41 18 willamette week, march 4, 2015

NEWS Mead, Muck and Money.

FOOD PERSIAN IN BEAVERTON. FILM VINCE VAUGHN’S FORMULA.

P. 10

P. 22

WILLAMETTE WEEK PORTLAND’S NEWSWEEKLY

“SHE SPOKE A LOT LONGER THAN JOHN DID.” P. 7

Man vs . mac h i n e wweek.com

VOL 41/18 03.04.2015

A state video poker machine dealt Justin Curzi a strange hand.

Now he’s calling the Oregon Lottery’s bluff. by beth slovic page 12

P. 39

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FINDINGS

PAGE 21

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 41, ISSUE 18.

If you’re looking for a solid breed of ranching goat, you want a hardy South African import. 7 If you want to wash out your mead tanks into a city sewer, the Bureau of Environmental Services is going to charge you so they can watch. 10 Información para Portland Public Schools’ $2.5 million diversity program no disponible en español. 11

ON THE COVER:

Oregon’s tax on people who are bad at math makes the state more money than anything except personal income tax. 12 Lucky Lab’s brewmaster has amassed a crazy collection of aged barleywines. 22 The Hiphopopotamus is a vampire now. 40 A new marijuana dispensary is like a bikini barista shack, but with weed. 44

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Justin Curzi, photographed

by Jason DeSomer.

The disgraced ex-governor put the “Princess of Darkness” in charge of his failed Cover Oregon project.

STAFF Editor-in-Chief Mark Zusman EDITORIAL Managing Editor for News Brent Walth Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Aaron Mesh, Beth Slovic Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, James Yu Stage & Screen Editor Enid Spitz Web & Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer Books Penelope Bass Dance Kaitie Todd

Visual Arts Richard Speer Editorial Interns Lucas Chemotti, Parker Hall, Anthony Macuk, Anna Walters CONTRIBUTORS Dave Cantor, Nathan Carson, Rachel Graham Cody, Pete Cottell, Shannon Gormley, Jordan Green, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, John Locanthi, Mark Stock PRODUCTION Production Manager Dylan Serkin Art Director Kathleen Marie Special Sections Art Director Kristina Morris Graphic Designers Mitch Lillie, Xel Moore Production Interns Kyle Key, Jennifer Plitzko

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Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

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INBOX KITZHABER AND HIS CONSULTANT

Once again, another layer is peeled from the onion, and another layer of John Kitzhaber’s total failure as governor is brought into daylight [“Kitzhaber’s Secret Weapon,” WW, Feb. 25, 2015].

And it sounds like Patricia McCaig is in it up to her neck, too. Given her background, what on earth would possess her to undertake things like the Columbia River Crossing project or Cover Oregon?

Sadly, I think there is even more yet to come.

—“J E Nielsen” This all comes back to Kitzhaber’s real personality…the heart of the king. Bringing McCaig on to smoke-screen Cover Oregon to get re-elected was a slime-bag move made by a desperate candidate hell-bent on covering up the third-term dents to get to the unprecedented fourth term.

Especially since she had no health care experience. That makes it 10 times worse.

—“Harley Leiber” Kitzhaber should go to jail if it’s only for putting someone with no knowledge of the health care industry in charge of a $300 million debacle after she ran another $300 million debacle into the Columbia River.

We Oregonians are idiots. This guy oversaw both of these and we re-elected him.

—“Douglas Williams” Who would have thought the closest thing to Richard Nixon since Richard Nixon would be

Our street just got LED streetlights.

I love the bright white light! Do they last longer than yellow sodium lights? How much power do they save? How long before we switch out all the old lights? What’s the city’s installation plan? I really like the new lights.

—Not a Talking Dog Settle down, Cornholio. I realize it must seem pretty awesome that you can now spend 24 hours a day alphabetizing the gravel in your driveway, but you should really consider getting some sleep one of these weeks.

First, the good news: LED streetlights you so cherish are coming to Portland in a big way—the changeover is expected to be more or less complete in five years.

LEDs have a shapely cost-benefit curve that has created rustling in the pleated trousers of civic-planning wonks nationwide. The initial outlay is two to four times higher than the cur4

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

a blue-jeaned, cowboy-booted governor by the name of John Kitzhaber?

—“Dave Lister”

GOV. BROWN PUT TO THE TEST

Your article “Carbon Copy?” [WW, Feb. 18, 2015], with the stated premise that “a climate-change bill will test Gov. Kate Brown’s independence,” was wrong to suggest she must oppose the carbon fuel standards bill to demonstrate her independence from former Gov. John Kitzhaber.

Her independence will, in fact, be tested by whether the position she takes on the bill is dictated by her conscience, sound science and enough backbone to withstand the corporate lobbying of the energy industry and the Republicans whose strings they control.

WW’s piece is anything but journalistic independence; it simply rephrases the Republican Party’s talking points, which attempt to manipulate the governor to their own ends.

Robert Reid Southwest Portland

CORRECTION

In last week’s story on local cider pubs (“Pickin’ Pubs,” WW, Feb. 25, 2015), we misnamed one of Portland Cider Co.’s co-owners. He is Jeff Parrish. WW regrets the error.

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification.

Letters must be 250 or fewer words.

Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210.

Fax: (503) 243-1115. Email: mzusman@wweek.com.

rent sodium lights, but LEDs last four times as long and use half the power.

The upshot is the change is projected to save the city $17 million over the next 20 years. Better, cheaper, brighter—what’s the catch?

Well, in London, where the LED changeover is further along, the Daily Mail reports that round-the-clock white light is disrupting some residents’ sleep.

I’m reluctant to introduce Portlanders to the luminescent version of gluten, but blue-white light can interfere with the body’s production of melatonin. This is why they make apps that turn your computer screen orange in the wee hours— it’s supposed to help you go to sleep instead of wanking your way into tomorrow.

Historically, America’s streets have been as bright as we could afford to make them. Now that LED technology has put us in a position to cheaply dispense with nighttime forever, we may need to fine-tune that assumption.

QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2014 wweek.com

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POLITICS: Kitzhaber’s emails and a big campaign donor.

BUSINESS: Craft brewers are foaming about city sewer costs.

SCHOOLS: No Spanish materials for Spanish-speaking parents.

COVER STORY: One man’s troubling video poker discovery.

7 10 11 12

E VA N J O H N S O N

TED VS. CHARLIE? A POTENTIAL 2016 FIGHT FOR CITY HALL. Portland Mayor Charlie Hales looks like a cinch for re-election next year, but some powerful constituents would like to see Hales work to keep his City Hall job. Three sources tell WW that representatives of the business community have reached out to State Treasurer Ted Wheeler to gauge his interest in running for mayor.

Wheeler, whose term ends in January 2017, saw his WHEELER chances to succeed former Gov. John Kitzhaber dim when Kitzhaber’s Feb. 18 resignation elevated Wheeler’s rival, then-Secretary of State Kate Brown, to the governor’s offi ce. Wheeler is cagey about his plans. “I have been approached by lots of people about lots of opportunities,” he says, “but it would be premature to comment on any of them. I haven’t ruled anything in and I haven’t ruled anything out.” Hales, meanwhile, has been aggressive about showing his political strength. As wweek.com reported two weeks ago, Hales recently raised $21,000 from big donors— and then disclosed it nearly a month before he was required to. Hales has added nearly $9,000 since then.

The Portland cab industry’s fight with ride app Uber is driving to Salem. An alliance of taxi companies is backing a bill in the Oregon Legislature that would require transportation companies like Uber and Lyft to carry commercial insurance at all times. The insurance industry has proposed a bill mandating that the companies’ drivers carry such insurance.

Cab companies, which are fighting Mayor Charlie Hales’ deal to allow Uber to operate in Portland starting in April, say the insurance requirements would level the playing field. “It’s proper for protecting the public,” says Stephen Kafoury, a lobbyist for Broadway Cab. “I’ve talked to a lot of legislators about this, and I don’t think anybody disagrees with me.”

Uber is urging lawmakers to wait until the city rules are written. “We think the Portland process is going very well,” says Uber regional manager Brooke Steger, “and could be a model for the state.”

The bitterly fought election for the top job at Plumbers and Steamfitters Local 290 isn’t over after all (“Steaming Mad,” WW, Dec. 24, 2014). In January, incumbent business manager Fritz “Al” Shropshire beat challenger Lou Christian for another threeyear term atop one of the state’s largest trade unions.

But after an investigation of alleged campaign irregularities, including Shropshire’s use of union resources for his campaign, an official of the Plumbers and Steamfitters voided the results and ordered a new election. “These violations require a rerun of the election,” wrote investigator Scott Smith in a Feb. 12 letter to the candidates.

Shropshire didn’t return calls for comment.

Read more Murmurs and daily scuttlebutt.

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Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

NEWS

GOT A GOOD TIP? CALL 503.445.1542, OR EMAIL NEWSHOUND@WWEEK.COM

EMAILS SHOW HOW FORMER GOV. JOHN KITZHABER’S ENVIRONMENTAL PRINCIPLES AND HIS FRIENDSHIP WITH A CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTOR COLLIDED.

By NIGEL JAQUISS

njaquiss@wweek.com

John LoffLin

ANOTHER KIND OF GREEN state while also running for re-election.

Kitzhaber did not respond to questions for this story.

Last year, Campbell proposed hosting a “Frontier Oregon Summit” at his ranch to promote economic development in Eastern Oregon. The event fell in the middle of Kitzhaber’s campaign for his fourth and final term. When Campbell emailed him about his idea, Kitzhaber responded with enthusiasm.

“Your invite list is excellent,” Kitzhaber wrote to Campbell on June 8, 2014. “If you want me to co-sign a letter to the list I would be glad to do so.”

Kitzhaber’s environmental staff was far less enthusiastic about the prospect of the governor headlining an event that would bring dozens of business and political leaders to Silvies Valley Ranch.

“Governor: I am going to be very direct,” Richard Whitman, Kitzhaber’s natural resources adviser, wrote June 20, 2014.

“There are some serious problems with how Silvies Ranch has carried out its work.”

Scott Campbell operates on a Bunyanesque scale. He bought and expanded Banfield Pet Hospital, creating a chain of 750 veterinarian clinics, before selling the company in 2007. The Southeast Portland resident then turned his energy to his ranch near John Day—all 140,000 acres of it.

Campbell has had grand plans for Silvies Valley Ranch. For more than a decade, he’s been building artificial beaver dams and other water diversions to restore natural habitat and boost hay production. He’s imported South African Boer goats, a hardy breed that mows down invasive plants and barbecues up nicely.

Last year, Kitzhaber, a Democrat, generated The high-desert ranch has a 6,000-foot an unusual level of support from business runway, making it the best place in Grant and timber interests that historically supCounty (pop. 7,283) to land a private plane. port Republicans.

Campbell is building a resort—his plans call His appearance at Campbell’s Frontier for 575 units—and developOregon Summit would highing a 36-hole, eco-friendly ONLINE: this story is part light his commitment to one golf course. of his top priorities, creating of a WW series based on But records show, in his emails that former Gov. John jobs in rural Oregon. office attempted desire to bring economic Kitzhaber’s With his ambitious plans to delete from state development to what he computers. Read more at for Silvies Valley Ranch, calls “Frontier Oregon,” wweek.com/kitzhaberemails.

Campbell gave Kitzhaber Campbell has skirted state the opportunity for a perfect environmental regulations. campaign event.

His water diversion projects blocked Campbell had already established himpassage of endangered redband trout, and self as one of Kitzhaber’s top individual at least one building project’s septic systems contributors, giving him $20,000 for his fell afoul of Oregon Department of Environ- 2010 campaign for governor. Campbell’s mental Quality rules. name wasn’t on the checks. Instead, he used Campbell’s aggressive approach to two of his companies to direct the cash. regulations proved no barrier to a warm When the 2011 Oregon Legislature friendship with then-Gov. John Kitzhaber, opened, Campbell sought a controversial a politician whose environmental views bill that benefited just one party: his Silvies were a pillar of his 35-year political career. Valley Ranch.

That career ended with his Feb. 18 resignaIn most cases, ranch land is zoned so it’s tion amid growing allegations of influence limited largely to agricultural use. But state peddling and conflicts of interest involving Rep. Brian Clem (D-Salem) pushed House him and former first lady Cylvia Hayes.

Bill 3465 to allow Campbell to develop his Kitzhaber’s emails provide a glimpse of massive resort despite land-use rules that his friendship with Campbell, a big cam- would have stopped him. paign contributor. The emails—from the Opponents saw the bill as an end-run accounts that Kitzhaber’s office sought to around Oregon’s land-use laws. “This was delete from state servers Feb. 5—show how a one-off deal that benefits one party,” says the governor tried to balance running the Stephen Kafoury, a lobbyist for the Ameri-

ANIMAL MAN: Scott Campbell made a fortune from the Banfield Pet Hospital. His latest venture is Hannah the Pet Society, which provides pets, food and veterinary care for a monthly fee.

can Planning Association.

Kitzhaber expressed concerns about measures that provide special deals—and then signed the bill into law anyway.

Campbell gave Kitzhaber another $21,000 in 2012, this time writing checks in his own name, and followed in May 2014 with $25,500 more. As he did in 2010, Campbell channeled the 2014 donations through his companies.

Campbell says he made no attempt to disguise his donations but simply wrote checks from company accounts rather than his personal checkbook. “Anyone can find out who owns any company in Oregon,” he says.

In June 2014, Campbell sent an email to Kitzhaber’s personal account about his plan for a Frontier Oregon Summit.

Campbell wanted the summit to advocate less government red tape, especially for rural businesses.

“State agencies must adopt a culture of helping to make things happen, instead of allowing things to happen only if they can’t be stopped by a regulation,” Campbell wrote in a June 8, 2014, memo to Kitzhaber under the heading “Expected Outcomes from the Summit.”

“Laws must be enacted to allow ecological enhancement to happen quickly

and without costly, unnecessary permitting requirements.”

Emails show Kitzhaber asked Campbell to add a name to the list of speakers: first lady Cylvia Hayes. “Cylvia has been working on the poverty issue for the past three years and might have something valuable to contribute,” Kitzhaber wrote June 8, 2014.

Campbell revised his agenda but ignored Kitzhaber’s request. Hayes wasn’t happy.

“I’d like to actually make some comments during our day one wrap up session rather than just being introduced,” she wrote to Kitzhaber on June 19, 2014. “I’d like to introduce the concept of economic reinvention and give a couple brief examples of rural communities that are doing it.”

Kitzhaber circulated Campbell’s agenda.

Whitman, Kitzhaber’s natural resources adviser, voiced objections. Whitman had been in close touch with state regulatory agencies, and became concerned at what he learned about Silvies Valley Ranch.

The message from Whitman was particularly candid compared to other emails Kitzhaber received from his staff. “[Silvies Valley Ranch has] carried out cont. on page 9 Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

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POLITICS their work without obtaining, or even applying or attempting to obtain, federal or state permits,” Whitman wrote to Kitzhaber on June 20, 2014. “I am told that on the order of 1,000 (yes, that’s right, one thousand) small dams/water retention structures have been constructed without state removal-fill permits. State and federal agencies report that the work is blocking fish passage (redband), as well as killing riparian vegetation.”

Kitzhaber wanted the state’s concerns about Campbell’s ranch resolved before the summit. “He wasn’t comfortable attending if the regulatory matter wasn’t resolved,” Whitman says in an email to WW. The Department of State Lands got Campbell to agree to a nine-page consent decree, which detailed the unpermitted inwater work he’d been doing at Silvies Valley Ranch for more than a decade.

Campbell tells WW he hadn’t known he needed permits to do the work. He agreed by January 2016 to file a plan to fix any damage to waterways. Instead of facing civil penalties, Campbell agreed to make a payment of $10,000 to the Common School Fund.

A Department of State Lands spokeswoman declined to comment on the agreement.

Even as he and the state were finalizing the consent agreement, Campbell copied Kitzhaber on emails that illustrated his frustration with regulators, such as the Oregon Department of Environmental Quality.

“Seriously, getting rid of two or three mid level egomaniacs there would increase economic growth in eastern Oregon by ten

NEWS

SPECIAL TREATMENT: Campbell woudn’t be able to operate his ranch as a resort if then-Gov. John Kitzhaber had not signed a 2011 bill intended solely to give Silvies Valley Ranch an exemption under land-use rules. Kitzhaber professed his dislike for such bills, and then signed it anyway to help Campbell, a campaign contributor.

percent all by itself when folks realized you could actually get something approved,” Campbell wrote on July 19, 2014.

Campbell’s Frontier Summit proceeded as planned on June 22 and 23, 2014. Eighty invitees—including eight lawmakers, the heads of the Oregon Business Council and Oregon Business Association, and the first couple—dined on barbecued goat, roasted vegetables and whiskey. A rare thunderstorm ripped the desert sky, but Campbell had ordered a tent more than large enough to accommodate his guests.

Kitzhaber and Hayes flew in from the Hillsboro Airport on Campbell’s private plane to kick off the event.

“She spoke a lot longer than John did,” says one attendee who asked not to be identified. “He didn’t say much at all.”

Emails show Kitzhaber had to leave the two-day gathering early for a fundraiser in Los Angeles hosted by Dean Devlin, producer of the television series Leverage, which filmed in Portland from 2008 to 2012.

Kitzhaber’s emails don’t show much follow-up after the Frontier Summit, except for two messages: He asked a fundraising consultant how much money Campbell had given his re-election campaign so he could hit up another summit attendee, New Seasons Market co-founder Chuck Eggert, for the same amount. Eggert gave $2,500.

Campbell sent Kitzhaber a few messages of support later in 2014, especially as questions about Hayes’ consulting work grew.

In December, Campbell sent Kitzhaber an email (one he tells WW he now regrets) in which he railed against state natural resources agencies and the Oregon Government Ethics Commission, which was beginning an inquiry into Kitzhaber and Hayes.

“They take microscopes to try to find some rule they can over interpret to make any good deed look bad,” Campbell wrote Dec. 13, 2014. “I hope the ethics commission got themselves defunded in your budget— they are not helping Oregon be better, but rather taking us back to the Stone Age!”

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

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BUSINESS

NEWS

SMALL CRAFT BREWERS SAY THE CITY IS MAKING THEM PAY BIG-TIME REGULATORY COSTS.

BY AA RO N M E S H

amesh@wweek.com

Brooks Cooper dreamed for more than a decade of ditching his law practice to make sparkling mead, an alcoholic beverage created by fermenting honey.

Last year, he and a friend took the plunge, founding Stung Fermented in a Northeast Portland warehouse along I-84.

Cooper has invested $62,000 of his own money in the company, which he hopes will produce 2,000 barrels in its first year—a tiny amount even by the standards of craft breweries.

But it’s one expense of $3,735, a fraction of his startup capital, that has him feeling… well, stung.

“IT’S EASIER TO GIVE THE BULLY YOUR LUNCH MONEY THAN GET BEATEN UP.” —BROOKS COOPER That’s the cost of a 3-foot-tall, stainless steel and concrete box that city sewer regulators are forcing Cooper to install.

The box, called a “wastewater inspection port,” lets inspectors from the Bureau of Environmental Services measure how much organic material Stung Fermented is pouring into the city’s wastewater system.

It’s a requirement that’s only supposed to apply to BES’s large industrial customers. Cooper showed city officials calculations demonstrating he planned to dump far less water than what city code says triggers the requirement.

Their response? Install the port anyway, or forget about a city permit.

Cooper sees no choice but to pay.

“It’s not worth jeopardizing my business for two years while I fight it in court,” he says. “I’ll knuckle under, like everybody

N ATA L I E B E H R I N G . C O M

MEAD IT AND WEEP does. It’s easier to give the bully your lunch money than get beaten up. And the city knows how over a barrel they have me.”

Portland’s craft brewing industry is booming, with at least 50 small breweries operating in the city. As the industry has expanded, so have brewers’ complaints about what they call onerous city regulations on small businesses.

City code mandates charging extra fees to industrial sewer users—customers who dump large volumes of water, or flush water with a high concentration of organic materials, like grain or yeast.

Those materials cost the city more money to remove from its wastewater system—and if the cost isn’t levied against the companies, it gets passed to all sewer ratepayers.

Portland’s rules mandate that industrial companies, including breweries, install an inspection port so the city can measure how much organic material they’re dumping—and charge fees for extra use.

Craft brewers, defined by federal law as those producing less than 2 million barrels a year, have not always had to install those devices on their sewer pipes. (One longtime Portland craft brewer, speaking on condition of anonymity, says he doesn’t have one.)

But the city has been more active in requiring the ports in recent years.

“We’re doing a better job of catching things,” says Matthew Criblez, who oversees BES’s environmental compliance division.

“Sometimes businesses believe they’re so small they don’t need to install something.

That’s just not the way it works. These guys are discharging five to 25 times the organic material of single-family homes.”

Joel Gregory, founder of Ex Novo Brewing in North Portland’s Eliot neighborhood, says the port cost his business about $5,000—4 percent of startup costs—when it opened last July.

“Far as I know, they haven’t come out and inspected it yet,” Gregory says. “Maybe they will at some point.”

Cooper’s case is unusual because he showed city officials his business was too small to trigger the city’s rule. BES managers acknowledged they didn’t know whether

METERED MEAD: Brooks Cooper says the city of Portland’s permitting requirements for his mead-making company are an unfair burden. “I’m a progressive,” he says, “and they’re making me sound like Mitt Romney.”

he dumped enough wastewater to require charging additional fees using the device.

Then they made him install it anyway.

Cooper says he also doesn’t fall under city regulations because his concentrations of organic wastes are so low. The city disagrees—and says Cooper must prove otherwise.

Criblez says the city is requiring the ports in anticipation of the future.

“There’s a lot of new facilities coming in,” Criblez says. “And some of them are very small. But chances are, within a year or two, they’re going to be larger. It’s going to cost a lot more money to rip up their floor a year or two from now.”

Cooper says that’s ridiculous.

“To pre-regulate things I am not currently doing, because I might someday?” he says.

“Apply that in the criminal context. Because you might commit a crime someday, we’re going to imprison you now. Really?”

Cooper spent more than a month trying to prove to BES via email that Stung Fermented was below the threshold requiring the port.

He cited city code to show that his wastewater use—720 gallons a month— would be a tiny fraction of the 25,000 gallons a day that trigger city policing.

In a Dec. 16 email, Cooper argued that the organic-matter dump from washing

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the mead tanks would be small, “comparable to the solid organic matter produced by a home or two.”

But the city erased any doubt he’d have to spend the money for a port, even if the need for one was speculative.

On Dec. 18, Criblez wrote back, saying BES didn’t know whether Stung Fermented would flush enough wastewater or organic material to require extra charges.

“Further, if your facility expands we will need to reassess the permit type and the extra strength charges, meaning that additional sampling would be necessary,” Criblez wrote. “For these reasons, I am confirming that a sampling structure is required.”

Criblez tells WW the city is requiring the port—and that Cooper faces the expense—so it can learn what Stung’s exact discharge will be. “The whole idea of a sampling location is to charge them for what they’re actually discharging,” he says. “It’s making Stung pay their fair share.”

Cooper says he will install the sampling port next week. He hopes to have his mead tanks running by next month.

But he has a bad taste in his mouth.

“It’s pretty clear to me that I am multiples below the minimum limits,” Cooper says. “They simply won’t listen to me.

Would I use the word ‘extortion’? Sure. I would.”

NEWS w w s ta f f

schools

NO SE HABLA A DIVERSITY TRAINING SESSION FOR SPANISH-SPEAKING PARENTS IN PORTLAND PUBLIC SCHOOLS WAS MISSING JUST ONE THING: SPANISH.

By BETh sloVIc

bslovic@wweek.com

On the evening of Jan. 27, about 50 parents from three Southeast Portland schools gathered at Creative Science School to learn how to overcome racial barriers.

The session, called “Beyond Diversity,” is part of Portland Public Schools’ training programs to “deinstitutionalize racism.” Sessions include talks on “Personalizing Race” and “Examining Whiteness.”

Instead, what many parents got was a lesson in the same barriers that so often trip up minority students.

About a quarter of the parents who attended the first training session spoke only Spanish.

But the school district provided material for the intensive workshop only in English. No interpreters were present.

Lolenzo Poe, chief equity officer at PPS, says the district made a well-meaning mistake. “It’s one of those times where we had good intent, we moved forward,” Poe says. “And then it’s, ‘Oops, OK, I should have seen that.’”

The training is part of the district’s ongoing diversity campaign, “Courageous Conversations,” on which the district has already spent more than $2.5 million in a big push by Superintendent Carole Smith to close racial disparities in the Portland schools.

Subsequent sessions at Creative Science, Bridger and Harrison Park schools included Spanish interpreters. Printed materials were also translated.

Kim Nguyen, a retired PPS employee who worked in translation services and dual-language immersion until 2014, says the lack of materials at the first session raises questions about the district’s ability to serve families who speak foreign languages.

“The district has spent millions of dollars

on Courageous Conversations,” Nguyen says, “and how they provide the information to nonEnglish-speaking families will show how successfully they have achieved their mission.”

Since 2007, when Superintendent Carole Smith took over, PPS has paid $1.8 million to Pacific Educational Group, the San Francisco company that created Courageous Conversations and Beyond Diversity.

The district has spent even more covering the costs of training for teachers and other employees. That includes sending 89 representatives to New Orleans in October for a national Courageous Conversations summit. One of the sessions covered “the Latino experience through language.”

How such a mistake could have been made by a district so committed to diversity is still unclear. According to one explanation, the terminology the racial diversity program uses is difficult to translate.

In a Jan. 28 email, obtained by WW through a public records request, Veronica Bañuelos, a school-family partnerships coordinator, wrote she was told that PPS officials couldn’t agree on how to translate many of the concepts in the training session’s 76-page workbook.

The booklet talks, for example, about “social construction of knowledge,” “racial consciousness” and “whiteness.” Still, Bañuelos wrote, the district had an “obligation” to provide some sort of translation.

PPS chief spokesman Jon Isaacs told WW that Pacific Educational Group, which oversees Courageous Conversations courses, owns the copyright to the material and didn’t allow the district to translate it.

Isaacs later corrected his statement, saying a translation had been approved but didn’t get finished in time. “There was a miscommunication,” Isaacs said, “and that’s not acceptable.”

PPS now wants to offer Beyond Diversity training to more parents. Poe, the equity chief, says the district is working to translate all Courageous Conversations material into Spanish and other languages.

“We’re trying to get multiple languages translated so we can do it in a very comprehensive way,” he says.

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man vs. machine A VIDEO POKER MACHINE DEALT JUSTIN CURZI A STRANGE HAND. NOW HE’S CALLING THE OREGON LOTTERY’S BLUFF.

