43.31 - Willamette Week, May 31, 2017

PORTLAND’S HEROES: THE MEN WHO GAVE THEIR LIVES ON THE MAX. P. 7

WILLAMETTE WEEK PORTLAND’S NEWSWEEKLY

“IT’S A BAD TRIP WAITING TO HAPPEN, MAN.” P. 21 WWEEK.COM

VOL 43/31 5. 31 . 2017

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E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

FINDINGS

PAGE 7

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 43, ISSUE 31.

Mayor Ted Wheeler should

maybe skim the Constitution sometime. 8 The brother of Lee Munson, acting director of the Maintenance Bureau, allegedly spent years terrorizing his co-workers in the bureau. Both Munsons are still employed by the city. 10 Oregon’s answer to Disneyland

We found the best movie theater popcorn in town. 22 Our blind tasting determined that grass-fed beef is not as good. 24 Old Portland icon John “Elvis” Schroder thinks Portland’s the same place it’s always been. 45 Portland finally has a vegan doughnut shop. 46

has some attractions that are pretty shameless knockoffs. 20

John Darnielle of Mountain Goats is nostalgic for Portland’s old drug houses. 49

ON THE COVER:

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Hot dog by Sam Gehrke.

Three men were stabbed on the MAX Blue Line.

STAFF Editor & Publisher Mark Zusman EDITORIAL News Editor Aaron Mesh Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Rachel Monahan, Corey Pein Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, Nicole Groessel Stage Editor Shannon Gormley Screen Editor Walker MacMurdo Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer

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Last Friday, a man riding the MAX in Northeast Portland stabbed three passengers who tried to stop him from hurling racial and anti-Muslim insults at women on the train. Taliesin Myrddin Namkai Meche and John Best were killed. Micah DavidCole Fletcher, 21, is expected to survive. The alleged killer is Jeremy Joseph Christian, 35, a white supremacist who has pledged to eradicate Jews and Muslims. Here’s a sampling of the responses.

the movement against racism and bigotry and Islamophobia in America. For this generation, you are our Mississippi Freedom Riders.”

Peter Beinart, contributing Atlantic.com editor, via Twitter: “Call me crazy but had a Muslim killed two white Christians in Portland I suspect our president would have said something.”

Justine Seidel, via Facebook: “I can’t believe this is happening in Portland. You hear about things like this elsewhere in the country and think you’re protected in some kind of enclave filled with samethinking people, but it’s happening everywhere now. Evil rising from dormancy.”

Colin Fournier Maloney, in reply to Seidel: “Why would you think this wouldn’t happen in Portland? It’s the whitest town of its size in the country. The city, and state, have a long history of racial exclusion, abuse, and terrorism. It’s a big reason I left.”

“Evil rising from dormancy.”

Marcus Solomon, via Facebook: “Please learn from the situation that it is very dangerous to confront any type of deranged man in an enclosed space like a subway. You will trigger their primitive animal paranoia response since they are unbalanced.”

Asha Deliverance, Namkai Meche’s mother, in a letter to Donald Trump published in The Washington Post: “Our family grieves, but we are proud that through his selfless action he, along with the other two men, has changed the world, when in the face of hate he did not hesitate to act with love. I ask you, Mr. President, to take action at this time...Please condemn any acts of violence, which result directly from hate speech & hate groups.”

President Donald Trump, via Twitter on May 29: “The violent attacks in Portland on Friday are unacceptable. The victims were standing up to hate and intolerance. Our prayers are w/ them.”

Alicia Al-Ashkar Hunter, in reply to Solomon: “Always confront. Always stand up, never be scared. It’s worth it.”

Nahal Toosi, on Politico: “Trump…was active on Twitter over the weekend, but it wasn’t until Monday morning that the Republican president tweeted about Friday’s killings in Portland.

And that was through his official White House account, which is thought to be handled by an aide, not the personal one Trump often uses himself and which has far more followers.”

New York Daily News columnist Shaun King, via Facebook: “Taliesin Myrddin Namkai Meche and Ricky Best. My heroes. You are martyrs in

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BY MA RT Y SMIT H

Why are electeds on the Portland City Council called “commissioners?” To people in other cities, this seems provincial, or just stupid. Should we change one or the other for consistency?

—Why the Foolishness

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Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

Don’t take this the wrong way, Foolishness, but you sound like one of those people who has a stroke if someone doesn’t zero out the last 4 seconds on the microwave timer.

You’re not wrong—just as members of the U.S. House of Representative are usually called “congresspeople,” Portland city councilors are usually referred to as “commissioners.” But it’s one of those things like McGeorge Bundy’s name— unfortunate, but we let it slide.

Originally, our councilors were just councilors (or, more commonly, “councilmen”). Each was elected from one of 15 separate wards throughout the city, like senators in a miniature congress. The police commissioner, city assessor, treasurer and mayor were elected directly.

But in 1913, voters approved a plan in which just five councilors would be elected at large. Now, instead of running for commissioner of a specific bureau, you’d just run for City Council in general, and let the mayor decide who was most qualified to run, say, the Bureau of Environmental Services.

It’s like the gate attendant on every airline flight looked over the folks waiting to board and then picked somebody who might be good at flying the plane—sometimes you luck out and get an actual pilot, but if not, oh well. (To be fair, the old method was analogous to letting the passengers pick the pilot, which doesn’t sound that great either.)

In any case, don’t sweat it: Appointing people to head huge, complex bureaucracies they hadn’t heard of before last week is pretty much how we run the whole country. Even our beloved revolutionary sweetheart Barack Obama named Democratic megadonor Penny Pritzker to head the Department of Commerce, presumably based on the fact that, as a billionaire, she knew about, like, buying stuff.

But let’s save the limitations of democracy for another time. Our electeds are both “councilors” and “commissioners,” and—let’s be honest— “commissioner” sounds way more badass.

QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

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For a Decade, Portland Has Miscounted 911 Hold Times

Last December, the Portland ombudsman, Margie Sollinger, issued a report revealing that the city’s 911 system lost track of 18,000 cellphone calls during 2015. But that’s not the only problem: For more than a decade, the Bureau of Emergency Communications hasn’t accurately counted how long cellphone calls were waiting on the line for an operator to answer.

(The city calculated the average cellphone wait as one second last year; this year, after discovering the problem in November, it was 30 seconds.) Roughly 75 percent of calls to emergency communications come from cellphones, so the miscalculation is significant for a bureau already roiled by questions about how it serves Portlanders in crisis (“Call Waiting,” WW, March 15, 2016). Commissioner Amanda Fritz, who oversaw the bureau this winter, pointed to ways in which the city is already planning improvements to its technology. Mayor Ted Wheeler’s spokesman Michael Cox says the mayor is planning to bring further accountability resolutions to the City Council as soon as next week: “911 must be evaluated accurately if the city is to make good decisions.”

Portland Writer Brian Doyle Dies at 60

Brian Doyle, novelist, prolific essayist and longtime editor of the University of Portland’s magazine, died early Saturday morning.

He was 60. Doyle’s death, announced by the university,

where he worked since 1991, came a year after he revealed he was suffering from a brain tumor. Doyle won a 2016 Oregon Book Award for his young adult novel Martin Marten. In person, Doyle exuded a passion for the written word, speaking in torrents that mirrored his exuberant prose.

Longtime Oregonian columnist Steve Duin mourned his friend’s passing. “I only knew the gentle side of him,” Duin told WW. “I never saw the belligerence he famously brought to the basketball court. He somehow found the good in things I have no patience for. He edited and animated the best college magazine in the history of the world. And no, I have no patience for the unfairness of his death.” Doyle is survived by his wife, Mary, and their three children.

WW Honored for Journalistic Excellence

From the Department of Shameless Self-Promotion: WW took home the 2016 first prize for general excellence among medium-sized newspapers in five states, as part of the Northwest Excellence in Journalism contest run by the Society of Professional Journalists. The award was one of 10 prizes WW won in the contest.

Nigel Jaquiss won first prize in investigative reporting for “Roofless,” his story on the high construction costs of city-subsidized affordable housing projects. Rachel Monahan won first prize in social issues reporting for “Kicked Out of Town,” her examination of no-cause evictions.

Read more Murmurs and daily scuttlebutt.

NEWS

“Bless your sons for standing up for justice.”

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS WEEK

—U.S. SEN. JEFF MERKLEY (D-ORE.), SPEAKING AT A MAY 27 VIGIL FOR VICTIMS OF THE MAX TRAIN SLAYING

Portland’s Heroes THREE MEN STOOD UP TO HATE ON A MAX TRAIN.

BEST

BY R AC H E L M O N A H A N

rmonahan@wweek.com

On May 26, three men intervened to stop the anti-Muslim harassment of two teenage girls on a Portland MAX train. All three were stabbed in the throat, allegedly by white supremacist Jeremy Joseph Christian. As a stunned city grapples with the murders, family and friends remember the three men as people who would not back down in the face of hatred.

Rick “Ricky” John Best Died at the scene.

Age: 53 Lived in: Happy Valley Worked: 23-year Army veteran and city of Portland employee.

Remembered: “He couldn’t just stand by and do nothing,” Best’s oldest son, Erik, tells WW’s news partner KATU-TV. “He died fighting the good fight, protecting the innocent. Honestly, that’s what he probably wanted.”

His story: For 23 years, Best served in the Army, including tours in Iraq and Afghanistan, rising to the rank of platoon sergeant for corps maintenance in 2012, when he retired. “The hardest part of the acceptance of this is, he survived so many lethal situations in all the years he served,” his youngest sister, Areana Best, 27, tells WW. “The kids always knew that their dad might not come back.

When he retired, they had this sense of relief. To have this happen from the

country he protected is what’s hardest.”

Erik, his eldest son, spoke to KATU on Sunday as part of an effort to tell the family’s story, describing Ricky as an upbeat father who treated him like a brother . “He was always cheery. After serving the military, he used to say, ‘Hey, I’m not getting shot at, so why shouldn’t I smile?’” said Erik.

Best worked for the city since January 2015.

He met his wife, Myhanh Duong Best, at Portland Community College. She’s a stay-at-home mom for their four children, Erik, 19, Isaac, 17, David, 15, and Tramanh, 12.

How to help: Portland Bureau of Development Services interim director Rebecca Esau has started a scholarship fund for Best’s children. His sister has also started a fundraiser for family expenses. Both can be found at gofundme.com.

NAMKAI MECHE

FLETCHER

Taliesin Myrddin Namkai Meche

Micah David-Cole Fletcher

Age: 23 Lived in: Portland, grew up in Ashland Studied: Reed College, class of 2016 Remembered: “For him to watch younger girls getting hassled—it could have been his sisters, and he was going to stand up to them,” his mother, Asha Deliverance, told Medford TV station KDRV. “I’m really proud that he would.”

His story: Namkai Meche received his bachelor’s degree in economics from Reed last year, and was lovingly remembered by his professors. “He was thoughtful, humble, smart, inquisitive, and compassionate,” says professor Kambiz GhaneaBassiri in a letter to the Reed community from president John R. Kroger. “He was a wonderful human being.

As good as they come. And now he is a hero to me.”

He stayed in Portland after graduating, working at the consulting firm Cadmus Group and buying a home.

Namkai Meche’s mother announced his death to the

Age: 21 Lives in: Portland Studies: Sophomore at Portland State University In his own words: “The Muslim community, especially in Portland, needs to understand that there are a lot of us that are not going to stand by and let anybody— whether they are from here or not—scare you into thinking you can’t be a part of this town, this city, this community, or this country,” Fletcher told ABC News on May 30.

His story: Fletcher, a poet and musician, was bullied his entire life because he was different, says his mother, Margie Fletcher. Micah has been diagnosed with Asperger’s syndrome, she tells WW. “He grew up wanting to stand up for anyone else who was

Died at the hospital.

THE BIG NUMBER

world in a Facebook post seen by hundreds of thousands of people.

At the time of the attack, he was on the phone with an aunt who told KATU she had advised him to take video of the harassment but never meant for him to endanger himself.

His family released a statement to the media over the weekend: “In his final act of bravery he held true to what he believed is the way forward. He will live in our hearts forever as the just, brave, loving, hilarious and beautiful soul he was. We ask that in honor of his memory, we use this tragedy as an opportunity for reflection and change.

We choose love. Safe journey, Taliesin. We love you.”

How to help: The local Muslim community has launched a fundraiser called “Muslims Unite for Portland Heroes” for all three men at launchgood.com. Restaurateur Nick Zukin is raising money for Namkai Meche’s and Best’s families on gofundme.com.

$1.2 Million

Survived, went home from the hospital May 29. bullied for any reason whatsoever,” she says.

“It was harder for him he tried to make friends he was different. From the age of about 12, he started defending people he didn’t even know. He got beat up for it. I’ve been worried about it his entire life.”

The community of autistic people has hailed Fletcher as a hero. “We should also acknowledge Micah as an Autistic man, because in doing so we can help to dispel the myths and stigma that challenged him and all of us,” writes Ari Ne’eman, a former appointee to the National Council on Disability, in NOS Magazine.

How to help: Fletcher’s friends have set up a crowdfunding page on gofundme.com to pay his medical bills.

That’s the amount of money raised in less than five days by crowdfunding campaigns for the victims of the May 26 triple stabbing on a Portland MAX train. Six different online fundraising campaigns sprouted in the wake of the killings. Money has been raised for the families of the men killed, medical expenses for the surviving victim, and mental health care for the two teenage girls who were initially targeted by the alleged killer.

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JOE RIEDL

PHOTO CREDIT

NEWS

PATRIOT’S DAY: Jeremy Joseph Christian squares off with left-wing protesters at an April 29 “free speech” march in Southeast Portland.

Who Radicalized Jeremy Christian?

TWO BRUTAL MURDERS ON THE MAX RAISE QUESTIONS ABOUT WHAT LED TO THE ACTIONS OF A MAN WHO ALLIED HIMSELF WITH RIGHT-WING GROUPS.

BY CO RE Y P E I N

and

N I G EL JAQ UI SS

243-2122

Even among right-wing protesters who aimed to upset people, Jeremy Joseph Christian was disturbing.

He arrived at an April 29 “free speech” march in Southeast Portland wearing a Revolutionary War flag as a cape. He carried a baseball bat. He threw Nazi salutes and shouted racial slurs in a Burger King parking lot. Twice, left-wing demonstrators grew so infuriated with his antics that Portland police officers formed a barrier to shield him.

The “alt-right” marchers even debated what to do about him. Some of them, leather-clad bikers, told him to shut up and tried to kick him out of the rally. Others seemed fine with him expressing himself: Unpopular speech was the point of the event.

On May 26, nearly a month later, Christian’s hateful words allegedly turned into action.

He stands accused of murdering two men and wounding another who intervened as he harassed two teenage girls with an anti-Muslim screed on a Portland MAX train. Multiple witness accounts say he cut the throats of three men who confronted him.

Mayor Ted Wheeler has since asked for federal assistance to keep right-wing agitators from holding events scheduled in Portland. The leaders of local and national extremist groups known as the “alt-right” spent the weekend frantically trying to distance themselves from Christian, even as they refused to cancel a June 4 rally set for Terry Schrunk Plaza downtown.

Wheeler says Portland is still too raw and angry to fully process the events of last week. But it’s already clear that in the days to come, this city will want answers to some uncomfortable questions about Christian.

What turned a low-level stickup man into a monster?

Should his actions reflect on the people who marched alongside him? What responsibility do they bear for the way Christian developed his hateful behavior?

At a May 27 memorial for the men killed in the MAX stabbing, U.S. Sen. Jeff Merkley (D-Ore.) described Christian’s alleged actions as the logical end point of vicious rhetoric on the far right. “A message of hate leads to violence,” he said, “and violence leads to tragedy.”

Christian, 35, who previously lived with his parents in 8

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

the Piedmont neighborhood of North Portland, spent most of his adult life either behind bars or under post-conviction supervision, the result of state felony convictions for robbing a convenience store in 2002 and a federal gun conviction in 2011. He was released from federal custody May 14, 2014. He told booking authorities May 27 he’s now homeless and without any income.

His parents and four siblings could not be reached for comment. Several people who knew him described him as disturbed, but he told booking authorities he’d never been diagnosed with a mental health issue.

His Facebook page was full of racist rants, and a simple introduction. “I’m an ex-con,” he wrote. “I like comix, cannabis and metal—in any combination.”

His forearm was covered in Nordic rune tattoos, and the “Misanthropic Nihilist” philosophy he outlined online suggests he was among those radical white supremacists who call themselves “Odinists”—they celebrate pagan Norse gods as part of their race hatred.

Christian’s social-media posts also make clear he saw himself as the street-level enforcer for a neo-Nazi movement larger than himself.

“Brown shirts are rank and file,” he wrote on Facebook on Jan. 23. “Nihilist Criminals like me facilitate and run the show if we are talking about recreating the third Reich. You need unhindered and unhinged thugs for dirty work. A Good thing we have the largest collection of them in the entire world!!!”

An affidavit of probable cause says that minutes after he was arrested for the May 26 killings, Christian was recorded in a squad car describing his standoff with one of the men who confronted him.

“I told him, ‘You ain’t gonna heal, punk,’” Christian allegedly said. “And he still wants to put his hands on me. Stupid motherfucker. That’s what liberalism gets you.

“I hope they all die,” Christian continued. “I’m gonna say that on the stand. I’m a patriot, and I hope everyone I stabbed died.”

The question of whether Christian was a product of political fringe groups, or merely a disturbed man who was attracted to extremist rhetoric, is more than a matter of assessing blame. It may determine how much leeway such movements

are given in future.

Christian distinguished himself among the disparate attendees of events organized by the alt-right, a collection of online agitators, militia groups and white supremacists who for months have engaged in street confrontations with antifascist groups, or antifa (“Streets of Rage,” WW, May 24, 2017).

Joey Gibson, a Vancouver, Wash., organizer of the April 29 Portland march and other alt-right events, has since May 26 repeatedly attempted to distance his movement from Christian.

“Jeremy Christian has nothing to do with us,” Gibson tells WW. “He showed up [to our march] with violent intentions.

We asked him to leave several times. We did what we could.

You can’t make too much sense of a lot of things he said.”

On May 29, Mayor Wheeler announced he would try to block further activity by those groups, asking the federal government to revoke permits for the June 4 “free speech” rally Gibson wants to hold in Terry Schrunk Plaza.

“Our city is in mourning, our community’s anger is real, and the timing and subject of these events can only exacerbate an already difficult situation,” Wheeler said in a statement. “I am calling on every elected leader in Oregon, every legal agency, every level of law enforcement to stand with me in preventing another tragedy.”

Civil liberties groups blasted Wheeler’s actions as a violation of the First Amendment. Other activists celebrated a crackdown on a right-wing movement they described as racists emboldened by the election of President Donald Trump.

Gibson says despite Wheeler’s concerns, his associates still plan to gather in Portland on June 4.

“Unfortunately, there’s going to be hundreds of people in that park, no matter what,” he tells WW. “There’s going to be a huge police presence. Violence will not be tolerated on either side. Do our march. Go home.”

Randy Blazak, chairman of the Oregon Coalition Against Hate Crime, says the city should err on the side of allowing people to gather, including extremists.

“It’s better to see them in the daylight than suppress them into the shadows,” Blazak says. “I’d rather them march in the streets so we can take their pictures, and when they get on the bus with us, we know who they are.”

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NEWS

THE CITY THAT WORKS: A maintenance worker was immobilized with duct tape in a city workshop last October.

Little Shop of Hazing CITY MAINTENANCE EMPLOYEES WERE SUBJECTED TO VIOLENCE, HAZING AND BIGOTRY. SENIOR OFFICIALS SHRUGGED.

BY NIG E L JAQ UI SS

njaquiss@wweek.com

For some employees, the Portland Bureau of Transportation’s maintenance facility at 2929 N Kerby Ave. is a little shop of horrors. It’s a place where they were bound with duct tape, shot with popcorn kernels from an aircompressor gun, and forced to pick food off the floor in ritual humiliations.

And city officials have decided that’s OK. The details are spelled out in a nine-page report of a personnel investigation completed in January and obtained

by WW. The report, based on interviews with nine PBOT maintenance employees, paints a picture of violence, hazing and bigotry inside a shop that prizes loyalty and punishes “snitching.”

When the behavior was substantiated by an investigation, the response of PBOT management was to transfer the ringleader—and fire one of the whistleblowers.

The primary target of the investigation is an 11-year city employee named Jerry Munson, who served as a crew leader on the maintenance group’s “liner crew.”

That group of six workers performs a vital function, rehabilitating the city’s aging sewer pipes by installing liners inside the pipes that stop them from rupturing and leaking.

(Transportation workers repair sewer lines because that work has always been performed by maintenance workers, who were absorbed when PBOT took over the 450-employee Maintenance Bureau.)

The city personnel investigation found that for years 10

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

Munson used a specially rigged high-pressure air gun to fire various hard objects at his subordinates. He allegedly targeted new employees the most. (Munson did not respond to WW’s requests for comment.)

One of Munson’s subordinates, Hayden Rich, reported Munson “shot him numerous times over multiple areas of his body with an air compressor gun” his first day on the job, according to the report. “He said he was shot with BBs, popcorn kernels and hard candies…the air-gun shots were painful and they left welts and bruises.”

Maintenance official Scott Wojcicki interviewed nine employees, all of whom said they’d either been shot by Munson or seen him shoot others. One reported the shoot-

to the shed from lunch, Rich told them he had finished the task and had nothing else to do. Hoyt, the report says, then dumped some french fries he was holding on the floor.

“Pick them up, bitch,” Hoyt told the new employee, the report says. Rich hesitated, not sure what to do, then picked up the fries.

“Wow, you’re a bitch for life, now,” Munson told him.

(Hoyt did not respond to a request for comment.)

Other employees accused Munson of making homophobic comments and tolerating a sign in the shop that had been altered from “DISTRICT 2” to “RICT 2,” which at least one employee interpreted as a reference to Hitler’s Third Reich and a reference to white supremacy.

Wojcicki, the city manager who conducted the investigation, did not find Munson’s responses to the allegations against him convincing.

“You repeatedly either denied doing something or claimed you did not recall it, although you would then admit doing it,” Wojcicki wrote.

In his conclusion, Wojcicki said it appeared Munson had begun shooting employees with his air gun as far back as six years ago, when he sprayed one with rock salt.

“Your co-workers have been attacked and bullied by you,” Wojcicki wrote.

On Jan. 23, he proposed Munson be fired for “physical violence, discourteous treatment and bullying of coworkers, violating safety rules, inappropriate use of city resources, and dishonesty.”

But Munson kept his job. He was merely demoted and moved within PBOT after his union contested his firing.

“Part of our function is to ensure that the disciplinary process is fair and equitable, and that all allegations of misconduct are investigated in accordance with applicable contractual and legal standards,” said Farrell Richartz, business manager for Laborers’ Local 483, in a statement.

One of the employees who cooperated in the investigation did lose his job, however.

Russ Wilkinson alleges in a complaint filed March 23 with the Oregon Bureau of Labor and Industries that he was fired two days before his tenure as a probationary employee ended. “I believe this was in retaliation for participating in the investigation,” the complaint says.

In his BOLI complaint, still under investigation, Wilkinson provides a possible explanation why superiors ignored Wojcicki’s recommendation: “I know that Jerry Munson is the brother of Lee Munson, who is the acting director of the Bureau of Maintenance,” Wilkinson wrote.

WW asked PBOT officials, including direct Leah Trent, to explain. PBOT spokesman John Brady declined to answer questions from WW about Munson or the investigation, instead issuing a statement.

“We did take appropriate action to address this situation,” Brady said. “Employee safety is of paramount concern to us, and we are taking steps to address the issues of hazing and bullying raised by this incident.”

Brady also addressed Wilkinson’s allegation about Munson’s brother.

“WE’RE TALKING ABOUT ASSAULT AND BATTERY IN THE WORKPLACE HERE. IT SOUNDS SOPHOMORIC, BUT IT’S VERY SERIOUS.” —BEN ROSENTHAL, LAWYER ings had been going on for “more than a couple of years.”

Employees said they disliked being shot but felt powerless to do anything because “there’s a culture in this place you can’t snitch.”

It was a culture in which supervisors last October not only helped immobilize a new employee with duct tape and locked him in a room but then sent a cellphone image to other city employees memorializing the event. WW has obtained that image (see photo above).

Bullying, the report says, was routine. Also on Rich’s first day on the job, Nov. 7, 2016, for instance, he was assigned to clean up the liner crew’s shed. When Munson and another veteran employee named Matt Hoyt returned

“Lee Munson has no supervisory authority, nor input into any employment decisions related to Jerry Munson,” Brady said. “This is per PBOT and city of Portland policy.”

City Commissioner Dan Saltzman assumed oversight of PBOT in January, when the bureau’s previous commissioner, Steve Novick, left office. Saltzman’s chief of staff, Brendan Finn, says the commissioner’s office doesn’t comment on personnel matters.

Portland lawyer Ben Rosenthal is representing Wilkinson in his BOLI complaint.

“We’re talking about assault and battery in the workplace here,” Rosenthal says. “It sounds sophomoric, but it’s very serious.”

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Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

R A C H A E L R E N E E ’ L E VA S S E U R

Slacker Summer THIS IS NO TIME TO TRY. YOUR GUIDE TO THE ULTIMATE CHILL SUMMER IN PORTLAND.

I

t’s finally summer in Portland, and we need a nap.

These past few weeks of warm, sunny days have made us want to slide into a hammock with a cold radler and some good old-fashioned analog books.

Maybe it was the brutal winter, or the toxic orange sludge that seeped into the White House, or the city’s recent civil war over brunch burritos— but we are so, so ready for some chill time.

In years past, we’ve tended to fill our annual Summer Guide with epic adventures. We’ve hiked the entire Wildwood Trail in one day, learned to windsurf, climbed Mount St. Helens and suffered an existential crisis while butchering a rabbit. We drove all over the metro area sampling tacos, ribs and hot dogs.

This year, that seemed like way too much work. So we made a guide aimed at enjoying these fleeting, rain-free months without sweating it too much.

That starts with floating the glacier-fed waters of the Sandy or cannonballing off the cliffs of the Clackamas. Spoiler alert: Our writer didn’t get very far on his tube, and we don’t even care (page 14).

We also love hiking. But we’re weary of battling the traffic to Forest Park or making the long haul to Mount Hood.

DIVE IN ➽

So, instead, we sent a writer to find the best trails in East County— there are some great ones (page 17).

For many, summer means riding a roller coaster. But riding real roller coasters takes a lot of time and money. So we treated Enchanted Forest, outside Salem, as our own budget-brand Disneyland (page 20). You know what? It’s fine! It has totally serviceable imitations of all your favorite classic Disney rides.

These past few summers have been on the sticky side, and we’ve taken to spending a lot of time in neighborhood movie theaters. So we sent a pair of writers out to rate the best ones based on a variety of factors, including the quality of their popcorn and the comfort of their seats (page 22).

Sometimes, the best way to spend an afternoon is grilling out. We hit up every butcher shop in town to determine the best rib-eye through a blind taste-off (page 24). Turns out, the best one is cheap and easy to find.

As always, we wrap up this package with our Super Calender, our must-read list of awesome events happening every day between now and Labor Day (page 27).

We’ll see you out at those events. Or maybe not—it’ll depend on how we feel after kicking back with a beer and a book.

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A DUNGEON MASTER’S GUIDE TO FLOATING

HIKING EAST COUNTY

ENCHANTED FOREST, BUDGET DISNEYLAND

PORTLAND’S NEIGHBORHOOD MOVIE THEATERS, RANKED

THE BEST BUTCHER-SHOP STEAKS

SOMETHING TO DO EVERY DAY OF SUMMER 2017

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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SAM GEHRKE

DRY SHADE: The Clackamas River at High Rocks.

The Dungeon Master’s Guide to Floating

BY JAME S H E L M SWO RT H

To grow up in Oregon is to grow up in nature. The peaks of Mount Hood, the tributaries of the Willamette, the vast and ancient forests that traverse our state all offer their bounties to our earnest youth. Theoretically.

That was not my childhood. I’ve never snowboarded or been to a swimming hole. I’ve been camping twice. The second time, I cut myself with a pocket knife before we even left Portland. No, I spent my formative years engaged with our more anthropic civil institutions, in front of the D&D shelf at Powell’s and in the graphic novels section of various

Washington County Cooperative Library System locations.

However, as an adult who thinks less about concepts like the geopolitics of the Star Wars extended universe, and more about my mental health, it has come to my attention that the outdoors offer numerous excuses to “just kind of chill in the sun.” Tubing, I am told, is one of the most relaxing ways to do just that.

But on a recent attempt to tube down the Clackamas River with my buddy, I failed. Or to put it in terms more familiar to my cohort, I rolled a natural one. Turns out, chilling in the sun takes a fair amount of planning. Here’s

some stuff I learned. To quote an underrated Magic: The Gathering card, “My greatest hope is that you will surpass me in every way.”

1. Nobody actually sells inner tubes anymore. Tubing is named after the flota-

tion device in question: the inner tube of a tire. Beginning this project, I envisioned floating down the river, sun on my pasty skin, Vitamin R in hand. But we live in a world of recursive simulacra, where references reference references until the referred to disappears. Rainier is actually brewed in California, and tires don’t really use inner tubes anymore—as a tatted and bemused employee of one of Powell Boulevard’s finer tire stores informed me.

But, as is always the case, Walmart has stepped in to compensate for the self-destructive nature of industry. For about $20, you can buy two (2), Ozark Trail floating tubes, replete with cupholders and headrests. Will they pop at the slightest touch of a branch? Maybe. But nobody makes anything like they used to because, really, nobody makes anything—except YouTube videos of themselves watching YouTube videos.

Clackamas Vs. Sandy WHERE TO FLOAT YOUR BOAT If you want to float near Portland, you have two choices: the Willamette and the Columbia.

Just kidding! Between the barges and toxic waste, you’ll want to keep your tubing to the Clackamas and the Sandy. But which is the best float for you?

BROOKE GEERY.

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Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

The Clackamas

The Clackamas is a wilder ride, with more rocks and faster rapids. It also has a more secluded shoreline, so it will just be your flotilla to blame if beer cans are bobbing among the rocks. If you’re looking to get in touch with nature, this is your jam. But be warned: It’s a bit more aggressive, so only serious tubists need apply.

Recommended float: 5.5 miles (five to six hours) between Barton Park (19009 SE Barton Park Road, Boring) and Carver Park (14888 S Springwater Road, Oregon City)

The Sandy vs.

The Sandy is hardly tame—but a lot of the madness comes from the fact that the shores are lined with houses and public beaches, enjoyed by the locals and Portlandians alike. You’ll have plenty of people to share hoots and hollers with along the way. The waters themselves are a bit smoother, and there are fewer category-worthy rapids, making it a good choice for the casual float enthusiast.

