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NEWS DON’T WEEP FOR THE BLAZERS. MOVIES ARNOLD’S BACK...AND SAYS SO.

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and The Fights to Come.

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M AT T W O N G

FINDINGS

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WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 41, ISSUE 35.

A divorcing couple’s “final date together” ended badly. 7 Not so long ago, Portland cops could not distinguish marihuana from Jerusalem artichokes. 19 Waterbeds and bongs have a long history of synergy. 21

Now that weed is legal, it’s still illegal to plant boring nonintoxicating hemp. 24 Yes, you can get your pooch weedinfused dog treats. 41

You can’t sell weed yet, but you can charge admission to a place where people get it for “free.” 44 Backyard cookouts are the new

warehouse raves. 51 Yes, Arnold Schwarzenegger utters his most famous line in the new Terminator movie. 63 Gene Wilder’s chilling performance as a prolific child killer shows this week at Laurelhurst Theater. 66

NEWS DON’T WEEP FOR THE BLAZERS. MOVIES ARNOLD’S BACK... AND SAYS SO.

ON THE COVER:

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

WW’s office marijuana plant, Oscar de la Juana, photo by Matt Wong.

Portland police sent out a funny press release before the World Naked Bike Ride.

VOL 41/35 07.01.2015

STAFF Editor & Publisher Mark Zusman EDITORIAL Managing Editor for News Brent Walth Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Aaron Mesh, Beth Slovic Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, James Yu Stage & Screen Editor Enid Spitz Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer Web Editor Lizzy Acker Books Penelope Bass

Dance Enid Spitz Visual Arts Megan Harned Editorial Interns Mackenzie Broderick, Allie Donahue, Claire Holley, Hart Hornor, Emily Volpert, Amy Wolfe CONTRIBUTORS Dave Cantor, Nathan Carson, Rachel Graham Cody, Pete Cottell, Shannon Gormley, Jordan Green, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, John Locanthi, Mark Stock, Anna Walters PRODUCTION Production Manager Dylan Serkin Art Director Julie Showers Special Sections Art Director Kristina Morris Graphic Designers Mitch Lillie, Xel Moore, Rico Macias-Zepeda

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3

INBOX RAISING THE MINIMUM WAGE I’m tired of business owners making their profits off the backs of minimum-wage workers and then whining about how their businesses won’t survive if they have to pay, gasp, $13 an hour [“Wage Wars,” WW, June 24, 2015].

If you can’t survive when every other business is raising their wages, then you don’t have a product people want badly enough to pay what you want to charge for it.

So in the free-market system, you either get creative and find a product people will pay for, or you close your doors like other failed businesses with poor business plans.

—“Re Ja” I run a small business of about 10 full-time employees. Our profits are slim, but our overall pay and benefits are above average. The increased minimum wage could negatively affect our sales employees, who earn a base salary, plus commission. They earn, with benefits, between $40,000 and $60,000 a year.

I would have to change their pay structure, meaning they could quit and I’d be out of business. No sales force, no revenue.

—“David97303” Every time a minimum-wage increase is proposed, there’s the same chorus of cries about how it’ll make businesses raise prices and cut employees. And every time a wage increase actually happens, those cries turn out to have been greatly overstated.

—“dh”

When I drive past the scene of an accident, I often see a lot of broken glass left behind. This could damage tires, or cause another collision when cars slow down to drive through it. Isn’t anyone responsible for cleaning up? —Mary Jane While I normally share your coddled, First World attitude, MJ—I once decried the discontinuation of Krinkle Cut Yogurt-Dill Kettle Chips as “genocide”—let’s cut the government some slack.

If it were up to us citizens, the detritus from every accident would be right where we left it, piled up by the roadside in a Mad Max-like wall of mangled steel and decaying flesh. (There would also probably be skulls on sticks along the top of the wall because, hey, America.)

Thus, we are moderately lucky (let’s not oversell it) to have the Oregon Department of Transportation’s Incident Response Vehicles.

These guys materialize to help you quickly get your disabled vehicle off the road, and to clear 4

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

RATING OUR STATE LEGISLATORS The positive description of Rep. Mitch Greenlick is a big surprise [“The Good, Bad and the Awful,” WW, June 24, 2015]. At every town hall, his counterpart in the Senate is constantly correcting him on what is going on in Salem. I’m surprised he even knows what day of the week it is.

—“My2Bits” I’m not a bit surprised Rep. Rob Nosse sends handwritten notes or is “rookie of the year.” I live in his district and voted for him, because in a very crowded field he personally went door to door, campaigning and introducing himself.

—Melinda Piette Julie Parrish is my state representative, and she is all about self-promotion, little else. Also, I don’t recall our district electing a Democrat ever, so I don’t see how we live in a “Democratic majority district.”

—“BGreene925” I wish WW would stop grading on the curve.

Leaving out the senators and representatives who were elected outside the Portland metro area leaves us with a distorted view of the Legislature.

—Mike Smith LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification.

Letters must be 250 or fewer words.

Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210.

Fax: (503) 243-1115. Email: mzusman@wweek.com.

any stray mufflers, car doors, or severed limbs.

The Incident Response Vehicle program used to be called Project COMET, an admittedly tortured acronym (Corridor Operation Management Emergency Team) that nonetheless sounded pretty boss.

Some ODOT publications now refer to TIM (Traffic Incident Management), but come on.

COMET sounds like SEAL Team Six is going to rappel down from a helicopter. TIM sounds like a guy who’s going to drop by later and help you uninstall QuickBooks.

Still, without TIM, your commute would be at the mercy of every yutz who forgot to pay his AAA bill.

Finally, auto glass is designed to crumble into shiny gravel rather than puncturing tires or shattering into artery-severing shards. People may cause collisions by slowing down for it, but people also cause collisions by swerving to avoid fairies. There’s only so much you can do.

QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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WHEN INDEPENDENCE DAY MAY MEAN SOMETHING ELSE. The state’s Democratic and Republican parties agree: They distrust the Independent Party of Oregon. With 108,811 voters registered, the IPO qualifies for major-party status. The state will pay for the IPO’s 2016 primary, and its growth may someday mean an IPO candidate will be a statewide election spoiler.

Foes say the IPO has thrived on confusion: Voters wishing to be nonaffiliated check the IPO box, believing they are declaring themselves “independent.” Democrats and Republicans on June 25 released a survey of IPO members that drew differing interpretations. “Half of the folks don’t know they are in the party,” says Democratic Party of Oregon executive director Brad Martin. “That confusion is giving them a significant status.” IPO secretary Sal Peralta says the poll backfired. “It showed that most of our members do want to be members of our party,” Peralta says. “That’s positive.”

More than eight months after Cougar Burleigh died from an assault on the Burnside Bridge, his family has seen justice.

Robert Lewis Browne, 42, pleaded guilty June 29 to second-degree manslaughter in Multnomah County Circuit Court and received a 75-month prison sentence. Portland police originally believed the BURLEIGH 38-year-old Burleigh— missing his cellphone, ID and pants—had been in a bike accident when he was found unconscious near the west end of the Burnside Bridge about 3 am on Oct. 12, 2014. He died two days later. His family urged a full investigation—and police launched one after a witness said Burleigh had been involved in a confrontation.

Amity Girt, Multnomah County deputy district attorney, says Burleigh, who was visiting from Olympia, Wash., had been talking with people outside the Portland Rescue Mission when Browne punched him, causing Burleigh to fall and strike his head. “He was a kind, gentle and intelligent person who was no threat to anyone, including you,” Nancy Shadley, Burleigh’s stepmother, told Browne via phone in court. “I do not forgive you.”

A purveyor of vintage images is suing the city of Portland in Multnomah County Circuit Court over the city’s trademark on the “Portland, Oregon” sign in Old Town. Vintage Roadside is a Portland company that sells photos on Etsy of the previous “Made in Oregon” version of the sign. City officials have sought payment from Vintage Roadside for use of the image, says company owner Jeff Kunkle. So Kunkle struck back with his suit June 25. Robert Swider, Kunkle’s attorney, says Portland officials are misinterpreting trademark laws. City officials say they have not challenged Vintage Roadside’s right to use the sign’s image.

Says Office of Management and Finance spokeswoman Jen Clodius, “The city’s assumption is that once this misunderstanding is cleared up, the lawsuit will be dismissed.”

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NEWS

OPEN SECRETS: Michael Schwern speaks at Go Open, a 2008 code-writing conference. Last year, he sued his ex-wife, Nóirín Plunkett, for defamation after she accused him of sexual assault.

OPEN-SOURCE WARFARE WHEN A PORTLAND COMPUTER PROGRAMMER’S EX-WIFE ACCUSED HIM OF SEXUAL ASSAULT, HE MADE A FEDERAL CASE OUT OF IT.

By AA R O N M E S H

amesh@wweek.com

For years, the world of writing computer code has seemed hostile to women.

Female programmers complain about sexist presentations at tech conferences, harassment from fellow coders— and even sexual assaults.

In 2011, tech leaders pressured conference organizers to write guidelines to prevent such behavior. Two of the most outspoken advocates were a Portland couple, wellknown speakers at such conferences, Nóirín Plunkett and Michael Schwern.

There’s another big coding conference July 20-24 in Portland—the O’Reilly Open Source Convention, better known as OSCON. OSCON responded to calls for sexual misconduct guidelines from people such as Plunkett and Schwern, both of whom would often appear at the event.

They won’t be speaking at OSCON this year. That’s because they’re waging their own war against each other over allegations he committed sexual violence against her.

Almost two years ago, Plunkett accused Schwern of choking and sexually assaulting her the day they mutu-

ally filed for divorce. Portland police arrested Schwern, and within days word of the incident was out on social media.

But prosecutors declined to pursue charges. Schwern fired back in January 2014 with a federal lawsuit alleging Plunkett defamed him. He’s seeking $30 million.

WW doesn’t typically disclose the names of victims of sexual violence, but Plunkett has publicly discussed the case on Twitter and a crowdfunding website to raise money for her defense.

Plunkett and Schwern declined to be interviewed for this story.

The case has stunned Portland’s tech community and rippled throughout an industry already troubled by the scarcity of women in its ranks and the mistreatment of those who work as coders (“Where the Tech Is She?” WW, May 23, 2012).

WW contacted more than a dozen local software developers for this story. Most declined to comment, and those who did asked that their names not be used, because they feared harming or angering people on either side of the conflict.

“It’s a toxic situation,” said a former Portland programmer who asked not to be named.

Schwern’s lawsuit is part of an increasingly high-profile trend: men accused of sexual attacks who respond by taking their alleged victims to court. cont. on page 8

“if one of the things you’re going to face when you come forwarD with your sexual assault is a lawsuit, that’s going to have a chilling effect on survivors.”

—Meg garvin, Lewis & CLark Law professor Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

7

NEWS

courts

This spring, National Football League players Jameis Winston and Ray McDonald both sued for defamation women who had accused them of rape. Locally, a male Reed College student expelled after an alleged sexual assault sued the school in April. He claimed the alleged victim had been part of a consensual three-way relationship, and his lawsuit seeks reinstatement and unspecified monetary damages.

Meg Garvin, who runs the National Crime Victim Law Institute at Lewis & Clark Law School, filed a legal brief last November urging that the federal court strike down Schwern’s case. She tells WW his suit sends a dangerous message to victims.

“Reporting a sexual assault is already incredibly difficult,” Garvin says. “If one of the things you’re going to face when you come forward with your sexual assault is a lawsuit, that’s going to have a chilling effect on survivors.”

Plunkett, 30, is an adviser to the Ada Initiative, a San Francisco nonprofit that advocates for women in the open-source software industry. In July 2011, Plunkett wrote a blog post about being sexually assaulted at an Atlanta tech conference called ApacheCon and harassed at OSCON in Portland. Her post helped spur OSCON to write its code of conduct that year.

Schwern, 40, describes himself in court filings as “a leader for gender equity and a campaigner against sexual misconduct in the open-source software community.”

That community is essentially the free speech movement of the tech world. Open-source programmers freely show the world the source code that makes their software work—believing that doing so makes for better products than those from companies like Microsoft that keep their code hidden. The most famous example may be Mozilla, the company that created the Firefox Web browser.

Schwern and Plunkett married in November 2011. According to federal court documents, Plunkett says Schwern sexually assaulted her on two separate occasions. She says he first assaulted her in November 2012. Nothing in the court documents suggests she called police, but they separated after the alleged attack. Schwern in court documents denies the 2012 assault allegation. He says the couple engaged in a relationship that included elements of dominant/submissive sexual play.

Ten months later, on Sept. 19, 2013, the couple filed for divorce in Multnomah County Circuit Court. That night, they met at Plunkett’s Portland home for dinner—what Schwern describes in his lawsuit as “a final date together.”

That’s when the second alleged attack occurred that’s now the basis of the ongoing court case.

Plunkett, court records say, alleged that Schwern “forced her to perform oral sex on him, had sexual intercourse with her despite her repeated objections, choked her with his hands, and penetrated her vaginally with the blade of a knife.”

According to court records, Plunkett went to a hospital. Police booked Schwern on allegations of strangulation and harassment, both misdemeanors. He was released the next day.

The following day, Plunkett moved to Cambridge, Mass. She declined to proceed with charges, and prosecutors dropped the case in October 2013.

Schwern claims he provided evidence to prosecutors that would exonerate him. (Portland police say reports related to Plunkett are under seal. The Multnomah County District Attorney’s Office also said it was unable to release any documents, citing a passage in state law that makes it illegal to 8

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

release court records that have been expunged.) In December 2013, Plunkett obtained a restraining order against Schwern in Massachusetts.

Members of the Portland tech scene began posting on Twitter about the alleged attack in the days following Schwern’s arrest. The Ada Initiative, the equity-in-tech nonprofit, posted a link to Schwern’s arrest on its website and stated that the group “declines now and in future to work with Michael Schwern or to promote his work based on the information above.”

In November 2013, Stumptown Syndicate—a nonprofit that runs another tech conference in Portland, the Open Source Bridge conference— announced Schwern was barred from attending its events.

In his lawsuit, Schwern alleges that Plunkett told friends—falsely—that he had raped her, and that her untrue statements cost him opportunities at OSCON and Open Source Bridge.

He also alleges that he’s been blackballed from a wide swath of tech jobs at companies—from Mozilla to PuppetLabs in Portland—that work with the Ada Initiative to fight sexism.

“She told them StatementS that were aS injuriouS aS poSSible.” —Bear Wilner-nugent, Michael SchWern’S attorney Schwern’s attorney, Bear Wilner-Nugent, says his client is innocent, and that Plunkett “chose to salt the earth” by spreading lies about him that she knew would tar him in the Portland tech world.

“She told them statements that were as injurious as possible,” Wilner-Nugent says. “It’s harmed his standing in communities where he’s been a member his whole adult life.”

Ada Initiative executive director Valerie Aurora declined to comment on this story. Christie Koehler, who runs Open Source Bridge and works for Mozilla, also declined to comment, and asked a WW reporter to leave this year’s Open Source Bridge conference.

The case has worked its way through federal courts for more than a year, and so far neither a judge nor jury has weighed the merits of the case. Instead, Plunkett has argued she had a First Amendment right to speak about Schwern’s arrest, which is a matter of public record.

A federal magistrate and judge have both rejected Plunkett’s move to have the case tossed out, and those rulings are now before the U.S. Court of Appeals.

Plunkett’s attorney says Schwern’s claims are without merit. “We fully expect to prevail on appeal,” says her attorney, Dan Booth, “and vindicate the right to report.”

Garvin, the Lewis & Clark law professor, says the case could establish a troubling precedent.

She says Plunkett is being sued for doing nothing more than reporting that she had been a victim of an assault.

“From our understanding of the case, literally all she did was report the crime to law enforcement,” Garvin says. “In order for the criminal justice system to work, people need to be able to report crimes.”

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NEWS

TRANSPORTATION

A NEW OREGON PROGRAM TO REPLACE THE GAS TAX REWARDS HUMMERS OVER HYBRIDS. WHY DID THE STATE SPEND MILLIONS ON THIS?

BY ANTHONY MACUK

$

$

PAYING BY THE MILE

$

$

$

$

amacuk@wweek.com

Drivers of hybrid and electric cars enjoy lots of benefits.

They can feel good that they’re churning out a lot less carbon. Their energy costs are lower. And they don’t have to pay as much as they once did for the state’s roads. That support is paid primarily through the gas tax. When you don’t stop at the pump, you don’t have to pay.

But what’s been good for the environment has been bad for the Oregon Department of Transportation.

After decades of steady funding from the gas tax, ODOT is in serious financial trouble. The agency’s budget, driven also by truck-mile fees and DMV fees, can no longer keep pace with the state’s road needs and payments on billions in debt ODOT now carries for past transportation projects.

“ODOT faces long-term funding challenges,” the agency told lawmakers in a March presentation. “The state highway fund is essentially fully committed to debt service, highway maintenance work and agency operations.”

For more than a decade, ODOT officials have seen revenues from the gas tax fall—and it’s not just because hybrid and electric car owners scoot past the gas pump.

Oregonians have cut back on their driving, especially as gas prices have climbed, and their cars and trucks are more fuel-efficient overall.

“The gas tax is becoming more unfair every day,” says Jim Whitty, manager of ODOT’s Office of Innovative Partnerships and Alternative Funding. “The separation between fuelefficient and not-fuel-efficient vehicles is becoming wider.”

The agency wants to move away from fuel taxes and instead charge drivers based on the distance they drive.

ODOT officials have been conducting a decadelong search for ways to do it—and it’s turned into an unfocused, meandering and expensive effort.

The latest plan: Starting July 1, the state is seeking as many as 5,000 volunteers to pay the state a mileage-based

rate rather than taxes at the gas pump.

The pilot program, called OreGo, relies on drivers signing up with one of three companies that will supply plug-in devices to count the miles.

But the plan is already troubled.

State officials are struggling to find ways to lure drivers of hybrid and other fuel-efficient cars into a program that could penalize them for using less gas. According to OreGo’s own Web-based calculator, cars that get better than 20

“EVERY OREGON DRIVER HAS AN INTEREST—INDEED AN INVESTMENT—TO ENSURE THAT THE ROADS ARE AVAILABLE AND IN GOOD SHAPE.” —JIM WHITTY, ODOT OFFICIAL miles a gallon would actually pay more under OreGo. But it’s the perverse incentives that the program creates that could pose the greatest dilemma for ODOT. OreGo would reward drivers of gas guzzlers who already

pay plenty in fuel taxes now. OreGo’s flat rate of 1.5 cents a mile would actually cut such drivers’ costs and create an inducement to keep driving their carbon-spewing vehicles.

“People can do that math,” says Portland economist Joe Cortright, a frequent ODOT critic. “If you own a Prius, you’d be crazy to sign up—you’ll pay more. If you own a Hummer, you should sign up.”

Legislators have supported finding ways to help ODOT raise revenue, but some are dumbfounded that it’s taken 14 years to develop a program that drivers of fuel-efficient cars would be crazy to join.

“From what I’ve seen,” says state Sen. Betsy Johnson, (D-Scappoose), “I have deep reservations about OreGo and the state’s ability to implement it.”

The state started searching for an alternative to the gas tax in 2001. State legislators, meanwhile, have raised questions about why ODOT has sent Whitty on more than 100 trips in the past decade. His most frequent destination has been Washington, D.C.—a trip he made 20 times in the past 12 years—and he often traveled to other states as well. Whitty also took three trips to London, two trips to Brussels, and one trip each to Barcelona, Singapore and the Gold Coast of Australia.

Since 2003, records show, the agency has footed $65,000 of the bill for Whitty’s travel. But that’s only a fraction of what his trips have cost—the rest has been covered by conference sponsors, although ODOT has spent money to cover some of the costs of most of the 415,000-plus miles he’s traveled.

200 Hour Teacher Training with Annie Adamson and friends

Part 1

9/28–10/8 2015

Part 2

1/18–1/28 2016

Part 3 (+ retreat)

5/23–6/2 2016

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transportation bridges and build new infrastructure. Payments on that debt now consume one in five dollars the agency spends.

The result: ODOT says there’s no new money to fix decrepit bridges or add new lanes to clogged highways.

The $343 million transportation package that crashed in Salem last week was, in effect, an ODOT bailout, the agency’s best hope for new money to help keep Oregon’s 70,000 miles of public roadways in good condition.

WORLD TRAVELER: The architect of the mileage tax program, Jim Whitty has spent the last decade traveling the country and world to research the idea.

ODOT defended that travel, saying the trips helped make Whitty “one of the world’s foremost experts” on the concept of charging drivers by the mile. Whitty, who earns an annual salary of $123,672, tells WW the travel was necessary to develop the OreGo program.

“We learned from others, either technologically or from their views and arguments,” Whitty says. “It was a lot of learning.”

“Every trip had a reason,” he adds. “You just don’t take a bunch of trips, they’ve got to have a business purpose.”

Gas consumption peaked in Oregon in 2006, and the state last raised its gas tax—now 30 cents a gallon—in 2009.

Compounding the agency’s financial pain, it has borrowed about $3 billion in the past 15 years to repair aging

OreGo is the state’s third try at finding a way to charge drivers by the mile. A 2006 test plan tracked driver miles using GPS, but drivers and legislators balked at the idea of making Big Brother a passenger in their cars.

A 2013 plan used a device plugged into the car’s diagnostic port to record mileage—the state tested it on 88 cars.

Two years ago, lawmakers approved a 2015 pilot project to expand it.

In the current plan, drivers who take part will pay a rate of 1.5 cents per mile, with their gas tax costs deducted from the bill. Drivers who pay more for gas taxes than miles will be paid back the difference.

Cortright says OreGo contradicts Oregon’s goals for emission reduction by rewarding cars that are less fuel efficient. “They are incentivizing gas-guzzling, road-damaging vehicles,” he says.

State officials acknowledge that owners of fuel-efficient cars have little or no financial incentive to take part in OreGo. “Higher-MPG cars will be slow to enroll, but there are other values that participation can fulfill,” says Michelle Godfrey, OreGo’s public information officer. “Given the feedback we’re hearing, we’re optimistic.”

When asked what might prompt drivers of fuel-efficient cars to participate, Whitty replied, “Guilt.” He later clarified his answer, however, by noting that—aside from the financial impact on any one individual vehicle owner—all Oregonians should be willing to pay for roads.

“Every Oregon driver has an interest—indeed an

NEWS

investment—to ensure that the roads are available and in good shape,” he says. “Maintaining the road system reduces personal costs for each individual in addition to ensuring a pleasant driving experience.”

The state has so far spent $7.7 million on the program since 2009, and will spend another $7.9 million in the next two years.

Whitty says the program would work better if legislators required hybrid vehicles to take part, but ODOT didn’t have the votes in 2013.

“They are incenTivizing gas-guzzling, road-damaging vehicles.” ­—Joe­Cortright, Portland­eConomist

The voluntary pilot project, Whitty says, will help ODOT determine what works and how the program needs to be adjusted before legislators consider making it a statewide requirement.

“What the pubic thinks will matter,” Whitty says. “If there are improvements to be made, ODOT will listen.”

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sports

tyler gross

CRYSTAL BALLERS

NEWS

THE TRAIL BLAZERS ARE FALLING APART. HERE’S WHY IT’S NOT AS BAD AS IT LOOKS.

By CorBIN sMItH

243-2122

The next National Basketball Association season is still four months away. But the Portland Trail Blazers as you know them right now seem moments from vanishing.

July 1 marks the beginning of free agency—the period when players can shop their talents to the most attractive suitor.

And most of the Blazers’ most beloved players are thinking about cheating on us.

“Iron Man” guard Wes Matthews and wizard-loving center Robin Lopez have their eyes on the open door. Nicolas Batum was exiled via a trade to Charlotte last week.

As good as these players are, they’ll always be part of the Aldridge era, and that’s a time that appears to be over.

LaMarcus Aldridge, the Blazers’ second-leading career scorer, appears to be one his way out, to Los Angeles sunshine, Texas tax-sheltering, or Canadian free medicine.

That leaves the Blazers with point guard Damian Lillard at its core—and little else but to see what happens.

At the beginning of the 2014-15 season, this would have seemed unimaginable. The Blazers went 30-8 to start the season, employing an effective ball-movement and 3-pointshooting attack.

But the team limped a little in the new year, then crawled to the finish line after Matthews tore his Achilles’ tendon.

Marc Gasol and the grit-’n’-grind Memphis Grizzlies mauled the Blazers in a brutal first-round playoff series.

Should you mourn? Absolutely. You saw Inside Out: Sadness and happiness live together in the same orb, and you’ll never reach the latter without indulging the former.

But do not despair, for the world is moving on all around you. Star players have left before: Walton in a rage, Drexler in a calculation, ’Sheed in a hazy divorce.

You stare out the window, you sigh, but the team keeps playing, and you learn to love once more.

Here’s why that will happen to you all over again:

1. THE PAST WASN’T THAT GREAT. Aldridge is an excellent player who last season played through a thumb injury for several months. But c’mon. This is the newly hypermodern, smaller and faster, Golden State Warriors-style NBA. A big, jump-shooting power forward who openly refused to play center or take 3-pointers wasn’t going to be the one to bring Portland out of the Western Conference death labyrinth.

And the Blazers starting unit was terrific, but it had peaked. It was either the fast ending (everyone leaves, you weep for a moment) or the slow one (everything slowly falls apart and you weep for a year). Don’t you prefer the former?

2. MONEY. If it were up to me, the Blazers would stay in this condition forever, with $41 million in beautiful, empty salary-cap space—the money they can spend on free agents. Once they sign someone, it will just be all mucked up—a player with flaws standing in what was once perfect nothingness.

But that nothingness could, maybe, possibly, get turned into something big.

That could mean a good player, like Danny or Draymond Green, or even Kevin Love, if he can get past the shovelfuls of hate his hometown tossed on him over the years. It’s also possible to cut a deal with a team to take a terrible contact off its hands and gain a high draft pick.

3. FINANCIAL SHENANIGANS. Any team that wants Aldridge will have to clear out some players in order to afford him. He and the Blazers could agree on a deal that in effect trades him to the team he wants to play for in exchange for a busload of players.

This happens all the time in the NBA. So why is this good for Portland?

Aldridge gets what he wants, and his new team—the San Antonio Spurs, for example— gets to stay under the NBA’s salary cap and maintain some operating flexibility. Portland can win by getting talent—say, Spurs center Tiago Splitter.

4. YOUTH AND BEAUTY. Lillard can’t drag the Blazers into Western Conference relevance by himself, but everything he’s done so far implies that he will certainly try. With Lillard, the Blazers will lose while shooting a glorious rain of two-steps-behind-the-line threes every night.

The team will still have center Meyers Leonard or guard C.J. McCollum, and new acquisition Mason Plumlee, a featureless brick of a center who can still run, set a decent pick and play competent defense. They might be bad—but tickets will be cheap, and there will be a fun show every night.

5. THE FRONT OFFICE IS NOT A HORRIFYING MESS.

A team can be needlessly horrible for a very long time. The Blazers won’t face that problem. Even when the team is bad, skilled people will put in a good-faith effort to make it excel again. Ownership is willing to spend, and general manager Neil Olshey is a best-of-both-worlds scouting fiend who still understands how to build a modern 3-point gunning team.

The Blazers managed to be such a team even with 3-pointallergic Aldridge taking a big share of the team’s shots.

6. STEVE BLAKE IS GONE. He was a not-very-good player, loved by announcers and dads for being an older, bald white man who sucked at basketball, just like them. And don’t worry, Blake is too old to come back a fourth time—right?

7. LIFE, DEATH AND REBIRTH ARE

THE NATURE OF ALL THINGS.

A tree looks resplendent in spring and summer. Then autumn comes. Leaves fall, decompose, feed the roots. The sun returns and the tree grows lovely once more. Maybe those leaves will be so big and beautiful that the tree wins the NBA title, and the tree’s city has a big, embarrassing party in the streets that ends with someone’s car getting thrown into the Willamette.

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M AT T W O N G

Party like it’s 1934 Historic Cannabis Landmarks in Oregon Portland’s Oldest Head Shop The Triumph Return of the World Famous Cannabis Cafe Weed War II: The Battles to Come

F A E L E R T E E SW

Blending Buds and Learning Terps

Pick Your Loose-Leaf Vaporizer What You Need to Know to Grow The Future of Drug Testing A Directory of Dispensaries

Eighty years after cannabis was banned in Oregon, it’s legal again this week.

Countless lives have been ruined in the meantime—very few by addiction and none by homicidal madmen driven loco by marihuana, as the propaganda warned back in 1935.

So here we are. Oregon is among the first states to finally fix the mess of marijuana prohibition, with the most liberal laws the nation has yet seen.

You can carry an ounce of marijuana in your pocket. You can grow four plants in your home, enough to yield a half-pound come harvest if you’ve got a green thumb (for tips, see page 30). Come October, it’s looking like every medical dispensary in town will be able to also sell recreational weed, at least on a temporary basis (start windowshopping on page 33). Thanks to Measure 91 initiative’s ban on add-on taxes, Oregon’s legal weed will probably be the cheapest in the nation, just like our previously illegal weed.

We are pioneers, charged with creating one of the modern world’s first official markets for an ancient plant.

In this issue, we memorialize the absurd prohibition eras in Oregon, of both cannabis (page 19) and alcohol (page 16). We also look at some of the people who kept the candle burning through the inhospitable years, including a woman who dared to open the nation’s first cannabis cafe (page 23) and the couple who has run the city’s oldest head shop, in North Portland, for close to 40 years (page 21). We also look toward a muddy near future where former allies in the marijuana and hemp communities are feuding over their outdoor grows (page 24).

This week is about more than a common-sense social and legal acceptance of weed and recognition that criminalizing marijuana is idiocy. It’s also the beginning of an economic transformation that could be as important to the Oregon economy, if not more so, than this state’s wine and beer industries.

When you toke today, you’re not just getting high, you’re living history.

So consider getting a loose-leaf vaporizer (page 29) and making yourself a special blend befitting the occasion (page 27).

It’s been a long time coming.

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BY JOHN LOCANTHI

@HuekahJohn

People like to get high. Almost all humans seek to alter their reality in some way, be it with a few beers, a bong rip, or good, old-fashioned OxyContin overprescribed by a doctor.

And yet, some people don’t like other people getting high. In America, various intoxicants have been deemed illegal over the years, succeeding only in changing the list of who gets to make money off the substance.

As of today, cannabis is officially legal in Oregon.

And so WW turns its gaze back to another long battle for legalization.

Hard as it may be to believe today, Beervana was an early adopter of Prohibition. Oregon banned the cause of and solution to all of life’s problems in 1914, a full five years before the Volstead Act ushered in Prohibition nationally.

In Oregon, the ban on booze led to smuggling, poisonous white lightning, rampant police corruption and a hell of a lot of drinking.

SUFFRAGETTES AND LIQUOR MEN. Weird as it sounds, women couldn’t vote in Oregon until 103 years ago. The women’s suffrage movement mounted several valiant efforts to allow half the population the right to participate in the government that governed them. All told, it was on the ballot six times before it was passed.

Most efforts fell short because of opposition from a cabal referred to as the “liquor men.”

“It will take 50,000 votes to defeat woman suffrage,” reads a memo from the Brewers & Wholesale Liquor Dealers Association of Oregon that was published in The Oregonian in May 1906. “Every retailer can get 25 votes. Besides his employes [sic], he has his grocer, his landlord, his laundryman, and every person he does business with. If every man in the business will do this we will win.”

The suffrage movement’s close ties to the temperance movement were the source of this fear. While not entirely unfounded, there is little to suggest this opposition was worth the effort.

Suffragette Lucia Ames Mead stated in an op-ed piece that members of the liquor dealers association donated a quarter of a million dollars to defeat the bill in 1906. “[Saloon men] recently remarked that if they 16

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

OREGON HISTORICAL SOCIETY

PARTY LIKE IT’S 1934 BUSTED: A Portland policeman with two detectives or county officials beside a large stash of confiscated liquor.

“[PORTLAND] WAS THE CENTRAL POINT FOR DISTRIBUTION OF CANADIAN WHISKEY.” let the suffragists alone and attended strictly to their own affairs, they would be so much better [off ]” argued The Oregonian.

In a strange twist, some argued against women’s suffrage on the grounds there was no proof they would help pass Prohibition. (The turn of the 20th century was a weird time. See also: Oregon gubernatorial candidate George C. Brownell’s

SUFFRAGETTE CITY

“FOR COUNTLESS NUMBERS OF PERSONS, TODAY WILL BRING THEIR FIRST LEGAL HEADACHE ON NEW YEAR’S IN 16 YEARS.”

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS

and two uniformed officers arrested him, put 12 sacks of booze and five kegs into their automobile, then released him. He publicly accused the police of purloining his goods. Police Chief Nelson Johnson announced a thorough internal investigation.

Lundstet had disappeared

by Sept. 11.

In 1922, Portland junk dealer J. Leavitt bought a large number of empty liquor bottles from the police department. One bottle was filled with moonshine.

“For once in his life he figured he had driven a genuine bargain,” wrote The Oregonian. The police arrested Leavitt minutes after the sale and fined him $20. And the police got their moonshine back.

Throughout this period, Portland police became infamous for busting smuggling operations and confiscating liquor, which was taken to a storeroom never to be seen again.