J

BY B ETH SLOVIC

bslovic@wweek.com

ustin Curzi pecked the draw button on the Jacks or Better video poker machine. The glow from five game screens lit the maroon walls of the windowless room in the back of North-

west Portland’s Quimby’s bar. He’d been burning through his $10 for just five minutes, like so many video poker players do: mindlessly drumming the button, barely stopping to think about the hands the computer dealt him. the 2 and hope the machine dealt him a 3 or an 8 to complete a straight.

But the machine suggested he do something Curzi thought strange: It recommended he discard the 7. He would get his straight only if he drew a 3.

That would cut Curzi’s chances of winning by half— and he thought it was terrible advice.

“Hey, is this right?” Curzi asked his friend when he returned.

Curzi took out his iPhone and snapped photos of the screen and the machine’s serial number.

It was the first step to uncovering what he says is a $134 million scam by the Oregon Lottery. cont. on page 14

jason desomer

Curzi, 35, had moved to Oregon in 2012 from San Francisco after selling a software company he’d helped found a decade earlier. He was fascinated with the games—the ubiquitous, flashing terminals found in bars, delis and even pancake houses—and he played occasionally when out drinking with friends.

On this day—Jan. 10, 2014, a Friday—Curzi paused playing video poker while a pal went to get a beer. He used the break to study his hand—a 2, 4, 5, 6 and 7 of different suits. He was close to getting a straight, which would pay $5 on a $1 bet.

The game Curzi was playing, draw poker, allowed him to discard cards and get new ones from the dealer. He knew his best chance was to discard

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

13

MAN VS. MACHINE

cont.

S

ix days after his curious experience with the Jacks or Better game at Quimby’s, Curzi sent a polite and inquisitive email to the Oregon Lottery.

“Hello, my name is Justin,” he wrote on Jan. 16, 2014. “I’ve attached a photo of a hand that was given to me in one of your Oregon Lottery machines.”

Curzi explained how he believed the

BAD ADVICE HERE’S HOW THE VIDEO POKER HAND JUSTIN CURZI GOT ON JAN. 10, 2014, LED HIM TO INVESTIGATE THE OREGON LOTTERY MACHINES.

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JAson desomer

O

regon voters approved the state lottery in 1984, and today staterun gambling contributes about $550 million a year to Oregon’s budget, behind only personal income taxes.

The lotter y encourages dreams of riches. But the games are engineered to take your money. “Everyone should understand that the odds in all our games favor the lottery,” says Jack Roberts, Oregon Lottery director.

That’s why news reports two months ago that a Portland man was suing the lottery to recoup video poker players’ losses struck some as ludicrous. Who would sue over losing money while gambling?

But it ’s not so simple. Curzi—who friends say is intelligent, analytical and obsessively curious—launched a personal investigation of Oregon video poker machines that led him to conclude the machines were cheating players out of millions of dollars every month. That’s why he filed a class-action lawsuit against the Oregon Lottery in Multnomah County Circuit Court, alleging fraud. Lottery officials deny Curzi’s allegations.

“Good for him,” says Les Bernal, national director of the advocacy group Stop Predatory Gambling, based in Washington, D.C. “What the Oregon Lottery does with these games is create the illusion that you have some control, where in reality you actually have far less.”

Curzi is awa re some people might assume he’s suing to make money. He insists he’s not. “The real reason I’m doing this,” he says, “is because it’s outright wrong.”

“Justin is not afraid to jump at things, he’s not afraid to question things,” says Rob Steele, a friend of Curzi’s dating back to high school in New Jersey. “That is just catnip for Justin.”

video poker machine should have given him the best advice. “This does not seem to be the case,” he wrote.

Draw poker is a game of luck, strategy and second chances. The dealer gives players five cards. Players then get a chance to discard cards in the hopes of being dealt better ones.

When you’re playing poker around a table in real life, you’re betting against other players in hopes of having the best hand.

But in video poker, you’re not betting against anyone. Each hand costs you 25 cents (or more, if you increase your wager), and you win money based on a scale of how strong your hand is. A pair of jacks might

The Jacks or Better video poker machine dealt Curzi a 2, 4, 5, 6 and 7. That gave him a chance for a straight—five cards of any in suit in sequence.

Poker players discard to increase their chances of getting a card that will give them a winning hand. In this case, Curzi should discard the 2. That way, drawing a 3 or an 8 would give him a straight.

“IT goes All The wAy BACk To ThAT fIrsT PhoTo [of The vIdeo Poker mAChIne’s Bum reCommendATIon AT quImBy’s lAsT yeAr]. I look AT IT And sAy, ‘ThAT’s noT rIghT.’” —justin curzi (Above)

2

2

3

8

But the Jacks or Better game’s “auto-hold” feature suggested he toss away the 7. As a result, only a 3 would give him a straight— cutting his chances of getting a straight in half.

2

3

cont. win you your 25 cents back. A royal flush—the highest and rarest combination—would win you up to $600.

Unlike slot machines, video poker gives the player a sense that strategy matters. In reality, if you play long enough, the machines are geared to eventually take your money, no matter how many wins you record. Still, the sense that a player can outsmart the game is part of its allure.

What caught Curzi’s attention was a feature on the draw poker games called “auto-hold.” The feature puts the word “hold” over cards it suggests players should keep. Players can reject the suggestions at any time.

But auto-hold has a second, less obvious function. It allows players to play faster, because they don’t have to stop to think about what cards to hold before hitting the button to draw again. That’s important because faster play translates to more money for the Oregon Lottery.

Before he got a response from the lottery, Curzi returned to Quimby’s, wondering whether the game’s bad advice had only been a fluke.

He shoved a $20 bill into a machine to play the same Jacks or Better game.

Within 10 minutes, the game was again advising him to hold cards that cut his chances of winning in half.

Curzi says he just wanted a simple explanation.

“I certainly didn’t think,” he says, “I would discover what I know now.”

C

urzi grew up as a spor tsfocused kid in small-town New Jersey, the son of a prominent lawyer and a stay-at-home mom. Curzi—who played football despite his small size—also wrestled, played baseball and graduated near the top of his high-school class. He played wide receiver at Amherst College, where he majored in economics and history. That led him to New York City after graduation.

“I thought the only two jobs on earth were investment banking and consulting,” he says now.

He landed his first job selling investments. Working on commission, he’d target an office building, climb to the top floor, then work his way down, knocking on doors. “I was 21, looking like I was 16, asking people to give me their money,” Curzi says. He soon climbed the monthly leader board. His boss told him he was one of the youngest salespeople to reach the top.

He wasn’t destined for a traditional job. A sticker on Curzi’s apartment door showed a group of people heading one direction, and one person walking the other way. “Routine,” it read. “The enemy!”

In 2003, he moved to Brazil and quickly immersed himself in the culture, teaching himself Portuguese within months. “You feel like the guy has been there two or three years,” says Ken Barrington, a college friend who visited him.

In Brazil, Curzi met an American computer prog r a m mer work i ng on a way to help accountants share QuickBook files. The two teamed up and sold the program, cold-calling potential clients from Rio de Janeiro on an Internet phone line. “We must have sounded like we were speaking through tin cans,” Curzi says.

They called the business Emochila—mochila means “backpack” in Spanish and Portuguese—and it blossomed to 30 employees. In 2011, Curzi and his partner sold the company to Thomson Reuters in a private deal; Curzi declines to say for how much.

But friends describe him as wealthy.

“I’m not Elon Musk,” Curzi says of the co-founder of Tesla and PayPal. Curzi moved to Portland in 2012 with his then-girlfriend (and now wife), who grew up in Tigard, and now lives in a $565,000 Victorian in Northwest Portland. He consults for private clients, provides microloans to entrepreneurs through the website Kiva and drives a 1996 Isuzu Rodeo “whose crowning feature is where a dog chewed the back seats.”

Friends say they are not surprised

WHO PLAYS OREGON LOTTERY GAMES?

Female 45%

Grad school degree

college grad

7% 17%

10%

20%

IncoME

EDUcAtIon unknown

0

Some high school 3% 18%

High school grad

$50-$99,999 25%

36%

Less than $49,999

$100,000+ 15%

23% 32% college/tech school

24% refused/ don’t know

S o u r c e : 2 0 1 3 data , o r e G o n L ot t e r y

Male 55%

AGE 18-24 25-34 35-44 45-54 55-64 65+

Curzi—who’s just as likely to want to discuss North Dakota’s fracking economy as the business model for Purringtons Cat Lounge—zeroed in on something as small and seemingly innocuous as a quirk in a video poker game.

“So many times in life, people just overlook the obvious,” Barrington says. “Justin has a knack for pointing those things out.”

MAN VS. MACHINE

$ IN / $ OUT Justin curzi’s sleuthing turned up oregon Lottery documents that show several video poker machines were paying out at lower rates than advertised. Here’s an example of what he discovered was happening in 2008:

O

regon Lottery officials were slow to respond to Curzi. So on Feb. 3, 2014, Curzi wrote again. “[S]imply following up to see if you had a resolution for me,” he wrote.

Marlene Meissner, a spokeswoman for the lottery, drafted a response.

Auto-hold, she wrote, “is based on optimizing the player’s opportunity to win the best (highest prize) rather than simply increasing the odds of winning any prize.”

But, as Curzi later discovered, lottery officials guided Meissner to a different answer, so she revised her email before sending it. “In your case, the terminal did advise a strategy — granted not the only strategy — for you to have an opportunity to win with the cards you were dealt,” she said in her email to Curzi on Feb. 3.

In other words, the lottery was backing away from telling Curzi autohold offered the best option.

Curzi wasn’t satisfied. “I know your inter pretation of the law is that you only have to sug gest ‘a’ winning combination, but why not the best one?” he wrote in an email the next day.

The lottery’s response? “Crickets,” Curzi says.

Curzi turned to Jay Zollinger, a lawyer who had helped negotiate the sale of Curzi’s business. Zollinger suggested a public records request might turn up some answers.

On Feb. 20, 2014, Cu r zi a nd Zollinger formally asked the lottery for documents concerning the Jacks or Better game Curzi played at Quimby’s, plus any correspondence, studies and reports about auto-hold. The lottery responded on April 8, saying it would take 30 hours of staff time just to review the records Curzi requested.

The lottery wanted a $2,350 deposit to cover its costs.

That fee would have stopped most people. But Curzi’s lawyer paid it. The total bill for records eventually came to $3,581.49.

Six months after his request, in August 2014, Curzi received the first of five batches of records.

By September, Curzi had hundreds of pages of emails, memos and spreadsheets. He made a copy of the originals, arranging one set chronologically and the second by topic. He took notes on his laptop in a file that grew to 4,800 words.

cont. on page 16

90

the Jacks or Better game by WMS Gaming was supposed to pay out about 90 cents for every $1 played.

the machine actually paid just around 87 cents. curzi says autohold is to blame. those extra 3 cents went back to the lottery.

2

that year, players logged (according to estimates) about 50 million rounds of Jacks or Better games in 2008.

From just that one game, that translated to $1.3 million the lottery wasn’t returning to players.

S o u r c e : data 2 0 1 3 , o r e G o n L ot t e r y

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MAN VS. MACHINE

cont.

C

urzi came across a Feb. 2, 2009, email with a spreadsheet attached— “Video Lottery Game Payout Percentage Report.” The document had come from Gaming Laboratories International, an independent auditor based in New Jersey that works with many state lotteries to test machines.

The spreadsheet listed all the types of Oregon video poker machines by manufacturer, the millions of games played in one quarter of 2008 and how much money players spent.

In one column, the document showed what various video poker machines, based on calculations of probabilities, were expected to pay out to players over time.

In another column, the document showed what the machines were actually paying out. Curzi thought the payouts should have been very close to what the game’s programmers predicted.

Some weren’t. Curzi discovered the game he had been playing at Quimby’s, the Jacks or Better “Bluebird” terminal produced by WMS Gaming, was off by quite a bit.

The spreadsheet showed Jacks or Better on average should be paying out 90 cents for every $1 players put into the machine. It actually paid out about 87 cents.

That 3-cent difference may seem small, but when multiplied by the huge numbers of video poker games played, it translated to about $1.3 million per year that Jacks or Better wasn’t returning to players.

“This,” Curzi recalls thinking to himself, “is totally corrupt.”

tem to find video poker games that might be making payouts that were too high.

Instead, they found machines whose payouts were too low.

“This triggered additional investigation regarding the integrity of the games,” the memo said. “Further, there was a question whether additional information should be provided to players to ensure they have accurate information regarding how video lottery games pay.”

The Sept. 15 memo also contained this nugget about WMS Gaming, maker of the game Curzi played at Quimby’s: “WMS has confirmed that the auto-hold strategy for all WMS poker games is set to pay out lower than the other products as a result of the auto-hold strategies W MS has implemented.”

Lottery officials, according to a separate 2009 memo, decided to put accurate auto-hold payouts on the Web. But Curzi went looking online, even using the Internet Archive search engine, to see if the lottery had ever made public the lower odds. He found no evidence it had.

agement consultant in the state’s Department of Administrative Services wrote back to say the lottery was still investigating Curzi’s claims.

On Dec. 31, Curzi took the Oregon Lottery to court.

finding out if more players are concerned about auto-hold.

“It gets complicated in the middle of litigation,” he says. “Any actions that we take might be interpreted as an admission that we don’t mean to say.”

ack Roberts, the lottery director, took over the agency in December 2013, following years of controversy and accusations the agency wasn’t doing enough to address problem gambling. He had earlier served as state labor commissioner and ran in the Republican primary for governor in 2002.

Roberts says the lottery is fairly representing players’ chances. “Clearly the odds favor us,” he says. “That’s what gambling establishments are about, but we believe we’ve been honest in representing what they are.”

Roberts wasn’t around when the lottery introduced video poker and the auto-hold feature in 1992. “Our assumption has always been that on balance people who play auto-hold do better than people who

xperts on lotteries and the law say Curzi’s odds of winning in court seem low. Rob Carey, an Arizona class-action lawyer, took on several state lotteries over the deceptive practice of selling scratch-off tickets after the top prizes had already been awarded. Carey never succeeded in getting a class established for his lawsuits, but he did win payments for some plaintiffs and forced changes in state lottery practices.

He says Curzi’s case hinges on whether the Oregon Lottery’s public disclosures were adequate. “It really depends on what they’re telling the players,” Carey says.

The lottery could be safe even if the disclosures are vague. “You have to show the intent to defraud,” says I. Nelson Rose, a law professor at Whittier Law School in

J

E

“everyone should understand that the odds in all our games favor the lottery.”

H

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—jack roberts, oregon lottery director (left) thomas cobb

e kept digging and made a second big discovery: Lottery officials knew about the discrepancy, and the auto-hold function on some machines was to blame.

“Due to the vendors’ auto-hold strategies, a few other poker games have actual payout percentages that are below theoretical,” Carole Hardy, the lottery’s then-assistant director for marketing, wrote on April 1, 2009.

Curzi discovered a survey of video poker players the lottery commissioned from Mosak, a marketing research firm.

“Across all player types, the overwhelming majority of players said they prefer the auto-hold feature in video poker games as it makes it more convenient and easier to play,” a 2010 Mosak report said. “Players said this feature allows them to hold the correct cards, thus increasing their chances of winning.”

Curzi had only hoped to understand how auto-hold worked. He had instead discovered the lottery knew auto-hold sucked millions away from players—and players actually thought auto-hold helped them.

The lottery’s rules require “a close approximation of the odds of winning some prize for each game” and say those odds “must be displayed on a Video Lottery game terminal screen.”

Documents Curzi received show lottery officials debated whether or not they should tell players the actual odds if they relied on auto-hold.

In a memo labeled “confidential” and dated Sept. 15, 2009, lottery officials reported they had been studying their sys-

Over the next month, Curzi built a spreadsheet to estimate how much money the video poker machines, based on the odds, should have paid out, compared to what they actually did.

What he found startled him. Payouts to video lottery players were as much as 5 percent lower when they used auto-hold than when they didn’t. That translated to $134 million.

To Curzi, it was an outrageous discrepancy—especially given that players believed auto-hold helped them, and the lottery knew otherwise. Buried on the lottery’s website is one disclaimer: “Autohold strategies vary by game, based on the particular features of a game and do not necessarily result in theoretical payouts.”

Curzi says that’s not enough. The lottery is supposed to be based on chance.

“You can’t manipulate the game,” he says.

In October 2014, he sent the Oregon Lottery a letter detailing his findings and notifying officials he intended to sue unless the lottery reimbursed players within 30 days. On Dec. 4, a claims man-

don’t,” he says. “We don’t tell people that.”

He rejects Curzi’s allegation the lottery is intentionally misleading players.

“I don’t think we’ve ever represented that the auto-hold gives you the optimal result,” he says. “The idea was that it gives you a good result.”

But records Curzi turned up show the opposite. “The machine recommends the best possible cards to hold in order for the player to win and if the player changes the cards to be held, the possibility of winning will decrease,” the Sept. 15, 2009, memo marked “confidential” reads.

Today, the lottery is in the process of replacing all 12,000 video lottery terminals in the state; it’s a routine technology update. But one consequence of the upgrade is that Oregon is completely phasing out the WMS Gaming “Bluebird” terminal on which Curzi played Jacks or Better.

Roberts says Jacks or Better is being phased out because it’s unpopular with players.

Roberts says the lottery is interested in

Southern California. “I don’t think they’ll be able to do that.”

Rose says it ’s the machines’ manufacturers that should be worried. “If the plaintiff were able to prove this was intentional,” he says, “that supplier could end up paying.”

Nevada-based Scientific Games, owner of WMS Gaming, the maker of the Jacks or Better game Curzi played, declined to answer WW ’s questions. “It is company policy not to comment on ongoing litigation,” Scientific Games spokeswoman Mollie Cole said in an email.

Curzi is undaunted. He wants players to recoup their money. He wants the lottery’s auto-hold feature to give good advice, and he wants the agency to give players honest information.

“It goes all the way back to that first photo,” he says of the photo he took of the video poker machine’s bum recommendation at Quimby’s last year. “I look at it and say, ‘That’s not right.’”

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2014 wweek.com

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STREET

LOOKS WE LIKE SNAPSHOTS FROM THE WEEK. PHOTOS BY A N N A JAYE GOELLN ER wweek.com/street

Beyond the Print

@WillametteWeek @wweek @WillametteWeek

Cuisine of Northern China 3724 NE Broadway (503) 287-0331 Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

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DRANK: Oregon’s answer to Pliny.

MUSIC: Your Old Droog is not Nas. MOVIES: Make your own Vince Vaughnedy.

WILLIE WEED: Reviewing Cannababes.

22 25 39 44

SCOOP SANDYS OF TIME: Majestically ruined, purple-painted dive bar Sandy Hut—nicknamed the Handy Slut on its own T-shirts and underwear—is changing hands. Owner John Berning says Club 21 owners Marcus Archambeault and Warren Boothby are buying the 92-year-old spot, and the deal is expected to close this week.

Sandy Hut was closed as of March 1, but had recently been hosting punk-, garage- and psych-rock shows, while Club 21’s live-music off erings are being curtailed significantly, says Club 21 bar staff. “We just kind of ended up in talks somehow,” Berning says of Club 21’s owners, saying he was not originally seeking to sell.

Boothby declined to talk about his plans for Sandy Hut, saying the deal has not yet been inked.

PORTLAND TRAIL BLAZERS/NBA PHOTOS

SANDYS OF TIME, PART II: Two other spots are rolling onto Sandy Boulevard, which was until recently mostly immune to change. Jake Carey and John Janulis of Jackknife, Bye and Bye, and Dig a Pony are building a massive sports-bar multiplex called Century, set to open this summer at 930 SE Sandy Blvd., with two bars, a patio, a grill and a rooftop deck. >> Jon Steuer plans to open Harvest at the Bindery, a tofu-free, seitan-free vegan restaurant, across from the Tonic Lounge at Northeast 31st Avenue, in March. >> Another vegan spot is forthcoming from Aaron Adams, former chef at Portobello Vegan Trattoria. Farm Spirit, a prix-fixe “plant-based Cascadian cuisine” restaurant, is set to open this spring at Southeast 14th Avenue and Morrison Street, across from Nostrana.

BIG-BRAIN DAME: Damian Lillard is graduating from college. The Trail Blazers’ All-Star point guard left Weber State University, the obscure mid-major in Ogden, Utah, that recruited him out of high school, after his junior year to enter the NBA draft.

But according to campus newspaper The Signpost, in between elevating the Blazers to championship contention, signing lucrative endorsement deals and appearing in commercials, Lillard somehow found time to continue his coursework, earning a bachelor’s degree in technical sales. “Growing up, this was one of the things I never really saw myself having an opportunity to achieve,” he told the paper, “and it’s a small dream come true.” Lillard—chosen the NBA’s Western Conference Player of the Week for Feb. 23-March 1—is set to receive his diploma May 1 “barring any postseason commitments.”

MADGE OF HONOR: It took 30 years, but Madonna is finally returning to Portland. The pop matriarch announced an Oct. 17 date at the Moda Center as part of an extensive tour for her upcoming 13th album, Rebel Heart. The last time she was in town, she was promoting 1984’s star-making Like a Virgin, with two dates at Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall. (Her opening act for those shows? Some snot-nosed rappers called the Beastie Boys.) Though she’s skipped Portland on every subsequent tour, she did spend some time here in the early ’90s, filming Body of Evidence, the proto-Fifty Shades of Grey erotic thriller that Roger Ebert called “excruciatingly incompetent.”

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HEADOUT

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Th e T imbe rs’ season st a r t s 7:30 p m Saturday . Sold out.

WILLAMETTE WEEK

WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK IN ARTS & CULTURE

TIMBERS FANS, MAPPED

I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y

TODD SAUICER

I attended my first Portland Timbers game in 2001 when the pre-Timbers Army “Cascade Rangers” were about 10 members strong. We gutted the Seattle Sounders, 2-0.

Because I loved the team and the game, and because my dad plunked down the money for season tickets, I have been privileged to observe as the stadium has filled to the brim and gradually stratified into various subregions. From an expensive seat at midfield that I don’t pay for, I eat free hot dogs and piss off everyone around me with my yelling.

In that seat, I’m an outlier—and I know there are many like me—but I also know you can often tell where someone’s going to sit when they walk through the gates.

PARKER HALL.

WEDNESDAY MARCH 4 CHEAP GIRLS [BLUE-COLLAR POWER POP] Last year’s Famous Graves was Cheap Girls’ fourth proper studio album, and it was another hook-laden fuzzfest. The Michigan trio self-produced after Against Me frontwoman Laura Jane Grace helmed the previous album, yet they’ve somehow managed to get even more infectious. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

THURSDAY MARCH 5 KINDNESS [BRIT SOUL] Adam Bainbridge has collaborated with just about everybody in today’s pop world, from Sky Ferreira to Robyn. As Kindness, Bainbridge reveals an affection for soul and R&B infused with sleepy pillow talk and ambient soundscapes. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $14 advance, $16 day of show. 21+.

FRIDAY MARCH 6

1. THE JARHEADS

The loudest, angriest supporters, the section 102 Airborne, 103 Ballistic Unit, 104 Charlie Company and 105 Howitzers can typically be found screaming profanities at any idiotic player who chose not to be a Timber, or who chose to attempt a strongside corner kick. It’s a tough job, but somebody’s got to do it.

5. BEAVERSDALE

Here’s where you find suburbanites who aren’t Multnomah Athletic Club members, couldn’t afford KeyBank Club tickets, and don’t want their son who plays for the Westside Metros sitting next to those raving buffoons in the Army. This is where 90 percent of the complaint letters come from.

2. THE PENTAGON

The traditional center of the Timbers Army is in the Woodshed, section 107, which divides the rabid Fighting 106 from their stoned, drunk, “no drama” sloganed brethren, 108’s Easy Company. Take note that the first few rows of each section are occupied by line lovers— those same people who leave Thanksgiving dinner early to stand in line for an off-brand TV.

6. THE ARMY RESERVISTS

The Southern Front, home to confused fans who got the Army end of the stadium wrong, and corporate Joe, who is only in the event section above the bleachers to network, and has never been to a game before…but still loves yelling at referees.

Why buy a ticket to the stadium when your ridiculously expensive athletic club has its own peeping Tom balcony? Meet the MAC club member who walked out of the steam room and thought, “Oh, is there some football on this eve?

I suppose I shall imbibe.” Incidental fandom at its finest.

3. THE RETIRED BRASS

Section 208 is the Del Boca Vista retirement community for the Timbers Army. Here’s where you find an Army Mommy and Daddy screaming profanities next to their John Deere-muffed little one. Mommy and Daddy trade off DDing, and the crowd is speckled with too-late members of the lower 108, who try to hide the weed smell from the little ones.

IKEA MEATBALL WEEKEND [FOOD] We wait all year for IKEA to purge its freezers in celebration of National Meatball Day. Highlights include meatball sampling, “meatball mambo” through the labyrinthine mock living rooms, and trivia.

IKEA, 10280 NE Cascades Parkway, 888-888-4532. Noon-6 pm, March 7-8. Free.

TUESDAY MARCH 10 8. THE BOSSMEN

Older chanters want the same damn reserved seat every game, and this is where they had to buy it.

BR’ER ROSE [THEATER] The Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven is known as a basement speakeasy for burlesque nights and stiff drinks. Megan Skye Hale turns the place into fantasyland with new theater company Speculative Drama’s twist on Sleeping Beauty, set in the Louisiana bayou. The Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven, 1464 SE 2nd Ave., thesteepandthornywaytoheaven. com. 8 pm. $18.

SATURDAY MARCH 7 7. THE MAC CLUBBERS

4. THE LOUD ONES

BARLEYWINE AND BIG ALE FEST [BEER] Lucky Lab brewmaster Ben Flerchinger unleashes his treasure trove of 50 barleywines and high-ABV ales dating back as far as 2009, including Lucky Lab’s own softly caramelly 2009 barleywine and an excellent 2009 Old Stock ale from North Coast. Lucky Labrador, 1945 NW Quimby St., 517-4352.

Noon-10 pm, March 6-7. $15 for four tastes, $2 for 4-ounce tastes.

The KeyBank Club, where the main question—besides how many gratis hot dogs and cokes can be consumed by a young 20-something in one 90-minute sitting, because they got in free thanks to someone rich giving away their season tickets to go sailing—is, “What company are you midupper management of?” Others include, “Did you go to Stanford, too?” or, alternately, “Which player are you married/related to?”

MITCHELL S. JACKSON [BOOKS] Portland author Mitchell S. Jackson speaks about The Residue Years, an autobiographical novel recounting his life growing up as a black man in a neglected Portland neighborhood during the crack epidemic. The book raises issues from the city’s past that continue to affect our cultural and economic growth today. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm. $15-$65.

