42 02 willamette week, november 11, 2015

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Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com


Findings

PAGE 23

whitney salgado

What we learned from reading this week’s paper vol. 42, issue 2.

The feds want 94.5 percent of all students to submit to standardized testing. Portland parents are not feeling it. 4 If you want to get a coffee drink made with six shots of extrahigh-caffeine espresso and Irish cream without leaving your car, there is a place. 26 Cully continues to set the pace in Portland fashion. Bright red shoes and baggy sweaters are so hot right now. 31

ON The Cover:

If you’re going to see the Blazers play the Spurs this week, let Lamar Aldrich know we miss him. 33 We ate all the hams and found the best comes from Cully. 35 The strongest man in Canadian hair metal is coming to town. God willing, he’ll explode a whoopee cushion with his breath. 37 Publikumsbeschimpfung is the

German word for “insulting the audience.” 49

Our most trafficked story online this week:

“Defending the Cup” by Leo Zarosinski.

Top state officials neglected child neglect.

staff Editor & Publisher Mark Zusman Editorial News Editor Pro Tem Aaron Mesh Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Beth Slovic Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, Madeline Luce Stage & Screen Editor Enid Spitz Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer Web Editor Lizzy Acker Books James Helmsworth

Visual Arts Enid Spitz Editorial Interns Katana Dumont, Lisa Dunn, Coby Hutzler, Walker MacMurdo, Zach Middleton Contributors Dave Cantor, Nathan Carson, Rachel Graham Cody, Shannon Gormley, Jordan Green, Jay Horton, AP Kryza, John Locanthi, Anthony Macuk, Mark Stock, Anna Walters production Production Manager Dylan Serkin Art Director Julie Showers Special Sections Art Director Alyssa Walker Graphic Designers Rick Vodicka, Xel Moore Production Interns Elise Englert, Emily Joan Greene, Caleb Misclevitz, Kayla Sprint

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Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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DHS oversight of foster home

ting affidavits wherever possible. Again we hear about the Oregon Department of —“Dreamweaver” Human Services failing to protect the vulnerable children it is charged with protecting [“Home Mr. Bean has dough—lots of it—connections and Alone,” WW, Nov. 4, 2015]. This is a serious and a Rottweiler legal counsel. Problem solved. —“C Lundy” complex issue, and my hope is that it doesn’t vilify all the wonPortland high derful foster care providers who schools provide a home and a heart to children. Portland Public Schools says “each high school is able to offer the dis We should be outraged about the abuses of Give Us This Day, trict’s core program” [“Growning but foster care is not the probPains,” WW, Nov. 4, 2015]. lem. It can be a loving solution, Even if that is true (which I quesespecially when it leads to station), it is often the “extras” (Advanced Placement, Internability and adoption. “Mr. Bean has —Charlotte Finn tional Baccalaureate and more) that attract students. dough—lots of Erinn Kelley-Siel is the latest in it—connections Also, with a graduation rate a long line of incompetent DHS of 53 percent at Roosevelt High and a managers who know how to take School, PPS has no basis on children but don’t seem to feel any Rottweiler which to tout graduation rates. legal counsel.” responsibility for protecting, caring —“DonnaLC” for or healing them. As with the state’s Obamacare PPS at a recent Facebook “town debacle, state administrators don’t seem to know, hall” meeting patted itself on the back for its or care, how to safeguard the public’s hard-earned high-school redesign. But as this article points money, either. out, it has pretty much failed. —“Seems2Me” —Colin Jones DHS director Jerry Waybrandt should be fired. He knew what was up. And whether it takes a while to yank the license from a foster care provider, it takes one phone call from him to his directors to issue a stop-placement order. They can do that anytime. He didn’t. Look what happened. —“Wedeln6969”

dismissal of Bean’s case

The mother and boy involved in the indictment of Terry Bean need to help out with court testimony [“The Age of Innocence,” WW, Nov. 4, 2015]. They can help society by testifying or submit-

Q.

When public school students opt out of standardized tests, does it really matter? Sure, the resulting scores will be based on a smaller statistical sample, but does that have any bearing on the real problem of educational inequity? —Carlos C.

It’s natural for parents to believe they’re betterqualified than anyone else to make decisions for their child. That said, it’s also true that, every day, people become parents who would be turned down if they tried to adopt a dog at the Humane Society. One prominent example of parental certainty is the opt-out movement alluded to above, where concerned parents are yanking their kids out of the Common Core-aligned Smarter Balanced Assessment test in growing numbers. Putting aside the ample political controversy over this practice (see “Cheating on Tests,” WW, Oct. 21, 2015, if you’re into that sort of thing), what about the science? Does opting out change 4

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

two views of Brownstein

Carrie Brownstein is pompous, self-absorbed and childlike [“Words and Guitar,” WW, Nov. 4, 2015]. Very Portland. —“tl” On the contrary, she is thoughtful, articulate and unaffected. Very ex-Portland. —“Inkberrow” LEtters to the editor must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification. Letters must be 250 or fewer words. Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: mzusman@wweek.com.

aggregate test results? A recent data simulation from the Brookings Institution suggests the numbers can take a surprising amount of abuse. As Carlos implies, if kids opt out at random— with low scorers just as likely to bag the test as high scorers—the data get less precise, but they don’t acquire an erroneous slant. However, that’s not what’s happening. Like soy curls and Infowars.com, opting out appears to be more popular among wealthier families, whose kids tend to score higher than average. Even with that skewed sample, though, nearly 20 percent of a given cohort need to opt out before the data really starts to collapse. Unfortunately for fans of testing, 13 of 96 Portland Public Schools are already at or beyond that point, and opt-out sentiment is not exactly fizzling. All of the above also ignores the fact that federal regulations mandate a 94.5 percent participation rate in the test. PPS is currently about 87 percent overall, so the U.S. Department of Education could theoretically yank our Title I money any time. (Humane Society funding, thankfully, would remain unaffected.) Questions? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com


Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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WANTED: AN OPPONENT FOR TED WHEELER. Nkenge Harmon Johnson, president of the Urban League of Portland, has leveled an explosive accusation at the Oregon Department of Justice. She says the DOJ racially profiled Oregonians who expressed interest on social media in the Black Lives Matter movement. Even more extraordinary: HARMON JOHNSON Harmon Johnson says one of the people identified by DOJ profilers was Erious Johnson, the DOJ’s director of civil rights enforcement and Harmon Johnson’s husband. In a Nov. 10 letter to Oregon Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum, Harmon Johnson and seven civil rights and labor leaders demanded an investigation into the DOJ’s use of software to conduct “threat assessments.” Rosenblum says she has ordered an investigation “to get to the bottom of this deeply troubling situation.”

Oracle America Inc. is filing a new lawsuit Nov. 12 in Marion County Circuit Court against Gov. Kate Brown. The issue is public records: Oracle contends that for six months, Brown’s office failed to comply with Oregon’s public records law, which says that emails stored on state servers or relating to the public’s business are public records. Oracle wants former Gov. John Kitzhaber’s private emails, which are stored on state servers. Emails released earlier to Oracle show that Brown’s office is delaying the release by allowing Kitzhaber’s criminal defense attorney, Janet Hoffman, to first review the emails. State officials had not seen Oracle’s lawsuit at press time. As Oregon Treasurer Ted Wheeler coasts toward the Portland mayor’s office, it looks like a challenger isn’t coming from Multnomah County. Marissa Madrigal, the county’s chief operating officer, whom Mayor Charlie Hales encouraged to run, told WW on Nov. 9 that she’s declining, partly because she has two young MADRIGAL children. “There is a cost to family that isn’t calculated in dollars and cents,” Madrigal says. County Chairwoman Deborah Kafoury and Commissioner Jules Bailey also say they aren’t running.

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Rhode Island-based news website GoLocalPDX has paid a total of $5,125 to three former contributors who filed wage complaints with state regulators. The three journalists—Catalina Gaitan, Melanie Sevcenko and Byron Beck—complained to the Oregon Bureau of Labor and Industries that GoLocalPDX owed them unpaid wages. GoLocalPDX owner Josh Fenton says he sent checks even though one of the contributors was asking for money she hadn’t earned. Beck tells WW he’s glad to see his paycheck. “This was all very unnecessary,” Beck says. “[Fenton] could have just paid us. I’m very grateful that BOLI was able to help vulnerable journalists.” Less than 12 hours after WW revealed that top state officials knew for 18 months about allegations of neglect at a Portland foster care provider, Gov. Brown removed acting Oregon Department of Human Services director Jerry Waybrant from his post. “I have serious concerns about information brought to light regarding foster care provider Give Us This Day,” Brown wrote in a Nov. 4 statement. Emails showed DHS leadership was well-informed about problems at Give Us This Day as early as February 2014, but did nothing until this September, when the state Department of Justice shut down the provider (“Home Alone,” WW, Nov. 4, 2015). Read more news with your God-mocking Starbucks cup.


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Fellow Travelers LITTLE HAS CHANGED IN SALEM, AS THE STATE’S TRAVEL CONTRACT SHOWS. BY NIG E L JAQ UI SS

njaquiss@wweek.com

In some ways, Gov. Kate Brown has brought welcome change to Oregon state government. Whether she’s leading a trade mission or comforting families after the mass shooting at Umpqua Community College, people say she’s the kind of warm, approachable figure her predecessor, John Kitzhaber, was not. “We have a happy governor,” says Jim Moore, professor of political science at Pacific University, “and a person who actually enjoys being governor.” But nine months after Brown took over from Kitzhaber, there are few signs of change in a state government that received a failing grade for transparency Nov. 9 from the Center for Public Integrity. One small but telling example of how little Salem has moved from the status quo is the travel arrangements made for Brown and her party on a recent trip to Asia. Tickets for Brown and dozens of others on an October trade mission were booked through the state’s exclusive travel agent, Azumano Travel. Azumano has held the state travel contract for more than a decade, and a state spokesman says the contract has not been put out for competitive bid since 2005. The state of Washington, by contrast, inked contracts in 2013 with 37 different travel agencies. Local governments, such as the city of Portland, Multnomah County and the Port of Portland, piggyback on the state contract. That contract remained in place long after warning signs about Azumano’s finances first appeared—and even after the

RICK VODICKA

NEWS

company’s longtime owner and CEO, Portland businessman Sho Dozono, filed for bankruptcy in February. The financial difficulties of the state’s only travel contractor might have been reason enough for a review. So might have been a troubled state loan Kitzhaber recommended for Azumano—half of which was never repaid. Dozono sold his interest in Azumano last year to CI Travel of Virginia but remains an employee. Despite the unpaid debt, however, the state continues to write Azumano Travel a check every month. Democrats interviewed for this story declined to comment on the record, but a former legislative colleague of Brown’s says the Azumano contract is an example of Salem’s complacency. “Gov. Brown came into office with a lot of credibility,” says Senate Minority Leader Ted Ferrioli (R-John Day). “But I don’t think she wants to do the heavy lifting to change the culture in Salem. This is a business-as-usual administration.” The strength of Azumano Travel has always been Dozono, who for decades worked to build relationships between Oregon and his homeland of Japan. Dozono has never been a major political donor, but he is a pillar of Oregon’s Democratic establishment. His list of civic engagements and honors adds four pages to his résumé. But for years, there have been signs his company was foundering. In 2002, WW reported on his improperly loaning himself money from a trust he oversaw. His 2008 campaign for Portland mayor was dogged by unpaid bills. As WW reported Nov. 4, Azumano sought $300,000 in financial assistance from the governor’s strategic reserve fund in 2012, after losing money the previous three years. Kitzhaber recommended approving Azumano’s request for state funds in part because state money would “allow Azumano to maintain its local ownership.” The next year, he named Dozono to the board of Portland State University. Azumano stopped making payments on the state loan in 2014. Dozono declared bankruptcy earlier this year, with Azumano owing nearly $150,000 to Business Oregon, the state agency that administers the governor’s strategic reserve. Kitzhaber’s attorney did not respond to WW’s request for comment. Dozono declined to comment. Kitzhaber’s resignation Feb. 18, in the midst of allegations of

influence-peddling by him and then-first lady Cylvia Hayes, provided an opportunity for Brown to clean house in Salem. At her state-of-the-state speech in April, Brown described a package of ethics reforms. “The steps I have proposed will foster transparency and accountability,” Brown said. “That is the best way to demonstrate our commitment to restoring credibility.” Lawmakers did adopt three ethics bills Brown proposed, yet observers have seen scant evidence of change. “Her policies are a continuation of Kitzhaber’s,” Moore says. That’s understandable, in a way. Unlike candidates who spend a year running for office, Brown had only a couple of days to prepare for Kitzhaber’s resignation. “In a campaign, you get vetted and you get to thoroughly vet issues,” says Brown’s spokeswoman, Kristen Grainger. “We didn’t have that opportunity.” Today, though, nearly all of Kitzhaber’s appointees not directly involved in the controversy that cost him his job are still in place. Jan Murdock, the Kitzhaber assistant who asked a state computer technician to delete Kitzhaber’s personal emails from state servers, is Brown’s scheduler. And Brown has yet to settle dueling lawsuits with Oracle America Corp., allowing litigation that began as a Kitzhaber election-year tactic to become her problem. Grainger says Brown’s approach differs from Kitzhaber’s. “She’s not an ER doc [as Kitzhaber was] who comes in to assess the situation and act,” Grainger says. “She’s an attorney and invested in the process.” Brown is also now considering extending the state’s ties with the Dozono family. Elisa Dozono is Sho Dozono’s daughter. She’s a lawyer and former spokeswoman for Portland Mayor Vera Katz and the port. She declined to comment on this story. In 2012, Kitzhaber named her to chair the Oregon Lottery Commission. This June, after Oregon Restaurant Services, a client of her law firm, sued the lottery, Brown and Dozono agreed that she should resign as lottery chairwoman. “I hope to be able to appoint Elisa to another post so that Oregon may continue to benefit from her talents and dedication,” Brown said in a June 26 statement. Now Elisa Dozono is reportedly a finalist for the $160,000-a-year post as director of Business Oregon—the agency that gave her father $150,000 he didn’t pay back. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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NEWS

C O U R T E S Y 1 5 N O W P D X /J U S T I N N O R T O N - K E R T S O N

15 Not Now WAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE: Demonstrators with 15 Now PDX rally outside Moda Center before an Aug. 9 campaign event for Sen. Bernie Sanders.

PORTLAND’S MINIMUM-WAGE INCREASE HINGES ON SKEPTICAL SENATE PRESIDENT PETER COURTNEY.

patchwork of wages, which might ultimately harm Oregon’s economy. But advocates are ready for a higher wage: More than a dozen bills were introduced in 2015’s legislative session—everything from graduated increases BY LISA DU N N 243-2122 to $15 to lifting the pre-emption law. Courtney allowed Senate Bill 610 to die in comThe drumbeat for a $15-an-hour minimum wage mittee this summer. It would have increased the sounds deafening in Portland—even inexorable. Oregon minimum wage to $15 an hour by 2018, Mayoral front-runner Ted Wheeler has called and was perhaps the state’s best chance to pass for an increase in the minimum wage, though he minimum-wage-related legislation this year. won’t specify a dollar figure. So has the City Club of Courtney’s opposition reveals the difference Portland, whose members are political tastemak- between Portland and the rest of the state—and ers for the city’s bourgeoisie. Even local employers, it could fracture the fragile consensus forming like grocer New Seasons Market and pie-slingers around a wage increase. Hotlips Pizza, are on board. “Oregon is really two Oregons,” says House And last week, minimum-wage activists got Minority Leader Mike McLane (R-Powell Butte). their strongest signal yet that a wage hike is immi- “There’s the Portland metro area—which has nent: Gov. Kate Brown pledged to make raising the recovered from the Great Recession. The other minimum wage a priority in the Oregon Legisla- part of the state is much more rural, much slower ture’s 2016 short session. in recovering.” The backing of activists, prosMcLane, who represents a perous businesses and a Demodistrict 150 miles from Portland, GOV. KATE cratic governor isn’t surprising. is a vocal opponent of a “oneBROWN Neither is the state’s restaurant size-fits-all minimum-wage lobby pumping the brakes. increase.” But he says he might PLEDGED TO But both advocates and foes support legislation that allows MAKE RAISING must now shift their focus away Portland to raise its minimum from Portland. Any minimumwage while keeping the ceiling in THE MINIMUM wage increase–to $15 an hour, or place for the rest of the state. WAGE even $13.50—requires either a But advocates for a minimum statewide vote or an act of state wage are wary of a compromise A PRIORITY. lawmakers. molded in the state Capitol. Brown is pressing the Legis“We’re really skeptical,” says lature to act, but her plan depends on the support Justin Norton-Kertson, an organizer with 15 Now of a cranky downstate Democrat who has killed PDX. “It is such a short session for what is a really $15-an-hour wages before—and says he’ll do it controversial issue. I think anything that passed again. would have carve-outs. We have to ask: What is “We’re not going for $13.50 or $15,” says Ore- being given up for this to pass in the short session? gon Senate President Peter Courtney (D-Salem). “We’d much rather see it go to the ballot,” “If we increase the wage, I want to see a mini- says Norton-Kertson, “so we can get $15 across mum wage that has a floor—less than $13.50. the state.” Portland should be allowed to go big time, but I Brown’s office says the governor is commitcan’t have a very big minimum across the state. ted to making a deal on a wage hike. “We need to It’ll just crush smaller communities.” consider the amount of increase, timing, and flexOregon has the second-highest state minimum ibility,” says spokeswoman Melissa Navas. wage in the nation at $9.25 per hour—behind only Courtney says he’s willing to talk about giving Washington, whose minimum wage is $9.47—a Portland a higher wage than the rest of Oregon result of 2002’s Measure 25, which indexed Ore- by possibly introducing what he calls a “spot pregon’s minimum to the consumer price index. emption lift”—which would lift the pre-emption But Oregon also has a pre-emption law on in areas of the state with strong enough economies the books that prevents local governments from to handle a higher wage—but pledges to doom anysetting their own minimum wages—a law passed thing more ambitious. by the Legislature and signed by then-Gov. John “Portland has a powerful economic engine and Kitzhaber in 2001. Defenders of the law say it’s deserves a much higher wage,” Courtney says, “but better to have one minimum wage rather than a this issue of one size doesn’t fit all is real.” 8

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NEWS w w s ta f f

ture the way homelessness is being experienced by people in Portland. Maybe it’s a product of Portland just getting bigger and having more folks around. This issue has needed more attention—and by attention I mean focus, research and funding—for decades. And now, to the extent that the City Council is showing an eagerness to try to up their game around homelessness, I think that can only be a good thing. Which city do you think is doing the best in addressing homelessness: Portland, Seattle or San Francisco? To do anything resembling an apple-to-apple comparison, you have to look at the housing markets and say, “Within that real-estate market, how are these cities nationally doing?” Seattle’s perplexing, because Seattle is ahead of Portland by at least a generation in terms of identifying and enacting the kind of publicly funded revenue streams that are essential to addressing immediate needs of the homeless— including mental health issues—and building and expanding the supply of affordable housing. And yet we’ve seen a significant increase in their homeless population. This is what I referred to earlier as a very complex issue. It’s hard to identify exactly which levers and which dials result in positive change. The fact that Portland’s numbers have not gone up significantly in recent years is an accomplishment in itself. If you ask me to identify the causality behind that, I would struggle. So what frustrates you here? The No. 1 thing for me is realizing what it means when someone walks in and applies to get into one of our shelters. So if a woman walks in today, puts her name on our waitlist for Jean’s Place, one of our older women’s shelters, she’s going to wait six months, so it’ll be early summer when we open the door and allow her into that shelter. That’s not for housing, that’s for shelter. And I’ll see women like that and, of course, men like that, increasingly African-American men like that, every day when I walk to work and every day when I walk home. You’d like to think you’re here to help, you’d like to think that help that you can provide is going to be relatively soon in coming, and in many cases it’s not. These are long waits, and trying to give a “buck up” speech to someone who’s living on the street today and letting them know that if they could just hang in there another couple years—that’s a tough speech to give.

George Devendorf THE DIRECTOR OF FIVE PORTLAND HOMELESS SHELTERS SAYS PEOPLE ON THE STREETS NEED MORE THAN SPARE CHANGE. By CO By H U TZ L E R

243-2122

George Devendorf spent more than four years working with refugees on the streets of Kosovo, Bosnia and Sudan. He’s not sure Portland’s treatment of the homeless is much better. The city’s political spotlight has been glaring on the question of what to do about the 1,438 people living on Portland streets. Those numbers are about the same as they were in 2011 (and actually show a decline from 1,642 people in 2013). Yet mayoral candidate Ted Wheeler made homelessness into a cudgel to batter incumbent Mayor Charlie Hales. Hales ducked out of the race—but not before declaring a housing emergency and pledging $30 million toward new shelter space. Devendorf enters this fracas after working for the United Nations, then Portlandbased international disaster-aid agency Mercy Corps. Since January, he’s been the executive director at Transition Projects Inc., a Portland nonprofit that runs five shelters, including Bud Clark Commons, offering homeless people showers, laundry services and a pathway to long-term housing. He sat down with WW to talk about why the numbers of homeless people don’t move, how City Hall has changed its tune, and whether Portlanders are actually interested in addressing homelessness. WW: What did you bring from all that international experience that’s applicable to your new work? George Devendorf: Malaria. There are definitely similarities. When people get piled in next to each other a little too closely—which happens in refugee crises and happens with the homeless on our streets— you find that patience levels tend to start going down, frustration levels start to go up, and people begin to look at each other through different eyes. That tends to provoke, I think, a human tendency to look for otherness in the people that your attention is focused on. We were struck by Mayor Hales’ statement recently that the numbers haven’t really changed since he took office, but now he’s realized it’s a crisis. Why in a trendless market is it suddenly a crisis? The wheel has gotten a lot squeakier. I continue to think that these numbers fail to cap-

“You’d like to think You’re here to help, You’d like to think that help is going to be relativelY soon in coming, and in manY cases it’s not.”

Your former employer, Mercy Corps: Every time there’s a tsunami or earthquake or typhoon, people hit their cellphones and give. Is it fair to say that the philanthropic public would rather give to an exotic foreign disaster than an everyday local disaster? Because my agency hasn’t devoted a lot of time and resources in recent years to trying to attract private resources, to me, doesn’t mean that the generosity is not there. So I’m not willing to say that. What I will say is that Mercy Corps has been very effective at attracting resources for emergencies primarily overseas. When you’re talking about any sort of natural disaster or a large-scale displacement overseas, there’s a quality of innocence that gets attached to those who are most directly and most visibly impacted by that emergency or that disaster. So this is a marketing issue? I don’t know that it’s a marketing issue. People have genuine, personal experiences with homeless populations around Portland, and some of them are positive, some of them are neutral, and some of them are just not good. Are you optimistic, then? Pessimistic? Realistic. Yeah, realistically, we can do a lot better than we’ve been doing. Getting there is going to require the public debate around homelessness and what we do about it to go to a slightly higher, slightly sharper level. And by sharper I mean we’re going to have to start talking about how it impacts our wallets. Without resourcing, this phenomenon only heads in one direction. It’s not the right one. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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HIGH RYE • AWARD WINNING

BULLEIT Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey. 45% Alc/Vol. ©2015 Bulleit Distilling Company, Louisville, KY.

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AdvertoriAl

UNIQUE PORTLAND

Willamette Week has searched Portland far and wide to find some of the most unique ways we can enjoy Bulleit® Frontier Whiskey. We’ve found some really unique products and places that showcase Bulleit’s high rye and award-winning whiskey to create some truly unique experiences. We even came away with some great recipes as well. Check out what we found...

Blue Star Donuts The flavoring agents of the Blueberry Basil Old Fashioned mirror those of the donut. But instead of tasting like gustatorial overkill, it’s a refreshingly complementary pairing. While the bourbon, blueberries and basil are sweet and savory in the donut, the freshly muddled blueberries and basil are crisp and tart in this cocktail. This contrast draws out the rich, smooth fl avor of Bulleit’s signature high-rye bourbon. Go ahead and dip your donut in this Old Fashioned. You’ve earned it.

Blueberry BULLET® Bourbon and Basil Old Fashioned 4 dashes bitters, 1 tsp brown sugar, 6 fresh blue berries, 2 fresh basil leaves, 1 splash of club soda, 2oz Bulleit® Bourbon In an Old Fashioned glass, muddle the bitters, brown sugar, blue berries, basil and a splash of soda, add the bourbon and fill with ice. Serve!

Hotmaple Smokey Habanero Bulleit® Bourbon and add ice. Shake well. Double strain into a rocks glass fi lled with fresh ice. Garnish with a mint sprig and a lemon wedge. Whiskey is also on the long list of things hot sauce goes well with. In fact, Hotmaple has already paired with Bulleit to make a limited edition hot sauce. “I hate to say it,” Hilla admits, “but I might like it more than our original.” Adding Bulleit to Hotmaple proved an exceptional hot sauce, and the reverse also works. Adding the signature Smokey Habanero sauce to Bulleit makes one hell of a spicy cocktail. A twist on a traditional whiskey smash, the lime and lemons in the Stumptown Smash brings out the citrus notes of the habaneros in the Portland-based hot sauce and maple syrup replaces the simple syrup in a whiskey smash. Rest assured: This drink will still put hair on your chest.

The Stumptown Smash 1.5oz Bulleit Bourbon, 1-2 barspoons Hotmaple Smokey Habanero hot sauce, 1/2 oz maple syrup, 4 lemon wedges, 1 lime wedge, 10 mint leaves

The Fall Seasonal Named after a popular dessert apple, the Northern Spy is a twist on the whiskey sour. The lemon juice and bitters are joined by a local cider. The cider adds a bright, apple-y spiciness to the sour. Bulleit adds even more spice thanks to its high rye content. The end result is a crisp, comforting cocktail to safeguard you from the brisk autumn wind.

Northern Spy 1.5oz. Bulleit Bourbon, 1oz. Angostura Amaro, .5oz. Fresh lemon juice Shake, fine strain into double old fashioned glass, add 2oz. fresh pressed (unpasteurized) apple cider, add large chunk of cracked ice or 1.5in. cube, lemon twist

Whiskey 101 The Gold Rush is a twist on the traditional whiskey sour that has only been growing in popularity over the past few seasons. It replaces the simple syrup with honey syrup, giving it a rich, golden hue. Sometimes whiskey can disappear when combined with such a powerful sweetener. Bulleit’s signature high rye content makes sure that’ll never happen.

The Old Gold Rush 2 oz Bulleit Bourbon, .75 oz Honey Syrup (use local organic honey and hot water equal parts), .75 oz Fresh Lemon Juice, 1 dash of Fee Brothers Whiskey barrel aged bitters. Shake all ingredients, strain over ice and add a twist of lemon.

In a shaker, Muddle Mint, Lemon, Lime, Maple Syrup, Hotmaple Smokey Habanero Hot Sauce. Add Bulleit® Bourbon and add ice. Shake well. Double strain into a rocks glass fi lled with fresh ice. Garnish with a mint sprig and a lemon wedge.

Sean Flora’s Rock n Roll BnB Recording Studio Cat Hoch, A Year Afar, Karyn Ann and many other Portland artists have come out to Sauvie Island to record and to relax. Sean Flora’s Kentucky Mule is a nice way to unwind after a long day. Between the Bulleit and the ginger beer, this cocktail packs quite a punch. It’s that pinch to remind you that you aren’t dreaming, you’re in Portland.

The Bulleit Kentucky Mule, as served at Sean Flora’s Rock n Roll BnB Recording Studio.

2 oz Bulleit Bourbon, Half a lime, Half bottle of Cock n Bull Ginger Beer, Fresh ginger root, Ice Juice the lime and leave the lime rind at the bottom of the glass. I use a microplane to grate some fresh ginger root next and muddle the lime and ginger. Add the Bulleit Bourbon and stir (don’t shake), fi nally add ice and pour in the ginger beer. Stir again if you feel the need, but I don’t. Bartenders probably think I’m crazy, but I like it this way.

Poplandia Portland’s artisanal popcorn place didn’t start with Bulleit Bourbon. It tried out several others before choosing Bulleit. Some bourbons made it too sweet, and others disappeared amidst the other ingredients. But Bulleit, with it’s signature high rye flavor, did neither. It just blended really well with the maple, the pecan and of course, the popcorn. Pair it with this seasonal cocktail and you’re celebrating happy hour Portland style.

Bulleit Holiday Cocktail

Serves 4–5 cocktails

6 oz Bulleit Bourbon, 5 teaspoons of lemon juice, 2 teaspoons of maple syrup, 1 cup apple cider, cayenne pepper Shake the Bulleit, lemon juice, maple syrup and cider until fully mixed, pour into glass, dust with cayenne pepper

Where Whiskey Lines the Shelves Many of the oldest American cocktails—Old Fashioneds and Manhattans, among others—were created with rye whiskey in mind. As time passed, bourbon was substituted in as the corn-based spirit rose in popularity. Bulleit offers the best of both worlds. It has the sweetness of the bourbon with a spicier, dryer quality imparted from its rye content, about twice that of the standard bourbon. It’s the only whiskey you need in your personal library.

South Fork Sour

Serves 2 cocktails

2 oz Bulleit Bourbon, 3/4 oz Fresh Lemon, 3/4 oz Pressed Apple Cider, 1/2 oz Spiced Orange Syrup, 1/2 oz Egg White Combine all ingredients in a shaker tin & dry shake. Add ice and shake vigorously. Fine strain into a chilled old fashioned glass full of ice. Garnish: Apple fan with cloves.

