43.33 - Willamette Week, June 14, 2017

WILLAMETTE WEEK PORTLAND’S NEWSWEEKLY

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Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

C H R I S T O P H E R G A R C I A VA L L E

FINDINGS

PAGE 15

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 43, ISSUE 33.

Portland’s police chief told OPB

that officers didn’t scan IDs of protesters. Turns out, they did. 6 Chloe Eudaly couldn’t answer our

Bars should not start comedy open-mic nights to make money, as the comedians just drink ice water and ruin conversation. 27

question about climate change because she’s in Barcelona on a work trip. 7

If you want a $15 milkshake that doesn’t have bourbon in it or anything, there is a place. 35

Portland’s homeless call people who have homes “housies.” 13

The Anniversary did their reunion

In Lake Oswego, it’s “impolite” to ask why people can’t use public parks to access a public lake. 20

ON THE COVER:

tour now because they don’t want to do it when they’re old. 37 James Helmsworth called out Lil B, apparently unworried by a curse on him or this newspaper. 43

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Photo by Julie Showers.

Kooks, again.

STAFF Editor & Publisher Mark Zusman EDITORIAL News Editor Aaron Mesh Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Rachel Monahan Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, Nicole Groessel Stage Editor Shannon Gormley Screen Editor Walker MacMurdo Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage Music Editor Matthew Singer

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Last week’s cover story on cuisine, cultural appropriation and Kooks Burritos (“You Can’t Cook That,” WW, June 7, 2017) revived a heated debate about whether white people selling other cultures’ cuisine is an act of racial oppression.

Todd Dolyniuk, via Facebook: “From the late ’60s through the early ’80s, my Ukrainian grandmother had a pizza place here in Portland called the Italian Pizzeria. Nobody cared, because the pizza was awesome.”

Sara Rudolph, via wweek.com: “Did...did you think that maybe you might want to interview some Mexican restaurateurs? I mean...maybe?”

Patricia Escarcega, in Phoenix New Times: “If there’s an enduring lesson embedded into the Kooks saga, maybe it’s the sad realization that even well-meaning enterprises can blow up in your face. To enter someone else’s culture, especially when you stand to profit from it, requires affection and respect, and careful attention to tone.”

Sean Aaron Cruz, via wweek.com: “The larger story of cultural appropriation lies in the naming of the street the women were selling their Americanized burritos on, some 10 years ago, and “Did the fact that there is still no place on the entire length of Portland’s Cesar Mexicans Chavez Boulevard where authentic colonize Mexican food is prepared and sold by actual Mexican people.” white

CORRECTIONS

Last week’s story on transit police (“Crime-Fighting Train,” WW, June 7, 2017) incorrectly stated that 15 security guards TriMet contracted after May 26’s stabbings carried guns. people?”

Mike Nyre, via Facebook: “This TriMet plans on hiring 20 contract is the stupidest thing. Can a Korean security guards, who are not armed. guy make fried chicken? Can a MexiAn item on 911 hold times (Murcan lady cook a hamburger? Why murs, May 31, 2017) incorrectly not, who cares? We have real, actual shit to worry stated the date that the Bureau of Emergency about right now other than the skin color of a Communications discovered a problem with person making a burrito.” underreporting hold times for cellphone calls to 911. It was November 2015, not 2016. The bureau’s Tommy Murray, in response to Nyre: “Well, misreporting of average hold times was for all calls outside our privileged white world, racism and to 911, not just cellphone calls. oppression are ‘actual shit to worry about’ for WW regrets the errors. people of color. And did Korea colonize white people? Did Mexicans colonize white people? LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification.

No. So sit back. Shut up. And maybe learn a thing Letters must be 250 or fewer words. or two about what cultural appropriation is.”

Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210.

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Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

Maybe it’s early, but what do you think will be the protocol traveling down I-5 during the Aug. 21 total solar eclipse? Will you be allowed to pull over a couple minutes to witness it?

—Alfred N. From the march of the penguins in Antarctica to the lava flows of Hawaii, our planet abounds with faraway spectacles that—we all agree—we’d love to witness. “Maybe someday,” we sigh, before returning to our Say Yes to the Dress marathon.

This summer, however, a once-in-a-lifetime total eclipse of the sun is happening less than 50 miles from Portland. Nature, in what I can only characterize as a dick move, is calling our bluff.

I mean, it’s right there. It’s as if they rerouted the march of the penguins through downtown Kelso—what are you going to do, not go, you pathetic fatass?

And don’t kid yourself that what you’ll see from Portland will be “close enough”—eclipse mavens insist that the difference between “total” and “almost total” is like the difference between “almost dying” and “dying.” You have to go if you want to see the damned thing.

It’s gonna suck, though! Authorities estimate Oregon’s roads will be crowded with 1 million visitors (though that figure is almost certainly

a wild-ass guess, rendered in numbers because “shit-ton” sounded unprofessional).

Out-of-state folks, however, aren’t the issue— they already have their campsites booked, menhirs chiseled, and goats ready for sacrifice. The real problem is going to be a-hole Portlanders like you and me, who have some vague idea we’ll just hop on I-5 South a couple hours before the show and see what happens.

Don’t be that guy. The Oregon Department of Transportation begs you to be prepared and organized. Assume traffic will be slowed to a crawl for days, not hours, and pack food and water accordingly.

The last total eclipse in the U.S. was 38 years ago. Since then, Americans have opened up vistas of stupidity beyond 1979’s wildest imaginings, so anything is possible. But do remember, the darkness will last less than three minutes—try not to resort to cannibalism any earlier than you have to.

QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

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Police Photographed IDs of 345 People at Protest

The Portland Police Bureau is acknowledging it photographed the IDs of roughly 345 people at the June 4 political protests in downtown Portland. The dueling protests on the left and right ended as riot police detained hundreds of left-wing antifascist and anarchist demonstrators for more than an hour, arresting a handful and releasing others only after officers photographed their IDs. Chief Mike Marshman denied on Oregon Public Broadcasting last week that the photography took place—a denial the bureau quickly admitted was a mistake. Police spokesman Sgt. Pete Simpson says the bureau won’t keep the personal information or hand it over to federal officials.

“Once any investigation is complete, those not needed as evidence will be disposed of in accordance with current policy,” he says. Lawyers with the ACLU of Oregon have said photographing IDs was “a likely violation of the Oregon state law prohibiting the collection and retention of personal information based on political beliefs.”

The city’s Independent Police Review announced June 13 it would investigate police tactics at the June 4 protests.

Smith Investigation Eats Into Campaign Account

A state investigation into Multnomah County Commissioner Loretta Smith’s campaign spending is draining her campaign coffers. Oregon Secretary of State Dennis Richardson’s office is investigating Smith’s alleged misuse of those funds. Records show Smith, who is term-limited from seeking re-election but has been mulling whether

to run for other offices next year, has spent $5,239 from her campaign account on legal fees for that investigation. She has $13,000 on hand. The elections investigation continues after the county on June 8 released the results of an investigation into Smith’s conduct toward staff. That investigation found Smith appeared to violate county rules regarding use of staff for political purposes, use of a county credit card for personal expenses, and unprofessional behavior.

Perhaps most damaging, the investigation found she allegedly subjected her staff members—two of them women of color—to derogatory comments about Muslims and Latinas. Smith denied any wrongdoing.

“Wild claims filed against me were unsubstantiated,” Smith said June 8. “I am glad these allegations have been put to rest.”

Portland Banking Service Suffers Glitch

Simple, a Portland-based digital banking service, experienced a glitch during the weekend of June 10 that left around 5 percent of its customers unable to view transactions or accurate balances of their accounts.

Simple spokeswoman Amy Dunn says an engineering team resolved the issue June 13. But the snafu raises questions for a company that only offers customers access to their bank accounts digitally. The website Market Watch first reported the glitch. Dunn says the company worked quickly to fix its interface. “Large banks are less visible,” Dunn says.

“As a tech company, the reason we exist is clarity.”

Read more

NEWS

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS WEEK

BY THE NUMBERS

NUMBER OF MONTHS AGO THE BUREAU ASKED MARATHON ORGANIZERS TO COME UP WITH A NEW ROUTE.

ILLA MET TE B LV D

PORTLAND MARATHON ORGANIZERS DENIED A PERMIT AFTER DECLINING TO CHANGE THE RACE’S ROUTE.

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WILL AME

rmonahan@wweek.com

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“The freeway portion of the project is designed to prevent crashes and to ensure that stalled or damaged vehicles can safely leave the right of way.

There are as many associated street improvements as there are highway improvements, including a new overpass that will encourage bicycle and pedestrian travel in the area.”

VE.

2 MILLION

N GR EE LE Y AV

5

E.

2

FREMON

NUMBER OF YEARS THE NONPROFIT PORTLAND MARATHON INC. HAS BEEN DELINQUENT ON ITS TAX FILINGS, ACCORDING TO THE OREGON DEPARTMENT OF JUSTICE.

T B R ID G

E

5 BROADWAY BRIDGE

80

STEEL BRIDGE RN

5

BU MO

NUMBER OF OFFICERS FROM THE PORTLAND POLICE BUREAU THAT WOULD BE REQUIRED TO STAFF THE PLANNED ROUTE, WHICH IS THE SAME AS LAST YEAR’S (SEE MAP).

RRI SON BRI

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THO RNE

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COMMISSIONER AMANDA FRITZ

“It seems likely the emissions from vehicles crawling in this section are worse than those at normal speed. The purpose is to address the current bottleneck rather than to add capacity. I believe this is not inconsistent with our climate action plan goals.”

COMMISSIONER DAN SALTZMAN

“The Rose Quarter Project will deliver multiple new bicycle and pedestrian connections through the district and provide an opportunity for Oregon’s first congestion-pricing effort to limit single-occupancy vehicles.”

COMMISSIONER NICK FISH

Fish’s office confirmed that he was supportive, but declined requests for him to comment.

BRI DGE

5

MAXIMUM NUMBER OF OFFICERS THE POLICE BUREAU WILL PROVIDE TO OUTSIDE EVENTS IN 2017 IN ORDER TO LIMIT OVERTIME COSTS.

BY RACHEL MON A HA N

MAYOR TED WHEELER

DOLLARS COLLECTED IN ANNUAL ENTRANCE FEES FOR THE PORTLAND MARATHON, ACCORDING TO THE LATEST AVAILABLE TAX RETURN (2014) FILED BY THE NONPROFIT PORTLAND MARATHON INC.

33

HOW CAN PORTLAND JUSTIFY ADDING CAR LANES ON I-5?

Last month, Portland Mayor Ted Wheeler burnished his environmental credentials—and took a swipe at President Donald Trump—by setting dramatic climate action goals for the city, committing to using 100 percent clean energy by 2050.

But he and his four colleagues on the Portland City Council also support a $450 million project to expand Interstate 5 at the Rose Quarter, creating new auxiliary lanes for car traffic.

Critics say the council’s support for the transportation package being honed by the Oregon Legislature is hypocritical.

“At a time when we’re working hard to reduce the amount of driving in Portland, adding lanes is not a particularly productive investment,” says Chris Smith, a member of the Planning Commission who voted against the proposal and argues the package needs to address areas of greater safety risk. “We’re simply applying resources in the wrong place.”

WW asked Portland’s five commissioners to justify their backing of the I-5 expansion.

NW ST. HE LE

For 45 years, the Portland Marathon has held a race through the city’s streets.

But that run could soon be over.

The Portland Bureau of Transportation denied organizers a permit June 9 after they declined for months to change the course. Starting in October, city officials warned race organizers they needed to discuss setting a new route—one that would require less police staffing.

Portland Marathon director Les Smith says he’ll appeal the decision. “We’re an an iconic event that’s been on the same course for 25 years,” he tells WW. But several signs point to disarray at the nonprofit that coordinates one of the city’s largest recreational events.

Here’s a breakdown of the numbers that threaten a tradition. RACHEL MONAHAN.

8

ST. JOHN S BRID GE NW

Getting the Runaround

ONE QUESTION

COMMISSIONER CHLOE EUDALY

Her office did not respond. She was in Barcelona but voted with her colleagues for the legislative agenda that included the highway expansion project.

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NEWS

ELIZABETH ALLAN

“IS IT APPROPRIATE? I DON’T KNOW, BUT IT’S AN AWFUL LOT OF MONEY.” —REP. MITCH GREENLICK

A Rich Vein A LUCRATIVE DEAL FOR OREGON’S TOP HOSPITAL LOBBYIST AND HIS CLIENT COMES UNDER SCRUTINY.

BY NIG E L JAQ UI SS

njaquiss@wweek.com

Andy Davidson may be the highest-paid lobbyist in Salem.

He earned $1.24 million last year. Until now, the reason for his big paycheck has been a secret.

Davidson is CEO of the Oregon Association of Hospitals and Health Systems, a nonprofit that lobbies for Oregon’s 60 hospitals.

That $1.24 million paycheck puts Davidson in a league of his own in Oregon. It’s a half million more than Jim Carlson, who heads the Oregon Health Care Association, which represents nursing homes, and four times the pay of Jay Clemens, who lobbies for Associated Oregon Industries, which represents the state’s largest companies.

Part of the reason for Davidson’s impressive compensation is that his organization and its members have benefited enormously from the expansion of the Oregon Health Plan, the state’s Medicaid program for low-income Oregonians.

Thanks to Obamacare, total Medicaid spending in Oregon has tripled in the past decade to about $7.3 billion a year. Most of that total is federal money, and much of it goes to members of Davidson’s trade association.

For helping administer the Medicaid payments, the hospitals pay a for-profit affiliate of Davidson’s association nearly $6 million a year. It’s this fee that is raising questions in Salem.

The money paid to Davidson’s group has never before been disclosed publicly. Some stakeholders want to know why, when Oregon is facing a $1.4 billion budget deficit, a private nonprofit and its CEO are being rewarded handsomely from a program for the state’s poorest citizens.

“There’s a total lack of transparency around what [the OAHHS] does for that money and how they spend it,” says Felisa Hagins, a lobbyist for Service Employees Interna-

tional Union Local 49, which represents health care workers.

Davidson says his pay is unrelated to the contract, and is in line with his peers in other states. (Records show, however, that the head of the Washington State Hospital Association made $760,000 last year. The leader of the California Hospital Association made $1.28 million. Both run far larger organizations than Davidson does.)

He says his organization provides a vital service for hospitals and Medicaid recipients by helping administer the provider tax.

“It’s a really complex program,” Davidson says. “We make it work efficiently and effectively.”

A key part of Oregon’s complex system of Medicaid reimbursement is a “provider tax” big hospitals pay the state.

Davidson’s group currently gets paid both by the state and by the large hospitals to help administer that tax.

Here’s how it works: The state’s 28 largest hospitals levy a 5.3 percent tax on net patient revenues. That tax generates about $550 million a year. The hospitals pay that tax to the Oregon Health Authority, which oversees the state’s Medicaid programs. OHA then obtains a federal match.

The feds match Oregon’s provider tax with nearly $3 for every Oregon dollar. That buys more health care for lowincome residents.

“It’s a very good deal for Oregon,” says Janet Bauer of the Oregon Center for Public Policy, which has cheered Medicaid expansion. (Every state except Alaska levies some version of a provider tax.)

It has also been a windfall for the nonprofit organization Davidson leads.

The OAHHS gets paid in at least two ways to help administer the provider tax. The first is a contract directly

with the Oregon Health Authority that pays the association $428,000 a year.

Second, and far more lucrative, is a private arrangement between the hospitals and the OAHHS that pays the association 1 percent of the tax collected. That’s currently about $5.5 million a year and compensates the association for helping redistribute federal matching dollars to hospitals.

“Is it appropriate?” asks state Rep. Mitch Greenlick (D-Portland), chairman of the House Health Care Committee. “I don’t know, but it’s an awful lot of money.”

Since signing the 1 percent contract in 2011, the hospital association has generated unusual wealth for a lobbying organization—it now has nearly $14 million in net assets, up from $4.9 million in 2010, records show. (Davidson’s total compensation has nearly doubled since the contract went into effect, going from $673,000 in 2010 to $1.24 million.)

The association uses the money for a variety of purposes, including funding a political action committee. (Democratic lawmakers are pushing for strict limitations on political spending by groups that are primarily funded with Medicaid dollars. See sidebar, page 10.)

Davidson says his PAC’s money comes from a variety of sources, not just Medicaid. He adds that his group also provides analytical and quality improvement services, particularly to medium-sized and small hospitals under its hospital contract. He acknowledges the Affordable Care Act was a boon to hospitals, but says profit margins are now plunging and that many Oregon hospitals will lose money next year.

“We’re looking at the biggest package of cuts and payment reductions I’ve seen in 25 years,” he says.

Because the feds are reducing their overall contribution to Medicaid across the country, the Oregon Legislature is currently considering increasing the hospital provider tax to help make up the shortfall. Davidson’s organization has reluctantly agreed to the increase.

As lawmakers grapple with a $1.4 billion budget deficit, much of which is Medicaid-related, they are examining every expenditure, including the hospital association’s contract with the state.

That contract is on the chopping block, and as part of a current Medicaid funding bill in Salem, Oregon Health and Science University is pulling out of the agreement under which it pays the association 1 percent of the provider tax.

That way it can participate in a more beneficial federal program for hospitals affiliated with medical schools.

To be sure, nearly 400,000 Oregonians have obtained health care coverage from the expansion of Medicaid, and hospitals have received a windfall because previously uninsured patients now have government insurance. OAHHS’s help facilitating the Medicaid expansion is a good thing.

But some people wonder if the group is providing value for the money.

State Rep. Dan Rayfield (D-Corvallis), co-chairman of the Joint Ways and Means Committee’s Human Services Subcommittee, is negotiating the hospital tax bill. He questions whether the OAHHS is getting excessively rewarded.

“When I see money shifted into a different entity, like the hospital association, I say could we be using that money to see more people get health care?” says Rayfield. “I want Medicaid dollars going to fund as much health care as possible. It’s about efficiency.”

CONT. on page 10 Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

9

SICK OF IT

LAWMAKERS WANT MEDICAID DOLLARS OUT OF POLITICS. HERE’S WHERE THE MONEY IS COMING FROM.

BY N IGEL JAQU IISS

and

EL ISE HERRON

503-243-2122

His concern is that organizations On May 23, state Rep. Mitch Greenlick (D-Portland) and four co-sponsors dependent on public dollars may be using them for political purposes rather from his Democratic caucus took a than on patient care. The Medicaidfirst step toward cutting off a large and funded groups have a variety of legconfounding source of political cash. islative goals, but broadly The legislation Greenlick is pushing, House speaking, they want ORGANIZATIONS policies that will maximize Joint Resolution 32, DEPENDENT ON their revenue and minimize would prohibit comparegulation, neither of which nies that get more than PUBLIC DOLLARS may be in the public interhalf of their funding from MAY BE USING est. public sources from giving candidates or politi“I’m going after managed THEM FOR care groups,” says Greencal action committees POLITICAL PURPOSES lick, longtime head of the more than $500 a year.

RATHER THAN House Health Care ComS o w h o ’s t h e j o i n t mittee. “That’s whose really resolution targeting?

ON PATIENT CARE. on my mind.”

G re e n l i c k s ays h e ’s Greenlick may face an looking at groups that uphill battle. Six PACs whose donors are are primarily funded by Medicaid dolMedicaid-funded have given nearly $6 lars. (Medicaid funds come from both million in political contributions since state and federal sources.) He thinks Jan. 1, 2010—and their donations have a few paving companies or other contractors might also qualify—but he’s gone to some of the most powerful figures in both parties. sure about the medical groups.

DOCTORS FOR HEALTHY COMMUNITIES (Portland)

$1.54 MILLION

DOUGLAS COUNTY PHYSICIANS PAC (Roseburg)

$1.24 MILLION

COALITION FOR A HEALTHY OREGON PAC (Portland)

$1.13 MILLION

LOW INCOME DENTAL PAC (Amity)

$788,000

COALITION FOR A HEALTHY OREGON (Wilsonville)

$775,000

ALLCARE PHYSICIANS PAC (Grants Pass)

$278,000

FAMILYCARE HEALTH (Portland)

$166,000 Total $5.93 million

Recipients of contributions from those PACs since Jan. 1, 2010, include current legislative leaders from both parties and the current chairs of the Senate and House Health Care committees.

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Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

GOV. JOHN KITZHABER

$665,000

REP. MIKE MCLANE (R-POWELL BUTTE)

$306,000

HOUSE SPEAKER TINA KOTEK (D-PORTLAND)

$165,000

SEN. LAURIE MONNES ANDERSON (D-GRESHAM)

$107,000

SENATE PRESIDENT PETER COURTNEY (D-SALEM)

$78,000

GOV. KATE BROWN

$65,000

SEN. TED FERRIOLI (R-JOHN DAY)

$23,000

REP. MITCH GREENLICK (D-PORTLAND)

$20,000 S O U R C E : O R E G O N S E C R E TA R Y O F S TAT E

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NEWS

DOWN AND OUT IN PORTLAND, OREGON @thacherschmid

P H O T O : H E N R Y C R O M E T T, L O G O : A L E X D E S PA I N .

BY TH AC H E R S CH M I D

PHOTO CAPTION

What do homeless people say about reports that the men suspected in shocking crimes lived on the street?

The two men are among the most notorious criminal suspects in recent Portland history. Jeremy Christian is accused of fatally stabbing two men on a MAX train last month. George Tschaggeny is accused of stealing one of the men’s belongings, including his wedding ring.

Both suspects were apparently homeless—and other homeless people fear they’ll suffer backlash because of the high-profile crimes.

“It’s gonna make it harder for us,” says Kenneth Jackson, 38, who lives in a van in Northeast Portland.

After Tschaggeny allegedly stole Rick Best’s wedding ring, wallet and backpack May 26, he returned to the spot underneath a nearby bridge in the Hollywood neighborhood where he’d been living.

Three homeless people who live nearby say they noticed blood and asked about it.

They say Tschaggeny lied to them, telling them he tried to save Best’s life. Three days later, Leslie Preston says, they learned the truth.

“He’s just a heartless, spineless, fucking piece of shit,” LESLIE PRESTON says Preston, 45. “He walked

up to me and told me he tried to save the guy on the train.”

Preston, Jackson and Doll Crain spoke June 6 next to their van, parked in a gravel lot under a viaduct next to I-84. When shown Tschaggeny’s booking photo, they instantly recoiled: spitting, shaking heads, swearing. The man is a bad apple, they say, and not like them.

The Oregonian reported June 11 that Tschaggeny lost his home and his marriage in the past five years after becoming addicted first to painkillers and then to heroin.

Preston says Tschaggeny used “whatever [drugs] he could get his hands on,” including meth, heroin and weed. But she doesn’t think drugs could explain away his actions.

“The fact of the matter is, drugs didn’t make him do it,” she says.

Jackson, Preston and Crain are concerned that people will look at Christian and Tschaggeny’s actions and stereotype all local homeless people.

“We don’t want any type of retaliation,” Preston, 45, says.

In the past two weeks, homeless people living near the intersection of the I-205 multiuse path and Springwater Corridor in deep Southeast Portland say they’ve been attacked.

They say they don’t know if the attacks stem from the

news about Christian and Tschaggeny, or simply reflect growing tensions in the area that last summer was home to one of the largest homeless camps in the U.S. “Last week, this dude threw three red bricks [at our tent],” says Loren Kurth, 35. “One landed on my old lady’s gut. I woke up to her gasping for air.”

Kurth, who June 6 wore a ballcap that read “DOPE” and carried a small machete, doesn’t know the exact date but says the attack happened around 6 am while the pair slept in their tent adjacent to I-205. He jumped out of the tent but didn’t respond with more violence, he says, instead calling police. He says his girlfriend’s OK but still sore, and “skittish about going to sleep.”

A man who gave his name as “John” says he MOHAWK & LOREN KURTH was attacked a couple weeks ago by two “housies,” slang for people with homes, when he tried to stop one of them from grabbing his bicycle.