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

21

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Small Cup or Cone

expires 6/15/15

By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@wweek. com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

THURSDAY, MARCH 5 Suppenacht

Bread, soup, water, wine and stories.

It’s like the Bible, man. In any case, if you ever wanted to buttonhole John Gorham (Tasty n Sons, Toro Bravo), now’s your chance—or maybe, if you’re humble, you can just listen to him talk. Suppenacht— that’s Deutsch for “soup night”—is a food-oriented storytelling circle moderated by host Jason French.

Reserve a seat at events@elderhall.com. Elder Hall, 3929 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. 6:30 pm. $25.

FRIDAY, MARCH 6 Barleywine and Big Beer Tastival

Lucky Lab brewmaster Ben Flerchinger stores barleywine at the Lucky Lab Beer Hall and unleashes a certain number each spring: This year he’ll uncork 50 different barleywines and high-ABV beers, many of which are as old as 2009. One of the best? Lucky Lab’s own softly caramelly 2009 barleywine, as well as an excellent 2009 Old Stock ale from North Coast. Lucky Labrador Beer Hall, 1945 NW Quimby St., 360-449-7883. Noon-10 pm. $15 for four tastes, $2 for 4-ounce tastes.

SUNDAY, MARCH 8 Saison Greetings

Bazi will be throwing down with local versions of Belgian farmhouse beers alongside some from Belgium to boot. Among locals, get Baerlic Wildcat, a “Harmanne 1882,” the Seizoen Bretta from Logsdon, and a “Forbidden Fruit” collaboration with Lompoc. Foreigns include Du Bocq, Hof Ten, and Vipaeur. Bazi Bierbrasserie, 1522 SE 32nd Ave., 234-8888. 4-9 pm. Domestic flight $8, import flight $12.

OH, SHISH: The koobideh and kabob, over flame.

KABOB HOUSE Maybe I’m an unserious person, but every time Obama and Bibi get in a fight about Iran, my stomach growls. Every bit as much as the politics, Persian food is rich and complex, singular in its history. But Persian spots in Portland proper have had an odd and inconsistent history.

Well, thank goodness for Kabob House. In a tucked-away plaza in the Beaverton Town Square mall, Jafar Ehfad’s little spot remains constant, an earth-toned oasis of koobideh. “Delicious!” says Ehfad, each time you order an item. As I waited for a takeout order, cardamom-spiced tea in hand, a steady stream of Farsi speakers wanOrder this: Choose dered through to pay their respects. between the gheimeh and But although the koobideh—a shishcombo kabob plate. cooked sausage—is fine, get the gheimeh ($11), a tomato-based stew stacked with split peas, potatoes and tender chunks of beef. The mix of heavy turmeric and lemon, combined with savory fillings, creates an almost unbearable warmth.

The filet mignon and chicken shish kabobs, meanwhile, are served with blooms of onion and green pepper, heavily marinated with salt-forward spice and charred a bit on the edges. The ghormeh sabzi is a richly layered mess of greens, from parsley to cilantro to fenugreek leaves, with kidney beans and beef. All dishes are served with an overly prodigious mountain of saffron rice. It is not fine dining or even close—you’re best off grabbing takeout—but it is very fine, and in these ever-changing times it’s good to have something to rely on. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. EAT: Kabob House, 11795 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway, Beaverton, 672-9229. 11 am-9 pm daily.

Where to eat this week.

Experience Lebanese cuisine at its best Call us for your event party & catering needs!

Belly dancing Friday and Saturday evenings

1852 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 971-340-9734, farinabakery.com.

Farina’s macarons are by far the best in town, sure, but have you tried the brownie with ganache?

You have much to do. $.

2. Fire and Stone

3707 NE Fremont St., 719-7195, fireandstonepdx.com.

Fire and Stone is coming beautifully into focus with Toscano salami pie and a moist leg of lamb resting on a bed of bulbs. $$.

3. Boke Bowl West

1200 NW 18th Ave., 719-5698, bokebowl.com/dimsum.

Boke Bowl does dim sum, with some dishes a bit like soul food.

Skip the chicken and waffles, and get the fried chicken. $$.

4. Tammy’s Pho

3323 NE Killingsworth St., 282-2077.

This 76 station beer mart is home, every weekday before 4 pm, to its operators’ sharp-salty-oniony take on pho. $.

223 SW STARK STREET PORTLAND, OR 503-274-0010 ALAMIRPORTLAND.COM 22

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

5. Daddy D’s BBQ

7204 E 4th Plain Blvd., Vancouver, 360-892-4418, daddydsbbq.com.

Donnie Vercher of Lake Charles, La., presides over a cherry-wood smoker early each morning alongside the Shell station, cooking up applerubbed ribs ($14.99 for a half rack), or brisket he chops and stews into thin, tangy sauce. $.

DRANK D E R I VAT I V E O F A N E M O N E P R O J E C T O R S / F L I C K R /C C BY- S A 2 . 0

1. Farina Bakery

SAFE WORD/PFRIEM TRIPLE/ NOTORIOUS (BREAKSIDE/PFRIEM/BONEYARD)

Before 2005, there was nothing else like Pliny the Younger. Russian River Brewing’s triple IPA—with three times as many hops as a normal IPA in a syrupy 11 percent ABV brew—became a touchpoint for a generation of beer geeks. A decade later, Plinymania continues, with most Portland beer bars tapping their kegs last week with all the usual secrecy, tickets, tokens and crowds. The best part wasn’t the feature attraction, but the sideshow. Given the Younin’s scarcity and the fact that several Oregon breweries make better 3PAs, these tappings have morphed into little triplefests with other beers descended from Pliny on tap. Pliny is the reason for the season, but, at Roscoe’s in Montavilla, two colleagues who were in high school when it debuted, preferred the Oregon analogs. Breakside’s Safe Word, which debuted last year, is admirably dry for the style, somehow managing to remain balanced where IBU and ABV normally merge into hop jelly. The new triple from Pfriem is a different take entirely, using funky fruitiness to balance out those sugar-sopped hops. Personally, I like a triple that’s even more Pliny than Pliny: Boneyard’s Notorious. The Bend brewery’s triple has the stickyicky-ickyness I expect in the style—sour apple Jolly Rancher, liquefied lemon curd and bong resin—and will almost turn your teeth green. I only want a 3PA once or twice a year, and these carnivals are the right time. Pliny is dead; long live Pliny. MARTIN CIZMAR.

FOOD & DRINK JENNIFER PLITZKO

SUPEREST BOWLS A SURVEY OF MEATLESS, BOWL-BASED MEALS.

BY M A RT I N C I Z M A R

mcizmar@wweek.com

The vegan bowl is a Portland staple.

Is that because of vegans? I don’t think so. Actually, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen a known vegan eating a vegan bowl.

Vegan bowls are for the rest of us, people who spend a week eating various forms of pizza-based foodstuffs and end up craving a nutrition-dense, one-plate meal that’s got lots of good stuff, and barely any bad stuff, in a well-balanced assortment of protein, fiber and fat, hopefully with a tasty sauce to sew things together.

THE BEST…

Canteen 2816 SE Stark St., 922-1858, canteenpdx.com.

WE GOT: Southern bowl and Portland bowl (each $8).

There’s a fine line to walk in a vegan bowl: You want it to be filling, rewarding and maybe even a little rich, without overdoing it. You want a symphony of textures, without chopping everything into a slurry or requiring endless mastication of the greens. Based on our survey, it’s not an easy task. But Canteen nails it.

This sparse “Shaker-inspired” space on Southeast Stark—they play drone music and have gallon jugs of amino acid—makes the best bowls in town.

My favorite is the Southern bowl, which features a heap of barbecue-flavored soy curls that have the consistency of slowsmoked pork butt, plus soul-warming collard greens, black-eyed peas, coleslaw and an earthy cashew ranch dressing. It’s pretty much everything lovable about Southern cuisine in one bowl. We’re bowling 300 here.

The Portland bowl is also tasty, a base of quinoa and hearty black beans, plus maple-kissed tempeh and a bowl of roughchopped local hazelnuts.

POSSIBLE ETHICAL DILEMMA: Overt merchandising and branding of basic nourishment in the form of stylish trucker hats and T-shirts. Is this really so far removed from Coca-Cola polar bears or Disneyland’s Monsanto House of the Future?

ALSO GREAT…

The Whole Bowl Restaurant location at 4411 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 753-7071. Carts in the Pearl, downtown and on Northeast Sandy Boulevard. thewholebowl.com.

WE GOT: The Big bowl ($6). The only other menu items are the Bambino bowl and a baggie of tortilla chips.

The secret to Tali Ovadia’s mini empire of bowl spots is the dark-yellow mustardy, garlicky, lemony, yeasty sauce that bears her name. That Tali sauce ties everything else in these perfectly appointed bowls together. There is but one recipe—two if you count leaving off the dairy to make it vegan instead of vegetarian—with hearty helpings of mostly inexpensive and nutritional foodstuffs. Other than the sliced avocado, this is peasant food: rice, black beans, red beans, cilantro, a dollop of sour cream and some shaved Tillamook cheddar. It’s pretty much perfect for what it is, which is why there are four locations in town serving one Tali-topped bowl.

Even at the brick-and-mortar restaurant, you’re eating from disposable paper bowls. Yes, they ’re compostable, but using actual dishes would be much more eco-friendly.

POSSIBLE ETHICAL DILEMMA:

Proper Eats 8638 N Lombard St., 445-2007, propereats.wordpress.com.

WE GOT: Tabouli bowl ($7), pesto and veggie bowl ($9).

This grocery/restaurant brings organic, vegan fare to blue-collar St. Johns. The dessert case is stocked with cannolis filled with coconut cream, and the back counter has housemade cranberry kombucha in jugs.

Everything here is mindful, down to the Portland-made Thai and True hot sauce.

Bowls get only a small part of the menu, but the three on offer include some interesting components. The tabouli bowl is sort of a reverse of the familiar Lebanese recipe, with a base of bulgur accentuated with bits of parsley. It’s topped with a ladleful of hummus and a few olives. The pesto bowl, on the other hand, has big chunks of tempeh, carrot strips, leafy kale, and pesto made with hazelnuts. Both bowls had a nice lineup of ingredients but suffered from not having a sauce to bond things together.

P O S S I B L E E T H I C A L D I L E M M A : They played a huge amount of Van Halen, a hyper-misogynist “cock rock” band, which might make someone feel unwelcome.

DECENT…

Native Foods Cafe 12130 SE 82nd Ave., Happy Valley, 654-1212, nativefoods.com.

WE GOT: Bangkok curry bowl, Rockin’ Moroccan bowl (both $9.95).

“America’s premier fast-casual vegan restaurant” started in Palm Springs, Calif., in 1994 before spreading to higher-end suburban malls such as Clackistan Town Center, where it sits under Chipotle Mexican Grill. Inside, a crew of boisterous staffers is aggressively interested in your contentment. The music that is not Christian, but sounds like it. The bowls are heavy on roasted vegetables (onion, zucchini, broccoli) and 6-inch strips of seared tofu. The Moroccan bowl is very sweet and accentuated by thin-sliced almonds and raisins.

The curry bowl suffers from lack of heat.

POSSIBLE ETHICAL DILEMMA: Well, this is a chain restaurant inside a shopping mall in a conservative suburb. But, actually, it’s kinda cool that it’s embedded right in the middle of consumerist hell.

SOUTHERN COMFORT: Soul-warm greens and soy curls in Canteen’s best bowl.

Native Bowl 4233 N Mississippi Ave., 330-7616, thenativebowl.com.

WE GOT: Hollywood bowl and Burnside bowl (each $8).

There’s a reason bowls are called bowls: They are best served in bowls. This Mississippi cart has strayed from its roots with tall and narrow Chinese-style takeout containers, which are a terrible way to serve something that needs to be blended.

As a result, our Levantine-style Hollywood Bowl turned into a messy archeological dig through sharply acidic tahini into sharply bitter purple cabbage, then into green, powdery spices that looked like shake weed. An entire farm of green onions and discordant pepperoncinis totally overpowered.

The Burnside bowl was better, with a little char on the tofu, earthy black sesame seeds, a mild and smoky red hot sauce, and a bright slaw of red peppers.

POSSIBLE ETHICAL DILEMMA: A white man serving food in Chinese takeout boxes could be seen as cultural appropriation.

NOT SO GOOD…

Harlow 3632 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 971-255-0138, harlowpdx.com.

WE GOT: Chipotle chili bowl ($9.50), Nor’easter bowl ($9).

The sister restaurant of the Pearl’s Prasad, Harlow is known for its gluten-free focus and wide menu of pastas and salads. It’s a nice place, with three Pfriem beers on tap, four gluten-free taps, vintage piano jazz on the speakers and tasty smoothies served in Mason jars. Just steer clear of the bowls.

The Nor’easter was the worst thing I’ve eaten all year, a mess of chunky potato

chowder served over black quinoa, which they try to balance out with acidic lemon and lightly steamed and densely leafy greens. Nothing works, and the whole mess ends up tasting like the water left in the pot after you boil greens, but with a little nori tossed in for fishiness.

The chipotle chili bowl was better— tons of guacamole, fat rice kernels, a piquant chimichurri, and a fibrous and smoky bean chili—but the rest of the menu is much more promising than the bowls.

POSSIBLE ETHICAL DILEMMA: Food waste.

Bye and Bye 1011 NE Alberta St., thebyeandbye.com.

WE GOT: BBQ Brussel bowl and Eastern bowl (each $9).

This large and popular bar on Alberta has a nice cocktail menu, a hip crowd and a huge beer list in addition to its vegan menu.

These are the A.1.-soaked steak and potatoes of vegan bowls: big, one-note piles of protein and starch that will put you into a food coma. There’s probably a place for that. If you’re abstaining from meat and want to experience the sauce-splattered, gristly bliss of spareribs, then something like the BBQ Brussel sprouts bowl swimming in tangy sauce might get you there.

And the Eastern bowl certainly packs more tofu than anywhere else in town.

But these were the only bowls we left unfinished—no nuance, no variety, just a big ol’ pile of saucy slop.

POSSIBLE ETHICAL DILEMMA: Why is so much of Bye and Bye’s beer imported f rom Belg ium, Japa n a nd Ger ma ny ?

That beer has an unnecessarily huge carbon footprint. Also, are those candles vegan?

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MUSIC

march 4–10 PROFILE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

SEHER SIKANDAR

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines.

Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/ submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com.

Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 4 Stars, Leisure Cruise

[BAROQUE’N SOCIAL SCENE] Like most other components of the Broken Social Scene constellation, the gamble of venturing outward into unknown pop territory did not prove to be particularly fruitful for Stars. Set Yourself on Fire holds up as a sticky-sweet standard for anthemic pop too outsized in ambition to be cut down with any “indie” qualifiers, but perhaps recent record No One Is Lost is a clearer look at what modern indie rock is all about a decade later. It’s kinda funky, sort of electronic, but laden with far too much heart-on-sleeve sentiment to earn the kind of danceable populism that put Metric atop alt-rock playlists the past few years. Perhaps bigger is not better for Stars, but a synthy shot in the arm is rarely a step backward for anyone of their caliber these days anyway. PETE COTTELL. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. $20. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Cheap Girls, Restoration, Chris Farren, Hard Girls

[BLUE-COLLAR POWER POP] Last year’s Famous Graves was Cheap Girls’ fourth proper studio album, and it was another hook-laden fuzzfest.

The Michigan trio self-produced with longtime engineer Rick Jordan after Against Me’s frontwoman Laura Jane Grace helmed the deck for the previous album, yet they’ve somehow managed to get even more infectious in that time. A single listen will have you thinking up excuses for why you’re not going into work on Thursday.

PARKER HALL. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

THURSDAY, MARCH 5 Rebelution

[SURFTAFARIAN] Emerging red-eyed and hungover from the trustafarian capital of the West Coast, Santa Barbara, Calif., reggae bros Rebelution have, over the last decade, built a national following sure to astonish anyone who hasn’t been paying attention—which is to say, anyone who’s not still in college and without an extensive flip-flop collection. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8:30 pm. $25 advance, $30 day of show. All ages. Through March 6.

Kindness, Pell

[BRIT SOUL] Adam Bainbridge definitely ate at the popular kids’ table in high school. He has collaborated with just about everybody in the contemporary pop clique, from Kelela and Solange to Sky Ferreira and Robyn.

As Kindness, his solo side project, Bainbridge reveals an obvious affection for soul and R&B, fused by sleepy pillow talk and ambient soundscapes.

Sophomore release Otherness distills these influences into pure pop minimalism, set in a half-asleep haze. It’s the kind of intimate bedroom brainstorming that bodes well for smaller venues. MARK STOCK. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663.

9 pm. $14 advance, $16 day of show.

21+.

Naomi Punk, PC Worship, Lithics

[COMBATIVE ROCK] Singer-guitarist Travis Coster had been using the name Naomi Punk as his drag name long before the band came into existence.

The Olympia trio released its sophomore full-length, Television Man, via Captured Tracks last year and has been touring relentlessly since. Coster, along with Neil Gregerson and Nicholas Luempert, has taken the combina-

tion of primitive guitar riffs, tumbling drums and empty space to a level that defies the lazy “Pacific Northwest grunge” tag often ascribed to them.

COLETTE POMERLEAU. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 2883895. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

Fashawn, D Future, Manno

[WELL-RAPPED] One of the most consistently prolific rappers of the past five years is from Fresno, Calif., of all places. Fashawn, whose forthcoming second full-length, The Ecology, was executive-produced by Nas, has been making waves ever since being chosen as a member of XXL’s freshman class in 2010. His style mates oldschool beats with new-school rhymes, where punchy vocals strike right in the pocket of his ’90s-style backing cuts. Fashawn didn’t erupt like similarly styled fellow Californians such as Kendrick Lamar, but he has been steadily spitting his way to underground hip-hop royalty. PARKER HALL. Peter’s Room, 8 NW 6th Ave., 2199929. 8 pm. $13.50. All ages.

FRIDAY, MARCH 6 Tom Brosseau, Barna Howard

[NARRATIVE FOLK] The great songwriter and storyteller Tom Brosseau (who just released a new album, Perfect Abandon, this week) and Portland’s own Barna Howard help inaugurate Sweetlight Social, a new concert and video series from Mama Bird Recording Co., focusing on performances in non-traditional spaces.

Alberta Abbey, 126 NE Alberta St. 7 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Hollow Wood

[FOLKCHESTRA] Boise band Hollow Wood released one of the most intriguing singles of 2013 in “Memento Mori.” The churning folk-rock ballad seems to ride its own tide, bringing to mind Portland sibling acts such as Typhoon and Horse Feathers. With just a pair of EPs to its name, Hollow Wood has plenty of growing to do.

Fortunately, the young sextet is rooted in a foundation of dreamy Americana and rich harmonies, both vocally and orchestrally. The most promising thing about the band is not the festival appearances, nor that it had a song on Grey’s Anatomy: It’s the group’s ability to deliver sweeping blows in an extremely organic fashion. MARK STOCK. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 894-9708. 10 pm. $10. 21+.

MJ Cole, Ben Tactic, Lincolnup

[U.K. GARAGE] MJ Cole’s Sincere, from 2001, might not be the best U.K. garage album of all time, but it might feature the best-ever use of vocals.

Bubbly, soulful cuts from Nova Casper and Elizabeth Troy transform Cole’s otherworldly production into a masterpiece, to say nothing of the brief J-Dilla appearance. In this decade, he’s been remixing everyone from Tourist to TEED and pulling surprising grime features from the likes of Wiley. You might be tempted to lump Cole in with other producers from the turn of the millennium who are just trying to keep up with the trends, but you’d be dead wrong. MITCH LILLIE. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

East Bay Grease Meets the Portland Soul All-Stars

[SOUL FOR A CAUSE] Tower of Power guitarist Bruce Conte surrounds himself with friends, family and the finest members of Portland’s funk and soul community for a night of grooveoriented rejuvenation. Musical contem-

CONT. on page 26

THANK YOU FOR BEING A DROOG HE WANTED ANONYMITY, BUT YOUR OLD DROOG WAS TOO GOOD TO STAY SECRET. BY maTTh EW SchON FELD

243-2122

In Russian, “droog” translates to friend, and for rap fans, that’s precisely what Your Old Droog sounds like: an old friend. His comforting mix of soulful samples, bass-driven beat loops and subway stories transports listeners back to grimy ’90s New York, the heyday of Wu Tang’s Shaolin and Biggie’s BedStuy, and his handle on the mic—dexterous and diligent—is like that of a lost MC from hip-hop’s golden era.

Never mind that the dude didn’t start writing songs until 2010, and says he didn’t get comfortable as an artist until two years ago.

“Everything is still new,” Droog says via phone from Toronto, where he’s on his first-ever tour, supporting PRhyme, a new project featuring Detroit rapper Royce da 5’9” and legendary producer DJ Premier. “But I feel like I could get used to it.”

Despite his classic sound, at age 25, the Ukrainian-born, Brooklyn-raised rapper, who refuses to disclose his given name, is a freshman in the rap game, with only nine active months of releasing music. When his debut mixtape hit the Web last June, it was, for some, literally unbelievable: His cadence and control on the microphone, coupled with his anonymity, had Twitter and rap message boards convinced he was Nas, releasing a new project under an alias.

After the Queens legend denied the rumors, Droog eventually, and somewhat reluctantly, popped his head out from behind the curtain, revealing his identity in an interview with The New Yorker last August.

“I just wanted people to listen to the music and judge it for what it was,” he says. “It’s not about the person who made it.”

But while Droog has earned favorable comparisons to the icons of rap’s old school, his sound is not meant to capitalize on hip-hop heads’ bloated sense of nostalgia. In fact, when it comes to rugged independent rap, Droog draws inspiration from a

much more recent time. “My era was early-2000s mixtape-type stuff,” he says, an era defined by the likes of Aesop Rock, El-P and Deltron 3030.

“Going back and learning about the killing they made independently, this is definitely the time to do some shit like that.” Since pulled from his initial obscurity, Droog realizes that in order to build the following those artists have, he needs to be seen as much as he’s heard. “Social media is important. So are videos,” he says. “I’m adapting, but not to the point where I’m whoring myself out.”

Even now, with a slot on a high-profile tour, a wellreviewed full-length and profiles in The New Yorker and The New York Times, Droog is still not one for the spotlight. He’s soft-spoken, giving one- or two-word answers when sufficient enough to remain polite.

“I WANT TO DO SOMETHING UNEXPECTED WITH EVERYTHING. BUT HOW UNEXPECTED CAN YOU BE IN THIS ERA?” —YOUR OLD DROOG But that level of calm, both on wax and in conversation, belies the confidence he has in his music. He knows it speaks for itself. When he runs off opening lines like, “Back in the line of fire/ Sayin’ my style’s dated is like checkin’ to see if wine expired,” from “Porno for Pyros,” off his recently released Kinison EP, it’s easy to believe him. He’s expanded his reach exponentially in the past nine months—“without a publicist,” he adds with pride.

As mature as he come across on record, though, Droog acknowledges that, as an artist, he’s still in development.

“I want to do something unexpected with everything,” he says. “But, you know, how unexpected can you be in this era?” A hoary question, sure.

Here again, though, he exudes a confidence well beyond his years: “I know what I want to do.”

SEE IT: Your Old Droog plays Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd., with PRhyme, Boldy James, Serge Severe and DJ Zimmie, on Sunday, March 8. 7 pm. $20 advance, $25 day of show. All ages.

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MUSIC

friday–saturday

poraries of Conte, whose ongoing financial troubles stem from his battles against leukemia and diabetes, are doing everything they can to bring him out of his money pit. Attendees of this night’s event get two things: a joyful serenade by one of soul music’s best living guitarists, and the knowledge that they are helping a great musician pay his medical bills. PARKER HALL. Jimmy Mak’s, 221 NW 10th Ave., 295-6542. 7:30 and 10 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show.

Under 21 permitted until 9:30 pm.

Quiet Life, Hey Rosetta!, Hip Hatchet [TAUT AMERICANA] There’s a good deal to love about Quiet Life’s recent EP, Housebroken Man, even if frontman Sean Spellman is still a little tender about the source material. The EP chronicles the more tumultuous side of modern love, accounting goodbyes and grievances with cozy dollops of electric guitar and brushed rhythms. Guest appearances from Carey Ann Hearst and My Morning Jacket’s Jim James only further vitalize the set of outspoken songs. Given the group just finished prepping an album and West Coast tour, you can probably expect a few new tunes as well.

BRANDON WIDDER. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

Honduran, Tyrants, A Volcano, Toim

[THRASH-NOISE] Raw and dissonant, Portland trio Honduran is the sound of a war cry echoing through the Black Forest.

Mastering the art of slow-moving meticulous riffs, which are broken up by equally masterful twominute blasts of powerviolence, Honduran is a force to be reckoned with. Self-proclaimed “cave-metal” practitioners A Volcano, the punk minimalism of Tyrants and the upand-coming Toim share a bill sure to be rad and gruesome in equal measure. ASHLEY JOCZ. Sandy

Hut, 1430 NE Sandy Blvd., 2357972. 9:30 pm. $5. 21+.

Lookas, HAL-V & Spacecase, Wolfkin

[EVERYDAY DYSTOPIAN MUSIC] Last year, an article on trap producer Lookas declared him “the Future of Festival Music.” The Miami producer’s music is where trap and trance collide at a juncture so blurred by chemicals listeners won’t notice. It’s the kind of music you listen to only when surrounded by 100,000 other turntup folks. In short, it’s music perfect for by the corporately controlled EDM tag: big, blind, dumb marketing stunts meant to inspire drugdose machismo. MITCH LILLIE. The Whiskey Bar, 31 NW 1st Ave., 2270405. 10 pm. $7 advance, $13 day of show. 21+.

SATURDAY, MARCH 7 The Shondes

[PUSHKE RIOT] A socially active, politically complicated (they were disinvited from last year’s D.C. Jewish Music Festival for their views on Palestine), queerfriendly, female-fronted punkpop combo welding klezmer fiddliness and ’90s Oly grrrl textures to barroom rock ’n’ roll, the Shondes could’ve been awful and still sent trend-hunting style sections ablaze— USA Today and The Wall Street Journal are among their fans. But the Brooklyn band doesn’t really need the context. On albums like 2013’s The Garden, Louisa Solomon’s theatrical vocals lead the progressive troupe down enjoyably familiar, backwardleaning New Wave grooves. JAY HORTON. Alhambra Theatre, 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 610-0640. 9 pm. $7 advance, $10 day of show.

21+.