Recommended float: 7 miles (three to four hours) from Oxbow Park (3010 SE Oxbow Parkway, Gresham) to Dabney State Recreation Area (southeast of the Stark Street Bridge on the Historic Columbia River Highway)

2. Know where you are going and how you

are getting there. I planned my trip by looking at the Clackamas River on Google Maps and tracing its length until I found the two close-together green spaces near my home in Southeast. They happened to be Riverside County Park in Clackamas and Cross Park in Gladstone, and are about three miles apart.

It was a good start, but lacked a little planning. In the Walmart parking lot, my buddy and I realized when we were done tubing, we would either have to walk for an hour back to where we parked or take two cars and park one at each end. We opted for the latter, the idea of trudging along I-205 in a pair of soggy gym shorts being wildly unappealing to the both of us.

When we arrived at Cross Park to drop off one of our cars, two more indications of my horrendous lack of planning were there to greet us. A touching tribute to our state’s most caustic Californian imports, the Gypsy Jokers Motorcycle Club, was spray-painted on a maintenance shed in the park. Below this lay the Clackamas River, breaking into low-grade rapids around several rocks.

I’m confident my route would work, providing you don’t mind risking getting mutilated by either rocks or tweaked-out bikers.

But, according to conventional wisdom (the Internet), there are several other, superior routes.

3. Be strategic about your substance use. On the road from Cross Park to Riverside County Park,

we drove behind an SUV with both an NRA bumper sticker and one that read, “Unleash the military: GIVE WAR A CHANCE,” and we passed our first Utilikilt-clad guy of the day. Our second Utilikilter was packing up a kayak at Riverside when we pulled in. My tube buddy, ever the sensible one, ambled over and asked “Uh, is it safe to float here?”

As Utilikilt began a nuanced explanation of hydrodynamics, a shirtless dude with some splotchy tattoos approached us. We were probably fine, he explained, as long as we, unlike him, stayed close to sober. He began laughing. “It’s just funny to me that you asked,” he said. “I’ve lived in this shit-sphere my whole life.”

Utilikilt was quick to remind his friend that the Clackamas River counts as “public,” and drinking in “public” is, y’know, a crime. But, if one were to hypothetically go tubing in the world of The Purge, where All Crime Is Legal, and were also wont to keep one’s fermented and distilled libations hidden from Purgers, tying a small cooler—or even an individual drink, if you’re a handy knot-tier—to your raft at around the waterline would behoove you. It would also behoove you to moderate your consumption to stay vigilant for Purgers and treacherous water.

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4. But seriously, think about the water. Once his mildly inebriated friend backed off, Utilikilt

did some explaining. The water was around 50 degrees, which was capable of lowering our core body temperatures quickly enough that, if we somehow ended up fully immersed in water for around an hour, we could pass out and die. Furthermore, as it had rained fairly heavily recently, our final moments would be spent inhaling doo-doo water.

Which brings us to an important point: Tubing is an activity best left for the later parts of the summer, when the river is less snowpack and more rainfall, and the air is, y’know, warm. And even if it is warm, you might want to invest in a paddle or two if you’re concerned about steering your flotilla or the speed of the water.

“Hey, uh, if I’m not back in like...,” my buddy, on the phone to his roommate paused, glancing at me, “two hours, can you call the cops? I’ll probably be dead.” Despite Utilikilt’s warning, we decided to press on, dragging our Walmart floaties to the dock.

But when my ass touched the frigid water, I had a realization: This is not how I go out.

I’ve survived missile tests in the South China Sea, the brakes going out on my tour van in Grants Pass and several protests during North Face Iron-jacketed reign of Ted “Too Fast for Love” Wheeler. Dying from my own lack of planning amid the excrement of Clackamassians is beneath me. We went home, untubed, but not uneducated.

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JOE RIEDL; TRICIA HIPPS

Difficulty

East County By Foot

PA R KS SCA R E ME

D IRT Y B O OTS

W E E KE N D WA R R IO R

R E E SE W IT HE R SP O O N

“SANDY” BEACH: The shores of Oxbow Park.

WATERFALLS, SUMMIT VIEWS AND LUSH FORESTS— ALL IN EAST MULTNOMAH COUNTY. Gresham Butte Saddle to Creepy Old Bus

BY AN D I P R E W I T T

Before it was Gresham, eastern Multnomah County was covered in lava.

Until about 300,000 years ago, the area east of downtown Portland was the Boring Lava Field, where ancient blasts and magma flows shaped the landscape between Mount Tabor and Sandy. Today, the neighborhoods are dotted with buttes, and islands of forest and field in a sea of urban development. That means you’re never very far from a hike on the fringes of town.

For this year’s Summer Guide, we found the best hikes that don’t require either leaving Multnomah County or braving westside traffic. Each offers a scenic journey that makes you feel like you’re hours away from the city’s core.

Powell Butte Difficulty: Distance: About 4.5 miles Mount Tabor hogs the spotlight with its raucous soapbox derby and long history of peed-in open reservoirs, but if you’re simply looking to log a few miles in your boots amid superior views, Powell Butte should be your destination. A network of trails circles and crisscrosses the 600 acres of meadowland and woods covering the giant mound. Each intersection is well marked with a yellow post that provides trail names, a small map and the distance to neighboring junctions. Since all of that clarity means it’s virtually impossible to get lost, feel free to play “Choose Your Own Adventure” with the route. But for an experience that provides scenic variety, loop the butte’s perimeter.

Begin to the left on the Anderegg Trail, named after a dairy farmer whose cows once roamed this land.

You’ll make a gentle climb through tall grass and lupine that were just beginning to bloom on a recent visit. This

leads to the Wildhorse Trail on the right, where you’ll continue an upward push among drooping pine boughs passing by the last stand of trees before spilling out into a wide-open field. You’ll hardly work up a sweat to reach the Summit Trail, which is again to your right. At 612 feet, there’s a century-old stately orchard of walnut and fruit trees. Near that lies a stone circle with plaques directing your gaze to the region’s other peaks and buttes.

Once you’ve soaked up the view, return several hundred yards to the junction and continue the other direction on Summit Lane. With a sprawling meadow at your feet and rolling hills in the distance, you can almost trick yourself into believing the hike is threading through the Mount Hood National Forest rather than your own backyard. The trail skirts a wildlife habitat restoration area before open skies give way to a thick canopy created by Doug firs and big-leaf maples on the South Trail.

After going downhill and crossing a stream, you’ll reach the foot of the butte. Begin the loop north at an incline on the Cedar Grove Trail, which connects to the Elderberry Trail leading out of the forest and onto Meadowland Lane. If you’re done for the day, use this path to return to the summit and then the Visitor Center. For a little extra work, continue to Pipeline Lane and some visual reminders that under these trails sit two 50-million gallon reservoirs handling more than 85 percent of the water supplied by the Portland Water Bureau. Follow an open drainage culvert to a gently curving staircase dropping down to Holgate Lane. A water duct snakes along the path before twisting into the vegetation and out of sight.

Reconnect with Pipeline Trail and pass a gated entrance to the reservoirs on the side of the hill. From there, you’re less than a half mile from where you started.

Follow I-205 to exit 19 for Powell Boulevard/Division Street. Take Powell Boulevard for a little more than 3 miles and turn right on Southeast 162nd Avenue. Park just up the hill in front of the Visitor Center.

Difficulty: Distance: About 2.5 miles Unlike the well-marked entrance to Powell Butte, it’s easy to miss the starting point for a hike around another one of Portland’s long-inactive volcanoes. The trail to Gresham Butte lies behind a metal gate tucked along a tidy residential street, bending along a series of backyards with manicured lawns before bringing you to an area surrounded on both sides by skinny alders and the broad leaves of the Oregon vine maple. This route doesn’t stay flat for long, as a gradual climb soon becomes a butt-punishing grind.

Use your one opportunity to take a break on level ground at the saddle, which features a four-way crossroad. You’ll hang a left, but you could first try to hunt down a unique tree that’s native only to Gresham. A nearby sign will educate you on the history of the battle over the Mount Hood Freeway that would’ve mowed down a significant section of Hogan cedars.

The project died and the cedars still thrive, which is why you find yourself walking this stretch rather than sitting in traffic.

To reach another artifact of the failed freeway and the top of Gabbert Hill, continue up the increasingly steep path for an elevation gain of approximately 550 feet. The painful push ends once you reach a mint-green water tower. Take a left to discover the skeleton of a vehicle that looks like a psychedelic bus was driven into the forest and trashed by a rogue Merry Prankster. Now it’s a shelter for people to drink beer and scrawl poetry on what’s left of the vehicle as indicated by the empty bottles and graffiti. Circle to the left of the miniature junkyard to reconnect with the trail for a quick descent.

Take I-84 east to exit 13 for 181st Avenue toward Gresham and turn right on 181st Avenue. In a little more than a mile, turn left onto East Burnside Street and continue for about 2 miles. At Northwest Eastman Parkway, turn right and drive for nearly 1 mile. Take a left on Powell Boulevard and in a half mile, turn right on Southeast Roberts Avenue and then another right on Regner Road. A right on Southeast 19th Drive will bring you to the gate in front of the trailhead on the right.

CONT. on page 19 Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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Oxbow Park Difficulty: Distance: 3.6 miles If the beach crosses your mind anytime the temperature begins to creep above 75 degrees, but the coast just feels too far, you’ll find stretches of sand-covered land as close as one exit out of Portland. Oxbow Park is defined by the Sandy River, which twists and winds its way from Mount Hood to the Gorge’s gateway at the edge of Gresham. Crowds tend to spread out along the shore on the south side, but there’s an expanse of beach that’s a little more secluded along a hike north of the river.

The trail begins just beyond a small gate in a parking area that can fit only a handful of cars on a dead-end road. Amble down a hill through one of the closest old-growth forests to Portland. Eventually, views to the river reveal you’re high above on a bluff.

On a recent visit, voices reverberate across the water like hollers at a tent revival.

Not long after scooting around a second gate prohibiting people on wheels, you’ll reach river level. Pass under a series of trees with stubby moss-coated branches that look like gnarled elderly fingers grasping at the air. Brush through chest-high ferns and you’ll reach a second spur leading to the bank where you can stretch out on the gray sand and watch the river gushing with snowmelt and glacial sediment. When the water is low, you can walk along the beach that becomes spotted with stones to connect with another trail leading inland.

Otherwise, return the way you came to rejoin the main path.

During the last half of the hike, the trail is overgrown with long grass that will tickle and nettles that will sting. And unless there’s been some significant drying, the narrowing trail is slick with inches of mud.

That means scrambling up hills in a straddle—like those kids on the old Nickelodeon game show Double Dare, who clambered up slides coated in chocolate syrup. You’re nearly out of the muck once you reach a vintage car carpeted in moss and flipped upside-down. The road is several hundred feet away and offers enough room on the shoulder to return about a quarter of a mile to the trailhead, giving you enough time to imagine all the different ways that cruiser could have ended up on its top so far from the road.

Follow I-84 east to exit 18 for Lewis and Clark State Park and Oxbow Regional Park, turning left at the stop sign for the parks.

Take another left at a stop sign for the Historic Columbia River Highway. After a little more than 4 miles, veer right onto Hurlburt Road. In 2 miles, Gordon Creek Road is on the right. Drive less than half a mile, and where arrow markers indicate a sharp turn on the right side of the road, look for a gravel road with a “Dead End” sign and turn there; where the road stops you’ll find parking.

provides just enough room for several people to take a seat and bask in the spray. Once you’ve cooled down, hit the trail on the west side of the creek until the loop veers away from the water. Not long after ducking under a tree that resembles a pointed elbow hovering above the path, the trail drops down onto the Historic Columbia River Highway. On the left side, near the bridge back to the parking area, there’s a small monument to the man who donated Latourell Falls—Guy Talbot, namesake of the surrounding park.

Head east on I-84 and take exit 28 for Bridal Veil/Historic Columbia River Highway. Turn right on Historic Columbia River Highway. The parking area at Guy W. Talbot State Park will be on the left in about 3 miles.

Rooster Rock State Park Difficulty: Distance: 3 miles

CLOSE FALL: Latourell Falls is just outside the city limits.

Latourell Falls Difficulty: Distance: About 2.5 miles It’s easy to get stuck in a waterfall rut. Despite the city’s proximity to an entire alley of cascading water at the western mouth of the Gorge, out of habit we return to Multnomah, Horsetail or Bridal Veil.

But before you hit the road for one of these popular sites to battle it out for parking in lots seething with as much frustration as drivers stuck outside of Fred Meyer for half-price socks on Black Friday, visit a lesserknown waterfall nestled a bit farther off the beaten path. Of all the water attractions in the Columbia River Gorge, Latourell Falls is actually the closest—geographically—to Portland.

The route that loops up and around the basin offers a little bit of something for hikers at all levels: It’s relatively short, but the trail provides some uphill climbs that’ll boost your heart rate without knocking the wind out of you. You hardly need to get out of the

driver’s seat to see Lower Latourell, but the upper water drop is a scenic reward near the halfway point.

The first stunning view is just off to the left of the parking area. A landing surrounded by a short stone wall faces the falls, which plunge 249 feet over a hulking rock covered with patches of neon yellow lichen. Continue upward on the fern-layered hillside where you’ll eventually cross over the cliff Latourell tumbles over—like someone left a kitchen faucet turned on at full pressure. While it may be tempting to explore an outcropping above the falls, it’s best to stay in the bounds of a cable doing its best to corral wayward hikers. Protruding roots and slick conditions from the mist could mean an unintentional shortcut to the bottom of Latourell.

Round a corner and the creek comes into view—though it’s still far below some steep dropoffs. You’ll reach water level at a bridge crossing in front of Upper Latrourell. These falls have a kink in the middle before they spill into a small pool like an oversized, natural water slide. A shallow cavern that stretches behind it

Admit it—you’ve always wanted to take the exit off of I-84 for Rooster Rock to see just how many fleshy, naked bodies were swimming at one of the state’s two clothing-optional outdoor beaches.

Begin at the east end of the parking lot and head toward the beach where, yes, there may be eager nudists, but also a path that follows the wide and mighty Columbia as it carves its route east through imposing bluffs. However, if the river is swollen from a season of heavy rain, you’ll find geese swimming where sand should be, and a submerged sign warning about the location’s lax dress code.

If the beach is flooded, head a hundred yards or so inland just past the restrooms to find the way: A marker points toward the Rooster Rock Nature Trail. You’ll duck into a forest that doubles as a disc golf course, where low-hanging branches and eroded bluffs undoubtedly claim many putters. Tall branches provide protection from the sun or rain along much of the twig-strewn trail, but slits between the tree trunks offer glimpses across to the Washington side of the Gorge.

Some smart squirrels call these woods home— they know the two-legged creatures are packing food and won’t hesitate to beg like a dog or take a morsel from your fingers.

As you near the turn in the loop, the hillside is dominated by white flowers that could double as tiny, ornate feather dusters. The plants crowd around a skinny wooden bench that’s positioned at the top of a hill toward the biggest break in shrubbery on the route. The Columbia River bends toward Oregon from this vantage point before arching back the other way. Layers of mountains jut into the sky and if you look closely you can see as far as Beacon Rock. The return trail runs closer to the freeway, with a small canyon separating the two.

Take I-84 east to exit 25 Rooster Rock State Park. Continue to the parking area. There is a $5 day-use fee. Drive to the east end of the lot.

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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PHOTOS BY HENRY CROMETT

Enchanted Forest, Budget Disneyland HOW DO THE ATTRACTIONS AT OREGON’S ONLY REAL AMUSEMENT PARK MEASURE UP TO THE GOLD STANDARD IN CALIFORNIA?

BY MATT HEW SIN GER

msinger@wweek.com

As a child of Southern California, Disneyland is in my DNA. My mother grew up in Pasadena, which isn’t Anaheim, but close enough. One of my second cousins worked there as a liaison for visiting foreign dignitaries. To say I was obsessed with the place growing up would be an understatement. We visited almost every summer of my young adolescence. I haven’t been back since my senior grad night in 2000, but no matter how black my aging heart gets, those memories remain close to it.

Perhaps that’s why I’ve been intrigued by Salem’s Enchanted Forest ever since moving to Portland eight years ago. Like Disneyland, the small, fairy tale-themed amusement park in the woods off I-5 is a monument to the man who conceived it, landscape artist Roger Tofte—except that Tofte practically built the place with his own hands in the ’70s.

Until recently, I had never gotten around to visiting.

But when I did, I found a place taking more than a little inspiration from the expensive playground of my youth.

MINI MATTERHORN: Ice Mountain Bobsleds.

MOUSE TRAP: Storybook Lane uses no trademarked characters.

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Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

If you love Fantasyland, you’ll like…Storybook Lane.

Fantasyland is the part of the Magic Kingdom intended specifically for its youngest visitors and loved by its most stoned teenagers. It’s where they put all the rides based on the classic Disney films—which are, of course, mostly adaptations of fairy tales and children’s books—and while it’s meant for little kids, surely more than one zonked hippie has jumped out of their car on the Alice in Wonderland ride to take a hit off the animatronic caterpillar’s hookah. (My uncles allegedly did this.) Storybook Lane has the same idea, but God help anyone who thinks it’d be fun to get ripped and skip through this land of enchantment. The first things you see after passing through its version of Sleeping Beauty Castle is a Humpty Dumpty sculpture that looks like a coked-out Roger Ailes, Little Miss Muffet getting sexually harassed by a spider with the face of an old hobo, and a deeply unsettling vignette of Hansel and Gretel.

And that’s before you encounter the terrifying Witch’s Castle—literally a haggard witch’s face where you enter through her mouth and slide down through her hair. Wherever you go, you hear composer Susan Vaslev’s sprightly score, which is like the “It’s a Small World” theme in its crazymaking repetition, except you can’t get away from it. It’s a bad trip waiting to happen, man.

If you love Haunted Mansion, you’ll like...Haunted House.

Probably could’ve imagineered the concept a little harder, Mr. Tofte. Why not a haunted condominium? Or, since it’s located in the park’s Westernthemed village, a haunted saloon, maybe?

Instead, it’s just a plain, weather-beaten threestory Craftsman home, with no real story beyond “there’s spookiness a-transpirin’!” The production value is somewhere between a county fair and FrightTown, relying on hydraulic-powered jump-scares you hear before you see whatever Halloween-store demon they’re attached to. But it does steal a few nifty tricks from the world’s most famous supernatural manor, including portraits whose eyes trace your movements, objects that seem to float in midair and a wisecracking disembodied head. (He’s “the head of the household,” get it?!)

To its credit, if navigating tight spaces in pitchfucking darkness makes you anxious, getting through the house can be a truly nerve-wracking experience. For maximum disorientation, take a walk through the vertigo-inducing Crooked House in Storybook Lane right before entering. Everything is scarier when you’ve just simulated the effects of a concussion.

If you love Splash Mountain, you’ll like...Big Timber Log Ride.

Keeping it 100, Splash Mountain is just a rich-kid version of the classic amusement-park log ride, one which, in typical Disney fashion, forces riders to float through 10 minutes of singing animals before the payoff. (Worse, the whole thing is themed around Song of the South, a film so racist the company has spent 70 years trying to erase it from history.)

In that way, Enchanted Forest’s iteration is actually superior. Climb aboard your hollowed-

SPLASH FOOTHILL: Big Timber Log Ride.

out Douglas fir, and five minutes later, you’re holding a souvenir photo of the moment you went plunging 40 feet into recycled pool water with a garbage-bag poncho enveloping your face. No fuss, minimal muss and no “Zip-a-Dee-Do-Dah”-ass woodland creatures reminding you that you’re drifting through a Jeff Sessions fever dream.

If you love Fantasmic!, you’ll like...Fantasy Fountains.

Held nightly on the “river” that surrounds Tom Sawyer Island, Fantasmic! is one of the ’Land’s grandest spectacles. A live show depicting Mickey Mouse’s battle with the forces of evil, it’s got everything you could want from large-scale theater— fireworks, giant puppets, pirate ships, mist-screen projections and, in the climactic finale, a firespewing dragon that sets the river aflame like it was the Cuyahoga. Now, imagine that, but without the dragon, the pyro, the boats—basically, take out everything except the water—shoved inside a rustic snack bar, and you’ve got Fantasy Fountains.

All day, on a 15-minute loop, over 300 water jets spit and drizzle in a choreographed dance against an array of psychedelic lighting, like a diorama version of the Bellagio Fountains in Vegas. It’s not exactly thrilling, but it is sort of relaxing, and will certainly help distract you while you choke down your slice of triple-A ballpark-grade pizza.

If you love the Matterhorn, you’ll like...Ice Mountain Bobsleds.

The park’s most egregious rip-off tries to convince you that, oh yeah, tobogganing is pretty much the same everywhere in Europe, no matter what generic mountain range you’re in. Maybe Disney doesn’t own the idea of simulated winter sports— after all, it stole its own attraction’s design from, um, the Alps—but the abominable snowman that greets you on your first ascent here looks awfully familiar. At any rate, there’s no ride at Enchanted Forest better equipped to remind you that you’re too old and fat to experience actual amusement at an amusement park.

Try cramming into one of the enclosed pods that takes you around the track with another fullgrown adult. The attendants will tell you it’s cool, but oh, it is not. What the coaster lacks in speed it makes up for in whiplashability, herking and jerking until you’re convinced they should’ve called it Mount Smushmore. Men, for the sake of your unborn children, insist on sitting in front.

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Cheap Seats WE VISITED EVERY NEIGHBORHOOD THEATER IN PORTLAND. HERE’S THE RUNDOWN.

BY WA L K E R M AC M UR D O

AN D

P E TE COTTELL

There’s a reason Portland has only a few huge Regal behemoths within city limits. Our little neighborhood theaters serve up the same movies at $4 to $8 off multiplex prices. Most come with cheaper, better snacks, craft beer and food not made of plastic. We visited all of these spots across Portland—not the arthouses and repertories, but the ones where you can dip in and catch a Hollywood movie on a sweltering weekday—ranking them on a scale of 1 to 100 based on highly scientific criteria. Skip the $12 tickets and $6 popcorns of the major chains—chances are, you’ve got a much better spot right around the corner.

Academy Theater

7818 SE Stark St., 503-252-0500, academytheaterpdx.com.

Score: 91 The four-screen Academy Theater has been in Montavilla since 1948, long before the Guy Fieri-approved fried chicken at the Country Cat or the Guy Fieri lifestyle at the Tub & Tan were ever a thing. The seats are springy and arranged so there are few suboptimal lines of sight. The popcorn is made in small batches, lending to a reliable freshness we enjoyed at a late Tuesday screening. The beer list was highlighted by Buoy Czech Pilsner and Rosenstadt Kolsch, and nearby

Montavilla Brew Works Bipartisan Porter. But though $4 tickets are a draw, so is the outstanding pizza from nextdoor Flying Pie, the best hype- and theme-free pizza shop in Portland. Programming is commendable for secondrun status, with a finely curated mix of ’90s favorites and blockbusters—think Dumb and Dumber and The Big Lebowski alongside Ghost in the Shell.

Laurelhurst Theater

2735 E Burnside St., 503-232-5511, laurelhursttheater.com.

Score: 85 With a marquee that’s presided over East Burnside for 94 years, Laurelhurst is the BEST platonic ideal of a neighborhood second- PROGRAMMING run theater, with $4 tickets, prestige flicks like Get Out and Lion, a crowd-pleasing blockbuster repertory, and near-infinite dining and drinking options on Burnside or 28th Avenue. The popcorn is lightly salted and a little sweet, and although the four screens within are tiny and lined with worn-in seats that barely provide reach to the tables used for stashing that $14 pitcher of Breakside IPA or Lucky Lab Porter, the price is too good to elicit any serious complaints. Skip the pizza unless you’re on your way out of the final showing—at which point it’s available for just $1 per slice.



St. Johns Theater and Pub

8203 N Ivanhoe St., 503-283-8520, mcmenamins.com.

Score: 70 Does St. Johns have a portal to Edwardian England that no one told us about? Past a spacious garden patio and old-timey pub—the building was built in 1905 for the Lewis and Clark Exposition and later barged up the Willamette to become an Irish pub—here, you can catch a first-run flick in a circular, dome-roofed room for $7. Skip the over-salted popcorn and head straight for the full menu of pub food and beers brewed at Kennedy School—a $5.50 pint of Equinox IPA was fresh and boozy, and they’ll bring it to you as you watch. Though you’re halfway between downtown St. Johns and the excellent combo of North Lombard’s excellent Lombard House beer bar and the BEST St. Johns Marketplace cart pod, you may just LOCATION want to chill in the garden.

St. Johns Twin Cinema

8704 N Lombard St., 503-286-1768, stjohnscinema.com.

Score: 68 This shabby-chic St. Johns duplex is popular, but a bit dumpy and awkward, with seats that have a way of digging into your back and bad lines of sight. But beyond the subHENRY CROMETT

BEST FOOD

How We Scored Each Theater Programming: 25 points.

If you only have one screen, don’t waste it on the Smurfs movie.

Value: 25 points. Cheaper the better, for tickets or snacks.

Beer: 10 points. Tap quality and quantity both count.

Popcorn: 10 points. Be fresh. Have toppings.

Other Snacks: 10 points.

Dinner and a movie needn’t be consecutive.

Seating: 10 points. Hard to enjoy a movie if your ass hurts!

Location: 10 points. The more cool shit nearby, the better.

ACADEMY THEATER 22

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henry cromett

academy theater

par first-run viewing experience attached to the $8 price tag, there are merits: The popcorn was crispy and kernel-free, the Ecliptic Orbiter IPA fragrant and refreshing, and the surrounding ’hood loaded with choice spots like Slim’s, Tienda Santa Cruz and Royale’s Garrison Taproom.

corn is fine, but the real draw is the dazzling array of powdered topping flavors, like “Thai,” “barbecue” or “ranch.” As for the beer, it’s also fine. The best neighborhood draw is the attached Backstage Bar with its combo of pool, shuffleboard and impossibly high ceilings.

Avalon Theatre

CineMagic Theatre

3451 SE Belmont St., 503-238-1617, wunderlandgames.com.

Score: 65 It’s a little rough around the edges, CHEAPEST but Belmont’s over-a-century-yearold Avalon is about as good as you can ask for with Portland’s super-discount theaters. Avalon rotates through a selection of five, mostly child- and teenfriendly, second-run blockbusters (for big kids, Logan screens after 9 pm) at the bottom market price of $3.50 a ticket, down to $3 for under-12s and seniors. Though the theater is small and a little cramped, you can stretch your legs in their nickel-fueled arcade for $3.25, or head immediately outside into one of the best bar districts on the eastside.

$

McMenamins Kennedy School Theater 5736 NE 33rd Ave., 503-249-3983, mcmenamins.com, Score: 60 This former elementary school’s auditorium is now an almost cavernous second-run theater, stocked with enough mismatched loveseats of varying firmness to seat a couple hundred people, and side tables big enough for the whole pizzas you can order at the adjacent bar. The popcorn ($4.25 for a small) is fresh, and you can top it with a mess of fixins like nutritional yeast, Parmesan and Cholula, but the Kennedy Equinox IPA was somehow less fresh than the one served in St. Johns. Programming is relegated BEST to a disappointing handful of big-budget, chairs second-run popcorn flicks—but there are worse ways to spend $4.

McMenamins Bagdad Theater and Pub 3702 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-249-7474, mcmenamins.com.

Score: 57 Though $9.50 a ticket, the Bagdad is a beautiful venue loaded with oversized seats and chair-side service for those seated in the massive balcony who order off the Bagdad Pub menu. The pop-

2021 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-231-7919, thecinemagictheater.com.

Score: 48 Aside from a great tap list with Belgian double IPA from pFriem and a fresh batch of Fat Head’s IBUsive IPA, CineMagic has little appeal to moviegoers who don’t live close enough to casually stop in. The joyfully flimsy and bouncy chairs a plus, but not much else at CineMagic is worth writing home about. The popcorn on our visit was somehow both burnt and filled with uncooked kernels, and the vision behind programming involves a series of indie-ish $7.50 BEST first-run films left to play until they’re beer relegated to second-run.

Moreland Theater

6712 SE Milwaukie Ave., 503-236-5257, morelandtheater.com.

Score: 43 It’s tough to enjoy your fresh, delightfully buttery popcorn ($3, small) and delicious Breakside IPA at the Moreland. Opened in 1926, this one-screen theater plays first-run movies for $7.50 ($5 matinees), but it doesn’t have anywhere for you put your treats except the floor, and if you’re in one of the cramped, uncomfortable seats toward the front, God help you. The Moreland doesn’t have any shows before 5:30 pm on weekdays, and if BEST popcorn you want to go anywhere outside of Sellwood you’re best off not drinking.

Roseway Theater

7229 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-282-2898, rosewaytheater.com.

Score: 40 It isn’t that we had a bad time at Roseway. Our $8, first-run screening of the slightly underappreciated Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 was mostly full. We enjoyed the film in our cushy, spacious seats, even though the room-temperature popcorn was full of unpopped kernels. It’s just that the Roseway mostly replicates the multiplex experience—minus beer— at just under multiplex prices, minus the convenience and selection that come with big business bucks. You’re probably better off at Lloyd.

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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THOMAS TEAL

PRETTY AND PINK: Painted Hills rib-eye steak

HIGH STEAKS RIB-EYE BUTCHER SHOP STEAKS, RANKED.

BY M ATT H E W KO R F H AGE

mkorfhage@wweek.com

Even if you’re vegan, steak on the grill is the smell of summer. But until recently, the steak on the grill probably had more to do with the store closest to you than any choice you made. Lately, though, there are more ranch options than in a Kansas salad dressing aisle.

With the spread of consumer-grade sous-vide cookers, you can now make a steak as good as anything you get at a steak house. Using the devices, which run about $100 and slow-cook vacuum-sealed foods at a consistent temperature , we can standardize the exact temperature at which a cut of meat is cooked and judge rib-eye against rib-eye.

So, on a single Thursday in May, we went to nine different butcher shops in Portland to get rib-eye steaks—Cason’s and Old Salt were sadly out of rib-eye that day—and test their meat providers against each other. We seasoned each steak identically with salt and pepper, then bagged and immersed them for about 60 minutes till they reached 133 degrees, finally searing them in a hot carbon steel pan with grapeseed oil and a pat of butter. All were tasted blind, by a panel of five meat-drunk tasters. Here are the results.

1. Painted Hills rib-eye from the Meat Monger at Providore Fine Foods

Score: 89.4 Comments: “Beautiful, soft, velvet, perfect.” “Goddamn—this is a steak! Incredible marbling.” “This steak is the ugliest, it is the fattiest, and it is the best.” “Beef bouillon pop. Sticks in your teeth in a good way.”

Since it was founded two decades ago by seven ranching families in Fossil, Ore., Painted Hills has been our state’s biggest name in natural beef—no antibiotics (“we’re a never-ever program,” says spokeswoman Jennifer Homer), no chemicals and no hormones.