“He starts coming at me, ‘You fucking piece of shit, all you do is destroy the neighborhood,’ said John, whose tarp-covered lean-to stands along the I-205 bike path at Southeast Woodstock Boulevard, near a “No Camping” notice posted by the Oregon Department of Transportation. “This old dude comes up behind me and pushes me down, kneels on my back and puts my hand behind me. I was just about in tears.”

Nearby residents who come into frequent contact with houseless people say Christian and Tschaggeny have made them more afraid of homeless people, especially drug users.

Kelly Lawrence, 49, says she’s used to seeing drug use during her daily commute along the I-205 bike path, but usually ignores it. Lately, she says, she’s seen more open needle use, and is considering a new route.

“I used to put aside my fear,” says Lawrence, a nurse.

“But that [MAX stabbing] was a game changer. Now, I have a harder time blocking my fear.” As she spoke, a man walked by with no shirt on, yelling at nothing and nobody—“symptomatic” of active drug use or untreated mental illness, in clinical language.

Police picked up Tschaggeny near Northeast Cesar E. Chavez Boulevard and I-84. It’s not clear whether Christian was living on the streets or trying to avoid giving police an address. The stabbings happened on the MAX Green Line, which has stops close to the Springwater Corridor and I-205 path.

People who live along that route say the Green Line provides a connection between social services downtown and the camps in East Portland.

Angela Miller, 19, lives in a tent near the intersection of the Springwater Corridor and I-205. She says she was on a MAX Green Line train that was delayed due to the stabbings. She didn’t ANGELA MILLER know the men but says news reports—that Tschaggeny ’s life was destroyed by opioid addiction and Christian also struggled with drug use—mirror what she’s seen.

“A lot of times, homeless people get caught up in drugs,” said Miller, watching a man with a backpack whiz by on a small, gas-powered scooter. “They want to not feel the pain because of their living situation.”

Miller said June 6 she’d been homeless only a week.

“The streets are kind of scary,” she says, but adds she feels safe because she doesn’t use drugs and has friends in nearby tents.

“There is some people who I think are badasses,” she says, “but I just don’t mess with them.”

Down and Out in Portland, Oregon is a weekly feature that answers the city’s most pressing questions about homelessness by taking them to the people who know the issue best: Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

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C H R I S T O P H E R G A R C I A VA L L E

GET WET WHERE TO DIP YOUR TOES, RIDE THE WAVES OR TAKE THE PLUNGE. Water makes Portland what it is.

The city’s geography is defined by its rivers.

Our pristine Bull Run tap water makes our beer taste good and attracts Japanese ramen-makers to move here. And, for most of the year, our water falls from the sky. The rains feed the farms in the valleys below, and the glaciers on the mountains above.

The ceaseless drizzle gives this place its lush green tones, as well as our damp, rumpled and slightly aggrieved sense of self.

Then, for a few precious summer months, the rain is done, and that’s when you get to really enjoy our water.

Summer in Portland is special because it’s fleeting and earned. We’ve been pent up under

DIVE IN ➽

clouds and blankets, then all of a sudden the sun is shining hard and hot. So maybe it’s natural that we feel an almost preternatural urge to return to the water, like those salmon swimming up the Columbia right now.

We’ve dedicated this issue to all things water.

We visited five natural hot springs tucked in the Cascades along I-5 (page 16). We got the scoop on what’s happening with the Dock next to the Hawthorne Bridge, the city’s new favorite swim spot (page 23). We made a visit to Rooster Rock, the nude beach popular with the Portland gay community (page 25).

If you want to think about the future of swimming and boating in the metro area, it’s time to think about the 400-acre Oswego Lake. We chat-

ted with two heroes who are suing the city of Lake Oswego to overturn an ordinance that stripped Oregonians of their right to access the public lake from public parks (page 20). We paddled through the slough, the mucky side channel of the Columbia River that’s home to hobo pirates and an impressive array of birds (page 19). We also hopped on a fishing boat and puttered up and down the Willamette, popping ashore for drinks at the nearest pub then returning to the boat to find some great dockside bars, and some terrible ones (page 26). And we grabbed our boards for a trip to the Washington Coast’s super-hip new surfer hotel (page 27).

We hope this guide will help you get out there and get wet. The water will not be going away, but the sun will be. Turns out, they’re better together.

P. 16

P. 19

P. 20

P. 23

P. 25

P. 26

FIVE GREAT OREGON HOT SPRINGS

WE KAYAKED THE COLUMBIA SLOUGH

LAKE OSWEGO FREEDOM FIGHTERS SPEAK

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT THE DOCK

ROOSTER ROCK IS NOW A NUDE SWAMP

WE BAR CRAWLED THE WILLAMETTE

BY BOAT

Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

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Ooh, Burn Here’s what you need to know about 5 Western Oregon hot springs.

Summer is, technically, still a week away.

Still, all of June feels like summer, and that means it sure feels like it’s time to get wet.

The problem? In Portland’s northern climes, where so many rivers are fed by melting snow, it’ll still be a few weeks until a chilly river feels refreshing. And Portland’s public pools don’t open until summer officially starts June 20.

Instead of chattering in the Sandy, why not relax in a naturally warm pool of magma-heated, mineral-rich waters? Because the peaks of the Cascades are volcanic, Western Oregon is dotted with hot springs. Here’s are the springs to look out for in the Cascades, from Portland south along the I-5 corridor. SOPHIA JUNE.

Cougar (Terwilliger) Hot Springs H IKE: BEAUT Y: SKETCH FAC TO R :

Are you passing through Eugene? Carve out a couple extra hours for a side trip to one of Oregon’s best springs. Terwilliger Hot Springs—also known as Cougar since it’s next to Cougar Reservoir—is just an hour from Oregon’s secondlargest city, a trip mostly on gently curving roads. It’s just an easy half-mile hike from the parking lot, which is sandwiched between the reservoir and a little lake fed by a waterfall. Take the trail through old-growth fir and you come upon a small wooden deck overlooking the hazy blue pools, which are deep enough to submerge yourself in and separated by slabs of flat rock like you’d expect at a fancy putt-putt course. The top pool is the warmest, and if you get right up by the trickle of hot water, you’ve got a super-soothing natural bath. Get there early in the morning and you’ll have the tubs pretty much to yourself—an empty bottle of Arbor Mist floating in one of the pools was the only thing disturbing the natural beauty and solitude on my visit. MARTIN CIZMAR. Take Highway 126 east from Eugene until you get to Aufderheide Scenic Byway (Forest Road 19). Follow Aufderheide Drive for 16 miles, taking a right when you get to Cougar Reservoir and continue on Aufderheide Drive to the Terwilliger Hot Springs parking lot. From the parking lot, the trailhead is on the northern shore of the little lake.

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Get wet JUSTIN TYLER GEORGE

BEAUTY D I DN ’T E VE N IN STA D I S P OSA B LE CA M E RA # N O F ILTE R N AT G EO

SKETCH FACTOR M O RM O N M O M M Y- B LO G G E R

# E XP LO RE G O N

WO O K- FRIE N DLY

M E TH Y

HIKE DIFFICULTY PA RKS S CA RE ME

D I RTY B O OTS

W E E K EN D WA RRIO R

SUMMER HEAT: Terwilliger Hot Springs outside Eugene.

RE ESE W ITH ERSP O O N

Bagby Hot Springs

Umpqua Hot Springs

HIKE:

H IKE:

B E AU T Y:

BEAUT Y:

S K E TC H FACTOR :

( DAY T IM E )

(N IG H T T I M E )

Bagby is overrated. I don’t use that word a lot; I love Salt & Straw as much as the next gal. But Oregon has a lot of natural hot springs. For most of them, you just go, maybe pay a small fee, get naked and sit. That’s what hot springs should be. At Bagby, however, they not only make you work for it, they make you pay for it. After a 45-minute hike, you come to a 103-year-old lodge, where hot water flows from natural springs out of spigots into wooden tubs. The top floor offers five rooms with small private tubs. On a Sunday afternoon visit on Memorial Day weekend, there wasn’t a wait for these. If you’re alone or with one companion, these tubs are probably the way to go—although, I couldn’t help but think about all the sex people have had in them. If you’re with more than just one other bather, you’ll have to wait for the tubs outside the lodge, which comfortably fit up to four.

While it’s filling with boiling hot water, you grab a 6-gallon bucket and walk down to a stream, where you fill the bucket and then carry it all the way back to the tub and pour it in to cool the water. Repeat this a dozen or so times until you’ve carried about 72 gallons of cold water. Once it’s finally filled, your muscles are sore enough to need it. Also, you’re not allowed to be naked in the area. If you’re a CrossFit, cutesports-bra type, maybe this is your steeze. Otherwise, head to the more naturalistic hot springs. SOPHIA JUNE. Two and a half hours from Portland: From I-205, take Exit 12A to OR-212 E/OR-224 E toward Clackamas. Drive east on Highway 224 through Estacada. Just past the Ripplebrook Guard Station, the highway turns into Road 46. Follow this for 4 miles to the junction of Road 63, turn right and travel 4 miles to Road 70. Turn right and follow Road 70 for 6 miles to the Bagby Trailhead. The walk is 1.5 miles. $5 per person.

SKETCH FACTOR :

First, the bad news: Umpqua Springs is the farthest from Portland on this list. It’s almost five hours away, east of Roseburg on the way to Crater Lake, if you’re headed there. Why make the trip? This is arguably the finest hot springs in the state, a gorgeous collection of small pools perched on a steep embankment overlooking the rushing North Umpqua River below. The largest pool is covered with a little wooden lean-to emblazoned with hippie art, including an intricate Steal Your Face. The other pools cling to the side of the hill, getting cooler as you go lower, but all are warm and offer great views. The hill is made of mineral-rich, brownish-orange soil that contrasts spectacularly with the greenish waters of the springs. The pools are popular with traveler types—I shared one with a man whose entire face was covered in tattoos—and the chill vibes are fueled by cheap beer and talk of French hostels. MARTIN CIZMAR. From I-5, take U.S. 138 west to Forest Road 34/Toketee-Rigdon Road. Follow to Forest Road 3401/Basket Butte Road until you see signs for the Umpqua Hot Springs trailhead.

Austin Hot Springs H IKE: BEAUT Y: SKETCH FACTOR :

Austin Hot Springs are closer to Portland than Bagby, they don’t cost a dime, and they require just a short walk from the side of the road. The only problem? They’re not especially hot, at least not on our visit. Situated beside the bed of the river, the collection of four shallow pools could have been affected by the freezing Clackamas River splashing in. There were only a few warm patches

you could find with your feet, but you definitely didn’t want to soak your whole body. Still, if you’re swimming in the adjacent Clackamas River on a 90-degree day, they’re warmer than that—so they could provide a sort of welcome refuge. SOPHIA JUNE. One hour and 40 minutes from Portland: From I-205, take Exit 12A to OR-212 E/OR-224 E toward Clackamas. Drive 30 miles east on Highway 224 through Estacada. Approximately 4 miles east of River Ford Campground, the pools can be found nestled along the Clackamas River.

McCredie Hot Springs HIK E: BEAU T Y: SK ETC H FAC TO R :

McCredie is everything I imagined a hot springs would be. You pull off an old state highway after passing through the nearest town, pop. 3,200, and then hike for about 20 minutes before coming upon an isolated pit in the forest. McCredie is muddier than most, but in a nice, beets-and-yerbe-mate kind of way. Plus, it’s a short walk down from the river, if you really want to rinse off. It’s usually crowded, and you’ll probably bump butts with a hairy older man. No clothes or day fees. Yessss. On your way home, stop at Lee’s Gourmet Garden in Oakridge, where Jackie Chan’s former personal chef will serve you orange chicken your worn body will annihilate before the long drive home. SOPHIA JUNE. Three hours from Portland: From I-5 South, take Exit 188 for Oregon State Route 58 toward Oakridge. From Oakridge, follow Route 58 east 8 miles to the signed hot springs parking area located near Blue Pool Campground and Milepost 46. To reach the pools on the far (south) side of Salt Creek, drive a half-mile east of the parking lot and take Shady Gap Road across the creek. After crossing the bridge, park in any of the pullouts and follow an unnamed trail up the bank to the south-side pools.

Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

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Get wet

We kayaked down 5 miles of North Portland’s secret Everglades swamp.

BY M AT T H E W KO RFH AGE

S

mkorfhage@wweek.com

omething was very wrong with the duck.

The bird was careening loudly back and forth across the smear of algae-green water, looking as if it had clipped a wing or just gone insane. But eventually it seemed to reach a terrifying decision: It was going to destroy me. Wings wildly flapping, it raised its breast above the fetid waves and ran at me like an angry prophet across the tops of the waters.

If you’re ever going to fight a duck in Portland, the Columbia Slough is where it’ll happen. Even the birds are somehow corrupted by this place, I thought.

Unknown even to most Portland natives, the narrow 19-mile channel is a Southern gothic wetlands bending lazily through the city’s northern industrial wastes, from Fairview Lake to St. Johns. Running parallel to the Columbia River, the slough, pronounced “sloo,” is less a stream than a marathon-length mud puddle: Its shallow, viscous water moves so slowly the current heaves back and forth with the tides.

Every few years a body is found amid the lily pads.

The slough is Portland’s bad breath, our petri-dish Everglades, a hidden place teeming with birds and fish and hobo pirates, and pocked with sudden, startling beauty.

Needless to say, I am obsessed with it.

And though there are guided tours available for a few of its more savory sections, I decided, perhaps stupidly, that I should paddle a more forbidding leg.

I am not a kayaker. My friend and I had borrowed boats with great, bounding optimism, but before I’d even gotten off the launch site, located at a park devoted to solar panels at Northeast 165th Avenue and Airport Way—down a little dirt path where three teenagers regarded us suspiciously while smoking under an overpass—I went ass over teakettle while still heaving off the dock, and fell shoulder-deep into the brine.

It was like entering a sink drain, except somehow much worse. I rose back up like a lagoon monster, covered in thick algal strands and smelling like a rain-forest corpse. On the dock, I watched my phone flicker to garbled life for one last time, then die forever.

I had entered the darkest heart of Portland. There was no

PEARL RASMUSSEN

The Slough and You turning back.

And yet less than a mile later, while sliding through water so thick with plant life that the boat made a light shushing noise from friction as it passed through, here’s this deranged duck coming at me with my pants still wet.

I raised up the paddle protectively in front of me: Would I be a terrible person if I fucked up a duck?

I didn’t have to find out. Maybe 20 feet away, the bird suddenly kicked back a graceful 180 and launched itself into the air before landing 100 yards downstream, where we saw tiny shapes moving in the water.

I finally understood: This duck was not insane.

She was a mother. While I worried about her frantic movements, her flightless ducklings had paddled safely away.

I felt myself suddenly an intruder, in a narrow smear of nature that was still quite wild.

The slough is desperate with life. Raptors sit solitary watch in the trees, the water ripples with water-skippers and at times near-boils from the Chinook, peamouths, crappies and—I hoped—steelhead swimming beneath.

Again and again, we passed nesting clusters of blue-fronted kingfisher, heavy-winged and galumphing great blue herons, and a lone great egret whose whomping flight seemed a miracle— evidence the laws of nature have a strange sense of humor. A nuclear family of geese, 10 deep with goslings that massed together into a hydra-headed Chia Pet, eyed us with silent and violent dares. You can forget you’re even in the city until you look up to see a familiar word behind the trees: “COSTCO.” But after such peace, disaster struck again. We’d gone perhaps 2 miles before discovering a great roaring nothing, a pile of pond scum and a wall of grass. It was the great levee of 143rd Avenue, located by some kind of office park. This required portage— a fancy boating term for carrying your ass and your boat out of the water, in this case lugging it over a 30-foot hill like Klaus Kinski in Fitzcarraldo, mud and river water drying into cake on our ankles.

At Northeast 120th Avenue, after passing under a 122nd Avenue overpass that smelled strongly and sweetly of coffee, again we had a portage—this time a massive sewer pipe, requiring us to haul ourselves

over dead blackberry bushes with ropes someone had helpfully strung over the pipe.

By the time we again settled ourselves into the rhythms of nature, where each turn of the river was a sudden, sun-dappled vista, with raccoons creeping in and out of the brush line, more and more pieces of humanity began to creep in like low drumbeats: a tarpaulin tent above the top of the shoreline, a full package of Bob’s Red Mill Steel Cut Oats floating unmolested in the water, spare tires, an orange juice container. This was pirate country—Slough Town, at the edge of Parkrose.

But Slough Town, at least this day, was much diminished: Though a small tent village loomed overhead, at the level of the water there was just one occupied houseboat lifted on barrels next to a dock loaded with bicycles. Within, as we looked back, a shirtless man with a beard, red scalp and massive back sat scrubbing his clothes with a brush.

We recognized him as a man named Gilligan—we’d heard of him. We waved, and he didn’t wave back.

Just downstream, a shipwreck of a former houseboat had sprawled across the slough, blocking the current so badly that an inch-thick cake of sun-dried algae had formed itself into a slime cap the texture of turds that repelled all paddling or forward motion. It was the slough of the slough—a shit-smelling pile of human rubbish trapped like pear chunks in gelatin. One had to break the surface with the oar, fighting not to let the algae slip up the paddle and down one’s armpit, which also nonetheless happened.

We don’t know what disaster had befallen the houseboat, but by the time we passed under the I-205 freeway—and yet another logjam of hardcapped algae—we were smelly, tired and slightly ruined, even as freeway noise gave way within minutes to one of the most beautiful 10 blocks of water leading to the long, dark, echoing culvert beneath 82nd Avenue.

Finally, after 5 miles of dankness, we pulled out at a set of concrete stairs at the corner of Northeast Alderwood and Cornfoot roads, where the massive U.S. Postal Service building loomed against the sky. Still stinking from the water, triumphant, we cracked a pair of Stiegls that had somehow made it through unscathed.

Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

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D A R I A K O M L E VA - L I T V I N O VA

Get wet that go into the lake that say it’s a private lake.

They’re saying it’s strictly a public safety issue and their right to regulate what goes on in their parks. So far, the courts have been convinced by that argument, very narrowly framed, and are not looking at anything other than “Does a city have a right to make rules for their parks?”

crooked lake MEET THE MEN WORKING TO SECURE PUBLIC ACCESS TO OSWEGO LAKE, THE PORTLAND AREA’S STOLEN, FORBIDDEN PARADISE.

BY M A RT I N C I Z M A R

mcizmar@wweek.com

Todd Prager just wanted to swim. Instead, he’s headed to the state Supreme Court.

Prager is one of the parties to a lawsuit seeking to overturn a Lake Oswego ordinance that bans using a public stairway in a public park to access a public lake. Prager fell in love with open-water swimming while living in San Francisco, where he swam in the Bay. When he moved to the Portland area, he started swimming in the Willamette River using a wetsuit. Then he noticed the 415-acre lake in the middle of the suburb where he lived and served on the planning commission: Oswego Lake, the jewel of Oregon’s wealthiest city, Lake Oswego.

Despite the plaques onshore that say it’s a “private” lake, it’s not—Oswego Lake is a natural pool in the Tualatin River, dammed by a clever developer who surrounded the expanded pool with ostentatious homes. The people who live in those homes organized an HOA-type organization called the Lake Corporation, which owns the land under the public water and sends rent-a-cops to patrol the lake.

Under a system referred to as “the status quo” in Oregon’s wealthiest city, those who live on the shores can use the lake, as can people who buy properties with deeded easements to use the lake. To use their easement, they must pay a $5,000 fee to the Lake Corp. when they buy the property, plus an annual upkeep fee.

In April 2005, Oregon’s attorney general issued an opinion saying the lake was public. A series of newspaper articles seven years later reignited interest in the public using it. Open-space activists and curious kayakers 20

Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

(including me) used the public parks around the lake to access it.

On April 3, 2012, Lake Oswego’s city council, under pressure from the Lake Corp., voted to prohibit people from swimming or launching boats from three city parks along the lake. In response, Prager and law professor Michael Blumm of Lewis & Clark College filed suit against the city of Lake Oswego. The state’s attorney general has supported the city in court. This means somewhere around 13,000 residents can access the lake through a complex system of easements, while the other 23,000 residents, and the rest of the state, are beached.

Blumm and Prager have lost at the first two levels, but are now appealing to have their case heard by the Oregon Supreme Court. The city, according to its own calculations, has spent $238,167 defending its ban on using a public park to access a public lake. Prager, meanwhile, was ousted from Lake Oswego’s planning commission and faced hostility from people in his community who are squatting on the lake and stand by “the status quo.” MARTIN CIZMAR. WW: You’ve lost at the first two levels. Why? It’s a public lake; it seems like a slam-dunk case to say the city can’t prohibit using the public steps in a public park to access a public lake.

Prager: The defendants—the city of Lake Oswego, in particular—have tried to really narrowly frame this as their right to enact rules at local parks and completely ignore any other history about them trying to keep the lake private, their own policies, even the plaques on the steps

When I kayaked on that lake, before they passed the law banning people from using the stairs to go into the lake, I never could have imagined this fight would still be going on five years later. Is this what you expected?

Prager: I was not aware of how long the legal process takes. Even my father-in-law—he’s a very conservative Republican, generally proproperty rights—can’t understand how this isn’t an open-and-shut case. He’s like, “It’s a public park and a public lake. How is this still a fight?” I think a lot of it is politics.

Blumm: The state has sided with the city [with its interpretation of public trust doctrine] and, incidentally, with the Lake Corp. Both the lower courts put great weight on the state’s position, and the state’s position is an embarrassment. They’ve created a legal doctrine out of whole cloth that is part of the public trust doctrine, but according to the public trust doctrine, it’s the part that doesn’t require them to do anything. They say it doesn’t apply to park lands, for one thing, and for another thing, that even if there are public rights to use the lake, the state is not responsible for upholding those rights. That is nauseating. We have an attorney general, and attorney general’s office, that doesn’t want to do what they should be doing to defend public rights. [Editor’s note: Attorney General Ellen Rosenblum is married to WW co-owner Richard Meeker.] The attorney general doesn’t want to do anything, which is extremely disappointing.

Why do the majority of people in Lake Oswego vote for city leaders who deny them the right to use their own parks to get onto their lake?

Prager: This is a small, tight-knit community, and you can really easily step on toes. Even though only a third of the people have access, and less than 10 percent live on the lake, you’re stepping on toes, and maybe even being seen as impolite to raise this issue. And it can come back and bite you, as it has for me.

So most of the people in the city are supporting people who oppose their own right to use a natural jewel in the middle of their own city. Has anybody run for city council on the platform of “I’m going to free the lake”?

Prager: No, nobody’s done that.

Blumm: As far as I know, there certainly isn’t any support on the city council for access.

Prager: I’ve talked to some of the people on the city council individually, and there is some private support, but people are afraid to come out publicly and make a stand.

We tell our kids: It’s like the bully, where everybody is afraid to stand up to the bully, and you’re giving them the power by letting them boss everybody else around. So it takes some people to stand up and say what they believe in. So there is some support on the city council, and in the community.

Blumm: If you put this for a vote on a referendum, they’d lose if we could get enough money to publicize what the positions were. But they don’t have to do that. It’s shocking, frankly, that there is not one voice for public access, and Todd’s voice was silenced [by his ouster from the planning board].

If the state Supreme Court won’t hear your case, have you considered just running for city council with a couple people and freeing the lake?

Prager: I’ve thought about doing that, and I think there would be a lot of support for it. But, at the same time, I was on the planning commission, and that was a tremendous amount of time. City council would be at least double that amount of time. Just right now, I don’t have the time to commit to being on city council, but I’ve thought about it.

So, if I understand this, based on what the city of Lake Oswego and the Oregon attorney general are saying right now, cities could close their parks’ access to rivers, lakes or the Pacific. Theoretically, Cannon Beach could close off the stairways that lead to the beach and effectively make it a private beach.