TRACY BAILEY

PREVIEW

Theophilus London, Father [BROOKLYN SOUL] If the Drive soundtrack featured occasional dance breaks, R&B vocals and rap lyrics, it would have sounded something like a Theophilus London album. Kanye West’s Brooklyn-based protégé (he’s featured on Yeezy’s new single, “All Day”) dances at the center of a Venn diagram of contemporary music influences, taking what he likes and throwing out what he doesn’t. Since he burst onto the scene in 2011, London, like his mentor, has demonstrated a knack for picking top talent to guide his creative direction, working not only with West but TV on The Radio’s Dave Sitek and, on last year’s Vibes, Marvin Gaye producer Leon Ware. Before every show, London, who never leaves home without a wide-brimmed Pharrell hat, claims he takes two shots of whiskey, says “thank you” 100 times and imagines money floating down toward him from the ceiling. See if you can catch a glimpse of that from the side of the stage, and, if you do, please send us a Vine. PARKER HALL. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., 248-4700. 9 pm Friday, March 6. $19.50. 21+.

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saturday–sunday

Ladysmith Black Mambazo

Guantanamo Baywatch, Hurry Up, Cumstain, Pookie and Poodlez

[AFRIcA’S GoLDEn tHRoAtS] the legendary, Grammy-hoarding South African vocal group, now halfway through its fifth decade, has transcended the Western pop notoriety that followed its contributions to Paul Simon’s Graceland, becoming a full-fledged ambassador for the culture of its homeland. But one doesn’t need familiarity with its lengthy history to be stirred by those golden voices. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. $35. 21+.

The Twilight Sad, Port St. Willow

[BLUE-EYED SHoEGAZE] Scotland’s twilight Sad presents an interesting study in squandered goodwill and music blog buzz. When your scrappy, romantic update of shoegaze’s caterwauling feedback and bleary melodies is pinned down as a next big thing by a frothing stateside music press, what else can you do but fuck it up? Last year’s Nobody Wants to Be Here and Nobody Wants to Leave is certainly a sign of the group backpedaling into the chiming melodicism with which it made its mark, but the bone-dry textures and the bummer vibes that torpedoed the synth-heavy No One Can Ever Know still linger enough to make a former fan wonder if it’s still worth caring or not. nAtHAn cARSon. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 2319663. 9 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.

Single Mothers, The Dirty Nil, U SCO

[PoSt-HARDcoRE] “All I want to do is sit here complaining,” Single Mothers frontman Drew thomson admits just before the end of the band’s debut album, Negative Qualities. It’s a bold confession, but one that epitomizes canadian group’s take on punk even better than its gnarled guitar and head-slamming drums. thomson’s musings leave everyone open for insult—book snobs, drunks, God, himself—amid the tasteful thrashing, with a speak-shout delivery similar to that of the Hold Steady’s craig Finn, if his angst were more unbridled. His piercing observations carry a good deal of weight, though, even if they leave you wondering if he ever has anything nice to say about, well, anyone. BRAnDon WIDDER. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

Angel Alanis, JAK, Tracy Why, Seqewenzer

[tEcHno] With a slew of releases from across the indie technosphere, from Berlin’s tresor to chicago’s Impact Mechanics, Angel Alanis is a prolific Midwestern pioneer of techno and acid. the latter’s screeches and squelches can be a little grating, but over his nearly 20 years of experience working on three continents, Alanis has discovered how to temper that harshness with neatly compressed beats and dubby samples. MItcH LILLIE. Rotture, 315 SE 3rd Ave., 234-5683.

9 pm. $10 advance, $15 day of show.

21+.

Retox, Whores, Rabbits, Phantom Family

[HARDcoRE] Fatalist, nihilist, blistering, brutal—these are just a few of the better words to describe hardcore crew Retox, a group whose pedigree includes members of similarly thorny outfits such as the Locust, Head Wound city and Holy Molar. one adjective that doesn’t get used very often, though it should, is “funny.” It’s understandable that this quality wouldn’t translate through singer Justin Pearson’s larynx-ripping screech. But Retox is clearly a band that believes in the old Minutemen adage that a song title is worth a thousand lyrics.

cont. on page 28 tYLER KALBERG

[tHE WHItE KEYS] An invasive Brit’s hot licks layered atop barrelhouse garage anthems spurred forward by the tastemaker’s Billy Joel, Low cut connie has dazzled critics and attracted no end of friends: Its eagerly awaited third album, Hi Honey, brings along members of Ween, tune-Yards and, um, the Sopranos. But the Philly boys earned their reps through hellfor-leather live performances that allow manic maestro Adam Weiner free rein to French-tickle the ivories amid boozily bravura shout-alongs.

JAY HoRton. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 894-9708. 10 pm. $7.

21+.

SUNDAY, MARCH 8

[GARAGE RocK] on its new single ”too Late,” Portland’s Guantanamo Baywatch trades its formerly reverb-flooded garage-rock sound for tamer, Motown-influenced balladry. It’s a signal that the upcoming Darling…It’s Too Late, dropping in May on Suicide Squeeze, may fully shift the band away from that signature Burger Records’ sound, which has flooded the market with pseudo-psychedelic surf-rock groups indistinguishable from one another. LUcAS cHEMottI. The Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., 4738729. 8 pm. $11. 21+.

Low Cut Connie

MUSIC

INTRODUCING BOMBAY BEACH Who: Ryan Lynch (guitars), Matthew Zimmerman (vocals), Jeremiah Hayden (drums).

Sounds like: thurston Moore and Iggy Pop tripping around Joshua tree, in a sci-fi mockumentary directed by Steve Albini.

For fans of: Sonic Youth, Big Black, the Stooges, David Lynch, Jodorowsky’s Dune.

A lot of bands make music that sounds like it should be in a movie. Rarer are those that actually go ahead and make the movie themselves.

Though the Bombay Beach film project—a dystopian Western set near California’s desolate Salton Sea—is still in the conceptual stage, it is as integral to the band Bombay Beach as the album it just finished recording. One wouldn’t exist without the other, really. Each song is linked to a specific scene, with the lyrics informing the screenplay, which is currently being written. It’s a bit high-concept, but the way the band sees it, simply making records and playing shows doesn’t cut it anymore.

“The whole band process, I hate to say, but it’s been done,” says singer Matthew Zimmerman. “What the movie has done is allow us to think in broader terms.”

Initially, though, Bombay Beach didn’t have aspirations beyond the normal band stuff. In fact, it probably had less. In the beginning, it was just guitarist Ryan Lynch and Modern Kin drummer Jeremiah Hayden fleshing out some riffs Lynch had lying around, with little conception of what, if anything, it would become.

Zimmerman, who played with Lynch in the short-lived Dirt Castle, joined a few months in. Adding his wild-man howl to the preexisting guitar squall, Bombay Beach solidified its sound, melding Sonic Youth discordance with the feral groove of the Stooges—not exactly the kind of music that commonly gets described as “cinematic.”

But when Zimmerman started putting lyrics to the clamor, he found himself returning to a character named Sonny, the antihero of a post-apocalyptic desert metropolis called Slab City. Each member gradually adopted a different role in that fictional world, which became a conduit for expressing real angst with the modern world. “It’s like Method acting through your writing process,” Lynch says. Eventually, the group came to the realization that it was writing the soundtrack for a movie that didn’t yet exist. Then, about a year ago, it decided to try and develop the movie, too.

Bombay Beach has other ideas for expanding its universe, including comics and possibly a documentary of its attempts to sell the movie in Hollywood. Of course, a film is significantly more involved than an album, and there’s a chance it will never materialize. But according to the band, completing the project isn’t the entire point.

“The finished product is this one thing, but personally, for me, the process is the thing,” Hayden says. “I tell people, ‘If you want to be in a band, you better enjoy the process, or just get the fuck out.’ So this has allowed for a process on two fronts.”

MATTHEW SINGER. SEE IT: Bombay Beach plays Rontoms, 600 E Burnside St., with Peter Rainbeau, on Sunday, March 8. 8:30 pm. Free. 21+.

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC MBRASCATU Thursday, March 5th at 6PM Mbrascatu is a fusion of the cobbled streets and cafés of the Old World and the creative melting pot of Portland. The band is a group of talented musicians that draw from very different musical backgrounds to create a unique blend of sounds encompassing European and American roots.

WRAY Sunday, March 8th at 3PM Wray isn’t afraid to revel in repetition, churning (like butter) confident, seamless grooves firmly in the tradition of NEU!, Faust, or Can. Their shimmering, headphone-ready tones owe much to Slowdive, My Bloody Valentine, and even The Cure, but without the crippling self-absorption of chillwave, dreampop, or whatever all the sad kids are listening to this week.

COOL WHIPS Friday, March 13th at 6PM The Cool Whips philosophy is fun and exploring different ways to have that fun. The group is what Shakespeare might have called “a power pop quartet” if he’d been born in this time and listened to this sort of music. The foursome plays a retro 60s style that’s still up to date. What else could it be? It’s being played today so it must be modern. It’s the Now Sound!

GEORGE CLINTON ROBIN TROWER SOMETHING’S ABOUT TO CHANGE Sale Priced At $13.99 CD

True to form, from the opening swoop of electric guitar, Something’s About To Change is a thrilling encapsulation of everything fans love about the celebrated bandleader.

Out March 10th

DUNGEON GOLDS Sale Priced At $10.99 CD / $17.99 LP

This collection was artfully curated, by band leader Scott McCaughey, from the extremely limited edition (750 copies) Record Store Day 2014 vinyl only box set, Scott The Hoople In The Dungeon Of Horror, although some of the tracks here are reworked versions of those songs.

DEVO

HARDCORE LIVE! Sale Priced At $13.99 DVD / $15.99 Blu-Ray / $11.99 CD / $24.99 LP In order to honor their fallen comrade, Bob “Bob 2” Casale, Devo decided to follow through on his idea to resurrect the initial creative efforts that brought them together as a band, prevailing against all odds.

SPIRIT ON A MISSION Sale Priced At $14.99 CD

MICHAEL SCHENKER PLAYS THE BOSSANOVA ON MARCH 27TH! The new studio album from award-winning, legendary guitarist Michael Schenker features 12 classic rock songs that highlight his distinctive and dynamic guitar playing.

Kevin Devine & the Goddamn Band, Dads, Field Mouse

[POWER POP] For every nuance and subgenre thrown in front of the simple notion of calling an earnest, distortion-driven rock group “pop punk” or “emo,” there’s an artist like Kevin Devine having more fun than anyone and giving zero fucks in the process. Rather than be pinned down by expectations after gaining serious traction at the end of the last decade with stints opening for Brand New and collaborating with Manchester Orchestra on the Bad Books project, Devine released two records at once in 2013—a bold move that bifurcated his storyline as a sugary blues-lite balladeer (Bulldozer) and a shameless Fountains of Wayne acolyte (Bubblegum). The latter record is expected to blow the sullen sad sacks attracted to his moody earlier works squarely against the back wall of the Doug Fir. PETE COTTELL. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $13 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

[JAMGRASS] Like the mixed drink from which it takes its name, San Francisco’s Hot Buttered Rum has a tendency to come off overly sweet on first encounter.

As evident from the string-centric quintet’s eponymous LP, the group remains dedicated to warmhearted, three-part harmonies and down-home references more than a decade after its debut, with a soft spot for wandering acoustic guitar. The bulk of the work finds Rust Belt fiddle sitting atop balmy guitar and percussion, with isolated isolated bouts of washboard and flute for good measure.

The band never truly deviates far from its roots, sure, but the its musical virtuosity goes a long way on the stage. BRANDON WIDDER. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 8 pm. $15. 21+.

Music Millennium!

Wednesday, March 18th at 4PM!

MICHAEL SCHENKER’S TEMPLE OF ROCK

Just look at the tracklist for this year’s Beneath California: “We Know Who’s the Prick,” “Death Will Change Your Life,” “Without Money, We’d All Be Rich.” It reads like a greatest hits of misanthropy, and plays the same way.

MATTHEW SINGER. Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash St., 226-0430.

9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

Hot Buttered Rum, Crow and the Canyon

MEET & GREET! Meet the Prime Minister of Funk at

MINUS 5

sunday–tuesday

Out March 24th

The Dreaming, Die So Fluid, the Gentry

[LIGHT INDUSTRIAL] Even considering how fiercely all non-Nine Inch Nails industrial rock acts were relegated to blips on the ’90s hit parade, one would imagine every corner of Alternative Nation deserving of their own well-compensated lap on the nostalgia circuit these days. But Stabbing Westward continues its fitful progress toward a stealth reunion: Ever since frontman Christopher Hall borrowed his old group’s drummer around 2002, the Dreaming has kept fan flames sorta flickering with streamlined renditions of its trademark macabre modern rock.

With SW’s keyboardist-programmer Walter Flakus returning patchy electronica to the fold, the band’s nearly back together, though justreleased album Rise Again insists on striding toward some previously traversed future: Album pre-order screenshots may be redeemed for an otherwise unavailable cover—a hidden track, if you will—of Garbage’s “#1 Crush.”. JAY HORTON. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 8 pm. $12. 21+.

MONDAY, MARCH 9 Swervedriver, Gateway Drugs

[BOOTGAZE] Born of a ’90s Britrock scene that included the likes of the Stone Roses and the Charlatans, Swervedriver opted

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Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

to travel more ethereal waters.

Over the years, including a lengthy hiatus, the band has grown into a household name for fans of fuzzy, lulling, guitar-driven rock, with an audible, heavy shoegaze influence.

Swervedriver’s fifth full-length, I Wasn’t Born to Lose You, proves that much of what was considered groundbreaking in the band’s heyday—the swirling guitar duels, the effects, the trance-inducing repetition—is still relevant today. MARK STOCK. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $15 advance, $17 day of show. 21+.

2:54, Honeyblood

[DREAMY DOOM] This night of dreamy duos from faraway places is topped by London’s 2:54, whose newest album, The Other I, is full of solemn vibes. Colette Thurlow’s haunting vocals float over sensual echoes of her sister Hannah’s guitar. Don’t be surprised to find a sudden fog bank drift into Mississippi Studios when they take the stage. Opener Honeyblood, from Glasgow, is slightly more upbeat in tone, but equally dreamy.

COLETTE POMERLEAU. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

Broods, Mikky Ekko

[GLOSS POP] Describing New Zealand duo Broods as the midway point between respective former tourmates Ellie Goulding and Sam Smith isn’t an insult. It just means that Broods knows how to craft glazed-over pop songs with a strong beat. Georgia Nott’s airy vocals are backed by older brother Caleb’s polished synths and hypnotic production. Even if you are tempted to shrug them off as an amalgamation of their cohorts— they’ve also toured with Haim and worked with “Royals” producer Joel Little—you can’t deny that with its subtle sound and carefully constructed hooks, Broods knows what it’s doing. SHANNON GORMLEY. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 8:30 pm. $16 advance, $18 day of show. All ages.

TUESDAY, MARCH 10 Doomtree, Hellfyre Club, Transit

[ALL HUNGRY] Any endeavor to embrace hip-hop, electronica and soul music is bound to be shaky on occasion. Most of the time, Minneapolis septet Doomtree manages to balance it all just about perfectly, with the the group’s MCs and singers finding a way to smooth away the awkward edges separating those genres. But the group can’t quite rein it all in consistently. On its new and significantly darker effort, All Hands, the electro hip-hop admixture seems off. With this sort of musical purview, though, Doomtree should be allowed a few transgressions. DAVE CANTOR. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd., 233-7100. 7 pm. $16 advance, $18 day of show. All ages.

Ewert and The Two Dragons, Yukon Blonde

[FOLK ROCK] What’s worse than one imaginary dragon? How about two? OK, so Estonian indie-folk troupe Ewert and the Two Dragons aren’t that bad, but it certainly hasn’t done much to differentiate itself from the flock of painfully earnest folkies populating the house speakers at Starbucks these days—other than, of course, being from Estonia. That’s got to count for something, right? Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

In the Company of Serpents, Burials

[GRIM METAL] When half a duo leaves, that’s 50 percent of a band, if my math skills are serving me.

And that’s what happened when Denver doom-metal act In the Company of Serpents switched out

TUESDAY/CLASSICAL, ETC. drummers back in 2011. What hasn’t changed is the band’s penchant for releasing acrid, pissed-off sludge music that recalls Electric Wizard and Eyehategod. Its latest album, Merging In Light, was released as a two-color vinyl objet d’art, and features mixing and mastering complements of local audio wizard Billy Anderson. These dueling snakes are joined by Portland’s own Burials, a quartet which continues to grind even harder as it grows longer in the tooth. NATHAN CARSON. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy Blvd., 2380543. 9 pm. $6 advance, $8 day of show. 21+.

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Replay: Symphony of Heroes

[DIGITAL TO ANALOG] Ever since the first digital volleyball bounced off a Pong shield, a certain segment of the populace has been obsessed with the sound of video games.

As technology ramped up and 8-bit chips allowed for truly artistic soundtracks, the love affair continued to bloop, bleep and bloom. Now, conductor Miriam Burns leads the Oregon Symphony and the Pacific Youth Choir in a grand program dedicated to classical arrangements of popular game scores. Tonight, themes from Halo, Bioshock, Mass Effect and Final Fantasy trade in their synth strings for the real deal.

But for these ears, the most haunting airs will rise from the Castlevania “Suite for Orchestra.” Don’t look for Mario or Link, though—their princesses are in another concert hall.

NATHAN CARSON. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm Friday, March 6. $20-$95. All ages.

Portland Youth Philharmonic

[CLASSICAL] Violas are usually the subject of classical music humor, but Maia Hoffman is no joke. The Wilson High School senior, who won Portland Youth Philharmonic’s annual concerto competition, is already something of a veteran on Portland stages, with a promising career ahead. She stars with the country’s oldest orchestra in one of the 20th century’s major viola concertos (not that there’s a huge rank of competitors), written in 1929 by British composer William Walton.

PYP is fully up to the rest of the meaty program, which would challenge many adult orchestras: the beautiful 1919 orchestral suite drawn from Stravinsky’s breakthrough ballet, The Firebird, and Brahms’ Symphony No. 3. BRETT CAMPBELL. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30 pm Saturday, March 7. $11-$42. All ages.

Third Angle New Music

[ITALIAN MODS] While Italy’s famous designers responded to World War II’s devastation with breezily beautiful creations, many Italian composers went abstract. In conjunction with the Portland Art Museum’s current Italian Style exhibition, Third Angle performs midcentury Italian modernist music that explores the darker realms of postwar recovery, including Luigi Dallapiccola’s Baroque-inspired Tartiniana II, which somewhat resembles Stravinsky and Respighi’s 20thcentury updates of old music, and a pair of fearsomely virtuosic solo works for viola and flute by later composers Fausto Romitelli and Oscar Bianchi that offer listeners little more than odd extended techniques. Soprano Catherine Olson, one of the city’s best vocal interpreters of 20th-century music, joins the instrumentalists in Luigi Nono’s spooky, harrowing 1964 protest against inhumane factory working conditions, La Fabbrica Illuminata; the haunting “Last Rose,” from a song cycle by Salvatore Sciarrino; and Luciano Berio’s ethereal 1968 tribute to Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., O King. You’ll understand why these eerie sounds never caught on as widely as Prada, Gucci and Armani.

BRETT CAMPBELL. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave., 226-

0973. 7:30 pm Saturday, March 7. $10-$45. All ages.

Benjamin Grosvenor

[CLASSICAL PIANO] Prodigies have long prevailed on the classical piano circuit, providing the veneer of youth and freshness for solo recitals almost entirely devoted to a narrow range of museum music that’s usually a century or more old.

One of the latest and hottest piano prodigies is the brilliant 22-yearold Brit Benjamin Grosvenor, who won his first national competition at age 11 (when he’d already been playing the instrument nearly half his lifetime) and has since scooped up various honors from

MUSIC

the top British critics. He’s studied with renowned teachers, including Portland Piano International artistic director Arnaldo Cohen, who’s bringing him to Portland to play 18th-, 19th- and early-20th-century music by Rameau, Scriabin, Ravel and Granados and, on Monday, a heaping helping of another prodigy, Chopin. BRETT CAMPBELL. Lincoln Hall, Portland State University, 1620 SW Park Ave., 725-3307. 4 pm Sunday and 7:30 pm Monday, March 8 and 9. $20-$54. All ages.

For more Music listings, visit

ALBUM REVIEWS

SUMMER CANNIBALS SHOW US YOUR MIND (NEW MOSS) [POLISHED DISTORTION] Anyone who’s ever walked through the streets with music blaring through headphones has experienced how whatever you’re listening to affects the way you move. If you’re listening to doom metal, you might move fast and keep your head down. If you’re listening to technopop, you might feel more buoyant. And if you’re listening to Summer Cannibals’ Show Us Your Mind, you’ll definitely walk with more aggressive swagger, possibly while swinging your hips. It’s a strut that correlates to frontwoman Jessica Boudreaux’s ability to sing in a way that’s smooth and lacerating in equal measure.

Though the band’s sophomore album is generally more ferocious than 2013’s No Makeup, the songs haven’t shed their catchy pop qualities. It’s a no-bullshit effort, recorded without lo-fi gimmicks. Even with its defiant sound, though, Show Us Your Mind is crouched in uncertainty. On the chorus of “That Feeling,” Boudreaux illustrates the paradox of the hopeless lover: “When she’s walking away/I wonder if I’m going to see her again/When she’s walking my way /I wonder how I’m gonna get out of this.”

At points, the conundrum of romance makes her sound positively downtrodden, such as on closer “TV,” when she sings, “everyone on TV’s making love like it comes so easily.” But even if Boudreaux doesn’t explicitly resolve her questions for us, the music offers an answer of its own: Play louder. SHANNON GORMLEY. SEE IT: Summer Cannibals play Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., with Wampire, on Thursday, March 5. 10 pm. $10. 21+.

COOL NUTZ #BRUH (SELF-RELEASED) [ORIGINAL ROSE CITY HIP-HOP] Rappers have always had a penchant for crowning themselves the “king” or “queen” of whatever town they happen to lord over, but few actually have the track record to justify so lofty a moniker.

But Portland O.G. Cool Nutz, long referred to as “the Mayor of Portland Hip Hop,” has been putting in serious work in the scene here for over two decades, and if he isn’t royalty, then he’s damn sure earned his elected position. #BRUH is his umpteenth full-length project, and it’s more of the same trill spill and subwoofer-destroying West Coast hip-hop that’s made Portland proud to have him as its representative. Cool Nutz has never been shy about the influence of the Golden State on his music, and #BRUH boasts guest shots from such notable Californians as E-40, Glasses Malone and Mistah F.A.B. But the album is far from a cheap, corny knockoff of the Bay Area sound. Cool Nutz keeps it Portland as hell throughout, with most of the production duties handled by local beatsmiths Trox, Stewart the Villain, Tope (who also drops a verse) and Cee Goods. The PDX love doesn’t end there. #BRUH’s contributors in the booth are a veritable who’s who of Rose City heavy-hitters—Mikey Vegaz and Illmaculate, the best battle rapper on the planet, chief among them. #BRUH’s high moment, fittingly, is the title track, which is brash, menacing and uncompromising in a way sure to scare off anyone accustomed to hearing safe, sanitized hip-hop. Here’s to many more years of Cool Nutz repping Portland in a way that only he can. TJ LOVE. SEE IT: Cool Nutz plays Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash St., with Vinnie Dewayne, Stevo the Weirdo, Dubz, DJ OG One and DJ Fatboy, on Friday, March 6. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC CALENDAR

[MARCH 4-10] alberta rose Theatre

= WW Pick. highly recommended.

Editor: Mitch Lillie. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: music@wweek.com.

3000 NE Alberta St. Trace Bundy

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

LAST WEEK LIVE

arlene Schnitzer concert hall

THOMAS TEAL

1037 SW Broadway Replay: Symphony of Heroes

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Hollow Wood

clyde’s Prime rib restaurant & Bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd.

Cool Breeze

crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside Street Rebelution

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Passport Approved Live, New Beat Fund, Buffalo Sunn, These Reigning Days

edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Anita Margarita and the Rattlesnakes

hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Motionless in White, For Today, New Years Day, Ice Nine Kills

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. East Bay Grease Meets the Portland Soul AllStars

Wed. March 4 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Gabe Rozzell

aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Stars

alberta rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St. Alan Doyle

alhambra Theatre 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

AyeM Ray-Dio, The Chicharones

Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

The Fenix Project

crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside Street MarchFourth!, 12th Anniversary Spectacular

dante’s

350 W Burnside St Cheap Girls, Restoration, Chris Farren, Hard Girls

duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Blues Jam

edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Michael Berly and Friends

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Christopher Brown Quartet

2958 NE Glisan St. Down Home Music, Billy Can Boys (9 pm); Love Gigantic (6 pm)

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Psychomagic

The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd.

Pete Ford Band

White eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. GreyDogz, Reverb Brothers

Wilf’s restaurant & Bar 800 NW 6th Ave. Ron Steen Band

ThurS. March 5 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Gabe Rozzell

alberta rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. 2nd Annual Hawaiian Slack Key Guitar Festival

analog cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Thursday Sessions

artichoke Music

3130 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Acoustic Village

Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

Ben Jones and Friends

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LaurelThirst Public house

2958 NE Glisan St. Baby Gramps (9:30 pm); the Tree Frogs (6 pm)

Magnolia’s corner

4075 NE Sandy Blvd Mark MacMinn

Mississippi Pizza Pub.

3552 N. Misssissippi Ave Water Tower

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Quiet Life, Hey Rosetta!

Ponderosa Lounge

10350 N Vancouver Way Breaking Midnight

reed college LaurelThirst Public house

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Summer Cannibals

crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside Street Rebelution

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Kindness, Pell

edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Red and Ruby

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown B3 Organ Group

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Live

LaurelThirst Public house

2958 NE Glisan St. Wild Rumpus Band, Tommy Alexander, Keegan Good, Ryan Fauber (9:30 pm); Lewi & the Left Coast Roaster

Magnolia’s corner

4075 NE Sandy Blvd Three for Silver

Mississippi Pizza Pub.

3552 N. Misssissippi Ave Bottom Shelf Band, Amorus

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Naomi Punk, PC Worship, Lithics

Peter’s room

8 NW 6th Ave Fashawn, D Future, Manno

rock creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Lynn Conover and Gravel

Sandy hut

1430 NE Sandy Blvd.

Consumer, Haviana Whaal,Is/Is, Sister Mamie Foreskin

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave. Firkin Music Fest 2015: Talkative, Fog Father, Nature Thief, LiquidLight

The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd.

