickly prodigy—Turing pioneered the field of computer science and helped crack Nazi codes—and places him in an eminently (and sometimes overly) palatable picture. The story packs natural dramatic wallop, and Norwegian director Morten Tyldum tells it with the brisk pacing of a thriller. During World War II, Germany put military transmissions through a complex encoding machine called Enigma. To break it, the British government gathered the country’s best cryptological minds at a country estate near London, a kind of proto-Silicon Valley. It’s here that most of the film unfolds, with the 27-year-old Turing (Benedict Cumberbatch) talking himself onto the team by coolly bragging about his crossword skills—and then exasperating everyone with his egotism, social awkwardness and pitilessness for others’ intellectual ineptitude. Today, we’d probably place him somewhere on the autism spectrum. Cumberbatch, the screen’s pre-eminent player of brilliant weirdos, adopts a rigid posture and occasional stutter. He’s detached but pained—it’s a wonderful performance. Turing spends much of the film’s first half building a machine the size of a small house, a mess of rotors and cables he promises will crack the Nazi code. Flashbacks take us to Turing’s days as a bullied child, and we also get scenes set after the war, when Turing was interrogated for homosexuality—an illegal activity at the time. But Tyldum wants to have his cake and eat it too: He presents Turing as a gay martyr but never as a gay man, an elision more frustrating than the film’s many historical tweaks. 48

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

And yet there’s something to be said for a drama as sturdy and watchable as The Imitation Game. With a story this compelling and a cast this good, it’s difficult not to play along. PG-13. REBECCA JACOBSON. Into the Woods B+ Stephen Sondheim’s much-loved musical has finally made it to the big screen, living somewhere between the stage original, with its shattered happy endings and higher death count, and the more sanitized, shortened version that’s long been making the rounds in school productions. Though timid—it waters down forest sex to an agonized make-out scene in the pines—Disney’s long-shelved adaptation is still a beautiful compromise. And hell, the mash-up of cautionary fairy tales is fun, with the Witch (Meryl Streep) pushing a young couple (James Corden and Emily Blunt) to undo a family curse they inherited. Along the way, the two first manipulate, then aid, the major players from the stories of Cinderella (a confident Anna Kendrick and a handsome, hammy Chris Pine), Little Red Riding Hood (Lilla Crawford and an inexplicably zoot-suited Johnny Depp), Jack and the Beanstalk (a sweet if staid Tracey Ullman, and Daniel Huttlestone), and Rapunzel. And it’s Sondheim! Meaning that, for the most part, this production is scored by show tunes more erratic than earworm. PG. RIHANNA WEISS. Unbroken B Early directorial efforts from movie stars typically exploit every advantage of the Hollywood filmmaking apparatus, so it should come as no surprise that Angelina Jolie’s second feature, Unbroken, looks terrific. Some would argue that the harrowing story of former Olympian Louis Zamperini’s torturous ordeals—40-plus days lost at sea and the unending abuse of a Japanese prisoner-of-war camp—needn’t resemble a Tom Ford catalog. But Jolie proves herself an engaged student of telling anatomical details: the ear damaged beyond repair, the athlete’s coltish calf muscles, the piercing iris of a bombardier. The wartime heroics unfurl with understated grandeur, while shark-boxing lifeboat scenes manage genuine laughs. But only after we arrive in Tokyo and are introduced to the effete sadism of a POW camp commander does the film come alive. As the cruelties grow more barbarous (and the psychosexual underpinnings more overt), a keening note of tragic romance nearly transcends the leaden structure throughout the, um, climactic coal-mine quasi-crucifixion. It’s too long and perhaps fatally cluttered, but Jolie stirs up a darkly passionate, powerfully strange love story within an otherwise boilerplate docudrama. PG-13. JAY HORTON.

Big Eyes B- For Margaret Keane, “eyes are the window to the soul.” At least, that’s the drivel the artist (a blond-wigged Amy Adams) has to deliver in Tim Burton’s Big Eyes, a biopic that winds up wanting for both vision and soul. It’s got the makings of a rich story: In the late ’50s and early ’60s, Keane churned out hundreds of paintings of sad, saucereyed waifs. Art critics lambasted the work as sentimental kitsch, but the public adored it. And Margaret got none of the credit. Her husband, Walter (Christoph Waltz)—a charming huckster and self-deluded egotist—presented himself as the artist. “Sadly, people don’t buy lady art,” he says. It wasn’t until years later, when Margaret sued Walter for slander, that the truth emerged. As he did in Ed Wood 20 years ago, Burton has fashioned a portrait of an earnest artist producing work of dubious value. But unlike in that film, the director won’t let himself sink into strangeness. In only one scene, when Margaret looks around a grocery store and sees gargantuan peepers on every face, does Big Eyes begin to soar into surrealism. More often, it’s tiresome, and Burton skims over compelling questions: the populist craze for kitsch, gendered expectations in art, the line between highbrow and lowbrow. Adams, though sympathetic, is too often reduced to quivery, weepy anxiety. Waltz is expert at playing highly charismatic men, but here he’s cartoonishly deranged. Apparently the real-life Walter Keane was even more of a nutjob, but that doesn’t forgive Waltz’s screensmothering performance. PG-13. REBECCA JACOBSON. The Gambler C Mark Wahlberg really, really wants an Oscar. And with The Gambler, he pursues it by employing every Academybaiting trick short of transforming himself into a little black girl with a mental disability. Wahlberg lost 60 pounds for Rupert Wyatt’s remake of a 1974 James Caan vehicle because, well, acting. He plays Jim Bennett, an eccentric college professor by day and compulsive gambling junkie by night. He has a strained relationship with his mother (Jessica Lange) and a romance with a precocious student (Brie Larsen). Trouble is, despite Wahlberg’s best efforts, it’s impossible to care about Bennett: He’s a horrible piece of shit who gets off on taking risks with other people’s money. So when he gets in over his head, you hope he gets whacked rather than redeemed. It’s possible to make a great movie about terrible people: Just look at this year’s Nightcrawler. But with no real motivations to back up its slick production values, The Gambler is rudderless. R. AP KRYZA. see it: All films open Thursday, Dec. 25. See page 51 for theaters and showtimes.

C o u n T e r C l o C k w i S e f r o m T o p r i g h T : C o u r T e S y o f l e A h g A l l o , wA lT D i S n e y STuDioS, STuDio CAnAl, univerSAl piCTureS, ClAir folger

REVIEWS

DEC. 24–30 = WW Pick. Highly recommended. Editor: REBECCA JACOBSON. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: rjacobson@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

MOVIES

honest and absorbing representations of growing up ever put to ﬁlm: all the tedium, all the wonder. R. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Laurelhurst.

Dear White People

A- When Justin Simien began work

OPENING THIS WEEK Inside the Mind of Leonardo

A gimmicky documentary in which Scottish actor Peter Capaldi soliloquizes Leonardo da Vinci, reads from the master’s notebooks and eats grapes. And in 3-D, because why not? Living Room Theaters.

The Interview

At least two theaters in Portland won’t let North Korea suppress freedom of expression. Celebrate Christmas with a viewing of the most controversial stoner comedy ever, a Seth Rogen-James Franco farce about assassinating Kim Jong-un. R. Living Room Theaters, Hollywood Theatre.