Former gold dredger, mink farmer and Portland vice SALUD!: Celebrating the end of Prohibition. squad officer Floyd R. Marsh blew the whistle on the operplatform of prohibiting alcohol, letting women vote, exclud- and 1,100 cases of Scotch, gin and Champagne” after The Pes- ation when he released his memoir, Twenty Years a Soldier of Fortune, in 1976. ing “Asiatic workers, particularly Hindus,” and freedom of cawah crossed into Oregon waters. “[Portland] was the central point for distribution of speech and expression, presumably for non-Asians.)

“If I was off the coast with a cargo of liquor, and the Oregon ratified women’s suffrage in 1912. Two years whole Yankee fleet was in your waters, and I saw that I Canadian whiskey, and over $100,000 a month was paid later, it was a dry state, though drinkers could still bring in could save the life of one poor fisherman, I’d sail in and do out to officials of Multnomah County and the city of Portliquor purchased outside the state and consume it in the it again,” Capt. Robert Pamphlet of The Pescawah said at the land,” wrote J.D. Chandler and J.B. Fisher of Marsh’s revprivacy of their homes until 1916. trial a year later. “That’s the training of the sea, my boy.” elations in Portland on the Take. “Hundreds The entire crew went to prison. of speakeasies and beer or wine parlors were allowed to operate in the city, and RUMRUNNING—EXCEPT WITH WHISKEY. the profits were funneled into gambling DIY (DRINK IT YOURSELF).

As a port town with well-developed connections to the enterprises and prostitution. Business With the feds watching the coast, many industrious opium trade, Portland was an ideal place for liquor smugwas good.

Oregonians decided to make their own liquor. While there glers. Canadian ships loaded with hooch would come down “The Portland police seized liquor from are a wealth of entertaining stories about moonshiners in the coast, anchor safely in international waters, and sneak anyone who tried to compete.”

Portland—like Jim Carroll and “Jingling” Johnson, their bottles into the city. According to the blog OffbeatOregon. breaths reeking of whiskey, shouting at a police chief who com, Sauvie Island was often used as a landing spot. Police accused them of moonshining—the real white lightning PARTY LIKE IT’S 1934. knew what was happening but were powerless to do anymecca was to the east. thing while boats were in international waters.

Prohibition was “During Prohibition, the Oregon outback became the repealed in 1933 as poliThat led to some odd situations, such as the capture of Canadian schooner The Pescawah in 1925, which proved to principal [source] of bootleg whiskey on the West Coast,” ticians began to realize be one of the most successful and controversial liquor busts wrote historian David Braly in Tales From the Oregon Out- that Americans were back. “At a certain late hour of the night, the sky around still getting drunk, gangin state history.

The Pescawah sat in international waters when a storm Prineville would suddenly light up because of hundreds of sters were making bank, broke out. A nearby schooner, The Caoba, was caught in the stills being fired up at the same time.” and mysterious liquor Exploding stills and other problems were not uncom- clouds were floating over storm in the mouth of the Columbia River and wrecked. The crew of The Pescawah hurried over to help save The Caoba’s mon in this rugged land, but they were a small price to previously quiet towns.

11 sailors. The feds arrested these “six merry rum-runners pay for something that would get you drunk. And, just like Oregon created the Oretoday, Oregonians made liquor better than their coun- gon Liquor Control Comterparts in other states. mission to help regulate the “IT WILL TAKE In 1922, The Oregonian state’s newly re-legalized spirits. The Oregonian, acting in 50,000 VOTES praised Oregon distillers for its role as chief scold, believed that the cars and radios of TO DEFEAT improving the product: the new mechanized age rendered the old saloon obsolete.

“Good news for the bibu“The saloon cannot survive in its previous state today,” WOMAN lous! The quality of moon- the newspaper wrote. “It will appear in a new form. DoubtSUFFRAGE.” shine is growing better and less the new form will be objectionable and anti-social, —Brewers & Wholesale possibilities of paralysis, and if left unregulated it will be devastating, but not so Liquor Dealers Association blindness or instant death devastating as its ancestor in ante-prohibition days.” of Oregon from overindulgence are Alcohol was finally fully legalized on Jan. 1, 1934. decreasing.”

“Lusty Young 1934 Gets Hearty Toast,” proclaimed The Oregonian.

“For countless numbers of persons, today will bring POLICE AND THIEVES. their first legal headache on New Year’s in 16 years. DownGangsters in pinstriped suits and fur coats, speakeasies town streets were strewn with broken glass by those who with passwords, Al Capone dancing the Charleston—these played loose and fast with the new-found liberty. Arrests are the images that come to mind when we think of Prohi- for drunkenness totaled 40 by midnight.” bition. Making alcohol illegal mostly succeeded in making And so, Portland, time for a hearty toke to the end of bootleggers and rumrunners a pretty penny. In Portland, another beloved intoxicant’s inexplicable illegality. Let’s the police wanted their cut. This isn’t shocking. What is give marijuana a fete worthy of the end of prohibition. shocking as you skim through The Oregonian archives is Weed’s legal now. Even if that never stopped us in the past. how brazen the cops were about it.

If there are not at least 40 arrests for public intoxicaOn Sept. 2, 1917, “liquor importer” C. Lundstet was tion tonight, we’ll have let down our ancestors. accosted by harbor police while his steamer was docked Oh, and you don’t have to worry about a hangover.

Y: Oregon women join women from other states to march in the first in Portland.

By his account, three plainclothes officers national Woman Suffrage Procession in Washington, D.C., in 1913.

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PORTLAND OREGON CITY ESTACADA SALEM ALBANY

EAST PORTLAND

EUGENE PLEASANT HILL

WILLIAMS

APPLEGATE VALLEY

WALLOWAWHITMAN NATIONAL FOREST

KIKI WINTERS

GOBLE

DECEMBER 1847 OREGON CITY

The Legislature of the Territory of Oregon writes a letter to Congress announcing available rations for U.S. Navy ships looking to restock. The list includes breadstuffs, salt beef and pork, lumber and pitch, and then adds, “In connexion with this subject, it will be proper to mention that flax and hemp have been successfully cultivated in small quantities, and could be made articles of export, were encouragement offered.”

BEND

KLAMATH FALLS

POTLAND

SEPTEMBER 1872 EAST PORTLAND

Columbia Memorial in Astoria, and Rogue Valley Memorial in Medford. The marijuana is intended for research on the effects of THC in curbing nausea in cancer patients.

JULY 1998 BEND

BY WM. WILLARD GREENE willie@wweek.com

SEPTEMBER 1931 GOBLE

Paul Welter and Jose Flores are arrested by state police for growing two tons of “Indian hemp,” which The Oregonian calls “a Mexican weed with mild narcotic effects when smoked.” The plants are described as wellcultivated, and as tall as corn. Welter serves only 60 days of his sentence after claiming he didn’t know he’d been growing cannabis.

1935 SALEM:

PROHIBITION!

The great and awful change comes to Oregon. Oregon adopts the Uniform State Narcotic Drug Act, and the dark shadow of marijuana tradition falls across the land.

SUMMER OF ’69 PLEASANT HILL

Ken Kesey returns to his family home in Oregon after doing jail time for marijuana possession in California. Before submitting to authorities, Kesey tried to fake his own death and fled to Mexico to evade prosecution.

A starry-eyed young hustler named Cylvia Hayes gives up her dreams of operating a marijuana farm in Okanogan, Wash., and moves to Central Oregon. She would eventually become Oregon’s first lady. Never did get that pot farm going.

NOVEMBER 1998 SALEM

Voters approve Measure 67, which allows doctor-prescribed cannabis.

AUGUST 1970 ESTACADA

Fearing violent anti-war protests sparked by a visit from President Nixon, Gov. Tom McCall supports the only state-sponsored hippie music festival in U.S. history. An estimated 100,000 people attend Vortex I: The Biodegradable Festival of Life at Milo MacIver State Park, an event later referred to as “The Governor’s Pot Party.” McCall referred to it privately as political suicide, but he would win re-election handily.

AUGUST 1954 PORTLAND

JULY 2000 EUGENE

Oregon’s most influential pot activist, Jack Herer, dies after suffering a stroke during a rousing speech at the World Hemp Festival.

Herer, owner of the Hawthorne District’s Third Eye Shoppe (see page 21), authored the 1985 book The Emperor Wears No Clothes. The book, which sold 600,000 copies, identified the ultra-rich Hearst and du Pont families as the powers behind marijuana prohibition.

Police arrest 72-year-old Earl Bray on marijuana possession after a neighbor reports a brambled garden of weed. Bray claims the plants growing in his yard are actually Jerusalem artichokes. After confirmation from three botanists and The Oregonian’s garden reporter, the plants are confirmed as artichokes and Bray is exonerated.

MARCH 1972 ALBANY

A 38-year-old candidate for Oregon’s 8th House District named Vera Katz publicly supports the decriminalization of cannabis to avert creating “an entire generation of people with criminal records.” A year later, Oregon becomes the first state to decriminalize possession of marijuana.

JUNE 2011 WALLOWA-WHITMAN NATIONAL FOREST

FEBRUARY 1967 PORTLAND STATE UNIVERSITY

JUNE 1980 MEMORIAL COLISEUM

NOVEMBER 2014 STATEWIDE

LSD pioneer Timothy Leary lectures at Portland State, encouraging attendees to tune in, turn on and drop out. An undercover police officer reports an attendee asking Leary if he’d like to “butt some sticks,” which sounds like slang a cop would use. Police Chief Robert L. Steele, incensed at the flagrant advocacy of drug use, subsequently orders raids on blacklighted hippie enclaves in Southwest Portland. Fifty-two “Bohemians” are arrested and 8 kilos of weed are nabbed.

After jamming hard to “Fire on the Mountain” at a Grateful Dead concert, ex-Trail Blazer Bill Walton persuades a pilot to fly his plane into the smoking ruins of Mount St. Helens, which had erupted just weeks before. According to Walton, Air Force fighters were scrambled to shut the flight down.

The Oregonian’s “East Portland Matters” section announces three fresh 13-foot stalks of fully mature hemp available at the East Portland Dispensary, grown by Mr. Studdard.

SEPTEMBER 1879 PORTLAND

Hemp carpet goes on auction at the Great IXL Auction at First and Yamhill. Pioneer jackboots do not kick in the front door the following day.

OCTOBER 1898 PORTLAND

Vegetable fiber expert Felix Fremery assures growers: “The hemp industry in Oregon is going to be all right. We are not here with a scheme by which we would make money at the expense of the farmers’ unrewarded labor; we come with handfuls of money to assist them...and at the same time reap reward ourselves.” Portland banker Charles E. Ladd assures the growers their farming is assisting in the development of the country.

DECEMBER 1905 PORTLAND

Charles H. Weitz, manager of the Minnesota Hemp Company, proclaims Oregon hemp the most promising new industry to The Oregonian. Weitz predicts the “Eastern capitalists” he represents will establish a large hemp mill in Oregon within the year, employing several hundred workers.

AUGUST 1910 SALEM

An Oregon State Police SWAT team and the National Guard descend on an outdoor grow run by Mexican nationals in a remote corner of Wallowa County. The bust is the biggest in Oregon history, netting 91,000 plants.

Voters legalize marijuana by passing Measure 91.

DECEMBER 2014 WILLIAMS

Longtime outlaw growers meet to form the Oregon Sungrown Growers Guild. They express wariness over the loss of their “way of life.”

DECEMBER 1980 PORTLAND

The first packets of “marijuana cigarettes” are delivered to four Oregon hospitals: Providence and Good Samaritan in Portland,

B.P. (BEFORE PROHIBITION)

DECEMBER 2014 APPLEGATE VALLEY

Sugar Bob, a weed-eating pet deer, gains national notoriety.

Mrs. Juliet Montague Lord, wife of Oregon Supreme Court Justice William P. Lord, leads a small group of women in opening a modestly sized commercial hemp factory.

A fire quickly destroys the building, and another fire in the rebuilt works “put a stop to the enterprise and the enterprising women lost their money,” reports The Oregonian.

DECEMBER 1910 KLAMATH FALLS

The Oregonian trumpets “Oregon Hemp and Flex Best of All,” “Experiments Give Promise of New Industries That May Prove Profitable,” and “Big Future Predicted.”

Engineer Mr. Bosse of the Klamath Falls Improvement Company claims Oregon’s hemp fiber the finest in the world, proclaiming Oregon’s weed “equal to the best Italian.”

WM. WILLARD GREENE. Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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ALL PHOTOS BY COURTNEY THEIM

VINTAGE PORTLAND HEAD SHOPS

SILVER SPOON SMOKE SHOP

8521 SW Barbur Blvd., 245-0489. silverspoonpdx. com. 10 am-7 pm Monday-Saturday, 11 am-5 pm Sunday.

ESCAPED IOWA: Patty Collins opened her Portland head shop in 1976.

BY AMY WOLFE awolfe@wweek.com

If you wanted to buy a bong in Des Moines back in the 1970s, you went shopping for a waterbed.

“That was the fad back then,” says Patty Collins.

“All the waterbed people seemed to be selling a few pipes on the side.”

Collins and her husband, Don, were in the waterbed business until 1976, when they headed west, founding Portland’s now-oldest head shop, Pype’s Palace, on North Lombard Street. They’re still there after surviving two raids, Reagan’s drug war and massive changes to their adopted city. Patty served as the first female judge, then later as a celebrity judge, for High Times magazine’s Cannabis Cup. “Welcome to the Palace,” Patty says. For decades, every customer who has walked through the shop’s teal door in University Park has received the same greeting. Metal booms from the speakers, and you’ll find Patty standing behind the gigantic, glass showcases displaying wood, metal and glass pipes. The store overflows with handmade hemp products, golf discs, sage bundles and a wide array of tobacco products.

Portland was an obvious choice for the shop.

In the ’70s, the city was a uniquely tolerant place for a funky paraphernalia store like Pype’s Palace. In 1973, Oregon had become the first state to decriminalize marijuana—reducing pot possession to the level of a traffic-ticket violation—and enforcement was laid-back. “We lived upstairs, so we didn’t smoke in the store, but we would have the stairwell with six or seven people lined up going down there smoking,” Patty says. “I guess [it was] being able to be really lax and just have a lot of fun compared to the scared-ness in Iowa.”

For its first five years, Pype’s Palace didn’t have a phone. The store sold a variety of items aside from bongs, including cigars and tapestries. And then there was the name. The Y in Pype’s, which they pronounce “pip-ez,” made it easier to conduct transactions with banks and

conservative businesses without getting sideways, unsupportive glances.

“It’s spelled that way for two reasons: rednecks and the people who know us,” Patty says.

But Patty and Don still set ground rules to keep the shop running. So when the feds started cracking down on other head shops, they were able to stay in business. “We made a golden rule that we never would deal in the shop, because that was one thing that would get us closed down,” Patty says. “We never did, even though it would have been cool.”

To the Portland crowd, Pype’s was a mecca to discreetly buy paraphernalia. However, there were two instances when the government intervened. The shop was raided during Operation Green Merchant in 1989 and Operation Pipe Dreams in 2003. Operation Green Merchant was a nationwide investigation targeting businesses advertising horticultural equipment that was supposedly used to grow cannabis. Operation Pipe Dreams was a nationwide investigation targeting businesses selling drug paraphernalia, mostly marijuana pipes and bongs. Fearing the shop would be shut down, Pype’s had an “every pipe must go sale” after the 2003 bust.

In the following weeks, regulars showed up asking for pipes. They were turned away. That’s when something beautiful happened: Portlanders began to focus on making their own pipes.

“It really made the pipe industry grow to what it is today because individual people made something, brought it in, and I sold it for them,” Patty says. “So that one really backfired on the feds.”

Today, Pype’s Palace is serving its third generation of customers. “They’ll drive from clear across town to come here, because they know we’ll treat them right,” Patty says.

After playing by the rules for so long, the Collinses are hoping to finally “deal” weed out of the shop. Now that marijuana is legal, Patty says she is looking to obtain a license to sell marijuana along with the stash of paraphernalia.

“It’s been fun,” she says. “It’s still gonna be much fun.”

GO: Pype’s Palace, 4760 N Lombard St., 289-9298, pypes.com. 9 am-8 pm MondaySaturday, 9 am-5 pm Sunday.

In 1999, when Ben McEwan turned 18 and started working at his dad John’s Barbur Boulevard head shop, there was still a stigma associated with such businesses. “People didn’t even want to be seen walking in here,” he says. Customers parked down the street in fear their cars would be recognized.

Ben hopes marijuana legalization will welcome new customers to the 26-yearold, mom-and-pop shop—people who would previously have been fearful to share their recreational smoking habits. “A lot of our business is regulars,” Ben says.

“People who bought their first pipe still come in here.”

Silver Spoon’s family ties give it credibility among other head shop owners.

“There’s a lot of locally owned things in Portland, the little food carts and stuff.

We’re kind of like that,” Ben says. “A lot of people who grew up and lived here are about their town, and that’s how we are.

We’ve been here since day one, and we hope to be here a lot longer.”

THE STASH GIFT SHOP/82ND AVENUE TOBACCO & PIPE

The Stash Gift Shop, 17411 SE McLoughlin Blvd., Milwaukie, 654-9199, stashgifts.com. 9 am-10 pm Monday-Saturday, 11 am-7 pm, Sunday. 82nd Avenue Tobacco & Pipe, 400 SE 82nd Ave, 2559987, 82ave.com. 9 am-9 pm Monday-Saturday, 11 am-7 pm Sunday.

Linda Hood’s first business was an Idaho

Paul hung out there growing up.

“Probably when I was about 10 or 11 years old, there were four rules,” says Paul, who now owns and runs the store after the death of his father. “I either had to give back rubs, braid their hair, wash the counters or fold T-shirts, and I could stay. It’s funny because a lot of those employees are still good friends of mine.”

Paul Smalley now takes the same care with his employees, treating everyone like family. (They still braid each other’s hair.)

Head East’s interior is intricately designed and organized. You can find everything from household items to Rastafarian clothing. Smalley is devoted to stocking items outside the generic head-shop wares to keep his store up to date, including hammocks,

jewelry and figurines.

“I’ve brought in a lot of a new products,” he says. “I’ve really strived to keep up with the trends and eliminate certain things that I’ve felt weren’t necessarily head-shop material.”

Smalley attributes Head East’s success to his knowledgeable staff. One employee is a local glass blower who makes some of the pipes sold there. Smalley is excited about pot legalization, and is confident his shop can adapt to a changing market.

“July 1 is gonna be a day of celebration and freedom,” he says.

THE THIRD EYE SHOPPE

3950 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 232-3393, 3rdeyeshoppe.com. 10 am-9 pm Monday-Friday, 11 am-8 pm Saturday-Sunday.

record store she started with her thenhusband that also sold smoking accessories. When Tower Records arrived, the couple closed the record store and moved to Portland to open a smoke shop, the Stash Gift Shop, in 1980. The original Stash location was split between a smoke shop and a metalhead store called the Metal Shop. “We outfitted some of the ’80s rock-’n’-rollers.” Hood says.

The couple opened another Stash location in Milwaukie in 1983. Years later, after a divorce and renovation, the Portland location became 82nd Avenue Tobacco & Pipe. The store, a grandfatherly smoke shop, is well-appointed with a cigar lounge for customers, in addition to stocking glassware and bongs. The shop hosts monthly events featuring cigar rollers and business owners from around the world promoting their products. Hood refers to the shop as “a little oasis on 82nd.” It has a patio and gazebo, and is prominent in Portland’s cigar scene.

HEAD EAST

13250 SE Division St., 761-3777, headeastportland. com. 10 am-9 pm Monday-Saturday, 10 am-6 pm Sunday.

Robert Smalley’s first business venture was a convenience store called the Headquarters on Southeast 133rd Avenue and Division Street, next to a stand of lilac trees and the home where he raised his son, Paul. When the store closed in 1976, Smalley opened Head East head shop just a block down the road.

Third Eye’s opening day was July 1, 1987, so when recreational marijuana becomes legal in Oregon, the head shop will be celebrating its 28th birthday. This seems fitting, given its importance in local marijuana history. The shop was started by weed legend Jack Herer—author of landmark tome The Emperor Wears No Clothes, which outlines various uses for the cannabis plant—and business partner

“Captain” Ed Adair. “It’s a relic,” says Mark Herer, who took over the store from his father in 2001.

Third Eye began as a free-thinking, Grateful Dead-themed shop selling memorabilia on the first floor. One of the original managers, Carol Lee, introduced rocks, crystals and stones to be sold as merchandise, making the shop stand out from others. “It really adds a unique energy to the place,” Mark Herer says.

Another benefit is Third Eye’s location on bustling Hawthorne Boulevard, where customers regularly enter the store because of its laid-back atmosphere and hippie merchandise.

“Hawthorne is a super-unique place in the universe,” Herer says.

The community’s support has helped make Third Eye a destination head shop, a tradition Herer is proud to continue from his father. “I’ll often refer to it as the second-happiest place in the world next to Disneyland,” he says. AMY WOLFE.

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W W S TA F F

MARY ROMANO’S LAST DANCE

YES, SHE CAN: Madeline Martinez opened the nation’s first cannabis cafe.

BY LAUREN TERRY

violent or suicidal inmates and then plan what I’d make for my family’s dinner on the drive home from work. I quit school in the The name was supposed to be a joke.

11th grade because I saw I could educate myself in other ways. I When Madeline Martinez opened Portland’s World Famous ended up getting my GED with the inmates when I was working Cannabis Cafe in 2009, it was the first cafe in the United States at the prison.” where state-authorized medical marijuana cardholders could She used the same resourcefulness when she got involved socialize and safely medicate. The shop on Northeast Dekum in the medical marijuana conversation. Although Martinez Street spawned shock and awe in the community. Smokers and was executive director of the National Organization for the nonsmokers demanded to know whether she had asked permis- Reform of Marijuana Laws’ Oregon chapter when she opened sion from the right people. As word spread, USA Today, Democ- the World Famous Cannabis Cafe, she had to earn that respect. racy Now, and even Al Jazeera contacted her for interviews. More pointedly, she had to force people to take a Latina talking Before long, it really was World Famous. about weed seriously.

That created a lot of pressure for Martinez, who split from “It’s different now,” she says. “It can be great being brown her original business partner and opened a second version of in this era. When I went to City Council meetings and started the cafe on Southeast 82nd Avenue. That location grew until attending law conferences, I’d wear a poncho to look extra closing in June 2014, when the city required extensive seismic Mexicana. And you know what? That room of white people had improvements of the building and new laws banned patients nothing to do but shut up and listen to every word I had to say. I from medicating at the shop. call that utilizing reverse racism.”

“Third time’s a charm,” says Martinez, winking as she deftly Since opening the cafe, Martinez has been instrumental in flicks her salt-and-pepper hair behind her ear with a flawless legislative progress: She coined the helpful phrase “medical purple manicure. She can’t wait to start planning the grand delivery device” to describe a tool for consumption. She also reopening party later this summer. She loves to dance and have a founded the NORML Women’s Alliance, which provides women good time. A 64-year-old grandmother of six, she looks 20 years in the business an avenue to connect and support one another. younger, and her vibrant energy gives one the sense Now that Measure 91 is taking effect, and anyone she could do this all over again a fourth and fifth time, 21 and over can consume marijuana on private proptoo. She remembers the beginning of her endeavor “That room erty in Oregon, Martinez says it’s time for the World fondly, recalling the proud sense of legitimacy one Famous Cannabis Cafe to reopen. The fact that of white experienced as a medical patient. recreational shops won’t be open July 1 will make “In July 2009, the [Drug Enforcement Administra- people had social clubs like the cafe a welcome establishment tion] called off the dogs and said they’d leave licensed nothing for nonpatients to celebrate their new privilege. medical programs alone,” she says. “I saw an opportuThe new cafe will be on Southeast Foster Road, to do but nity for patients and caregivers to get together legally and Martinez is looking forward to making it the shut up and connect. I knew that if I paid for my card, I gained best version yet. Former cafe customers can expect the right to meet with other patients.” the reinstatement of stoner bingo during the day and listen She had the vision to see what was possible and (“Seniors love that—and they always giggle when the finesse to see it through—a combination that’s to every we call number 69,” Martinez says), standup comuncommon in any industry. edy, and live blues and funk on weekends. word I had Raised in East Los Angeles, Martinez gained a lot When I met with her, Martinez was still buzzing to say.” of her composure from her time working at a women’s from the excitement of receiving the keys from —Madeline correctional facility. her landlord.

“I’m used to crises,” she says. “I would deal with Martinez “I can’t wait to get a phone number,” she says. @laurenyterry

My name is Lauren Terry, and I’m one of the thousands of recent liberal arts college grads shocked to find themselves employed in the cannabis industry.

I never would have guessed that two years ago. After earning a literature degree, I fielded countless amused queries about what I expected to do with my education. So I took the first desk job I found after graduation, an administrative position in a cubicle.

That was the spring of 2013. About the same time, I got an Oregon a medical marijuana card for temporomandibular joint disorder. As it happened, I was getting in at the right time.

Since then, I’ve witnessed the boom of dispensaries, spent time working at a couple of them, and wrote for a Washington state pot magazine. The corporate cubicle job required me to conceal my identity when reviewing marijuana strains, but weed’s social status has risen faster than even THC content. I have gone from worrying that an association with pot would ruin any future career to accepting that in our post-prohibition world my stonerness is the most employable part about me.

I’m no expert, but as an OMMP patient, I am well aware of the adventures associated with buying high-quality, affordable product from a business you feel good about supporting.

I’ve visited upward of 50 medical dispensaries, trimmed my share of sticky nugs, and had the pleasure of getting to know dozens of growers, producers, processors and dispensary owners.

I know the disappointment of driving across town in the middle of the night, only to find that the 24-hour dispensary I had been looking for was closed down. I also know the excitement of discovering a spot that blends with your personality, and the rewarding friendship you develop with certain budtenders.

Under the alias Mary Romano, I wanted to share information and observations that are helpful to the average stoner. But, today, using a pen name contradicts my commitment to the industry I support, and which now supports me.

It’s surreal to think how much public sentiment has changed in the past two years. My guilt for not shaking the college-stoner phase has transformed to glowing pride. Smoking weed got my foot in the door of the publishing industry. Now with a weed-related job to pay the bills, a pen name isn’t necessary to protect my livelihood. Like many Oregonians, I have a cousin or two involved in an edible company, and my family has reached a point of nonplussed tolerance.

Thus, I say goodbye to Mary Romano, and come out of the cloud as a proud stoner.

—Lauren Terry Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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1. RECREATIONAL WEED

BY AARON MESH

amesh@wweek.com

Justice? Sure. But no peace.

Oregon’s long war against pot prohibition ends today. Voters legalized marijuana last November by voting for Measure 91, but we’re just starting the skirmishes over what legal weed will look like.

Salem legislators have settled a number of turf battles: Whether the labs that test weed’s potency have to answer to anybody (yes), whether out-of-state businesses can plant stakes here (no, but we’ll take their filthy money as an investment), and whether medical marijuana growers can keep growing unlimited gardens (not a chance).

The Legislature also managed—thanks to one dogged Republican from a town you’ve never visited—to provide a place for you to actually buy some weed. Sen. Ted Ferrioli (R-John Day) agitated a House-Senate committee into letting medical dispensaries sell any adult a quarter-ounce of pot starting Oct. 1.

But other questions are still up in the air.

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MEDICAL WEED

Letting medical pot dispensaries sell buds to everybody in October is only a temporary solution. In 2016, the Oregon Liquor Control Commission will start licensing recreational pot stores. Medical dispensary owners will be able to “flip” their locations into recreational outlets—but only if they agree to make every customer, including medical patients, pay a 17 percent sales tax.

“It’s a really hard decision,” says Meghan Walstatter of Pure Green Gardens, which is leaning recreational. “One of the things we’ve talked about is how to subsidize that tax on patients ourselves. Then we could still do both.”

2. LAWMAKERS

DABS AND EDIBLES

When you head to a dispensary in October to buy a quarter-ounce of nugs, you’ll get no brownies as an impulse buy. No cannabis ice cream. No wax or shatter.

The Legislature wants the OLCC to tighten the screws on purity- and potency-testing for edibles before it lets the public start Maureen Dowd-ing some candy. And regulators will be fretful about dabs, the super-concentrated hash oil with THC levels that crest above 70 percent.

That delay on dabs could have the unintended consequence of turning your stupider neighbors into bootleggers of volatile hash oil. “It doesn’t track,” says Matthew Goldberg, a Lake Oswego lawyer advising pot businesses.

“If you push people to make their own concentrates, they’re going to blow themselves up.”

RICO MACIAS-ZEPEDA

3. POT

HEMP

Weed was supposed to walk hand-in-hand into legality with its less-intoxicating, more-practical cousin, hemp. Hell, the official title of Measure 91 is the “Marijuana and Industrial Hemp Act.” But now the state’s fiercest weed advocates—the outdoor growers of Southern Oregon—want hemp farms halted. That’s because hemp, like a lot of Southern cousins, wants to breed.

The pot growers’ fear is that a stiff breeze could cause the new hemp crops to cross-pollinate with marijuana plants, lowering the THC content of established strains.

Last month, state lawmakers put hemp in a timeout, halting the planting of crops until 2017.

“The irony of the situation is that people who have been fighting for the end of cannabis prohibition have also been big supporters of hemp,” says Amy Margolis, a lawyer for Portland-area pot growers. “But it turns out we have not figured out how to make them coexist. And that’s going to take some serious work.”

4. WASHINGTON

BY CANNABIS NATION, INC. 15915 NW SCHENDEL AVE BEAVERTON, OR 503-430-5909 OPEN 10AM-8PM, 7 DAYS A WEEK

OREGON

The big losers in Oregon’s decision to let all adults buy weed in October? Pot stores in Vancouver, Wash.

Those four stores have the most sales in the state—even though Oregonians aren’t technically allowed to fetch it across state lines. (Wink, wink.) But Oregon pot is going to be different: It’ll be half the price—estimated at $9 a gram on average, compared to $20 in Vancouver. That’s thanks to lower state taxes.

Sen. Ginny Burdick (D-Portland) says the Oregon discount is intentional. “The real price war is between us and the black market,” she says. “How Washington fits in is far less important.”

But it’s important to Washington, whose lawmakers are crafting legislation to cut pot taxes. Begin, America’s first weed-price border war!

5. OREGON

BLOOMING DEALS

EASTERN OREGON

Remember Ted Ferrioli? He also offered a sop to the red-state counties of Eastern Oregon: a change to Measure 91 that would allow city councils and county boards to ban pot stores in any place where 55 percent of voters rejected legalization.

No county east of the Cascades voted for legal weed. Over the coming months, politicians in Eastern Oregon will, one by one, turn their counties “dry”—creating a second state that cannabis advocate Russ Belville has satirically dubbed “West Idaho.”

That means people who want to smoke in the desert will need to travel—or get creative. One possibility? Medical marijuana delivery fleets, trucking Portland pot to the sticks.

“There will be nothing out there,” says Goldberg. “You could potentially see an increase in patients in Eastern Oregon, if that becomes the easiest way to get it. That whole deal is very weird.”

CANNABIS NATION INC. OPENS FIRST WEEK OF JULY! 550 S ROOSEVELT DR SEASIDE, OREGON 97138 503-717-5565 OPEN 10AM-8PM, 7 DAYS A WEEK

FOLLOW US ON INSTAGRAM: CANNABISNATIONINC / FACEBOOK: BLOOMING DEALS LEAFLY: BLOOMING DEALS BY CANNABIS NATION

OPENING SOON IN GRESHAM, ON THE SE CORNER OF DIVISION AND BURNSIDE AT 1500 NE DIVISION, GRESHAM, OR 97030 Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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C H AY L E E B R O W N

KNOW YOUR TERPS

BY WM. WILLARD GREENE willie@wweek.com

PEPPER

CARYOPHYLLENE: Pungent, peppery and sweet.

Found in pepper, clove and cotton. This is the terpene that police dogs are trained to detect, which is the sort of thing people in Oregon had to worry about not very long ago. Caryophyllene is also a cannabinoid that activates our natural CB2 receptors, as opposed to THC, which activates our CB1 receptors. Researchers believe it may treat anxiety and depression, and is devoid of psychoactive effects.

EUCALYPTOL: Found in eucalyptus, bay leaves and tea tree oil. Broadens airways and aids in absorption of other terpenes. You know the refreshing feeling you get with cough drops?

That’s eucalyptol.

EUCALYPTUS

BY W M . W I L L A R D G R EE NE

willie@wweek.com

One of the advantages to having countless jars of wildly varied strain types is partakers no longer have to wait for underground growers to crossbreed the flighty head-spin of Green Crack with the breezy mood elevation and appetite stimulation of Blue Magoo. Following the grand traditions of tobacconists and vintners, you can now create your own exotic blends and name them after your dog or a Darryl Dawkins dunk or whatever.

Before we get started, we’re talking primarily about daytime strains here. You can mix heavy hitters like Dogwalker with Blueberry and a dash of Northern Lights, but you’ll be too asleep to enjoy the ride.

To assemble your own blend, you’ll need a quality herb grinder, a dispensary with a wide selection of strains (see page 33), and a knowledgeable budtender.

FIND A FOUNDATION. Build your blend around a workhorse strain, preferably with a solid baseline of long-lasting effects. You’ll also generally want to settle on strains that are widely available. Cinex, Blue Dream, Golden Goat and Sour Diesel are solid options. Your foundation will make up somewhere between one-third and half of your blend, so choose wisely.

