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“I HAVE THIS YOGA MAT. FEEL THE BERN!” P. 4 WWEEK.COM

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W W S TA F F

FINDINGS

PAGE 23

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 42, ISSUE 10.

Of all the crazy seditionists holed up in a bird sanctuary until they get free land from the government, not a single one is from Oregon. 7

Only 115 of the 800,000 kidnappings you hear about were the “stereotypical” kind involving strangers in creepvans. 13

If you want to vote for a former high-ranking Republican’s son, who lobbied to keep marijuana illegal and preserve the taxicab monopoly, and who was convicted of stealing equipment from police and thrice convicted of public indecency, including an incident in which he masturbated outdoors on Portland State’s campus, there’s a man. 9

Yes, there is a St. Johns dive bar that will welcome your children until 8 pm. 14

ON THE COVER:

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Thank you, Shaun Sieren at Biddy McGraw’s.

Photo by Leah Nash and Christopher Onstott.

We humbly suggest you start hyping pastrami and Ciara. 23 If you want to see a dialogue-free 94-minute art film made by an artist filming his charcoal sketches, there is a place. 41 The dudes who took over a bird sanctuary say God told them to do it.

STAFF Editor & Publisher Mark Zusman EDITORIAL News Editor Aaron Mesh Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Rachel Monahan, Beth Slovic Copy Chief Rob Fernas Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, Madeline Luce Stage & Screen Editor Enid Spitz Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer Web Editor Lizzy Acker Books James Helmsworth

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3

THE YEAR IN NUMBERS

A new felony domestic violence conviction for They say that liars figure but figures don’t lie a guy with his record, and he’s serving only from [“The Year in Numbers,” WW, Dec. 30, 2015]. September 2015 to May 2016? And that’s a firm Assuming that to be the case, let’s take a look at release date, not an “eligible for parole” date. what some of these figures actually reveal: —“Inkberrow” • We know that the $1,175 per month that the average one-bedroom apartment rents for here Crooked cops and DAs are as crooked as ever. puts Portland on the list of cities in America Expect more of the exact same in 2016—unless where rents are rising the fastest, placing it someone stops them.

—“Vladamir Muhammud” ahead of Seattle.

• We also know that the $2,039 that the average one-bedroom apartPROVIDENCE PARK ment rents for in the Pearl District EXPANSION means that the redevelopment of This starts with the Portland Timbers wanting more seats, then a bigger/ Portland’s central business district newer stadium [Murmurs: “Save a Seat has created a playground for the for Chip Kelly,” WW, Dec. 30, 2015]. wealthy in and around downtown, while the average working stiff has Before long, they will threaten to been largely ignored and relegated leave to another city that will do what they ask. It’s time for the city to the hinterlands.

• We also know that NONE of the to demand that Merritt Paulson “It’s time for sell the “Timbers” name to the city 1,357 refugees who arrived in Ore- the city to gon in 2015 will be able to purchase demand that of Portland to ensure we can at a home and most probably won’t be maintain the team name.

Merritt Paulson least able to afford to rent one either.

—Sean Miller sell the • We also know that a significant ‘Timbers’ name If the Timbers need more seatnumber of the students at David Douglas High School need to be to the city of ing, then tear down Veterans Portland.” transferred to Jefferson High School, Memorial Coliseum and build a new stadium there. where the average number of square —“skatr” feet per enrolled student (692) is at least equal to the size of that overpriced onebedroom apartment you can rent in Portland.

BOOK CRITIC If The Guardian’s Bad Sex writing award included —Carson Horton nonfiction, Carrie Brownstein would win in a 10,100: Naked riders at the 2015 Portland World landslide [“The Year in Fred & Carrie, Illustrated,” WW, Dec. 30, 2015].

Naked Bike Ride.

—David Richards —“BC”

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CANNABIS | ACCESSORIES 4

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PORTLAND POLICE SNITCH

It appears George Taylor is still getting some stateside love [“Ratted Out,” WW, Dec. 30, 2015].

Q.

As election year begins, I have resolved not to talk politics with idiots, assholes or fans of Donald Trump. Is there a way to shut down such conversations politely? I want to stay friendly with the neighbors, even if they are brainwashed.

—Liz in Vantucky

What’s not to like about Trump? He’s proved once and for all that racism and xenophobia are the glue that holds the GOP together, he’s exposed the party ’s most toxic elements, and he’s doing his best to march the whole shebang off an electoral cliff.

He’s basically the pied piper of assholes, and in that I wish him nothing but success.

I admit, however, that sharing this insight with your Trump-loving neighbor probably won’t engender the sort of over-the-hedge collegiality you’re hoping to achieve.

You could just say, “I don’t want to talk about this,” but as anyone who’s been in a relationship can tell you, that doesn’t always come off as a

LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification.

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neutral statement (even if you don’t add the implied “…especially not with you.”).

Experts in etiquette (on some subjects, even I have to defer) generally suggest deftly changing the subject. People are more easily distractible than you’d think, and that probably goes double for the fascinated-by-shiny-objects crowd you’re describing.

Others suggest wearing earphones when you know you’ll be seeing a hard-to-avoid blowhard.

(To those who’ve recently noticed that everyone seems to be wearing earphones these days: I’ve got bad news for you.) If they ask what you’re listening to, just say “the Bible,” or “porn,” or—in the most stubborn cases—“Bible porn.”

Failing all that, you could just move to inner Portland, where Republicans are as rare as leprechauns. (If you catch one, he has to give you his 401(k)!) Here, even rich people who sneer at the disenfranchised still identify as members of the political left, based entirely on lifestyle choices: “I just defeated a low-income housing project in my neighborhood, but as you can see, I’m drinking cashew milk. Also, I have this yoga mat. Feel the Bern!”

QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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“We were going to light up the whole country on fire.”

—Dusty Hammond, page 7

THE REVOLUTION IS ON ICE. Local governments usually pay legal settlements rather than collect them. But on Jan. 5, Multnomah County disclosed that, unlike dozens of counties across the country, it had won a settlement against Mortgage Electronic Registration Systems Inc., a giant bookkeeping service banks use to facilitate mortgage transfers.

In a 2012 lawsuit, the county alleged MERS failed to properly record such transfers.

That had two consequences: It made it difficult for people to know who their mortgage lender was; and second, it deprived the county of millions of dollars in recording fees. In the settlement, MERS agreed to pay the county $9 million—before legal fees. That means the general fund gets a windfall of about $6 million.

County Chairwoman Deborah Kafoury and her colleagues will present the settlement Jan. 7 at county headquarters.

Life has gotten more challenging for Mary Holden, the former executive director of troubled Portland foster care provider Give Us This Day. On Dec. 20, Fat King Investments, a Washington company, forced Holden out of her West Linn home of more than 20 years. State investigators say Holden improperly spent more than $200,000 of state funds fixing up her house, money intended to serve foster children. Fat King bought the property out of foreclosure Nov. 10 for $318,500 but had trouble getting Holden to vacate. In a court filing, Holden said Fat King was guilty of an “illegal seizure” and had bullied and terrorized her. The judge didn’t buy her argument. Holden was unavailable for comment.

Portland City Auditor Mary Hull Caballero has fined ridehailing giant Uber $2,000 for lobbying violations—the first such fine in city history. The fine stems from Uber’s failure to report hiring campaign consultant Mark Wiener as a lobbyist.

Caballero’s fine follows an investigation by WW into Wiener working for Uber while serving as a campaign adviser to Mayor Charlie Hales and City Commissioner Steve Novick (“Backseat Driver,” WW, Aug. 18, 2015). Hull Caballero had issued warnings to Hales and Novick for not listing a meeting with Wiener on their calendars. (Wiener has defended his dual roles, saying he wasn’t paid by Uber WIENER while working for Hales or Novick.)

Uber says its failure to disclose hiring Wiener was an oversight. “We discovered an internal administrative error in December,” says spokeswoman Eva Behrend, “and have amended our original lobbying report, corrected the record, and will pay the fine.”

WW readers once again gave generously to Give!Guide, our annual effort to support Portland’s nonprofit community.

Give!Guide staffers are still tallying matching grants and straggling donations. This much we know: 2015’s totals considerably exceeded our goal of $3.2 million, and rose 10 percent from 2014 donations. A more complete report will appear in next week’s edition. For now, our thanks.

Check the latest bird-watching news.

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I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y K I M H E R B S T

All Hat, No Cattle THREE THINGS TO KNOW ABOUT THE MILITANTS’ STANDOFF IN SOUTHEAST OREGON.

BY AA R O N M E S H

amesh@wweek.com

Malheur National Wildlife Refuge doesn’t typically get much attention.

The 187,757 acres of high desert in the southeastern corner of Oregon are best known to bird watchers, who trek 300 miles outside Portland to look for sandhill cranes, trumpeter swans and 22 types of wood warblers.

But this has not been a typical week in rural Harney County.

On Jan. 2, roughly a dozen militants armed with semiautomatic rifles seized the refuge’s headquarters and visitor center while federal employees were enjoying their weekend. The men declared they would occupy the federal building to protest the prison sentences of two local ranchers, Dwight Hammond Jr. and Steven Hammond, convicted of arson.

The invaders—threatening a violent confrontation with government officials—mark the latest eruption of seditionist fervor from ranchers who graze cattle on federal lands. The occupants are led by sons of Cliven Bundy, a Nevada rancher who defied the U.S. Bureau of Land Management in 2014. The Bundy brothers came to Oregon saying they’d been led by God—and were soon followed to Harney County by a pack of local and national media.

That press scrutiny has poked holes in the claims of the Bundys, who initially boasted their takeover included a 150-man force.

But several key facts of the saga remain unknown to many people following the story.

Here are three facts to bear in mind.

1

This fight started with seven deer.

Harney County ranchers Dwight Hammond Jr. and Steven Hammond were convicted in 2012 of setting fires on federal land. The first of those fires, the 2001 Hardie-Hammond Fire, burned 139 acres.

Federal prosecutors built their case around three deer hunters, who testified that the Hammonds’ hunting party shot into a group of seven or eight small bucks on federal land, constituting illegal poaching.

“I saw at least four bucks get hit by bullets,” testified hunting guide Gordon Choate. “I saw one with a leg flopping, running. And basically the herd of bucks just exploded like a flock of quail.”

Prosecutors argued that by starting the fire, the Hammonds were able to destroy evidence of the deer slaughter. Dwight Hammond’s grandson, Dusty Hammond, testified that “Steven [Hammond] started handing out boxes of strike-anywhere matches and said we were going to light up the whole country on fire.”

The Hammonds claimed they were setting backfires to control invasive plants on property where they had grazing rights.

That defense became the basis for rancher outcry last October, when a federal judge resentenced the Hammonds to serve the balance of a mandatory five-year sentence.

2

Not a single Oregonian has been confirmed among the militants.

The Oregonian first reported last month that backlash to the Hammonds’ sentence drew militant visitors from out of state.

Ammon Bundy and his brothers joined a Jan. 2 protest march in Burns, then invited the protesters to join them in seizing the federal building 30 miles to the south.

It’s not clear that anyone from Oregon took them up on the offer.

The militants holding the Malheur National Wildlife Refuge headquarters include people from four other Western states—including Arizona military veteran Jon Ritzheimer, who posted a You-

3

The feds have Gov. Kate Brown boxed in.

Tube video telling his family, “I want to die a free man.”

None of the nine men who by Jan. 3 identified themselves to press or on social media as part of the occupation are Oregon residents. (Their apparent home states are shown in the map above.) In fact, the man who may be Oregon’s bestknown right-wing militia member in the state, BJ Soper, has decried the standoff on Facebook. “You mislead the people of this county,” Soper wrote to the Bundys on Jan. 2, “and took advantage of the trust that had been built.”

Almost everybody has an opinion on the Bundy bunch, from Twitter wits dubbing the militants #YallQaeda to magazine pundits arguing about the definition of domestic terrorism. National political figures—from U.S. Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) and 2nd District U.S. Rep. Greg Walden (R-Ore.) to Republican presidential candidates Ted Cruz and Marco Rubio— have weighed in. In a statement to KOIN, Wyden urged the militants not to “walk off a cliff.”

But Oregon’s governor, Kate Brown, said nothing for three days about the standoff in her state.

That silence is unusual for a governor during a crisis—especially one seeking re-election and presented with a right-wing insurgency that’s an easy mark for her to pummel in campaign emails to her Democratic Party base.

Sources familiar with the situation say Brown kept mum at the request of federal law enforcement officials coordinating a response, including the FBI. WW asked Brown for comment Jan. 3. She issued a statement the following afternoon.

“Although the FBI is the lead agency responding to the situation, my top priority is the safety of the people of Harney County and the city of Burns,” Brown said. “The Oregon State Police has enhanced its presence in the area, augmenting local and federal public safety resources and assisting with community outreach. I look for a swift resolution that allows Harney County life to return to normal.”

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CEBOOK

NEWS L / FA RIN CAMPBEL COURTESY DA

DUCK TALES: Darin Campbell at a University of Oregon football game.

Running With History A PORTLAND LEGISLATIVE CANDIDATE WILL HAVE TO OVERCOME HIS CHECKERED PAST.

BY N I G E L JAQ UI SS

njaquiss@wweek.com

Darin Campbell brings two legacies to his race for a state legislative seat representing portions of Southwest Portland and east Washington County: strong family political connections and a criminal record.

Campbell entered the House District 27 Democratic primary early, filing for office on Sept. 10, 2015.

He was the first to declare his candidacy for the seat being vacated by five-term incumbent state Rep. Tobias Read (D-Beaverton), who is running for state treasurer.

He’s competing in the Democratic primary against Sheri Malstrom, a public health nurse making her first run for political office.

Politics is in Campbell’s blood. His father, former state Rep. Larry Campbell (R-Eugene), led Republicans’ return to control of the Oregon House in 1991 after nearly two decades of Democratic domination.

Larry Campbell’s political career ended after his second term as House speaker in 1993. He then founded a powerful lobbying firm called the Victory Group with his two other sons, Kevin and Craig.

Darin Campbell, now 45, worked for the Legislature while his father was speaker. Darin Campbell also worked alongside his brothers on ballot measures, representing clients such as the Oregon Association of Chiefs of Police in their opposition to medical marijuana in 1998.

He later became a driver and lobbyist for Radio Cab and has recently been active in the debate whether ridehailing companies Uber and Lyft should be allowed to operate in Portland.

His recent advocacy in the transportation arena and his experience around politics in Salem led him to jump into the 2016 race—and, he explained to his father, as a Democrat, not a Republican.

That wasn’t the only difficult conversation Cambpell will have to have. He’ll now have to walk voters through his troubled past.

The first mark on his record came in 1990, when Campbell, then 19, was serving as a police cadet in his hometown, Eugene.

He was convicted of two felony counts of theft after $3,100 worth of police equipment was found in his home.

“DARIN’S REDEMPTIVE STORY MORE THAN EXTINGUISHES A BLEMISH OF YOUTH.” —AKIN BLITZ

Then in 1992, he was arrested and convicted again in Lane County, this time on a charge of public indecency, a misdemeanor.

He was convicted of public indecency again in Lane County in 1998 and then in Multnomah County in 1999.

In the latter case, which occurred when he was 29 years old, records show witnesses said Campbell wandered into an open outdoor area on Portland State

University’s campus and began masturbating. His conviction in Multnomah County came while he was still on probation for public indecency in Lane County.

For his three convictions and two probation violations, Campbell says he spent between four and six months in jail (the exact time is unclear from available records).

He says his convictions, along with a 1994 arrest for driving while intoxicated in Jackson County, were the result of years of drug and alcohol abuse.

Campbell says he doesn’t recall the PSU incident.

“I don’t remember anything about that,” he says. “I’d been up for days using cocaine and crack.”

Campbell attributes the theft in Eugene to youthful stupidity but says he has no explanation for the acts of public indecency.

“It was one of those weird things,” he says.

His stints in jail and court-ordered rehabilitation, Campbell says, forced him to come to terms with his addictions. He says he’s been clean and sober since Oct. 22, 2005.

Before entering the race, Campbell spoke to his father and brothers, all of whom warned him his past would become an issue if he ran.

“My family had reservations,” Campbell says, “but my past makes me who I am today and a stronger person. People can see that good can come out of bad.”

He says he’s running to bring attention to shortcomings in Oregon’s addiction treatment and mental health services. His perspective comes from his own struggles and from the experiences of his wife, Jennifer, who he says has long battled mental illness.

“Our system is completely broken,” Campbell says.

His legal scrapes, rather than disqualifying him for office, give him credibility with many Oregonians, Campbell says.

“It makes me human and relatable,” he adds. “So many people have drug and alcohol problems. So many families are broken by them.”

Akin Blitz, a Portland lawyer and Campbell family friend, says voters would benefit from Darin Campbell’s knowledge of the mental health system and the lessons he learned from his own struggles.

“If there’s anybody who’s learned and grown from his experiences and is well beyond them, it would be Darin,” Blitz says. “I support him wholeheartedly. Darin’s redemptive story more than extinguishes a blemish of youth and the unhappy product of an addiction conquered long ago.”

Bill Lunch, a professor emeritus of political science at Oregon State University and commentator for Oregon Public Broadcasting, isn’t so sure.

“It’s probably true that his troubles reflect the experience of many American people,” Lunch says. “On the other hand, most voters tend to expect a higher level of ethical conduct for the people who represent them.”

Records show Campbell’s struggles aren’t over. In December, three months after he filed to run, Campbell declared bankruptcy. He says the bankruptcy filing came as a result of two issues: medical bills relating to his wife’s mental illness, and his loss of income from driving a taxi.

“Uber just destroyed my business,” he says.

Campbell says it’s up to the voters of District 27 to decide who can best represent them, but he thinks there are strong reasons for them to look at the totality of who he is.

“Over the years, I’ve worked on transportation, law enforcement, land use and even marijuana,” Campbell says. “I know the process, and I walk in the door with a lot of legislative experience.”

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LEAH NASH AND CHRISTOPHER ONSTOTT

THE BIG UIDE PEOPLE’S G G TO HANGIN OUT WITH

e l t 󰇢 i l thpeeople

Portland would be perfect, but for the busybodies.

Ours is a wonderful city for many reasons, but it’s also crawling with fun police and lifestyle shamers, anti-science chemophobics who’ll oppose vaccines until the next pandemic and True Parents who wring their hands about the importance of celebrating Ukrainian Christmas by introducing their kids to pampushki.

This parenting issue is not for those people.

Instead, we’ve created this issue as a guide to celebrate the things that make this city great—with your offspring.

The best things about life in Portland? The city has great pubs, fantastic local music and excellent thrift stores. We’re surrounded by immense natural beauty, and there’s something fun going on every day of the year.

Your kids deserve to enjoy that, too. So we’ve got a guide to tot-friendly pubs (page 14), those fourth places where you can enjoy a local craft beer as your children become full members of their community, as in Europe. We’ve also got a primer on the local kindie music scene (page 16) and the best shops for picking up quality kids’ clothing at deep discounts (page 17).

We also assembled a calendar of activities to do with your kids all year long, and talked to a local advocate of free-range parenting (page 13), who argues that

you probably shouldn’t spend every waking moment supervising your kids if you want them to turn into self-sufficient adults. She argues for character-building, a responsibility-teaching method of kiddie empowerment common in this country until the helicopters took off—and shares her biggest fear, which is those busybodies calling Child Protective Services.

Debates about lifestyle come with life here, which is why we’ve put together a primer on the most controversial issues in Portland parenting circles, from the ethical imperative to send your kids to troubled neighborhood schools to the problems caused by bringing your kids to a museum when they have the sniffles (page 12). Learn the talking points so you know when someone is making a passiveaggressive critique of your parenting decisions, then move on.

They grow up so fast—the last thing you need to do is spend these precious years worrying about getting the side-eye from a well-meaning but obnoxious neighbor when you could be grabbing a pint at Biddy McGraw’s before checking out a kiddie reggae show or watching elephants smash pumpkins at the zoo.

MARTIN CIZMAR. CONT. on page 12

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Typical insult: “Do you think he might recover faster by resting at home?”

6. Epidurals.

Proponents say: “OUCH! HOLY SHIT! OW, OW, OW, MAKEITSTOP!” Opponents say: Mainlining toxins directly into the spine not only has a negative effect on natural birth-related hormones, the toxins pass into your bloodstream, and thus your baby’s.

Typical insult: “I had a natural birth.”

7. The One and Only Correct Method™ of discipline.

Proponents say: Traditional schools of discipline are outdated and cruel, so enlightened parents only use gerunds/do not use timeouts/loudly affirm their child’s feelings instead of immediately reprimanding behavior.

Opponents say: I turned out OK, didn’t I? Typical insult: “We don’t use the

Family Feud YOUR GUIDE TO THE MOST DIVISIVE ISSUES IN PORTLAND PARENTING.

BY KAT M ERCK

In a city already as sanctimonious as Portland, it probably comes as no surprise that the child-rearing scene is a minefield of enlightened folks ready to tell you that your precious little hump dumpling will not grow up to be a Harvard Ph.D.-holding MacArthur Genius who saved an endangered species of monkey during his stint in the Peace Corps. No! He will be a meth-addicted convicted felon living in your basement, because YOU USED THE WORD “NO”/ FORMULA-FED/TOXIFIED HIS VIRGIN SKIN WITH CHLORINE-SATURATED PAPER DIAPERS. Most of these judgments will take place in the regionally passive-aggressive-appropriate forum of Facebook posts and comments directed at complete strangers in the grocery store, but even if you’re not the immediate recipient of such well-meaning advice, know that all eyes are on you at all times.

Judging.

On that note, here are the top 10 ways you, as a Portland parent, are probably screwing up.

1. Your neighborhood public school.

Proponents say: Sending your child to your neighborhood school—warts and all, regardless of test scores, absentee rates, ambivalent principals and overcrowding—is the only way to attain true equity across the entire district and improve neighborhood schools as a whole. Defecting to a charter school, a language-immersion program or, God forbid, private school, is akin to throwing your neighbors to the wolves, and makes you a horrible human being.

Opponents say: I’m not going to sacrifice my child’s educational prospects for a nebulous greater good.

Typical insult: “Parental involvement is what makes the difference when it comes to school. And don’t you want your child to experience diversity?”

12

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

2. Vaccines.

Proponents say: Remember polio?

Opponents say: The government doesn’t get to tell me what to inject into my child. Plus, herd immunity!

Typical insult: “Fuck you.”

3. Breastfeeding.

Proponents say: Breast milk is the only food specifically designed for your baby and contains crucial disease-fighting antibodies, plus it releases hormones that promote mother-baby bonding.

Opponents say: Contrary to popular belief, most women—especially in Oregon—do make an effort to breastfeed, and there are many reasons it doesn’t work out. There’s no evidence that formula-fed babies are any worse off than those who were breastfed.

Typical insult: “Breast is best!”

4. Cloth diapers vs. disposable.

Proponents say: Disposable diapers not only place synthetic chemicals next to your baby’s skin, they’re terrible for the environment in just about every way possible.

Opponents say: I have to do how many loads of laundry per week? With soap that costs how much?

Typical insult: Simply displaying your

baby in an expensive, ostentatiously bulky prefold cover is usually enough.

5. Visiting hands-on play spaces (OMSI, Children’s Museum, Swap n Plays) with a runny nose.

Proponents say: My kid always has a runny nose.

If we stayed home every time she did, we’d never leave the house. Besides, exposure to germs builds immunity!

Opponents say: If your kid has a runny nose, she is probably contagious. Even if it’s just allergies (which are extremely rare in kids under 3), snot is gross.

You’ve also now made the space unsafe for anyone immuno-compromised.

word ‘no.’”

8. Staying home vs. working.

Proponents say: Parents should always be accessible to their children, especially during the early years.

Opponents say: Unless you’re a trust-funder, odds are you can’t survive on one income in Portland, not to mention the long-term mental and financial ramifications of putting a hard-won career on pause.

Typical insult: “I don’t want strangers

raising my child.”

9. Fluoride.

Proponents say: Unlike in most cities, Portland’s water does not contain fluoride, a scientifically proven tooth-decay prevention agent. Which means if you want to avoid cavities and promote lifetime dental health in your kids, you as the parent will need to administer/dose it yourself.

Opponents say: Fluoride is a neurotoxin, so why would I put it in my child’s body?

Typical insult: “I’m not a dentist or doc-

tor, but…”

10. Having only one child.

Proponents say: Parenting was a thousand times harder than I thought it would be/we were physically unable to have another/this is none of your business/ IVF is expensive, yo.

Opponents say: You’re depriving your child of what could be the most defining relationship of his or her life.

Typical insult:

“She seems lonely.”

car while you grocery shop at Fred Meyer. There are some dangers associated. But have I left my kids in the car while I go to the ATM or the Redbox or gotten gas? Yes, without thinking twice. One of the conversations at PDX Mamas, they were wondering, what do you do while you’re at the grocery store and put your kid in the car seat and then you have to return the shopping cart? Not to the grocery store, but to the carousel. It’s like 10 feet away. There’s this long thread about how they lock the door and then run, and then run back. I was like, how is this an issue?

Oh, Give Me a Home Where the Children Roam A PORTLAND FREE-RANGE MOM TALKS ABOUT WHY SHE REFUSES TO HELICOPTER.

mkorfhage@wweek.com

Margot Black doesn’t fear kidnappers, but she is afraid of well-meaning strangers stopping her kids to ask where their parents are.

The Multnomah Village mom is a self-identified free-range parent. Haven’t heard the term? You will. New Yorker Lenore Skenazy coined the phrase in 2008, when she was excoriated in the national press after writing a New York Sun column where she described sending her then-9-year-old son out alone on the subway. Parents in Maryland and South Carolina were prosecuted in 2015 for letting 9- and 10-year-olds play in a park without parental presence.

Black, a Lewis & Clark College math professor with three children ages 5, 8 and 18, talked to WW about leaving your kids in the car, helicopter moms and college students who drink too much.

some horrifying thing, like 800,000 kids were kidnapped.

But the definition of a missing child was hugely broad. It included teenage runaways. And all they had to do was be reported missing. Those kids might come back later that night. Parents and family kidnappings, there are so many false positives. When you look at the scary stranger kidnappings, the boogeyman kidnappings, it was such a small number. [The study, which came out in 2002, showed 115 “stereotypical” kidnappings that year.]

I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y M I C H E L L E L AG A S C A

BY M AT T H E W KO R F H AGE

WW: So what’s a free-range parent?

Like, the kids just run loose in a field?

Margot Black: I’ve always had a parenting philosophy of not living in fear of all the possible bad things that can happen to our kids. There’s a misconception that free-range parenting is absent parenting or laissez faire. I’m very engaged, I’m hands on, but not helicopter.

Have you been questioned for letting your kids roam?

No. But I have worried. Not long ago my 8-year-old walked to his friend’s house. We live in an apartment complex that backs up on a golf course. He had to walk over the golf course, across two blocks of the neighborhood and then across Capitol Highway. My concern was a neighbor stopping him and saying, “Where are you parents?” I knew he was smart enough to get there. I wasn’t worried about him coming across a gingerbread house and eating it.