The Bottle Portland’s own Sandstrom Partners designed the Bulleit bottle 15 years ago. It’s a new bourbon that feels like it’s always been here. It’s got the spicy, rye-forward flavor of an old-fashioned whiskey equally at home in a modern cocktail as it is in a shot glass being thrown back in a saloon.

Two Fingers of Bulleit

Enjoy Bulleit Bourbon straight out of the Bottle. Pour two fingers of Bulleit into a lowball glass, sip and enjoy! Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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OUR ANNUAL COFFEE ISSUE FINDS THE THIRDWAVE REVOLUTION UNDER ATTACK.

In Portland, it’s easy to take good coffee for granted. We’ve got more indie coffee shops per capita than anywhere but Seattle. But unlike Seattle, our micro-roasters are so sought after that Tokyo shops now sell Heart, Stumptown and Coava beans. But lately there’s fear that the third-wave coffee revolution is under attack, from without and within. Last month, Peet’s Coffee & Tea bought both Stumptown and Chicago’s Intelligentsia (page 25), bringing them under the control of an international conglomerate. Home coffee machines keep getting better and better—in our own offices, local roaster Nossa Familia installed a fancy Ratio robobarista that replicates a pourover by carefully dribbling “bloomed” hot water over a cone. K-Cups continue to proliferate among earth-haters—in addition to every imaginable flavor of sugared coffee substance, they now come in Campbell’s soup versions. But as we’ve discovered while putting together this coffee issue, Portland cafes are fighting back, crafting coffee in ways you won’t ever get at home. Sellwood’s Either/Or makes elaborate coffee mocktails like a cold-brew Negroni spiced with pine and juniper (page 24), while cafes across the city have discovered the refreshing miracle of carbonated caffeine (page 24). They’ll lure you in with artisanal toast (page 20) and pan-African pop-ups. Among our 10 favorite cafes that opened in the past year (page 17), you can drink the city’s finest Turkish coffee from the top of a double-decker bus, sip Indonesian-style ginger brew while waiting for fried chicken at Screen Door, or even partake in mulberry and aged-oolong teas made by a new generation of rare-tea shops springing up all over town (page 27). In Portland right now, you can get traditional Vietnamese iced coffee at a Powell Boulevard drive-thru (page 26), house-roasted coffee at 3:30 am in East Portland and rich cortado from fifth-generation Nicaraguan coffee farmers at a food-cart pod (page 19). Every day before most of you wake up, Portland baristas are defending your right to a good cup of coffee. CONT. on page 17

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E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

Cup & Bar

118 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 388-7701, cupandbar.com.

YOU CAN GET A PB&J OR OXTAIL SOUP.

Columbia International Cup

CUP & BAR

9022 N Newman Ave., 477-9716, columbiainternationalcup.com. Inconspicuously tucked into a pastel-painted condo development bordering Lombard’s dive bars, Columbia International Cup has become a gathering place for a diverse range of communities, from Hispanic residents to emigres from Ethiopia, Somalia, Chad and the many other African countries that Jamaica-born owner Brian Bottman says are represented in the neighborhood. Sure, it serves sustainably grown Jasmine Pearl loose-leaf teas and World Cup espresso, but its real mission is hosting kids’ photography classes, Yahtzee tournaments and the All-African People’s Revolutionary Party’s breakfast program for lowincome schoolchildren. Its Mexican, chai and plain latte varieties hover around the standard $3 mark, and you can get a PB&J or oxtail soup (both $5). They also plan a series of African-cuisine pop-up dinners working from the north to the south of the continent. For a place that opened in April with the aesthetic of a rec-center cafe—laminate counters, exposed silver ventilation pipes and IKEA-style pendulum lights—it’s got a hell of a lot more soul than any reclaimed-wood roastery. ENID SPITZ.

COLUMBIA INTERNATIONAL CUP

COURTNEY THEIM

Before we extol the many virtues of Trailhead Coffee Roasters’ newest foray into the world of brick and mortar, we’ll begrudgingly feed the elephant in the room that will surely derail many conversations about this lovely spot into a trite argument about Old versus New. Like seemingly every new third-wave cafe, Cup & Bar has fancy avocado toast on the menu (see page 20). But that toast is very good, and the coffee offerings are diverse and made with care, ranging from a bright and fruity drip offering from Kenya to an Old Fashioned-inspired mocktail that subbed cold brew for whiskey ($4). The stark modernism that haunts most third-wave shops is smoothed over by a rustic, woodsman aesthetic that’s guaranteed to annoy those who are hopelessly devoted to the frumpy couches of Anna Bannanas and the like, but the kind of multiuse hub of early-morning caffeination and early-evening libation that Cup & Bar so wonderfully functions as is not the kind of place you’d find those kind of people in the first place. PETE COTTELL.

CONT. on page 18 Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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Tov

3207 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 541-908-2555. After weeks searching online, Joseph Nazir had to fetch his cafe from San Francisco, in the form of a beautiful, cherry red double-decker bus. He’s since parked it in the back of a Hawthorne Boulevard parking lot, with a tented rooftop decked out like a sitting room in his native Egypt. But Nazir wasn’t legally allowed to drive it onto the lot until he’d ripped out all the seats and built his cafe within so that it was technically no longer a bus—until then, he would have needed a commercial driver’s license. But novelty aside, Nazir makes the best cup of Turkish coffee I’ve had in Portland—rich and deep and spiced to a low-toned pungency that descends warmly into your chest—alongside karkadeh, a hibiscus tea, as well as sahlep, a milky drink made with nutty orchid flour. The best drink of them all, however, is a fresh-mint cold brew coffee touched with hints of subtle spice. But if you’re not into subtlety, go for the “Are You Crazy?” and take your Turkish with an extra shot of espresso to get yourself wired up like Ace Frehley’s microphone. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Locale

4330 N Mississippi Ave., 946-1614, localepdx.com.

K AY L A S P R I N T

Locale, modeled after the day-drinksy coffee bars of Europe, serves a perma-tap of Pilsner Urquell poured with extra foam so the beer never touches oxygen. The shelves behind the bar serve possibly the city’s most ambitious selection of vermouth, not to mention the occasional vermut, and if you’re getting your meticulously brewed cup of Heart coffee to stay, the barista will pretty much insist on bringing it out to where you’re sitting, perhaps with a little crusty bread wrapped around some Chop charcuterie or a pungent snack mix in which

TOV

every ingredient is weirdly unexpected: dehydrated garbanzos and crispy lima chips, say. This tiny Mississippi Avenue hole in the wall—built out in white tile and geometric wood panels—is a little like a boozier version of nearby twee breakfast nook Sweedeedee, or maybe a less boozy version of Tabor’s Tannery Bar. But like both of those places, the cafe tempers its preciousness with straightforward competence. There’s simply nothing bad here. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Happy Cup Coffee

446 NE Killingsworth St., 889-0511, happycup.com. Happy Cup exists sort of as an ode to squishy feelings: When I walked into a backroom stacked with beanbags at Happy’s newest location on Killingsworth Street, Portland entertainer Nikki Brown Clown was in the back setting up a book table for her Tuesday-morning gig entertaining preschoolers. Other days, the room might house a sewing club, a book group, or a small press reading. Meanwhile, the coffee is roasted in part by adults with disabilities, and the proceeds from the three cafes flip out to related programs. It’s hard not to feel good about it all. But this is the thing: It’s also one of the better examples of a solidly domestic cafe in town, with decent coffee, two neat copies of The New York Times laid out each day in a gesture of squarely old-school hospitality, an array of couches neither too soft nor too hard, and plenty of corners where you can plug in a laptop or just plain hide. A word, however: That piano in the back looks nice, but don’t sit by it. Just... trust me on that. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Coava Hawthorne

2631 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 894-8134, coavapdx.com. When we put out last year’s Klatch, we ignored Coava’s new Hawthorne location—but we shouldn’t have. The little apartment-rowhouse espresso bar with woodblock tables and flower pots has grown on us mightily in the past year. Because here’s the thing: Coava’s original 18

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location on Southeast Grand Avenue is a trademark local shrine to artisan coffee, a literal showroom in which sippers must contend with odd machine parts and sparse seating in the name of aesthetics. It’s where you take your Minnesotan parents when you want to impress and intimidate them with just how cool you’ve become in Portland. But on Hawthorne, you can take that same excellent espresso—or a single-origin mocha even—in old-school comfort, in a cushy chair next to a fireplace that lets you nestle in with your warm, warm laptop. It is heaven. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Coquine

6839 SE Belmont St., 384-2483, coquinepdx.com. Katy Millard’s new French spot, Coquine, has gotten a lot of love citywide, but this little cafe perched on the north side of Mount Tabor is very much a neighborhood spot at heart. On weekend mornings, the restaurant is packed with families and older couples, coming across less as somewhere to send morning emails than the type of spot where parents let their kids eat the house’s much-loved chocolate-chip cookies for breakfast. On our most recent visit, it was clear the staff was a little overwhelmed by its popularity, leaving dirty plates on tables and struggling to keep up with the pace of orders. But a Stumptown Americano was well-made, the pastries are all excellent, and the shop boasts an esoteric selection of teas from local teamakers T Project and Totem, including a bitten-leaf oolong that had been nibbled by leafhoppers while growing so it would produce more sugar. MARTIN CIZMAR.


Kopi Coffee

2327 E Burnside St., 234-8610.

East Portland Coffee Roasters

2404 SE 79th Ave., 971-319-6152.

In a perfect world, upstart coffee shops needn’t adhere to stringent aesthetic guidelines to serve a quality product. Gone would be the reclaimed wood, clean lines and that same goddamn Smiths/Shins/Spoon Pandora station. Instead, you should be able to have great coffee served in a room with a hodgepodge of gilded, pseudo-Euro flourishes and walls lined with canvas prints of High Times centerfold-caliber nugs. And a twisted fountain right smack in the middle of it all, because fuck it, why not? East Portland Coffee Roasters seems dedicated to that spirit: Fuck it. Stay open 24 hours, because why not? Throw every delicious idea against the proverbial wall to see what sticks. And those pictures of bud make sense, anyway. They’re the only way to account for the Tillamook ice cream and the huge bread case and the paninis and the array of loose candy dispensers next to the register. Whoever wanders in from 82nd in the nether hours will probably find what they need, whether a strawberry smoothie or a double shot of espresso roasted onsite. PETE COTTELL.

K AY L A S P R I N T

E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

After a trip to Indonesia, normal life just wasn’t cutting it for Lindsey Nack and Joshua Lee Vineyard. As they hopped from island to island, they drank the local specialties of jahe kopi—the sweetly biting coffee brewed all over the country using bits of fresh ginger—as well as pokak Madura, a ginger-clove-anise tea drink native to one of the midsized islands. And so the pair sank their entire life savings into buying charming coffee dive Green Beans, next to the blossoming Screen Door brunch crowds. In addition to Water Avenue’s Indonesian beans on drip and espresso, the pair has expanded their exotic coffees and other drinks to include much of East Asia, offering pour-over (Japanese, if you didn’t know) and especially a super-concentrated Vietnamese-style coffee brewed traditionally over several minutes, dripped into a house kaffir-infused coconut milk that can also roll into lattes. They’re careful to call the place Indonesian-inspired, not Indonesian, but that Vietnamese brew may actually be the main draw. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Sandino Brothers

7238 SE Foster Road, 502-5438, sandinobrotherscoffee.com. Like Brazil’s Nossa Familia, the Sandino Brothers are taking over Portland coffee from the south. Winston and Lenner Sandino are fifth-generation coffee farmers in Nicaragua, but their roastery is here in town, where Winston lives with his wife. Their cafe takes over for the shortlived Revolución Cafe in the Portland Mercado, the little one-stop Latin-American food complex at the southeastern edge of FosterPowell. It’s pretty much just an elbowed counter with a pastry case featuring sandwiches and tarts, plus a row of seats on which children of the complex’s other business owners have taken up intermittent residence. A little chalkboard drawing, made by the steady hand of the nearby butcher, shows the proportions of milk and cream and sugar needed to make a cafecito, a caffe breve or an espresso con panna. A cortado, offered though not pictured, is masterfully rich and deep, and the champurrado—a Nicaraguanstyle corn-thickened hot chocolate, probably one-ups it. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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K AY L A S P R I N T

NO. 2 IS NO. 1: Avocado Toast at Roman Candle.

WHERE TO EAT THE HOT NEW CAFE TREND THAT IS DEFINITELY NOT AN OPEN-FACED SANDWICH. Sure, sandwiches are classic. But they’re obviously boring. Whichever way you turn them, the top is always bread. Toast is the future. And not just any toast—fancy toast. With, like, avocado. And sea salt. Sure, you could follow British TV chef Nigella Lawson’s scandalously self-explanatory recipe (see page 53) and make avocado toast at home for no more than 12 pounds sterling, but who’s got the time? This is where to get fancy toast at a cafe!

NO. 2 AVOCADO TOAST ROMAN CANDLE 3377 SE Division St., 971-302-6605, romancandlebaking.com.

To whom do we attribute the local explosion of fancy toast? We don’t have the paperwork to prove it, but it seems likely Stumptown founder Duane Sorenson gets credit for taking note of the trend, which is rumored to have started in San Francisco. While there are critics—one Jezebel author wrote that “the trend of Artisanal motherfucking Toast” reaches “an incomprehensible level of pretentiousness”—they probably haven’t had the No 2 at this clean, bright Division Street cafe-slash-pizzeria. An inch-thick slice of hearty super-grain bread gets another inch of avocado. It’s a pretty much perfect stack of fresh green fruit fat sparked by a spritz of lemon juice and a few Mama Lil’s sweet-hot peppers. Ignore the haters: I’m not 20

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sure I could make this cheaper than $7 at home, and I know I couldn’t make it better. MARTIN CIZMAR.

AVOCADO TOAST CUP & BAR (see page 17) 118 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 388-7701, cupandbar.com.

Yes, there’s $7 toast on the hand-drawn chalkboard menu, and yes, the window seating would offer a panoramic view of downtown if it weren’t for an impending pair of condo buildings that will inevitably house whatever today’s transplant boogeyman may be who is likely to be interested in $7 toast. But you know what? That toast is piled high with avocado and lemon ricotta, and dusted ever so gently with lemon zest and olive oil. It’s damn near perfect. PETE COTTELL.

PUMPKIN BUTTER MASCARPONE NEW SEASONS GRANT PARK 3210 NE Broadway, Portland, 282-2080, newseasonsmarket.com.

Two years ago, the following sentence was dystopian science fiction: “At $3.49, New Seasons’ toast is the most affordable.” But in a genre consisting mostly of expensive ingredients, New Seasons gets to raid the company store for in-house product without necessarily sacrificing quality. So, that seasonal inch-thick French batard toast with


pumpkin marmalade and mascarpone? Pretty damn good. Not to mention their avocado toast is appropriately haute, with olive oil and spice. And if you have a bread preference, you get to choose from just about anything in the New Seasons bakery. Just take note if you’re in a hurry: Their coffee shop took a literal 20 minutes to make toast with two ingredients on top of it, and if you sit at a New Seasons table for 20 minutes, mothers stuck standing with young children will eye you like you’re the Antichrist. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

BOSTOCK COQUINE (see page 18) 6839 SE Belmont St., 384-2483, coquinepdx.com.

Does bostock count as fancy toast? OK, it’s iffy, but let’s roll with it. Bostock is made with dayold brioche that gets soaked with simple syrup and filled with crushed almonds, then toasted so it has a crisp, crunchy shell that gives way to soft and buttery bread you can pick up with your hands. So, it’s like toast, but sweeter and better. French toast, we’d call it, were that not confusing. At the moment, you can get an excellent inch-thick slice dipped in orange simple syrup and baked off with almond cream and peach jam for a mere $4. MARTIN CIZMAR.

COUNTRY WHEAT WITH AVOCADO UPPER LEFT ROASTERS 1204 SE Clay St., 477-8469, upperleftroasters.com.

Upper Left Roasters, the new cafe from the owner of the Pearl’s Daily Cafe, took over the old Ladd’s Inn dive bar in August. It’s a very large (38 seats inside, 20 more outside) and pretty space, but there are kinks to work out with the limited menu, with includes five fancy breakfast toasts, and for lunch, a line of five open-faced sandwiches—in essence, five more fancy toasts. On a Sunday-morning visit, three sleepy-eyed baristas outnumbered the customers but botched my drink order, possibly distracted by either their lively conversation or the first Beach House record playing at road-trip-through-Kansas volume. The espresso was unremarkable, but they need to work on the toast. Like its cousins, Upper Left’s $7 slab of hearty wheat bread from Philippe’s, the ChefStable house bakery best known for Lardo’s rolls, is slathered with a thick layer of avocado. It has chives, radish and a poached egg, but you’ll taste none of it given the eye-watering flash of black-pepper heat in every bite. Driving away, I noticed my lips were still tingling. MARTIN CIZMAR.

AVOCADO TOAST POA

Poa is the sort of breederfriendly, upmarket cafe that has a kiddie gate en route to the back patio, plus a children’s play area with mostly salutary toys and a menu that includes a shotgun blast of health smoothies alongside a $9.50 plate of underspiced avocado and egg on two pieces of multigrain toast ($6.50 without the eggs). That said, it seems to be the entirety of the avocado smushed up on the slices, and you get a little dish of spicy secret sauce on the side. Pale orange sauce on smushed avocado is not the most appetizing sight. But the sight will maybe distract you from the deafening, echoing racket of both free-running children and the musical children of Ani DiFranco. If it’s a nice day, take your toast out to the vast rear patio. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

FANCY TOAST SOUTHEAST GRIND 1223 SE Powell Blvd., 473-8703, southeastgrind.com.

Yes, there is fancy toast even at this 24-hour shop catering to strippers and students. The $5.50 slices are an update on the Grind’s pre-existing awesome toast, but with suave feta instead of agrarian cheddar and gluten-free bread instead of Dave’s, for the trendily (or actually!) intolerant. It’s a healthy-tasting, relatively dry slab. But add the cafe’s cure-all, hummus, and it’s your best fancy bet on Southeast Powell Boulevard at 3:30 am. ENID SPITZ.

K AY L A S P R I N T

4025 N Williams Ave., 954-1243, poacafe.com.

PEPPER BATH: Upper Left Roasters’ fancy toast.

DELUXE TOAST HONEY TOAST CAFE 12520 SW Farmington Road Beaverton, 747-2712, honeytoastcafe.net.

Who says “fancy” means “healthy”? This Taiwanese-style deluxe honey toast ($9.50)—in a cafe that also serves fast-food-style popcorn chicken and somewhat watery Illy coffee splendidly reminiscent of British teatime—is quite possibly the fanciest toast ever invented. It is thick, perforated into squares for easy tear-off, and covered in macaron, white chocolate, ice-cream scoops and a mountain of local berries, plus decorated with baroque, nouvelle-cuisine swirls of caramel and chocolate. It tastes like everything, because it is. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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My Week of Being Bulletproof BULLETPROOF COFFEE WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE ME SMARTER. IT MADE ME GO TO THE BATHROOM. BY ZACH MIDDLETON

zmiddleton@wweek.com

My first notion that this would be a miserable week was a sound in me like a bowling ball rolling across hardwood. This week was supposed to be triumphant. I had just finished my first cup of Bulletproof Coffee—the biohacking buttered coffee superdrink created by Silicon Valley techbro Dave Asprey. According to its website, once I “upgrade my mind” with the coffee, I will get so smart that I can “find solutions to complex problems that leave others baffled.” Not only that, but I will be empowered to “look awesome and stay healthy for life.” The drink has been slurped up by such celebrities as the band Third Eye Blind, some non-Kobe Lakers, pansexual Hollywood star Shailene Woodley and elder surfing statesman Laird Hamilton. Am I so much better than Stephan “semicharmed” Jenkins and that other guy? I followed their lead and went Bulletproof for a week.

M O N D AY

The current formula for Bulletproof Coffee is pretty simple: a cup of black coffee made with special “upgraded coffee beans,” a lump of grass-fed butter and a splash of medium-chain triglyceride oil (an oil refined from coconut oil that allegedly has brain-energizing properties). The final step is to blend all the ingredients to emulsify the fats and coffee. Without this step, you’re left with a scummy oil slick on top of your coffee. Even with the emulsification, however, the resulting product is like an awkward cafe au lait when warm, and a slightly congealed movie-theater-popcorn tea when cool. The first 15 minutes of drinking the stuff provided a serviceable caffeine buzz despite the strange flavor. I didn’t feel any noticeable mental benefits, but I was willing to accept that greatness takes time. Then I turned the bottle of Bulletproof MCT “Brain Octane” oil and noticed this ominous line: “Too much Brain Octane, especially if consumed on an empty stom-

WHITNEY SALGADO

THE FIRST DAY WAS A BLUR OF PAINFUL SHITTING, AND THE SECOND WAS NO BETTER. ach, can result in loose stools or a stomachache.” As if on cue, I went sprinting for the bathroom.

T U E S D AY

The first day was a blur of painful shitting, and the second was no better. A conservative estimate would be that I spent five minutes per hour on the toilet. But I have learned that the odd flavor of Bulletproof Coffee is apparently an improvement from its inspiration. Asprey came up with the drink’s idea after trying yak butter tea (which is exactly what it sounds like) during a trip to Nepal. Asprey said the rejuvenation he felt inspired him to launch the entire Bulletproof lifestyle brand and to further explore the principles of bio-hacking.

W E D N E S D AY

Feeling weak and dehydrated, I altered the recipe and used even less MCT oil. I reduced from a scant teaspoon down to a few drops. I also reduced the total volume of coffee used, but kept the quantity of butter the same so I could have a better chance of downing the slurry before it cooled. As far as the mental benefits go, I couldn’t identify any. Maybe I was just distracted by the strange feelings of my insides, and maybe I was just frustrated by how much productivity I would have to catch up on after my constant bathroom trips. But my brain felt precisely normal. At this point, I emailed Dr. Laszlo Kiraly, an associate research professor with a speciality in nutrition in the department of surgery at Oregon Health & Science University, to see what he thought of the product. Kiraly informed me that MCT is primarily used in a clinical environment to help people with disorders that prevent them from absorbing nutrients, and that in this environment diarrhea is often a side effect. For people who don’t have absorptive disorders, Kiraly says, “If you’re trying a product like this and you’re finding the symptoms to be pretty drastic, certainly stop [taking] the product. If you have the wrong set of clinical circumstances and you add diarrhea on top of that, it certainly could be harmful to the health.” But do war reporters pull out of the action just because a bullet hits their intestines? No way.

T H U R S D AY

In addition to the abject wreckage I imagined in my lower digestive tract, I was also getting some serious heartburn. It wasn’t just that I was marking down the hours with trips to the toilet like some sort of sick cuckoo clock, everything I ate felt less pleasant. I later learned from Kiraly that the research on the benefits of MCT oil was “largely theoretical,” and that there weren’t many large-scale, well-designed tests showing the mental boosts advertised by the product. Given that Brain Octane is a minimally regulated dietary supplement, as long as the makers keep their claims about the benefits of the product vague enough, the Food and Drug Administration has very little to say about it. Buzzwords like “enhanced cognitive function,” improved mental “performance,” and increased “energy” remain largely subjective and non-quantifiable.

F R I D AY

Waking up with a shocking fecal urgency, I realized it was pointless to go on like this. I didn’t drink my Bulletproof this morning. I couldn’t find the strength to be Bulletproof. I will never be a Los Angeles Laker. I will never be a member of Third Eye Blind. I will never be Shailene Woodley. And I didn’t stop shitting for another two days.

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

23


“WE CARE”

Edward E. Ward,

D.M.D., MAGD, MBA

Master Academy of General Dentistry

Sparkle Party COURTNEY THEIM

Interstate Dental Clinic 5835 N. Interstate Ave. (503) 285-5307

Book online: DrWardInterstateDental.com 24 Hour Care Line Weekend Appointments On Max and Bus Lines

COFFEE IS CARBONATED NOW. HERE’S WHERE TO GET BUBBLY JAVA IN PORTLAND.

CA PHE COLA AT LUC LAC

Ever since those Stumptown nitro-bubbled coffee machines started moving into industry fairs and local cafes, baristas have talked about “mouthfeel” as a thing in coffee. Capitalizing on carbonation technology known to beer brewers and European water drinkers for centuries, the espresso tonic blew up in New York this past summer: It involved espresso and tonic water. But as summer receded, so did much of the sparkling coffee. Stumptown still has nitro, but the fancy fruit syrups have surrendered the specialty tap to winter spice cold brew. You deserve better than New York sparkling coffee, Portland. And you will get your caffeine in bubble form, yearround. PETE COTTELL.

PARTY TIME ($5) at Barista

Various locations, baristapdx.com. As the boilermaker exists to help grizzled serviceindustry folks wash down a shitty day of running tables, the off-menu Party Time is the perfect drink to energize the downtime between a double or hasten the daily chore of waking at the crack of noon. Cold-brew concentrate is cut with Coke (Mexican, not Colombian) for a pleasant mingling of smoky coffee notes offset by the syrupy sweetness of that Mexican brown. If you order it in a Borat accent, you’ll likely get the same in response.

CA PHE COLA ($4) at Luc Lac

835 SW 2nd Ave., 222-0047, luclackitchen.com. Though it’s more of a “mocktail” than a coffee drink, Luc Lac’s Ca Phe Cola is the perfect compliment to that bowl of pho you just ordered at 3 am to soak up all the booze you ingested to tolerate being on the westside on a Saturday night. The drink is at its best when the bits of smoked salt can be slurped off the frothy crema that floats on top. But the orange zest that lingers in the bottom half more than makes up for any carbonation that’s diffused by the time you get there.

COFFEE SODA ($3.50) at Either/Or 8235 SE 13th Ave., No. 2, 235-3474. The gentleman behind the counter was rather 24

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

coy when fielding questions about the coffee used in Either/Or’s coffee soda. But it was still mighty tasty, even if it’s just the leavins from larger batches of cold brew made from that day’s Heart coffee. Like this twee shop itself, the drink was simple, thoughtful and just sweet enough for syrup-averse palates.

COFFEE SODA COMMISSARY SYRUP

($5) at Good Coffee 4747 SE Division St.; 1150 SE 12th Ave., 971-2546599, goodcoffeepdx.com. The third-waver devotee who bristles at the idea of flavored syrup will find a safe port of entry with Good Coffee’s rotation of seasonal infusions, which featured an apple-ginger reduction at the time of our visit. The citrus notes in the cold brew—a batch from Kenya roasted by Roseline— paired well with the tart apple flavors while still tasting a lot like an actual cup of cold brew.

COUCH CLASSIC WITH VANILLA SYRUP ($3.75) at Ristretto Roasters

555 NE Couch St., 284-6767, ristrettoroasters.com. We were sad to learn Ristretto’s “Couch Classic”— a mix of sparkling water, espresso and an orangezest-and-bitters reduction—was a one-time offering. But the barista was happy to replicate the drink with in-house vanilla syrup. The results were just as magical, with the early sips being effervescent and tangy, and the final sips taking on a malty, smoky flavor eerily familiar to that of Coca-Cola Blak. Coke’s unpopular attempt at coffee-flavored soda is sorely missed in these parts, so this one was a home run for us.

COFFEE COCKTAIL ($4) at Cup & Bar 118 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 388-7701, cupandbar.com. Having cold brew on nitro makes coffee cocktails a no-brainer, but we expected something a little more adventurous than a simple Old Fashioned with coffee instead of whiskey. The muddled bits of cherries at the bottom gave the concoction a sweet and sour finish, but not having the smoky burn of the booze was disappointing, even with the high quality of Cup & Bar’s subtly carbonated cold brew.


On Oct. 6, news broke of Portland-based Stumptown Coffee’s sale to Peet’s Coffee. The only people surprised were the ones not paying attention. Stumptown founder Duane Sorenson—who stays on as Stumptown’s CEO, alongside company president Joth Ricci—had already sold a majority stake in 2011 to San Francisco equity fund TSG Consumer Partners, a venture-capital firm known for providing enough resources to let a company expand, and then flipping it like a fi xed-up house. The Wall Street Journal reported in May 2015 that TSG had been shopping Stumptown. Peet’s, based in Berkeley, is the most outwardly benign of coffee giants, a ’60s-founded, hippietinged brand whose aficionados sometimes still call themselves Peetniks, despite the company’s sale in 2012 to Luxembourg investment behemoth JAB Holding Company. In comments on our Facebook page and website after the sale, some readers were pretty sure they could taste VC money in Stumptown coffee even back in 2011. “In the Northwest, there’s a lot of stuff in the business and cultural ethos that comes from that early Gen-X-indie-record-label, don’t-sell-out ethos that started in music,” says Sprudge coffee blog editor Jordan Michelman. “It seems it’s crept out into a lot of other aspects of life.” “My reaction is, if people are going to believe in the idea of third-wave coffee making headway, this is the opportunity to do it,” says Stumptown vice president Matt Lounsbury, who says that most of the rest of the country still has no access to a lot of the coffee practices and culture that Portland takes for granted. Stumptown continues to expand, planning to open a new cafe Feb. 1 at the new Ace Hotel in New Orleans.