Painted Hills isn’t a ranch, as some might assume, but a cooperative raising Angus-cross beef all over the Northwest by hundreds of different ranchers according to strict protocols—grass-fed till 14 months, then finished for three months on a nutritionist-certified mix of corn, hay, alfalfa, oats, vitamins and minerals.

Well, goddamn. While we don’t know which rancher raised this one, it was a great 24

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

steak—ranked highest by all five tasters, fatty as hell, blooming with beef flavor, with fat marbled through the protein and not merely hunkered up next to it, a crescendo of umami that builds to an unctuous grace note that lingers in its beefiness. This is what steak tastes like and it’s wonderful.

2. Carlton Farms rib-eye from Western Meat Market

Score: 83.4 Comments: “This melts in my mouth.”

“OMG, butter. It’s butter. “Nice cereal character.” “Even marbling and good flavor.”

Carlton Farms is much better known for pork in these parts—but if this steak is any judge, it should also be known for its beef.

Like Painted Hills, Carlton Farms is in Oregon, and like Painted Hills it pasture-raises its all-natural cattle. But the character of the meat was dramatically different. Carlton’s beef was a Nebraska-style butter-bomb, fatty throughout in a crazily silken way, while the texture in the Painted Hills steak was a bit more granular. It was so buttery, in fact, we mistook it for an Omaha Steak.

3. “Midwest beef ” from Gartner’s Country Meats Score: 80.6 Comments: “Best-looking steak by far.”

“Texture looser than [Carlton], with a little less umami flavor. A good all-rounder.” “Nice chew. So pretty.”

Gartner’s couldn’t verify for sure whose steak we got–Nebraska Beef’s or Cargill’s out of Kansas—but either way, this steak represents a century of Midwest corn-fed tradition. Were our tasters biased toward the Midwest box steak because it was so pretty? Maybe. Because it was terribly pretty in the way that the Caribbean is pretty, and that people on television are pretty—which is to say, it corresponded perfectly to what you think steak should look like, a Norman Rockwell vision of perfect steak. Though some found it a bit less flavorful than a lot of the steaks, it had an even marbling and beautiful consistency that pushed it into the upper half of the rankings.

4. Creekstone from Chop

Score: 75.6 Comments: “Sharp taste I crave the minute I taste it.” “Generic beef-stock, with no depth.” “Beautifully fatty.” “I just want to bathe this in salt and chomp on it.”

Kansas beef is consistent—give it that!

The natural, no-antibiotics, no-hormones Creekstone steak from Arkansas City, Kan., was also lovely, and also a bit generic in its beefiness—maybe not as intense in its flavor, but clearly expertly fed, cut and crafted Angus beef.

5. Brandt Beef from Laurelhurst Market

Score: 73 Comments: “Mmmm, just want to sink my teeth into this sucker. Smoooooth.” “Grainy, beefy. Makes me feel like a cowboy. But maybe too grainy?” “A little bit flat, in flavor.”

California’s Brandt Beef was the pioneer in a barcode tracking system that, technically, would let you track your cow all the way back

to the individual patch of grass it was named on—something we discovered too late to track our steak. Brandt corn-feeds the living fuck out of its steaks to fatten them up—365 days of corn, like a Joseph Gordon Levitt movie—and the result was smoothness. This proved strangely polarizing, with a couple of our blind tasters declaring the flavor flat while others loved the smoothness.

6. Grass-fed Carman Ranch from Sheridan Fruit Co.

Score: 64.2 Comments: “Has sort of a fish taste, which I don’t understand.” “A bit lean, but beautifully distinctive flavor.” “Like eating a silk shirt.”

Alone among the butcher shops, Sheridan carried two Oregon rib-eyes from two different providers—our winner from Painted Hills, and grass-fed beef from Carman Ranch. Grass-fed beef is divisive among steak lovers—it’s acknowledged to be more healthy for the diner and better for the cattle, but often leads to unexpected gamey notes or even fishy flavors (rumored but not proven to be the result of fancy-schmancy omega-3 acids). With Wallowa’s Carman Ranch, this was somewhat muted. Some judges praised the distinctive flavor and silkenness of the meat, but others decried the mutedness of lean beef and an ever so slight fishy note.

7. Grass-fed Pono beef from Pono Farm Soul Kitchen

Score: 54.4 Comments: “Great texture, but a little fishy.” “Weird grain note?” “It’s like a cow ate tuna.”

Pono Farm in Bend combines American ranching with Japanese traditions, not to mention Japanese cows: Its ranch stock is a mix of Wagyu and Red Angus.

Its rib-eye was the grassiest of grass-fed beef, the fishiest and the gamiest. It did retain quite a bit more fattiness, but the broken-down fat also led to more of that gamey flavor coming through. |

Simple ApproAch

Bold FlAvor vegan Friendly

CHEFFY STEAK SIDES Aunt Bea’s Potato Salad

A KILLER RECIPE FOR MAYO-FREE POTATO SALAD FROM THE OWNER OF TAQUERIA NUEVE.

BY B I L LY SC H UM A K E R

I normally make this dish by just throwing stuff together until it’s tastes the way I like it— the same way most of our families probably used to make potato and pasta salad.

Aunt Bea’s secret was poaching the potatoes in oil instead of water. This gives the potatoes better texture, keeps them moist and omits the need for mayonnaise.

open 11-10

everyday

INGREDIENTS • 1 smoked ham hock • Stock • 1 quart dried beans soaked overnight. Navy, great northern and pinto work well. You can even mix them (just match the sizes).

• 2 Walla Walla or sweet yellow onions • 1½ bulbs of garlic cleaned and peeled, then chopped

500 NW 21st Ave, (503) 208-2173 kungpowpdx.com

• 1 poblano pepper • 1 jalapeño pepper • 16 oz. light lager beer • 1 bottle of Mexican Coke (no corn syrup) • 1½ cups molasses • ½ bag dried guajillo peppers • 1 tablespoon toasted and ground cumin • ½ tablespoon toasted ground coriander • Powdered cayenne to taste

• 3 hardboiled eggs

• Crystal hot sauce to taste

• 1½ lbs. yellow potatoes, peeled and cut into

• 1½ cups apple cider vinegar

quarters or halves depending on size • 3 cups extra virgin olive oil • 3 stalks of celery, finely diced • ½ red onion, finely diced • 2 baby dill pickles, finely diced • ¼ cup Dijon mustard • ¼ cup oil, reserved from poaching the potatoes • 2 tablespoons pickling liquid from baby dills • 3 tablespoons apple cider vinegar • ½ bunch parsley, finely chopped • ½ bunch dill, finely chopped • Salt and pepper 1. Put the three eggs into a small saucepan and cover with cold water. Cook on high until boiling.

Immediately cover and remove from heat. Let the eggs cook for 9 minutes, drain and chill in a bath of ice water. When completely cooled, peel and chop the eggs 2. Combine the potatoes and olive oil in a small sauce pan. Cook over a low heat until tender. You want to slow-poach the potatoes so that they do not fry. When the potatoes are tender, drain the potatoes, season with salt and cool on a sheet pan.

Reserve a quarter-cup oil for the recipe.

3. In a medium-sized bowl, combine the celery, red onions, baby dill pickles, mustard, oil, pickling liquid, apple cider vinegar, parsley and dill.

4. Dice the chilled potatoes into smaller pieces and add to the mixing bowl with the mustard and oil mixture. Add the hardboiled eggs. Fold the mixture together and season with salt and pepper to taste.

East Texas Baked Beans

PORK-CENTRIC BAKED BEANS FROM THE CHEF OF THE FORTHCOMING BULLARD AND OUR 2015 RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR, IMPERIAL.

BY D O UG A DA M S In East Texas barbecue, where pork is king, the sides are just as important as the meat. It’s a very different mindset from the ’cue in Central Texas and Lockhart, where it’s all about the beef.

Beans may be the most iconic side to in the region.

My favorite thing about a dish like this is using lots of things left over or whatever you have around, and hopefully bits from the smoked meat you’re serving with it. The beans should lightly echo the notes in your sauce—vinegar, sweetness, spice and smoke.

• Bacon fat 1. Put the ham hocks into the stock and bring to simmer. This not only adds flavor to the stock, but also tenderizes the hocks so you can get the meat off.

2. While the stock and ham hocks are simmering, cut the onions in half and peel them. Place the onions over low heat on a charcoal grill and cover.

The idea is to smoke the onions and slowly roast the peppers. The peppers should take about 30 minutes, the onions longer until caramelized and tender.

3. Seed and peel the peppers when they are cool enough to handle, then cut into small chunks.

4. Start a large pot on medium with bacon fat, and add the garlic and onions. Cook for 5 minutes and season with salt and pepper.

5. Add the chopped peppers and stir for 2 minutes, then season.

6. Add the beer and vinegar, then slowly simmer until half the liquid is gone.

7. While vinegar is reducing, pull ham hocks from the stock; they should be starting to fall apart. They are more easily handled when hot, and the idea is to get all the meat and skin from them. Chop into bite-sized pieces, without any bits of bone. Do not discard the skin—it will add a really nice gelatinous quality to our beans when chopped up. The meat from the ham hock should be picked into bite-size pieces, being careful not to include any bones. Add the meat, skin and large bone into the pot.

8. Once the vinegar is reduced, add the strained beans and Mexican Coke. Cover with at least an inch of stock.

Cook the beans low and slow. Keep an eye on the amount of liquid and add stock or water if needed.

The beans will cook evenly only if they have enough liquid to cook in.

9. In a small pot, cover the dried peppers with water. Simmer until they are tender (about 10 minutes), remove from pot and keep any left-over liquid. Remove the stems from the peppers and place them in a food processor or blender with the molasses and a pinch of salt. Pulse until smooth and then add this paste to the beans.

10. Once the beans are tender, add the spices and hot sauce. The finished product should not be watery, but also not dry. The beans will be even better if you can let them sit overnight, which improves the texture. They store well and will be good for several meals.

C O U R T E S Y O F B I L LY S C H U M A K E R

INGREDIENTS

AN INTERNATIONAL MARKETPLACE

Asian Barbecue Sauce Give your summer barbecue an Asian zing with your very own homemade Asian BBQ sauce!

Don’t want to make it yourself?

Fubonn Supermarket carries a huge selection of sauces that will inspire your summer cookouts.

Ingredients:

Preparation:

• Stir together all ingredients except sugar • 6 tablespoons hoisin sauce* in a bowl.

• 2 tablespoons rice vinegar (not seasoned) • Cook sugar in a dry heavy saucepan over • 1 tablespoon Asian fish sauce moderate heat, undisturbed, until it begins to melt. Continue to cook, stirring occasion• 1 tablespoon soy sauce ally with a fork, until sugar is melted into • 1 tablespoon honey a deep golden caramel. Tilt pan and carefully pour in hoisin mixture (caramel will • 1/3 cup minced shallot harden and steam vigorously). Cook over • 2 garlic cloves, minced moderately low heat, stirring, until caramel • 1 tablespoon minced peeled fresh ginger is dissolved and sauce is thickened, 6 to 8 • 1/8 teaspoon Chinese five-spice powder minutes. Cool to room temperature.

• Serve with shrimp, swordfish, pork, or chicken.

• 1/3 cup sugar

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Contact leasing@fubonn.com for more information.

2850 S.E. 82nd Ave • www.fubonn.com • 503-517-8877 9am-8pm seven days a week *Restaurant Hours may vary from mall hours Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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O H S U D E N TA L C L I N I C S

Make time for your smile.

It’s been there for you at the best moments of your life. So give your smile some love.

TREAT F L E S ’ YO

OHSU Dental Clinics at Portland’s South Waterfront offer the latest advances to make the most of your smile. For all the good times ahead.

V I S I T: W W W . O H S U . E D U / D E N T I S T

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A PP O I N TM EN T S: 503-494-8867

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CHRISTINE DONG

Summer Super Calendar SOMETHING TO DO EVERY SINGLE DAY THIS SUMMER. DOCK O’CLOCK: Swimming at the public dock south of the Hawthorne Bridge.

Wednesday, May 31 Party like you just died in the Big Easy.

Straight out of New Orleans comes the Hot 8 Brass Band. Its latest, On the Spot, is a joyful ruckus that’s sure to get any party (or funeral, since the band does plenty of those as well) grooving in no time. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 503-284-8686, wonderballroom.com. 8:30 pm. $18 advance, $23 day of show. 21+.

Thursday, June 1 Kickstart the Burning Man of bikes.

With over 200 events spanning the entire month of June, Pedalpalooza is a chance for bike enthusiasts of all backgrounds to celebrate one of the many pastimes that makes Portland what it is. The World Naked Bike Ride gets all the press, but the Kickoff Ride is worth your time to get a look at who’s who in the scene while they’re still fully clothed.

Salmon Street Springs Fountain, Southwest Salmon Street and Naito Parkway, shift2bikes.org. 7 pm. Free. All ages.

Friday, June 2 Get a yeast injection.

Not your typical stalls-and-suds beer fest, Cheers to Belgian Beers is a throwdown in which more than 50 Oregon brewers try their hand at brewing a Belgian with a single strain of yeast—Imperial Gnome B45 this time around—and a goal for color and IBUs that was determined with a dart throw back in January. The North Warehouse, 723 N Tillamook St., oregoncraftbeer.org/ctbb. $20, includes a glass and 8 drink tickets. 21+.

Saturday, June 3 Watch a parade that might get shut down by anarchists.

Get lit with one of the Rose Festival’s marquee events, the Starlight Parade, in which a steady stream of illuminated floats and

marching bands putzes around downtown Portland in a garish display of civic pride.

Starts at West Burnside Street and 9th Avenue, rosefestival.org. Free. All ages.

Sunday, June 4 Cool down in an air-conditioned theater.

If you want to get out of the sun and feel cultured, head downtown to watch some talented youths tell the adventures of little Bilbo Baggins and all the dwarves and wizards he encounters in the Metropolitan Performing Arts Academy’s production of The Hobbit.

Brunish Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 503-2746551, metropaa.org. 2 pm. $12. All ages.

Monday, June 5 Work out your daddy issues in front of strangers.

Falling somewhere between a poetry slam and an open-mic comedy night, the Moth StorySlam offers aspiring storytellers the chance to get onstage and unspool a yarn of their own in five-minute allotments. It’s cheaper than therapy! The Secret Society, 116 NE Russell St., themoth.org. 8 pm. $10.

All ages.

Tuesday, June 6 Meet your new favorite wood-bat baseball team at its home opener.

You’ll be fighting for an apartment in Lents before you know it, so you might as well get acquainted with the burgeoning outer Southeast ’hood while the sun is shining.

You’re in luck, because a Portland Pickles game is an inexpensive and low-stakes affair that’s about as Summer in America as it gets.

Walker Stadium, 4727 SE 92nd Ave., 503773-3080, portlandpicklesbaseball.com. 7:05 pm. $7-$10. All ages.

Wednesday, June 7 Watch the fifth-best Coen brothers movie at a French patisserie.

Throughout the summer months, inscrutable wine bar-pastry shop Pix Pâtisserie hosts free movies on its delightful patio, with drinks theme after the night’s film.

The series kicks off with slacker classic The Big Lebowski. If we could only remember what its prominent drink was. A mudslide, maybe? Pix/Bar Vivant, 2225 E Burnside St., 971-271-7166, pixpatisserie.com. Opens at 7 pm, movie starts at dusk. Free. All ages.

Thursday, June 8 Peruse the new summer line of bow ties, French cuffs and banana hammocks.

Expect a run on the Cock and Balls doughnut at Voodoo Doughnut later in the evening, because every bachelorette party in the greater Portland area descends like vultures on this stop of the storied Chippendales striptease tour. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 971-230-0033, roselandpdx.com. 8 pm. $25 advance, $30 day of show. 21+.

Friday, June 9 Drink strawberry and lime ales.

Fans of fruit have a lot to look forward to from the taps at this year’s Fruit Beer Fest, with 21 infused creations that include a tart strawberry and basil ale from Ruse, a special Key lime pie beer from 10 Barrel, and a blend of Upright’s black lime-infused Saison Vert that spent time in both gin and vermouth barrels—yowza. Burnside Brewing Co., 701 E Burnside St., 503-946-8151, fruitbeerfest. com. 4-9 pm. Continues 11 am-9 pm Saturday and 11 am-6 pm Sunday, June 10-11. $20-$25 for 12-14 tastes.

Saturday, June 10 Celebrate Oldest Portland at the Grand Floral Parade.

It’s a Portland tradition dating back more than a 100 years and a giant production, with horses and floats and marching bands galore! This year, the grand marshals are Bobby Gross, Lloyd Neal and Larry Steele of the 1977 Trail Blazers team. Starts at Veterans Memorial Coliseum, 300 N Winning Way, rosefestival.org. 10 am. $15-$30 reserved seats, otherwise free.

Sunday, June 11 Turn up in Ridgefield.

Kendrick Lamar isn’t coming, but at least we’re getting Future, mumble rap’s reigning trap king. With Young Thug and A$AP Ferg in tow, this is easily the biggest hip-hop show of the season. Sunlight Supply Amphitheater, 17200 NE Delfel Road, Ridgefield, Wash., 360-816-7000, sunlightsupplyamphitheater. com. 7 pm. $24-$336. All ages.

Monday, June 12 Achieve peak Portland by doing yoga in a brewery.

The whole point of yoga is to maintain the muscles necessary to allow your body to properly process beloved Ecliptic brews like Orbiter IPA and Capella Porter, right? Ecliptic Brewing, 825 N Cook St., 503-265-8002, eclipticbrewing.com. 6:30 pm. $15-$20. 21+.

Tuesday, June 13 Test the limits of your self-confidence on the Dapper Tandem Twinsies Ride.

Dust off that tandy and dress like a dandy with a best bud on this twins-themed Pedalpalooza ride. It’s doubtful the ride will make any headway proving that tandems aren’t for married couples or total nerds, but being a nerd is cool again, right? Peninsula Park, 700 N Rosa Parks Way, 503-823-2525, shift2bikes.org. 6:30 pm.

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S u m m er S u p er Ca l e n d a r

PINT POSTURE: At Ecliptic.

Wednesday, June 14 Don’t celebrate Donald Trump’s birthday.

Portland’s Resistance is commemorating the birth of the oldest and dumbest president to assume office by celebrating literally everyone else born on June 14—Che Guevara, MC Ren, even dirty-ass former San Antonio Spur Bruce Bowen. Bring a homemade piñata for the chance to win $100. South Park Blocks, Southwest Park Avenue, pdxresistance.org. 5-8 pm.

Thursday, June 15 Watch world-famous Portland-born burlesque.

The Suicide Girls are coming back home from L.A. to be naked in a way that’s totally different from and more alt than other naked people, with Blackheart Burlesque.

Boo to conventional nakedness! Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., 503-288-3895, revolutionhall.com. 9 pm. $25.

Friday, June 16 Get Ziggy with it.

Although it’s being billed as a “Bowie Birthday Bash,” the actual cause for celebration tonight is the birth of The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders From Mars, which sprang from the Thin White Duke’s glitter-gilded loins on this day 40 years ago. A host of Portland bands, including all-star Bowie tribute act Boys Keep Swinging, will pay their respects, followed by a karaoke party. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-2883895, mississippistudios.com.

8:15 pm. $10. 21+.

Saturday, June 17 Combine two of the greatest things you could ever put in your mouth.

Portland cheese king Steve Jones joins forces with some of the best breweries in the region to pair 10 Cascadia-made 28

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cheeses with 10 local beers at the Portland Beer and Cheese Fest, a gluttonous affair that also features artisan charcuterie and chocolate. Culmination Brewing, 2117 NE Oregon St., 971-254-9114, culminationbrewing.com. 1-4 pm. $35.

Sunday, June 18 Tie on your rainbow cape for the city’s biggest parade party.

Portland Pride isn’t just a parade. It’s more like a giant party in the street where you see which huge companies are the most socially responsible, where free condoms are thrown like confetti, and where someone dressed like a horse may just come up to you and give a neigh.

Starts at Northwest 8th Avenue and Davis Street, pridenw.org. 11 am. Free. All ages.

Monday, June 19 Rave in the forest on the last day of What the Festival.

Australian synth-pop act Cut Copy headlines this year’s electronic music summer camp in the woods of Central Oregon, but depending on what you’re on, the main attractions remain the giant wading pool and the glow of the Illuminated Forest. Wolf Run Ranch, 78889 Dufur Valley Road, whatthefestival.com. June 16-19.

Tuesday, June 20 Flip out at a pinball tournament.

Intimidated by Portland’s storied pro pinball scene? Flip City’s weekly double-elimination tournament is open to the plebs, and bounces between some of the best pinball bars in town, making it a great excuse to finally check out Shanghai Tunnel and C Bar with ulterior motives other than drinking.

QuarterWorld, 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-548-2923, quarterworld.com. See flip.city for weekly locations. 7 pm. 21+.

Wednesday, June 21 S i n g “ O h ! Yo u P r e t t y Things” to elephants.

Eschewing the usual mix of Huey Lewis and random Marley relatives, this year’s Oregon Zoo Concert Series is actually kind of...cool. It starts tonight with the return of Brazilian singer-songwriter and The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou star Seu Jorge, reprising his David Bowie tribute that sold out the Schnitz last year. Oregon Zoo, 4001 SW Canyon Road, 503226-1561, zooconcerts.com. 7 pm. $35-$200. All ages.

Thursday, June 22 Hang with the stoner Laurel and Hardy.

To make their weekly podcast work, Clerks mastermind Kevin Smith breaks character from the traditionally taciturn Silent Bob to play foil to Jason Mewes’ incessant shit-talking, often yielding hilarious results. Snoochie boochies!

Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669, portland.heliumcomedy.com. 9:45 pm. $30. 21+ Friday, June 23 Get day-drunk at the Portland International Beerfest.

Fr o m i m p o r t e d G e r m a n helles to Japanese espresso stouts, 200 of the world’s rarest beers complete a lengthy journey to the North Park Blocks this June, in an event that always ranks among the year’s best drinking excursions. Northwest Park Avenue and Everett Street. 4-10 pm.

Continues noon-10 pm Saturday and noon-7 pm Sunday, June 24-25. $25, includes a glass and 10 drink tickets.

Saturday, June 24 Feel the breeze through your pubic hair!

Bikes and naked people: two of Portland’s defining features.

Ride around with your clothes off and enjoy striking views of both your fellow riders and the city. Fernhill Park, 6010 NE 37th Ave., 503-823-2525, pdxwnbr.org. 8 pm. Free. All ages.

Sunday, June 25 Take in a friendly soccer match between the Timbers and the rival Seattle Sounders.

Nuke Se-att-le! Clap-clap-clapclap-clap! What, too much?

Providence Park, 1844 SW Morrison St., timbers.com. 1 pm.

Tickets go on sale in early June; check website for availability.

Monday, June 26 Sweat to the dance-punk oldies.

Why ’s everyone creaming themselves over the LCD Soundsystem reunion when !!! never went anywhere? Other bands from the early aughts dance-punk wave might’ve received more critical affection, but none understood the pulse and groove of actual dance music better than these guys. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 503-231-9663, dougfirlounge.com. 9 pm. $18 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.

Tuesday, June 27 Revel in the debauchery of Cabaret.

Now 50 years old, Cabaret is still about as racy as musical theater gets. Set in a seedy club in Weimar Germany, it’s far darker than its eponymous song lets on. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., 503-248-4335, portland5.com/keller-auditorium. 7:30 pm. $25-$85. All ages.

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Thursday, June 29 Return to the land of Oz. You’ve probably forgotten what a horrifying nightmare of a film The Wizard of Oz is, but the flying monkeys are scary as fuck.

It returns to the big screen to kick off Oz convention OzCon, with Oz expert John Fricke in attendance. Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave., 503-223-4515, cinema21.com. 6:30 pm. $8.50. All ages.

and rides operating from noon to midnight.

Oaks Amusement Park, 7805 SE Oaks Park Way, 503-233-5777, oakspark.com. Gates open at 10 am. $3-$6. All ages.

Wednesday, July 5 Help Helium pick a funny person.

Every year, Helium holds a crowd-judged contest to determine Portland’s Funniest Person, and this is the last of the early rounds. Make sure your unique sense of humor—fart jokes! Innocuous ethnic foibles! Portland so Portland, amirite!—gets recognized. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-643-8669, portland.heliumcomedyclub.com. 7 and 10 pm. 21+.

Sunday, July 2 See an emerging local band play in your periphery.

Playing for uninterested cool kids who are mostly there for the glorious patio space is a weekly rite of passage for the ascendant local talent that’s booked at this popular weekly gig. But it’s free, and that patio really is something special, so how can you blame them? Rontoms, 600 E Burnside St., 503326-4536, rontoms.net. Free. 21+.

Monday, July 3 Celebrate the king of blockbusters.

The Hollywood is celebrating the career of Steven Spielberg with more than two weeks of screenings of nine of his most spectacular movies—including Jurassic Park, Jaws and the original Indiana Jones trilogy—all on 35 mm. Screenings kick off July 1 with E.T. the Extra Terrestrial.

Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-493-1128. See hollywoodtheatre.org for a schedule and tickets.

Tuesday, July 4 Watch fireworks at Oaks Park.

It ain’t Disneyland, but as far as viewing fireworks in Portland, Oaks Park gives a pretty spectacular good ol’ American show, with the entire park open for picnics and barbecues,

Friday, July 14 Celebrate this thing called Prince’s life.

No group of musicians knows the music of Prince as intimately as his classic band, the Revolution, who reunited after his death and are touring the country, playing his most well-known material with a revolving cast of singers. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 971230-0033, roselandpdx.com. 9 pm. $35 general admission, $55 balcony seating. All ages.

Monday, July 10 Get buzzed, win garbage.

Host Brian Perez’s dryly witty asides are the highlight of Mississippi Pizza’s weekly

Friday, June 30 See ballet for free in the Rose Garden.

Oregon Ballet Theatre’s Choreography XX will premiere three works by women choreographers. If that weren’t awesome enough, the company will perform the works for free in Washington Park’s seriously scenic outdoor amphitheater. Washington Park Rose Garden Amphitheater, 400 SW Kingston Ave., obt.org. 7:30 pm. Free.

Saturday, July 1 Take your dad to the Waterfront Blues Festival.

The 30 years-running celebration of blues and blues-adjacent genres has moved away from big-name headliners, but a lineup of Chris Isaak, Booker T. and Canned Heat is guaranteed to get thousands of middleage toes tapping in their flip-flops. Tom McCall Waterfront Park north and south of the Hawthorne Bridge. See waterfrontbluesfest.com for a complete schedule and ticket prices. June 30-July 4.

ary to the vibe, but we hear Yonder Mountain String Band has some pretty tasty licks.

Horning’s Hideout, 21277 NW Brunswick Canyon Road, North Plains. See stringsummit.com for a complete schedule and tickets.

Through July 16.

Sunday, July 9 Take drugs with hippies.

Journey south to the outskirts of Eugene for the Oregon Country Fair, the state’s yearly celebration of all things crunchy.

Befriend a vendor with highly coveted overnight access if you’re really trying to rage, or engage in some family-friendly wook hunting during the tamer daylight hours. 24207 OR-126, Veneta, Ore., 541343-4298, oregoncountryfair.org. $70 for a 3-day pass. July 7-9. All ages.

THOMAS TEAL

Wednesday, June 28 Trip the LED fantastic at Edgefield.

On his latest record, Epoch, Tycho mastermind Scott Hansen dials up the krautrock while still maintaining the technicolor ambience that pairs oh-so-well with the Bay Area group’s gooey, blissed-out visuals.

McMenamins Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale, 503-669-8610, edgefieldconcerts. com. 6 pm. $39.50. All ages.

TRILL: -Ium Lake.

Thursday, July 6 See a mashup of Shakespeare and the news.

Enso Theatre Ensemble’s fragmented and contemporary Romeo & Juliet Project will combine excerpts of Shakespeare’s script with broadcast news in a production that will be about half the length of the play you were forced to read in high school. Shaking the Tree Theatre, 823 SE Grant St., ensotheatre.com. 7:30 pm. $25.

Friday, July 7 Journey to the Black Lodge.

Feel like the only person in Portland who didn’t get why the return of Twin Peaks was such a big deal? Now’s the time to learn what the fuss over auteur David Lynch is all about. During the course of the summer, NW Film Center is screening all of his features, plus select films that influenced his work. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., 503-226-2811.

Lineup to be announced at nwfilm.org.

Saturday, July 8 Party in the street.

The Mississippi Street Fair is probably the most iconic such event in Portland—a world of sushi, beer, designer kiddie clothes and strange art made from bird carcasses. North Mississippi Avenue between Fremont and Alberta streets, mississippiave.com/streetfair. 10 am-9 pm.

Bourbon and Bingo Night. The prizes are mostly novelty junk, but as the man once said, it’s not whether you win or lose, but how drunk you get. Mississippi Pizza, 3552 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3231, mississippipizza.com. 8 pm. 21+.

Tuesday, July 11 Watch birds from a canoe.

The Lower Columbia Estuary Partnership will take you on a free canoe ride to look at birds near Ross Island. Starts from Willamette Park near Southwest Macadam Avenue and Nevada Street, estuarypartnership.org. 9:30 am. Free.

Wednesday, July 12 Troll your favorite WW staffers in person.

You’ve been leaving pissy comments all year, so how about you RSVP for our annual Best of Portland block party and come say that shit to our face, bro? But before you do, enjoy some great food and drinks from choice local vendors. Our treat! Willamette Week, 2220 NW Quimby St., 503-243-2122, wweek.com. 5 pm. Free with RSVP. Thursday, July 13 Hippie dance for four straight days.

As Pickathon moves farther from its roots, figuratively and literally, the Northwest String Summit continues to pick up the slack for festies who demand at least three banjo solos per song. The lineup is second-

Saturday, July 15 Float on.

For the seventh year in a row, thousands of Portlanders agree the Willamette is clean enough to swim in and are pretty excited to prove it by locking arms and floating around in inner tubes. It’s still advisable to cover any open wounds, but we’ll be damned if that water isn’t refreshing! Starts from Tom McCall Waterfront Park at Southwest Columbia Street and Naito Parkway, thebigfloat. com. 11 am. $5 through July 5th, $10 after.

Discounted pricing under age 18. All ages.

Sunday, July 16 Watch fake bands live out their realband dreams.

Can’t make it to Guns N’ Roses at the Gorge?

Your next best option is to catch Appetite for Destruction, along with 17 other tribute acts, at the seventh annual Harefest, the only all-cover-bands festival we know of.

Pat’s Acres Racing Complex, 6255 S Arndt Road NE, Canby, harefest.com. Through July 17. $50-$100. All ages.

Monday, July 17 Baile esta cumbia.

Orquestra Pacifico Tropical sounds like someone spiked the cruise-ship punch, kidnapped the cover band that was supposed to play after dinner, and replaced it with the hottest cumbia orchestra in the Pacific Northwest. Be sure to sneak a little somethin’ in your Hydro Flask for this one. Sellwood Riverfront Park, Southeast Spokane Street and Oaks Parkway, 503-823-7529, portlandoregon.gov/parks. 6:30 pm. Free. All ages.