Blumm: That would be an implication, yes. The public access rights are below the vegetation line, and getting to those public access rights requires a different type of access that is not from custom.

If the public parks in Lake Oswego can be closed off from public waters, then I don’t see why it wouldn’t apply to ocean beaches as well.

people have access to the lake through easements. Those are private easements and would stay private, and that would still be an enhanced value thing—they would have a little private beach where they could hang out.

Blumm: Property values in recent years have skyrocketed, so it’s a hollow kind of complaint. I’d bet you some of the property values are twice as much in the last five or 10 years. There are no property values that are going down around the lake.

Prager: The people who live on the lake are Oregonians, too. To imperil access to Cannon Beach or the Willamette River—opening up privatization across the state, is, I think, a foolish idea that the city is fighting for just in this one case. You’re imperiling access to public areas across the state just to protect this one area that wouldn’t have that big of an impact. The people who live on the lake like enjoying waterways across the state.

Could having a natural attraction in the middle of the city also help you get more amenities in Lake Oswego? For the amount of wealth Lake Oswego has, it doesn’t have many nice places downtown. I’d imagine people who lived there would want to have decent food and drink, and to keep their movie theater?

Prager: I wouldn’t envision it as something Tell me why Portlanders should care specifi- somebody from Portland is going to want to go cally about this lake. to every weekend. But it could Prager: It’s over 400 acres. be an outing. You have people That’s at least twice the size of visiting from out of town, and “PEOPLE Blue Lake, maybe even three it’s like, “Let’s go check out this WHO LIVE times the size. It has a lot of neat little town, paddle around interesting shoreline. It’s not just the lake and maybe get dinner.”

NEAR THESE like a bathtub. It has a meanderIt would enhance the character PUBLIC ing shoreline. It has canals that of downtown and make it a more kind of wind through. You can vibrant place. If you have a pubACCESS really spend a lot of fun time lic waterway, you could envision POINTS ARE exploring it. Plus, there’s a lot of a whole little economy popping architecture to see—interesting up based on that—maybe rentals PUSHING TO houses along the lake and historic or outdoor drinks near the park.

HAVE THEM houses. The fishing, I’ve heard, You see this in cities all over the is really good. It’s just another U.S.; when they enhance their CLOSED SO opportunity to access nature waterfront, lots of good stuff THEY CAN right here in the metro area. happens.

Blumm: It seems like it’s larger Blumm: The other thing that HAVE THEM than it is because, as Todd said, people in Portland need to realTO THEMit’s linear. It’s 400 acres, but it ize is that, depending on what seems bigger because it’s not just happens here, if the Supreme SELVES AND a round lake. Lots of coves, and Court doesn’t take this case, one NOT HAVE TO places kayakers can explore. of the implications is for municipalities that want to create DEAL WITH monopolies for other treasured THE RIFFCan you make a case why even places. Maybe one of the uninthe people who live on the lake tended consequences is to send RAFF.” should want this? signals to cities that they could Blumm: I remember one city close off access to all public council hearing where they had the school board water bodies to all but the local residents. president there who said that if the public can access this lake, property values will go down and Or, like Forest Park in Portland. It’s not too they won’t be able to do things like have as many hard to imagine some of the people who live AP classes at the high school. Then they had around it in the West Hills saying there’s these real estate people come in and say, “Well, too much riffraff and they want to close the the property values will go down.” All of that trailheads so you can’t legally walk into the is complete nonsense, as far as I’m concerned. public park and only the people who live There can’t be any lost property values from hav- around the park can use it. ing a couple kayakers out there.

Prager: It’s not just theoretical. Talking to riverkeeper groups around the state, it’s becoming a You’d think that if you opened this to the rest real problem. People who live near these public of the city, so the other 70 percent of the city access points are pushing to have them closed could use this lake, the overall property values down so they can have them to themselves and in Lake Oswego would go up and the school not have to deal with the riffraff. As the populadistrict would be getting more money, right? tion of Oregon increases, there’s going to me Prager: They’re still going to have enhanced more and more pressure on these public access property value from being situated on the lake points and more advocacy from private landownjust like the riverfront people have enhanced ers saying, “Hey, we don’t want all these people property value from being on the river. Most coming and dropping boats in these spots.”

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Get wet

CHRISTINE DONG

New Kids on the Dock EVERYTHING YOU NEEDED TO KNOW ABOUT PORTLAND’S HOTTEST SUMMER HANGOUT, THE DOCK.

BY SOPHIA JUNE

sjune@wweek.com

The Holman Dock, also known as simply the Dock, is the coolest, most convenient place to swim for most Portlanders.

In the summer months, the Dock south of the Hawthorne Bridge sags under the weight of hip kids lying around all day.

But there are questions everyone ignores: Can you drink on the dock? Is it safe to swim?

How cold is the water? Is a boat going to hit me? Can I smoke pot on the dock? Isn’t the Willamette polluted?

Even if you know the answers to all these questions, you may not know the city has created a plan to make the area around the Dock—and perhaps even the Dock itself—an even better place to chill. Here are the answers to everything you might be curious about, and something you may not know— the Dock will be closed for a portion of the summer.

Where is the Dock?

Just south of the Hawthorne Bridge, on the east side of the Willamette River. The Dock is accessible by bike, car or bus or on foot from the Eastbank Esplanade.

How does parking work?

Park on the street. There’s a two-hour visitor limit from 7 am to 6 pm Monday through Friday. Yes, you can park for free on weekends.

Is use of the Dock free?

Yesssss.

What should you bring to the Dock?

Sunscreen, because there is usually no shade. Snacks. Rainier.

Are you allowed to drink or smoke on the dock?

No.

Does everybody drink or smoke on the dock?

Yes.

Are you allowed to swim from the Dock?

Yes. Know your rights! In 2014, the Portland Boathouse, a private organization representing the interests of boaters, hired private security to tell swimmers they weren’t allowed to swim from the Dock. When WW asked this security guard if it was against the law, he replied: “I’m not sure, but it’s a rule.” We asked the Portland Police Bureau, which said it was legal to swim from the Dock, and police would not hassle anyone doing

so. So you are allowed to swim from the Dock. Anyone who tells you you cannot swim from the Dock is wrong.

an opportunity to engage with the river close to home rather than going out to somewhere like Oxbow Park.”

Are there any plans to make the Dock more accessible?

Is there any danger of the Dock going away?

Yes! The city of Portland is currently working on implementation of an Eastbank Crescent Riverfront Plan. The plan includes mitigating conflicts between boaters and swimmers, as well as habitat restoration to make the area more hospitable to migrating fish in colder months. The plan also calls for a 25-foot expansion of the river setback, which, combined with a change in zoning, could even include some retail space. We could also see a new Dock, swimming platforms and increased beach access.

Why now?

The Eastbank Crescent Riverfront Plan came out of the greater planning effort for the Central City 2035 Plan. “There was a lot of public interest in activating and restoring the Willamette riverfront area,” says senior city planner Debbie Bischoff. “Folks want to see improvements to habitat, to endangered fish and other wildlife.”

Much of the increased interest in the riverfront stems from the fact the water is much less polluted now.

“Part of it does have to do with that the river is cleaner now,” says Eden Dabbs, spokeswoman for the Bureau of Planning and Sustainability. “All the work we did in the initial phases of the plan, we heard loud and clear that the city wanted to create natural beach sites on the river, which would give people

No, but the boaters might. The Portland Boathouse’s lease expires in 2019, and according to the Eastbank Crescent Riverfront Plan, it “will likely need to relocate.” As for the Dock, the lease with Prosper Portland, formerly the Portland Development Commission, expires in 2019, “but it is anticipated to be extended into the future.” “There’s a big demand for boating, and docks are precious resources,” says Bischoff, “so I think it will continue.” But, it will be temporarily removed from late July to early September for environmental cleanup. Bummer.

What is the water temperature?

The current temperature of the Willamette River in Portland is around 62 degrees. It’s usually not warm enough to swim in until it reaches at least 70 degrees. The Willamette reached 70 in June last year, but it wasn’t until July that it warmed to a comfortable 76 degrees.

Isn’t the water polluted?

No. The city of Portland’s Bureau of Environmental Services tests the water weekly from May to October. The last time it tested the Willamette near the Dock, the E. coli count was 7 organisms per 100 ml. You only have to worry when it rises above 406. The soil on the bed of the Willamette still suffers from the ravages of the Industrial Age, so don’t dig out any dirt and eat it.

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EXPLORING ROOSTER ROCK’S CLOTHING-OPTIONAL SWAMP.

BY JAC KSO N B E R K L E Y

When you’re naked, peeing in public becomes a confounding affair.

The unambiguous, bow-legged stance of a man pissing behind a guardrail remains the nude man’s primitive shield. But without the shelter of a zipper, turning back toward the civilized world lacks its customary sigh of relief. Your soggy, dripping member is impossible to conceal. Being truly discreet requires nothing short of invisibility.

At Rooster Rock —a state park boasting a slender finger of queer-friendly, clothingoptional shoreline along the Columbia River just east of Portland—there’s really nowhere to hide. When you’re always exposed, the social cues of the clothed world don’t disappear. They become more pronounced, often in hilarious ways.

This year, with June heating up and the city’s unrest-o-meter spiking, Portland’s gay community could use a nude pool party.

And with adventurous crowds spilling into town for this weekend’s Pride Festival, no strip of sand will go unclaimed. Be warned, though. The rivers are high. After one of the wettest winters in recent memory, Rooster Rock’s tantalizing beaches are now drowning beneath the Columbia.

What happens to a nude beach when it becomes a nude swamp? Things get a little more intimate.

On a bright Friday morning in late May, I rolled into Rooster Rock and ventured into the clothingoptional section, following the muddy, overgrown trail to its terminus, a breezy glade where several

men were already letting their johnsons catch some rays.

The first couple penises are always a bit jarring.

Then they all start to look the same. Harmless little slack tubes of skin, normal as anything.

A grizzled vet with broad shoulders and coils of platinum chest hair instructed curious newcomers on the effects of the water table—and what to expect if they ventured any further. Oblivious, an excited threesome bounced through the glade, proclaiming they were “almost to the river!” After five minutes of bush-whacking, they reached an impassable bog, and left.

“That was a nice…forest stroll,” they muttered.

As the day ripened, bold nudes constantly stomped through the surrounding labyrinth of thin, thorny trails. There was an impressive air of vigilance and uprightness. A typical Rooster Rocker is a heel-toe walker, chin up, with a bulging abdomen sloping proudly down to sad, sunken genitals. There were few women in sight: Mature, pot-bellied men always seem to be the strong majority at nude recreational areas. Nudity tends to improve posture, but it’s striking to see just how pitifully penises swing in the grand mechanics of stride.

Each nudist announces himself with little quirks.

There was the Scout—a lithe, high-socked Filipino man who continually left his backpack and towel for long stretches of time to explore the brush.

And then there was the Colonel, who made many trips past my camp with a lawn chair strapped to his back, returning minutes later from the same direc-

tion with the same lawn chair strapped to his back.

He wore a cowboy hat. He was not the only guy wearing a cowboy hat.

The swampy bog had turned the glade into a serene plateau. Nobody was drinking loudly or blasting music.

There was no naked Frisbee toss or naked croquet—not quite enough space. Nobody was making out or cuddling, although I did notice an old man rubbing sunscreen on another’s pale butt cheeks.

Rooster Rock is usually a suitable cruising ground in high summer, pocked with grassy nooks and shaded enclosures. The current swamp is a much stingier, scratchier cruising ground, but that does not deter the ambitious.

As I emerged from one of my harrowing pee breaks, wincing from thorns stabbing my naked feet, a man in sunglasses and bright red boxer briefs stood in my path.

He was grinning. “Find anything back there?” “Nah, not really.” “Oh.” “Yeah, none of these trails connect to the beach, they all just hit thorns.”

I brushed past his shoulder. “Nice body, amigo.”

I kept walking. He moved on. Back at camp, I began to entertain some surprisingly potent fantasies about what could have been. I actually had to sit cross-legged for a few minutes to hide my half-chub. It then occurred to me why Red Boxer-Briefs Man—who seemed so fond of nude culture—was still wearing underwear.

The tension between exhibitionism and voyeurism is inescapable and exhilarating, if a little bewildering. Earlier, I had completely avoided looking when a stunning figure walked by—my attention seemed egregious, inept.

If we were in Laurelhurst Park, I could have pretended to take a sip of water, maybe made eyes with a cute dog and worked my way up. But there was no dog, and there was no coy way to slide out of my hammock dick-first. How much of this quasi-Victorian etiquette was an illusion?

Most of the men around me must have known they were being silently scoped out.

A nude beach is an altered human landscape, an ecosystem of proud, casual sensuality, if not sexuality. Without the beach, Rooster Rock is even more intimate: The bond between bodies becomes intensified. In the clothed world, it is easy to conceal, distort, or even outright ignore the body’s proportions and rhythms. But in this thin ribbon of clothing-optional swamp, there are only so many twigs to hide behind.

There are, however, plenty of mosquitos. Bring bug spray.

S A M C U S U M A N O, H A N N A H PA R E A N D Z AQ B A N TO N

K YA N E D WA R D

Cock Tales

Get wet

“Nice body, amigo.”

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Get wet

The Voyage of the Ri Tilt Burgers

7-minute walk from the Swan Island Boat Ramp. 3449 N Anchor St., Suite 200, 503285-8458, tiltitup.com.

Swan Island is an industrial former airport and artificial peninsula, home to the nation’s largest floating dry dock. There, a massive ship is being repaired, next to a gunboat teeming with visiting veterans and a party of broken-down hobo boats perma-parked at the shore. From the dock, it’s a dull seven-minute walk past industrial warehousing to the original Tilt burger joint on Swan Island. It’s less a bar than a diner-style lunch spot for UPS employees. Each burger is so massive as to be gluttonous. The beer taps are minimal, and three of us end up drinking Sunriver Hefeweizen. There is no PBR available at Tilt, much to the chagrin of Tony. There’s a funny story about why, but when you’re on an eight-hour bar crawl, some things have to remain off the record.

Portland Sports Bar and Grill THE RIVER PIG

BY M A RT I N C I Z M A R

and

M ATTH EW KO RFH AGE

It’s fleet week, and all is gunboats. Behind us, a pack of what appear to be older veterans are out prowling the Willamette on a militarized raft with 50 mm cannons, while in front of us the Ticonderoga-class missile cruiser SS Bunker Hill is coming about to port, filling the entire horizon with warship. A fire boat is shooting colored water to greet the sailors standing at attention while they pass under the Steel Bridge.

Meanwhile, a boat of Clackamas County sheriff’s deputies is politely but firmly asking us to open all our compartments. The mood is a little tense.

“We’re an Arab, a black man and an Asian dude on a boat,” says local Pabst rep Tony Singmeuangthong, dressed head to toe in Pabst gear and hauling a Pabst cooler full of Pabst. “We’re probably what they’re afraid of.”

This fishing boat is named the River Pig, in honor of owner Ramzy Hattar’s bar in the Pearl. Hattar, who is Jordanian by heritage, is on the boat with us.

He’s also brought along Lou McLemore, president of the Billy Webb Elks Lodge just off North Williams Avenue and father to two of Ducks football legends, a scruffy-bearded pilot named Dustin Kriebel, and three writers: two scruffy-bearded alt-weekly editors and the always overdressed Andi Prewitt in dangly earrings and heels.

The deputy takes a look in every compartment of the boat and asks to see all of our required safety equipment before agreeing to let us pass. Along with the other boats on the river, we’re surrounded by sheriff’s boats from far-flung counties and escorted through the security zone between the Morrison and Steel bridges. The laughter stays nervous until the River Pig is finally away from the, uh, river pigs.

But it’s only a brief tension: We’re on a bar crawl, after all, up and down the Willamette from Fred’s Marina to Sellwood. A surprising number of Portland bars are accessible from docks along the shoreline, and with the aid of a sober boat pilot, we endeavored to visit all of them we could.

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2-minute walk from Riverplace Marina.

1811 SW River Drive, 503-222-2027, portlandsportsbarandgrill.com.

At Riverplace, failure is everywhere. We dock next to the octagonal husk of the former Newport Bay seafood restaurant, heaving on the water next to a lone swivel office chair that’s been abandoned on the dock. The former Lucier restaurant—briefly revived as Quartet—squats just ashore, a monument to singed-wing opulence.

A former Full Sail satellite brewery and Beau Breedlove’s French dance cafe are also nearby, and also closed. What survives in such a place? The decade-old Portland Sports Bar and Grill, whose black-painted walls are festooned in soccer and basketball jerseys. As we try to gather chairs to sit on the sunny patio, a surly man in a Bayern München jersey tells us, “I’m not gettin’ any more tables out. It’s gonna rain.” The sky is still showing blue. For some people, it’s always just about to rain. It remained nonetheless happy hour, with all “martinis” $4.50. A Manhattan is a martini, and so is a Tijuana speedball, although we opt for a round of margatinis, which are margaritas in a conical glass. (The server corrects our pronunciation—it’s marg-a-tini, not marg-tini.) “Bayern fan?” we ask him before we left, pointing to his shirt. “Nope,” he says, “I just like watching soccer.”

Noraneko

5-minute walk from the Dock south of the Hawthorne Bridge (see page 23). 1430 SE Water Ave., 503-238-6356, noranekoramen.com.

The general spirit of our tour was to stumble ashore and get a drink at the first bar we passed. But after the debacle at Portland’s Sports Bar, the mood feels too fragile for beers at Cooper’s, a bagel sandwich shop, and so we walk an extra block to Noraneko the “ramen shop/ futuristic post-whatever diner” (their words). We’re just a few minutes early for 4 pm happy hour, when the tiny gyoza are a reasonable $1.25 each and the highballs are $5. Alas, we arrive seven minutes early. Happy hour is a thing of precision at Noraneko, and not being quite tacky enough to ask everyone to wait before ordering (Matthew takes it upon himself to do this), we drop the $4 for bottled imports. For late-night ramen, Noraneko is great. At this hour, it doesn’t feel any more like a pleasant pub than Cooper’s.

We’d skip this stop next time.

The Buffalo Gap

5-minute walk from Willamette Park. 6835 SW Macadam Ave., 503-244-7111, thebuffalogap.com.

In John’s Landing, which is sort of an ’80s office park gone viral, the Buffalo Gap is the one true neighborhood bar.

The assemblage of rooms both cavernous and labyrinthine was founded more than 40 years ago by a native of Buffalo Gap, South Dakota. It is one of Portland’s bestpreserved bars—popular with weekender motorcyclists and onetime Trail Blazer R A C H A E L R E N E E L E VA S S E U R

MARTIN CIZMAR

WE TOOK A BOAT BAR CRAWL DOWN 6 DOCKS ON THE WILLAMETTE RIVER.

NORANEKO

DIANA PULIDO

iver Pig

Riverside Corral

8-minute walk from Sellwood Riverfront Park. 545 SE Tacoma St., 503-232-6813, riversidecorral.com Low-key strip clubs are an endangered species in this city. As we land the boat at the beaten-down dock along Sellwood’s idyllic waterfront park, we share stories of the last days at the much-missed Magic Garden, which Tony pays tribute to with a pin on his denim jacket. But Sellwood is about a decade behind the trends of the city at large, and so Riverside Corral sits strong just up from the park, next to a used-boat dealership. Inside, it’s decorated like a den in a ’70s split-level. Four dancers take rotating sets on a Thursday, which is impressive by today’s standards. One of the dancers is an Akron Zip like Martin, and so we chat about Darlington Nagbe, Jason Taylor and LeBron James.

Rusty Nail

5-minute walk from McCormick Pier (private). 600 NW Naito Parkway C, 503-295-3095.

It’s technically a public place, and right off a busy road, but everyone who drinks at the Rusty Nail lives in the condos surrounding the Rusty Nail. “It’s so weird that like seven people we’ve never seen before walked in,” says the bartender, who also lives in the condos. “This is something we’ll note in the bar log.” Having made our way back through the security zone, and with on shipmate picked up at Riverside, we need a drink.

Technically, this dock appears to be private and behind a locked gate. But since the condo owners have recently illegally locked the gate to a public sidewalk passing through their condoplex, we feel no compunction docking at their dock. We leave Ramzy behind to let us back in. After watching an Arab man stand alone on a dock for 15 minutes, only about 300 yards from a U.S. Coast Guard ship, the sheriff ’s deputies generously offer to let us back through the locking gate themselves.

At the Rusty Nail, there are Jell-O shots, including a sugar-free variety, and cheese-heavy pizza. Everyone is friendly—like small-town folks happy to see fresh meat.

“We used to do comedy open-mic nights on Fridays, and that brought in lots of new people, but the comedians didn’t spend any money,” says one of the regulars.

“They’d just sit there drinking ice water, and the rest of us had to listen to them instead of being able to talk and hear each other.”

Surf’s Up, Cascadia WESTPORT, WASH., GETS THE REGION’S FIRST BOUGIE SURF HOTEL.

BY PETE COTTELL

pcottell@wweek.com

In a town like Westport, bougie isn’t necessarily bad. Though the jetty at Westhaven State Park has long been the most accessible surf break for most Washingtonians, very little of the money pouring into Seattle has traveled the 130 or so miles out to the unglamorous fishing town located across Grays Harbor from Aberdeen. That’s all about to change with the Loge at the Sands, which celebrated its grand opening Memorial Day weekend.

In November, Loge co-owners Johannes Ariens and Cale Genenbacher took over a claptrap hotel formerly known as the Sands, which Ariens says was “on the brink of being condemned.” In its place, the Loge (pronounced “lodge”) has created a spot that’s equal parts surfer sleep-away camp and Etsy-chic motor inn, made with accents of cedar, corrugated steel, and several coats of dark turquoise paint a Vans catalog would describe as “Deep Chill.” It’s not hard to imagine the late Socality Barbie with a Westfalia-driving surfer boyfriend who’d feel right at home at the Loge.

Accommodations are scalable to appeal to a variety of budgets, including bare-bones “rustic” campsites ($35 a night), covered “hookup” campsites ($40 a night), and motel rooms with double queen-sized beds ($145 a night).

The old main office was being converted to a youth hostel on our recent visit, which will offer twin-sized bunk beds for $40 a night. RV sites with hookups are available for $40 a night, but I wouldn’t try to park anything larger than a small Airstream in one of the six spots adjacent to the grassy area surrounding the stage.

With a full surf-rental service operating out of the garage, one could feasibly show up emptyhanded and snag a beginner-friendly soft-top Wave Riders longboard ($25 a day), an Xcel wetsuit and booties courtesy of Evo ($18 a day) and be ready to roll within minutes. A rinsing station is available at the rear of the south hotel rooms, and a particular point of pride is the Loge’s drying room, which offers a secure, climate-controlled space that’s free

for guests and $10 a day for anyone else who might stumble by.

The Loge is a hotel at heart, and has been built with modernity, Instagrammability and automation in mind—even check-in is done with coded room entry. But Ariens is equally excited about the communal aspects of the property, including a cafe slated to open to the public in time for the Cold Water Classic in mid-August, at which point Ariens will have realized his dreams of giving surfers a stylish place to hang, rinse off their gear and deposit some much-needed cash into a local economy, which Ariens believes is underperforming at keepG A R R E T T VA N S W E A R I N G E N

Channing Frye—where each burger can be made with bison meat. To get there from the little docks at Willamette Park, on the west side of the river, we have to hop up a little path over the train tracks, past the Oregon Public Broadcasting offices and a few boat rental and repair shops. The beer selection is vintage craft— Widmer, BridgePort, Ninkasi—but we opt instead for a couple cheap pitchers of Coors Light. The server is less than pleased when we show him a photograph of altright activists flashing the Pepe the Frog “OK” sign on the Gap’s patio after a June 4 rally. “Oh, Jesus,” he says.

LOGINGS: A room at the bougie new motel in Westport, Wash.

ing visiting surfers around. A raft of regional bands are scheduled to perform every weekend for the foreseeable future, and a deal with 10 Barrel Brewing was just inked to keep the suds flowing once the cafe is finished.