Stumptown Junior

While Stumptown expands nationally, two newer third-wave roasters seem to be vying for the Portland throne. On Oct. 5, the day before news broke of Stumptown’s sale, Water Avenue Coffee cut the ribbon on a huge new roastery, training facility and cupping lab by White Owl Social Club in the industrial eastside. The roasters it’s adding will more than double Water Avenue’s previous capacity, says co-owner Matt Milletto. Water Avenue is also extending its pinot-barrel-aged coffee bean program in partnership with Dundee winery Sokol Blosser—Milletto even had coffee farmers from El Salvador taste the wines, and plans to step on Stumptown’s cold-brew turf with premium coffee concentrates made for the mixology set,

100 PERCENT SHADEGROWN, CRUELTY-FREE PORTLAND CAFE AND ROASTER NEWS FROM 2015. BY MATTHEW KOR FHAGE

MKORFHAGE@WWEEK.COM

in collaboration with bartender brand Bull in Chain. The concentrate is already in use at Portland bars Bit House and Interurban, among others. Coava, meanwhile, is building its own huge roastery, cupping room and training facility to house a 130-pound roaster that could theoretically quintuple its production capacity, says Coava’s Jonathan FelixLund. Its already booming wholesale and Internet sales business were boosted lately, oddly, by a visit from Jerry Seinfeld in the Web series Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee. “Since day one,” says Felix-Lund, “Coava sells quite a bit outside Portland. We try to keep our presence in Portland small enough that people still think it’s a special thing to go get.” Nonetheless, after opening a second, neighborhoody location on Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard in 2014 (see page 17), Coava will expand again by summer 2016 with a third, downtown location near the PSU district. Construction will begin in February.

The Art of Cooking Roasters A lot of the coffee roasted in Portland—more than 30 different brands and house roasts—has been quietly made in the same Probat L12 roaster. Trevin Miller, owner of Mr. Green Beans coffee home-roastery store, started letting would-be coffeemakers use his 25-pound roaster back in 2011, and the informal

E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

Stumptown by the Bay

club grew into a roaster-share collective called Aspect that’s allowed roasters from Tanager to Red E to Case Study to book time on Miller’s roaster instead of having to buy their own. This year, Miller separated Aspect Coffee Collective from Mr. Green Beans, and partnered with Emily and Michael McIntyre of Catalyst Coffee Consulting to form a full-service company. Anchor Grounds, a coffee roaster that donates 40 percent of its profits to help sex-trafficking victims in India, joined the collective this June. “It’s a fantastic setup that Trevin has, helping a ton of roasters,” says Anchor co-owner Josh Cherian. Before this, Anchor Grounds had relied on the goodwill of Vancouver’s Paper Tiger to roast its beans, but Cherian says the Aspect roaster vastly increased his roasting capacity. “We went from being able to roast 7 pounds per batch to up to 30.”

Taking Flights

Ever stood dumbfounded in front of a cold-brew coffee selection that included Indonesian, Ethiopian and Salvadoran coffees and thought, “How could I choose?” Irvington’s too-cute-for-words cafe Saint Simon has instated—as far as we know—the city’s first and only cold brew coffee flight program served outside the backroom of a coffee roaster. The $6.50 flight comes in a series of four tiny sample jars slotted into the same woodwork used to keep test tubes upright in a lab. Three of the mini-jars are filled with different-origin Coava coffees, hand-labeled with country of origin, name and tasting notes. The fourth is filled with water. All have about a centimeter of ice welded to their chilled bottoms, so that the cold brew stays cold.

Getting Some ’Tail

Sparkling coffees may have taken over much of the city this summer (see page 24), but Sellwood’s Either/Or has taken the lid lifter in a whole different direction this year with monthly rotating “dry coffee cocktails” that extend from mixology to weird science, replicating flavors of classic cocktails using coffee and unlikely spice, going so far as to replicate gin in a coffee Negroni by using juniper-and-pine-spiced cold brew. The current dry cocktail is a $6 chai cold-brew flip that arrives buried in foam. September’s mocktail was a deep-red coffee bloody mary made with mostly coffee, mixed with a coffee-cherry tea called cascara meant to add vodka’s bite, plus a mess of tomato juice, horseradish, jalapeño, carrot juice and the usual celery-olive salad. It was more impressive than most bloody marys in town. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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You are driving through the heart of Southeast Powell’s Convenience District, and

you want coffee without getting out of your car...

do you need this drink

as FAsT as POsSibLE

BY MA RT I N CI ZMA R

or are you willing to

waIT a cOuPlE MinUTes for a nicer cup?

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Aye.

moJO is attached to the The caFE Scottish Country Scottish country shop and Shop is attached to sells Scotch eggs to go. (3564 SE (3564 SE Powell Blvd.) Powell Blvd.).

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BesT baGUetTE

Not MUcH. juSt OVerHEarINg BruNO maRs’ “JusT tHe wAY YoU arE” bLasTInG oUt The wiNdOW wHilE TheY mAKe mE an ICed CAraMEl TruFfLE dRinK sHoUlD do It.

BlaCk RocK CofFEe Bar

(8128 SE Powell Blvd.). 26

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

MocHA exPrESs

(3953 SE Powell Blvd., 777-2677) for an eye-crossing

yes.

“BasIC,” liKE, yoUR pRicE PoInT is APpRoxIMatELy $1?

Nae.

“BasIC,” liKE, sKinNy PsL afTEr yoGAlaTEs? Heyyyyyyyyy, grab something at

StaRbUCkS

(3623 SE Powell Blvd., 231-2543)!

Dollar coffee, all day every day at

McDonALd’S

(2875 SE Powell Blvd., 233-4029).

How MUcH poSItiVE afFIrMatIoN dO yoU neED fRom tHis EXpeRIenCE? A liTtLE. i’vE BeEn oN sALes caLlS alL daY, AnD noThINg’S goINg My Way. I waNt A coOL suRfER duDE to GrEeT mE as “bRah,” asK me HOw My Day’S goINg aNd TelL me TO go GEt tHat SkRilLA. You’re going to have to go a little out of your way to one of the locations (Holgate, Foster, Belmont).

I am FEelINg Sad. I woULd LikE To pAY a lADy iN A biKIni seVEraL dOLlaRs To sMilE anD be NIce to ME.

DutCh BroThERs

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SE Madison St., 8697021).

ELISE ENGLERT

Bold FlAvor


E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

Revenge of the Tea PORTLAND TEAMAKERS ARE MAKING THE COFFEE INDUSTRY LOOK LIKE LOLLYGAGGERS. Portland coffee gets the spreads in the airline magazines. But quietly, ever so quietly, Portland is probably the most important tea city in the nation. Portlander Steven Smith, who died in March at age 65, was hailed in The New York Times as the “Marco Polo” of American tea, founder not only of his well-regarded eponymous brand, but also the Stash and Tazo tea companies that propelled the U.S. industry away from Lipton to subtle oolong, smoky lapsang souchong and tannic pu-erh. But the torch is passing, with all of the city’s tea players hosting major expansions, and multiple specialty tea purveyors opening. Here’s the rundown.

The Jasmine Pearl Tea Co.

724 NE 22nd Ave., 236-3539, thejasminepearl.com. This year, the 10-year-old Jasmine Pearl more than doubled the size of its clean-lined, hardwood-filled shop, adding a specialty tea bar, a smattering of sodas, tea lattes and a “tea sanctuary” area in which drinkers can hang out and drink tea. But the most important expansion is likely the one behind the scenes, with a ramp-up to 8,000 square feet: Jasmine Pearl can now accommodate more specialty teas like a recent fruity oolong and a cocoa-mint pu-erh, but it also means it can buy directly from farms. “We’re able to get fresher tea,” says co-founder Heather Agosta. “If you’re going farm-direct, you have to buy in much larger volume.” Its new event space will also host members of the currently closed Portland Japanese Garden as well as tea classes for the public. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Steven Smith Teamaker 110 SE Washington St., smithtea.com.

The eastside Steven Smith production room is the plan that lived forever. Begun two years ago under founder and teamaker Smith—before he succumbed to liver cancer—it has been left to owner Kim Smith and head teamaker Tony Tellin to finally open the 13,000-square-foot facility in the Central Eastside Industrial District. Well, the eastside blending, testing and production facility is finally in motion—and the new 20-seat tea tasting room will follow suit on December 2. “This’ll be our foundry,” Tellin told WW in October. “It’ll be the main production center for all dry-packaged teas. It’s very similar to what we have in [the Northwest] Thurman [Street facility], so you can experience the production elements, you’ll see the production machines lined up, we’ve got the tea lab. In the current building, it’s way in the back. We’ve pushed that up to the front so you can look through and see and be a part of what we do in the lab. The tasting room is twice if not three times bigger, it’s pretty cool. Gigantic fireplace, cozy warmth throughout the design.” Tellin has also started a Maker’s series in collaboration with local chefs and teamakers—the first was an ice-cream oolong with Tyler Malek of Salt & Straw that tasted eerily like French vanilla ice cream. The second, made with Vitaly Paley, was a Russian-style caravan

T PROJECT

T PROJECT IS MORE AN ARTIST STUDIO THAN A TEA SHOP

tea that was all smoke and sweetness. The next, with Gregory Gourdet, will be out when it’s out; like Steven Smith, Tellin doesn’t really believe in schedules. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

T Project

723 NW 18th Ave., 327-3110, tprojectshop.com.

T Project is more an artist studio than a tea shop. The eclectic Northwest spot, which opened this year, is a homey crossroads of owner (and sole employee) Teri Gelber’s widely varied interests, where she shares her love of tea, art and community with anyone who wanders in. Inside the small former design studio, Gelber serves tea and sells other items she loves: art, jewelry, ceramics and even a few nightgowns. In the back, she blends and packages T Project tea, which she sells to local restaurants like Nostrana and Coquine, and are also available online. Her teas are blends she creates to let the tea take center stage while still allowing for inventive flavor combinations. Gelber lives in every detail of T Project, from her organic ingredients to the names of her teas (all classic-rock songs). Stop by and try three teas ($6), as well as whatever Gelber is sampling for the day, or get a tea to go while you stroll the neighborhood. Make sure to ask for the “I Got You,” a toasty genmaicha with matcha powder, and the “Marrakesh Express,” a minty, citrusy herbal blend. LIZZY ACKER.

Tea Bar

1615 NE Killingsworth St., 477-4676, teabarpdx.com. Where there was once a barber shop and music store, Tea Bar now sits in a bougie strip mall complete with a wine and cider bottle shop, Podnah’s Pit barbecue, and soon a Thai fried chicken spot. As you enter Tea Bar, you are greeted by an array of magazines that include an Australian fashion publication featuring cactus embroidery, a French magazine for the modern mother, a variety of Kinfolks and something called Cereal. All is stark white or blonde wood, with a few succulents hiding on decorative shelving, while the the slimly curated, boba-heavy menu is so streamlined

it can leave as many questions as answers. Still, the tea is good. The sparkling vanilla rose was sweet and pleasingly carbonated, while the smooth London Fog latte offered an interesting twist of lavender instead of vanilla as a sweetener. Consider it a wonderful place to finally dig in to Brave Enough, Cheryl Strayed’s new book of quotes. Sip like a motherfucker. LIZZY ACKER.

Thomas & Sons Distillery

4211 SE Milwaukee Ave., thomasandsonsdistillery.com. Townshend’s Tea added Thomas & Sons Distillery this year to its Brew Dr. Kombucha factory, making its booze directly from tea. When we checked in a few months ago, our favorite was a 70-proof sweet tea liqueur that sips easily from a summertime porch, but this fall finds the crop maturing. The new Bitter Tea liqueur may well be Portland’s first true amaro, fermented from Assam tea and spiced with a pleasantly strong dose of cardamom, with a minty, peppery back end. The White Rose liqueur—made with white tea and rose petals—was stingingly hot a few months ago, but has cooled into a wonderfully floral concoction that would mix well with Dolin Blanc in a martini glass. For winter, Thomas & Sons is pushing a bracing Bluebird “alpine liqueur” with plenty of fennel, but we’ll most likely be kicking back by a fireplace with some Bitter Tea stirred into our rye. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Totem

totemtea.com. Totem owner Phil Sauerbeck’s business card says, humbly, “tea researcher.” But after 15 years of tea obsession, he’s more like the Alan Lomax of tea, hunting out the rare and untasted from family-run farms and little merchants in Taiwan and bringing them here to you. Almost all of the small-batch teas he sells are unavailable elsewhere nearby, and every one we’ve tried has been exceptional. Sauerbeck doesn’t feel the need to buy and sell a tea he doesn’t think is really special, he says. A red-tinted snow honey chrysanthemum from China’s Kunlun Mountain is the rare herbal tea that reveals its true depth only on the second steeping, while a gui fei gets its natural sweetness because it’s been fed on by leafhoppers, and his mulberry tea is prepared in the style of a Japanese sencha. All are worth not only drinking, but talking about. Right now you can get them only at Coquine and Noraneko restaurants, or online through his website. We suggest, strongly, that you do so. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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Where to Coffice in Portland THIRD-WAVE COFFEE SHOPS ARE MAKING IT HARD TO SET UP COMPUTER CAMP. WHERE SHOULD YOU TAKE YOUR LAPTOP? Coffee shops in Portland are at a pivotal moment. At the same time that freelancers and digital nomads have descended on the city like locusts, many of the new spots are manifesting their third-wave ambitions in ways downright hostile to the influx of laptop loafers. While the barista in the chambray shirt seems stoked about your startup as he carefully pours hot water from a titanium gooseneck kettle over the imported Japanese glass beaker, he doesn’t want you to run your company from his coffee shop. For example, Ristretto Couch (555 NE Couch St., 284-6767, ristrettoroasters. com) offers Wi-Fi but only a single power outlet. Heart (2211 E Burnside St., 206-6602, heartroasters.com) cheekily named its network “HEARTNOWEEKENDWIFI” in what’s probably an attempt to create a more suitable waiting room for those in line for weekend brunch down the street at Screen Door. This will only get worse. But take heart! There are still places for the caffeinated laptop warrior, as long as you don’t mind the occasional drifter who’s obviously there to charge his phone and take a midafternoon snooze. PETE COTTELL. I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y W H I T N E Y S A L G A D O

THIRD-WAVE LITE

Albina Press, the Red E Cafe, Cup & Bar, Barista, Cathedral Coffee Upside: The convergence of quality coffee, reliable Wi-Fi and an array of snacks in a bright and bustling space is the perfect middle ground between the fussiness and pretense of cupping labs and the put-on cheer and pseudo-culture of your local Starbucks franchise. Downside: None of these places is a well-kept secret, so unless you’re willing to wake up even earlier than your normie friends with real jobs, it’s basically a crapshoot whether you’ll get there before the herd of coders, novelist meet-ups and womyn’s groups

roll in and snatch up all the table space and the last of your favorite cranberryapple-bourbon muffins. Our pick: Cup & Bar (118 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 388-7701, cupandbar. com) is solid for coffee and snacks, but it’s a foregone conclusion the place will have been colonized by the local anarchist vegan knitting collective by the time this goes to press. The avocado toast is still worth a try, though. Good luck!

THE DIVE

Anna Bannanas, Coffee Time, Southeast Grind Upside: These shops are judgment-free zones for anyone and everyone. Bring us your tired, your weary, and your dumpster divers who need a warm, dry place to rebuild that Dell tower they found behind the Arby’s on Lombard. Downside: It’s hard to write a memoir while the guy on your left is playing Candy Crush with the sound on and the guy on your right is yelling at his mom over the phone about what is and is not recyclable.

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Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

Our pick: Former WW Funniest Five comic Shane Torres once said St. Johns is “nothing but day drinkers and bad Chinese food,” which makes Anna Bannanas (8716 N Lombard St., 286-2030, annabannanascafe.com) a respectable option for the latter as soon as you’re maxed out on the bitter brew.

THE ALL-DAY BAR

My Father’s Place, Radio Room, Beulahland, Tom’s Bar, Yur’s Upside: Show up early for breakfast, stay late for beer and video poker! Downside: It’s a bar, first and foremost, which means your complaints about the noise and coffee are not only invalid, but legitimate grounds for getting 86’ed.

Our pick: As much as we enjoy gambling away our meager freelance pay on Pick ’Em Poker, Radio Room (1101 NE Alberta St., 287-2346, radioroompdx.com) earns high marks for having tons of power outlets, decent coffee and a wait staff that’s courteous enough to acknowledge when you’re still a few hours away from drinking yourself out of the productivity zone.


No Cover Charge

CORPORATE FAST-FOOD CHAIN

Burger King, McDonald’s, Taco Bell, Starbucks, Wendy’s Upside: With the exception of Starbucks, the prices at these places are dirt-cheap. It’s unlikely you’ll be asked to leave, provided you keep your voice down and your pet squirrel secured in your shopping cart outside. Downside: It’s debatable whether the innocuous coffeehouse schlock of Starbucks or the outdated X Games rawk of Taco Bell is worse, but it requires headphones either way. The coffee is terrible, power outlets are often snatched up by drifters, and the Wi-Fi requires the use of some convoluted sign-in page that tricks you into giving your email address in exchange for Internet access and two decades of blasts about chicken fries and new kinds of salads no one in their right mind would order.

Our pick: While the laptop bar at the recently resurrected Taco Bell in Irvington is tailor-made for extreme Internet productivity and even more extreme Mountain Dew consumption (five varieties on tap at last visit!), the combination of somewhat drinkable coffee, above-average breakfast sandwiches and a genuine circus of humanity makes the inner-Southeast Burger King (1525 SE Grand Ave., 2349240, bk.com) the optimal choice for those down-and-out days of Internet job hunting. You can get a free refill on any drink there. It’s a wonderful restaurant!

3390 NE Sandy Blvd | 535 NE Columbia Blvd www.chopstickskaraoke.com

Upside: Food options are limitless, seating is plentiful, and there’s rarely a line for the restroom. Downside: The coffee is often provided by a third-party chain like Peet’s or Starbucks, many Fred Meyer and Safeway locations are overrun with crust punks, and there’s no other place you’re more likely to encounter children running amok without supervision.

BIG BOX AND GROCERY STORES Target, IKEA, Fred Meyer, Safeway, Whole Foods

Our pick: The Scandinavian god of cheap furniture and even cheaper coffee (free for IKEA Family cardholders!) is a merciful god for finally canceling the “kids eat free” promotions at the Portland IKEA (10280 NE Cascades Parkway, 888-888-4532, ikea.com). It’s still a human zoo, but the cafe seating on a terrace that resembles some opulent futureworld we’ve only seen in movies like Her and Gattaca. You may have to wait for a family to clear out from a table near the power outlets, which are hidden in weird places, but the food is obviously the best part of a day wasted at IKEA.

MADE IN OREGON SOLID PINE

Bookcase,

26”W 68”H 14”D, Reg. $420

Sale $239

Other sizes Available

Storage Unit, 39”W 18”D 17”H, Reg. $302.95,

Sale $119.00

HURRY LIMITED QUANTITIES

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com


STREET

Cully OUR FAVORITE LOOKS THIS WEEK. P H OTOS BY KAYLA SPR IN T wweek.com/street

“Working tirelessly together, we achieved our goal of selling our NE Portland home to buy a farm house in the country. Onward & upward!”

P. 15

NancyMarie Hendricks, Realtor 503.381.5587 scoutportland.com nancymarie@scoutportland.com Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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“It is the ham that they eat in Norman Rockwell paintings.” page 35

C O u R T E S Y R O S E C I T Y R O l l E R S / B O B AY E R S

STARTERS

BITE-SIZED PORTLAND CULTURE NEWS.

M AT T B R O W N

WE’RE NO. 1!: Portland is finally a national champion in a sport Portlanders probably thought we were a national champion in already! And, no, we aren’t talking about the football/ soccer team with all the scarves. We’re talking about roller derby. The only sport in the world that rewards the ability to come up with a cool name may be confusing to the layperson. But that doesn’t make it any less awesome that Portland’s team, the Rose City Wheels of Justice, upset Gotham Girls Roller Derby on Nov. 8 for the International Women’s Flat Track Derby Association championship in St. Paul, Minn. ESPN called Gotham “roller derby’s Goliath” and noted that the New York team was the five-time defending champion. Well, no more. Our coffee is better, our beard and flannel game is better, and now our roller-derby team is better, too. Sorry, New York City sports fans, who also suffered through the Mets’ loss to the Kansas City Royals in the World Series. >> In other sports news, the scarves team, those Timbers, beat host Vancouver Whitecaps FC, 2-0, on Nov. 8 to advance to the Major League Soccer Western Conference Championship against FC Dallas. The two-game, aggregate-score series begins Sunday, Nov. 22, at Portland’s Providence Park. Get your chain saws ready at home, because the game will be sold out by the time this paper is printed.

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Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

buNk at buNk: Wendell Pierce, most famous for playing the character of Bunk Moreland on The Wire, was in town last week for Wordstock. When we interviewed him, we asked if he wanted to eat Bunk sandwiches. Turns out he did, though that was the first time he’d heard of the sandwich shop. Bunk owner Tommy Habetz, who named his shop Bunk while in the middle of a Wire binge, came to the PIERcE aND habEtz Portland Art Museum on Nov. 7 to make the sandwich himself, waiting an hour in his truck for Pierce to arrive. Around 2 pm, Pierce showed up with his eventual lunch partner, 2013 National Book Award winner James McBride. Although it was raining, Pierce stood in front of the truck for photos before walking off with a bag of muffaletta sandwiches. PaM’s WILD RIDE: The Portland Art Museum is actually the hottest thing in Portland art right now, thanks to Paige Powell’s never-before-seen portraits of iconic artists like Andy Warhol and Jean-Michel Basquiat in 1980s New York City. The Ride and Beulah Land opened at PAM on Nov. 5, and The New York Times wrote it up: “Powell arrived in New York in 1980 from the Pacific Northwest, looking like a granola version of Edie Sedgwick.” In a move that vastly increased its street cred, PAM’s promo included Kenny Scharf—the artist behind Jamison Square’s tiki totems—painting graffiti on Horse Brass Pub bartender Hugh Folkerth’s gold Camry and a vintage BMW convertible belonging to Trail Blazers exec John Goodwin.


GO: Pat Connaughton and the Portland Trail Blazers take on Boban Marjanovic and the San Antonio Spurs at Moda Center, 1 N Center Court St., on Wednesday, Nov. 11. 7:30 pm. $30-$305.

WILLAMETTE WEEK

HEADOUT E L aM H

WEDNESDAY NOV. 11 THOR [HUNK OF METAL] Jon Mikl Thor was once Canada’s most successful bodybuilder. His metal band never got as big as his biceps, but his presence onstage had no parallel. The show is preceded by a screening of documentary I Am Thor. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 226-6630. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

PA I N T I N G B Y J E R E M Y O K A I D AV I S

WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK IN ARTS & CULTURE

THURSDAY NOV. 12

You got replaced

by Ed Davis.

He’s doing OK !

CHRISTMAS TREE DELIVERY [HOLIDAYS] Skip the turkeybasting and go straight to hotcocoa with Santa and the Dickens Carolers. The sustainably grown, 75-foot Douglas fir (it’s local) will parade down Southwest 6th Avenue with the Beat Goes On Marching Band before getting craned into the Square. Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave. Noon. Free Free. THE RIDE AND BEULAH LAND [PHOTOGRAPHY] Portland native Paige Powell spent the 1980s palling around with Andy Warhol and Jean-Michel Basquiat in New York City. After 30 years, she debuts a show featuring snapshots of intimate art parties and street scenes. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave., 226-2811, portlandartmuseum.org. Through Feb. 21.

FRIDAY NOV. 13

LAMARCUS ALDRICH RETURNS TO PORTLAND THIS WEEK. HOW DO BLAZERS FANS TAUNT A TREASONOUS PLAYER WHO HAS NO PERSONALITY?

EUGENE MIRMAN [STANDUP] From playing a character named Gene in Bob’s Burgers to one named Eugene in Flight of the Conchords, Brooklyn comedian Eugene Mirman is as versatile as he is hilarious, as proved by his new album of poignant yet practical erotic sounds, I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome). Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 274-6551. 8 pm. $24. All ages.

SATURDAY NOV. 14 PRAY FOR SNOW BLOCK PARTY [BEER/SNOWBOARDING] 10 Barrel will shut down its block and build a 70-foot mobile ski run using a Mad Max-style truck. There will also be, like, a rail jam. And all proceeds go to fighting children’s cancer. 10 Barrel Brewing, 1411 NW Flanders St., 224-1700. 5 pm. Free entry. All ages.

SUNDAY NOV. 15 RIDE [SHOEGAZE] The Oxford quartet has been universally lauded as history’s second-best shoegaze band, but in 1992, it managed something My Bloody Valentine didn’t do until a few years ago—follow up its seminal album, 1990’s Nowhere, with another masterpiece, Going Blank Again. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm. $32.50 advance, $37.50 day of show. All ages.

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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FOOD & DRINK = WW Pick. Highly recommended. By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@wweek.com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 11 Green Dragon Sixth Anniversary

Since its first batch on Nov. 9, 2009, the Green Dragon Brew Crew has created more than 300 unique beers, with new brews coming out almost every Wednesday for six years. The Crew celebrates this accomplishment with a special tapping of its Descent Into Darkness, which is a Russian Imperial Stout brewed in January 2014. PARKER HALL. Green Dragon, 928 SE 9th Ave., 517-0660. 5 pm.

I

Lunch & Brunch

Shandong Monday to Friday 11:30am-3pm

www.shandongportland.com

Shandong www.shandongportland.com

THURSDAY, NOV. 12 Aviary Vegetarian Dinner

Pig-ear-happy Aviary goes veg for the night yet again, with a sevencourse meal featuring the trademark romanesco salad with pumpkin, onion flan and silken tofu, among new dishes like chestnut soup and chanterelle mousse. Aviary, 1733 NE Alberta St., 287-2400. 5 pm. $45.

FRIDAY, NOV. 13 Gumbo Weekend

La Calaca Comelona 2304 SE Belmont | 503-239-9675 4-10pm Mon–Sat

To commemorate the Tremé Gumbo festival, new Acadia chef-owner Seamus Foran will have his own: For one weekend, diners can have a “gumbo flight” with three versions of gumbo for $16: the classic house seafood gumbo, a Cajun gumbo with a thick tomato base, and a Lent-friendly vegetarian gumbo z’herbs. Acadia, 1303 NE Fremont St., 249-5001. Through Nov. 14.

SATURDAY, NOV. 14 Danksgiving

Like Festivus…but for the rest of us. Danksgiving is a harvest celebration of a very particular kind. Less turkey, more greens, with goodie bags featuring organic Thanksgiving tapas and a social atmosphere. Attendees are encouraged to bring cannabis along with vapes, bongs or other preferred intake devices. Check givedanks.com for details. Service, 2319 NE Glisan St. 1 pm. $20.

AN INTERNATIONAL MARKETPLACE

Southeast Asian Coffee Ingredients: • ¼ cup or more sweetened condensed milk • 4 double espressos or brewed Thai coffee Instructions: • Add 1 tablespoon of condensed milk to each of four 8-ounce cups or glasses.

WE SELL DRINKS

OPEN TILL 2:30AM DAILY libertyglassbar.com

• In each pour 2 shots of espresso, and stir until the coffee and milk are well combined.

OREGON’S LARGEST ASIAN MALL

34

503-517-8877

9am-8pm seven days a week

*Restaurant Hours may vary from mall hours

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

3113 SE Division St., 236-0205, btoysterbar.com. Oysters, man. This is when you get them. And while some oyster bars can feel like a roll of the dice, secondgeneration local seafood restaurateur Trent Pierce must have some serious connections with oyster purveyors, because every oyster here is pillowsoft, beautiful and grit-free. It doesn’t hurt that both early and late happy hours have half-off all oysters.

2. Imperial

410 SW Broadway, 228-7222, imperialpdx.com. Imperial, our 2015 Restaurant of the Year, has one of the best friedchicken dishes you’ll ever eat, with barrel-aged hot sauce and honey from beehives on the roof.

3. St. Jack

1610 NW 23rd Ave., 360-1281, stjackpdx.com. St. Jack guts and debones its own Oregon trout—apparently sous chef Amanda Williams is the fastest, at 45 seconds, for a whole trout. Anyway, it’s good. You should eat it.

4. 503 Burger Co.

4233 N Mississippi Ave. (Mississippi Pod), 503burger.com. This burger cart takes as much care with its basic ketchup-mustard burger as with the bacon-Gorgonzola-arugula monstrosities. And the beautiful housemade tater tots are some of the best in town, even before you add the pepperoncini cream-cheese dipping sauce.

5. The Maple Parlor

3538 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 206-4757, themapleparlor.com. Hawthorne’s new Maple Parlor, an “inclusive sundae bar,” has upgraded the old Swirl space with eight frozen desserts, from full-fat ice cream to Paleo-friendly coconut-milk froyo and many gluten-free, vegan and diabetic options in between.

(REVEREND NAT’S)

ONE STOP SHOPPING Groceries · Housewares · Gifts · Jewelry · Restaurants

www.fubonn.com

1. B&T Oyster Bar

Not Your Paw Paw’s Cider

Vietnamese and Thai coffees are both made by combining strong brewed coffee with sweet condensed milk. Fubonn Supermarket stocks a groundcoffee mix that contains herbs and chicory.You can brew it as an everyday coffee, with or without the sweetened condensed milk (but that particular type of coffee is delicious sweetened). If you cannot find it, try making this Southeast Asian coffee using espresso.The results will still be delicious.The coffee can be served hot, at room temperature, chilled, or on ice.

2850 S.E. 82nd Ave.

Four times a year, Oso Market spends a month making the brunch of some faraway place on the weekends. Well, this time it got only as far as Montreal. Eat French toast, bagels and sockeye lox, pulled pork and poutine, and pork shoulder with monk fish and hollandaise. Oso Market + Bar, 726 SE Grand

Pray for Snow Block Party

10 Barrel is taking the name of its Pray for Snow winter ale very, very literally by shutting down its block and building a 70-foot mobile ski run using some screwed-up Mad Max-style truck. There will also be, like, a rail jam. And all proceeds go to fighting children’s cancer. Go ahead, be mad at Budweiser for buying 10 Barrel, but the fact remains: There will be a ski ramp in the middle of Portland this week. 10 Barrel Brewing, 1411 NW Flanders St., 224-1700. 5 pm. Free entry. All ages.