Tuesday, July 18 See a movie with a friend for the price of one.

The cheap tickets and primo beer selection have already earned Montavilla’s Academy Theater first place in our ranking of neighborhood second-run theaters, but it gets even better on Tuesdays when admission is 2-for1. Reinvest the savings in a slice of pizza from Flying Pie next door and you’ve got yourself one heck of an air-conditioned night of value.

Academy Theater, 7818 SE Stark St., 503-2520500, academytheaterpdx.com. All ages.

Wednesday, July 19 See standup from four of Portland’s funniest people.

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be by local, seriously funny comedians and hosts Caitlin Weierhauser, Adam Pasi, Marcus Coleman and Matt Monroe.

Mississippi Pizza, 3552 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3231, mississippipizza.com. 9:30 pm.

Free.

Thursday, July 20 Start your weekend early on a Portland Spirit afternoon cruise.

Get out of work early on Thursday and get on the boat for a two-hour cruise with music and booze. Salmon Street Springs Dock, 1000 SW Naito Parkway, portlandspirit.com. 3-5 pm. $30.

Friday, July 21 Scout Portland’s future Best New Bands.

Anyone who thinks Portland’s music scene is nothing but sad indie dudes and warbling ukulele players needs to spend some time at PDX Pop Now, which brings together a broad sample platter of the best local sounds—from punk to jazz, folk to hip-hop, metal to EDM—all under one bridge.

The Hawthorne, to be precise.

AudioCinema, 226 SE Madison St., pdxpopnow.com. Through July 23. Free. All ages.

Saturday, July 22 Immerse yourself in DIY culture.

Since 2001, the Portland Zine Symposium has been bringing together hordes of independent publishers to host free workshops, panels and discussions. Plus, you can leave with an armful of the coolest coffeetable magazines of anyone you know. Jade/APANO Multicultural Space, 8114 SE Division St., portlandzinesymposium.org.

Noon. Free. All ages.

Sunday, July 23 Dance to “Uptown Funk” somewhere other than in a reception hall.

About the only two things America agrees on these days are the Rock and Bruno Mars— and at least Bruno isn’t threatening to run for president. He’s content supplying wedding DJs with all the funk and R&B jams they’ll need for the next 20 years, and God bless him for it.

Moda Center, 1 N Center Court St., 503-235-8771, rosequarter. com. $49.50-$125. All ages.

Monday, July 24 Trump somebody.

Trumping is not as awful as it sounds—unless it’s your partner’s ace. Every other week is euchre night at this deep-dish pizza spot. Learn the official card 32

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game of the Midwestern United States while eating a slice and drinking a couple $6.50 Maker’s ’n’ Cokes. Via Chicago, 2013 NE Alberta St., 503-719-6809, viachicagopizza.com. 6-10 pm.

Tuesday, July 25 See the new Christopher Nolan movie on 70 mm film.

Christopher Nolan shot Dunkirk, his new war movie about the evacuation of 400,000 Allied soldiers from the beach of France, on 70 mm.

Portland’s Hollywood Theatre is one of a handful across the country that can screen it in wide format. Buy tickets early and don’t miss it. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-493-1128, hollywoodtheatre.org. Opens July 21.

Wednesday, July 26 Attend the largest beer festival of the season.

The Oregon Brewers Festival, the biggest and oldest beer festival in the state, is also the best place to bring a burgeoning craft-beer junkie, as more than 80,000 friends, enemies, and strangers “woo” their way through the heat to try a massive selection of craft beer from all over the nation. Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Naito Parkway between Southwest Harrison and Northwest Glisan streets. Noon-9 pm. Continues noon-9 pm Thursday-Saturday and noon-7 pm Sunday, July 26-30. Free admission; souvenir mug $7, tasting tokens $1.

Thursday, July 27 Buy cool art at Last Thursday.

Alberta’s infamous street fair has endured all manner of chaos and fuckery throughout its lengthy run, so if you’re relatively new to the city, it’s worth your time to check it out before it’s too late. Northeast Alberta Street between 15th and 30th avenues. 6 pm. Free. All ages.

Friday, July 28 Make fun of bad movies with robots.

After almost two decades, Mystery Science Theater 3000 is back—and still really funny.

The show ’s live tour will include performances by current host Jonah Ray and series creator Joel Hodgson, plus lots of wacky robot mayhem. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, portland5.com. 8 pm. $39.50-$299.

Saturday, July 29 Put on some fins and join a parade of mermaids.

Last year, Una the mermaid became a local sensation, when

S u m m er S u p er Ca l e n d a r she hung out at the Salmon Street Springs Fountain all day and sang songs from The Little Mermaid. Now, she’s hosting a mermaid parade for the second year in a row, which will include a mermaid beach swim and beach party at Poets Beach and conclude in a 21-plus Sirens’ Masquerade Ball after-party. Japanese American Historical Plaza, 2 NW Naito Parkway, portlandiamermaidparade.com. Noon-4 pm. Free. All ages.

Wednesday, Aug. 2 Take your kid to see your favorite band when you were in middle school.

Green Day gets older, but its fans stay the same age. Few rock bands have proven able to regenerate a young audience like these pop-punk warhorses—a testament to the enduring power of songs so simple an 11-year-old can play them. Moda Center, 1 N Center Court St., 503-235-8771, rosequarter.com. 7 pm. $29-$225. All ages.

Thursday, Aug. 3 Sleep in the same woods where you’ll mosh to Dinosaur Jr. Every year, Pickathon’s reputation as the

watch. Cascade Brewing Barrel House, 939 SE Belmont St., 503-265-8603, cascadebrewingbarrelhouse.com. 6 pm.

1300 SE Stark St., 503-288-3895. 8 pm. $25 advance, $30 day of show. 21+.

Saturday, Aug. 5 Abuse your taste buds.

The second annual PDX Hot Sauce Expo lets you participate in something called the Reaper Eating Contest, eat spicy pizzas and tacos “from hell,” enter the “Slaytanic” burrito challenge, and watch a bunch of yappy chihuahuas in a beauty pageant. OMSI parking lot, 1945 SE Water Ave., pdxhotsauceexpo.com. Through Aug. 6. Free. All ages.

Wednesday, Aug. 9 Go swimming at Blue Lake.

Blue Lake Regional Park is a near-perfect circle of manicured fields and paved walking paths bordering the man-made lake. It is the type of nature area with a paved fountain area so kids can get wet without dirtying their feet.

For summer sports, it’s unbeatable. 20500 NW Marine Drive, Fairview, 503-665-4995, 8 am-sunset daily. $5 parking.

Thursday, Aug. 10 Catch up on summer blockbusters.

Summer is a time for movie explosions. Skip work and catch up on the latest Transformers and Marvel flicks, ideally at a discount at Portland’s second-run theaters like the Academy and Laurelhurst.

Sunday, Aug. 6 Celebrate the 10th anniversary of Tim and Eric.

Since creeping their way into America’s comedy subconscious with Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job!, the duo of Tim Heidecker and Eric Wareheim have established themselves as two of the most brilliantly disturbed minds to have ever graduated from Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim lineup, and THOMAS TEAL

Sunday, July 30 Dress like a wizard for Harry Potter’s birthday.

This weekend, Vancouver transforms from a slightly underrated suburb into a wonderland of wizards, elves and all the other whimsical shit in the Harry Potter universe to celebrate its hero’s July 31 birthday. Kiggins Theatre screens all eight films from the blockbusting series over the weekend, and downtown Vancouver transforms into Diagon Alley. Kiggins Theatre, 1011 Main St., Vancouver, Wash., 360-816-0352, kigginstheatre.net. July 28-31.

Tuesday, Aug. 1 Eat tons of pie.

Some of the best pie makers in town— whether pizza pie or pie pie–will be on hand making you pie for Willamette Week’s second annual Pie Hard event, naturally called Pie Harder. Ecliptic Brewing, 825 N Cook St., 503-265-8002, eclipticbrewing.com. 5-9 pm.

Friday, Aug. 11 Smoke one to “On the Road Again.”

Willie Nelson’s probably gonna outlive us all, but at age 84, you can never be too sure, so best celebrate the last outlaw left alive while you still can. Tickets are gone, but you can probably score one in the parking lot for a bag of shake and some Zig-Zags.

McMenamins Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale, 503-669-8610, edgefieldconcerts. com. 6:30 pm. Sold out. All ages.

Saturday, Aug. 12 Shop at a classically bizarre bazaar.

Don’t let the tourists and suburbanites deter you from one of downtown’s oldest traditions. Saturday Market is still the best place in town to pick up drug rugs, small-batch hot sauce, and acid-casualty street art all in one place. Skidmore Fountain, Southwest Naito Parkway and Ankeny Street, portlandsaturdaymarket.com. 10 am-5 pm Saturday and 11 am-4:30 pm Sunday through Christmas Eve. Sunday, Aug. 13 Eat samosas in the square.

Watch traditional Indian dance and eat kickass spicy food at the annual India Festival. Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave., icaportland.org, 11 am-9 pm. Free.

OLD-SCHOOL LAST THURSDAY: In the streets.

Monday, July 31 Get Wet. Before Paul Rudd, Elizabeth Banks, Bradley Cooper and Amy Poehler were all extremely famous—and most of the rest of the cast normally famous—they starred in David Wain’s hilarious sendup of ’80s camp comedies, Wet Hot American Summer. It was brought back with the original cast intact for a miniseries on Netflix in 2015, but you should catch the original on the big screen for free as part of the Clinton Street Theater’s Resistance Series.

Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 503-238-5588, cstpdx.com. 7 pm.

country’s best little music festival grows, while the festival itself stays the same—small, sustainable and impeccably booked. This year’s headliners include Charles Bradley, Dinosaur Jr. and Drive-By Truckers. Pendarvis Farm, 16581 SE Hagen Road, Happy Valley, pickathon.com. Through Aug. 6. Single-day passes $125, weekend passes $310. All ages.

Friday, Aug. 4 Chastise trustafarians for appropriating dreadlocks.

What’s summer without a little reggae? The Wailers—as in, “Bob Marley and the”—is now led by bassist Aston Barrett, but the songs are so timeless it really doesn’t matter who’s playing them. Revolution Hall,

the bizarre universe they built from scratch is definitely a place worth revisiting. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., 503-288-3895, revolutionhall.com. 9:30 pm. $47.50.

Monday, Aug. 7 Watch Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan for free.

KHAAAAAN! Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., cstpdx.com, 503-238-5588. 7 pm. Free.

Tuesday, Aug. 8 Tap a beer.

Every Tuesday the House of Sour taps a new, exciting, weird beer from a barrel in the cellar—with a big ol’ hammer, while you

Monday, Aug. 14 Live your rock-star fantasies.

Join Voodoo Doughnut co-founder Tres Shannon and a rotating band of Old Town OG’s in this weekly, live-band celebration of bad karaoke that leads to even worse hangovers. Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 866-7778932, danteslive.com. $3. 21+.

Tuesday, Aug. 15 Cosplay as a cowboy at the Canby Rodeo.

It’s closer than Pendleton, and you still get to witness an entire culture that doesn’t exist in Portland, one where you can watch barrel racing, bareback riding, steer wrestling, tie-down roping and something called “saddle bronc.” Giddyup! Clackamas County Fairgrounds, 694 NE 4th Ave., Canby, clackamas.us/fair/rodeo.html. 7:30 pm. Through Aug. 19. $17-$22. All ages.

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S u m m er S u p er Ca l e n d a r

Thursday, Aug. 17 Play urban putt-putt.

Glow-in-the-dark mini-golf mazes are cool and all, but cracking a cold one and putting your way through a nine-hole course inside the beer garden of a luxury hotel is much more fun when the sun is shining. Hotel deLuxe, 729 SW 15th Ave., 503-219-2094, hoteldeluxeportland.com. 3-10 pm Wednesday- Sunday.

Tuesday, Aug. 22 Two words: Jet. Boats.

Jet boats, motherfucker! Willamette Jetboat Excursions, 1945 SE Water Ave., 503-2311532, willamettejet.com. 11:25 am and 4:15 pm daily. $41 adults, $27 children.

Wednesday, Aug. 23 Go to a collaborative, multimedia art exhibit.

Unlike most group shows put together by a curator, the last exhibit in Upfor’s summer series will be put together by the artists themselves. See Morehshin Allahyari’s 3-D-printed sculptures of the most vicious goddess in Middle Eastern mythologies; Brenna Murphy’s Axis Spread, which will be rearranged every single day; and Katie Torn’s surreal animation. Upfor Gallery, 929 NW Flanders St., 503-227-5111, upforgallery. com. Free.

Saturday, Aug. 26 Guzzle PBR until Die Antwoord makes sense.

The second year of the music festival Voltron known as MusicfestNW presents Project Pabst is full of legends: punk godfather Iggy Pop, East Coast rap icon Nas, Beck the funky Scientologist. But don’t be surprised if the act everyone comes away talking about is South African freak rappers Die Antwoord—even if most of the talk is along the lines of, “What the hell was that?!” Tom McCall Waterfront Park, Southwest Naito Parkway at Yamhill Street, projectpabst.com.

Through Aug. 27. 21+.

Sunday, Aug. 27 Stock up on samples at the Hawthorne Street Fair.

Walk leisurely down Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard, stopping to catch music at 38th THOMAS TEAL

Wednesday, Aug. 16 Watch a weird-ass movie at Church of Film.

Every Wednesday and first and third Monday, arthouse collective Church of Film screens foreign films that never made it to theaters in the United States. It announce its schedule at the beginning of every month, but no matter what, you’ll be getting a weirdo masterpiece you’ve probably never heard of. See facebook.com/churchoffilm for schedule and locations.

Friday, Aug. 18 Take a sonic journey to 2002.

It’s been a long, strange trip watching Incubus devolve from SoCal’s premier aggro-funk outfit to nu metal for yogis, but you really can’t beat the experience of getting baked and watching oft-shirtless frontman Brandon Boyd sway to “Aqueous Transmission” from a cozy blanket on the lawn of a suburban amphitheater in a wooded suburb of Vancouver. Sunlight Supply Amphitheater, 17200 NE Delfel Road, Ridgefield, Wash., 360-816-7000, sunlightsupplyamphitheater.com. 6:45 pm. $20-$79.50. All ages.

Monday, Aug. 21 Attend the Coachella of rare astrological events.

In what appears to be Ochoco National Forest’s very own Fyre Fest, this festival promises seven stages of music and luxury camping, with yoga and dance classes, theater and circus performance, and giant art installations, all during the first coast-to-coast solar eclipse since 1918. Big Summit Prairie, Ochoco National Forest, oregoneclipse2017.com. Aug. 17-23. Check website for ticket information.

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Wednesday, Aug. 30 Watch the best Coen brothers film at a French patisserie.

Pix’s free movie-and-drinks series bookends its summer stretch with Fargo, the classic tale of North Midwestern murder and mayhem, which went on to inspire the excellent FX series of the same name. We can almost taste the white Russians now! Pix/Bar Vivant, 2225 E Burnside St., 971-271-7166, pixpatisserie.com. 8 pm. Free. All ages.

Thursday, Aug. 31 Watch James Franco impersonate Riff Raff under the stars.

The jury is still out on whether Harmony Korine and his creepy-ass movies are actually good or not. Nonetheless, Spring Breakers, his 2013 look at a group of teens who team up with rapper Alien (James Franco) and turn to armed robbery, is a lot of heavy-handed fun. Watch it on the roof of the Hotel deLuxe as part of NW Film Center’s five-week Top Down: Rooftop Cinema series, also featuring The Evil Dead and This Is Spinal Tap. Hotel deLuxe, 729 SW 15th Ave., 503-221-1156, nwfc.org. Film starts at dusk. $10 advance, $12 at the door.

Friday, Sept. 1 Make friends with carnies.

Make the trek down to the Oregon State Fair in Salem for country music, fried food and enough macro-brewed beer to make all that stuff interesting! Oregon State Fair & Exposition Center, 2330 NE 17th St., Salem, 971-701-6573, oregonstatefair.org.

Aug. 25-Sept. 4.

Saturday, Aug. 19 Cheer on your favorite soapbox car at the annual derby.

Join thousands of people and watch 40-plus teams of adult racers in handmade contraptions barrel down a hill at the annual Adult Soapbox Derby, which celebrates its 20th year this summer. Mount Tabor Park, Southeast Division Street and 72nd Avenue, soapboxracer.com. 9:30 am-4 pm. Free. All ages.

Sunday, Aug. 20 Visit the brand-new building at the Portland Japanese Garden.

Now home to an 185-foot wall, a tea room and a variety of educational facilities, the Japanese Garden has been transformed into a dazzlingly modern facility that’s sure to be a prime tourist attraction for generations to come. Portland Japanese Garden, 611 SW Kingston Ave., 503-2231321, japanesegarden.org. Noon-7 pm Monday, 10 am-7 pm Tuesday-Sunday. $10.45-$14.95. All ages.

Tuesday, Aug. 29 Make like Bono and sing on a roof.

Portland’s drop-in choir, the OK Chorale, leads a “campfire sing-along” on the Revolution Hall roof deck. Even if you hate the sound of the human voice, you can’t beat the view. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St.., 503-288-3895, revolutionhall.com. 6:30 pm. $20 advance, $22 day of show. 21+.

TALLBOYS (AND GIRLS): MusicfestNW presents Project Pabst.

Thursday, Aug. 24 Go swimming in one of the city’s most scenic pools.

It costs an obscene amount of money to be a student at Lewis & Clark, but you can swim in the college’s outdoor pool in its ridiculously beautiful garden for free. Lewis & Clark College, 0615 SW Palatine Hill Road, 503-768-7000. 1:30-6:30 pm.

Friday, Aug. 25 Eat Italian food in the square.

Festa Italiana returns to Pioneer Courthouse Square with lots of tasty Italian food, music and movies. Mamma mia!

Pioneer Courthouse Square, 701 SW 6th Ave., 503-226-1191, festa-italiana. org. 11 am-11 pm. Through Aug. 26. Free.

Avenue or a drink at the beer gardens at Bazi Bierbrasserie on 32nd. There’s also a bounce house, free ukulele classes, and vintage clothing pop-ups. And you know New Seasons will be on its samples A-game.

Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard between 30th and 50th avenues, hawthornepdx.com.

11 am-7 pm. Free. All ages.

Monday, Aug. 28 Take your Tinder date to the game bar.

Game Knight Lounge, Portland’s first game hangout that actually works as a bar, is having a date night special, with two-player games and drink and snacks served up for two. Order a $6 Medoyeff vodka tonic, and sink your date’s battleship. Everyone’s a winner. Game Knight Lounge, 3037 N Williams Ave., pdxgameknight.com, 5-11 pm. $2 for unlimited games. 21+.

Saturday, Sept. 2 Pickle that.

So many nice things are fermented: pickles, vinegar, kimchi, kombucha, weird bar eggs.

Oh, and alcohol, including plenty of cider and mead. All will be on hand at the Oregon Fermentation Festival. Rossi Farms, 3839 NE 122nd Ave., oregonfermentationfestival. com. 11 am-5 pm.

Sunday, Sept. 3 Consider the decay of your youth at the Guns N’ Roses reunion tour.

Do you know where you arrrrre?! You’re in the Gorge, baby! You’re gonna diiiiieeeee if you don’t get your cholesterol under control.

And have you gotten that mole checked out?

Gorge Amphitheatre, 754 Silica Road NW, Quincy, Wash., 509-785-6262, georgeamphitheatre.com. 7:30 pm. $75-$773. All ages.

Monday, Sept. 4 Do nothing.

No one labors on Labor Day, and if you’ve adhered to even one-tenth of this guide, you’ve earned some time in the recliner. Sit back, relax and wait for the rain.

Street

“The park with my dog.”

“River with my friends.”

“For sure, the beach.”

WHERE DO YOU GO WHEN IT’S TOO HOT IN THE CITY?

“The park.”

OUR FAVORITE LOOKS THIS WEEK. PHOTOS BY CHR ISTIN E DON G

“Going on walks, exploring outside.”

“Laurelhurst Park.”

“We like to go out and eat.”

“A park with a fountain.”

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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advertorial

PATIO PAGES Great Notion Brewing

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Enjoy juicy, hazy, NE-style IPAs and culinaryinspired sours (including Willamette Week’s #1 Beer of the Year, Juice Jr) in a gorgeous beer garden this summer. Great Notion is both kid and dog-friendly all hours!

2204 NE Alberta St. #101, Portland, OR 97211 (503) 548-4491

Buttercraft

If you’re hunting for a downtown oasis, you’ve found it! The Star Theater boasts an outdoor bar, kitchen, and fire pit—great for a post-show hangout or an Old Town pre-func. Kick back with a fresh-squeezed juice cocktail, burger, or fish taco.

Open M-F 4pm-midnight, Happy Hour 4-7pm.

With unobstructed panoramic views of Downtown and inner Southeast, the Roof Deck Bar at Revolution Hall is an urban escape in the sky, offering a full bar with ice cold beverages and a seasonal Sunset Concert Series. Beginning June 7th: open Mon-Fri 5pm-late and Sat-Sun 1pm-late, weather permitting.

Enter by Marthas and take the elevator up.

13 NW 6th Ave, Portland, OR 97209 (503) 248-4700

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Buttercraft Specialty Food and Wine Shop has a beautiful secret garden patio that is perfect for unwinding and enjoying a glass of rosé or draught beer with a house-made compound butter board.

Friday nights are Friday Night Flight Night, and the shop is available for private events!

Enjoy lunch, dinner, and daily happy hour at the Patton Maryland, know for their Southern Comfort dishes celebrating Pacific Northwest bounty. Bring your pup, play cornhole on the lawn, or kick back by the fire pit! Cold beer, inventive cocktails, and great BBQ make this a patio a summer favorite.

On Deck Sports Bar & Grill in the Pearl has the largest rooftop outdoor seating area in town! Enjoy 10,000 sqare feet of dining, sipping, relaxing & game space in a dog-friendly space! Reservations are available for groups and private parties. Local beer, upscale stadium fare and premium wine and liquor await you!

411 NW Flanders St, Portland, OR 97209 (503) 224-1700

101 N Interstate Ave, Portland, OR 97217 (503) 841-6176

910 NW 14th Ave, Portland, OR 97209 (503) 227-7020

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advertorial

The station

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North 45

The Station is Alberta’s best sports pub serving pizza & pub grub, with a 300+ liquor wall for craft cocktails. Watch the game on the drop-down screens and 6 large flat screens, or bring your dog and join your friends on the patio!

If you live in Portland, chances are you probably love beer, sunshine and hanging with friends. The 10 Barrel Rooftop Patio combines all of those things for a truly wonderful experience. With 20 rotating beers on tap and a unique pub fair menu, it’s sure to be a Summer favorite.

North 45 is a neighborhood pub with a love for international travel. Enjoy some time on the awardwinning patio by ordering one of the specialty mussel dishes and Belgian beer pairings, or choose from 150 different whiskies from the whiskey wall!

2703 NE Alberta St, Portland, OR 97211 (503) 284-4491

411 NW Flanders St, Portland, OR 97209 (503) 224-1700

517 NW 21st Ave, Portland, OR 97209 (503) 248-6317

produce row Portland’s long-awaited heat has finally arrived! Our curated patio pages offer you some of the best places to grab a bite or a drink while you cool off & sink into summer.

Portland’s original craft beer bar, Produce Row, has been at the pulse of the craft beer movement for over 40 years. Stop in for lunch, dinner, or weekend brunch, and enjoy one of 24 beers on tap on their year-round patio.

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204 SE Oak St, Portland, OR 97214 (503) 232-8355

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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The Bump

Street King

You don’t go very far into trying to impersonate Elvis.

I’m a soundalike, not a lookalike. I’m not being him, I’m doing him. What I want people to know is, I’m not Elvis. I’m not going to be Elvis, I’m not trying to be Elvis. I’m more or less going, “Hey, these are the kinds of songs from my generation, and this is the guy who sang them.” I don’t try to be him. I don’t try to be anybody.

A CONVERSATION WITH JOHN “ELVIS” SCHRODER,, GRAND MARSHAL OF THE 2017 STARLIGHT PARADE.

What’s your favorite Elvis song to sing?

It’s a little-known song called “American Trilogy.” It’s almost like a hymn and a patriotic song at the same time.

BY M AT T H E W S I N G E R

You used to open shows at Satyricon. Were you into the punk scene here?

I liked the punk rock, but I don’t like death metal. Death metal is kind of annoying. But the punk scene? Yeah. A lot of my friends, then and now, are punks. So it’s kind of cool.

msinger@wweek.com

If John “Elvis” Schroder is truly the “King,” as his friends call him, then the streets of Portland are his court.

For 33 years, he has reigned, singing gruff, impassioned interpretations of Elvis Presley classics, most often at Saturday Market, while pretending to strum a cardboard guitar. (Willamette Week actually discovered him first, back in 1988, when we named him Best Elvis Impersonator.) As the city has changed around him, his act has remained the same. He’s outlived the 24-Hour Church of Elvis, another favorite haunt, and Satyricon, where he opened for the Dandy Warhols and Dead Moon. Earlier this year, Voodoo Doughnut Records released a compilation of his original music, called 57 Elvis Fans Can’t Be Wrong.

And now, the city is bestowing upon him the greatest honor a Portland folk icon can receive. Following in the footsteps of Petey the PDX Carpet, Schroder will serve as grand marshal of the Rose Festival’s Starlight Parade.

Ahead of the evening when he’ll be cruising downtown in a red 1951 Mustang, WW caught up with the King at his favorite bar, Ash Street Saloon, to talk about the honor, his career and why he feels like New Portland and the Old Portland he represents aren’t so different.

Do you have any memories of the Starlight Parade growing up?

I remember how fun it was. All the lights, all the music.

How loose everything was. The only thing that dwarfs it is the Electrical Parade at Disneyland.

In your original material, you seem to enjoy writing songs with spooky themes. Why is that?

I’ve always been infatuated with horror movies, especially B-movies and how fake they are. Take Plan 9 From Outer Space.

I love how people are so terrified of that movie, and yet, it’s like, “Oh my God, you can see the concrete right there by the grass, people. You can see the little string on the UFO. I mean, my God.” I like doing stuff, especially in spooky stories, that keep you on the edge of your seat about what’s going to happen next.

I like to put in a “What’s going to happen next?” feel.

What’s the craziest reaction you’ve ever received while performing?

The craziest thing I had was there was this couple from Memphis, and I don’t remember the song I was doing, but the guy looked at me and said, “You sound better than Elvis.”

I said, “Can I have some of the drugs you’ve been smoking?”

You were talking about nostalgia, and you’re seen as one of the few surviving representations of what’s considered “Old Portland.” How do you feel about that? Portland has changed so much in the time since you started performing.

I don’t really care. OK, it’s changed. No big yip. So the buildings have changed. So what? Every place is gonna change regardless. Here’s an example: Look at Disneyland when it was first built, and look at Disneyland now. Different attractions, different buildings. Same exact place. Portland— different buildings, different attractions, same exact place. I don’t know why people get so whole-hog about, “I don’t like this,” or “I don’t like that.” Shit, it don’t like you, either!

E T H A N C O LY E R

WW: What does it mean for you to be named grand marshal of the Starlight Parade?

John “Elvis” Schroder: It’s a pretty big honor. But I’m really not sure about all the details. I feel like this is Portland’s way of saying, “Thank you for what you’ve done.”

Did you ever sing punk songs?

I kind of ad-libbed and made my own punk style. I did a couple of Ramones, some Billy Idol.

How did you get started singing Elvis songs?

Well, actually, I didn’t really start out singing Elvis songs.

I more or less sang whatever came to my mind. I did an Elvis song down at Saturday Market, and your paper picked it up and voted me Best Elvis Impersonator, so I thought, “Oh well, I’ll run with it and see where it goes.”

How much longer do you think you’ll be performing?

I don’t think very much longer. I’m gonna be 55 this year.

What was it about you singing Elvis that you think people were responding to?

I think it was more the music than the actual person. It was nostalgia. Everybody was like they are now, kind of going back to that period—innocence and love, stuff like that.

What’re you gonna do with the retired life?

Probably go out to the country by myself. Or maybe go to Miami or something.

SEE IT: The Starlight Parade pre-party for Elvis is at Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., on Saturday, June 3. 4 pm.

Free. 21+.

ROSE FESTIVAL HIGHLIGHTS SIR MIX-A-LOT For the third year in a row, the rump-loving rapper is returning to the Rose Festival to play “Baby Got Back” and, um, other hits? Waterfront Park. 8 pm June 3.

STARLIGHT PARADE A parade of illuminated floats and marching bands putz around downtown in a garish display of civic pride. Starts at W Burnside & 9th Ave. 8:30 pm June 3.

COUNTRYFEST Joe Nichols, author of “Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off,” headlines a night of emerging country radio stars, presented by 98.7 The Bull. Waterfront Park. 4 pm June 4.

JUNIOR PARADE A parade for the wee ones, led by local Bill Nye knockoff Professor E. Clipse. Hollywood District. 1 pm June 7.

QUEEN’S CORONATION Bow down before your new Rose Queen, peasant.

Veterans Memorial Coliseum.

8:30 am June 10.

GRAND FLORAL PARADE Elliott Smith’s least favorite Portland tradition features three members of the 1977 Trail Blazers as this year’s grand marshals. Starts at Veterans Memorial Coliseum. 10 am June 10.

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STARTERS

FRIENDS OF THE COLUMBIA GORGE

B I T E - S I Z E D P O RT L A N D C U LT U R E N E W S

TALK:

5am 7am – 2pm

MUSIC:

2pm – 5am

la own Pael June 2 Cruest Chef with G

RADIO IS YOURS

OUR PCT: An ambitious plan to create a 200-mile townto-town loop hike through the Oregon and Washington sides of the Columbia Gorge is gaining new traction. Yesterday, Friends of the Columbia Gorge created a video to promote the project, called Towns to Trails, outlining the trail’s map.

The trail will let hikers walk from Troutdale to The Dalles, across the Columbia and then all the way back over to Washougal. So far, Friends of the Columbia Gorge has secured nearly 80 percent of the land corridor miles and 46 percent of the trail miles, and just gained the support of additional Oregon groups. The Bonneville Trails Foundation is currently working to design paths to reach Stevenson, Washougal and Camas from Bonneville, while Travel Oregon included the plan in their 15-year vision for outdoor recreation in Oregon.

PHOTOGRAPHER INDICTED: Photographer and videographer Thomas Oliver was charged May 26 with 55 counts of rape, child pornography, sexual abuse, sodomy and kidnapping, with six different victims alleged, according to a Portland Police press release first picked up by KOIN. Though the indictment was sealed, police say they expect there may be even more victims. Oliver’s bail was set at $5.3 million. He was a prominent photographer and videographer in Portland, most notably as co-founder of live-music videography site Into The Woods. On social media, he listed his most recent job as a camera person for Grimm. (Disclosure: Oliver’s photographs have been published in Willamette Week, as well as other Portland publications including Portland Monthly and the Portland Mercury.)