So free-range kids are like kids in the ’80s? I think I had a 5-mile radius by the time I was 10.

I grew up in Salt Lake City, and in my earliest memories I was riding my bike from one end of 12th Avenue to the other. I would take a dollar down to the market and buy a dollar worth of penny candy. All the kids at the elementary school, everybody walked to school.

What do they think is going to happen?

I literally don’t know. There’s the abduction fear. There’s the anxiety that if I take my eyes off them for one second, they will choke or stop breathing or get something wrapped around their neck. The conversation was so mystifying. If you really want to worry about your kids, there are so many other things to worry about. We cannot inoculate ourselves from risk. It consumes so much energy and worry and really deprives kids as they get older. I see that from my college students. They are terrified of taking any risks whatsoever—creative risk, intellectual risk—or they go off the deep end and drink too much. They don’t know how to self-regulate.

So helicopter moms create bad kids?

I see the effects of helicopter parenting in my students.

They want to know exactly what the instructions are and the parameters, and when you say “open-ended”…. Their whole childhood has been really carefully scripted. They haven’t had to assess situations themselves.

Do you find this to be less the case with your 18-year-old?

She’s incredibly autonomous and independent. We’ve had bumps in the road, but she’s generally pretty good at self-regulating. Like most teenagers, she prefers to have her waking hours be at night. I know that she drinks, I know she’s been at parties where people are drinking. But I trust her not to drive drunk. I think I’ve instilled that value. I absolutely worry about other drunk drivers out there, and I wish she wouldn’t drive so late at night. At a certain point, it’s not your call. She has a job hostessing, she’s a tutor, she made her own fliers. That’s impressive. She’s going to graduate from high school, she’s not pregnant and doesn’t have a criminal record. My kids are really well-adjusted. I’ve never had problems with them at school—they’re happy and healthy.

My biggest fear as a free-range pare meaning people coming in and w nt is wellorrying too much about my children on thei r behalf.

Why are people more afraid now?

I feel like the trend is toward more helicopter parenting.

Before [children] are born there are like 5,000 parenting books, and you’re so worried that if you don’t follow the instructions, somehow they’ll break or die. People are watching and timing every nap, every milestone, superregulating exactly how much formula or milk or apples they have.

You’re not afraid your kids will get abducted?

My biggest fear as a free-range parent is well-meaning people coming in and worrying too much about my children on their behalf. One of the things that made us feel safer when I was young was vigilant neighbors. If I fell and scraped my knee, I could knock on any door.

Now I would tell my kids to knock on the door if they needed help, but I would also be afraid that anyone who answered the door would say, “How are you out by yourself?” and possibly get me in trouble. I feel that there aren’t well-defined laws, but any chance to make laws stricter is seized.

But has the world also gotten more dangerous?

I’m a numbers person, and the statistics just don’t bear that out. There was an article published about the statistics we use to talk about stranger danger. It was

Do other Portland parents think you’re nuts?

I’m in a [Facebook] group called PDX Mamas. One of the fights I’ve had is leaving your kid in the car for a minute.

Obviously you do not let your children sleep in a hot

Have you had scares?

I had a moment that was not related to parenting style.

I thought my son had been kidnapped. It was the most mind-altering experience ever. I thought, this is the moment where my life changes. It turned out he was asleep under the dining-room table. He was 4, and the door was wide open to the outside when I got out of putting down his brother for a nap. He was sleeping across two chairs pushed in under the table. After 20 minutes of looking, I was on the phone with 911 when I turned around and saw him. It’s the most terrifying thing in the world.

But how much can we really do aside from watch them every single moment? When they go out in the world as adults, we don’t watch them. How do we expect them to learn to be cautious when they don’t learn how to watch themselves?

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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BRIDGET BAKER

Bushwhacker Cider 901 NE Oneonta St., 971-229-1663.

Unlike the original location in Brooklyn, the Woodlawn outlet of this popular cidery has a full menu and allows minors.

Cascade Brewing Barrel House 939 SE Belmont St., 265-8603.

This sour-beer specialist sports outdoor picnic tables and cheap snacks.

Columbia River Brewing 1728 NE 40th Ave., 943-6157.

There are kids’ menus, crayons, books and toys.

k n u r K Kiddie INK WITH YOUR KIDS IN TOW.

ES TO DR THE DEFINITIVE LIST OF PLAC

BY KAT M E R C K

As recently as a decade ago, most parents in Portland wouldn’t dream of taking their child to a bar. The billows of cigarette smoke alone would deter even the most free-spirited of chaperones, not to mention the guaranteed contingent of storied, hard-drinking, decidedly non-family-friendly regulars who could then still afford to live west of 82nd Avenue. Things were different then.

As the years wore on, the smoking ban passed, the cultural line between “adult” and “kid” activities blurred (adult kickball, anyone?), and somehow the presence of families in drinking establishments has become not just accepted but expected. Most brewpubs nowadays offer kids’ menus and crayons along with beer taster trays, and some of even the diviest dives allow minors during lunch and early-dinner hours. While this may not be to everyone’s taste, the fact remains that being a parent presents more occasions for needing a drink or two than at any other time in a person’s life. So drink up, parents of 2016, just know that if your baby cries in the bar, the next round’s on you.

BARS WITH PLAY AREAS If you’re a breeder, you probably already know about most of these. They embody every parent’s fantasy: You get to enjoy an adult beverage with your friends or significant other in public while Junior occupies himself with a tableful of new-to-him toys.

Hopworks Urban Brewery/Bike Bar 2944 SE Powell Blvd., 232-4677; 3947 N Williams Ave., 287-6258.

Both locations have educational kids’ puzzles, toys, books and more.

The Oregon Public House 700 NE Dekum St., 828-0884, oregonpublichouse.com.

“The world’s first nonprofit pub,” this nothing-fancy hangout in Woodlawn features beer and burgers, a kids’ play area and even occasional kiddie musicians.

Laurelwood 5115 NE Sandy Blvd., 282-0622; 6716 SE Milwaukie Ave., 894-8267.

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Possibly the most overtly family-friendly brewpub in Portland, both main locations have popular play areas.

Zoiglhaus Brewing 5716 SE 92nd Ave., 971-339-2374.

This Lents newcomer has a modest play area and a kids’ menu that includes chicken schnitzel nuggets.

LEGITIMATE, ADULTAPPROVED BREWPUBS Beer geek with kids in tow? A non-issue in Portland. Most of these popular breweries have you covered with crayons, coloring sheets and plenty of eclectic decor to occupy little eyes.

5th Quadrant, Lompoc Tavern, Hedge House, Oaks Bottom 3901 N Williams Ave., 288-3996; 1620 NW 23rd Ave., 894-9374; 3412 SE Division St., 235-2215; 1621 SE Bybee Blvd., 232-1728.

All locations are family- and dog-friendly, with kids’ menus.

Alameda Brewhouse 4765 NE Fremont St., 460-9025.

This Beaumont neighborhood staple has plenty of seating, a kids’ menu and high ceilings to help disperse the cacophony.

Ankeny Tap & Table 2724 SE Ankeny St., 946-1898.

This newish bar features local brews on tap (including Coalition, which holes up here during the winter), outdoor seating and a casual neighborhood vibe.

Base Camp Brewing 930 SE Oak St., 477-7479.

Base Camp is roomy with a large patio, kids’ eats and plenty of outdoorsy accoutrements to admire.

Breakside Brewery 820 NE Dekum St., 719-6475.

This bi-level Woodlawn favorite features plenty of outdoor seating and peoplewatching.

BridgePort Brewpub 1313 NW Marshall St., 241-3612.

The Pearl District pub has roomy spaces and kid-friendly fare like pizza and soft pretzels.

Burnside Brewing 701 E Burnside St., 946-8151.

There’s a kids’ menu with crayons, plus plenty for little eyes to track in the highceilinged space, from old pallets and moose horns to vintage light fixtures and an old canoe.

Deschutes Brewery Public House 210 NW 11th Ave., 296-4906.

There’s plenty of room to spread out in this converted auto-body shop in the Pearl, plus an abundance of kid-friendly grub.

Ecliptic Brewing 825 N Cook St., 265-8002.

There are plenty of roomy tables tucked away from the main bar area, plus crayons and a kids’ menu.

Ex Novo Brewing 2326 N Flint Ave., 894-8251.

This nonprofit brewery features a modest kids’ menu and thoughtful touches like full-sized restroom changing tables with extra diapers.

Fat Head’s 131 NW 13th Ave., 820-7721.

The Portland outpost of this Midwestern favorite features plenty of space, plus a kids’ menu.

Green Dragon 928 SE 9th Ave., 517-0660.

There are board games and a patio, and minors are allowed until 9 pm.

Hair of the Dog 61 SE Yamhill St., 232-6585.

This bar sports outdoor seating, cool paintings of salmon and even a few kids’ books.

Lucky Labrador 915 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 236-3555; 1945 NW Quimby St., 517-4352; 7675 SW Capitol Highway, 244-2537; 1700 N Killingsworth St., 505-9511.

Each location has a roomy patio space, and practically everything has a picture of a doggie on it!

Migration Brewing 2828 NE Glisan St., 206-5221.

There are no specific concessions for kids, but they are welcome until 8 pm.

Old Market Pub & Brewery, Broadway Grill & Brewery 6959 SW Multnomah Blvd., 244-2337; 1700 NE Broadway, 284-4460.

Each bar features crayons, coloring sheets and a good-sized kids’ menu.

Old Town Pizza Brewery 5201 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 200-5988.

Crayons, coloring sheets and a kids’ menu help, but you can’t go wrong with pizza.

Stormbreaker Brewing 832 N Beech St., 703-4516.

This bar features an irresistibly large patio, plus burgers and grilled cheese for little ones.

Widmer Brothers Pub 955 N Russell St., 281-3333.

There are crayons and coloring sheets, plus plenty of kid-friendly menu items.

CLASSIC NEIGHBORHOOD PUBS If nothing-fancy nachos and a pint are more your speed, rest assured these unpretentious watering holes won’t look askance at your car seat or diaper bag.

Concordia Ale House 3276 NE Killingsworth St., 287-3929.

Pinball, video games, plenty of TVs and a kids’ menu make this a neighborhood go-to.

County Cork Public House 1329 NE Fremont St., 284-4805.

This traditional low-lit joint allows minors until 9:30 pm. And what kid isn’t down for a ploughman’s platter?

EastBurn 1800 E Burnside St., 236-2876.

Kids are allowed, but upstairs only.

Gustav’s 5035 NE Sandy Blvd., 288-5503.

This German standby has a kids’ menu, but don’t bother—they’ll want the fondue.

McMenamins Kennedy School 5736 NE 33rd Ave., 249-3983.

This beloved, school-themed McMenamins pub, restaurant and hotel complex is a must-visit with its soaking pool, matinee movies just for parents, and lots of long hallways for little hellions to run up and down.

Any other McMenamins The Ram, White Eagle, Chapel Pub, Fulton Pub, St. Johns Pub…most neighborhoods have a McMenamins outpost. They all have similar menus and plenty of tchotchkes to hold littles ones’ attention. Check mcmenamins.com for details.

The Moon and Sixpence 2014 NE 42nd Ave., 288-7802.

This is a low-key British pub with a patio, and minors are allowed until 9 pm with a parent or guardian.

NEPO 42 5403 NE 42nd Ave., 288-8080.

This Concordia classic with picnic tables and a popular happy hour allows minors until 9 pm.

The Observatory 8115 SE Stark St., 445-6284.

This Montavilla favorite has a loungey vibe and popular happy hour.

Pause 5101 N Interstate Ave., 971-230-0705.

This dive-ish bar and burger joint features views of the MAX, a patio and free buttered pasta for wee ones.

Rose & Thistle 2314 NE Broadway, 287-8582.

This Scottish pub has a patio and plenty of TVs.

STRAIGHT-UP SPORTS BARS Catch the game while your baby naps!

Blitz 2239 SE 11th Ave., 236-3592; 110 NW 10th Ave., 222-2229; 10935 SW 68th Parkway, 719-5157.

This is not necessarily the first place that springs to mind when thinking of family-friendly spots, but minors are allowed until 9 pm.

BARS LIKE THE ONES YOU ENJOYED PRE-KIDS There may not be crayons, and acceptance by fellow patrons may vary.

Bar Bar 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 889-0090.

This hip Mississippi Studios annex allows minors during the day only (until 7 pm), accompanied by an adult.

Cruzroom 2338 NE Alberta St., 208-3483.

This Alberta bar is arty and family-friendly, if slightly confusing for kids (adult Lego tournaments, toy dinos in cocktails).

Horse Brass 4534 SE Belmont St., 232-2202.

As traditionally British as they come, this Belmont staple allows minors until 5 pm.

Bonus: day drinkers playing darts.

Interurban 4057 N Mississippi Ave., 284-6669.

Not a place to get rowdy, but this upscale saloon has two levels and a patio, and minors are welcome until 10 pm.

The Old Gold 2105 N Killingsworth St., 894-8937.

A tough sell given that it shares a wall with overtly family-friendly restaurant New

Saraveza 1004 N Killingsworth St., 206-4252.

This small, funky veteran has the market cornered on kid-approved bar snacks (pasties, bacon, goblets of Chex mix), and allows minors until 9 pm.

DIVE BARS

Many patrons may not even notice you came with kids in tow, and the ambiance can double as a potent dangers-ofdrinking visual for teens.

Biddy McGraw’s 6000 NE Glisan St., 233-1178.

This eastside classic straight off the MAX allows little ones until 9 pm.

Katie O’Brien’s 2809 NE Sandy Blvd., 234-8573.

This classic, Irish-themed bar has plenty of sports and pre-kid-nostalgic hangover favorites like all-day breakfast. (Minors allowed in the booth area only until 8 pm.)

Kenton Station 8303 N Denver Ave., 286-9242.

Incongruously, this legit biker bar (replete with motorcycles parked in the windows) also sports baskets of crayons and kids’ books.

Low Brow Lounge 1036 NW Hoyt St., 226-0200.

Three words: mini corn dogs. (Minors allowed on the non-bar side only, with a guardian present.)

BRIDGET BAKER

Rogue Ales Public House 1339 NW Flanders St., 222-5910.

There are ample items to look at on the walls, plus pub grub for adventurous kid eaters (cheese-stuffed meatballs, fried curds).

Sasquatch Brewing 6440 SW Capitol Highway, 402-1999.

Outdoor seating and a laid-back vibe make this a great westside choice.

Kells 112 SW 2nd Ave., 227-4057.

Can’t-miss international soccer match? Minors are allowed in the pub until 8 pm, and in the restaurant until 10 pm.

Spirit of 77 500 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 232-9977.

Between precariously tall stools and drunk bros playing Pop-aShot, this Blazers hot spot isn’t exactly kid-friendly, but minors are allowed until 10 pm.

The Station 2703 NE Alberta St., 284-4491.

With six big-screen TVs, there’s always something to watch at this former power substation that also boasts a sizable patio and a kids’ menu.

Skybox Pub & Grill 7981 SE Milwaukie Ave., 731-6399.

There’s an entire bank of TVs behind the bar, plus video games and interesting sports memorabilia.

BLITZ

American (be prepared for some frowns on Friday and Saturday evenings), but the whiskey selection is unparalleled. (Minors allowed until 8 pm.)

Radio Room 1101 NE Alberta St., 287-2346.

This artsy pseudo-dive bar in a former gas station features two patios and a kids’ menu.

O’Malley’s 6535 SE Foster Road, 777-0495.

Pizza and arcade games!

Slim’s 8635 N Lombard St., 286-3854.

This is one of Portland’s original oldschool dives, located on St. Johns’ main drag. Minors are allowed in the back until 8 pm “as long as the door’s closed.” (And, presumably, eye contact is avoided.)

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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M AYA S E T T O N

POINTED MAN BAND

Tot Rock

pointedmanband.com Imagine Tom Waits entertaining a kindergartner’s birthday party, and that’s close to describing the niche Dan Elliott, aka Pointed Man Band, has carved for himself.

Elliott doesn’t have the gargling-with-gravel voice, but his surreal sea shanties come from a musical world adjacent to Waits circa Swordfishtrombones. (He’s got an album called Swordfish Tango, so the comparison isn’t exactly getting pulled out of thin air.) On Flight of the Blue Whale, his newest collection, Elliott weaves a tale worthy of Maurice Sendak, about a country fox who shrugs off work and heads to the coast, via crazed waltzes, plinking indie pop, Parisian jazz and “Apodidae Reggae.”

Adult-music equivalent: David Byrne in the ’80s, with lyrics by Shel Silverstein.

Where you can see him: Nothing currently scheduled, but check his website for updates.

AARON NIGEL SMITH

LORI HENRIQUES AT HOME WITH DAUGHTER ELSA.

A ROUNDUP OF PORTLAND’S BEST KINDIE MUSICIANS.

Would it surprise you to learn that Portland is the kiddie music capital of the world? Of course, that’s not entirely quantifiable, but it feels true, and no less an expert than the Zooglobble blog—the Pitchfork of the so-called “kindie” world—has said just that. So, where to start? Here are 10 of the local scene’s standouts.

MATTHEW SINGER.

LORI HENRIQUES

lorihenriques.com If the cover of Lori Henriques’ How Great Can This Day Be resembles something released on the Blue Note label in the ’60s—all clean fonts and geometric shapes—that’s precisely the intent. A classically trained pianist, she approaches her jazzed-up brand of kids’ music the same as a big-band recording session, bringing in top-level local players (and her own family members) for an album that nods to Cole Porter and first-wave Sesame Street in a single gesture. She’s up for a Grammy this year, and apologies to Gustafer Yellowgold, but we’re prepared to rush the stage like Kanye if anyone else wins.

Adult-music equivalent: Esperanza Spalding.

Where you can see her: Adults can see her at Jimmy Mak’s occasionally.

RED YARN

redyarnproductions.com With his rust-colored beard, square glasses and rubbery smile, Andy Furgeson certainly looks the part of a children’s entertainer. As Red Yarn, the Texas transplant remodels the songs and themes of the American folk tradition in a foot-stomping style not far removed from his old band, Bark Hide and Horn. Between his two albums, videos and live puppet shows, Furgeson has gradually built a woodland universe that acts as a sort of modern Portland update on The Wind in the Willows, with a population that includes a singer-songwriter rabbit and a neurotic possum that collects vinyl.

Adult-music equivalent: Edward Sharpe, if the Magnetic Zeroes were made of felt.

Where you can see him: Wednesday mornings at Village Ballroom (704 NE Dekum St.), Thursday evenings at Mississippi Pizza (3552 N Mississippi Ave.).

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Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

CAT DOORMAN

catdoorman.com Julianna Bright came up through the San Francisco punk scene, and made her name in Portland playing drums with her husband in the Golden Bears and backing up Corin Tucker in her post-Sleater-Kinney band. Bright kind of stumbled into the kindie scene, providing music for a friend’s app, but there’s little lost between her “grown-up” projects and what she records under the name Cat Doorman. Her latest EP, Calling All the Kids to the Yard, is full of distorted guitars, rich harmonies, complex arrangements and lyrics about kindness, horses and running wild in the streets. Heck, she even covered Syd Barrett on her first album.

Adult-music equivalent: Jenny Lewis.

Where you can see her: Live performances are rare, but she plays the occasional gig at Mississippi Studios.

MO PHILLIPS

mophillips.com A veteran of the Portland kindie scene, Mo Phillips is a spiritual cousin of Chris Pratt as Andy Dwyer as Johnny Karate on Parks and Recreation. Phillips goes light on the booger and fart jokes, but his catchy, twang-spritzed acoustic pop is marked by silly humor, with songs about leaving the house with bed head, watching bears dance in their underwear at the zoo and how babies will put literally anything in their mouths. It’s not all pure goofballery, though: The pretty “The Princess and the Cowboy,” for instance, confronts gender roles and assures Phillips’ young audience that they’re totally bunk.

Adult-music equivalent: Jonathan Coulton.

Where you can see him: Second Thursdays at Mississippi Pizza.

THE ALPHABETICIANS

thealphabeticians.com Like Mo Phillips, the Alphabeticians err toward the silly stuff, albeit in a more direct comedy-rock vein, where the goal seems to be to make each other laugh as much as the kids. On their latest album—simply called Pants!—the duo of Jeff Inlay and Eric Levine (aka Mr. Hoo and Mr. E) ponder fish-spawning patterns, give a rudimentary French lesson, celebrate tacos and tackle big questions such as, “Why doesn’t the moon have a name?” and “Why do they call it soccer, when it’s really futbol?”

Adult-music equivalent: Tenacious D. Where you can see them: Mississippi Pizza on Jan. 23.

aaronnigelsmith.com For a genre born from political strife, racial injustice and spiritual oppression, reggae makes an easy conduit for songs about animals and spelling. Dreadlocked educator Aaron Nigel Smith has harnessed the music’s simple rhythms for teaching purposes for over a decade, winning several awards, establishing his One World Chorus outreach program in cities around the world and even collaborating with Ziggy Marley on his own children’s album, B Is for Bob. Adult-music equivalent: Michael Franti.

Where you can see him: He plays the Albina Library (3605 NE 15th Ave.) on Feb. 27 and Kenton Library (8226 N Denver Ave.) on Feb. 28.

JOHNNY & JASON

johnnyandjason.com If you overlook the lyrics about submarines, lollipop trees and making a mess, Johnny & Jason’s folk-accented, drum-and-guitar power pop wouldn’t sound out of place onstage at Doug Fir or headlining a Sunday Session at Rontoms. In the not-so-distant past, Johnny Keener and Jason Greene were members of the Portland rock band Yoyodyne, and as they transitioned into their 30s and lives as stay-at-home dads, they simply adapted their crunchy guitars and sing-along choruses into material suitable for the Kidz Bop crowd, even sneaking a Bob Dylan cover onto their last album.

Adult-music equivalent: The Muppet Babies covering Superchunk.

Where you can see them: Johnny plays the Treehouse Children’s Boutique (3954 N Williams Ave.) “most every Monday” and the Portland Children’s Museum (4015 SW Canyon Road) “most every Thursday.”

MR. BEN

mrbenmusic.com As one might gather from his name, Mr. Ben has a distinct teacherly vibe about him, playing the classics (“Itsy Bitsy Spider,” “The Wheels on the Bus”) and super-simple originals aimed at the preschool demographic. But the dude’s not a total square: Back when was he known as Ben Thompson, he worked for Fender and went on tour with Ozzfest. He also has a song called “Old Mick Jagger,” which posits the Rollingest Stone as a neighbor to Ol’ McD in order to teach kids about instruments. Guessing he saves “Old Keith Richards” for more mature audiences.

Adult-music equivalent: Jason Mraz.

Where you can see him: Mississippi Pizza every Monday, the Woodlawn Swap n Play (704 NE Dekum St.) every Tuesday, Cultured Caveman (8233 N Denver Ave.) every Thursday...suffice to say, his calendar is loaded. He also does birthdays for $250.

VINTAGE AND CONSIGNMENT SHOPPING IN MINIATURE.

BY BE T H S LOV I C

bslovic@wweek.com

Kids don’t have to cost a fortune. Every stroller-heavy ’hood in Portland has a consignment store devoted to gently used booties, onesies and Columbia fleece jackets.

This means you can decorate your nursery, clothe your newborn and stock your toy chests with other children’s belongings. Hemingway would approve.

Almost all of the stores listed below share newly consigned items on their Facebook pages—meaning you can score exactly the Ergo baby carrier or Petunia Pickle Bottom diaper bag you want.

And then, when you’re done, you can sell your gently used items back to the store—avoiding the creepers on Craigslist who want to know if your swing really is for babies.

Here’s a roundup of our favorite consignment stores for kids. For comparison, we’ve listed the price of girls’ leggings from Swedish child-gentrifier Hanna Andersson— around $32 apiece when they’re new—found on the racks during recent visits.

Beanstalk 3527 NE 15th Ave., 477-7776; 8021 SE Stark St., 327-8506; beanstalkchildrensresale.com.

Almost everything in Beanstalk—not including the locally made wooden teethers, fairy wands and amber necklaces— is used. But the Fremont Beanstalk (they’ve also opened a Montavilla location recently) feels nothing like a thrift store.

The shop is brightly lit and well-organized, with a play area far enough away from the door that you don’t have to fear a jailbreak while you shop with a toddler in tow. Compared to other Portland stores, Beanstalk’s Fremont location was well-stocked with tap and ballet shoes (around $9) as well as leotards (about $12) for your budding ballerina.

Price of Hanna Andersson leggings: $8.95 While you’re in the ’hood: Head to storytime at the Albina branch of the Multnomah County Library on Wednesday, Thursday or Friday mornings.

Hoot-N-Annie

3432 SE Milwaukie Ave., 971-544-7798, hazelandpear.com. Closed Sunday-Monday.

7850 SW Barbur Blvd., 548-4668, hoot-n-annie.com.

Hazel & Pear had among the best prices of any of the stores we visited. A hardcover kids’ book with illustrations by a cartoonist for The New Yorker cost $1.75. A Hanna Andersson pink fleece jacket cost $9, and a basic Ergo baby carrier cost $49. (They’re $120 new and typically more like $60 at other resale shops.) The store has a bigger selection of kids’ shoes because of owner Angel O’Brien’s willingness to take ones that have seen more use.

Price of Hanna Andersson leggings: $4.95 While you’re in the ’hood: Stop in at the Warehouse Cafe, Hazel & Pear’s neighbor, which hosts children’s musicians some mornings at 10.

Unless you happen to live in Southwest Portland—sorry— this store is hard to recommend over the others. It’s on busy Barbur Boulevard, and there’s nothing special nearby to make an outing of a trip. That said, it’s a great idea to monitor the store’s Facebook page for deals that can draw you out of the house. A lavender Bumbo baby seat with tray was recently on sale for $24.75. It retails for $50. And a wheelie thing to help you drag your car seat through the airport—also known as a Go-Go Babyz Travelmate—went for $34.75, compared with $89.99 retail.

Price of Hanna Andersson leggings: $7.75 While you’re in the ’hood: There’s not much in the immediate area, unless you count the Burlingame Fred Meyer.

Bring your car. This stretch of Barbur is unwalkable.

Piccolina 2700 SE 26th Ave., 963-8548; 4416 SE Woodstock Blvd., 505-5045; piccolinaresale.com.

The two locations for Piccolina—on Southeast Clinton and in Woodstock—often have great finds. It’s not unusual to nab a small wooden play kitchen or train table for around $50. They both also have fairly large collections of strollers and highchairs—bulky items that not all stores have the space to accommodate. A metal balance bike that retails for $100 was recently on sale for $60. Rounding out the selection are Jumperoos, Skootcases and other items that are as fun to say aloud as to play with.

Price of Hanna Andersson leggings: $6.95-$7.95 While you’re in the ’hood: If you’re at the Clinton store on 26th, head to Piccolo Park, a small playground surrounded by mature trees and manicured lawn.

Smallfry 4107 NE Tillamook St., 284-1276, smallfrypdx.com.