DRANK

• Add a few ice cubes to each serving, if you wish.

Interested in leasing space at Fubonn Shopping Center? email leasing @ fubonn.com

Oso Adventure Brunch

Ave., 232-6400. 10 am. Weekends through Nov. 22.

Murmurs P.6

There are precious few pawpaw trees in these parts. The largest edible fruit indigenous to our continent, the “Indiana banana” has cantaloupe-colored flesh that tastes a little like a mango-plantain custard. Unless you’ve lived in Ohio, Indiana or West Virginia, chances are you’ve never eaten one. Well, you had your chance at Reverend Nat’s, where a Hoosier-bred city employee by the name of Greg Raisman (full disclosure: a friend) alerted the proprietor to a mess o’ pawpaws ready for harvest from the tree of a neighbor who had no idea what those big, dopey-looking fruits were. The good Reverend mashed ’em up and created a mildly sweet, almost gamey cider that reminds me of lightly fermented mango juice. It tastes like summer afternoons by a muddy creek. Others agreed, which is why it sold out in a couple days. Squirrels hate pawpaws, and the trees have no natural pests, so keep your eyes peeled for another small batch next year. Recommended. MARTIN CIZMAR.


TASTE-OFF

Hammer Time TASTE-TESTING PORTLANDMADE HAMS. wmacmurdo@wweek.com

The modern Portland shopper faces a crisis of nearinfinite hams. With dozens of local, national and international hams available at one’s fingertips, how is the savvy consumer to determine what to serve as the centerpiece of their non-denominational holiday dinner, or what to use as their go-to ham for everyday sandwiches? Luckily for you, WW gathered 18 Portland-made hams for a blind taste test. Accompanied by nothing more than a simple loaf of country bread and a bottle of Italian Amaro Montenegro, we tested the finest ham Portland had to offer. After rating every ham on a scale of 1 to 100 and dropping the lowest score, we collated the results and separated the hogwash from the squeal deal.

1. Old Salt tasso: Best in show (90 points)

A Creole delicacy traditionally used to flavor soups, gumbos and jambalaya, tasso is made from the shoulder of the hog, which in some schools disqualifies it as being a true ham. Well, it’s 2015: traditionalism be damned. Each bite of Old Salt’s tasso was a wafer-thin satin sheet of fat and smoke that melted in the mouth, dissolving from a blast of porky richness into a nuanced warmth of smoked paprika, cayenne and garlic that didn’t overstay its welcome. Old Salt chef Ben Meyer, who has been visiting New Orleans with his mother since he was a high-school sophomore, revealed some of the secrets behind his best-in-show ham. “For a couple of decades I went there every year, and this has always been food that is near and dear to my heart,” he says. “Tasso is an ingredient that you just don’t see much up here. It’s not usually even eaten as a slicer, but I’m glad it works that way. It’s usually used as a cooking component— it’s the base of a gumbo, or if you’re making étouffée, it’s pretty common to smother some tasso ham in there.” Flavored with “a blend of secret hobo herbs and spices,” Meyer’s recipe is a break from tasso tradition. “When it’s usually made, we would take the whole shoulder roast and slice it into pucks about an inch thick, and then cure those in the same cure,” he says. “Because of the way we use it in the restaurant, we just cure the whole shoulder in that way. More than anything, we changed the curing time. Because of the size of the piece of meat we are using, we allow it to season out for over a week. It also smokes for a longer time, generally about five hours at a low, moderate temperature. We smoke it really low and slow so it gets bombarded and forms a shell on the outside.” Old Salt’s tasso is in limited supply. “If you are looking for tasso specifically, you should ask us, even if it is not in the case,” Meyer says. “We only really merchandise it into the case when we have enough extra that we aren’t worried about brunch. But as long as someone is willing to wait a little bit, we can make it for ’em and have it ready in a couple of weeks.” Tasting notes: “Fatty, fatty, fatty—and so good for it.” “This is the bacon of ham.” Perfect for: Any egg dish, jambalaya, étouffée, eating with your bare hands until you pass out. Buy it: Old Salt Marketplace, 5027 NE 42nd Ave., 971-255-0167, oldsaltpdx.com, $18 per pound.

CALEB MISCLEVITZ

BY WA L K E R M AC M UR D O

2. Tails & Trotters applewood-smoked ham:

The ’tweener (88)

Most of the smoked ham we sampled tasted at best “smoky” and at worst “chemical fiery.” Northeast Portland’s hazelnut-finished pork merchants Tails & Trotters had noticeable levels of both smoke and finesse. Tails & Trotters’ ham started with a robust mouthful of applewood smoke flavor, which relaxed into a spiced melange of botanicals defined by a healthy burst of juniper and green herbs, finishing with a clean, traditional ham flavor. Much like a good pair of chinos, this versatile ham dresses up and down very nicely. T&T’s flagship ham stands on its own as a both a big-flavored board ham and a top-shelf sandwich ham that won’t be overpowered by its accoutrements. Tasting notes: “Moist, yummy, eat-it-anywhere ham.” “This is the most subtle, tender smoked ham I’ve ever had.” Perfect for: Pairing with a ton of Gruyere and heady mustard in a croque monsieur, the centerpiece of a meatand-cheese board. Buy it: Tails & Trotters, 525 NE 24th Ave., 477-8682, tails-trotters.myshopify.com. $16 per pound.

3. New Seasons Market ham:

Best sandwich ham (80)

Sometimes the good guys win. Sometimes the scrappy underdogs take home the 101st annual Summer Camp Classic Kickball Trophy. Sometimes the house brand from Portland’s girl-next-door grocery store is the best sandwich ham in the city. New Seasons’ ham tastes like…ham. It is the platonic ham. It is the ham that they eat in Norman Rockwell paintings. Clean, moist and savory with a satisfying bite, this is the ham to have on deck when your kids bring over friends, or for a wholesome lunch you can whip up in three minutes. New Seasons makes the best no-frills workhorse ham you can get in the city. Tasting notes: “Terrific sandwich ham—moist, salty, briny.” Perfect for: A week’s worth of sandwiches, an enormous pot of pea-and-ham soup. Buy it: New Seasons Market, various locations, newseasonsmarket.com. $9.99 per pound.

4. Olympia Provisions Sweetheart ham:

Upscale dinner on the go (68)

The Pacific Northwest’s best salumeria also has an exceptional ham? Shocking. Elias Cairo’s meat market and res-

taurant is something of a one-stop shop for cured meats in Portland, and you can pick up a mini-football-sized dinner along with a pack of saucissons for the road while you prepare for your in-law’s impending judgment. Weighing roughly 2½ pounds and sold in increments of “half” and “whole,” OP’s Sweetheart ham is a lean and gently juniper-spiced meat that is made to be a lifesaver when you need to whip up a nice dinner at the last minute. Pro tip: If you only need a piece or two for the road, New Seasons sells OP Sweetheart by the slice at a slight markup. Tasting notes: “Tastes like chicken soup.” “Yum! Delightful, robust juniper, excellent, sweet finish.” Perfect for: A foolproof, last-minute dinner alongside a mountain of mashed potatoes; part of a charcuterie board. Buy it: Olympia Provisions, 1632 NW Thurman St., 894-8136; 107 SE Washington St., 954-3663, olympiaprovisions.com. $16 per pound. New Seasons Market, various locations, newseasonsmarket.com. $16.99 per pound.

5. Edelweiss black-pepper ham:

Best pepper ham (67)

Where most of the black-pepper hams we sampled tasted like an indistinct, briny whimper limping out of the aftermath of a harsh shotgun blast of black pepper, Edelweiss’ expertise in the Teutonic art of peppered-pork preservation paid off. At this German food shop, second-generation deli masters Tom and Tony Baier craft an assertively piquant coarse-black-pepper crust that complements their lean, alder-smoked barbecued ham without accosting it. The result is a delightfully rustic pepper ham that is perfect to scarf down in large quantities alongside other strong flavors, ideally after a hard day of yard work. Tasting notes: “This is what pepper cure should be.” “Delightfully peppery, turkeylike.” Perfect for: Serving as a main course alongside a hearty chunk of imported country German rye bread, caraway-spiced sauerkraut, beer mustard and a growler of Upright’s Engelberg Pilsner. Buy it: Edelweiss Sausage & Delicatessen, 3119 SE 12th Ave., 238-4411, edelweissdeli.com. $10.99 per pound. Willamette Week’s ham task force tasted these Portland-made hams, with unmarked prosciutto di Parma as a control: Chop deli ham, Gartner’s classic ham, Otto’s dry-cured ham, New Seasons Market ham, Gartner’s pepper ham, Edelweiss Black Forest ham, Otto’s Black Forest ham, Olympia Provisions Sweetheart ham, Laurelhurst Market ham, Old Salt tasso, Edelweiss honey ham, Edelweiss black-pepper ham, Edelweiss barbecue ham, Old Salt ham, Tails & Trotters applewood-smoked ham. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com


MUSIC PROFILE

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

BRICK STOWELL

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and socalled convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines. Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/ submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 11 Thor, Edgar Allen Posers

FRIDAY, NOV. 13 Joanna Gruesome, Tony Molina, King of Cats

MICHAEL PILMER

[HUNK OF METAL] Jon Mikl Thor is [LUNATIC MUSIC] Joanna Gruesome one of the most is a cute noise-pop band from Wales, insane human where everyone is cute because beings I have ever they talk funny. I always thought seen in a lifetime noise pop was pop punk for of gaping at insane 22-year-olds, and it might be, human beings. The but Joanna Gruesome seems as man was a legend if it has some fans nearing their before he ever struck mid-20s, so I could be wrong. a note. Prior to getting Tony Molina, on the other hand, into music, Thor was a is a nightmare wrapped in a successful bodybuilder— lunatic buried 100 feet deep in the first Canadian to a hellhole. A veteran thug from win both the Mr. Canada THOR the desolate, maniac streets of and Mr. USA contests. the South Bay—San Francisco’s Then came the band. Thor never made terrifying neighbor—he has emerged it huge. They were midissue Kerrang! from the confusing early 2000s with his heavy metal. But the key to their limited dignity, and riffs, fully intact. Everybody success was Thor’s own wild presence knows guitar leads are the single most onstage. I’ve personally seen the man important part of a rock song, and bend a steel bar with his teeth. He can Molina pukes them out with hard preciexplode a whoopee cushion with his sion. Every chump nerd record collector breath. And, God willing, he will do just compares this street king to Thin Lizzy that (or something similar) in tonight’s and the Replacements, and for once, live show following a screening of the those fucking nerds are right. BRACE new documentary about his life and BELDEN. Analog Cafe & Theater, 720 SE comeback. BRACE BELDEN. Dante’s, 350 Hawthorne Blvd. 6 pm. $12 advance, $14 W Burnside St. 9 pm. $10. 21+. day of show. All ages.

THURSDAY, NOV. 12 The Cult, Primal Scream

[ENGLAND ROCKS] Other than shared British citizenship, it’s unclear why the Cult and Primal Scream are touring together. The former are gothic postpunks turned mystical hard-rockers, while the latter gradually evolved from an expert Stones ripoff to psychedelic ravers to some kind of acid-house version of the Stooges, and it’s hard to imagine there’s much crossover in their respective audiences. Who really cares, though—especially when it’s bringing Primal fucking Scream back to Portland for the first time in, like, forever? Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St. 8 pm. $49.50 advance, $54.50 day of show. All ages.

Hate Eternal, Beyond Creation, Misery Index, Rivers of Nihil

[RIFF SALAD] Hate Eternal mastermind Erik Rutan is the godfather of jetspeed, riff-packed, technical death metal. Although he hasn’t strayed far from the double-kicked path of his earlier days in Morbid Angel and Ripping Corpse, he has molded Hate Eternal into a precision assault of buzzsaw guitar and relentless drumming punctuated by dissonant guitar solos. New album Infernus isn’t reinventing the wheel, but if you like your death-metal fast and high-tech, you can’t do much better. WALKER MACMURDO. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St. 8 pm. $15 advance, $18 day of show. 21+.

Micachu and the Shapes, Aan

[ACCESSIBLE EXPERIMENTAL] Micachu and the Shapes know how to name things. First, there’s their own name: It’s both silly (the off-brand Pokémon part) and abstractly arty (the “Shapes” part). Then there’s Good Sad Happy Bad, the band’s new album. The title revels in contradiction and subverts the laws of grammar. It’s nonsensical, but you can still pretty much interpret what it means. Similarly, the songs on the album subvert traditional song structures to the point they often sound unfinished, while also sounding like a slacker funhouse. But for all its attempts to shroud itself in irony, it’s pretty easy to get where the band’s coming from. SHANNON GORMLEY. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St. 7 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+

Widowspeak, Quilt

[INDIE POP] About the only thing Brooklyn’s Widowspeak has done wrong over the course of the past few years is cover Third Eye Blind’s “How’s It Gonna Be”—that wretched song had been long dead until these indie darlings went and dug up its corpse. That gaffe notwithstanding, Widowspeak is producing some of the best indie pop out there. Mildly hallucinogenic and incredibly melodic, the duo’s latest effort, All Yours, is a legitimate album of the year candidate. Show up early for Quilt, a supremely talented psychedelic folk-rock band from Boston. MARK STOCK. Bunk Bar Water, 1028 SE Water Ave. 9 pm. $13 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Glen Hansard, Aoife O’Donovan

[IRISH FOLKIE] Once was a surprisingly good film, but it was Glen Hansard’s soundtrack that made it an Oscarwinning standout in 2007. The breadth of the Irish singer-songwriter’s catalog—particularly his recent LP, Didn’t He Ramble, and his work with Swell Season—is just as tender, filled with poetic lines and an understated warmth that prevails even when the incursion of horns and melodrama threaten to disrupt their elegance. Behind the impassioned folk ballads and hymnlike blues lies a gleaming sense of optimism, which, though straightforward, rarely fails to support his emotive performances. BRANDON WIDDER. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St. 8 pm. $35. All ages.

Tops, Puro Instinct, Is/Is

[AUTUMN SWEATER POP] Last fall, Montreal quartet Tops quietly released one of the decade’s best indie-pop records—an album I didn’t think too much of at first but find myself continually coming back to, especially as the air gets crisp and the days get shorter. Picture You Staring puts singer Jane Penny’s smokey-cool voice front and center, ditching the reverb so many young bands favor and replacing it with bright, jangling guitars and cold synth presets. It’s beguiling pop music, and the group’s new single, “The Hollow Sound of the Morning Chimes” points in an even darker direction, with a waltzing beat and slow build that bubbles but never really boils over the course of seven seductive minutes. This is perfect fall music for people who miss the warm weather but aren’t really that sad. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

CONT. on page 39

Stay Woke

sure to get me,” he raps at one point. He moved to Brooklyn, searching for new energy. “It was all a little far from reality,” Miller says of his time in L.A. “I’m kind of just taking a little break and living a little more regular lifestyle. Health is important, and having a grasp on reality is very important.” FOR MAC MILLER, SUCCESS WAS A That newly sober outlook is reflected on GO:OD DREAM THAT BECAME A NIGHTMARE. AM. Released in September, it is Miller’s most NOW, HE’S TURNED IT INTO A cohesive project to date. It’s an ocean of an album, weaving tales of drug addiction with stories about SURPRISING NEW ALBUM. youthful recklessness. It’s his first project after signBY MATTHEW SCHON FELD 243-2122 ing a multimillion-dollar contract with Warner Bros. last year—a deal that means wider distribution more The concept of Mac Miller’s major label debut, than an artistic shift. “Signing to a major has had GO:OD AM, is easy enough to grasp. “I know it’s no effects on anything I’ve done at all,” he says. “It’s been a minute since I’ve been awake,” he mutters on literally the same exact shit we’ve always done.” the album’s opening track, reintroducing himself to Indeed, GO:OD AM retains the roster that’s been a world that’s only seen glimpses of the 23-year-old with Miller since the beginning, including Eric rapper since his last release two years ago. But to Dan and Jeremy “Big Jerm” Kulousek of Pittsburg fully understand the root of GO:OD AM, you have production duo ID Labs, and longtime collaborator to know the dream Miller has awoken from. Tree Jay is still directing the music videos. “It was After being hoisted into the mainstream on the really important for my major debut to be with strength of 2011’s Blue Slide Park—the first indepen- the people I’ve always been with,” Miller says. dently distributed debut album to top U.S. Billboard But all those years of experimenting in the studio charts since 1995—the Pittsburgh native moved to Los haven’t left him. “It was really important to start Angeles, bought a mansion and began to indulge in the pushing the boundaries and limits of what I could high life. His childhood friends moved out to live rent- do creatively—what I could pull off,” he says. free, he built an in-house studio in the property’s One of Miller’s most cherished contacts from pool shack, and invited an MTV camera his years on the West Coast is bassist Stephen crew to document the debauchery for Bruner, also known as Thundercat. He a reality TV show. shows up on two of GO:OD AM’s most “It was really In L.A., Miller became increaspowerful tracks: “Brand Name” important to start ingly reclusive, staying inside and “Break the Law.” “Whenever I and conducting marathon pushing the boundaries get to work with Thundercat, we studio sessions. Psychedelics always end up making something and limits of what I became his muse, and he began outside of hip-hop,” Miller says. could do creatively— to push the boundaries of his “He speaks music better than he music. On his sophomore album, speaks English.” what I could Watching Movies With the Sound There’s less keeping Miller up at pull off.” Off, Miller revealed himself to be an night these days. Living in New York, ambitious producer. No longer consurrounded by friends and closer to family, cerned with crafting radio-ready hooks, he says he is in his most supportive environment his creative reach expanded far beyond his social in years. He’s also now backed by a one of the nation’s circle, as he collaborated with the likes of Pharrell largest, most influential record labels, and equipped Williams, Flying Lotus, Chuck Inglish, Clams Casino with the deepest contact list of potential collaborators and Earl Sweatshirt. of his career. But that doesn’t mean he’s comfortable. Eventually, the opulence surrounding Miller “I don’t really think I’ll ever be done exploring or began to take a toll on his health and relation- experimenting by any means,” Miller says. ships. He offered a kaleidoscopic look into his life on the daring, brooding 2014 mixtape Faces: SEE IT: Mac Miller plays Roseland Theater, 8 NW “Doing drugs is just a war with boredom, but they 6th Ave., with Goldlink, Domo and Alexander Spit, on Wednesday, Nov. 11. 8 pm. Sold out. All ages. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC Liz Vice, Pilgrim

[SonGS oF FAItH] If you can make it singing about Jesus in Portland, you can make it singing about Jesus anywhere. It won’t be long until Liz Vice, Portland’s reigning queen of gospel-soul, is everyone’s queen of gospel-soul. consider this your warning to see her in a relatively small place while you can. Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St. 8 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Scott Amendola Band featuring Nels Cline, Jenny Scheinman, Jeff Parker, and John Shifflett

[GRooVE MAStER] Scott Amendola is the real deal. A drummer who first rose to jazz popularity in the ’90s holding down the groove as a member of famed Bay Area jazz-funk all-stars t.J. Kirk, Amendola has for years surrounded himself with a rotating cast of jazz luminaries, crafting interesting originals—and even one particularly compelling duet of Lorde’s “Royals”—in the process. tonight, the light-handed groove master brings four such musicians with him to Portland who will play everything from softly shuffling blues numbers to funky backbeat bangers. With Wilco guitarist nels cline and violin master Jenny Scheinman in the mix, this is not a show you’ll want to miss. PARKER HALL. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave. 9:30 pm. $17 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.

SATURDAY, NOV. 14 Sturgill Simpson, Billy Wayne Davis

[HEADY coUntRY] If there’s been a lot of talk about how Sturgill Simpson is the new savior of country music, it’s because he just might be. the singer-songwriter’s sophomore

LP, Metamodern Sounds in Country Music, carries the aptitude of Waylon Jennings and Merle Haggard, yet addresses the kind of big questions religion and even carl Sagan couldn’t answer. the way he expertly melds acid-laced mellotron with traditional riffs straight out of Bakersfield is a sound for sore ears, as is the way his talented band channels familiar nuances against his deadpan baritone without ever becoming preservationists. BRAnDon WIDDER. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St. 8:30 pm. Sold out. All ages.

SUNDAY, NOV. 15 Broncho, the Shelters, Pearl Charles

[QUIntESSEntIAL InDIE] Even if you’ve never heard Broncho, you can imagine what it sounds like: catchy, grungy guitars, with apathetic male vocals and just a touch a psychedelia. It’s the kind of thing a character in a late-2000s indie movie would listen to. that describes 2011 debut Can’t Get Past the Lips as much as 2014 follow-up Just Enough Hip to Be Woman, so we can reasonably extrapolate that the band’s forthcoming third album will sound that way too. Broncho proves the traditional setup of drums, bass, guitar and all dudes is no longer the driving creative force of popular music, but it also indicates that those bands aren’t going away. there’s something endearing about them in a borderline nostalgic way. SHAnnon GoRMLEY. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show.

Six @ PSU featuring Paul Dickow, Marcus Fischer, Ethernet, Gummi, WNDFRM

[SURRoUnD SoUnD] Six is a live speaker showcase of multidirectional sound design presented in an open

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coURtESY oF HIGH RISE PR

PREVIEW

Ride, Cat Hoch

[VAPOUR TRAIL] Is Ride secretly the best guitar band of the past 30 years? If you’re a fan of British music from the early ’90s then you probably already know the narrative: Ride was great, sure, but couldn’t touch that holy grail of feedback that is My Bloody Valentine. The Oxford quartet has been universally lauded by critics as history’s second-best shoegazers, with 1990’s near-perfect debut, Nowhere, as the inferior sister to Loveless’ tower of influence. Yet Ride is a fantastic outfit in its own right, and one that did something MBV didn’t do until a few years ago—follow up its seminal album with another masterpiece. Going Blank Again is filled with flat-out incredible guitar sounds, and the 1992 album is more varied than its predecessor (and also accepting of the burgeoning Brit-pop sound) while going hard in the hook department. Lead-off track and U.K. top-10 hit “Leave Them All Behind” is the headliner, but it’s gems like the bouncy “Twisterella” and propulsive “Mouse Trap” that elevate Ride above its peers from the era. The band originally split in 1996, with leader Andy Bell serving a requisite stint as Oasis’ bass player, but reunited in 2014 to prove to the world that it really belongs in the upper echelon of noise-pop giants. MICHAEL MANNHEIMER. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 225-0047. 8 pm Sunday, Nov. 15. $32.50 advance, $37.50 day of show. All ages. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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Introducing...

mette The Willa

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MUSIC setting for an immersive and interactive experience. this iteration, brought to you by the PSU time Arts club and School of Art and Design, features many of Portland’s luminaries of electronic composition, showcasing a wide range of modular synthesis, signal processing, field recordings and electro-acoustic performance through collaborative and individual talents. Expect a wide range of styles from minimal dub, hypnotic house and other improvisational and experimental sonic explorations. Pillows are highly encouraged. WYAtt ScHAFFnER.Shattuck Hall at Portland State University, 1825 SW Broadway. 6 pm. Free.

MONDAY, NOV. 16 Polyphonic Spree

[cHoRAL-oRcHEStRAL PoP] It’s hard to believe, but the Polyphonic

dates here Spree has been a band for 15 years now. the ensemble is known for having at least a dozen string, brass, woodwind players and percussionists and choir members on stage at any given time (and sometimes up to twice that number). With all these sounds, bandleader tim DeLaughter and his white-robed members of the Polyphonic Spree have earned a reputation for joyful chamber pop with a touch of psychedelia. HILARY SAUnDERS. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 9 pm. $22. 21+.

La Dispute, Envy, Wildhoney

[HARDcoRE PoEtRY] La Dispute perfected its idiosyncratic mix of florid post-hardcore and verbose ranting on 2011’s Wildlife, which stands as one of this decade’s finest rock albums. Last year’s followup, Rooms of the House, lacks the

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to D D WA L B E R g

INTRODUCING

Ice Queens WHO: Edgar McRae (vocals, guitar) Evan Houston (guitar), James taylor (bass), Brandon nikola (drums).

SOUNDS LIKE: If Billy corgan decided to go back to playing basement shows again.

FOR FANS OF: Failure, Smashing Pumpkins, Slint, Polvo. It’s a shame Ice Queens came together when it did. If it had happened a year earlier, it’s easy to imagine the band ruling the scene that coalesced around Habesha Lounge, the now-shuttered bar that sat atop an Ethiopian restaurant on Northeast Broadway. After all, drummer Brandon Nikola was the one-man show over there—booking the bands, running the sound, working the bar. With that connection, they would’ve played there every night, and vaulted to the forefront of Portland’s rock-’n’-roll underground. You’d assume, anyway. “I could’ve never played there,” Nikola says from a table at Woodlawn Coffee, his massive black beehive of a beard swaying beneath his chin as he talks. “Because it was my baby. Think about it: If I’m up playing and see something going wrong behind the bar, there’s no way I’m going to be able to focus. Whenever I was in that place, I’d just turn into, like, dad.” So, maybe right now really is the best time for Ice Queens. After Habesha closed in June, Nikola found himself with a lot more time on his hands. He’d been chatting with Evan Houston and James Taylor, both members of dance-pop group Minden, about their shared love of heavy, angular ’90s bands like Failure. Recruiting singer-guitarist Edgar McRae, the band soon found itself in McRae’s basement, cranking out the sort of bent, forceful rock that isn’t getting much play in Portland these days. It’s tightly wound and confidently played, wrapping loud, distorted guitars and breathy melodies around herky-jerky time signatures, nodding to Smashing Pumpkins as much as Polvo. Nikola says the band is aiming to put out an EP in early 2016, and it’s already got merch, making this the most serious project he’s ever been part of. It certainly takes a bit of the sting out of losing Habesha—and, in a way, it’s made him grateful that it ended when it did. “Thank God it ended,” he says. “It would’ve killed me, probably, because I would have never stopped.” MATTHEW SINGER. SEE IT: Ice Queens plays the Liquor Store, 3341 SE Belmont St., with couches and coma Serfs, on Wednesday, nov. 11. $5. 9 pm. 21+. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC

DATES HERE PROFILE CRAIG SCHEIHING

vigor and fury of its predecessor, but the Michigan band is still a few steps ahead of its contemporaries, and probably always will be, mostly due to frontman Jordan Dreyer’s unique and powerful presence. Every song is an excuse for Dreyer to unfurl a finely observed prose poem, and his sad sermons, more often spoken than screamed, stage captivating fights against conventional pop structures while offering piercing visions of grief and longing. CHRIS STAMM. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St. 8 pm. $18.50. All ages.

TUESDAY, NOV. 17 Born Ruffians, Young Rival

[NOSTALGIC SWAGGER] Canada’s Born Ruffians bring a certain badassness to their sound that is cocky and endearing. The quartet draws from high-energy bands of old, such as the Kinks, Pixies and the Strokes. Having just released RUFF, Born Ruffians are in their element, delivering that formative brand of pre-punk that’s mostly rock ’n’ roll set to aggressive rhythms and confident vocals. As a result, the group sounds timeless, as likely to be filed away in the classicrock section of your favorite record store as the newest staff-pick area. MARK STOCK. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $11 advance, $13 day of show. 21+.

Unearthly Trance, Buried At Sea, Samothrace

[DOOM REUNIONS] Unearthly Trance is a power trio from Brooklyn that weds black-metal nihilism with doom-metal elementalism. The group first greeted Portland as support for Electric Wizard nearly 15 years ago, leaving a mark not easily forgotten. Since then, the band has released a string of critically acclaimed albums made in collaboration with producer Sanford Parker and Relapse Records. Unearthly Trance threw in the towel in 2012, but all three members continued to play together in other groups, and the burning desire to keep going sees this creative unit now writing new material for future releases and touring the West Coast with the also-reunited Buried at Sea, as well as Seattle monolith Samothrace. NATHAN CARSON. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

Esmé Patterson, Ghost to Falco, Oscar Fang and the Fang Gang

[FOLK WITH FLARE] After some time collaborating with others, namely Shakey Graves, Esmé Patterson is getting the credit she deserves. The Portland artist just signed with Grand Jury Records (home of Twin Peaks, Avid Dancer and Elliot Moss), with a new record currently in the works. Patterson’s searing stage presence is enough to justify the price of admission. And once you’ve gotten an earful of her fervid folk—fit with a voice that can switch from gentle and warbling to towering and arresting in under a second—you’ll realize this show was way beyond a bargain. MARK STOCK. The Liquor Store, 3341 SE Belmont St. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

CLASSICAL, WORLD & JAZZ Anat Cohen Quartet

[QUIRKY CLARINET] Israeli-born jazz clarinetist Anat Cohen plays the giddiest version of Flying Lotus’ “Putty Boy Strut” you have ever heard. A worldwide musical adventurer from a very gifted family—her bearded brother Avishai plays trumpet in the SF Jazz Collective—Cohen is among the most talented professionals on her instrument today. And while it may seem odd she chose to transform FlyLo’s heavy-hitting hip-hop banger into a happy klezmer tune on her latest record, Luminosa, that’s precisely the reason to see her: You never quite know what she might jazzify. PARKER HALL. Jimmy Mak’s, 221 NW 10th Ave. 9:30 pm Wednesday, Nov. 11. $18 general admission, $22 reserved seating. 21+.