Ben Rice B3 Trio

The Muddy rudder Public house 8105 SE 7th Ave. Sleepy Eyed Johns

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. Jumptown!, Baby & the Pearl Blowers, The Hot Club Time Machine

White eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Windus, Mount Joy

Fri. March 6 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Gabe Rozzell

836 N Russell St. Garcia Birthday Band

alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Dead Combo, MBRASCATU

A BRAND-NEW ARENA: Much to the joy of the sold-out crowd, Lost Lander played primarily from its brand-new release, Medallion, at its hometown record-release show at Mississippi Studios on Feb. 27. It’s a glistening pop record that marks a departure from the more nuanced dream rock of its debut, DRRT. Bigger stages are almost certainly in Lost Lander’s future, given its anthemic new sound, and as Friday’s show proved, the band is already familiar with arena trickery, from impromptu wedding proposals to special guests (Dana Jannsen of Dana Buoy sat in on percussion) to windmilling power chords. Tidiness and professional efficiency trumped human error and daydreaming. But while neatly tailored new tracks like “Gemini” and “Never Go Easy” had fists pumping, it was the wide-eyed older material like “Cold Feet” and “Kangaroo” that struck deeper emotional chords and felt more natural. MARK STOCK. See more photos at wweek.com/ lastweeklive.

White eagle Saloon

3203 SE Woodstock Blvd.

Scott/Powel

roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. In Flames, All That Remains, Wovenwar

Sandy hut

1430 NE Sandy Blvd.

Tyrants, Toim, A Volcano, Honduran

Star Theater

SaT. March 7 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Gabe Rozzell

aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Ladysmith Black Mambazo

alberta Street Public house

1036 NE Alberta St. Lucia Comnes with River Twain

alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

The Shondes

arlene Schnitzer concert hall

1037 SW Broadway Portland Youth Philharmonic Winter Concert

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Low Cut Connie

dante’s

8105 SE 7th Ave. Joe McMurrian

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. Cedar Teeth, Dedric Clark and the Social Animals, Pink Lady & John Bennett Jazz Band

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killingsworth St. Bridgetown Saints, Forever June

The Secret Society

The Know

The TardiS roomFish & chip Shop

Turn! Turn! Turn!

116 NE Russell St. The Cry!, Wild Bells, The Zags, The Libertine Belles

1218 N Killingsworth St. Loop Madness

Townshend’s Tea house

2223 NE Alberta St Abstracted, Lifelike Family

White eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. School of Rock Lake Oswego Show Band, Soul Saturdays with DoveDriver

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. The Infamous Stringdusters, Keller Williams

Sun. March 8 alberta rose Theatre

2026 NE Alberta St. Sculpture Gardens, Shy Boys, No Lala 8 NE Killingsworth St. Grand Style Orchestra

White eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Rob Johnston, Walking Stalking Robots

Mon. March 9 al’s den

303 SW 12th Ave. Adam Levy

Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

Hot Tea Cold

dante’s

350 West Burnside Jesse Paradox, Karaoke From Hell

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Swervedriver, Gateway Drugs

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Fallujah, Archspire, Lorna Shore, The Zenith Passage

hawthorne Theatre

arlene Schnitzer concert hall

Jimmy Mak’s

830 E Burnside St. The Twilight Sad, Port St. Willow

edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. The Columbians

First christian church Portland 1314 SW Park Avenue German & Austrian Romantic Guitar Duets

hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE Cesar E. Chavez Blvd.

Boudica, Cruciation, Death Agenda, Existential Depression, Septic Burial, Gravewitch

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Ants in the Kitchen, The Twangshifters

LaurelThirst Public house

2958 NE Glisan St. Amanda Richards and the Good Long Whiles

LaurelThirst Public house

2958 NE Glisan St. Jeremiah Clark Album Release Party

Mississippi Pizza Pub.

3552 N. Misssissippi Ave Life During Wartime

Mississippi Studios

Ponderosa Lounge

The Muddy rudder Public house

13 NW 6th Ave. The Dreaming, Die So Fluid & The Gentry

doug Fir Lounge

The Firkin Tavern

2026 NE Alberta St. Wake

8105 SE 7th Ave. John Bunzow

3000 NE Alberta St. Terry Robb, The IvieMeziere-Foss Trio, The Stevens Hess Band

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Single Mothers, The Dirty Nil, U SCO

The Know

Star Theater

350 W Burnside St Little Ozzy and the Kings of Hollywood, Mini Marilyn Manson, Poison’d and Red White & Crue

13 NW 6th Ave. Theophilus London, Doja Cat and Father 1937 SE 11th Ave. Firkin Music Fest 2015: The Hill Dogs, SamDensmore DamSensmore, Pretty Gritty

The Muddy rudder Public house

10350 N Vancouver Way Brass Tacks

roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. Christina Grimmie, Alexi Blue & Passin Notes

Sandy hut

1430 NE Sandy Blvd.

Absent Minds, the Brass, Symptoms, Secnd Best, Chad Bandit

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave. Firkin Music Fest 2015: Tribe Mars, Walking Stalking Robots

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Guantanamo Baywatch, Hurry Up, Cumstain, Pookie & The Poodlez

alhambra Theatre

1037 SW Broadway Metropolitan Youth Symphony Concert 2

ash Street Saloon

edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Groovy Wallpaper with Andrew Gorny 1507 SE 39th Ave. Enslaved, YOB, Ecstatic Vision, Atriarch 221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown Septet, George Fox College Jazz Ensemble

Lincoln Performance hall

225 SW Ash St. Retox, Whores, Rabbits, Phantom Family

1620 SW Park Ave. Benjamin Grosvenor

Biddy McGraw’s

Mississippi Studios

Blue diamond

rotture

crystal Ballroom

The Jade Lounge

6000 NE Glisan St Stringtown Ambassadors 2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

Kevin Selfe and the Tornadoes Jam Session 1332 W Burnside Street Mat Kearney

dante’s

350 W Burnside St Michael Rault

doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Kevin Devine & the Goddamn Band, Dads, Field Mouse

duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave The Rhythm Renegades

edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Lewi Longmire & Anita Lee Eliott

hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. PRhyme (DJ Premier & Royce da 5’9), Your Old Droog, Boldy James, Serge Severe, DJ Zimmie

LaurelThirst Public house

2958 NE Glisan St. Open Mic (9 pm); Freak Mountain Ramblers (6 pm)

Lincoln Performance hall

1620 SW Park Ave. Benjamin Grosvenor

3939 N Mississippi Ave. 2:54, Honeyblood 315 SE 3rd Ave. Mutilation Rites, Mantar, Drouth, Urzeit 23rd & S.E. Ankeny Jelly Roll Jamboree: Zach Bryson, High Water Jazz Band, Reny ‘N Bell, & Hops & Honey String Band

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Mister Tang, Melted, The Grinning Ghosts, Melt

Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St. Broods

TueS. March 10 Blue diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

A.C. Porter, Blue Tuesday

hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th Ave. Doomtree, Hellfyre Club, Transit

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown Quartet, Milwaukie High School Jazz Band

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Ewert and The Two Dragons

The GoodFoot Lounge

Mississippi Pizza Pub.

2845 SE Stark St. Radula

Mississippi Studios

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

In the Company of Serpents, Burials

3552 N. Misssissippi Ave Dedric Clark & the Social Animals 3939 N Mississippi Ave. Hot Buttered Rum

Tonic Lounge

White eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Three for Silver, Sink & Swim and Heartwood

MARCH 4–10

MUSIC CALENDAR Will CorWin

BAR REVIEW

Where to drink this week.

1. Upright Brewing

240 N Broadway, Suite 2, 735-5337, uprightbrewing.com.

This basement-brewing landmark in the leftbank building is the one place in Portland you are always guaranteed to find our crisp, clean beer of the year, Engelberg Pilsner.

Just make sure to bring some cash. or a check.

Pay on the barrelhead.

2. Sasquatch Brewing

6440 SW Capitol Highway, 402-1999, sasquatchbrewery.com.

Put “brewing” in the name, and maybe you forget a place has eight cider taps.

But in Southwest Portland, where cider runs rare, Sasquatch hosts mini tap takeovers and a mess of local cider.

3. The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont St., 421-4483, theliquorstorepdx.com.

With old papers, old records, a basement dance club, a seamless horseshoe of a bar and housemade Blue Curacao memorializing its predecessor, the Blue Monk, this bar is off to a hell of a good start.

4. Prettyman’s General 2637 SE Hawthorne Blvd., prettymansgeneral.com.

Guess what twee, friendly bar just started a Sunday brunch? This one did. Way to justify your morning drinking habit, Portland.

5. Plew’s Brews

8409 N Lombard St., 283-2243. in this beer bar on the fringes of St. Johns, there are blacklit restrooms, grandma couches that smell of oMMP, a huge collection of obscure board games, thrifted T-shirts and a mess of obscure local brews like those from Awesome Ales.

Make it a “4:19 Got a Minute iPA.”

O, REALLY: Until recently, it was impossible to get a beer with your movie in Lake Oswego if you weren’t popping a bottle in your Titanic-themed man cave. Thank God, you can now show off your expensive taste for both in public. Lake Theater & Cafe (106 N State St., Lake Oswego, 387-3236, laketheatercafe.com), situated in a tidily renovated Tudor building next to Stickmen Brewery, has a few great things going for it. This is the new best place to be in Lake Oswego. First of all, you no longer have to go to Stickmen for its patio—Lake Theater has a great one, and, like we said, it’s right next door. The beer selection, which is only a buck more per pint than you would pay in Portland proper, features things like Pfriem’s Belgian strong blonde, Weihenstephaner hefe, and Anthem hopped cider. But the real cherry on top at this lakeside cinema, of all things, is the food. For just $16, you can get a wild boar pizza for one: thin crust, perfectly browned and greasy with tangy tomato sauce, topped with stringy marinated hog and mozzarella. If for some reason the Lannister pizza isn’t your thing, you can choose from an assortment of delicious sandwiches. My favorite, the chickpea and spinach piadina ($11), wasn’t trying too hard to be a falafel sandwich, instead using flatbread, ripe tomato and olives like a cute British actor faking an American accent: in an endearing homage to real ethnic cuisine that somehow makes you like them even more. So grab a meal, a ticket to Selma and a $5.25 pint of Weihenstephaner, then throw away the receipt and pretend you’re at a cleaner Laurelhurst Theater. PARKER HALL.

SaT. March 7 Bike commuter Bike Shop Branx 320 SE 2nd Ave. Bearracuda

Gemini Lounge

Wed. March 4 Bar XV

15 SW 2nd AVE Deep House Wednesdays

Ground Kontrol classic arcade 511 NW Couch St. TRONix

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. The Diamond stylus with King Tim 33 1/3

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Event Horizon, Industrial Dance Night

The Whiskey Bar 31 NW 1st Ave Nadastrom

Fri. March 6 dante’s

350 W Burnside St Holi Hai Color Festival Bollywood Party,

holocene

6526 SE Foster Rd. DJ Encrypted

holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Booty Bassment, Dimitri Dickinson, Maxx Bass, Nathan Detroit

1001 SE Morrison St. MJ Cole, Ben Tactic, Lincolnup

Moloko Plus

Moloko Plus

rotture

3967 N Mississippi Ave. Hans Fricking Lindauers 21st Century Rhythm & Soul Review

The Whiskey Bar 31 NW 1st Ave Lookas

3967 N Mississippi Ave. DJ Roane 315 SE 3rd Ave. Angel Alanis, Jak, Tracy Why, Segwenzer

Sun. March 8 Berbati

19 SW 2nd Ave. Future Bass

Mon. March 9 cadigan’s corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Fight Church TV, Jessie

Ground Kontrol classic arcade

511 NW Couch St. Metal Mondays, Metal Kyle and DJ Shreddy Krueger

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Departures, DJ Waisted and Friends

TueS. March 10 analog cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Boombox

crush Bar

1400 SE Morrison St. Bi Bar, Bi/Pan/Fluid/Queer Dance Party

The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd.

DJ Easy Finger

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

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PORTLAND GUIDES WILLAMETTE WEEK

Portland Guides

2014

RESTAURANT OF THE

2015 small tabs

BEER GUIDE INSIDE

YEAR

PORTLAND GUIDES

PORTLAND GUIDES

PORTLAND GUIDES

PORTLAND GUIDES

PORTLAND GUIDES

WILLAMETTE WEEK

WILLAMETTE WEEK

WILLAMETTE WEEK

WILLAMETTE WEEK

WILLAMETTE WEEK

CHEAP EATS

From oodles of noodles and banh mi to small plates, pub grub and food carts, Portland is rich with delicious discount destinations.

CHEAP EATS

Cheap Eats is the budget diner’s bible, our annual homage to affordable fare.

willamette week’s

february 19, 2014

willamette week

1

Publishes: 3/18/15 Deadline: 3/5/15

PORTLAND GUIDES

2014

RESTAURANT

Portland Guides

OF THE

BAR GUIDE

PORTLAND GUIDES

PORTLAND GUIDES

BEER GUIDE INSIDE

YEAR

PORTLAND GUIDES

PORTLAND GUIDES

PORTLAND GUIDES

So many bars, so little time. Our annual Bar Guide gives readers the lowdown on where to load up.

We do the dirty work of exploring the city’s bars, taverns, lounges, and pubs to produce a curated list of the best and most interesting places to imbibe, including our Bar of The Year.

Publishes: 4/15/15 Deadline: 4/2/15

BAR GUIDE willamette week’s

Call: 503.243.2122 | Email: advertising@wweek.com 32

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2014 wweek.com

march 4–10 REVIEW

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

PAT R I C K W E I S H A M P E L / B L A N K E Y E .T V

PERFORMANCE

Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.

Editor: ENID SPITZ. Theater: ENID SPITZ (espitz@wweek.com). Dance: KAITIE TODD (dance@wweek.com).

TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: espitz@wweek.com.

THEATER OPENINGS & PREVIEWS Box Marked Black

Local “theater maker” Demaris Webb regularly stages her racially-charged one-woman show, part memoir part political diatribe, in warehouses and church basements in exchange for canned food donations. Her labor of love production jumps between political impersonations, spontaneous dance and sock puppets to explore the squishy topic of diversity in one quick hour. Westminster Presbyterian Church, 1624 NE Hancock St., 287-1289. 7 pm Friday, March 6. Free.

Br’er Rose

Megan Skye Hale, the self-dubbed “anachronaut” host of speakeasy sketching nights at Southeast Portland’s Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven theater, funded fledgling production company Speculative Drama through Patreon (Kickstarter for artists) to stage this Cajun-spiced, mime-like recreation of the Grimm Brothers’ classic Sleeping Beauty that relocates Rose (fresh face Caitlynn Didlick) and her suspender-clad prince to the Louisiana bayou. Not recommended for children under 12. The Steep and Thorny Way to Heaven, 1464 SE 2nd Ave., 586-9774. 8 pm Fridays and Saturdays, March 6-7, 13-14. $18.

Durang Durang

Post5 Theatre puts on a series of one-acts by Christopher Durang that satirize the likes of Sam Shepard, Tennessee Williams and David Mamet.

Post5 Theatre, 1666 SE Lambert St., 971-258-8584. 7:30 pm FridaysSundays through March 28. $15-$20.

Guys and Dolls

Gambling gangsters and repenting sinners take over the Keller with song in this traveling Broadway production of Frank Loesser’s Tony Award-winning musical. Love or craps—it’s all a game.

Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 800-745-3000. 7:30 pm TuesdayFriday, 2 pm and 7:30 pm Saturday, 1 pm and 6:30 pm Sunday, March 10-15. $30-$80.

Hairspray

Portland Community College Theater directors Julianne Johnson-Welss and Dan Hays stage this overly alliterative Broadway musical in which Tracy Turnblad belts ballads and strives for stardom on Corny Collins’ popular TV program. Heidi Dyer choreographs, and music direction is by Owen HofmannSmith. PCC Sylvania Little Theatre, 12000 SW 49th Ave., 977-4848. 7 pm Friday-Saturday, March 6-15; 11 am Thursday, March 12; 2 pm Sunday, March 15. $10, cash or check only.

Other Desert Cities

Portland Center Stage presents a drama by Jon Robin Baitz about a wealthy family with a thorny past— because we’ve never seen any of those sorts of people onstage before.

Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays, 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays and noon Thursdays through March 22. $39-$69.

Playback Theater: In the Footsteps of our Forbearers

This month’s theme, “In the Footsteps of our Forbearers,” invites audience members to shout out stories of their ancestry as actors improv each tale onstage. Hipbone Studio, 1847 E Burnside St., 358-0898. 7:30 pm Saturday, March 7. $15.

Virgins to Villains

Oregon Shakespeare Festival’s Robin Goodrin Nordli, who’s played 47 of

Shakespeare’s babes and bitches (and 21 bros), ponders parallels between each character and her own life in this one-woman scrutinization of Shakespeare’s “fairer” roles.

Portland songstress Mary Kadderly joins the siren-fest fundraiser for Portland Shakespeare Project’s fifth season. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm Monday, March 9. $50.

ALSO PLAYING The God Game

Brandon Woolley directs a play by Suzanne Bradbeer about an agnostic Republican senator, his Biblequoting wife, and their friend—also a Republican—who was the lover of the senator’s recently deceased brother.

Politics! Religion! Sex! Go! Shaking the Tree, 823 SE Grant Ave., 235-0635.

7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through March 7. $15-$22.

Mary Stuart

Northwest Classical Theater and Cygnet Productions pair award-winning “favorites” Luisa Sermol and Lorraine Bahr for the classic catfight between cousins. Mary Stuart faces death after threatening the crown of her cousin, Queen Elizabeth I. Expect love and codpieces in this seven-time Tony Award-nominated play by Peter Oswald, directed by Elizabeth Huffman.

Shoebox Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., 971-244-3740. 7:30 pm ThursdaySaturday, 2 pm Sunday through March 29. $22.

The Night Alive

“Sad and poor Irish people sitting in a room” is practically a theatrical genre unto itself these days. The Night Alive, by famed Irish playwright Conor McPherson, hardly reinvents it. But in this production by director Scott Yarbrough, Third Rail Repertory Theatre’s players do hit all the right notes. Protagonist Tommy (Damon Kupper) goes out for a bag of chips, finds bruised Aimee (Christina Holtom) and takes her in. His life then quickly crumbles in this production’s classic mix of Irish melancholia and verbal jousting. All two unintermissioned hours of Yarbrough’s production takes place in the dingy room. Most of the action comes from McPherson’s writing, which goes for laughs in the dark places. “Which way was your nose crooked before?” Tommy asks Aimee when he first picks her up. The deepest plunge, however, is using signs of poverty for laughs. (Note: Tommy and I use the same shitty Samsung flip phone.) While Aimee’s assailant, Kenneth (Rolland Walsh) is terrifying, offering a kind of clean-cut sadism but the leading couple is less memorable.

JAMES HELMSWORTH. CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St., 235-1101. 7:30 pm Wednesdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through March 14. $22-$29.

Precious Little

Defunkt Theatre presents Madeleine George’s play about a gay linguist in her early 40s who decides to have a child on her own. When she learns her child might have a genetic abnormality, she’s launched down a path that introduces her to—among others—the last speaker of a dying language and a gorilla at the zoo. The Back Door Theater, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 4812960. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Sundays through March 21 (no shows Feb. 15 and 22). $15-$25 Fridays-Saturdays, “pay what you can” Thursdays and Sundays.

Ruthless! The Musical

A song-studded romp detailing one adorable girl’s murder of another for the lead role in a school play. Tina (Alexa Shaheen) kick-starts the labored

toucHing: (From left) susan cella, ned schmidtke, D’arcy Dersham and Barbara Broughton at gerding theater.

WHITE CHRISTMAS GOING HOME FOR THE HOLIDAYS: PORTLAND CENTER STAGE’S OTHER DESERT CITIES PACKS PLENTY OF BAGGAGE.

BY EN ID SPITZ

espitz@wweek.com

If you miss the turnoff for Palm Springs, big green signs on Interstate 10 announce the approach of “other desert cities.” Director Timothy Bond and Portland Center Stage have a more precise destination in mind for their production of Jon Robin Baitz’s Other Desert Cities, a political dramedy about what Baitz calls “anachronistic Americans living in a kind of cinematic library of old Hollywood” in the aftermath of 9/11. PCS wants to take us home for the holidays, staging familiar family squabbles in an intersection of home and homeland security.

As Other Desert Cities opens, the Wyeths might as well be the Tenenbaums, dressed in their tennis whites on Christmas Eve morning, crew socks coordinated to match the set’s Tiffany blue color scheme. This pristine scene cues a white-washed and washed-out every-family drama. Scene 1 closes with the line “That’s as good as it gets.” As the lights die, Mannheim Steamroller plays, and an electric fireplace clicks on, we’re resigned to believe it’s true.

Brooke Wyeth (D’arcy Dersham) is a travel writer who fled to the East Coast to escape her sun-soaked Palm Springs home and vodka-soaked celebrity parents. Returning home for Christmas, Brooke brings her unpublished novel and, with it, the threat of social ruin. The story of her late brother Henry’s terrorist associations and suicide could cause more damage than even Brooke knows.

Before publishing, she gifts younger brother Trip (a show-stealing Joel Reuben Ganz) and her parents a chance to make edits.

The start of the show could use editing itself.

Act 1 is bogged down by predictable jokes —“this water needs vodka for flavor”—from predictable characters. Overbearing mom Polly (Barbara Broughton) tries persuadcing her offspring to live next door; dad Lyman (Ned Schmidtke) boasts a well-starched polo shirt and endearing soft spot; the black sheep aunt Silda (Susan Cella) longingly whiffs shots of Jack (shocker); Trip is the comedic relief in his Warhol-inspired graphic tee. And, of

course, trust-funded daughter Brooke lives on antidepressants.

Other Desert Cities spices its familial battles with familiar politics too, pitting Constitutionthumping Californians against terrorists, who naturally all reek of fermenting cheese and sit growing beards in showerless communes. Even Schmidtke’s Shakespearean dignity—his Lyman saunters around the stage like King Richard—won’t quite elevate Act 1’s predictable plot line.

But after intermission, the siblings share a joint with aunt Silda and Polly loses the jeweled pumps for ballet flats. Maybe it’s the contact high from “herbal smoke” cigarettes onstage, but when caricatures finally become characters through these telling details, we’re wooed enough to forgive their heavy-handed lines: Lyman’s “I’ll never be able to love you again” to Brooke is less cringe-worthy because we’ve just glimpsed him endearingly dry his clammy palms on his cranberry cardigan.

All two hours of the show stays in the Wyeths’ cream-carpeted living room, but when Baitz’s plot gets bolder, the veteran actors—most with Broadway credits—are able to follow suit. Trip migrates from the corners to mounting an ottoman center stage, and stands up to his sister in the speech that finally uses Ganz’s knack for timing for something other than one-liners. Cella takes aunt Silda beyond the tired moocher role into Other’s most nuanced character in a hair-raising scene in which she nears the brim of relapse. Stage lighting assumes a noteworthy role itself: A wavy, blue-light projection is more noticeable after intermission, recalling SoCal beaches and the waters Henry drowned himself in. Spotlights dim and blaze strategically, creating a fishbowl effect where white beams framing the Armory stage become an open window at night, lights on inside. When the monologues and tantrums go long, these tricks steal our attention back.

An eventual plot twist adds complexity, but the production mostly stays its narrow course through the well-trodden territory of the troubled rich, making us, like Brooke, crave the intrigue of “other desert cities.” But, like painfully necessary holidays at home, the play reminds us that we love the skeletons in our closets and the rabid mothers that guard them. Our imperfections save us from being racket-toting robots. see it: Other Desert Cities is at Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700, pcs.org. 7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays, 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays, noon Thursdays through March 22. $25-$69.

CONT. on page 34 Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

33

march 4–10

CASEY CAMPBELL PHOTOGRAPHY

COMEDY & VARIETY (Still) Surrounded by Idiots

Last year Brody Theater’s founder Tom Johnson was surrounded by idiots.

Hasn’t changed, hence this self-produced follow-up that’ll try to match 2014’s sold-out success. This season Brody comics Kerry Leek and Mike Karras join the show. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7:30 pm Saturdays, March 7, 14, 21 and 28. $12.

Adam Devine

In between Workaholics and House Party, his regular Comedy Central shows, Adam Devine is getting plenty of film time as Robert DeNiro’s overseer in the upcoming Intern, a capella captain in Pitch Perfect 2 and nanny on ABC’s Modern Family. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 7 pm Thursday, March 5.

Sold out.

Ari Shaffir

takes to the stage with workshop creations and his own collaboration with Brody founder Tom Johnson. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7 pm. $25.

Naked Comedy Open Mic

The Brody hosts a thrice-weekly openmic night. Comics get four-minute standup slots and can sign up online.

Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 9:30 pm every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Free with one-item minimum purchase.

Open Court

Team-based, long-form improv open to audience members and performers of all stripes. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477.

7:30 pm every Thursday. $5.

Press Scoot to Continue: The Live Show

Scoot Herring takes the crowd back through video-game reminiscing, interviewing Mega Man and his childhood arcade’s owner. The show also promises tunes from local musician Mechlo and sporadic bouts of standup. Kickstand’s weekly open-mic will follow. Kickstand Comedy Space, 1969 NE 42nd Ave., 937-219-1334. 8 pm Thursday, March 5. Free.

Random Acts of Comedy

Curious Comedy puts on a freewheeling show that brings together sketch, standup and improv. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 9:30 pm every Saturday. $7-$10.

REVIEW R u SS E L L J. YO u N G

PERFORMANCE

Comedy Central mainstay and host of the “Skeptic Tank” podcast Ari Shaffir regularly shares screen time with Duncan Trussell and Joe Rogan.

On stage, he spews expletives in racy rants and touts Shroomfest, his international “mushroom party”—on August’s most moonlit weekend, which this year begins on the 29th). Sensitive ears stay away. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Thursday, 7:30 and 10 pm FridaySaturday, March 5-7. $15-$23. 21+.

the six gentlepersons of verona plot with her bloody ascent, but amid weary puns and cartoon diva stints, the cleverest dialogue is entrenched in the blinkered worldview of the theatah.

Such shameless preaching to the onstage choir does uncork a certain rapture among performers. Stephanie Heuston’s maternal and disapproving Judy assumes her prima donna mantle as Ginger Del Marco and takes flight. A bewigged Darius Pierce sucks the marrow from every line as suspiciously invasive talent agent Sylvia St. Croix. And Shaheen’scaptivating and cloying young murderess may seem lacking compared to Laura Bell Bundy’s original Tina, but the part lends itself to career upswings.

Honestly, considering Bundy’s 1992 understudies Britney Spears and Natalie Portman, we’re more curious who’s waiting in the wings. Brunish Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 248-4335.

7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays and 2 pm Saturdays-Sundays through March 8. $29.65-$38.65.

The Six Gentlepersons of Verona

Bag & Baggage puts its usual boxbreaking spin on Shakespeare’s first comedy, employing six actresses (and an endearing canine) to play the 12 characters on a completely blank stage. An original score and onstage swordplay promise plenty of intrigue, but we’re really just going for the cute dog. Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 693-3953. 7:30 pm Thursdays-Saturdays, 2 pm Sundays.