Little Mistakes: The Curious Garden Story

[ONE DAY ONLY, CAST AND CREW ATTENDING] A short mockumentary about The Curious Garden, a kids’ show created by Stacey Hallal at Portland’s Curious Comedy Theater. Clinton Street Theater. 2 pm Sunday, Dec. 28.

Stray Dogs

A [THREE DAYS ONLY] There’s

not much dialogue in Stray Dogs, released by Taiwanese director Tsai Ming-Liang in his native country earlier this year. Nor is there much in the way of plot: Basically, a homeless sign-holder (Lee Kang-sheng) and his children wander around Taipei, trying to eke out an existence. At one point, a youngish female grocery store employee who feeds stray dogs begins acting like a mother to the children. But don’t mistake a lack of plot for a lack of tension. Tsai favors long and brooding shots— the penultimate lasts more than 10 minutes. But the small movements and gradual changes pack plenty of bite. Early in the ﬁlm, Tsai turns his lens on a drove of scooters waiting for a light. Lee is at work on the corner. None of the drivers interacts with him. The light changes, and they whiz by. In one of the more action-packed sequences, Lee leads his child to use the bathroom in their poured-concrete squat. On their way, they step over portraits of smiling, suit-clad oﬃcials. Tsai has an expert eye for color, the yellows and greens of the grocery store a brief refuge from the myriad grays of a rainy Taipei. Ultimately, in its silence and stillness, Stray Dogs paints a more cutting portrait of poverty than any moralizing narrative ever could: It’s brutal, it’s everywhere, and nothing anyone says can change that. JAMES HELMSWORTH. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 7 pm FridaySaturday and 4 and 7 pm Sunday, Dec. 26-28.

STILL SHOWING Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day Steve Carell and Jennifer Garner star in a Disney adaptation of the popular kids’ book. PG. Avalon, Kennedy School, Kennedy School, Milwaukie, Mt. Hood, Valley.

Annie

C+ In director Will Gluck’s Annie,

the plucky, white orphan is now a plucky, African-American foster kid, played by 10-year-old Oscar nominee Quvenzhané Wallis. Cruel orphanage caretaker Miss Hannigan (Cameron Diaz) is now an abusive ex-C+C Music Factory member/foster-home runner. Daddy Warbucks is Michael Bloomberg—er, a wildly wealthy cellphone mogul named Will Stacks (Jamie Foxx) who’s running for mayor of New York. Stacks and Annie run into each other (liter-

ally), she falls down, and he pulls her out of the street. His campaign team persuades him to take Annie in to pad his paltry polling numbers. Such references to the Machiavellian state of American politics make this Annie feel necessary. But whether the fault of the director or her own inexperience, Wallis’ performance is one-note, and she delivers every line with the same stiﬀ cadence and twee deﬁance. And save “It’s the Hard Knock Life,” which borrows the beat of Jay-Z’s 1998 version, the singing and dancing are lukewarm. PG. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Sandy.

Antarctica: A Year on Ice

A documentary about the everyday workers who keep Antarctica’s scientiﬁc research bases running. Brrr. Living Room Theaters.

The Babadook

A- Jennifer Kent’s superb Aussie

creeper centers on Amelia (Essie Davis), a nerve-jangled nurse still reeling from the death of her husband. Amelia and her son (Noah Wiseman) lead a lonely and sleepless existence. They find solace in nightly bedtime stories, until a mysterious pop-up book appears. It becomes obvious early on that Kent is working in allegorical mode, with Mr. Babadook representing the madness Amelia risks succumbing to. It’s a metaphor that could have come across as ham-fisted, yet Kent handles her story with patience and confidence. AP KRYZA. Hollywood Theatre, Living Room Theaters.

Big Hero 6

A Big Hero 6 is that rarest thing:

an animated children’s adventure designed purely to delight its target audience. PG. JAY HORTON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Indoor Twin, City Center, Division, Movies on TV.

Birdman

B- In Birdman, our protagonist is Riggan Thomson (Michael Keaton), a washed-up actor who once wore wings as the titular superhero. But in this film, the real thing with wings is the camera, which soars and swoops through narrow stairwells and bustling Manhattan streets. The effect is that of a single, continuous take. But just as the camera floats along, so too does much else in this self-consciously clever film skate along the surface. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Hollywood Theatre, Fox Tower.

The Book of Life

B- A transcendent flourish of fourcolor splendor and kinetic verve, The Book of Life arrives overstuffed with artisanal delights, including the world’s grandest piñata. But, while the picaresque drollery will surely draw crowds, the film is still hollow, disposable and a shameless waste of candy. PG. JAY HORTON. Avalon, Milwaukie, Mt. Hood.

The Boxtrolls

C+ As in Laika’s previous eﬀorts, The Boxtrolls boasts a scrupulously crafted world. But its overstuﬀed screenplay lacks humor, and it could use a great deal more fun. PG. REBECCA JACOBSON. Academy, Avalon, Milwaukie, Valley.

Boyhood

A Boyhood took 12 years, in ﬁlm as

in life. For 12 years, director Richard Linklater shot the movie for a few weeks each summer as both the main character, a boy named Mason, and the actor, Ellar Coltrane, came of age, from 6 to 18. The epic undertaking has resulted in one of the most

on Dear White People, early drafts of the screenplay included an overthe-top college party featuring white students in blackface. At some point, though, he ruled it too outlandish and slashed it from the ﬁlm. Then came the Compton Cookout at the University of California, San Diego, in 2010. The invitation promised chicken, watermelon and purple drank. Students showed up in heavy gold chains, oversized T-shirts and, yes, blackface. Simien quickly revived the party in Dear White People, and it’s one of many pieces that makes this college-set race satire so smart, gutsy and relevant. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Academy, Laurelhurst.

Citizenfour

B History happens in real time in

Citizenfour, a behind-closed-doors account of Edward Snowden’s decision to reveal the dizzying extent of U.S. government surveillance programs. Much of Laura Poitras’ documentary consists of long interviews with Snowden in the Hong Kong hotel room where he was holed up in June 2013, divulging everything he knew to Guardian reporter Glenn Greenwald. The result is a portrait of the whistle-blower as neither hero nor traitor. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. Living Room Theaters.

Exodus: Gods and Kings

C- Ridley Scott’s Exodus is too silly and overwrought to ever fully suspend disbelief: This is what a parody of a biblical epic might look like on Entourage. PG-13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Sandy.

Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (PG) 10:25AM 11:50AM 1:05PM 2:35PM 3:45PM 5:15PM 6:25PM 7:55PM 9:10PM 10:35PM Penguins Of Madagascar, The (PG) 10:05AM 12:35PM 3:05PM 5:35PM 8:05PM 10:35PM Into The Woods (PG) 10:30AM 1:30PM 4:30PM 7:30PM 10:30PM Wild (R) 10:55AM 1:45PM 4:35PM 7:25PM 10:15PM Interstellar (PG-13) 11:05AM 2:50PM 6:30PM 10:15PM Unbroken (PG-13) 11:20AM 2:45PM 6:05PM 9:20PM Top Five (R) 2:10PM 7:45PM St. Vincent (PG-13) 10:45AM 4:40PM 10:30PM Theory Of Everything, The (PG-13) 1:40PM 7:35PM Hunger Games: The Mockingjay, Part 1 (PG-13) 10:00AM 1:00PM 4:00PM 7:00PM 10:00PM

Big Hero 6 (PG) 10:40AM 1:25PM 4:20PM 7:05PM 9:50PM Exodus: Gods and Kings 3D (PG-13) 3:30PM 7:00PM Big Eyes (PG-13) 11:40AM 2:20PM 5:00PM 7:40PM 10:25PM Imitation Game, The (PG-13) 10:35AM 1:25PM 4:15PM 7:10PM 10:05PM Annie (2014) (PG) 10:20AM 1:15PM 4:10PM 7:15PM 10:10PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies (PG-13) 10:00AM 12:20PM 3:50PM 7:20PM 10:40PM Horrible Bosses 2 (R) 11:25AM 4:55PM 10:25PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies 3D (PG-13) 11:10AM 1:30PM 2:40PM 5:05PM 6:10PM 8:35PM 9:40PM Exodus: Gods and Kings (PG-13) 11:55AM 10:30PM Gambler, The (R) 11:00AM 2:00PM 4:50PM 7:50PM 10:40PM

Interstellar (PG-13) 10:45AM 2:25PM 6:05PM 9:45PM Into The Woods (PG) 10:30AM 1:30PM 4:30PM 7:30PM 10:30PM Wild (R) 11:05AM 1:50PM 4:35PM 7:20PM 10:05PM Imitation Game, The (PG-13) 11:15AM 2:00PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:15PM Mukunda (Cinegalaxy) (NR) 6:00PM Theory Of Everything, The (PG-13) 7:35PM 10:30PM Unbroken (PG-13) 9:50AM 1:00PM 4:10PM 7:20PM 10:30PM Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (PG) 10:00AM 12:30PM 3:00PM 5:30PM 8:00PM 10:30PM Penguins Of Madagascar, The (PG) 9:50AM 12:20PM 2:45PM 5:10PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies (PG-13) 12:20PM 2:50PM 3:40PM 6:10PM 7:00PM 10:20PM

Big Eyes (PG-13) 11:25AM 2:00PM 4:35PM 7:10PM 9:45PM Big Hero 6 (PG) 10:00AM 12:40PM 3:20PM Hunger Games: The Mockingjay, Part 1 (PG-13) 10:35AM 1:35PM 4:35PM 7:35PM 10:35PM Annie (2014) (PG) 11:00AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:20PM Chinna Dana Nee Kosam (Cinegalaxy) (NR) 9:00PM Gambler, The (R) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:15PM 10:00PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies 3D (PG-13) 10:00AM 11:30AM 1:20PM 4:40PM 8:00PM 9:30PM Exodus: Gods and Kings 3D (PG-13) 3:30PM 10:20PM Exodus: Gods and Kings (PG-13) 12:00PM 7:00PM

Hunger Games: The Mockingjay, Part 1 (PG-13) 10:35AM 1:35PM 4:40PM 7:40PM 10:40PM Interstellar (PG-13) 11:00AM 2:40PM 6:20PM 10:00PM Wild (R) 10:50AM 1:50PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:25PM Horrible Bosses 2 (R) 11:20AM 5:00PM 10:40PM Theory Of Everything, The (PG-13) 2:00PM 7:45PM Unbroken (PG-13) 12:40PM 3:50PM 7:10PM 10:20PM Into The Woods (PG) 10:30AM 1:30PM 4:30PM 7:30PM 10:30PM Night At The Museum: Secret Of The Tomb (PG) 10:40AM 11:55AM 1:20PM 2:35PM 4:00PM 5:20PM 6:40PM 8:00PM 9:20PM 10:45PM

Big Eyes (PG-13) 10:55AM 1:40PM 4:25PM 7:15PM 10:10PM Big Hero 6 (PG) 11:05AM 1:45PM 4:35PM 7:25PM 10:20PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies (PG-13) 12:00PM 1:15PM 3:30PM 7:00PM 8:10PM 10:30PM Annie (2014) (PG) 10:30AM 1:25PM 4:20PM 7:10PM 10:05PM Gambler, The (R) 10:45AM 1:40PM 4:40PM 7:40PM 10:40PM Hobbit: The Battle Of The Five Armies 3D (PG-13) 10:50AM 2:20PM 4:40PM 5:50PM 9:15PM Exodus: Gods and Kings 3D (PG-13) 11:50AM 10:15PM Exodus: Gods and Kings (PG-13) 3:15PM 6:45PM

Unbroken (XD) (PG-13) 10:00AM 1:10PM 4:20PM 7:30PM 10:40PM

FRIDAY

Force Majeure

A- The family of four lies on the

bed, limbs intertwined. They look ripped from a Hanna Andersson catalog, down to their matching thermal underwear. But not all is so serene on this ski vacation in the French Alps, which unfolds with chilly menace, and a welcome shot of caustic humor, in Swedish director Ruben Östlund’s Force Majeure. It’s an incisive exploration of shame and cowardice. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Living Room Theaters.

Foxcatcher

B Foxcatcher is a brutal grind of a

movie, which ﬁts the subject matter. In 1987, multimillionaire John du Pont contacted Mark Schultz, who’d won an Olympic gold medal three years earlier, and oﬀered him room, board and a hefty paycheck to assemble a team of wrestlers to compete in the upcoming world championships. What unfolded over the next decade was so bizarre that a grayscale mood piece of the sort crafted by director Bennett Miller is the only way it would translate to the screen. It is an unpleasant two hours, spent with two impenetrable, broken characters. But it is also too intense, and too profoundly strange, not to recommend trudging through it at least once. R. MATTHEW SINGER. Fox Tower.

Fury

C Brad Pitt makes an inglorious return to Nazi-killing movies in Fury, David Ayer’s would-be epic about tank warfare in World War II. Ayer sets up Fury as a a gritty depiction of the Nazis’ “total war” period, when all civilians were ordered to aid in their country’s desperate eﬀorts— which would be more eﬀective if the director didn’t use these atrocities as action-movie set pieces. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. Academy, Kennedy School, Mt. Hood Valley, Laurelhurst.

CONT. on page 50 Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

DEC. 24–30

Gone Girl

B+ What starts as a procedural mystery goes bonkers after a midﬁlm twist that transforms the tale into perhaps the most expensive, well-acted Lifetime movie ever. R. AP KRYZA. Academy, Avalon, Kennedy School, Mission, Laurelhurst.

Guardians of the Galaxy

A- A strangely wonderful, thoroughly

enjoyable sci-ﬁ romp. PG-13. JAY HORTON. Laurelhurst.

The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies

B+ Prior to The Battle of the Five Armies, it would have been fair to say the Hobbit movies at their best were inferior to the Lord of the Rings films at their worst. There’s finally a genuine sense of breathless urgency to the concluding chapter, which pits man against dwarf against elf against orc in an elegantly crafted, altogether glorious skirmish for supremacy over the Lonely Mountain. PG-13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, CineMagic, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Edgefield, Moreland, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Roseway, Sandy.

The Homesman

B+ Gone Girl has inspired much debate

over its particular brand of feminism and the twists and turns of its narrative, but Tommy Lee Jones’ more low-key western outshines that pulpy thriller in both aspects. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. Fox Tower.