BUILD ON THE BASE. Consider what your primary strain is missing. A creative jolt? Mood elevation? Cancer-fighting properties? The key to assembling a quality cannabis blend is utilizing the array of terpenes that combine with cannabinoids like THC and CBD to produce harmonious effects. High-end shops might provide batch-by-batch terpene analysis, and sharp budtenders can serve as guides, but you can also trust your nose in a pinch.

When in doubt, the better a flower smells, the more likely you will enjoy smoking it.

There are hundreds of terpenes present in cannabis in trace amounts, each with distinct aromas and effects. If you’ve got a decent nose, the major players aren’t difficult to learn.

EXPERIMENT. This is new ground, so feel free to try new things. Adding low to moderate doses of CBD-heavy strains can level out the anxiety brought on by too much THC, particularly in women. Look to add outlier strains, too.

Durban Poison, for instance, contains high amounts of the cannabinoid CBG, which has proved effective in treating inflamed bowels.

LIMONENE: Bright citrus notes. Limonene is linked to mood elevation, stress relief, and probably has cancer-fighting properties. Limonene appears in abundance in breezy strains like Jack Herer and Lemon Haze.

MYRCENE: The floral terpene primarily responsible for the scent of hops, myrcene serves as a sedative, painkiller, relaxant and anti-inflammatory.

The higher the myrcene level, the faster you’ll fall asleep.

LAVENDER

LINALOOL: Naturally occurring in lavender, rosewood and lilies, linalool provides anti-anxiety benefits with gentler sedation, making it a kind of myrcene light. Also, such an enjoyable word to say!

Linalool!

PINENE: You know that fresh-air feeling you get from hiking through a forest of pine and fir? That’s pinene, which is actively dilating your lungs. In cannabis, high levels of pinene bring about mental clarity and aid in memory formation, which effectively counteracts the short-term memory loss caused by THC.

PINE

HUMULENE: Woody and herbal in scent, like coriander, Humulene is also present in hops. It serves as a pain and appetite suppressant, and is also an anti-inflammatory linked with cancer-fighting properties.

DELTA 3 CARENE: The primary culprit of red eyes and cottonmouth.

GRIND IT altogether, store in an airtight jar, and smoke a pinch at a time.

TERPINEOL: Smells like citrus blossoms, and has been shown to decrease mobility in lab mice. This might be the source of your couch lock.

CITRUS Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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BY MARTIN CIZMAR AND TYLER HURST

You should buy a loose-leaf vaporizer. Maybe one of the four we review here, maybe something else. But you should experience the delights of these little electronic gadgets, which gently bake the intoxicating oils out of ground-up cannabis flower without singeing them enough to make smoke that damages your lungs and makes you cough. If we sound bullish about these four, it’s mostly because they’re all better than primitive, analog smoking devices.

For people who understand that Android devices function poorly compared to their Apple-made competitors, and also just kinda feel gross in your hand… PAX 2, $279, paxvapor.com.

The Pax 2 does for vaporizers what the iPod did for tunes. It’s that slick, that intuitive and that handy. This small, silver, aluminum tube—nearly identical in size to a switchblade—is the follow-up to the original Pax, which has moved a half-million units.

The PAX 2 is small, light and discreet. Just hold the tube to your mouth and inhale from the narrow slit on the edge of the black rubber atop the business end. We originally had trouble figuring out how to turn it off (just tap the single button on top again, duh) but once you’ve mastered the patterns of button-pressing to activate and to adjust the temperature, you really can’t find fault with this device.

For people with exceptionally tidy studio apartments filled with nice things; the minimalists and the perfectionists…

K-Vape Micro-DX, $200, kandypens.com.

The K-Vape Micro-DX from Kandy Pens is small and light—about the size of a fat Sharpie and lighter than an iPhone. And yet, for portable vaporizers, it also has a huge oven and far more control options than its competitors.

This unit’s largest-on-the-market oven (it holds more than a half-gram) doesn’t take many fills to give a good buzz. While not everyone loves the complexity of 80 temperature settings—from 350 to 430 degrees—pros will appreciate the ability to fine tune every sesh to that particular strain. Starting low and gradually increasing the temp also allowed for greater product utilization, giving us vaped herb with oh-so-close-to-burnt-black-butstill-brown leftovers.

It took us a few guesses to figure out that the on/off switch requires five presses within three seconds to activate, but it heats to 400-ish in a really quick 30 seconds, while remembering your last setting.

The unit itself is a matte plastic-y black, making it feel like that cool-ass flight-simulator joystick your geek friend who now works for Microsoft loved as a kid. The heating element is near the middle instead of the bot-

tom, allowing the K-Vape Micro-DX to stay no more than warm to the touch.

One problem: We can’t figure out how to clean the screen attached inside the mouthpiece. Alcohol soaking didn’t work. Replacements are available for $20 online, but a lifetime warranty isn’t all that impressive if you’re tied in to proprietary replacements.

For the thrifty and the perma-baked, a device you could use all day on the river and not get super-bummed if it accidentally gets doused… Zeus Smite, $104.53, torontovaporizer.ca.

Canada’s largest retailer of vaporizers has a new house brand, Zeus Smite, which retails for only $129…Canadian! As of press time, that works out to just $104.53 American, with free shipping to boot.

The Zeus Smite is a big-boy vape, about the size of a pack of cigarettes. There are slide-open compartments on top and bottom. The top one holds groundup flower—it’s a narrow, deep compartment, and you’ll need the little metal tool to manage it.

The bottom one holds a rubber mouthpiece that screws on to the top. With the mouthpiece on, the vape looks like a little walkietalkie. There’s only one button, which adjusts between three temperatures. On the highest setting, you can feel some heat radiating off the anodized aluminum case.

The big advantage of the Smite, beyond price, is the super-smooth draw and a battery that’s slow to charge through an old-fashioned AC adapter but has a long life, up to three hours in our experience.

For tobacco smokers and dabbers, plus people who keep a Leatherman on their keychain… V2 Pro Series 7, $150, vmrproducts.com.

Ever wanted to vape loose-leaf cannabis and tobacco juice on the same unit? Now, you can.

Yes, the V2 Series 7 allows you to ingest looseleaf cannabis, THC oil and good ol’ nicotine. All you do is pop in a different cartridge, which connects to the top with a gentle magnet. (A third attachment, which allows it to cook wax, is not yet available.)

That makes the Series 7 the most versatile loose-leaf-capable vape on the market.

The device is light and sleek—it handles like a light saber—and the battery will last through several switch-outs. The oven switches temperatures automatically based on the cartridge loaded, but it did seem to run a little hot on the loose-leaf, producing a harsher mist that normal.

The oven is also small—plan to refill if you’re going to be out for a while.

That’s not a deal-breaker for us given the versatility, but we’d prefer a different device for loose-leaf only.

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KENNETH HUEY

MOST COMMON WEED PROBLEMS

HYDROPONIC

BY ALLIE DONAHUE

adonahue@wweek.com

Gardening is no longer illegal. You can now grow up to four marijuana plants at home without going to jail. But growing smoke-grade weed is a hell of a lot more complicated than, say, that wilty stem of basil on your windowsill. That’s why there are things like the annual Cannabis Cup—coming soon to Portland, allegedly—where chemically precise, professional growers compete for the best bud. As for us, we sought out a guru.

I found Sean, head-shop employee, seasoned grower and all-around stoner who uses an alias to protect his identity—mostly out of old habit at this point.

“Weed is a weed,” Sean assures us. “If you plant it, it will grow.”

OUTDOORS The simplest way to grow cannabis is to throw it in next to your tomatoes.

Both plants are soft annuals, meaning they don’t survive the winter, and they do well with the same nutrients. Get seeds in the ground around April, and they’ll begin flowering and be ready for harvest in August or September. Was this July 1 legalization date a wicked government trick to bypass the growing season? Maybe, but you can retaliate: Little starter plants—clones—need only weeks in the ground before flowering. You could plop them in your yard now, although they can be tough to find except maybe on Craigslist.

You can find seeds for mail order all over the Internet, including at greenhouseseeds.nl and theseedsdepot.com.

Depending on the strain, 10 seeds will run you between $28 and almost $200.

Germinate them indoors by wrapping 30

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them in a damp paper towel and storing them in a plastic sandwich bag. When a tiny sprout emerges, transplant them to an egg carton filled with nutrient-rich soil. (Sean suggests Ocean Forest by FoxFarm, $8 a bag at Portland Nursery.)

Continue using your fertilizer when you move the plants outside. About two months after you plant your seeds, it’s time for the “sexing period.” Only female marijuana plants grow bud. “Males grow balls, females grow hairs,” says Sean.

Uproot all the guys.

Note that when you grow outdoors you’re at the mercy of the elements.

Your plants may get tough and spindly as they reach for the sun, so your bud may not be very tasty or potent. But it sure is easy.

INDOORS Indoors and outdoors are similar.

You’ll still want to germinate your seeds, weed out the males and feed your plants nutrients. But there are three main differences: First, you need a room to store your plants. A closet is probably your best bet; it will contain the marijuana smell, and you have better control over the small environment. Keep it a warm 70 to 75 degrees. Second, you need a pot with good drainage to hold your plants.

And third, you need grow lights. The basic deal with lights is this: Use fluorescent light and keep the top of your plant about a foot away from the bulb.

When your plants reach sexual maturity (between 6 inches and 2 feet tall), add more light (i.e., more bulbs), and start leaving your plants in blackout for 12 hours a day. This induces your plants to start flowering by simulating the shorter days of the fall harvest season. You can use any fluorescent bulbs you have lying around the house, but you’ll have your best luck with long, skinny T-5 bulbs with 54 or more watts.

In hydroponic systems, plants send roots through an inert growing medium (clay pellets for example) toward a liquid solution that is pumped with nutrients at timed intervals. This method can produce bigger and better buds in three-fourths the time it takes to grow in soil. But it requires money, advanced equipment, vigilant maintenance and a developed understanding of your plants’ cycles and needs. If you want to grow hydroponic, you’re going to have to seek information further afield than here. Try Portlandsterdam University, which offers cannabis classes ($75) every weekend (9123 SE St. Helens St., Clackamas, 788-2349, portlandsterdamuniversity.com).

This is a white fungus that grows on the leaves of the plant. Unfortunately, a good grow environment for your pot is also a good grow environment for powdery mildew. To get rid of it, spray your plant with a dilution of hydrogen peroxide and let it dry in front of a fan.

DRYING AND CURING No matter which grow method you use, here’s how to get from farmer to stoner. Snip your plant free of its roots.

Clip off the sun leaves—the bigger leaves without crystals. These contain CBD (cannabidiol), the chemical in marijuana that relieves aches and pains without getting you stoned. Throw them in a smoothie or something. Wrap the rest of the plant in newspaper and hang it upside down to dry for about a week. When the plant no longer bends, but snaps, this step is over. You can stop here if you want. Or you can move on to curing, which Sean describes as the plant “infusing itself with its own flavor.” Put the bud in a sealed glass container. Open the jar once a day to let out excess moisture. In about a month, your bud is ready for the bowl.

Willamette Week is holding an office grow-off using different methods—outdoors, indoors, hydroponic—so check in at wweek.com/weedgrowoff in the coming weeks to follow our progress.

This water-borne disease results from poor drainage or overwatering. Wilting is a common symptom. There are cures, like RootShield ($100 online), but they only slow things down.

Instead, cut your losses. “I’ve never been able to find a method for cleaning root rot,” says Sean.

“Such a brutal one.”

These are more common indoors and are usually caused by unsanitary growing conditions. You can identify them by counting their legs: Mites have eight while insects have six.

The first step is to blast them off with water. If that doesn’t work, try an organic miticide like pyrethrin (about $20 at Portland Nursery).

RICO MACIAS-ZEPEDA

SECOND LOCATION COMING SOON IN SCAPPOOSE SEVEN DAYS A WEEK 11am – 7pm

BY TE D JA M I S O N

243-2122

Drug tests are the worst kinds of test. You can’t study for them, there’s only one question, and if you fail you’re out of a job.

Ever since our good pal Ronald Reagan helped implement Executive Order 12564 for a drug-free federal workplace in 1986, drug testing has remained both a much-used (if somewhat dubious) tool for employers and part of a dragnet in the ongoing war on drugs. Many employees, understandably, are a bit more worried about their own privacy—especially medical marijuana patients who would rather keep their jobs and the sanctity of their medical records.

To make matters worse, the test probably has nothing to do with whether or not you get high at work. As the U.S. Department of Labor states, “Drug testing does not test for impairment or whether a person’s behavior is, or was, impacted by drugs.” Instead, “it detects and measures use of a particular drug within the previous few days and has become the de facto evidence of current use” of said drug.

Washington state DUII legislation aside, there’s no universally accepted standard for testing THC impairment, and the reasons for using cannabis vary widely enough that an employee may be prescribed the drug to treat injuries or anxieties caused by their job—the very same job that would fire an employee caught with THC in their system.

But if weed is now legal, maybe THC testing policies will change, since THC is no longer evidence that you’ve broken the law.

Don’t get too excited. According to the Oregon Bureau of Labor and Industries, private companies still have full control over whether

they drug-test employees and job applicants.

We asked some of Oregon’s biggest employers whether they would change their testing policies.

Media relations and human resources reps from TriMet, Oregon Health & Science University, General Electric, Harry & David, and Northwest Natural assured us they will continue to test for THC regardless of legalization. Why? Primarily because these large-scale employers wish to continue to comply with federal law (Thanks Nixon and Reagan!)

Still more companies responded with a resounding “no comment,” including Intel, Fred Meyer, Airbnb, Schnitzer Steel and Nike (though a customer service rep at Nike said the company probably will continue to test.)

But never say never. Some large companies have let in a few rays of hope. “We anticipate no changes to our existing drug policies,” says Bob Speltz of StanCorp Financial Group, “but I think we’ll both be alive to see changes happen there.”

At Columbia Sportswear, an HR rep told us, “It will depend on the job you’re applying for and the recruiter who oversees the position.” We’ll call that a mild wiggle from Columbia.

Although it will continue to test for THC, Leatherman was the only company to cop to the clunky inaccuracy of current drug tests. “We’re not going to change our policy because there’s not a reliable test for immediate impairment,” says spokeswoman Kitri McGuire. “That is our main concern. If something is developed to make it possible to know that, then yes, our policy would likely change.”

So, yes, smoking weed is legal. And, yes, THC and CBD have for decades been considered legitimate palliative drugs in this state, prescribable for ailments from leukemia to joint pain. But when it comes to working at Oregon’s largest and most profitable companies, you’re still going to be stuck peeing into a cup while nervously counting back the days since your last totally legal, state-taxed puff. Freedom ain’t free, I guess.

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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- recreational

COURTESY OF THE CANNABIS CORNER

problem. Last year, the city manager used dwindling cash reserves to form a public development authority that could apply for one of Skamania County’s two state-issued marijuana sales licenses and build this blue metal shack on the edge of town. It opened in March, an occasion marked by a “grand opening” banner hung between two concrete pylons off the Evergreen Highway and visits from NPR, Al Jazeera and Bloomberg News. Inside the shop—it’s got a gravel parking lot and a green velvet rope at the entrance—things seem to be going well. It had $15 gram bags from three Washington producers and some of the friendliest and most chill city employees you’ll ever encounter.

MAJOR E. SKINNER.

Cannabis Country Store

the cannabis corner

Alberta Green House 1313 NE Alberta St., 954-3900, thealbertagreenhousedispensary.com.

A charming little bungalow in the heart of the Alberta Arts District, with plenty of flower and shatter, and an absolute wealth of truffles, ginger snaps and candy.

one employee said. Blue Sky plans to host a vendors’ market on weekends for companies to pitch their products and network (no consumption). The dispensary carries reliable growers and such products as Dr. Vert flower, Canna Refinery shatter, and Grön chocolates. Check Blue Sky’s Leafly for sales like $10 clones and $17 concentrates. LAUREN TERRY.

Americanna Rx

Bridge City Collective

8654 NE Sandy Blvd., 971-254-4581, americannarx.com.

Despite the website name accidentally spelling out “American Narx,” this shop will be high in utility for the Parkrose crowd—24 hours, with a huge selection of flower and shatter, plus plenty of Lady Greens treats and Lean Back Sizurp.

4312 N Williams Ave., 384-2955, bridgecitycollective.com.

Portland is different from other cities in part because of how we treat each other. The staff members at Bridge City Collective embody that ethos: They’re self-aware and chill, and make an effort to speed up transactions when you’re in a rush. The inventory is meager compared to other spots that pack their shelves with brownies from every Tom, Dick and Mary. But what Bridge City does have is quality and an emphasis on uncommon products and strains, like Dr. Who, Grandpa Larry, and Where’s My Bike?—which feels a lot like how it sounds. BCC stands out for its loyalty and recycling programs, the latter offering credit to patients who remember to round up the sea of plastic containers that develops after a few visits. You can follow one of their famed budtenders on Instagram at @SheSmokesJoints.

She has attracted over 100,000 followers with her impressive smoke-ring skills. LAUREN TERRY.

Bloom 2637 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 444-7538, bloomportland.com.

Bloom streamlines the buying process by offering prepackaged and weighed canisters of leaf. Roving budtenders walk patients through their selections in a half-unfinished, half-bougie space that looks like somebody placed a dentist’s waiting room inside an Urban Outfitters. Receptionists pull double-duty as stock retrievers and cashiers behind a glass window sturdier than you’d find in many Portland banks. The measures may seem draconian until you consider that security is a very real problem for an industry still an arm’s length from legality in the rest of the country. There are a number of visionary shops out there to get excited about, but it’s the practicalities of how this industry is run that will ultimately decide who thrives and who goes under.

WM. WILLARD GREENE.

Blue Sky Portland 729 SE Powell Blvd., 971-319-6298, blueskyofportland.com. Cash only.

A fresh spot at the east end of the Ross Island Bridge, Blue Sky catches your eye with a pavement-to-roof depiction of the Portland skyline across the outside of its massive building. Within, the new dispensary is another example of the luxury spa aesthetic, with a reception area flanked by a colorful aloe planter, and wispy air plants and orchids welcoming you into the cool, calm space. The layout of products is similar to recreational shops in Washington: Strains are arranged by grower rather than effects. “Like domestic vineyards,”

Brooklyn Holding Company 1436 SE Powell Blvd., 477-8380, brooklynholdingcompany.com.

Shops have advanced past Grateful Dead tapestries and Marley on the radio, but most modern layouts still end up resembling Stumptown Roasters knockoffs. Not so with Brooklyn Holding Company, Oregon’s first themed dispensary. Before your head fills with visions of Critter Country, the decadent Prohibition-era apothecary was assembled lovingly by a host of tradesmen. With iridescent damask wallpaper, gold-leaf trim framing the shelves of stock, handdrawn cannabis leaves, and a soundtrack that could end an episode of Boardwalk Empire, BHC’s attention to detail stands out. LAUREN TERRY.

Brothers Cannabis Club 3609 SE Division St., 894-8001, bcc503.com.

Brothers is a patient-owned medical shop with a heavy focus on health

and wellness, right down to recipe sharing and treatises on naturopathic medicine.

Buckman Cannabis 128 SE 12th Ave., 462-7220.

Buckman is a brand-new shop open since late 2014, with consistent $99-per-ounce specials, including their house Buckman Diesel strain.

Calyxes 7501 SW Capitol Highway, Suite A, 889-0682. Cash only.

You may have noticed “Clean Green Certification” stickers appearing around town on a few jars of flower or particular concentrates. An organic verification program out of California, it’s the most comprehensive option available to certify the eco-friendliness, freedom from chemicals and sound business practices of West Coast dispensaries, processors and growers. Well, Calyxes is the first dispensary in the state to be 100 percent Clean Green Certified, from its interior operations, to the farms growing the flower, to the processors making the concentrate. Resembling a spa that would provide services that even the average Portlander couldn’t pronounce, the furniture and display cases are all gleaming wood and slate-colored granite. Stunning woodblock prints set a serene mood in the waiting area, and the concentrate case of more than 20 solventless hash slabs in artisanal clay dishes is worthy of a museum exhibit. All flower comes from the esteemed Green Bodhi Farms, and all the products are made from Green Bodhi flower. High-end glass pieces for sale are handmade by local artist Mark Lammi and Eugene’s Sky brand. But Calyxes doesn’t stop at Clean Green Certification: It intends to pay for dual testing on every product that hits its shelves. Although these certifications cost money, patients can expect affordable prices, starting at $8.50 a gram for flower, with clones for sale to boot. LAUREN TERRY.

The Cannabis Corner 484 Evergreen Drive, North Bonneville, Wash., 509-427-4393, thecannabiscorner.org.

The world’s first city-owned weed store, this no-frills shed in the wilds of North Bonneville, which sits across the river from Cascade Locks, is a bold gambit by a city with a cash-flow

1910 W Main St., Battle Ground, Wash., 360-723-0073, cannabiscountrystore.com.

If Battle Ground’s new Cannabis Country Store sold John Deere tractors, it would be perfect. Even without the farm gear, walking into this recreational pot shop in exurban Washington is something like walking through the tunnel that divides Disneyland’s Frontierland from Main Street, U.S.A. Outside, a sign that’s styled like an old corner saloon’s tips you off to the country-store theme.

But inside it’s amazing how much this shop has done to continue the theme, from the moment you get your head through the door and are asked to “make yourself at home” by a clerk with what seems to be a semiauthentic country accent. The large room is done up in classic Wild West style, with wood paneling, comfy red couches and a little Toby Keith on the stereo. This Country Store has 60-plus strains in stock, plus edibles, tinctures and a wide selection of glass paraphernalia in jewelry cases. Like other shops in the newly competitive recreational weed scene, it runs street-price specials, like $10 grams of Agrijuana’s OG Kush. Constructive criticism? The place needs more deer heads. TED LANAHAN.

Canna Daddy’s Wellness Center 16955 SE Division St., 971-279-4932, canna-daddys.com.

Canna Daddy’s is, to our knowledge, the only dispensary to have hosted both a 4/20 barbecue and a rap battle royale, with a selection strong on concentrates and hybrid flower.

Cannababes 4730 N Lombard St., instagram.com/ cannababes_pdx.

In a town where Walmart is more taboo than strip clubs, it was only a matter of time before the Bikini Barista business model affected the medicinal marijuana world.

Cannababes is finding giggly wiggle room where it can, sharing Instagram moments of playful spanks in short skirts and nearly transparent leggings. Inside the cozy budroom, the titular ’Babes shuffle on heeled boots, and while they may lack for strain knowledge, they’re very friendly. The shop carries renowned vendors such as Mad Farmaceuticals and Doobie Farms. In another moment of professionalism, the strains’ test results can be found in binders at the front for patients’ perusal. Less fortunately, a tip jar reading “Tip if you think we’re sexy” can be found next to a fuller tip jar reading, “Tip if you think you’re sexy.” LAUREN TERRY.

Cannabliss & Co. 1917 SE 7th Ave., 719-4338; 2231 W Burnside St.; cannablissandco.com.

This veteran Southeast dispensary is known for its unique location in an old fire station, which has graffiti-covered walls inside. It was also the former home to a marijuana farmers market that gained some notoriety, providing a gathering place for growers to connect with patients. The farmers market ended after stiffer regulations were enacted, but the dispensary plowed ahead, continuing to provide an affordable range of products.

Conveniences like stamp cards for perks sweeten the experience, and the dispensary regularly has at least 20 to 30 strains on shelves. Cannabliss & Co. has expanded to the westside with a location on Burnside Street, where it offers cool graffiti pieces made by a vendor. Both branches carry a wide variety of flower, including strains from exclusive, small-batch growers.

There’s a decent selection of edibles, but head to the eastside location for its “oil field,” an epic menu of 56 concentrates. Got a dinner party planned with fellow OMMP patients? Call in and order a bud flight. It’s $85 for 10 flower samples, one gram apiece.

LAUREN TERRY.

Club Sky High 8957 N Lombard St., 719-5801, clubskyhigh.net.

A St. Johns shop that sells clones of OG Kush, Train Wreck and White Russian alongside a balanced selection of indica, hybrid and sativa.

Collective Awakenings 2823 NE Sandy Blvd., 206-7090.

One of Portland’s first dispensaries, Collective Awakenings’ yellow and green sunrise has become a bit of a landmark on the dispensary-heavy stretch of Northeast Sandy—or as one of the owners put it, “The Green Mile.” Whether or not you have an OMMP card, the lobby is well worth a visit. Last year’s renovation included a tree made of reclaimed wood that stretches to the roof and spreads its branches across the ceiling. A custombuilt bench holds a five-star terrarium for the dispensary’s pet, an Australian bearded dragon named Gary. Every inch of the place, from the carved wooden benches to the wrought iron entry, was made by local artists out of sustainable materials. Particularly proud of its accessibility for the disabled, Collective Awakenings has point-of-sale areas designed for wheelchair use. Partitions between each point of sale offer the same level of privacy you’d get at a bank or pharmacy. The owners and budtenders are warm and knowledgeable.

About 20 strains are available on any given day, priced $6 to $12. There’s a wide range of products, including dependable brands like Elbe’s Edibles and Empower Oil. LAUREN TERRY.

Divine Kind 8601 SW Terwilliger Blvd., 889-0929.

1133 SE 82nd Ave., 971-407-3120. divine-kind.com.

The budtenders at Divine Kind are called “patient care representatives.”

This is the place you’ll send your mature relatives and friends who want a professional experience when they shop for medicine. With a private parking lot, lots of natural light in every room, and a no-nonsense glass display counter, this is the destination for grown-up stoners. Don’t worry, though: The psychedelic art provided CONT. on page 35

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PORTLAND CHAPTER FOR WOMEN GROW INVITES YOU TO OUR UPCOMING SUMMER EVENTS!

JULY SIGNATURE NETWORKING EVENT

- JULY 9TH -

AUGUST SIGNATURE NETWORKING EVENT

- AUGUST 6TH -

http://www.eventbrite.com/e/women-grow-portlandchapter-july-event-tickets-17246550898?aff=ehomesaved

JULY MOMS MEET UP EVENT

AUGUST OUTDOOR SOCIAL EVENT

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/women-grow-momsmeet-up-playdate-in-the-park-tickets-17245961134

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/women-grow-portlandchapter-summer-social-tickets-17246580988

- JULY 12TH -

- AUGUST 14TH -

TEXT “WGPDX” TO 420420 FOR UPDATES AND ALL OF OUR EVENT INFO! Portland Chapter co-chairs, Leah Maurer and Sara Batterby, at the Portland Women Grow launch event on May 7, 2015.

Join our Portland Chapter-Women Grow Facebook group to stay up to date on all of our upcoming events and activities! https://www.facebook.com/groups/1409679366007106/

THE PORTLAND CHAPTER OF WOMEN GROW WOULD LIKE TO GIVE A HUGE THANKS TO ALL OF OUR SPONSORS New Approach Bookkeeping The Weed Blog Cascadia Labs Hifi Farms Fresh Buds Dispensary

34

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

Larkins-Vacura LLC True North Extracts Green Haus Medical Marijuana Card Barlow Road Farms

Emerge Law Group Services Clinic Duff-Johnson Consulting Green Leaf Labs

CanaVend Cannacea 5th LMNT MRX Labs

COURTESY OF FIVE ZERO TREES

by a patient keeps the atmosphere warm and familiar. The two locations have near-identical inventories, but head to the eastside for wilder edible options like a microwaveable pizza.

It’s a simple, efficient selection of 20 or so strains and a handful of other products, but the producers are all renowned names of consistent quality.

Nelson and Company Organics flower is available, as well as 1859 concentrates and Lunchbox Alchemy edibles/crumble. Divine Kind offers one of the few student discounts in town, as well as a 10 percent discount on any item during the daily happy hour. LAUREN TERRY

Flint

Exodus 16211 SE Powell Blvd., 971-242-8079, exoduswellnesscenter.com.

A members-only OMMP club and dispensary with a big-screen TV for movies, games, NASCAR and MMA watching.

Farma 916 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 206-4357, farmapdx.com.

Farma is the cutting edge of marijuana as medicine. The shop pairs neatly appointed modern décor with a vast menu carefully curated to engage a variety of ailments and tastes. But as the name implies, Farma’s focus is patient care—symbolized by a green medical cross on its wall. The dispensary’s greatest asset is probably Jeremy Plumb, a bundle of frenetic energy and cannabis knowledge who bred one of Portland’s most popular strains (Cinex) and is currently learning to play the plant’s effects like a violin. The process of buying and shopping at Farma can be intimidating to newcomers, in part because there is so much information to learn. But the staff’s enthu-

five zero trees siasm at guiding patients through the medicinal process, paired with a proprietary classification system that is leaps ahead of the standard indica/sativa/hybrid delineations, establishes Farma as one of the nation’s gleaming visionaries for what medical marijuana could be. Bonus points for having a storefront along Portland’s original cannabis corridor.

WM WILLARD GREENE.

Five Zero Trees 10209 SE Division St., No. 100, 971-242-8492, fivezerotrees.com.

Cash only.

A favorite of the younger demographic, this dispensary caters to snowboarders on the way to the mountain, and skaters headed home from the park. The staff is thoroughly knowledgeable and super

chill; you’ll never feel uncomfortable sharing a stony anecdote. It’s a safe space for those who miss those good times on your dealer’s couch, swapping injury stories from tricks gone wrong and mosh pits gone right. The wood-paneled interior is divided into the budroom, glass room and clone room, each with a massive selection designed for the small spaces. At least 40 concentrate options are available, next to a similarly impressive number of flower strains. The Five Zero Trees farm grows some of the best in-house flower in town, and the dispensary maintains high standards when accepting additional growers as vendors. Flower pricing reflects the quality, ranging from $10 to $12 a gram. Don’t miss out on the Five Zero Trees Northern Lights when it’s in stock. It’s the next best thing to the real deal. LAUREN TERRY.

2725 N Ainsworth St., 289-1676, flintsupply.com. Cash only.

Walking into Flint is what I imagine it will feel like shopping on the Oregon Coast in 80 years, when global warming turns Astoria into Santa Cruz. Inspired by the perfect pairing of weed-smoking and camping, the design is both minimalist and outdoorsy, and the shop is run out of a house in a quiet neighborhood. Like an artisan market, a wide, low wooden table serves as a point-of-sale station, and there are luxury camping goods available that could be found on the shelves of Solabee. The flower is decent, with about 15 to 20 strains in stock. The selection of concentrates and edibles is small, but high-end. Leif Medicinals truffles and the Hersheylike Toro Bar chocolates are among current vendors. The boutique-style menu may not be as thick as others, but one can expect consistent quality, both in product and customer service.

If you needed further incentive for a second visit, Flint reimburses 2 grams of flower if you post a review on Leafly. LAUREN TERRY.

Fresh Buds PDX 110 SE Main St., Suite C, 477-4261.

Formerly Flora Portland, and Patient Resource Collective before that, Fresh Buds PDX has been made over by new management, which has wisely kept the same knowledgeable budtenders at the counter. The renovation made a splash at a grand opening this spring, and the dispensary has maintained a festive atmosphere by throwing an occasional party, most recently sponsored by Koi Fusion. Any makeover could affect regular clientele, but the inventory has improved. There’s twice as many strains as before, and a far better selection of edibles, concentrates and topicals. Recognizable

brands like NW Kind and Delta 9 Confections (producers of medicated muddy buddies) are available, as well as good ol’ Beems cookies that Flora always stocked. In addition to the refreshed menu, the new specials are worth checking out on Leafly.

Fresh Buds PDX frequently has buyone, get-one-free edible specials and premium flower for $100 an ounce.

LAUREN TERRY.

Front Avenue Medicinals 823 SW Naito Parkway, 971-279-5544, cascademedicinals.com.

As the westside’s only 24-hour medicinal spot, Front Avenue Medicinals didn’t have to provide a massive selection in order to get business, but it went above and beyond filling the shelves of the spacious budroom. And though the fivetiered price range covers a significant scope in quality, the top-shelf buds are definitely premium: The Liberty Bell flower was one of the most sparkly, kiefy nugs I’ve ever had the pleasure to grind up. A wide variety of concentrates and edibles fill cases on the opposite side of the room, not to mention regular candy for sale if you come down with a sweet tooth on a non-edible-friendly day. Also worth mentioning: Front is one of the only places in town with a restroom for patients’ use. LAUREN TERRY.

Gräs 621 SE 7th Ave., 477-4580, grasdispensary.com. Cash only.

This new spot is family-owned and -operated, and the friendly, welcoming space is quickly establishing itself as one of Portland’s finer medical dispensaries. The tightknit crew of employees makes one-on-one attention a priority, customizing patients’ CONT. on page 36

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35

Card Services Clinic

kYLE kEY

Medical Marijuana We help qualified patients in Oregon and Washington get a medical marijuana card Check out our Dispensary, Marijuana Store & More behind the MMCS clinic.

4911 NE Sandy Blvd. • Portland, OR 503-384-WEED (9333) • mmcsclinic.com

twitter.com/MMCSClinic • facebook.com/MMCSClinic

shopping experience to fit their needs. On “Wheelin’ Wednesday,” there’s a 10 percent discount for anyone who arrives on board, bike, scooter or skates. There’s a generous 15 percent discount for veterans as well—all day, every day.

The dispensary intends to have a $100 ounce always on hand and is starting the business with stamp cards for patients to earn perks as they shop. Although the sparse walls indicate the store’s infancy, there’s a solid selection on the shelves: familiar concentrates like True North vape and Mad Farma, along with the latest products like Toasty’s cheese chips and Synergy transdermal THC-CBD patches.