Through March 22. $26-30.

Story Swap and Potluck

An evening of free-form storytelling hosted by the Portland Storytellers Guild. McMenamins Kennedy School, 5736 NE 33rd Ave., 249-3983. 6:30 pm every first Friday. Free.

Threesome

It only takes 10 minutes for the first penis to appear. But that’s hardly the most shocking moment in Threesome, a richly scripted world-premiere production by Seattle playwright Yussef El Guindi and directord by Chris Coleman. The bed is the centripetal force as the titular threesome rotates around it. Couple Rashid (Dominic Rains) and Leila (Alia Attallah) are two-thirds of the three and they’ve invited over their acquaintance, Doug (Quinn Franzen), for a night of horizon-broadening fun. But instead of becoming a sexual playground, the couple’s spartan bedroom hosts a mess of neuroses. As flesh is gradually revealed, so are secrets about

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the couple’s history that suggest this night might not be such a lighthearted romp. That’s upsetting to Doug, a consummate New Age Bro who’s “all about good vibes and good karma.”

But that’s is the thing about threesomes: Twice as many partners offers double the opportunity for humiliation. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Gerding Theater, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700.

7:30 pm Tuesdays-Sundays (excluding Feb. 8, 22 and 24 and March 3 and 8); 2 pm select Saturdays-Sundays; noon select Thursdays. Through March 8. $20-$55.

Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made

In addition to writing and illustrating the comic strip Pearls Before Swine, Stephan Pastis has started penning kids’ chapter books. Now, the protagonist of that series—a wannabe detective with a giant polar bear for a business partner—makes it onstage, courtesy of a world-premiere play at Oregon Children’s Theatre. Best for ages 8 and up. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 228-9571. 2 and 5 pm Saturdays and 2 pm Sundays through March 22. $15-$28.

Tribes

Artists Repertory Theatre stages Nina Raine’s Tribes, following Billy (Stephen Drabicki) and his arrogant, intellectual family who fling words like throwing stars, arguing about God, the opera or the nuts sitting on the table. That is, everyone except Billy, a 20-something who was born deaf and has never been taught sign language.

When he falls in love with Sylvia (the enthralling Amy Newman), who is losing her hearing, she introduces him to the deaf community. Kristeen Willis Crosser’s lighting design—lights blaze to blinding when Billy announces he’s leaving—and director Dámaso Rodriguez’s blocking—characters alternately scatter or glob—carry the action well. The ending presents the only cringe-worthy moment in two-hours, when the play’s parting message is spelled out too slowly and accompanied by cheesy acoustic music. This one moment isn’t enough to spoil the play, however. Lively wordplay and fast pacing carry the play through an examination of how speaking the same language, literally or otherwise, can mean everything. KAITIE TODD. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7 pm Friday, March 6. $25-$55.

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

Bad News Guys

Brody’s house comedians take on the task of putting on a successful catastrophe in this improvised staging of our favorite film genre. We’re still waiting for Sharknado at the Keller.

Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 7:30 pm. $9-$12.

Curious Comedy Open Mic

Curious hosts a weekly open-mic night. Sign-ups begin at 7:15, and comics get three minutes of stage time apiece. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477.

8 pm every Sunday. Free.

Curious Comedy Showdown

Curious Comedy’s improvisers duke it out, in hopes of winning audience votes and advancing to the next round of competition. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 7:30 pm every Friday and Saturday. $12-$15.

Earthquake Hurricane

An army of impressive Portland comedians—Curtis Cook, Alex Falcone, Bri Pruett and Anthony Lopez—host a weekly standup showcase with some of the funniest people you’ll ever see in the basement of a bike shop.

Kickstand Comedy Space, 1969 NE 42nd Ave., 937-219-1334. 8:30 pm every Wednesday. $5 suggested.

Funny Humans vs. the Wheel

If you go to enough shows around town, you start to memorize comedians’ sets. Think of this weekly show, hosted by silly duo Adam Pasi and David Mascorro, as an antidote to all that repetition: Comedians start out with a planned set, but halfway through, they have to spin a wheel to determine what comes next—crowd work, one-liners, maybe even a heckle battle. Bar of the Gods, 4801 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 232-2037. 9 pm every Sunday. Free. 21+.

Ian Harvie

Known as familial and folksy, Transparent’s transgender actor-comedian Ian Harvie, regularly an opener for Margaret Cho, headlines in his own “gender-bending” show of personal stories about being a “trans man superhero” and “closet cowboy.”

Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 841-6734. 8:30 pm. $15. 21+.

Kevin McDonald

The curly-haired comedian from Canada’s The Kids in the Hall, who pulled off a Harry Potter impersonation in Epic Movie, joins Brody’s house troupe and hopeful Portland comics for a sketch workshop, then

“the-A-ter”: heath Koerschgen, Jessica tidd and Kelly Godell.

DURANG DURANG Post5 Theatre’s Durang Durang, a collection of six one-act plays by absurdist playwright Christopher Durang, touches on grave issues: domestic violence, parental abuse and mental health.

But it doesn’t go deep. Instead, Durang glosses over anything too serious with an exaggerated wink and heavy dose of black humor.

Bitter Southern belles, mostly deaf warehouse workers and Novocainhappy former dentists are just a handful of Durang’s random collection of characters. Buckle up; things get weirder.

Helmed by director Sam Dinkowitz, Durang Durang enters a world where no one balks at a son kicking in his mother’s door, but a struggling married couple can’t stand up to the crazy ex-girlfriend who still insists on sharing their bed. The performance bounces between living and dining rooms—from the aforementioned couple’s tidy dinner table to a backwoods Southern family’s dilapidated couch and trash-strewn floor.

In “Mrs. Sorken,” the bumbling title character—played by Keith Cable in a heinously sparkly outfit—delivers a monologue about “the-A-ter” and how “we go to theater to cure ourselves of the nausea of life.” In “A Stye in the Eye,” the unhinged and violent Jake (Cable, again) fears he has just beaten his wife to death. Suffering from multiple personality disorder, Jake escalates a quarrel with his imaginary brother and his brother’s lover (…and possibly sister too? We lose track) until a one-sided gunfight ensues.

Ridiculous lines fly fast, and the play’s physical movements are extreme. But the ensemble cast—the strongest I’ve seen at Post5—handles absurd theater without missing a beat. Entire lines were drowned out by audience laughter at an opening-weekend performance when Pat Janowski lisped perfectly through a fallen face-lift and Phillip J. Berns awkwardly clawed across the floor toward his character’s beloved collection of cocktail stirrers. Everything in Durang Durang is undeniably strange, it’s true, but it’s all the more entertaining for it.

One solemn moment resurfaces throughout, however: Unconnected characters softly repeat the line, “Now, if only I was happy.” These forlorn murmurs ache a little but are few and far between. You’re not supposed to think about the pain, plus there’s hardly time for philosophizing between laughs. KAITIE TODD.

Six one-acts through the undeniably strange.

see it: Durang Durang is at Post5 Theatre, 1666 SE Lambert St., 971-258-8584. 7:30 pm Fridays-Sundays through March 28 (Thursday show March 26). $20, pay-what-you-can Sundays.

march 4–10

Theatresports

Brody hosts Theatresports, a gladiatorial battle of wits and bits that pits two improv teams against each other for a scored comedy competition. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 9:30 pm . $8.

DANCE Boyeurism

Boyeurism is back after a twomonth hiatus, bringing burlesque, pole dancing, aerial acrobatics, belly dancing and drag all to the stage. Gender-defying Isaiah Esquire and Johnny Nuriel perform glammed-up dances, and champion pole dancer MoNika defies gravity in a routine that’ll make your abs sore just from watching.

He’s maybe part ninja, known for incorporating elements of martial arts and modern dance into his moves. Nikki Lev also makes her stage debut with some cabaretstyle singing and Doc Tetanus breathes fire. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 8 pm Thursday, March 5. $15-$25. 21+.

Hyde

Local choreographer Tracy Broyles’ Hyde is a mix of experimental dance and theater that is about the contrasts and similarities we see in ourselves and share with others. The five dancers break up into solos, duets, and fullgroup numbers that, according to Broyles, range in mood from things such as proud, silly, combative, forceful and loving. Divisive moods aren’t just shown through the fullbodied movement, however— each dancer will incorporate his own spoken word, random sounds and exaggerated facial expressions to compliment his dueling natures. Brightly colored projections by videographer Stephen Miller add further contrast, dancers are doused in geometric shapes as they move across the stage.

Studio 2, 810 SE Belmont St. 8 pm

PERFORMANCE

Fridays-Saturdays Feb. 26-March 7 and 2 pm Sundays, March 1-8. $12-$17.

La Primevara Flamenco en Vivo

Spring is just around the corner, and Savannah Fuentes, a Puerto Rican-Irish flamenco dancer from Seattle who can quick-stomp in stilettos, is celebrating early in her latest show, La Primevara Flamenco en Vivo. Fuentes is known for her precise footwork and incorporating traditional singing into each performance.

Hence Kina Mendez as the show’s songstress, a proud descendant of famed Spanish flamenco singer La Paquera de Jerez. Backing the ladies, guitarist Gerardo Alcala claims the titles of New Orleans’ only gypsy-approved strummer. KAITIE TODD. Headwaters Theatre, 55 NE Farragut St., No. 9, 289-3499. 8 pm Saturday, March 7. $15-$35. All ages.

Sequence 8

So far this spring, dance presenter White Bird has stuck to a balletcentric lineup. Not so this month: they’re bringing Sequence 8, an offshoot of the Montreal-based circus company Les 7 Doigts de la Main formed in 2012 with the goal of making typical circus performances more relatable and laid back. Laid-back seems ill-fitting for the described acts, which include juggling cigar boxes, balancing on and launching off of a skinny fiberglass plank, and flying through the air on spinning aerial hoops. Shy viewers beware: The Sequence 8 performers enjoy free reign, interacting with the crowd and even striking up conversations between stunt. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 245-1600. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, March 5-7 and 2 pm Saturday, March 7. $26$64. All ages.

For more Performance listings, visit

L A u R I E A N N E Ly N C H

REVIEW

CHECKING IN: In 2013, as an intern at WW, I wrote this about local actress, teacher and dancer Damaris Webb’s one-woman show The Box Marked Black: “In the absence of easy description, ‘delightful’ will have to do.” Two years later, categorizing Webb’s hourlong personal exploration of race through interpretive dance, Obama impersonations and Roots re-enactments is no easier. But given recent chants of “Black lives matter!,” her accounts of black history and culture have a new context. On a decidedly empty set, Webb stages the relocation of her Baptist grandparents relocating to Oregon, the gum-smacking gossip sessions of her Dominican hairstylist, and Obama’s public reception. The premise seems outlandish: explore race relations with sock puppets. The result is a patchwork production weird enough to keep its subject matter fresh. Some things haven’t changed; a college application today would still ask Webb to check the box marked “Black.” Fitting the nonconformist style of her show, Webb says she marks “Other.” ENID SPITZ. SEE IT: The Box Marked Black is at Westminster Presbyterian Church, 1624 NE Hancock St., 287-1289. 7 pm Friday, March 6. Free.

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

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Dentistry In The Pearl That’s Something To Smile About!

VISUAL ARTS

march 4–10

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

By RichaRd SpeeR. TO Be cONSideRed FOR LiSTiNGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., portland, OR 97210. email: rspeer@wweek.com.

New Patient $74 Exam and X-rays Dr. Viseh Sundberg

Lyric Truth: Paintings, Drawings and Embroideries

by Rosemarie Beck

New Patient $49 Basic Cleaning

(exam required)

Children’s $59 Exam & Cleaning

(new patients age 12 and under)

Professional $99 Home Whitening

(exam required)

(503) 546-9079 222 NW 10th Avenue www.sundbergdentistry.com

Two wiTh horse by RosemaRie beck

Alex Lily: Another Weekend, Another Revolution

in recent shows at cock and Mark Woolley Gallery, alex Lilly has exhibited scorched-earth tableaux of smouldering ruins and burning buildings. interestingly, this motif shares common ground with painter Michael paul Miller’s paintings at Laura Russo this month. Fire, soot and destruction figure prominently in compositions that highlight the possibility of apocalypse. Lilly, who sometimes handwrites manifestos and pamphlets that explain his paintings’ implications, is a revolutionary thinker and a visionary—with a vision we certainly hope doesn’t come true. during the First Thursday (March 5) art walk, Lilly performs at cock Gallery with his post-punk band, tour de force. Through March 22. Cock Gallery, 625 NW Everett St., No. 106, 552-8686.

Dark Ecologies

The first thing you see when you walk into Bullseye’s three-artist show, Dark Ecologies, is carolyn hopkins’ beautiful and disturbing sculpture, Cascade. it depicts a strung-up dog with stylized entrails spilling out of its belly and looping over a tree limb. Glass beads link the dog to an eviscerated bird underneath it, which appears to leak blood into a red pool on the floor.

This violent, virtuosic piece is left wide open to each viewer’s interpretation. emily Nachison’s Diver is equally allusive, with its succession of oysters opening up to reveal crystals and geodes inside. Finally, Susan harlan’s kiln-formed glass panels are diminutive masterpieces of exquisitely nuanced textures and wave forms in blue, beige, black and orange. Dark Ecologies is a strong, haunting show. Through March 28.

Bullseye Projects, 300 NW 13th Ave., 227-0222.

Dark Paradise

ecologically themed art tends to be dull and sanctimonious, but not so in the hands of Wesley Younie. his idylls of environmental paradise lost abound with equal parts whimsy and intelligence. in the paintings Timeshare and All Inclusive, he updates audubon-style bird illustrations with images of garish resort hotels and cruise ships—a droll commentary on civilization’s relentless encroachment upon the natural world. Natural History I and II counterpose a decorative illustration of a bird, cherry tree, and waterfall with a decidedly un-decorative assortment of mosquitoes, poisonous mushrooms and a bat hanging upside down. Wild West, a fantasia on Manifest destiny, fills the picture plane with buffalo, deer, a california condor, tepees and a stream snaking through an idealized landscape. as

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Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

Lavadour, alex Lilly and hieronymus Bosch. another standout is Paint Portal, Paint Puzzle, in which two nude women stand beside an upside-down nude man, whose penis and scrotum dangle comically. in the back galleries hang Takahiko hayashi’s impossibly intricate etchings and drawings on paper. The astonishing series of 12 pen drawings, collectively entitled In a Swirl of Many, Many Small Circles, shows a geometric cyclone of circles floating like snowflakes or fairy-dust. Some of the pieces are scored with tiny pinpricks inside the circles’ centers, emphasizing the fastidiousness of these miniature masterpieces.

Through March 14. Froelick Gallery, 714 NW Davis St., 222-1142.

if this portrait of the american West were not hyperbolic enough, Younie adds a rainbow, mountains made of crystal, and abstracted clouds and foliage in shimmering gold leaf.

The paintings draw our attention to the ways in which we love to deify nature, then promptly desecrate it.

Through March 15. Mark Woolley Gallery @ Pioneer, 700 SW 5th Ave., 3rd floor, Pioneer Place Mall, 998-4152.

It’s Raining Cats and Dogs

animal-themed art shows should be granted a special rung in hell. in 2008, Froelick devoted a show to horses and so did Butters. Yes, that was seven years ago, but the statute of limitations is far from up on cutesy showcases of our fun ’n’ furry friends. Now comes charles hartman’s paean: as the show’s subtitle puts it, A Group Exhibition of the Canine and Feline. There are important historical artists represented here—andré Kertész (1894-1985) and arnold Newman (1918-2006), for example—but really? do those of us who love pets really need to keep vintage photographs of pets around the house to remind us how much we love pets?

Maybe so. Maybe we’d also like anne Geddes photos in the living room to remind us just how adorable cherubic little babies wearing funny outfits are. if that sounds good, charles hartman has just the show for you. Through March 15.

Charles A. Hartman Fine Art, 134 NW 8th Ave., 287-3886.

Jana Demartini: Through the Darkness

edvard Munch’s The Scream is hands-down the most archetypal depiction of inner terror outwardly expressed. it is, shall we say, a hard one to top, but that hasn’t stopped legions of artists from trying. Jana demartini throws her hat into the ring with her charcoal and pastel drawings, collectively entitled Through the Darkness. The artworks deal with illness, loss and fear. in one image, a human figure stands in the center of a swirling tornado, hands raised as if in surrender or awe. despite the dire circumstances, the figure appears almost serene, perhaps searching for an inner calm in the eye of the storm. Through March 28. Blackfish Gallery, 420 NW 9th Ave., 234-2634.

Kevin Kadar and Takahiko Hayashi

Froelick offers a strong pairing of shows for February. a standout in Kevin Kadar’s show, Portals and Puzzles, is the acrylic painting Firewall. With its flame-licked, scorched-earth landscape, it looks like the unholy love child of James

if you were an “important” New York painter in the late 1940s and 1950s, you dutifully pledged allegiance to abstract expressionism and trafficked in dollops, drizzles, smears and drips. Not so for Rosemarie Beck (1923-2003), subject of a rigorous exhibition at pSU organized by art historian Sue Taylor. in her mature work, Beck eschewed abstract statements, preferring to portray flesh-and-blood human beings. Sometimes, as in the oil painting Two With Horse, her depictions were frankly sensual and erotic. She also drew inspiration from the myths of classical antiquity, a predilection that was not exactly considered forward-thinking by her contemporaries. Still, she persevered not only in the medium of painting but also in drawing and embroidery. This is the first time any of this artwork has been exhibited in Oregon. an all-day symposium on Thursday, March 5, promises an indepth exploration. More information at rosemariebeckexhibit2015.blogspot.com. Through May 3. Broadway Lobby Gallery at PSU, Lincoln Hall, 1620 SW Park Ave.

Rebecca Johnson: Barns

it’s not often that an artist statement on a press release damn near makes you weep. But Rebecca Johnson’s description of her paintings of old barns is so lyrical, it could have been a poem. “i use salvaged boards to build my paintings,” she begins. “The boards have a memory. When i paint i can hear the wind blow across open fields. dust motes float in the shafts of light between the board and battens, i see swallows swoop from mud nests high in the rafters and eaves.. patterns in the weathered wood read like a map of the past; one can sense the history of the tree and a way of life come and gone.” after reading a paragraph that rhapsodic, you really have to hope the paintings themselves don’t suck. Through March 28. PDX Window Project, 925 NW Flanders St., 222-0063.

To Feel What I Am

The internet and social media set us up for failure. That’s the contention of eileen isagon Skyers and iris Williamson, curators of the group show To Feel What I Am. it works very simply: We post or tweet something, then wait for the waves of acknowledgement and approbation to roll in. if they don’t, we feel deflated. Skyers and Williamson asked eight artists from around the world to address this thesis using traditional art materials, as well as digital media. it’s a big topic for eight artists to cram into a small gallery: the conundrum of how we can possibly become more connected to one another as we sit staring into a screen. how do the artists fare tackling the task? check this space next week for a capsule review. March 5-28. Hap Gallery, 916 NW Flanders St., 444-7101.

For more Visual arts listings, visit

BOOKS

MARCH 4–10

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

By PENELOPE BASS. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com.

Fax: 243-1115.

Dark Horse Comics will host a screening of the documentary Will Eisner: Portrait of a Sequential Artist. Following the film will be a panel discussion with Matt Wagner (writer of the next incarnation of Eisner’s The Spirit series), comics critic Douglas Wolk, and director of PSU’s comics studies program Susan Kirtley. Portland State University, Cramer Hall, 1721 SW Broadway. Noon. Free.

SATURDAY, MARCH 7 Playback Theatre PDX

THURSDAY, MARCH 5 Untangling the Knot

The new anthology from Ooligan Press, Untangling the Knot: Queer Voices on Marriage, Relationships & Identity, delves beyond mainstream issues of marriage equality to explore a broad scope of issues faced by the LGBTQ community.

The book launch will celebrate the release of the anthology, with a variety of voices involved in the project. Portland State University, Smith Memorial Student Union, 1825 SW Broadway. 6 pm. Free.

Al-Mutanabbi Street Starts Here

Al-Mutanabbi Street is the centuries-old book-selling district in Baghdad, which was bombed on March 5, 2007. In remembrance, the Al-Mutanabbi Street Starts Here project will hold an event in Portland with spoken words from Gail Barker and Omar Jaburi, three Iraqi women’s personal stories, Jim Lommasson speaking about his project What We Carried, as well as live music and food. Portland State University, Smith Memorial Student Union, 1825 SW Broadway.

7 pm. By donation.

FRIDAY, MARCH 6 Molly Gloss

Portland author Molly Gloss’s newest novel, Falling From Horses, follows the story of young man who leaves his home in southeastern Oregon in the 1930s to move to Hollywood and become a stunt rider. The book was chosen a winner by the Pacific Northwest Booksellers Association. Broadway Books will host a celebration for Gloss as she receives her award . Broadway Books, 1714 NE Broadway, 284-1726. 6-7 pm. Free.

A George Hitchcock Extravaganza

In 1957, Oregon playwright, poet and activist George Hitchcock testified before the House Un-American Activities Committee.

The resulting chapbook, Hitchcock on Trial, which contains the full transcript of his testimony, contains political satire and subversive wit at its best. A staged production of the book will be performed by local writers Joseph Bednarik and Jay Ponteri. Additionally, Marjorie Simon and Carl Adamshick will read from Tavern Books’ new collection of Hitchcock’s poetry, The Wounded Alphabet. Mother Foucault’s Bookshop, 523 SE Morrison St., 236-2665. 7 pm. Free.

Will Eisner Week

As part of the week-long national celebration highlighting the work of iconic cartoonist Will Eisner,

Whether it’s your eyes, your smile, or your penchant for getting blackout drunk and punching Irishmen, we all carry traits from our ancestors. Local improv group Playback Theatre PDX will invite audience members onstage to tell their own stories of what they have learned from their ancestors while the performers act out the stories.

Hipbone Studio, 1847 E Burnside St., 358-0898. 7:30 pm. $15.

Beyond the Print

HEADOUT The city’s most comprehensive and useful events calendar in the palm of your hand.

SUNDAY, MARCH 8 Yesterday’s News

The loss of local news coverage can have devastating impacts that ripple through communities and lead to civic corrosion and corruption. It’s a loss seen in cities across the country. Journalist Michael Andersen will facilitate the conversation “Yesterday’s News: The Future of Local Information” to discuss how the gathering and dissemination of information has changed in Oregon and what it means for the future. Hint: robot overlords. Central Library, 801 SW 10th Ave., 988-5123. 2-3 pm. Free.

The Studio Series

Poet and literary translator Karen McPherson will read from her first full-length collection, Skein of Light, which skims through landscapes of memory both familiar and foreign. Poet Elizabeth McLagan (In the White Room) will join her for the monthly Studio Series poetry reading and open mic. Stonehenge Studios, 3508 SW Corbett Ave., 224-3640. 7-9 pm. Free.

TUESDAY, MARCH 10 Everybody Reads: Mitchell S. Jackson

As the culminating event of the Multnomah County Library’s annual community program Everybody Reads, author Mitchell S. Jackson will speak about his book The Residue Years. Jackson’s debut autobiographical novel recounts his life growing up a black man in a neglected Portland neighborhood, raising issues from the city’s past that continue to affect our cultural and economic growth today. Read, share, grow, repeat.

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. 7:30-9 pm. $15.

Megan Kruse

Megan Kruse weaves together a three-pronged narrative between Amy, a woman who leaves her Texas home at 19 with a man she barely knows, and her two children, who are caught in the abusive relationship between their parents.

Her debut novel, Call Me Home, examines family and living with the choices we make. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., (800) 878-7323. 7:30 pm. Free.

For more Books listings, visit

TO DOwnlOAD, TEXT “wEEK” TO 77948 Want to advertise?

Email: advertising@wweek.com

for details.

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

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FO

Beyond the Print

RW AR

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there’s more to

NEWSLETTER Do you like Free stuFF?

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than depression.

When symptoms persist, there may be more you can do.

If feelings such as depressed mood or lack of energy are keeping you from the things that matter to you, you may be eligible for this research study. It’s evaluating an investigational drug designed to work with antidepressants to see if it can help address unresolved symptoms of depression.

All eligible study participants will receive at no cost: Consultation with study doctor

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TO LEARN MORE: Oregon Center for Clinical Investigations, Inc. 503-276-6224

Sign up at

http://bit.ly/wwnewsletter

MUSIC PG. 25

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Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2014 wweek.com

Whether or not you are currently taking an antidepressant, you may be eligible to participate.

maRch 4–10 FEATURE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

CHRIS DANGER

MOVIES

Editor: JOHN LOCANTHI. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: jlocanthi@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

OPENING THIS WEEK Ballet 422

A backstage look at up-and-coming choreographer Justin Peck as he puts together a new work for the New York City Ballet. PG. Living Room Theaters.

Chappie

Neill Blomkamp’s film about a mechanized police force screened after press deadlines, but look for AP Kryza’s review at wweek.com. R. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius.

The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

The sequel to the British hit The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel screened after press deadlines, but look for a review from John Locanthi at wweek.com. PG. Eastport, Bridgeport, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Tigard.

STILL SHOWING American Sniper

D Chris Kyle (Bradley Cooper) shoots people. R. Showing at most Portlandarea theaters.

Big Eyes

B- For Margaret Keane, “eyes are the window to the soul.” At least, that’s the drivel the artist (a blondwigged Amy Adams) has to deliver in Tim Burton’s Big Eyes, a biopic that winds up wanting for both vision and soul. Art critics lambasted the work as sentimental kitsch, but the public adored it. And Margaret got none of the credit. Her husband, Walter (Christoph Waltz)—a charming huckster and self-deluded egotist—presented himself as the artist. Big Eyes is often tiresome, and Burton skims over thorny questions—the populist craze for kitsch, gendered expectations in art, the line between highbrow and lowbrow. PG-13. REBECCA JACOBSON. Laurelhurst Theater, Vancouver.

Big Hero 6

A Shelving wordy cleverness for its

own sake, ignoring parental intrusion, and allowing moral lessons to develop organically through a simplified storyline, Big Hero 6 is that rarest thing: an animated children’s adventure designed purely to delight its target audience. Substantial swaths of the picture are devoted to nothing loftier than portraying just how unstoppably cool soaring on the back of your own robot would feel.

PG. JAY HORTON. Avalon, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst Theater, Milwaukie, Vancouver, Valley.

Birdman

B- If Birdman’s message is that the theater, specifically Broadway, is the home of high art and Hollywood a place of debased, greed-driven entertainment, Alejandro González Iñárritu doesn’t make a convincing—or even amusingly satirical—argument. R. REBECCA JACOBSON. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Edgefield, Hollywood, Moreland, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Sherwood, Roseway, St. Johns.