For those few hardy Pacific Northwest surfers who’ve had Washington’s waves to themselves forever, the Loge is a likely sign of something new and not necessarily welcome. But as high-end lifestyle shops like Cosube, Up North Surf Club and Leeward Northwest open around Portland, it’s obvious the wave of high-end surf culture is coming.

GO: The Loge at the Sands, 1416 Montesano St. S, Westport, Wash., 360-268-0091, logecamps.com.

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How to Do

Portland Pride 2017 CELEBRATE THE THREE DAYS YOU CAN SUCCESSFULLY GO GRINDR-FREE.

I L L U S T R AT I O N B Y A N D E W M O I R

BY JACK R U SHA LL

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As a gay millennial with a penchant for tequila shots and salmon-colored shorts, I feel lucky to have been born on June 18. But for many others in the LGBTQ community, June is a celebration of rebirth. We block encroaching sunshine with rose-colored goggles, commemorating our ongoing commitment to loving ourselves while sticking it to the haters, Chris Crocker-style. We break out Robyn CDs like they’re the Love Actually soundtrack around December, momentarily bring back cuffing season for a couple nights of marathoning the latest season of Orange Is the New Black, and then reappear for the parade—and all those margarita slushies.

This year, Portland Pride will be held June 17-18, and per usual, there will be an excess of block parties, queer dance nights, queer art exhibitions and comedy showcases that trickle into the surrounding days. Here are our picks for the very best events.

THURSDAY, JUNE 15 Portland Pride Comedy Showcase: Vickie Shaw!

“Is your mom gay?” some kid asks comedian Vickie Shaw’s young son on the playground. “Why? Does your mom want to date her?” Vickie Shaw’s son retorts. Blessed with a Southern drawl and a sassy personality, Vickie Shaw will headline this year’s 7th Portland Pride Comedy Showcase, hosted by the Portland Queer Comedy Festival. The icing on top: the Portland Queer Comedy Festival doesn’t officially launch until July. This means you can stay proud for the majority of the summer. And clearly, if Vickie has taught us anything: LGBTQ parents have no use for dating apps. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 7:30 pm and 9:30 pm. $20 at the door. 21+.

FRIDAY, JUNE 16 Queers in Space Part Pride party, part acid trip, Bit House Saloon’s “The Cockpit,” a recurring deep house club staple, is throwing a two-story bash destined to resemble a night underneath Rite Aid at S1. Dubbed “Queers in Space,” guests might find themselves in an early Britney Spears music video. Expect galactic go-go dancers in flight-attendant garb, trippy visuals bred for candyflipping and puddles of vodka soda beneath many of the urinals. In terms of the tunes, Sterling Moss is at the synth’s helm all the way from London. But remember: There’s music on both floors. Bit House Saloon, 727 SE Grand Ave., 9 pm. $10, 21+.

SATURDAY-SUNDAY, JUNE 17-18

PORTLAND PRIDE PARADE Let’s equate Portland Pride to Thanksgiving dinner. The drag brunch serves as the hors d’oeuvres and the glitterstudded after-parties are your pumpkin pie. But, let’s be real: We come for the turkey. Last year, the Portland Pride Parade included 8,000 individuals—just on floats.

As is tradition, it begins on West Burnside—the heart of what was once Portland’s LGBT-centric district—and ends near the Waterfront. Staples include the Official Trans Pride March (2 pm June 17 at NW 8th Ave. & NW Davis St.) and the Portland Dyke March (6 pm June 17 at Tom McCall Waterfront Park).

SATURDAY-MONDAY, JUNE 17-19 Stag Block Party Gay bros, unite! You remember Stag: It’s the gay strip club modeled after a winter cabin, deer head and all.

Well, you probably remember their Pride block party, too. Encompassing a whole parking lot for four days, this

yuppie-centric, slightly younger version of the Scandals block party has been good for Euro-centric DJs, a swimwear-themed day and Stag-famous “Barbie shots.” Stag is also your go-to hangover spot, as they offer low-key Sunday drag “TESTIFY brunches,” rivaling the much more claustrophobia-inducing performances over at CC’s. Stag PDX, 317 NW Broadway. 21+.

SATURDAY, JUNE 17 SLAY While many Pride dance parties are typically gay-male dominated, LGBTQ nights at Holocene tend to attract a broader queer audience. SLAY, Holocene’s response to Pride weekend, sees the return of DJ Automation, who was a fixture at the monthly Gaycation events back in the day (RIP.) Make sure to surface at this synth-heavy, upper-friendly soirée before 10 pm, when tickets are a mere $5. Also, you might want to show up early, in general, because lines feel like they extend to the west side if you get there too late. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 9 pm. $5-10, 21+.

Blow Pony’s 10th Annual Queer Mutiny Fest NW Any monthly foray into a Blow Pony party provides one with a war story or two to recount the following morning over a couple of mimos. That being said, Blow Pony: Pride Edition pulls out all the stops. For its first year in its new space, Blow Pony’s Annual Queer Mutiny Fest features rap-infused hip-hop courtesy of DJ Airick X and a slew of RuPaul Drag Race contestants, such as Miss Peppermint and Laila McQueen. Bossanova Ballroom, 722 E. Burnside St., 9 pm. $19, 21+.

Lumbertwink One subcultural creature you won’t find in many places outside the Pacific Northwest: the lumbertwink. Basically, it’s a bunch of dudes decked out in flannel who like photo booths, so it’s really nothing out of the ordinary. As an event, Lumbertwink is fodder for the day drinker who is either a) a bear, b) a bear in training or c) somebody who celebrates the simpler things in life. The point being: You show up wearing flannel to the Funhouse Lounge patio and drink to glittering sunshine and three rotating DJs. This is one of the more casual Pride events, so don’t leave your scruff at home.

Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., 4 pm. $4-10, 21+.

Gaylabration New York and Portland had way less in common back in 2011 in terms of LGBTQ rights, and Portland decided to throw a party about it? Read on. After the Empire State scored marriage equality that fateful June, Pride Northwest celebrated its passage with the hope that one day we would follow in its footsteps. And even though we have comfortably allowed gay marriage for a few years now, the Portland LGBTQ communtity still gets together to get drunk and listen to some big musical names. This year’s theme: Make America Gay Again. Tao Event Center, 631 NE Grand Ave., 9 pm. $25 at the door, 21+.

Slant: Live Queer Storytelling Between all the Jell-O shots and showers you are forced to partake in so that you can de-glitter yourself before work, you might meander toward Mississippi Studios and momentarily take the backseat. Essentially, it’s The Moth, but with all queer speakers, Slant is a platform for queer people to discuss the hard-hitting issues. We’re talking everything from erotic Pokemon fan fiction to stripping for podcasts. Hosted by veteran performer SisterBritt, you’ll get seven-minute stories from a variety of LGBTQ people, some of whom are traveling comedians Pride-hopping from city to city. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 6 pm. $15.

Queens of the ’90s When most of us think of LGBTQ content from ’90s pop culture, we think of that one lesbian Buffy storyline and then we just stop. Yet, Queens of the ’90s is the ultimate throwback Pride extravaganza: Channel a costume inspired by Whitney Houston, Rickie from My So-Called Life...or Jack from Dawson’s Creek(!?) and get down.

Either way, DJ Jens Irish brings you some flashback tunes, so get yourself a mullet or something. Paris Theatre, 6 SW 3rd Ave., 9 pm. $6, 21+.

The AM at Scandals Block Party As a dive bar, Scandals has been open for 38 years, which means their Pride Block Party has refined the method to its madness. With a dropped pin in the heart of downtown and the legendary former Burnside Triangle, this quintessential Pride event is teeming with gays representative of all age demographics. In terms of drank, elixirs are dirt cheap and poured mindlessly. However, as this is usually a beginning pit stop for most who plan to party their way to the east side by night’s end, you might want to watch that initial cocktail consumption, as amenable prices may lead you astray. Scandals, 1125 SW Stark St. 21+.

SUNDAY, JUNE 18 Big Gay Boat Ride You’re on a boat, betch! Get your towels ready, cuz it’s about to go down. You’re (probably) queer, you’re (definitely) tipsy and there’s no better way to let June know you’re hot, superficially and physically, than getting yourself a ticket aboard a pimped-out Portland Spirit. Hosted by yet another contestant from RuPaul’s Drag Race with Little Tommy Bang Bang as deckhand (whatever that means), you might not find a mermaid—but you’ll treat the Willamette like you’re Leo. Tom McCall Waterfront Park, 3 pm. $40, 21+.

So You Think You Can Drag?!

Karaoke is a defining Portland thing; it’s one of the few crowd-pleasers we took from the Japanese as opposed to the other way around. Yet, its most miserable aspect is the part where you actually have to sing. So You Think You Can Drag?! is the anxiety-free solution. Show up, drag yourself out and lip sync to a particularly poppy number for all the world to see. Paris Theatre, 6 SW 3rd Ave., 8 pm. $14, 21+.

THROUGH FRIDAY, JUNE 30 Burials From Andy Warhol’s soup can portraits to Shamir’s countertenor, queer artists have made their way into many a heated roundtable discussion via Crush’s smoking patio. Fueling some fresh smalltalk, interdisciplinary artist Sean M. Johnson showcases Burials, a month-long photography exhibit that contrasts queer escapism with the morbid, cultural tradition of a burial. Oozing traces of both life and death, this must-see exposition captures queer fantasies unhinged by the heterosexual, cisgender hierarchy. Pushdot Studio, 2505 SE 11th Ave. Free.

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Get wet

“Kelley Point for sure. It’s beautiful there.”

“The ocean.”

WHERE DO YOU LIKE TO GET IN THE WATER?

“Probably the Sandy River. I just moved here, so I don’t know a whole lot of swimming spots.”

LOOKS WE LIKE THIS WEEK.

“A river or my bathtub.”

PHOTOS BY SA M GEHR KE

“Any beach!”

“In the Washougal River.”

“I really like the Willamette River.”

“Definitely my bathtub.”

“Crater Lake.”

TREAT F L E S ’ YO

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The Bump WHAT TO BUY YOUR DAD THIS FATHER’S DAY. Dads are tough to buy for. It seems like they don’t want anything, and you can’t even give them flowers as a safe standby. So we asked a few office dads what they like, and these are the gifts they came up with.

SOUS-VIDE COOKER

LEATHER NOTEBOOK

Anovaculinary.com, $109 Dad likes to think of himself as a master griller, but chances are he can’t quite match the meat cooked up at one of the city’s best steakhouses. Until now. Sous-vide cooking is a game-changer when it comes to steaks. Just seal your meat in a Ziploc bag and submerge it in a pot of water heated to precise temperatures using a little wand from Anova.

An hour later, you can have a perfect medium rib-eye that’s been heated to exactly 133 degrees Fahrenheit.

Then, throw on a pat of butter and sear it on the grill or in a cast-iron pan—neither Ruth nor Chris could do it any better.

Bullandstash.com, $25-50 Bull & Stash makes high-quality leather notebooks, and bills them as “the last notebook you’ll ever need.” This isn’t an exaggeration: Once you fill it up, you can order refills of paper for $7, meaning your old notes are easier to save, and you’re doing major earthsaving efforts, as well. Plus, dads love being minimal.

FRENCH PRESS FROM BODUM

Amazon.com, $26.68

One of the most famous designs in the world of coffee, Bodum released its French press in 1974. Not only does it look slick on a counter, but its base is made of chromeplated brass, which guarantees its longevity. (Dads always seem to like this.)

SLIDES

adidas.com, $45

PAINTED HILLS RIB-EYE STEAKS

The Meat Monger at Providore Fine Foods, $20 The scent of steaks on the grill is the epitome of summer. We recently blind-tasted rib-eyes from seven Portland butcher shops to find the best ones in town. The winner? Painted Hills, Oregon’s biggest name in natural beef—no antibiotics, no chemicals and no hormones. We found it to be fatty as hell and blooming with beef flavor, with fat marbled through the protein and a crescendo of umami that builds to an unctuous grace note that lingers in its beefiness. It’s also a gift to yourself, because maybe Dad will cook ’em up while you’re there.

HEAT INDICATOR FRY PAN FROM T-FAL Amazon.com, $26.92

The aluminum signature pan has what T-Fal dubs its “Thermo-Spot,” a patterned dot at the center of the pan that turns solid red when it reaches optimum preheating temp. It’s also lightweight with a comfy soft-touch plastic handle and tall sides, which will keep your eggs from sliding and does a credible job of browning your hashes.

Depending how old your dad is, he might remember when these were cool the first time. Well, they’re cool again, and chances are he threw them out—along with his youthful dreams once you were born.

Luckily, adidas has its American headquarters here, so you can go pick up a new pair for your stylin’ dad. He’ll love wearing them, post-golf or post-hike.

SPIEGELAU IPA GLASSES

Amazon.com, $21.95 for 2

TABLET STAND FROM IKEA

Ikea.com, $15.99 Say Dad wants to try out a new recipe, or watch “the game” while making dinner? Instead of standing his iPad up against the wall or letting it fall on a few books, get him something he probably wouldn’t buy himself: a bamboo stand. This one is slick, and won’t set you back much.

Dad’s going to get thirsty from all this cooking! Germany’s Spiegelau, one of the world’s elite glassware makers, teamed up with Sam Calagione of Dogfish Head and Ken Grossman of Sierra Nevada to design this glass specifically for IPA. It has a rounded top with a wide mouth to concentrate the aromas of the hops and allow them to emerge forcefully from the glass while a narrow, ribbed bottom keeps the beer cool. It feels great in your hand and really does seem to make IPAs taste better.

DUFFEL BACKPACK

Filson.com, $245

For the active dad, this nylon duffel backpack is small enough to use as carry-on luggage, and big enough to pack for a weeklong trip. But the coolest part is that you can convert it into a backpack using the additional straps and a huge pocket at the base of the bag. Also, one of the colors is “whiskey.”

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STARTERS

@BRITTPETTIBONE

B I T E - S I Z E D P O RT L A N D C U LT U R E N E W S

THE GAP

TROLL PARTY: After far-right activists panicked Portlanders worried about an antifa-vs.-alt-right showdown June 4 during a “Free Speech” rally—the actual protest was relatively tame—hard-right activists apparently settled in for an evening of drinking at 40-year-old Johns Landing institution the Buffalo Gap, better known as a hangout for casual bikers and former Blazer Channing Frye. Hatred Day author Brittany Pettibone tweeted a shot of herself hanging with national figures from the “alt-right” political movement. In attendance were “journalist” Tim Pool, America First activist James Allsup, and the man known as “Baked Alaska,” who is best known for complaining about “anti-white bigotry.” Buffalo Gap staff shown in the photograph were visibly displeased by the identity of their June 4 patrons. “Oh, Jesus!” said one of the bar’s servers when he saw the photo. The bar owners did not respond to requests for comment.

CEBICHE R.I.P.: The ceviche WW named the finest in Portland is now gone. As of June 12, our 2016 restaurant of the year, Southwest Portland Peruvian restaurant Paiche, has changed its format to become a casual lunchtime cafe serving savory pastries. Co-owner and chef Jose Luis de Cossio—whose mercurial career includes two stints apiece as head chef of Pearl Peruvian spot Andina and at world-renowned outposts of chef Gaston Acurio’s acclaimed La Mar—has switched gears yet again, saying the type of customer at Paiche was “too narrow,” and also citing difficulties training staff to cook to his standards. He also wanted to spend more time with his family. “I don’t see myself as this chef only making colorful food for a specific kind of person,” he says. He plans to offer prix-fixe pop-up dinners starting in August. In the meantime, he says, he will focus on serving his neighborhood during lunch. “We will be open to a different kind of wallet,” he says, “a different budget.”

THE DOCK ’O CLOCK STRIKES 12: Welp, it looks like summer is officially ruined. The Dock just south of the Hawthorne Bridge, known formally as the Holman Dock, will be closed from late July until early September, which means if you want a dock to lie on in central Portland, you’ll have to go all the way to Sellwood. Starting around July 24, Portland General Electric will remove the entire dock for “remediation work,” which deals with the removal of pollutants from the soil or water. Sorry.

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THE BLUE LAGOONS: PSU architecture student Amy Peterson has a new idea for what the Mount Tabor reservoirs could be used for now that they’re no longer holding drinking water. Her idea, first reported in the Southeast Examiner, is to turn the pools into a small geothermal power plant, complete with thermal baths. The power plant would produce both power and large amounts of hot water and steam, which would be used to fill and heat the reservoirs, creating thermal baths. Peterson says the baths would generate lowcost energy, keep the reservoirs filled and generate revenue for the park and city. She says she and other students were inspired by similar thermal bathing facilities in Iceland’s oft-Instagrammed Blue Lagoon and the Sutro Baths in San Francisco.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14 Pink Boots Tap Takeover H ey, yo u k n ow t h a t o n e beer event that lasts all year, where all the brewers are big, beardy dudes and so are 90 percent of the people in the room? Well, this is the opposite of that—lady brewers, lady distributors and a crap ton of good beer. Civic Ballroom, 621 SW 19th Ave., pdxbeerweek.com. 5-8 pm.

Trump’s Birthday Bash-Back Portland's Resistance is commemorating the birth of the oldest and dumbest president to assume office by celebrating literally everyone else born on June 14—Che Guevara, MC Ren, even dirtyass former San Antonio Spur Bruce Bowen. Bring a homemade piñata for the chance to win $100. South Park Blocks, Southwest Park Avenue, pdxresistance.org. 5-8 pm.

THURSDAY, JUNE 15 Turtlenecked Harrison Smith, the 21-year-old mastermind behind Portland’s Turtlenecked, is making everyone who has ever even thought about making music look very bad. On his new album, Vulture, Smith outdoes himself with a stunning display of polyglot brilliance, shifting on a dime from postpunk dirges to pure pop bliss. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3895, mississippistudios.com. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

SuicideGirls present Blackheart Burlesque The SuicideGirls are coming home from L.A. to be naked in a way that's totally different from and more alt than other naked people. Boo to conventional nakedness! Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., 503-288-3895, revolutionhall. com. 9 pm. $25.

FRIDAY, JUNE 16 Poetic Justice Benefit Concert While the MAX stabbings shook the entire city—and the whole country, really—it hit the local hip-hop community particularly hard, considering survivor Micah Fletcher is one of their own. Tonight, a host of Portland rap luminaries, including Cool Nutz, Mic Capes and Libretto, will perform to raise money for all three victims of the attack.

Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 971-230-0033, roselandpdx.com. 7 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. All ages.

SATURDAY, JUNE 17 What the Festival Australian synth-pop act Cut Copy headlines this year's electronic music summer camp in the woods of Central Oregon, but depending on what you're on, the main attractions remain the giant wading pool and the glow of the Illuminated Forest. Wolf Run Ranch, 78889 Dufur Valley Road, Dufur, Ore., whatthefestival.com. June 16-19.

Get Busy CARLA ROSSI

EVENTS WE'RE EXCITED ABOUT

SUNDAY, JUNE 18

Portland Pride Parade Portland Pride isn't just a parade. It's more like a giant party in the street where you see which huge companies are the most socially responsible and free condoms are thrown like confetti. The weekend kicks off Saturday at Waterfront Park with a performance by "drag clown" Carla Rossi. Starts at Northwest 8th Avenue and Davis Street, pridenw.org. 11 am. Free. All ages.

JUNE 14-20

Mad & A Goat CoHo Productions’ Summerfest adds some weirdness to the Portland theater offseason.

Th e f i r st o f f i ve weekend-long runs of new plays sounds p l e n t y st ra n g e : I n order to avoid her student debt, a recent college grad moves to a goat farm/cult in rural Wyoming.

CoHo Productions, 2257 NW Raleigh St., cohoproductions.org.

7:30 pm. $20.

Portland Cheese and Beer Fest Portland cheese king Steve Jones joins forces with some of the best breweries in the region to pair 10 Cascadiamade cheeses with 10 local beers at the Portland Beer and Cheese Fest, a gluttonous affair that also features artisan charcuterie and chocolate. Culmination Brewing, 2117 NE Oregon St., 971-254-9114, culminationbrewing.com.

1-4 pm. $35.

Snackdown The Snackdown is the nuttiest throwdown of Portland Beer Week— and so, suitably, its last, pairing chefs and brewers together in a WWE-style main event. It’s pairing against pairing, with trash talk on the mic and probably some scary chest hair and wigs. The Evergreen Ballroom (above Loyal Legion), 618 SE Alder St., pdxbeerweek.com. $49.

MONDAY, JUNE 19 Adult Swim on the Green Fans of Adult Swim—Cartoon Network’s block of stonerific programming that runs nightly from dusk to dawn—could probably use some fresh air, so it’s a good thing the network is plying them outdoors with this traveling carnival, which promises games, food trucks and a special screening of rare, unaired content. It’ll be just like watching in your mom’s basement, only draftier! Sellwood Riverfront Park, SE Oaks Parkway, adultswim.com/ presents/onthegreen. 7:15 pm. Free with $5 food and drink voucher. 18+.

TUESDAY, JUNE 20

Guitar Wolf Japan’s Guitar Wolf has been pulling off a pretty great Ramones impression going on 30 years now. Wrapped in leather jackets that never seem to come off, the trio put its collective head down in 1987 and charged through the next three decades, releasing 14 albums of dirt-simple, white-knuckle punk rock. Their shows play out the same way their career has—loud, fast and with hardly any pauses in the action. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar Chavez Blvd., 503-233-7100, hawthornetheatre.com.

8 pm. $13.50 advance, $16 day of show. 21+.

But I’m a Cheerleader In celebration of Pride Month, the Clinton Street Resistance Series presents this 1999 cult classic about coming out, coming of age and surviving conversion therapy. It’s funny, we promise. All proceeds benefi t the PDX Trans Pride organization. Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St., 503-897-0744, cstpdx.com.

7 pm. $5.

Flip City Pinball Tournament Intimidated by Portland's storied pro pinball scene? Flip City's weekly double-elimination tournament is open to the plebs, and bounces between some of the best pinball bars in town.

Tonight, it’s at Quarterworld, but check flip.city for weekly locations. Quarterworld, 4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-548-2923, quarterworld.com. 7 pm. 21+.

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FOOD & DRINK

Fillmore Trattoria

Italian Home Cooking Tuesday–Saturday 5:30PM–10PM closed Sunday & Monday

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

@WillametteWeek

@WillametteWeek

@wweek

1937 NW 23RD Place Portland, OR 97210

By MATTHEW KORFHAGE. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@wweek.com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14 Pink Boots Tap Takeover

Hey, you know that one beer event that lasts all year, where all the brewers are big, beardy dudes and so are 90 percent of the people in the room? Well, this is the opposite of that—lady brewers, lady distributors and a ton of good beer.

Civic Ballroom, 621 SW 19th Ave., pdxbeerweek.com. 5-8 pm.

FRIDAY, JUNE 16

(971) 386-5935

Cider Summit Portland

The biggest cider fest in the region will pour out craploads of cider for the beginning of cider week, which is also the second leg of beer week. A ton of ciders, 150 in all, will be pouring. Among the options, make sure to get the 1763 from Cider Riot, the limited release from Salem’s 1859 and the sidra from Rhode Island’s Ciders of Spain. Fields Neighborhood Park, NW 10th Ave. and Overton St., $35-$40.

SATURDAY, JUNE 17 Portland Cheese and Beer Fest

Portland cheese king Steve Jones joins forces with some of the best breweries in the region to pair 10 Cascadia-made cheeses with

bop bop winners winners announced! announced!

RSVP online at surveymonkey.com/r/BOP17

Where to eat this week.

1. Doe Donuts

8201 SE Powell Blvd., 503-333-4404, doe-donuts.com.

Hard to believe, but this is Portland’s first vegan doughnut shop. $.

2. Tienda de Leon

R E V NE S MIS A BEAT

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16223 NE Glisan St., 503-255-4356.