ASTORIA SAYS NAH: On a change.org petition, Astoria residents are up in arms, petitioning to save a downtown building from being bought by Portland’s Bunk Sandwiches.

The only problem? That was never happening. On May 16, The Daily Astorian reported Bunk was trying to buy Astoria’s Odd Fellows building—something owner Tommy Habetz denies. “Neither Bunk nor myself nor Pizza Jerk are going into Astoria,” Habetz told WW in an email, saying he was not reached by the paper. The article has since been corrected.

The original article was based on potential buyer Tacee Webb’s social media accounts, and a business application for “Oddfellows Astoria LCC,” filed by Webb with both Webb and Bunk owner Tommy Habetz’s names. “I look at a lot of commercial real estate deals. Somehow this got blown way out of proportion,” says Habetz. “We strongly stand behind our reporter’s work,” says Daily Astorian deputy managing editor Derrick DePledge. Webb is still in talks to buy the building, and says she’s already received an enormous amount of backlash from Astorians after the article and petition. “I got an email from somebody calling himself ‘the mortician’ threatening me if I bought the building,” she says.

STRANGE SUMMER: A huge retrospective of auteur David Lynch’s major works will be coming to Portland, Northwest Film Center announced. Beginning July 7 with Lynch’s breakthrough Eraserhead, the NW Film Center is screening all of Lynch’s feature films, as well a selection of the director’s shorts and key films that influenced his work. Almost all of the films, with Blue Velvet and Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me as notable exceptions, are going to be screened on 35 mm film. The other films in the program will include Stanley Kubrick’s 2001: A Space Odyssey and Lolita, Billy Wilder’s classic noir Sunset Boulevard and Federico Fellini’s La Strada.

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WEDNESDAY, MAY 31 RVIVR Olympia’s RVIVR make the idea of punk as a positive force in a garbage world seem viable again. If the band’s forthcoming appearance at MusicfestNW presents Project Pabst can be trusted as a career forecast, RVIVR might soon outgrow the smaller rooms they called home throughout the decade, so catch them somewhere hot and dingy while you can.

The Know, 3728 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-473-8729, theknowpdx.com. 8 pm. $10. All ages.

Roselit Bone One of Portland’s most underrated bands, Roselit Bone refract Ennio Morricone-style soundtrack music through the lens of Gun Club and other rootsy punk bands, coming up with a darkly cinematic country sound uniquely their own.

With the release of their second album, Blister Steel, don’t expect the group to go overlooked for long. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 503-231-9663, dougfirlounge.com. 9 pm. $8 advance, $10 day of show. 21+.

THURSDAY, JUNE 1

Pedalpalooza Kickoff

Chris Gethard Best known as Ilana's meek boss on Broad City City,, Chris Gethard’s podcast, Anonymous/Beautiful,, has a premise Anonymous/Beautiful that’s bound to give most people anxiety: He talks for an entire hour with the first person to call him on the show. He records a live edition tonight. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., 888-6438669, portland.heliumcomedy.com, 8 pm. $20. 21+.

With over 200 events spanning the entire month of June, Pedalpalooza is a chance for bike enthusiasts of all backgrounds to celebrate one of the many pastimes that make Portland what it is. The World Naked Bike Ride gets all the press, but the Kickoff Ride is worth your time to get a look at who’s who in the scene while they’re still fully clothed. Salmon Street Springs Fountain, SW Salmon Street and Naito Parkway, shift2bikes. org. 7:30 pm. Free. All ages.

FRIDAY, JUNE 2 Cheers to Belgian Beers Not your typical stalls-and-suds beer fest, Cheers to Belgian Beers is more of a throwdown. Over 50 Oregon brewers try their hand at brewing a Belgian using a single strain of yeast—Imperial Gnome B45 this time around—with a goal for color and IBUs that was determined with a dart throw back in January. The North Warehouse, 723 N Tillamook St., oregoncraftbeer.org/ctbb. $20. 21+.

Get Busy EVENTS WE'RE EXCITED ABOUT MAY 31-JUNE 6

Princess A gender-flipped Prince cover band fronted by a former Saturday Night Live cast member sounds like a bad joke, but Maya Rudolph and friend Gretchen Lieberum dress the part and sing it, too, with a hecka-slammin’ backing band to boot. So stop being cynical and rave un2 the joy faux-tastic. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 503-284-8686, wonderballroom.com. 8 pm. $30 advance, $35 day of show. All ages.

SATURDAY, JUNE 3 The Goblin King Th e at r i c a l d a n ce co m p a ny Tr i p t h e D a r k is paying homage to Jim Henson’s David Bowie-plus-puppets classic Labyrinth. With a narrative told through tap and modern dance, it’s a fitting follow-up to the company’s Twin Peaks tribute. The Headwaters Theatre, 55 NE Farragut St., 503-289-3499, tripthedark.com.

7:30 pm. $15-$18.

SUNDAY, JUNE 4

Iterum Echoes After forming out of defunct dance company Moxie, PDX Contemporary Ballet programmed new works in every single show for its first full year. Its last showcase of the season keeps up its ambitious streak with three premieres whose topics span from the vastness of space-time down to day-to-day banality. N.E.W. Expressive Works, 810 SE Belmont St., studiotwozoomtopia.com.

2:30 pm. $15-$25. Also June 2 and 3.

MONDAY, JUNE 5

Stalker Soviet film director Andrei Tarkovsky (Solaris, Mirror) is in contention for GOAT filmmaker, and Stalker, one of his best films, returns to the big screen Friday. Stalker follows three men into a mysterious disaster area called the Zone, which contains a room with the ability to grant people’s innermost desires. Cinema 21, 616 NW 21st Ave., 503-2234515, cinema21.com. 3:30 and 7:15 pm.

DJ Premier and the Badder Band Inarguably one of the greatest producers in rap history, DJ Premier forged a legacy by deftly reshaping dusty soul and jazz samples. Tonight, he’ll dive deep into his back catalog, re-creating rare cuts from his Gang Starr days and lesser-known beats with the help of a live backing band. True heads should not miss out. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., 503-248-4700, startheaterportland.com. 9 pm. $25. 21+.

Carl Adamshick & Elyse Fenton Oregon Book Award winner Carl Adamshick’s new book, Receipt, is a rare thing—a poetry collaboration with a woodcarver, in which both carved figures and poems become a back-and-forth commentary on idiosyncrasy. What’s this mean? We don’t know yet, but we’re eager to find out. Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-228-4651, powells.com. 4 pm. Free.

From One Rose There once was a time, in the distant past, when there wasn’t a risk that Portland’s Rose Festival would be ruined by violent white supremacists. From One Rose,, directed by Ira Flowers, is a locally produced doc that chronicles the festival’s 100th anniversary. Flowers will attend. Curator Greg Hamilton will also debut A Parade of Champions, a forgotten 1979 film about the parade reassembled from 16 mm film. Hollywood Theatre, 4122 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-493-1128, hollywoodtheatre.org. 7:30 pm.

TUESDAY, JUNE 6 Portland Pickles Home Opener Portland’s favorite collegiate wood-bat baseball team opens its season against the Marysville Gold Sox. It’s an inexpensive affair that’s about as Summer in America as it gets. Walker Stadium, 4727 SE 92nd Ave., 503-773-3080, portlandpicklesbaseball.com. 7:05 pm. $7- $10. All ages.

New Kids on the Block First, Vanilla Ice came to town, then Everclear. Just when you thought you’d experienced enough ’90s nostalgia for one season, someone went and exhumed the bodies of all five New Kids and put them on tour with Paula Abdul and Boyz II Men. Fingers crossed for an MC Skat Kat cameo. Moda Center, 1 Center Court St., 503-235-8771, rosequarter.com. 7:30 pm. $29.95-$199.95. All ages.

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FOOD & DRINK REVIEW NINO ORTIZ

expect from a proper coffee shop. Skip the cinnamon roll from Shoofly ($4), which was dry and dearly suffering of not having a proper substitute for the rich buttery finish of a regular cinnamon roll.

The overall aesthetic of the shop is heavy on unfinished wood and succulents, giving it a very Austin-meets-Etsy chic. This dovetails perfectly with the non-caffeinated beverage selection, which includes four flavors of La Croix and bottles of Topo Chico (all $1). The outside patio is one of the best in the neighborhood, and is likely to be at capacity from now until November. The ambience of the drag of Weidler Jet Black sits on is still a bit too traffic-y to feel charming, but that’s how it’s gonna be in these parts for the foreseeable future. Either way, getting pushed out of Portland proper is getting more and more bearable thanks to the efforts of owners like Coe and Nolt. PETE COTTELL. JET BLACK COFFEE ROASTERS

It’s Morning in the Numbers TWO NEW VEGAN BREAKFAST SPOTS SHOW THE CHANGING FACE OF EAST PORTLAND.

BY JAN E L L E A L B UK H A RI P E TE COT T E L L

@jenkhari and

@vanifestdestiny

The slow, eastward creep of hipster Portland is pushing past 82nd. For proof of what’s happening, which until now has been a sprawl of chain spots and drive-thrus, look no further than two new vegan spots specializing in offers for the dewy after dawn.

Jet Black Coffee Company is an allvegan coffee shop inspired by every punk rock-lifer’s least favorite Jawbreaker record.

Aside from the bright and woodsy shop’s namesake, which is borrowed from a brooding middle track off the East Bay pop-punk legends’ 1995 swan song, “Dear You,” there’s a copy of the album proudly propped against the double-headed La Marzocco, as well as their in-house blend, Dear You, which owners Travis Coe and Karla Nolt dialed in with the help of Water Avenue Coffee.

For playing the role of canary in the coal mine, Jet Black’s gambit is paying off handsomely. In spite of the Portland

I

coffee scene’s longstanding allergy to any small batch roast one could construe as being on the dark side, the aforementioned Dear You Blend ($2.50 for a 12 ounce) has a delicately smoky flavor up-front with a familiar tang in the finish that’s distinctly the work of Water Ave. On account of being all vegan, the cappuccino selection ($3.50 for an 8 ounce; no traditional 5 ounce size was offered) was a mixed bag. Almond and coconut milk varieties yielded a smoother finish with much less separation between the foam and the espresso, while the hemp and soy were a tad overcooked and heavy on the big, sloppy bubbles that leave an undesirable blob floating on top.

We loved the blueberry danish ($4) from Sweet Pea, which was smooth and sugary on top with a flaky and tender crust that defied logic of being completely butterfree. The tempeh “bacon” and scallion cream cheese croissant ($2) was salty and tender and easily able to get away with being twice the size, but the price was right for a quick, on-the-go savory snack you’d

Shandong www.shandongportland.com

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ing two racks of donuts laid out on cooling sheets.

“We were looking for a second-generation spot, a spot that had already been a restaurant in this neighborhood. It took about six months to just find anything that was open,” Sitner adds. “When this was open it used to be a Pizza Hut for 30 years and it did not look anything like this...it was rather terrible. So we just jumped on it.”

Pricing ranges between $2.75 and $4 per donut, and ingredients are locally sourced, non-GMO and organic. There are six core flavors on the menu at any given point, and a few seasonal creations that rotate out, with fall flavors beginning in September.

Doe’s signature donut, dubbed “The Golden Child,” proclaims to be the only chocolate raised donut in the city. It’s a chocoholic’s wet dream come true complete with chocolate chips, shavings, ganache and golden pearls, and it is sold out for the second day in a row. I console myself with a bite of the “All or Nothing,” a donut filled with cookie butter and topped with ganache and cookie dough. The donut itself is springy and aerated, achieving a texture that’s a mix between a more traditional cake dough and bread, and far less sugary than your standard donut.

It’s a decadent (albeit thrilling) bite compared to the vanilla bean donut whose warm, spiced vanilla flavor is more than just another sugar bomb waiting to go off. The Thai Tea flavor doesn’t taste like iced tea, but instead tastes of nutty, faintly toasted coconut, and has a crunchier, more satisfying dough than the rest of the donuts.

If no one told you these were vegan, you’d never be able to tell.

“We’re just trying to create a really high-quality product,” Sitner says. “You notice you won’t see the word ‘vegan’ anywhere?...It shouldn’t matter, should it? The vegans already know, so I don’t have to tell them.

We just want to make a good donut.” JANELLE ALBUKHARI.

Hard to believe, but Doe Donuts is the city’s first vegan donut shop. Located on the corner of Powell and 82nd, the shop’s early May debut was met with the sale of 1,000 donuts in a mere four hours. And while Voodoo might have a few vegan options lurking up their sleeve, they’ve got nothing on Doe’s thoughtful, well-balanced creations like “The Oregon Trail” (pecans, kettle chips, strawberries and chocolate chips) and the strawberry-milk flavored namesake, “Doe!” The love child of dynamic baking duo Carly Sitner and Crystal Wegener, Doe Donuts took shape when the two worked together at an organic grocer.

“My partner and I started making donuts at our last job, and it just became a hit,” says Sitner. “We thought, ‘Well there’s no vegan donut shop in Portland, and there’s one in every other major city, so let’s do it before someone else does.’”

Two years of wordof-mouth sales and one successful Kickstarter later, and that dream has finally become a reality. The shop itself is a former Pizza Hut, a small space complete with a giant, leering doe and a wooden donut case housDOE A DONUT:

Estate Jewelry Shandong www.shandongportland.com

Mint chip waffle cone.

GO: Jet Black Coffee Company, 11150 NE Weidler St., 503-8890739, facebook.com/jetblackcoffeecompany. Doe Donuts, 8201 SE Powell Blvd., 503-333-4404, doedonuts.com.

Fillmore Trattoria

Italian Home Cooking Tuesday–Saturday 5:30PM–10PM closed Sunday & Monday

7642 SW Capitol Hwy AntoinetteJewelry.com 503-348-0411

1937 NW 23RD Place Portland, OR 97210

(971) 386-5935

NINO ORTIZ

ROUND-UP

MEXICAN MEAT MONTH CONCLUDES WITH A SURVEY OF OFFAL.

BY M IC H A E L C . Z US M AN

When Fergus Henderson “pioneered” nose-to-tail eating at his London restaurant, St. John, in 1994, Mexicans might have laughed aloud at all the fuss.

Offal—cooked animal organs, or simply guts—has been a Mexican food staple for generations. In Mexico, as in many less fertile environs and less prosperous cultures, eating all the parts of an animal made economic sense. Aided by Mexican food hound dog Nick Zukin—a WW contributor who owns Mi Mero Mole in Old Town—I explored some gutty stops around town to wrap up Mexican Meat Month.

BEEF HEAD AND TONGUE AT

TORTILLERIA Y TIENDA DE LEON

16223 NE Glisan St., 503-255-4356, salsalocas.com. 9 am-8 pm.

The De Leon family has been slinging guisados for nearly 20 years at their restaurant and grocery deep in Northeast. Among the innards available here, beef tongue (lengua) may have the widest recognition and acceptance.

Well-cooked, peeled and cubed, it’s an especially tender muscle cut. Its mild flavor is also an asset.

Come Friday, stop in at De Leon for the cabeza (cow head) barbacoa, a common dish in northern Mexico. At De Leon’s, they take a whole cow head and steam it until it’s fully cooked, then pluck all the edible parts—tongue, cheeks, brain, connective tissue, even the eyes—from the bone. At this point, the parts can be served separately or they can be roughly chopped, combined and stewed, which is what they do at De Leon—minus the eyes and brain. As his daughter Lucy told me, “If customers who order barbacoa don’t ask, this is what they get.”

I asked, but tried it anyway. It was outstanding: beefy, rich and free from any bits of cartilage or tendon, which just melt away as the head cooks.

PORK KIDNEY, INTESTINE, EAR AND SNOUT AT

SUPERMERCADOS MEXICO

17420 SE Division St., 503-477-5947. 8 am-9:30 pm.

The back corner of one of Portland’s best full-service Mexican grocery stores hosts a dining spot that serves a veritable offal orchestra. When we walked in, my eyes fixed immediately on a tray displaying a range of different

pig parts, referred to generally as “carnitas” based on the method of slow cooking them in fat.

We ordered tacos, with the offal chopped roughly to permit separate sampling of each type of innard. The kidney (riñón) was tender with a little chew to it and mild in flavor, with just a touch of the mineral flavor typical of organs through which blood flows. The curlicue-shaped segments of intestine (tripitas) were pleasingly crispy and chewy, a little gutty but not too strong. It might not be something to eat a lot of on its own, but in a mixture, it’s a welcome inclusion.

My favorite bit was the ear (oreja), sliced into thin strips.

This was porky, fatty and chewy with no off tastes or difficult textures. I’d have no trouble eating a taco made with ear alone, though I’ve never seen one. I’ll avoid the snout (trompa), which has a rich porky flavor but also an unsettling feel from skin once occupied by hair follicles.

STOMACH AT ANGEL FOOD & FUN

5135 NE 60th Ave., 503-287-7909. 11 am-10 pm.

Back in the 1970s, when I was a profligate college student in Southern California, one of my reprobate buddies was a NINO ORTIZ

Gutsy Eating

BONE BROTH: A Trough of Meat at Tienda De Leon.

tripe, it is typically bleached by the butcher to sanitize it and minimize any gutty aromas.

The honeycomb tripe in AFF’s menudo is well tenderized, though still a bit chewy, while the panza is very tender after cooking and absorbing lots of broth. The plate of accompaniments—cilantro, lime, onion and some killer habañero—add dimension to the soup.

BEEF INTESTINE, PORK BLOOD SAUSAGE AND SKIN AT

UNO MAS

2329 NE Glisan St., 503-208-2764, unomastaquiza.com. 11 am-9 pm.

Though longtime Portland chef Oswaldo Bibiano knows a wide range of Mexican-heritage specialties, this is where he focuses on tacos—offering all sorts of interesting options. The beef intestine (tripa, not to be confused with tripe) filling is well crisped and finely chopped on the griddle after braising to soften it.

It was also clean tasting, with a little chew, such that only the telltale tubular shape discloses its provenance from the cow’s deep down under. Pigskin (chicharrón) is prepared many ways in Mexican cooking, most commonly as salty, delicious fried “rinds” or “cracklins,” with a bit of the subcutaneous fat layer still attached for greasy good times. Here, the previously fried skin is stewed, so that it has a little chew, but also some remaining crunch, before being spooned into its tortilla wrapper. I thought the texture was the best of both worlds.

The other less common pig part we had here was the pork blood sausage (moronga). Similar to Spanish morcilla, the sausage was crumbly, very dark, almost black, in color, but well seasoned and combined with slices of japapeño and raw and grilled onion. Color aside, it was difficult to discern that the sausage base was actually blood. Even at $2.50 each, I could have had two of these. Come to think of it, I did.

PIG HEAD AT CHALINO HEADSHOT: Taco at De Leon.

self-described Chicano from San Bernardino. Louie insisted that menudo was a surefire hangover cure, the kind of magic elixir I figured would prove most useful after a full-throttle party weekend. He dragged me to his favorite hole-in-thewall, but I balked when he told me that menudo is tripe soup.

I don’t think it really helps with a hangover anyway.

Fast forward 40 years, and I admit tripe still isn’t my favorite, but AFF’s menudo is delicious. Two kinds of tripe go into the tomato- and red chile-imbued beef broth: honeycomb (casita) from the cow’s second stomach and rumen or blanket tripe (panza), the spongy stuff that lines the first stomach. Before long stewing to tenderize the

25 N Fremont St., 503-206-6421, chalinopdx.com. 5-10 pm.

Tucked into a high-design building off North Williams Avenue, Chalino is one of the new cool kids on the Portland restaurant scene. The menu overall might best be characterized as Mexican/New American fusion, dominated by Mexican forms but relying less on typical southof-the-border flavors. The exception is this delicious dish for which a pig head is brined, boiled, picked, seasoned and then packed with its cooking liquid. It’s more or less what Americans know as head cheese, though a lot better in quality than the stuff in the cold-cut section at Safeway.

The soft, unctuous meat excludes any really weird bits, is spread atop a crispy tostada and accompanied by mustard seed, raw purple onion and pickled turnip. It was enjoyable in a safe-but-still-guts way, though not terribly high on the adventure scale.

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MUSIC COURTESY OF BILLIONS

HOTSEAT

BLACK SHEEP: John Darnielle (second from left) and Mountain Goats.

To Live and (Almost) Die in Portland THE MOUNTAIN GOATS’ JOHN DARNIELLE TALKS CHASING DEATH AND DRESSING GOTH IN THE ROSE CITY.

BY C R A I G W R I G H T

John Darnielle made it through 1986, but it almost killed him.

At the time, the Mountain Goats singer was a teenager who had left an abusive home situation in California to pursue a life of drug and alcohol addiction with his girlfriend.

Typically dressed like an undertaker, with dyed jet-black hair, sunglasses, white Oxford shoes and long black sleeves, Darnielle spent his goth phase in Portland attempting to look as “deathly” as possible—a term of praise, he says.

For Goths, his band’s 16th studio album, Darnielle revisits those days he spent in Portland, haunting clubs and living as a creature of the night. Although he now lives in North Carolina playing highly literate indie rock, it was in Portland where Darnielle learned to “feast when you can and dream when there’s nothing to feast on,” as he sang in 2012.

Darnielle spoke with Willamette Week about writing songs on piano, the old Portland drug spots he wishes he could revisit and the psychological challenge of returning to the city where he almost died.

WW: Goths has a lot of jazz influence in it.

John Darnielle: Since Transcendental Youth, I’ve sort of been getting more and more in touch with jazz stuff. My father is a jazz pianist. Every time I see him, I get a little piano lesson. And I’m not a good pianist, but I’ve been getting better at writing and modulating and doing all kinds of stuff that’s interesting to me that I can’t do on guitar.

This is the first album you’ve written entirely on piano, right?

Right. It’s been trending that way since 2008 or 2009.

This one, I wrote the first half of “Andrew Eldritch” on guitar, and then I just put the guitar down.

How does it compare to writing on guitar?

On piano, because the stuff I’m writing is a little more complicated, I usually write an instrumental piece first, or a verse through a chorus. Then I figure out what kind of meter will fit

that. Then usually I’ll finish the lyric, but usually the focus on the music is a lot purer. There’s a lot more seeing how it would work as an instrumental piece, and you can hear that on “Wear Black,” which is almost blues with a big modulation.

“Wear Black” seems to have a lot of gospel influence— it’s like a church song for a goth gathering.

The structure is essentially blues, except that modulation is pretty jazz. I was in the piano room here and I had written a song called “Wear Black” on, I think, the All Eternals Deck tour. It was a different song, but it was the same lyrical concept. It was in open tuning on the guitar, but nothing ever happened to it. It never went anywhere, but I liked the idea. So I started doing this little blues riff, and I thought it was pretty interesting sounding. It didn’t have a concept, and that was where the “Wear Black” idea came in. So I plugged it in and it went where it went, and now it’s one of the most personal songs on the album.

Your time spent living in Portland has been pretty well-documented. On WTF With Marc Maron you said you were “chasing death” while you lived here.

You mentioned “Wear Black,” and that’s a Portland song.

“Wear Black” is partly about when I wore dark sunglasses, dark clothes and white oxfords and walked around looking like an undertaker. That’s what I looked like in Portland.

I remember I had a psychology professor who showed up [when I was] post-blackout, and she drove me to the hospital and dropped me off there. So “Wear Black” is kind of about the me who lived in Portland.

What goes through your mind when you come back to town?

It’s intense. It’s very heavy. Another thing, the album is about looking at the past through the eyes of the present. For me, I used to get anxiety attacks when we’d pull into Portland, because I almost died there. I had a heavy overdose in February of ’86, and there are two or three days that are lost. I used to get serious PTSD before going to Portland because the town just hurt me.

It’s not true anymore, because I have a lot of friends there, but the Portland that I lived in is almost completely gone now.

Although the apartment that I lived in is still right there on Broadway. It looks exactly the same. Exactly the same. I know because I went there a few years ago and I stood at the door and somebody came out and I walked right in and walked down to the doorway of my old room, and there’s still a scuff mark that I put there. And that’s 20-something years later.

There’s some trauma and there’s some really good times. There’s a dance club that I used to dance at. The City Nightclub is legendary in Portland circles. Many of the people who danced there are dead now, but the people who were there know it was a transformative place of profound personal liberation. If it hadn’t been for the City, I’d be dead now. It was run by a guy named Lanny Swerdlow, and it was an amazing queer dance club where I would go four nights a week when I could and stay until 4 in the morning.

It was super-important to me. There’s some very good memories of the people who kept me alive, but also, I was not a great person. I was a fucking train wreck.

You mentioned that you have visited your old apartment. Are there any places in Portland that you want to visit when you come back, or anything that you’re still drawn to?

The thing is, I have done all of these memory walks every time I go. I give myself a lot of time to walk everywhere. I’ve been to most of the places at least once, and a lot of the places I would like to go to are gone. The buildings have been knocked down, and you can’t see them anymore.

There was a time we went way the hell up to Northeast to score dope. I don’t remember exactly where it was, but the people in the apartment were listening to the new Peter Gabriel record at the time. I’d love to see the inside of that apartment again, but I never will because I don’t know exactly where it was.

SEE IT: The Mountain Goats play Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., on Sunday, June 4. 8 pm. $27.50.

All ages.

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MUSIC = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines.

Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, MAY 31 Justin Townes Earle, the Sadies

[COUNTRY SON] In a pop-country landscape dominated by faux-vintage poseurs like Nathaniel Rateliff, country scion Justin Townes Earle’s recent work grapples earnestly with the sometimes disappointing realities of growing up, starting a family and being unable to change one’s past for the better—and the caliber of the music itself shows, with every note, how hard Earle has worked to get where he is. After previewing new songs during an intimate residency at Doug Fir back in March, Earle is returning to play tracks off his just-released record, Kids in the Street. ISABEL ZACHARIAS. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 503-234-9694. 8 pm. $25. All ages.

Happyness, Aan

[COLLEGE ROCK] There’s a belief that every few years, trends circle back around and become popular again. Fashion usually comes to mind with this statement, but the same can be said for music, especially in the case of Happyness.

Whiny indie-grunge dominated college radio back in the ’90s, but the London trio has revived the style internationally. From 2014’s Weird Little Birthday to most recent album, April’s Write In, Happyness has blended the mid-adulthood lyrical jadedness of bands like Pavement or Sparklehorse with the droll bite of typical British wit, creating a refreshing take on the sounds that got Generation X through their college years. CERVANTE POPE. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3895. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

RVIVR, Paper Thin Youth, Alien Boy

[POSI-PUNK] See Get Busy, page 45. The Know, 3728 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-473-8729. 8 pm. $10. All ages.

THURSDAY, JUNE 1 Frameworks, Tor, Lapa

[THEY CALL IT SCRAMZ NOW] Frameworks won’t win any prizes for originality with the anguished shredding of their 2016 Topshelf Records release Smother, but the Gainesville post-hardcore quintet has amassed a sizable following based on the strength of their hard-hitting live shows and brooding accessibility nonetheless. Veering further in the direction of brooding, reverb-heavy mixes and guitar tones that border on shoegaze, it’s refreshing to hear a young band with heavy intentions showing an interest in paring back the aggression slightly in favor of a more dynamic and less claustrophobic expression of angst. PETE COTTELL. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 503-231-9663. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Hiroya Tsukamoto, Andrea Algieri, Dylan Dean

[SINGER-SONGWRITER] Growing up playing both five-string banjo and acoustic guitar in Kyoto, Japan, eclectic singer-songwriter Hiroya Tsukamoto first came to the U.S. on a scholarship from Berklee College of Music in Boston. The band he formed there was aptly named Interoceanico, melding traditional styles from several continents, including vocals from Colombian singer and Latin Grammy nominee Marta Gomez. Today, Tsukamoto’s solo work is still highly

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Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

Latin-influenced, wedding South American polyrhythms and flamenco-style finger picking to the classical-adjacent complexity of traditional Japanese orchestral court music. Rather than breaking down Tsukamoto’s eclectic influences and attempting to quantify his sound, though, the impressionistic soundscapes he paints are best enjoyed exactly as they are—immersive, earthy and sweet. ISABEL ZACHARIAS. Fremont Theater, 2393 NE Fremont St., 503-946-1962. 8 pm $10. All ages.

Day Wave, Blonder

[INDIE DREAM] Jackson Phillips doesn’t need anyone. At least, that’s the impression he’s made with his solo endeavor Day Wave.

A moniker befitting of its sonic output, Day Wave’s sound rolls and crashes through a dreamy, indie gaze, reminiscent of Wild Nothing meets Broken Social Scene. The combination makes it no surprise that Phillips has developed such a strong following despite not having released a full-length album until this month’s The Days We Had. Day Wave’s songs are rosy with a romantic depth that makes them hard to ignore. CERVANTE POPE. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3895. 9 pm. $13 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

FRIDAY, JUNE 2 Low Cut Connie, Scantron, Charts

[ROCK REVIVALISTS] Low Cut Connie’s vintage rock‘n’roll revelry is hard not to side with, even if they go a little over the top sometimes. The Philadelphia five-piece stops short of mocking formative acts like Buddy Holly and Bo Diddley, but is certainly guilty of borrowing heavily from them. Yet there’s a certain timelessness to that persona, and the fact that LCC adds bits of Southern rock and Little Richard to its sound adds to the allure. The band just released Dirty Pictures (Part 1), a soulful release built around an outspoken piano and early ’60s high school gymnasium swing. MARK STOCK. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 503328-2865. 9 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Princess

[RAVE UN2 THE JOY FAUXTASTIC] See Get Busy, page 45. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 503284-8686. 8 pm. $30 advance, $35 day of show. All ages.

SATURDAY, JUNE 3 Valerie June, Lynn Cardona

[DEFINITIVE AMERICAN MUSIC] Valerie June is a folk singer, country picker, soul crooner, blues howler, Appalachian preservationist, doo-wop hip shaker—and the list doesn’t end there. But it becomes much less worthwhile to pick apart June’s influences than to marvel at the wholly new thing she somehow creates from welding each deeprooted tradition to the next, not switching hats track-by-track but leaning into all identities all at once.

On the cover of her new album, The Order of Time—the follow-up to 2013’s critically acclaimed Pushin’ Against a Stone—June is depicted in the middle of a dance, her dendritic hair whipping and gathering around her like a crown. It perfectly illustrates the distinction between this album and the last. The Order of Time is totally fearless, at times piece-y and shambolic, embrac-

Chon, Tera Melos, Covet, Little Tybee

ing reverb and creating a spaciousness that shows off the vigor and wild originality of her songwriting. ISABEL ZACHARIAS. Aladdin Theater, 3017 SE Milwaukie Ave., 503-234-9694. 8 pm. Sold out. All ages..