New moms Elle Poindexter and Vanessa Imam Curry took over Smallfry in December. Their sleek touch is evident as you walk through the front door. Immediately inside, a large display table features onesies with Tender Loving Empire prints and other sweet, locally made items, such as bibs. Beyond the new stuff are racks of gently used clothes. And coming soon are clothes for moms, and not just pregnant ones.

Price of Hanna Andersson leggings: $9-$11 While you’re in the ’hood: Take a step back in time and visit Just 4 Kids, a consignment store down the street that opened in 1995, or visit the Hollywood branch of the Multnomah County Library.

Periwinkle 1722 NW Raleigh St., No. 105, 317-6259. Closed Monday.

Periwinkle’s may be Portland’s only “micro” resale shop for kids—the new shop is nestled into an Active Spaces building in Northwest Portland. The main advantage of the teeny space—besides reduced rent for the owner—is that it’s impossible to lose track of your child while shopping. On the flipside, it’s also possible to peruse the entire contents of the store’s inventory by peering through the window from the sidewalk. The tiny store offers a tiny size range of clothing sizes—only up to 4T. Price of Hanna Andersson leggings: $7.95 While you’re in the ’hood: Playdate PDX, the giant indoor play area with a bar for parents, is just down the street.

Sweetpea’s 1223 NE Alberta St., 288-8004; 8235 SE 13th Ave., Suite 1, 233-1153; sweetpearesale.com.

The Sellwood location of Sweetpea’s feels more like a thrift store than a baby boutique, with its hand-painted wall art and cluttered shelves. That doesn’t mean there aren’t good bargains. Recently, a pristine Ergo baby carrier was on sale for $75—more than at most places, but only because it looked as if it had just come out of the box. Four years ago, I bought my favorite maternity sweater here—an ingenious cardigan with buttons only at the top. It was only $3 or $4, if memory serves. Dig and you shall be rewarded.

Price of Hanna Andersson leggings: $7.50 While you’re in the ’hood: Head to the Columbia Sportswear outlet store a few blocks north.

M I C H E L L E L A G A S C A A N D W W S TA F F

Secondhand Children

Hazel & Pear

Bella Stella 2751 NE Broadway, 284-4636, bellastellaresale.com.

Bella Stella has a reputation for being the place to go for help selecting a baby carrier—the second-most important decision after deciding to get pregnant. It sells new and used carriers, along with the more typical array of raingear, sleepwear and play clothes for babies and kids. Bella Stella also has a whole store wall filled almost entirely with supplies for cloth diapers. Dig through the baskets to find the perfect diaper cover to keep your kiddo’s shit together.

Price of Hanna Andersson leggings: $6-$8 While you’re in the ’hood: After throwing down $8.99 for toxin-free Piggy Paint nail polish that your offspring doesn’t really need, head a few doors down to Coco Donuts for an apple fritter that you do.

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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JAN. 6-20

APRIL 16-17

You couldn’t be a famous ballerina, but maybe your kids can...or perhaps it’ll become a Black Swan tale. Either way, free ballet for four weeks beats getting a babysitter. The Portland Ballet, 6250 SW Capitol Highway, 452-8448, theportlandballet.org. 5:15-6:15 pm. Free.

A classical and contemporary dance show full of talking, dancing animals from Northwest Dance Theatre. PCC Sylvania’s Performing Arts Center, 12000 SW 49th Ave., 925-3898, nwdt. org. 7 pm Sat. and 2 pm Sun. $10-$18.

JAN. 15

Disney Live! Mickey and Minnie’s Doorway to Magic

It’s kind of like Ice Capades, but with more capes and handkerchiefs, and no skates. Rose Garden, 1 N Center St., 235-8771, rosequarter. com. 4 and 7 pm. $23-$60.

JAN. 16-FEB. 14

Geronimo Stilton: Mouse in Space

A play about a mouse who saves the world… in space! Ages 4 and up. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 228-9571, octc.org. $14-$28.

JAN. 30-FEB. 28

ID S LI K E A Y EAR OF TH INOGNS’TKH ATE. THAT YOU W

Po󰇠land Kids’

BY SOP HIA JUN E

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MAY 17-22

FEB. 13 (2ND SATURDAY OF EACH MONTH)

Annie

Meet a Scientist at OMSI

MARCH 17

MARCH 26

Turn a drinking holiday into a family holiday by replacing Guinness with Irish dancing. Pro tip: Drink Guinness first. Ambridge Events Center, 1333 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 239-9921, ambridgeevents.com. 4-9 pm. $1-$10.

The annual Easter egg hunt at the zoo. Yes, there will be bunnies. Oregon Zoo, 4001 SW Canyon Road, 226-1561, oregonzoo.org. 9 am-3 pm. Free with zoo admission (free-$11.50).

St. Patrick’s Day Family Festival

MARCH 19

Oaks Park opens

The outdoor section of the “Coney Island of the Northwest” opens for business, from roller coaster to mini-golf. Oaks Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way., 233-5777, oakspark.com. Noon-5 pm.

MARCH 25-MAY 1

Wooden Shoe Tulip Fest

Laughing children hold tulips and ride ponies. It’s like the Small World ride at Disneyland come to life. Wooden Shoe Tulip Farm, 33814 S Meridian Road, Woodburn, 634-2243, woodenshoe.com. 9 am-6 pm. $5, kids under 13 free.

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

Cinco de Mayo Fiesta

Spring break day camps are a good way to ensure your kids aren’t watching Spring Breakers while you’re at work. Portland Parks and Recreation Community Centers, 823-7529, portlandoregon.gov/parks. $25-$180.

Plane tickets to China are only $500. Did you know that? Anyway, here’s the next best thing.

Lan Su Garden, 239 NW Everett St., 228-8131, lansugarden.org. 10 am-5 pm. $7-$9.50, kids under 6 free.

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MAY 5-8

Spring Break Day Camps

Chinese New Year

A play about a cat who wants attention, but whose owners are preoccupied with a new baby. Ages 4 and up. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 228-9571, octc.org. $14-$28.

An anime twist on the classic tale. Instead of dwarves, there are “seven spirits,” and somehow sibling rivalry gets thrown in as a theme.

Northwest Children’s Theater, 1819 NW Everett St., 222-2190, nwcts.org. $17-$23.

MARCH 21-25

FEB. 8-22

Bad Kitty on Stage

Snow White

A live version of the best claymation movie of all time. And this one’s also a musical. Ages 4 and up. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 2289571, octc.org. $14-$28.

Talking animal puppets by Tears of Joy Puppet Theatre. ComedySportz Arena, 1963 NW Kearney St., 248-0557, tojt.org. 11 am Sat. and 3 pm Sun. $11.

FEB. 27-MARCH 27

APRIL 23-MAY 22

James and the Giant Peach

Three Billy Goats Gruff

An entire room full of huge creations that will fool kids into thinking “Lego builder” is a viable career. Oregon Convention Center, 777 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 235-7575, brickscascade.com. 10 am-4 pm. $9 per person, $30 family of four.

You get to tell your mother-in-law her grandkids are cultured now. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4335. orsymphony.org. 2 pm. $10-$40.

MAY 7-29

JAN. 30-JAN. 31

Bricks Cascade 2016

Oregon Symphony Kids Concert

Only the most culturally appropriate sombreros, plus churros and amusement park rides.

Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1020 SW Naito Parkway, cincodemayo.org. 11 am-11 pm. $4-$8, kids under 6 free.

Your favorite Disney movie staged to an original jazz score. There probably won’t be as many drug references in this one. Northwest Children’s Theater, 1819 NW Everett St., 2222190, nwcts.org. $17-$23.

FEB. 27-28

APRIL 17

sjune @ww eek.c om

Alice in Wonderland

Bill Nye will not be there, but real Portland scientists working on real research will. OMSI, 1945 SE Water Ave., 797-4000, omsi.edu. 1-4 pm. $9.75-$13.50.

Peter and the Wolf and Other Works

NASHCO

Youth Beginning Ballet Series

Rabbit Romp

APRIL 2-17

The Miraculous Journey of Edward Tulane

A play about the life and journey of a stuffed animal. Ages 7 and up. Winningstad Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 228-9571, octc.org. $14-$28.

APRIL 16-17 Petrouchka

Famous, award-winning puppet show about a clown who falls in love with a ballerina.

Presented by Tears of Joy Puppet Theatre.

ComedySportz Arena, 1963 NW Kearney St., 248-0557, tojt.org. 11 am and 2 pm Sat., 1 and 3 pm Sun. $11.

If your kids only saw the Jay Z rendition, this is a must. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 2411802, portland.broadway.com. $35-$90.

JUNE 4-5

St. Paul Youth Rodeo

Rural Oregon kids doing things you can’t, and no mechanical bulls allowed. St. Paul Rodeo, 20025 4th St. NE, St. Paul, 633-2011, nwyra. com. 10 am. Free.

JUNE 7

Final day of school for students in the Portland Public Schools

School’s out—not forever, but until August.

JUNE 8

Portland Rose Festival Junior Parade

The kids take to the streets and rule Portland for one day, or at least for one popular Fox 12 broadcast, in the country’s oldest and largest children’s parade. It also marks the first day of the carnival on the waterfront. Hollywood District, Northeast Sandy Boulevard and 52nd Avenue, 227-2681, rosefestival.org. 1 pm. Free.

Dragon Boat Races

Eighty four-member teams from all over the world race dragon boats down the Willamette. South end of Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 1400 SW Naito Parkway, 246-4055, pksca.net. 8 am-4 pm. Free.

JUNE 13

Projected opening date for the city of Portland’s seven outdoor pools

AUG. 31

Portland Public Schools school year begins

Free babysitting returns.

SEPT.-OCT. 31

I L L U S T R AT I O N S B Y M I C H E L L E L A G A S C A

JUNE 11-12

The Maize at the Pumpkin Patch

A five-acre maze you’ll be ready to get out of after walking its two and half miles. 16511 NW Gillihan Road, 621-7110, portlandmaze.com.

No splashing!

JUNE 18-JAN. 8

Space: An Out of Gravity Experience

OMSI’s space exhibit is more gravity and less science class as it explores space, who’s in it and what its future looks like. OMSI, 1945 SE Water Ave., 797-4000, omsi.edu. 9:30 am-5:30 pm Tues.-Sun. $9.75-$13.50.

JUNE 24-26

Festival of Balloons

An old-fashioned carnival with a beer garden and hot-air balloons.

The latter don’t mix well, but you can still watch. 19600 SW Cipole Road, Tigard, 612-8213, tigardballoon.org. 5:45 am-11 pm. $5-$7, kids under 6 free.

JULY

Start of Movies and Concerts in the Parks

Portland parks start filling with weekly free summer entertainment, namely Flicks on the Bricks (at Pioneer Place—see thesquarepdx. com), and movies and concerts in various parks (see portlandoregon.gov).

MID-JULY

Yoshida’s Sand in the City

One hundred forty tons of sand professionally crafted into sculptures in the middle of downtown, and you don’t have to clean up any of it.

Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave., sandinthecitypdx.org.

AUG. 5-7

Pickathon Music Festival

An indie-folk fest for adults, forested farm playground for kids and camping trip for the whole family.

Pendarvis Farm, 16581 SE Hagen Road, Happy Valley, pickathon.com.

Kids under 12 are free, adults cost a goddamn fortune.

AUG. 13

Alberta Street Fair

Children’s parade, hemp bracelets galore and music for the short.

1722 NE Alberta St., albertamainst. org. 11 am-6 pm. Free, suggested $2 donation.

AUG. 26-SEPT. 5 Oregon State Fair

Corn dogs, bumper cars, culinary contests and cow auctions, for a little bit of all of Oregon. Oregon State Fair & Exposition Center, 2330 17th St. NE, Salem, 9473247, oregonstatefair. org. $6-$8, kids under 6 free.

SEPT. 15

Children’s Rodeo

On day two of the Pendleton Round-Up kids wear small cowboy hats and rope fake bulls. 1205 SW Court Ave., Pendleton, 541-276-2553, pendletonroundup.com. 10:30-11:30 am. Free.

OCT. 7-9, 14-16

Apple Harvest Tasting

Each year, the kids’ tent has pumpkin painting, face paint and a cider press, while adults get apples and bands.

Portland Nursery, 5050 SE Stark St., 231-5050, portlandnursery.com. 10 am-5 pm. Free.

I’m Not Your Granny, Bitch SUSAN RICE DOESN’T HAVE KIDS, BUT SHE KNOWS HOW YOU CAN BE A BETTER PARENT.

RIGHT BEFORE HALLOWEEN Squishing of the Squash

Watch kids watch elephants demolish pumpkins. Oregon Zoo, 4001 SW Canyon Road, 226-1561. 10:30 am. Free with zoo admission (free$11.50).

NOV. 25

Tree Lighting Ceremony

Lights! On a 75-foot-tree! For even more fun, watch Portland rebuild the tree out of amputated parts in the two weeks beforehand. Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave., 223-1613, thesquarepdx.org.

Free.

LATE NOVEMBEREARLY JANUARY Zoo Lights

Each year, the Oregon Zoo celebrates Christmas by confusing its animal captives’ natural sense of time with 1.6 million flashing lights, well past sunset. Oregon Zoo, 4001 SW Canyon Road, 226-1561, oregonzoo.org.

MID-DECEMBER The Nutcracker

Portland has one of the few ballet companies with rights to produce George Balanchine’s version of The Nutcracker. And so it does every year. Oregon Ballet Theatre, 2225538, obt.org.

MID-DECEMBER-DEC. 31 Peacock Lane

A bunch of houses off Southeast Stark Street with lights all over them welcome looky-loos from everywhere until New Year’s Eve. Southeast Peacock Lane, one block east of César E. Chávez Boulevard between Stark and Belmont streets, peacocklane.org. Free.

BY SU SA N R ICE

@laughlady1

I’m a standup comedian, and due to my work schedule, I let the baby clock run out. Still, as a member of society who deals with children frequently, I was asked to share my perspective on parenting.

Let me begin by saying that I love children. I’ve been a child and stayed one for as long as possible.

I admire mothers and fathers and see how hard they try. Feel free to challenge this point of view and remember, this comes from my perspective as someone who gets a full night’s sleep and has no student loans to pay off.

That said, here are seven ways you can be a better parent.

1 Please, please, please get off your phone!

Please! I’m one of those people who will not interfere, but if I see an errant child with no available parent, I will hang out and watch for you. If I see you’re on your phone at the grocery store and not paying attention to your child who is pulling the flowers out of the water, be prepared for a lecture.

Let me tell you a story about one such lecture, delivered in the line at Safeway.

Little girl: Mom. Mom? Mom, look. (Points to a magazine with a Frozen character on it.) Mommy?

Look! (Tugs at her mother’s coat.)

Mother, on phone: I know she told him to leave, but you know he was drunk and all.

Little girl: Mommy, look at this!

Mother, into phone: Just a sec. (Turns to her child.) What? Stop, I’m on the phone!

Me: No, you’re in line with your daughter and four other people who don’t care about your chat on the phone but are directly affected by your lack of attention to this young child. Get off the phone, pay attention to your child and stop giving me a reason to loathe your generation.

Applause from the rest of the line.

2 Don’t ask your kid what they want at the grocery store if you aren’t going to get it for them.

Cereal aisles seem to be the vortex of decent parenting. Why ask a child their opinion when you

know they will choose stuff you don’t want to buy?

Hmmm, let’s see… Do you want the box with all the colorful animals and prizes, or the one with a picture, or a bowl of cardboard? STOP asking! Also, if you’re vegan, great, but I don’t need a lecture from a 4-year-old who mimics your judgmental rants. I like gluten, kid, let it go!

3 Don’t give me the stink eye when I try to divert your toddler from having an all-out meltdown by making a silly face.

Think of me as a human emoji. If I can stop that baby from melting down, I will.

4 Please speak correctly to your kids.

Do not leave your child’s grammar imprint solely on the shoulders of overburdened teachers. They mimic what they hear. Pay attention!

5 Keep your dirty little secrets to yourself.

Your 10-year-olds don’t need to know how much pot you smoked at 13. This is not a “life lesson” at this age. Let them unfold your shortcomings like the rest of us did, through keen observation and by listening to loser friends exaggerate teenage adventures.

6 Don’t assume that because I have gray hair your kids can call me “Granny.”

I’m nobody’s granny. I have neighbors who said after meeting me that it’s great to have a grandma in the neighborhood to babysit. Really, bitch? I went topless at a Doors concert. I’ll watch your kids as long as they can wipe their own bottoms and like bingewatching Orange Is the New Black.

7 Be funny!

Please teach your kids to have a sense of humor. Let them see you laugh at yourself. Their life will be much faster and harder than yours. A little self-doubt is healthy. Without self-effacing humor, their level of anxiety will be so high it will only cost you in the end.

Teach them irony—sarcasm comes naturally.

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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BITE-SIZED PORTLAND CULTURE NEWS.

IN THE MOOD FOR WONTONS: Sellwood will soon have a seasonal Hong Kong wonton noodle soup shop from Either/Or cafe owner Ro Tam and her brother, Slants bassist Simon Tam. The shop will be modeled after director Wong Kar-wai’s famously stylish film In the Mood for Love and will open on the Lunar New Year, Feb. 8, with a $5-to-$7 small menu of wonton noodle soups with fillings such as shrimp and pork belly. The idea for the shop came from the Tams’ family history: Their father, Sai Tam, had made “thousands” of wontons in Hong Kong while awaiting his U.S. visa.

TO BE OR NOT TO BE: Portland Shakespeare Project is scaling back, ending all fully staged productions before what would have been its sixth season. “We will not be offering a season as we have in the past” the company’s email to supporters announced. “We have responsibilities at other theaters and in our personal lives, so this is our opportunity to refresh and reimagine,” artistic director Michael Mendelson tells WW. “This is only for 2016.” PSP will continue hosting workshops, one staged reading and a celebration honoring the 400th anniversary of Shakespeare’s death.

STAR OF THE ROADSHOW: Quentin Tarantino surprised audiences at the Hollywood Theatre on Dec. 29, when he showed up halfway through the 6 pm show and watched the 70 mm roadshow version of The Hateful Eight from the back of the theater. Tarantino stayed to answer questions and TARANTINO introduce the sold-out 10:30 pm show to a standing ovation. Hollywood programmer Dan Halsted, one of the only people who knew of the director’s appearance in advance, said on Facebook that the applause for Tarantino “was the loudest audience reaction I’ve ever heard.”

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Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

T W I T T E R / H O L LY W O O D T H E A T R E

HOTTER DOGS: The bespoke wiener boom won’t end with Hop Dog, Olympia Provisions’ hot-dog shop and the ever-delayed Stray Dogs brick-and-mortar. Bob Parsons— former managing director of the upscale University Club of Portland, Benson Hotel and Jake’s Famous Crawfish— will partner with marketer Spike Friedman to open Spike’s Hot Dogs at Southwest 9th Avenue and Alder Street. They’ll serve 10 different custom quarter-pound sausages made by Pendleton’s Hill Meat Co., ranging from German-style to breakfast sausages. “We give you the dog naked, beer-boiled on a freshly steamed hoagie,” Parsons tells WW. “You turn around and we have a [condiment] island with over 60 items. The fun thing for us is, we can’t make a mistake for you.” Along with beer and wine, Spike’s will also have a Coca-Cola Freestyle machine that lets you blend sodas.

HEADOUT

WILLAMETTE WEEK

GO GO OMSI After Dark’s Bourbon & Bacon Fest is Saturday, Jan. 9. 7 pm.

It’s sold out, duh.

WHAT TO DO THIS WEEK IN ARTS & CULTURE

WEDNESDAY JAN. 6 Patti Smith [PUNK POET] Listen, Patti Smith is playing Horses—one of the greatest albums ever recorded—in its entirety, and you’re sitting on your ass wasting time instead of selling your own mother in order to buy tickets to this goddamn event of the year. What the hell is wrong with you? Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 248-4255. 8 pm. $39.50-$52.50. All ages.

Curb Your Enthusiasm

THURSDAY JAN. 7 Cadence Festival of the Unknown [JAZZ TALES] Except for the tune that became “Lady Sings the Blues,” Herbie Nichols never achieved the fame of fellow innovative jazz pianist Thelonious Monk. This performance by David Haney mixes music and narration, recounting a tale about Nichols taking a gig on a Turkish cruise ship that went comically awry.

Classic Pianos, 3003 SE Milwaukie Ave., 239-9969. 8 pm. $10. All ages.

THINGS WE NEED TO STOP OVERHYPING IN 2016.

BY M AT T H E W S I N GE R

msinger@

wweek.com

All right, Portland, this is it.

It’s a new year, which means it’s time to give up old habits— namely, ruining objectively good things with exaggerated enthusiasm. Enjoy your Bourbon & Bacon Fest this week, but after that, we are declaring a moratorium on hype for both bourbon and bacon, along with a few other things that start with the letter B.

Preserving the Japanese Way Dinner Beyoncé

Bill Murray

Bacon

Oh, really, you love a delicious pork product? So does the rest of the carnivorous world. Stop faking an orgasm whenever you catch a whiff of it.

What You Should Start Overhyping Instead: Pastrami.

Bourbon

Yes, we do catch that faint hint of caramel in that Pappy you just bought for the price of a moped. Congratulations on discovering that there’s more than one kind of the drink that’s done more to keep down the South than Duck Dynasty.

What You Should Start Hyping Instead: Gin-infused alcoholics.

We get it, he’s the charmingly lechy uncle you never had. But the beatification of St. Murray is based almost entirely in myth: that he goes state to state crashing college parties; that he’s legally allowed to commit heists on behalf of Wu-Tang Clan. In reality, the guy’s spent most of the last decade making movies no one actually wants to see while angling desperately for an Oscar.

Who You Should Start Overhyping Instead: Woody Harrelson.

Beards

Sorry, facial hair is not an identity, and I say that as someone who dyed his goatee red in high school.

What You Should Start Overhyping Instead: Unibrows.

Yes, she is supremely talented, in ways that she often doesn’t get enough credit for. And I’m with Kanye in believing she deserved that Grammy over the Scientologist scarecrow. But when even Saturday Night Live is perceptive enough to spoof your draconian fan worship, maybe it’s time to draw back a bit. And now, I await the Beystapo to haul me off to the sparkle mines.

Who You Should Start Overhyping Instead: Ciara.

The Big Lebowski

I know what you’re going to say: “That’s just, like, your opinion, man.” Yes, we’ve all seen it, we know all the quotes. You are very smart for getting the jokes about nihilists and Shabbos. Now stop coming to the theater in a robe, please.

What You Should Start Overhyping Instead: Pineapple Express.

Birthday Suits

Look, I’m all for public nudity— don’t make me prove it—but if the point of things like the Naked Bike Ride is to normalize the sight of the unadorned human body, shouldn’t we be past the point of making a big spectacle of it?

What You Should Start Overhyping Instead: Casually going bottomless at 7-Eleven.

Lincoln’s Jenn Louis will team with Preserving the Japanese Way author Nancy Singleton Hachisu for a $25 three-course dinner with salty, fermenty and otherwise preserved bits from Hachisu’s cookbook, including sake ice cream, noodles with meat sauce, and miso-plumpickled turnips. Lincoln, 3808 N Williams Ave., 288-6200, lincolnpdx.com. 6:30 pm. $25.

Reservations recommended.

FRIDAY JAN. 8 Remarkable Oregon Women Jennifer Chambers explores some of the most amazing stories of women standing up and standing out in the state— including Laura Stockton Starcher, who outpolled her husband to become mayor of Umatilla in 1916. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

SATURDAY JAN. 9 The Liberators’ 10th Birthday [IMPROV] One of Portland’s most established, and best, improv troupes is celebrating its 10th birthday and its new home. The quartet of veteran comics is back together for the first time since August. The Siren Theater, 315 NW Davis St., theliberators.net. 8 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of event.

TUESDAY JAN. 12 The Book of Mormon [HALLELUJAH CHORUS] Jon Stewart said it’s “so good it makes me angry.” If you haven’t heard the word, this everything-busting musical from the creators of South Park is the pinnacle of our generation’s theater. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 800-273-1530. 7:30 pm. $40$154.

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

FOOD & DRINK ROUNDUP

Highly recommended.

By MATTHEW KorFHAgE. Editor: MArTIN CIZMAr. Email: dish@wweek.com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 6

of the booths offer an unobstructed view of the kitchen, right back to the sink, which doesn’t really work at this style of restaurant.

Bebidas: The beer is bottled and was slow to arrive. Our entrees actually made it out before the margarita, which is far from ideal.

Comida: Our chips were hard and not especially fresh, served with a very sweet, cilantroheavy salsa. On the plus side, it came in a bowl large enough for Wheaties. The enchiladas were unremarkable, but the chile Colorado was very well-spiced, with far more heat than you’ll find elsewhere, and served on a large round platter with a generous ladle of spicy gravy.

P H oTo S B Y W W S TA F F

= WW Pick.

Breakside Salted Caramel Stout Release

Breakside will take over N.W.I.P.A.’s taps for a release party celebrating its Salt & Straw collaboration beer, Salted Caramel Stout. They hint but does not promise ice cream to match. N.W.I.P.A., 6350 SE Foster Road, 805-7342. 6 pm.

THURSDAY, JAN. 7 Preserving the Japanese Way Dinner

Lincoln’s Jenn Louis will team with Preserving the Japanese Way author Nancy Singleton Hachisu—a Californianative chef who’s lived in a rural Japanese farmhouse for decades—for a threecourse dinner with salty, fermenty and otherwise preserved bits from Hachisu’s cookbook, including sake ice cream, noodles with meat sauce, and misoplum-pickled turnips. Lincoln, 3808 N Williams Ave., 288-6200, lincolnpdx.com.

6:30 pm. $25, with optional drink pairing.

Reservations recommended.

SATURDAY, JAN. 9 Fantastic Feasts and Where to Find Them: Your First Night at Hogwarts

The founder of the PDX Harry Potter Alliance will host a catered feast for adult Harry Potter fans. who also get a wand and a box of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans, amid myriad activities and entertainemnt. Benefits SnowCap Community Charities. Tickets at holdmyticket.com.

Analog Cafe & Theater, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 971-258-2945. 4 pm. $30-$60.

La Isla Bonita

Fuente Fuerte: tigard has a great family Mexican spot.

Marg Madness: The Final Four

YOUR OTHER FAVORITE MEXICAN RESTAURANT, REVIEWED.

By M arTi N C i z Mar

1. Matt’s BBQ

4709 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. god damn. This is terrific barbecue.

The brisket is beautifully fatty and flavorful as hell, with bark that’s peppery heaven, while the dry-rub ribs are so pure in their smoke you’d know the name of the tree whose wood cooked them from just a single bite. rodney Muirhead, look the fuck out. $$.

2. Straits Kitchen

1112 SE Tacoma St., 971-325-7323, straitskitchenpdx.com.

Baba-Nyonya—otherwise known as Straits Chinese—is a marriage of Chinese and Malaysian cultures whose cuisine is spicy, pickled and like nothing else in town. Straits, at the new Piknik Park pod in Sellwood, is to our knowledge to first Portland spot to serve it, including some great laksa lemak curry and flavorful fried-chicken bites. $.