Well over 20 strains are available, ranging from $5 to $12 a gram, with top-shelf local farms like High 5 and Sofresh in the mix. LAUREN TERRY.

Grateful Meds 7050 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 774-3699, gratefulmeds.com Right down to the silly pun, this little dispensary looks a bit like an old-school head shop, with T-shirts on the bottom shelf, but its belowthe-norm pricing on everything makes it an eminently useful stop.

Greeley Gallery 6512 N Greeley Ave., 889-0729, greeleygallerypdx.com.

Cash only.

When you pass through the front doors of Greeley Gallery, you’re transported from the shared parking lot with Plaid Pantry to an exotic boutique in the Japantown of the future.

Low lighting keeps the temperature down in the budroom, and adds to the gallerylike effect.

Orchids bloom in glass globes atop custom bamboo display cases that make the most out of the small space. The sample display exceeds recreational standards, showing a few buds of each strain in a clear jar with a sealed top that slides aside for smell checks.

The family-owned and operated shop carries in-house nugs from Trillium Farms, which has exclusive strains like New York Pineapple Diesel and Grand Master Chem, and most are also available in concentrate form. The flower is top-notch, without pesticides used from clone to flower.

Clones are for sale, and Trillium 36

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

flower is used for the concentrate menu, as well as a variety of edibles and baked goods. There’s a massive selection of medicated beverages as well as Canna Help candies. LAUREN TERRY.

The Green Front 6814 NE Glisan St., 252-0036, thegreenfront.org. 24 hours, daily.

It takes a special breed of dispensary to stay open as long as the Green Front. By proving itself to a growing clientele and developing a relationship of open communication with local law enforcement, it has established itself as the most reliable and welcoming late-night dispensary. The exterior green lights shine into the night like a Polaris for potheads, alerting them that medicine is near. Amid the familiar setting of Grateful Dead tapestries and punk band stickers are vintage pot propaganda and High Times issues in frames. It also sells non-marijuana products such as the popular HUF marijuana leaf socks. The Green Front also didn’t waste any time creating the first online pre-order system in the state. Holding inhouse strains and products from other vendors, the budtenders are all well-versed in their inventory and helpful with suggestions and guidance based on the patient’s tastes, any hour of the night. A super-affordable range of flower starts at $5. The edible and concentrate selection isn’t as large as the flower menu, but the dispensary earns major points for price-matching Mad Farma PHO and CO2 Company vape cartridges. LAUREN TERRY.

Green Oasis

4012 NE Cully Blvd., 971-407-3305; 1035 SE Tacoma St., 206-7266; portlandgreenoasis.com.

A two-dispensary chain, Green Oasis offers $25 specials on plant starts, an absolutely crazy selection of edibles and a free pre-roll if you recycle 10 bottles.

The Green Remedy 12447 SE Powell Blvd., 954-2991.

Veterans get premium bud here at a ridiculous $8 a gram—but every new customer gets a free joint.

Also check out their cool medicated Arnold Palmer, Lemon Aid or Strawberry Lemon Aid drinks.

there are a handful of edible and topical options, including Luminous Botanicals’ Cannabis Cure-All and Drip ice cream. Only a few concentrate options are available, but the high-quality shatter from House Flower at $15 a gram adds oomph to the oil menu. Something we can all look forward to, depending on the details of recreational laws, is a balcony adjacent to the budroom with a view of 23rd Avenue.

LAUREN TERRY.

The Herbery

GREENSKY COLLECTIVE

GreenSky Collective 4027 N Interstate Ave., 208-9775, greenskycollective.com.

Cash only.

GreenSky is a member of the league of newer dispensaries—the sort with painstaking curation and branding—with an aesthetic that is somewhere in between simplicity and millennial nostalgia. Outside, the sign is bright, tropical colors, with an emojilike owl symbol. Along the same lines, the reception area displays colorful portraits of marijuana activists through the ages, and white plaster animal busts stare at you from behind the desk. Inside the budroom, the mood drastically changes, with an innovative, rustic strain display and old-fashioned glass jars for the flower. In any case, the friendly service and variety of product is a welcome addition to the North Portland neighborhood along the MAX Yellow Line.

The décor will seem a little too fancy for some stoners, but know that all flower is $10 a gram, and the collective fields a down-toearth, knowledgeable team of budtenders. My favorite special is the “Weekend Wake & Bake,” which offers a free joint with any $30 purchase before 1 pm on weekends. GreenSky is a useful spot for those new to the dispensary scene or seeking less-potent medicine than the average product in the PDX market, with a wide selection of THC percentages below 20 percent and tasty low-dose edibles.

LAUREN TERRY.

Health Awareness Group 2312 NW Kearney St., 750-4594, healthawarenessgroup.com.

Cash only.

Soon to be renamed “The Oregon Weedery,” this Northwest neighborhood spot is one of the clearest examples of marijuana going mainstream. The line for Salt & Straw snakes around the opposite block, and the dispensary is located above a nail salon. You walk past a line of people getting pedicures, and the scent of high-acetone products follows you up the stairway into the cozy space. The atmosphere reminds one of a usedbook store, with Persian rugs and cushy chairs in the waiting room and striking abstract paintings on the walls. The selection is on the smaller side, with a dozen or so strains at $10 a gram. They carry in-house Happy Bud Farms—plus 7 Point Farms and a few others—and

212 NE 164th Ave., Suite 11, Vancouver, Wash., 360-841-7500, theherberynw.com.

The Herbery is located in a green and white plaza, catty-corner from an O’Reilly Auto Parts, Mary Jane’s House of Glass and—you can’t make this shit up—Blazzin Pizza. It’s everything you want in an ’80s carfocused shopping district. The store was even christened by Sir Mixa-Lot. Inside the Herbery, it’s not Apple Store or even average medical-dispensary chic. But it is clean and brightly lit, with three large jewelry cases holding the goodies and various mechanisms for their consumption, with bongs located on shelves above the cases. The budtenders work in pairs behind each case, ready to find the right bud for you. There’s a large strain selection—35 from eight growers when I visited—and it is indicaheavy, although the store has been shopping for more sativa. The stripmall effect is grounding upon exit.

You don’t feel like you just left somewhere interesting; it all seems very normal, like when you used to run out to RadioShack for batteries for that fucking wireless GameCube controller. TED LANAHAN.

High End Market Place 1906 Broadway St., Vancouver, Wash., 360-695-3612, highendmarketplace. com. Cash only.

Remember when you used to go to an old house in a run-down neighborhood to buy weed? There was a couch, a lazy dog, a big TV and, quite possibly, a Jimi Hendrix poster. Well, that’s a bygone world, so there’s something instantly nostalgic about Vancouver’s third shop, High End Market Place, which opened earlier this year. Situated in a century-old Craftsman just north of the downtown ’Couv, this little shop feels a lot like an old-school dealer’s house, except without the couches or video games or dog. The staff here is refreshingly jokey, and Jimi’s here, hanging by the fireplace. High End is in the Arnada neighborhood (Vancouver has neighborhoods!) on a relatively quiet street that has plenty of parking even if it’s not totally pedestrian-friendly (passing truck to me: “Get the fuck out of the street!”). It is right next to a lawyer’s office, Vancouver’s pre-eminent hipster dive bar, the Elbow Room, and a comic-book shop. It’s all very domestic, from the rhododendron bushes around the front porch to the wood-floored foyer, where there’s a desk and paintings of an owl and various woodland creatures on the walls. (Also, a really nice Jerry Garcia painting by a local artist—a Jerry Garcia painting so nice you’ll briefly consider whether you could hang a Jerry Garcia painting in your home.) The walls have been torn out on the ground floor, their shells forming see-through bookshelves that’ve been stocked with glass. The flower selection is relatively limited compared to other shops in the ’Couv— the cheapest offerings are three different strains from Bondi Farms for $15 a gram. The selection of edibles is larger and comes from three makers. Unlike a lot of shops, it has prepackaged goods on the counter for inspection, so you can

actually look over the leaves you’re buying to make sure they’re not all stems and seeds. Remember that?

MAJOR E. SKINNER.

Home Grown Apothecary 1937 NE Pacific St., 232-1716, homegrownapothecary.com.

Home Grown’s product is just that—home grown, not to mention all organic. The dispensary distinguishes itself by also offering noncannabis herbal remedies, not to mention 10 different $10-$20 clones.

Kaleafa 5232 SE Woodstock Blvd., 971-407-3208, kaleafa.com.

Kaleafa started in Oak Harbor, Wash., but is branching out in Oregon with a boasted 50 years combined cannabis-industry experience and an extensive selection across all varieties of THC delivery systems.

Kaya Shack

1719 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 954-2348, kayashack.com. Cash only.

Kaya Shack doesn’t lack for ambition. Its website casts a long-term vision of a national chain, carries funding from a Fort Lauderdalebased holding company, and its inaugural shop opened in prime real estate on the north end of Ladd’s Addition, well-sandwiched between 4-4-2 and Devil’s Dill and open late for stoned convenience.

The list of what Kaya does lack in pursuing those lofty goals is considerably longer. Their company logo is a teetering clip-art house with an orange rectangle window.

The interior layout is cobbled and queasily lit. The walls are festooned with posters featuring such vague faux-hippie positivities as “Never Throw Away a Chance to Say I Love You,” “Don’t Be Eye Candy, Be Soul Food” and “It’s a Good Day to Have a Good Day.” Strain selection is serviceable, running a gamut of well-known standards, but bud quality isn’t anything special. Also, it’s a good idea to bring cash, since the nearest ATM is a few blocks away. Look, you’re free to make your own decisions, but this seems like a good time to point out that the city’s finest dispensary, Farma, is also a few blocks away. Maybe just head there?

Kind Heart Collective 8217 N Denver Ave., 512-6136, kindheartcollective.com.

Cash only.

This is a classic stoner’s dispensary. No frills, no branding: just some chill dudes transferring some fire nugs. There are thoughtful perks like a couple quarter candy machines in the reception area, and in case you need any supplies to consume it, Kind Heart happens to be adjacent to Smoke It Up, a head shop. After celebrating its first birthday, Kind Heart officially became a fixture of the Kenton neighborhood. Random prints from Pier 1 decorate the walls, but the significant clone selection is lush enough to give the room a comfortable glow. The store staffs the best kind of stoners—the ones who know what they’re doing. There’s a high-quality flower menu of 20 to 30 strains, all at $10 a gram. The budtenders can advise you which strains are fresh on the shelf and what may be worth your while that you haven’t tried yet. Though the edible and concentrate selections may not be as big, you can expect a few buzzed-about brands, like Dab Society Extracts, Cannatonic medicated lemonades, and H.E.M.P. CBD honey sticks. LAUREN TERRY. CONT. on page 40 Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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Way to go oregon!

The weed blog would like to thank the activists and organizations that came together to end the failed policy of marijuana prohibition in Oregon.

Adults can now consume the best weed in the country, because we all know Oregon has the best weed!

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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La Cannaisseur 10700 NW St. Helens Road, 285-0355, lacannaisseur.com.

A provider of flower, concentrates, F.E.C.O. oils, and salves and more, La Cannaisseur bills itself as a specialist in high-falutin’ exotic strains of the fine herb.

La Mota 7435 SE 52nd Ave.; 4999 NE 99th Ave., 777-9333; lamota.com.

Straight outta the Southern Oregon heart of weed production, Mota has its own concentrate line and prides itself on offering 25 different strains of flower at $100 an ounce.

Left Coast Connection 10055 NE Glisan St., 971-407-3049, leftcoastconnection.com.

Left Coast Connection offers— hold your breath—a $79 ounce at all times. This is a lovely policy.

Main Street Marijuana 2314 Main St., Vancouver, Wash., 360-828-7737, mainstmj.com. Cash only.

Main Street Marijuana sits behind a frosted-glass window on the leafy northern edge of ’Couvian downtown. Inside, you probably won’t even see the security guard until you’re leaving, since he’s perched behind the door. The back wall is graffitistyled, the light fixtures are from IKEA, and there’s a domesticated seating area with a leather couch and books—in other words, it looks just like your dealer’s house after his ladyfriend moved in. The menu is smaller than New Vansterdam’s, but there are more unusual strains, including a “historic first harvest” of Berry White from Life Gardens, which the budtender recommends.

The place seems busy with old people asking endless questions about vape pens, but the budtender says business is slow, and it only takes about five minutes to get an order, which comes in a baggie with your name on it, just like at Starbucks, and a complimentary bowl, because you can never have too many bowls.

MAJOR E. SKINNER.

Mt. Hood Wellness 2532 NE Broadway, 946-1142; 11121 SE Division St., 971-279-4116; mthoodwellness.com.

Along with its selection of flower, concentrates and run-of-the-mill edibles, Mt. Hood offers the ultimate in wake and bake: Kofi medicated coffee, at $6 a bottle.

Nectar

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3350 NE Sandy Blvd., 971-7034777; 1019 NE 122nd Ave., 971279-2512; 4125 N Mississippi Ave., 206-4818; The Pharm Shoppe, 10931 SW 53rd Ave., 477-8800; nectarpdx.com.

After acquiring the former Pharm Shoppe dispensary, the Nectar empire has grown into the largest chain of dispensaries in Portland.

The wide price range from $4 to $12 a gram across 50 or so strains has built a loyal patient base that followed wherever new branches opened, and Nectar is known for always having $99 ounces available. Although each branch holds a basically identical inventory, the Sandy Boulevard location operates as a sort of headquarters for the team. New products go there first before being distributed to the other outlets. The store carries a few unique brands, like Infinite Flower tincture, salves and edibles, plus Truly Pure vape

cartridges that are mixed with all-natural fruit terpenes. The different locations have adapted their aesthetics to each neighborhood’s vibe. The Sandy location is in the I-84 corridor, where people are coming and going, so it’s a more straightforward operation with a focus on speedy service.

In the middle of Mississippi’s main drag, the waiting room at the North Portland location is full of art for sale and delicate plant arrangements, creating more of an experience for tourists for when the stores can sell recreationally. LAUREN TERRY.

New Vansterdam 6515 E Mill Plain Blvd., Vancouver, Wash., 360-597-4739, newvansterdam. com. Cash only.

New Vansterdam is situated next to Safeway and a Jackson Hewitt tax preparation office in a thoroughly suburban stretch of Vancouver. Inside, it smells like weed—well, like bong water—and there’s a security guard checking IDs before you can even get to the ATM. There are binders and iPad minis for perusing the dossiers on available strains. A couple from Seattle is impressed: “This is so nice compared to the ones up there. It’s way cleaner.” You don’t really need the iPad to go through the 200-plus-item menu since there’s also a handy binder at each station. A little plastic spice jar has been repurposed for smelling samples, which the budtenders say they try to switch out every week. After you pick a strain, you go into a third room where there’s a cash register, then over to another station where you hand over your receipt and get a brown paper bag with your weighed and packaged weed. Also check out their new PDX medical location at 4709 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway. MAJOR E. SKINNER.

One Draw Two 11711 NE Halsey St., 512-5114.

One Draw Two, along with being a dispensary with flower starting at $8 a gram, is a glass gallery, vape shop and tobacco and pipe shop, not to mention an occasional blues venue.

Oregon’s Finest 1327 NW Kearney St., 971-254-4765, ofmeds.com.

Rather than be written off as the snobby, expensive dispensary in the Pearl, Oregon’s Finest has continued to provide high-quality cannabis with options that make its $8-to-$14 grams more affordable, including discounted ounces after parking meters turn off.

The dispensary offers appetizers and unmedicated edible samples during First Thursday, and wild discounts on Black Friday and 4/20 had people in line hours before opening. Home to products by Sofresh and Ideal farms, the OF team follows an organic process that begins in the soil, and from there takes every step to grow award-winning buds. The huge selection of edibles, topicals, concentrates from house strains, and clones makes this spot a sort of super-center for most patients. One can also find extras like shirts depicting Jasper Hill Farms’ popular strain Killer Queen, and cool ink drawings by one of the store’s budtenders.

Another team member maintains a comprehensive blog on the OF website, cataloging a massive donation of CBD oil to patients without adequate funds, for instance. LAUREN TERRY.

DANIEL G COLE

ity—try Chillberry—and the location will make easy stops for tourists.

LAUREN TERRY.

Silver Stem 1926 NE 40th Ave., 208-2074.

Oh, this is indeed a flower shop, with an ever-on-demand $100 ounce. First-time patients can also score 20 percent off everything.

Thurman Street Collective NEW VANSTERDAM

Pacific Green

Portland Medicine Pot

710 NE Killingworth St., 971-242-8535.

They’ve got CBD dog treats. CBD dog treats! ’Nuff said.

5135 NW St. Helens Road, 2082454, portlandmedicinepot.com.

This dispensary is prety damn bare-bones on the outside, but within there are a wide range of deals on weed strains—the best of which is a 15% discount across the board each Thursday.

PDX TreeHouse Collective 2419 NE Sandy Blvd., 894-8774, pdxtreehouse.com. Cash only, ATM on site.

Situated in a triangle-shaped building underneath a billboard, PDX TreeHouse Collective’s drab exterior belies a treasure trove of edibles that always seem to appear here quicker than anywhere else.

The best-selling Lean Drank Sizurp, from Dirty Arm Farms, is almost always available. Its typical daily specials, range from buy-two-edibles-get-one-free on Mondays to complimentary pre-rolls every Friday, and its concentrates from a trusted core group of extractors seem to multiply every other visit.

It’s great at making new customers feel like regulars, as each time I stop by, each budtender is quick to ask how my previous purchases went and isn’t shy about recommending complementary products like its tasty White Fire flower. Also happy to share with and knowledgeable of other dispensaries, they expertly guided me to another dispensary to find the plant starts I had spent weeks searching for.

TYLER HURST.

Portland Extracts 2123 SE Division St., 719-4861, portlandextracts.com.

From the crew that operated Urban Collective on Northwest 21st Avenue until 2014’s additional legislation forced them to move, Portland Extracts is in the thick of Division Street’s newer, pedestrian-friendly stretch. You can look forward to familiar budtenders from those days, as well as a mix of reliable vendors. The larger space holds a broader inventory, and true to its name, Portland Extracts offers a huge selection of concentrates starting at $19 a gram.

Flower prices range from $6 to $10 a gram, and former customers from the Northwest Portland location will recognize strains like standouts Mango and Jillybean. The original plan was to have live extraction happening in an adjacent room to the dispensary, like a brewery with observation windows for the public. People would have been able to watch the process of flower being run through a system that extracts THC or CBD, resulting in gooey, super-potent oil. Although it would take several hours to see a full batch get produced, it’d be a bit like an open kitchen, or the windows onto a Dunkin’ Donuts bakery—a sign toward the probable expansive social marijuana scene in coming years. Rules forbidding the two businesses to take place in the same structure changed that, but it will be interesting to see what they do with the adjacent space.

Puddletown Organics 8201 SE Powell Blvd., 558-6321.

Puddletown promises that “when it rains, we’ve got strains.” But even in the summer, it has 15 strains of flower and an absolute world of both edibles and clones.

Pure Green 3738 NE Sandy Blvd., 971-242-8561, puregreenpdx.com.

In 1934, an unmarked shopfront titled Store No. 2 quietly opened its doors. The store, one of Oregon’s four original post-Prohibition OLCC outposts, was wedged between Sandy and Halsey and later retitled to Hollywood Liquors. Eighty years later, the shop is once again braving the waves of a newly relegal industry, helmed this time around by stalwart cannabis advocates Matt and Meghan Walstatter.

A year and a half on from opening, Pure Green remains one of the city’s best and most well-rounded dispensaries, staffed by expert ’tenders and with a wide selection of edibles, concentrates and oils on hand. Like a good tap list, the flower selection is well-considered and high quality, with around 20 strains on hand any given time. With its spacious and nattily appointed lobby and floor space, Pure Green is poised to be a standout come October. WM. WILLARD GREENE.

Rip City Remedies 3325 SE Division St., 235-6000, ripcityremedies.org.

One of Portland’s OG dispensaries, Rip City claims the largest selection of marijuana around—a claim difficult to verify, but made plausible by its estimable stash of flower, edibles, salves, concentrates and clones.

Shango Farms 6033 NE Win Sivers Drive; 8056 SE Harold St., goshango.com.

Shango is intentionally ambitious.

“Shango is the new name for cannabis in America,” the company’s website says. Inside, the dispensary is polished, with iPads packed with product info and a gallery of ganja, with strains mounted inside clear cylinders on the wall to allow for 360-degree perusal of the nugs. In the center of the room you find a counter where patients can get a whiff. Customers buy premeasured glass jars—there’s no weighing or repackaging, so the buds stay fresh, shake stays to a minimum and the cost is predictable. Shango’s bud is high qual-

2384 NW Thurman St., 971-8037970, thurmancollective.com.

Next to Kenny and Zuke’s Deli, this gallery/dispensary blends well into its small-towny neighborhood, with a quaint storefront and chic interior. Potted plants welcome you through the entryway, and the rear wall hides a subtle door to the budroom. Elegant woodblock prints and paintings line the other, and the emerald-tiled floor keeps the shop pleasantly cool.

Cozy touches like vinyl records and sepia-toned photographs of Portland make the budroom more relatable to the average stoner, and the shop crew has gotten more involved in the neighborhood by hosting a Qigong class every Wednesday. Since it’s held before the shop opens, anyone can join—OMMP patient or not.

Along with solid nugs from the in-house Lopaka Farms, the store carries flower, shatter, tincture, and THC capsules from Green Farm Industries. There is a small selection of edibles and concentrates, but the collective recently added concentrates made from Lopaka Farms flower. Each gram is packaged with love in a glass jar and wax seal, stamped with the store’s logo. One can also pick up helpful non-marijuana items like blunt wraps and leather-bound dab tool kits. Keep up with the blog for store updates: Thurman Street recently implemented an online ordering system.

LAUREN TERRY.

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Today’s Herbal Choice 2606 SE Gladstone Street, #101, 971-544-7685, thcglad.com.

A little shop above the Natural Mart & BBQ, Today’s Herbal Choice offers a modest selection of hybridheavy flower, concentrates and edibles, plus clones for $12.

Urban Farmacy 420 NE 60th Ave., 957-7832, urbanfarmacyprc.com.

Along with being a comfortable, wood-grained dispensary, Urban Farmacy is an OMMP resource center including clinical herbalists, laser-light therapy and yoga.

Vessel 1979 NW Vaughn St., Suite B, 410-7396. Cash only.

New in Northwest Portland, this “Dutch-styled dispensary” takes the cake for most avant-garde theme in the medical weed scene.

From what I could gather, the interior is designed to feel like a cloud, but in a very unconventional way, with twiglike glass pieces from the adjacent Elements glass studio suspended from the ceiling constructed at a series of vaulted angles. The owners’ mission is to give a sense of upscale affordability, with sophisticated architecture and reasonably priced flower—all indoor grown, ranging from $7 to $9 a gram. The rest of the shelves are well-stocked, with a variety of glass pieces, and 20 or so types of concentrates and edibles. Touches from the glass studio embellish the rest of the shop, with green bubble pieces adding pops of color and hand-blown pipes and bongs for sale. LAUREN TERRY. Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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Dentistry In The Pearl That’s Something To Smile About!

New Patient $74 Exam and X-rays Dr. Viseh Sundberg

New Patient $49 Basic Cleaning

(exam required)

Children’s $59 Exam & Cleaning

(new patients age 12 and under)

Professional

$99 Home

Whitening

(exam required)

(503) 546-9079 222 NW 10th Avenue www.sundbergdentistry.com

TEST OUR FERTILIZERS AND GROW MEDIA AND SEE THE DIFFERENCE! WWW.WESTCOASTHORTICULTURE.COM • MADE IN PORTLAND, OREGON USA

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STREET

STREET

EAST BURNSIDE OUR FAVORITE LOOKS THIS WEEK. P H OTOS BY R ON IT FA HL

wweek.com/street

Beyond the Print

MOBILE STAY CONNECTED Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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FOOD: Batter up…swing and a miss.

MUSIC: Oregon’s all-time best stoner albums.

BAR REVIEW: Culmination finally makes some beer.

WEED: Green is pretty.

46 49 57 68

SCOOP BIBLE BASH: Christians and faux Christians are feuding in the ’burbs. It started when “Jake,” the increasingly beloved figure behind the satirical site SavePortlandFromHell.com, planned a protest of the World Naked Bike Ride on Saturday, JAKE June 27. Jake suggested people unable to join him in wrapping bedsheets around nude cyclists at the annual ride through Portland should instead donate sheets to Lake Bible Church in Lake Oswego. Jim Andrews, senior pastor at Lake Bible, was not amused. “We have our own way of dealing with things, and we absolutely do not want to be conscripted by any ‘lone ranger’ presuming upon our complicity in your way of doing things,” Andrews wrote in an email to Jake. Andrews, who happens to be Jake’s neighbor, also threatened legal action. Jake was not dissuaded. “I’m an unemployed 36-year-old recovering heroin addict with bipolar 1, and I live at my parent’s house…I guess he could sue me for my laptop,” he tells WW. Leading up to Saturday’s ride, Andrews was interviewed by KATU and KGO, saying he was “ticked off” and suspected that the Censor the Naked Bike Ride protest was “some sort of covert campaign to stir up dust.” According to a follow-up email to WW, Jake attended the Sunday morning service at Lake Bible and afterward approached Andrews. “I told him I had no malicious intent like he accused me of on television,” Jake says. In his second service, Andrews spun the story of his earlier meeting with Jake: “He said, ‘I’m not an atheist.’

I said, ‘Well, we heard you were; you’re a satirist.’ He tried to explain that he didn’t mean any harm. I put my arm around him and said, ‘You’re forgiven.’ When God orchestrates things, there can be wonderful outcomes.” Said Jake: “The story he told his congregation is not what happened.” And so, as always, the battle between old men and neighborhood kids in Lake Oswego rages on.

ADMISSION $10, DIME BAG FREE: There’s an interesting loophole in Oregon’s new marijuana law. Pot is legal as of today, but there’s still no place to buy it—even transporting it from Vancouver is, technically, illegal. However, people are allowed to give pot away and charge admission to venues where it’s given away, according to Portland police and the Oregon Liquor Control Commission.

The party Weed the People on Friday, July 3, offers 7 grams of weed for $40. The OLCC says it has no jurisdiction over such events as long as there’s no booze sold. “Is it just a clever way of getting away with selling marijuana? That’s something we’re leaving to local law enforcement,” says OLCC spokesman Tom Towslee. Local law enforcement wants no part of it. “It likely will be something addressed through the regulatory process down the road,” says police spokesman Sgt. Pete Simpson. “We aren’t taking a position of enforcement on the issue at this time.” At some point, this loophole will probably be fixed. Until then, look for Sneaky Pete’s Kushy Van rolling through Chinatown. Admission is $10, dime bags free with paid admission.

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THE SCOTTISH PLAY: Parkrose High School’s theater troupe #1783 recently won one of 40 coveted U.S. spots in next summer’s Edinburgh Festival Fringe, touted as the world’s largest arts festival with nearly 50,000 performances, from cabaret to opera. The 18 Parkrose troupe members, who will perform their own show at the festival, have started a fundraising campaign to come up with the $7,000-per-student cost.

S AV E P O R T L A N D F R O M H E L L . C O M

SMOKE SOME WITH YOUR DAWGS.

HEADOUT FI R S T!

GO: The Portland Craft Brewers Festival is July 3-5. 4-10 pm Friday, noon-10 pm Saturday, noon-7 pm Sunday. The Fields Park, 1099 NW Overton St. $20 for 10-15 tasters. portlandcraftbeerfestival.com.

IN HONOR OF THE FIRST FESTIVAL OF BEERS MADE ONLY WITHIN PORTLAND CITY LIMITS, HERE ARE THE FIRST BEERS MADE BY EVERY BREWERY IN THE CITY.

Rock Bottom

November 1994 Pelican Pale

Hillsdale Brewery (McMenamins) February 1984 Hillsdale Ale

BridgePort Brewing

November 1984 as Columbia River Brewing BridgePort Ale

Widmer Brothers

Alameda Brewing

August 1996 Klickitat Pale Ale

Lompoc Brewing

December 1996 Erstfest Amber Ale

Crystal Ballroom (McMenamins)

April 1985 Altbier

February 1997 Gold Ale

Portland Brewing

Concordia (McMenamins)

March 1986 Bert Grant’s Ale

Fulton Brewery (McMenamins) May 1988 Cascade Head G olden Ale

Oak Hills (McMenamins)

August 1990 Golden Oak traditional English-style bitter

September 1997 Cascade Head (Golden Ale)

Raccoon Lodge December 1998 Ring Tail Pale Ale

Laurelwood Brewery March 2001 Vienna Lager

Mash Tun Tugboat Brewing

Sometime in 1993 Declined to comment

13 Virtues

October 1993 Independence Pale Ale

Hair of the Dog November 1993 “Adam”

Lucky Labrador October 1994 Königs Kölsch

September 2005 Kilgore Stout

Hopworks Urban Brewery

Natian Brewery

September 2009 Everyday Mild IPA

Migration Brewing

February 2010 Migration Pale Ale

Pints Brewing April 2010 Seismic IPA

Breakside

May 2010 Irish-Style Dry Stout

Coalition Brewing

June 2010 Mr. Pig’s Pale Ale

The Commons

June 2010 as Beetje Brewery; renamed in December 2011 Urban Farmhouse Ale

Columbia River Brewing Co. July 2010 Columbia River Brewing Pale

Burnside Brewing December 2010 Burnside IPA

Buckman Botanical Brewery

September 2007 Organic Hopworks IPA

June 2011 Chamellow pale ale with chamomile

Upright Brewing

Occidental Brewing

April 2009 Four Play cherry sour

Deschutes Portland May 2008 Armory XPA

June 2011 Kölsch

Portland U-Brew June 2011 IPA

Sasquatch Brewing

October 2011 Healy Heights Pale Ale

Fire on the Mountain

November 2011 11 Pale Ale

Humble Brewing November 2011 IPA

Ground Breaker December 2011 Ground Breaker Pale Ale

Old Town Pizza December 2011 Stout

Base Camp

November 2012 In-Tents India Pale Lager

Gigantic Brewing May 2012 Gigantic IPA

Kells Brew Pub

August 2012 Kells Irish Red Ale

Ecliptic Brewing

October 2013 Procyon Pale Ale

Awesome Ales October 2013 Southern Sky French Pale

Uptown Market Brewery opened November 2013 Stop Work Stout

Baerlic Brewing

June 2014 Cavalier Cream Ale

StormBreaker Brewing

February 2014 Mississippi Red Ale

Royale Brewing

April 2014 Fat Unicorn Pale Ale

Ex Novo Brewing July 2014 Eliot IPA

BTU Brasserie

August 2014 Out for a Rip IPA

Fat Head’s Brewery November 2014 No. 1 Saison

10 Barrel Brewing

March 2015 Pearl Pale Ale

Culmination Brewing May 2015 Citrus Sour

WILLAMETTE WEEK

WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK IN ARTS & CULTURE

THURSDAY JULY 2 MELT BANANA [HAUTE NOISE] The spastically joyful, genre-mutilating Japanese noiseniks have been in a reflective mood of late, releasing a compilation highlighting the best of their aughts output. Tonight, they team with tuneful metallurgists Torche, forming the noisiest double bill to hit Dante’s since Lightning Bolt and Liturgy almost burned the place down in April. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630.

9 pm. $15. 21+.

FRIDAY JULY 3 GRATEFUL DEAD AT THE CRYSTAL [GRATEFUL UNDEAD] Forty-seven years after the Dead’s Feb. 2, 1968, show at Portland’s famous bouncyfloored ballroom, the Dead are coming back live…via satellite. The last-ever Dead shows will stream from Chicago. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 5 pm. $8 advance, $10 day of show. 21+.

Additional shows July 4 at Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 2234527; and July 5 at Crystal Ballroom.

SATURDAY JULY 4 INDEPENDENCE DAY AT REVOLUTION HALL [VIEW WITH A BOOM] The music venue at the former Washington High School opens its amazing rooftop deck for a picnic dinner from Radar and a set from chamber trio 3 Leg Torso. Sure, it’s expensive, but trust us, the view (which comes with fireworks, ’natch) is worth it.

Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., 288-3895. 7-11 pm. $100. 21+.

BUNK BEACH STREET FESTIVAL [JUST THE BOOM] So, you don’t have $100 to spend? Here’s a 100 percent cheaper Independence Day option: a day of pyrotechnic rock ’n’ roll ironically headlined by Canada’s Walter TV—aka Mac DeMarco’s other band. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 328-2865. 5 pm. Free. All ages.

SUNDAY JULY 5 WOMEN’S WORLD CUP FINALS [CHEER & CHEERS] Bazi Bierbrasserie is pulling out all the stops—and all the picnic tables, and all the beers—for the Women’s World Cup final (and also for the Japan-England semifinal on Wednesday, July 1). The street will be closed off, and the beers will flow. Bazi Bierbrasserie, 1522 SE 32nd Ave., 234-8888. 4 pm. Free.

TUESDAY JULY 7 VAN HALEN [VAN FRIGGIN’ HALEN] The members hate each other, Eddie Van Halen’s son is playing bass and David Lee Roth ain’t karate-kicking as high as he used to, but still: It’s Van friggin’ Halen! And, hey, its last album wasn’t half bad, either.

Amphitheater Northwest, 17200 NE Delfel Road, Ridgefield, Wash., 360-816-7000. 7:30 pm. $35$149.50. All ages.