[MATH ROCK] Since Minus the Bear whetted emo kids’ whistles for heady jazz licks and prog-rock prowess, there’s been an almost endless procession of bands built around nimble guitar noodling and the plaintive vocals. Chon has been one of the most hyped-up of late, but the San Diego group’s lighthearted, almost ironic presentation of their impossible “look what I can do” riffing is what sets them apart from the pack of overly serious shredders in eyeliner and girlfriend jeans. Based on the strength of early singles, their impending second album, Homey, is likely to be a hit with fans who need to see Chon as a cerebral backup band to their daily repertoire of post-hardcore and screamo releases. PETE COTTELL. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd., 503-233-7100. 7 pm. $17 advance, $21 day of show. All ages.

Merchandise, B Boys

[NEW WAVE] While few things of quality come from Tampa Bay, experimental rock group Merchandise is the exception that proves the rule. If being signed to stellar London record label 4AD isn’t enough to convince you, consider the band’s inventive, droning style of indie-rock, which flirts equally with the reverb of New Wave and the jumpiness of punk. Last year, Merchandise confirmed the high caliber of its noisy signature sound with the release of their sixth and strongest studio record, A Corpse Wired For Sound. MARK STOCK. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3895. 9 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

[ICONIC BEATS] See Get Busy, page 45. Star Theater, 13 NW 6th Ave., 503248-4700. $25. 21+.

Megaton Leviathan, Shadowhouse, HZ, Oort Cloud

[METALGAZE] Ten years after Andrew Costa conceived his Megaton Leviathan project, he’s finally assembled the lineup he’s been dreaming of. As an uncompromising cassetteculture visionary, Costa has gone through a frustrating revolving door of band lineups, drum machine crutches and career near misses.

But now endowed with a cadre of heavy-hitting musicians, the dreamy, drugged-out, swirling psychedelic doom tracks from the tape-only release Repeating Patterns of Love are set to be performed as Costa heard them in his head—which, based on the songs, is a very strange and dark place. NATHAN CARSON. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy Blvd., 503238-0543. 9 pm. $8. 21+.

SUNDAY, JUNE 4 Gifted Gab, Mic Capes, Jarv Dee, Karma Rivera

[NORTHWEST’S FINEST] Gifted Gab is a Seattle treasure. Part of the notorious Moor Gang collective of MCs, Gab has been putting out some amazing singles lately, including a recent joint called “Same Shit Different Day” with Portland rap phenom Mic Capes. It’s a natural impulse to compare female rappers to other female rappers, but Gab is the sort of talent who defies any easy comparison, with a fiery yet deliberate flow and a stage presence forceful enough to steal any show. Luckily for Portlanders, Gab is making her way south for this headlining show featuring the aforementioned Mic Capes, fellow Seattleite Jarv Dee and Portland firebrand Karma Rivera.

BLAKE HICKMAN. Kelly’s Olympian, 426 SW Washington St., 503-2283669. 9 pm. $10. 21+.

MONDAY, JUNE 5 A Golden Extraterrestrial Space-Age Synth Ceremony: Hustle & Drone, Gold Casio, Reptaliens

[WALLS OF SYNTH] Behold, our fair city’s own version of Moogfest, celebrating the always lovable, always moody synthesizer. To be fair, it’s an instrument used too often as a crutch, but tonight’s lineup utilizes the spacey power of electrified keys for the sake of enhancement, not necessity. Sharing in the festivities are some of Portland’s dreamier, synth-heavy acts, from the glassy jams of Hustle and Drone to the lo-fi buggy pop of Reptaliens to the contemporary disco of Gold Casio, who are releasing a new EP tonight. Attendees are encouraged to dress up in gold. Shine on. MARK STOCK. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 503-231-9663. 9 pm. $5 advance, $10 day of show. 21+.

Brandy Clark & Charlie Worsham

[CONTEMPORARY COUNTRY] It’s incredibly easy to hate modern country music, or at least to make fun of it mercilessly—the exaggerated twang, the big belt buckles, the stock lyrical images of working-class folks drinking away their supposedly insurmountable “blues.” Singer-songwriter Brandy Clark, whose songs are, unfortunately, best known for being performed by other people (Miranda Lambert’s “Mama’s Broken Heart,” and the Band Perry’s No. 1 single, “Better Dig Two”), is more the rule than the exception. On 2016’s Big Day in a Small Town, Clark’s forgettable melodies propel a pathetic narrative of Appalachian struggle, with lyrics like, “Our jeans all need patching, our

CONT. on page 55

INTRODUCING CLAIRE GUNVILLE

DJ Premier & the Badder Band, DJ Heat, Brady Watt

TUESDAY, JUNE 6

Cool American WHO: Nathan Tucker (songwriting, guitar, vocals), Tim Howe (bass, vocals), Andy Rusinek (guitar, vocals), Asher Groh (drums).

SOUNDS LIKE: Sharing a bag of Doritos with a buddy at a crowded party, then deciding to leave.

FOR FANS OF: Early Weezer, Modern Baseball, Third Eye Blind’s self-titled album.

Nathan Tucker named his band Cool American after Cool Ranch Doritos. But don’t let that prejudice you—he’s actually thought this through.

“That was the idea behind the Dorito-pop thing,” he says from a booth at Maui’s in Northeast Portland. “It’s already kind of stale, and definitely bad for you, but you just keep eating.”

Bassist Tim Howe, next to him, laughs. “Yeah,” he says.

“We’re MSG-core.”

Self-deprecating silliness is a familiar trait among pop-punk bands. Thankfully, Cool American’s got a lot more going on than that. The four-piece’s new LP, Infinite Hiatus, is a strapping, muscular-pop release from a young band ready to prove what it’s capable of. Robust guitar riffs often give way to nearly inaudible moments of quietude, while the lyrics turn routine slacker-rock imagery—shitty parties, burrito runs—into tiny epiphanies.

And sometimes, Tucker’s statements become more sweeping without trading their humility. On “Soda Yoda,” the wriggling, frustrated peak of the album’s narrative arc, he sings, “Doing what I love/Won’t always feel the way it should.”

“The big problem in the world for anyone who has anything going on up here,” Tucker says, pointing to his head, “is boredom.”

But Infinite Hiatus doesn’t convey absolute pessimism— rather, an acceptance of life as fundamentally disappointing— and since nothing matters anyway, you might as well have fun and write some songs about eating Doritos.

“The only way I have found to avoid boredom is making music,” Tucker adds between sips of beer, “because drinking gets boring too, after a while.” ISABEL ZACHARIAS. SEE IT: Cool American plays Black Water Bar, 835 NE Broadway, with Post Moves, Riled and Drunken Palms, on Thursday, June 1. 8 pm. $5. All ages.

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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MUSIC

DATES HERE PAU L R A E

PROFILE

The Never Never Is Forever It took only nine years of retirement before Daniel Ash started losing sleep.

“I just woke up at four in the morning and had a complete change of heart,” says Ash, who, alongside contemporaries like the Cure, helped invent goth rock as a member of Bauhaus. “Everything just changed completely on its head. It’s very, very obvious we need to do this after all these years of not doing it.”

And then, just like that, he and longtime drummer Kevin Haskins hatched Poptone, a career retrospective project covering the three main groups they’ve played in together. Ash and Haskins have been making music together since childhood, forming Bauhaus in 1978, then finding even greater commercial success as alternative harbingers Love and Rockets. Poptone’s set list covers material from both bands, but it’s even more heavily weighted toward their lesser-known transitional project, Tones on Tail.

“It’s about 70 percent of the set,” Ash says, sounding positively giddy sharing a speakerphone with Haskins in the back of a car, on their way to rehearse for the band’s eighth-ever performance. “It’s almost like Poptone sounds like a 21st-century version of Tones on Tail anyway. That’s the way it’s developing.”

During their brief existence in the early ’80s, Tones on Tail occupied a sonic space unlike any other band, with sterling production, moody atmospherics and rhythmic sensibilities that yielded several bonafide dance floor classics. There’s something magical about the band’s sole album, Pop. From the chilling ambience of “Movement of Fear” to the stony a cappella experimentation of “Slender Fungus” to the meditative psychedelia of album closer, “Rain,” there is no other album quite like it. The band only did short tours of the U.K. and U.S., then folded. Fans haven’t had a fresh fix since 1984.

“The thing is with Tones,” Ash says, “is we just got a record deal from Beggar’s Banquet and they basically let us do whatever we wanted. There was never talk of doing a video, doing a single—that was all left up to us. But they did like whatever we came up with. It was always thumbs-up. So, it was a great couple of years.”

It’s little surprise that Haskins was the first person Ash called after his late-night epiphany. The two share one of those rare lifelong musical partnerships, the kind that often finds them finishing each other’s sentences, between bouts of light ribbing.

Asked if there would be different set lists each night, Haskins tells Ash, “I thought you were gonna do your juggling routine?”

“Well, I’ve been doing that, Kevin, haven’t you noticed?” Ash responds. “I’ve been doing that for the last 35 years for Christ’s sake. You should have known.” NATHAN CARSON. Just when Daniel Ash thought he was out, Poptone pulled him back in.

SEE IT: Poptone plays Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., on Saturday-Sunday, June 3-4. 8 pm. Saturday sold out, Sunday $29 advance, $30 day of show. 21+.

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Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

53

I T ’S SH E R F

wweek.com

on the

Stage

JUNE 4th Tickets $28 advance

ON SALE NOW RoseFestival.org or Ticketmaster charge-by-phone 1.800.745.3000.

Ticket price includes Rose Festival CityFair admission.

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Willamette Week May 31, 2017 wweek.com

MUSIC

DATES HERE

J A C O B B L I C K E N S TA F F

DATES HERE

IT’S JUNE: Valerie June plays Aladdin Theater on Saturday, June 3. eggs all need yolks/And we might be laughing, but it ain’t no joke, y’all.” What this and all contemporary country music does have going for it, though, is the effort to tell a story at all, and to sing well enough that the story comes across. This split-headlined night of down-home country storytelling might not be for everyone, but as far as this type of thing goes, it’s among the best you can do. ISABEL ZACHARIAS. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 2319663. 9 pm. $22 advance, $24 day of show. 21+.

Wavves, Kino Kimino

[NOISE POP] Reliable Southern California pop-punk act Wavves have been at it since 2008, bending garage raucousness into chantalong beach party anthems as a big player in a growing no-fi movement. Often referred to in the same esteemed breath as Japandroids and Cloud Nothings, Nathan Williams and co. are the epitome of youthful recklessness. Wavves’ latest album, You’re Welcome, is Williams’ first self-released record and piles some surf and doo-wop motifs atop the expected pacy fray. Brooklyn’s Kino Kimino, featuring Sonic Youth guitarist Lee Ranaldo, opens, MARK STOCK. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd., 503-233-7100.

8:30 pm. $20 advance, $23 day of show. All ages.

New Kids on the Block, Paula Abdul, Boys II Men

[BOYS & GIRL CLUB] See Get Busy, page 45. Moda Center, 1 N Center Ct St, Portland, OR 97227. 7:30 pm. $29-$225. All ages.

Free Throw, Homesafe, Heart Attack Man NG

[NEW NASHVILLE] It’s no surprise an adamantly non-country scene has been germinating independently of Nashville’s primary bread-andbutter. But the tiniest inflection of twang in Free Throw’s latest bevy of singles is proof that eschewing one’s regional influence in the name of punk cred may be a fool’s errand at this point. Combining the effervescent energy of modern pop-punk with the subtle pastoral prose of Canadian emo heroes the Weakerthans, Free Throw’s followup to their 2014 breakthrough, Those Days Are Gone, is sure to be a smash now that similar acts like Pinegrove and The Hotelier are out of the emo ghetto and in the mainstream. PETE COTTELL. The Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-206-7439. 6 pm. $12. All ages.

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Children of No Nation presents A Radical Playground

[NEO-RADICAL REVIVAL] Protohappening. Radical playground.

Experimental container. Those are all terms the performance collective Child of No Nation uses to describe

this First Thursday event involving visual art, dance, spoken word, video and music by Ben Martens and Cat Child. They’re members of New York’s venerable, radical Living Theatre, which has been stirring up artistic and political trouble since the late 1940s. Offspring like Child of No Nation seem to recognize the moment may again be ripe for more artistic agitation. Theatrical chants, percussion, narration, beats, drones, sitar—it’s political/theatrical music with echoes from mid-’60s New York proto-performance art. Maybe its time has come around again. BRETT CAMPBELL. Impossible Box Arts, 215 SW 1st Ave., 503-935-1442. 8 pm Thursday, June 1. $10 entry or pay what you can. All ages.

Global Rhythms PDX

[ISLAND SONGS] Even before the internet and recordings, isolated cultures have always managed to share their sounds with distant people, and enrich their own music with imported tunes and rhythms. That’s why Portland State ensembles Man Choir, Vox Femina and University Choir each year perform a concert that brings music from non-Western cultures to American choral music, which could use the diversity. This year’s theme, island cultures, features music from Ireland, Hawaii and Haiti.

And this summer, the university’s esteemed chamber choir heads to another archipelago, Indonesia, for a major choral competition. BRETT CAMPBELL. First United Methodist Church, 1838 SW Jefferson Street. 4 pm Sunday, June 4. $7 advance, $12 day of show. All ages.

Angel Romero and Eliot Fisk

[CLASSICAL GUITAR] If one guitar god is good, then two must be better, right? Angel Romero, a member of the most distinguished multi-generational Spanish family of classical musicians, and Eliot Fisk, the last student of the venerated Andres Segovia, are both regarded as among the finest of 20th and 21st century classical guitarists, and have also found a way to complement each other’s virtuosity rather than collide. Both teach at major conservatories, in L.A. and Boston, respectively, both have worked with many of the world’s great orchestras, and both have premiered major new compositions and arrangements for guitar. This show features favorites from Vivaldi, 20th century Spanish composers Joaquin Rodrigo, Manuel de Falla, Enrique Granados and Romero family patriarch Celedonio, plus some of the Spanish folk songs adapted for piano in the 1930s by none other than the great martyred poet Federico García Lorca and arranged by Fisk for two guitars. BRETT CAMPBELL. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 503-828-8285. 7:30 pm Monday, June 5. $30-$50. All ages.

For more Music listings, visit Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

55

MUSIC ALBUM REVIEWS

Jared Mees

LIFE IS LONG (Tender Loving Empire) [PORTLAND POP] As co-founder of Portland record label and retail store Tender Loving Empire, Jared Mees has ended up helming, well, an empire, breaking some of the biggest local names in indie pop and releasing albums from nationally known, enigmatic singer-storytellers like Willis Earl Beal and Andy Shauf. Meanwhile, Mees has written and released three LPs of his own punk-adjacent songwriting through Tender Loving Empire. In the past, it’s been up for debate whether he truly deserves a spot on the roster among the artists he’s promoted. With new release Life Is Long, however, Mees has created something dynamic and philosophical—a glittering, well-produced album that functions, perhaps unintentionally, as an amalgamation of definitive Portland sounds. Alternating track by track between effusive, straight-ahead folk songs (“Signal Fire”) and tongue-in-cheek, Auto-Tuned dream pop (“Right Now We’re Always Alive”), Life Is Long effectively channels the artists who surround Mees: the inscrutable folk pop of Y La Bamba, the orchestral expansiveness of Typhoon and the percussive punk sensibility of Mees’ longtime collaborator, Finn Riggins. Overall, Life is Long doesn’t so much confirm Mees as an artist in his own right as much as it proves how deeply dialed in he is to the motley sounds and artists of this city. But the result is well worth any Portland music hound’s listen. ISABEL ZACHARIAS. SEE IT: Jared Mees plays Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., with the Domestics and New Move, on Sunday, June 4. 9 pm. $1$10-$10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+. $10-$12. 21+.

Roselit Bone

BLISTER STEEL (Friendship Fever) [SONGS FOR A KNIFE FIGHT] What began as a duo in 2013 has swelled into the nine-piece act known as Roselit Bone, purveyors of twisted twilight country. Led by Joshua McCaslin—who possesses the midcentury showiness of Elvis and the revved-up vocals of Waylon Jennings— the group is nothing if not animated. The band’s sophomore record, Blister Steel, falls somewhere between the spaghetti Western sounds of Daughn Gibson, big-band balladry and Neil Young’s shadowy score for Jim Jarmusch’s Dead Man. Roselit Bone’s strength-in-numbers approach allows for a diversity of textures, from the nightmarish alt-Americana of “Leech Child” to the shuffling Tex-Mex of “Riders on The Wall.” Tying it all together is the low, bubbling gait of the 10-gallon guitar and its sentimental sibling, the lap steel. McCaslin mirrors the many moods of his group, moving from quiet narrator to operatic near-yodeler. The result is decidedly filmic; you can see the saloon and the brawl that’s about to break out playing behind your eyelids. Blister Steel captivates partly because it envelops, smothering the listener in hyperbolic Western sounds that echo the band’s self-proclaimed “knife-fight music.” It also bends the ear with unexpected instrumentation and subtle mutation, often in haunting fashion. MARK STOCK. SEE IT: Roselit Bone plays Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., with The Jackalope Saints and Chuck Westmoreland, on Wednesday, May 31. 9 pm. $10-$12. 21+.

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MUSIC CALENDAR WED. MAY 31 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave Justin Townes Earle, The Sadies

Catfish Lou’s

2460 NW 24th Avenue Jammin’ with Robbie Laws

Catfish Lou’s

350 West Burnside Cool Schmool, Meringue, Vexations

Doug Fir Lounge

Edgefield

Crystal Ballroom

830 E Burnside St. Roselit Bone

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

The Birthday Massacre

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Jackson Boone, Those Willows, Vexations

Justa Pasta

1336 NW 19th Avenue, Anson Wright Duo

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St, Bret Ervin and Friends

LaurelThirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St The Craftsmen, Neighbor Boy

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave Tallulah’s Daddy

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Happyness, Aan

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. Lewis Del Mar

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Heart Avail, Larissa Viennz and The Strange, Seventh Crow, PDX Icons

The Fixin’ To

8218 N. Lombard St Luke Messimer, The Brankas (SF), Star Club

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St Kris Deelane and The Hurt

The Know

3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

RVIVR, Paper Thin Youth, Alien Boy

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont St, No Lala, Scott Yoder (of The Pharmacy), Melt

Valentines

232 SW Ankeny St Star Garbage, HeaviiMello, Low Flyer

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St Sean Croghan, Common Starling, Erik Clampitt, Tai Woodville

Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St. Hot 8 Brass Band

THU. JUNE 1 Artichoke Music Cafe

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St Cellotronik (winery)

2393 NE Fremont St. Hiroya Tsukamoto

Hawthorne Theatre

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Motrik, Mothertapes, Dan Dan

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

Chon, Tera Melos, Covet, Little Tybee

Landmark Saloon

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St, Jake Ray and the Cowdogs; Miller and Sasser’s Twelve Dollar Band

4847 SE Division St, Ian Miller and Friends

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave Mr. Ben

Mississippi Studios

Muddy Rudder Public House

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Day Wave, Blonder

8105 Se 7th Ave. Lloyd Jones

Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 Se 7th Ave. Sleepy Eyed Johns

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St Far Out West

The O’Neil Public House

6000 NE Glisan St. Slabtown Rounders

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St Thursday Swing featuring The Jenny Finn Orchestra, The Pepper Grinders

The Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd Over, Age of Collapse, Diaspora, Ruminant

Valentines

Newmark Theatre

THIS WAS SOUND: Portland had every right to feel like shit on Saturday after a neo-Nazi butchered two people in plain sight aboard the MAX Friday for standing up to blatant racism. Even the bands that played Waterfront Park as part of What Was Sound—a new, single-day music fest put on by Sub Rosa Curation—seemed to be in a bit of a funk. An eclectic smattering of bands rounded out the bill, from alt-country act the Fruit Bats to Bed, Portland’s foremost slow-fi trio. They played before the occasional waving crowd aboard the Portland Spirit.

Loop-loving post-rock band El Ten Eleven offered some organic grooves. “We have no hidden laptops,” the duo proudly proclaimed, building ultra-rhythmic, guitar-heavy, Pinback-like riffs out of drums, guitar and an infantry of pedals. Psych-folk masters Woods played primarily from its mostly acoustic post-election EP, Love Is Love EP. The Brooklyn act is not responsible for a single bad release in its decade-plus career, but the five-piece seemed pensive here. Headlining the night, and offering far and away the most energy, was DIIV. The crowd remained fairly small, but enjoyed the quartet’s lively performance. DIIV’s bread and butter is its gauzy guitar-speak, built from fluid hooks and breathy vocals. An all-in rendition of “Under The Sun” and a cascading take on “Dopamine,” a rubbery dream-rock track that gives you sea legs, made strong cases for DIIV’s top billing. MARK STOCK.

FRI. JUNE 2 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave Joan Osborne Sings the Songs of Bob Dylan

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St Whores, Wrong, Bummer

Bunk Bar

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St, J.T. and the Traditional Country Allstars

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. The Dustbowl Revival

Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 Se 7th Ave. Zingari

1028 SE Water Ave. Low Cut Connie, Scantron, Charts

Roseland Theater

Catfish Lou’s

Skyline Tavern

2460 NW 24th Avenue Just Friends

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St Somo

Dante’s

350 West Burnside Igor and the Red Elvises, Cellotronik

Doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St. Scott Pemberton

Eastburn

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Anita Margarita & the RattleSnakes (winery)

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Hammerhead, Tumbledown, Kaiya on the Mountain

1111 SW Broadway Angel Romero and Eliot Fisk

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St Ural Thomas and the Pain

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St Hawthorne Roots, Mimi n’ Jay of Fruition

TUES. JUNE 6 Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Deborah and James Fallows

Dante’s

232 SW Ankeny St Bourbon Biscuit

Ash Street Saloon

835 NE Broadway Cool American, Post Moves, Riled, Drunken Palms

Doug Fir Lounge

Fremont Theater

3130 Se Hawthorne, Songwriter Roundup

Black Water Bar

MON. JUNE 5 Cider Riot

830 E Burnside St. A Golden Extraterrestrial Space-Age Synth Ceremony: Hustle & Drone, Gold Casio, Reptaliens

Impossible Box Arts

1800 E Burnside St, Bum Treats Records Launch Party

225 SW Ash St Van Eps, Trash Dogs, The Adnas

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Poptone, DJ Rescue (Zia McCabe)

807 NE Couch St. Cartoon Violence, Husky Boys

830 E Burnside St. Frameworks, Tor, Lapa

215 SW 1st Ave. Child of No Nation presents A Radical Playground

Doug Fir Lounge

LAST WEEK LIVE

Dante’s

2126 SW Halsey St Will West & The Friendly Strangers (winery)

1332 W Burnside St BlackBear

[MAY 31-JUNE 6]

2460 NW 24th Avenue Jolie’s Jam

Corkscrew

1665 SE Bybee Blvd Portland Gypsy Jazz Project

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

HENRY CROMETT

= WW Pick.

Highly recommended.

Editor: Matthew Singer. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/ submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings.

Email: music@wweek.com.

8 NW 6th Ave Robin Trower

8031 NW Skyline Blvd Willmas with Tinzen

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Ellis Pink, Ayo Dot, the Uppcuts

The Fixin’ To

SAT. JUNE 3 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave Valerie June, Lynn Cardona

Alberta Street Pub 1036 NE Alberta St Grupo Masato

Artichoke Music Cafe 3130 Se Hawthorne, Jon Lee

Plew’s Brews 8409 N Lombard St, All the Colors of the Dark XX: John Shirley’s Screaming Geezers, Quiet!, My Proper Skin

Slim’s PDX

8635 N Lombard St. Avalanche Lily, When We Met

Star Theater

2460 NW 24th Avenue Tracey Fordice Band

13 NW 6th Ave. DJ Premier & the Badder Band, DJ Heat, Brady Watt

Dante’s

The Analog Cafe

Catfish Lou’s

350 West Burnside Terrorizer LA, Hellshock, Vastation, & Gaasp; PreParty for Elvis at the Starlight Parade

Doug Fir Lounge

8218 N. Lombard St Fernando Band y Trujillo

830 E Burnside St. School of Rock Presents: Weezer & Arena Rock

The Know

Doug Fir Lounge

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Bandulus, Original Middleage Ska Enjoy Club, DJ Mikey-Oh

The Goodfoot 2845 SE Stark St Andy Coe Band, Scott Law, John Kadlecik

The Hawthorne Hideaway

3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

Steel Chains, Macho Boys, Mr. Wrong, Petite

830 E Burnside St. Kuinka

The Secret Society

2126 SW Halsey St The Columbians Quartet (winery)

The Lovecraft Bar

Landmark Saloon

The Old Church

116 NE Russell St Santiam, the Low Bones, The Frequence

Edgefield

116 NE Russell St The Barn Door Slammers

4847 SE Division St, Buddy Evans and the Eastside 3

The Waypost

Mississippi Studios

The Secret Society

3120 N. Williams Avenue, Fortune’s Folly

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Princess

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Merchandise, B Boys

2221 SE Hawthorne Blvd The Hot LZ’s, Titty Babies, Bitch School 421 SE Grand Ave Leading Psychics

1422 SW 11th Ave The Secret Sisters

The O’Neil Public House 6000 NE Glisan St. Matthew Lindley

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St The Libertine Belles; Daphne Willis, Ashleigh Flynn & the Riveters, Nikole Potulsky

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Megaton Leviathan, Shadowhouse, HZ, Oort Cloud

Twilight Cafe and Bar 1420 SE Powell Pushy, Moodrake, War Cloud, Disastroid

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Poptone, POW!

SUN. JUNE 4 Aladdin Theater

3017 SE Milwaukie Ave David Lindley

Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Metropolitan Youth Symphony

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St The Mountain Goats, Holy Sons

Dante’s

350 West Burnside Rachel Lark and the Damaged Goods

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. Jared Mees

Edgefield

350 West Burnside Shawn James, the Shapeshifters

First United Methodist Church

830 E Burnside St. Brandy Clark & Charlie Worsham

2126 SW Halsey St Warren Floyd (winery)

1838 SW Jefferson Street Global Rhythms PDX

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Gifted Gab, Mic Capes, Jarv Dee, Karma Rivera

Landmark Saloon

4847 SE Division St, Barndoor Slammers; Anita Margarita and The Rattlesnakes

Doug Fir Lounge

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St. Spud & the Snakeskinners (Little Red Shed)

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

Wavves, Kino Kimino; Black Stone Cherry (lounge)

Landmark Saloon

Muddy Rudder Public House

4847 SE Division St, Mike Coykendall

Portland Trinity Episcopal

1 N Center Ct St, New Kids on the Block, Paula Abdul, Boys II Men

8105 SE 7th Ave. Dan & Fran

147 NW 19th Ave Trinity Vespers: Evensong & Organ Recital

Rontoms

600 E Burnside St AylaRay, Bitch’n

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St Motopony, Ty-Alex, The Echolarks, Young Mister

The O’Neil Public House

6000 NE Glisan St. Preston Howard & Richie Rosencrans

Vancouver First United Methodist Church

401 E. 33rd St. Vancouver, WA Diane Schuur

Moda Center

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Free Throw, Homesafe, Heart Attack Man; Shatter Proof, Never Let This Go

The Goodfoot 2845 SE Stark St Boyz II Gentlemen

The Ranger Station

4260 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Bluegrass Tuesday

Twilight Cafe and Bar

1420 SE Powell Heresiarch, Ritual Necromancy and Shroud Of the Heretic

Valentines

232 SW Ankeny St The Love Movement

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

57

MUSIC C O U R T E S Y O F D J AT M

NEEDLE EXCHANGE

DJ ATM Years DJing: Been DJing for 20 years, playing out for about 18 or so.

Genres: Hip-hop, funk, soul, breaks, downtempo.

Where you can catch me regularly: Every first Friday of the month at Swift; second Fridays at Vault Martini; every second Sunday on KBOO from 8 to 10 pm for 1,2 1,2; and, starting July 10, once a month at Dig A Pony for the return of Motown on Mondays.

Craziest gig: About 10 years ago, I was on the road with my man TOPR from the Bay and we were toward the end of the tour. We were playing in Seattle, I don’t remember the name of the venue, but there was this gnarly smell on the stage by the decks. Turns out it was a dead rat that was underneath me while I was playing. We banged out our set, and the show was a blast—minus the smell.

My go-to records: Latyrx, “Lady Don’t Tek No”; Eric B and Rakim, “Don’t Sweat the Technique”; Prince, “Erotic City”; Serge Severe, “Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop” and “Bring the Horns.”

Don’t ever ask me to play…: I don’t take requests usually, but I have to say that Montell Jordan’s “This Is How We Do It” is one, along with “Return of the Mack.” Those songs are hella corny to me.

NEXT GIG: DJ ATM spins at Swift Lounge, 1932 NE Broadway St., on Friday, June 2. 10 pm.

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

DJ Smooth Hopperator

White Owl Social Club

WED, MAY 31 Beech Street Parlor 412 NE Beech Street Freeform Portland

Dig A Pony

736 SE Grand Ave. ATOM 13

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. TRONix: Logical Aggression (dark electro)

FRI, JUNE 2 45 East

THU, JUNE 1 Black Book

20 NW 3rd Ave Ladies Night (rap, r&b, club)

Ground Kontrol

315 SE 3rd Ave Andrew Rayel

Bit House Saloon

727 SE Grand Ave NoFOMO presents: Ostbahnhof (cosmic, house, techno)

Black Book

6015 SE Powell Blvd.

DJ Philadelphia Freedom

The Lovecraft Bar

Moloko

1332 W Burnside St 80s Video Dance Attack

421 SE Grand Ave Event Horizon (darkwave, industrial)

3967 N. Mississippi Ave. Sappho (disco)

Tonic Lounge

639 SE Morrison St. DJ Wrestlerock

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Death Throes (death rock, post punk, dark wave)

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

18 NW 3rd Ave. Easy Egg

511 NW Couch St. Community Library DJs: DJ Brokenwindow & Strategy

Lay Low Tavern

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Tube

1305 SE 8th Ave East Taken by Force (rock ‘n roll)

Star Bar

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Shadowplay (goth, industrial, 80s)

20 NW 3rd Ave The Cave (rap, r&b, club)

Crystal Ballroom

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. DJ EPOR (electronic)

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Yeezy Nite

Where to drink this week.

1.

Bar Casa Vale

E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

BAR REVIEW

215 SE 9th Ave., 503-477-9031, barcasavale.com.

Bar Casa Vale is a dream of Spanish cocktails, tapas, hearth fire and ham straight off the hock. It is also our 2017 Bar of the Year. See wweek.com/drank to read our bar guide online, or find out where to pick up a free hard copy.

2.

Rachel’s Ginger Beer 3646 SE Hawthorne Blvd., rachelsgingerbeer.com.

It’s so rare to stumble across a bar that creates its own genre—serving up a variegated rainbow of flavored craft ginger beers spiked with booze and surprisingly versatile as an elixir.

3.

Century

930 SE Sandy Blvd., centurybarpdx.com.

Weekends it’s a nightclub, Sunday morning it’s drag queen bingo, and on a Monday it might host an obscure Czech film. But the most important thing to you right now is going to be that beautiful roof.