Horrible Bosses 2

B Three years after a trio of professionals conspired to murder their employers, Horrible Bosses 2 ﬁnds the B-list wolfpack (Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, Charlie Day) again nudged toward criminal vengeance upon rather more marketable co-stars. Where the original blanketed any satirical edge beneath formulaic conventions and indulgent star turns, new director Sean Anders’ unrepentant hackiness dispels any semblance of narrative construct. R. JAY HORTON. Eastport, Clackamas, Movies on TV.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 1

B- When last we met Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence), the bow-wielding heroine was being rescued from the eponymous death match and thrust into the role of reluctant revolutionary. Now, Katniss’ outlying District 12 has been reduced to ashen rubble. The Games are conspicuous in their absence. The latent cruelty of that tournament is responsible for nearly all of the franchise’s most indelible moments: That feeling of lambs going to slaughter is both exhilarating and tragic, and shorn of this, the new ﬁlm has no real hook. PG-13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Forest, Indoor Twin, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Sandy.

Interstellar

C+ Christopher Nolan is Hollywood’s most masterful huckster: a blockbuster auteur who uses incredible sleight of hand to elevate into art what other directors would leave as garbage. So it makes perfect sense that Nolan takes us to another galaxy with Interstellar. In space, nobody can hear you scream, “Wait, that doesn’t make sense... but holy shit, did you see that?!” PG13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Hollywood Theatre, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Fox Tower, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood.

John Wick

A- John Wick treads familiar ground: A retired hit man (Keanu Reeves) is roped back into the life. But this is the rare ﬁlm that excels as much for what it puts on display as for what it holds back. It oozes style, yet avoids showy slow-mo and CGI. It’s birthed from cliché, yet populated with unpredictable characters. And it’s bloody terriﬁc. R. AP KRYZA. Academy, Avalon, Laurelhurst.

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb

AP FILM STUDIES TODD WILLIAMSON

MOVIES

Ben Stiller spends more time sprinting through a museum. PG. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Hilltop, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Sandy, St. Johns.

Nightcrawler

B+ With eyes bulging from his gaunt

skull like a Chihuahua trapped in an industrial vise, Jake Gyllenhaal is an unnervingly strange sight to behold when he walks onto the screen in Nightcrawler. Once he starts chattering, what emerges is one of the slimiest, most disarming sociopaths to hit theaters in some time. R. AP KRYZA. Fox Tower.

Penguins of Madagascar

The besuited birds are back, trying to prevent an evil octopus from taking over the world. PG. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Cornelius, Empirical Theatre at OMSI, Bridgeport, Division, Lloyd Mall, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Sandy.

St. Vincent

B- Bill Murray takes what could have

been a geriatric riﬀ on About a Boy and turns it into a showcase of his everevolving comedic prowess. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Academy, Avalon, Clackamas, Milwaukie, Mt. Hood, Valley, Laurelhurst.

The Theory of Everything

B- A brief history of Stephen Hawking’s 30-year marriage to Jane Wilde, The Theory of Everything ﬁts a tad too snugly into the biopic tradition. But Eddie Redmayne and Felicity Jones do a superb job bringing Hawking and Wilde to life, like two shining stars revolving around the same tragic center of gravity. PG-13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Fox Tower, Lloyd Mall.

Top Five

A- Chris Rock took way too long to

play himself in a movie. Or perhaps it’s more accurate to say he took far too long to make a movie that sounds like he does. That’s the immediate thing to leap out about Top Five, the third ﬁlm the comic has written, directed and starred in but the ﬁrst to come across as a true Chris Rock joint: The dialogue has the tone, pacing and detonation of his standup. R. MATTHEW SINGER. Clackamas, Division, Fox Tower, Lloyd Mall.

Whiplash

B+ Damien Chazelle’s beautiful but

troubling ﬁlm begins as 19-year-old Andrew (Miles Teller) is practicing jazz drumming in a dark room of a New York conservatory. Conductor Terence Fletcher (J.K. Simmons) happens upon him and invites him to join the school’s top band. A battle of egos and tempos ensues. Whiplash is certainly aﬀecting, but taking it as anything more than a portrait of a single student-teacher relationship would be a mistake. R. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Fox Tower.

Wild

A- Wild, the ﬁlm adaptation of

Portlander Cheryl Strayed’s best-selling memoir about hiking 1,100 miles on the Pacific Crest Trail, is rich and affecting piece of filmmaking, independent of any book. What keeps us engaged isn’t fear about whether Strayed will survive, but the alchemy of physical toil and emotional turmoil, and the way past traumas and current challenges illuminate one another. That’s not to say Wild is perfect, but the film—in large part thanks to Witherspoon’s nervy, funny and emotionally rich performance— transcends its flaws. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cinema 21, CineMagic, Cornelius, Hollywood Theatre, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sandy.

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

RED CARPET ROYALTY: Wild director Jean-Marc Vallée, Reese Witherspoon, Cheryl Strayed, Laura Dern and producer Bruna Papandrea at Cinema 21.

THE YEAR IN BEER (THEATERS) TOP MOMENTS AT INDIE MOVIE HOUSES. BY A P KRYZA

apkryza@wweek.com

It’s been a lousy year for multiplexes. Ticket sales are down. On-demand services are on the rise. Mark Wahlberg wants to make more Transformers movies—and be a cop. Annie was leaked, meaning anybody can torture themselves for free. Oh, and then there’s that psychotic Third World dictator who attempted to suppress free speech because a stoner comedy dared poke fun at him. Yet for Portland’s independent theaters, it’s been a pretty great 2014. Whether it’s smart repertory titles in the second-run theaters or turning screenings into bingo matches or sing-along parties, Portland’s indie movie houses aren’t offering solitary popcorn-munching experiences. They’re making moviegoing a blast. Here are the four best things that happened in Portland’s indie cinemas in 2014. The Hollywood gets 70 mm For years, the Hollywood Theatre has been making itself into a movie palace in the most classic sense, and upgrading its projection capabilities to include 70 mm is just another step. That’s the giant, crystal-clear film stock on which tent-pole films from 1955 to ’70 were shot. Starting in January, we can see 2001: A Space Odyssey and Lawrence of Arabia the way they were meant to be seen. What’s more, filmmakers such as Christopher Nolan, Paul Thomas Anderson and Quentin Tarantino are still shooting on 70 mm—and often favoring theaters with the proper projection capabilities for exclusive, pre-multiplex runs. Could that mean the Hollywood gets Tarantino’s The Hateful Eight before everyone else? Start placing your bets now. Cinema 21 goes red carpet After adding two new screens last year, Cinema 21 continued its revamp thanks to a successful Kickstarter campaign for new seats. Then there’s the star power that stepped into the theater. Last month, Cinema 21 got some much-overdue time in the spotlight when Reese Witherspoon and Laura Dern showed up for the premiere of Wild. Byron Beck, miraculously, did not suffer a heart attack. Beer theaters dominate Portlanders can’t do much without beer, and that includes going to the movies. This year, though,