3. Tastebud

7783 SW Capitol Highway, 234-0330, tastebudpdx.com.

It’s been a long time since Portlanders could get Tastebud’s pies outside of a farmers market. Well, the new place in Multnomah Village is far better than the original in Brooklyn—a warm, inviting room with wonderful pizza. $$.

4. Nakhon

3354 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 971-279-5395.

PaaDee’s Earl Ninsom will open his own Hat Yai chicken spot on Killingsworth this year, but his brother is quietly already serving up the southern Thai fried chicken at Nakhon in the former Hawthorne Street Cafe, alongside dishes of absolutely searing spice. $$.

5. Teo Bun Bo Hue

8220 SE Harrison St., No. 230, 208-3532.

The bun bo Hue soup here rivals or bests the namesake soup at the Southeast 82nd Avenue Bun bo Hue restaurant farther south. That said, the pure taste of the chicken pho may be the standout. $.

mcizmar@wweek.com

In November, I reviewed an unimpressive new Mexican joint on Southeast Gladstone Street.

In that review, I bemoaned the lack of really good sit-down family Mexican places, those decidedly outmoded eateries with comfy booths, free chips and frozen margaritas in oversized glassware. After the review ran, I got lots of suggestions from readers who thought I might like their favorite spot.

So I went to seven restaurants recommended by readers—La Carreta on Southeast McLoughlin Boulevard came out on top.

Then I got more suggestions. So many more.

I couldn’t go everywhere suggested this time— we could dedicate 2016 to reviewing only restaurants that serve refried beans and still not make it everywhere—but I did scout four more promising spots. And I found a new favorite.

Casa Colima

6319 SW Capitol Highway, 892-9944, casacolima.com.

Atmosphere: After my first round of Marg Madness, Casa Colima was the spot we got the most complaints about skipping. It’s a massive tile-roofed hacienda that sits snuggly against Capitol Highway in Hillsdale. Outside, there’s a giant statue of a cow sitting on a park bench, Inside, it’s busy with young families and large groups. Many birthdays were celebrated on our visit, including one for an elderly man in a red suit jacket who stood to hug each and everyone as they arrived.

Bebidas: The Negra Modelo comes in a tall, skinny frosted mug. The frozen strawberry margarita was robust—surprisingly strong and garnished with a slice of orange.

Comida: The chips taste like pico spiked

with hot sauce, and the enchiladas were pale, with the doughiness of raw masa. But the chile Colorado was excellent—really rich and stewy, with just a touch of heat. The flan was also the best I’ve had on this whole crazy adventure, extra creamy and drizzled with a smoke-tinged caramel sauce.

Mexico Lindo

(east of i-205) 316 SE 123rd Ave., Vancouver, 360-433-2296, lindomexicovancouver.com.

Atmosphere: There are two Lindos in Vancouver, but tipster Nick Zukin, who owns Portland taqueria Mi Mero Mole, strongly prefers the one east of the 205. It’s buried in the elbow of a massive strip mall and was decorated by a restrained hand. The walls are painted in muted earth tones and mostly mural-free, though the cash register does sit in a little booth with a steel roof over it. Some

Casa CoLIMa

302 NE 122nd Ave., 252-3460, laislabonitapdx.com.

Atmosphere: Conveniently located in the heart of East Portland’s Tonkin District, this warm little spot has low ceilings and is awash in tile and brick, including custom tiles inlaid in the center of each table.

Bebidas: The “famous jumbo” margaritas might actually be small by today’s standards— the glassware is closer to a martini than the fishbowls you find most places. A selection of four spiked hot coffee drinks is welcome this time of year—I enjoyed my coffee with Tia Maria, which is coffee-infused rum.

Comida: You can see why some people would fall for the place. The chips come with both a little carafe of salsa and refried beans. The enchiladas are slathered in cheese but very light on sauce. The chile Colorado was mild and oniony, slow-simmered until the chunks broke down into an extra-meaty sauce.

La Fuente

NEW FAVORITE!!!

12198 SW Main St., Tigard, 639-3653, lafuentetigard.com.

Atmosphere: You have to drive all the way to Tigard—at which point you might as well continue on to Woodburn, the state’s biggest concentration of Mexican spots—but La Fuente is my new favorite family Mexican spot in the metro area. Actually, it’s sort of cheating— though it meets all the basic requirements by way of free chips and frozen margs, La Fuente feels more like a taqueria, with squirt-bottle salsa, glass bottles of Coke and TVs showing soccer. It’s bright and light on decoration and caters to a largely Latino crowd.

Bebidas: La Fuente isn’t going for the frozen-marg market—the selection of spirits tilts toward the top shelf, including Don Julio Silver, Chivas Regal, Courvoisier and Glenlivet 12. It does make frozen strawberry margs, though, and the tap list included the best, freshest, coldest pint of Sierra Nevada Celebration I had this season.

Comida: The menu includes a lot of touches you don’t find at Tex Mex-y places, including barbecued lamb and chile Colorado made with meat from spare ribs. It even spells tamale “tamal,” using the proper singular form. As one expects at taqueria-style spots, the chips and pico are an afterthought, but the enchiladas and a plate of smoky, crispy-edged carnitas were both excellent. Even the rice and beans had better texture than other spots, with a light sprinkle of salty Cotija adding a nice touch to the latter. Then again, Cotija is almost a betrayal of the form.

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

MUSIC FEATURE PHOTOS COURTESY OF THE ARTISTS

New Year, Who Dis? PORTLAND ARTISTS TO KEEP AN EYE ON IN 2016.

AMANI

In 2016, I’ll be excited to hear what comes out of Amani, a soulful R&B/hip-hop orgasm featuring Dan Talmadge, Noah Bernstein and Yafe Aros.

Hopefully, this improvisational, ever-changing liveperformance project will find its way into the studio to bless us all with recordings in 2016.

—Brandon Nikola, former Habesha booker and drummer in Ice Queens

THEORY HAZIT

JAMAIS JAMAIS

A dark chamber-pop quartet featuring four accomplished female musicians. The group explores the liminality between gothic classical and adult contemporary, and there is no other band in town quite like them.

—Nathan Carson, WW contributor

LAURA PALMER’S DEATH PARADE

Laura Palmer’s Death Parade is led by singersongwriter Laura Hopkins. Her musical inspirations span from Patsy Cline to Black Sabbath, and the songs have a dark edge to them, with brutally honest lyrics, yet Laura’s live performance holds a kind of mesmerizing beauty.

—Todd Walberg, Portland music photographer

Theory Hazit’s name may be familiar to you, but he’s also stayed fairly underground during his time as part of the Portland scene. That’s about to change, though. He released the album Fall of the Light Bearer early in 2015, a project that answers questions about changes in his label and personal life with cutting lyricism over dope production. Later in 2015, he produced tracks for veteran emcees Kokane and Redman.

—DJ Klyph

TRE REDEAU

Tre Redeau’s Kool-Aid Stand put him on the map as one of the city’s most on-point new rappers. With stellar production, a tight and playful flow and an arsenal of accompanying music videos, Tre and the rest of his Soar Losers crew should be on everyone’s radar in 2016.

—Travis Leipzig, writer and musician

BLOSSOM

Blossom has spent the last two years as Portland’s R&B goddess, racking up not only a few eclectic EPs but also features on dozens of tracks with Portland’s best hip-hop artists, from Tope to Myke Bogan. She’s at ease onstage and instantly lovable. I’m looking forward to her new releases with EYRST. —Grant Stolle, aka Verbz, co-host of the Crate Diggers podcast

TYUS

EASTGHOST

He’s been releasing with a local label called STYLSS but recently did a single with Wedidit, the label run

by Shlohmo and RL Grime. I’ve heard there might be a full release on the way. He’s got a tad of Internet cred but for Portland as a whole still pretty unknown.

I only first heard his name within the last year.

—Keith LeWinter, Abstract Earth Project

LITTLE STAR

There’s something really fresh yet nostalgic about them. It feels like being teleported to an eccentric tiny dive bar in early-’90s Olympia and making new friends by joining the few who braved the weather to make the show.

—Chris Bigalke, Showdeer

FOG FATHER

Know that at any given time there are five to 10 bands that I will call my favorite in the world. That said, Fog Father is my favorite band in the world. Bryson Hansen’s voice is a uniquely arresting instrument, and his songwriting is rooted in the pop sensibilities of Roy Orbison and Phil Spector, but colored with the outsider ambitions of Gary Wilson and the almost maniacal intentionality of the best Prince recordings.

—Ben Hubbird, host of Forever Now on XRAY.fm and co-founder of Party Damage Records

NEILL VON TALLY

With bigger names joining him on projects for 2016, the incredible hip-hop and R&B production of Von Tally that has hints of psych rock, jazz and spaced-out funk will finally reach a larger audience in Portland, which is exactly what he deserves.

—Leigh Feldman, promoter

When it comes to who could succeed on a national level, I think TYuS is definitely at the forefront of his class in Portland. It’s good to see more current R&B finally have some representation within the city.

—Kenny Fresh, Fresh Selects

WAVE FUZZ

If you caught the Club Tropicana parties hosted by the Bed of Roses collective these past few years, you were instantly transported to a Viso-sponsored, tiki-fused, late-night Balearic bacchanal starring some of Canada, Australia and Japan’s most esteemed DJ-producers.

With local live hardware acts highlighted as warmup to these marquee out-of-towners, this year saw the ascendance of local house producer Wave Fuzz, whose upbeat, grooving dance tracks and seamless sets consistently left crowds thirsty for more.

—Wyatt Schaffner, WW contributor Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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MUSIC = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines.

Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@ wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

album made out of singles and cuts, eventually meant to be heard during the slow-motion part of a trailer for a PG-13 action movie. Expect to hear a lot more from Gerald Gillum in the future. WALKER MACMURDO. Veterans Memorial Coliseum, 300 N Winning Way, 797-9619. 7:30 pm. $32.50-$114.50. All ages.

THURSDAY, JAN. 7 KPSU presents U SCO, Dowager, Squalor, She

[MATHCORE] There comes a time in emo kids’ lives when they’re not kids anymore, when the punkbased genre’s maudlin vocals and studded white belts are left behind for more cerebral pursuits. For Phil Cleary, U Sco’s drummer, instrumen-

tal math rock was a natural progression. Cleary, along with bassist Jon Scheid, conquered the nation’s DIY circuit in Duck, Little Brother, Duck, a local math-rock outfit signed to the Massachusetts powerhouse emo label Top Shelf Records. Now that DLBD is dormant, Scheid and Cleary have poured their keen sense of screeching, off-kilter catharsis into U SCO, the project they started in 2011 with guitarist and free-jazz aficionado Ryan Miller. The resulting effort is the forthcoming Treffpunkt, a driving, visceral blast of angular post-rock shot straight out of the early-’90s San Diego hardcore scene that scorched the earth with acts like Drive Like Jehu. PETE COTTELL. Smith Memorial Student Union at Portland State University, 1825 SW Broadway. 6 pm.

Free for students, $5 for non-students.

All ages.

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 6

CONT. on page 30

Patti Smith

COURTESY OF EMI

[HORSES] Listen, Patti Smith is playing Horses in its entirety, and you’re sitting on your ass wasting time instead of selling your own mother to buy tickets to the goddamn event of the year.

Horses stands as one of the greatest records ever recorded. This isn’t my usual hyperbolic bullshit. I’m serious. She’s even got Lenny Kaye and Jay Dee Daugherty with her, and if you aren’t throwing down this paper or clicking out of this fucking Netscape Navigator tab in order to purchase tickets to this shit, I don’t know what business you have reading about upcoming concerts in the first place. BRACE BELDEN. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 800-273-1530. 8 pm. $39.50-$52.50. All ages.

Shiba San, Louis the Child, Gabe Driscoll

Hustle and Drone, Michael Finn, Gold Casio

[SYNTH-POP] On Holyland, Hustle and Drone employs maximalist production to deliver a dynamic, bombastic rock record that’s more “now” than any drums-and-guitar rock record in recent memory. It certainly exists in the realm of the robotic: Beyond woolly basslines and piles of vocal tracks, machines rule this record from start to finish.

It’s the heavy heart with which frontman Ryan Neighbors (formerly of Portugal the Man) conveys universal feelings of existential dread (“Bhikshu”), spirituality (“The Glow”) and desperation (“I Just Need Some Money”) that makes Holyland more of an organic, cathartic experience than the trunk-rattling 808s and digitized clipping may imply on first listen. PETE COTTELL. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $5. 21+.

G-Eazy, ASAP Ferg, Marc E. Bassy, Nef the Pharaoh

[BIG-MONEY MUSIC] Unlike most white rappers, G-Eazy raps like he has listened to a rap record released in the last three years. This is a nice change of pace from the usual rappity-rap throwbacks, and G-Eazy’s cadence and lyrics—similar to that of Drake, with a nod toward his roots in the Bay Area—are certainly tailored with an eye on contemporary trends. Last year’s When It’s Dark Out sounds like an

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Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

5

TOP

[PARISIAN BEAT] With a background in hip-hop, the French producer known as Shiba San is one of dance music’s hottest known quantities, globetrotting off a classic house sound. After scoring the “it” single of the past year, titled “Okay,” the producer shot out of relative obscurity to score the No. 1 spot on the Beatport listings. Held up by the the San Francisco label Dirtybird, Shiba San’s Euphoria debut should roust the dancefloor in shaking off the New Year’s Eve hangover. Keep an eye out for his remix of Tiga’s “Don’t Break My Heart,” with 808 clicks and skittering samples of the breathy original. WYATT SCHAFFNER. Euphoria, 315 SE 3rd Ave. 10 pm. $15. 21+.

THE DANCE MOVES REFERENCED IN SILENTÓ’S “WATCH ME (WHIP/ NAE NAE),” RANKED

The Stanky Leg

It sounds a little gross, but so do all the best dance moves.

See: the Boiled-Cabbage Patch, the Razor Bump and the Charleston Teabag.

2

The Superman

3

(tie) The Bop/The Duff

4

The Break Your Legs

5

(tie) Whip/Nae Nae

The greatest gift Soulja Boy ever gave mankind.

Who knew Monty Python’s “Ministry of Silly Walks” had such an influence on street culture?

Looking like a cartoon character that really needs to pee is what’s hot in the clubs now, apparently.

Any move that can be easily replicated by Hillary Clinton, Bindi Irwin, the cast of the Full House reboot and J.J. Watt is destined to plague wedding receptions, bar mitzvahs and Target ads for generations. Thanks a lot, Silentó.

MATTHEW SINGER. SEE IT: Silentó plays Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., with Get It Squad and Romeo and Chloe, on Friday, Jan. 8. 8 pm. $22 general admission, $75 VIP. All ages.

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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MUSIC [URBAN TRIBE] In the era of Soundcloud singles, its common for marquee rap stars to crib beats without giving any credit to the young producers who pitch entire instrumental mixtapes to their idols. But when a track by Portland-via-Houston producer Snugsworth magically reappeared as A$AP Ferg’s 2014 break out hit “Shabba,” the salt was real. What started as slowed-and-throwed samples with a Tumblr aesthetic has since leaned toward a trapinflected prescription, starkly minimal with icy melodies. Throw in underground collective God Fears Aliens into the mix, and this show has all the makings of a basement rave, swapping out the 40s for microbrews. WYATT SCHAFFNER. The Waypost, 3120 N Williams Ave., 367-3182. 8 pm.

Donations encouraged. 21+.

FRIDAY, JAN. 8 Matt Costa, Tobias the Owl

[INDIE FOLK] It’d be great to tell you not to judge Matt Costa by his bio, that just because he’s a laidback SoCal bro signed to Jack Johnson’s label doesn’t mean he plays catatonically chill campfire jams. But then the first sound on his 2015 Neon Brain EP is lightly flanged guitar, over which he sings about “searching for an easy feeling,” and well, a lot of your suspicions are confirmed. Alas, while the energy rarely rises above lazy beach-day level, Costa does have a bit more of a cosmic psychedelic streak than a lot of his peers, so it’s at least marginally more interesting.

MATTHEW SINGER. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 7196055. 8 pm. $17 advance, $20 day of show. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Foreverland (Michael Jackson tribute), Dr. Spaceman (David Bowie tribute)

[MOCK WITH YOU] Michael Jackson may be the most imitated pop star in history, but rarely has his legacy been attempted by a small army of trained musicians at peak form. Tastefully lacking the bejeweled glove and hair product, Foreverland focuses its efforts on vibrant, textured renditions of MJ’s best-loved jams without any ironic, tongue-in-cheek parody. It’s more likely to make you remember why the whole world was willing to just about ignore Captain EO’s sordid personal life. CRIS LANKENAU. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $12. 21+.

Eyelids, Wow & Flutter, Hickory Justice

[PUREBRED INDIE-POP] The members of Eyelids have never played coy about what they are: Five rock-’n’-roll lifers paying homage to their record collections.

In case you missed it on 854, its 2014 full-length, the group spells it out on last year’s self-titled EP, pairing two originals with two covers and bringing in Peter Buck to produce. But there’s more than just pretty guitars and wounded melodies in Eyelids’ DNA. While the midsection of the EP is an extension of 854’s gentle sadness, the band lets its rougher edges show on the energetic bum-out “Bound To Let You Down” and the concluding “Halloween,” a fiveminute firewall of white-heat fuzz originally by psychedelic stalwart the Dream Syndicate. Tonight, Eyelids starts its year by previewing new material, alongside Hickory Justice, a new band from regional cult hero Herman Jolly.

MATTHEW SINGER. The Secret Society, 116 NE Russell St., 4933600. 9 pm. $8. 21+.

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Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

INTRODUCING A N T H O N Y TAY L O R P H O T O G R A P H Y

Snugsworth, LtheBlackPrince, Roc12, Jonte, WOKR

DATES HERE

Gang$ign$ WHO: Nick Sisouphanh (DJ/producer).

SOUNDS LIKE: Instrumental tracks from an unreleased

Gucci Mane-Young Thug split mixtape remixed for a Jersey Club dance-off.

FOR FANS OF: Sonny Digital, DJ Sliink, iLoveMakonnen.

If you want to see how club culture in Portland has evolved, look no further than Verified. Once a scene defined by the dready massacre of Groove Suite and the lurid bro-scape of the Crown Room, the 2-year-old monthly event has created an all-encompassing party, drawing a diverse roster to rave out for a stacked crowd.

It’s also a prime example of how local producers are utilizing tools through software and online social media to spread their brand and sphere of influence—something co-founder Nick Sisouphanh knows a bit about.

“Soundcloud really popped off for me,” says the DJ and producer, who records as Gangsigns. Sisouphanh began playing jazz in grade school, then joined punk and hardcore bands before he started making beats for friends to rap over in high school. Like many, the discovery of Souncloud was a turning point, opening a portal of highenergy electronic and trap-influenced tracks produced worldwide.

“Bigger producers and DJs were supporting me,” he says, “and all of a sudden, people wanted to book me to play live.”

Linking up with Cory Haynes, founder of STYLSS, an Oregonbased online powerhouse for electronic music, was also key to pushing this new direction of musical entrepreneurship, allowing Sisouphanh to tour the West Coast twice. Gangsigns’ music is a stacked procession of lite-trap-influenced production with jazzy chords and ephemeral breaks, with R&B samples to soften the mood.

On Gangsigns’ latest EP, Defining Moments, glossy synths are more prominent than jarring drops, with lifting melodies blending with a variety of percussion and breaks ranging from Jersey Club to juke.

“I spend a lot of time listening to music to gather ideas and direction, then spend time sketching ideas for almost an hour each day, until I sit down and bust out a track in one day or night,” Sisouphanh says. “A wide range of musical influences lets me see the bigger picture and be more creative. I will literally listen to anything, so long as it’s good.”

In 2014, Sisouphanh, along with Haynes, launched Verified at Holocene as a reflection of his eclectic taste. In the two years since, the event has become a home for trap mash-ups, niche club tracks and EDM bass music, bringing in a stream of local DJs and world-renowned production talent. In addition to Rinse.fm banner-waving Brits and Diplo acolytes, the likes of Uniique and Mike Q have passed through, profiling the founders’ open ear toward queer scenes like bounce and ballroom, where dancing is a more performative gesture than just flexing. Verified goes for that middle ground, enabling clubgoers of all stripes to find freedom in the masses at mostly sold-out shows.

“PDX club culture, from my experience, has always been based off one genre,” Sisouphanh says. “I wanted Verified to be a place where we can easily transition people into new music and genres… and now our crowd is literally people I would see at raves or a Top 40 hip-hop night.” WYATT SCHAFFNER. SEE IT: Verified’s second anniversary is at Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., with Falcons, Promnite, Gangsigns, Quarry and Photon, on Saturday, Jan. 9. 9 pm. $13 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

BOBBY BRUDERLE

DATES HERE

G-Eazy plays Veterans Memorial Coliseum on Wednesday, Jan. 6.

SATURDAY, JAN. 9 Martha Davis and the Motels, Neon Culpa

[TOTAL CONTROL] Martha Davis lives outside of Portland in a compound I imagine being guarded by muscular, shirtless young men. Her band, the Motels, rode high on the crest of the New Wave, blowing up with their hits “Total Control” and “Only the Lonely.” They were also my mother’s favorite band.

Davis is a rare bird in that, despite her years of alcohol abuse and sucking down thousands of cigarettes, she still sounds killer, and if you miss it you’re a moron who should chop off their own ears.

BRACE BELDEN. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 234-9694.

8 pm. $25. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

Adventure Galley, Fringe Class

[DANCE BAND] In a dance world dominated by producers and synth duos, Adventure Galley is an actual band. It’s still got all the necessities for a dancy sound: pounding bass drums and tsking hi-hats, hand claps and a big, full sound, with the addition of some pouty ’80s vocals. The Portland band’s debut, Anywhere That’s Wild, came out in 2013, so it’s about due for some new material. SHANNON GORMLEY. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave, 328-2865.

9:30 pm. $7. 21+.

The Hugs, the Lovely Lost, Norman

[GARAGE POP] Sooner or later, there will come a time when the Hugs will be seen as a motley crew of young adults rather than kids, and on the basis of the band’s fourth album, Feelings of Life, this might be that time. It’s polished and more anthemic than anything they’ve ever done, a solid psych-pop gem awash with detuned chords and jangly choruses that explore past lives and the vastness of space like a secret lovechild of Rivers Cuomo and the Libertines’ Carl Barât. Thankfully, mastermind Danny Delegato knows how to keep the bubblegum in check, even when he drops the distortion for some tender fingerpicking. BRANDON WIDDER. The Liquor Store, 3341 SE Belmont St. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

Peace for Paris Festival

[BENEFIT CONCERT] Nov. 15, 2015, is a date forever etched in infamy throughout the world, especially among musicians and concertgoers. The terrorist attacks in Paris, particularly at

the Eagles of Death Metal show at Le Bataclan, shook the souls of everyone who seeks community through art. In supporting that sense of community, Portlandvia-Paris singer-songwriter Eric John Kaiser presents Peace for Paris PDX, a mini-fest featuring no fewer than nine local acts. Music includes folk Americana from Kaiser, French jazz from Heather Keizur, chanson française from Lisa Grimm of the band Zephyr, and French pop from Dina. Most importantly, ticket sales benefit IMAD, a French nonprofit that works to combat racism and promote tolerance in the country.

HILARY SAUNDERS. Vie de Bohème, 1530 SE 7th Ave., 3601233. 7:30 pm. $10 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

SUNDAY, JAN. 10 Common Dear, Hannah Glavor, Nate Botsford

[FOLK TRIO] Seattle’s the Head and the Heart proved the Pacific Northwest has a soft spot for sentimental folk, particularly of the good-natured indie variety.

Common Dear—the trio of guitarist David Stefanik, accordionist Rachel Jeffers and bassist Katharine Hormann—is the Portland equivalent. The group’s last EP and, expectedly, the forthcoming Learn to Breathe, blankets heart-on-sleeve lyricism with a gentle heaping of acoustic guitar, upright bass and accordion that constantly buzzes like a baroque set piece in the background.

“Sing Hallelujah” sums it up: It’s twee enough to make you cringe at times, but Benjamin’s conviction and the kick-drum clamoring beneath are certainly nothing to scoff at. BRANDON WIDDER. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm. $8 advance, $10 day of show.

Girl Fest NW: The Last Artful Dodgr, Hart and Hare, Blossom, My Music Amp Band

[GRRRL EMPOWERMENT] If the goal of this annual mini-festival, put on by the nonprofit group of the same name, is to promote female artists while inspiring other women, they’ve put together the ideal lineup, pairing two of Portland’s most exciting young performers—kaleidoscopic rapper Last Artful Dodgr and alt-R&B singer Blossom—with developing art-pop duo Hart and Hare.

Don’t miss the debut of artist Lex Casciato’s mannequin series,

CONT. on page 32 Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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MUSIC either. Lola’s Room at Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 2250047. 8 pm. $8. All ages.

MONDAY, JAN. 11 Haunted Summer, Sama Dams, Tender Age

[DREAM POP] Haunted Summer’s debut album, Birth, sounds like it was recorded half underwater. The music is distant, and textured in such a way that the components take turns swallowing each other up. But the best part is frontwoman Bridgette Moody’s voice. It’s beautiful and, well, moody. Still, she isn’t afraid to veer from the purely pretty on occasion and shake up the band’s otherwise somber mood.

SHANNON GORMLEY. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 288-3895. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

TUESDAY, JAN. 12 Weeed, Animal Eyes, Jollapin Jasper

[STONER ROCK] Much like 99 percent of stoner rock, Weeed borrows heavily from the modern progenitors of the riff-heavy genre: Sleep. In Weeed’s case, the mostly instrumental band takes influence from the aforementioned’s long-form odyssey, Dopesmoker.

Weeed’s songs don’t really go anywhere, and this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Our Guru Brings Us to the Black Master Sabbath, from 2015, leans in a slightly noisier, Amphetamine Reptile-style direction than earlier efforts. If you’re along for the ride, you’ll be nodding your head to the jam long after they finish playing. WALKER MACMURDO. The Liquor Store, 3341 SE Belmont St. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

CLASSICAL, WORLD & JAZZ HAPPY NEW YEARS FROM MUSIC MILLENNIUM!

THERE IS NO MOUNTAIN SATURDAY, JANUARY 9TH AT 3PM

There Is No Mountain is a Portland, OR-based husbandand-wife duo that combines percussion, guitar, and an affinity for vocal harmony to create a unique brand of pop with intricate, world-music-influenced arrangements. The band’s subtly virtuosic style has been compared in print to current acts like The Dirty Projectors and classics like Paul Simon’s Graceland.

ANTONETTE GOROCH THURSDAY, JANUARY 14TH AT 6PM

Antonette Goroch is a singer, songwriter, mother, writer and world traveler. A singer and storyteller since the age of 5, she has dabbled in various musical styles including opera, musicals, rock, country, folk and blues.