On Fridays, come in for the cabeza (that’s beef head!) barbacoa at Tienda de Leon—it’s outstanding, beefy and rich. $.

3. El Brasero

18288 SE Division St., Gresham, 503-669-1253.

The people from the El Brasero

10 local beers at the Portland Beer and Cheese Fest, a gluttonous affair that also features artisan charcuterie and chocolate. Culmination Brewing, 2117 NE Oregon St., 971-254-9114, culminationbrewing.com. 1-4 pm. $35.

SUNDAY, JUNE 18 Tapas Week Closing Party

All week since June 12, alongside beer and cider weeks there is a weeklong Tapas Day—a collusion between tourist boards that has led to many, many $79-$100 tapas events with fancy Spanish chefs.

These are mostly sold out. But this party’s a walk-in and free, there are free tapas and Spanish wine, and lots of nice cocktails and sidra and vermut. Check worldtapasdayusa.com to see if you can still get Michelin-star Spanish stuff. Plaza del Toro, 105 SE Taylor St., 6 pm.

Snackdown

The Snackdown is the nuttiest throwdown of Portland Beer Week—and so, suitably, its last, pairing chefs and brewers together in a WWE-style main event. It’s pairing against pairing, with trash talk on the mic and probably some scary chest hair and wigs. The Evergreen Ballroom (above Loyal Legion), 618 SE Alder St., pdxbeerweek.com. $49.

cart on Hawthorne have a sitdown restaurant with some of the best barbacoa consomé in town. $.

4. Los Alambres D.F.

Los Alambres D.F., 1134 SE 82nd Ave., 503-213-0085, losalambresdf.weebly.com.

Alambre is like a fajita speedball—an Arab-influenced Mexican plate of meats, cheese and peppers served up with a grip of tortillas. It’s pretty much awesome, and this is where to get it.

5. Kama’aina

1910 Main St., Suite A, Forest Grove, 503-430-0465, kamaainacfoh.com.

Want truly great Hawaiian food near Portland? Go to Forest Grove. $$.

DRANK

Mango Sticky Rice (Breakside) There are food beers, and then there are beers that taste like food. Breakside’s Mango Sticky Rice, brewed for the Portland Fruit Beer Festival, is very much the latter. Brewer Ben Edmunds is a known food hound, and Mango Sticky Rice is a cookbook in a pint glass—a jaw-dropping sweet-savory magic trick that convinces your palate you’ve just eaten Thai dessert on the beaches of Phuket. Fruity and lightly zesty and viscous with the grain of rice, the 6.8 percent blonde ale is made with malted oats and toasted rice and coconut, then conditioned on Champagne mangoes and imbued with lime zest and vanilla bean. The beer is a love letter to Thailand, and wherever we can drink this beer on a patio, that is where you’ll find us. Recommended. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

SAM GEHRKE

REVIEW

I

Holey Cow THE NEW HOLSTEINS IN THE PEARL SURE SEEMS LIKE A TERRIBLE IDEA. BUT MAYBE NOT?

BY M A RT I N C I Z M A R

mcizmar@wweek.com

We’re a little bit spoiled here in Portland.

Even in our most touristy downtown restaurants, it’s rare to find $16 hamburgers, $9 milkshakes or a $5 happy hour pint depicted as a good deal. Most restaurants are decorated with performative modesty, and no one makes or takes reservations.

In other words, Portland is pretty much the opposite of a city like Las Vegas.

And yet, Vegas-based Block 16 Hospitality picked the Pearl for the second offshoot of Holsteins Shakes and Buns, a splashy burger spot that’s part of a portfolio that also includes Public House-brand public house, Flour & Barley brick-oven pizza and two different bougie hot dog concepts. The failure of our branch of Scottsdale-based P. F. Chang’s China Bistro left 6,400 feet of premium Pearl real estate open for Block 16.

So we get Holsteins, a massive, extravagantly appointed and vaguely Fierian new burger spot serving very average hamburgers.

The decadent space makes a statement.

The restaurant is anchored by a life-size white cow statue, graffiti-style artwork hangs on the ceiling and big, fluffy half-moon booths could each accommodate a bachelor party. The bar is gray marble. The absurd extravagance carries over to the food—like a $15 shake that comes rimmed with candied bacon and a full cupcake perched on top, or a sandwich called the Captain Hook, which has a seared steelhead patty topped with smoked salmon ($15).

I was excited to try Holsteins, having grown a bit weary of Portland’s barnwood and housemade mustards. Sadly, two meals there, spaced a month apart, were not good.

Let’s start with what worked pretty well.

The best thing we tried was a bulgogi quesadilla appetizer ($12) made with a little steak and a lot of Oaxacan cheese sandwiched between two tortillas and topped with kimchi

I

Sha

www.sha

Shandong www.shandongportland.com

Simple ApproAch

Bold FlAvor vegan Friendly

open 11-10

everyday

MILK AND COWS: Holsteins is a little absurd.

plus criss-crossing drizzles of kalbi and aioli.

The gooey cheese and acidic kimchi played well off each other. Buttermilk-battered onion rings (a $2 upcharge to substitute for fries with your burger) were hot, crisp and tasty. Oh, and they bring you complimentary popcorn—a nice treat I haven’t encountered at a family restaurant since I was a kid eating at Ground Round, when my parents refused to order pizza at Chuck E. Cheese next door.

But things go downhill pretty fast from there.

All the burgers are made with premium beef, either “Kobe” as in the Nom Nom Burger ($15.50)— topped with cheddar, Thousand Island and potato chips—or dry-aged sirloin as in the Gold Standard ($15.50), topped with bacon, cheddar chevre, garlic-chive aioli and “tomato confit.”

Sadly, all of the burgers we had were dry, overdone for the requested medium and lacking a meaty punch. The exotic sauces and huge stacks of greenery atop them further dampened the beef flavor. The El Caliente ($14), topped with pork rinds, mayonnaise that was purported to include cilantro and tequila, and thin slices of pickled jalapeno was literally not edible with the pork skins on it—the laws of physics prevented this—but rather unremarkable with the skins on the side.

A plate of 10 wings ($12) came under-sauced and overpriced. Oddly, they came garnished with a few thin slices of jalapeno. A shallow cast-iron pan filled with fried dill slices ($10) suffered from overly dry pickles: Without a vinegar bite, a fried pickle is just a fried cucumber, and nobody wants a fried cucumber.

Another thing nobody wants: an $8 “Cereal Bowl Panna Cotta” that’s runny and, under the berry compote, tastes basically like the milk left over in kids’ cereal.

Then again, I’ve been wrong before about what other people want. Maybe Portland has been crying out for a pricey, over-the-top Pearl District burger spot. We’ll know once the rain returns and the tourists fly home.

500 NW 21st Ave, (503) 208-2173 kungpowpdx.com

ial Day Spec or ’s r e h t a F Alligat d June 18 ie r F & o umb Seafood G

GO: Holsteins, 1139 NW Couch St., 503-6164321, holsteinsburgers.com. 11 am-11 pm daily.

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MUSIC COURTESY OF ADA

PROFILE

Redesigning a Nervous Breakdown THE ANNIVERSARY WERE THE FLEETWOOD MAC OF EMO, AND FELL APART THE SAME WAY. NOW THEY’RE BACK TO TIE UP THE LOOSE ENDS.

BY PE T E COT T E L L

pcottell@wweek.com

When bringing up the topic of emo reunion tours to Josh Berwanger, singer-guitarist of the reunited emo band the Anniversary, his response seems more confused than anything else.

“You’re naming all this stuff like American Football, but I don’t know a lot about these bands,” Berwanger says. “I don’t even know who American Football is. I’ve heard the name and I know it’s a band, but I can’t tell you what they sound like, or what a song by Sunny Day Real Estate is.”

This is immediately surprising to anyone who’s familiar with the Anniversary, whose 2000 debut record, Designing a Nervous Breakdown, is widely believed to be one of the cornerstones of the genre. Powered by breathy malefemale harmonies, youthful “aw shucks” lyrics and prevalent Moog synthesizers, Breakdown is an infectious blast of power pop that’s served as a blueprint for any band who prefers a little sugar sprinkled on their sadness.

Though the Lawrence, Kan., group’s contemporaries, the Get Up Kids, added synthesizers to their own high-fructose punk and rode it to great success on 1999’s Something to Write Home About, the Anniversary quickly pulled a left turn that steered them away from a scene they helped kickstart. On Your Majesty, their 2001 sophomore release, it became abundantly clear that the group’s deep exploration of classic rock was leading them far beyond bands like Cheap Trick and the Cars.

Fans of the first record were not thrilled.

“We kinda just started touring with all these bands with a similar sound, like Get Up Kids and Hot Rod Circuit,” Berwanger says. “And at the same time, we started getting really deep into stuff like Holy Modal Rounders, Bert Jansch and T. Rex. We went as far as we could go down the classic-rock rabbit hole, trying to figure out who influenced what. When Your Majesty came out, it was totally yin and yang. There were people

who loved it and people absolutely hated it, and when someone said they didn’t like it, we would just laugh. We weren’t trying to be pompous dicks or like, ‘We got you,’ but we knew it was good. We didn’t care, and everyone we were looking up to at the time seemed like they had all put out a record like this.”

Between tours, the band got to work on demos Berwanger claims are even more out there than where they landed on Your Majesty. While the band was delving into influences as disparate as reggae, Chicago

“It was definitely

Fleetwood Mac-esque.

Everyone knows what that is—it’s drugs and sleeping around.”

— The Anniversary’s Josh Berwanger

soul singer Baby Huey and Outkast, that same spirit of exploration was leading band members off in radically different directions. Compounded by interband tensions that earned them comparisons to Fleetwood Mac, the young band abruptly fell apart in 2004.

“It was definitely Fleetwood Mac-esque,” Berwanger says. “Everyone knows what that is—it’s drugs and sleeping around. Everyone was on a different page and getting different information. We were super young and everyone thinks they’re right, and probably everyone was wrong. That’s how something implodes.”

As the Anniversary’s pair of radically different albums slowly attained hallowed status among a new generation of emo fans, the band grew up and moved on.

Berwanger released a handful of solo records and toured intermittently, eventually taking a step back when his son was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes. It wasn’t until he went back on the road, again opening for the Get Up Kids, that he realized there was still a possibility of tying up loose ends with the Anniversary.

“It was more a matter of everything happening at the right time,” Berwanger says. “[Singer-keyboardist] Adrianne [DeLanda] came out to sing on ‘The Siren Sings,’ and our booking agent from the Anniversary was right there. I asked her what she thought and I asked the other guys, and everyone besides [singer-guitarist] Justin [Roelofs] was on board.”

Berwanger is predictably ambivalent about the wave of “emo revival” bands like Braid and American Football have jumped on. The Anniversary is still a bit too niche and under-the-radar to pack venues large enough to qualify their latest endeavor as a cash-grab of any sorts—which fits nicely with Berwanger’s real motivation for why this is happening 13 years later with no new music in store.

“I saw a couple bands—I don’t want to name names— that were much older when I saw them play on reunion tours, and it was really bad,” he says. “It’s not their fault.

You get to the age of 55 or 60, [and] some people can still go out there and kick some ass. But some people cannot at all because they’ve been living in the suburbs or a mental institution forever. It was a thing where if we were gonna do it, we still have some of the fire and energy to do it, so it’s gotta happen now. I don’t want to be 60 years and and decide to do it then. It’s gonna suck.”

SEE IT: The Anniversary plays Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., with Dude York and Fullbloods on Friday, June 16.

9:30 pm. $17 advance, $20 day of show. 21+.

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MUSIC = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines.

Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

Weeed, BlackWater Holylight, Troll

[STONER ROCK] Of course a band named Weeed is going to play tripped out stoner rock. For almost a decade, the Bainbridge Island, Wash., quartet has been mixing flutes, double drums and ambient looping with heavy shredding guitar, earning comparisons to Pink Floyd and King Gizzard with their animated live performances as well as their recordings. Even during slower, sleepier moments, the music commands attention. CERVANTE POPE. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 503-328-2865. 9 pm. $8. 21+.

Floating Room, Sinless, Mini Blinds

[SLOW-CORE] Listening to Floating Room is like watching The Weather Channel late at night. The Portland slow-core act builds stormy, devastating sounds, but from a such a distance and with such a patient pace you feel out of harm’s way.

Last year, the band release Sunless, a slow-churning mass of ambling guitars, piercing pedal-work and windy vocals.

Floating Room can be drowsy and stir-

TOP

5

ring, as in a dream, but remain fully grounded. MARK STOCK. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 503-239-7639. 8:30 pm. $7 advance, $8 day of show. 21+.

THURSDAY, JUNE 15 Tom May, Lee Corey Oswald, Cool Schmool

[SURVIVORS OF SCRANTON] Lee Corey Oswald called the town of Scranton, Penn., home before decamping to Portland in the late aughts. That’s notable now that like-minded Scranton groups such as Tigers Jaw, Captain We’re Sinking and the Menzingers have gained momentum following years of toiling away in regional DIY scenes. As half of the Menzingers’ melodic ballast, Tom May has proven that getting old doesn’t necessarily equate with slowing down, with his group’s latest, this year’s After the Party, being what

CONT. on page 40 COURTESY OF LITTLE PRESS

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14

HANDS LIKE HOUSES

THE FIVE WORST-NAMED BANDS ON THIS YEAR’S WARPED TOUR HANDS LIKE HOUSES

Imagined Origin Story: Someone showed them “Here’s the church, here’s the steeple,” and it blew their friggin’ minds.

Worst Song Title: “The Definition of Not Leaving.” So, staying put, then?

2 THE ACACIA STRAIN Imagined Origin Story: A Google search for acai bowls took a strange left turn.

Worst Song Title: “Delusionalisphere.” Because “Disturbia” was already taken.

3 BEING AS AN OCEAN Imagined Origin Story: Some Christian shit, probably.

Worst Song Title: “The Hardest Part Is Forgetting Those You Swore You Would Never Forget.” Sentences are hard, you guys.

4 TOO CLOSE TO TOUCH Imagined Origin Story: Their Warped tourmates Our Last Night and Fit For a King already scraped the bottom of the sentence-fragment name generator and this is what was left.

Worst Song Title: “The Art of Eye Contact.” A touching tale of a national staring-contest champion and his search for unblinking love.

5 STICK TO YOUR GUNS Imagined Origin Story: “Hang in There” just didn’t sound tough enough.

Worst Song Title: “D(I Am)ond.” Nice to meet you...uh, Dond?

MATTHEW SINGER SEE IT: The Vans Warped Tour is at Oregon State Fair & Exposition Center, 2330 17th St., Salem, on Saturday, June 17. 11 am. $29-$69. All ages. See vanswarpedtour.com/dates/ salem for complete schedule.

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MUSIC many consider the foremost document of a “post-30s punk” movement groups like Beach Slang and the Men neatly slot into. LCO and May will spend the evening swigging beers, bo-ing down and telling tales of a life in the punk trenches, a thing only the most heartless and stodgy lifers won’t get a kick out of. PETE COTTELL. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 503-328-2865.

9 pm. $10. 21+.

Adult., Sextile, Pod Blotz

[MOTOR CITY MOTORIK] The electroclash boom of the early 00s is bust, but it’s comforting to know the slinky industrial house of Detroit’s Adult is still quite popular in Germany. This makes plenty of sense after a spin of this year’s collaboration-packed Detroit House Guests, which pairs the duo’s foreboding futurescapes with on-the-nose guest appearances from Australian krautrock chanteuse Dorit Chrysler, Swans’ Michael Gira and a smattering of others who share Adult’s fetish for the droning machinery of a bleak and inhuman future. PETE COTTELL. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 503-231-9663. 9 pm. Free. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

Stas Thee Boss, JusMoni, DJ Lamar Leroy

[ELECTRO-SOUL] As half of alternative R&B duo THEESatisfaction, Stasia “Stas” Irons lit up the Seattle hip-hop scene with soulful, Erykah Badu-adjacent songcraft that prioritized groove above all else. Part EDM, part soul, THEESatisfaction was breaking ground even before Shabazz Palaces asked them out on

tour, exposing them to other alt-hiphop scenes across the country. Irons writes, produces and releases her own music under moniker Stas THEE Boss, but was most recently heard featured heavily on rapper-producer Porter Ray’s March LP, Watercolor.

The more recent sounds are, predictably, more polished, but Irons’ tone of voice—her most singular element—is unchanged and unwavering, deep and wise-sounding. ISABEL ZACHARIAS. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $10 advance, $12 day of show. 21+.

Loveboys, Swamp Meat, Months

[GRUNGE POP] Loveboys take the brutish angst typical of grunge and dilute it with saccharine indie-pop.

The results are rife with near irresistible melodies and catchy rhythms that prompt contemplative headnods. Loveboys is mostly a live entity at this point, with only a scant few recordings available online, but tonight marks the release of their new self-titled EP. “Elixir” is the first track they’ve shared so far from the new collection and it shows a progressive, more garage-y sound. It definitely shows their keeping things catchy and fun. CERVANTE POPE. The Know, 3728 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-473-8729. 9 pm. $6. 21+.

Mono, Low

[SHOEGAZE FANTASIA] Part postrock, part Final Fantasy score, Japan’s Mono have spent the past decade blurring the lines between classical music and the criticallyappointed genre tag “crescendocore” to stunning results. After last

CONT. on page 42

JIMMY KING

PREVIEW

Donny McCaslin Group [BLACKSTAR BAND] Tenor saxophonist Donny McCaslin and his all-star quartet of modern jazz pioneers—including bassist Nate Wood, pianist Jason Lindner and drummer Mark Guiliana— were simmering quietly at the top of every New York jazz nerd’s favorites list for some time before David Bowie walked into their lives. While searching for collaborators to accompany him on his next sonic adventure, a recommendation from longtime friend and jazz composer Maria Schneider led Bowie to investigate the band at a tiny jazz club in the West Village. The legend liked what he heard, eventually using the group as the space-jazz centerpiece of his final masterwork, 2016’s much-lauded Blackstar. The angular beat-jazz purveyors now play to larger audiences, lately performing McCaslin originals from the group’s 2015 album Fast Future alongside various Bowie compositions. Deep rhythmic conversations between Guiliana and McCaslin take center stage, while the supporting work from the rest of the band is second to none, even in the crowded world of exceptional jazz talents. This group isn’t just for genre-specific nerds, either. Fans of Bowie will certainly find it interesting to hear musical worlds collide, especially because the band continues to play with the same high-energy gusto that got them noticed by the Thin White Duke in the first place. PARKER HALL. Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 503-223-4527. 8 pm Friday, June 16. $25 advance, $30 day of show. Under 21 permitted with legal guardian.

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MUSIC year’s Requiem For Hell, Mono has been deemed the rightful heir to Mogwai—their long, dissonant buildups crashing into orchestral climaxes relying equally on squalls of guitar feedback and seizing string sections, which add catharsis to the group’s dynamic attack.

Duluth, Minn., slowcore kings Low are an odd pairing on paper, but any fan of post-rock knows you can’t have loud without quiet.

PETE COTTELL. Wonder Ballroom, 128 NE Russell St., 503-284-8686.

8:30 pm. $22. 21+.

From Mars, which sprang from the Thin White Duke’s glitter-gilded loins on this day 40 years ago. A host of Portland bands, including all-star Bowie tribute act Boys Keep Swinging, will pay their respects. A Baby Ketten karaoke party follows, though if you prefer to lend your voice to a crowd rather than take the spotlight, drop-in choir OK Chorale hosts a sing-along at 7 pm. MATTHEW SINGER. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3895, mississippistudios.com. 8:15 pm. $10. 21+.

FRIDAY, JUNE 16

Poetic Justice presents A Benefit for the MAX Train Victims

The Deslondes, Twain

[COUNTRY-BLUES] Named after an early 19th century slave-rebellion leader, the Deslondes take classic country and hit it with a dose of swing from their native New Orleans. Sometimes somber and twangy, other times going full-fledged rockabilly, the quintet runs the emotional spectrum using the elements of age-old Americana. Forthcoming sophomore release Hurry Home promises to affirm the act’s dynamic sound, which strolls confidently between the expected Cajun and swamp-stomp influences as well as blues and lovestruck country.

MARK STOCK. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside St., 503-231-9663.

9 pm. $12. 21+.

Tei Shi, My Body

[INDIE ELECTRONICA] There’s a refreshing influx of female artists on the electronic music scene— Empress Of, FKA Twigs, SZA, Kelela—who are singing circles around their male counterparts and manipulating their electronic instruments in ways others hadn’t thought of. Producer Valerie Teicher’s solo project Tei Shi is the only one of this bunch, though, that made a full transition from truly cute, bedroom-y folk to electro-R&B as clean as polished glass without losing the homegrown playfulness of her first songs.

Fast forward to this past March, when Teicher’s second LP, Crawl Space, was released, remixed and streamed a million times over. But the best of it still sounds sweet, fun and not too heavy—done up, but not overdone. ISABEL ZACHARIAS. Holocene, 1001 SE Morrison St., 239-7639. 8:30 pm. $15 advance, $17 day of show. 21+.

Bowie Birthday Bash: Boys Keep Swinging, Ezza Rose, St. Even, the Morals, Wonderly, Sean Flora, Little Sue, Boone Boward, Emily Overstreet

Young and in the Way, Graves at Sea, Hands of Thieves, Shrine of the Serpent

[METAL] There are plenty of things to criticize about the South, but metal isn’t one of them. One of the region’s products is Young and in the Way, a band from Charlotte, North Carolina, that take the forceful pace hardcore punk and the sterility of black metal to the ultimate extreme. Their violently loud aural assaults often incorporate depressively angry and pessimistic lyrical subject matter, with song titles including “Hell is Other People,” “Fuck This Life” and “I Am Not What I Am.” They’re the kind of band to listen to when incredibly pissed off—a feeling almost everyone should to be experiencing lately. CERVANTE POPE. Tonic Lounge, 3100 NE Sandy Blvd., 503-238-0543 8:30 pm. $15. 21+.

What the Festival

[EDM SUMMER CAMP] See Get Busy, page 33. Wolf Run Ranch, 78889 Dufur Valley Rd., Dufur, Ore., whatthefestival.com. Through June 19.

SATURDAY, JUNE 17 Loud Love: A Tribute to Chris Cornell

[TRIBUTE] The death of Soundgarden singer Chris Cornell last month was shocking enough on its own, and even more tragic when you realize how many grunge-era heroes have left us far too soon. Tonight, several Portland bands—including Spirit Lake, Souvenir Drive, the Git Rights and more—gather not just to pay tribute to a fallen son of the Pacific Northwest but to raise money for suicide prevention.

Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., 866777-8932. 9 pm. $8. 21+.

CONT. on page 45 N KUPERUS

[GETTIN’ ZIGGY WITH IT] Although it’s being billed as a “Bowie Birthday Bash,” the actual cause for celebration tonight is the birth of The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders

[A TRIBUTE TO HEROES] See Get Busy, page 33. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 971-230-0033. 7 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show.

All ages.

MOTORIK CITY: Adult. plays Doug Fir Lounge on Thursday, June 15.

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M A G G I E S T. T H O M A S

COMMENTARY

Leave Corey Alone In this life, you’re either Corey Feldman or an Angel.

Last fall, the former child star of such ’80s blockbusters as Stand by Me and The Goonies, slunk out of obscurity onto The Today Show, and dabbed. Bedecked in a black outfit that registered vaguely as health goth, he gesticulated his way through the song “Go 4 It,” from his new album, Angelic 2 the Core: Angelic Funkadelic/ Angelic Rockadelic. A band of four buxom babes in Spirit Halloween Superstore-style angel outfits undulated behind him.

The critics were scandalized. “There’s nothing I can say that will prepare you for this album,” said YouTube album reviewer Anthony Fantano. In fact, Feldman was so ravaged online that he got invited back on the air to redeem himself. He wore a white outfit this time.