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FOOD & DRINK FRIDAY, JULY 3

BATTER GRIDDLE & DRINKERY IS SLOPPY DRUNK FOOD.

Portland Craft Beer Festival

The first Portland Craft Beer Festival is going full-on nativist, hosting 46 breweries from Portland and only from Portland, with over 20 IPAs and even more Belgians and sours.

The Fields Neighborhood Park, Northwest 10th Avenue and Overton Street, portlandcraftbeerfestival. com. 4-10 pm Friday, noon-10 pm Saturday, noon-7 pm Sunday. $20 for glass and 10-15 drink tickets.

SATURDAY, JULY 4 Sounds & Tastes of the Farm

Every Saturday starting July 4, Bella Organic will host a hoedown and hayride with shared-type harvest bounty. There will be assorted food from the farm on offer, alongside cider, beer and Bella’s own organic wine. Bella Organic Pumpkin Patch and Winery, 16205 NW Gillihan Road.

5-8 pm. $10 per carload.

SUNDAY, JULY 5 Women’s World Cup Block Party

Bazi Bierbrasserie is pulling out all the stops—and all the picnic tables, and all the beers—for the Women’s World Cup final (and also for the Japan-England semifinal on Wednesday, July 1). The street will be closed off, and the beers will flow.

Bazi Bierbrasserie, 1522 SE 32nd Ave., 234-8888. 4 pm game start.

Where to eat this week.

BY MICHA EL C. ZU SMA N

1. Kung Pow

500 NW 21st Ave., 208-2173, kungpowpdx.com.

Get the spicy lamb bao bing mu shu wrap with every meal, then augment with fish balls and anything spicy. $-$$.

2. Renata

626 SE Main St, 954-2708, renatapdx.com.

Celebrating its official one-month anniversary today, this wood-fired Italian restaurant is still working out some kinks. But we highly recommend the porcini mushroom tajarin. $$$$.

3. Olympia Provisions

1632 NW Thurman St., 894-8136; 107 SE Washington St., 954-3663, olympiaprovisions.com.

The flavor of Olympia Provisions’ lunchtime hot dog wells up from the impossibly smoky, lightly charred meat itself. $-$$$.

4. Marmo Deli & Bar

1037 SW Morrison St., 224-0654, marmopdx.com.

The $11 classic Italian sub goes quite well with three Negronis at lunch. $$.

5. P.R.E.A.M.

2131 SE 11th Ave., 231-2809, preampizza.com.

P.R.E.A.M.’s pies are on point—classic Italian Neapolitan crust made with double zero flour. $$.

DRANK

APPLE AND CINNAMON VODKA (WILD ROOTS) The world of “infused” vodkas is an awful place—a wasteland of rocket-fuel liquors spruced with carfreshener aromas. But Portland’s Wild Roots is one of the few liquor makers to use real fruit, infusing a mash into quintuple-distilled vodka from Oregon’s Bendistillery. At its newly installed tasting room on Distillery Row, Wild Roots (135 NE 6th Ave., 971-254-4617, wildrootsvodka.com) is pouring its original marionberry and raspberry infusions, each with a pound of local berries in every bottle. But it’s the new apple-cinnamon flavor that you should stop in for. While both berry liquors are a beautiful novelty act, so pungent with fruit they’re like alcoholic jam, their flavor becomes overpowering even mixed with soda. The cinnamon and apple come off as much more subtle, less sugary, cleaner on the palate, and without lingering stickiness. Mix it with a Cock ’n Bull ginger beer as they do in the tasting room, and you have a fine, sneakily alcoholic summer refresher. Recommended. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

I

Shandong www.shandongportland.com

BATTERED AND FRIED 243-2122

If Cheech and Chong opened a restaurant honoring their weed-humor heyday, I’m certain it would bear an uncanny resemblance to Batter Griddle & Drinkery. Batter, which opened to much fanfare in March, is an all-hours breakfast-food emporium offering a full bar to boot. This is the rare place with the potential to appeal both to munchies-driven aficionados of the herb superb and their closest culinary affinity group—small children. Plus, those of us who have always had a weakness for breakfast at night.

The menu is an idyll of untethered imagination: buttermilk pancakes with chocolate chunks, sauce and whipped cream; pancakes stuffed with pork belly and Gruyere, sprinkled with powdered CHICKEN AND WAFFLE: Drink till you want one. sugar and anointed with berry sauce; and the Elvisinspired “King,” stuffed with bacon, banana and pea- maybe they were) when the soft-opening menu was nut butter. Those are just a few of the eye poppers on still being handed out. Red velvet pancakes arrived the a 30-strong list of griddled goods, including offbeat color of toasted pumpernickel and were served with waffles and crepes in addition to pancakes. a small beaker of gluelike, white fluid that was essenPortions are generous and reasonably priced at tially a pure sugar glaze. I probably should have seen $8 to $10. Add one of four aberrant bloody marys— that one coming, though I never did learn how garish, the “Jamaican Jerk” is made with jerk spices and scarlet pancakes could turn out dark brown instead. pineapple—for $7. The unheralded highlight of the Figuring another few weeks before a third drop-in menu is a simple side of bacon: four thick-cut slices might finally bring me to my happy evening breakfast cooked perfectly to a deep umber that are salty, place, I gamely ordered “The Cumberbatch,” which smoky, a little chewy and just wonderful. sounded a lot like eggs Benedict, subbing pancakes for Sadly, that’s about all the enticements at Bat- English muffins, and “battered bacon” ($8) from a new ter, save for the earnest yet helpless servers and two ancillary menu with lots of non-breakfasty stuff on chicken-centric dishes, one country-fried with a waffle it. The bacon was touted as glazed with chipotle and and maple/balsamic syrup, and an honey before getting the tempura “Asian fried” variation with garlic Order this: Asian fried chicken with ginger treatment. Also on our list, matzo waffle ($11), side (or two) of bacon ($4). chili sauce and a little ginger in meal pancakes described on the I’ll pass: Mac & crepes, red velvet panmenu as “uniquely addictive.” the waffle. Execution has been the cakes, battered bacon.

I was all in, but it turned out plague of three well-spaced visits.

On our first try a week or two after opening, the to be a pipe dream. Even though it was on the menu, requested bacon add-in for the “Mac & Crepes” was the bacon wasn’t available (“They haven’t really got it missing, leaving a mass of starch-stuffed starch. right yet,” our server confided). Next, the chef reportThe dish was dull and uninteresting instead of edly spilled all the hollandaise for the quasi-Benedict; “comforting and gooey” as billed. With minimal and, the last indignity, our server never wrote down the cheese in the mac, the bacon probably wouldn’t matzo meal cakes order. So much for that addiction.

For famished stoners and little ones, perhaps have helped much. A glass of draft Jones soda arrived uncarbonated. After this was called to our Batter’s persistent spaced-out sins can be forgiven server’s attention, he conceded that the carbon- or forgotten. For the rest of us, a batch of dinner ation system was on the fritz and suggested juice— pancakes at home is probably a better bet. an excellent idea in hindsight.

On visit No. 2, a Friday dinner hour a month or so EAT: Batter Griddle & Drinkery, 4425 NE Fremont St., 971-271-8784, batterpdx.com. 8 am-11 pm after the initial gambit, the place was dead. I should Tuesday-Sunday. have figured the kitchen wasn’t exactly smoking (or

BRUNCH

Sunday Shandong 11AM – 3PM

www.shandongportland.com

Walk up window 11:30am–3pm

La Calaca Comelona 2304 SE Belmont | 503-239-9675 4-10pm Mon–Sat

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A N N A J AY E G O E L L N E R

REVIEW

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@wweek.com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

Beyond the Print

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MUSIC

JULY 1–7 FEATURE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

HIGH FIDELITY

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines.

Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/ submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com.

Fax: 243-1115.

THE STONIEST PORTLAND ALBUMS EVER.

BY CASEY JA R MA N

Robin Trower

[GUITAR HERO] Robin Trower has spent 50 years approaching the blues from a rocker’s perspective. A Hendrix worshipper, Trower got his big break joining Procol Harum right after “A Whiter Shade of Pale.” After a successful stint with the prog-rock act, he went solo and scored five gold records in a row. The classic is 1974’s Bridge of Sighs, and unless you absolutely hate the blues in every form, I suggest you dial up the title track and enjoy. It’s an immortal song from Trower’s creative apex, and belongs in every music library. At 71, Trower, who’s touring on his new album, Something’s About to Change, still slays on the Stratocaster, and hopefully he will rediscover the vibe that made his darker shade of lead-footed blues rock into something absolutely transcendent. NATHAN CARSON. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694. 8 pm. Sold out. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Tuxedo

[NEW DINNER JACKET SWING] A business-casual collaboration turned labor of love from soul crooner Mayer Hawthorne and hip-hop super producer Jake One, Tuxedo peers back at the down-market elegance and candied chill of early ‘80s R&B at the moment when disco, if not technically dead, required a funkified jolt. The Midwestern tastemakers’ recent selftitled debut turned heads via noteperfect musicianship and a palpable love of the source material, but while the pair have been lauded for shelving any trace of a smirk, semi-formalist

243-2122

Oregon wasn’t the first state to legalize marijuana, but maybe that’s because we were too busy making heavy, trippy, funky or otherwise mind-expanding music to remember to mail in our ballots. Some of that music (especially in Eugene, where Sublime cover bands rule the day) is just awful. But here in Portland, the smoke seems to seep into just about every album we make, often with very listenable results. Here are some Portland records with an exceptionally stoney streak.

THURSDAY, JULY 2 Melt Banana, Torche, House of Lightning, Nasalrod

Menomena, I Am the Fun Blame Monster

[HAUTE NOISE] In an effort to properly anthologize its unwieldy 20-year catalog, avant-noise troupe Melt Banana went and issued Return of 13 Hedgehogs, spanning 2000 to 2009, as a companion to a disc compiling its work from the ’90s. It even includes an anomalous Specials’ cover, “Monkey Man.” But anyone remotely familiar with the band won’t be stunned by the amalgam of genre-mutilating electronics, as it embarks on a co-headlining tour with Torche. That somewhat more traditional ensemble comes through town in support of its fifth album, Restarter, which drones its way through about a dozen songs at least tangentially related to Melvins-style filth. DAVE CANTOR. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

Portland trio Menomena hit the ground running on its debut album in 2003, but there was still some tightening to do, which means that I Am the Fun Blame Monster (an anagram for “Menomena’s first album”) has some weird musical tangents that seem designed exclusively to fuck with totally ripped listeners.

Stoniest track: “Strongest Man in the World,” a manic, piano-led banger with a dub fetish and plenty of sexy man-on-man harmonies.

Paper/Upper/Cuts, Illa Killa Yellow Space The only album on this list that features pan flute, thanks to doob-loving local multi-instrumentalist David “Papi” Fimbres, and Jesse Munro Johnson’s excellently weird Boomarm Nation label.

Stoniest track: Opener “Glacial Palms,” which is a crazy mix of electronica and traditional Peruvian music.

Agalloch, The Mantle

Christopher Owens, Ozarks

[INDIE POP] Christopher Owens is a unique, almost postmodern character you’d expect to find in a Great American Novel sooner than onstage in a rock club. He grew up in a tran-

Cassow, Future Classic

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WEDNESDAY, JULY 1

disco-funk can perhaps be taken too seriously. Absent the libidinal charge or huckster gloss of the original artists, painstaking craft and heartfelt commitment can’t entirely mask the whiff of bloodless replication when tracks are all dressed up with no one to do. JAY HORTON. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 284-8686. 8:30 pm. $20.

All ages.

TOP FIVE THE FIVE STONIEST ARTISTS AT THE WATERFRONT BLUES FEST Harper & the Midwest Kind (3 pm Thursday) Harper writes six-minute songs that combine harmonica and didgeridoo, and his band has the word “kind” in its name.

“Love equals peace equals freedom” is an actual lyric!

BUDDY GUY

Jelly Bread (12:45 pm Friday) My theory is, they got stoned to brainstorm band names, but got hungry and started naming foods instead. “Jelly…bread. That’s it!”

Galactic (9 pm Friday) You don’t just wake up and decide to release an experimental Carnival concept album. You wake up and get high and decide to release a Carnival album.

The Stone Foxes (12:45 pm Sunday) Come on, man, these bros have “stone” right in their name, and the lyrics to their song “Take a Breath” would make so much more sense as “Take a Hit.” Buddy Guy (8:10 pm Sunday) I really don’t know if Buddy Guy gets high—his protégé, Jimi Hendrix, sure did—but if watching one of the last living blues legends doesn’t blow your mind, I’m not sure what will.

SEE IT: The Waterfront Blues Festival is at Tom McCall Waterfront Park on Thursday-Sunday, July 2-5. $40 full festival pass. All ages. See waterfrontbluesfest.com for complete schedule.

The local MC drops plenty of references to getting high on Future Classic, but it’s the hypnotic production that will really appeal to sativa-soaked listeners looking for summer jams.

Stoniest track: “All or Nothing,” a stream-ofconsciousness rap from the perspective of a narrator staring at himself in the mirror, spread out over some freaky jazz-fusion beats.

The Dandy Warhols, Thirteen Tales From Urban Bohemia You probably think you hate the Dandies, but if you get high enough, the band’s blend of shoegazey production, British Invasion catchiness, and Burt Bacharach arrangements all starts to make sense.

Stoniest track: “Nietzsche,” a near-formless, sixminute space jam that feels more like a soundcheck experiment than an actual song.

Madgesdiq, Rastamerica

OK, Rastamerica isn’t a particularly weed-centric record, but Madgesdiq’s music is a hybrid of hiphop and reggae, so the target demographic is pretty much stoners.

Stoniest track: “Burn Fyah,” a song about getting high exactly when you wanna, which recalls KRSOne’s “Sound of da Police.”

You can’t kick a Hacky Sack without hitting a stoner-metal band in Portland these days, but this genre-spanning 2002 release from Agalloch is a particularly ambitious entry point for the aspiring metalhead.

Stoniest track: “In the Shadow of Our Pale Companion,” a 15-minute epic replete with Spanish guitar and spooky, whispered vocals.

Unknown Mortal Orchestra, II Ruban Nielson has a third eye tattooed on his neck (hard not to stare), and his excellent band is what classic rock might have sounded like if the hairy dudes behind it had shown a little restraint once in a while.

Stoniest track: “Faded in the Morning,” a funky riff-rock tune overdubbed with laughing-baby sounds.

Pleasure, Accept No Substitutes

The band that taught the world there were black people in Portland came out extra-skunky on 1976’s Accept No Substitutes, and you can bet the album is being blasted in some hotboxed North Portland (or deep East Portland, the way things are going) man cave at this very moment.

Stoniest track: “Theme for the Moonchild.” ’Nuff said.

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Beyond the Print

wweek.com

THURSDAY–FRIDAY

sient religious cult, was half of an all-male duo called Girls and released albums called Album, and now, under his own name, A New Testament and Chrissybaby Forever.

The latter features catchy, modern, countryish pop songs written, produced and played entirely by him, while its predecessor was entirely in the key of A. When his backing band was so large that taking it on the road would bankrupt the tour, he modeled for some high-profile fashion companies in order to subsidize it. Now all he needs to do is write an autobiography and give Thomas Pynchon a run for his money. CRIS LANKENAU. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 2319663. 9 pm. $12 advance, $13 day of show. 21+.

Juan Wauters, St. Even

NEWS ARTS & CULTURE FOOD & DRINK EVENTS MUSIC MOVIES CONTESTS GIVEAWAYS

[KING OF QUEENS] Native Uruguayan Juan Wauters has never been as prolific in his solo endeavors as he has with his former punk outfit, the Beets. He used to churn out anthems like it was nothing, but his album, Who Me?, is only the second under his own name. It carries the sweet, Midtown breeziness of Simon and Garfunkel, partly owing to the album’s instrumental makeup and partly to New York locales referenced throughout its short running time. The way the singer-songwriter segues between Spanish and English vocals is refreshing, as is his subtle guitar work, both of which rarely rise above a living-room murmur despite his boisterous sense of optimism in the face of doubt.

BRANDON WIDDER. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

Tyler the Creator, Taco

[SHOCK HOP] Saying that mercurial Odd Future ringleader Tyler the Creator has been one of the more divisive figures in hip-hop over the past half-decade is an understatement. In regard to his abilities as a producer and arranger, Tyler has few equals. His ability as an MC, however, has been the subject of debate. He displays an unfortunate tendency toward tossed-off delivery, along with half-serious attempts at singing and lyrics that sound written by a kid who’s been playing too much Grand Theft Auto. But there is hope for Tyler yet, as his latest record, Cherry Bomb, finds him at his most sonically sophisticated and most lyrically docile (for him, anyway). Let’s hope that this trend represents the growth we’ve all been waiting for the young star to demonstrate. CASEY HARDMEYER. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 224-2038. 8 pm. $27.50. All ages.

FRIDAY, JULY 3 Big Bridges, Jim Page

[ROCK] Now, this is a transPacific partnership we can get behind, between guitarist Takashi O’hashi, of big-in-Japan glam band Seikima-II, who supplies the tunes, and busy Portland rock bard Casey Neill, who contributes lyrics and sings lead. Big Bridges also sports Eels bassist Allen Hunter, singersongwriter Kathryn Claire and drummer Joe Trump, the latter of whom connected the two songwriters when O’hashi approached him in search of an American col-

INTRODUCING ALIA ZIN Sounds like: Kendrick Lamar if he went straight into the studio after hearing Tupac for the first time.

For fans of: Nas, Lauryn Hill, Digable Planets, Black Star, Joey Badass, Vinnie Dewayne.

The less beholden an artist is to history, the freer she is to make her own. At least, that’s how Alia Zin seems to see it.

“I have no idea about the hip-hop world. I really don’t,” says the 20-year-old MC. “People will ask me, ‘Have you heard this song?’ And I’ll be like, ‘No.’” She doesn’t admit this with pride, but she isn’t apologetic, either: “It’s a good and a bad thing. I feel like my sound is very raw, and because of that, it’s natural. It’s me. It’s really who I am.”

Zin might have shown up late to class for Rap 101, but she’s proven a quick study. Prior to discovering hip-hop, the California native, who grew up bouncing between the Humboldt area and Santa Barbara, tried her hand at several creative outlets, from acting to playing clarinet in the school band. “I’ve always had passion to do something,” she says. “I just didn’t know what it was.” When she arrived at rapping, she finally found her niche.

In only two years, Zin has developed a sharp, rasp-addled flow that can cut through beats like concertina wire and that she uses to address all manner of injustice—a quality she owes to her social-worker mother. She moved to Portland last December and fell in with politically minded St. Johns rap crew the Resistance, impressing them enough to induct her as an adjunct member.

Starting fresh in a new city, Zin removed all her old music from the Web, leaving only “Respect My Tangent.” It’s an aptly named manifesto, an uninterrupted spiel addressing media mind control, misogyny, the plight of the homeless and, in its last line, anyone who might condescend to her age and inexperience. “I’m on a tangent, but I manage better than most of these veterans... rapping about some shit that ain’t even worth remembering.”

Consider that shots fired. MATTHEW SINGER. SEE IT: Alia Zin plays Kelly’s Olympian, 426 SW Washington St., with Gifted Gab, Karma Rivera and Verbz, on Thursday, July 2. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

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MS. LOPEZ MEDIA

MUSIC

friday–monday

Frontier Ruckus, Sons of Bill

[SUMMER StRUMMIn’] Despite its proximity to Rust Belt decay, the nPRhippie college town of Ann Arbor is a veritable wellspring of positive vibes and rootsy folk rock, with Frontier Ruckus being the most noticeable native son of the past few years. Its 2014 LP, Sitcom Afterlife, is an upbeat affair that lands somewhere between the swinging trad-folk of Blind Pilot and the twee, Ivy League pop of Bishop Allen, which raises the question: How long will it be until members take up residence in an old house in north Portland and go all in on the dream of post-collegiate Americana rambling? PEtE cottELL. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663.

9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show.

21+.

No Vacancy: Le Youth

[DAncE] the ‘90s renaissance has invaded music, among other arenas, and Le Youth’s house-meets-R&B creations are a testament to that. the L.A. DJ likes to tweak slow jams of old, hitting them with the adrenaline of disco and bouncy basslines of house.

It’s incredibly clean, pulsing dance music that the summer months beg for. the show is part of no Vacancy, a Portland collaboration of producers and DJs in an effort to get your ass on the dance floor. MARK StocK. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 2397639. 9 pm. $15 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.

Coco Columbia, Top-Hat Confederacy

[YoUnG, ELEctRIc, SoULS] If the top-Hat confederacy’s recent 16-member remix of taylor Swift’s “Blank Space” says anything in particular about the band, it’s its outright millennial enthusiasm. talented, young jazz musicians with groovysoul remixes galore, the band is easily capable of taking pop anthems and transforming them into enthralling, jazz-club fare. Followed by a set from coco columbia—a pink-headed electro-jazzer with an enthrallingly soulful vocal style who just finished raising $10,000 on Kickstarter for her second record, When the Birds Begin to Walk—consider this a good night to see something new in the tradjazz house that Mel Brown built. DAVE cAntoR. Jimmy Mak’s, 221 NW 10th Ave., 295-6542. 8 pm. $10. Under 21 permitted until 9:30 pm.

She Shreds Release Party: Houndstooth, Bed, Savila

[GUItARS ARE StILL cooL] How great would it be if the Byrds made a krautrock album? that’s kind of the thesis statement behind “Bliss Boat,” the alluring opening track off Houndstooth’s wonderful new record, No News From Home. the second long-player from the local band, led by singer-guitarists Katie Bernstein and John Gnorski, takes the jangly surf-rock template of the band’s debut and adds a healthy dose of steady motorik rhythm to a set of dusty breakup songs. It’s also a really great, if subtle, guitar record.

Songs like the humming title-track even channel the clientele trading British aristocracy for lazy northwest summer days. tonight’s show doubles as the release of the eighth issue of She Shreds magazine, and also features performances from Bed and Savila, a raffle, photo booth and possibly a costume contest. May the shred be with you. MIcHAEL MAnnHEIMER. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N. Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $8 advance, $10 day of show. 21+.

Lincoln Barr, Lael Alderman, Fernando

[PoP] Seattle songsmith Lincoln Barr’s full-time gig is writing sunny, clever pop tunes with his band Red Jacket Mine, but he’s in Portland tonight— alongside longtime pop standouts Lael Alderman and Fernando—flying solo. Barr’s songs tend to straddle the boundaries between folk-pop balladry, midcentury soul fare and (especially on Red Jacket Mine’s latest full-length, Someone Else’s Cake) glam rock. He has a voice that seems somehow displaced in time, and he’s prone to the occasional cover song of favorite tunes from the ’70s and ’80s. All of this will help him hold down an upcoming residency at Al’s Den, as well as this one-off benefit show for Portland bassist Damon Dunning, who suffered a stroke last year. cASEY JARMAn. Secret Society Lounge, 116 NE Russell St., 493-3600. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

SATURDAY, JULY 4

spare bass and the dynamic drumming of Kashikura takashi—with more obscure touches rounding the edges. the looping, hypnotic nature of the compositions can get repetitive, sure, but its forthcoming album promises a new direction. BRAnDon WIDDER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $14 advance, $16 day of show. 21+.

just enough genre-dabbling to keep things fresh without sounding sprawling. there are elements of pro rock and heavy metal as well as more than a handful of nods to Kraftwerk. But the real draw of this gig is the band’s drummer, Sebastian thomson. So pack your devil horns. cRIS LAnKEnAU. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

Trans Am, Hot Victory, Spectrum Control

MONDAY, JULY 6

[PoSt RocK] In two and a half decades as a band, trans Am still somehow manages to reinvent and innovate with each release. Last year’s Volume X was the product of several years work from a trio that sounds like it has been in top form for that long. though a solid synth-and-vocoder groove is hardly as cutting-edge as it was in the ’90s, trans Am does

Nap Eyes

[oLD SoULS] It seems a little strange to reissue a largely unnoticed debut from a largely unnoticed band that was originally released just over a year ago. But clearly, north carolina label Paradise of Bachelors really believes in the music of nap Eyes, because that’s exactly the plan it has for the

canadian band’s Whine of the Mystic.

Listening to nap Eyes’ music, it’s easy to see why the label thinks the band deserves another push. Frontman nigel chapman’s lyrics and gnarled vocals sound like they’re coming from someone twice his age, and the band’s simple, repetitive, incredibly satisfying rock is like a collaboration between Lou Reed and neil Young. SHAnnon GoRMLEY. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 894-9708. 9:30 pm. $5. 21+.

Porcelain Raft, Grand Lake Islands

[EtHEREAL PoP] Italian musician Mauro Remiddi plays ethereal electronic pop as Porcelain Raft. now in Los Angeles after a stint in new York, Remiddi is touring off his newest EP, Half Awake. Self-written, recorded

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PROFILE c o U R t E SY o F I n FA M o U S P R

laborator. the band’s arrangements, on new debut disc Will to Ascend, dynamically balance neill’s acoustic rhythm guitar and o’hashi’s supple leads, providing a fresh context for neill’s impassioned vocals. opening is protest-folk maestro Jim Page, justly named “one of the 50 Most Influential Musicians In Seattle History”

by Seattle Metropolitan Magazine.

JEFF RoSEnBERG. Alberta Street Pub, 1036 NE Alberta St., 284-7665. 8 pm. $10. 21+.

MUSIC

Bunk Beach Fourth of July Street Festival: Walter TV, Psychomagic, Cat Hoch, Cambrian Explosion, Talkative, Charts

[Go BooM] Bunk Beach is the spot to be for pyrotechnic rock ’n’ roll this Independence Day. the free, all-day outdoor show promises to be an epic display of Portland’s psych luminaries and masters of dazed summer jams, featuring cat Hoch and Psychomagic alongside canada’s Walter tV. Whatever possessed Mac DeMarco’s other band to join the fray and soundtrack our spiritual allegiance to the flag is unclear, but its sun-baked anthems make a perfect complement to the chemical compounds that just traced overhead. WYAtt ScHAFFnER. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 8949708. 5 pm. Free. All ages.

Wooden Indian Burial Ground, Jenny Don’t and the Spurs, Roselit Bone, DJ Maximillion, Tre Slim

[’MURIcAn RocK] What would the Fourth of July be without countrywestern psych bands and alcoholic slushies? the two-day celebration Don’t Shred on Me is sparing you from ever having to seriously consider that question. Jenny Don’t and the Spurs is an homage to Hank Williams and playing classic, outlaw country, Roselit Bone is a gothic tribute to the drunken cowboy, and Wooden Indian Burial Ground could shred for hours if you let it (hey, it’s a free country). this lineup practically bleeds red, white and blue.

God bless America! ASHLEY JocZ. Dig a Pony, 736 SE Grand Ave. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

SUNDAY, JULY 5 Big Business, Norska

[StonER MEtAL] Spiritual and physical heirs to the Melvins throne (Big Business’ founding duo, Jared Warren and coady Willis, served briefly as the Melvins’ extended rhythm section), Big Business has slowly expanded on a sound that was already pretty darkly gargantuan when Warren and Willis started in 2004. Last year’s Battlefields Forever is relentless but melodic, if a little darker and less experimental in nature than its Phil Elk-produced precursor, Mind the Drift, which opened with an extended drum solo and wore prog and thrash influences on its sleeve. It is so very hard for me to imagine these hairy, blackclad Seattle dudes living in sunny Los Angeles, but they do. I’m guessing they only come out at night. cASEY JARMAn. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 8 pm. $12. 21+.

Toe, Starro

[PoSt-MAtH RocK] For most, the name “toe” is deterrent enough. It’s a shame, considering how beautiful and melodic the Japanese band’s music has always been. the group’s discography sways somewhere between postrock and math rock, with more recent EPs like The Future Is Now leaning toward the latter. Much of it is instrumental—anchored in clean guitar lines,

BIRDS OF A FEATHER: Dirtybird’s Claude VonStroke (left) and Justin Martin.

DIRTYBIRD BBQ SATURDAY, JULY 4 THE SAN FRANCISCO DANCE LABEL HEATS UP THE GRILL AND HITS THE ROAD. The blueprint for success in the world of dance music is clear: Get a crew together, throw some parties, start a label. But for Barclay Crenshaw, Sean Williams and brothers Christian and Justin Martin—the co-founders of the Dirtybird label— that formula had gotten stale.

“We didn’t want to do the politically correct way of breaking into the dance scene,“ says Justin Martin. “We wanted to start our own party our way.”

And for Dirtybird, the party doesn’t start until the burgers hit the grill. Rather than come up through warehouse raves, the label established itself in its home base of San Francisco with an annual barbecue in the middle of Golden Gate Park, which it’s now converted into a full-fledged summer tour.

It’s an extension of the goofy, fun-loving aesthetic that, in a little over a decade, has brought the Dirtybird brand to an international audience. The sound of the label is hard to classify, but the artists on the roster are linked as much by cheeky self-awareness as bouncy beats, and it’s one of the reasons why the original foursome jelled around the concept of a cookout-as-dance party so quickly.

The seed for that party was planted long ago.

Justin Martin was introduced to dance music by his younger brother. He became a fan of drum ’n’ bass, then he convinced Christian he should try DJing. “The first day he tried it, he said, ‘I’m buying a sound system,’” Martin says. That system was

first tested at a Hunters Point warehouse about the turn of the millennium. But Dirtybird was destined to fill something bigger than an abandoned building. Elk Glen Meadow, a secluded picnic area in the center of Golden Gate Park overlooking Mallard Lake, is where the crew threw its first barbecues.

Initially, it was a humble affair. “We had maybe 10 or 15 people there in addition to our crew,” Martin says. But year by year, the audiences grew. “Then there were close to 2,000 people, and the park was like, ‘OK, this is too much.’ They shut it down, and we took it on the road.”

Why were people flocking by the thousands to a Sunday afternoon house-music party in San Francisco, a city with no shortage of dance music? If you ask Martin, it’s because the music matched the vibe: “It was about having fun, no rules, and making tracks that didn’t take themselves too seriously but still have a very strong voice.” That’s as close as Martin can come to describing the Dirtybird sound, which launched as a label 2005, under the guidance of Crenshaw, aka Claude VonStroke. They’re not being slippery—their style is hard to pin down.

“People would send in tracks that sounded exactly like ‘Jack,’ but it’s too late, we’ve moved on,” says Martin, referring to the label’s biggest home run, a pumping house track by Amsterdam producer Breach that peaked at No. 9 on the U.K. singles chart.

“Dirtybird has never gotten stuck in a rut. It’s always expanding and evolving.” MITCH LILLIE. SEE IT: the Dirtybird BBQ is at the oMSI bridge lot, 1945 SE Water Ave., with claude VonStroke, Justin Martin, J.Phlip, Justin Jay and christian Martin, on Saturday, July 4. 1-8 pm. $40. 21+.

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MUSIC

monday–tuesday

and produced, the album is a return to Porcelain Raft’s roots, back during the days of cassette demos and no fan base. Like the rest of the catalog, Porcelain Raft’s newest material is dreamy and accessible, affording the sound a choral quality you can’t help but want to be a part of. MARK STOCK. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

TUESDAY, JULY 7 Van Halen

[ROCK-’N’-ROLL CLOWNS] When I logged onto YouTube to listen to the latest Van Halen album, 2012’s A Different Kind of Truth, I was faced with a McDonald’s ad.

It seemed strangely appropriate, especially when the first line of opening track and single “Tattoo” began with David Lee Roth crooning, “I’ve got Elvis on my elbow.”

As the album progressed, I found my jaw dropping. One of the greatest bands of all time, and one of the best-selling, Van Halen started out in Pasadena in 1972 and truly conquered the ’80s mainstream. They were kings. And now they are joined by Eddie Van Halen’s son Wolfgang. He plays bass, and aside from the godawful single, helped the band create an album that honors its roots while pushing forward in a gloriously metal manner. NATHAN CARSON. Amphitheater Northwest, 17200 NE Delfel Road, Ridgefield, Wash., 360-816-7000. 7:30 pm. $35-$149.

All ages.

Singley Fimbres Orkestra, Boone Howard

[NEW CLASSICAL] The future-funk symphony of everyone’s dreams is back, y’all! Led by Alan Singley and Papi Fimbres, two longtime luminaries of the Portland music scene who also happen to be best homies, the aptly-named Singley Fimbres Orkestra deploys a nonet of local musicians playing two trombones, two trumpets, flute, a bevy of analog synths, piano,

organ, electric bass and drums.

Think Charles Mingus, think David Axelrod, think the orchestrated sighs of gonzo Brian Wilson-era Beach Boys. This isn’t your dad’s orchestra, unless your dad takes mad bong rips and can’t stop listening to Tortoise’s TNT on repeat.

MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 2319663. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Sheryl Crow, Lera Lynn

[TUESDAY MORNING MUSIC CLUB] Throughout the ‘90s heyday of her signature format, Sheryl Crow effectively embodied adult contemporary—though the term never quite applied. She still leans heavily upon an unsinkable girlishness emphasized by high-profile entanglements along the senior circuit, and though her career roughly presaged the lobotomized twang-pop of Shania Twain and Martina McBride (2013 album Feels Like Home is less a Nashville debut than logical career progression), Crow seemed like vestigial remnant of ‘70s singer-songwriterdom.