Cadence Festival of the Unknown

[JAZZ TALE] Except for the tune that became “Lady Sings the Blues,” Herbie Nichols never achieved the fame or opportunities of his friend and fellow innovative jazz pianist, Thelonious Monk. Nichols’ pithy, gemlike music, which bears traces of Monk, Dixieland, his parents’ Caribbean origins and 20th-century classical composers like Bartok, finally found revival and renown beginning in the ’80s, thanks especially to one of his bandmates, trombonist Roswell Rudd, and Portland pianist David Haney, who has performed Nichols’ music around the world. This performance, one of a beat-style series in which Haney mixes music and narration, recounts a tale about Nichols taking a gig on a Turkish cruise ship that went comically awry. BRETT CAMPBELL. Classic Pianos, 3003 SE Milwaukie Ave., 975-5176. 8 pm Thursday, Jan. 7. $8-$10. All ages.

Strauss’ Oboe Concerto

AQUADOLLS with SWMRS

WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 20TH AT 6PM The Aquadolls were founded in 2012 by Melissa Brooks, the lead singer and writer of the band, as a bedroom demo project. When these demos caught the attention of indie surf label Burger Records, The Aquadolls turned into a full time endeavor, culminating in the release of the full length album ‘Stoked On You’. Although quite young, the member of SWMRS (featuring the son of Green Day’s Billie Joe Armstrong) have been making music for half a decade, have toured internationally, and are set to release their third LP in early 2016.

[CLASSICAL] When Richard Strauss was 80, American forces arrived at his Bavarian estate. Some of the soldiers were musicians, and they recognized and protected Strauss, despite his affiliation with the Third Reich. One of the soldiers thought to ask the composer why he had never featured the oboe in one of his concertos. Strauss was initially resistant, but the seed was planted, and eventually yielded Strauss’ “Oboe Concerto.” Overall, this is one of the more modern programs in the 2016 season. The opening piece, “Sea Drift” by John Alden Carpenter, is an ominous and beautiful interpretation of tone poems from Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass. NATHAN CARSON. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 228-1353. 8 pm Monday, Jan. 11. $23-$105. All ages.

For more Music listings, visit 32

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

DATES HERE ALBUM REVIEWS

There Is No Mountain LUNA (ORG MUSIC)

[ AVA N T- F O L K P O P ] Listening to There Is No Mountain is like flipping a coin. The coin might show a different, distinct side, but both sides still represent the same piece of copper. The same can be said of the husbandand-wife duo’s sophomore full-length, Luna, which doles out sadness and quirky optimism in equal measure. Abrupt tempo changes alter many of the tunes within the course of a few bars, transforming spare arrangements into complex orchestrations that highlight guitarist Matt Harmon’s virtuosity and place Kali Giaritta’s wispy vocals at the fore. The tribal cacophony of “Benjamin” offsets heavily processed guitar with moments of bare respite, which return to the harmonized vocals and slowburning finale of “Waterbound.” Themes of anxiety and depression abound, only to give way eventually to acceptance amid the bouncy rhythms accentuating “Cat’s Away,” a humorous meditation on whether people can actually change. “This day/ I’ll be good,” Giaritta quips against the classical fingerpicking and Zeppelin III-esque breakdown of “Listening to Sadness.” Like much of the album’s bubbly confidence, however, the hopeful sentiment is quickly shattered: “Every evening ends the same way/ wishing that I could.” It’s a fitting conclusion, and the perfect opportunity for a New Year’s resolution. BRANDON WIDDER. SEE IT: There Is No Mountain plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Rare Diagram and And And And, on Thursday, Jan. 7. 9 pm. $5. 21+.

Speaker Minds

GUMBO GROOVES (SELF-RELEASED) [HIP-HOP] Portland’s rap scene is notoriously isolated, but Speaker Minds, a seven-piece hip-hop group, has the potential to bring it to the forefront of the city’s collective consciousness. The group includes multiple vocalists—MCs as well as singers—with guitars, drums, bass and keys, blending elements of funk, soul and social activism. The band’s greatest musical strengths come from rapper Randal Wyatt and singer Adrian Adel. Wyatt’s annunciation is as populist as The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and his lyrics are as socially aware as the Roots’ How I Got Over. “Blow My High” attacks specifics inequalities, like the lack of universal health care, whereas “Get Involved” is a more general call for community involvement. While mainstream rappers tend to bring in a different pop star to contribute a hook on each single, Adel serves as the pre-eminent vocalist throughout Gumbo Grooves.

Her presence is felt in verses and choruses, in the foreground and background. But as a group, Speaker Minds is as comfortable with searing guitar solos (“Loose Limbs”) as it is with synthy funk (“Break Laws”). Its versatility, danceability and insight make for a complete LP, but also hints at the positive changes afoot for Portland hip-hop. HILARY SAUNDERS. SEE IT: Speaker Minds plays Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., with Farnell Newton & the Othership Connection and Craig Irby Jr., on Friday, Jan. 8. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

MUSIC CALENDAR WED. JAN. 6 Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Patti Smith

The Tara Novellas Tour Kickoff

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave And And And / There Is No Mountain

Oak Lodge Library

Duffs Garage

16201 SE McLoughlin Blvd.

Choro da Alegria Plays Beautiful Brazilian Choro

Edgefield

Smith Memorial Student Union at PSU

2530 NE 82nd Ave Arthur Moore, Blues Jam 2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Coty Hogue

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

2845 SE Stark St RAMBLIN ROSE (Formerly Cats Under The Stars)

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St Hustle and Drone, Michael Finn, Gold Casio

Jade Lounge

2348 SE Ankeny Los Dos

Justa Pasta

1336 NW 19th Ave Anson Wright Duo

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St Jonny Ampersand, Indira Valey, Blake Austin

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St Miller and Sasser’s Twelve Dollar Band!

McMenamins Al’s Den 303 SW 12th Ave Moody Little Sister

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave Haley Johnsen

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont The Reverberations + The Furies + guests

The White Eagle

836 N Russell St Daniel and the Blonde

Veterans Memorial Coliseum

300 N Winning Way G-Eazy, ASAP Ferg, Marc E. Bassy, Nef The Pharaoh

THURS. JAN. 7 Alberta Street Pub 1036 NE Alberta St Willow House

Artichoke Music

3130 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Songwriter Roundup

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash The City River Band

Classic Pianos

3003 SE Milwaukie Ave. Cadence Festival of the Unknown

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St The Brilliance, Beautiful Eulogy at Doug Fir Lounge

Duffs Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave The Way Downs

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. The Old Yellers

Jade Lounge

2348 SE Ankeny Andy Frost

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave Gilad Hekselman Trio

Kennedy School Theater

5736 N.E. 33rd Ave. Coty Hogue

Mississippi Pizza Pub 3552 N Mississippi Ave

[JAN. 6-12]

Engine Driver Presents: SPEAKER MINDS Album Release Party

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave RADIO HOT TUB SHOWCASE : Dad Works Hard + White Bear Polar Tundra + Virtual Zero

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St THE FUR COATS

The Secret Society

1825 SW Broadway KPSU PRESENTS: U SCO, DOWAGER, SQUALOR, & SHE

116 NE Russell St Eyelids, Wow and Flutter, Hickory Justice

Spare Room

The White Eagle

4830 NE 42nd Ave Karaoke From Hell

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

RICK VODICKA

= WW Pick.

Highly recommended.

Editor: Matthew Singer. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/ submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings.

Email: music@wweek.com.

836 N Russell St Rogue Giant

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St THE GLOBALIST

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont Device Grips + Galaxe

The Secret Society 116 NE Russell St Thursday Swing!

Featuring Baby & The Pearl Blowers, Kid KaBoom & the Mississippi Gipsy

The Waypost

836 N Russell St God Fears Aliens Collective, Snugsworth, Pet World

The White Eagle 836 N Russell St Kelsey Mousley

FRI. JAN. 8 Alberta Rose Theatre 3000 NE Alberta St Matt Costa

Alberta Street Pub

1036 NE Alberta St Scratchdog Stringband with Timberbound!

Artichoke Music

SAT. JAN. 9 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave. Martha Davis and the Motels, Neon Culpa

Artichoke Music

3130 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Artichoke Jazz Night featuring The Adrian Martin Five-Way

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash John Dough Boys

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave Adventure Galley, Fringe Class

Camellia Lounge at the TeaZone 510 NW 11th Avenue Lori Boone and Matt Tabor Jazz Duo

318 NW Lomita Terrace Mary Flower and Rich Landar

Clinton Street Theater 2522 SE Clinton St Penalty Kick

3130 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Friday Night Coffeehouse

Doug Fir Lounge

Beer Mongers

Duffs Garage

1125 SE Division Street Plastic Shadow

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Foreverland (Michael Jackson tribute), Dr. Spaceman (David Bowie tribute)

Duffs Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave Boyd Small; Kenny Ray

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Mark Alan

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

2845 SE Stark St SOUL STEW with DJ AQUAMAN AND FRIENDS

Jade Lounge 2348 SE Ankeny Dorothea Hudson, Rachel Miles

Jimmy Mak’s

221 NW 10th Ave Stephanie Schneiderman/Andrew Paul Woodworth

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St Space Shark EP Release Party

Rex Putnam High School Blackbox Theater

4950 SE Roethe Road Glorious!

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave Silentó

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave

PONY EXPRESSION: Patti Smith plays Horses at Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall on Wednesday, Jan. 6.

Casa Terry

830 E Burnside St School of Rock Portland: Tame Impala 2530 NE 82nd Ave Knuckleheads

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. The Columbians

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

2845 SE Stark St ASHER FULERO BAND

Jade Lounge

The White Eagle

836 N Russell St JT Wise Band; No Pants Records Presents: The Stein Project CD Release Show, Brigadier, Matt Danger, Travis Shoemaker

Vie de Bohème

1530 SE 7th Ave. Peace For Paris Festival

Waterline Studio

55 NE Farragut St. #4 Embodied Voice with Nini Julia Bang

Winona Grange #271 8340 SW Seneca St Kathryn Claire and the Dream Band

SUN. JAN. 10

2348 SE Ankeny Kids Table Presents: King Columbia & Friends; Steven Grenwood

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

Kennedy School Theater

Camellia Lounge at the TeaZone

5736 N.E. 33rd Ave. Garcia Birthday Band

Kenton Club

2025 N Kilpatrick St Fog Father, Shadowlands, Dark/ Light

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Volt Divers synth party!

The Chinese Village

520 SE 82nd Ave Acoustic Rock, 90’s and more

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave Blind Swords + Nautilus + Strange Wool

The Know

2026 NE Alberta St KILLED BY HEALTH

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont St. The Hugs, The Lovely Lost, Norman

1037 SW Broadway Strauss’ Oboe Concerto

510 NW 11th Avenue Laura Stilwell and Mike Doolin Jazz Brunch

Girl Fest NW: The Last Artful Dodgr, Hart and Hare, Blossom, My Music Amp Band

Haunted Summer, Sama Dams, Tender Age

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Frank show

2800 SE Harrison The Everyone Welcome Community Choir

Mississippi Studios

The White Eagle

3939 N Mississippi Ave Goodnight, Texas / Whiskey Shivers 7850 SW Capitol Hwy Annalisa Tornfelt in Concert with the Tornfelt Sisters

Sun Gate Center

2215 NE Alberta Singing is the Healing Medicine: Raga Singing and Vocal Cultivation with Michael Stirling

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont Burner Courage + Bazillionaire + Months

MON. JAN. 11 Antoinette Hatfield Hall

1111 SW Broadway Portland Opera To Go: The Elixir of Love

Doug Fir Lounge

Church Bar

830 E Burnside St. Common, Dear, Hannah Glavor, Nate Botsford

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Lewi Longmire

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St Wicked Shallows, The Broad Strokes

Lakewood Center for the Arts 368 State St Golden Boy - Sunday Evenings

Lola’s Room at Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St.

836 N Russell St Lessons In Fresh (hiphop)

O’Connor’s Vault

Corkscrew Wine Bar 1665 SE Bybee Blvd Jet Black Pearl

St David of Wales Church

2600 NE Sandy Blvd, Portland, OR 97232 Havania Whaal and LeRoy Jerome & The Professionals

Dante’s

350 West Burnside Karaoke From Hell

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. Groovy Wallpaper with Rob Wynia

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

2845 SE Stark St Sonic Forum @ 7:00pm

TUES. JAN. 12

WED. JAN. 6 Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Event Horizon with DJs Straylight and Miss Q (industrial, EBM, electro)

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash Farm Animals

Duffs Garage

2530 NE 82nd Ave HiFi MoJo

Edgefield

2126 S. W. Halsey ST. The Earnest Lovers

Jade Lounge

2348 SE Ankeny Grimms Gathering with Jakob Grimm

LaurelThirst Public House 2958 NE Glisan St Jackstraw

Lincoln Performance Hall 1620 SW Park Ave Pacifica Quartet

THURS. JAN. 7 Euphoria Nightclub

315 SE 3rd Ave Detour Thursdays: Shiba San, Louis the Child

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St Body Party with Holla n Oates (hip-hop, R&B, dancehall)

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Shadowplay with DJs Carrion and Paradox (EBM/goth/industrial/ darkwave)

FRI. JAN. 8

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Necronancy Queer Dance Party

Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi ave The Diamond Stylus with King Tim 33 1/3

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont Believe You Me with Andy Warren and Ginko (house)

SAT. JAN. 9 Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St Verified 2 Year Anniversary: Falcons, Promnite, GANG$IGN$, Quarry, Photon

Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Musick for Mannequins with DDDJJJ666 & Magnolia Bouvier

Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi Ave

Star Theater

Goodfoot Pub & Lounge

The Liquor Store

Holocene

Lovecraft Bar

13 NW 6th Ave An Evening With TODD RUNDGREN 3341 SE Belmont St. Weeed, Animal Eyes, Jollapin Jasper

2845 SE Stark St SOUL STEW with DJ AQUAMAN AND FRIENDS 1001 SE Morrison St Dance Yourself Clean (indie dance)

DJ Cuica

MON. JAN. 11 421 SE Grand Ave DJ Cory

The Ranger Station PDX

4260 SE Hawthorne Blvd Bluegrass Tuesdays, w/ Pete Kartsounes and Friends

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave.

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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MUSIC E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

BAR REVIEW

THE JEFFSPIRACY: Portland cider bars are all owned by guys named Jeff. The first, Bushwhacker, was founded by Jeff Smith. The biggest tap list, at Portland Cider House on Hawthorne Boulevard, was stocked by co-owner Jeff Parrish. And Portland’s newest, the Pearl District’s Cider Bite (1230 NW Hoyt St., 765-5655, ciderbite.com), was started up by two more Jeffs—surnamed Hanneson and Tandy. From the decor and logo, Cider Bite looks a lot like Portland Cider House: a sparse, wood-dominated space with college-dorm-style tourist posters on the walls, a huge 24-tap digital tap list behind the bar, and a big red apple for a logo. But Bite is even more focused on sugarloving, entry-level cider drinkers. Its taps make no room for super-dry, funky, weird or imported ciders—but a whole lot for mass-market Woodchuck, Angry Orchard, Square Mile and MillerCoors’ Smith & Forge. There is Anthem but no Wandering Aengus, and Schilling but no Finnegan. In part, one of the Jeffs told us, this is a cost consideration: All of Cider Bite’s ciders are $6 a pint, with six-deep taster trays costing $10, so they don’t stock expensive imports or non-Revival Reverend Nat’s. This makes the bar more of a utility growler fill station than a spot for the experimental cider taster—unless, like one of the customers who came in during a recent visit, you’re into making your own experiments. Since everything’s the same price, customers are allowed to blend their own chai-spiced acai-berry and apricot cider in the growler using ciders from three different makers, who are probably all named Jeff. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Where to drink this week.

1. Saraveza

1004 N Killingsworth St., 206-4252, saraveza.com.

Saraveza’s new house beer, the Breakside-brewed Wisco Tavern Beer, is a smooth cream ale that comes alive with a sprinkle of hoppy bitterness. But beware the Wisco curse: Ever since it’s been tapped, the Green Bay Packers’ Aaron Rodgers just hasn’t been the same.

2. Great Notion Brewing

2204 NE Alberta St., No. 101, 548-4491, greatnotionpdx.com.

Despite offering only one beer of

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Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

its own so far—a kiwi-pear-sauvignon-blanc saison to start the new year—Great Notion’s collection of interesting taps already make it Alberta’s first credible beer bar since…ever.

3. Home

719 SE Morrison St., 896-2771.

The deeply ungoogleable Home has opened in the old Morrison Hotel space with a bright coat of paint—and maybe some too-bright lights. But the beer list and food menu show signs of care, with a seriously meaty short-rib poutine on waffle fries.

4. Skyline Tavern

8031 NW Skyline Blvd., 286-4788, skytav.com.

Skyline Tavern’s clientele goes like this: millionaire, poor person, construction worker, millionaire. It might as well be an old Depression-era painting from the Federal Art Project.

5. La Moule

2500 SE Clinton St., 971-339-2822, lamoulepdx.com.

St. Jack’s cross-river companion bar is a fine place to drink and eat mussels beneath a portrait of black-eyed Serge Gainsbourg, while Television plays in a bar without a television.

PERFORMANCE = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.

Editor: ENID SPITZ. Theater: ENID SPITZ (espitz@wweek.com). Comedy: MIKE ACKER (macker@wweek.com). Dance: ENID SPITZ (dance@wweek.com).

TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: espitz@wweek.com.

The Book of Mormon

“So good it makes me angry.” Jon Stewart said that. If you haven’t heard, this everything-busting musical from the creators of South Park is the pinnacle of our generation’s theater, lauded by everyone from your grandmother to your bank teller. Go see it and start the praise yourself. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 800-273-1530. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Saturday; 2 pm & 7:30 pm Saturday; 1 pm & 6:30 pm Sunday, Jan. 12-24. $40-$154.

Golden Boy

Violin and prizefighting are cousin crafts, at least for 1930s legend Joe Bonaparte. In this 1937 Broadway classic by Clifford Odets, Joe seems golden as a violin prodigy, until the glamour of the ring ropes him in. Lakewood—the little Oswego theater that could—might be playing it safe here, but they’re planning a strong showing at the Fertile Ground Festival later this month, so this is a good chance for die-hard grounders to test the waters at their home base.

Extra shows 7 pm Sunday, Jan.17 and 7:30 pm Wednesday, Jan. 20.

Lakewood Center for the Arts, 368 S State St., Lake Oswego, 635-3901.

7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday, through Feb. 14. $32.

National Theatre Live: Jane Eyre

High schoolers rejoice—the unsinkable classic gets real life in National Theatre Live’s screening of the London show. More effort than SparksNotes, yes, but more memorable too. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 235-1101. 2 & 7 pm Sunday, Jan. 10. $20.

National Theatre Live: The Beaux’ Stratagem

National Theatre Live screens George Farquhar’s comedy of Shakespearean tangles and Wilde-like foibles, where two reckless guys hunt for rich wives.

Mr. Aimwell and Mr. Archer encounter all sort of characters when they flee London to look for love at a provincial inn. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 235-1101. 2 pm & 7 pm Saturday, Jan. 9. $20.

National Theatre Live: The Winter’s Tale

Third Rail’s first high-definition screening from London’s Garrick Theatre is the tragicomic play The Winter’s Tale, starring the nearly blameless Judi Dench as Paulina and Kenneth Branagh as a lusty king who can’t be satisfied by riches. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., 235-1101. 7 pm Thursday, Jan. 7. $20.

Portland Opera To Go: The Elixir of Love

This Elixir is the leftover from last July’s full run, back for one 50-minute show of the 1832 opera that’s rewritten as a Wild West romance. It follows country boy Nemorino as he buys a bogus love potion in the hopes of winning his beloved Adina. In the tradition of Blazing Saddles and Sergio Leone, it’s a shoot-’em-up, madcap tangle, but with legato bel canto. Antoinette Hatfield Hall, 1111 SW Broadway, 2411802. Noon Monday, Jan. 11. Free.

ALSO PLAYING The Miracle Worker

Artistic director Dámaso Rodriguez knew what he was doing before the first casting call. 12-year-old Agatha Olson stuns as the deaf-blind lead in William Gibson’s play, even though she’s never taken a theater class, and this Miracle Worker grabs your insides long before Annie Sullivan (Val Landrum) cracks her tempestuous charge. The veteran cast riffs on Gibson’s minimal dialogue, adding brawls and well-timed comedy for a surprisingly gripping ride. Flashbacks add a ghostly effect, staged behind a curtain that turns translucent when backlit. And just before the break we get a chase scene that rivals Bond, only this one involves a ceramic water pitcher and Sullivan wearing a bustle as she fields blows from the eggspattered, explosive Helen. “You feel better about the world when the play is over,” Rodriguez says. “They should install tissue boxes on every row,” half-joked a millennial on opening night. “The Miracle Worker: brought to you by Kleenex.” Artists Repertory Theatre, 1516 SW Alder St., 241-1278.

7:30 pm Tuesday-Sunday and 2 pm Sunday, through Jan. 17. $48.

Call Me PETE

COMEDY & VARIETY Baron Vaughn: Saturdaze Tour

Co-host of the popular podcast Maltin on Movies, with movie review guru Leonard Maltin, and series regular on Netflix’s Grace and Frankie, comedian Baron Vaughn is bringing his Saturdaze tour to Portland. Vaughn regularly performs comedy at festivals all over the country, has done sets on Late Night with Jimmy Fallon and Conan and for his Portland date, he’s bringing up some of the city’s top comedians: Amy Miller, Curtis Cook and Nariko Ott. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E. Burnside St., 231-9663. 9 pm Saturday, Jan. 9. $13-$15. 21+.

Curious Comedy Open Mic

Curious hosts a weekly open-mic night. Sign-ups begin at 7:15, and comics get three minutes of stage time apiece.Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477.

8 pm every Sunday. Free.

Curious Comedy Showdown

Curious Comedy’s improvisers duke it out, in hopes of winning audience votes and advancing to the next round of competition. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 7:30 pm every Friday and Saturday. $12-$15.

The Dirty Dozen

It’s time to test your comedic limits.

The Dirty Dozen showcase features some of the best local talent telling their raunchiest, naughtiest and dirtiest material coming straight out of the comedy gutter. Bring a friend, bring your mother and see how far some hilarious folks are willing to push the comedy envelope. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669.

8 pm Wednesday, Jan. 6. $12-$20. 21+.

Helium Open Mic

Generally regarded as the best openmic night in town, Helium’s sign-ups fill quickly. Show up between 6 and 7 pm to snag some stage time. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888643-8669. 8 pm every Tuesday. Free with a two-item minimum. 21+.

CONT. on page 36

This weekend, PETE’s entire ensemble will reveal the center of its constellation. It boils down to a story about a man who lost his leg, ballooning the Moby-Dick line “Lost: leg.

Adrift. At sea.” into a theatrical meditation on humankind’s search for wholeness.

There are only six characters—Pip, “the deep,” and four Ahabs. With one that’s more of an idea than a real character and four that are In late 2014, Portland Experimental Theater technically the same person, the whale might seem Ensemble launched a yearlong quest to capture like pared-down theater. In reality, every show in Moby-Dick onstage. From the beginning, their the constellation has been all hands on deck, mindestination was Juli Crockett’s Or, The Whale— ing PETE’s full ensemble for performers, set design, a format-busting play that’s more poetry than sound and revisions over the 18 months of rehearsscript and twists Herman Melville’s classic into als and workshops. They’re a fellowship you’d think a show with four Ahabs. The “constellation” was blood-bonded, helmed by Obie Award-winning of performances, as PETE calls it, has been designer Peter Ksander as director. In a rare show nothing if not adventurous. of consistency for an experimental Portland theater, July’s Drowned Horse Tavern was a the cast and crew have weathered hundreds of hours mermaid cabaret experience that thrust together, rehearsing in pitch-black Reed College studios, patrons into a sea shanty and served them discussing Melville’s tedious passages on whale anatomy grog. October’s All Well offered a “sightand brainstorming how to make actors look like amputees. less” play, where attendants reclined in “In PETE’s process, everything bleeds together,” hammocks in a blacked-out basement says designer Jenny Ampersand. and were barraged by sounds of an But in this constellation, Or, The Whale shines as the most Arctic shipwreck spewed from straightforward, in terms of staging, at least. While it may speakers in 11 different sizes. stretch the imagination—the deep anthropomorphized Finally, Or, The Whale is as a vintage deep-sea diver and the Ahabs sporting in sight. peg legs of liquid latex with a silicone toe-separator— Ksander divvied up Crockett’s continuous script into distinct lines for each character, the audience will be in seats, and the fourth wall stays up.

“Drowned Horse was a bar, then All Well was a crazy amusement park ride,” says Ampersand.

“I guess this one is more traditional—it actually has a script.”

Or, The Whale may want for hammocks and brandy shots at the end, but if this production is more anchored by typical staging, that’s not to say it’s anticlimactic. A year and a half in production does pale in comparison to Melville’s monstrous undertaking (the author notoriously wrote a 139-word footnote explaining the word “gally”). But in terms of ingenuity, PETE stands up to Ahab himself.

Is this normal theater, at last? “Oh my God, no!” says Ampersand.

“We don’t know what normal is.” ENID SPITZ.

PORTLAND EXPERIMENTAL THEATER ENSEMBLE REACHES ITS MOBY-DICK EPIC.

I V Y M AYA

OPENINGS & PREVIEWS

SEE IT: Or, The Whale is at the Diver Studio Theater at Reed College, 3203 SE Woodstock Blvd. 7:30 pm Wednesday-Sunday, Jan. 9-23. $25.

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

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PERFORMANCE John Heffron

Winner of the second season of Last Comic Standing, John Heffron creates humor from his personal life. With stories ranging from bar hopping in his twenties to being married in his thirties, Heffron has made appearances on Chelsea Lately and The Tonight Show, and in 2013 published the bestselling comedy advice book I Come to You From the Future: Everything You’ll Need to Know Before You Know It!. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669. 8 pm Thursday, Jan. 7, 7:30 pm & 10 pm Friday-Saturday, Jan. 8-9. $15$32. 21+

Lez Stand Up feat. Deep Lez

Two of the Pacific Northwest’s most hilarious lesbian comedy troupes are coming together for a show that features standup, storytelling and sketch to let you know about the all-new Siren Theater and support and promote queer and feminist art. Hosted by Kirsten Kuppenbender, Lez Stand Up regulars Diane Gasperin, Mel Heywood, Laura Anne Whitley and Rebecca Waits welcome very special guests Seattle’s Deep Lez. The Siren Theater, 315 NW Davis St. 8 pm Friday, Jan. 8. $10-$12.

The Liberators 10th Anniversary Celebration

The Brody hosts a thrice-weekly open-mic night. Comics get fourminute standup slots and can sign up online.Brody Theater, 16 NW Broadway, 224-2227. 9:30 pm every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday.

Free with one-item minimum purchase.

Open Court

Team-based, long-form improv open to audience members and performers of all stripes.. Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 7:30 pm every Thursday. $5.

Random Acts of Comedy

Curious Comedy puts on a freewheeling show that brings together sketch, standup and improv.

Curious Comedy, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd., 477-9477. 9:30 pm every Saturday. $7-$10.

DANCE Empire

If you’ve ever experienced the artistry and wonder of a Cirque du Soleil performance, you are in no way prepared for the mindfuck that is Spiegelworld. Alternately astounding, hilarious and truly fucking bizarre, the Spiegelworld cast will push you to the absolute limit of what you’re comfortable with—and well fucking beyond.