The critics aren’t wrong—Angelic 2 the Core certainly isn’t good. It’s a whopping 22-tracks long, punctuated with skits that gesture at a storyline or mythos that has something or other to do with angels. But it is in no way exceptional, not even in its badness. It lacks any of the memeable content of Insane Clown Posse’s “Miracles” or Rebecca Black. Feldman’s lyrics are, instead, the kind of vaguely inspirational fare you might hear Katy Perry sing at a rally for an uninspiring Democratic candidate. His backing tracks are similar. “Go 4 It!” has a dubstep-y beat that kinda sounds like Imagine Dragons. Not even Angelic 2 the Core’s garish album art is that memorably goofy—at least, not in a world where Lil B’s discography exists.

No, the only reason anyone is talking about Feldman’s music career is, well, he gets to have one. There are hundreds of thousands of people in this country with just as much musical talent as him. But, in a year that was the music industry’s worst since 1991, the guy who gets to perform on a show 4.5 million people watch every day is a guy who is famous for doing something completely unrelated. It’s a pie in the face of meritocracy, that hallowed American idea that tells us it’s okay for Mark Zuckerberg to be worth more than several states’ GDPs because, well, he invented a thing that changed the very nature of human existence. Stories that are irreconcilable with the idea tend to gain traction. Ridiculousness gets clicks and, deep within the reptilian part of the American psyche, unearned privilege is seen as ridiculous.

But here’s the thing: Feldman is no more unique in his cronyism than he is in his music. It’s the norm in showbiz. Kesha’s mom was a successful Nashville songwriter. Taylor Swift’s dad bought a majority share in her first label before it signed her.

Meritocracy doesn’t really exist, or music or anywhere else.

By some accounts, the American workforce has bifurcated into two distinct classes of haves and have-nots. And who better embodies the former than Corey Feldman, a man who gets to broadcast his midlife crisis on one of the most watched shows in the country? The best the rest of us will ever be able to hope for is to be one of his angels, bobbing dead-eyed in the background, grateful for the residual spotlight when it graces our unworthy flesh. JAMES HELMSWORTH. Corey Feldman’s music career isn’t any more ridiculous than anyone else’s.

MUSIC AT SEVERAL LOCATIONS! LISTINGS AT MAKEMUSICDAYPDX.ORG

SEE IT: Corey Feldman plays Dante’s, 350 W Burnside St., on Sunday, June 18. 8 pm. $15-74. 21+.

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STEVE EARLE

SO YOU WANNABE AN OUTLAW

@WillametteWeek

@WillametteWeek

PRE-BUY NEW ALBUMTHE FOR

GUARANTEE ADMISSIOND

@wweek

IN-STORE PERFORMANCE FRIDAY, JUNE 16 AT 6PM Country legend Steve Earle returns to Music Millennium with songs from his new album So You Wannabe An Outlaw. Featuring Willie Nelson and Miranda Lambert, Earle’s latest release is an homage to outlaw country pioneer Waylon Jennings. Pre-buy the new album to guarantee admission to the concert. This will be Earle’s only Oregon performance.

DOUG MACLEOD SATURDAY, JUNE 17 AT 1PM

2017 Blues Music Award winner for Acoustic Artist Of The Year, Doug MacLeod’s songs are topical, humorous, and soulful. His upcoming release Break The Chain confronts the cycle of family violence and abuse while offering healing and reconciliation.

GREY FICTION THURSDAY, JUNE 22 AT 6PM

On Your Way to Earth & Back, the 14 song debut album from Grey Fiction, the band serves up an energetic batch of indie rock jams. Based in Portland by way of Salt Lake City, Grey Fiction have been making waves playing their unique brand of emotional rock across the west coast.

MUSIC MILLENNIUM RECOMMENDS

RIDE

WEATHER DIARIES AVAILABLE JUNE 16TH! $14.99 CD ALSO AVAILABLE ON VINYL

R E V E N S MIS A T A E B

Ride's first album in over twenty years, Weather Diaries, was produced by legendary DJ, producer and remixer Erol Alkan, and is packed with all the classic elements that made Ride one of the defining bands of the early ‘90s. Trembling distortion, beautiful harmonies, pounding rhythms, shimmering soundscapes and great songwriting all combine to make an album that’s ambitious in scope, timeless and thoroughly addictive.

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MUSIC Liberty Ball: Máscaras, Blue Cranes, Hungry Ghost, Ritchie Young, DJ Eric Mast, Gran Ritmos DJs

[REVOLUTION ROCK] This hodgepodge of adventurous local bands and DJs—ranging from the Blue Cranes’ open-ended jazz to Loch Lomond ringleader Ritchie Young’s masterful indie folk to however you want to classify Máscaras’ wild rhythms—comes together in the name of resistance and protecting some of Portland’s most vulnerable communities. Proceeds go to the ACLU, Ecotrust, the Sexual and Minority Youth Resource Center and the Immigrant and Refugee Community Organization.

Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St. #110, 503-288-3895. 6 pm. $20.

All ages.

SUNDAY, JUNE 18 Inanimate Existence, Reaping Asmodeia, Cyborg Octopus

[TECHNICAL PROGRESSIVE METAL] If you’re good at math, you should probably start a death metal band.

Case in point, this triple-threat package tour of techies, some of whom work day jobs in highly specialized fields. Particularly entertaining (and nerdy) is San Francisco sextet Cyborg Octopus. Finding musical ground somewhere in the deep waters occupied by Mr. Bungle, Meshuggah and Strapping Young Lad, the band concocts potent and irreverent tunes with titles like “Shark Pit” and “DiscoBrain!” Perhaps even more accessible is the series of informational-style music videos the band

CONT. on page 46

ALBUM REVIEW

Turtlenecked VULTURE (Good Cheer) [POST-EVERYTHING] Someone tell Harrison Smith to cool it. He’s making everyone who has ever thought about making music look very bad. The 21-year-old Turtlenecked mastermind came out of nowhere with last year’s wonderful Pure Plush Bone Cage, and on his Good Cheer follow-up, Smith outdoes himself—and pretty much every other band around— with a stunning display of polyglot pop brilliance. Smith, with help from Boreen’s Garrett Linck, recorded Vulture in his living room and played every instrument, but there is nary a trace of lo-fi preciousness here. Vulture is a big, loud and wild statement of purpose, a frenetic and restless demonstration of multivalent mastery that, in keeping with the album’s title, finds Smith feasting on the corpse of rock music and growing more powerful in the process.

Turtlenecked doesn’t abide conventional songwriting formulae, but once you settle into Vulture, you will learn to anticipate the wild loops and corkscrews that turn Smith’s songs into whiplash adventures. Like any good thrill ride, the anticipation only enlivens the surprise. “Pangloss,” a standout track on an album full of highlights, begins life as a post-punk dirge before lifting into the thin air of pop bliss, while “My New Necklace” somehow manages to successfully merge the hyperactive theatrics of Sparks with the downbeat drama of early Bright Eyes. This trick should not be possible.

But Smith makes it so.

Vulture puts the world on notice: Turtlenecked can, at any moment, decide to be the best at whatever it chooses to pursue. “Meeting You in the Hospital” envisions a future in which Smith pens perfect anthems for smartypants sad sacks. “Bronze Bull” makes a convincing case that Turtlenecked could be the next Deerhoof, and “Tummy” is enough to position Smith as a contender for Xiu Xiu’s art-damaged throne. It’s not until “Stradivarius,” the album’s final track, that Harrison Smith settles down. As if utterly wrecked by his own inventions, Smith ends Vulture with a simple and pretty acoustic downer. It is the sneakiest trick, though—Turtlenecked can even do the simple stuff better than most. CHRIS STAMM SEE IT: Turtlenecked plays Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., with Cool American and Bryson Cone, on Thursday, June 15. 8 pm. $5. 21+.

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MUSIC 17

COURTESY OF INLAND EMPIRE TOURING

20

TALK:

5am 7am – 2pm

MUSIC:

2pm – 5am

PAID THEE COST: Stas THEE Boss plays Holocene on Thursday, June 15. has released on subjects ranging from driving a stick shift to writing HTML. Listen and learn. NATHAN CARSON. The Analog Cafe, 720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 503-206-7439. 6 pm. $10. All ages.

bop bop winners winners announced! announced! from best of portland reader’s poll RSVP online at www.surveymonkey.com/r/BOP17

RADIO IS YOURS

MONDAY, JUNE 19 Lo Moon, Small Million

[SYNTH-SOUL] Big labels don’t often bank on upstart bands with just a few tracks to their name, but L.A. trio Lo Moon is bucking the trend, riding Columbia Records cash to a moody forthcoming debut release that blends the dark, fluid pop of the XX with the bounce and synthetic kick of classic Phil Collins.

It is clean, atmospheric and sweeping, not unlike Coldplay circa A Rush Of Blood To The Head. Portland’s own purveyors of affected synthpop, Small Million, kick the evening off. MARK STOCK. Bunk Bar, 1028 SE Water Ave., 503-328-2865. 9:30 pm. $8 advance, $10 day of show. 21+.

TUESDAY, JUNE 20 Guitar Wolf, Isaac Rother & the Phantoms, Sex Crime, MELT

[RAMONE-A-BES] See Get Busy, page 33. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE Cesar Chavez Blvd., 503-233-7100.

8 pm. $13.50 advance, $16 day of show. 21+.

Styx, REO Speedwagon, Don Felder

[CLASSIC ROCK] Styx has been on the legacy circuit for a long time now, showing up on annual classic-rock package tours and lending its synthinfused hard-rock to every retro TV show or film set in the 1970s. It’s now been 40 years since the band’s commercial apex, The Grand Illusion, but rather than just doing another cycle through that material, the band is poised to release their first album in 12 years—only their second proper record since singer-keyboardist Lawrence Gowan joined. The Mission is a concept album (of course) based on an imaginary 2033 mission to Mars. The lead single, “Gone Gone Gone,” is spun from a riff written by rhythm guitarist James Young. As dynamite as Styx remains on stage, it’s going to take more than this cornfed rock’n’roll tune to convince anyone that new music from these guys is what the world needs right now. NATHAN CARSON. Sunlight Supply Amphitheater, 17200 NE Delfel Road, Ridgefield, Wash., 360816-7000. 7 pm. $24-$155. All ages.

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Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Nani, Seffarine

[LADINO AND FLAMENCO] While in Tangiers to perform at a jazz festival, Nani, the Israeliborn singer-songwriter who leads the Dutch trio of the same name, took the opportunity to explore the land of her parents’ birth. Across Morocco, she heard tunes familiar from her grandmother’s lullabies—plaintive, often melancholy ballads in the ancient Spanish Jewish language Ladino. The experience led her to form a new trio that beautifully blends that traditional music with contemporary North African beats and even a little jazz. The ideal opening act, Portland’s Seffarine—the duo of Moroccan singer Lamiae Naki and oud player and flamenco guitarist Nat Hulskamp—explores similar musical territories, including traditional Andalusian, Arabic and Spanish flamenco. BRETT CAMPBELL. The Old Church, 1422 SW 11th Ave., 503-222-2031.

7:30 pm Wednesday, June 14. $15 advance, $20 day of show.

All ages.

Ambrose Akinmusire Quartet

[CONTEMPORARY JAZZ] For both veteran fans and newcomers, trumpeter Ambrose Akinmusire answers the question of where jazz is at right here and now. His greatest strength as a composer is a nebulous knack for creating atmosphere.

Songs tumble on and into each other completely naturally, but along the way still osmose all those hip-hop and electronic sounds that currently surround the music commonly defined as modern jazz. The results are complete, rewarding, space-age postbop universes unto themselves.

“Maurice & Michael (sorry i didn’t say hello),” the single Akinmusire released just last month, bodes well for this show—it’s a long slow burner with all sorts of delightfully unexpected flavors.

ISABEL ZACHARIAS. Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 503223-4527. 8 pm Saturday, June 17. $20-$30. All ages.

For more Music listings, visit

MUSIC CALENDAR WED. JUNE 14 Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St Marshall Poole, The Mutineers, Shadowlands

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Weeed, BlackWater Holylight, Troll

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St. PrincessFrank, The Savage Family Band, Hollow Sidewalks

Doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St. Mike Love

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

Saint Pé (lounge); Capleton

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Floating Room, Sinless, Mini Blinds

Jack London Revue 529 SW 4th Ave. Coco’s Cacophony

LaurelThirst Public House 2958 NE Glisan St Rainbow Acoustic

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Tallulah’s Daddy

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Morgan James

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Witchburn, The Heroine, Disenchanter

The Fixin’ To

8218 N. Lombard St Boink, Ealdor Bealu, Tall Women

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St Asher Fulero Band

The Know

3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

Spankbank

Jack London Revue

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Turtlenecked

The Analog Cafe

8218 N. Lombard St. Giant Bug Village, Phil Ajjarupa, Steve Wilkinson

1028 SE Water Ave. Tom May, Lee Corey Oswald, Cool Schmool

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St MSMP’s Battle of the Doctor Bands

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St. Mad Caddies

The Know

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Karma Rivera, Maze Koroma

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Stas Thee Boss, JusMoni, DJ Lamar Leroy

Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 Se 7th Ave. Lloyd Jones

421 SE Grand Ave Mr. Kitty The Rain Within; QUALIATIK, Dasychira

Portland Abbey Arts

7600 N Hereford Ave. Free Beat Nation Drum Camp

The Old Church

1422 SW 11th Ave Portland Preview For Astoria Music Festival

Produce Row Cafe

204 SE Oak St, Produce Row Swing & Standards Jazz Band

The Ranger Station 4260 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Open Mic

TC O’Learys Pub

2926 NE Alberta St. Live Irish Music Mondays

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St Thursday Swing featuring the Cherry Blossom Hot 4, Pink Lady & John Bennet Jazz Band

Village Baptist Church

330 SW Murray Blvd., Beaverton Beaverton Symphony Hosts Summer Reading Sessions

Wonder Ballroom 128 NE Russell St. Mono, Low

FRI. JUNE 16 Bunk Bar

1332 W Burnside St Richard Cheese and Lounge Against The Machine

Dante’s

350 West Burnside Electric Six, Northern Faces

Director Park

815 SW Park Avenue Friday Night Groove

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. The Deslondes, Twain

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St. Tei Shi, My Body

Jack London Revue

Edgefield

6800 NE MLK Ave. Hepatagua, Hexxus, Lamprey

Mississippi Studios

The Lovecraft Bar

Lincoln Recital Hall at Portland State University

High Water Mark Lounge

3552 N Mississippi Ave Mr. Ben

3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

Loveboys, Swamp Meat, Months

Doug Fir Lounge

2126 SW Halsey St. Ian Moore

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

The Skints

Mississippi Pizza

529 SW 4th Ave. Cool Breeze with Malcolm Noble

830 E Burnside St. Adult., Sextile, Pod Blotz

815 SW Park Avenue Ronnie Carrier

2845 SE Stark St. Coral Creek, Lawn Party (formerly Jon Ostrom Band)

Crystal Ballroom

Bunk Bar

Director Park

Hawthorne Theatre

The Goodfoot

The Old Church

3130 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Songwriter Roundup

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Lo Moon, Small Million

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

COIN; The Skints (lounge)

The Fixin’ To

1028 SE Water Ave. The Anniversary, Dude York, Fullbloods

THU. JUNE 15

MON. JUNE 19

Hawthorne Theatre

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Nighttime Safari, ZAHARA, Habben Lewis

421 SE Grand Ave. Fannyland, Death Cat

Artichoke Music Cafe

LAST WEEK LIVE

529 SW 4th Ave. Mel Brown B-3 Organ Group

The Lovecraft Bar

1422 SW 11th Ave. Nani & Seffarine

[JUNE 14-20]

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

THOMAS TEAL

= WW Pick.

Highly recommended.

Editor: Matthew Singer. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/ submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings.

Email: music@wweek.com.

1620 SW Park Ave. CeLOUbration!

Mission Theater

1624 NW Glisan St. Donny McCaslin Group

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Bowie Birthday Bash; OK Chorale Singalong

Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 Se 7th Ave. Never Strangers

The Goodfoot

WICKED, WICKED, WICKED, WICKED: Future rose through the floor of a monolithic black platform to the ominously melodic beat of his hit, “Draco.” Sporting a yellow overcoat and yellow sweatshirt, his outfit would be the only bright spot in his headlining performance at the Sunlight Supply Amphitheater on June 11, as part of his Nobody Safe tour, which also featured sets from A$AP Ferg and Young Thug, who rocked a diamond-encrusted Motorhead jean jacket. With the help of a small team of dancers wearing yellow and grey camouflage jumpsuits and Jordans, Future’s dark, bass-heavy, AutoTune-warped tracks mutated from radiofriendly rap into an alien hybrid of apocalyptic dance music and Sunn O )))-style drone. Future was at his best during trance-inducing extended performances of tracks like “Draco,” “Karate Chop,” “Wicked” and a particularly anthemic “New Level” (with help from Ferg), goading the crowd into a frenzy through a fog of flame jets, lasers and distorted snapshots of debauchery flickering on an enormous screen. Other songs, like “I Serve the Bass” and “Same Damn Time,” were trimmed to single verses or less, cutting short what would’ve been punishing performances and slowing the set’s momentum. When playing to unrelenting darkness, though, Future was mesmerizing. Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. WALKER MACMURDO. Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. Poetic Justice presents Benefit for MAX Train Victims

Sunlight Supply Amphitheater

17200 NE Delfel Rd., Ridgefield, Wash.

Kidz Bop Live

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

The Streakin’ Healys; Moonalice, Garcia Birthday Band

The Know

3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

Acid Wash, Nopes, Zodiakk

The Fixin’ To

8218 N. Lombard St The DCs, Lord Master

The Secret Society 116 NE Russell St. The Sportin’ Lifers

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Young and in the Way, Graves at Sea, Hands of Thieves, Shrine of the Serpent

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killingsworth St Parlor Walls, Future Twin, Oracle Room, Vice Device, Lubec

SAT. JUNE 17 Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway The Divos

Artichoke Music Cafe

The Lovecraft Bar

3130 SE Hawthorne, Beth Wood and Ara Lee Concert

The Old Church

Bunk Bar

421 SE Grand Ave PrincessFrank

1422 SW 11th Ave An Evening with Jason Webley & Friends

The O’Neil Public House

6000 NE Glisan St. Bakersfield Rejects Honky Tonk Happy Hour

The Paris Theatre 6 SW 3rd Ave. US Air Guitar Championships

1028 SE Water Ave. Mujahedeen, Hands In, Malt Lizard

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St. Loud Love: A Tribute to Chris Cornell & Suicide Prevention Benefit Show

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St. School of Rock Presents: New Wave & Sleep; Amy Shark

Eastburn

1800 E Burnside St, XMELT

Holladay Park

2120 NE Tillamook St. Gala and Blueprint Grand Concert!

LaurelThirst Public House 2958 NE Glisan St. Rose City Kings

Mission Theater

1624 NW Glisan St. Ambrose Akinmusire Quartet

Montgomery Park

2701 NW Vaughn St. Gala and Grand Concert

Revolution Hall

1300 SE Stark St #110 Liberty Ball: Máscaras, Blue Cranes, Hungry Ghost, Ritchie Young, the Ghost Ease, DJ Eric Mast, Gran Ritmos DJs

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

The Von Howlers, Brass Tacks, Mech Headphone, Echo Pearl Varsity, Coloring Electric Light, Stereo No Aware

The Fixin’ To

8218 N. Lombard St Wow & Flutter, Pushy, Golden Promise

The O’Neil Public House

Jack London Revue

6000 NE Glisan St. Lesser Bangs

529 SW 4th Ave. Neo-Soul Sunday with Rich Hunter

The Secret Society

Mississippi Studios

116 NE Russell St James Mason & The Djangophiles; Tropical Night feat. Dina y los Rumberos

Tigardville Station 12370 SW Main St., Tigard Brooklyn Street

Turn! Turn! Turn!

8 NE Killingsworth St Honey Bucket, Marbled Eye, Way Worse, Collate

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St Jim Creek Band, Matt Hopper & The Roman Candles, Dear Lemon Trees

SUN. JUNE 18 Alberta Rose Theater 3000 NE Alberta St. The Original Duffy Bishop Band

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Rotties, Wall of Ears, the Crenshaw

Dante’s

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Joshua James

Muddy Rudder Public House 8105 Se 7th Ave. Dan & Fran

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Inanimate Existence, Reaping Asmodeia, Cyborg Octopus

The Know

3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

Ramonda Hammer, Rilla, Goth TV

Tiny Digs Hotel of Tiny Houses

2646 NE Glisan St. Funday Brunch with The Junebugs

Twilight Cafe and Bar 1420 SE Powell Helion Prime, Weresquatch, Soul Grinder

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St Kaiya on the Mountain, Ashley Kervabon, Niamh; The Noted

2845 SE Stark St Sonic Forum

The Secret Society 116 NE Russell St Monday Night Speakeasy Swing

TUES. JUNE 20 Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Imaginary Tricks, Schnaus

Doug Fir Lounge 830 E Burnside St. Idle Giant, Patina

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

Guitar Wolf

LaurelThirst Public House

2958 NE Glisan St. Willow Steps & Lumberjack

Mississippi Pizza

3552 N Mississippi Ave. Curvy Sticks, Wooden Poles

Sunlight Supply Amphitheater

17200 NE Delfel Rd., Ridgefield, Wash.

Styx, REO Speedwagon, Don Felder

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Rose Room Swing Dance; Shadowgraphs

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St Boyz II Gentlemen

The Old Church 1422 SW 11th Ave Red Yarn

The Ranger Station 4260 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Bluegrass Tuesday

Twilight Cafe and Bar

1420 SE Powell Tail Light Rebellion, Shootdang, Rascal Miles, Sparkle Carpet

350 West Burnside Corey Feldman’s Heavenly Tour

Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

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MUSIC C O U R T E SY O F FAC E B O O K

NEEDLE EXCHANGE

Maxx Bass Years DJing: Since I was around 16, so about 21 years.

Genres: Everything. Dance music is what moves me—hiphop, disco, house, funk, soul, new age, darkwave/industrial.

Anything with a synth. You can see my taste on the shelves of my store, Clinton Street Record & Stereo.

Where you can catch me regularly: Every second Friday at Dig A Pony, every third Friday at Century, at least once a month at Church and Jackknife. Many other random gigs around our great city.

Craziest gig: I have had quite a few fun crazy ones, but the first that comes to mind is Back to Back with Marcellus Pittman, who’s in the group 3 Chairs with Theo Parrish, Kenny Dixon Jr. (aka Moodymann) and Rick Wichita. We put on a show at Blue Monk a couple years back, and found out that an after-hours party was going on. We went over and played one-on-one until 6 am. Playing with one of my favorite DJs was a dream.

My go-to records: If I am playing hip-hop, Too $hort’s Blow the Whistle. If it’s a disco night, Bileo’s Let’s Go. If it’s a funk night, Mobley Gang’s Groove for You. Don’t Ever Ask Me to Play…: I’m open to anything. You can ask, but if it doesn’t work with what I am playing, it’s not happening. If it makes sense, I’ll do my best.

NEXT GIG: Maxx Bass spins at Moloko, 3967 N Mississippi Ave., with Benjamin A. Skoch, on Thursday, June 15.