Shallow, perhaps, but never disingenuous—we truly believed that all she wanted to do was have some fun. Shame she wouldn’t be the only one. JAY HORTON. Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale, 6698610. Sold out. 6:30 pm. All ages.

Red Bull Sound Select: Trust, Doubleplusgood, Novosti

[ACIDWAVE] Bleak even by darkwave standards, Robert Alfons’ particular brand of synth pop sounds like Pet Shop Boys on a bad acid trip. Maybe it’s the eerily deep vocals or banks of synths that glisten with detached menace, but there’s something downright spooky about Trust’s dark, electronic malaise. But dark doesn’t necessarily mean tuneless. Trust’s latest record, Joyland, found Alfons turning in some of his sharpest melodies to date, along with more muscular rhythms, adding up to a goth-electro sound that’s strangely danceable—a distinction that ensures Trust stands out from

DAN O’NEIL

FLASHBACK

Rabbits playing Rotture’s back patio in summer 2010: “This is one of the two times we’ve played outside. At least this one was at night. The barbecue got started late, but our friends hung in there, as is their way—pretty much the same people that come to our shows now. Seth, Kevin and I have known each other for at least 20 years, Kevin and I about 30.

We started this band because we were friends, and after being in a band together for over 10 years we’re still friends. That’s remarkable. (We only broke up once, but in Seattle, so it doesn’t count.) We’ve made so many friends through the band, and they haven’t gotten sick of us yet despite our best efforts. We don’t play outside Portland very often, because why bother when we can play for 100 of our closest friends any night of the week?”

— Josh Hughes, Rabbits guitarist.

SEE IT: Rabbits’ 10th anniversary show is at the Know, 2026 NE Alberta St., with Gone to Croatoan and DJ Wroid Wrage, on Wednesday, July 1. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

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TUESDAY/CLASSICAL, ETC. the rest of the neo-darkwave pack.

CASEY HARDMEYER. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $3 with RSVP at redbullsoundselect.com. 21+.

Quarterbacks, Mandarin Dynasty, Good Woman

[A.D.D. D.I.Y.] It’s time we rewrite the dictionary entry for “college rock.”

Gone are the days of slack motherfuckers and crooked rain and sludgefeasts, with scrappy punkers like Quarterbacks boldly taking the reins and steering from the reunion circuit back to the grimy basements of college towns like its native land of New Paltz, N.Y. Fans of Joyce Manor and Beat Connection alike will find something to love about the band’s tightly wound, lightly distorted power-pop songs about being in a band that travels the country playing exactly just that.

PETE COTTELL. The Waypost, 3120 N Williams Ave., 367-3182. 8 pm.

Donations encouraged. All ages.

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Caili O’Doherty

[JAZZ] Critically lauded pianistcomposer Caili O’Doherty’s music has already taken her all over the world, from festivals in Toronto and Ireland to a U.S. embassy-sponsored trip to Colombia, but her heart is clearly back in her native Portland.

The recent Berklee College of Music graduate now lives in New York City, but her new album, Padme, contains multiple nods to her city of origin, from the fittingly angular “Ode to St. Johns” to the bouncy “Stumptown.”

It’s kind of unusual for a young jazz artist to release an album composed entirely of originals, but O’Doherty clearly has the chops to pull it off.

CASEY JARMAN. Jimmy Mak’s, 221 NW 10th Ave., 295-6542. 8 pm Wednesday, July 1. $15. 21+.

Cadence Festival of the Unknown

[JAZZ] Founded in 1976, Cadence magazine earned a reputation as one of the premier chroniclers of the jazz world before its fortunes declined. Oregon jazz musician David Haney took over and moved the production to Portland in 2012.

The operation now includes a record label and occasional concerts in various cities. This one, which inaugurates a new monthly performance series, is headlined by saxophonist John Gross and guitarist Cameron Derek Morgan performing original works. The show also includes a new work by singer and film composer Nevada Jones, and an improvised set with Gross, Art Resnick, Andre St. James, Doug Haning, Marie Black and pianist Haney himself. BRETT CAMPBELL. Classic Pianos, 3003 SE Milwaukie Ave., 239-9969. 8 pm Thursday, July 2. $10. All ages.

Chamber Music Northwest

[CLASSICAL] At 45 years old and counting, the venerable Chamber Music Northwest summer festival seems to be gradually rejuvenating itself with newer music and younger performers. Listeners interested in contemporary sounds can check out the festival’s newest wrinkle: hourlong, no intermission, relatively lowpriced noon concerts featuring 20th and 21st century sounds. Thursday’s free concert at the art museum offers Debussy’s gorgeous string quartet and Portland composer David Schiff ’s sparkling arrangement of music from Debussy’s Children’s Corner. Friday’s noon show at PSU features a world premiere and two more works by CMNW’s young Protege Project composer Chris Rogerson, plus a klezmer piece by the wild American composer Paul Schoenfield. BRETT CAMPBELL. Multiple venues. Noon ThursdayTuesday, July 2-7. $10-$60. See cmnw.org for complete schedule.

For more Music listings, visit

MUSIC

ALBUM REVIEWS

BARNA HOWARD QUITE A FEELIN’ (MAMA BIRD) [FOLK] At some point, Barna Howard must have become obsessed with the folk singers of the 1960s and just never let it go. Howard’s two albums replicate that world, right down to the aged-looking photographs and typography on the covers. He’s a fine singer and guitarist in the tradition of guys like Phil Ochs and Tim Hardin (with a dash of John Prine), and a competent storytelling songwriter. All those traits come together on his sophomore album, Quite a Feelin’, from the haunting “Lend Me a Moment” to the dreamlike title track. It is more refined sonically than his selftitled debut, and Howard is a more nuanced vocalist than he was two years ago. The songs—many of them written about his childhood home of Eureka, Mo.—feel more mature. But an album this tied to a bygone era can feel like a deception. The guy’s bio says the house he grew up in was demolished to make way for a Walmart.

That’s a hell of a story, one that’s difficult to tell when you’re intent on staying timeless. I’d love to see a little color leak into these pretty, sepia-toned songs. CASEY JARMAN. SEE IT: Barna Howard plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Denver and Kele Goodwin, on Wednesday, July 1. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

JOEL MAGID PYRAMIDS (SELF-RELEASED) [LYSERGIC LOVESICKNESS] Even psychedelic troubadours get the blues. On his second album, Joel Magid sounds heartsick and hung over, his head hanging heavy with shame, as he ponders the bodies left to decompose on this “tiny, misanthropic dot” of a world. It reads like a breakup record written by Rust Cohle. But for all its bouts of existential despair, Pyramids is hardly a drag. Recorded with lo-fi looseness, it’s an album uplifted by its idiosyncrasies, like the clarinet solo that ends “Bodies on the Ark” and the gang vocals on the blown-out “Here Comes a Big Black Cloud,” which practically welcome the pall of lovelorn gloom that hangs over many of the tracks. Throughout, Magid calls on his friends—including Minden’s Casey Burge, singer Jeni Wren, Máscaras guitarist Carlos Segovia and drummer Papi Fimbres—to paint around his melodies with garage-rock fuzz and acid-folk textures. But it’s his richly lysergic lyrics that stand out most. It’s not all bummer vibes, either. “Put a hole in my head,” Magid sings at one point, “and fill it with your smile.” If you ask me, the light’s winning. MATTHEW SINGER.

Beyond the Print

#WWEEK NEVER MISS A BEAT.

@WillametteWeek

SEE IT: Joel Magid plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Minden and the Domestics, on Saturday, July 4. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

VARIOUS ARTISTS SOUNDS LIKE...GOOD CHEER VOL. 1 (GOOD CHEER) [PORTLAND POP PRIDE] With a year in its rearview mirror, Portland’s Good Cheer Records formally introduces itself with Sounds Like…Good Cheer Vol. 1, which gives 16 bands a few minutes each to be amazing, or at least not boring. There’s not a dud in the bunch. Good Cheer’s roundup of Northwest friendlies does an excellent job of documenting the scrappy and earnest pop-punk predilections shared by a sizable subset of people who grew up on the Internet and bought their first CDs around the time Alkaline Trio peaked. The album strays into fuzzy garage rock (the Spookies’ “Put Me Out”) and Jeff Buckley-esque lamentation (Super Projection’s “Waltz”), but the dominant vibe is typified by Our First Brains, whose “Archer” offers a regional spin on the emo-inflected melodicism of bands like Joyce Manor and Tigers Jaw. It would be unfair not to recognize the outstanding contribution of Sweeping Exits, whose pervy and nervy “Operation” positions the trio as Good Cheer’s glammy outlier, an outfit as intent on getting felt up as it is committed to having feelings. CHRIS STAMM. SEE IT: The Good Cheer Records Compilation Release Party is at Velo Cult, 1969 NE 42nd Ave., on Sunday, July 5. 7 pm. $5 suggested donation. All ages.

@wweek

@WillametteWeek Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC CALENDAR = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Editor: Mitch Lillie. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: music@wweek.com.

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

LAST WEEK LIVE

[JULY 1-7] Roseland Theater

Saithong Thai Fusion

The Know

Starday Tavern

The Lodge Bar & Grill

The Know

8 NW 6th Ave. Tyler The Creator

2026 NE Alberta St. Lubec, Havania Whaal, Alien Boy, Sleeveless

DANIEL COLE

6605 SE Powell Blvd.

Ben Rice B3 Trio

The Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Cafe Cowboys

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. Jumptown Aces, Baby & The Pearl Blowers

Tom McCall Waterfront Park 1020 Naito Pkwy.

Waterfront Blues Festival

Vie De Boheme 1530 SE 7th Ave. Loose Change

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Big How, Rocket 3 and Honey Bucket

Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St. The Green, The Expanders

FRi. JuLy 3 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Ryan Sollee

Alhambra Theatre

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Head North, A Will Away, Light Years, Casey Bolles, Grizzly

Bossanova Ballroom 722 E Burnside St. Flamingay

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd.

Cool Breeze

Dante’s

350 West Burnside The Forgotten 45s

Director Park

815 SW Park Ave Independence Day Celebration

Doug Fir Lounge

Run THE BLADES: Scenes from the Blade Runner Ball at Holocene on Sunday, June 28. See more photos at wweek.com/lastweeklive.

WED. JuLy 1 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Ryan Sollee

Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Robin Trower

Alberta Rose Theatre

3000 NE Alberta St. The Waifs, Awna Teixeira

Analog Cafe

720 se Hawthorne Blvd Give it FM, Where the Sidewalk Ends, Trailview, Laurelhurst

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

The Fenix Project

Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Danny Hay Davis & The Rat Pack

Dante’s

350 West Burnside KD and the Hurt

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Blues Jam

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Psychomagic, Sculpture Gardens, No La La

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. Los Dos

Wilf’s Restaurant & Bar

Jimmy Mak’s

800 NW 6th Ave. Ron Steen Band

Kelly’s Olympian

128 NE Russell St. Tuxedo

221 NW 10th Ave. Caili O’Doherty

426 SW Washington St. Songs, Stories, and a Lil’ Twang

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St. Whiskey Wednesday

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Barna Howard, Denver

Old Church & Pub

30340 SW Boones Ferry Rd. Michele Van Kleef

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Rabbits, Gone to Croatoan, DJ Wroid Wrage

The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd.

Pete Ford Band Jam

Vie De Boheme 1530 SE 7th Ave. Gypsy Jazz Jam

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Chris Marshall and the August Light

Wonder Ballroom

THuRS. JuLy 2 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Ryan Sollee

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

Ben Jones and Friends

Chapel Pub

430 N Killingworth St. Steve Kerin

Classic Pianos

3003 SE Milwaukie Ave Cadence Festival of the Unknown

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St Melt Banana, Torche, House of Lightning, Nasalrod

Doug Fir Lounge

830 East Burnside Street Christopher Owens, Ozarks

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Tough Love Pyle

Ecotrust

721 NW 9th Ave Sundown Concerts

Hawthorne Theatre Lounge

830 East Burnside Street Sons of Bill, Frontier Ruckus

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Shorty and the Mustangs

Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave. The Welfare State: Citypools

1503 SE Cesar E Chavez Blvd.

Blueprint, Supastition, DJ Rare Groove

Hawthorne Theater

Jimmy Mak’s

Holocene

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown B3 Organ Group

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Live

Kennedy School

5736 NE 33rd Ave. Sonny Hess

Mississippi Pizza Pub.

3552 N. Misssissippi Ave Sam Jimenez

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Juan Wauters, St. Even

Panic Room

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Blueprint, Supastition, DJ Rare Groove, Sammy Warm Hands

Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Lynn Conover and Gravel

1507 SE 39th St Taylor Caniff, Michael Wood 1001 SE Morrison St. Le Youth

Jade Lounge

2342 SE Ankeny St. The Great American Songbook Celebration

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Top-Hat Confederacy, Coco Columbia

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Live

Metalcraft Fabrication 723 N Tillamook St. Weed the People

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Houndstooth, Bed., Savila

Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Jon Koonce

710 SW 2nd Ave Where’s Danny Band

6517 SE Foster Road Smash Bandits: A Full Night of Ska! 2026 NE Alberta St. Leather Tom & the Dirty Dudes, Drunk Dog & the Supreme Lovers and Skin Lies

The Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Joe McMurrian

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. Fernando, Lael Alderman, The Diagonal, and Lincoln Barr, Pink Lady & John Bennett Jazz Band

Blue Diamond

Rock Creek Tavern

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

Scandinavian Heritage Foundation

Dante’s

Sellwood Riverfront Park

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

Kevin Selfe and the Tornadoes Jam Session

5474 NE Sandy Blvd.

Ron Steen Jazz Jam 350 W Burnside St Big Business, Norska

Doug Fir Lounge

830 East Burnside Street Toe, Starro

Kells

112 SW 2nd Ave. Traditional Irish Music

Lan Su Chinese Garden

239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Trans Am

Tom McCall Waterfront Park

Plews Brews

Turn! Turn! Turn!

Plews Brews

Vie De Boheme

Rontoms

1020 Naito Pkwy.

Waterfront Blues Festival 8 NE Killingsworth St. John Krausbauer, Failings, Brown.

1530 SE 7th Ave. Wamba, 1000 Fuegos

White Eagle Saloon

8409 N. Lombard St. Open Mic 8409 N. Lombard St. Singer Songwriter Cabaret Open Mic 600 E. Burnside St. Sunday Sessions

Star Theater

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Bob Shoemaker

8800 S.W. Oleson Road Dick Hyman and Friends

SE Oaks Park Way Chervona

The GoodFoot Lounge 2845 SE Stark St. Sonic Forum Open Mic Night

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Scalped, Freak Vibe

The Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 SE 7th Ave. Lloyd Jones

The Secret Society 116 NE Russell St. The Moth Storyslam

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Anthony Ruptak, The Junebugs and Jacob Russo

TuES. JuLy 7 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Lincoln Barr

836 N Russell St. Don’t Tell Mary

13 NW 6th Ave. theXplodingboys

SAT. JuLy 4

1937 SE 11th Ave. Open Mic

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

A.C. Porter and Special Guests

The Know

Cadigan’s Corner Bar

Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Ryan Sollee

Bunk Bar

The Firkin Tavern

2026 NE Alberta St. Empty Vessels, Year of the Coyote, L.I.A.R.

1028 SE Water Ave. Bunk Beach 4th of July Fest, Walter TV, Psychomagic, Cat Hoch, Cambrian Explosion, Talkative, Charts

The Muddy Rudder Public House

Dig a Pony

1020 Naito Pkwy.

Waterfront Blues Festival

736 SE Grand Ave. Wooden Indian Burial Ground, Jenny Don’t and the Spurs, Roselit Bone, DJ Maximillion, Tre Slim

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Los Diabilitos, The Verbtones

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Irish Step Dancers

Kells Brewpub

210 NW 21st Ave. Sami Live

Laurel Thirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Amanda Richards & The Good Long Whiles

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Joel Magid, Minden, The Domestics

OMSi Bridge Lot

1945 SE Water Ave. Dirtybird BBQ

8105 SE 7th Ave. Irish Music

Tom McCall Waterfront Park

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killingsworth St. Bad Luck, Theoretical Planets

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Rob Johnston

MOn. JuLy 6 Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Lincoln Barr

Blue Diamond

2016 NE Sandy Blvd.

Hot Tea Cold

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Nap Eyes

Director Park

815 SW Park Ave Monday Soundscapes

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. The Dan Balmer Trio

Rock Creek Tavern

Kelly’s Olympian

The Know

Kelly’s Olympian

Tom McCall Waterfront Park

Lan Su Chinese Garden

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. The Baron Ward 2026 NE Alberta St. The High Curbs, Ladywolf

1020 Naito Pkwy.

Waterfront Blues Festival

White Eagle Saloon

426 SW Washington St. Bunker Sessions Open Mic 426 SW Washington St. Eye Candy

239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

Mississippi Studios

836 N Russell St. Reverb Brothers, Soul Saturdays with DoveDriver

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Porcelain Raft

Sun. JuLy 5

Pub at the End of the universe

Al’s Den

303 SW 12th Ave. Lincoln Barr

Plews Brews

8409 N. Lombard St. Med Monday

4107 SE 28th Ave. Open Mic

Blue Diamond

5501 SE 72nd Ave. Soul Provider, Naomi T

Doug Fir Lounge

830 East Burnside Street Singley Fimbres Orkestra, Boone Howard

Duff’s Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Reverend Freakchild

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Sheryl Crow

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Mel Brown Septet, Vinyl Gold

Lan Su Chinese Garden

239 NW Everett St. Music in the Teahouse

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Trust, Doubleplusgood, Novosti

Peter’s Room

8 NW 6th Ave Pouya, Fat Nick/ Mikey the Magician

Rock Creek Tavern

10000 NW Old Cornelius Pass Rd. Open Bluegrass Jam

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St. Kairos

The Lehrer

8775 SW Canyon Ln. Hot Jam Night with Tracey Fordice & The 8-Balls

Trinity Episcopal Cathedral

147 NW 19th Ave Paul Jacobs Organ Recital

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. Maremoto, S.S. Curmudgeon

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. The Debts, Dedric Clark and the Social Animals

CONT. on page 57

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MU S ICFE STNW wAterFront PArk August 21-23 musicFestnw.com/tickets

3-daY pass

140

$

FridaY 8/21

45

$

Foster the PeoPle

Misterwives • Milo Greene • lost lander

60

satUrdaY 8/22 $

July Songwriter’s Circle, featuring

WILL HOBBS, HOUSTON BOLLES & JACK MCMAHON MONDAY, JULY 6TH AT 7PM Will Hobbs has been writing and singing original songs since the late 1960s, both as a solo artist and as one of the founding members of the popular Northwest band, Wheatfield.

Houston Bolles is a rarity in Portland these days, a native Oregonian who grew up playing guitar and singing in Portland venues. From his teenage days with New Jersey band “The Nightwatch,” and his early stints as a solo artist in and around NYC s Greenwich Village and Upper Eastside clubs, Jack McMahon has always given the music priority over antics and image.

Beirut

Belle and SeBaStian • twin Shadow • BattleS • title Fight • CayuCas talk in tongueS • SaleS • alialujah Choir

60

sUndaY 8/23 $

SAMUEL TUESDAY, JULY 7TH AT 6PM

Through the piano, the paint brush and eventually the guitar, Samuel learned at a young age that ritual and improvisation have the ability to create balance for a creative mind. Now 24, Samuel has taken his love for the guitar across the West with several touring acts.

THE DESLONDES SUNDAY, JULY 12TH AT 4PM

The Deslondes are a New Orleans-based band, whose raw, stripped-down sound springs to mind a country-meetsSouthern-R&B hybrid rooted partly in the Texas singer/ songwriter tradition, partly on the weathered floor of a Louisiana dance hall.

modest mouse

the talleSt Man on earth • danny Brown • the helio SequenCe lady laMB • Strand oF oakS • Pure Bathing Culture • diverS • Beat ConneCtion

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JULY 1–7

MUSIC CALENDAR THOMAS TEAL

BAR REVIEW

Where to drink this week.

1. Shift Drinks

1200 SW Morrison St., 922-3933, shiftdrinkspdx.com.

Order the “drinking tobacco”—actually a richly flavorful vermouth—or a heartbreakingly good Palermo Viejo #2 ($10) with gin, Cynar, grapefruit liqueur, mint and bitters, plus one of the richly adorned bruschettas ($8) thick as garlic bread.

2. Reverend Nat’s

1813 NE 2nd Ave., 567-2221, reverendnatshardcider.com.

Stop in at Nat’s front-ofthe-house taproom and pick up ciders left over from the Rev’s hard-drinking cider week and anniversary events, whether some of the single-varietal Revelation ciders or the other specials trotted out for the anniversary.

3. Sandy Hut

1430 NE Sandy Blvd., 235-7972.

Club 21’s owners have done less a full-scale remodel of the decades-old Handy Slut than the sort of rearrangement a mother might give her son’s bedroom after he finally moves out: scrub the stink out of the carpets, move some furniture around and open a damn window.

4. Momo’s

725 SW 10th Ave., 478-9600.

We have arrived at peak patio. And in downtown or the West End, a patio seat on the tucked-away, backporch area of Momo’s—still quaintly domestic, even with the ivy cleaned up—is one of the most coveted pieces of real estate.

5. No Fun

1711 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 236-8067, devilsdill.com.

You can now get your favorite tasty-ass, fivespice, pulled-pork Devil’s Dill sandwich in an amiable, sunny bar, with one of five craft taps, an $8 Negroni, a Picklopolis pickle plate with beet, or, especially, the $8.50 house martini.

LAGERED BREWERY: The story of Culmination Brewing (2117 NE Oregon St., 353-6368, culminationbrewing.com) reads more like slow accumulation than capstone. When the taphouse opened three months ago, the brewers weren’t actually able to brew yet. Their opening party’s Black IPA was made in Lucky Lab’s tanks, and the rest of their 21 taps slowly filled up with other local brews, while the kitchen filled with pulled pork and pork tacos. The young brewery got its licensing sorted out in May, not to mention a subdued paint job for its bare-bones, front-of-brewery bar, which has placed 10 of Culmination’s own beers onto the doorside chalkboard menu, titled by style and lot number: a Saison I that’s an urban farmhouse in the school of the Commons’ simple masterpiece, and a Saison II with a bit more malt and crackle. The sour citrus is strikingly tart and balanced with zest, an all-around eccentric beauty of a beer, while the various inaugural IPAs (IPA I and II, of course, plus a Brett and a double) didn’t quite settle into a distinct character by the end of their taster glasses. But if Culmination is still building its repertoire, it suits the brewery’s location in a roughedged shared warehouse amid shipping empires, rock gyms and snowboard makers. The many sunny parking-lot patio seats look out, just two blocks north of Sandy Boulevard, on an unplaceable neighborhood somehow half-trucking and half-condo, like a factory housing tract for Burberry. It’s a heartening coexistence, as if neighborhoods were built not by displacement but also slow accumulation. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

The GoodFoot Lounge 2845 SE Stark St. DJ Magento

The Whiskey Bar Portland 31 NW 1st Ave Snails

WED. JULY 1 Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade 511 NW Couch St. TRONix

Plews Brews

8409 N. Lombard St. Wiggle Room

Pub at the End of the Universe 4107 SE 28th Ave. Wicked Wednesdays

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Event Horizon, Industrial Dance Night

THURS. JULY 2 Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St.

#TESTIFY with DJ Honest John, New Dadz DJs, DJ Portia

Plews Brews

8409 N. Lombard St. Reggae Roots and Dub Night

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Shadowplay

FRI. JULY 3 Lola’s Room

1332 W Burnside 80s Video Dance Attack

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. HEW Francisco

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Death Trip with DJ Tobias

SAT. JULY 4 Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Booty Bassment: Dimitri Dickinson, Maxx Bass, Nathan Detroit

Moloko Plus

3967 N Mississippi Ave. DJ Roane

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Misprid presents Expressway to Yr Skull

SUN. JULY 5

MON. JULY 6 Cadigan’s Corner Bar 5501 SE 72nd Ave. Fight Church TV, Jessie

Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade

511 NW Couch St. Metal Mondays, Metal Kyle and DJ Shreddy Krueger

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Departures, DJ Waisted and Friends

TUES. JULY 7 The Lodge Bar & Grill 6605 SE Powell Blvd.

DJ Easy Finger

The Lovecraft

421 SE Grand Ave. Bones with DJ Aurora

Ground Kontrol Classic Arcade 511 NW Couch St. Killer Queen

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PERFORMANCE

JULY 1–7

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.

SHAKING THE TREE

Editor: ENID SPITZ. Theater: ENID SPITZ (espitz@wweek.com).

Dance: ENID SPITZ (espitz@wweek.com).

TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: espitz@wweek.com.

Presents. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Thursday, 7:30 and 10 pm Friday, 7:30 pm Saturday, July 2-4. $15-$28.

Live Comedy at Kiggins

Free speech gets funny for Kiggins’ Independence Day special featuring headliner Virginia Jones, whose jabs at good old ‘Merican mainstays like J.C. Penney and Jack in the Box give her plenty of material. Selected one of WW’s funniest comics, Curtis Cook joins to celebrate the red, white and funny. Kiggins Theatre, 1011 Main St., 360-816-0352. 8 pm Thursday, July 2. $10.

Naked Comedy Open Mic

COURTESY OF

The Brody hosts a thrice-weekly open-mic night. Comics get four-min-

ute standup slots and can sign up online.Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 9:30 pm every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday. Free with one-item minimum purchase.

Open Court

Team-based, long-form improv open to audience members and performers of all stripes.. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477.

7:30 pm every Thursday. $5.

Random Acts of Comedy

Curious Comedy puts on a freewheeling show that brings together sketch, standup and improv. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 9:30 pm every Saturday. $7-$10.

DANCE Shanghai Children’s Palace

Polaris Dance Company brings 42 tween girl-dancers from China’s afterschool, extracurricular powerhouse, the Shanghai Children’s Palace, to perform a collection of workshopped and traditional pieces. Arts &Communication Magnet Academy Performing Arts Center, 11375 SW Center St., Beaverton.

10:30 am Thursday, July 2. Free.

For more Performance listings, visit

COURTESY OF THE SALOON ENSEMBLE

REVIEW THE DISSENTER’S HANDBOOK

THEATER

COMEDY AND VARIETY

OPENINGS & PREVIEWS

5th Annual Portland’s Funniest Person

Shakespeare in the Park: Macbeth

Set among the tombstones on Lone Fir Cemetery, director Matt Pavik’s rendition of Shakespeare’s Scottish tragedy takes on an eerie verisimilitude. Pull yourself back to the pleasant reality of outdoor theater with a handmade picnic of local spreads, breads, sweets and pickles served by new picnic company Peacock Picnics from a bright yellow vintage bus. Twenty percent of the proceeds support Portland Actors Ensemble, which has been performing Shakespeare in the Park every summer for 44 years. Lone Fir Cemetery, Southeast 26th Avenue and Stark Street, 224-9200. 7 pm Thursday-Saturday through July 25. No performance on July 4; 6 pm July 11 at Marylhurst University. Free, donations encouraged.

The Dissenter’s Handbook: A Collection of Riotous Tales

Banned by European Communist leaders and lauded by Harvard for his fierce, anti-politician commedia dell’arte, Italian playwright Dario Fo is renowned for his provocatively funny Italian folklore. Local theater company Shaking the Tree stages this iconoclastic collection as part ofCoHo Theater’s five-weekend Summerfest of innovative, small-cast performances.

CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St., 220-2646. 7:30 pm Thursday-Friday and Sunday, July 2-3 and 5. . $15, $55 passes.

The Merry Wives of Windsor

Expect a lot of audience participation at this Original Practice Shakespeare Festival performance, which follows in the footsteps of the Bard’s 16thcentury pantalooned troupe: limited rehearsals, an onstage prompter and catcalls to the peanut gallery.

This weekend’s The Merry Wives of Windsor, where two married women receive identical love letters from the same suitor and join forces to embarrass him in front of the whole town, is one of 12 shows OPS is staging this summer in Portland parks.Cathedral Park, North Edison Street and Pittsburg Avenue. 2 pm Sunday, July 5. Free.

Thoroughly Modern Millie

Wannabe trendsetter Millie Dillmount— played by local dancer, gymnast and songstress triple-threat Claire Avakian—moves from Kansas to NYC in search of a wealthy hubby in thissixtime Tony Award-winner that was crowned 2002’s Best Musical.Highenergy, 1920s-era tap numbers power the production and show off localchoreographerLyn Cramer’s penchant for jazz. Broadway Rose New Stage Theatre, 12850 SW Grant Ave., Tigard, 620-5262. 7:30 pm Thursday-Friday, 2 and 7:30 pm Saturday, 2 pm Sundays through July 26. No show July 4, extra performance 7:30 pm Wednesday, July 8. $20-$44.

Helium hosts a fierce competition between Portland comics of all calibers. First-timers and local mainstays like Alex Falcone and Danny Felts have joked it out for weeks. Now, the end is upon us. Wednesday’s semi-finals promise fierce competition and after a week to rest and prep, the finalists will go head-to-head for the title of Bridgetown’s best comic. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888643-8669. semi-finals 7 pm July 1, finals 8 pm July 7. $15. 21+.

Curious Comedy Open Mic

Curious hosts a weekly open-mic night. Sign-ups begin at 7:15, and comics get three minutes of stage time apiece.Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477.

8 pm every Sunday. Free.

Curious Comedy Showdown

Curious Comedy’s improvisers duke it out, in hopes of winning audience votes and advancing to the next round of competition. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 7:30 pm every Friday and Saturday. $12-$15.

Fly-Ass Jokes

Five comics from Portland and beyond perform at this twice-monthly standup showcase, one of the more consistent comedy nights in town. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 10 pm Friday, July 3. $8.

Friday Night Fights

Competitive improv, with two teams battling for stage time. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 9:30 pm every first and third Friday. $5; free with the purchase of a ticket to the 7:30 pm show.

Helium Open Mic

Generally regarded as the best openmic night in town, Helium’s sign-ups fill quickly. Show up between 6 and 7 pm to snag some stage time. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888643-8669. 8 pm every Tuesday. Free with a two-item minimum. 21+.

Hive Five

Brody’s Friday-night showcase has the expert ensemble tackling two different approaches to group improvisation. The kicker: The cast is rotating and so is the format, guaranteeing no two shows are alike. Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 8 pm Friday, July 3. $12.

Ian Bagg

A lack of boundaries and a quickwitted style that’s been compared to Robin Williams’ comedy classify the Canadian-born Bagg. After breaking into the New York comedy scene on Late Night with Conan O’Brien and The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, the avid hockey player (Oh Canada!) now has two of his own successful halfhour specials: HBO’s A Comic’s Climb and Comedy Central’s Comedy Central

THE GREAT WHITE WAY: (From left) Teresa Boyd, Jason Wells and Rob Sams.

J.A.W.Z. THE MUSICAL—IN 3D (THE SALOON ENSEMBLE) A SHARK SATIRE THAT’S MORE SHALLOW THAN SHARP. Comedy sketches, much like sharks, endure as evolutionary marvels of brutal efficiency. They’re borne forward on sheer momentum, form-bound to a brutal functionality and devoid of shame. As audienceservicing blends of familiarity and flattery, sketches may seem timeless, but they age poorly.

It’s been four decades since Jaws re-wrote the movie business and three years since J.A.W.Z. The Musical—In 3-D re-imagined Jaws. This means nearly everyone on stage or in seats at the Alberta Rose Theatre likely learned of the film through cultural osmosis. The production’s best two jokes— adding lyrics to the iconic theme music and casting a foam-clad nebbish as the toothy threat—seem stolen directly from early SNL. But their meaning seems to have been lost along the way. As opposed to SNL’s stoned absurdity highlighting the silliness of Hollywood, Portland’s Saloon Kingdom show is a frenetic mishmash of grotesques and banjoists.

It could never have turned out well. Three years ago, following his troupe’s tweaked re-imagining of The Nightmare Before Christmas, Saloon Kingdom maestro Jason Wells marched his band of damagedroots provocateurs to a screening of Jaws and, for reasons that defy understanding, he set the performers loose upon an epic parody.

Jaws isn’t the blockbuster blueprint subsequent

generations might expect. Leaving aside the impossibility of mimicking Spielbergian techniques via theater and ignoring the gall of attempting performances more over the top than a young Richard Dreyfuss or a drunk Robert Shaw, the original simply doesn’t have the grist for scattershot satire.

A de facto remake might try and get around its own uselessness by upping the mayhem, twisting the plot and pitching all dialogue as psychotic break, but the Jaws 3-D movie already perfected that approach.

By even the tail-chasing standards of pop culture parodies, this remake has been done. By the time Saloon Kingdom readied its version for previews, a troupe at the Minnesota Fringe Festival had already laid claim to a properly-spelled Jaws The Musical.

“Jaws The Musical” dates back to a Mad magazine cartoon libretto and an ’80s standup routine. More to the point, since J.A.W.Z. debuted in 2013, there has been a groundswell of iconic films rendered anthemic pastiche by ramshackle companies at nontraditional venues.

While these other productions might not boast the well-drilled professionalism and engaging talents currently treading the J.A.W.Z. stage, at least wringing comic operetta from Top Gun or tweaking Flash Gordon toward Queen musical are original ideas. Keep retracing such shallow seas and you’re going to need a smarter boat. JAY HORTON. SEE IT: J.A.W.Z. The Musical—In 3D is at Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 9 pm Thursday-Friday, July 2-3. $25.

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VISUAL ARTS

JULY 1–7

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

By MEGAN HARNED. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual Arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: mharned@wweek.com.