4.

The Lay Low

6015 SE Powell Blvd., 503-774-4645.

The Lay Low Tavern is like a museum devoted to Club 21, with seemingly every bartender, every piece of decor and the build-your-ownburger bar transported intact.

5.

Lombard House 7337 N Lombard St., 503-539-5889.

Lombard House is like a small-town bar in a neighborhood, St. Johns, that’s like a small town at the edge of Portland. Except one thing: The beer is way, way better.

Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi Ave. Frankeee B (Scandinavian synthetic funk)

Star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. Uncontrollable Urge

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St First Friday Superjam (funk, soul, disco)

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Darkness Descends (classic goth, dark alternative)

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

DJ Just Dave

Whiskey Bar

31 NW 1st Ave Choppa Dunks

SAT, JUNE 3 45 East

315 SE 3rd Ave Claude VonStroke

Black Book

20 NW 3rd Ave The Ruckus (rap, r&b, club)

SUNNY ’SIDE: The Upside Down Burger is not upside down, but it’ll turn you that way. Upside Down (3318 SE Milwaukie Ave., 971-373-8607, facebook.com/ upsidedownpdx), the new beer garden from Maria Hernandez and Oswaldo Bibiano—former manager and owner, respectively, of Uno Mas—is across from the Aladdin Theater and open every day but Tuesday. It looks like one of those ramshackle aluminum-and-plywood burger shanties you’d expect to find by the side of a country freeway in the desert, ringed by picnic tables and a little pressboard fence. The titular burger ($9) is served up on a beautifully toasted bun and mixes aged white cheddar with a hint of chile for a goopy, spicy kick more than backed up by the thick beef. Otherwise, the menu’s an anything-goes hodgepodge of Mexican, American and Mexican-American—a beautifully chill shoulder shrug to pair with the 18 beer taps ranging from Coors Light to Culmination Choco Stout and Sunriver’s Vicious Mosquito IPA. Alongside a lovely chile verde ($8) laden with bay leaf and thyme, you’ll find a “hipster bowl” ($7) that’s essentially a vegetarian kale-and-pinto take on dirty fries. The fries were a bit undercooked and mealy, but you can get a mess of them covered in chile verde for $5. Really what Upside Down offers is an otherwise bereft Brooklyn neighborhood’s first true patio hang—with a 4-6 pm happy hour that drops the burger price to a fiver even on weekends. On a semi-warm weekday evening, the tables were jammed fence-to-fence with a mix of families, double-dates and young couples ignoring each other while staring at their phones. This is what Brooklyn summer will look like now: a little meat and spice, and a whole lot of sunny-day beer. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Crush Bar

1400 SE Morrison Pants OFF Dance OFF

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St 90’s Dance Flashback

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. DJ Vaporware

Holocene

SUN, JUNE 4 Black Book

20 NW 3rd Ave Flux (rap, r&b, club)

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. Black Sunday: DJ Nate C. (metal)

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Beat Parlor Presents: The Glow (house, electronic)

1001 SE Morrison St. Skipping Bedtime: A Dance Party for Parents and Other Tired People

Killingsworth Dynasty

Star Theater

832 N Killingsworth St Questionable Decisions: Funky Lit Dynasty Dance Party

Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi Ave. DJ ATM

13 NW 6th Ave. Church of Hive (goth, industrial)

The Lovecraft Bar 421 SE Grand Ave Sad Day

Star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. DJ OverCol

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Expressway to Yr Skull (shoegaze, deathrock, goth)

Whiskey Bar

31 NW 1st Ave Hot Damn Vol. 10 - Antiserum

MON, JUNE 5 Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. Reaganomix: DJ Jay ‘KingFader’ Bosch (80s)

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Eye Candy VJs

Star Bar

639 SE Morrison St. Metal Monday

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

A Night For Dancers: Mambo/Salsa Social

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Black Mass (goth, new wave)

TUE, JUNE 6 Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Party Damage: DJ Mixed Messages (soul, post punk)

The Embers Avenue 100 NW Broadway Recycle (dark dance)

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave ComaToast (future, glitch, electro)

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Toxic Tuesdays (goth, postpunk, spooky)

Tube

18 NW 3rd Ave. Tubesdays w/ DJ Jack

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Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

PERFORMANCE C O U R T E S Y O F P A U LY S H O R E . C O M

PREVIEW

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.

Editor: SHANNON GORMLEY (sgormley@wweek.com).

TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: sgormley@wweek.com.

THEATER OPENINGS & PREVIEWS The Goblin King

Labyrinth is what dreams are made of—Jim Henson puppets, a kick-ass female protagonist and David Bowie at the height of gothic glamour. Even so, the 1986 movie is not exactly what you’d expect as a narrative to a dance performance. But considering the last show from theatrical dance company TriptheDark was a Twin Peaks tribute, a show based on Labyrinth seems like a pretty fitting follow-up. It’s a retelling of Labyrinth through tap and modern dance, and three separate acts, each through the perspective of three different characters from the movie: Sarah, Hoggle and, of course, the Goblin King himself. SHANNON GORMLEY. The Headwaters Theatre, 55 NE Farragut St., tripthedark.com. 7:30 pm FridaySaturday, June 2-17. Additional show 2 pm Saturday, June 10. $15-$18.

ALSO PLAYING Constellations

Two lovers trek through seasons of courtship, betrayal and reconciliation in this gorgeous but hollow production of Nick Payne’s trippy romance.

It’s a play with a vast reach—it begins with Marianne (Dana Green) telling Roland (Silas Weir Mitchell) about the merits of elbow licking and follows them through a marriage proposal and Marianne’s cancer diagnosis. In a twist, the story replays most of its scenes multiple times with alterations that shift the course of Marianne and Roland’s storied affair. Yet that doesn’t stop the production from feeling disappointingly superficial. This is partly Payne’s doing—Marianne and Roland are maddeningly generic creations— but it’s also because Green, Mitchell and director Chris Coleman skate on the surface of the characters’ affection, instead of plunging us into the passion that we’re supposed to believe slumbers beneath. The result is a love story that isn’t nearly as alluring as the wondrous, wormhole-like set on which it unfolds. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Portland Center Stage, 128 NW 11th Ave., pcs.org. 7:30 pm Tuesday-Sunday, 2:00 pm SaturdaySunday, noon Thursday, through June 11. $25-$70.

The Language Archive

While Portland Playhouse’s theater of almost a decade, an old church in Northeast, is undergoing renovation, they’re staging The Language Archive at CoHo Theater’s far more conventional space. But part of what makes Portland Playhouse’s productions so special is their imaginative staging that adapts to their non-traditional space, and the rom-com plot of The Language Archive is already fairly tame. George (Greg Watanabe) is a linguist who can speak several languages, but can’t communicate with his wife, Mary (Nikki Weaver). Despite the fact that it follows a failed marriage, The Language Archive is goofy and feel-good.

The stage is often flooded with bright, sunny lighting. The script borders on sugary, but the acting prevents the cutesiness from seeming over-the-top.

A man who feels that the death of languages is sadder than the death of people, George could easily seem unlikable. But Watanabe manages to make George both ridiculous and compelling. Besides, the play doesn’t seem concerned with compromise so much as acceptance. In one scene, Reston tells George his views on

marriage: “When you keep holding on, something amazing happens.

We become too tired to change. We become who we really are.” SHANNON GORMLEY. CoHo Theater, 2257 NW Raleigh St., portlandplayhouse.org.

7:30 pm Wednesday-Saturday, 2 pm Sunday, May 17-June 11. $25-$34.

Miss Julie

Late-1800s Sweden was not prepared for the attitude towards sex in Miss Julie: After it premiered, August Strindberg’s play was promptly banned throughout most of Europe. About an aristocratic woman who has an affair with a married servant, it portrayed a relationship that was lust-based and between a woman and a man of a lower social class—both things that Victorian audiences weren’t really cool with. But Shaking the Tree’s production is less interested in the play’s formerly lascivious reputation than its currently apt portrayal of class and power structures. SHANNON GORMLEY. Shaking the Tree Warehouse, 823 SE Grant St., shaking-the-tree.com. 7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday, May 5-June 10. No show Sunday, May 7 or Sunday, June 4

Óye Oyá

Even though one of Óye Oyá’s most memorable scenes is a satirical song about bringing a corn-dog-style pizza franchise to Cuba, the entire play is moving, rousing and beautifully brash.

Milagro’s original Spanish-language musical is the story of Felo (Jimmy García), a cafe owner in Cuba trying to send his daughter, Yenisel (Lori FelipeBarkin), off to what he hopes will be a happier life in America. García brings poignant heft to the play’s meditation on parental sacrifices. But it’s the spunky and compassionate Yenisel who powers Óye Oya, along with a series of ebullient song-and-dance numbers. That includes the performance of the pizza franchise song, in which the image of a pizza slice with a smiley face is projected across the set. It’s clearly meant to be a joke, but it’s also an embodiment of the play’s belief that both life and theater are sweetest when they’re experienced at full tilt. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Milagro Theatre, 525 SE Stark St., milagro.org. 7:30 ThursdaySaturday, 2 pm

That Pretty Pretty; or, The Rape Play

Agnes (Jessica Tidd) and Valerie (Jessica Hillenbrand) are two exstrippers who go to pro-life conventions posing as prostitutes, kill the men who hire them and then write about it on their blog. It sounds excessive and it is. Sheila Callaghan’s 2009 play is a shock-drama parody and a critique of the way women are portrayed in pop culture.The play unfolds in a series of strange gender politics and shock-humor charged vignettes, and for a while, the social commentary is the only clue as to what’s going on. But the fact you have no idea what’s going on—plus the campy performances by the cast members, who manage to be funny in a way that only makes the play more savage—is part of what makes the play so engaging. And eventually, it all comes together. But after the mystery is gone, That Pretty Pretty begins to feel like it’s just belaboring one very specific point. It’s a point worth belaboring, but if you’re going to keep thinking about a play, it helps to be left wondering. SHANNON GORMLEY. Defunkt Theatre, 4319 SE Hawthorne Blvd., defunkttheatre.com.

7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday, through June 10. $10-$25.

CONT. on page 62

HEY, BUUUUUDDY: Pauly Shore performs at Helium Comedy Club.

The Weasel in Winter POST-MTV FAME, PAULY SHORE IS STILL AT IT.

BY JAY HORTON

@Hortland

Though ’90s SoCal stoner-bro Pauly Shore (BioDome, Son in Law, Encino Man) no longer rules the multiplex, he never stopped performing. The former MTV star and crown prince of stand-up royalty—mom Mitzi founded LA’s famed Comedy Store—still tours the world and continues to expand on a daunting filmography.

His show at Helium coincides with week one of WW’s Classic Comedy Month—four weeks of appreciation for old-school standup, slapstick and otherwise non-cerebral comedy that often gets overlooked in favor of alt-comedy and narrative standup. WW talked with the once and future “Weasel” about his rarefied upbringing, local relations and a star-crossed career.

WW: Did you make a conscious effort to step back from films?

Pauly Shore: I don’t know if it was conscious. I mean, I had a good run doing what I did, you know? All my stars lined up. I was on MTV. I was in the movies, HBO specials, albums, everything. Whatever it was that I did…you can only do that for so long, you know?

So, I had a good run, and, ever since then, I’ve been doing my own thing. I have a new series [The Pauly Shore Podcast Show] that just came out on Crackle —basically like a talk show where I interview different celebrities and comedians. A lot of people that I interview (like Bob Saget or Judd Apatow or Dexter from The Offspring), I mean, they’re loved by the world, and that’s why I wanted to sit down with them.

I’m always getting interviewed, it was nice for me to interview other people, you know what I mean? It’s not about me. It’s about other people, and I like that.

Were you performing throughout your career?

I never stopped doing standup. I started when I was 17 years old. I’m 49 now, so that’s like 30 years, you know? I love to go out and meet people. I’m always

touring. If you look on my website, go under tour dates, and you can see all the different places. My act’s always changing because I’m always changing.

I definitely talk about my appearance because, I mean, the people that are coming to see me mostly remember me with the hair and all that stuff. I acknowledge that and then break into some observational stuff—just everyday stuff that everyone goes through in their 40s.

You’ve played Portland before. Any memories?

People in Portland, they’re all about the trees and the nature. They like to smoke marijuana and wanna be left alone. My brother lives up there, so I come up once in a while to visit. We went to the…Timbers game? With the chainsaws and the lumberjack? The guy makes the goal, and they cut the tree.

At what point did you want to be in show business?

Um, I don’t know. It was something I grew up around from my mom and dad. It was around me at a young age and, you know, makes me happy. It makes me happy to make people happy.

Has the industry changed?

There’s more people just because of social media.

Everyone feels they can do standup, but, you know, it’s a grind. The bad ones fall by the wayside. The good ones keep going, and, eventually, if they’re in the right place at the right time, they’ll get noticed.

At the end of the day, funny’s funny—whether you do it in the ’70s or ’80s or ’90s or now. I bump into a lot of comedians who look at me and start smiling because they remember watching me on MTV when they were younger. It’s nice to inspire them, you know? You have to pay it forward. That’s what this life’s about, right?

SEE IT: Pauly Shore is at Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., portland.heliumcomedy.com. 7:30 and 10 pm Friday-Saturday, June 2-3. $25. 21+.

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PERFORMANCE REVIEW D AV I D K I N D E R

DANCE Iterum Echos

It’s been quite a year for PDX Contemporary Ballet. After forming out of the rubble of the now-defunct Moxie, its first full year of programming has included new works in every show, and its first show of the season was performed in the round—a highly unusual choice for ballet. Interlude alone premiered six new works. The company’s final show of the season is keeping with its ambitious streak: three premieres that span from the vastness of spacetime, the length of a single life, then down to day-to-day banality. SHANNON GORMLEY. New Expressive Works (N.E.W.), 810 SE Belmont St., pdxcb.com, 7:30 pm Friday-Saturday, 2:30 pm Sunday, June 2-4. $15-$15 advance, $20-$30 at the door.

COMEDY Anonymous/Beautiful

Best known as Ilana’s meek boss on Broad City, Chris Gethard’s podcast Anonymous/Beautiful has a premise that’s bound to give most people anxiety: He talks for an hour to the first person to call his show. It’s not exactly comedy—the anonymous callers often talk about some pretty heavy stuff. But it fits well within Gethard’s cerebral comedy career, which also includes Career Suicide, an off-Broadway-show-turnedHBO-special that dealt with Gethard’s struggle with depression and alcoholism. SHANNON GORMLEY. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., portland.heliumcomedy.com. 8 pm Thursday, June 1. $20. 21+.

Art-Mondo

Instead of yelled-out audience suggestions, Art-Mondo gets its improv cues from live music.

For each show, the troupe hosts a musician who plays a normal set—this time, it’ll be smooth-rock country singer Bart Budwig. After Budwig is done, the troupe will (lovingly) parody his songs in the form of improv sketches. It’s an interesting crossover between two different art scenes, plus, it’s hosted by former Funniest Five winner Philip Schallberger who will perform what’s ambiguously described as a “multimedia” set, which likely means an appearance by his alter ego, Hobo Tom, who makes PowerPoint presentations about duck conspiracies. SHANNON GORMLEY. Kickstand Comedy Space in the Siren Theater, 315 NW Davis, kickstandcomedy. org. 7:30 pm Wednesday, May 31. Pay what you will.

Lez Stand Up

Considering the popularity of self-deprecating humor, even stand-up that makes you laugh the hardest wouldn’t necessarily be labeled “feel-good.” But Lez Stand Up, the showcase of mostly lesbian comedians, manages to do this. Hosted by the upbeat and energetic Kirsten Kuppenbender, regulars also include the inspiringly aggro Caitlin Weierhauser. This week’s show will include Seattle’s Alyssa Yeoman. Yeoman hosts Alyssa Explains It All, a comedy show set in the future when humanity’s overlords have required Yeoman to host a talk show to explain the meaning of life.

SHANNON GORMLEY. Helium Comedy Club, 1510 SE 9th Ave., portland.heliumcomedy.com. 8 pm Wednesday, May 31. $12. 21+.

For more Performance listings, visit 62

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

STYLE, NOT SINCERITY: Jamie Rea and Kailey Rhodes.

A Bachelor’s Establishment An Oscar Wilde classic gets an all-female cast.

For the most part, Artists Rep’s The Importance of Being Earnest is what you’d expect of Oscar Wilde’s witty marriage plot. The opulent set has a black marble floor, white columns and French doors. The actors wear top hats and three-piece suits, big skirts and matching petticoats with even bigger sleeves.

The one unexpected bit, though, is that all the characters, including the two affluent male protagonists, are played by women.

Contemporary theater has sort of an obsession with classic plays staged with all-female casts—there are entire companies devoted to all-female productions of Shakespeare’s plays. Too often, though, it’s just gimmickry poorly disguised as a modern twist. But occasionally, it’s something more. As protagonist bachelors Jack and Algernon, it’s sort of liberating to see Jamie Rea and Ayanna Berkshire fully inhabit the easy, unaware confidence that’s usually reserved for men.

Wilde’s script is already rich with dryly hilarious class commentary, but Artists Rep adds its own absurd touches. When Jack tells everyone that his made-up brother Earnest has died, Rea appears from a stage entrance wearing a top hat wrapped in a giant, black tulle bow. When she eventually walks onto the set, the bow is revealed to have a train so comically long it seems endless.

Kailey Rhodes plays Gwendolen, Jack’s love interest, with a deeply funny, cartoonish lack of naturalism. Sara Lucht is brilliant as both the graceless country butler and the uptight city butler. If men had been up for the roles of Jack or Algernon, it’d be hard to imagine they’d be able to beat out Rea or Berkshire.

Still, The Importance of Being Earnest is already about gender. Here, an all-female cast doesn’t subvert gender roles so much as draw attention to them—which is something the script does on its own.

The fact that not much changes when The Importance of Being Earnest is staged with an all-female cast is an argument for gender-blind casting. That might be as compelling as it gets, but Wilde’s play doesn’t need an update to be worthwhile, and Artists Rep does it plenty of justice. SHANNON GORMLEY.

SEE IT: The Importance of Being Earnest is at Artists Repertory Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., artistsrep.org. 7:30 pm Wednesday-Sunday and 2 pm Sunday, through June 11. Additional shows Wednesday, May 31 at noon and 7:30 pm Tuesday, June 6.

No show Saturday, June 3. $25-$50.

VISUAL ARTS COURTESY OF JUPITERHOTEL.COM

PREVIEW

FESTIVAL FRIENDS: Coachella poster by Emek.

Out of the White Box FIRST THURSDAY PICKS FROM ALBUM COVERS TO PARK SCULPTURES.

BY S HA N N O N G O R M L E Y

sgormley@wweek.com

You don’t need to frequent galleries to be familiar with several artists showing at this month’s First Thursday.

If you’ve seen the cover of Solange’s True, you’ve seen Mickalene Thomas’ work. And if you’ve seen the cover of either of Erykah Badu’s New Amerykah albums, you’ve seen Emek’s work. Lee Kelly’s outdoor sculptures can be found throughout the city. If you were around for First Thursday a few months ago, you could have gone to see sculptor James Florschutz working in his studio.

Of course, there are also plenty of exhibits opening this week by artists whose art you do have to visit a gallery to see, but are still plenty accessible. Morehshin Allahyari’s She Who Sees the Unknown might be the product of two years of research, but its message is hardly esoteric: The conversation about how women are portrayed in art is far from over.

Ideally, we’d all give more thought to the art that’s around us every day and be less intellectually intimidated by art displayed in white-box galleries.

But for now, here are the five art shows we’re most excited to see this week.

THE THINKING MAN’S POSTER ART

Unlike the ubiquitous poster sale with twee designs for gigs you’ve never been to, The Thinking Man’s Poster Art is a curated exhibit of works by a single artist. Emek’s work is highly intricate, bizarre and imaginative. He’s designed posters for the likes of Radiohead, Pearl Jam and PJ Harvey, and he’s been inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame. But depending on your tolerance for cerebral stoner art, his work can be hit or miss, which makes it kind of fitting that the exhibit’s title is a Henry Rollins accolade. Jupiter Hotel, 800 E Burnside, jupiterhotel.com, 503-230-9200. June 2-August 1.

WINTER GARDEN AT MUKTINATH

Sculptor Lee Kelly is a Portland legend. His works are all over the city, including his gleeful, bulky Memory 99 along Southwest Park and his meditative fountain in the Rose Test Garden.

Now in his 80s, the Oregon artist is still at it. His

exhibit of new works is an ode to Muktinath, a Nepalese temple that Kelly recently visited.

The exhibit’s central piece will be a mammoth, 10-foot-tall structure made of steel with a marbled, metallic surface that’s weaved into a fluid pattern. Elizabeth Leach Gallery, 417 NW 9th Ave., elizabethleach.com, 503-224-0521. June 1-July 15.

SHE WHO SEES THE UNKNOWN

Morehshin Allahyari isn’t interested in the idea of a motherly, source-of-creation goddess. She Who Sees the Unknown is an archive of chaotic, destructive Middle Eastern goddesses reframed as complicated instead of evil. In a subtle but powerful shift, she re-creates images from ancient texts as glossy, monochromatic 3D forms. It’s UPFOR’s first of three exhibits by female media artists. At the end of the summer, the series will culminate in a group show that will likely be both strange and epic. UPFOR, 929 NW Flanders St., upforgallery. com, 503-227-5111. June 1-June 24.

ACCUMULATED OBSOLESCENCE

James Florschutz’s art is not what first comes to mind when you think of wood sculptures.

Chaotic and fragmented, they take more after splinters than a harmonious tree trunk or the smooth surfaces you’d find in most woodworking shops. His sculptures are built from found objects, which seems to explain the multi-syllabic title of his new exhibit. Augen Gallery, 716 NW Davis, augengallery.com, 503-546-5056. June 1-July 1.

IN CONVERSATION: MICKALENE THOMAS

Though her name might be most associated with a glamorous, pop art print of Michelle Obama, Mickalene Thomas’ vibrant, collage-like portraits of black women can be found on the cover of Solange’s True and Morgan Parker’s recently released book of poems, There Are Things More Beautiful Than Beyoncé. Plus, the New York-based artist is a former Portlander. Her talk at the Portland Art Museum is in conjunction with Constructing Identity, the museum’s compelling exhibit of works by black artists. Portland Art Museum, 1219 SW Park Ave., pam.org, 503-226-2811. 6 pm June 1.

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COURTESY OF UNIVERSAL PICTURES

MOVIES G ET YO UR R E PS IN

Badlands (1973)

Before he was making movies with Sean Penn and CGI dinosaurs, Terrence Malick blew audiences away with his story, based on the Starkweather murders that that Bruce Springsteen song was about, following a 15-yearold girl (Sissy Spacek) and her boyfriend (Martin Sheen) who head to Montana after committing a terrible crime. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Saturday, June 3.

The Cross of Love (1946)

If you missed South Korean freakout horror The Killer Butterfly last week, now’s your chance to a catch Finnish melodrama from the enigmatic, always-great Church of Film. Teuvo Tulio loosely adapts an Alexander Pushkin story about a young woman whose quiet life is ruined by sex, alcohol and depravity after she meets a handsome stranger. Clinton Street Theater. 8 pm Wednesday, May 31.

I MISS BRENDAN FRASER: The Mummy.

The Blockbuster Is Hot

From One Rose (2007) and A Parade of Champions (1979/2017)

There was once a time, in the distant past, when there wasn’t a risk that Portland’s Rose Festival would be ruined by violent white supremacists. From One Rose, directed by Ira Flowers, is a locally produced doc that chronicles the festival’s 100th anniversary. Flowers will be in attendance.

Curator Greg Hamilton will also debut A Parade of Champions, a forgotten 1979 film about the parade reassembled from 16mm film. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Monday, June 5.

Stalker (1979)

Soviet director Andrei Tarkovsky (Solaris, Mirror) is in contention for GOAT filmmaker, and Stalker, one of his best films, returns to the big screen on Friday. Stalker follows three men into a mysterious disaster area called the “Zone,” which contains a room with the ability to grant people’s innermost desires. Cinema 21. 3:30 and 7:15 pm June 2-8.

Santa Sangre (1989)

A newly restored digital transfer of one of Alejandro Jodorowsky’s (El Topo, The Holy Mountain) lesser known, but best-received films. This violent psychedelic horror follows a serial killer during his childhood and after he is released from an insane asylum. Presented as part of Dennis Dread’s ongoing Wyrd War Presents! series. Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 pm Thursday, June 1.

ALSO PLAYING: 5th Avenue Cinema: Big Trouble in Little China (1986), June 2-4. Clinton St.: The Adventures of Priscilla, Queen of the Desert (1994), 7 pm, Monday, June 5. Hollywood: The Trial (1962), 9:30 pm, Friday, June 2, Gaslight (1944), June 3-4, Sword of Doom (1966), 6 pm, Sunday, June 4, Magic Cop (1990), 7:30 pm, Tuesday, June 6.

Mission: Reservoir Dogs (1992), June 6-11. Laurelhurst: Drugstore Cowboy (1989), May 30-June 1, The Big Sleep (1946), June 2-8. Academy: Dumb and Dumber (1994), May 30- June 1. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium: A Dream is What You Wake Up From (1978) 4:30 pm, Saturday, June 3.

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A SHORT PREVIEW OF SOME OF THE BIGGEST FILMS OF SUMMER ’17.

BY WALKER MACMURDO

wmacmurdo@wweek.com

Holy shit, this is going to be a good summer for film. We ran through a selection of the choicest repertory and local film events in our Summer Super Calendar (see page 27), but some days it’s going to be too hot to think or plan ahead, and you’ll just need to duck into the closest neighborhood theater (see our roundup on page 22) to catch whatever’s on.

Here’s our quick guide to some of the most anticipated Hollywood movies this summer.

THE MUMMY

Opens June 9 Synopsis: Tom Cruise awakens an evil princess (Sofia Boutella) from her ancient slumber. Mayhem ensues.

Preview: Universal is using Director Alex Kurtzman’s The Mummy to launch its “Dark Universe” franchise, a reboot of classic monsters including Frankenstein’s monster and his bride, Dracula, the Wolfman and the Invisible Man. Seeing how they’ve tried rebooting these characters a thousand times and no one has ever given a fuck, this strategy seems ill-advised.

TRANSFORMERS: THE LAST KNIGHT

Opens June 21 Synopsis: Anthropomorphic robots fight increasingly nonsensical battles alongside Mark Wahlberg.

Preview: People think I am trolling when I tell them Michael Bay is a good filmmaker, but I’m not and he is. One day I’ll get around

Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

to writing my take that his films capture American foreign policy and jingoism in a manner that walks the line between celebration and parody better than any other. Until then, watch some robots fight and don’t think too hard.

BABY DRIVER

Opens June 28 Synopsis: Edgar Wright, the guy who directed Shaun of the Dead and Hot Fuzz, tries his hand at a getaway flick, starring Ansel Elgort as a cherub-faced driver alongside Lily James (Downton Abbey), Kevin Spacey as the bad guy and Jamie Foxx.

Preview: Movie dorks are going to flip out about this movie and how Wright brilliantly deconstructs the car chase movie subgenre as he did with Hot Fuzz and its take on cop movies. Everyone else is going to say, “That was pretty funny!”

DUNKIRK

Opens July 21 Synopsis: The story of Dunkirk in 1940, where Allied forces evacuated about 400,000 soldiers from the beaches of France over the course of 10 days, as told by air, land and sea.

Preview: Director Christopher Nolan appears to be angling for Dunkirk to be his magnum opus, but a war movie doesn’t seem like it will play to his strength as a narrative director. Shot in 70mm, it’s almost certainly going to be the best visual film of the summer, but the story is enough removed from the American narrative of WWII that audiences

might not respond to a patient film as Nolan believes they will. Folks, nothing stings like a masterpiece gone awry.

SPIDER MAN: HOMECOMING

Opens July 7 Synopsis: Marvel Studios finally has the rights to Spiderman (Tom Holland). Thank Christ.

Analysis: That doesn’t mean Homecoming is going to be any good. Honestly, it’s impossible to predict how good the Marvel movies are going to be. Civil War was boring. Dr. Strange was maybe the shittiest movie I saw last year.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 was clever and should’ve been better received. Given Tom Holland’s precocious performance in Civil War, my guess is this is going to be one of the better Marvel flicks. Regardless, it will gross $1.2 billion.

AN INCONVENIENT SEQUEL: TRUTH TO POWER

Opens July 28 Synopsis: Loser nerd whines about the ocean or some shit again.

Analysis: Every middle-aged person on Facebook is going to post something about this movie captioned with “wow” or “must watch.”

THE EMOJI MOVIE

Opens July 28 Synopsis: The most important development in language of this century got turned into a children’s movie.

Analysis: Every day we stray further from God’s light.

THE PARSON RED HEADS FRIDAY, JUNE 9 AT 6PM Editor: WALKER MACMURDO. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: wmacmurdo@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115. : This movie sucks, don’t watch it. : This movie is entertaining but flawed. : This movie is good. We recommend you watch it. : This movie is excellent, one of the best of the year.

NOW PLAYING An Evening with Kathy Kasic

The Northwest Film Center screens a collection of shorts from Montana-based nature documentarian Kathy Kasic. This program works with natural light and its interaction with sculptures installed around an 11,500 acre “art ranch.” And you thought cow ranchin’ was tough. Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, 7 pm, Wednesday, May 31.

Baywatch

There are, literally, tens of millions of reasons for filmgoers to loathe Baywatch. Borne from a marketing strategy beyond cynical, the blithely-exploitative, fundamentally-pointless exercise in brand cross-pollination represents a massive investment in studio resources wasted upon characters and situations of keening artificiality. That said, given stars so far from lifelike, why not double down on a heightened sheen of unreal?

Dwayne Johnson, forever miscast in vehicles built to human dimensions, finally has room to stretch.

His Mitch Buchannon emerges as fully realized portrait of the sort of man to view crimefighting as natural extension of lifeguard duty, while his bravura baby-room fight scene takes unprecedented advantage of a physicality both absurd and terrifying. Playing a Ryan Lochte-a-like disgraced Olympian forced onto the squad as community service, Zac Efron highlights the mordant fragility fueling a toxic dickishness preyed upon by real estate developer/meth impresario/comic opera femme fatale Priyanka Chopra. As techie chubster caught between The Rock and hardbodies, Jon Bass retains some shred of dignity through interminable trapped-penis gag. To be sure, Baywatch embraces its bro leanings unashamedly, and, save for a few halfhearted feints toward the fourth wall, offers up a seeminglysincere tribute to its TV forebears that, if objectively bonkers, feels weirdly sweet when set against 22 Jump Street-styled meta ironies. A little self-awareness is a dangerous thing. R. JAY HORTON. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Tigard, Vancouver.

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

I think I read the first three of these books when I was a kid. Review to come next week. PG. Bridgeport, City Center, Clackamas, Lloyd, Tigard.