CONT. on page 45

Beach Slang

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 11 You wouldn’t think mindfulness and gratitude would be major points of conversation when talking to the singer of a punk band, but that’s exactly what you get from James Snyder of Philadelphia’s Beach Slang. “Last night was a Tuesday. We played a town we’d never been to before, and the room was full,” he says. “These are people that are gonna have to go to work tomorrow—not because they love customer service or they want to be doing accounting or something. And here I get to wake up tomorrow, kind of whenever I want to, and I get to play my guitar for a bunch of new friends I’ll make in this next city. I have no room to be anything but really sincere in my gratitude for the thing I get to do.” The 40-year-old singer was steeped in the small-club, small-crowd DIY scene while playing in the ’90s pop-punk band Weston for over a decade. After the group dissolved in 2001 Snyder resigned to do music as more of a hobby than a paying gig, and took a day job. It was only after a friend, future Beach Slang drummer JP Flexner, urged him to expand on his homemade recordings that Snyder fleshed out the tracks, and found himself with a brand-new band. Mixing the ramshackle bombast of the Replacements and the earnestness of early ’90s emo—delivered via Snyder’s Paul Westerberg-meets-Johnny Rzeznik sigh—the sound of Beach Slang is a hodgepodge of old and new. Last year saw the release of two raucous EPs that skyrocketed in popularity over the punk blogosphere, making the band the word-of-mouth Next Big (And Almost Too Good to Be True) Thing. They toured as openers for indie mainstays Cursive, played entire sets of Jawbreaker covers and made direct references to the Smiths in their songs. What more could a punk kid ask for? The drummer’s even got a Screeching Weasel tattoo! Beach Slang released its debut full-length, the excellently titled The Things We Do to Find People Who Feel Like Us, on Polyvinyl the day before Halloween, and the band’s radical ascent is only increasing. In addition to being praised on the smaller sites and zines, Beach Slang is now enjoying favorable press from major outlets like Pitchfork and Rolling Stone. When asked what might be at stake as the band’s popularity increases, Snyder pauses. “We’re still in [control] enough that it’s still intimate, but yeah, there’s that fear,” he says. “We come from basement shows and dives, so it’s an active pursuit in my mind to not lose that connection and gratitude. I think the Replacements were a great example of that. They were playing these enormous places on their reunion tour but there was still that sort of small-club, imperfect brilliance to it. I just always want it to feel like that.” CRIS LANKENAU. How to stay small while getting big.

SEE IT: Beach Slang plays Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., with Lithuania, Worriers and Beach Party, on Wednesday, Nov. 11. 6:30 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. All ages. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC

dates here

Crazy Jane Prevails

ALBUM REVIEWS

Brad Mehldau Trio

[INDIE FOLK] “This is my wandering,” Luz Elena Mendoza sings on the debut album from her collaboration with Shaky Hands’ Nick Delffs. In truth, she hasn’t drifted too far from home: If “ Worldly Indie Folk” got its own record-store placard, Eva would slot comfortably alongside the albums she has released with Y La Bamba. Tiburones isn’t exactly a departure for either member, but it does pool their strengths. Mendoza’s eerily tremulous voice is an ideal match for the spare jangle Delffs brought to his Death Songs project, lending emotional weight to songs that, while embellished by woodwinds, vibes and occasional synth buzz, are built from little more than guitar and drums seemingly stripped of everything but toms. “Wandering” has a twinkling Beach House vibe, albeit with more organic warmth, while the percussion-driven title track evokes Graceland if Paul Simon had spent the summer before going into the studio backpacking through South America. Throughout the album, Delffs mostly takes a background role, helping with harmonies and stepping to the mic by himself only on the pretty acoustic closer, “Learning to Fade,” which turns into the album’s one true duet. With Y La Bamba plotting a return, it’s unclear how long it will be before their voices intermingle on record again, but if they ever feel like wandering off together in the future, it’s hard to imagine fans of either would be upset about it. MATTHEW SINGER.

[FEMMES MUSICALES] Although not affiliated with the Siren Nation festival that’s going on at the same time, these annual Cascadia Composers concerts featuring female Oregon composers similarly strive to showcase the musical talents of women creating music in the classical tradition. Several works in this year’s lineup were inspired by nature, including Lisa Marsh’s “Dark Waters,” triggered by a shrine to a pair of teenagers swept out to sea at the Oregon Coast; Stacey Philipps’ “Prevailing Winds”; Elizabeth Blachly-Dyson’s composition about spring in the Northwest’s fir forests; and Christina Rusnak’s evocation of the Cascades and the people who settled the area. Other compositions by Bonnie Miksch, Cynthia Gerdes, Liz Nedela, Jan Mittelstaedt and Jenn Binkley draw inspiration from women’s experiences and history. BRETT CAMPBELL. Lincoln Recital Hall, Portland State University, 1620 SW Park Ave. 7:30 pm Friday, Nov. 13. $20.

[PIANIST ENVY] Virtuoso jazz pianist Brad Mehldau has lured in numerous rock fans by smuggling flashy, allinstrumental covers into his repertoire. The Beatles, Neil Young, Nick Drake, Elliott Smith and especially Radiohead have made many appearances in Mehldau’s albums and live shows over the years, but always with a twist. Mehldau reinterprets classics with such finesse you’ll begin to wonder if you actually prefer his styling to the original. Touring on the heels of an eight-LP release spanning an expansive decade of live performances, Mehldau’s music will work its way through your brainmaze, forging new paths and shining a light on hidden corners. Stage right and front is the best spot to see the pianist’s hands from the crowd, but in this case it is probably just going to be a flesh-colored blur. CRIS LANKENAU. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. 8 pm Saturday, Nov. 14. $35 advance, $40 day of show.

Darrell Grant

[OREGON TERRITORY] One of Portland’s most valuable musicians, pianist and composer Darrell Grant has long been recognized as one of the most appealing jazz pianists of his generation. The most ambitious work of the Oregon Music Hall of Fame member’s career, a nine-movement concert suite that premiered at the 2014 Portland Jazz Festival called The Territory, drew inspiration from Oregon’s history (Chief Joseph’s surrender, Japanese internment camps), nature (Missoula floods, volcanic eruptions), historical events and people. Now, one of the essential Oregon compositions of the 21st century is being released on CD by PJCE records. It’ll be performed by a mix of top Portland classical and jazz masters, including singer Marilyn Keller, trumpeter Thomas Barber, saxophonist-clarinetist Kirt Peterson, drummer Tyson Stubelek, bassist Eric Gruber, saxophonist John Nastos and vibraphonist Mike Horsfall. BRETT CAMPBELL. First Unitarian Church, 1211 SW Main St. 3:30 pm Saturday, Nov. 14. $10.

Chris Thile

[MONDO MANDOLIN] Chris Thile recently enjoyed a pair of honors: a MacArthur “genius” grant (to go with his Grammy Awards) and moving to Portland. The composer and mandolin master has always been both thoughtful and mobile, moving from Nickel Creek’s progressive bluegrass to Punch Brothers’ unclassifiable popclassical to partnerships with jazzer Brad Mehldau, fellow instrumental masters Edgar Meyer and Béla Fleck, and classical masters Hilary Hahn and Yo Yo Ma. In this show, he’ll be playing his own originals along with music from his 2013 album of J.S. Bach’s magnificent violin sonatas and partitas, which Thile transcribed for his own instrument. BRETT CAMPBELL. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway. 7:30 pm Monday, Nov. 16. $29.25$34.25. All ages.

For more Music listings, visit

Tiburones EVA (PINK SMOKE)

SEE IT: Tiburones plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Death Songs and Clarke and the Himselfs, on Wednesday, Nov. 11. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

Redray Frazier

BLOOD IN THE WATER (SELF-RELEASED) [ R & B ] O n h i s n e w, six-song EP, Blood in the Water, Portland soul singer Redray Frazier thankfully avoids the fetishized classicism constraining many retroR&B acts. The opening title song may kick off with a few bars of staccato piano that fleetingly recall Amy Winehouse’s “Back to Black,” but then an intruding DJ’s scratch scuttles that impression, heralding the entrance of crunchy metal guitar. It’s not like anyone should expect Frazier to adhere to genre conventions: His debut, 2007’s Follow Me, artfully juggled soul and electronica, and Frazier toured as backing vocalist for David Byrne, who doesn’t abide sticks in the mud. But Frazier doesn’t shy away from the signifiers that make classic R&B compelling. In a remake of Follow Me’s title tune, he settles into the gospel-rooted guise of soul man as spiritual leader, at once seductive and reassuring. “If You Let Me” boasts a bouncy, good-time groove, falsetto harmonies and Hammond organ, while “Like Rain” is a slow-burn ballad with beautifully twinned vocals on the chorus. Still, compelling sonic touches pop up throughout, like the burbling, fuzzy bassline underpinning “Ain’t No Way,” which bolsters the lyrics’ urgent bravado: “Go on and bury my bloody body wherever it lands.” Closer “Daredevil Man” extends its deliberate beat and minimalist melody to nearly six minutes, but never wears out its welcome. A refreshingly singular presence on Portland’s indie scene, Frazier won’t wear his out anytime soon, either. JEFF ROSENBERG. SEE IT: Redray Frazier plays the Secret Society, 116 NE Russell St., with Goldfoot and DJ Klavical, on Friday, Nov. 13. 9 pm. $10. 21+. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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MUSIC CALENDAR WED. NOV. 11

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St Gentle Bender, ManX, New Not Normals

McMenamins Al’s Den Alberta Street Pub 1036 NE Alberta St Gerry O’Beirne

Analog Cafe & Theater

303 SW 12th Ave Garcia Birthday Band

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave Paper Bird

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd Beach Slang, Lithuania, Worriers

Revolution Hall

Ash Street Saloon

Roseland Theater

225 SW Ash The Modern Folk

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St. Thor, Edgar Allen Posers

Doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St David Ramirez

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Henry Hill Kammerer

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge 2845 SE Stark St ELEKTRAPOD

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave. Anat Cohen Quartet

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St The Big Gone (LA), Friendly Males, Arlo Indigo, Tommy Alexander; Left Coast Country, The Wilds

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave Tiburones, Death Songs, Clarke and the Himselfs

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave Mac Miller

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave Twerk Tour Twiddle + the Werks

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont ICE QUEENS + COUCHES (SF) + COMA SERFS

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St Siren Nation Presents: The Broadcast

The White Eagle 836 N Russell St The Colin Trio

THURS. NOV. 12 Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Chris Smither

Crystal Ballroom

1300 SE Stark St #110 Richard Thompson 8 NW 6th Ave City and Colour with Hurray For The Riff Raff

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave MR LITTLE JEANS with Soren Bryce

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave FIRKIN SONGWRITERS : Amy Bleu + Sam Densmore + Michael Howard

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St Thursday Swing! Featuring The Swingtown Vipers, The High Water Jazz Band

The White Eagle 836 N Russell St Mr. Musu

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Chris Stapleton, The Walcotts

FRI. NOV. 13 Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Notes of Hope Benefit Show

Alberta Street Pub

1036 NE Alberta St Brad Parsons and The Local Talent

Analog Cafe & Theater

1332 W Burnside St. Glen Hansard, Aoife O’Donovan

Dante’s

350 West Burnside The Yawpers with Special Guests

Doug Fir Lounge

Dante’s

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Del Phoena

830 E Burnside St. The Good Life, Big Harp, Jackson Boone & The Ocean Ghosts

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Sonny Hess

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

2845 SE Stark St HAPPY ORCHESTRA

Hawthorne Theatre 1507 SE 39th Mark Battles

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Micachu and The Shapes, Aan

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave New West Guitar Group / Haile Loren

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Panic Room

3100 NE Sandy Blvd FOREBEAR (CA) / 3 TO BREATHE / CAPTIAN WAILS AND THE HARPOONS / SPECIAL GUEST

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave Emancipator Ensemble with Blockhead

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave MOON TAXI

The Firkin Tavern 1937 SE 11th Ave RILLA + TBA

The Historic Old Church 1422 SW 11th Ave Evan Marshall & Brian Oberlin

The Liquor Store 3341 SE Belmont Believe You Me

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St Redray Frazier, Goldfoot

The White Eagle

836 N Russell St Dedric Clark and the Social Animals; Rule of the Bone

Trinity Episcopal Cathedral

147 NW 19th Ave. Christopher Houlihan

Turn Turn Turn

8 NE Killingsworth St SLEEPTALKER, OLD JUNIOR, JOHN SUTHERLAND

Aladdin Theater

830 E Burnside St TOPS

Doug Fir Lounge

1 N Center Court St Winter Jam Tour Spectacular

Ash Street Saloon

Crystal Ballroom

Edgefield

Insomnia Coffee Company

5389 W Baseline Rd Matt Cluthe

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave Sabroso

Kelly’s Olympian

128 NE Russell St Menzingers

SAT. NOV. 14 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Brad Mehldau Trio

Analog Cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd Our Last Night

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave Citizens!

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Sturgill Simpson, Billy Wayne Davis

Doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St Grand Royale

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Matt Meighan

First Unitarian Church

Hawthorne Theatre

McMenamins Mission Theater

1624 NW Glisan St Liz Vice

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

Refuge

8 NW 6th Ave New Found Glory with Yellowcard and Tigers Jaw

1037 SW Broadway Portland Youth Philharmonic Concert

Kenton Club

1620 SW Park Ave. Crazy Jane Prevails

Havok, Pychosomatic, Weresquatch, Chemical Warfare, & Sabateur

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1211 SW Main St. Darrell Grant

Lincoln Recital Hall, Portland State University

TIME TO GET ILL: Leon Bridges is not the Second Coming of Sam Cooke. That’s hardly an insult, of course; just putting them in the same sentence is a compliment. But if Bridges, who sold out the Crystal Ballroom on Nov. 4, truly wants to make a run for the retro-soul mantle, someone should slip him a copy of Cooke’s Live at the Harlem Square Club, 1963, the record on which R&B’s consummate gentleman transforms into a rabid animal. He screams and ad-libs and blurts out shit like, “I’m sick, but it ain’t that leukemia!” It’s one of the greatest live albums because it shows how the stage can change even the most polite and mannered performers. At this point in Bridges’ young career, though, mannered politeness is all he seems to know. For most of his brisk, hourlong set, Bridges looked like a kid in church trying not to upset his grandparents. His expression, which mostly read as blank concentration, hardly shifted. He danced, but mostly through his wrists, and kept within a 2-foot radius of the mic stand at all times. It’s not that he lacks charisma—there’s something strangely magnetic about his wholesomeness—and when a song required quiet reserve, such as the unadorned hymnal “River,” his unwavering placidity turned into something powerful. But there’s a sense that perhaps he’s being too honest to the material—that, in striving for authenticity, he’s holding too much back. Here’s hoping the next time he comes through town (his return engagement is already set for May, at the Schnitz), he’s feeling a little sick…and I ain’t talking about that leukemia. MATTHEW SINGER.

116 SE Yamhill st Dimond Saints Live w/ MiHKAL, Tiger Fresh & iLko

426 SW Washington St Madam Officer, Three Sigma 2025 N Kilpatrick St Northern Youth, Young Creatures, Sinless

LAST WEEK LIVE

Moda Center

Wonder Ballroom

225 SW Ash The Adarna

[NOV. 11-17]

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Scott Amendola Band featuring Nels Cline, Jenny Scheinman, Jeff Parker, and John Shifflett

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Joanna Gruesome, Tony Molina, King of Cats; The World is a Beautiful Place & I am No Longer Afraid to Die, Foxing

1332 W Burnside St The Cult with Primal Scream

350 W Burnside St. Hate Eternal, Beyond Creation, Misery Index, Rivers of Nihil

Mississippi Studios

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Editor: Matthew Singer. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/submit events. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: music@wweek.com.

1507 SE 39th Curren$y

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave The Brian Copeland Band

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St Chelsea Appel, The Hobbyist (Chicago), Bobby Ortega

Panic Room

3100 NE Sandy Blvd

Roseland Theater

Roseland Theater 8 NW 6th Ave Yellowcard

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave HEAD FOR THE HILLS with Trout Steak Revival, and Left Coast Country

The Firkin Tavern

The White Eagle

1332 W Burnside St Ride

Trinity Episcopal Cathedral

830 E Burnside St Hayes Carll (solo)

147 NW 19th Ave Cappella Romana presents CYPRUS: Greek East & Latin West

Turn Turn Turn

8 NE Killingsworth St New Songs New Science Release Party w/ Barry Walker Jr.

Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St Halsey

SUN. NOV. 15

1937 SE 11th Ave LiquidLight + Mars And The Massacre (LA) + Space Suits For Indians (Denver)

Aladdin Theater

The Historic Old Church

1036 NE Alberta St Tommy Alexander

1422 SW 11th Ave Forbidden Music

The Ranger Station

4260 SE Hawthorne Blvd Wooden Sleepers w/ Tyson Huckins and The Rough and Tumble

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St Anita Margarita and the Here and There Band at The Secret Society; BIF! BAM! POW! With R.A.F. Mod Band, The Satin Chaps featuring Marti Brom, The Sentiments

Crystal Ballroom

836 N Russell St Danielle Nicole (formerly of Trampled Under Foot)

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave Gaelic Storm at Aladdin Theater

Alberta Street Pub

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Blast Off!

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash Matthew Corken

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave Fever The Ghost

Clyde’s Prime Rib Restaurant & Bar

5474 NE Sandy Blvd Ron Steen Jazz Jam

Star Theater

Doug Fir Lounge

13 NW 6th Ave Ego Likeness, Die Sektor & the Rain Within

Edgefield

128 NE Russell St Ryan Bingham

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Billy D

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd. Warren G, Mike Slice, Maniac Lok, Yung Mil

Wonder Ballroom

MON. NOV. 16 Dante’s

350 West Burnside Karaoke From Hell

Doug Fir Lounge

McMenamins Al’s Den

830 E Burnside St We Were Promised Jetpacks

Mississippi Studios

Edgefield

303 SW 12th Ave Edmund Wayne

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Broncho, The Shelters, Pearl Charles

Panic Room

3100 NE Sandy Blvd VAGILANTE VANGUARD BENEFIT

Rontoms

600 E Burnside St Gold Casio, DoublePlusGood, Astro Tan

Shattuck Hall at Portland State University

1825 SW Broadway Six @ PSU featuring Paul Dickow, Marcus Fischer, Ethernet, Gummi, WNDFRM

St. Mary’s Cathedral

1739 NW Couch St Cappella Romana presents CYPRUS: Greek East & Latin West

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Groovy Wallpaper with The Adequates

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE 39th The Rocket Summer, Paradise Fears , Patternist

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave Mother Falcon and Ben Sollee

Newmark Theatre 1111 SW Broadway Chris Thile

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave The Polyphonic Spree

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. La Dispute, Envy, Wildhoney

TUES. NOV. 17 Analog Cafe & Theater 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd Modern Baseball

Doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St LILA ROSE

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge 2845 SE Stark St YAK ATTACK

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd. Tesseract and The Contortionist, Erra, Skyharbor

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave Joe Manis and Siri Vik

LaurelThirst Public House 2958 NE Glisan St Jackstraw

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Born Ruffians, Young Rival

Panic Room

3100 NE Sandy Blvd. MGLA, Weregoat, Sempiternal Dusk

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. Unearthly Trance, Buried At Sea, Samothrace

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont St. Esmé Patterson, Ghost to Falco, Oscar Fang and the Fang Gang


COURTNEY THEIM

BAR REVIEW

1. Zoiglhaus

5716 SE 92nd Ave., 971-339-2374, zoiglhaus.com. Hello, Lents! Brewer Alan Taylor brought his excellent Germaninflected Pints beers over to a big ol’ familyfriendly brewpub styled for the motherland, and the Lents Lager is a light, clean take on the Bavarian Helles.

2. La Moule

2500 SE Clinton St., 971-339-2822, lamoulepdx.com. St. Jack’s cross-river companion bar is a fine place to drink and eat mussels beneath a portrait of black-eyed Serge Gainsbourg, while Television plays in a bar without a television.

3. Victoria Bar

4835 N Albina Ave., victoriapdx.com. Victoria Bar’s owners have merged the aesthetic of their freeway offramp nightclubs (Jackknife, Dig a Pony) and vegan whiskey patio bars (Bye and Bye, Sweet Hereafter) into a plausible template for citywide, upper-middlebrow dominion.

4. The Rambler

5. Chopsticks

3390 NE Sandy Blvd., 234-6171, chopstickskaraoke.com. Old friends in Portland don’t disappear. They just move farther from the river. The new Chopsticks location just needs a little time to get lived in.

DRINKING IN THE TREEHOUSE: Woodstock doesn’t have a lot to see from the air. The Southeast neighborhood’s main drag is mostly one-story plazas filled with Safeway, Bi-Mart, banks and barbershops. Yet, the rooftop Treehouse Bar at the new Woodstock New Seasons Market (4500 SE Woodstock Blvd., 771-9663, newseasonsmarket.com) is a very pleasant place. While the view is limited, at least while the city is covered in low-hanging gray clouds, there’s an overhang to keep customers dry, gas heaters to keep them warm, and a nice tap selection to keep them happy. On our visit, that included a stellar sour from Almanac (a full growler to go would be $64; we got a glass for $6) and Heretic’s desserty chocolate hazelnut porter. Wine is also available by the glass, and there’s a graband-go stocked with sandwiches by the bar. There was just enough room for everyone under the overhang as a downpour pounded the exposed patio next to the bar. Come summer, they’ll need that extra space—this is a neighborhood wanting a few more distinctive hangout spots, especially if there’s a decent view lurking behind all that gray. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

2845 SE Stark St DJ ANJALI and THE INCREDIBLE KID PRESENT TROPITAAL: A Desi-Latino Soundclash

Moloko

WED. NOV. 11 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Event Horizon - DJs Straylight and Miss Q

FRI. NOV. 13 Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi ave The Diamond Stylus with King Tim 33 1/3

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge Euphoria Nightclub

2845 SE Stark St SOUL STEW with DJ AQUAMAN AND FRIENDS

Holocene Portland

Rotture

THURS. NOV. 12 315 SE 3rd Ave DETOUR THURSDAYS: OOAH & ANA SIA 1001 SE Morrison St Holla n Oates

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Shadowplay

SAT. NOV. 14 315 SE 3rd Ave BEARRACUDA Portland hosted by Christeene & TS Madison

3967 N. Mississippi Ave DJ Cuica

Holocene Portland

1001 SE Morrison St Jai Wolf with Gang$ign$

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Musick for Mannequins DDDJJJ666 & Magnolia Bouvier 10pm

Crush Bar

1400 SE Morrison SCORPIO DANCE PARTY: DROP DOWN REMIXED CD RELEASE

SUN. NOV. 15 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave COSPLAY/J-POP/VOCALOID/ ANIME DANCE PARTY SUPER FUN!!

MON. NOV. 16 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Rock w/ Cory

TUES. NOV. 17 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Mood Ring dance party

RICK VODICKA

4205 N Mississippi Ave., 459-4059, ramblerbar.com. The Bungalo Bar’s frat party has grown up and gotten respectable—in the same building, the new owners have started a cocktail-heavy bar featuring kegged cocktails named after Doc Brown alongside a Texas food menu with a Texas-sized burger.

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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TIBURONES

featuring Y La Bamba’s Luz Elena Mendoza & Nick Delffs of Shaky Hands FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 6TH AT 6PM

Tiburones is a wild musical project joining the sometimes-unhinged vocals of Y La Bamba’s Luz Elena Mendoza with fiery intensity of Nick Delffs of The Shaky Hands and Death Songs. The two began collaborating in 2012 when both bands shared a west coast tour. “The thrill of creating new music overwhelmed us and gave us a path to celebrate life with others,” adds Mendoza.

LUCIE SILVAS

SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 15TH AT 3PM

Born in the UK and raised part of her life in New Zealand by her Kiwi dad and Scottish mother, Lucie Silvas grew up listening to her parents favorites from Ray Charles to Nat King Cole to James Taylor and Roberta Flack. After achieving massive success for both her own music as well as songs she had written for other artists, Lucie packed up and moved to Nashville, TN. where she has now written and performed with some of the biggest and the best in their fields.

Outkast David Bowie Queen

Charlie Parker Paul McCartney Ariel Pink

Shuggie Otis Deerhoof Faith No More

Beck John Lee Hooker The Get Up Kids

& MORE! Free gift bags for the first 100 shoppers Meet John Malkovich, Eric Alexandrakis & Sandro (with purchase of album, ‘Like A Puppet Show’)

• 100 gift cards ($3-$25) for the first 100 shoppers • complimentary beverages courtesy of New Belgium Brewing from 5-6pm • In store performances from Ian Karmel (5pm) and Wild Ones (TBA)

48

Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com


PERFORMANCE M O S E S G U N E S C H / W W S TA F F

REVIEW

= WW Pick. Highly recommended. Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead. Editor: ENID SPITZ. Theater: ENID SPITZ (espitz@wweek.com). Comedy: MIKE ACKER (macker@wweek.com). Dance: ENID SPITZ (dance@wweek.com). TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: espitz@wweek.com.

OPENINGS & PREVIEWS Enchanted Sleeping Beauty

There once was a borough full of kings, queens and princes sitting pretty in their palaces. Sleepy Hillsboro plays host to this Journey theater retelling of the classic tale, where evil Evilina puts a curse on baby Briar Rose and the entire land of Never Nod nods off until Prince Alexander avenges the witch and downs the Dark Knight. Venetian Theatre, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 693-3953. 7 pm Friday, 3 pm Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, Nov. 13-15. $15-$18.

Flash Ah-Ahh!

Local director Steve Coker, known for his over-exaggerated renditions of forgotten cult favorites, is bringing back his Flash Gordon parody. With a mostly new cast and two new songs, it still looks like a disco explosion of the 1980s classic, with some Queen tunes thrown in for good measure. The hammy original hardly needs embellishment—the New York Jets football hero Flash Gordon must best the evil Ming the Merciless and save Earth from the planet Mongo’s invasion. Set in a rocket ship and featuring live accompaniment from Coker’s roundedup School of Rock musicians, the kitschy show fills Portland’s weirdness quota, and then some. The Hostess, 538 SE Ash St., 888-5141. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Saturday. Through Nov. 21. $15-$18.

Dogfight

A trio of ballsy Marines go out for a raucous last hurrah before deploying to Southeast Asia in 1963. But this is a good old-fashioned love story, not the formatbuster about a female drone pilot that CoHo itself staged with Grounded last season. Staged!—an Artists Repertory resident company—is putting on this off-Broadway play based on Peter Duchan’s book and the Warner Brothers film, where Corporal Eddie Birdlace discovers the naive waitress Rose on the eve of deployment. No performance Thanksgiving Day. CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St., 220-2646. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and Monday, Nov. 23, 2 pm Sunday, Nov. 12-29. $15-$29.

Poof, Flies and Everything

Opera made interesting is Artists Rep’s mission with this trio of “serio-comic” operettas. They’re a collaboration between Oregon Book Award finalist and playwright Sandra Stone, Artist Rep’s past Artistic Director Allen Nause and the Portland-based renegade chamber music ensemble FearNoMusic. Absurdist and unconventional, Poof!, An Imperfect Place to Dispose of Flies and What Everything Is promise a very different theatrical evening than your Carmen or La Boheme Boheme. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm MondayTuesday, Nov. 16-17. $25-$30.

Masters of the Musical Universe

The 1980s children’s cartoon gets the musical treatment from local producer John-Ryan Griggs (Showgirls the Musical). He-Man and his twin sister She-Ra partner up to defend their planet, Eternia, from the villainous Skeletor in this nostalgic show featuring Portlandia’s Jaime Langton. Headwaters Theatre, 55 NE Farragut St., No. 9, 404-2350. 7:30 pm Friday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, Nov. 13-15. $12.

Superheroes Ten-Minute Play Festival

Superheroes and supervillains are the theme for this 14th iteration of Monkey With a Hat On’s short play festival. Ten, 10-minute plays from 10 different local playwrights feature unique casts, making this one of the largest productions on any Portland stage, if not the largest budget one. Last time the theme was circus, and the festival feels a bit like that every time—it’s weird, subversive and likely to reek of popcorn. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 238-5588. 7 pm Friday-Sunday, Nov. 13-15. $5.

Women Of Troy

This adaptation of the classic Greek play by Euripides is the inaugural production (thanks to Indiegogo) from local company Play on Words. The morning after Trojans wiped out Troy, the city’s women and children emerge to a brand new world. Gone are the men and the war that plagued them for the past 10 years. Writer-director Jeffrey Puukka’s contemporary adaptation looks through a modern lens at soldiers and their sanity after the fighting stops. PSU’s Lincoln Hall, 1620 SW Park Ave. 7 pm ThursdaySaturday, 2 pm Sunday. Through Nov. 21. $15-$20. 16+.

NEW REVIEWS Broomstick

Witches have a bad rap—eating children, cursing livestock and seducing morally upstanding men. But Vana O’Brien’s character at Artists Rep isn’t necessarily a witch—she’s just…misunderstood. Performed with transformative genius by the Artists Rep founding member, this old woman welcomes us into her cottage deep in the Southern woods. We’re an acquaintance who’s been gone long and now she’s happy to regale us with a lifetime of stories. Playwright John Biguenet deftly employs iambic pentameter and rhyming couplets to give the old woman’s tales a singsong quality. O’Brien gleefully embodies the complex character, who is in turn repulsive, sympathetic and aweinspiring. As with listening to any elderly person tell a never-ending story, interest ebbs. But O’Brien fully realizes a woman living with a lifetime of pain. When she recounts the loss of her young love at sea—and how her grief was so tremendous that it became a tempest and sunk more ships—all subsequent actions seem justified. Its a lesson in humanity: people may or may not have been baked into casseroles, but wait until you hear her side of the story. PENELOPE BASS. Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., 241-1278. 7:30 pm Wednesday-Sunday, 11 am Wednesday, Nov. 11, and 2 pm Sunday. Through Nov. 22. $48.