Citizenfour

B History happens in real time in

Citizenfour, a behind-closed-doors account of Edward Snowden’s decision to reveal the dizzying extent of U.S. government surveillance programs. Much of Laura Poitras’ documentary consists of long interviews with Snowden in the Hong Kong hotel room where he was holed up in June 2013, divulging everything he knew to Guardian reporter Glenn Greenwald.

The result is a portrait of the whistle-blower as neither hero nor traitor.

Citizenfour’s ground-level vibe and Poitras’ necessary cloak-and-dagger tactics make the documentary

like a ’70s paranoia thriller with realworld consequences. Yet there are also instances of near-levity. In one scene, we see Snowden fuss with his hair in the bathroom mirror while a story about him is broadcast on CNN in the background. He’s reached a point of no return, and watching him jump willingly into the unknown is as terrifying as it is thrilling. Those familiar with Snowden’s story may complain at the paucity of new details, but what Citizenfour lacks in revelatory information it makes up for with insight into its subject’s motivations. Snowden is meek and articulate, touching on everything from worries about his loved ones’ safety to how he’s more willing to risk imprisonment or “any other negative outcome” than surrender his intellectual freedom. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater.

The DUFF

MAKE YOUR OWN VINCE VAUGHNEDY

Dumb and Dumber To

COMING TO A THEATER NEAR YOU WITHIN THE NEXT DECADE.

DUFF (“designated ugly fat friend”) is apparently a thing kids say these days. PG-13. Showing at most Portland-area theaters.

B Twenty years after Dumb&Dumber

entrenched the Farrelly brothers as keepers of a frat house of filmic offense, the directors return to their first heroes for the sequel just about nobody demanded. PG-13. JAY HORTON. Vancouver.

Fifty Shades of Grey

D Fifty Shades of Grey is one of the

landmark works of the new millennium, the novel that proved definitively Americans will suffer through anything for a few fleeting moments of titillation. Anastasia Steele is a virgin when she meets Christian Grey, the world’s most eligible 27-year-old billionaire bachelor. That doesn’t last long. The appeal of Fifty Shades of Grey is that it wasn’t just a romance novel; it was a romance novel with bondage, spanking and anal beads, which have been left out of the film.

But the R rating holds these scenes back. Quick cuts, strategic camera angles and body positioning make some of these scenes look like a badly choreographed fight. “I don’t make love,” Grey tells Ana. “I fuck… hard.” The film never follows through on that promise. You’re left with an oddly virginal—Ana’s a virgin; Grey has never slept with the women he fucks, until Ana—trite romance with a forced “why won’t you let me touch you?!” conflict. Fifty Shades turns what was supposed to be a torrid affair into an overly serious episode of Beverly Hills 90210 with some timid softcore erotica thrown in. The source material might have made a decent porno. Unfortunately, Universal sued the porn studio that intended to do this movie justice.

That’s a shame. R. JOHN LOCANTHI. Showing at most Portland-area theaters.

Focus

B- Great con-man movies—a subgenre old as cinema itself—strike a difficult balance between breezy capers and deeper examinations of character motives. It’s a dance between glamorizing the life of crime and facing the inevitable emptiness it begets. In this scenario, Focus hits most of the right notes. It’s a slick, funny and sometimes suspenseful yarn, a picture that’s light on its feet and mostly forgettable, but it still manages moments of intrigue.

Making a welcome return to his charismatic side after a decade of selfserious drudgery, Will Smith stars as Nicky, a globetrotting crook who reimagines the con game as an industry. That means employing an army of pickpockets, identity thieves and hackers to descend on unsuspecting crowds, including a rollicking job at the Super Bowl in New Orleans.

BY John Loca n thi

jlocanthi@wweek.com

Unfinished Business hits theaters across the country this week. It stars a schlubby, gruff and yet still charming Vince Vaughn, who leads a ragtag crew to an important business thing with every member learning and growing a little along the way. “Didn’t this come out last year?” you ask yourself. Well, no: It came out in 2013, except it was called The Internship. And in 2011, except it

was called The Dilemma. And in 2004, except it was called Dodgeball. Et cetera, ad infinitum.

Déjà vu is not an unexpected or entirely undesirable feeling when one ventures into the Vince Vaughn genre. The pickup artist from Swingers has carved a niche for himself, and a Vince Vaughn joint has been one of the most consistent, albeit frequently underwhelming, cinematic experiences over the past decade.

With Unfinished Business screening after press deadlines—quel dommage!—Willamette Week has decided to be proactive: We’re making our own Vince Vaughnedy. And so can you with a little help from a six-sided die.

A. _______ (Vince Vaughn) is a schlubby yet still lovable blue-collar wiseass, cruising around in his car with his trusty sidekick B. ______ while they sing C. ______ out loud, poorly. He soon learns that D. ______. Despite being the gregarious if prickly leader of his group of friends, Vaughn’s character just can’t seem to manage his E. ________. He’s a born loser. Sure, women adore him, and his sidekick will always be by his side, but that won’t solve his problem. Or so we think.

After a small hint of success, Vaughn rallies his troops with an inspirational speech about F. ________, and it works…briefly. Then it all goes to hell, and Vince Vaughn quits the team until he G. ________, convincing him to rejoin his team. They finally pull it together and win. Also, Vince Vaughn gets the hot chick, H. __________________. Fin. a.

B.

c.

D.

1. Dave

1. Owen Wilson

1. “Ironic” by Alanis Morrissette

1. he’s going to lose his job

2. Peter

2. Luke Wilson

2. “Detroit Rock City” by Kiss

2. he’s going to lose his gym

3. Ronnie

3. Kevin James

3. “Thunderstruck” by AC/DC

3. he’s going to lose his wife/girlfriend

4. Trent

4. Steve the Pirate

4. “Master of Puppets” by

4. he’s going to lose out on a big busi-

5. Rick

5. Jon Favreau

6. Vince

6. Owen Wilson

5. “Boyz-n-the-Hood” by Eazy-E

5. he’s going to lose his sidekick to an

Metallica

ness deal

6. “Sweet Caroline” by Neil

Diamond

attractive woman

6. his quidditch team is going to lose

E.

F.

G.

h.

1. finances

1. going to Applebee’s alone

1. meets Lance Armstrong

1. the sex-crazed

2. excessive sperm

2. wrestling the dragon alone

2. realizes how flawed his

donorship

3. life 4. time

3. Flashdance 4. football

redhead

marriage is

2. his wife

3. realizes he loves the sex-

3. the girl he knocked up

crazed redhead

5. gambling problem

5. how money you are (and you don’t even know it)

4. lets Kevin James beat

6. marriage

6. being true to yourself

5. gets to know his 533 biological offspring

him up

4. his bi-curious team-

mate

5. Jennifer Connelly 6. Tapioca

6. learns the true meaning

of Christmas

SEE IT: Unfinished Business is rated R. It opens Friday at most Portland-area theaters.

CONT. on page 40 Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

39

march 4–10

As older cons are wont to do, Nicky takes a protégée (The Wolf of Wall Street ’s Margot Robbie) and inevitably falls in love. What follows is a requisite series of double crosses, twists and dangerous flirtations that, sadly, take all the spark out of the story. Focus, directed by I Love You Phillip Morris’ Glenn Ficarra and John Requa, explodes out of the gate with an hourlong series of slick, fast-paced sequences so good the rest of the movie can’t keep up. It’s a film that shows its cards far too early. r. AP KRYZA. Showing at most Portlandarea theaters.

Foxcatcher

B Steve Carrell has a funny nose. r.

Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater.

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night

A- Writer-director Ana Lily Amirpour’s

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night is an eclectic cinematic mishmash: an Iranian noir-spaghetti Westernlove story…with vampires. And yet, somehow, it all works. The score— including music from Portland’s own Federale—feels like it wandered in from a Sergio Leone movie. The stark black-and-white photography, smoke, prostitution and drug use paint it as the noirest of noirs. The sparing use of vampire antics—just three necks are bitten—makes the vampire character more human than many leads in conventional romance movies. Arash, a handsome 20-something in a white T-shirt and jeans, is the son of a junkie in Bad City. His father is in a significant hole to his dealer. A vampiric girl prowls the shadows—following, waiting and judging. For all its spaghetti Western flourishes, this is a quiet film about loneliness at heart. Amirpour the writer knows when to get out of the way of Amirpour the director. What could have been a trite love story or a generic vampire movie is instead a sombre, moody, beautiful piece of filmmaking. From the scratchy, hypnotic electronica when the girl follows the dealer to his cocaine-filled apartment to Morriconean chantings, the score keys the offbeat dream that is A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night.

The minimal dialogue and an understated romance leave the viewer with something rare: a movie quiet enough you can soak in the imagery and be bowled over by the propulsive score.

JOHN LOCANTHI. Cinema 21.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2

C- If you thought the first installment of Hot Tub Time Machine was stupid, that’s because, well, it was.

But, as is the case with movies where a good chunk of the joke is also the movie’s central conceit and title, it was a carefully constructed stupid.

It was a stupid that induced joy as it revealed new implications of this stupid conceit. It was really funny.

Hot Tub Time Machine 2 isn’t brilliantly stupid. Just the regular kind. r. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Showing at most Portland-area theaters.

The Imitation Game

B Full of childhood flashbacks,

handsome sets, sharp zingers and a careful dash of devastation, the Imitation Game takes a prickly prodigy—Turing pioneered the field of computer science and helped crack Nazi codes—and places him in an eminently (and sometimes overly) palatable picture. PG-13. REBECCA JACOBSON. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, CineMagic, Lake Theater & Cafe, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Movies on TV, Tigard.

Inherent Vice

A In Inherent Vice, Paul Thomas

Anderson’s rollicking adaptation of Thomas Pynchon’s 2009 novel, the beaches of ’70s Los Angeles are populated with human flotsam. Hippies, Nazis, bikers, junkies, whores, Manson acolytes, dentists, cops, criminals and all manner of freaks commingle in the grimy tide pools. r. AP KRYZA. Cinema 21.

Interstellar

C+ The McConnaissance goes into outer space. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater, Vancouver.

40

Into the Woods

B+ Stephen Sondheim’s much-loved

musical has finally made it to the big screen. The film is divided into halves: the first full of payoffs and the second full of inescapable relationship truths and romantic boredom.

Though timid—it waters down forest sex to an agonized make-out scene in the pines—Disney’s long-shelved adaptation is still a beautiful compromise. And hell, the mash-up of cautionary fairy tales is fun, with the Witch (Meryl Streep) pushing a young couple (James Corden and Emily Blunt) to undo a family curse they inherited.. PG. SAUNDRA SORENSON. Academy Theater, Eastport, Kennedy School, Kiggins Theatre, Milwaukie, Mission Theater, Valley.

Jupiter Ascending

B There’s not a recognizable idea to be found in the whole of Jupiter Acending’s grand space opera/ cartoon. A plotline does exist, though the movie dispenses with the important bits as swiftly as possible.

We’re scarcely introduced to Jupiter Jones (Mila Kunis), plucky cleaning woman with a penchant for stargazing, before floating wraiths, bluehaired bounty hunters, and dashingly feral disgraced soldier Caine Wise (Channing Tatum) appear on her trail.

A wholly illogical fairy-tale denouement that leaves little expectation of sequels. Mad they may be, but the Wachowskis aren’t stupid. PG-13. JAY HORTON. Showing at most Portlandarea theaters.

Kingsman: The Secret Service

A- In the grand tradition of early James Bond, Derek Flint and, to a lesser extent, Austin Powers, Kingsman just wants to have some fucking fun.The independent spy agency Kingsman is headquartered in a tailor shop on Savile Row, headed

by Arthur (Michael Caine, because of course he’s in this movie) Every Kingsman is named after an Arthurian knight. After Lancelot is quite literally cut in twain by Valentine’s sword-legged right-hand woman, The agency is in desperate need of a new agent. Kingsman isn’t a send-up of the genre; it’s a rebuke of the relentlessly grim, faux-realistic modern Bond, Bourne and Batman, and the latter half of Liam Neeson’s career.

The body count is high. The violence is cartoonishly over-the-top.

But when you’re watching an immaculately dressed gentleman spy fight a woman with swords for prosthetic legs in a secret mountain lair while the countdown clock ticks away and KC and the Sunshine Band play in the background, you’ll feel something you haven’t felt in quite some time: fun. r. JOHN LOCANTHI. Showing at most Portland-area theaters.

Leviathan

A Leviathan is a genre-defying take

on guilt and fate that rewards both the eye and heart. Much praised after premiering at Cannes, it was nominated for Best Foreign Language Film at the Oscars. Director Andrey Zvyagintsev centers on Kolya, a hapless but tenacious handyman who lives with his wife and son in the far northwest of Russia. When the government wants to bulldoze their home for development, Kolya calls on old friend Dmitri to appeal the case and eventually blackmail the corrupt mayor. Yes, there’s a portrait of Putin above the mayor’s desk.

And yes, every adult character drinks copious amounts of vodka. But this isn’t heavy-handed commentary.

Zvyagintsev—far more Oliver Stone than Michael Moore anyway—is no demagogue seeking to incite revolt.

The dialogue is as (mis)calculated as any drunken dinner-table chat, while quieter scenes swell with wonderful detail. Though bitter in tone at times, Leviathan exists on such a grand scale—it juggles elements of thriller, drama and beautiful nature doc— that its political jeering and cautious pacing get a free pass. Most politically conscious films out of Russia have tried to reinforce the regime or throw darts at it. Leviathan does neither. r. MITCH LILLIE. Fox Tower.

Willamette Week MARCH 4, 2015 wweek.com

The Lazarus Effect

Like Lazarus, Olivia Wilde is brought back from the dead, except Mark Duplass performs the miracle instead of Jesus this time. PG-13. Showing at most Portland-area theaters.

The Loft

Five married men decide to go in on a penthouse loft so they’ll have have somewhere to engage in all their sordid, secret love affairs. What could go wrong? A dead body, you say? Yikes. Not screened for Portland critics. r. Vancouver.

Maps to the Stars

B- It comes as little surprise that

David Cronenberg would eventually make a warts-and-all send-up of celebrity culture. Cronenberg’s roving ensemble in Maps to the Stars includes a Justin Bieber-like child star who calmly meets with obsessed Make-A-Wish kids and an aging actress whose glory days have faded along with her youth.

Our entry point to this superficial world is the arrival of a stranger in town. Mia Wasikowska’s Agatha wears arm-length gloves to conceal the scars she received in a fire that nearly killed her as a child, but her hair can’t entirely cover the ones on her face. Her wounds lie even deeper below the burned surface. Agatha quickly lands a gig as the personal assistant to an aging actress, Havana Segrand (Julianne Moore). We see the past-her-prime starlet sitting on the toilet while barking orders to Agatha. Havana clings desperately to the last vestiges of youth, exhibiting her relentlessness without coming across as a caricature. Moore is undeniably great in her role, but Wasikowska deserves equal praise for her nuanced turn as a pyromaniacturned-personal assistant. Maps to the Stars can be wildly disjointed at times, its tonal range often unwieldy.

This is Hollywood at its most uncensored, and there’s rarely a voice of reason or moral compass to bring things back to earth. Cronenberg doesn’t pull any punches in his excoriation of this world, but he doesn’t provide much revelatory insight either. r. MICHAEL NORDINE. Living Room Theaters.

A Most Violent Year

B Tthe film takes place in 1981 New York, one of the most crime-ridden years in the city’s history. From the long takes and fluid camera movements to the color palette—icy blue nights, washed-out industrial zones and the yellow glow of dark restaurants full of sinister men—the film could easily be mistaken for a vintage production. The story’s brooding, heavy heart is an ambitious Colombian immigrant named Abel— played by rising star Oscar Isaac with the looks and ferocity of a young Al Pacino—who seeks to expand his sketchy heating-oil business despite near-constant hijackings of his trucks.

This is a slow, methodical character study whose title belies a relatively bloodless story. r. AP KRYZA. Fox Tower.

Mr. Turner

B+ Known as “the painter of light,”

J.M.W. Turner created some of the world’s most awe-inspiring artwork.

His landscapes are by turns frightful and beautiful, and the same goes for Mr. Turner. It’s a warts-and-all view of a frequently unpleasant man, as mired in the muck and disease of 19th-century England as in the arresting scenery that inspired Turner’s art.

There’s little Turner wouldn’t give to his art, including his own saliva.

Rather than looking down his nose at these philistines, director Mike Leigh is more interested in how this criticism affected Turner. He becomes an object of derision near the end of his career, a punch line for vulgar stage acts. r. MICHAEL NORDINE. Cinema 21.

Night at the Museum: Secret of the Tomb

Red Army

A This documentary follows the

Ben Stiller spends more time sprinting through a museum. PG. Avalon, Milwaukie, Vancouver.

Paddington

The cuddly, floppy hat-wearing bear gets his own live-action feature. PG. Academy Theater, Avalon, Eastport, Clackamas, Kiggins Theatre, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, Division, Evergreen, Movies on TV.

Project Almanac

Teenagers build a time machine.

Things don’t go as planned. Not screened for Portland critics. PG-13.

Clackamas, Movies on TV.

Soviet Wayne Gretzky, Viacheslav “Slava” Fetisov (in Soviet Russia, Gretzky was the Canadian Slava!) and the players and coaches that surrounded him. The story filmmaker Gabe Polsky shares in Red Army is comedic, engaging and compelling.

What begins as a story about national sport bred in a harsh Cold War machine turns out to be an account of friendship, patriotism and the crisis of identity that came with the fall of the Berlin Wall. Fetisov, formerly Putin’s secretary of sport, is just as interesting for the questions he doesn’t answer as those he does. As a former KGB agent in charge of preventing players from defecting is interviewed, the agent’s ice cream-craving granddaughter (who has no idea what the KGB was) interrupts with a light, poignant ease.

REVIEW COURTESY OF UNISON FILMS

MOVIES

unholy mESS: taika Waititi in The Shadows.

WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS The last thing pop culture needs is another vampire flick. The second-to-last is more reality TV. Leave it to a pack of Kiwis— including Jemaine Clement of Flight of the Conchords fame—to give us both and somehow make vampires and reality TV feel fresh.

What We Do in the Shadows follows four vampires as they prepare for the annual Unholy Masquerade. A camera crew (wearing crucifixes for safety) films the four undead flatmates in their decrepit, bloodstained house and as they cruise the streets at night in primo 19thcentury douchewear, pirate coats and leather pants.

Viago (Taika Waititi, who shares writing and directing credits with Clement) slowly rises from his coffin at 6 pm and nervously checks behind the curtain for sunshine. He explains his nighttime ritual to the camera and then leaves to wake his flatmates. Deacon (Jonathan Brugh) is the youngest and lives in the closet. Viago awkwardly interrupts the severe-looking Vladislav (Clement) in the middle of a Coppola-esque threesome. Peter, a hairless 2,000-year-old vampire, lies in a stone coffin in the basement. They then sit down for a meeting to confront Deacon about his unwillingness to do the dishes.

Therein lies What We Do in the Shadows’ success: These are not oversexed, unholy demigods; these are petty, childish people who just happen to be vampires. An itemized list of complaints after one of them unwittingly lets a vampire hunter into the house features “Number 3: Deacon doesn’t like that you wear the same jacket as him, and we’d like you to find your own style.” They prowl the streets trying to get into nightclubs—which proves difficult because vampires have to be invited in. They sketch each other after dressing because vampires don’t cast reflections. They want blood, preferably virginal. “Think of it this way: If you were going to eat a sandwich, you would enjoy it more if you knew nobody had fucked it,” Vladislav explains.

While other monster films often get bogged down explaining their mythology and origin stories, What We Do in the Shadows trusts you already know this shit. New Zealand’s vampire scene is fleshed out. It feels lived in. To quote one frustrated vampire familiar, “It’s this big, homoerotic dick-biting club.” You’d be hard-pressed to find a more biting and accurate critique of vampiredom. JOHN LOCANTHI The Real World of vampires.

B+

SEE it: What We Do in the Shadows opens Friday at Cinema 21.

MARCH 4–10

Selma

A- Selma, Ava DuVernay’s drama

about three 1965 civil rights marches in Alabama, is not perfect, but it arrives at a historic moment that will leave only the most blinkered viewer feeling chuff ed about the superiority of the present to the past. Violence here is never aestheticized for its own sake, but brought to life so that we might understand its escalation and impact. The fi lm is transfi xing, but not easy to watch. And it should not be easy to watch . PG-13. CHRIS STAMM. Living Room Theaters, Bridgeport, City Center.

Seventh Son

A fantasy that reunites Jeff Bridges and Julianne Moore. We rewatched The Big Lebowski instead . PG-13 .

Clackamas, Division, Movies on TV.

Slaughter Nick for President

B Since it fi rst aired, Tropical Heat

has been a cult hit in the Balkan republic, with fans considering Slaughter a hero. Slaughter Nick for President follows the show’s star, charming and humble Rob Stewart, as he visits Serbia, where he’s greeted by mobs of adoring fans, appears on a game show, plays guitar with a punk band and is generally worshiped as royalty. Like the singer Rodriguez, who was . AP KRYZA . Clackamas , Division.

The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water

B Maybe it’s the titular character’s manic—nay, demented—laugh.

Or maybe it’s the cavalier way the writers sneak in references to Mad Max and The Shining amid the wholesomeness. Let’s just say there’s a reason The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water will still be showing after your kids’ bedtime. The quest to recover the lost Krabby Patty Secret Formula

by SpongeBob (Tom Kenny) and Plankton spans time and space in what feels somewhere between an extended episode and a halfbaked animated feature . PG . JOHN LOCANTHI . Showing at most Portland-area theaters.

fi elds of physics and cosmology take a backseat to the story of his and Wilde’s courtship, marriage and eventual divorce . PG13. MICHAEL NORDINE. Fox Tower, Movies on TV, Tigard.

Timbuktu

A The fi rst movie from a West

African country to be nominated for an Oscar studies the relationship between the peoples of Timbuktu and a neighboring Tuareg encampment and the jihadis who have taken over. They are grim, cloaked specters walking through the streets with rifl es slung over their shoulders. There’s a lingering sense that violence could break out at any moment, like when a fi shmonger waves a knife at jihadis for demanding that she wear gloves. Or when a group of kids get arrested for playing soccer with an imaginary ball. Or when a woman gets 40 lashes for being caught singing about the glory of God. “Where’s leniency?” a priest asks the leader of the jihadis. “Where’s forgiveness?

Where’s piety? Where’s God in all of this?” PG-13 . JOHN LOCANTHI .

Living Room Theaters.

The Woman in Black 2: Angel of Death

Alas, Daniel Radcliffe isn’t back in this supernatural horror sequel, presumably because he’s spent more than enough time in creaky countryside houses. PG-13. Vancouver.

Unbroken

meets Chariots of Fire in Angelina Jolie’s “meh” directorial debut. PG13. Academy Theater, Laurelhurst Theater.

Whiplash

Chappie (R) 12:20PM 3:20PM 6:20PM 9:20PM Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, The (PG) 11:00AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:20PM Seventh Son 3D (PG-13) 2:35PM 7:55PM Project Almanac (PG-13) 11:25AM 2:10PM 4:55PM 7:35PM 10:20PM Unfinished Business (R) 12:30PM 3:00PM 5:30PM 8:00PM 10:30PM McFarland, USA (PG) 10:45AM 1:45PM 4:45PM 7:45PM 10:45PM Seventh Son (PG-13) 11:55AM 5:15PM 10:35PM The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water 3D (PG) 7:00PM The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (PG) 11:05AM 1:35PM 4:20PM 9:30PM The Lazarus Effect (PG-13) 10:55AM 1:15PM 3:35PM

5:55PM 8:15PM 10:35PM Still Alice (PG-13) 11:10AM 1:50PM 4:30PM 7:10PM 9:50PM The Duff (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:05PM 4:50PM 7:30PM 10:05PM Birdman (R) 10:50AM 1:40PM 4:35PM 7:25PM 10:15PM American Sniper (R) 12:40PM 3:50PM 7:05PM 10:10PM Kingsman: The Secret Service (R) 1:00PM 4:10PM 7:20PM 10:25PM A La Mala (PG-13) 11:20AM 2:00PM 4:35PM 7:15PM 9:55PM Jupiter Ascending 3D (PG-13) 1:45PM 7:45PM Jupiter Ascending (PG-13) 10:45AM 4:45PM 10:45PM Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (R) 11:00AM 1:30PM 4:05PM 6:35PM 9:05PM Fifty Shades Of Grey (R) 10:45AM 1:40PM 4:40PM 7:40PM 10:40PM Focus (R) 10:55AM 12:00PM 1:35PM 2:40PM 4:15PM 5:20PM 6:55PM 8:00PM 9:35PM 10:40PM

Chappie (R) 11:00AM 12:25PM 1:50PM 3:15PM 4:40PM 6:05PM 7:30PM 8:55PM 10:20PM Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, The (PG) 11:05AM 12:30PM 1:55PM 3:20PM 4:45PM 6:10PM 7:35PM 9:00PM 10:25PM Still Alice (PG-13) 12:00PM 3:00PM 6:00PM Unfinished Business (R) 12:45PM 3:10PM 5:35PM 8:00PM 10:25PM McFarland, USA (PG) 1:00PM 4:00PM 7:00PM 10:00PM Surya vs. Surya (Movie Arts Den) (NR) 9:00PM The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water 3D (PG) 1:25PM 6:15PM The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (PG) 11:00AM 3:50PM 8:40PM

The Duff (PG-13) 11:40AM 2:15PM 4:50PM 7:25PM 10:00PM The Lazarus Effect (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:15PM 3:30PM 5:45PM 8:00PM 10:15PM Birdman (R) 1:15PM 7:15PM Kingsman: The Secret Service (R) 1:00PM 4:00PM 7:00PM 10:00PM American Sniper (R) 12:00PM 3:10PM 7:00PM 10:05PM Enakkul Oruvan (Praneeth Media) (NR) 9:00PM Imitation Game, The (PG-13) 12:45PM 3:30PM 6:15PM Jupiter Ascending (PG-13) 4:15PM 10:15PM Fifty Shades Of Grey (R) 1:20PM 4:15PM 7:15PM 10:10PM Focus (R) 11:50AM 2:25PM 5:00PM 7:40PM 10:20PM

Chappie (R) 11:10AM 12:35PM 2:00PM 3:25PM 4:50PM 6:15PM 7:40PM 9:05PM 10:30PM Still Alice (PG-13) 11:05AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:15PM 10:00PM The Duff (PG-13) 11:25AM 2:15PM 5:00PM 7:45PM 10:25PM Wild (R) 11:05AM 5:15PM Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, The (PG) 11:00AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:20PM The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water (PG) 12:25PM 2:50PM 5:20PM 7:50PM 10:20PM Unfinished Business (R) 11:20AM 1:45PM 4:20PM 7:00PM 9:45PM

The Lazarus Effect (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:15PM 3:30PM 5:45PM 8:00PM 10:30PM The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water 3D (PG) 11:15AM 1:40PM 4:05PM Kingsman: The Secret Service (R) 12:45PM 2:10PM 3:55PM 7:10PM 8:10PM 10:25PM Fifty Shades Of Grey (R) 1:00PM 4:10PM 7:20PM 10:25PM McFarland, USA (PG) 12:30PM 3:45PM 7:00PM 10:05PM American Sniper (R) 12:55PM 4:00PM 7:05PM 10:10PM Jupiter Ascending 3D (PG-13) 3:50PM Jupiter Ascending (PG-13) 12:40PM 6:55PM 9:55PM Focus (R) 11:30AM 2:05PM 4:45PM 7:25PM 10:15PM Hot Tub Time Machine 2 (R) 6:50PM 9:30PM

Chappie XD (R) 10:50AM 1:50PM 4:50PM 7:50PM 10:45PM

B+ Whiplash clefts music from

dance, love and spirituality. What’s left is muscle, red and raw, beating faster and faster against a drum.