The performance really begins well before showtime, when the performers wander through the crowd catching projectiles in their pants, taking photos with patrons’ faces pressed to their asses and softening the thresholds of humiliation before things get really vulgar.

This is all possible—and effective— thanks to the intimate venue. The

acrobatics and contortion acts become jaw-droppingly real, with every quivering muscle, hyperextended rib cage and sweatslicked pectoral on full display.

It’s every bit as erotic as it sounds and the performers are undeniably world-class. Empire will leave you titillated, amazed and horrified beyond all reason—in the best possible way. PENELOPE BASS. Rose Quarter Benton Lot, 542 N Broadway, 800-745-3000. 7 pm Tuesday-Sunday and 9 pm FridaySaturday, through Jan. 17. $25-$99.

Miz Kitty’s Parlour: Enchantment by the Sea

Miz Kitty’s recurring parlor mashes song-and-dance, acrobats and comedy into a dark vaudeville show. This Enchantment brings Brazilian jazz from Pérola, comedians Curt Carlyle and Erin O’Regan and the 1920s-inspired dancers the Charleens. Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., 719-6055. 8 pm Saturday, Jan. 9. $20-$23. 21+.

Pacific Dance Makers

Eowyn Emerald may be Portland’s closest thing to a dance matriarch, putting on short-run shows with Third Rail and curating this annual show from top Northwest choreographers. For 2016, it’s Emerald and six others, including Portland Ballet co-artistic director Anne Mueller and Seattle’s Anna Conner. Reed College Massee Performance Lab, 3203 SE Woodstock Blvd., eowynbarrett.com. 7:30 pm Friday and 5 and 7:30 pm Saturday, Jan. 8-9. $20.

For more Performance listings, visit

JOHAN PERSSON

Formed way back in 2006, the Liberators have flexed their collective improvisation comedy muscles in almost every venue in the city.

Now, to celebrate their 10th anniversary, Tony, Nicholas, Shelley, and John are performing a special show in their new home, the Siren Theater. The Siren Theater, 315 NW Davis St. 8 pm Saturday, Jan. 9. $12-$15.

Naked Comedy Open Mic

THE BOOK OF MORMON 36

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

W W S TA F F

VISUAL ARTS = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

By ENID SPITZ. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit show information—including opening and closing dates, gallery address and phone number—at least two weeks in advance to: Visual Arts, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: espitz@wweek.com.

No exhibition can better be described by the phrase “you had to be there.”

PDX Contemporary invited six artists to explore color, and it is impossible to appreciate the results without seeing it for yourself. No amount of pouring over the images on the gallery’s website will give you any indication of what it feels like to stand in front of Peter Gronquist’s green-blue color field, wondering how he manipulated light and space. Or how the subtle tones in Anne Appleby’s oil and wax diptych make you feel like you might get sucked into the wall. Sometimes, abstract canvases covered in pigment can elicit loud and disinterested eye rolls from passersby. This is not one of those times.

JENNIFER RABIN. Through Jan. 9. PDX Contemporary, 925 NW Flanders St., 222-0063. Free.

Contact Expo

Five artists from the collaborative group DLS (Downtown Light and Sound Solution) will create an immersive audio-visual experience that continually changes as the artists explore new possibilities afforded by 3-D projection mapping, innovative speaker arrangements, circuit-based technology and more. This six-week-long exhibition, curated by Chiara Giovando, is part of Disjecta’s Season 5 curator-in-residence program, Sound is Matter. HILARY TSAI. Through Jan. 17. Disjecta, 8371 N Interstate Ave., 286-9449. Free.

The Emotional Life of Objects

Every object has a story. For this joint exhibit at Bullseye, mixed media artists Silvia Levenson, Dante Marioni and Heidi Schwegler unpack the complexities of “objecthood” with pieces of crafted, repurposed and combined materials like metal and ceramic. The finished works shine light on how we look at objects, making us reconsider their emotional lives, from production and function to symbolic or cultural significance. HILARY TSAI. Through March 26.

Bullseye Projects, 300 NW 13th Ave., 227-0222. Free.

Gabe Brown

Gabe Brown’s mixed media works and oil paintings on linen are inspired by places real and imagined, sculptural plans and the artist’s musings on subjects like home and identity. Strong, yet playful, Brown’s painting mix matte earth tones, textured imprints on wood and mesh materials to form a backdrop for the lively geometric shapes in front. For Brown, who never dreamt of a career other than painting, the work is more than what meets the eye; it is an embodiment of self. HILARY TSAI. Through Jan. 30. Butters Gallery, 157 NE Grand Ave., 248-9378. Free.

Internalized Forms

The Sockeye ad agency studio may seem like an odd venue for a solo show, but its first collaboration with Worksound International makes us hope there’s more to come. Jason Vance Dickason’s acrylic paintings are abstract with a cool, muted palette that hints at the sobriety of an internal office space. But imaginative shapes and swoops keep the work from appearing too clinical. Most visitors are drawn to the large-scale piece at the front entrance, but the real star is an untitled triptych that’s strategically placed on a blank wall and features dark, abstracted window blinds with just a touch of luminous sky peeking through. It’s ingenious how these architectural paintings hint at the space around them. HILARY TSAI. Through Feb. 28. Sockeye, 240 N Broadway, Suite 301, 226-3843. Free.

Kendra Larson

These acrylic landscapes by Kendra Larson are unlike any you’ve ever seen.

Inspired by personally significant areas in her native Oregon, Larson recreates

the majesty of an icy pine forest in a way that meshes a deep connection to place with elements of folk magic and whimsy. The sweeping, emotive quality of the brushstrokes in works like Moths and Malheur borders on impressionism, while subtle details like the pattern on a moth’s wing make us zoom in to appreciate the finer touches. Larson’s innovative use of color and hybrid technique place her within the contemporary category, but the ultimate takeaway from her work is the view of nature as an enduring source of comfort and inspiration. HILARY TSAI. Through Jan. 30.

Augen Gallery, 716 NW Davis St., 546-5056. Free.

Reincarnations

Standing before Dan Pillers’ wood and glass sculptures is like looking at display cases in a museum. The thoughtful arrangements of found and manmade objects, like the dried roses in A Dozen Roses and the miniature cloth dolls in Dear Friends, offer glimpses into the artist’s memory. Pillers, who asserts the importance of reusing materials, calls his show a “visual memoir,” and indeed—his works show a fondness for things gone by, lending significance to objects as mundane as a bundle of sticks. Titles like He’s a Dandy reveal layers of meaning—in this case, the bundles’ association with a homophobic slur. For the sheer number of works on display the craftsmanship is consistently impressive. HILARY TSAI. Through Jan. 10. Mark Woolley Gallery, 700 SW 5th Ave. No. 4110, 998-4152. Free.

Winter Group

Winter Group is mostly large prints from artists who have recently shown at the Hartman Gallery, this collection’s central theme is the interplay between nature and human civilization. Some portray nature as a sublime force, like the ocean front that dwarfs the tiny figure on the shoreline in Jeffrey Conley’s “Figure and Tide.” Others, like Holly Andres’ “Summer of the Hornets #5” are glimpses into the bittersweet moments of everyday domestic life. It’s a small collection, but these artists cover a range of subjects, from outdoor recreation to racial tension and the balance between man-made structures and natural formations.HILARY TSAI. Through Jan. 30.

Charles A. Hartman Fine Art, 134 NW 8th Ave., 287-3886. Free.

For more Visual Arts listings, visit

BLUE SKY GALLERY

ICONS BY TRICIA HIPPS

Colors

Seeing Nature

The stunning new exhibition from the Paul G. Allen Family Foundation has all of the hits no one has ever seen. The only reason these works aren’t in the art history books is because they haven’t been in a public collection.These aren’t the pinnacle works of any artist’s career but there is still a healthy selection from Monet to Moran, O’Keeffe to Richter.

Some might be disappointed that none of the pieces are recognizable masterworks, but that’s precisely what makes this show so important. Viewing a private collection is like unlocking a hidden room of art history—these are gems secreted away from the rest of the world that are now brought to light. We see Cézanne’s Mont Sainte-Victoire, Monet’s water lilies and the explosive power of Volaire’s Vesuvius, but also the fleshy flora of O’Keeffe and the blurry photo paintings of Richter.

Accompanying the show are some well-produced, if not slightly distracting, videos that give you an inside look into the installation process and the science of sight. GRAHAM W. BELL. Through Jan. 10. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave., 226-2811.

Unlimited

Chuck E. Bloom’s paintings show the world through the eyes of a natureloving surrealist. Fleshy appendages fused to whimsical buildings seem to pulse with life, while hinting at mankind’s impact on the environment. Gaps between bizarrely contorted trees reveal glimpses of blue utopias and cosmic skies alive with planets and stars. Bloom renders these outlandish scenes with a precision that’s as mind-boggling as the images themselves, boasting details so fine they could have been etched on with a needlepoint. Canvases of various shapes and sizes—most notably, a giant hexagram—are evidence of his versatility. Drawing elements from both pop surrealism and masters like Dalí, Bloom revitalizes a genre of painting that is underrepresented in today’s galleries. HILARY TSAI. Through Jan. 10. Mark Woolley Gallery, 700 SW 5th Ave. No. 4110, 998-4152. Free.

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

37

BOOKS = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

By JAMES HELMSWORTH. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, JAN. 6 Mike Magnuson, Kevin Maloney, Sean Davis

Lately, Iraq veteran Sean Davis has been turning the American Legion outpost on Alberta into a literary outpost as well. This week, Post 134 hosts a reading with novelist and bicycling writer Mike Magnuson; the somewhat bonkers, down-andout fiction of local Kevin Maloney (Cult of Loretta); and Davis himself, reading from his soldier memoir, The Wax Bullet Way. American Legion Post 134, 2104 NE Alberta St., 284-7272, post134.com. 7 pm. Free.

THURSDAY, JAN. 7 The Social Discipline Release Party

Filmmaker and comic-book artist Ian Sundahl has been publishing Social Discipline, a kind of pulp-autobiography pastiche, for the better part of 10 years. Now all of these comics, including the out-of-print and hardto-find volumes, are collected in one place: The Social Discipline Reader.

Floating World Comics, 400 NW Couch St., 241-0227. 6 pm. Free.

FRIDAY, JAN. 8 Remarkable Oregon Women: Revolutionaries and Visionaries

– Willamette Week’s 5th Annual –

VOLUNTEER

Guide

Willamette Week’s annual Guide to Volunteering for Nonprofits.

ADVERTORIAL COMMUNITY

ARTS

ANIMALS

SOCIAL ACTION

ENVIRONMENT

EDUCATION

YOUTH

WELLNESS

VOLUNTEER

Guide

Willamette Week’s annual Guide to Volunteer Welcome to WW’s 2016 Volunteer

Guide

this: You were generous The idea here goes something line financially with our 2014 Give!Guide may want to invest some Now, as the new year begins, you a local non-profit, but of your valuable sweat equity in why we publish this you’re not sure where to start. Thant’s you support and to help guide, to help you futher the causes than it is now: a city that make Portland an even greater city works for everyone. identified their needs More than 60 worthy nonprofits have can fill one of them, terrific! in the pages of this guide. If you point that person in the If you know someone else who can, right direction.

Let’s get started.

PDX POP NOW!

Be a Project POOCH ambassador! POOCH ambassadors raise awareness about our work and the importance of re-homing shelter dogs. We are looking for animal-lovng ing individuals interested in staffi at Project POOCH information tables area pet stores, street fairs and farmand ers markets, as well as at outreach fundraising events. is IDEAL VOLUNTEER: The right person friendly, outgoing and comfortable be speaking with the public. You must be able to lift lightweight displays and If available evenings and weekends. you love animals, have time to share and want to help homeless dogs in need, we’d love to hear from you!

CONTACT: Nancy Puro

THE PIXIE PROJECT WHAT WE NEED HELP WITH:

Volunteers are the backbone of the Pixie Project.

We are looking for volunteers in the following categories: veterinarians, veterinarian technicians, lobby greeters, event volunteers, kennel assistants, foster homes.

nancyp@catadoptionteam.org 925-8903, ext. 258 catadoptionteam.org

for IDEAL VOLUNTEER: We are looking caring, responsible, reliable animal lovers who want to have a positive impact on the Portland community and our pets.

CONTACT: volunteer@pixieproject.org pixieproject.org

CAT ADOPTION TEAM WHAT WE NEED HELP WITH: Make

ARTS

WHAT WE NEED HELP WITH:

fi nd a volunteer position that’s right for you. Bring your compassion and skills to CAT and help save lives!

ANIMALS

FIDO—FRIENDS INVOLVED IN DOG OUTREACH WHAT WE NEED HELP WITH: We are a 100 percent all-

volunteer organization that helps seniors and low-income families keep their pets at home by providing food and other supplies. We need people to package and deliver pet food, help with fundraising, and work in our warehouse Wednesday mornings.

IDEAL VOLUNTEER: A warehouse

purr-

fect matches as an adoption counselor, foster a litter of kittens, represent CAT at events, provide daily care for shelter cats, assist clients or help with office tasks all while knowing your “cat work saves lives. You’ll get paid in currency”—cuddles and purrs!

IDEAL VOLUNTEER: If you’re passionate

we about cats and care about people, need you. Whether you’re great at customer service, skilled with anican mals or excellent at data entry, we

worker must be able to lift 50 pounds repeatedly to unload pallets. Drivers must be insured and able to pass a background check. The love of dogs and cats and the willingness to help others is a plus. No skills necessary, but being a team player is a must.

CONTACT: Linda Cloud

animeals.clackamas@gmail.com 971-678-6940

ing for Nonprofits.

PROJECT POOCH, INC.

CONTACT: DeVida Johnson

devida@pooch.org 697-0623 pooch.org

MUST LOVE DOGS NW

WHAT WE NEED HELP WITH: As an all-volunteer orga-

nization, PDX Pop Now! owes its success to the many individuals who have generously and enthusiastically donated their time. Areas for involvement include administration, development, fi nance, art, marketc ing, technology and events. Specifi positions include: festival event staff, compilation-selection listeners, grant writers, fundraising and sponsorship coordinators, fi nance and media coordinators, Web developers and

WHAT WE NEED HELP WITH: From

nization.

CONTACT: Beth Martin

WITH: Must Love

pdxpopnow.com volunteer@pdxpopnow.com

Dogs NW is deeply committed to ending pet homelessness in our the community. We strive to educate public on responsible dog ownership, behavior modification and training assistance. We work to re-home dogs that are abused, neglected, homeless those and homeless, be to about or in shelter settings. We provide spay/ neuter and microchip assistance to animals vol-

unteers who are confident, reliable, compassionate and patient. Those interested in community outreach events and fostering must be comfortable speaking to the public and have experience with dogs, including basic handling skills. Volunteers interested in fostering must also have a fenced yard or an apartment, and in the time and willingness to assist any socialization or training a foster dog may need. Interested volunteers are asked to complete an application available atmustlovedogsnw.org.

DISJECTA CONTEMPORARY ART CENTER WHAT WE NEED HELP WITH:

We have many ways you can get involved with Disjecta, including positions as gallery attendants, exhibition workers, technical sound and lighting personnel, special-event staff, and

event bartenders.

IDEAL VOLUNTEER: Applicants should have a background or interest in contemporary art, studio art or arts education. Candidates should be prepared to make time commitments and attend an orientation.

CONTACT: Jessica Nickel volunteer@disjecta.org 286-9449 disjecta.org

usher-

ing at our Mainstage theatrical productions to assisting with funda raising efforts, our volunteers are welcome and vital part of NWCTS. We have volunteer positions for the whole family, including distributing programs at our shows, selling concessions, ushering, checking tickets, work parties and more!

volunteer coordinators.

IDEAL VOLUNTEER: A self-motivated professional with a passion for music and learning, who understands how to communicate thoughtfully while also efficiently managing his or her time. The desire to analyze any issue from a leadership perspective and personal commitment to proactively improving some aspect(s) of the orga-

WHAT WE NEED HELP

IDEAL VOLUNTEER: We are seeking

NORTHWEST CHILDREN’S THEATER AND SCHOOL

IDEAL VOLUNTEER: Individuals

and

families who understand the importance of creative expression and education. Our mission at NWCTS is to educate, entertain and enrich the lives of young audiences. An ideal volunteer shares these values and is patient in a customer-service environment with children and adults

Don’t miss our annual call to our readers to help worthy nonprofits in their mission to make Portland a city that works for everyone.

SUNDAY, JAN. 10 Keith Lee Morris

While taking his troubled brother across the country from rehab, a blizzard leaves Tonio Addision, his wife, son and aforementioned brother stranded in the Travelers Rest hotel in Good Luck, Idaho.

Inside, some mysterious force keeps them separated, much like the guests at another fictional Rocky Mountain hotel in another book. Note: the author of Travelers Rest, Keith Lee Morris, is not the co-founder of Black Flag. I checked. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

• Two weeks in print January 13th and 20th

alike.

CONTACT: Kat Shepard

kat@nwcts.org 222-2190 nwcts.org

VIBE OF PORTLAND WHAT WE NEED HELP WITH: Vibe of Portland

is looking for teaching assistants in our Vibe @ School classes in North and Southeast Portland. Commitment is 1-3 hours weekly for an 8-week session. Duties include helping teaching artist, encouraging and helping students with projects, life and positively impacting a child’s through the arts.

IDEAL VOLUNTEER: Our ideal volunteer

or has some background in either art music (or both) and is excited about working with children and working with a local teaching artist to make our classes exciting and fun for all is need great of area involved. One volunteers with experience in ceramics.

• Pressence on our new-look website all year • Participation gets your organization WWeek’s lowest print ad rates for all of 2016 • All-new look and information this year • Go to wweek.com/volunteerguide to be part of the guide

CONTACT: Laura Streib

info@vibepdx.org 503.560.3592

CONTACT:

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

MONDAY, JAN. 11 Beyond Lolita: Literary Writers on Sex and Sexuality

Novelist and regular contributor to Salon and the Rumpus Anna March leads a panel of four women to discuss sexuality in writing.

Porochista Khakpour (The Last Illusion) and MariNaomi (Kiss and Tell) join locals Lidia Yuknavitch (The Small Backs of Children) and Cheryl Strayed (Wild, every reading in our fair city) to discuss everything from teen love to sexuality and age. Proceeds from the panel will go to the PEN America’s Writers’ Emergency Fund. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

Jim Stewart Presents Ochoco Reach

Strange happenings at a cattle ranch. Sketchy DEA agents. A superpowered dog. It’s all right there in Ochoco Reach, the latest in Jim Stewart’s Mike Ironwood series, which follows the exploits of a Vietnam veteran and ex-cop private eye. Annie Bloom’s Books, 7834 SW Capitol Highway, 246-0053. 7 pm. Free.

TUESDAY, JAN. 12 Roseanne Parry Presents Turn of the Tide

After a tsunami destroys their home in Japan, Kai’s parents send him to Astoria to live with his cousins. As the culture shock begins to wear off, Kai starts to bond with his cousin, Jet, over their mutual love of sailing.

It’s Rosanne Parry’s latest children’s book, Turn of the Tide. Annie Bloom’s Books, 7834 SW Capitol Highway, 246-0053. 7 pm. Free.

Sarah Centrella

After she kicked her husband out for cheating on her, Sarah Centrella found herself in a desperate situation: three kids, no job and bills galore. But through belief and setting goals, she’s now living her dream as a writer and life coach.

She outlines her practices in her new book, Hustle Believe Receive.

She’ll be speaking with three people that she follows in her book: Rose Bowl MVP Lavasier Tuinei, Quin Candy founder Jamie Curl and ablutionist Charise Weller. Caveat: it’s probably not as effectual as being born to rich parents. Powell’s at Cedar Hills Books, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., 228-4651. 7 pm. Free.

We Have the Technology

• One-time price of $250

Questions? Please contact Matt Plambeck at 503-445-2757 or mplambeck@wweek.com 38

Oregon’s history was made by women. In her new book, Remarkable Oregon Women, Jennifer Chambers, co-owner of Groundwaters Publishing, explores some of the most amazing stories of women standing up and standing out in the state. Those profiled in the book include Vanport activist Julia Ruuttila; our fair city’s first female police officer, Lola Baldwin; and Laura Stockton Starcher, who outpolled her husband to become mayor of Umatilla in 1916. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651. 7:30 pm. Free.

Castle or that little robot guy from the new Star Wars, BB-8. In her new book, The Nerdy Nummies Cookbook, she offers similar instructions, though, it appears, with fewer Disney intellectual properties. A must-have for anyone in your family who gets deeply psyched about Pi Day or hangs out on Pinterest.

Powell’s at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., 228-4651.

Noon. Free.

The Nerdy Nummies Cookbook

With over 5 million subscribers and 1 billion views, Rosanna Pansino’s cooking show, Nerdy Nummies, has become the leading authority for recipes on cakes shaped like Captain America’s shield, Bowser’s

Infrared eye implants. A flavor that isn’t sweet, salty, sour, bitter or umami, but something new altogether. These are just some of the sensory possibilities that lurk on humankind’s horizon, thanks to rigorous scientific research, and Jekyllian self-experimentation. Kara Platoni, longtime staff writer at alt weekly East Bay Express, explores them in her new book, We Have the Technology. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 228-4651.

7:30 pm. Free.

For more Books listings, visit

Thank you, PorTland!

$3,500,000 raised

Thank you, Sponsors! a to Z Wineworks | Bank of america | Barran liebman | Bob’s red Mill | Central City Coffee Chinook Book | Comcast | davis Wright Tremaine | Emma’s Garden | Grady Britton | IkEa Morel Ink | nonstop Wellness | The oregon Community Foundation | oregon Cultural Trust Penner-ash Wine Cellars | PGE Foundation | revolution hall / Mississippi Studios rose City Mortgage | Schlesinger Family Foundation | The Standard Stumptown Coffee roasters | Widmer

For more results go to giveguide.org Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

39

MOVIES = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Editor: ENID SPITZ.. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210.. Email: espitz@wweek. com. Fax: 243-1115.

OPENING THIS WEEK Contact Dance

ELISE ENGLERT

It’s been a tough year for dance in Portland, so BodyVox is trying a different medium. The company’s first annual Contact Dance series hops between the NW Film Center and BodyVox studio, screening collections of short dances on film, a documentary about acclaimed choreographer Paul Taylor’s 133rd dance Paul Taylor Creative Domain screens (Paul 7 and 9 pm Thursday, Jan. 7, and 7 pm Saturday, Jan. 9) and Trash Dance, Allison Orr’s project to turn sanitation workers into performers (7 and 9 pm Friday, Jan. 8). NR. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

From Bombay to Bollywood

Don’t call it all Bollywood—that term applies only to movies made in Mumbai.

The NW Film Center is debunking the “song and a wedding” stereotype of Indian filmmaking with 10 movies sponsored by the likes of East India Grill, DJ Anjali and the government of India.

Awaara (6:30 pm Sunday, Jan. 10) kicks it off with a lady-and-tramp story directed by Raj Kapoor, who’s known as “the showman auteur of Indian cinema,” and Pyaasa (1957), about a struggling poet who is mistakenly pronounced dead and becomes posthumously famous (6:30 pm Sunday, Jan. 10). NR. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium.

STILL SHOWING

Bear Republic THE REVENANT IS COLD, CALCULATING AND MARVELOUS.

The Big Short

BY AP K RYZ A

financial crisis, but The Big Short is the first good one. It’s based on the book by Michael Lewis, who’s known for making complicated financial issues into compelling stories, and adapted by Adam McKay, who is known for Talladega Nights and the “More Cowbell” sketch.

Surprisingly, this combo works. The film focuses on three real weirdos (Steve Carell, Christian Bale and Brad Pitt) who were some of the only people to predict the collapse of the housing market in 2007. It’s entertaining and informative, just like you’d expect from Michael Lewis and not at all what you’d expect from Adam McKay. R. ALEX FLACONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cornelius, Living Room Theaters, Oak Grove, Bridgeport, City Center, Evergreen, Lloyd Center, Tigard, Sandy.

In terms of pure spectacle and cinematic beauty, Alejandro González Iñárritu’s The Revenant approaches masterpiece status. From the opening single-take melée that plays like a frontier cousin to Saving Private Ryan’s Omaha Beach landing, to a brutal climax in a frozen river valley—it is a film in which virtually every frame is worthy of hanging on a wall like a bloodsoaked Ansel Adams.

The craftsmanship that propels The Revenant shouldn’t surprise anybody who saw Iñárritu and cinematographer Emmanuel Lubezki’s Oscar-winning Birdman. Here, it’s like the pair is playing a game of cinematic oneupmanship, shooting The Revenant in all-natural lighting and packing it with dazzling tracking shots that create a gritty, visceral realism that’s as exhausting as it is awe-inspiring.

For all its complicated technical feats, the film’s (loosely) fact-based story couldn’t be simpler. Fur trapper Hugh Glass (Leonardo DiCaprio), the kind of nearferal outdoorsman that Ted Nugent writes songs about, finds his trapping party on the receiving end of a bear attack that leaves him barely clinging to life. With the elements closing in, the party’s captain directs two of the group—naive Bridger (Will Poulter) and greedy Fitzgerald (Tom Hardy)—to stay behind with Glass and his

A We’re in a bubble of movies about the

Bridge of Spies

B- Steven Spielberg was born to convey viewers through weird and wonderful alternate realities, but the director’s gift just doesn’t shine as brightly when he contends with humanity’s past.

Bridge of Spies, starring Tom Hanks as an insurance lawyer recruited by the U.S. government to negotiate a spyfor-spy trade with the Soviet Union, benefits from a caustic screenplay by the Coen brothers. While Spielberg is pretty good even when he’s on autopilot, there is little here that doesn’t feel perfunctory. PG-13. CHRIS STAMM. Lake Theater, Living Room Theaters.

Brooklyn

A- Based on the novel by Irish author

Colm Tóibín and adapted by Nick Hornby (High Fidelty, About a Boy), Brooklyn is just the sweetest thing. Saoirse Ronan (Atonement) makes an adorable couple with Emory Cohen (Smash), and I could watch them court for hours, especially their awkward dinners with Cohen’s Italian family. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Cinema 21, City Center.

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apkryza@wweek.com

half-Pawnee son Hawk (Forrest Goodluck) to see Glass through to his apparently imminent death. While Bridger is away from camp, Fitzgerald expedites the process by killing Hawk and burying the still-breathing Glass.

Naturally, Glass—a mass of broken bones and exposed flesh—comes to, digs himself out, buries his son and sets out to claw his way across hundreds of miles of frozen landscape in pursuit of vengeance.

Playing Klaus Kinski to Iñárritu’s Werner Herzog for what was reportedly a shoot of Fitzcarraldo-level difficulty, DiCaprio brings his A-game to an abstract role. The Revenant is nothing if not ambitious: a high-concept art film that happens to have an A-list cast and a huge budget. With only a handful of lines in English, DiCaprio’s Glass is defined by action, and only a few Terrence Malickstyle dream sequences offer insight into what drives him. Instead, DiCaprio does all

the heavy lifting in character development with his pained and determined eyes, giving a powerhouse physical performance that might not be his best, but it comes close. He’s basically in full Death Wish mode, selling the character’s motivations in relative silence.