marked the historic moment when beer theaters finally outnumbered dry ones: Suds now flow at 14 of Portland’s 24 movie houses. That includes Hawthorne’s CineMagic, sure, but even the big guys started popping bottles this year, including at Lloyd Center and Pioneer Place. Our fingers are crossed that the Roseway—the city’s most underappreciated theater—follows suit so we can stop sneaking in nips from the neighboring liquor store. The Clinton Street makes it to 100 That the Clinton Street Theater has survived 100 years is, in and of itself, some sort of miracle, considering it features some of the most schizoid programming in town, ranging from Rocky Horror screenings to activist documentaries to obscure revivals to, um, magicians. But its programmers stepped up big time this year, partnering with KBOO, curating a monthly Bad Movie Nite and teaming with the likes of the Portland Oregon Women’s Film and Oregon Independent Film festivals. They’ll round out a banner year with iconic punk auteur Alex Cox on New Year’s Eve, when he’ll host the Northwest debut of his experimental film Hero. Here’s to Bill the Galactic Hero another century at Portland’s strangest theater. ALSO SHOWING: Screw dreaming of a white Christmas. The Clinton Street is dreaming of white Russians, particularly the ones the Dude thrives on in The Big Lebowski. Bring a robe. Rugs are provided. Clinton Street Theater. Dec. 24-28. Sure, Interstellar had some science on its side. But you know what it didn’t have? Evil robots. 1979’s The Black Hole does, and none of them has finicky humor settings. Hollywood Theatre. 2 pm SaturdaySunday, Dec. 27-28. Most of us get at least a little time off for the holidays, so you might as well spend some of it with the master of playing hooky, Ferris Bueller. Make it your resolution to eat more pancreas. Academy Theater. Dec. 26-Jan. 1. Bill Murray gets his Dickens on in Scrooged, thus ending the endless holiday screenings for another year. Or, more likely, for 10 months. Because that shit starts earlier every year. Humbug! Mission Theater. Dec. 26-Jan. 1. Repressed Cinema rolls out a doozy in the form of Love God, one of the first films shot on digital video. It features Reno 911’s Kerri Kenney, plus monsters, hallucinatory imagery, buckets of gore and groundbreaking effects that make your old Dell’s screensavers look like Avatar. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Tuesday, Dec. 30.

MOVIES

S o n y e n t e r ta i n m e n t

dec. 26–Jan. 1

NEWS

PAGE 7

Merry ChristMas, KiM Jong-un: The Interview opens thursday, Dec. 25, at hollywood theatre and Living room theaters.

hollywood theatre

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-281-4215 THe InTeRVIeW thurs 9:45 Fri 4:00, 9:30 Sat-Sun 1:30, 4:00, 9:30 mon-tues 9:30, thurs 2:15, 4:30, 9:30 WILd Fri 4:15, 6:45, 9:15 Sat-Sun 1:45, 4:15, 6:45, 9:15 montues 9:30 thurs 2:15, 4:30, 9:30 BIRdMan OR (THe UneXPecTed VIRTUe OF IGnORance) Fri 4:30, 7:00 Sat-Sun, mon, Wed, thurs 7:00 tues 9:30 THe BaBadOOK Fri-tues, thurs 9:45 inTeRSTeLLaR Fri-Sat-Sunmon-tues-Wed-thurs 6:30 THe BLacK HOLe Sat-Sun 2:00 LOVe GOd tues 7:30

Living room theaters

341 SW 10th Ave., 971-222-2010 THe InTeRVIeW thurs-FriSat-Sun-mon-tues-Wed-thurs 9:50, 11:15 anTaRcTIca: a YeaR On Ice thurs-Fri-SatSun-mon-tues-Wed-thurs 11:10, 5:00 cITIZenFOUR thurs-Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tuesWed-thurs 12:00, 2:20, 7:15 FORce MaJeURe thurs-FriSat-Sun-mon-tues-Wed-thurs 2:30, 9:35 InSIde THe MInd OF LeOnaRdO In 3d thursFri-Sat-Sun-mon-tues-Wedthurs 12:15, 2:00, 4:50, 6:45 THe BaBadOOK thurs-FriSat-Sun-mon-tues-Wed-thurs 1:10, 3:15, 5:20, 7:30, 9:40 UnBROKen thurs-Fri-SatSun-mon-tues-Wed-thurs 11:00, 11:30, 12:30, 2:30, 3:30, 4:00, 5:30, 6:30, 7:00, 8:30, 9:00, 9:30

regal Lloyd Center 10 & iMaX

1510 NE Multnomah St. THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS—an IMaX 3d eXPeRIence FriSat-Sun 11:35, 03:05, 07:00, 10:25 InTO THe WOOdS Fri-Sat-Sun 12:40, 03:55, 07:20, 10:25 THe GaMBLeR Fri-Sat-Sun 01:00, 04:30, 07:30, 10:15 UnBROKen Fri-Sat-Sun 11:45, 03:15, 06:35, 09:55 THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS Fri-Sat-Sun 12:10, 03:40, 06:30, 09:50 WILd Fri-Sat-Sun 11:55, 02:55, 06:20, 07:05, 09:25, 10:05 THe IMITaTIOn GaMe FriSat-Sun 12:20, 03:25, 06:45, 10:20 InTeRSTeLLaR FriSat-Sun 12:00, 03:50, 07:45

avalon theatre & Wunderland

3451 SE Belmont St., 503-238-1617 JOHn WIcK Fri-Sat-Sun-

mon-tue-Wed 09:30 ST. VIncenT Fri-Sat-Sunmon-tue-Wed 06:20 THe BOOK OF LIFe Fri-SatSun-mon-tue-Wed 12:45, 04:30 aLeXandeR and THe TeRRIBLe, HORRIBLe, nO GOOd, VeRY Bad daY Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 11:10, 02:35 GOne GIRL Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 08:15 THe BOXTROLLS FriSat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 11:15, 01:05, 05:15 GUaRdIanS OF THe GaLaXY Fri-SatSun-mon-tue-Wed 03:00, 07:15

Bagdad theater

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS FriSat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 11:30, 03:00, 07:00, 10:45

Cinema 21

616 NW 21st Ave., 503-223-4515 WILd Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tueWed 12:00, 02:30, 05:00, 07:30, 09:00, 09:40 BIG eYeS Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tueWed 01:45, 02:00, 04:15, 04:30, 06:45, 07:15, 09:30

Clinton street theater

2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 THe BIG LeBOWSKI FriSat-Sun 07:30 THe ROcKY HORROR PIcTURe SHOW Sat 12:00 LITTLe MISTaKeS Sun 02:00 nO FILMS SHOWInG TOdaY mon-tue BILL THe GaLacTIc HeRO Wed 07:30

Mission theater and Pub

1624 NW Glisan St., 503-249-7474-5 GOne GIRL Fri-Sat-Sunmon-tue-Wed 01:10 IT’S a WOndeRFUL LIFe FriSat-Sun-mon-tue 07:00 ScROOGed Fri-Sat-Sunmon-tue-Wed 04:30

Moreland theatre

6712 SE Milwaukie Ave., 503-236-5257 THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS FriSat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 05:30, 08:30

roseway theatre

7229 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-282-2898 THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS 3d Fri-Sat-tue-Wed 01:00, 04:30, 08:00 THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS Sun-mon 01:00, 04:30, 08:00

2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-231-7919 THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS FriSat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 03:50, 07:00, 10:00 WILd Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 04:00, 06:30, 09:05