ALSO PLAYING Ain’t Misbehavin’

Raunchy, swinging piano battles and hedonistic Cotton Club acts inspired by the life of jazz piano legend Fats Waller make this Tony Award-winning musical a nostalgic trip from the Harlem Renaissance through to World War II. Portland Center Stage got permission to amp up the play from what it was on Broadway and in the West End, augmenting the cast with Third Rail, Artists Repertory and Portland Playhouse veterans, plus a few London, New Orleans and New York talents like Andre Ward— who did Rock of Ages on Broadway— and David Jennings—who starred in the Broadway version with American Idol’s Ruben Studdard. Gerding Theater at the Armory, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 Tuesday-Friday, noon Thursday, 2 pm and 7:30 pm Saturday-Sunday. Through Nov. 29. $30-$75. 12+.

Blood on the Books, or The Powell’s Play

It was only a matter of time before some bibliophile screenwriter decided to mourn the drawn out death of printed books with a play. Pairing this elegy for print with one of YA’s favorite villains—the vampire—Portlander Nick Zagone finally fills that theatrical void. When Kindles, iPads and e-books take over, the Powell’s employees devolve into vampiric librarians, trolling the aisles and leaving blood on the books in this Northwest Theatre Project undertaking, directed by Christopher Petit. Shaking the Tree, 823 SE Grant St., 235-0635. 7:30pm Thursday-Sunday. Through Nov. 22. $20-$25.

PUBLIKUMSBESCHIMPFUNG: Writer-actor Misha Neininger (center) and the cast of Offending the Audience.

Trigger Warning TURN YOUR RINGER UP FOR LIMINAL’S ANTI-PLAY. A show titled Offending the Audience creates certain expectations. What’s coming—sexist vitriol? Dead baby jokes? Two hours of blackfacing? But the title is also a weird sort of spoiler alert: If you ready yourself to be offended, how appalled will you actually be when the performers start pooping onstage? In Liminal Performance Group’s adaptation of this seminal anti-play—written in 1966 by Austrian dramatist Peter Handke, when he was 23 years old with a Beatles coif and round sunglasses—the actors do remarkably little offending. (And they definitely don’t drop trou and defecate.) On opening night, the audience members did a whole lot more to offend one another, including texting, singing, snapping selfies, talking back to performers and loudly departing for the restroom. Compare that to the play’s premiere almost 50 years ago, when the well-heeled Frankfurt crowd burst into applause and boos as the actors declaimed that the stage represented nothing and unleashed a litany of insults. I’m not sure Liminal’s version is entirely successful—Handke was once an enfant terrible of the literary world, but his smashing of the fourth wall and junking of plot and character doesn’t feel so revolutionary in 2015. Even those who enjoy theater about theater will roll their eyes and check their watches at times. But it’s still a welcome alternative to innocuous

Cock

To launch its 16th season of groundbreaking dramatic works, Defunkt Theatre and veteran director Jon Kretzu present the Portland premiere of Mark Bartlett’s acclaimed relationship portrait Cock. The searing examination of conflicted sexuality breathes fresh life to the age-old romantic triangle through the story of a gay man unexpectedly fallen into heterosexual love yet unwilling to leave his boyfriend. JAY HORTON. Defunkt Theatre, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 481-2960. 7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday, Nov. 12-15. $10-$25.

The Drunken City

Wyndham Brandon is bored (and more than a little unhinged) when he convinces his friend to help him commit a murder. They strangle their fellow undergraduate and stash his body in a chest. Then they host a dinner party and serve a meal to the father of the boy they killed off the box containing his son’s body. If that sounds twisted, it is, and delightfully

crowd-pleasers. From the beginning, the company lays out a different set of rules. The seats are onstage in the small black-box theater—all of them are marked “RESERVED”—and a computerized voice tells us to turn on our cellphones and use flash photography. An imposing man, his face covered in gold flake, neighs and brays while petting a stuffed rodent. (The rodent is either a guinea pig or a small rabbit, and the man is German-born, Seattle-based artist Misha Neininger, who helped devise the show with director John Berendzen.) Video cameras transmit live black-andwhite footage onto one wall. Another wall shows a live text-message feed—we’re given a phone number, and the result is a stream of Beyoncé GIFs and boner jokes. It’s clear: We are the performers. There is no show without us. There is still a seven-member ensemble, which is mainly there to talk all at once, weave through the audience to check our armpits for sweatiness and don ridiculous headwear. But even when the actors are at their most animated—as when they lambast us as “lonely cock blockers” and “gun-loving, carpetmunching Clackistanis”—the best lines still come from audience members. On opening weekend, a few women came in late. One wore a Seahawks T-shirt, and another had on rhinestone-encrusted jeans. They laughed loudly and were promptly christened “the girls from the mall”—and told, via the anonymous text feed, to go home. REBECCA JACOBSON. SEE IT: Offending the Audience is at Action/ Adventure Theatre, 1050 SE Clinton St., liminalgroup.org, 567-8309. 7:30 pm Friday-Sunday and 2:30 pm Sunday. Through Nov. 22. $10-$25.

so. What follows is a parade of characters so exaggerated that drama becomes farce. Are we rooting for the murderers to be punished or to get away with it? The biggest surprise might be your own reaction to the ending. PENELOPE BASS. Bag and Baggage, 253 E Main St., Hillsboro, 345-9590. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, 2 pm Sunday. Through Nov. 21. $25$30.

Equus

Manic and stunning, Equus follows the true English case of 17-year-old Alan Strang (Phillip Berns) blinding six horses with a metal spike, Peter Shaffer’s notorious play imagines the boy’s therapy with children’s psychiatrist Martin Dysart (Todd Van Voris) and unpacks his crime in a series of nightmarish flashbacks. Post5 power couple and Ty and Cassandra Boice co-direct, and here their penchant for showmanship is at its best. Post5 Theatre, 1666 SE Lambert St., 971258-8584. 7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday, Nov. 12-15. $15-20.

Macbeth, A Dark Retelling

“Trigger warning for domestic abuse” warns the top of the playbill for this modern reinterpretation of Shakespeare’s shortest play. Lady Macbeth steals the spotlight in the feminist-tinged production, where she’s played as the unfortunate victim of domestic violence and the patriarchal society that supports it. Turning to violence out of desperation, she inspires her husband (Macbeth with a gas mask and a police baton) to commit treason and eventually causes a national bloodbath. Lightbox Kulturhaus, 2027 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 750-3811. 8 pm Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Saturday, Nov. 12-14. $15-$20.

The Realistic Joneses

These aren’t the Joneses to keep up with. They don’t have perfect bodies, jobs, marriages or kids, and they don’t drive BMWs. These are The Realistic Joneses, and in Will Eno’s affect-

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PERFORMANCE REVIEW W I N O N A H WA N G

ing one-act play, two couples who both happen to be named Jones get to know one another in unexpectedly poignant ways. As the couples socialize, Bob and Pony become attracted to one another, as do John and Jennifer. Mercifully, this doesn’t degenerate into some tawdry tableau of geriatric swinging. RICHARD SPEER. Third Rail Repertory Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 235-1101. 7:30 pm Wednesday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, Nov. 11-15. $42.50.

Sex With Strangers

It’s hard to imagine two characters more different than Olivia and Ethan. She’s a neurotic intellectual who’s always cleaning; he talks with his mouth full and pees with the bathroom door open. But it doesn’t take long for these polar personalities to wind up doing the nasty in Sex With Strangers, playwright Laura Eason’s ode to romance in the age of Wi-Fi. Gender stereotypes abound. Olivia is uptight, commitment-seeking and worried about aging; Ethan is a crass studmuffin who just wants to get laid. In the end, monogamy prevails. RICHARD SPEER. Portland Center Stage, 128 NW 11th Ave., 445-3700. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Sunday, noon Thursday, 2 pm Saturday-Sunday. Through Nov. 22. $25-$50.

COMEDY & VARIETY David Spade

One of the best known funny people in the world, David Wayne Spade became a household name alongside Chris Farley on Saturday Night Live in the early ’90s. Finding success on both the big and small screens, Just Shoot Me and Joe Dirt being excellent examples, Spade has always been a well-regarded standup. Spade comes to Portland for a two-night, three- show special engagement. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 7:15 pm Monday, 7 pm and 9:15 pm Tuesday, Nov. 16-17. $40-$50. 21+.

Eugene Mirman: I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome) Tour

From playing a character named Gene in Bob’s Burgers to one named Eugene in Flight of the Conchords to another named Eugene in Home Movies, Brooklynbased comedian Eugene Mirman is as versatile as he is hilarious. Coming to Newmark Theatre to promote his new album of poignant yet practical yet erotic sounds entitled I’m Sorry (You’re Welcome), Mirman’s comedy is one of a kind. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 274-6551. 8 pm Friday, Nov. 13. $24.

Friends With Benedicts

It’s never too early for comedy. Local standup standouts Amy Miller and Bri Pruett host a brand new comedy show for the brunchtime crowd. The laughs are free, and for $10, the mimosas are bottomless. Enjoy some brunch specials, and laugh at the jokes being told by Gabe Dinger, Ronn Vigh, Laura Anne Whitley, Ed Black and Julia Ramos. It will definitely be more fun than spending an hour in line at Gravy. The Lamp, 3023 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-7000. 1 pm Saturday, Nov. 14. Free.

Garbage People: Garbage Family Values

Brodie Kelly’s popular storytelling show returns, this time with a twist. Set up as a comedy game show challenge, eight of the funniest comics around will compete in teams to see who can tell the most fucked-up (and true) stories they can think of. Vying for the Family Values championship will be the Red Team of Brendan Kelley, Brandon Lyons, Brodie Kelly and Ash Casteman, and the Blue Team of Patrick Higgins, Patrick Thomas Perkins, Patrick Quinn and Riley Michael Parker. The Waypost, 3120 N Williams Ave., 367-3182. 8:45 pm Saturday, Nov. 14. $6.66-$10. 21+.

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SYLVANIAN EPIC: Lisa Merlo Flores in Usagi Yojimbo.

Dark Horse Onstage

Milwaukie-based Dark Horse Comics is the mothership for blockbuster films based on graphic novels—Sin City, Hellboy, The Mask. But one of the company’s early titles is taking a different route and becoming a play. Stan Sakai’s Usagi Yojimbo is a cult classic in the comic world. The 31-year-old series follows a bunny on his quest to become a samurai in 16th-century Japan. With more than 20 Eisner nominations—the Oscars of comic books—Sakai is rightfully pleased. “I have the best job in the world,” he says. “I have a wonderful relationship with Dark Horse, and I am able to draw my stories without interference. Love stories, action/adventure, historical dramas. I’ve even taken Usagi into space.” Notoriously independent, Sakai loosened his hold on his masterpiece to see it live. Usagi has appeared onscreen in things like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles—“I’ve learned to be flexible since his TV appearances,” says Sakai—but live-action is a different beast. “My storytelling style is heavily influenced by cinema, with huge samurai armies and larger panels, and my lettering on the comic-book page is very expressive. You can’t see that on the stage.” Performed in only one theater before—London’s Southwark Playhouse—the stage version by Stewart Melton is a study in adaptation as much as it is entertainment. Southwark’s production channeled Cirque du Soleil’s Kà, with ninja fight scenes, face paint, taiko drumming and mountains projected onto the blank stage for characters to “climb.” Portland Community College’s staging has all the makings of an epic, too: impeccable animal masks made by local costumer Danielle Bash, a lighting and flight system to rival Portland Center Stage, and the blessing of Sakai himself (he signed books on opening night). The North American debut opened to a crowd of proud parents and young boys who stayed up past their bedtimes to watch the iconic bunny earn his topknot. But this production does the opposite of Sakai’s comics. It takes live-action drama and flattens it. “When a character dies [in the comics], there’s this wonderful word balloon with a picture of a skull that Stan uses,” says director Patrick Tangredi. “I wish I could do something like that in the show.” He does have a 10-foot-tall bear that takes three actors to operate, and a mixed cast of students and professionals who successfully weather the full-face masks. Beaverton High graduate Blaine Vincent III projects bottled rage when his mother forces him to apologize to a frenemy, and he convincingly mimes sludging through swampland. Scenic designer Dan Hays ingeniously spotlights characters during battle scenes and raises the stagewide mountain cutout to make it a pagoda roof. But long, mimed treks and pregnant pauses between the fights make for a slow journey. Perhaps a samurai’s legendary patience and a comic fan’s lively imagination are keys. “As [cartoonist] Scott McCloud points out,” says Tangredi, “a lot of what happens in comics happens in our imaginations, between the panels.” ENID SPITZ. PCC debuts Stan Sakai’s legendary comic.

SEE IT: Unagi Yojimbo is at Sylvania Performing Arts Center, 12000 SW 49th Ave., 971-722-4323. 11 am Thursday, 7 pm Friday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, Nov. 12-15. $10.


Keep It Like a Secret

The 15th installment of Keep It Like A Secret features reigning Willamette Week Funniest Five comedian Sean Jordan and Portland’s Funniest Person runnerup Adam Pasi. Royale Brewing will be on hand to provide delicious microbrews, and Jackpot Recording will have fancy boxed wine for all to enjoy. Jackpot Recording Studio, 2420 SE 50th Ave., 239-5389. 7:30 pm Monday, Nov. 16. $11. 21+.

Steve Rannazzisi

Actor/comedian Steve Rannazzisi might be best known for playing Kevin the commissioner on the hit FX comedyThe League, comedy fans might also know him from his recently released stand-up special on Comedy Central called Manchild. With four shows in three nights,

Rannazzisi might just have a thing or two to say about where he was on one memorable September morning fourteen years ago. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Thursday, 7:30 and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, Nov. 12-14. $20-$34. 21+.

(True) Tall Tales With Don Frost

Some of Portland’s favorite funny people reach into their respective closets and come up with skeletons. Sharing their true tall tales will be Curtis Cook, JoAnn Schinderle, David Mascorro, Grace Sadie Cejas and Anthony Lopez. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Wednesday, Nov. 11. $8-$16. 21+.

For more Performance listings, visit

D AV I D K I N D E R

REVIEW

DIFFERENT PARTS: Ben Newman and Beth Thompson.

Sex Changes You

Only two-thirds of the seats were full on opening night of Orlando, the season closer at Profile Theatre. But it’s almost better this way. Sarah Ruhl’s adaptation of the 1928 novel by Virginia Woolf is an intimate play, and Profile does it justice with a tiny cast staged in the round. The story spans centuries, tracing an Elizabethan court page as he undergoes a gender switch. In Woolf’s world of fantasy and feminism, Orlando is born male and falls in love with a Russian princess. But when the princess rejects him, Orlando flees to Constantinople and copes by throwing a massive party. After a lusty night with a Spanish flamenco dancer, he wakes a week later to discover that he’s become a she. For a play themed on physical and existential crises, Profile’s performance never questions itself. Dedicating its entire season to works by Ruhl, the theater embraced her contemporary adaptations. Just five performers play all the characters. The minimal stage is a small circle that stands about a foot off the ground. And the props are mundane: an oak tree, a crate and exaggerated engagement rings. There’s nowhere to hide—especially in the pivotal moment of truth when Beth Thompson as Orlando goes The Full Monty (without the jokes, of course). Thompson is shameless and stunning even while portraying a confused character. Her grace in that pivotal scene even minimized the two lines that she stumbled over and a small wardrobe malfunction on opening night (she lost an earring during the mimed sex scene). If Orlando has an Achilles’ heel, it’s overworking. The show pushes a few key elements until they detract from the narrative. When the four chorus members (two men and two women who all played members of both sexes) recited their lines together, the many voices offered more auditory confusion than artistic direction. Pregnant pauses added for effect just delayed the dialogue. For all the minor hiccups, Orlando shines in its intent. Wolfe wrote her novel nearly a century ago, but its muddling of the gender spectrum seems even more timely today. At least for its impeccable timing, Profile deserves praise. HILARY SAUNDERS. An iconic gender swap ends Profile’s season of Ruhl.

Willamette Week’s 3RD ANNUAL

Funniest

5

Showcase

AT ALBERTA ABBEY We polled Portland comedy insiders on the best fresh faces in standup comedy. The top five perform live at this showcase hosted by Sean Jordan.

MONDAY, NOVEMBER 30 • 7 P.M. • $5 Alberta Abbey (126 NE Alberta Street) bit.ly/wwfunniestfive

SEE IT: Orlando is at Artists Repertory Theatre’s Alder Stage, 1516 SW Alder St., 242-0080. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, 7:30 pm Wednesday, Nov. 18, and 3 pm Sunday. Through Nov. 22. $15-$32. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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VISUAL ARTS The Silk Road

By ENID SPITZ. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit show information— including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual Arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: espitz@wweek.com.

Back to the Sea

Portland-based artist Gwen Davidson’s paints collage-style acrylic works on canvases covered with layered strips of paper. Returning to Froelick Gallery for the second time, her new series tries to capture the Oregon Coast and the Columbia River Gorge. She uses natural colors like taupe, deep blue and slate grey to create moody-colored horizon lines that look like abstract waterscapes. After Davidson lays paint to the strips of paper, the canvases naturally warp, wrinkle and shrink, meaning that her art takes on a trajectory of its own. The lack of control Davidson has over her materials must be nerveracking, but it leads to a unique, textured finish that perfectly suggests the rocky shoreline of the Pacific Northwest. KYLA FOSTER. Through Nov. 28. Froelick Gallery, 714 NW Davis St., 222-1142.

B.I.B. 999

The unlikely subject of Toronto-based graphic artist Allister Lee’s newest collection of sketches, titled B.I.B. (Black is Beautiful), is 999 black markers. Lee drew to-scale versions of almost a thousand black marker designs from the past decade in what looks like a catalog of art porn for Office Depot addicts. The drawings range from a vintage glassbarrel Magic Marker to a plastic Crayola jumbo grip, and a toxicsmelling Sharpie to a sweet-scented Mr. Sketch. KYLA FOSTER. Through Nov. 30. One Grand Gallery, 1000 SE Burnside St., 212-365-4945.

Everything Is Water

Using vintage and contemporary imagery inspired by fairytales and fables, artist Melody Owen’s pieces are collages of prints that look stolen from Gray’s Anatomy (the book), vintage aeronautical reports and diagrams of sea creatures. She says the point of her minimalist, abstract cutaways and collages, is that every action is like a ripple in a pond. These are her visual interpretations of the wildly different results each action creates. “We are all connected,” her tree-clock-egg-eyeball mash up seems to say. KYLA FOSTER. Through Jan. 2. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

idealSTATE

Vanessa Van Obberghen explores the sinister side of our idealistic expectations and their historical ramifications. Through charts and stereotypical imagery stemming from colonial and postcolonial frameworks of the “other,” Obberghen inverts the viewer experience by making them the subject of observation, instead of

observers themselves. This suggests Obberghen expects the audience to belong to those historically white groups that pointed to and defined the worlds they “discovered” so I suggest you leave your white guilt at home. MEGAN HARNED. Through Nov. 14. Worksound International, 820 SE Alder St.

Interior Views

Bright, South American-style colors dominate the series of paintings, glass works and textiles themed around “hiding in plain sight” by Portland’s Mary Josephson. Her portraits are medium-sized oil paintings on wood, glass mosaics in ornate frames or vibrant embroidery on felt. The textures and intricate patterns in her works are just as front-and-center as the women with thick, black eyebrows that she chose as subjects. Josephson’s interest in dreamscapes, secrets and imaginary worlds comes through in the reflective gazes of her subjects, and her intent is to make viewers just as self-reflective. ASHLEY STULL MEYERS. Through Nov. 28. Laura Russo Gallery, 805 NW 21st Ave., 226-2754.

The Liminalists

The simple-looking works, full of bright geometric shapes or sinuous graphite blobs, belie artists Amy Bernstein and Patrick Kelly’s strict attention to process and composition. Kelly’s graphite forms look like metallic rain clouds, undulating with a shiny sheen, and Bernstein abstract strokes and shapes pop vibrantly off their white backgrounds. Both artists’ works stay firmly anchored in two dimensions on their surfaces, but the hues and forms are striking enough they threaten to break through into physical space and hit you in the face. GRAHAM BELL. Through Dec. 4. Nationale, 3360 SE Division St., 477-9786.

No Specific Region

“How do I keep something I’ve made from looking like I’ve made it?” Artist D.E. May attempts to answer this question by working with readymade objects and unlikely materials. No Specific Region will utilize cardboard, canvas, wood, graphite and other sculptural fragments in works that are meant as templates. Ranging from tiny cardboard pieces that look like mini architectural renderings to postcard- or calendar-sized boards of layered wood and graphite, May’s works are minimalist and mostly beige. But like the vague title of this show, they suggest that they’re on the way to something bigger. ASHLEY STULL MEYERS. Through Nov. 28. PDX Contemporary Art, 925 NW Flanders St., 222-0063.

PROFILE

Continuing his exploration of recycled textiles and geometric patterns, artist Mark R. Smith creates colorful laser cut prints on felt, which look like a computer motherboard. In this exhibit, Smith examines the historic silk trade route through central Asia and the illicit online black market of the same name. He juxtaposes images of objects found on the black market— like drug paraphernalia and weapons— with items found on the original Silk Road—figurines and animals. As an added layer, Smith’s goal is to make every work visually seductive as a commentary on the Internet’s irresistible pull. KYLA FOSTER. Through Jan. 2. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., 224-0521.

COURTNEY THEIM

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Tinder Box: Gary Wiseman

After five months as an artist-in-residence in Mount Hood National Forest, sponsored by environmental group Bark, Gary Wiseman has produced a diverse body of work that is united by his interest in the systems that shape our understanding of Portland’s wild backyard. References to fire repeat themselves through the show, including maps of fire perimeters drawn with handmade ink, sourced from the charcoal of the fires themselves. MEGAN HARNED. Through Nov. 21. PataPDX, 625 NW Everett St., No. 104

The Tyranny of Hope

These 54 aluminum prints of Detroit scenes—like four-way stops, old yearbook pages and kids on a playground— are all black and white, and decidedly grungy. The high-contrast squares with vignetted edges could easily seem bleak. But as a longtime Detroit resident, French photographer Romain Blanquart insists that this is his portrait of hope in the post-recession city. In one photo, “I Do Not Exist” is printed on the back of a sidewalk-dweller’s coat; but in another, kids frolic in sprinklers on their street. There’s no color here, but you can imagine the blue sky. Through Nov. 29. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th Ave., 225-0210.

Western Canada and Untitled USA

Stark photographs of forgotten people and places make up Canadian photographer Thomas Gardiner’s two-part exhibit for Blue Sky. The phrase “armpit of the world,” comes to mind when looking at his shots of dilapidated trucks sprouting rust, a scrawny and shirtless man sitting on bluffs above what looks like Spokane in the winter or an abandoned diesel pump at a truck stop. But there are bright flashes of human spirit too—a redhead flashing her tits out the window of a speeding blue Mustang. Western Canada is what he found when he returned home after school in New York City, and Untitled USA is the collection he started in grad school, snapping shots of the Northeastern states that reminded him of his home in Saskatchewan. Through Nov. 29. Blue Sky Gallery, 122 NW 8th Ave., 225-0210.

For more Visual Arts listings, visit

SUBCONSCIOUS MACHINE: Tom Cramer at Augen Gallery.

Deep Cuts

With his ubiquitous murals, art cars and totems, Tom Cramer has been a Portland institution since the 1980s. But his latest show, New Wood Reliefs, almost didn’t happen. One reason was a broken shoulder; the other, a broken heart. Cramer’s wood-relief paintings begin with the bone-punishing process of carving pine and mahogany panels with a chisel and mallet. After three decades of working with this arduous technique, the artist awoke in 2013 and couldn’t move his right shoulder without excruciating pain, making carving impossible. Four surgeries followed and doctors put a steel plate in his collarbone. After one operation, Cramer developed life-threatening blood and bone infections. Finally, after a year and a half of not being able to carve, Cramer started to heal with the aid of physical therapy. Just as he recovered, his longtime partner and artistic muse—photographer Shannon Kraft—died after a 14-year battle with cancer. The physical and emotional traumas left Cramer devastated. First gingerly, then with more gusto, he began to make paintings again. Those pieces are on view at Augen Gallery in an exhibition dedicated to Kraft’s memory. Perhaps the most extraordinary thing about the artwork is that there’s no trace of melancholy or loss in them. His carved pine blocks, painted in bright sheens, seem to radiate pure exultation. Elite Light is a phantasmagoria of undulating forms that intersperses 24-karat gold with flecks of purple, periwinkle and brick red. In Subconscious Machine, curlicues punctuate a field of striated lines, looking like chloroplasts on steroids. That interplay between botanical and psychedelic imagery intensifies in Pine Cone, Moonlight and Quasar, in which a flower-power daisy floats in the center of concentric colors and silver gilding. If there is one iota of tragedy in this luxuriance and visual panache, I’ll be damned if I can find it. In these unapologetically hedonistic paintings, Cramer has returned to form, parlaying his hardearned resilience into a defiant ode to joy. RICHARD SPEER. Tom Cramer is back, and his New Wood Reliefs shine.

SEE IT: Augen Gallery, 716 NW Davis St., 546-5056, augengallery.com. Through Nov. 28.

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BOOKS By JAMES HELMSWORTH. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, NOV. 11 The Occupiers

When I left Zuccotti Park the first and only day I was there, the Occupiers were debating when it was appropriate to have drum circles. Still, it’s hard to argue that the Occupy movement didn’t have an impact on the way Americans think about wealth and the inequality therein. Michael A. GouldWartofsky, now a Ph.D. candidate at NYU, was there, too, and documented extensively in photographs and interviews in his book, The Occupiers. Q Center, 4115 N Mississippi Ave., 271-8044. 7 pm. Free.

Tim Flannery

In Atmosphere of Hope, scientist and climate activist Tim Flannery focuses on how to stop climate change. Turns out avoiding a Waterworldtype scenario will involve pulling carbon out of the air. I can’t decide if that’s cool or terrifying. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

Rainn Wilson

In his new comedic memoir, The Bassoon King, Rainn Wilson details his ascendancy from high school ubernerd to appearing every week on TV as one of the most fondly reviled fictional nerds of all time— Dwight Schrute from The Office, who he portrayed for nine seasons. Turns out it involves another B—Bahá’í, the faith that Wilson was raised practicing. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

MONDAY, NOV. 16 Ethan Hawke

Dang, the guy from Sugar Ray wrote a book? “Fly” was my jam! Oh, wait, no, that’s Mark McGrath.

Veterans’ Reading with Sean Davis

Sean Davis is now an adjunct teaching professor. But a decade ago, he was getting shot at in the desert as part of the U.S. invasion of Iraq. His memoir, Wax Bullets War, details this time, as well as his recovery from wounds and PTSD. Another Read Through, 3932 N Mississippi Ave., 208-2729. 7 pm. Free.

THURSDAY, NOV. 12 Cthulhu Fhtagn!

Since H.P. Lovecraft published “Call of the Cthulhu” in 1928, his horrifying creation has inspired everything from Dungeons and Dragons monsters to Metallica songs. In Cthulhu Fhtagn!, serial anthologist Ross E. Lockhart has assembled a crack team to further canonize the mindflaying beast from beyond, including WW contributor and Witch Mountain drummer Nathan Carson and “bizarro fiction” writer Cameron Pierce. Powell’s Books on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 228-4651, 7:30 pm. Free.

Scott Nadelson

Like FEAR before him, Paul loves living in the city. That is, until he meets Cynthia, a suburban mom for whom he moves to the ur-suburb, New Jersey, to marry. Between You and Me is the latest from Oregon Book Award winner Scott Nadelson. Broadway Books, 1714 NE Broadway, 284-1726. 7 pm. Free.

SATURDAY, NOV. 14 Jenny Lawson

Jenny Lawson has endeared herself to thousands with her witty take on familial foibles in her blog The Blogess and a previous memoir. In her latest book, Furiously Happy, Lawson turns that wit on a new subject: her struggle with depression and anxiety. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 4 pm. Free.

SUNDAY, NOV. 15 Nigella Lawson

Look, I get it, there are too many gates to keep track of. Gamergate, deflategate, gated communities. But here’s just one more. Avocadogate: British cooking show host and writer Nigella Lawson showed viewers of her latest show, Simply Nigella, how to put an avocado on toast as a recipe. Her latest book of the same name ostensibly includes the same things. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 2 pm. Free.

ETHAN HAWKE I always get those guys mixed up. This is the guy from Reality Bites that isn’t Ben Stiller. His book is called Rules for a Knight, and it’s about a knight writing down everything he knows for his children before he goes into battle. Maybe he’ll battle Mark McGrath. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., 228-4651. 7 pm. Free.