But DiCaprio is matched—if not surpassed—by Hardy, who seems like a man born in the blood and muck of the wild. His Fitzgerald is a character of complex despicability, layering cowardice and selfishness atop a façade of unbreakable masculinity. Speaking in an accent so garbled it makes Jeff Bridges’ Rooster Cogburn sound like a master orator, his fireside chats with Bridger are among the film’s best moments, with Hardy defending his malicious opportunism as if he were America itself during the age of Manifest Destiny.

The Revenant is, of course, not without flaws. Ever since his electric debut, Amores Perros, Iñárritu has overstuffed his narratives. Here, subplots involving French trappers and a kidnapped Arikara woman kill momentum, the film is littered with distractingly fake CGI animals, and rare moments of peace—like Glass catching snowflakes on his battered tongue—are so heavy-handed that they border on goofy.

Such quibbles aren’t enough to detract from The Revenant’s achievement as one of the best wilderness survival films of all time, though. It’s a violent, unrelenting and staggeringly beautiful cinematic experience that leaves you feeling battered by an angry mother bear by the time the credits roll, but ready to take the ride again. Brace yourself.

A- SEE IT: The Revenant is rated R. It opens Friday in most Portland-area theaters.

MOVIES A Like a long-gone grandparent, Portland director Todd Haynes’ newest feature is an experience that you remember mostly by token images—Cate Blanchett’s lacquered nails, Rooney Mara developing film in her shabby apartment kitchen, Blanchett’s lipstick stains on Mara’s nipples. A romance between a young salesgirl and older housewife set against the picture-book 1950s, Carol in many ways echoes Haynes’ Oscarnominated Far From Heaven. It’s an almost painfully beautiful adaptation of Patricia Highsmith’s novel, The Price of Salt, with Haynes’ signature touches— magnetic actresses and gorgeous shots of them lighting slim cigarettes. This is the first Haynes feature with a lesbian couple front and center, and the first he didn’t write. Framed to channel Vivian Maier’s midcentury photography of Chicago, the film shows romance as tea sandwiches, abusive husbands and Lindy hops in equal measure. And a sense of voyeurism colors the film—we sit in on the couple’s first date, and in the final scene, Haynes transplants our eyes into Therese’s head and makes them stare straight into Carol’s. But Carol seduced you already, two hours back. R. ENID SPITZ. Clackamas, Hollywood, Fox Tower.

Chi-Raq

B+ If you’re a fan of modern interpretations of classic Greek drama or showmanship in the style of Baz Luhrman, then this is the Spike Lee joint you’ve been waiting for. Based on Aristophanes’ comedy Lysistrata, Lee tells the tale of an indomitable heroine rallying women from both sides of the Peloponnesian War to withhold sex in order to force the armies to negotiate peace. Through the lens of modern, vibrant, Spike Lee-styled Chicago, the classic takes on a gritty texture. In an unsuccessful homage to its Grecian roots, much of Chi-Raq’s dialogue rhymes, resembling a draft of “Dr. Seuss Goes to Englewood.” R. LAUREN TERRY. Cinema 21.

Concussion

C- The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air stars in a movie based on a GQ article about a coroner living in Pittsburgh who discovered brain damage in a retired player and was hounded by the NFL to retract his findings. Unfortunately, even Alec Baldwin, Albert Brooks and Big Willie Style (complete with a halfway decent Nigerian accent) couldn’t make an exciting story out of microscopes, publishing scientific papers, and men sitting around conference tables lying to each other.

PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Forest Theatre, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

Creed

A- Creed—the seventh movie in the

Rocky franchise—is more like the original Rocky than its sequels because it’s mostly good, but also because it’s almost entirely the same movie as Rocky. It feels more like an apology for the mediocre Rocky movies we’ve endured, more like a series reboot than a sequel, featuring a stronger young actor in Michael B. Jordan. PG-13. ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Division, Movies on TV.

Crimson Peak

B+ “It’s not a ghost story. It’s a story with ghosts in it,” a film in which the things that go bump in the night are not nearly as terrifying as the people who walk the earth. R. AP KRYZA. Laurelhurst, Valley.

Daddy’s Home

B Will Ferrell hasn’t exhausted the comedy of emasculation just yet—his argyle sweater vest-wearing persona still has some comic juice, especially teamed with The Other Guys co-star Mark Wahlberg’s alpha male. Brad (Ferrell) works at a smooth-jazz radio station— the movie gets points just for that glorious touch—and is determined to be the world’s best stepdad to the kids of new wife Sarah (Linda Cardellini). Enter Dusty (Wahlberg), Sarah’s tattooed, chopperridin’ ex, who might want to re-enter the family portrait. Director Sean Anders sticks to sitcom setups, and obvious gags. But compared to, say, the shape-

less Sisters, Daddy’s Home at least has structure and sincerity (both films have jokes about genitals). Nothing here is as soaringly daft as the “lions vs. tunas” exchange in The Other Guys, but there’s a nice surreal bit about a home repairman (Hannibal Buress) who shows up one day and then just never leaves Brad’s house. Enough of that kind of thing keeps Daddy’s Home recognizably, and acceptably, Ferrell-esque. PG. ROBERT HORTON. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy, St. Johns Theater.

The Danish Girl

A In director Tom Hooper’s first film

since Les Miserables, Eddie Redmayne plays Einar Wegener, one of the first people to undergo gender reassignment surgery, in the story from David Ebershoff ’s novel of the same name.

Wegener and his wife, Gerda (Alicia Vikander), a fellow artist and his best friend, make the perfect, hip art couple of 1920s Copenhagen. But the camera immediately drops hints of Einar’s internal conflict, pausing to catch him ogle Gerda’s rouge and face powder.

When he stands in for one of Gerda’s models for a painting, Einar dons the name “Lili,” quivering with electricity at the touch of stockings on his skin and exuding Old World femininity with every flick of his eyelashes. When confronted with his male body, the pain in his face is nothing short of torture.

As Einar sheds his masculine shell for longer periods, Lili becomes more than a game of dress-up between him and Gerda, and Hooper’s film drives it home as they prepare to say goodbye to the man who was Einar. R. LAUREN TERRY. Bridgeport, City Center, Fox Tower.

Everest

B+ In 1996, a stranded group of climbers met a massive storm at the top of the world. Led by New Zealand mountaineer Rob Hall (Jason Clarke), the team included writer Jon Krakauer (Michael Kelly), who later wrote the book Into Thin Air about the experience. PG-13. LAUREN TERRY. Valley.

The Good Dinosaur

B- The Good Dinosaur is a Little House on the Prairie-style rendering of pioneer life, except, of course, all the characters are talking dinosaurs living in an alternate reality where a certain fateful asteroid never made impact.

PG. PENELOPE BASS. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Empirical, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, Division, Evergreen, Movies on TV, Tigard, Wilsonville.

The Hateful Eight

A- Quentin Tarantino’s new mystery Western, The Hateful Eight is a lot of very good things. It’s a spectacular bit of storytelling set against 70 millimeters of Wyoming grandeur, yet neat enough to fit together like the gears in a Swiss watch, with stellar character acting and crackling dialogue. But it’s also very much a Tarantino film. Yes, there are buckets of bright red blood spilled on bright white shirts, copious use of the most offensive English-language word beginning with N, and a bloody Mexican standoff. Kurt Russell is John “The Hangman” Ruth, a bounty hunter charged with bringing the mysterious Daisy Domergue (Jennifer Jason Leigh) into Red Rock, Wyo., to hang. His stagecoach comes across snowbound and desperate Samuel L. Jackson and Walton Goggins, and they’re eventually trapped inside a country inn with four lodgers. It’s a great setup, and the long and plentiful monologues are sharp, backstories emerge in a natural way, and the twists are unexpected until they’re obvious. The cartoonish level of violence will give some pause— it’s Kill Bill with fewer bodies but tighter shots—but that’s to be expected of Tarantino, a man who’s had 20 years to indulge his impulses, and who’ll hopefully have 20 more. R. MARTIN CIZMAR. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Hollywood, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy, St. Johns

Cinemas, Hollywood, Bridgeport.

The Hunger Games: Mockingjay, Part 2

B Mockingjay Part 2, the conclusion of the Hunger Games series, looks spectacular. The burned-out shells of future mega-city the Capitol set a perfect mood, the costumes are inventive and cool, and the acting is almost too good since it results in many great actors having only a couple lines. And yet, all that solid artistic work almost, but not entirely, distracts from the fact that MJP2 is a supremely goofy movie. Set during the conclusion of the revolution started in Catching Fire, Katniss Everdeen leads a group of rebels against the Capitol, which has been booby-trapped with hot oil, lasers, and an army of lizard people. PG-13.

ALEX FALCONE. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville.

The Intern

B+ Ben (Robert De Niro), an active

widower and retiree in need of something to keep himself busy, applies to a senior internship program at “About the Fit,” a Topshop-like online clothing site founded by the dedicated Jules Ostin (Anne Hathaway). It’s a refreshingly modern concept, serving as a reminder that the timeless art of being a gentleman begins with respect.

PG-13. LAUREN TERRY. Academy, Laurelhurst, Vancouver, Valley.

Joy

B+ Director David O. Russell takes his formula for American Hustle, wraps it in Christmastime and casts America’s asskicking sweetheart Jennifer Lawrence as the woman who invented the selfwringing Miracle Mop. Joy (Lawrence) is the ultimate handyman, balancing her explosive father (Robert De Niro) and musician ex-husband (Édgar Ramirez) fighting in the basement, her antisocial and bed-ridden mother (Virginia Madsen), two kids and too many unpaid bills. She fixes plumbing, shoots rifles to let off steam, bleeds a widow (Isabella Rossellini) for money and

gives Bradley Cooper’s Home Shopping Network exec a piece of her mind.

The movie is a joy to look at, bBut don’t those mail-order deals always seem smaller in real life? PG-13. ENID SPITZ. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, CineMagic, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Forest Theatre, Hollywood, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

The Martian

B- It’s just a pretty good sci-fi yarn based on Andy Weir’s book that stumbles on its own ambition. When a massive storm hits the Martian exploration project and Watney’s team leaves him for dead, the skilled botanist realizes that the only way to avoid starvation and space madness is to “science the shit” out of his situation. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Academy, Avalon, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Mt. Hood, Vancouver, Valley.

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FEATURE MARK ANDRES

Carol

Dream Screen When he looks at the Northwest landscape, painter-turned-filmmaker Mark Andres’ brain jumps around like a parakeet on speed. His artist’s statement tries to explain the Freudian chute in his head: “The image of my father’s face...the Lunar Module from Apollo 11, then a black woman coming out of the shower, then my mother in a nurse’s uniform, then the inside of a clock, a helicopter landing in Afghanistan at night.”

Andres’ newest feature, The Somnambulists, is his attempt to transfer this imagery to the silver screen.

But “film” is a misnomer for Andres’ art flicks.

Andres films his sketches, edits the footage into a storyline and adds superimposed text and original scores, adapting his static art into shorts like 2009’s Night Ferry and features like The Somnambulists and The Immortal Head, both of which won the Best Animated Feature award at L.A.’s Independent Filmmakers Showcase.

Inspired by Renaissance frescoes he saw on a 2006 trip to Italy that reminded him of massive, stuccoed comics, Andres came home to Portland and tried to convey his thoughts with paint. For the first time in his 30-year career—he’s been a mainstay in Portland galleries like the Augen since 1990—he used massive canvases and traded his usual landscapes for zoomed-in portraits of people kissing, disassembled mannequins, African slaves lined up for sale, and an MIA look-alike talking on her cellphone.

For the leap from canvas to screen, Andres pioneered what he calls “kinographic novels.” “The idea came out of my frustration at doing artist talks,” Andres says. “I wanted to take audiences on a journey, not just show them pictures.”

The Somnambulists is an unromantic adult comic about a brain-dead future in which the drug Somnambula removes all need for sleep. In the film’s 24/7 world, humanity exists in a perpetual dream state where characters sleep-eat, sleep-work, sleep-tightrope walk and sleep-fuck in scenes that look like Bill Plympton’s drawings with the Ken Burns effect applied. “It’s dark.

Underground, on the moon, with no day or night,” Andres says. “I wanted to tell a story about someone trying to wake up to their own life.”

If Salad Fingers remade WALL-E, gave it the Fantasia 2000 treatment and rated it R, it would look a The Somnambulists is a feature made entirely of sketches.

A STARTLING GESTURE

TINA LUNA

lot like The Somnambulists. The film pans, spirals and zooms through rough charcoal sketches of bleak scenes—men in bowler hats ogling belly dancers and a woman sleepwalking out her bedroom window— completely dialogue-free.

While the film oozes artsiness from every lo-fi frame, even after 94 uninterrupted minutes of staring at Andres’ work—more than anyone is likely to spend in a static exhibit—it’s nearly impossible to envision what the sketches look like in a gallery. That’s why Augen is showing The Somnambulists’ source material in a special exhibit this month. A decade ago he jumped from painting to film, and now he reverses that process, hanging the small sketches he made just for the film as a stand-alone show. The small and imperfect papers with smudges and stray marks are intentionally rough, Andres says.

“I’m at the other end of the spectrum from all the high-tech CGI films now,” he adds. “The more low-tech, the better. I like the eraser crumbs.”

ENID SPITZ. B+ SEE IT: The Somnambulists is not rated. It screens at NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave. 7 pm Wednesday, Jan. 6. $9.

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MOVIES A In remote Turkey, five orphaned sisters

are strictly confined to their home while their uncle arranges their marriages. In this feature debut from director Deniz Gamze Ergüven, Lale—the youngest sister—watches her siblings capitulate to suffocating patriarchy and searches herself for the strength to escape. PG-13.

MIKE GALLUCCI. Living Room Theaters.

Noma: My Perfect Storm

A- Not only does Denmark have thousands of spoiled cyclists, the happiest people in the world and the headquarters for Lego, it’s also home to Noma, a restaurant that uses only seasonal Scandinavian ingredients and was ranked Best Restaurant in the World

by Restaurant magazine four times.

Pierre Deschamps’ documentary about Noma and its founder Rene Redzepi is ultimately a love letter to Scandinavia written in tight shots of dishes with musing voice-overs and dewy Danish forests set to ethereal soundscapes. The film forgoes narration for a naturalistic style, putting viewers in the place they’re most curious about—the kitchen. And that’s where the film should have stayed.

By the end, shots of sunny fields and the word “seasonality” get old. NR. SOPHIA JUNE. Cinema 21.

A

Peggy Guggenheim: Art Addict

In the tradition of Grey Gardens, filmmaker and fashion addict Lisa Immordino Vreeland throws viewers into the closeted, batshit world of the woman who imagined London’s first modern art museum, slept with Samuel Beckett, commissioned Jackson Pollock’s largest-ever work for her front entry, and once had an original Dalí delivered to her in bed. NR. ENID SPITZ. Living Room Theaters.

The Peanuts Movie

A bald child named Charlie battles questionable fashion choices, impossible odds and burgeoning hormones. G. Academy, Avalon, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Mt. Hood, Vancouver, Joy, Valley.

Point Break

D+ It’s as if somebody stripped the original of its charm and character dynamic, let it soak in a bucket of Mountain Dew, Red Bull and Axe body spray, and then plopped it onscreen, dripping and bulging. Johnny Utah (Luke Bracey, making Reeves seem like Orson Welles), a young FBI agent with a chip on his shoulder, again infiltrates a gang of mysterious, adrenaline-addicted thieves led by the charismatic Bodhi (Édgar Ramirez). Utah gets in too deep, drawn like others to Bodhi’s mysterious charm.

People die. Things blow up. Athletes do extreme things. But outside the basic outline, Point Break 2015 shares very little with its predecessor. PG-13. AP KRYZA. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy.

Room

B+ In this riveting adaptation of Emma Donoghue’s novel, an abducted woman must raise her son in a confined space.

R. LAUREN TERRY. Academy, Kiggins Theatre, Laurelhurst.

Sicario

A How do you like your tension?

Relentless? Then you’re in luck, my friend, because Sicario is like a broken elevator; it never lets up. R. ALEX FALCONE. Laurelhurst.

Sisters

C+ As Gen X plunges into the Big Four-O with all the grace of an arthritic Tommy Lee flailing about his gyroscopic drum riser, studios have released a slew of movies about the bummers of aging: You’ve got your Grown-Ups, your Hot Tub Time Machines, your Star Wars (I assume that’s what Chewie’s arc will be about), etc. This year, America’s pre-eminent comedic minds, Amy Poehler and Tina Fey, take a crack at it as the titular sisters who throw one last rager in their family house before their parents sell it. For the most part, it’s a straight-up party comedy, replete with the requisite tropes, and given the preponderance of truly innovative comedi-

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ans, Sisters is disappointingly standard.

R. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy

AP FILM STUDIES C O U R T E S Y O F S T E R L I N G I N V E S T M E N T C O R P.

Mustang

Spectre

C+ The 26th Bond film—has it all, and more. The one thing it doesn’t have is the ability to leave a lasting impression. We walk out of the theater neither shaken nor stirred. Following the impressive Skyfall, director Sam Mendes returns to the director’s chair. Buildings crumble, helicopters do barrel rolls, and Daniel Craig nonchalantly causes millions in property damage. But from the minute Sam Smith’s grating theme music starts, the movie slides downhill. Most disappointing is Christoph Waltz—so perfect in Inglourious Basterds and Django Unchained—who just sneers, cackles and hunches. Sure, there’s fun to be had— Bond drives a tricked-out ride through Rome’s narrow streets and engages in an Alpine plane chase before the anticlimactic conclusion (extremely uncommon for the series) lands with a dull thud. Considering everybody who’s involved in Spectre, the very last reaction anybody expected was “meh.” PG-13. AP KRYZA. Mt. Hood, Evergreen, Fox Tower, Vancouver.

Spotlight

A- Spotlight inverts the usual comparison: It’s a movie that feels like prestige television. Specifically, it feels like The Wire. An Oscar favorite recounting how a Boston Globe investigative team uncovered an epidemic of pederast priests abetted by the Archdiocese, Spotlight borrows the rhythms of a propulsive TV procedural. It resists the temptation for self-congratulation. R. AARON MESH. Bridgeport, Fox Tower.

Star Wars: The Force Awakens

A- If there’s one thing we know about Star Wars fans, it’s that they’re as resistant to change as any religious zealot.

And so, the best thing that can be said about The Force Awakens is that it’s almost old-fashioned. There’s no Dark Knight-style brooding, no ring-ading-ding dialogue a la The Avengers or Guardians of the Galaxy. The action is fairly nonstop, but not shot up with meth and Red Bull like Mad Max: Fury Road. The story here is pretty simple: Some guys in helmets are threatening peace in the galaxy, and it’s up to, well, you-know-who to stop them. This is the first installment of a new trilogy, which means developing new heroes and villains for a generation that doesn’t know Dooku from Lando. And that’s mostly the feeling you’ll have leaving the theater— that all you’ve really seen is the first third of a series that’s going to take the next half-decade to climax. PG-13. MATTHEW SINGER. Bagdad, Cedar Hills, Eastport, Clackamas, Mill Plain, Cornelius, Edgefield, Lake Theater, Milwaukie, Moreland, Oak Grove, Cinema 99, Bridgeport, City Center, Division, Evergreen, Hilltop, Lloyd Center, Movies on TV, Pioneer Place, Sherwood, Tigard, Wilsonville, Sandy, St. Johns Cinemas.

Youth

C Italian filmmaker and Oscar winner

Paolo Sorrentino’s exploration of aging, starring Michael Caine and Harvey Keitel as two graying artists, feels artistically important. Almost too much so.

Despite coming from a well-respected filmmaker working with an all-star cast, it ends up feeling like too much beautiful, existential pondering without enough teeth. Caine and Keitel sit around talking about the past and how much they piss, which doesn’t sound cute or important, even from Caine.

Then they make profound pronouncements: “You say emotions don’t matter.

Emotions are all we have.” Then a naked person or a cow walks by, and it might mean something. A lot of stuff might— like, why does Caine’s daughter make out with the ugly mountaineer? Why is Paul Dano dressed like Hitler? After a masseuse gives Caine a hand job, why do we watch her play Dance Dance Revolution? Like, eight times? PG-13.

ALEX FALCONE. Cinema 21.

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Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

MUGHAL-E-AZAM

Bollywood Calling A PRIMER IN INDIAN FILM FROM DJ ANJALI AND THE INCREDIBLE KID.

BY A P kRYz A

apkryza@wweek.com

At the desk of AP Film Studies, I pretend to know a lot of things, from plot details of silent-era films to the secrets contained in every follicle of Keanu Reeves lush mane. But when it comes to Bollywood— I can’t even begin to bullshit.

Bollywood cranks out more than 1,000 films a year (double Hollywood’s output), and this weekend, the NW Film Center kicks off its snapshot of Indian cinema with “From Bombay to Bollywood.”

It’s a nice primer in the intricacies of Indian cinema, but this is AP. So, for extra credit, we asked DJ Anjali and the Incredible Kid—hosts of the West Coast’s longest-running Bollywood/ Bangra dance parties and the weekly Chor Bazaar radio show on XRAY. FM—to pick five of their favorite Indian films as supplements to the series.

Kalpana (1948)

It’s the only film by Ravi Shankar’s elder brother, noted dancer Uday Shankar, which Martin Scorsese called a “great work of hallucinatory, homemade expressionism and ecstatic beauty.” Uday Shankar wrote and directed this passionate, pedagogical, phantasmagorical and humanist dance-drama that features over 82 dance sequences in a manifesto calling for postindependence India to embrace its cultural traditions.

The Lunchbox (2013)

The feature debut of Ritesh Batra was controversially passed up by the Film Federation of India as the country’s Oscar contender that year. It’s a yearning, tender, epistolary romance (featuring tiffins and dabbawalas) between Nimrat Kaur and Irrfan Khan, who even non-Bollywood fans will recognize from Slumdog Millionaire, The Amazing Spider-Man and Jurassic World. It’s set in a Mumbai that looks and feels like the real Mumbai, inhabited by millions of Indians, and not the idealized Bollywood fantasy that you can only visit in the movies.

Don (1978)

Don is a gangster Masala film starring India’s beloved Amitabh Bachchan and kick-ass heroine Zeenat Aman in an over-the-top crowd-pleaser

featuring dual roles, homeless orphans and martial-arts action. Plus, it has a dance from Bollywood legend Helen and a super-funky Kalyanji-Anandji soundtrack featuring all-time classic sing-alongs.

Pakeezah (1972)

Pakeezah is the sad love story of a tawaif (Mughal court dancer) starring Meena Kumari—who’s often called the Tragedy Queen—in her last role. It’s a gorgeous, stylized homage to the long-lost Muslim world of Mujra dance and Urdu poetry. This one is Anjali’s personal favorite, with scenes and an accompanying soundtrack that are classic Bollywood.

Mughal-e-Azam (1960)

This is the classic Indian love story of Salim and Anarkali, with legendary actors Dilip Kumar and Madhubala starring alongside an amazing soundtrack by Naushad.

Anjali, who recommends the colorized version, notes that it also features her mom’s dance guru, Gopi Krishna.

SEE IT: From Bombay to Bollywood’s kickoff party, with DJ Anjali and the Incredible Kid, begins after Awaara screens at the NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium. Noon Saturday, Jan 9. Full listings are at nwfilm.org. alSo showiNG:

Church of Film kicks off its Late Weimar Glam series with 1934’s Maskerade—Willi Forst’s melodrama about the aftermath of a leaked nude drawing of a high-society woman. That shit was happening way before the Cloud. North Star Ballroom. 8 pm Wednesday, Jan. 6.

Of all David Bowie’s film roles, his alien visitor in The Man Who Fell to Earth is the most normal, probably because he’s just playing himself. Academy Theater. Jan. 8-14.

Ridley Scott’s masterpiece, Blade Runner, returns to the multiplex in its intended form: the director’s voice-over-free final cut. Century Clackamas Town Center. 2 pm Sunday, Jan. 10.

The Reproductive Justice Film Series presents Made in India, a 2010 documentary about the outsourcing of surrogate mothers in India. Clinton Street Theater. 7 pm Tuesday, Jan. 12.

OMSI’s weeklong run of Studio Ghibli starts Tuesday with the devastating war meditation Grave of the Fireflies and the Japanese folk story The Tale of Princess Kaguya. OMSI. Jan. 12-18. Full listings at OMSI.edu.