Kiggins theatre

1011 Main St., 360-816-0352 GOne WITH THe WInd Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue 05:00 THe ROcKY HORROR PIcTURe SHOW Sat 10:00

edgefield Powerstation theater

2126 SW Halsey St., 503-249-7474-2 THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS FriSat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 03:00, 07:00, 10:45

Kennedy school theater

5736 NE33rd Ave., 503-249-7474-4 aLeXandeR and THe TeRRIBLe, HORRIBLe, nO GOOd, VeRY Bad daY Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue 12:00 GOne GIRL Fri-SatSun-mon-tue 02:00, 08:15 FURY Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue 05:15 neW YeaRS eVe ceLeBRaTIOn Wed 09:00

empirical theatre at oMsi

1945 SE Water Ave., 503-797-4000 WaLKInG WITH dInOSaURS 3d Fri-SatSun 12:00, 03:30 WILd Ocean Fri-Sat-Sun 11:00, 02:30 BeaRS Fri-Sat-Sun 01:00 FLIGHT OF THe BUTTeRFLIeS Fri-SatSun 10:00 THe POLaR eXPReSS Fri-Sat-Sun 04:30 PenGUInS OF MadaGaScaR Fri-Sat 04:30

regal Fox tower stadium 10

846 SW Park Ave. THe GaMBLeR Fri-SatSun 11:20, 01:50, 04:20, 07:15, 09:45 TOP FIVe Fri-Sat-Sun 11:45, 02:10, 04:50, 07:10, 09:40 THe HOMeSMan Fri-SatSun 12:20, 03:30, 06:30, 09:10 THe IMITaTIOn GaMe Fri-Sat-Sun 11:40, 12:40, 02:15, 03:40, 04:50, 06:40, 07:20, 09:20, 09:50 FOXcaTcHeR Fri-SatSun 12:30, 04:00, 07:00, 10:00 InTeRSTeLLaR Fri-Sat-Sun 12:15, 03:50, 07:30 THe THeORY OF eVeRYTHInG Fri-Sat-Sun 12:00, 03:20, 06:20, 09:00 nIGHTcRaWLeR Fri-SatSun 01:40, 09:30 BIRdMan OR (THe UneXPecTed VIRTUe OF IGnORance) Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 02:20, 04:30, 07:30, 10:10 WHIPLaSH Fri-Sat-Sun

11:15, 04:15, 06:50

nW Film Center’s Whitsell auditorium 1219 SW Park Ave., 503-221-1156 STRaY dOGS Fri-Sat-Sun 04:00, 07:00

regal Pioneer Place stadium 6

340 SW Morrison St. InTO THe WOOdS Fri-SatSun-mon-tue-Wed 10:30, 01:30, 04:30, 07:40 annIe Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 11:00, 02:00, 05:00, 07:50 nIGHT aT THe MUSeUM: SecReT OF THe TOMB Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 10:50, 01:20, 04:10, 07:15 THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS FriSat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 11:30 THe HOBBIT: THe BaTTLe OF THe FIVe aRMIeS 3d Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 03:15, 07:00 THe HUnGeR GaMeS: MOcKInGJaY, PaRT 1 Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 10:40, 01:40, 04:40, 07:30 eXOdUS: GOdS and KInGS Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 03:00 eXOdUS: GOdS and KInGS 3d Fri-Sat-Sun-montue-Wed 11:15, 06:30

st. Johns theater

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-249-7474-6 nIGHT aT THe MUSeUM: SecReT OF THe TOMB Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 12:45, 03:30, 07:00, 09:30

academy theater

7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500 deaR WHITe PeOPLe Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tueWed 04:15 JOHn WIcK Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue 09:30 ST. VIncenT FriSat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 02:30, 07:15 FURY Fri-SatSun-mon-tue-Wed 11:30, 06:30 GOne GIRL Fri-SatSun-mon-tue-Wed 01:30, 06:45 THe BOXTROLLS Fri-Sat-Sun-mon-tue-Wed 11:20, 02:10 GUaRdIanS OF THe GaLaXY Fri-SatSun-mon-tue-Wed 12:00, 04:45 FeRRIS BUeLLeR’S daY OFF Fri-Sat-Sun-montue-Wed 04:30

SCOOP P.G. 24

CineMagic theatre

Subject to change. call theaterS or ViSit WWeek.com/moVietimeS For the moSt up-to-date inFormation Friday-thurSday, dec. 26-jan. 1, unleSS otherWiSe indicated

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

END ROLL THE CANNA-GIFT GUIDE BY MA RY R OMA N O

willie@wweek.com

Santa has been preparing his sleigh all year, but it’s quite possible some Willie Weed readers forgot about Christmas shopping until right about—shit. For what is surely the last gift guide of the year, we’ve got an Oregon-made gift for every breed of stoner on your list, from your closettoking uncle to your openly toking landlord.

‘

PUBLISHES JAN 28

DEADLINE TO RESERVE AD SPACE: Thursday, Jan 22 at 4pm CALL: 503.243.2122 | EMAIL: ADVERTISING@WWEEK.COM

CANNABIS CURE-ALL TINCTURE Kama Sutra Meets Marijuana luminousbotanicals.com, $4 single-use bottle, $65 for a 30-milliliter bottle. This unique blend of organic nut oils and cannabis extract is designed to be eaten, massaged into sore muscles or joints, and used by both men and women to enhance sensual pleasure. Grab a few, and give one for pain relief, a sexy stocking stuffer, and perhaps a self-gift for the more curious at heart. LUNCHBOX SQUIBS Gummies to Go lunchboxalchemy.com, $10. Each gummy packs a punch of 100 milligrams of THC, equivalent to a solid smoking session. The chewy pucks have notoriously consistent dosage, without a noticeable taste of cannabis. Available in wild cherry, orange, green apple and pineapple. They’re pocket-ready in a slick plastic case. RIPPED CITY GREEN SODA Pot Pop for a Higher Happy Hour Canna Candy Co., $6 regular, $10 extra strength. Here’s the perfect present for the listless mixologist in your life. The soda comes in root beer, Medie

Mist, Dr. Green (Mountain Dew-ish) or orange flavors, and can be diluted with regular soda for those with less cannabis tolerance. SWEET GREEN GRASS COOKIES Famous Amos Gets Stony sweetgreengrass.com, $6 each, $24 for a pack of four. These mini cookies combine the classic pot cookie with modern medicinal value. Made with cannabisinfused coconut oil, the bite-size cookies stay moist and chewy, with an impressive 150 mg each. Sweet Green Grass developed its own wheat-free blend for three of its cookie flavors, making them a great gift for the stricter eaters in your smoking circle. ESSENCE PRE-FILLED DISPOSABLE VAPE PEN Sleek Simplicity for the Laziest of Smokers Pure Green, 3738 NE Sandy Blvd., 971-242-8561, puregreenpdx.com, $50. Sometimes negotiating a carb, a bowl piece, or even a lighter can be too stressful when you need some weed. This model is so user-friendly that one merely inhales to activate the pen and release a puff of 34 percent THC vapor. Each pen boasts 100-150 puffs, lasting about a week for a regular smoker. Even without buttons or any residue after being used, there’s no need to worry about knowing whether or not it’s working: the end will light up like Rudolph’s nose when producing vapor. THE KASHER A Dirty Bowl’s Best Friend mykasher.com, $5. Sick of ruining chopsticks and bobby pins when the pipe gets clogged? The Kasher is the tool you need. It fits on a Bic lighter for convenient storage. If you’re cool with a belated Christmas delivery, visit their website to customize the text on a Kasher for your loved one.