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

DJ Smooth Hopperator

FRI, JUNE 16 WED, JUNE 14 Beulahland

45 East

Ground Kontrol

Black Book

118 NE 28th Ave Wicked Wednesday: 511 NW Couch St. TRONix: Popcorn Mixed Signals

Killingsworth Dynasty 832 N Killingsworth St Free Form Radio DJ’s

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Event Horizon (darkwave, industrial)

The Paris Theatre 6 SW 3rd Ave Rockwell, Prolix

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Death Throes (death rock, post punk, dark wave)

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Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

THURS, JUNE 15 315 SE 3rd Ave Boys Noize, PILO 20 NW 3rd Ave Ladies Night (rap, r&b)

Killingsworth Dynasty 832 N Killingsworth St Post Punk Discotheque

Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi Ave. Benjamin (international disco, modern dad)

No Fun

1709 SE Hawthorne Blvd Questionable Decision

Spare Room

4830 NE 42nd Ave Gravitate 4

The Lovecraft Bar 421 SE Grand Ave Shadowplay (goth)

45 East

315 SE 3rd Ave Deorro

Black Book

20 NW 3rd Ave The Cave (rap, r&b, club)

Century Bar

930 SE Sandy Blvd.

DJ Maxx Bass

Crush Bar

1400 SE Morrison St. Exorcism! A Holy Nun Blessing and Disco

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. DJ ROCKIT - The Excellence of Traxicution

Killingsworth Dynasty 832 N Killingsworth St Strange Babes

Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi Ave. DJ aTrain

Where to drink this week.

1.

Grand Army Tavern

L O R R A I N E LY O N S

BAR REVIEW

901 NE Oneonta St., 503-841-6195, grandarmytavern.com.

Fomerly Bushwhacker, this Dekum spot is now an elegant wood-slatted hall of refreshing citrusy cocktails and seriously delicious pork rinds and sliders.

Saturday June 17TH at 7:30PM

LIVE DRAG

w/ Saint Syndrome

2.

Upside Down

3318 Se Milwaukie Ave., 971-373-8607, facebook.com/ upsidedownpdx.

The folk from Uno Mas now have a chile-verdeand-cheeseburger beer patio in Brooklyn, and it’s great—with 30 taps including root beer for the kids, and a 4-6 pm happy hour that goes all day Sunday, with burgers for a mere $5.

Sunday June 18TH

DJ Sugar

w/ Titos on premises pouring, brunch, libations

3.

Bar Casa Vale

215 SE 9th Ave., 503-477-9031, barcasavale.com.

Bar Casa Vale is a dream of Spanish cocktails, tapas, hearth fire and ham straight off the hock. It is also our 2017 Bar of the Year.

4.

Century

930 SE Sandy Blvd., centurybarpdx.com.

Weekends it’s a nightclub, Sunday morning it’s drag queen bingo, and on a Monday it might host an obscure Czech film. But the most important thing to you right now is going to be that beautiful roof.

5.

Lay Low Tavern

6015 SE Powell Blvd., 503-774-4645.

The Lay Low Tavern is like a museum devoted to Club 21, with seemingly every bartender, every piece of decor and the build-yourown-burger bar transported intact.

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St Soul Stew (funk, soul, disco)

The Liquor Store

LEGAL DRINKING ON THE STREET: With summer in Hood River come tourists, and with tourists come lines. Flocks of adventure dads with 10 Barrel hats and Toyota FJ Cruisers filled with toddlers descend on the town, creating hour-long queues to snag outdoor tables at breweries like pFriem and Double Mountain. What if we told you there’s a better way? A way to make the whole town your bar patio and enjoy your beer in the sunshine without waiting in line?

As it turns out, Hood River is one of a small handful of cities in the U.S. with no law prohibiting open containers. The OLCC is still involved, which means caveats do apply, but the end result is the entire town functioning as your very own bar, with each stop serving as a filling station. It’s not quite New Orleans, though legend has it a now-defunct shop once sold Mason jars of to-go beer from a window—a bartender and a taphouse nearby adopted the stern attitude of a parental unit while explaining how incredibly illegal this practice was. Instead, you have to order your beer to go and then open it on the street. We snagged a crowler filled from 64 Taphouse & Growler Station (110 3rd St., Hood River, 541-4364677, 64taphouse.com), which, despite the name, has 30 taps to fill your growler.

Bizarrely, it’s illegal to crack it on the premises and walk outside, but okay to crack it after crossing the threshold of their door. You can’t cross the property lines of any licensed booze vendor with an open container, so you’ll have to stash your cup in a bush before you re-up. We used an aluminum growler to avoid any issues involving glass in parks. You can also head straight to the source, and pop into pFriem to buy a growler of their Belgian Strong Blonde, then crack it on the nearby beach. That’s totally legal—and totally awesome. PETE COTTELL. Crush Bar

1400 SE Morrison Pants OFF Dance OFF: NEON PRIDE

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Sabbath (darkside of rock & electronic)

3341 SE Belmont St, Spend The Night w/ Auscultation & Aos

Crystal Ballroom

The Paris Theatre

The Lovecraft Bar

Holocene

Valentines

The Paris Theatre

Killingsworth Dynasty

232 SW Ankeny St Signal 27: Gulls (dub, bass, dancehall)

Mississippi Studios

31 NW 1st Ave Inferno

421 SE Grand Ave Darkness Descends (goth) 6 SW 3rd Ave Wolfkin at Third Eye Thursday

Valentines

232 SW Ankeny St Decadent 80’s

1332 W Burnside St 90s Night: Glow Night 1001 SE Morrison St. Slay: Pride Edition 832 N Killingsworth St LEZ DO IT Pride!

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Jump Jack Sound Machine

Moloko

SAT, JUNE 17 45 East

315 SE 3rd Ave Markus Schulz

Black Book

20 NW 3rd Ave The Ruckus (rap, r&b, club)

Bossanova Ballroom

722 E Burnside St. Blowpony: 10th Annual Queer Mutiny Fest NW

3967 N. Mississippi Ave. Montel Spinozza

Quarterworld

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd DJ ROCKIT (WHAT?)

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St Pyata and The Rhythm

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont St, NoFOMO: Pride Edition (techno, house)

6 SW 3rd Ave Queens of the 90’s

Whiskey Bar

SUN, JUNE 18

MON, JUNE 19 Dig A Pony

736 SE Grand Ave. Bad Wizard (50s-60s)

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. Reaganomix: DJ Rockit (80’s)

Sandy Hut

1430 NE Sandy Blvd.

DJ Sean From Pork Magazine

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Black Mass (goth, new wave)

TUES, JUNE 20

Black Book

Dig A Pony

North Warehosue

Kelly’s Olympian

20 NW 3rd Ave Flux (rap, r&b, club) 723 N Tillamook St Bridge Club: Pride Edition

736 SE Grand Ave. Noches Latinas

Star Theater

426 SW Washington St. Party Damage: DJ Erika Elizabeth

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave Mood Ring (trap, witch house)

13 NW 6th Ave. Hive (goth, industrial) 421 SE Grand Ave Super Kawaii Party: Summer Love Edition (Jpop, Kpop, cosplay)

y us B t Ge

The Lovecraft Bar

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Toxic Tuesdays (goth, postpunk, spooky)

Sign up for our gET BuSY nEwSlETTEr! wweek.com/follow-us Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

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RSVP online at www.surveymonkey.com/r/BOP17 #BOP2017 50

Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

PERFORMANCE D AV I D K I N D E R / K I N D E R P I C S

REVIEW

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.

Editor: SHANNON GORMLEY (sgormley@wweek.com).

TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: sgormley@wweek.com.

THEATER OPENINGS & PREVIEWS 26 Miles

Following the poetic and heartwrenching season opener Elliot, A Soldier’s Fugue, Profile Theatre’s season of playwright Quiara Alegría Hudes’ work continues with 26 Miles.

Like Elliot, which told the story of multi-generations of soldiers, 26 Miles is about family. Beatriz decides to take Olivia, her teenage daughter, on a spontaneous road trip. Road trips are a fairly standard premise for selfdiscovery, but the fact that the plot with be handled with Alegría Hudes’s poetic sensibilities is very promising.

SHANNON GORMLEY. Profile Theatre, 1515 SW Morrison St., profiletheatre. com. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, 2 pm Sunday, June 17-June 25. $20-$38.

Mad & A Goat

CoHo Productions’ annual Summerfest adds some weirdness to Portland theater’s offseason. For five weekends, they’ll premiere one-weekendonly runs of local and international offbeat productions. First up is a two-woman play by Austin, TX, playwright Diana Lynn Small that sounds plenty strange: In order to avoid her student debt, a recent college grad moves to a goat farm/cult in rural Wyoming. SHANNON GORMLEY. CoHo Productions, 2257 NW Raleigh St., cohoproductions.org. 7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday, June 15-18. $20.

Bike Me To The Moon

Despite its novelty, it’s probably not that surprising that Portland has an annual play that requires audience members to bring their own bikes. The Pedalpalooza-affiliated show takes the concept of site-specific theater to an extreme: Different scenes are in different locations in the Kerns neighborhood, requiring the audience to bike around with the cast. The title of this year’s bike play pretty much gives you the gist of the plot: In the spirit of sci-fi adventure novels like 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, the play will imagine the story of people who bike to the moon. But it’s not pure novelty—Working Theatre Collective are thespians in earnest. In the past, the company has produced full seasons of plays both on and off bikes. SHANNON GORMLEY. Oregon Park, NE Oregon St. & NE 30th Ave., theworkingtheatrecollective.com. 7 pm Thursday-Sunday, June 15-18. Free, donations accepted.

ALSO PLAYING Man of La Mancha

Cervantes’ Don Quixote has endured as an all-time classic of Spanish literature for hundreds of years. Dale Wasserman’s musical, which pays homage to Cervante’s canonical text, is lighter entertainment by a large margin. While Man of La Mancha is best remembered for Mitch Leigh’s lively, memorable songs (he also wrote jingles for Sara Lee), there are political messages that remain poignant now as they were in Cervante’s 17th century Spain, or Wasserman’s 1960s America: There are lines like “Facts are the enemy of truth!” and “Evil brings profits, and virtue none at all.” Portland Opera’s presentation is set in the dungeon where Cervantes (Jason Howard) is imprisoned. The largest feature is an ominous mechanical staircase that operates like a

drawbridge (sadly, all windmill tilting takes place in dialog only). As Don Quixote, Howard commands the stage with his powerful voice and delivers the charm and naivety that we expect from the character. Reggie Lee plays a lovable Sancho Panza, but his acting chops outstrip his singing abilities.

This many-layered narrative employs Cervantes’ fellow prisoners as de facto actors—Tara Venditti as Quixote’s object of affection is a particular standout. Perhaps the wisest lesson we can take from Man of La Mancha is to try to see the world through Quixote’s rose-tinted lens—“We select from life what pleases us.” NATHAN CARSON. Keller Auditorium, 222 SW Clay St., portlandopera.org. 7:30 pm Thursday, June 15 and Saturday, June 17. $28-$172.

The Reunion

Over the past decade, Imago Theatre co-founder Carol Triffle has created quite the portfolio of absurd plays.

Her last one, Beau Arts Club, in 2013, was about three women who meet to talk about art, and whose menacing tendencies escalate way beyond social competition. Triffle’s follow-up sounds equally madcap. For starters, the setting of The Reunion is rarely used for anything but absurd, satirical humor. The play portrays the high school reunion of Delores, a pilot who constantly tells people she’s dying and who one day refuses to land her plane. The non-chronological plot will be injected with Delores’ memories and the antics of her fellow forlorn reunion attendees. SHANNON GORMLEY. Imago Theatre, 17 SE 8th Ave., imagotheatre.com. 7:30 pm Friday-Saturday, June 9-24. Additional performance 2 pm June 18. $10-$20 pay what you will.

WACKY PUPPET MAYHEM: Justine Davis, Raphael Likes, Isaiah Rosales, Dave Cole, and behind the furry puppet, James Sharinghousen.

Life As Told By Puppets AVENUE Q IS JOYOUSLY INAPPROPRIATE AND SWEET. Editor’s note: Our review of Avenue Q is part of WW’s Classic Comedy Month, which is dedicated to slapstick, crude humor and otherwise non-alt comedy.

DANCE

BY B EN N ETT CA MPB ELL FER GU SON

The Goblin King

Triangle’s production of Avenue Q has everything you’d expect from a dirty puppet show. The Tonywinning musical is feisty, proudly profane and includes a scene of wiggly puppet sex.

The joy of Avenue Q is generated partly from the spectacle of chubby-cheeked puppets swearing and singing songs like “Everyone’s a Little Bit Racist.” But there’s also a tender beauty to the play as the puppets love, yearn and bumble their way through messy, all-too-human lives.

There are a few human characters in Avenue Q, including Brian (Dave Cole) and Christmas Eve (Justine Davis), a soon-to-be-married couple living in an apartment on the eponymous New York street.

Yet most of their puppet neighbors (played by actors in dark clothing ) are seamlessly imbued with life. There’s the very furry Kate Monster (Hannah Wilson), bickering Bert-and-Ernie types Nicky and Rod (James Sharinghousen and Matthew Brown), and Princeton (Isaiah Rosales), a college graduate who slinks into the play with a song that has an equally gloomy and witty title, “What Do You Do With a B.A. in English?”

Like many of the characters, Princeton is caught in the limbo between childhood and adulthood. He’s like a character on an R-rated

Much like the alt-children’s movie to which it pays tribute—the surreal story that stars David Bowie and features some of Jim Henson’s freakiest puppets—The Goblin King is a unique experience. With a sense of humor and camp common in almost every Portland art scene except dance, it’s deeply, and often hilariously, cheesy.

There are some purely contemporary sequences, but the more idiosyncratic choreography is thoroughly jazzy: The dancers wear big, showy smiles and windshield-wipe their hands over their heads while in triangle formation. There’s even some tap dancing, and whoopee cushions as props. Much of the joy comes from catching all the references, so it’s hard to imagine how much one would get out of it if they weren’t a Labyrinth fan. But if you have a reasonably high tolerance for camp, The Goblin King is odd in a deeply satisfying way. Besides, a blurred line between sincerity and absurdity is pretty faithful to the source material. SHANNON GORMLEY. The Headwaters Theatre, 55 NE Farragut St., #9, tripthedark.com. 7:30 pm Friday-Saturday, through June 17. $15-$18.

SuicideGirls Burlesque

See Get Busy, page 33. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., 503-288-3895, revolutionhall.com. 9 pm. $25.

CONT. on page 52

S e s a m e S t re e t f o r a n g st y 2 0 - s o m et h i n g s.

He wants to discover his “purpose,” and that desire both shapes the play and fuels much of its cruel fun, especially when Princeton ends up jobless, single and short one pizza thanks to a pair of thieving teddy bears.

By using unobtrusive lighting and a simple set (the front of the building where Kate Monster and company make their home), Horn holds back the play’s gaudiest elements to give his cast space to develop the thoughts and feelings of their puppets with both comedy and compassion. The result is a production that convincingly oscillates between bits of crude wackiness and more somber scenes.

In one scene, the hairy behemoth Trekkie Monster (also p l a y e d by S h a r i n g h o u s e n ) belts out a song called “The Internet Is for Porn.” But later on, a recently dumped Kate Monster sings “There’s a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time,” in a moment of show-stopping vulnerability.

At o n c e l y r i c a l a n d p a i n f u l i n i t s h o n e s t y, t h a t s c e n e d o m i n a t e s the p lay. Even Tr ekki e g ets an i nti m ate moment under a spotlight as he stares out of a window, ruminating on his feral nature.

Those moments define the production as much as all the wonderfully nasty dialogue. In the best way possible, that earnestness makes Avenue Q seem not so different from Sesame Street after all.

SEE IT: Avenue Q is at The Sanctuary at Sandy Plaza, 1785 NE Sandy Blvd., trianglepro.org.

7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday, June 8-July 1. $15$35.

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PERFORMANCE REVIEW COURTESY OF OUR SHOES ARE RED

COMEDY Spectravagasm X

Sam Dinkowitz’s sketch comedy aims to be as irreverent as possible. The shows he’s written for Spectravagasm have covered topics like Valentine’s Day, drugs and Christmas with an equal lack of sensitivity. This time, the show isn’t about a specific theme, it’s a roundup of some of the show’s previous sketches, like a wizard who can inflict menstrual pain on men.

SHANNON GORMLEY. Funhouse Lounge, 2432 SE 11th Ave., funhouselounge.com. 10 pm FridaySaturday June 16-24. Curious Comedy Theater, 5225 NE Martin Luther King Blvd., curiouscomedy. org. 7:30 pm Wednesday, June 28.

Shaking The Tree Theatre, 823 SE Grant St., shaking-the-tree.com. 10 pm Friday-Saturday, June 30-July 1. $10.

Barnham Family Hotdog

As their cowboy and trucker hatadorned alter egos Big Ed and Summer Barnham, Scott Rogers and Holly Wigmore play downhome Americans. Both Barnhams host web series Summer America Barnham’s Book Club for Ladies and Big Ed Barnham’s One of a Kind Big Find of the Week. It seems reasonable to assume their variety show Barnham Family Hotdog will likely feature a similar brand of dry humor, hay bales, ham in cans and lots of plaid. SHANNON GORMLEY. The Shoebox Theater, 2110 SE 10th Ave., bigedbarnham.com. 7 pm Sunday, June 18-July 9. $15.

Wonderland

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In the opening sketch of Wonderland’s new show, a woman decides to eat her lunch—a ridiculously large wet burrito—at the strange hour of 9:45 am. It’s the kind of premise that’s so simple, it’s bizarre. Her co-workers watch with horror and fascination as she spends the better part of the morning eating the burrito. Of course, the word “wet burrito” is said in almost every sentence. The absurdist sketches in the show seem to be spun from “what if” style humor: What if there are two uptight jury duty administrators who have a dance routine to “Cocomo?” What if a couple got into a domestic argument at a fancy restaurant while their dessert is constructed at their table with heaps of colorful ice cream, confetti and a toy train? Those questions manifest to varying degrees of success. One of the final sketches is about a convenience store owner who tries to convert all her customers into fans of the Tom Cruise movie Jack Reacher. The premise is a wonderful mix of the bizarre and banal, but the sketch itself drags on, and doesn’t quite live up to the unforced oddity of Wonderland at their best. Still, the show is worth it for its strong points. The cast wholeheartedly dedicates itself to Wonderland’s nutball ethos and its delightful ability to exaggerate everyday oddities. SHANNON GORMLEY. The Siren Theater, 315 NW Davis St., wonderlandportland. com. 8 pm Friday-Saturday, through June 24. $15-$20.

Cool Kids Patio Show

bop bop winners winners announced! announced! from best of portland reader’s poll RSVP online at www.surveymonkey.com/r/BOP17

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Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

During the summer, Andie Main hosts a weekly standup showcase at Doug Fir with a seriously solid lineup. This week, it’s host of longliving local comedy shows featuring JoAnn Schinderle (Control Yourself) and Barbara Holm (Barbara Holm Believes in You), plus Jason Traeger, who placed in WW’s Funniest Five poll two years ago. It’s free, and held outside on the venue’s patio during extended happy hour.

SHANNON GORMLEY. Doug Fir Lounge, 830 E Burnside, dougfirlounge.com. 6 pm Thursday, June 15.

Free. 21+.

For more Performance listings, visit

MAKING FRIENDS: Matt DiBiasio.

Ongoing Debate Good With People is a one-act argument.

There’s something wonderfully intimate about Good With People. Held in Performance Works NW’s warehouse-like space, the set is mostly just a hotel reception desk, a wooden table and chairs, and the theater’s off-stage kitchen.

Helen (Devon Allen) owns a hotel in the strange Scottish town Helensburgh, which hosts seaside tourism, a nuclear weapons facility and a peace camp. Evan (Matt DiBiasio) grew up on the nuclear base and went to school with Helen’s son, whom he brutally bullied. When he returns to his hometown for a visit, Evan unwittingly books a room at Helen’s inn. Not surprisingly, they don’t get along.

Less than an hour long, it’s an oddity of a play. The only real plot point is when Evan checks in. The rest of the script is mostly arguing—Helen wants Evan to repent for what he did to her son, and Evan accuses Helen of being stuck in the past.

That tension is belabored in such a way that you feel it will eventually amount to some kind of point or moral. But the play’s vague resolution doesn’t seem in favor of one point of view over the other. Somehow, that’s more hopeful—it makes it feel like things aren’t that serious.

Still, in the hands of production company Our Shoes Are Red, Good With People isn’t exactly naturalistic. The play starts with a monologue in which Helen tells the audience about Evan’s arrival at her hotel. Allen stands in a spotlight at the front of the stage while DiBiasio waits in the background with his back to the audience. As the monologue wraps up, he walks over to the desk and rings the service bell, cueing Allen to snap into the scene.

The constant arguing could easily feel very tedious. Evan picks apart everything Helen says, and the duo often fumble with their Scottish accents. But the play manages to have a sense of humor, which Allen in particular plays up in a way that stands out from the script’s stark lack of dramatism, and occasionally feels overdone. But it also sort of works, injecting some theatrical levity into what could be banal.

Good With People has an almost abrupt, fittingly anticlimactic ending: Evan checks out of his room. Helen offers to walk with him out of the hotel. SHANNON GORMLEY. SEE IT. Good With People is at Performance Works NW, 4625 SE 67th Ave., ourshoesarered.org. 8 pm ThursdaySunday through June 24. $15-$10.

VISUAL ARTS COURTESY OF RED

PREVIEW

Uncensored

ART BY TARTS SHOWCASES WORKS BY QUEER AND POC SEX WORKERS.

BY SHANNON GORMLEY

sgormley@wweek.com

According to Red, founder of sex workerrun advocacy group Stroll, there are basically only two ways most people characterize strippers and other sex workers.

“You’re either a rich white woman and you’re empowered and you’re doing it for fun because you’re sexually adventurous, or you’re, like, a trafficked person,” she says.

“Complicated” is the most succinct way Red (both her stage and activist name) describes her own experience with stripping and the sex industry. That also might be the most succinct description of Stroll’s annual exhibit of all-sex-worker-created art, Art By Tarts. The media for the show’s third year is as diverse as art shows get, including everything from opera to paintings to video installations to sculpture. The majority of the artists are people of color or queer.

Red sits around a table at Pied Cow Coffeehouse with two of Stroll’s other organizers, Becky Barryte, who works for a women’s crisis line and specializes in sex worker support, and Kaitalina Salas, an artist and activist who has worked as both a stripper and in porn.

“I very quickly learned that Portland

doesn’t have a lot of energy for the narrative of non-white sex workers,” says Salas, who is Latina and queer. “If we’re talking about non-white sex workers who are trans or nonbinary or queer, we’re moving further away from what people actually like to talk about when they talk about rights.”

According to Barryte, Salas and Red, conversation about the industry often confuse consensual sex work with trafficking. What’s more, it usually involves a debate over whether or not sex work is exploitative, without establishing the kind of boundaries that would reduce exploitation. “The problem isn’t that men come into these spaces,” says Salas. “The problem is that they don’t understand that it’s just a job, and that regardless if you’re paying me money to do this or do that, I still deserve your respect.”

“One thing we know about abusive people in general is that they target people who are vulnerable, accessible and who lack credibility,” adds Barryte. “Sex workers definitely fit into that because of the way we’ve constructed our society around them.”

Some works in this year’s show blatantly critique problems within the sex industry, like Mikki Mischief’s would-be cutesy cartoons that decry legal policies that system-

STIMULATING ART: A preview from Red’s graphic novel.

atically incriminate sex workers. But many of the works relay personal experiences instead of a clear message. There will be a preview of Red’s graphic novel about her decade-plus career as a stripper. Seattlebased artist Clara will contribute miniature re-creations of strip clubs where she’s worked. Some of the works aren’t about sex work at all—like a performance of an aria from the opera Lucia di Lammermoor.

Still, the fact that the show actively avoids portraying a specific image of sex work is, its own way, a message. “It functions in a way that humanizes dancers, humanizes sex workers, [though] I don’t know why that’s still something that needs to be done,” Salas says about the show. And, “It allows every who’s involved in the show

to express their experience in the most authentic way without any superimposed ideas about what it’s supposed to be.”

On the subject of the one type of sex worker people do seem comfortable talking about—the “sexually adventurous,” conventionally attractive and white woman, Salas adds, “My problem is not with that individual. My problem is that when you give her rights, you’re giving the rights to the top of the pyramid and it’s not going to come down to everyone else. We have to start with the people who are the most marginalized and build up from there.”