July 31. Portland Museum of Modern Art, 5202 N Albina Ave., 953-0515.

Opening reception 8 pm Friday, July 3.

Incision

Multidisciplinary artist Nathanael Thayer Moss’ new paintings explore ideas of perfection and simplicity through carefully controlled design and repetition. Drawing on influences ranging from futurist design, sci-fi film architecture, video-game landscapes and electronic music, Moss’ complex structures mutate within carefully defined constraints.

With his controlled palette of black and white, Moss’ paintings become objects for meditation. Through Aug. 1. Hap Gallery, 916 NW Flanders St., 444-7101. Opening reception 6-8 pm Thursday, July 2.

Malt Liquor and Cold Cuts

Exhibiting seven large-scale, archival prints of antiquated malt-liquor cans and processed deli meats, Portland-based photographer Todd Johnson’s Malt Liquor and Cold Cuts explores abject design and nihilistic function. Through July 12. False Front Studio, 4518 NE 32nd Ave., 781-4609.

The Eve Of…

MY BED AND MY CHAIR BY DON EDLER, PART OF BOREDOM IS THE ULTIMATE WEAPON

Boredom Is the Ultimate Weapon

Abstract sculptures made without any adhesives or fasteners are the result of Los Angeles artist Don Edle’s particular boredom. His series of improvised structures is constructed from whatever materials Edle could find around the HQHQ Project Space. Each Frankenstein creation is clamped, strapped and otherwise mechanically held together, each a formal exercise that plays with shape, color, material, compression and tension.

Through Aug. 23. HQHQ Project Space, 232 SE Oak St., No. 108. An opening party is 6-10 pm Friday, July 3. A grill will be available; bring your own protein. Local artist-made cups will be sold for $10. Each cup supports HQ Objective and allows for free drinks during the event.

Camino del Diablo

ROSELAND THEATER- FRIDAY AUGUST 21 NEW ALBUM #WILDHEART OUT JUNE 29TH TICKETS AVAILABLE AT CASCADETICKETS.COM | OFFICIALMIGUEL.COM

FIND A PAPER Find all oF our WW Box locations at

wweek.com/findapaper

I expect a lot from landscapes for many of the same reasons I expect a lot from paintings of grain elevators, because art history. I wasn’t all that impressed with last month’s flat, golden silos, but I’ll reserve judgment of this crop of desert landscapes featuring mountainous panoramas, cacti and shifting light

by Mark Klett. If they live up to the title of the show they’re sure to take us somewhere interesting. Through July 18. Charles A. Hartman Fine Art, 134 NW 8th Ave., 287-3886.

Everything We Ever Wanted

Katie Batten, Jonathan Casella and Sarah Mikenis rebel against painting’s high formalism to express the millenial struggle between social media’s hype and unfiltered reality.

This tension, dubbed the “fallacy of potential,” sets the stage for a contemporary study of how art history and pop culture can come together in practice. Their works translate the friction between artifice and authenticity into explosions of color and pattern inspired by the Internet’s undulating stream of imagery. Through July 6. Nationale, 3360 SE Division St., 477-9786.

Gardens of Delight

Mary Henry is a Northwest

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Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

Modernist icon whose work has long reflected her interest in the ideas of Bauhaus champion László MoholyNagy. Henry has spent the past half-century perfecting a spare yet expressive visual language out of geometric shapes and bold graphic colors. Unlike Piet Mondrian’s dispassionate geometry, Henry’s abstract compositions are emotionally charged experiences. Through July 11. Jeffrey Thomas Fine Art, 2219 NW Raleigh Ave., 544-3449.

Habitat: A Video Mandala

Habitat is a giant video mandala conjured for your contemplation and iteration, directed by Kello Goeller. It is an immersive experience that asks you to sit on moss pods and enjoy the trance in this deep projected forest. Opening night features a live score by Biddy Thomas. This music then forms the soundtrack for the rest of the show’s run. Through July 31. Duplex, 219 NW Couch St., 206-5089.

Opening reception 6-9 pm Thursday, July 2.

Horizon With Crow

An exhibition of new work by Rick Bartow, a prolific Native artist from Newport, coincides with his retrospective Things You Know but Cannot Explain, on view at the Jordan Schnitzer Museum of Art at the University of Oregon. Bartow creates expressive and mystical drawings, paintings and sculptures influenced by his Wiyot heritage and his service during the Vietnam War. With a linear, abstract style, Bartow creates anthropomorphic figures that feature in cultural stories or serve as personal catharsis. Through July 18. Froelick Gallery, 714 NW Davis St., 222-1142.

Idea of a Door

Liz Harris is a musician and visual artist based in Astoria. She creates intricate black-ink drawings on paper that she adapts into prints and wall paintings. Expressing the precarious tension between cohesion and dissolution, these compositions are formed from pattern fields that break apart and mutate, only to reincorporate themselves back into the larger whole. Through

Christine Wong Yap’s new sculptures and video examine uncertain psychological states, a stark shift from her recent work on happiness and positive psychology. Yap uses mirrors, colored vinyl, Mylar, plastic bags and asphalt-based paint to create scenes of light and darkness.

Inspired by that decisive moment after setbacks and before actions, the project explores the disassembled self on the eve of re-organization. One piece from the work in will also be in PDX Contemporary Art’s Window Project. Through July 18.

Portland ‘Pataphysical Society, 625 NW Everett St., No. 104.

Tight Rope: New Paintings by Arvie Smith

Vivid paintings are the preferred form of activism for local artist and educator Arvie Smith, whos newest collection links our troubled past to our equally troubled present. “By critiquing atrocities and oppression...I hope my work makes the repeat of those atrocities and injustices less likely,” Smith said. His Tight Rope tries to breach the divide between people who feel separated by race, class, religion or sexuality. Hopefully he succeeds.

Through July 12. Mark Woolley Gallery @ Pioneer, 700 SW 5th Ave., 3rd floor, Pioneer Place Mall, 998-4152.

Urban Growth Boundary

Upfor presents recent works by three artists who adapt unorthodox mediums to challenge the traditions of landscape and artistic depiction of nature. Mixed media works by Gregory Euclide, Alex Lukas and Laura Vandenburgh build on and play with the tensions between pastoral and urban stereotypes, offering an indirect but provocative critique in which humans’ dominance of our environment is growing without boundary. Through July 18. Upfor Gallery, 929 NW Flanders St., 227-5111.

Willem Oorebeek

The first institutional solo exhibition in the United States by Dutch artist Willem Oorebeek is billed as an “idiosyncratic and deviant crossover between pop and conceptual art.”

Oorebeek is a printmaker interested in the representation of the human figure, media personalities and publicity. His artistic approach features the distortion of print media through lithography in order to represent the images to us so that we look at familiar pictures in new ways. Through July 19. Yale Union (YU), 800 SE 10th Ave., 236-7996.

For more Visual Arts listings, visit

BOOKS

JULY 1–7

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

By PENELOPE BASS. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

CLONG!, featuring the adventures of slave soldier Private Hooligan, will be on display, along with a limited run of one of Spoons’ signature toys. Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch St., 241-0227. 6-10 pm. Free.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 1 Martín Prechtel

Author, artist, spiritual teacher and Mayan shaman Martín Prechtel (Secrets of the Talking Jaguar) returns to Portland to read from his new book, The Smell of Rain on Dust: Grief and Praise. Get ready to surrender to the spiritual, but if you see a coyote talking in the voice of Johnny Cash, you’ve gone too far.

Central Lutheran Church, 1820 NE 21st Ave, 284-2331. 7 pm. $5-$25 sliding scale.

Stephanie Kallos

Charles Marlow teaches highschool students about the possibilities found in language, which, ironically, does not help him connect with his autistic son. In her new novel, Language Arts, Stephanie Kallos (Broken for You) weaves together the stories of Marlow, an ambitious art student, an Italian nun and the inscribed memory of a boy to explore the concept of rewriting one’s life.

Kallos will be joined by author Ellen Urbani, who wrote the forthcoming novel Landfall. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 800-878-7323. 7:30 pm. Free.

MONDAY, JULY 6 Polly Dugan and Robin McLean

In her debut novel, The Sweetheart Deal, Portland author Polly Dugan explores the viability of a drunken pact between two dudes wherein one agrees to marry the wife of the other in the event of his death. What could go wrong? Joining Dugan in the reading will be Robin McLean, sharing from her debut shortstory collection, Reptile House.

Annie Bloom’s Books, 7834 SW Capitol Highway, 246-0053. 7-8 pm. Free.

TUESDAY, JULY 7 Science on Tap

At OHSU’s Oregon National Primate Research Center, animal behaviorist Daniel Gottlieb studies ways to evaluate and improve the welfare of captive animals. He’ll explain as much in his Science on Tap discussion “Monkey Business: Using Science and Research to Improve the Welfare of Captive Primates.”

Because when apes take over the planet, we’ll all be in for some reckoning. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 238-8899.

7-9 pm. $8-$10.

MONDAY, JULY 13TH, 2015—COME JOIN THE EVENT

Jesse Goolsby

Tom Rogers

When Nikola Tesla teams up with H.P. Lovecraft to track down Tesla’s fi ancee, Amelia Earhart (who has stolen one of his devices and is pulled into another dimension), spooky hijinks are bound to ensue. Tom Rogers, artist and co-creator of Action Lab’s comic series Herald: Lovecraft & Tesla, appears at his fi rst-ever comic signing, where he will off er free sketches. Things From Another World, 4390 SW Lloyd Ave., Beaverton, 643-4222. 3-6 pm.

Free.

THURSDAY, JULY 2

A celebrated fi ction author and essayist and an offi cer in the Air Force, Jesse Goolsby explores the reverberations of war among three American soldiers returning home from Afghanistan. His debut novel, I’d Walk With My Friends If I Could Find Them, swerves back and forth in time and location as the soldiers seek absolution in returning to civilian life. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 800-878-7323.

7:30 pm. Free.

Brian Doyle

Prolifi c Portland author Brian Doyle (Mink River, The Plover, Martin Marten), master of quirky characters, will speak and read a selection of his work at the Willamette Writers membership meeting as it celebrates its 50th year. Expect cake and storytelling. The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th Ave., 222-2031. 7 pm. $10.

Bwana Spoons

A year and a half after closing down his Grass Hut shop and gallery at Floating World, Bwana Spoons is back with a new minihut, Locals Only, and a new minicomic to go with it. Pages from

For more Books listings, visit

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

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BEST OF PORTLAND Best Of Portland is WW’s annual compendium of our favorite things in Portland, with a strong emphasis on the weird and wacky characters that make this city great!

Includes the announcement of our 2015 readers poll winners!

Publishes: July 15, 2015 Space Reservation Deadline: July 8 Ad Materials Due: July 9 Regular advertising rates apply.

Ask your Rep about our AL FRESCO Pages!

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Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

503.243.2122 • advertising@wweek.com

JULY 1–7 REVIEW

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

MELINDA SUE GORDON

MOVIES

Editor: ENID SPITZ. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: espitz@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

OPENING THIS WEEK

York apartment on the market. PG-13.

BRIAN MILLER. Laurelhurst.

Aloft

About Elly

C Like most movies that come out

of Sundance, Aloft is slow and features at least one scene of someone sad running through the woods. The details are unlike anything I’ve ever seen, though: A midwife for pigs (Jennifer Connelly) becomes a mystic healer, and her disapproving son (Cillian Murphy from 28 Days Later and Batman Begins) finds solace in his hobby, the noble sport of falconry.

That description makes the film sound much better than it is. The fascinating details are few and far between, buffered by long stretches of characters gazing angstily out of car windows.

The tiny glimpses into the world of falconry are the best parts, and more than once I wished I’d stayed home watching YouTube videos about the kind of people who stand with giant raptors in tiny leather hats perched on their wrists. R. ALEX FALCONE. Cinema 21.

Escobar: Paradise Lost

A Benicio Del Toro as the wealthi-

est drug lord in history carries this blood-spattered flashback film from first-time director Andrea Di Stefano (Eat, Pray, Love and Nine). Forty-five minutes in, Escobar’s right hand man calls the eponymous King of Cocaine to tell him, “We’ve got a problem.”

That problem is Josh Hutcherson (The Hunger Games) as Nick, a Canadian surfer who emigrates to Colombia at the tail end of El Patron’s 1980s reign, falls for Escobar’s niece and is funneled into the gritty world of cocaine deals. The film splits its time between luxurious shots of Escobar serenading his coifed wife at opulent soirees and frantic scenes as Nick flees through Colombia’s sweaty marketplaces. But Di Stefano would’ve done better to keep the camera on Del Toro’s steely yet intimate lines, which induce the heart-thumping of a cocaine high even better than Nick’s Hollywood shootout scenes. R. ENID SPITZ. Cinema 21.

Magic Mike XXL

C If I base my critique on the room temperature when I left the theater, XXL gets the job done. Channing Tatum returns as the toned and thrusting Mike Lane, who left the stage to start a furniture business. But when Ginuwine’s grind-worthy “Pony” comes on the radio one night while Mike works, he’s reminded of how much he loves to dance and he gyrates around a table saw. Magic Mike writer Reid Carolin reunites the crew for one last show before they hang up their G-strings for good. Steven Soderbergh’s familiar cinematography gives the audience a chance to breathe between lap dances, adding quiet pans of the Florida coastline.

But Gregory Jacobs’ festive direction fails to achieve the ambiguous tension between characters that made Soderbergh’s work in the first film so unexpectedly fascinating, This chapter has more partying and fewer moments that test our perceptions of entertainers. With one exception: a fascinating scene in which the guys shoot the shit with a gorgeous divorcee (Andie McDowell) and her middle-aged friends, surprising each other with their sexual confessions. PG-13.

LAUREN TERRY. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Living Room Theaters, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen Parkway, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV.

C+ It’s not surprising that the prequel to a film titled A Separation is bleak.

A group of Iranian classmates’ vacation to the Caspian Sea goes tragically awry in About Elly, the “new” Asghar Farhadi film that was actually made five years ago, well before his 2012 Oscar winner. A Separation was the first-ever Iranian feature to win Best Foreign Language Film, but Farhadi’s masterful dramatization wanes in this film. Elly, a kindergarten teacher whom the vacationers brought along, disappears, and the child she was watching washes up half-drowned. As Farhadi unwinds his psychological drama, we learn the vacation was a tangled web of taboo relationships all along.

Elly lied about a new love in a phone call to her mother, and one vacationing couple concocted a cover-up to hide Elly’s burgeoning romance from their stalwart Iranian host. About Elly poses the question, did Elly drown or did she disappear to avoid drama?

But Farhadi’s melodramatic treatment of the story doesn’t pull viewers in. It makes its characters seem like confused specimens observed from afar, but perhaps the film was destined to be a sinker. NR. MICHAEL NORDINE. Living Room Theaters.

Aloha

D+ Even before its release, Cameron Crowe’s Aloha was taking flak for appropriation and whitewashing, but what’s most uncomfortable about this mess of a rom-com is that Crowe tries his awkward best to elevate Hawaiian culture and ends up stereotyping and patronizing native Hawaiians in the process. PG-13. CASEY JARMAN. Laurelhurst.

Avengers: Age of Ultron

A- If you loved The Avengers: You’ll squee all over yourself because, man, everything looks so cool! But if you got dragged to the movie: Buckle up, it’s gonna be a long ride. Between giant, smashy fights, each of the 2,000 characters gets a dark past, a love story, a moment of self doubt, and a separate resolution. In between, there’s lots of fighting, too often just two indestructible characters bashing each other into stuff. PG-13.

ALEX FALCONE. Eastport, Clackamas, Empirical, Evergreen Parkway, Movies on TV.

Dope

STILL SHOWING

B This Sundance darling stands out for its excellent soundtrack, heavy on ’90s hip-hop with A Tribe Called Quest, a shout-out to local punk darlings the Thermals and a cheap jab at Macklemore. Written and directed

by Rick Famuyiwa (Our Family Wedding), Dope follows three geeky high-schoolers in a dangerous part of Inglewood, Calif., called the Bottoms.

The geeks focus on their band, getting into Harvard and losing their virginity, which throws them into the hardhitting world of L.A. drug dealers.

The film has a lot of heart: more than you’d expect from a comedy and less than you’d expect from a drama. That genre-switching is its main failing, though. The swings from serious to lighthearted are jarring, and it’s so focused on being cutting-edge that it feels outdated, like one big Throwback Thursday eight months ago (when people did #TBT). But the youthful cast and cameos from rappers like A$AP Rocky as the neighborhood kingpin are charming. R. ALEX FALCONE. Eastport, Fox Tower, Lloyd Center.

5 Flights Up

Entourage

C+ This AARP-oriented dramedy

strikes all the familiar chords. Retired teacher Ruth (Diane Keaton) and painter Alex (Morgan Freeman), with a niece (Cynthia Nixon, Sex and the City) as their broker, put their New

B- You know who had a good Monday night? The bros who sat behind me at the Entourage screening. They had the time of their bro-y lives! Every time a pair of breasts appeared on screen,

CONT. on page 64

ARNOLD’S BACK, TO THE ’80s: Schwarzenegger in Terminator Genisys.

ROBOT REBOOT

was the robot. Apparently, in this timeline, acting is much harder.

The thing that made the first Terminator work was its simplicity—one idea, relentlessly pursued to incredibly good effect. Genisys replaces that with dumb science and big, corny action scenes like a motorcycle driving on top of a bus exploding on the Golden Gate Bridge.

BY A LEX FA LCON E @a lex_fa lcon e And while the original focused on the result of time travel, Genisys goes to unfortunate lengths to I know you’re really worried about this, so I’m just explain the why and how. That’s a huge mistake. going to say it up top: Yes, Arnold Schwarzwhatever Once you try to explain how the timelines work (something about “nexus points” and magnets), says “I’ll be back” in this movie. Isn’t that a relief?

We were all sitting there going, “Will he say you’ve already lost. Instead, why not explain some of the myriad insane things in the the one thing he’s known for more than movie that get no attention? anything else in his career, including Why is everybody constantly eight years as governor of the most shooting at robots repeatedly populous state in the nation?” And then he did, and we all sighed shown to be immune to bullets?

And why do the characters say contentedly and ignored the fact that Terminator Genisys makes “hurry up” before they get into no goddamn sense. the time machine, as if the The fifth movie in the franfuture will be miffed they kept it waiting? And why the fuck chise is part sequel, part reboot, do the robots have human teeth? selectively ignoring or reimagining Not just the terminators in disstuff from other parts of the series, which it can do because of two BY ALEX FALCONE @alex_falcone guise, but the fully robotic robots magic words: alternate timelines. walking around made entirely There’s a great tragedy in life; time-travel mov- out of robot parts except they have human teeth. ies are super-fun, and time travel doesn’t make Explain that! And don’t just say “magnets.” sense. What’s a filmmaker to do? Just say “alternate By far the silliest part is that Skynet isn’t a timelines” and boom, you’ve explained away the DARPA program in this timeline. Now it’s an app Grandfather Paradox and you’ve allowed yourself called Genisys that everybody wants. But what to change a couple of specifics while essentially does it do to make everybody want it sooo badly? making the same movie all over again.

It’s “links my phone, my tablet, everything seamBut at least Arnold is still fun. It was a brilliant lessly into the cloud.” Holy shit! When can I get this move in the first place; here’s an actor incapable of Trojan horse that enables the robot uprising? I will sounding human, so let him play a robot and don’t pay any price! give him many lines. That trick still works. But the It sounds like a Microsoft keynote for a program other characters, not so much. that will completely flop, but according to the movie, New Sarah Connor (Emilia Clarke from Game 1 billion people preordered it. And that’s where the of Thrones) is 28, but she looks 12 and talks like movie really lost me. It’s harder for me to believe it too (like, you know, all the time), so it’s hard that you could sell a billion copies of that app than to believe she’s a badass ninja about to become to accept that a super-genius robot could invent pregnant with the savior. time travel and yet never think to send two fucking The new version of Kyle Reese, the guy sent back terminators at the same time and be done with it. in time to protect Sarah—and to have unprotected I’m sorry, obviously you couldn’t do that. It’d sex with her (Jai Courtney)—is a big pile of bor- disturb the magnets. ing. He and Schwarz have this weird scene where C SEE IT: Terminator Genisys is rated PG-13. It opens they’re supposedly bonding, but neither moves his Wednesday at Pioneer Place, Lloyd Center, Eastport, face enough to show any feeling. If you walked in City Center, Clackamas, Division, Bridgeport, on the movie at that point, you’d have no idea which Vancouver.

ARNOLD IS THE ONLY MAGNET IN GENISYS ’ INDETERMINABLE REPLAY.

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JULY 1–7

one of the bros audibly muttered, “Oh shit.” There are maybe 20 sets of breasts, and he “oh shit”-ed all of them. The audience bros loved that the flimsy plot consisted entirely of the movie bros attempting to sleep with women, sleeping with women or talking about their attempts to sleep with women. There is something about the movie bros trying to make their own movie or having already made a movie or something, but it couldn’t matter less compared to the sleeping-with-women part. As far as I can tell, it’s all terrible. It’s a terrible group of humans being terrible and kinda making a movie with other terrible people. Maybe it’s all a comedy and I completely missed the point, but it’s so hard to tell if it’s funny on purpose or funny like a dog with its snout stuck in an icecream carton, where it’s definitely amusing in parts but it’s also sad because he’s trying his hardest. R. ALEX FALCONE. Fox Tower, Valley.

Ex Machina

B- Frankenstein’s monster is easy

on the eyes in Ex Machina, Alex Garland’s sexualized science-fiction tale of a coder named Caleb (Domhnall Gleeson) whisked away by his genius boss (Oscar Isaac) for a top-secret project. The story’s familiar. But we’re enticed enough to follow along anyway. R. MICHAEL NORDINE. Kiggins, Fox Tower.

Fresh Dressed

B CNN Films brings us this new documentary about hip-hop’s influence on fashion and vice versa, because if there’s one thing you think of when you think CNN, it’s hip-hop culture. The production feels oddly cheap, and the big interviews (Kanye, Sean “Puffy” Combs, Pharrell) are meted out with smaller ones, stock footage, and a weird CG effect on old photos to make it look as if just the hands are moving.

Coverage of the ’70s and ’80s is pretty light, but the film has a lot to offer about the ’90s, with some interesting stories about brands like Ecko Unltd., Cross Colours, Karl Kani and FUBU, and a guy who owns a half million dollars’ worth of sneakers in plastic tubs. The film is not particularly hard-hitting or introspective, but a nice entry-level history course on trends in street fashion. NR. ALEX FALCONE. Living Room Theaters.

Furious 7

A- Furious 7’s action and ridicu-

lousness make it perhaps the best yet. Its tribute to Paul Walker, who tragically died (in a high-speed car wreck) before the film wrapped makes it one of the most affecting movies about things exploding ever made. The central chase scene is frantic and ludicrous, and Dwayne “The Rock” Robinson flexes his sinewy biceps so hard that he breaks a goddamned plaster cast. This time, the team takes on terrorists and Deckard Shaw (Jason Statham).

PG-13. AP KRYZA. Academy, Avalon, Kennedy School, Joy, Valley.

Inside Out

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potlander.com Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

A Pretty much everybody in the theater was sobbing at some point during Inside Out. It’s sad.

Crushingly, relentlessly sad. And absolutely brilliant from writer-director Pete Docter, (Up). It’s not about depression per se. It’s about young Riley, who has to move across the country for her dad’s job, and the tiny people in her head who represent her emotions. It’s helped along by especially excellent voice work from its leads. Amy Poehler as Joy, Lewis Black as Anger (obviously) and Phyllis Smith (from The Office) as Sadness. Sadness steals the show, which is fitting. I’m just not sure how much little kids will enjoy it.

The main story, about an 11-yearold girl being bummed all the time, seems aimed more at parents and, to a lesser extent, older kids. There’s a talking elephant made of cotton candy to help occupy the littles, but you will love it, because it’s great. And since you’re paying for it, screw them. PG. ALEX FALCONE.

Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, St. Johns Theater.

Iris

A Famed documentarian Albert Maysles’ penultimate film disrobes the avant-garde world of a 93-yearold interior designer who’s notorious for her gargantuan eyeglasses, for the Metropolitan Museum of Art exhibit dedicated to her, and for designing White House interiors under nine presidents. She shuffles through crowds with Karl Lagerfeld types, wearing enough magenta beads to hold her wrinkled neck up straight, as the film mindfully tours viewers through Apfel’s life.

As with Maysles’ Grey Gardens and Salesman, it’s hard to look away. NR. ENID SPITZ. Living Room Theaters.

Jurassic World

B No more baby teeth. The Jurassic Park franchise has grown up, along with its audience. Unlike the three prior installments, Jurassic World takes place after the concept of “de-extinction” has long lost its cachet. Raptor wrangler Chris Pratt remains forever the gruff yet accessible hero. There are plenty of allusions and self-effacing moments to entertain the fanboys, and plenty of classic “Does it see me?

Does it smell me?” shots, providing welcome glimpses into the truly gruesome maws of the best-rendered dinos to date. More unexpectedly, the film opens the floor to more nuanced storytelling. Antimilitary and anti-corporate themes and even Blackfish-style commentary on animal captivity abound.

But the overall magic of a park full of dinosaurs is somehow muted, as the film focuses primarily on one big baddie that must be stopped.

PG-13. TED JAMISON. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, St. Johns Cinemas.

A Little Chaos

A There is very little chaos in Alan Rickman’s Versailles period piece, which he directed and stars in as King Louis XIV. Vying for the coveted role of le Roi-Soleil’s landscape designer, commoner Kate Winslet beats male contenders with her “chaotic designs.” Ever the stout heroine, Winslet impresses the royal court with her genius for engineering and slowly but surely becomes the wholesome paramour Louis’ gardener-in-chief. Rickman gives us pristine gold leaf, the drama of a carriage flip and Stanley Tucci in a feathered cap. But the expected is done quite well. Winslet makes a convincing green-thumbed creative and an even more convincing lover. When her masterpiece is finished and Rickman stands majestically at its center, not a stone is out of place. A little tousling might do well here, but perfection does look lovely. R. ALLIE DONAHUE. Living Room Theaters.

Love & Mercy

B+ Brian Wilson’s mental break-

down in the mid-1960s is as essential to the Beach Boys mythos as the band’s Pendleton shirts and woodies. Love & Mercy is Bill Pohlad’s attempt to sort through the mess of Wilson’s collapse and treatment by Dr. Eugene Landy (Paul Giamatti), the psychologist who lost his license for exploiting Wilson. Two phases of Wilson’s life crisscross throughout the film.

Young, brilliant, falling-apart-at-theseams Brian is played persuasively

by Paul Dano (Little Miss Sunshine), but John Cusack is largely miscast as the middle-aged Wilson. The film plays out like intertwined memories.

Fans will delight in the picture-perfect re-creations of Wilson’s parties, photo shoots and recording sessions. Members of the Wrecking Crew, the session musicians who helped Wilson realize his titanic

visions, practically step out of the screen. When drummer Hal Blaine gives Wilson a pep talk, telling him he’s better than Phil Spector, I shed a tear. PG-13. NATHAN CARSON. Bridgeport, Fox Tower.

Mad Max: Fury Road

A I left the theater feeling like

I should take a shower. This is a batshit, dirt-punk world, where the lack of resources has somehow convinced roving bands of ne’erdo-wells there is only one way to survive: make everything look awesome. And they do. It’s as if a world war erupted at Burning Man. This is not to say Fury Road makes any sense. In a world fighting over gasoline, the action is a nonstop fight scene between souped-up cars with flame throwers and a tanker truck full of breast milk. First, a group of people needs to drive one way and try not to die, then they need to drive another way and try not to die. That’s it.

Suddenly, Furious 7 seems densely plotted. What’s so amazing is that this nonsensical explodey fuckpile can get away with almost anything.

If you loved any part of the original Mad Max trilogy, you won’t be disappointed by it restarting with such vigor. If you don’t know anything about it, you’ll be thrilled to discover a new series. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Hollywood, Bridgeport, City Center, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV.

Max

Director Boaz Yakin (Remember the Titans) gives us Max—“Best friend. Hero. Marine.”—the German shepherd endearingly adopted by his former handler’s family, mainly Lauren Graham. PG. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen Parkway, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl

A- It’s so rare, in the post-Disney Channel age, to find a young adult movie with a believable emotional center. In most films teens are hormonal train wrecks or micro-adults, but the teenage protagonists of Me and Earl and the Dying Girl are dignified, complex, and legitimately funny. They have layered relationships with the adults in their lives, none of whom is painted as monsters or clueless authority figures. They curse and look at porn and smoke cigarettes, but they also watch Herzog films and savor Vietnamese fare. It’s a deeply humanist dark comedy, alluring in presentation—with all the winking film literacy of a Wes Anderson flick, and a Brian Eno soundtrack to boot—and mostly devoid of the sappy coming-of-age trope. This film will make some teens feel less alone, which is about the best thing a movie like this can do. PG-13.

CASEY JARMAN. Fox Tower, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Bridgeport, Movies on TV.

The Overnight

A “The best sex comedy at Sundance,” according to Rolling Stone, is more than slightly uncomfortable to watch. Like the-elastic-in-your-socks-is-wornout-and-they’re-bunching-in-yourshoes uncomfortable. The film follows a Seattle couple that moves with their young kid to L.A., where the child has trouble making friends.

When the parents are invited to dinner by a hot neighbor couple that also has a young kid, they jump at the chance. It’s obvious to us from the beginning, if not to them, that something else is up.

The following innuendo and buildup accounts for the bulk of the movie.

Taylor Schilling (Orange Is the New Black) and Adam Scott (Parks and Recreation) act perfectly on the edge of oblivious and have terrific chemistry, and the film deftly avoids tumbling into cliché, cheesy sex jokes or awkwardness for its

JULY 1–7

Poltergeist

Yet another remake of Steven Spielberg’s 1982 haunted-house flick in which the Bowen family (parented by Sam Rockwell and Rosemarie DeWitt) find their new suburban home occupied by evil forces. This time, Oscar-nominated Gil Kenan (Monster House) and Sami Raimi (The Grudge) tell the supernatural kidnapping tale. PG-13.

Avalon, Mission, Vancouver, Valley.

San Andreas

D Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson

saves the day as rescue helicopter pilot Ray Gaines. But he can’t save the movie. There’s genuine parental tension between him and his ex-wife, Emma (Carla Gugino), but the screenplay is ironically sparse and flat. When a character advises, “Just get yourself next to something sturdy,” it’s both a survival tip and a metaphor for Emma’s love of the Rock’s Gaines. When tremors hit, the characters are either at the top of a high-rise or the bottom of a parking garage. San Andreas the film is an exaggerated worst-case scenario in itself. To director Brad Peyton’s credit, the CGI is inarguably exceptional, and wide shots of the entire Bay Area rippling like water have a somber, chilling effect.

PG-13. LAUREN TERRY. Eastport, Clackamas, Division, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

a sperm bank with his best friend John (Mark Wahlberg) because lol semen. There are plenty of awkward allusions to civil rights as Ted goes to court to prove his personhood, but these fall flat. Between lines bordering on homophobic and the film’s obsession with dick jokes, Ted 2 seems like something written by a mean-spirited 13-year-old.

The most striking thing about this execrable sequel is its star power: Morgan Freeman, Mad Men’s John Slattery, and a deadly-serious Liam Neeson join Patrick Warburton from The Tick. If you think “black cocks” coming up on every Google search or Marky Mark being covered in spooge is hilarious, Ted 2 is the movie for you. . PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Oak Grove,

Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Tigard, St. Johns Cinemas.

While We’re Young

A- This Gen-X midlife-crisis movie is a career-best comedy for both Ben Stiller and Noah Baumbach.

Filmmaker Josh (Stiller) and producer wife Cornelia (Naomi Watts) are stalled in careers and marriage.

More than a generational clash, this is a satire of an entire class of narcissists (the director included).

R. BRIAN MILLER. Academy, Laurelhurst.

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own sake. Even Jason Schwartzman as a sexy version of Michael Scott from The Office is more endearing than annoying. R. ALEX FALCONE. Cinema 21.

MOVIES

Slow West

A- Slow West feels like propaganda made to discourage time travel back to the Old West. And that’s precisely what’s so refreshing about this movie: It doesn’t romanticize gunslinging. Instead, it focuses on the day-to-day indignities of living on a horse, constantly in danger of being robbed, murdered or caught in a flash flood and forced to ride the next day in your underwear while your only clothes dry out. It makes a dusty genre feel distinctly modern. It’s not surprising that this version of the American legend is so unromanticized, since its creator is Scottish folktronica keyboardist John Maclean. Consider it the equivalent of a peaty Scotch instead of a fine bourbon—both will get you drunk, robbed and left outside in your underpants. PG-13.

ALEX FALCONE. Academy.

Spy

A- Serious actors playing funny roles seriously, a la Airplane, is one of my favorite things, and Paul Feig’s new movie, Spy, delivers that in spades. Jason Statham is hilarious as a parody of every real role he’s played; Allison Janney is a funny version of her humorless self on West Wing; and 50 Cent, well, he can’t act to save his life. Every sentence he says sounds like an alien in 50 Cent’s body discovering his vocal chords for the first time.

But really, that’s a minor complaint.

Spy is super-funny, and it’s a much smarter comedy than the trailer may lead you to believe. There are nut kicks, sure, and plenty of gross moments, but the smart jokes made me laugh—and made me feel good about laughing. R. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen Parkway, Fox Tower, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV.