For more information on John Callahan’s memorial, see ffojohncallahan.tumblr.com. 52

Willamette Week DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

CLASSIFIEDS DIRECTORY 53

WELLNESS

REAL ESTATE

54 JONESIN’

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PAINTING/WALLPAPERING HYPNOSIS

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is now accepting registrations for its next conference, July 13 - 17, 2015. The course is held in the exquisite town of Oceanside, Oregon. There will be five experienced authors (YA, MG, nonfiction, picture book, poetry), two children’s book editors (from major NY houses), and one children’s book agent. A number of our students have been published. We’d like you to be the next. Please go to www.occbww.com for much more information. Or contact us at authilus@teleport.com

HEALTH STRUGGLING WITH DRUGS OR ALCHOHOL? Addicted to PILLS? Talk to someone who cares. Call The Addiction Hope & Help Line for a free assessment. 800-978-6674

LESSONS CLASSICAL PIANO/ KEYBOARD THEORY. PERFORMANCE. ALL AGES. PARTY ENTERTAINMENT PORTLAND 503-227-6557

LOST & FOUND FOUND TABLET COMPUTER I would like to report finding a surface tablet computer on the Willamete waterfront on the 6th of October. Please contact me if you have any further questions or if you may know who this belongs to.

REAL ESTATE Looking for Residential or Commercial Property Listings? Visit nwhpr.com View Homes, Commercial, and Business Property for Sale and Lease, in Oregon & SW Washington.

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Willamette Week Classifieds DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

TO PLACE AN AD CONTACT:

MATT PLAMBECK

503-445-2757 • mplambeck@wweek.com

CHATLINES

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Across 1 Overwhelm 6 Mark a ballot 10 “I Am ___ of Constant Sorrow” 14 FDR had it 15 Sent notes to online 16 Go as fast as you can 17 Mix up the letters in a former “SNL” player’s last name? 20 Even score 21 “I’m Like ___” (Nelly Furtado hit)

22 Pretentious name for the Jan Brady fan club? 28 Jong and others 29 Rejoice 30 Swiss potato dish 31 Recipe command 32 Animal with antlers 35 Bizarre way an African dictator used to close his letters? 39 Ping-pong table divider

40 Concoct 41 Top group 42 Bathroom floor item 44 Person who holds property in trust 45 NBA player who grew up in Istanbul? 48 “There Will Be ___” 49 ___ Arbor 50 Howl the surname of a theater great? 58 Spot on the

Down 1 Business that offers foot massages 2 Came out on top 3 In the style of 4 Russian plane 5 Painting of a person 6 YouTube rival 7 “r u kidding?!” 8 It can be iced or spiced 9 Mag workers 10 “I know you ___ what am I?” 11 Bialik of “The Big Bang Theory” 12 Sharp, poetically 13 “___ alert!” 18 Intentions 19 Starbucks size 22 Gradually diminish 23 Drop in on 24 Prefix with plasm 25 Captured back 26 Boot out of the country 27 Do some knitting 28 Ms. Brockovich

31 La ___ (famed opera house) 32 Hirsch of “Into the Wild” 33 Petrol amount 34 Proposer’s joint 36 Mosque head 37 Doesn’t just think about 38 Dismounted 42 Fur shawls 43 Last part of a classical piece 44 Irishman in sunglasses 45 Skateboard move 46 Aggressive sellers 47 Hooded coat 48 Bankrupt 51 He meows 52 Manage (a living) 53 Obtained 54 Believe, as a dubious story 55 Golf cart’s cousin, for short 56 Fish eggs 57 Like some humor

last week’s answers

©2014 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ707.

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BACK COVER CONTINUED...

Week of December 25

TO PLACE AN AD ON BACK COVER CONTINUED call 503-445-2757

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “Hell is the suffering of being unable to love,” wrote novelist J. D. Salinger. Using that definition, I’m happy to announce that you have a good chance of avoiding hell altogether in 2015. If there has been any deficiency in your power to express and bestow love, I think you will correct it. If you have been so intent on getting love that you have been neglectful in giving love, you will switch your focus. I invite you to keep a copy of this horoscope in your wallet for the next 12 months. Regard it as your “Get Out of Hell Free” card. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Beetles are abundant and ubiquitous. Scientists have identified more than 350,000 species, and they are always discovering new ones. In 2011, for example, they conferred official recognition on 3,485 additional types of beetles. I’m seeing a parallel development in your life, Taurus. A common phenomenon that you take for granted harbors mysteries that are worth exploring. Something you regard as quite familiar actually contains interesting features you don’t know about. In 2015, I hope you will open your mind to the novelties and exotica that are hidden in plain sight. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Auguste Escoffier (18461935) was an influential French chef who defined and standardized the five “mother sauces.” But he wasn’t content to be a star in his own country. At the age of 44, he began his “conquest of London,” bringing his spectacular dining experience to British restaurants. He thought it might be hard to sell his new clientele on frogs’ legs, a traditional French dish, so he resorted to trickery. On the menu, he listed it as “Nymphs of the Dawn.” According to my reading of the omens, this is an example of the hocus-pocus that will be your specialty in 2015. And I suspect you will get away with it every time as long as your intention is not selfish or manipulative, but rather generous and constructive. CANCER (June 21-July 22): The entomologist Charles P. Alexander (1889-1981) devoted much of his professional life to analyzing the insect known as the crane fly. He identified over 11,000 different species, drew 15,000 illustrations of the creatures, and referred to his lab as “Crane Fly Haven.” That’s the kind of singleminded intention I’d love to see you adopt during the first six months of 2015, Cancerian. What I’m imagining is that you will choose a specific, well-defined area within which you will gleefully explore and experiment and improvise. Is there a subject or task or project you would have fun pursuing with that kind of intensity? LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In Don DeLillo’s novel Underworld, Cotter Martin is a young boy living in New York in the 1950s. The following description is about him. “In school they tell him sometimes to stop looking out the window. This teacher or that teacher. The answer is not out there, they tell him. And he always wants to say that’s exactly where the answer is.” I propose we regard this passage as one of your themes in 2015, Leo. In other words, be skeptical of any authority who tells you where you should or should not be searching for the answers. Follow your own natural inclination, even if at first it seems to be nothing more than looking out the window. VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “It is always important to know when something has reached its end,” writes Paulo Coelho in his book The Zahir. Use this advice heroically in 2015, Virgo. Wield it to clear away anything that no longer serves you, that weighs you down or holds you back. Prepare the way for the new story that will begin for you around your next birthday. “Closing circles, shutting doors, finishing chapters,” Coelho says, “it doesn’t matter what we call it; what matters is to leave in the past those moments in life that are over.” LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): “On some nights I still believe,” said rascal journalist Hunter S. Thompson, “that a car with the gas needle on empty can run about fifty more miles if you have the right music very loud on the radio.” In 2015, I invite you to adopt some of that pushit-to-the-edge attitude for your personal use, Libra. Maybe not full-time; maybe not with the same manic