Damien Chazelle’s beautiful but troubling fi lm centers on a battle of egos and tempos, as Andrew (Miles Teller) must decide how much of himself and his sanity he’s willing to give to music. Teller gives a close-to-the-chest performance. J.K. Simmons is certainly horrifying as his instructor.

And here’s where Whiplash is most troubling: It views the abusive instructor as a necessary evil for creating great art. This fl ies in the face not just of morality but of history. R. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Bridgeport, City Center, Fox Tower, Movies on TV.

Wild

A- Reese Witherspoon trudges

north in Wild, the fi lm adaptation of Portlander Cheryl Strayed’s best-selling memoir about hiking 1,100 miles from scorched California to soggy Oregon. R. Eastport, Living Room Theaters, Bridgeport.

For more Movies listings, visit

B Merry Christmas, Mr Lawrence

REVIEW CO U R T E SY O F PA R A M O U N T P I C T U R E S

Polsky provides a master class in real-world storytelling. PARKER HALL. Cinema 21.

MOVIES

FRIDAY

Still Alice

A- Julianne Moore started her

screen career in the world of soap operas, starring in As the World Turns for much of the early 1980s.

Still Alice, which charts a linguistics professor’s descent into early-onset Alzheimer’s disease, is hardly a return to that universe. But Richard Glatzer and Wash Westmoreland’s film does have an element of carefully balanced melodrama, thanks to a tightly written script and Moore’s transformative performance.

Moore’s Alice begins the film as a put-together Columbia professor who beats herself up for forgetting a single word in a lecture. As Alice’s memory worsens, Moore loosens her performance in a gradual, almost imperceptible manner. The film is somewhat hampered by an overly dramatic score and a few lackluster performances, though Kristen Stewart’s work as Alice’s free-spirited daughter is a refreshing turn for the usually stoic actress. But when you hold up such faults against Moore’s masterful work, they all fall away; she doesn’t so much elevate the film as she is the film. If you’re looking for an antidote to the middling, testosterone-heavy nominees this awards season, Still Alice is it. PG-13. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Hollywood, Lake Theater & Cafe, Bridgeport, City Center, Fox Tower, Movies on TV.

The Theory of Everything

B- A brief history of Stephen Hawking’s 30-year marriage to Jane Wilde, The Theory of Everything fi ts a tad too snugly into the biopic tradition. Here, Hawking’s contributions to the

REVVED UP: Audrey Hepburn and Gregory Peck in Roman Holiday.

ITALIAN STYLE: Postwar Italy was a land of sun-drenched, surrealist beauty where anything could happen. Its cinema followed suit: A princess and journalist fall in love in Roman Holiday, and lonely Katharine Hepburn lounges with a debonair shopkeeper in the Piazza San Marco in David Lean’s Summertime. Italian films of the era were stylish and, well, sexy. Sinatra and the Rat Pack were cool, sure, but they had nothing on Marcello Mastroianni gliding through a club in his tuxedo, cigarette in hand and black shades resting over his eyes. Landmark Italian filmmakers—most notably Federico Fellini—captured the ennui and heavily stylized camerawork of the contemporaneous French New Wave. And they added a healthy dose of sex. You see it in a bored Mastroianni wandering from party to party, cigarette to cigarette and woman to woman in La Dolce Vita. You see it in Juliet of the Spirits’ titular character’s fevered hallucinations, which vacillate between emaciated horses and shackled prisoners to bikini-clad women in saturated Technicolor. You see it in Audrey Hepburn speeding through Roman alleys on a Vespa, a flustered Gregory Peck holding on for dear life. The Northwest Film Center’s Italian Style series provides an excellent entry point into this neorealist world of beautiful, impeccably dressed people and the dying embers of their cigarettes.

JOHN LOCANTHI. SEE IT: The Northwest Film Center’s Italian Style film series runs throughout March, beginning with Fellini’s Palme d’Or-winning La Dolce Vita on Friday, March 6, and the Audrey Hepburn classic Roman Holiday on Saturday, March 7, at Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., nwfilm.org.

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AP FILM STUDIES S C A R L E T T A M A R I S / FA L V I A W I K I M E D I A C O M M O N S

MOVIES

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ANIMAL STYLE RICHARD STANLEY RETURNS TO THE DISASTROUS ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU.

BY A P KRYZA

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Not many people can claim to have received an apology from Val Kilmer like Richard Stanley can: “He came up to me and gave me a big hug and said he was sorry he fucked up my movie.”

Stanley dreamt of making H.G. Wells’ The Island of Doctor Moreau into a film from childhood.

For a brief, shining moment he was writer and director of the 1996 adaptation. But Stanley’s dream project became his nightmare when he was fired, replaced by John Frankenheimer and watched the film turn from a trippy meditation on genetics into one of the most despised films of the ’90s.

Stanley literally watched from the sidelines, disguised as one of the film’s genetically engineered beasts, to witness its fall and “talk bullshit with Ron Perlman to pass the time.” But he hasn’t spoken much about it, until now. As the subject of David Gregory’s Lost Soul: The Doomed Journey of Richard Stanley’s Island of Dr. Moreau, Stanley finally opens up about his strange voyage through Hollywood hell.

The director hits the Hollywood Theatre on Friday for a double feature of Lost Soul and his new film The Otherworld, an H.P. Lovecraft Film Festival entry about his hometown’s fascination with the psychedelic. Stanley gave AP Film Studies a taste of the weirdness to come.

AP Film Studies: How did you become interested in H.G. Wells’ story?

Richard Stanley: I first read the book as a child. I saw the very bad [1977] film version with Michael York and Burt Lancaster. The idea of trying to film the book more accurately was planted in my head.

What happened when it got optioned?

The script drew a level of casting that dramatically pushed up the budget. From the point in time that Marlon Brando became attached, almost everyone else wanted to be in it. Bruce Willis and James Woods were attached. And then

Val Kilmer, who ultimately became a problem.

The film kept growing until it became a large, Jurassic Park-style Hollywood production.

Which wasn’t what you were envisioning?

They didn’t want an R-rated epic fantasy. One of the guys from New Line was going on about how it’s some sort of weird-ass art movie about dogs with machine guns. We just had Guardians of the Galaxy, which prominently has a raccoon with a very large gun. I don’t really think these are arthouse elements.

How was your vision different from what we saw?

It differed in every respect, except for location and subject.

What happened once you were fired?

There was a point where everyone was trying to write the movie. Marlon tried to write it. Val Kilmer tried to write scenes. Virtually everyone else thought it was their chance to take control of the island. When it became clear that you just had to stomp your feet and call your agent to get what you wanted, everyone started doing it.

So you snuck back on set dressed as a beast.

I was feeling very concerned with my cast members. There were folks like Fairuza Balk and Ron Perlman who are great people and great actors who were trapped on the island. Leaving them felt kind of cruel.

Would you ever want to tackle this again?

It keeps trying to draw me in. I started out as the reader of the book. I developed the hubris to think I could be the writer. Then I thought I could be the director. I was removed from being the director and became a beast person. I’ve spent the past couple of months readapting it as a comic book, with the idea that it will be developed into a feature film. [Perhaps next] I’ll be held up against a mangrove tree by some slathering hyena swine, which will proceed to bite my face off.

SEE IT: Richard Stanley presents Lost Soul and The Otherworld on Friday, March 6, at 7:30 pm at the Hollywood Theatre. Lost Soul also plays at 9:30 pm Saturday-Sunday, March 7-8.

See the extended interview and additional film showings at wweek.com/apfilmstudies.

MOVIES

CO U R T E SY O F PA R A M O U N T P I C T U R E S

MARCH 6–12

LIVE LONG AND PROSPER: Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan shows at the Hollywood Theatre on Saturday, March 7.

Regal Lloyd Center 10 & IMAX 1510 NE Multnomah St. CHAPPIE: THE IMAX EXPERIENCE Fri-SatSun 01:00, 04:00, 07:05, 10:05 FOCUS: THE IMAX EXPERIENCE FOCUS ON THE FAMILY PRESENTS: THE DROP BOX MCFARLAND, USA KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2 THE DUFF THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL FOCUS UNFINISHED BUSINESS FriSat-Sun 11:55, 02:25, 05:05, 07:35, 10:10

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2 CHAPPIE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:45, 03:45, 07:00, 10:15

Cinema 21

616 NW 21st Ave., 503-223-4515 INHERENT VICE MR. TURNER Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 03:00, 06:00 A GIRL WALKS HOME ALONE AT NIGHT Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 06:45, 09:00 RED ARMY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 04:15, 08:45 WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:30, 07:00, 09:00

Clinton Street Theater

2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 GIRLHOOD Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 04:00 PATRICK’S DAY Sat-Sun 09:00 THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW Sat 12:00 KAYAKING THE ALEUTIANS Mon 07:00 THE VEXXER Wed 07:00 WELCOME TO THE CIRCUS THE PROPHECY OF THE SEERESS Fri 07:00

Laurelhurst Theater & Pub

2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511 CITIZENFOUR Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:30 THE BIG LEBOWSKI FOXCATCHER Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 06:45, 09:15 BIG HERO 6 Fri-Sat-Sun 01:30, 04:00 UNBROKEN THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES BIG EYES Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 07:00 INTERSTELLAR Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:00 JURASSIC PARK

Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 09:30 THE OSCAR NOMINATED SHORT FILMS 2015: ANIMATED Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 08:50 THE OSCAR NOMINATED SHORT FILMS 2015: LIVE ACTION Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:15 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 1 Fri-Sat-Sun 01:10, 04:15 PADDINGTON Sat-Sun 01:40 INTO THE WOODS Sat-Sun 01:00

Mission Theater and Pub

1624 NW Glisan St., 503-249-7474-5 THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES INTO THE WOODS PADDINGTON Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 05:30 PROJECT ALMANAC Fri-Sat-Sun 01:50, 06:50 CHICAGO Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 08:00

Moreland Theatre

6712 SE Milwaukie Ave., 503-236-5257 BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE) THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 05:30, 08:00

Roseway Theatre

7229 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-282-2898 BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE) THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 01:30, 04:45, 08:00

CineMagic Theatre

2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-231-7919 THE IMITATION GAME BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE) Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 05:30, 08:00

Kiggins Theatre

1011 Main St., 360-816-0352 SONG OF THE SEA FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 04:30, 08:30 THESE FINAL HOURS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 06:30 100: HEAD/HEART/FEET Sat 07:00

Empirical Theatre at OMSI

1945 SE Water Ave., 503-797-4000 WALKING WITH DINOSAURS 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Tue-Wed 01:00, 04:00 SECRET

OCEAN Fri-Sat-SunTue-Wed 12:00, 03:00 ADRENALINE RUSH: THE SCIENCE OF RISK Wed 05:00 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 1 Fri 06:15 PADDINGTON Sat-Tue 05:00 FLIGHT OF THE BUTTERFLIES Fri-SatSun-Tue-Wed 11:00 JAMES CAMERON’S DEEPSEA CHALLENGE 3D Fri-SatSun-Tue-Wed 02:00 INTO THE WOODS Fri-Sun 04:30 MYSTERIES OF THE UNSEEN WORLD Fri 05:00 INTERSTELLAR Fri-SatSun 06:45 THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES Fri-Sat-Tue 06:45 BEARS Sat-Sun 01:00

5th Avenue Cinema

510 SW Hall St., 503-725-3551 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY Mon-Tue-Wed PIGSTY Fri 07:30 TANGLED 8 Fri-SatSun 03:00

Hollywood Theatre

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-281-4215 STILL ALICE BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE) Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:45, 09:20 EVERLY NOSOTROS LOS NOBLES THE DUKE OF BURGUNDY Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 07:00, 09:10 LOST SOUL: THE DOOMED JOURNEY OF RICHARD STANLEY’S ISLAND OF DR. MOREAU Fri-Sat-Sun 09:30 THE OTHER WORLD Fri 09:45 NEWSIES SatSun 03:00 STAR TREK II: THE WRATH OF KHAN Sat 06:30 NEVER CRY WOLF Sun 06:30 CITIZEN ARCHITECT Mon 07:00 WU TANG SWORDPLAY DOUBLE FEATURE Tue 07:30 FAR FROM HOME Wed 07:00 THE SISTERHOOD OF NIGHT SHORTS I

Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10

846 SW Park Ave. FIFTY SHADES OF GREY FriSat-Sun 12:30, 03:40, 07:15, 10:00 THE SECOND BEST EXOTIC MARIGOLD HOTEL Fri-Sat-Sun 11:45, 01:00, 02:45, 04:00, 06:15, 07:00, 09:00, 09:50 LEVIATHAN Fri-Sat-Sun 12:10, 06:30 JUPITER ASCENDING JUPITER ASCENDING 3D STILL ALICE Fri-Sat-Sun 11:50, 02:15, 04:50, 06:45, 09:10 A MOST VIOLENT YEAR Fri-Sat-Sun 03:30, 09:40 SONG OF THE SEA Fri-Sat-Sun 11:40, 02:10, 04:20, 06:40, 08:50 THE IMITATION GAME Fri-SatSun 12:15, 03:15, 06:50, 09:20 THE THEORY OF EVERYTHING Fri-SatSun 12:20, 03:20, 06:20,

09:15 BIRDMAN OR (THE UNEXPECTED VIRTUE OF IGNORANCE) Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 01:50, 04:40, 07:20, 10:00 WHIPLASH Fri-SatSun 11:30, 02:00, 04:30, 07:00, 09:30

NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium

1219 SW Park Ave., 503-221-1156 CHILDHOOD MACHINE LA DOLCE VITA Fri 07:00 ROMAN HOLIDAY Sat-Sun 04:30 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY Mon-Tue-Wed KOINONIA THE BAREFOOT CONTESSA Fri 07:00

Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

340 SW Morrison St. KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:50, 03:50, 06:50, 09:50 THE LAZARUS EFFECT HOT TUB TIME MACHINE 2 MCFARLAND, USA THE DUFF UNFINISHED BUSINESS AMERICAN SNIPER CINDERELLA Fri 01:00, 04:00, 07:00, 09:50 RUN ALL NIGHT Fri 12:45, 03:45, 06:45, 09:40

Academy Theater

7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500 PADDINGTON Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 02:20, 04:25 INTO THE WOODS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:10, 07:00 UNBROKEN Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:10 THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:45 FOXCATCHER FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:50 INTERSTELLAR Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:30 CITIZENFOUR THE MALTESE FALCON THE OSCAR NOMINATED SHORT FILMS 2015: ANIMATED Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 07:40 THE OSCAR NOMINATED SHORT FILMS 2015: LIVE ACTION FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:25 DOUBLE INDEMNITY Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:55, 09:35 STRANGE MAGIC Sat-Sun 11:45 FOOD FOR CHANGE: THE STORY OF COOPERATION IN AMERICA Sat 04:00

SUBJECT TO CHANGE. CALL THEATERS OR VISIT WWEEK.COM/MOVIETIMES FOR THE MOST UP-TO-DATE INFORMATION

Thank you To all ParTiciPanTs! Congratulations, team swigs!

second Place: return of the omnomnisaurs Third Place: The cartigans

FRIDAY-THURSDAY, MARCH 6-12, UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED

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43

CHRISTINE DONG

END ROLL

DISPENSARY REVIEW: CANNABABES In a town where Walmart is more taboo than strip clubs, it was only a matter of time before the Bikini Barista business model affected the medicinal marijuana world. We’re seeing several spots employ themes to get patients in the door, but existing health codes, and perhaps some degree of stoner ethics, keep budtenders in actual clothing.

Cannababes (4730 N Lombard St., instagram.com/cannababes_pdx) is finding giggly wiggle room where it can, sharing Instagram moments of playful spanks in short skirts and nearly transparent leggings.

Upon entering the dispensary last week, I was greeted by a bold reiteration of Sasse’s famous photo of Albert Einstein, captioned “Be Wise and Fearless.” Once inside the cozy budroom, four of the titular ’Babes shuffled on heeled boots around me, introducing themselves simultaneously with the slightly desperate energy only an overstaffed, new business can exhibit.

The shop seems to have cut a few corners, keeping signage on computer paper in Sharpie.

Not to mention the glaring spelling error on the “Restricted Access: Personel Only” sign.

The employees were friendly and made me feel welcome, but they were inexperienced with many products—including one of the strains they’d suggested I try. Surprisingly enough, dispensary employees are not required to be OMMP cardholders, but at this point in the game that isn’t an excuse for lack of flower knowledge.

It’s one thing if you haven’t quite mastered the intricacies of non-winterized carbon dioxide extract, but no strain inquiry should elicit a blank stare these days.

However, renowned vendors such as Mad Farmaceuticals and Doobie Farms reassured me of their medicinal quality, and the eighth of Mango I selected from the premium flower has proven a flavorful and pleasant smoke.

In another moment of professionalism, the test results can be found in binders at the front for patients’ perusal. Less fortunately, a tip jar reading “Tip if you think we’re sexy” can be found next to a fuller tip jar reading, “Tip if you think you’re sexy.” These glaring reminders of the marketing angle at Cannababes leaves one either ashamed or empowered, which should be a familiar sensation for the majority of cardholders with questionable medical reason. MARY ROMANO.

For more information on John Callahan’s memorial, see ffojohncallahan.tumblr.com.

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60 Herb in pesto sauce 61 “All My Children” femme fatale 62 Prefix before brow 63 Needed a bath badly 64 40-yard race 65 Longfellow contemporary

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Across 1 Go out 4 Faddish 1990s collectibles 8 Hawke of “Boyhood” 13 Bovine opinion 14 “Head Like ___” (NIN song) 15 A nephew of Donald 16 AM drinks 17 Looked longingly 18 Checkout line count 19 Comedian Garofalo gives

negative feedback?

22 Least tropical 23 Execute perfectly 24 Topeka residents provide instructions?

30 “This ___” (1979 hit) 31 One of The Judds 32 Schnitzel stuff 36 “South Park” surname 39 Period of silence 40 Appearance at home?

42 2010 Apple release 44 Brew inspired by a fictional search engine on “The Good Wife”?

50 Not quite the leader 51 Yuletide refrain 53 Grammy category for fiveyear-olds?

57 “Beer Barrel” dance 58 Actor ___ William Scott 59 “Get it, man?”

Down 1 Modern pictograph 2 “___ Horseman” (title character voiced by Will Arnett) 3 1990s conflict site 4 Imaginary figure 5 Move like The Blob 6 “By the Time I Get to Phoenix” singer Campbell 7 Car styles 8 Slurred speech?

9 All-out battle 10 A nephew of Donald 11 Uses a scope 12 “Dr. Mario” platform 14 “Open” author Andre 20 Ending for Hallow 21 “Boo-___!”

25 “Boiler Room” co-star Long 26 Reduce to essentials 27 Work the soil 28 Chanted syllables

29 Comedian’s forte 32 “Wet/dry” buy 33 Shakespearean suffix 34 “Aladdin” monkey 35 Glove material 37 Detox place 38 Size for some margins 41 Daytime fare with Sharon Osbourne 43 Troi on “Star Trek: TNG” 45 Sport-___ (4WD vehicle) 46 Gathered in a crowd 47 “Solve for x” subj.

48 Bedridden 49 Bad weather culprit, sometimes 52 Texas A&M player 53 Junk or dinghy 54 “Let It Go” singer 55 Giga- times a thousand 56 Je ne ___ quoi 57 “Downton Abbey” airer last week’s answers

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Week of March 5

ARIES (March 21-April 19): To depict what lay beyond the limits of the known world, medieval mapmakers sometimes drew pictures of dragons and sea serpents.

Their images conveyed the sense that these territories were uncharted and perhaps risky to explore. There were no actual beasties out there, of course. I think it’s possible you’re facing a comparable situation. The frontier realm you are wandering through may seem to harbor real dragons, but I’m guessing they are all of the imaginary variety. That’s not to say you should entirely let down your guard. Mix some craftiness in with your courage. Beware of your mind playing tricks.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Whenever I close my eyes and seek psychic visions of your near future, I see heroic Biblical scenes. Moses is parting the Red Sea. Joseph is interpreting Pharaoh’s dream. Jesus is feeding 5,000 people with five loaves of bread and two fish.

What’s the meaning of my reveries? Well, this psychic stuff is tricky, and I hesitate to draw definitive conclusions. But if I had to guess, I’d speculate that you are ripe to provide a major blessing or perform an unprecedented service for people you care about.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In a New Yorker cartoon, Tom Gauld outlines “The Four Undramatic Plot Structures”: 1. “The hero is confronted by an antagonistic force and ignores it until it goes away.” 2. “The protagonist is accused of wrongdoing, but it’s not a big thing and soon gets sorted out.” 3. “The heroine is faced with a problem but it’s really difficult so she gives up.” 4. “A man wants something. Later, he’s not so sure. By suppertime he’s forgotten all about it.” In my astrological opinion, Gemini, you should dynamically avoid all four of those fates. Now is a time for you to take brave, forceful action as you create dramatic plot twists that serve your big dreams.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “To be happy is to be able to become aware of oneself without fright,” said heavyweight German philosopher Walter Benjamin, a fellow Cancerian. I am happy to report that there’s a good chance you will soon be blessed with an extraordinary measure of this worry-free self-awareness. And when you do -- when you are basking in an expanded self-knowledge infused with self-love and self-appreciation -- some of your chronic fear will drop away, and you will have at your disposal a very useful variety of happiness.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): “As you get older, the heart sheds its leaves like a tree,” said French novelist Gustave Flaubert. “You cannot hold out against certain winds.

Each day tears away a few more leaves; and then there are the storms that break off several branches at one go. And while nature’s greenery grows back again in the spring, that of the heart never grows back.” Do you agree with Flaubert, Leo? I don’t. I say that you can live with such resilient innocence that your heart’s leaves grow back after a big wind, and become ever-more lush and hardy as you age. You can send down such deep, strong roots and stretch your branches toward the sun with such vigor that your heart always has access to the replenishment it needs to flourish. The coming weeks will provide evidence that what I say is true.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): “I will not wait to love as best as I can,” says writer Dave Eggers. “We thought we were young and that there would be time to love well sometime in the future. This is a terrible way to think.

It is no way to live, to wait to love.” That’s your keynote for the coming weeks, Virgo. That’s your wake-up call and the rose-scented note under your pillow and the message scrawled in lipstick on your bathroom mirror.

If there is any part of you that believes love will be better or fuller or more perfect in the future, tell that part of you to shut up and embrace this tender command: Now is the time to love with all of your heart and all of your soul and all of your mind.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): I love the song “Shine On You Crazy Diamond,” by Pink Floyd. Other favorites are Tool’s “Third Eye” and Yo La Tengo’s “Pass the Hatchet, I Think I’m Goodkind.” But all of these tunes have a similar problem. They’re more than ten minutes long. Even before my attention span got shrunk

by the Internet, listening to them tested my patience.

Now I have to forcefully induce a state of preternatural relaxation if I want to hear them all the way through.

In the coming days, Libra, don’t be like a too-much-ofa-good-thing song. Be willing to edit yourself. Observe concise boundaries. Get to the point quickly. (You’ll be rewarded for it.)

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SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Sneaking around isn’t necessary, Scorpio. There’s no useful power to be gained by hiding information or pursuing secret agendas. This is not a time when it’s essential for you to be a master of manipulation who’s ten steps ahead of everyone else. For now, you are likely to achieve maximum success and enjoy your life the most if you are curious, excitable, and transparent. I invite you to embody the mindset of a creative, precocious child who has a loving mommy and daddy.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): In 1953, Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay became the first humans to reach the summit of Mount Everest. It took them seven weeks to climb the 29,029-foot peak. In 1960, Jacques Piccard and Don Walsh got into a bathyscaphe and sailed to the lowest point on the planet, the Mariana Trench at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean. It took them four hours and 47 minutes to go down 36,070 feet. Based on my analysis of your astrological omens, I think the operative metaphor for you in the coming weeks should be the deep descent, not the steep ascent.

It’s time to explore and hang out in the depths rather than the heights.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): The African country of Ivory Coast has two different capital cities.

Yamoussoukro is the official capital, while Abidjan is the actual capital, where the main governmental action takes place. I suspect there’s a comparable split in your personal realm, Capricorn: a case of mixed dominance. Maybe that’s a good thing; maybe it allows for a balance of power between competing interests.

Or perhaps it’s a bit confusing, causing a split in your attention that hampers you from expressing a unified purpose. Now would be a favorable time to think about how well the division is working for you, and to tinker with it if necessary.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I’ve gone on three book tours and done my spoken-word show in scores of bookstores. But one of my favorite author events took place at the Avenue C Laundromat in New York City’s East Village. There I performed with two other writers as part of the “Dirty Laundry: Loads of Prose” reading series. It was a boisterous event. All of us authors were extra loose and goofy, and the audience offered a lot of funny, good-nature heckling. The unusual location freed everyone up to have maximum amusement. I see the coming weeks as a time when you, too, might thrive by doing what you do best in seemingly out-ofcontext situations. If you’re not outright invited to do so, I suggest you invite yourself.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): When Arnold Schwarzenegger became Governor of California in 2003, the state had the eighth largest economy in the world, right behind Italy and just ahead of Brazil.

Schwarzenegger had never before held political office.

When Cambodian doctor Haing Nor performed in the film The Killing Fields, for which he ultimately won an Oscar, he had no training as an actor. He was a novice.

Will you try to follow in their footsteps, Pisces? Is it possible you could take on a role for which you have no preparation or seasoning? According to my divinations, the answer is yes. But is it a good idea? That’s a more complex issue. Trust your gut.

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