Long Story Short

In 2013’s Gawky, Margot Leitman reminisced on the pains, both literal and figurative, of growing up super tall. Now, in Long Story Short, the Upright Citizen’s Brigade teacher and frequent Moth contributor gives advice to readers on how to do it themselves. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

Noy Holland

Today, Bird is a suburban house wife who walks her kids to the park to play. But in her mind, she dreams of her drug-addicted lover in Brooklyn and their cross-country journeys. Bird is the debut novel from Noy Holland, whose work has appeared in Ploughshares, Glimmer Train and pretty much every other literary journal. Powell’s Books on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

TUESDAY, NOV. 17 Sam Phillips: The Man Who Invented Rock ’n’ Roll

With his two-volume biography of Elvis (Last Train to Memphis) on the King’s rise, and Careless Love on his fall), Peter Guralnick cemented himself as one of the pre-eminent scholars of early rock. Now, he turns his pen to the man who helped make Elvis—as well as Howlin’ Wolf, Johnny Cash and those guys who recorded “Rocket 88,” the first rock song— Sun Records producer and entrepreneur Sam Phillips. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

NOW ACCEPTING BEER SUBMISSIONS CALLING ALL OREGON BREWERS . application closes january 8, 2016. Pils/Helles/Kolsch Wheat/Wit/Weizen Stout/Porter Classic Styles Belgian Beers Sessionable Hoppy Beers Strong Hoppy Beers Dark Hoppy Beers American IPA Flavored Beers

Fruit and Field Beers Sour and Wild Beers Barrel-Aged Beers Experimental Beers Best New Brewery Best Beer Bar Best Beer Festival Best Brewpub Experience Brewery of the Year

OBA STYLE GUIDELINES & SUBMISSION FORM :

WWEEK.COM/OREGONBEERAWARDS Judging occurs in Portland January 16-17. Awards ceremony on February 23.

For more Books listings, visit

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C O U R T E S Y O F S A L A M K A H I L ; N AT H A N I E L TA F T

MOVIES = WW Pick. Highly recommended. Editor: ENID SPITZ. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: espitz@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

OPENING THIS WEEK 198

C+ With one bong hit and two indecisive individuals, 198 is a 20-minute short of noncommittal talk between a girl who’s just received a marriage proposal and her confidant. Her lover popped the question using a deck of cards, but now all the cards are in the would-be fiancee’s hand as she struggles with the “you love me more than I love you” problem. Set in a bowling alley, the question of whether she can nab a spare to achieve the perfect 200 is actually more interesting. She settles for a score of 198, and we have to settle for a film that contemplates marriage over bowling. NR. AMY WOLFE. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 8:30 pm Saturday, Nov. 14.

The 33

D Ripped from the headlines! In

2010, a cave-in at a Chilean mine left 33 men (the 33!) trapped 2,000 feet below the surface of a mountain for 69 days, before all were rescued. Now, just five years later, The 33 turns that amazing story into a dreary pile of clichés. Antonio Banderas stars as “Super” Mario Sepúlveda, the leader of the miners. He and 32 other actors who looked sufficiently Chilean struggle through a series of disaster-movie tropes such as “evil guy ignores obvious signs of danger,” “everybody gives up but then one person refuses to give up” and “rescued man hugs baby.” The film’s 127 minutes crawl by as if designed to mimic the boredom and hopelessness the miners felt. Save your money and just watch YouTube videos of the real thing, which are 100 times more engaging. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

Arresting Power

B- That uncomfortable feeling one gets when noticing this city’s less flattering, gentrifying angles won’t prepare the average Portlander for the nausea this film induces. Arresting Power highlights the deaths of unarmed African-Americans at the hands of the Portland Police Bureau, including Aaron Campbell, Kendra James and many names new and old Portlanders alike have never heard. However powerful the content, the makeshift sets for interviews with subjects have inconsistent lighting and sound, taking away from the impact of these shocking scenarios. The footage of 1970s Portland is one of the film’s strongest aspects, showing rallies at City Hall and conversations in Black Panther and PSU student union meetings about the rise of police brutality. Although the documentary itself lacks any climax or flow to move viewers through the horrifying testimonials, filmmakers Jodi Darby, Julie Perini and Erin Yanke leave a lasting impression with scratched footage of places where a violent or deadly encounters with police occurred. They physically scraped the 16 mm film itself, creating a battered and bruised appearance onscreen, thus “transferring textures of these places onto the film.” NR. LAUREN TERRY. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 3 pm Friday, Nov. 13.

Birds of Neptune

C+ Birds of Neptune will have its Northwest premiere as the opening narrative film for this week’s Northwest Filmmakers’ Festival. Caught somewhere between the creepy dreaminess of Robert Altman’s 3 Women and the claustrophobic hell of Ingmar Bergman’s midcareer chamber films, this drama by

Steven Richter is an odd, stilted affair that never quite finds its footing. Molly Elizabeth Parker and Britt Harris star as Mona and Rachel, sisters whose intense and hermetic bond gets stretched to its breaking point when Zach (Kurt Conroyd), a stand-in for ostensibly nice creeps everywhere, inserts himself into their damaged dynamic as a manipulative father-lover-savior figure. Richter brings Zach’s nastiness to life in sharp, unsettling ways, but he doesn’t seem to know how to handle the sisters. Mona and Rachel are more like mood pieces than people, and the slow drift of their shared sadness isn’t quite enough to make audiences ache the way Birds of Neptune wants them to. NR. CHRIS STAMM. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 8:30 pm Monday, Nov. 16.

FOOTLONG: Fan art posted on The Sandwich Nazi’s Facebook page.

REVIEW

The Curio

C Director Dicky Dahl’s memoir about

a man dubbed “Curio” follows a character who’s retired in every sense of the word. Amid his failed marriage, tired film career and hunger for adventure, the walking midlife crisis makes his way to Portland for a stereotypical industry job and “there’s more to life” talk. The film gives stunning views of such Oregon staples as Cannon Beach, and we glimpse almost every bridge in Portland as the beanie-wearing baby boomer commutes by bike across them. This is old-school Portland with no mention of the tech-industry takeover. With a snail-paced narrative, The Curio struggles to tell a real story, instead getting lost in numerous scenes involving deep bar talks and heavy drinking that don’t amount to anything. Is the Curio really out for adventure, or is he just here to become a barista and chill—he actually does interview for a barista job, then he ends up in a forest wearing a onesie. NR. AMY WOLFE. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 8:30 pm Saturday, Nov. 14.

Death on a Rock

B- Shit happens, and Death on a Rock is all about dealing. Family, love, body and death—the film mines all these deep themes, pointing out that imperfection is the only uncompromising character. The film’s action is mainly our young protagonist driving herself to and from stints in a hospital bed, where friends visit with wheatgrass shots meant to cheer her. Instead, she is perpetually depressed, lusting after her life before this mysterious, chronic affliction. We’re given pieces of plot, but this is film as art. Writer and director Scott Ballard’s many years behind a camera show onscreen in the film’s montages of picturesque shots— wheat in a field, sun shimmering on the water, a solitary car driving far. These are interspersed with disorienting tilt-shift scenes—our protagonist is on a rowboat, in a hospital gown. How did she get there? Where will she go next? All the pieces of plot are beautiful, but they’re not compelling enough for us to care about how they come together. NR . TED JAMISON. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 8:45 pm Tuesday, Nov. 17.

Direct Route

C+ Following a blind woman going about her days and reminiscing with her daughter over the phone, this film combines widescreen shots of Oregon landscapes with the main character’s memories from her life before losing her vision. We listen to her and her daughter revisit family camping trips to North Bend and fishing in Coos Bay, while crisp footage of familiar coastlines and forested highways fills the screen. Scenes alternate between phone conversations and quiet moments observing the blind woman at home, typing on a thunderous typewriter and selecting the next

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Not Kosher THE SANDWICH NAZI PROFILES A PHILANTHROPIC AND PROFANE VANCOUVER DELI OWNER. BY A LE X FA LCO N E @alex_falcone

“Nazi” is not a term people usually like to apply to themselves. But perhaps it’s a sign of how far the party has fallen that Salam Kahil—a deli owner in Vancouver, B.C., who constantly tells his customers that he loves them, goes to great lengths to make them happy and spends his free time distributing handmade sandwiches to homeless people—is called a Nazi. But he does get mad if you’re on your phone while you’re ordering. Just like the Nazis. The Sandwich Nazi documentary follows this Vancouver-famous sandwicheer through a few months of his life as he deals with family and health problems, but mostly just sexually harasses customers. He’s constantly asking to “have you in the ass.” Kahil’s most recognizable characteristic is also his least Nazi-esque one: He’s very open about his sexuality. Like maybe too open. The film opens, for instance, with a rousing tale of his days as a male escort when a client inserted a candle up his ass. The candle broke off when it was unceremoniously removed, and Kahil had to go to the hospital to recover the other half. Both pieces of the candle hang in the deli in a plastic bag, which would be incredibly disconcerting to look at while the candle’s former host makes you a sandwich. Then he takes us on a tour of the jizz stains in his deli’s office. And he eventually shows us his dick, which is almost a relief since he’s talked about it incessantly for almost the whole movie. Depending on how you feel about penis anecdotes, you might be thoroughly charmed.

Regardless, his backstory clarifies a lot: Kahil grew up in Lebanon during a brutal civil war. He was sexually abused by his brothers, and he blames the rest of his family for enabling the abuse. As a teen, he fled the country alone, living illegally in several countries before ending up in Canada. Then he worked as an SALAM escort until he KAHIL saved enough money to start his own business empire. Why he chose selling European deli goods and unreasonably large sandwiches at reasonable prices isn’t entirely clear, but he’s done well and grown popular in Vancouver. His nickname is a reference to the famous Seinfeld Soup Nazi, who was based on a very different, really mean chef who yelled at people if they didn’t order soup in a very specific way. Just like the Nazis. But while the Soup Nazi’s real-life inspiration was pissed off by that nickname, the Sandwich Nazi seems perfectly fine with his. This brisk little doc shows that Kahil is actually a really nice guy. Aside from making good sandwiches, the main reason is his dedication to interacting personally with every customer and how much he gives to the homeless population of British Columbia. So if Nazis were known for being incredibly kind human beings who couldn’t stop talking about their dicks, then they’d be thrilled to have Kahil among their ranks. The film—completed despite a failed Indiegogo campaign—is mostly a vehicle for his vivid storytelling. And while it feels stretched, even at a svelte 71 minutes, Kahil’s massive personality compensates for the lack of plotline. It’s a portrait of a fascinating man (and his penis) who seems more like a fictional character than a real deli owner. Perhaps a character on Seinfeld. B SEE IT: The Sandwich Nazi is not rated. It screens Friday, Nov. 13, at NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 9 pm. $9. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

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MOVIES

Make Mine Country

B Ian Berry not only brings some catchy country tunes but history lessons too in this musical flick about a family in the Caribbean as they encounter ’Merican culture. A U.S. airbase built in St. Lucia in the 1940s brought the region Stateside culture and country music, and though the airbase is long gone, this film proves that tunes stick harder. The Caribbean natives still harbor a strong love for country music—local DJ Watts constantly plays the whiskeyworded, sad songs that country fans know so well. With a little unknown history and some twang, this movie is a light educational romp through two types of countries. NR. AMY WOLFE. Skype Live Studio, 1210 SW 6th Ave. 7 pm Tuesday, Nov. 17. Tickets at nwfilm.org.

My All-American

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In this good ol’, ’Merican sports spirit booster, underdog Freddie Steinmark dreams only of football. After luck, sweat and a drill sergeant dad get him on the University of Texas Longhorns, Steinmark spearheads a successful season under coach Darrell Royal (Aaron Eckhart). But wait, there’s even more drama after he walks off the turf. Screened after deadline. See wweek.com for Amy Wolfe’s review. PG. Eastport, Clackamas, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

Sir Doug and the Geniune Texas Comic Groove

C Almost every shot of Doug

Sahm shows him wearing the cap of a different baseball team. It’s an interesting detail, one of a number of visual metaphors for the cult musician who could’ve saved this documentary a lot of hot air—because that’s what it amounts to. Once upon a time, Doug was part of Bob Dylan’s favorite band, the Sir Douglas Quintet. Described as a generational Texas talent whose artistic wanderlust keeps true fame at bay, the man himself is largely absent from the film. Sir Doug’s son is responsible for describing the subject’s childhood secondhand, and we see musician after musician dishing praise for the so-called “King of Texas.” With so much telling and so little showing, however, it’s hard to call this much more than a cinematic love letter. NR. ERIC MILLMAN. Hollywood.

Voyagers Without Trace D In 1938, two French newlyweds and their close friend set out to be the first to kayak the Colorado and Green rivers. They packed the

best camera gear available, color 16 mm film, and lots of beer. Now, 77 years later, filmmaker Ian McCluskey tries to recapture their spirit of adventure. With two recently engaged kayak instructors, a small crew and funding from 156 Kickstarter backers (plus lots of beer), McCluskey retraced the journey. His documentary, which stole its title from what the French trio named themselves, leaves you with very little when all is said and done. The director tries to frame this as the sort of story great adventure novels are written about, but instead just tells the story of a really expensive kayaking trip he got 156 other people to pay for. NR. ANTHONY LOPEZ. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 8 pm Sunday, Nov. 15.

Welcome to the Circus

A The Palestinian Circus School isn’t about locals escaping a miserable village to make it in the big city. The students are wellrounded performers who can juggle, flip through the air, mime— and they’re about to be joined by the Lido circus school of Toulouse for a tour of the Palestinian territories. Director and cinematographer Courtney Coulson zooms in on the spinning and twirling bodies in the practice gym, so everyone loses their ethnic identities in the jumble of limbs. The students’ eager anticipation of the performances builds tension as they reach 4 am on the final night of rehearsals, sweating the routines and the military checkpoints that may stop them at any point along the way. In what becomes a deeper portrait of the unpredictable day-to-day for people in the West Bank, the circus becomes more than a way to create nonviolent art that makes people laugh. It gives the Palestinian students a chance to connect with the world in a way that separates their people from their nation’s political conflict. NR. LAUREN TERRY. Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 1:30 pm Saturday, Nov. 14.

What Our Fathers Did: A Nazi Legacy

B- How do you cope with knowing your father was an architect of evil? In this anguishinducing documentary, two men struggle with that question in very different ways. The grandson of a World War II survivor tours his family’s Ukrainian hometown with two children of the men responsible for its decimation. One Nazi’s son, Niklas Frank, is profoundly repentant for his father’s actions, but another Nazi’s son, Horst von Wächter, is in complete denial. When the three men visit an auditorium where the elder Frank condemned thousands to death under the elder von Wächter’s jurisdiction, the men beg ad nauseum for Horst to incriminate the memory of his father. It forces you again and again to examine your own capacity for mercy, at the risk of some serious schadenfreude. NR. ERIC MILLMAN. Living Room Theaters.

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COURTESY OF UNIVERSAL PICTURES

day’s outfit from her closet. But in spite of director Pam Minty’s eye for nostalgic Oregon imagery and the relatable dynamic between the main character and her daughter, the film would be more powerful if there were more of a story. In the end, one gets the sensation of sitting in the backseat while one’s mom talks on her cellphone all the way out Highway 6. NR. LAUREN TERRY. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. 5 pm Friday, Nov. 13.


B+ If it were a comic book, it wouldn’t be the kind you put in a Mylar bag. It’d be one that you read with greasy fingers and childlike relish. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Academy, Vancouver, Valley.

The Assassin

B- Chinese director Hou HsiaoHsien’s The Assassin is a bizarre, surreal film. It follows a mysterious female assassin tasked with killing her royal cousin in ninth-century China, yet the movie takes great pains not to be an action flick. Characters flit in and out of the narrative with seemingly little consequence. It is a film packed with a mythos, sometimes overexplained and sometimes very vague. Most importantly, it’s a work of painterly beauty, with the Chinese countryside captured in long, inconsequential shots that linger on flickering flames or peonies swaying in the breeze. NR. AP KRYZA. Hollywood, Fox Tower.

Black Mass

A- Much like the city’s other exports, Boston’s gangster flicks vary in quality from genre-shattering genius (The Departed, most ’90s bands, the people who invented America) to mind-numbing pantomimes of misogyny (The Boondock Saints, Boston sports fans, Mark Wahlberg). Scott Cooper’s Black Mass is the latest cinematic try. It tells the story of Boston’s most notorious criminal, James “Whitey” Bulger (Johnny Depp) and the deal he made with the FBI’s John Connolly (Joel Edgerton) that ensured he could do whatever he wanted for decades. R. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Academy, Hollywood, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Fox Tower, Valley.

Bridge of Spies

B- Steven Spielberg was born to convey viewers through weird and wonderful alternate realities. Even though history is nearly as illusory as a dinosaur theme park, the director’s gift just doesn’t shine as brightly when he contends with humanity’s past. Bridge of Spies, starring Tom Hanks as an insurance lawyer recruited by the U.S. government to negotiate a spy-for-spy trade with the Soviet Union, benefits from a caustic screenplay by the Coen brothers. While Spielberg is pretty good even when he’s on auto-pilot, there is little here that doesn’t feel perfunctory. PG-13. CHRIS STAMM. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Living Room Theaters, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

Burnt

Everyone is always in the kitchen, and you’d think one crowded with Bradley Cooper, Sienna Miller, Emma Thompson and Uma Thurman (Uma!) would be on fire. Cooper is bad-boy chef Adam Jones, who’s looking for another ego trip, aka Michelin star. R. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

Crimson Peak

B+ There are all manner of ghosts in this gorgeous, tragic tale, but to call it a horror film is to completely mislabel Guillermo del Toro’s meticulously crafted, old-fashioned tale of twisted souls and timeless longing. Scary isn’t really the point. The things that go bump in the night are not nearly so terrifying as the people who walk

Forest Theatre, Mt. Hood, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

The Intern

B+ As an active widower and retiree in need of something to keep himself busy, Ben (Robert De Niro) applies to a senior internship program at “About the Fit,” a Topshop-like online clothing site founded by the dedicated Jules Ostin (Anne Hathaway). PG-13. THE PEANUTS MOVIE LAUREN TERRY. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, the earth, and the film is so immerLake Theater, Living Room Theaters, sive and gorgeous that the plot is Bridgeport, City Center, Division, secondary. The film is a little too slowEvergreen. moving for those expecting some-

thing more jolty and probably a little too obvious for those looking for a deep mystery. While it’s not del Toro’s most compelling work, it’s very surely his most beautiful. R. AP KRYZA. Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place.

Dying to Know

C Director Gay Dillingham’s debut feature traces the lifelong friendship forged between the coolest professors ever thrown out of Harvard’s psychology department: Timothy Leary and Richard Alpert (better known as Ram Dass). They urge their countrymen to experiment with psychedelics and take up yoga, and effectively ruin dorm room discourse. Breezing through generational touchstones about Nixon and the early days of LSD, the film’s anecdotes are charming. NR. JAY HORTON. Cinema 21.

Everest

B+ In 1996, a stranded group of climbers, including New Zealand mountaineer Rob Hall (Jason Clarke) and writer Jon Krakauer (Michael Kelly), met a massive storm at the top of the world. Today’s CGI and 3-D technology puts the viewer on the mountain in a visceral way. PG-13. LAUREN TERRY. Eastport, Fox Tower, Tigard.

Goodnight Mommy

B+ There’s a twist at the cold heart

of German directors Severin Fiala and Veronika Franz’s Goodnight Mommy that most viewers will probably see coming, but that doesn’t kill any of the tension in this deeply troubling horror show. Set in an isolated lake house, the fi lm centers on twin brothers Lukas and Elias, whose mother (Susanne Wuest) comes home from facial reconstruction surgery with a head wrapped in bandages and a newfound malevolence toward her sons. R. AP KRYZA. Academy, Cinema 21, Laurelhurst.

Goosebumps

A- It’s easy to be skeptical about a 2015 Goosebumps film in 3-D. Jack Black plays R.L. Stine, who joins forces with a couple of cute kids to fight every monster he’s ever written about and save the town. PG. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

Grandma

ALEX FALCONE. Clackamas, Living Room Theaters, Bridgeport.

Once I Was a Beehive

D Mean Girls meets Mormonism in this family-friendly movie about keeping the faith. Once I Was a Beehive follows angst-filled 16-year-old Lane (Paris Warner), who’s coping with the death of her father and that her mother has remarried a Mormon. NR. AMY WOLFE. Movies on TV.

Our Brand Is Crisis

B- This film is based loosely on a 2005 documentary, which was based on a 2002 Bolivian presidential election. In a way it’s triple-distilled truth, but mostly it feels like an over-interpreted copy of a copy of a copy. The acting and some decently funny moments (like a llama getting hit by a car, which

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REVIEW

The Keeping Room

B Within the first minute of The Keeping Room, three people get killed for no discernible reason, even before there’s any dialogue. That efficiently sets the tone for what is a sparse, brutal movie set in the twilight days of the Civil War. R. ALEX FALCONE. Living Room Theaters.

Labyrinth of Lies

B Alexander Fehling (Inglourious Basterds) is Johann Radmann, a plucky young prosecutor who uses his office to investigate—and eventually charge— 22 men in German criminal court for their actions during the war. This was a first in the country’s history. Filmmaker Giulio Ricciarelli’s debut features a gripping story, told through nostalgic shots of men in Mad Men-style suits, debating heavy matters in lofty courtrooms, riding pastel Vespas through the countryside or pacing stories-tall archive rooms. The film’s only real flaw is being a bit too on-the-nose (Radmann carries a note from his dad telling him to “always do the right thing”). PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cinema 21.

The Last Witch Hunter

D- The Last Witch Hunter attempts a lot of twists and turns, and it all ends up rating lower than Vin Diesel’s voice. Diesel grunts and groans as Kaulder, an immortal witch hunter fighting to save civilization. The rare sparks of talent here are Michael Caine as an elderly priest and Elijah Wood, who stays wide-eyed, airy and Frodo Baggins-like for the entire movie. The greatest disappointment of all is that the ending promises an unfortunate sequel. That comes off like a threat. PG-13. AMY WOLFE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Forest Theatre, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

The Martian

B- Take the buzz surrounding The Martian with a boulder of salt. It’s just a pretty good sci-fi yarn based on Andy Weir’s book that stumbles on its own ambition. When a massive storm hits the Martian exploration project and Watney’s team leaves him for dead, the skilled botanist realizes that the only way to escape starvation and space madness is to “science the shit” out of his situation. As always, Scott’s direction is spot-on. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

C+ Like a feminist companion piece to last year’s Bill Murray feature St. Vincent, Paul Weitz’s Grandma tells the tale of Elle (Lily Tomlin), who takes her neglected granddaughter (Julia Garner) under her wing when the teenager comes asking for money for an abortion. R. AP KRYZA. Fox Tower.

B- Ravi Patel has American dreams of finding his soulmate. PG. LAUREN TERRY. Fox Tower.

Hotel Transylvania 2

Miss You Already

Adam Sandler’s hotel is flourishing. PG. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas,

will provide a more nuanced perspective by playing the game of yay/boo. Drew Barrymore and Toni Collette are super-duper best friends: Yay! Toni has cancer: Boo. Toni and Drew go on plenty of best-friend adventures while dealing with Toni’s cancer, and they meet funny, interesting people: Yay! Everybody in the movie sounds exactly the same—women, men, adults, children, doctors, bartenders and wig makers all talk like they’re the same people: Boo. It’s nice to get a movie about female friendship because those are rare, and Toni plays an interesting, multidimensional person: Yay! But this platonic comedy has one-dimensional, expendable male characters: Boo. Sometimes it’s funny: Yay! Sometimes it’s gross—needles going into arms, vomit going into salad bowls, and a baby going out of Drew Barrymore: Boo. It’s sad: Yay? I give it a C grade: Boo. That’s still passing: Yay! PG-13.

COURTESY OF SAMUEL GOLDWYN FILMS

Ant-Man

COURTESY OF TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX & PEANUTS

STILL SHOWING

Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials

C Still runnin’. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Clackamas, Movies on TV.

Meet the Patels

C You’re not allowed to openly dislike a movie about cancer. So instead, I

HOMEWORK: Sally Hawkins and Asa Butterfield.

A Brilliant Young Mind Doesn’t Add Up The formula for genius moviemaking is “underdog - loving parent + conflicted mentor = successful public performance.” Exhibit A: Step Up. The math in A Brilliant Young Mind may be more cerebral, but the movie isn’t. Autistic genius Nathan (Asa Butterfield) struggles with expressing emotions. After losing his father, Nathan pairs up with his pot-smoking tutor, Mr. Humphreys (Rafe Spall), who’s experiencing setbacks of his own—especially sexual—from living with multiple sclerosis. Humphreys coaches Nathan to qualify for an International Mathematical Olympiad in Taiwan, where Nathan dreams of joining a team of painfully annoying, young intellectuals. This fiction version of director Morgan Matthews’ 2007 documentary is a coming-of-age film that goes nowhere for all its globe-trotting. Nathan’s growing pains paired with Mr. Humphreys’ literal pains poise their characters for development, but instead the two just seem stuck and stoned. While Butterfield’s rendition of autism—blank stares and awkward silence—may have truth to it, it slows the storyline to an unfortunate halt. It is comical when Nathan discusses his Olympiad crush with his hopeful, passionate mother, but painfully awkward scenes where he and training partner Jo Yang (Zhang Mei) navigate teenage lust feel more clumsy than insightful. Nathan, who inexplicably learned Mandarin in the first 20 seconds of the film, has no clue what he’s doing in the female department. But do we need to live that, in real time? Perhaps the worst decision of all was matching Nathan’s lonely mom, Julie, with deadbeat Humphreys, creating a great support system for Nathan but a dry cinematic love story. What the film does offer is an intimate look at living with autism. The quality acting comes from Sally Hawkins as Julie, perfectly frustrated as she struggles to get Nathan’s lunch perfect—every item must be a prime number. Witnessing Nathan’s “special powers,” as his dad called them, may give the film its spectacle, but its soul is in the relationships Nathan struggles to build. When Mind drops the whiz act and focuses on Nathan’s fear of holding his mother’s hand— that’s when the figures check. AMY WOLFE. This doc-turned-drama is better at heart than head.

C+ SEE IT: A Brilliant Young Mind is not rated. It opens Friday at Living Room Theaters. Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

57


MOVIES

Pan

Director Joe Wright (Atonement, Hanna) remakes the iconic children’s story as a modern-day action flick with Hugh Jackman and Rooney Mara. Screened after deadline. PG. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, Division, Movies on TV.

Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension

B+ Eight years ago, Jason Blum’s cheapo horror empire began with a $15,000 festival filler. The sixth and final installment of his “found footage”-fueled franchise, Paranormal Activity: The Ghost Dimension, arrives bearing the same tricks as its predecessors. Alas, the effects may suffer from first-run showings at Living Room Theaters and the Avalon Theatre since Regal Cinemas—like many chains—was frightened off by the producer’s unholy alliance with an all-too-apropos threat: video on demand. R. JAY HORTON. Avalon, Cornelius, Forest Theatre, Oak Grove.

The Peanuts Movie

A bald child named Charlie battles questionable fashion choices, impossible odds and burgeoning hormones. G. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Lake Theater, Milwaukie, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, St. Johns Theater.

Rock the Kasbah

C- I love a good fish-out-of-water story, but why do all the fish have to be old white guys? In Rock the Kasbah, Bill Murray plays a has-been— or perhaps never-was—rock manager named Richie Lanz, whose favorite client (the insufferable Zooey Deschanel) finds her way onto a USO tour of the war-torn Middle East. This should perfectly set the stage for Murray to improvise his way through the film without a clumsy plot to keep him in check, as he did during his late-career peak (Lost in Translation, Broken Flowers). But director Barry Levinson has other ideas—including armed showdowns, a hooker with a heart of gold (Kate Hudson), and mansplaining the world to angry Arabs. R. CASEY JARMAN. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Forest Theatre, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

Room

B+ In this riveting adaptation of Emma Donoghue’s novel, an abducted woman must raise her son in a confined space, To maintain a stimulating setting, Ma (Brie Larson) creates a social environment with anthropomorphized characters named Bed and Lamp. R. LAUREN TERRY. Fox Tower, Hollywood.

Sicario

A Emily Blunt (The Devil Wears

Prada) is a talented FBI agent specially recruited into a task force fighting a brutal war against Mexican drug cartels. She spends the whole movie confused and on edge while taking orders from the mysterious Benicio Del Toro (Snatch), who manages to act without ever fully opening his eyes or mouth. As the real mission of the task force slowly takes shape, so do beautiful sweeping helicopter shots of the border zone and heartbreaking vignettes of all the people affected by drug war. R. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Hollywood Theatre, Bridgeport, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Movies on TV.

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Spectre

AP FILM STUDIES

C+ How do you like your James

Bond? Brooding and brutal, or breezily throwing out quips? Should he drink craft cocktails or Heineken? Spectre—the 26th Bond film—has it all, and more. The one thing it doesn’t have is the ability to leave a lasting impression. We walk out of the theater neither shaken nor stirred. Following the impressive Skyfall, director Sam Mendes returns to the director’s chair. Buildings crumble, helicopters do barrel rolls, and Daniel Craig nonchalantly causes millions in property damage. But from the minute Sam Smith’s grating theme music starts, the movie slides downhill. Most disappointing is Christoph Waltz—so perfect in Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained—who just sneers, cackles and hunches. Sure, there’s fun to be had—Bond drives a trickedout ride through Rome’s narrow streets and engages in an Alpine plane chase before the anticlimactic conclusion (extremely uncommon for the series) lands with a dull thud. Considering everybody who’s involved in Spectre, the very last reaction anybody expected was “meh.” PG-13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, CineMagic, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Edgefield, Milwaukie, Moreland, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Roseway, St. Johns Cinemas.

Steve Jobs

B This is the more high-profile

and undoubtedly better of the two movies, with Danny Boyle at the helm and Michael Fassbender (12 Years a Slave) in the lead role instead of Ashton Kutcher (Dude, Where’s My Car?). Never seeming quite human, Fassbender’s Jobs oscillates between enthusiasm for his own ideas and outrage that the world can’t keep up with him, in exactly the way that people close to the genius described him. R. ALEX FALCONE. Fox Tower.

Trainwreck

C Amy Schumer is the absolute tops, but Trainwreck isn’t worth the ticket price. R . ALEX FALCONE. Academy, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Valley.