Ted 2

C From the instant Seth

MacFarlane’s Ted grossed over $200 million in 2012, the sequel was inevitable. The foul-mouthed Ted is back with more celebrities, low-hanging fruit and product placement. It’s not the movie the movie-going public needs, but it is the film we deserve. It opens with the titular bear marrying Tami-Lynn, but when the two decide to adopt a child, they find out that Ted is not a person in the eyes of the government. Oh, and Ted also goes to

WHAT THEY DO IN THE SHADOWS: Alida Valli (left) and Joseph Cotten.

THE THIRD MAN The past 66 years have been kind to Carol Reed’s The Third Man. It’s lauded as one of the finest examples of film noir and one of the greatest cinematic achievements of all time.

The Graham Greene script has been studied, pulled apart and pieced back together endlessly, with the most common consensus declaring the twisty, cynical, dark screenplay a stroke of genius.

Joseph Cotten’s jaded alcoholic hero and Orson Welles’ charismatically diabolical villain are high-water marks for the genre.

What really makes the film sing, though, isn’t the jaunty and iconic zither score by Anton Karas. It’s the film’s groundbreaking visual aesthetic, which combines noir tropes with expressionism to create a visual wonderland of living shadows.

It’s never looked better than in its new 4K digital restoration.

Filmed on location in post-war Vienna, the story follows downtrodden American pulp writer Holly Martins (Cotten) to Austria, where old friend Harry Lime (Welles) has promised him a copywriting gig. Trouble is, Martins arrives just in time for Lime’s funeral.

Given his propensity for heavy drinking and imagining pulp fiction, Martins begins investigating his friend’s death, traversing the shells of bombed-out buildings and running afoul of the police.

The shocking truth of Lime’s dealings is the stuff of nightmares.

But more haunting than any plot detail is the film’s eerie visual landscape. Vienna is a character itself, and Robert Krasker’s Oscarwinning cinematography brings it to life with light and shadow as stark as an artist’s stenciling. Every corner of the labyrinthine city seems to hide a secret, lurking just outside of the light.

That artistry—nowadays created using CGI in films like Sin City—accompanied by disorienting camera angles, creates a dread that permeates every frame. Quiet strolls are foreboding. A giant Ferris-wheel ride becomes a gut-wrenching exercise in suspense.

It culminates in an extended foot chase—still among the best ever shot—that spills from the streets to the sewers, where shadows seem alive and the ancient architecture evokes an M.C. Escher painting transformed into a maze. It’s breathless, jaw-dropping stuff—a fully realized mystery that shines because the characters don’t simply operate within an environment—they’re shaped by it. Three generations later, 1949’s The Third Man still exceeds its reputation. AP KRYZA.

The shadows are alive in a restored noir classic.

A

SEE IT: The Third Man opens Friday at Cinema 21.

Terminator Genisys (XD-3D) (PG-13) 10:00AM 1:00PM 4:00PM 7:00PM 10:00PM Pitch Perfect 2 (PG-13) 10:00AM 3:40PM 9:40PM San Andreas (PG-13) 1:25PM 7:10PM Max (2015) (PG) 10:35AM 1:30PM 4:25PM 7:15PM 10:10PM Terminator Genisys (3D) (PG-13) 11:50AM 11:50AM ® 2:50PM 2:50PM ® 5:50PM 5:50PM ® 8:50PM 8:50PM ® Terminator Genisys (PG-13) 10:40AM 1:40PM 4:40PM 7:40PM 10:40PM Spy (R) 1:15PM 7:25PM Ted 2 (R) 10:40AM 11:40AM 12:45PM 1:35PM 2:40PM 4:35PM 5:40PM 6:40PM 7:30PM 8:40PM 10:35PM Magic Mike XXL (R) 10:45AM ® 1:45PM ® 4:45PM ® 7:45PM ® 10:40PM ®

Faith of our Fathers (PG-13) 11:50AM 2:20PM 4:50PM 7:20PM 9:55PM Inside Out (3D) (PG) 11:00AM 1:35PM 4:20PM 7:05PM 9:50PM Magic Mike XXL (R) 10:45AM 11:45AM 12:45PM 1:45PM 2:45PM 3:45PM 4:45PM 5:45PM 6:45PM 7:45PM 8:45PM 9:45PM 10:40PM Avengers: Age Of Ultron (PG-13) 10:00AM 4:05PM 10:25PM Jurassic World (PG-13) 10:05AM 11:30AM 1:05PM 2:30PM 3:15PM 4:00PM 5:30PM 7:00PM 8:30PM 9:15PM 10:00PM Mad Max: Fury Road (R) 10:30AM 4:10PM 10:05PM Inside Out (PG) 10:10AM 11:35AM 12:50PM 2:15PM 3:30PM 4:55PM 6:10PM 7:35PM 8:55PM 10:15PM Jurassic World (3D) (PG-13) 10:45AM 12:15PM 1:45PM 4:45PM 6:15PM 7:45PM 10:40PM

Papanasam (Primetech Media) (NR) 2:30PM 5:30PM Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (PG-13) 11:15AM 1:50PM 7:20PM Terminator Genisys (PG-13) 1:15PM 4:15PM 7:15PM 10:15PM Premam (Great India Films) (NR) 9:00PM Terminator Genisys (3D) (PG-13) 10:15AM 11:45AM 2:45PM 5:45PM 8:45PM Ted 2 (R) 10:45AM 11:30AM 12:35PM 2:00PM 3:25PM 4:50PM 6:15PM 7:40PM 9:05PM 10:30PM Spy (R) 11:00AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:20PM Magic Mike XXL (R) 10:30AM 11:55AM 1:20PM 2:45PM 4:10PM 5:35PM 7:00PM 8:25PM 9:50PM

Inside Out (3D) (PG) 10:00AM 12:35PM 3:20PM

Me and Earl and the Dying Girl (PG-13) 11:15AM 2:00PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:15PM Pitch Perfect 2 (PG-13) 1:50PM 4:35PM 7:35PM Terminator Genisys (PG-13) 1:10PM 7:30PM 9:00PM Max (2015) (PG) 11:10AM 2:05PM 4:50PM 7:40PM 10:25PM Ted 2 (R) 11:00AM 12:30PM 1:45PM 3:20PM 4:40PM 6:15PM 7:25PM 9:10PM 10:20PM Terminator Genisys (3D) (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:45PM 4:20PM 6:05PM 10:40PM San Andreas (PG-13) 10:50AM 5:00PM Spy (R) 10:55AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:30PM 10:25PM

Dope (R) 11:05AM 10:20PM Inside Out (3D) (PG) 12:20PM 5:55PM Magic Mike XXL (R) 10:45AM 12:15PM 1:30PM 3:15PM 4:30PM 6:15PM 7:30PM 9:15PM 10:30PM Avengers: Age Of Ultron (PG-13) 1:40PM 7:45PM Jurassic World (PG-13) 12:50PM 4:05PM 7:20PM 10:30PM Mad Max: Fury Road (R) 11:00AM 1:55PM 4:45PM 7:45PM 10:40PM Inside Out (PG) 11:05AM 1:45PM 3:10PM 4:25PM 7:15PM 8:40PM 10:00PM Jurassic World (3D) (PG-13) 10:50AM 1:55PM 5:10PM 8:25PM

Fare Thee Well: Celebrating the Grateful Dead (R) 5:00PM Max (2015) (PG) 11:00AM 1:45PM 4:30PM 7:15PM 10:00PM Inside Out (PG) 10:50AM 11:40AM 1:30PM 2:25PM 4:15PM 5:10PM 7:00PM 7:55PM 9:45PM 10:30PM Mad Max: Fury Road (R) 4:25PM 10:00PM Jurassic World (PG-13) 10:30AM 1:30PM 3:30PM 4:30PM 6:30PM 7:30PM 10:30PM Jurassic World (3D) (PG-13) 11:30AM 12:30PM 6:00PM 9:00PM 9:30PM

FRIDAY Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

65

MOVIES

JULY 1–7

COURTESY OF UNAPIX

AP FILM STUDIES

WEEKDAY UPDATE: Chevy Chase on Saturday Night Live in 1976, as shown in the movie Grass.

HIGH CINEMA POT’S LEGAL! GRASS EXPLORES A TIME WHEN IT WASN’T.

BY A P KRYZA

WWEEKDOTCOM WWEEKDOTCOM 66

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

apkryza@wweek.com

It’s time! After years and years of abstaining, we finally get to see what happens when you mix the joy of going to the movies with what medical patients, assumed chronic masturbators and criminals say smoking a marijuana cigarette feels like. It’s a strange, exciting, terrifying time.

Not that I’ve ever tried it, mind you. But my friend once told me that if there’s something that people high on the reefers really love, it’s watching documentaries about issues they care about, then spouting out whatever they hear as gospel at parties. And if there’s another thing they love, it’s more marijuana. And if there’s a third thing, it’s watching old videos about how squares used to perceive the pots on the YouTubes.

Ron Mann’s 1999 documentary, Grass (Clinton Street Theater; 9:30 pm Wednesday, July 1), is the perfect mix of a pot documentary and greatest-hits reel of old marijuana propaganda. Narrated in a stony warble by noted weed enthusiast Woody Harrelson, the documentary covers the history of pot prohibition from the 1910s—when Mexican migrants brought it over the border—through drug czar Harry Anslinger’s war against the devil weed, 1967’s Summer of Love, the Carter period of lax controls, the ’80s “Just Say No” era, all the way up to a surprisingly stringent 1999.

The brisk film uses everything from animation to archival footage to condemn the hundreds of billions of dollars spent on the war on drugs, plus the millions of lives ruined by laws that included mandatory sentencing for the tiniest amount of possession. It’s infuriating, really, to look back just 20 years to see how out of touch the country’s leaders were.

What isn’t is the barrage of old-school propaganda that Mann’s film unearths. There’s a bit insisting that marijuana use will make you so lucid you’d gladly chew glass, and classic blackand-white reels of dopers as deranged rapists and violent lunatics. The clips are hilarious, especially when you consider how effective they were. And by “hilarious” I mean extremely troubling, but in a way that gives you the giggs.

If there’s a complaint to be made about the film, it’s that Mann rushes to a conclusion, covering everything from the Reagan era to 1999 in a few brief minutes while going into extreme detail about other periods. But perhaps that’s because the film is only a chapter in what will be a very long road to full-on legalization.

If all goes well, by the time the director gets around to making Grass II, we can all watch it in Portland’s first weed-friendly movie theater.

Provided, of course, weed and movies really do mix. I have high hopes they do.

ALSO SHOWING:

Another thing stoners like watching? Cheech & Chong smoking a gigantic log of dog shit. Thank God, then, for Up in Smoke. Hollywood Theatre.

7:30 pm Wednesday, July 1.

Maybe I’m just bleary eyed, but based on his performance in The Hustler, Jackie Gleason would have played a hell of a Larry Flynt. Pix Patisserie.

Dusk Wednesday, July 1.

Before he was antagonizing censors with Bad Lieutenant, Abel Ferrara was antagonizing people’s heads with power tools in 1979’s trashy Driller Killer. Joy Cinema. 9:15 pm Wednesday, July 1.

First of all, hell yes to the Hollywood’s monthlong rock opera series. Second, fuck yeah to kicking it off with Purple Rain.

Hollywood Theatre. July 1-3.

Gene Wilder’s most chilling performance as a prolific child murderer operating in full public view in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. Laurelhurst Theater; July 3 and 5-9. Hollywood Theatre; 3 and 7 pm Saturday-Sunday, July 4-5.

Raiders of the Lost Ark is and forever shall be the perfect way to spend two summer hours. Academy Theater. July 3-9.

Of all the films from the ’90s rap-movie craze, none holds up as well as Belly, a violent, kinetic film that feels like a long-form music video with an actual story featuring Nas, Method Man, DMX and T-Boz. 5th Avenue Cinema. 7 and 9:30 pm FridaySaturday, 3 pm Sunday, July 3-5.

Fun fact about American Psycho: Christian Bale is so Method, he actually ate a kitten to better understand the film’s ATM machine. Cartopia. Dusk Sunday, July 5.

The Clinton kicks off “Gun Van Sant: 30 Years,” focusing on his genuine crowd pleasers that superfans wrongfully dismiss as “too mainstream.” First up, the whimsical Even Cowgirls Get the Blues.

Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Sunday, July 5.

B-Movie Bingo unleashes a barrage of gunfire, spin-kicks and uncomfortable political hindsight with Chuck Norris’ Invasion USA. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Tuesday, July 7.

MOVIES

co u r T e Sy o F pa r a M o u n T p i c T u r e S

july 3–9

SIR, COuLD I PLEASE SEE yOuR LICEnSE: Up in Smoke plays at Hollywood Theatre at 7:30 pm Wednesday, July 1.

Regal Lloyd Center 10 & IMAX 1510 NE Multnomah St. TERMINATOR GENISyS: AN IMAX 3D EXPERIENCE Fri-Sat-Sun 01:00, 04:20, 07:30, 10:35 MAGIC MIKE XXl Fri-Sat-Sun 12:50, 03:55, 07:20, 10:20 lA TRAVIATA MET SuMMER ENCORE Wed 07:00

Regal Evergreen Parkway Stadium 13 & RPX

2625 NW 188th Ave. MAGIC MIKE XXl Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:15, 02:05, 04:55, 07:45, 10:40 TERMINATOR GENISyS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 07:00 TERMINATOR GENISyS 3D Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:00, 03:00, 10:00 MINIONS MINIONS 3D

Regal Wilsonville Stadium 9

29300 SW Town Center Loop MAGIC MIKE XXl Fri-SatSun 01:50, 04:30, 07:20, 10:10 PADDINGTON TueWed 10:00 TuRBO TueWed 10:00 lA TRAVIATA MET SuMMER ENCORE Wed 07:00

Avalon Theatre & Wunderland

3451 SE Belmont St., 503-238-1617 POlTERGEIST Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 05:20, 09:35 TOMORROWlAND Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:30, 02:55, 07:10 FuRIOuS 7 Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:30, 08:50 HOME FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:50, 02:40, 07:00

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 juRASSIC WORlD FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:30, 03:30, 07:00, 10:15 MINIONS

Clinton Street Theater

2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 My AMERICANA Fri 08:00 ClOSER TO GOD Fri-SunMon 07:30 THE ROCKy HORROR PICTuRE SHOW Sat 12:00 EVEN COWGIRlS GET THE BluES Sun 07:00 NO FIlMS SHOWING TODAy Tue MEN SHOW MOVIES & WOMEN THEIR BREASTS Wed 07:00

Laurelhurst Theatre & Pub 2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511 WIlly WONKA AND THE CHOCOlATE FACTORy Fri-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:25 WHIlE WE’RE yOuNG Fri-Sun-Mon-TueWed 07:15 FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD

Fri-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:40 TOMORROWlAND Fri-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:10 5 FlIGHTS uP Fri-Sun-MonTue-Wed 06:30 KINGSMAN: THE SECRET SERVICE FriSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 08:45 WIlD TAlES Fri-Sun-MonTue-Wed 07:00 WHEN MARNIE WAS THERE FriSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:35 HOME Sun 01:30

Mission Theater and Pub

1624 NW Glisan St. BACK TO THE FuTuRE Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon 05:30 TOMORROWlAND SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 05:30, 08:30 FARE THEE WEll: CElEBRATING 50 yEARS OF THE GRATEFul DEAD Sat 05:00 PORTlAND TIMBERS VS. SAN jOSE EARTHQuAKES Sun 02:00 WOMEN’S WORlD CuP 2015 Sun 04:00

Mt. Hood Theatre

401 E Powell Blvd., 503-665-0604 TOMORROWlAND Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:30, 07:00 HOME Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 12:45, 05:00 FuRIOuS 7 Fri-Sun-MonTue-Wed 09:30

St. Johns Cinemas

8704 N Lombard St., 503-286-1768 TED 2 Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 04:45, 07:30, 10:15 juRASSIC WORlD Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 04:15, 07:00, 09:45

CineMagic Theatre

2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-231-7919 TED 2 Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 08:00

Kiggins Theatre

1011 Main St., 360-816-0352 EX MACHINA Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 06:30, 08:45 BACK TO THE FuTuRE FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 04:45, 09:15 NO FIlMS SHOWING TODAy

Kennedy School Theater

5736 NE 33rd Ave., 503-249-7474 SHREK THE THIRD FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:00 HOME Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:15, 04:30 TOMORROWlAND Fri-Sat-Sun-Tue-Wed 07:00 PINEAPPlE EXPRESS FriSat-Sun-Wed 09:40

Empirical Theatre at OMSI

1945 SE Water Ave., 503-797-4000 WAlKING WITH DINOSAuRS 3D Fri-Sat 11:00, 02:00 SECRET OCEAN Fri-Sat 12:00, 03:00 jOuRNEy TO SPACE Fri-Sat 01:00 FlIGHT OF THE

510 SW Hall St., 503-725-3551 BElly Fri-Sat-Sun 03:00 NO FIlMS SHOWING TODAy Mon-Tue-Wed

Mon-Tue-Wed 09:30 FAR FROM THE MADDING CROWD Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 12:00, 06:45 WHIlE WE’RE yOuNG Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 02:30, 09:15 WOMAN IN GOlD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 04:55 HOME Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:45, 04:40 INDIANA jONES AND THE RAIDERS OF THE lOST ARK Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 12:15, 04:30, 09:40

Hollywood Theatre

Valley Theater

BuTTERFlIES Fri-Sat 10:00 MONKEy KINGDOM Fri-Sat 04:00 HOME Fri 05:30 AVENGERS: AGE OF ulTRON Fri-Sat 05:30, 08:15 TOMORROWlAND Fri 07:15

5th Avenue Cinema

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-281-4215 MAD MAX: FuRy ROAD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 07:15, 09:40 THE WOlFPACK Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 06:45, 08:45 WIlly WONKA AND THE CHOCOlATE FACTORy Fri-Sat-Sun 03:00, 07:00 PuRPlE RAIN Fri 09:30 DON’T THINK I’VE FORGOTTEN: CAMBODIA’S lOST ROCK AND ROll Mon 07:30 INVASION u.S.A. Tue 07:30 BlAZING SADDlES Wed 07:00

Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

340 SW Morrison St. TERMINATOR GENISyS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 01:00, 04:00, 07:30 TERMINATOR GENISyS 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 12:00, 03:00, 06:30, 09:30, 10:15 MAX Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:45, 03:40, 09:40 INSIDE OuT Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:15, 04:15, 07:15, 10:30 INSIDE OuT 3D Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:30, 03:15 juRASSIC WORlD Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 12:15, 03:30, 07:00, 10:00 juRASSIC WORlD 3D FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:15, 09:20 MINIONS MINIONS 3D

St. Johns Theater

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-249-7474-6 INSIDE OuT Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 01:00, 04:00, 07:00, 09:45

Century 16 Cedar Regal Cinemas Bridgeport Village Stadium 18 & IMAX

7329 SW Bridgeport Road TERMINATOR GENISyS: AN IMAX 3D EXPERIENCE Fri-Sat-Sun 10:00, 01:00, 04:00, 07:00, 10:00 FAITH OF OuR FATHERS Fri-SatSun 11:35, 02:05, 04:35, 07:05, 09:35 MAGIC MIKE XXl Fri-Sat-Sun 01:15, 04:55, 07:45, 10:35 TERMINATOR GENISyS FriSat-Sun 11:00, 02:00, 05:00, 08:00, 11:00

Academy Theater

7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500 TOMORROWlAND Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 01:50, 07:00 WHEN MARNIE WAS THERE Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 02:40, 07:15 SlOW WEST Fri-Sat-Sun-

9360 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway, 503-296-6843 HOME Fri-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 07:00 THE DIVERGENT SERIES: INSuRGENT Fri-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 09:05 CINDEREllA FriSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 06:40 ENTOuRAGE Fri-Sun-MonTue-Wed 08:50 PAul BlART: MAll COP 2 Fri-Sun 04:15 FuRIOuS 7 Fri-SunMon-Tue-Wed 06:20, 09:20

RD

AY

RTS

STA

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Y3 JUL

BEER WINE PIZZA 4 SCREENS LAURELHURSTTHEATER.COM 2735 E BurnsidE st • (503-232-5511) • LaurELhurstthEatEr.com

Century Clackamas Town Center and XD

12000 SE 82nd Ave. MAX Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 10:35, 01:30, 04:25, 07:15, 10:10 PITCH PERFECT 2 Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 10:00, 03:40, 09:40 juRASSIC WORlD Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 10:05, 11:30, 01:05, 02:30, 03:15, 04:00, 05:30, 07:00, 08:30, 09:15, 10:00 juRASSIC WORlD 3D Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 10:45, 12:15, 01:45, 04:45, 06:15, 07:45, 10:40 AVENGERS: AGE OF ulTRON Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 10:00, 04:05, 10:25 MAD MAX: FuRy ROAD Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 10:30, 04:05, 10:30 SPy Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 01:15, 07:25 SAN ANDREAS Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue-Wed 01:20 INSIDE OuT Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 10:10, 11:35, 12:50, 02:15, 03:30, 04:55, 06:10, 07:35, 08:55, 10:15 INSIDE OuT 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-TueWed 11:00, 01:35, 04:20, 07:05, 09:50 TED 2 Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 10:40, 11:40, 12:45, 01:35, 02:40, 04:35, 05:40, 06:40, 07:30, 08:40, 10:35 TERMINATOR GENISyS Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue-Wed 10:40, 01:40, 04:40, 07:40, 10:40 TERMINATOR GENISyS 3D Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:50, 02:50, 05:50, 08:50 MAGIC MIKE XXl Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue-Wed 10:45, 01:45, 04:45, 07:45, 10:40 FAITH OF OuR FATHERS FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue-Wed 11:50, 02:20, 04:50, 07:20, 09:55

SubjecT To change. call TheaTerS or ViSiT WWeek.coM/MoVieTiMeS For The MoST up-To-daTe inForMaTion Friday-ThurSday, july 3-9, unleSS oTherWiSe indicaTed

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

67

END ROLL GREEN: A FIELD GUIDE TO MARIJUANA Welcome to the new age of weed porn.

Sure, pot coffee-table book Green (Chronicle, 400 pages, $30) is subtitled A Field Guide to Marijuana, but that’s kind of like calling a Victoria’s Secret catalog a field guide to women.

Green is an impossibly beautiful lookbook for 170 weed strains, with each clump of Jack the Ripper or Chocolate Thunder rendered in dizzying high definition against the blackness of the void—a luminous solar system of nug populated with bright orange tendrils and alien crystal gardens overtaking fronds of verdant green. Each little bud, blown up to the size of a boxing glove, looks like an outtake from a Max Ernst painting.

To get the color-saturation and fantasist-level detail, photographer Erik Christiansen took up to 40 pictures of each bud at minutely different levels of focus and then digitally piled them all up, so that each infinitesimal part of the surface was represented: It is like an old Flemish painting made from multiple perspectives, OG Kush as only God can see it.

Sure, Green also contains a 40-page weed primer heavy on colorful graphics and green highlighter, but that bit’s a lot like junior-high sex ed—mostly just a long definition of terms, and an admonition not to use edibles until you’re really, really ready.

There’s a buyer’s guide with advice like “buy from reputable people,” a hilariously detailed step-by-

step pictorial guide to rolling a joint, an A to Z of synonyms for the chronic (purps, hoot, kali, uno, giggle), and a glossary of useless ways to ask for a gram in the age of dispensaries (dub, g, grizz, piece, sock). Mom and Dad will learn so much.

But if he wanted this book to be useful to actual heads, writer Dan Michaels would have found a better way to organize the strains than straight-up alphabetically, or offered info more extensive than an amputated Leafly page. The prose is a bit spotty—consider the consistent misspelling of “soothe” as “sooth,” or the dubious Bob Marley histories—and THC/CBD ranges are left out entirely. But don’t worry. Don’t think.

Green is the Kinfolk of weed books: The words don’t really matter, and everything seems wonderful. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

NIGHT UBER

Editor’s note: Back in the mid-aughts, Willamette Week ran a column called Night Cabbie. In keeping with the times, we now present Night Uber.

I was going to say I get more female than male customers, but that may not be true. Maybe I just pay more attention to the women. Maybe they have better stories. Two of my three repeat customers have been women. Getting repeat customers makes me wonder how many of us Uber drivers are out here.

The biggest group I’ve had was five guys on their way to buy a hammock. Five guys is against the law, I told them. If I got stopped, it would mean my job. Eh, what the fuck. “If we drive by a cop, one of you has to duck,” I told them.

••••••••••••••••••

These two ladies were from Nebraska. Never been to Portland. Never been to the Pacific Northwest. I got the feeling maybe they had never been out of Nebraska.

They were coming from Hawthorne Boulevard to the airport to chase down lost luggage.

I told them I’d wait at the gate while they traced their luggage. They thought I was being wonderfully attentive—I was just happy to have a fare back into town.

Heading out the Banfield, we could see the inbound lanes at a virtual standstill. The clock read 10:39 am, too late for rush hour. Time to chat.

68

Willamette Week JULY 1, 2015 wweek.com

“What brings you ladies to Portland?”

“Have you ever heard of Portlandia?” one asked.

“No, tell me about it.”

One of the lady’s daughters is working as an assistant director on the show and urged her mom to visit Portland. The daughter is renting a place off Hawthorne. “We only saw it while coming in last night, but it looks like an interesting street to walk down,” the mother said.

Coming back into town, traffic was still backed up, so I took the Glisan exit. We slipped down Stark where it twists around Mount Tabor, with tantalizing glimpses of the Southeast cityscape through the branches. The ladies talked about the trees. “My goodness, but there are a lot of trees out here,” one said. “There are trees just everywhere! We don’t have so many trees in Nebraska, you know.”

As they gushed about the lushness, and I almost told them a story of the Arabs in France—I wasn’t sure how they would like being compared to Arabs.

The story goes that at some time in the distant past, a delegation of Arabs visited France and were taken to see a waterfall.

They were duly impressed. In fact, they were so impressed they just hung around. All day and into the night. Eventually, someone asked how long they planned to stay.

“Until someone turns it off.”

JOHAN MATHIESEN.

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20 Price basis 21 “You ___ busted!”

22 Costar of Rue

23 Really avid supporter 26 Down Under predator 28 Judge who heard a Kardashian, among others 29 She sang “Close My Eyes Forever” with Ozzy 31 Blood fluids 34 “Hot 100” magazine 35 “The Lion King” bad guys 36 With 41-Across, hip-hop producer’s

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57 Become swollen 59 ___ for the money

Down 1 Korean pickled dish 2 Barely make 3 “C’mon!”

4 Step into character 5 “Ain’t gonna work!”

6 “That was no joke” 7 Ex-Smiths guitarist Johnny 8 Pistol-packing 9 Not so snug-fitting 10 Fidel’s comradein-arms 11 Away from the city, maybe 12 Musical Fox show 13 Actress Rue 18 Took on a roll?

19 Jonah Hill sports flick 24 They’re coordinated to look random 25 ___-en-Provence, birthplace of Cezanne 27 ABC’s “___ Anatomy” 30 Brand of kitchen appliances 32 Damage the

surface of 33 157.5 degrees from N 34 Cartoon “Mr.” voiced by Jim Backus 36 Binary component 37 Expressive rock genre 38 Nailed at the meter 40 Fight (with) 43 Reprimand 45 Zoo doc 48 Called on the phone 49 Self-conscious question 50 As it stands 52 Till now 54 A, to Beethoven 55 A long way off 56 Bagel shop 58 Italian sparkling wine 61 “Game of Thrones” weapon 62 Free (of) 63 Government org. concerned with pollution

last week’s answers

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Week of July 2

ARIES (March 21-April 19): To determine whether you are aligned with the cosmic flow, please answer the following questions. 1. Would you say that your current situation is more akin to treading water in a mosquito-ridden swamp, or conducting a ritual of purification in a clear mountain stream? 2. Have you been wrestling with boring ghosts and arguing with traditions that have lost most of their meaning? Or have you been transforming your past and developing a riper relationship with your roots? 3. Are you stuck in a gooey muck? Or are you building a flexible new foundation?

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Taurus singer Sam Smith won four Grammys this year, largely on the strength of his hit single “Stay with Me.” The song has a lush gospel choir backing up his lead vocals, or so it seems. But in fact, every voice in that choir is his own. He recorded twenty separate harmony tracks that were woven together to create the big sound. What would be the equivalent in your world, Taurus? How could you produce a wealth of support for yourself? What might you do to surround yourself with a web of help and nourishment? How can you amplify and intensify your efforts so they have more clout? Now would be an excellent time to explore possibilities like these.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Born under the sign of Gemini, Gustave Courbet (1819-1877) was a French painter who upset traditionalists. Unlike many of his contemporaries, he wasn’t interested in creating idealistic art based on historical and religious themes. He focused on earthy subjects about which he had direct experience, like the day-to-day lives of peasants and laborers. So even though he became a highly praised celebrity by his mid-thirties, the arbiters of the art world tried to exclude him. For example, they denied him a place in Exposition Universelle, a major international exhibition in Paris. In response, Courbet built a temporary gallery next door to the main hall, where he displayed his own work. As you strive to get your voice heard, Gemini, I urge you to be equally cheeky and innovative. Buy yourself a megaphone or erect your own clubhouse or launch a new enterprise. Do whatever it takes to show who you really are.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): “I am trying to be unfamiliar with what I am doing,” said composer John Cage in describing his creative process. That’s excellent counsel for you to meditate on, Cancerian. The less expertise and certainty you have about the rough magic you’re experimenting with, the more likely it is that this magic will lead you to useful breakthroughs. To bolster Cage’s advice and help you get the most from your period of self-reinvention, I offer you this quote from Picasso: “I imitate everyone except myself.”

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): Your words of wisdom come from Leo artist Andy Warhol: “Sometimes people let the same problem make them miserable for years, when they could just say, ‘so what.’ That’s one of my favorite things to say.

‘So what.’” Can I interest you in that approach, Leo? It has similarities to the Buddhist strategy of cultivating non-attachment -- of dropping your fixations about matters that can’t be controlled or changed. But I suspect you would draw special benefits from the breezy, devil-may-care spirit of Warhol’s version. So start there.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): In her late twenties, J. K. Rowling was a single mother living on welfare. That’s when she began work on her Harry Potter books. Craig Newmark had turned 42 by the time he founded Craigslist. One of the world’s most oft-visited websites is HuffingtonPost. com, which Arianna Huffington established when she was 54. As for Harland Sanders, creator of KFC: He didn’t begin building the global empire of fried-chicken restaurants until the age of 65. I hope the preceding serves as a pep talk, Virgo, reminding you that it’s never to late to instigate the project of a lifetime. The time between now and your birthday in 2016 will be an especially favorable phase to do so. Start ruminating on what it might be.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): It’s the power-building phase of your astrological cycle. To take maximum advantage,

convey the following message to your subconscious mind: “I know you will provide me with an abundance of insight, inspiration, and energy for whatever intention I choose to focus on. And during the next four weeks, my intention will be to cultivate, expand, and refine my personal power.

I will especially focus on what author Stephen R. Covey called ‘the capacity to overcome deeply embedded habits and to cultivate higher, more effective ones.’”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I’m a big fan of science and logic and objective thinking. Most of us need more of that good stuff. The world would be a saner, safer place if we all got regular lessons on how to be more reasonable and rational. But in the immediate future, Scorpio, I’ll steer you in a different direction. I believe you will benefit from injecting your imagination with primal raw crazy wild mojo. For example, you might read utopian science fiction and fairy tales about talking animals and poetry that scrambles your intellectual constructs. You could remember your dreams and ruminate about them as if they were revelations from the Great Beyond. You may also find it healthy to fantasize profusely about forbidden and impossible and hilarious adventures.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): There are lots of inquiries and invitations coming your way -- perhaps too many. I don’t think you should pursue all of them. In fact, I suspect that only one would ultimately make you a better human being and a braver explorer and a wiser lover.

And that one, at first glance, may have not as much initial appeal as some of the others. So your first task is to dig deep to identify the propositions that are attractive on the surface but not very substantial. Then you’re more likely to recognize the offer that will have lasting value even if it doesn’t make a spectacular first impression.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): “I find a lot of people physically attractive, but finding people mentally and spiritually attractive is different and much harder for me.”

So says 40ozshawty on her Tumblr page. If you share that frustration, I have good news. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you’re due to encounter a higherthan-usual percentage of mentally and spiritually attractive people in the next six weeks. But I wonder how you’ll deal with this abundance. Will you run away from it, feeling overwhelmed by the prospect that your life could get more interesting and complicated? Or will you embrace it, daringly welcoming the interesting complications?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): I think you will generate good fortune for yourself by choosing between two equally invigorating but challenging tasks: losing your illusion or using your illusion. Both are quite worthy of your attention and intelligence. To succeed at either would fuel your emotional growth for months to come. You probably can’t do them both, however. So which will it be: Will you purge the illusion, or put it to work for you?

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): Do you sometimes imagine yourself to be an underachieving underdog? If so, I suggest you start weaning yourself from that fantasy. Do you on occasion allow people to take advantage of you? It’s time to outgrow that role. Do you ever flirt with being a self-pitying martyr? Say bye-bye to that temptation. Cosmic forces are conspiring to relieve you of tendencies to act in any or all of those ways. I’m not saying you will instantly transform into a swashbuckling hero who knocks people over with your radiant self-assurance. But you will, at the very least, be ready to learn much, much more about how to wield your vulnerability as a superpower.

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