intensity that Thompson did. Rather, simply tap into it as needed -- whenever you’ve got to up your game or raise your intensity level or rouse the extra energy you need TO ACHIEVE TOTAL, WONDROUS, RESOUNDING VICTORY!!! The coming months will be your time to go all the way, hold nothing back, and quest for the best and the most and the highest. SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Twenty miles long, the Onyx River is the longest body of moving water on the continent of Antarctica. Most of the year it’s ice, though. It actually flows for just two or three months during the summer. Let’s hope that continues to be the case for the foreseeable future. It would be a shame if global warming got so extreme that the Onyx melted permanently. But now let’s talk about your own metaphorical equivalent of the Onyx: a potentially flowing part of your life that is often frozen. I’d love to see it heat up and thaw. I’d love it to be streaming and surging most of the time. And in 2015, I think that’s a distinct possibility. Consider making the following declaration your battle cry: I am the Flow Master! SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): “The best way to keep a prisoner from escaping is to make sure he never knows he’s in prison.” That quote is attributed to both Russian author Fyodor Dostoevsky and Russian author Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn. Regardless of who said it, I urge you to keep it in mind throughout 2015. Like all of us, you are trapped in an invisible prison: a set of beliefs or conditioned responses or bad habits that limit your freedom to act. That’s the bad news. The good news is that in the coming months, you are poised to discover the exact nature of your invisible prison, and then escape it. CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): When he was 37 years old, actor Jack Nicholson found out that Ethel May, the woman he had always called his mother, was in fact his grandma. Furthermore, his “older sister” June was actually his mom, who had given birth to him when she was 17. His relatives had hidden the truth from him. I suspect that in 2015 you will uncover secrets and missing information that will rival Nicholson’s experience. Although these revelations may initially be confusing or disruptive, in the long run they will heal and liberate you. Welcome them! AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): “Meupareunia” is an English word that refers to a sexual adventure in which only one of the participants has a good time. I’ll be bold and predict that you will not experience a single instance of meupareunia in 2015. That’s because I expect you’ll be steadily upgrading your levels of empathy and your capacity for receptivity. You will be getting better and better at listening to your intimate allies and reading their emotional signals. I predict that synergy and symbiosis will be your specialties. Both your desire to please and your skill at giving pleasure will increase, as will your understanding of how many benefits you can reap by being a responsive partner. PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): “Be good and you will be lonesome,” said Mark Twain. Do you agree? I don’t -- at least as it applies to your life in 2015. According to my understanding of the long-term astrological omens, you will attract an abundance of love and luck by being good -- by expressing generosity, deepening your compassion, cultivating integrity, and working for justice and truth and beauty. That doesn’t mean you should be a pushover or doormat. Your resolve to be good must be leavened by a determination to deepen your selfrespect. Your eagerness to do the right thing has to include a commitment to raising your levels of self-care.

Homework Make three predictions about your life in 2015. Tell me at Truthrooster@gmail.com.

check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes & Daily Text Message Horoscopes

freewillastrology.com

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at

1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700

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Willamette Week Classifieds DECEMBER 24, 2014 wweek.com

DEC. 24, 2014

How’s your PDX IQ? A guidebook for locals.

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A FEMALE FRIENDLY SEX TOY BOUTIQUE for every body

OXYTOCIN, THE LOVE DRUG: BIRTH, ORGASM, & INTIMACY / WED, JAN 14 - 7:30 – $20 BEYOND MONOGAMY / THURS, JAN 22 - 7:30 – $20 PLEASURE, POWER, AND PAIN: AN INTRO TO BDSM / WED, JAN 28TH - 7:30 – $20 THE JOYS OF TOYS! / THURS, FEB 5 - 7:30 – $15

HAPPY HOLIDAYS FROM TEAM BOP!!!

SHEBOPTHESHOP.COM / 909 N BEECH ST / 3213 SE DIVISION ST / PORTLAND OREGON / SU-TH 11–7, FR–SA 11–8

Personalized instruction for over 15yrs. www.danielnoland.com 503-546-3137

Eskrima Classes

Personal weapon & street defense. www.nwfighting.com or 503-740-2666

Willamette Week’s

JuiJitsu

COMING SOON!

Ground defense under black belt instruction www.nwfighting.com or 503-740-2666

BUY LOCAL, BUY AMERICAN, BUY MARY JANES

WHERE SINGLES MEET Browse & Reply FREE! 503-299-9911 Use FREE Code 2557, 18+

Comedy Classes

Improv, Standup, Sketch writing. Now enrolling The Brody Theater, 503-224-2227 www.brodytheater.com

CASH for INSTRUMENTS Tradeupmusic.com SE - 503-236-8800 NE - 503-335-8800

Nonprofit Attorneys Bankruptcy

Tax, Tenants, Small Business, More Payment Plans - Sliding-Scale (503) 208-4079 www.CommunityLawProject.org

Nonprofits,

Glass Pipes, Vaporizers, Incense & Candles 5425 NE 33rd Ave. Portland, OR 97211

1425 NW 23rd 17937 SW McEwan Rd. Portland, OR 97210 Tualatin, OR. 97224 (503) 841-5751 (503) 746-7522

AA HYDROPONICS

9966 SW Arctic Drive, Beaverton 9220 SE Stark Street, Portland American Agriculture ï americanag.com PDX 503-256-2400 BVT 503-641-3500

4th Annual

Top Portland Agent

Stephen FitzMaurice, Realtor Sell your home fast, for less. Full service. Unbeatable marketing program. Join hundreds of satisfied Portland home sellers. Licensed Broker in OR, Premiere Property Group, LLC. 3636 NE Broadway St. 503-975-6853 RealEstateAgentPDX.com

Stephen’s Home of the Week

We Buy, Sell & Trade New and Used Hydroponic Equipment. 503-747-3624

Oregon Medical Marijuana Patient Resource Center *971-255-1456* 1310 SE 7TH AVE Open 7 Days www.ommpResourceCenter.com

503 235 1035

It works! Hurry: The deadline is Monday 1/5 at 4pm. Contact Matt Plambeck at WW to learn more. Call 503-445-2757 or go to

wweek.com/volunteerguide

FOLLOW @ WWE E K ON TWITTER

W W E E K D OT C O M

4612 NE Sandy Blvd Open M-F noon-7 pm, Sat noon-6 pm

On January 14 and 21, Willamette Week will be publishing — in print and online — our fourth annual Volunteer Guide.

NORTH WEST HYDROPONIC R&R

7114 SW MURRAY BLVD, 2bed, 2bath, 1052sq, $139,900 RealEstateAgentPDX.com

MARIJUANA STORE

Here’s your best chance to find great volunteers for the new year ahead!

Cost Plus 10% On all New Commercial Setups! Hydroponics-Organics-Grow Lights

MEDICAL MARIJUANA Card Services Clinic

503-384-WEED (9333) www.mmcsclinic.com 4911 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland Mon-Sat 9-6

Com Co me in ffo or a chance to win a $1,00 000 0 shoppin ng spre ree in our Holiday ay Give ve Aw Aw wa ay ay y..

www.m www w.mellow owmo moo od.co com m

4119 9 SE E Ha aw th horn ne, Porr tland d

Pizza Delivery

Until 4AM!