Laurelhurst Theatre & Pub

Regal Lloyd Center 10 & IMAX

1510 NE Multnomah St. STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS -- AN IMAX 3D EXPERIENCE Wed-Thu 12:20, 3:40, 7:00, 10:20 SHERLOCK: THE ABOMINABLE BRIDE Wed 7:30 THE HATEFUL EIGHT Wed-Thu 12:10, 2:50, 6:40, 9:10 CONCUSSION Wed-Thu 11:55, 2:55, 6:00, 10:30 DADDY’S HOME Wed Thu 11:35, 3:55, 10:30 JOY Wed-Thu 12:40, 3:50, 7:10, 10:15 POINT BREAK Wed -Thu 4:20, 10:25 POINT BREAK 3D Wed-Thu 12:50, 7:30 ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE ROAD CHIP Wed-Thu 7:20, 9:55 SISTERS Wed-Thu 12:30, 3:25, 6:20, 9:20 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Wed 3:05, 6:30 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS 3D Wed-Thu 11:45, 9:50 THE BIG SHORT Wed-Thu 12:00, 3:15, 6:50, 10:00 THE REVENANT Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun 11:30, 3:50, 6:50, 10:00

Regal Vancouver Plaza 10

7800 NE Fourth Plain Blvd.

KRAMPUS Wed-Thu 1:00, 3:55, 6:15, 9:00 THE NIGHT BEFORE Wed-Thu 1:05, 3:45, 6:50, 9:25 LOVE THE COOPERS Wed Thu 2:00, 4:40, 7:10, 10:05 SPECTRE Wed-Thu 2:10, 6:30, 9:35 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed-Thu 1:00, 3:35, 6:00, 8:45 GOOSEBUMPS Wed-Thu 1:40, 4:00, 6:25, 9:10 THE MARTIAN Wed-Thu 1:30, 6:40, 9:40 HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 Wed-Thu 1:10, 3:25, 6:05, 8:55 THE INTERN Wed-Thu 4:25, 7:20, 10:00 MAZE RUNNER: THE SCORCH TRIALS Wed Thu 1:20, 4:10, 7:00, 9:50 MINIONS Wed-Thu 1:50, 4:30

Regal Division Street Stadium 13

Avalon Theatre & Wunderland

3451 SE Belmont St., 503-238-1617 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 1:00, 2:50, 4:35 PAN Wed-Thu 4:40 THE MARTIAN Wed-Thu-FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 7:00, 9:35 HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 12:45, 2:35 IN THE HEART OF THE SEA Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 4:45, 7:10, 9:30

Bagdad Theater

3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 11:30, 3:00, 7:00, 10:45

Cinema 21

616 NW 21st Ave., 503-223-4515 BROOKLYN Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 4:15, 6:45, 9:00 JANIS: LITTLE GIRL BLUE Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 4:30, 6:30 CHI-RAQ Wed Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 8:45 NOMA, MY PERFECT STORM Wed-Thu 6:45, 9:00 YOUTH Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 4:00, 6:45, 9:10

Clinton Street Theater 2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-8899 THE FROGMAN CROSSOVER SERIES Wed 8:00 ODDS AND ENDS Thu 7:00 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY FriMon THE ROCKY HORROR PICTURE SHOW Sat 12:00 WINDSTORM Sun 3:00 RIPPLES OF DESIRE Sun 5:15 MADE IN INDIA Tue 7:00

The Joy Cinema and Pub

11959 SW Pacific Highway, 971-245-6467 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed Thu 6:00 MANOS, THE HANDS OF FATE Wed 9:00 THE MARTIAN 3D Thu 8:00

Lake Theater & Cafe

Mission Theater and Pub

1624 NW Glisan St. BACK TO THE FUTURE PART II Wed 5:30 CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE THIRD KIND Wed 8:30

St. Johns Cinemas

8704 N Lombard St., 503-286-1768 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 3:50, 7:00 THE HATEFUL EIGHT Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 4:00, 7:55

CineMagic Theatre

2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-231-7919 JOY Wed-Thu 4:25, 7:00, 9:35 THE REVENANT Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 5:00, 8:05

Regal City Center Stadium 12

801 C St. THE HATEFUL EIGHT Wed Thu 10:55, 2:35, 6:15, 9:55 CONCUSSION Wed-Thu 12:15, 3:10, 6:25, 9:20 DADDY’S HOME Wed-Thu 11:45, 2:10, 4:35, 6:55, 9:40 JOY Wed -Thu 12:05, 3:00, 6:00, 9:15 POINT BREAK Wed -Thu 2:00 POINT BREAK 3D Wed-Thu 11:15, 5:15, 8:45 SISTERS Wed-Thu 11:50, 2:45, 5:35 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Wed -Thu 3:20, 6:40, 9:00 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS 3D Wed-Thu 11:00, 11:30, 12:00, 2:20, 2:50, 5:40, 6:10, 9:30, 10:00 THE BIG SHORT Wed Thu 11:25, 2:25, 5:25, 8:25 THE DANISH GIRL Wed-Thu 12:30, 3:30 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed Thu 3:25 BROOKLYN Wed -Thu 12:20 THE FOREST Thu 7:00, 9:25 THE REVENANT Thu 7:00, 8:20

Kennedy School Theater

106 N. State St., 503-482-2135 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 12:00, 3:00, 6:00 BRIDGE OF SPIES Wed-ThuFri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 1:00, 4:00, 7:00

5736 NE 33rd Ave., 503-249-7474 THE MARTIAN Wed-Thu-FriSun-Mon 2:15 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Wed-Thu-Fri-Sun-Mon 5:30 IN THE HEART OF THE SEA Fri-Sun-Mon-Tue 2:30 HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA 2 Sun 12:00

510 SW Hall St., 503-725-3551 NO FILMS SHOWING TODAY Wed-Thu-Mon-Tue CHINATOWN Fri-Sat-Sun 3:00

Hollywood Theatre

4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-281-4215 THE HATEFUL EIGHT Wed Thu 7:30 CAROL Wed-ThuFri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 6:30, 9:00 JOY Wed-Thu-Fri-SatSun-Mon-Tue 7:00, 9:30 THE HATEFUL EIGHT Fri-Sat-SunMon-Tue 7:30

Regal Fox Tower Stadium 10

846 SW Park Ave., SHERLOCK: THE ABOMINABLE BRIDE Wed 7:30 THE HATEFUL EIGHT Wed-Thu 11:00, 12:00, 2:40, 3:40, 6:15, 7:30, 9:45 CONCUSSION Wed-Thu 12:15, 7:00, 9:45 JOY Wed-Thu 11:30, 12:30, 3:00, 4:00, 6:10, 7:10, 9:00, 10:00 SISTERS Wed Thu 12:20, 4:10, 6:50, 9:30 THE DANISH GIRL Wed -Thu 11:50, 3:00, 6:30, 9:20 CAROL Wed-Thu 11:00, 1:40, 4:30, 7:20, 10:00 SPOTLIGHT Wed Thu 11:40, 3:20, 6:40, 9:30 SPECTRE Wed-Thu 11:20, 2:40, 6:00, 9:10

STA

RTS

340 SW Morrison St. DADDY’S HOME Wed -Thu 11:00, 2:00, 4:30, 7:30, 10:15 POINT BREAK Wed -Thu 2:10, 7:40 POINT BREAK 3D Wed-Thu 11:05, 4:45, 10:30 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Wed-Thu 11:20, 3:50, 7:10, 10:00 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS 3D Wed-Thu 12:00, 12:30, 2:40, 3:20, 6:00, 6:40, 9:30, 10:30 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed Thu 11:10, 2:30, 6:15, 9:40

St. Johns Theater

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-249-7474-6 DADDY’S HOME Wed -Thu 1:00, 4:00, 7:00, 9:45

FR

IDA YJ

AN

Regal Pioneer Place Stadium 6

8TH

BEER WINE PIZZA 4 SCREENS LAURELHURSTTHEATER.COM

2735 E BurnsidE st • (503-232-5511) • LaurELhurstthEatEr.com

Living Room Theaters

341 SW 10th Ave., 971-222-2010 BRIDGE OF SPIES Wed Thu 1:00, 4:00, 6:50, 9:35 MACBETH Wed-Thu 12:00, 2:30, 6:40, 9:10 MUSTANG Wed-Thu 12:05, 2:20, 4:30, 7:15, 9:25 PEGGY GUGGENHEIM: ART ADDICT Wed-Thu 5:00 THE BIG SHORT Wed -Thu 11:50, 12:30, 1:30, 2:50, 3:30, 4:20, 6:00, 6:30, 7:00, 8:45, 9:15, 9:45 SUBJECT TO CHANGE. CALL THEATERS OR VISIT WWEEK.COM/MOVIETIMES FOR THE MOST UP-TO-DATE INFORMATION FRIDAY-THURSDAY, JAN. 8-14, UNLESS OTHERWISE INDICATED

C O U R T E S Y O F B R I T I S H L I O N F I L M C O R P O R AT I O N

16603 SE Division St. THE HATEFUL EIGHT Wed Thu 11:45, 2:45, 6:00, 9:45 CONCUSSION Wed-Thu 12:15, 3:20, 7:15, 10:15 DADDY’S HOME Wed-Thu 12:05, 3:30, 7:00, 10:30 JOY Wed -Thu 12:10, 3:05, 7:20, 10:20 POINT BREAK Wed-Thu 12:25, 7:35 POINT BREAK 3D Wed -Thu 3:10, 10:30 ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS: THE ROAD CHIP Wed-Thu 12:35, 3:00, 7:25, 9:55 SISTERS Wed-Thu 12:40, 3:30, 7:05, 10:10 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS Wed Thu 12:30, 3:50, 7:10, 10:00 STAR WARS: THE FORCE AWAKENS 3D Wed -Thu 12:00, 1:00, 3:20, 4:40, 6:40, 8:00, 10:30 CREED Wed -Thu

3:25, 7:30 KRAMPUS Wed Thu 7:50, 10:15 THE GOOD DINOSAUR Wed-Thu 12:55, 3:35 THE HUNGER GAMES: MOCKINGJAY, PART 2 Wed Thu 12:20, 3:40 THE NIGHT BEFORE Wed-Thu 12:50, 10:25 THE REVENANT Thu-Fri 11:30, 3:15, 6:50, 9:30

2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511 THE MARTIAN Wed-Thu-FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 6:45, 9:00 BEVERLY HILLS COP Wed Thu 9:40 THE INTERN Wed Thu 7:00 CRIMSON PEAK Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 9:30 ROOM Wed-Thu-FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 6:30 MERU Wed-Thu-Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 7:15 SICARIO Wed-Thu-FriSat-Sun-Mon-Tue 9:15 TROPIC THUNDER Fri-Sat-Sun-MonTue 9:40 IN THE HEART OF THE SEA Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon-Tue 7:00 THE PEANUTS MOVIE Sat-Sun 1:30

5th Avenue Cinema

THEY’RE LIKE CHILDREN: The Man Who Fell to Earth screens Jan. 8-14 at the Academy Theater.

Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (XD-3D) (PG-13) 12:20PM 3:40PM 7:00PM 10:20PM Masked Saint, The (PG-13) 11:25AM 2:05PM 4:45PM 7:25PM 10:05PM Point Break (2015) (PG-13) 7:15PM 10:05PM Joy (PG-13) 10:50AM 1:45PM 4:40PM 7:35PM 10:30PM Revenant, The (R) 11:20AM 1:05PM 2:55PM 4:40PM 6:30PM 8:15PM 10:10PM Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (3D) (PG13) 11:15AM 11:15AM ® 1:15PM 2:25PM 2:25PM ® 4:35PM 5:50PM 5:50PM ® 8:00PM 9:10PM 9:10PM® Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (PG-13) 10:50AM 11:50AM 2:00PM 3:00PM 5:20PM 6:20PM 8:40PM 9:40PM Sisters (R) 10:55AM 1:50PM 4:45PM 7:40PM 10:30PM Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (PG-13) 11:50AM ® 3:00PM ® 6:20PM ® 9:40PM ®

Big Short, The (R) 1:00PM 4:15PM 7:20PM 10:20PM Carol (R) 10:50AM 1:40PM 4:35PM 7:30PM 10:25PM Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (PG-13) 12:30PM 3:45PM 7:05PM 10:25PM Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (PG) 11:20AM 1:55PM 4:35PM Concussion (PG-13) 10:50AM 1:45PM 4:40PM 7:35PM 10:30PM Good Dinosaur, The (PG) 11:10AM 1:55PM 4:30PM 7:10PM 10:00PM Hateful Eight, The (R) 10:50AM 12:25PM 2:30PM 4:20PM 6:15PM 8:10PM 9:55PM Daddy’s Home (PG-13) 11:45AM 2:25PM 5:05PM 7:50PM 10:25PM Forest, The (PG-13) 12:00PM 2:35PM 5:10PM 7:45PM 10:20PM

Joy (PG-13) 11:00AM 1:55PM 4:50PM 7:45PM 10:40PM Nenu Sailaja (iDream Media) (NR) 12:00PM 3:00PM 6:00PM 9:00PM Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:40PM 2:20PM 4:00PM 5:40PM 7:15PM 9:00PM 10:35PM Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (PG-13) 12:55PM 4:00PM 7:05PM 10:10PM Sisters (R) 11:10AM 2:00PM 4:50PM 7:40PM 10:30PM Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (3D) (PG-13) 11:50AM 1:30PM 3:10PM 4:50PM 6:30PM 8:10PM 9:50PM Point Break (2015) (PG-13) 7:20PM 10:10PM Revenant, The (R) 12:00PM 1:45PM 3:30PM 5:15PM 7:00PM 8:45PM 10:30PM

Big Short, The (R) 1:15PM 4:15PM 7:15PM 10:15PM

Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (PG) 12:15PM 2:40PM 5:05PM 7:35PM Big Short, The (R) 1:45PM 4:45PM 7:45PM 10:45PM Concussion (PG-13) 4:50PM Daddy’s Home (PG-13) 11:45AM 2:15PM 4:45PM 7:15PM 9:45PM Forest, The (PG-13) 12:15PM 2:45PM 5:15PM 7:45PM 10:20PM Hateful Eight, The (R) 11:00AM 2:40PM 6:20PM 10:00PM Hunger Games: Mockingjay Part 2, The (PG-13) 1:00PM 4:10PM 7:25PM 10:35PM Joy (PG-13) 12:30PM 3:30PM 6:45PM 9:45PM Masked Saint, The (PG-13) 11:30AM 2:10PM 5:00PM 7:40PM 10:25PM

Point Break (2015) (PG-13) 1:50PM 10:05PM Revenant, The (R) 11:15AM 2:50PM 6:30PM 8:00PM 10:15PM Sisters (R) 11:10AM 2:05PM 5:00PM 7:55PM 10:45PM Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (3D) (PG-13) 11:50AM 1:30PM 3:10PM 4:50PM 6:30PM 8:10PM 9:50PM Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (PG-13) 11:00AM 12:40PM 2:20PM 4:00PM 5:40PM 7:20PM 9:00PM 10:40PM The Tiger (AG Entertainment) (NR) 12:45PM 3:45PM 7:00PM 10:00PM

Brooklyn (PG-13) 11:00AM Hateful Eight, The (R) 11:00AM 2:40PM 6:20PM 10:00PM Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Road Chip (PG) 11:15AM 1:45PM 4:15PM Forest, The (PG-13) 11:55AM 2:30PM 5:05PM 7:40PM 10:10PM Good Dinosaur, The (PG) 11:30AM 2:00PM 4:30PM Concussion (PG-13) 7:30PM 10:25PM Daddy’s Home (PG-13) 11:55AM 2:30PM 5:00PM 7:30PM 10:00PM

FRIDAY Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

43

END ROLL

Cannabis Crossword (Sort of) Yes, you can handle this crossword if you aren’t a serious stoner. In fact, you might even have a better chance of completing it. This is an attempt to bring in references from a broad spectrum of marijuana culture and beyond, ACROSS

1. The USDA won’t yet give marijuana this certification 2. A heating element in a vape pen 4. The chocolate-coated Hostess pastry that calls your name at the checkout stand 5. A royally large joint 10. The Aussie band that wants to know if you’ll be its girl 11. Where you end up after getting high and watching puppy videos 12. The feeling you experience after eating a gallon of ice cream instead of doing laundry 13. The colors on the Rastafarian flag are red, gold and _______ 14. What you can wear if you’re scared of someone seeing you leave a dispensary 15. Rapper who’s collaborated with Rihanna, Robin Thicke and Iggy Azalea 16. _____ Herer, author of The Emperor Wears No Clothes 17. Strain family with a pungent, gasolinelike aroma 22. “Fuck it, I quit” news anchor Greene 24. What you should say if someone asks you to smoke a Jeffrey 27. Abbreviation for those who use the euro (mostly) 25. Don’t forget this when you go to a dispensary 28. Many-armed boss in Mortal Kombat 30. Wearable garlands of tropical flowers 44

Willamette Week JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

from music to Mortal Kombat and other topics that provided the right number of letters.

That being said, I acknowledge that this will be harder if you didn’t listen early to early-2000s hip-hop. LAUREN TERRY.

31. Janet Jackson: Unbreakable, for example 32. Streaming website for watching South Park 33. The vape won’t begin heating if it isn’t ____ 34. Birthplace of Andre 3000, Kanye and 10 across, abbr.

35. It was Miss Scarlet in the library with the candlestick!

38. The supervisor that busted you for smoking in the dorms 39. Serious fans of the Grateful Dead 42. Sky of blue, ____ of green 43. Old-school slang for a $10 sack of weed DOWN

1. Famous Ocean-Grown strain 2. Dr. Dre’s solo debut album, with “the” 3. Portmanteau for someone making it in cannabusiness 6. Name of Sublime’s beloved Dalmatian mascot 7. Jade, quartz and opal 8. Devious and football-headed baby of Peter and Lois Griffin 9. Stardust or Marley 11. Animal rights organization with risqué campaign posters 17. Applying for a medical card requires a note from this person 18. The cross-eyed drug dealer on Workaholics 19. Leaving your weed in the open, exposed to direct light and moisture, can turn it _____ 20. Bic or Djeep

21. A film by Spike Lee 22. Smoking too much indica will lock you to the _______ 23. Oscar-snubbed actor, familiarly 26. An even more alternative midwife 29. Depressing textspeak for “real life” 34. Anno Domini 36. Efficient light becoming more popular with growers 37. Acronym for repetitive music genre championed by Generation Z 40. One of the things that makes a metaphor a simile 41. Quadrant of Portland home to the newest MAX line 44. ____ La La 45. Ukrainian Agrarian Investments, for short SOLUTION

WELLNESS, LOCALLY OWNED, MOTOR, SERVICES, JOBS, 45 BULLETIN BOARD, RENTALS, REAL ESTATE, PETS, MUSICIANS MARKET 46 MATCHMAKER, JONESIN’ 47 FREE WILL ASTROLOGY, INSIDE BACK COVER

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24-hour emergency service. Licensed/ Insured. CCB#67024. Free estimates.

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Buy the Blue Pill Now! 1-800-374-2619 GREALYND ADS - JANUARY But, HE (God), being full of compassion FORGAVE their iniquity (Sin), and destroyed then not; Yes, many a time HE turned HIS Anger away, and did not stir up all HIS Wrath - For HE remembered that they were but flesh: a wind that (quickly) passes away, and comes not back again!

(Join is in prayer that God’s FORGIVENESS will come to Portland)

RENTALS

EMPLOYMENT OPPORTUNITIES

HOUSES SE

AUTO PROCESSING PLANT

North Portland. Men & Women, must drive stick shift 360-718-7443

PETS

$1,000 WEEKLY!! MAILING BROCHURES FROM HOME Helping home workers since 2001. Genuine Opportunity. No Experience required.

Start Immediately www.mailingmembers.com AIRLINE CAREERS BEGIN HERE Get trained as FAA certified Aviation Technician. Financial aid for qualified students.

Housing and job placement assistance.

Call Aviation Institute of Maintenance 800-725-1563

TOTALLY RELAXING MASSAGE Featuring Swedish, deep tissue and sports techniques by a male therapist.

Conveniently located, affordable, and preferring male clientele at this time. #5968 By appointment Tim 503.482.3041

UMPQUA VALLEY KENNELS Chihuahua Adults for Adoption - $100

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INNER SE APARTMENT Beautiful huge vintage 2-bedroom 1-bath, fireplace, dishwasher, remodeled kitchen, wood floor in living/dining room, balcony, downtown view, top floor of 1906 duplex, washer/dryer! $1695/month. 406 SE 10th.

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Twin set........$129 Full set .........$189 Queen Set....$229

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Watch 24/7 Puppy Cams!: www.chi-pup.net

MUSICIANS MARKET FOR FREE ADS in 'Musicians Wanted,' 'Musicians Available' & 'Instruments for Sale' go to portland.backpage.com and submit ads online.

Ads taken over the phone in these categories cost $5.

INSTRUMENTS FOR SALE TRADEUPMUSIC.COM Buying, selling, instruments of every shape and size. Open 11am-7pm every day. 4701 SE Division & 1834 NE Alberta.

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Willamette Week Classifieds JANUARY 6, 2016 wweek.com

45

TO PLACE AN AD CONTACT:

MATT PLAMBECK

503-445-2757 • mplambeck@wweek.com

CHATLINES

JONESIN’

by Matt Jones

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maybe 63 Cut down to size

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Across 1 DIY handicrafts site 5 “If things were to continue like so ...”

15 “The Clothed Maja” painter 16 “Taken” guy 17 Beach bird 18 Tow-away zone destination 19 “10 Items ___” (checkout sign that drives grammarphiles nuts) 21 Ardent admirers 22 They may be collateral when buying new wheels

28 Recede gradually 30 Long-hitting clubs 31 Word before Jon or Wayne 32 No pro show, yo 36 Vigoda who’s still alive 37 Big name in toothbrushes 38 Vaccine target 39 Chuck an attempted threepointer into the stands, e.g.

43 Former British Poet Laureate Hughes 44 Multi-layered

dessert popularized in 2015 45 Abbr. after a proof 46 “Go ahead, don’t mind me” 49 11th-graders’ exam (abbr.)

50 Carter and Spelling, for two 53 Cheat 59 Lying over 60 Gambles 61 “Desperate Housewives” actress Hatcher 62 Summer dress uniform component,

Down 1 Brand in the frozen breakfast section 2 Go from gig to gig 3 They’re represented by fingers in charades 4 Conn. school 5 Half of the ‘80s synth-pop duo Yaz 6 Comedian Minchin 7 Savion Glover’s specialty 8 PPO alternative 9 ___ START (Tobias’s oftmisinterpreted license plate on “Arrested Development”) 10 Highest Scrabble tile value 11 Animal in a Dr. Seuss title 12 “Chronicles of Narnia” lion 13 Adult Swim fare, for short 14 “Lord of the Rings” tree creatures 20 Ancient Greek portico 23 Place to keep your Tetleys and your Twinings 24 “Mrs. Murphy Mysteries” author ___ Brown 25 Simile segment, maybe 26 Annoys by staying outside the lines?

27 NYSE symbol for the company that keeps going ... and going ...

28 “Support Your Local Sheriff!” actor Jack 29 Benjamin Netanyahu’s nickname 33 Full of memorable lines 34 “Gold”-en role for Peter Fonda 35 Paul of “Anchorman” 40 Weight training partner 41 Bargain-basement unit 42 “The Memory of Trees” Grammy winner 46 1990 NBA Finals MVP ___ Thomas 47 Nutcase 48 Give a longwinded talk 49 Sgts.’ underlings 51 Edible seaweed used for sushi 52 Roasting device 54 “Was ___ das?”

55 Treasured document?

56 “A Kiss Before Dying” author Levin 57 California red, briefly 58 Suffix with winning last week’s answers

©2015 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ761.

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Week of January 7

ARIES (March 21-April 19) John Steinbeck won the Nobel Prize for Literature in 1962. His novel *Of Mice and Men* helped win him the award, but it required extra persistence. When he’d almost finished the manuscript, he went out on a date with his wife. While they were gone, his puppy Toby ripped his precious pages into confetti. As mad as he was, he didn’t punish the dog, but got busy on a rewrite. Later he considered the possibility that Toby had served as a helpful literary critic. The new edition of *Of Mice and Men* was Steinbeck’s breakout book.

I’m guessing that in recent months you have received comparable assistance, Aries -- although you may not realize it was assistance until later this year.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20) Remember back to what your life was like during the first nine months of 2004. I suspect that you fell just short of fulfilling a dream. It’s possible you were too young to have the power you needed. Or maybe you were working on a project that turned out to be pretty good but not great. Maybe you were pushing to create a new life for yourself but weren’t wise enough to make a complete breakthrough. Almost 12 years later, you have returned to a similar phase in your long-term cycle.

You are better equipped to do what you couldn’t quite do before: create the masterpiece, finish the job, rise to the next level.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20) To become a skillful singer, you must learn to regulate your breath. You’ve got to take in more oxygen than usual for extended periods, and do it in ways that facilitate rather than interfere with the sounds coming out of your mouth. When you’re beginning, it feels weird to exert so much control over an instinctual impulse, which previously you’ve done unconsciously. Later, you have to get beyond your self-conscious discipline so you can reach a point where the proper breathing happens easily and gracefully. Although you may not be working to become a singer in 2016, Gemini, I think you will have comparable challenges: 1. to make conscious an activity that has been unconscious; 2. to refine and cultivate that activity; 3. to allow your consciously-crafted approach to become unselfconscious again.

CANCER (June 21-July 22) Ancient humans didn’t “invent” fire, but rather learned about it from nature and then figured out how to produce it as needed. Ropes had a similar origin. Our ancestors employed long vines made of tough fiber as primitive ropes, and eventually got the idea to braid and knot the vines together for greater strength. This technology was used to hunt, climb, pull, fasten, and carry. It was essential to the development of civilization. I predict that 2016 will bring you opportunities that have metaphorical resemblances to the early rope. Your task will be to develop and embellish on what nature provides.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22) British author Anthony Trollope (1815-1882) had a day job with the postal service until he was in his fifties. For years he awoke every morning at 5:30 and churned out 2,500 words before heading to work. His goal was to write two or three novels a year, a pace he came close to achieving. “A small daily task, if it really be daily,” he wrote in his autobiography, “will beat the labors of a spasmodic Hercules.” I recommend that you borrow from his strategy in 2016, Leo. Be regular and disciplined and diligent as you practice the art of gradual, incremental success.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22 Umbrellas shelter us from the rain, saving us from the discomfort of getting soaked and the embarrassment of bad hair. They also protect us from the blinding light and sweltering heat of the sun. I’m very much in favor of these practical perks. But when umbrellas appear in your nightly dreams, they may have a less positive meaning. They can indicate an inclination to shield yourself from natural forces, or to avoid direct contact with primal sensuality. I hope you won’t do much of that in 2016. In my opinion, you need a lot of face-toface encounters with life in its raw state. Symbolically speaking, this should be a non-umbrella year.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22) Around the world, an average of 26 languages go extinct every year. But it increasingly appears that Welsh will

not be one of them. It has enjoyed a revival in the past few decades. In Wales, it’s taught in many schools, appears on road signs, and is used in some mobile phones and computers. Is there a comparable phenomenon in your life, Libra? A tradition that can be revitalized and should be preserved? A part of your heritage that may be useful to your future? A neglected aspect of your birthright that deserves to be reclaimed? Make it happen in 2016.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21) Fourteenth-century author Geoffrey Chaucer produced a collection of stories known as *The Canterbury Tales.* It became a seminal text of English literature even though he never finished it. The most influential book ever written by theologian Thomas Aquinas was a work he gave up on before it was completed. The artist Michelangelo never found the time to put the final touches on numerous sculptures and paintings. Why am I bringing this theme to your attention? Because 2016 will be an excellent time to wrap up long-term projects you’ve been working on -- and also to be at peace with abandoning those you can’t.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21) A bottle of Chateau Cheval Blanc wine from 1947 sold for $304,000. Three bottles of Chateau Lafite-Rothschild 1869 went for $233,000 apiece. The mystique about aged wine provokes crazy behavior like that. But here’s a more mundane fact: Most wine deteriorates with age, and should be sold within a few years of being bottled. I’m thinking about these things as I meditate on your long-term future, Sagittarius. My guess is that your current labor of love will reach full maturity in the next 18 to 20 months. This will be a time to bring all your concentration and ingenuity to bear on making it as good as it can be. By September of 2017, you will have ripened it as much as it can be ripened.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19) In her poem “Tree,” California poet Jane Hirshfield speaks of a young redwood tree that’s positioned next to a house. Watch out! It grows fast -- as much as three feet per year. “Already the first branch-tips brush at the window,” Hirshfield writes. “Softly, calmly, immensity taps at your life.” I suspect this will be an apt metaphor for you in 2016. The expansion and proliferation you have witnessed these past few months are likely to intensify. That’s mostly good, but may also require adjustments. How will you respond as immensity taps at your life?

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18) Centuries ago, lettuce was a bitter, prickly weed that no one ate. But ancient Egyptians guessed its potential, and used selective breeding to gradually convert it into a tasty food. I see 2016 as a time when you could have a comparable success. Look around at your life, and identify weed-like things that could, through your transformative magic, be turned into valuable assets.

The process may take longer than a year, but you can set in motion an unstoppable momentum that will ensure success.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20) Imagine that a beloved elder has been writing down your life story in the form of a fairy tale. Your adventures aren’t rendered literally, as your waking mind might describe them, but rather through dream-like scenes that have symbolic resonance. With this as our template, I’ll predict a key plot development of 2016: You will grow increasingly curious about a “forbidden” door -- a door you have always believed should not be opened. Your inquisitiveness will reach such an intensity that you will consider locating the key for that door.

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