Truth

B- What’s not to like about a movie helmed by the screenwriter of Zodiac, a movie with speedboat pacing, a frenetic Cate Blanchett and the subdued warmth of Robert Redford? Unfortunately, a lot. Just before the 2004 presidential election, 60 Minutes producer Mary Mapes and anchor Dan Rather exposed a potential controversy. When their sources proved unreliable, they chose to defend their conduct instead of facing up to their obvious errors. Vanderbilt tries to make heroes of Rather and Mapes, continuing an argument that should have ended long ago. R. ZACH MIDDLETON. Eastport, Clackamas, Bridgeport, City Center, Fox Tower, Movies on TV.

The Visit

B- M. Night Shyamalamadingdong

has lost the luster of his early career, so it’s no surprise he’s making little $5 million found-footage horror movies. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Academy, Laurelhurst, Vancouver.

The Walk

B Pulling off a moving film about Phillipe Petit’s walk on a tightrope between the Twin Towers sounds next to impossible. But for better or worse, director Robert Zemeckis has never been too concerned about what’s possible. PG. CASEY JARMAN. Laurelhurst.

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Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

RICK VODICKA

I felt guilty for laughing at) mask the feeling of being force-fed idealism well. But as with all force-feeding, I still ended up feeling sick to my stomach when it was over. R. ALEX FALCONE. Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Living Room Theaters, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

Fright Town PORTLAND IS GETTING THE HORROR CONVENTION IT DESERVES. BY A P KRYZA

apkryza@wweek.com

In Portland, horror is always lurking. On any given week, you can find a slasher revival screening. Film festivals like The H.P. Lovecraft Fest and Zompire cater to niche markets. But there’s never been an event offering the wider horror audience full immersion into the world of ax murderers. That all changes this weekend with the hugely ambitious, first-ever Living Dead Horror Convention, which already looks set to give veteran horror festivals a run for their money. Think of Living Dead Con as something akin to a comic con. The creators—Living Dead magazine founder Deanna Uutela and horror writer James R. Beach—have lined up nerd-centric panels, celebrities, after-parties and independent film screenings. Only in this case, the proceedings are soaked in viscera rather than ink. “I am tired of having to leave my state to go to horror conventions,” says Uutela. “I am tired of horror not having the coverage it deserves here in Oregon besides during Halloween, and I wanted above all to hang out with horror fans and horror celebs...and show off my hometown.” Living Dead Con is coming out with its chain saw fully revved and ready to make some lasting marks. That starts with the celebrities on hand. Want scream queens? How about a multigenerational pile of them, including Creature From the Black Lagoon star Julia Adams, Teri “Girl on a Meat Hook” McMinn from Texas Chainsaw Massacre and Friday the 13th heroine Adrienne King. Prefer your horrors gothic? Genre mainstay Barbara Steele is on hand. Campy? Meet Eddie and Marilyn Munster (Butch Patrick and Pat Priest). The icing on the cake: Once and future Twin Peaks stars Sherilyn Fenn (Audrey Horne),

Dana Ashbrook (Bobby Briggs) and James Marshall (James Hurley) will be on hand, and— fingers crossed—could show up at a Twin Peaksthemed after-party Saturday at the Lovecraft. There are also offsite cast reunions and screenings. King will be joined by actor Ari Lehman—the first actor to play Jason Voorhes— for a Friday the 13th screening on Friday the 13th at OMSI (with an after-party at the Lovecraft), and McMinn will be joined by co-stars John Dugan and Ed Neal (Grandpa and the Hitchhiker, respectively) for a Texas Chainsaw screening Saturday at the Hollywood. Were that not enough, the event also includes indie horror debuts, panels on everything from overlooked slasher films to filmmaking workshops and comics, costume contests, burlesque shows and cocktails. “I knew that I had to do something big in order to get people’s attention,” says Uutela. “I don’t know what else you could want as a fan, to be honest. But you can be darn sure that I will make this convention bigger and better every single year.” With that, Living Dead Con might just pull Portland from the shadows of horror’s fringes. GO: The Living Dead Horror Convention is FridaySunday, Nov. 13-15, at the Oregon Convention Center, livingdeadcon.com. ALSO SHOWING:

With the fantastic Fargo TV series (which has nothing to do with the film) flying high, now’s the perfect time to revisit the Coen Brothers’ masterful debut, Blood Simple, a film that established the auteurs’ influential style. Kennedy School. Nov. 13-19. Speaking of movies-turned-TV shows, the SyFy version of 12 Monkeys has nothing on Terry Gilliam’s 1995 version, or the Chris Marker film (La Jetée) that inspired Gilliam, for that matter. Academy Theater. Nov. 13-19. Hey! It’s Goodfellas again! Laurelhurst Theater. Nov. 13-19. Sam Raimi’s excellent Spider-Man 2 remains one of the best comic-book films, mainly because it has a fleshed-out hero, a well-drawn villain and characters we care about. Nobody seems to have learned anything from it. 5th Avenue Cinema. 7 and 9:30 pm Friday-Saturday, 3 pm Sunday, Nov. 13-15.


Regal Lloyd Center 10 & IMAX

1510 NE Multnomah St., SPECTRE: THE IMAX EXPERIENCE Wed-Thu-FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:00, 3:30, 7:00, 10:30 HOME ALONE 25TH ANNIVERSARY Wed 4:30 SPECTRE Wed Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon 11:30, 1:00, 3:00, 4:30, 6:30, 8:00, 9:45 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 11:45, 4:45, 7:20 THE PEANUTS MOVIE 3D Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 2:15, 9:50 CRIMSON PEAK Wed-Thu 12:30, 3:20 GOOSEBUMPS Wed-ThuFri-Sat-Sun-Mon 12:30, 10:15 BURNT Wed -Thu 12:00, 2:35 GOOSEBUMPS 3D Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-SunMon 3:25 OUR BRAND IS CRISIS Wed-Thu 12:50, 3:50 THE LAST WITCH HUNTER Wed-Thu 10:15 BRIDGE OF SPIES Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 11:55, 3:10 THE MARTIAN Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 12:20, 6:50 THE MARTIAN 3D Wed-ThuFri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 3:40, 10:05 LOVE THE COOPERS Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:40, 3:55, 7:30, 10:20

Regal Division Street Stadium 13 16603 SE Division St. SPECTRE Wed-Thu 11:45, 12:15, 3:15, 3:45, 4:20, 6:45, 7:15, 9:30, 10:00 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed -Thu 11:30, 2:00, 4:30, 7:00, 9:35 THE PEANUTS MOVIE 3D Wed-Thu 12:00, 2:30, 5:00, 7:30, 10:05 BURNT Wed Thu 12:30, 3:00, 10:30 OUR BRAND IS CRISIS Wed -Thu 12:20 THE LAST WITCH HUNTER Wed-Thu 12:25, 3:10, 6:50, 10:15 BRIDGE OF SPIES Wed-Thu 12:05, 3:20, 6:30, 9:40 CRIMSON PEAK Wed-Thu 11:40, 2:20, 5:00, 7:40, 10:20 GOOSEBUMPS Wed-Thu 11:55, 4:50, 9:55 GOOSEBUMPS 3D Wed-Thu 2:25, 7:25 PAN Wed-Thu 11:35, 2:10, 4:45 THE MARTIAN Wed -Thu 12:10, 9:45 THE MARTIAN 3D Wed-Thu 3:30, 6:35 HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 Wed-Thu 11:50, 2:05, 7:45 THE INTERN Wed-Thu 3:05 SICARIO Wed-Thu 7:20, 10:10 LOVE THE COOPERS Thu-Fri 11:40, 2:20, 5:00, 7:40, 10:20 MY ALL AMERICAN Thu-Fri 11:30, 2:15, 5:00, 7:45, 10:30 THE 33 Fri 12:30, 3:30, 7:00, 10:00

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TEXAS CHAIN SAW MASSACRE Sat 6:45 HOT SUGAR’S COLD WORLD Mon 9:30 BREATHTAKING ANIMATION OF LADISLAS STAREVICH Mon 7:30 REPRESSED CINEMA GIRLS OF 42ND STREET Tue 7:30

616 NW 21st Ave., 503-223-4515 GOODNIGHT MOMMY Wed Thu 7:45 MERU Wed-ThuFri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 8:45 LABYRINTH OF LIES Wed Thu 5:00 DYING TO KNOW: RAM DASS & TIMOTHY LEARY Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 4:15, 6:30 LOVE 3D Wed-Thu 8:30 TAXI Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 4:30, 7:00, 8:45 ANIMATION SHOW OF SHOWS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 4:30, 6:45, 9:00

12:00, 1:50, 2:35, 5:00, 5:45, 8:20, 9:00 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed-Thu 12:50, 3:10, 5:35, 8:00 THE PEANUTS MOVIE 3D Wed-Thu 1:30, 3:55, 6:25, 8:45 BURNT Wed-Thu 12:05, 2:15, 5:50, 8:25 OUR BRAND IS CRISIS Wed-Thu 2:45, 5:55, 8:50 BRIDGE OF SPIES Wed -Thu 11:00, 2:10, 5:20, 8:30 THE LAST WITCH HUNTER Wed Thu 2:55 GOOSEBUMPS Wed-Thu 11:15, 5:10 CRIMSON PEAK Wed -Thu 11:25, 5:40 GOOSEBUMPS 3D Wed -Thu 3:15 TRUTH Wed Thu 11:35 THE MARTIAN Wed-Thu 11:05, 8:40 THE MARTIAN 3D Wed-Thu 2:20, 5:30 HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 Wed-Thu 12:25, 3:00 THE INTERN Wed-Thu 11:50, 2:55 LOVE THE COOPERS Thu 7:00, 9:00 MY ALL AMERICAN Thu 7:00, 8:30

Clinton Street Theater

Kennedy School Theater

2:50, 3:30, 5:30, 7:00

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 11:00, 1:40, 4:15, 7:15

Cinema 21

2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 THE NIGHTINGALE Wed-Thu-Sat-Sun-Mon 7:00 CERRO TORRE: A SNOWBALL’S CHANCE IN HELL Wed 7:00 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY FriTue THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW Sat 12:00 LIGHT IT UP 2 Mon 9:30

Laurelhurst Theatre & Pub

2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511 STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 8:50 TRUE ROMANCE Wed -Thu 9:35 THE WALK Wed -Thu 6:30 PHOENIX Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 6:30 TRAINWRECK Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 7:00 JURASSIC WORLD Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 7:10 THE VISIT Wed -Thu 9:45 BLACK MASS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 9:35 MR. HOLMES Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 6:45 GOODFELLAS Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 9:00 INSIDE OUT Fri-Sat-Sun 1:30, 4:15 GOODNIGHT MOMMY Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 9:45 SHAUN THE SHEEP MOVIE Sat-Sun 1:45

St. Johns Cinemas

8704 N Lombard St., 503-286-1768 SPECTRE Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 3:45, 4:45

Kiggins Theatre

1011 Main St., 360-816-0352 GHOST IN THE SHELL: THE MOVIE Wed-Fri-Sat-Sun 2:30, 5:00 GOODFELLAS Mon 7:00 EXTRAORDINARY TALES Mon-Tue 5:15

Regal City Center Stadium 12 801 C St. SPECTRE Wed -Thu 11:00,

5736 NE 33rd Ave., 503-249-7474 INSIDE OUT Wed-ThuFri-Sun-Mon-Tue 5:30 TRAINWRECK Wed-ThuFri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 7:50 BOTTLE ROCKET Wed -Thu 10:20 BLACK MASS Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 2:30 BLOOD SIMPLE Sun 2:45

Empirical Theater at OMSI

1945 SE Water Ave., 503-797-4000 WALKING WITH DINOSAURS 3D Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun 12:00 SECRET OCEAN Wed Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun 11:00, 2:00 JOURNEY TO SPACE Wed Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun 1:00 GREAT WHITE SHARK Wed-ThuFri-Sat-Sun 3:00 GATTACA Wed 6:30 JERUSALEM Thu 10:00 LEWIS & CLARK: GREAT JOURNEY WEST Fri 12:00 FLIGHT OF THE BUTTERFLIES 3D Sat-Sun 10:00 INSIDE OUT Sat 5:00 PULP FICTION Sat 7:15 THE LAST WALTZ Sat 10:00 OPERA ON SCREEN: AIDA Sun 4:00

Hollywood Theatre

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-281-4215 SICARIO Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 7:15, 9:40 THE ASSASSIN Wed -Thu 7:15 BLACK MASS Wed -Thu 9:30 REVIVRE Wed 7:00 FLASHBACK GAME ATTACK Wed 9:30 SIR DOUG AND THE GENUINE TEXAS COSMIC GROOVE Thu 7:30 ROOM Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 6:45, 9:15 SAMURAI COP 2: DEADLY VENGEANCE Fri 7:00 DANGEROUS MEN Fri-Sat 9:30 SUPERMAN: THE MOVIE Sat-Sun 3:00, 7:00 THE

Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10

846 SW Park Ave. BURNT Wed-Thu 12:50, 4:30, 7:15, 10:00 ROOM Wed-Thu 12:40, 4:15, 7:00, 9:45 SUFFRAGETTE Wed Thu 11:50, 2:15, 4:45, 7:10, 9:50 THE ASSASSIN Wed Thu 4:00 TRUTH Wed -Thu 12:15, 3:15, 9:30 STEVE JOBS Wed-Thu 1:00, 4:40, 7:20, 9:40 BLACK MASS Wed Thu 12:10, 6:30 EVEREST Wed-Thu 12:20, 3:20, 6:20, 9:10 MEET THE PATELS Wed-Thu 12:00, 2:30, 4:40, 9:15 SICARIO Wed -Thu 12:30, 3:40, 6:40, 9:20 GRANDMA Wed-Thu 12:00, 2:20, 4:20, 6:30, 8:50 LOVE THE COOPERS Thu 7:00 SPOTLIGHT Thu 7:00, 9:40

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Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

340 SW Morrison St. SPECTRE Wed-Thu 11:00, 12:00, 2:30, 3:30, 6:00, 7:00, 9:30, 10:30 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed Thu 11:30, 4:45, 7:30 THE PEANUTS MOVIE 3D Wed Thu 2:00, 10:15 CRIMSON PEAK Wed-Thu 12:15, 3:15, 6:20, 9:20 THE MARTIAN Wed-Thu 11:15, 10:00 THE MARTIAN 3D Wed-Thu 3:00, 6:30 HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 Wed-Thu 11:45, 2:15, 4:30, 7:15, 9:45 THE 33 Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 12:30, 4:00, 7:15, 10:10

St. Johns Theater

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-249-7474-6 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 9:30

Living Room Theaters

341 SW 10th Ave., 971-222-2010 BRIDGE OF SPIES Wed Thu 2:15, 4:00, 5:00, 6:50, 7:45, 9:00, 9:40 MISS YOU ALREADY Wed-Thu 11:50, 2:20, 4:50, 6:40, 9:15 OUR BRAND IS CRISIS Wed Thu 11:45, 1:50, 4:10, 6:30 THE INTERN Wed -Thu 11:45, 2:00, 4:30, 9:30 THE KEEPING ROOM Wed -Thu 12:05, 2:10, 4:20, 7:15, 9:25 WHAT WE DO IN THE SHADOWS Wed-Thu 10:30 A BALLERINA’S TALE Thu 11:55 BARISTA Thu 7:00

SUBJECT TO CHANGE. CALL THEATERS OR VISIT WWEEK.COM/MOVIETIMES FOR THE MOST UP-TO-DATE INFORMATION FRIDAY-THURSDAY, NOV. 13-19, UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED

Spectre (XD) (PG-13) 12:00PM 3:30PM 7:00PM 10:30PM Spectre (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:40PM 1:30PM 2:30PM 4:20PM 5:10PM 6:00PM 8:10PM 8:45PM 9:30PM Our Brand Is Crisis (R) 10:10PM Pan (PG) 10:55AM 1:45PM 4:35PM 7:25PM My All American (PG) 11:05AM 1:55PM 4:45PM 7:35PM 10:25PM Woodlawn (PG) 10:55AM 1:50PM 4:45PM 7:40PM 10:35PM Maze Runner: The Scorch Trials (PG-13) 1:25PM 4:30PM 7:30PM 10:35PM Suffragette (PG-13) 11:10AM 2:00PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:15PM Peanuts Movie, The (3D) (G) 11:45AM 12:35PM 3:05PM 5:35PM 8:05PM 10:35PM Peanuts Movie, The (G) 11:00AM 1:35PM 2:20PM 4:05PM 4:50PM 6:35PM 7:20PM 9:05PM 9:50PM Burnt (R) 10:55AM

Spectre (PG-13) 10:55AM 11:40AM 12:30PM 1:20PM 2:15PM 3:00PM 3:50PM 4:40PM 5:35PM Martian, The (PG-13) 11:45AM 3:15PM 7:00PM Peanuts Movie, The (3D) (G) 12:30PM 8:00PM 10:30PM Vedalam (MM Media) (NR) 11:00AM 2:30PM 6:00PM 9:30PM Martian, The (3D) (PG-13) 10:20PM 6:20PM 7:10PM 8:00PM 8:55PM 9:40PM 10:30PM Thoongavanam (AIM Distribution) (NR) 12:45PM 3:45PM 6:30PM 9:25PM Peanuts Movie, The (G) 11:15AM 1:45PM 3:00PM 4:15PM 5:30PM 7:00PM 9:30PM

Spectre (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:00PM 2:30PM 3:30PM 6:00PM 7:00PM 9:30PM 10:30PM Martian, The (3D) (PG-13) 12:30PM 3:55PM 7:15PM 10:30PM Martian, The (PG-13) 11:45AM 3:10PM 6:30PM 9:45PM Love The Coopers (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:15PM 5:05PM 7:50PM 10:30PM Peanuts Movie, The (G) 11:10AM 1:40PM 4:20PM 7:00PM 9:40PM Sicario (R) 4:05PM 10:05PM My All American (PG) 11:00AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:35PM 10:25PM Peanuts Movie, The (3D) (G) 12:20PM 3:00PM 5:40PM 8:20PM

GOODFELLAS: “I always wanted to be a gangster”

Goosebumps (PG) 11:15AM 1:55PM 4:30PM 7:10PM 9:55PM Bridge of Spies (PG-13) 12:05PM 3:25PM 7:00PM 10:20PM Martian, The (PG-13) 3:40PM 10:25PM 33, The (PG-13) 1:05PM 4:10PM 7:15PM 10:20PM Love The Coopers (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:15PM 5:00PM 7:45PM 10:30PM Martian, The (3D) (PG-13) 12:20PM 7:05PM Last Witch Hunter, The (PG-13) 11:20AM 2:10PM 5:05PM 7:50PM 10:35PM Hotel Transylvania 2 (PG) 11:35AM 2:00PM 4:25PM 7:05PM 9:35PM Intern, The (PG-13) 10:55AM 1:50PM 4:40PM 7:35PM 10:30PM

Prem Ratan Dhan Payo (20th Century Fox) (NR) 11:00AM 2:30PM 6:00PM 9:30PM Akhil (Appsintegration, INC) (NR) 1:30PM 4:15PM 7:00PM 9:45PM Bridge of Spies (PG-13) 11:50AM 3:45PM 7:00PM 10:15PM Love The Coopers (PG-13) 11:15AM 2:00PM 4:45PM 7:30PM 10:15PM 33, The (PG-13) 11:55AM 3:30PM 7:15PM 10:20PM Hotel Transylvania 2 (PG) 2:40PM 5:00PM 7:20PM Intern, The (PG-13) 11:30AM 9:45PM Burnt (R) 11:00AM Goosebumps (PG) 11:35AM 2:15PM 4:50PM 7:30PM 10:10PM

Bridge of Spies (PG-13) 11:50AM 3:20PM 6:40PM 9:55PM Burnt (R) 11:15AM 1:55PM 4:25PM 6:55PM 9:35PM Last Witch Hunter, The (PG-13) 11:35AM 2:20PM 5:00PM 7:45PM 10:25PM 33, The (PG-13) 12:45PM 4:00PM 7:15PM 10:20PM Goosebumps (PG) 11:25AM 2:10PM 4:50PM 7:30PM 10:10PM Hotel Transylvania 2 (PG) 11:20AM 1:45PM 4:15PM 6:50PM 9:15PM Crimson Peak (R) 1:15PM 4:10PM 7:10PM 10:15PM Everest (PG-13) 1:10PM 7:05PM

FRIDAY Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

59


END ROLL

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Willamette Week NOVEMBER 11, 2015 wweek.com

Small businesses depend on cheap advertising. From word of mouth to social media, cannabis dispensaries all over Oregon use Instagram, Facebook and Twitter to show their products and interact with customers and patients. Unfortunately, Instagram won’t stop deleting their accounts. It’s become a routine hassle for Oregon’s legal cannabis industry. They wake up one morning to find the following they’ve been building for months has been destroyed and they’ll never get much of an answer why. It’s happened to Stephen Gold, co-founder of the Daily Leaf. Lunchbox Alchemy, a cannabis processor out of Bend, has been deleted twice. It’s happened three times to Green Goddess, a westside Portland dispensary. Green Front lost both the business’s and the owner’s personal accounts. In each of these cases, closures were “explained” in an email, stating the accounts were flagged for terms of service or community guideline violations and suspended—effectively deleted, since the form offered to appeal the suspension has never been answered by Instagram. “No one knows what we can or cannot do,” Gold says. And Instagram isn’t in any hurry to explain. The company did not return seven emails, three phone calls and 15 social-media requests for comment. Justin Baker, co-owner of TreeHouse Collective, is one of several dozen account holders affiliated with the cannabis industry who woke up to messages they’d been suspended in October. TreeHouse lost 6,000 followers, and Baker still hasn’t received an explanation, which confuses him. With Instagram refusing to explain itself, everyone is coming up with theories of what gets them flagged and how to avoid it. It’s a taste of the bad old days of Prohibition, with rumors and theories swirling as a now-legal industry tries to avoid getting busted down by our new tech overlords while businesses hustle to cobble a living together.

TreeHouse Collective now won’t show prices—rumored to be one of the reasons Instagram suspends accounts. Also, TreeHouse posts to its 1,400 followers only once a day instead of three to five times, opting to use Twitter or MassRoots, an Instagram-like platform for cannabis users, instead. Andy Vashar, who helped found the Daily Leaf in hopes it could act as a buffer for cannabis companies to offer deals online, thinks it’s the hashtags. He shows a screenshot of the search term “#OMMP” with a message stating every result is hidden because the community reported content that didn’t meet Instagram’s guidelines. Vashar suspects this might be the doing of anti-marijuana activists or competitors, but sighs dejectedly when adding there’s no way for him or Gold to know unless Instagram answers. “Generally, dispensaries are pissed off,” Gold says. “Some have a target on their back.” Five Zero Trees lost 11,000 followers when its account was first suspended, according to manager Sisco. It’s had its account shut down twice since then, though Twitter and Facebook posts with the exact same content haven’t been so much as flagged. The dispensary typically posts new strains, images of product and specials without pricing. Zachary Dowd, who runs the Instagram account for Glisan Buds, hasn’t yet had a problem. He says the account he runs and the Foster Buds stream regularly show images of flower, concentrates, edibles and topicals, along with sale pricing, to both recreational and medical users. Neither account has been taken down or received warnings. Instagram’s community guidelines do address these issues somewhat, as the guidelines state in part: “Offering sexual services, buying or selling illegal or prescription drugs (even if it’s legal in your region), as well as promoting recreational drug use is also not allowed. Remember to always follow the law when offering to sell or buy regulated goods, including firearms, alcohol, and tobacco.” That suggests we’ll have to wait for national legalization before Instagram recognizes cannabis businesses as legitimate. In the meantime, see everyone on MassRoots. TYLER HURST.


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Week of November 12

ARIES (March 21-April 19): “I demand unconditional love and complete freedom,” wrote Slovenian poet Tomaž Šalamun. “That is why I am terrible.” In accordance with the astrological omens, I’m offering you the chance, at least temporarily, to join Šalamun in demanding unconditional love and complete freedom. But unlike him, you must satisfy one condition: Avoid being terrible. Can you do that? I think so, although you will have to summon unprecedented amounts of emotional intelligence and collaborative ingenuity. TAURUS (April 20-May 20): You have the answers you need, but you keep sniffing around as if there were different or better answers to be had. Moreover, you’ve been offered blessings that could enable you to catalyze greater intimacy, but you’re barely taking advantage of them -- apparently because you underestimate their potency. Here’s what I think: As long as you neglect the gifts you have already been granted, they won’t provide you with their full value. If you give them your rapt appreciation, they will bloom. GEMINI (May 21-June 20): Edgar Rice Burroughs (1875-1950) tried to earn a living by selling pencil sharpeners, but couldn’t make it. In frustration, he turned to writing novels. Success! Among his many popular novels, 27 of them were about a fictional character named Tarzan. The actor who played Tarzan in the movies based on Burroughs’ books was Johnny Weissmuller. As a child, he suffered from polio, and rebuilt his strength by becoming a swimmer. He eventually won five Olympic gold medals. Burroughs and Weissmuller are your role models in the coming weeks, Gemini. It’s a favorable time for you to turn defeat into victory. CANCER (June 21-July 22): Artist Andy Warhol had an obsession with green underpants. In fact, that’s all he ever wore beneath his clothes. It might be fun and productive for you to be inspired by his private ritual. Life is virtually conspiring to ripen your libido, stimulate your fertility, and expedite your growth. So anything you do to encourage these cosmic tendencies could have an unusually dramatic impact. Donning green undies might be a good place to start. It would send a playful message to your subconscious mind that you are ready and eager to bloom.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): Elsie de Wolfe (18591950) was a pioneer in the art of interior design. She described herself as “a rebel in an ugly world.” Early in her career she vowed, “I’m going to make everything around me beautiful,” and she often did just that. In part through her influence, the dark, cluttered decor of the Victorian Era, with its bulky draperies and overly ornate furniture, gave way to rooms with brighter light, softer colors, and more inviting textures. I’d love to see you be inspired by her mission, Scorpio. It’s a good time to add extra charm, grace, and comfort to your environments. SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): At the age of 36, author Franz Kafka composed a 47-page letter to his father Herman. As he described the ways that his dad’s toxic narcissism and emotional abuse had skewed his maturation process, he refrained from lashing out with histrionic anger. Instead he focused on objectively articulating the facts, recounting events from childhood and analyzing the family dynamic. In accordance with the astrological omens, I recommend that you write a letter to your own father -- even if it’s filled with praise and gratitude instead of complaint. At this juncture in your life story, I think you especially need the insights that this exercise would generate. (P.S. Write the letter for your own sake, not with the hope of changing or hurting or pleasing your dad. You don’t have to give it to him.) CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): Shizo Kanakuri was one of Japan’s top athletes when he went to compete in the marathon race at the 1912 Stockholm Olympics. Partway through the event, fatigued by sweltering heat, bad food, and the long journey he’d made to get there, Kanakuri passed out. He recovered with the help of a local farmer, but by then the contest was over. Embarrassed by his failure, he sneaked out of Sweden and returned home. Fast forward to 1966. Producers of a TV show tracked him down and invited him to resume what he’d started. He agreed. At the age of 74, he completed the marathon, finishing with a time of 54 years, eight months. I think it’s time to claim your own personal version of this opportunity, Capricorn. Wouldn’t you love to resolve a process that got interrupted?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): In the coming weeks, take special notice of the jokes and humorous situations that prompt you to laugh the loudest. They will provide important clues about the parts of your life that need liberation. What outmoded or irrelevant taboos should you consider breaking? What inhibitions are dampening your well-being? How might your conscience be overstepping its bounds and making you unnecessarily constrained? Any time you roar with spontaneous amusement, you will know you have touched a congested place in your psyche that is due for a cleansing.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): In most sporting events, there’s never any doubt about which competitor is winning. Each step of the way, the participants and spectators know who has more points or goals or runs. But one sport isn’t like that. In a boxing match, no one is aware of the score until the contest is finished -- not even the boxers themselves. I think you’re in a metaphorically comparable situation. You won’t find out the final tally or ultimate decision until the “game” is complete. Given this uncertainty, I suggest that you don’t slack off even a little. Keep giving your best until the very end.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): For each of the last 33 years, the Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals in Los Angeles has selected a “National Hero Dog.” It’s an award given to a canine that has shown exceptional courage in helping or rescuing people. In 2015, the group departed from tradition. Its “National Hero Dog” is a female cat named Tara. Last May, she saved a four-year-old boy by scaring off a dog that had begun to attack him. I’m guessing you will soon have an experience akin to Tara’s. Maybe you’ll make a gutsy move that earns you an unexpected honor. Maybe you’ll carry out a dramatic act of compassion that’s widely appreciated. Or maybe you’ll go outside your comfort zone to pull off a noble feat that elevates your reputation.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): One night as you lie sleeping in your bed, you will dream of flying through the sunny summer sky. The balmy air will be sweet to breathe. Now and then you will flap your arms like wings, but mostly you will glide effortlessly. The feeling that flows through your body will be a blend of exhilaration and ease. Anywhere you want to go, you will maneuver skillfully to get there. After a while, you will soar to a spot high above a scene that embodies a knotty problem in your waking life. As you hover and gaze down, you will get a clear intuition about how to untie the knots. Whether or not you remember this dream, the next day you will work some practical magic that begins to shrink or dissolve the problem.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): According to cartoon character Homer Simpson, “Trying is the first step towards failure.” I don’t agree with that comic advice. But I do think the following variant will be applicable to you in the coming weeks: “Trying too hard is the first step toward failure.” So please don’t try too hard, Libra! Overexertion should be taboo. Straining and struggling would not only be unnecessary, but counterproductive. If you want to accomplish anything worthwhile, make sure that your default emotion is relaxed confidence. Have faith in the momentum generated by all the previous work you have done to arrive where you are now.

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