I, Daniel Blake

An “I” precedes the name Daniel Blake in Ken Loach’s (The Wind That Shakes the Barley) 2016 Palme d’Or-winning film because its protagonist will eventually be driven to testimony. But Daniel doesn’t start out an evangelist for the English commoner, and neither does the film. Played as a grouch with a heart by comedian Dave Johns, we follow Daniel through a welfare system’s circles of hell in the former industrial hub of Newcastle. A recent heart attack prevents the widowed carpenter from working, but the state rules he can’t collect unemploy-

ment if he’s not seeking a job. It’s a bureaucratic conundrum worthy of Kafka or Heller, minus the main character’s psychological participation in the absurdity. Daniel is just some poor bloke exasperated by this red-tape tragedy. He finds a kindred spirit in the penniless single mother Katie (Hayley Squires) and her two young children. He can help the family mend their dilapidated home; their company is something to live for; none of them can get ahead. “We all need the wind at our back every now and again, don’t we?” Daniel consoles Katie at a particularly low moment. You’d be hardpressed to find a more sobering portrayal of a losing streak taking over a life. R. CHANCE SOLEM-PFEIFER. Living Room Theaters.

Icaros, A Vision

A woman journeys to the Peruvian Amazon for an ayahuasca ceremony and bonds with a young indigenous shaman who is losing his eyesight. If you have any buddies that listen to Joe Rogan’s podcast, definitely tell them about this film. NR. Clinton St Theater.

Jeremiah Tower: The Last Magnificent

Blurred Harmony is the 4th studio full-length album from Portland-based indie psych-folk stalwarts, The Parson Red Heads. As the band’s frontman, Evan Way puts it, “This record is more a true part of us than any record we have made before.”

TOM GRANT

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SATURDAY, JUNE 10 AT 3PM One of the pioneers of the smooth jazz genre, pianist Tom Grant, releases his second foray into the new age music genre with Sipping Beauty, a beguiling mixture of instrumentals, highlighted by warm, flowing melodies, gentle rhythms, and an overall sensation of calm and serenity.

READERS’ POLL

CEDAR TEETH

SUNDAY, JUNE 11 AT 5PM For those old enough, upon first hearing Cedar Teeth, it is difficult not to hear Levon Helm, Rick Danko and company, The Band, hollering from the grave. Indeed, imagery reflecting organic flesh and bone, mingling with gnarled old-growth roots music, is what this band is all about.

MOODY LITTLE SISTER MONDAY, JUNE 12 AT 7PM

A prolific writer with a unique style and vocal signature, Naomi recalls 70’s folk legends from Jim Croce to Carole King but is informed by the modern vocal prowess of Adele or Annie Lennox. A founding member of Portland’s famed roots rockers, The Baseboard Heaters, Rob’s musical background draws on 60’s rock and classic country.

Vote for 2017 WINNERS May 1—31 wweek.com/BOP2017

Before Bobby Flay, before the Food Network, before Lucky Peach, before anyone had ever lined up for Salt and Straw, and before Guy Fieri had even thought about running for mayor of Flavor Town, there was Jeremiah Tower, America’s original rock star chef.

If the name doesn’t ring a bell, well, that’s kinda the point of this delightful Anthony Bourdainproduced documentary, which endeavors to finally give the trailblazing chef his dues. Tower—a charming but prickly dandy who honed his palate for fine French cuisine during a privileged but Dickensianly miserable childhood— should be best known as the culinary talent behind Berkeley’s proto-locavorian Chez Panisse in the 1970s and his own influential restaurant Stars in San Francisco in the ’80s. But the eatery mysteriously closed in the late ’90s and Tower disappeared before his name could be immortalized via gossipy Eater posts and Instagram hashtags. The film attempts to wring some drama out of Stars’ abrupt end with an ultimately unsatisfying “whodunnit?” plotline, but it needn’t have—its real revelation is in discovering this couldabeen-Gordon-Ramsay and his restaurants in their heyday, thanks to a surprisingly ample collection of archival footage and the colorful anecdotes of Bourdain, Wolfgang Puck, Martha Stewart, Ruth Reichl, and others. R. RUTH BROWN. Kiggins, Cinema 21.

Reconstructing Identity: A Shorts Program

As part of their Constructing Identity: Black Cinema Then and Now program, the Film Center screens a collection of shorts from black filmmakers who have reprocessed archival footage from entertainment outlets. Films include Ina Archer’s 2002 Hattie McDaniel: Or a Credit to the Motion Picture Industry, which works with the acceptance speeches made my Hattie McDaniel, the first African-

CONT. on page 66 Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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MOVIES American to receive an Academy Award. Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, 7 pm, Friday, June 2.

COURTESY OF VIMEO

REVIEW

Wonder Woman

Gal Gadot stars as Wonder Woman in the DC character’s origin story about an Amazon warrior who gets embroiled in World War II. A bunch of nerds are, unsurprisingly, already super pissed off about this movie. Review to come next week. PG-13. Bagdad, Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Twin Cinema & Pub, Tigard, Vancouver.

STILL SHOWING Alien: Covenant

Casting Danny McBride as the alien was a ballsy gamble that paid off.

Sadly, nothing else in Ridley Scott’s frenetic follow-up to the underrated Prometheus comes together as it should. R. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, Cinema 21, Cinemagic Theatre, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Hollywood, Living Room Theaters, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Pub and Theater, Tigard, Vancouver.

Beauty and the Beast

DEARLY DEPARTED: The Grimmers.

The Grimmer Reapers Horror and laughs sometimes make for an uneasy brew, but they go together like corpses and tombs in Last Meal, a jolly, oddly sincere and altogether delightful six-episode web series. Its many, sometimes morbid moving parts—celebrity interviews, fine dining and a scene where graphic novelist Nicole J. Georges (Calling Dr. Laura), gets a chopstick through the eye—may sound mismatched, but improbably, it all coheres and leaves you chuckling and lusting for, of all things, vegan sushi.

That sushi is among the delicacies dished up at the posh residence of Aaron and Jessica, played by Portland restaurateurs Aaron and Jessica Grimmer, behind The Picnic House, High Noon and Barlow. In Last Meal, Aaron plays the son of the Grim Reaper, who has taken command of what can only be described as the family business. But why, the series seems to ask, must the slaughtering of innocent souls be cloaked in cobwebs and ill intent? Surely it makes more sense to condemn people to the afterlife over civilized conversation and, when appropriate, pineapple upside-down cake.

This proud mandate fuels the series’ episodes, each of which involves Aaron and Jessica dining with a celebrity marked for death. The roster includes such disparate personalities as Thermals lead singer Hutch Harris and animal photographer Carli Davidson, but every episode adheres to a rigid pattern: A guest enters, the Grimmers grill them about their life and work, and dinner is served before an extravagant slaying—like Davidson being obliterated by a fireball after biting into a hunk of Jell- O. This gore-and-good vibes shtick, which owes a debt to Quentin Tarantino, could have easily grown tiresome. Yet Last Meal gets into a gloriously tongue-in-cheek groove thanks to the hilarious spectacle of the two Grimmers arranging executions as cheerfully and efficiently as if they were shopping for tuxedos and evening gowns. It also helps that the directors of the series, Courtney Eck and Jordan Firstman—who shot Last Meal at Blackberry Castle—include some genuinely poignant moments, like musician Logan Lynn recalling his upbringing in a Christian cult.

Of course in true Last Meal fashion, Lynn’s chat with the Grimmers gets interrupted by a zombie, which perfectly exemplifies the series’ recipe for entertainment: Take a few cups of sheer ridiculousness, several dashes of sentimentality and one bucket of blood. Then mix well and enjoy. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON.

In web series Last Meal, Portland restaurateurs Aaron and Jessica Grimmer are murderous, celebrity-loving hosts.

SEE IT: Stream Last Meal on Vimeo at vimeo.com/lastmealseries.

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Willamette Week MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

Did we need this remake? Probably not. Is is pretty good? Yes. PG. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Eastport, Living Room Theaters, Vancouver.

The Boss Baby

Somehow, this movie isn’t a terrifying monstrosity. PG. Clackamas, Division, Vancouver.

Chuck

Though Chuck doesn’t quite reinvent the boxing movie wheel, damned if the story of Chuck “The Bayonne Bleeder” Wepner, who went 15 rounds with Muhammad Ali in 1975, doesn’t end up punching above its weight. R. Bridgeport, Fox Tower.

Citizen Jane: Battle for the City

Broaching the life of city planning warrior Jane Jacobs, Citizen Jane: Battle for the City attempts to relay the recent history of places where half the planet’s population lives. But the film’s focus sprawls like an unchecked suburb. Either Ken Burns needed to make this film over the course of 12 hours, or it needed to call the Hudson and East rivers its borders. NR. Laurelhurst.

Colossal

Nacho Vigalondo’s new monster flick follows Anne Hathaway and Jason Sudeikis drunkenly rampaging through the friend zone as down-andout yuppies whose angst somehow controls gigantic kaiju. PG. Academy, Laurelhurst.

Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul

While it’s painful to recommend a film that expects audiences to be delighted by the sound of poo dropping into a toilet, this crude-butcharming kiddie road movie offers an ode to family without talking down to its young audience. PG. Beaverton, Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Milwaukie, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Tigard, Vancouver.

Everything, Everything

This young adult movie about a girl (Amandla Stenberg) who lives in a bubble is just as devoid of logic, storytelling or disability rights as it sounds like it is. PG-13. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Fox Tower, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Tigard, Vancouver.

The Fate of the Furious

Sadly, Paul Walker was the key ingredient missing in the eighth iteration of the Fast and the Furious franchise. At least there’s still a bunch of cool explosions and shit.

PG-13. Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Vancouver.

Get Out

Yes, this movie is as good as everyone says it is, enough so that it makes you ask why other horror movies aren’t better. R. Fox Tower, Vancouver.

Ghost in the Shell

Assertions that whitewashing and a reliance on futuristic effects makes this American remake of the animated 1995 manga classic a hollow, emotionless shell aren’t entirely wrong, but it’s still a rich and attention-grabbing action film powered by Scarlett Johansson’s dynamic lead performance. PG-13.

Avalon, Laurelhurst, Vancouver.

Gifted

Every time I read the name of this movie, I think of that T-shirt you’d see at Spencer’s Gifts, emblazoned with a stick figure with three legs and the word “GIFTED,” implying the wearer has a large penis. PG-13. City Center, Living Room Theaters.

Going in Style

Zach Braff ’s Going in Style acts as a bitterly honest ode to aging, ageism and existentialism—themes that are always spry. What one might not expect is a plot that’s fairly heinous, both morally and logistically, with characters who remain justified and likable throughout. PG-13. Academy, Avalon, Kennedy School.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

When the first Guardians debuted, its irreverent, hilarious, bizarro tone came out of nowhere, making audiences fall in love with Marvel’s D-list heroes at the confluence of Star Wars, The Ice Pirates and Buckaroo Banzai.

Vol. 2 isn’t the jolt that the first one was, but between all the action and its surprisingly poignant finale, it’s a welcome addition. We’d follow this band of charismatic assholes anywhere at this point. PG-13. Bagdad, Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Moreland, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Roseway, St. Johns Twin Cinema & Pub, Tigard, Vancouver.

John Wick: Chapter 2

This may be the smartest, most beautifully shot film ever made that’s basically a montage of people getting shot in the head. R. Vancouver.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Guy Ritchie has a gift for making fantasy warfare breathtakingly boring.

PG-13. Bridgeport, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Tigard, Vancouver.

Kong: Skull Island

Following the original film’s blueprint, Kong: Skull Island sends a boatload of explorers past the permastorm that’s hidden the titular archipelago for millennia. The similarities end there.

Shifting to Southeast Asia just after the fall of Saigon, Skull Island replaces Age of Discovery heroics with wartime ambience. PG-13. Avalon, Joy, Jubitz, Vancouver.

The Lego Batman Movie

Fast, funny and pleasingly drunk on the joys of mockery, The Lego Batman Movie is as fun as the 2014 original but stars Will Arnett as a petulant, preening goofball who rocks out on an electric guitar and showers orphans with cool toys from a merch gun. PG. Academy, Clackamas, Vancouver, Vancouver.

Logan

Turns out having Hugh Jackman and cute child Dafne Keen perform Mortal Kombat fatalities on robotarmed mercenaries is a cool idea for a movie. R. Academy, Avalon, Joy, Jubitz, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Vancouver.

The Lost City of Z

This supremely entertaining tale of exploration and obsession unfolds in the early years of the 20th century to chronicle the storied search of Percy Fawcett (Charlie Hunnam) for an ancient city he believes lies hidden deep within the Amazon. With

a buildup of suspense that would have made Hitchcock crack a sinister smile, and intoxicating images— men hacking their way through foliage with machetes, ramshackle boats floating toward elusive destinations—from director James Gray (Two Lovers), the movie hypnotizes completely. PG-13.

Bridgeport, Fox Tower.

The Lovers

The Lovers would be a black comedy if writer-director Azazel Jacobs pushed a tone more, but this story about sad middle-aged Californians Michael (Tracy Letts) and Susan (Lesley Fera) cheating on each other is more drab irony searching for chuckles. R. City Center, Clackamas, Hollywood, Living Room Theaters, Tigard.

Norman: The Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer

As a wannabe American-Israeli fixer, this is Richard Gere’s finest performance since Chicago. If you’re into pretty compelling nonsense, call anytime day or night; ask for Norman.

R. City Center, Fox Tower.

Obit

One wouldn’t assume a documentary about New York Times obituary columnists would be laugh-out-loud funny. This dying art is practiced by an aging bullpen of wry hunters-and peckers who strive to immortalize striking details in the lives of people who made a quantifiable impact on the world—on deadline. NR. Cinema 21.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Ahoy matey! Johnny Depp is washed!

PG-13. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Milwaukie, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Twin Cinema & Pub, Tigard, Vancouver.

A Quiet Passion

Any Emily Dickinson biopic would require patience, and Terence Davies’ A Quiet Passion demands more than its share. PG-13. Cinema 21, Kiggins.

Smurfs: The Lost Village

Sony thinks moviegoers are dumb enough to pay money to see rote lessons in togetherness and acceptance acted out by tiny little blue people in blue pajamas. Save your money and buy some Haribo Sour Smurfs instead.

PG. Avalon, Vancouver.

Snatched

Picture the worn-out gimmick of the hapless character on a mission, walking in slow motion while gangsta rap ironically scores their strut. Picture a film unimaginative enough to use that gag three separate times and you have Snatched. R. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Fox Tower, Living Room Theaters, Vancouver.

T2: Trainspotting

It’s been 21 years since Trainspotting turned a blackly comic druggie caper into generational touchstone, and the follow-up posits that if you can survive the first rush of freedom and weather the inevitable hangover of crashing dreams, nostalgia becomes the last true habit. R. Fox Tower.

Their Finest

’Ello, love! It’s what seems to be the thousandth period romance this year, this time revolving around a screenwriter (Gemma Arterton) in the British film industry in 1940, marred by needless plot hiccups that make this film dissonantly depressing. R. Fox Tower.

The Wedding Plan

This pleasantly peculiar Hebrewlanguage rom-com from director Rama Burshtein (Fill the Void) follows Michal (Noa Koller), an Orthodox Jewish woman who’s abandoned by her fiancee and must find a new one by the last night of Hanukkah. PG. Living Room Theaters.

For more Movies listings, visit

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Outdoor Weed Security

ALL THIS WEEK! 3 ORGANIC STRAINS

CROP TOPPERS ARE THE PESTS A GROWER CAN’T SPRAY FOR.

AT $7 GRAM, $20 AN EIGHTH!!

BY M AT T STA N G E L

night, but also in the morning and afternoon.

Thieves work days, too.

Got mites on your bud? Get bigger bugs to eat them. Root aphids? You can drench your soil with micro-organisms to drown ’em out.

But human beings that sneak into your backyard and snip the flowers off your plants? There isn’t a standard prescription for that one. That said, you shouldn’t make things easy for wouldbe thieves—and you don’t have to.

Read ahead for scarecrow tactics, stealth and monitoring tips, plus some advice on booby traps that will loosen the sphincter of anyone trying to get slippery with your sticky.

If your schedule doesn’t allow for randomized scarecrow hours, you can always create the appearance of being at home. You don’t have to go all Home Alone about it, but one simple trick is to bike or bus to work and leave a car in the driveway. Additionally, leaving house lights on at night will give the impression of wakeful activity. Basically, you want to make sure that potential crop toppers can’t easily suss when you’re around, or predict when you won’t be.

KEEP YOUR GREEN OUT OF SIGHT

The easiest way not to get your plants topped is if no one knows you’re growing in the first place. If a ripper can visually identify which house it is that’s giving off that smell, it makes their job that much easier. So make sure your plants aren’t in public view.

That said, keeping plants hidden isn’t necessarily as easy as it sounds. Outdoor cannabis can get big—huge, in fact—given a little skill and luck.

Depending on the varietal you’re growing, your plants can double and even triple in size during the flowering cycle—so plan and prune accordingly. If you’ve got a six-foot-tall fence, you’ll want to make sure your plants are no taller than three feet in height when the days start to get shorter.

To achieve this, top your plants early and often—every couple weeks is a good guideline— to promote horizontal growth until you start to see your first bud crowns.

YOU ARE YOUR OWN BEST SCARECROW

Thieves often case targets before they act, cataloging when a mark’s at home and away, so as to minimize the risk of interference when going for the heist. The first battleground in any war is intelligence—and you can throw off their information-gathering in a couple of ways.

First, make yourself visible at random times of the day. Chill on your porch with a book, do yard work, yell at the neighbors—not just at

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A good security camera will save you lots of time and sleep, and is the one piece of technology I can’t recommend enough.

You’ll want to find a camera with the following features: night vision for when things go bump; motion detection and alert so you can see what/who is interacting with your garden when you’re not around; and web streaming capabilities to check on your plants in real time when you’re on the go.

An adequate camera will set you back anywhere from $60-$200, depending on features like solar panels and fancy encasements.

SET TRAPS

If you’re really paranoid about security, booby traps can add some extra peace of mind.

While it might be tempting to build something that will take down an uninvited guest—think leg traps, swinging log setups or improvised explosives—it’s illegal to leave a live trap that could hurt someone. Plus, you don’t want to accidentally kill your neighbor’s cat when it wanders into your yard.

Alert traps, while less emotionally satisfying than giving a thief a black eye, are safer and more reliable than something intended to cause bodily harm.

I use a tripwire rigged up to a 108dB Piezo Buzzer—basically the same sound element that’s inside a smoke detector, but louder and more aggressive—which is a quick and easy build, only requiring the aforementioned Piezo siren and tripwire, a 9-volt battery and a wooden clothespin outfitted with brass brackets. When activated, it shouts like a pissed-off car alarm.

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PUBLISHED SUMMONS TO: James Paul Smith IN THE NAME OF THE STATE OF OREGON: A petition has been filed asking the court to terminate your parental rights to the above-named children for the purpose of placing the children for adoption. YOU ARE REQUIRED TO PERSONALLY APPEAR BEFORE the Coos County Court, 250 North Baxter, Coquille, OR 97423, on the 19th day of June 2017 at 9:30 a.m. to admit or deny the allegations of the petition and to personally appear at any subsequent court-ordered hearing.

YOU MUST APPEAR PERSONALLY IN THE COURTROOM ON THE DATE AND AT THE TIME LISTED ABOVE. AN ATTORNEY MAY NOT ATTEND THE HEARING IN YOUR PLACE. THEREFORE, YOU MUST APPEAR EVEN IF YOUR ATTORNEY ALSO APPEARS. This summons is published pursuant to the order of the circuit court judge of the above-entitled court, dated April 14, 2017. The order directs that this summons be published once each week for three consecutive weeks, making three publications in all, in a published newspaper of general circulation in Multnomah County.

Date of first publication: May 17, 2017 Date of last publication: May 31, 2017 NOTICE READ THESE PAPERS CAREFULLY IF YOU DO NOT APPEAR PERSONALLY BEFORE THE COURT OR DO NOT APPEAR AT ANY SUBSEQUENT COURT-ORDERED HEARING, the court may proceed in your absence without further notice and TERMINATE YOUR PARENTAL RIGHTS to the abovenamed children either ON THE DATE SPECIFIED IN THIS SUMMONS OR ON A FUTURE DATE, and may make such orders and take such action as authorized by law.

RIGHTS AND OBLIGATIONS (1) YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO BE REPRESENTED BY AN ATTORNEY IN THIS MATTER. If you are currently represented by an attorney, CONTACT YOUR ATTORNEY IMMEDIATELY UPON RECEIVING THIS NOTICE. Your previous attorney may not be representing you in this matter.

IF YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO HIRE AN ATTORNEY and you meet the state’s financial guidelines, you are entitled to have an attorney appointed for you at state expense. TO REQUEST APPOINTMENT OF AN ATTORNEY TO REPRESENT YOU AT STATE EXPENSE, YOU MUST IMMEDIATELY CONTACT the Douglas Juvenile Department at , phone number , (541) 440-4409 between the hours of 8:00 a.m. and 5:00 p.m. for further information.

IF YOU WISH TO HIRE AN ATTORNEY, please retain one as soon as possible and have the attorney present at the above hearing. If you need help finding an attorney, you may call the Oregon State Bar’s Lawyer Referral Service at (503) 684-3763 or toll free in Oregon at (800) 452-7636.

IF YOU ARE REPRESENTED BY AN ATTORNEY, IT IS YOUR RESPONSIBILITY TO MAINTAIN CONTACT WITH YOUR ATTORNEY AND TO KEEP YOUR ATTORNEY ADVISED OF YOUR WHEREABOUTS. (2) If you contest the petition, the court will schedule a hearing on the allegations of the petition and order you to appear personally and may schedule other hearings related to the petition and order you to appear personally. IF YOU ARE ORDERED TO APPEAR, YOU MUST APPEAR PERSONALLY IN THE COURTROOM, UNLESS THE COURT HAS GRANTED YOU AN EXCEPTION IN ADVANCE UNDER ORS 419B.918 TO APPEAR BY OTHER MEANS INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, TELEPHONIC OR OTHER ELECTRONIC MEANS. AN ATTORNEY MAY NOT ATTEND THE HEARING(S) IN YOUR PLACE. PETITIONER’S ATTORNEY Emily N. Snook Assistant Attorney General Department of Justice 975 Oak Street, Suite 200 Eugene, OR 97401 Phone: (541) 686-7973 ISSUED this 10th day of May, 2017.

Issued by: Emily N. Snook, OSB #125339 Assistant Attorney General

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Across 1 Like “der” words, in Ger. 5 “48 Hours Investigates” host Lesley 10 Bus route 14 Palindromic Italian digit 15 Jason who will play Aquaman in 2018 16 Ride-sharing app 17 “Va-va-___!”

18 Bring together 19 “Hercules: The Legendary Journeys” spinoff 20 Character on a cel

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26 “Carmen” highlight, e.g.

30 Some Italian models 33 Third-generation actress who costarred in “Jackie Brown” 36 “The Secret ___ Success” 39 “Fences” star Davis 40 “Back in the ___” (Beatles tune)

41 Did some birthday prep work, maybe 44 Bicycle shorts material 45 Sacred promise 46 Trucker’s compartment 49 Civic’s make 52 Like theremin noises, usually 54 Toys that are making the rounds in 2017 news?

58 Waitstaff’s handout 59 Crowdfunding targets 60 Moore of both “The Scarlet Letter”

Down 1 Name in men’s watches 2 Made amends 3 Zeno’s followers 4 “Girl, Interrupted” character?

5 Blue matter 6 Quality of voice 7 Enclosed in 8 Labor leader Jimmy who mysteriously disappeared 9 ___ on thick (exaggerate) 10 Extravagant 11 Portuguese, by default 12 “The Real Housewives of Atlanta” star Leakes 13 “___ Yes!” (1970s political placard) 21 Way out there 22 Angler’s spear 27 Break apart 28 “Oops! ... ___ It Again” 29 Disco-era term meaning “galore” 31 Six-pointers, briefly 32 Saloth ___ (Pol Pot’s birth name) 33 Secondary result of a chemical reaction 34 Film director

Kazan 35 The last U.S. president with a prominent mustache 36 X, of Twitch’s “Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood” marathon, e.g.

37 “Frizzle ___” (1990 Primus album) 38 Electric can openers and pencil sharpeners, e.g.

42 Guilty feeling 43 Nostalgic time, perhaps 46 Like porcelain dolls you just know are staring right at you 47 Fly guys 48 Compared with 50 “L’Absinthe” painter 51 Lagoon surrounder 53 “Return of the Jedi” moon 54 Afrobeat composer Kuti 55 “QuiÈn ___?” (“Who knows?”)

56 “Call Mr. ___, that’s my name, that name again is Mr. ___” (jingle from one of Homer Simpson’s business ventures) 57 Unspecified philosophies 58 It might cover the continent last week’s answers

©2017 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ823.

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Willamette Week Classifieds MAY 31, 2017 wweek.com

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Week of June 1

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ARIES (March 21-April 19)

Life is in the mood to communicate with you rather lyrically. Here are just a few of the signs and portents you may encounter, along with theories about their meaning. If you overhear a lullaby, it’s time to seek the influence of a tender, nurturing source. If you see a type of fruit or flower you don’t recognize, it means you have a buried potential you don’t know much about, and you’re ready to explore it further. If you spy a playing card in an unexpected place, trust serendipity to bring you what you need. If a loud noise arrives near a moment of decision: Traditionally it signifies caution, but these days it suggests you should be bold.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20

Your body is holy and magic and precious. I advise you not to sell it or rent it or compromise it in any way -especially now, when you have an opening to upgrade your relationship with it. Yes, Taurus, it’s time to attend to your sweet flesh and blood with consummate care. Find out exactly what your amazing organism needs to feel its best. Lavish it with pleasure and healing. Treat it as you would a beloved child or animal. I also hope you will have intimate conversations with the cells that compose your body. Let them know you love and appreciate them. Tell them you’re ready to collaborate on a higher level.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

“The most intense moments the universe has ever known are the next 15 seconds,” said philosopher Terence McKenna. He was naming a central principle of reality: that every new NOW is a harvest of everything that has ever happened; every fresh moment is a blast of novelty that arises in response to the sum total of all history’s adventures. This is always true, of course.

But I suspect the phenomenon will be especially pronounced for you in the near future. More than usual, you may find that every day is packed with interesting feelings and poignant fun and epic realizations. This could be pleasurable, but also overwhelming. Luckily, you have the personal power necessary to make good use of the intensity.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

Nobody likes to be scrutinized or critiqued or judged.

But we Crabs (yes, I’m one of you) are probably touchier about that treatment than any other sign of the zodiac. (Hypersensitivity is a trait that many astrologers ascribe to Cancerians.) However, many of us do allow one particular faultfinder to deride us: the nagging voice in the back of our heads. Sometimes we even give free rein to its barbs. But I would like to propose a transformation of this situation. Maybe we could scold ourselves less, and be a bit more open to constructive feedback coming from other people. Starting now.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

The lion’s potency, boldness, and majesty are qualities you have a mandate to cultivate in the next three weeks. To get in the righteous mood, I suggest you gaze upon images and videos of lions. Come up with your own version of a lion’s roar -- I mean actually make that sound -- and unleash it regularly. You might also want to try the yoga posture known as the lion pose. If you’re unfamiliar with it, go here for tips: tinyurl.com/ lionpose. What else might help you invoke and express the unfettered leonine spirit?

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

“What does it matter how many lovers you have if none of them gives you the universe?” French psychoanalyst Jacques Lacan posed that question. I invite you to put it at the top of your list of hot topics to meditate on. In doing so, I trust you won’t use it as an excuse to disparage your companions for their inadequacies. Rather, I hope it will mobilize you to supercharge your intimate alliances; to deepen your awareness of the synergistic beauty you could create together; to heighten your ability to be given the universe by those whose fates are interwoven with yours.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

From my study of the lost prophecies of Nostradamus, the hidden chambers beneath the Great Pyramid of Cheops, and the current astrological omens, I have determined that now is a favorable time for you to sing liberation songs with cheeky authority . . . to kiss the sky and dance with the wind on a beach or hilltop . . . to gather your most imaginative allies and brainstorm about what you really want to do in the next five years.

Do you dare to slip away from business-as-usual so you can play in the enchanted land of what-if? If you’re smart, you will escape the grind and grime of the daily rhythm so you can expand your mind to the next largest size.

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SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

“On some hill of despair,” wrote poet Galway Kinnell, “the bonfire you kindle can light the great sky -- though it’s true, of course, to make it burn you have to throw yourself in.” You may not exactly feel despair, Scorpio.

But I suspect you are in the throes of an acute questioning that makes you feel close to the edge of forever.

Please consider the possibility that it’s a favorable time to find out just how much light and heat are hidden inside you. Your ache for primal fun and your longing to accelerate your soul’s education are converging with your quest to summon a deeper, wilder brilliance.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

You’re in a phase when you have the power to find answers to questions that have stumped you for a while.

Why? Because you’re more open-minded and curious than usual. You’re also ready to be brazenly honest with yourself. Congrats! In light of the fact that you’ll be lucky at solving riddles, I’ve got three good ones for you to wrestle with. 1. Which of your anxieties may actually be cover-ups for a lazy refusal to change a bad habit? 2. What resource will you use more efficiently when you stop trying to make it do things it’s not designed to do? 3. What blessing will you receive as soon as you give a clear signal that you are ready for it?

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

A typical Capricorn cultivates fervent passions, even to the point of obsession. Almost no one knows their magnitude, though, because the members of your tribe often pursue their fulfillment with methodical, business-like focus. But I wonder if maybe it’s a good time to reveal more of the raw force of this driving energy than you usually do. It might humanize you in the eyes of potential helpers who see you as too strong to need help. And it could motivate your allies to provide the extra support and understanding you’ll need in the coming weeks.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

In accordance with the astrological omens, I invite you to carry out a flashy flirtation with the color red. I dare you to wear red clothes and red jewelry. Buy yourself red roses. Sip red wine and savor strawberries under red lights. Sing Elvis Costello’s “The Angels Want to Wear My Red Shoes” and Prince’s “Little Red Corvette.”

Tell everyone why 2017 is a red-letter year for you. For extra credit, murmur the following motto whenever a splash of red teases and pleases your imagination: “My red-hot passion is my version of high fashion.”

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

“If you want a puppy, start by asking for a pony,” read the bumper sticker on the Lexus SUV I saw. That confused me. Would the owner of a Lexus SUV be the type of person who didn’t expect to get what she really wanted? In any case, Pisces, I’m conveying a version of this bumper-sticker wisdom to you. If you want your domestic scene to thrive even more than it already does, ask for a feng shui master to redesign your environment so it has a perfect flow of energy. If you want a community that activates the best in you, ask for a utopian village full of emotionally intelligent activists.

If you want to be animated by a focused goal that motivates you to wake up excited each morning, ask for a glorious assignment that will help save the world.

Homework

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