GO: Art By Tarts is at PCC’s Cascade Campus, 705 N Killingsworth St., strollpdx.org. 6-9 pm Thursday, June 15. Free.

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BOOKS = WW Pick.

Highly recommended.

REVIEW

BY ZACH MIDDLETON. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com.

Fax: 243-1115.

Sunday • AUGUST 27TH–WATERFRONT PARK SATURDAY • AUGUST 26TH–WATERFRONT PARK with

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 14 The Ambulance Drivers

Biographer James McGrathe Morris’ newest work The Ambulance Drivers tells the story of the chance meeting that occurred when John Dos Passos was finishing his tour in the ambulance corps in World War I just as a teenage Ernest Hemingway was arriving to start his own. Using dueling narratives, Morris tells the story of the tumultuous friendship between writers who embodied the Lost Generation’s artistic evolution and fractured affairs. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd. Beaverton, OR 97005, 800-878-7323. 7:30 pm.

Cara Black

IGGY POP

New York Times bestselling author Cara Black is back with Murder in Saint-Germain, the latest novel in her Aimée Leduc series. Parisian investigator Leduc is tasked with uncovering why, or rather, how, a Serbian warlord is coming back from the dead as a ghost to haunt the counter-terrorism team that merked him. Powell’s Books at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd.

Beaverton, OR 97005, 800-878-7323.

7 pm.

DIE ANTWOORD • FATHER JOHN MISTY

SATURDAY, JUNE 17

FIDLAR • LIZZO • PUP • FILTHY FRIENDS

Laurie R. King

WHITE REAPER • THE LAST ARTFUL, DODGR Sunday • AUGUST 27TH–WATERFRONT PARK with

A tautly plotted thriller set during a middle school career day may sound like an scratched plot line for the movie Hot Fuzz, but it’s actually the basis of the new novel Lockdown.

Intertwining character narratives lead to an explosive conclusion in the newest from the uber-prolific, New York Times bestselling author Laurie R. King. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside St., 800-878-7323. 2 pm.

SUNDAY, JUNE 18 Senator Al Franken

BECK NAS • SPOON

WHITNEY • NONAME • SAN FERMIN FRANKIE COSMOS • RVIVR • LITHICS 21+ PORTLAND.PROJECTPABST.COM

Memoirs help to define a figure’s legacy, and so U.S. Senator Al Franken’s new book Giant of the Senate may be seen as an attempt to steer the way he’s remembered towards his senatorial accomplishments and away from his time as a writer and performer on Saturday Night Live. But history tends to reduce, so he’ll probably be remembered as a somewhat early example of the celeb-cum-politician, a bellwether to the melting bowl of sherbet that currently occupies 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. Sorry, Al. We all wish things were different. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, 828-8285. 5 pm.

MONDAY, JUNE 19 Andrew Evans

Hitting rock bottom doesn’t have to be the worst moment of a person’s life, especially when the rock bottom is Antarctica and the downward spiral that led there was an epic, globe-spanning trip after the person was ejected from the Mormon church. That’s the basic outline of writer Andrew Evans’ new memoir The Black Penguin—he was booted out of the nest for being gay before ultimately landing on two happy feet.

Powell’s Books on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd. Portland, OR 97214, 800-878-7323. 7:30 pm.

For more Books listings, visit 54

Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

Trumping Trumpism Naomi Klein is in the unfortunate position of being utterly right about America. In her new book No Is Not Enough: Resisting Trump’s Shock Politics and Winning the World We Need (Haymarket Books, 288 pages, $16.95) President Donald Trump is her sheet-staining fever dream, the culmination of everything the Canadian activist and academic has written about and warned against for the past 17 years.

She is known primarily for two books. First it was No Logo, back in the Adbusters halcyon days of 2000, in which she railed against the all-pervasive corporate branding of public life. In 2007, she followed it up with The Shock Doctrine, a book whose thesis—that governments like the 9/11-era Cheney administration use times of catastrophe as an excuse to do terrible, terrible things—has become so ingrained into the American psyche that it now seems almost a bromide. This gives the first half of her book an almost remedial quality, as America retraces line by line every Cassandric proclamation Klein made years back.

Trump, she argues in the book’s early pages, is the convergence of both trends she’s described. On the one hand, he’s the “personification of the merger of humans and corporations—a one-man megabrand, whose wife and children are spin-off brands.” On the other, he is a lifelong parasite to disaster, a man who “seized on New York’s economic catastrophe to boost his own fortune, extracting predatory terms from a government in crisis,” doing the same for New Jersey casino towns. Trump, in short, is late capitalism’s indigestive fart. If he didn’t exist, we would have had to invent him.

And, as Klein told London’s Guardian newspaper recently, his shitty, scheming ineptitude doesn’t make him less dangerous—it makes him more so. “He is undoubtedly an idiot,” she told the paper, “but do not underestimate how good he is at that.”

Just as Mike Pence seized on Katrina as a means of gutting labor unions and infrastructure, despite the fact that poverty and lack of infrastructure led to the gravest tragedies of the disaster, Klein fully expects Trump to build his mandate on the backbone of a misbegotten war, noting that all his contractors are wartime profiteers who came to exist in the wake of 9/11. “This creates a disastrous cocktail,” she writes.

“Take a group of people who massively profit from ongoing war, and then put those same people at the heart of government.” Her depressing accuracy thus far makes this a warning one must take seriously.

But while Klein is able to build, brick by brick, an impressively damning and intricate architecture of American fuckedness—she is a specialist in Trump’s terrifying mulligatawny of narcissism, psychopathy and incompetence—her counterproposals are more nebulous, and much less convincing. We cannot just say “no,” to Trump, she writes. We must also say “yes,” and propose our own progressive shock doctrine ($15 minimum wage, universal health care, etc.), fighting a grass-roots, affirmative war on all fronts at the same time, with a consistent and positive agenda.

But then, this script has succeeded in the past: It was the game plan of the 1970s Christian right, in a time when all seemed lost for them. Victory requires only that one lose all faith in everything that is, and place one’s hopes single-mindedly on a utopia that will someday come. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. How to resist the indigestive fart of capitalism.

GO: Naomi Klein appears at Powell’s at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills, Beaverton, 503-228-4651, powells.com, on Monday, June 19. 7 pm. Free.

C O U R T E S Y O F A L E X C R AW F O R D

MOVIES GET YO UR R E PS IN

Anna (1967)

Jean-Luc Godard muse Anna Karina stars in an unashamedly saccharine story about an ad man in Paris falling in love with a girl in a photograph. Serge Gainsbourg provides the soundtrack and shows up as the main character’s buddy, also named Serge. Whee! Church of Film at Century Bar, 9:30 pm, Monday, June 19.

Fantastic Mr. Fox (2009) Quirky quirkster Wes Anderson quirks it up with this quirky stop-motion (quirky!) animated story about an anthropomorphic fox (George Clooney) who outwits three farmers trying to kill him. Academy, June 16-22.

LEE AND ME: Sunday Night Salad.

Funeral Parade of Roses (1969)

Long unavailable in the U.S., Toshio Matsumoto’s look at queer life in 1960s Japan follows the life of Eddie (the mononymous “Peter”) and a group of transvestites in Tokyo. Stanley Kubrick cited Funeral Parade of Roses as a direct influence on A Clockwork Orange.

Hollywood, June 16-17.

Monterey Pop (1968)

The Hollywood hosts a restoration of one of the most famous concerts in pop music—the one where Jimi Hendrix set his guitar on fire and Pete Townshend smashed his up, on the 50th anniversary of the festival.

Directed by D. A. Pennebaker, Monterey Pop features performances from The Byrds, Janis Joplin, Otis Redding and Simon and Garfunkel.

Hollywood, 7:30 pm, Friday, June 16.

Overboard (1987)

Kurt Russell and Goldie Hawn star in this goofy mistaken identity rom-com about the snooty Joanna Stayton (Hawn), who shacks up with a widowed carpenter (Russell) after she falls from her yacht and develops amnesia.

Remember the good old days when it wasn’t creepy to make a movie like this?

Mission, June 18-26.

ALSO PLAYING: Church of Film at North Star Ballroom: Three Good Friends (1930), 8 pm, Wednesday, June 14. Clinton Street Theater: But I’m A Cheerleader (1999), 7 pm, Monday, June 19. Hollywood: Stalker (1979), June 16-18, Matilda (1996), June 16-17, Hollywood After Dark (1968), 7:30 pm, Tuesday, June 20. Laurelhurst: Key Largo (1948), June 14-15, Sabrina (1954), June 16-22. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium: La Vie de Jesus (1997) 7 pm, Friday, June 16.

Salad Days

SUNDAY NIGHT SALAD IS THE REAL-LIFE WAYNE’S WORLD PORTLAND NEVER HAD. mates unified under the Making New Enemies collective that serves, variously, as production company, record label and children’s book pubAlex Crawford is a sleazebag.

The host of Portland talk show web series lisher—play exaggerated versions of themselves, Sunday Night Salad is wearing an open-col- gallivanting across Portland and its surrounds as lared shirt, cheap gold chain and an ill-fitting cartoonish post-college dudes. maroon sports coat. He’s unshaven, donning a Season 3 of Sunday Night Salad debuted on creepy goatee and mustache, hair slicked back June 4. The 20-minute first episode features with a pound of cheap pomade. His co-host has an exploration of the Bayocean ghost town in to tell Crawford he can’t call his friend’s exTillamook County, a former resort that eroded girlfriend a bitch. Shortly after a brief into the sea in the early 20th century. segment on strip club etiquette, There’s also an interview with and Crawford will leer at the camera performance by Portland indie saying, “I just like to watch ’em band Snow Roller and a visit to dance, y’know?”

Upright Brewing by the characCrawford is Crawford— ter Hank Beerchug, who quaffs but the Portland filmmaker, full glasses of the celebrated who daylights as a producer brewery’s beers in seconds. at local sports radio station As with every other DIY film 1080 The Fan, isn’t quite as effort in Portland, Sunday Night much of a sleazebag.

Salad began as a ton of work for “I’m playing myself, but the no money. “We did two seasons whole vibe I’m trying to create is a and it was really fun, but then we all CRAWFORD washed-up talk show host that used to had our lives, and this is actually really be on network television,” Crawford explains time-consuming,” says Crawford. “It takes a lot through bites of a club sandwich. “My charac- of time to film and edit, and it’s really just [coter can never escape his flaws. He’s had mul- producer] Dusty [Hayes] and I that are handling tiple divorces and vague addiction issues. He has all the editing and all the filming.” many vices, and will never regain his stardom But the show has picked up steam this season, that he alludes to but we never see.” securing sponsorships from southeast Portland Launched with two four-episode seasons in cannabis dispensary Belmont Collective and 2015, Sunday Night Salad is a Portland talk show Salem’s Gilgamesh Brewing. for a post-Eric Andre Show world. Crawford “Before, we paid for things out of our pockets and his regular contributors—friends and label- if we needed props or decorations,” says CrawBY WALKER MACMURDO

wmacmurdo@wweek.com

ford. “We were just asking friends, ‘Hey, do you want to come over and run a camera?’ ‘Hey, will you come with to film this?’ ‘Will you hold a boom mic?’ Now, we can give them pizza and beer, which is really rad.”

Sunday Night Salad is shot in Crawford’s southeast Portland apartment in front of blanket-covered windows and cardboard cutouts of Bruce Lee and Michael Jordan. I begrudgingly attended one taping, expecting an atmosphere reminiscent of watching a high school band practice. Instead, it was a full-blown house party with about a dozen people drinking beer, helping with production, and acting as an impromptu live audience as Crawford and his co-host hammed it up in front of the camera.

That energy is reflected in the show, and serves as a welcome counterbalance to the esoteric tendencies of Portland’s DIY film community. In fact, Sunday Night Salad acts something like a bridge between Portland’s music scene and the sports-literate listeners of The Fan. “Our viewers are half people who are in the music scene and know what’s going on with that, and half are, I don’t want to use the term ‘bros,’ but pretty bro-y kinda college student kids,” he explains. “So I feel like it’s a good way to keep it real. If my character asks a question that is offensive or dumb, it’s a question that a real viewer might have that would never get asked if I was catering to all the bands’ wants and needs.”

The future of the show is looking bright for Crawford, who hopes to tour the series across the West Coast, interviewing bands on their home turf and expanding the audience beyond Portland. “I’d love for this to be a real show on Comedy Central or Vice or something,” he says. “I’d love to take a shot at it.”

“No offense to my coworkers at the radio station or anything, but doing the Sunday Night Salad stuff is definitely the thing I’m most passionate about. If I could find a way to do this every day for the rest of my life, I definitely would.”

SEE IT: Stream Sunday Night Salad at makingnewenemies.com. New episodes release Sunday evenings.

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C O U R T E S Y O F D I S N E Y/ P I X A R

MOVIES Announcing

Give!

Guide 2017

CARS 3 Editor: WALKER MACMURDO. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: wmacmurdo@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115. : This movie sucks, don’t watch it. : This movie is entertaining but flawed. : This movie is good. We recommend you watch it. : This movie is excellent, one of the best of the year.

NOW PLAYING Beatriz at Dinner

After months of marketing based around its Trump-era allegory, Beatriz at Dinner premieres in Portland. Salma Hayek plays a naturopath who’s invited to join the dinner party of one of her conservative, rich white clients.

Political arguments ensue. Cinema 21.

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Body and Soul: An American Bridge

Winner of the Best Music Documentary at the San Francisco Black Film Festival, this film tells the story of the relationship between black and Jewish music through “Body and Soul,” written

by Jewish songwriter Johnny Green and popularized by Louis Armstrong. NR. Clinton St, 7 pm, Thursday, June 15.

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Early in this addition to Pixar’s world of anthropomorphized automobiles, race car Lightning McQueen (voiced by Owen Wilson) winds up battered, discouraged and covered in a very unflattering coat of primer. He looks ready for retirement—which is ironic, since the movie pulses with youthful energy. That’s thanks largely to Cruz Ramirez (Cristela Alonzo), a jaunty sports car who becomes Lightning’s trainer after he’s beaten by the smug Jackson Storm (who speaks in the oily voice of Armie Hammer).

Motivated either by rage or memories of The Lone Ranger, Lightning wants to see Storm relegated to second place. Yet he realizes he can do something more meaningful by mentoring the giftedbut-insecure Cruz. That revelation transforms Cars 3 into a tribute to the bonds shared by teachers and students, albeit with a slapstick demolition derby scene dominated by a comically sinister school bus.

Yet it’s Pixar’s gift for imbuing inanimate objects with humanity that makes you care when Cruz and Lightning lean into the curves. G. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Pioneer Place, Tigard, Vancouver.

I Called Him Morgan

GIVE!GUIDE 56

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Cars 3

A documentary about the murder of jazz trumpeter Lee Morgan, I Called Him Morgan centers the story of Morgan’s death around an interview given by Helen, his media-elusive wife and murderer.

It features black and white footage of the ’60s New York jazz world and a soundtrack generously populated with Morgan’s late bop sound. NR. Hollywood Theatre.

Kiss Me (Kyss Mig)

Kiss Me is like the Swedish equivalent of Blue Is The Warmest Color: It’s mostly about the artful cinematography of the lesbian sex scenes. But unlike Blue Is The Warmest Color, Kiss Me has a concrete plot. Mia (Ruth Vega Fernandez) visits her estranged and soon-to-be remarried dad with her fiance Tim (Joakim Nätterqvist). But she develops feelings for Frida (Liv Mjönes), her soon-to-be stepsister, when they meet at their parents’ engagement party. NR. Hollywood Theatre.

The Mummy

This Tom Cruise-starring supernatural circus arrives saddled with many grievous misconceptions, including the belief that it’s a horror film. There’s some intense running sequences, as well as a fight with an army of rats and another with Russell Crowe, but The Mummy is less memorable for its lame attempts to generate scares than it is for its decision to stage a ludicrous, one-sided romance between the titular Egyptian zombie princess (Sofia Boutella) and Cruise’s goofy daredevil Nick Morton. The second misconception is that The Mummy is partly an action film.

This is equally ludicrous because director Alex Kurtzman, a veteran Transformers co-writer, stages the film’s fights and flights so haphazardly that you could almost argue that he’s a satirist out to skewer some of the more frenetic Marvel movies. There is also a ridiculous report that The Mummy will inaugurate a monster-mashing franchise called “Dark Universe,” which seems unlikely. The Mummy is rather wondrous in its stupidity, but it’s hard to believe something so artless would arouse an audience’s appetite for more.

PG-13. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Living Room Theaters, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Tigard, Vancouver.

STILL SHOWING Alien: Covenant

Casting Danny McBride as the alien was a ballsy gamble that paid off. Sadly, nothing else in Ridley Scott’s frenetic follow-up to the underrated Prometheus comes together as it should. R. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, Cinema 21, Cinemagic Theatre, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Hollywood, Living Room Theaters, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Pub and Theater, Tigard, Vancouver.

I am pleased to report that this movie is exactly as unnecessary and idiotic as you think it is. R. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Tigard, Vancouver.

Beauty and the Beast

Did we need this remake?

Probably not. Is is pretty good? Yes. PG. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Eastport, Living Room Theaters, Vancouver.

The Boss Baby

Somehow, this movie isn’t a terrifying monstrosity. PG. Clackamas, Division, Vancouver.

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

Giddy satire gives way to lazy bombast in this animated adaptation of Dav Pilkey’s children’s book series, which has too much of its titular under-dressed superhero and too little of its prankster protagonists, two elementary schoolers (voiced by Kevin Hart and Thomas Middleditch) at war with the tyrannical Principal Krupp (Ed Helms). PG. Beaverton, Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Milwaukie, Oak Grove, Tigard, Vancouver.

Colossal

Nacho Vigalondo’s new monster flick follows Anne Hathaway and Jason Sudeikis drunkenly rampaging through the friend zone as down-andout yuppies whose angst somehow controls gigantic kaiju. PG. Academy, Laurelhurst.

Everything, Everything

This young adult movie about a girl (Amandla Stenberg) who lives in a bubble is just as devoid of logic, storytelling or disability rights as it sounds like it is. PG-13. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Fox Tower, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Tigard, Vancouver.

The Fate of the Furious

Sadly, Paul Walker was the key ingredient missing in the eighth iteration of the Fast and the Furious franchise. At least there’s still a bunch of cool explosions and shit.

PG-13. Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Vancouver.

Get Out

Yes, this movie is as good as everyone says it is, enough so that it makes you ask why other horror movies aren’t better. R. Fox Tower, Vancouver.

Gifted

Every time I read the name of this movie, I think of that T-shirt you’d see at Spencer’s Gifts, emblazoned with a stick figure with three legs and the word “GIFTED,” implying the wearer has a large penis. PG-13. City Center, Living Room Theaters.

Going in Style

Zach Braff ’s Going in Style acts as a bitterly honest ode to aging, ageism and existentialism—themes that are always spry. What one might not expect is a plot that’s fairly heinous, both morally and logistically, with characters who remain justified and likable throughout. PG-13.

Academy, Avalon, Kennedy School.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

When the first Guardians debuted, its irreverent, hilarious, bizarro tone came out of nowhere, making audiences fall in love with Marvel’s D-list heroes at the confluence of Star Wars, The Ice Pirates and Buckaroo Banzai.

Vol. 2 isn’t the jolt that the first one was, but between all the action and its surprisingly poignant finale, it’s a welcome addition. We’d follow this band of charismatic assholes anywhere at this point. PG-13. Bagdad, Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Moreland, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Roseway, St. Johns Twin Cinema & Pub, Tigard, Vancouver.

I, Daniel Blake

An “I” precedes the name Daniel Blake in Ken Loach’s (The Wind That Shakes the Barley) 2016 Palme d’Orwinning film because its protagonist will eventually be driven to testimony. But Daniel doesn’t start out an evangelist for the English commoner, and neither does the film. Played as a grouch with a heart by comedian Dave Johns, we follow Daniel through a welfare system’s circles of hell in the former industrial hub of Newcastle.

You’d be hardpressed to find a more sobering portrayal of a losing streak taking over a life. R. Living Room Theaters.

Jeremiah Tower: The Last Magnificent Before Bobby Flay, before the Food Network, before Lucky Peach, before anyone had ever lined up for Salt and Straw, and before Guy Fieri had even thought about running for mayor of Flavor Town, there was Jeremiah Tower, America’s original rock star chef. If the name doesn’t ring a bell, well, that’s kinda the point of this delightful Anthony Bourdainproduced documentary, which endeavors to finally give the trailblazing chef his dues. R. Kiggins, Cinema 21.

John Wick: Chapter 2

This may be the smartest, most beautifully shot film ever made that’s basically a montage of people getting shot in the head. R. Vancouver.

King Arthur: Legend of the Sword

Guy Ritchie has a gift for making fantasy warfare breathtakingly boring.

PG-13. Bridgeport, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Tigard, Vancouver.

Kong: Skull Island

Following the original film’s blueprint, Kong: Skull Island sends a boatload of explorers past the permastorm that’s hidden the titular archipelago for millennia. The similarities end there. Shifting to Southeast Asia just after the fall of Saigon, Skull Island replaces Age of Discovery heroics with wartime ambience.

PG-13. Avalon, Joy, Jubitz, Vancouver.

Megan Leavey

With a more expressive star and a more experienced director, this Iraq War tale of a U.S. Marine and her German shepherd could have been more than what it is: a glossy, facile and TV-ready tribute to a heroic woman who deserves a much better movie. PG-13. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Tigard.

My Cousin Rachel

Spooky, sexy and gleefully menacing, this fresh rendition of Daphne du Maurier’s novel is a terrific showcase for its stars, Sam Claflin as dunderhead lord of a coastal estate in Victorian-era England who seeks vengeance against the cousin of title, and said cousin (Rachel Weisz), whose masterful performance blends anguish, toughness and terrifying rage. PG-13. Bridgeport.

REVIEW

Paris Can Wait

Would a lighter version of Eat, Pray, Love even be a film at all? PG. Cinema 21.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Ahoy matey! Johnny Depp is washed! PG-13. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Milwaukie, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Twin Cinema & Pub, Tigard, Vancouver.

Logan

A Quiet Passion

The Lovers would be a black comedy if writer-director Azazel Jacobs pushed a tone more, but this story about sad middle-aged Californians Michael (Tracy Letts) and Susan (Lesley Fera) cheating on each other is more drab irony searching for chuckles. R. City Center, Clackamas, Hollywood, Living Room Theaters, Tigard.

For more Movies listings, visit

One wouldn’t assume a documentary about New York Times obituary columnists would be laughout-loud funny. This dying art is practiced by an aging bullpen of wry hunters-and peckers who strive to immortalize striking details in the lives of people who made a quantifiable impact on the world—on deadline. NR. Cinema 21.

The Portland Jewish Film Festival returns to the Northwest Film Center for the 25th year, showcasing films exploring Jewish perspectives that aren’t commonly seen in mainstream American film. Northwest Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, June 11-25. See nwfilm.org/calendar for full schedule.

The Lovers

This pleasantly peculiar Hebrewlanguage rom-com from director Rama Burshtein (Fill the Void) follows Michal (Noa Koller), an Orthodox Jewish woman who’s abandoned by her fiancee and must find a new one by the last night of Hanukkah. PG. Living Room Theaters.

I never thought I’d get a lump in my throat watching a superhero movie but here we are. Patty Jenkins’ telling of Diana Prince’s (Gal Gadot) WWI origin deftly balances action, romance, comedy and emotional heft like no other in genre has.

PG-13. Bagdad, Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, Cinemagic Theatre, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Moreland, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Roseway, St. Johns Twin Cinema & Pub, Tigard, Vancouver.

Obit

Portland Jewish Film Festival

This supremely entertaining tale of exploration and obsession unfolds in the early years of the 20th century to chronicle the storied search of Percy Fawcett (Charlie Hunnam) for an ancient city he believes lies hidden deep within the Amazon. With a buildup of suspense that would have made Hitchcock crack a sinister smile, and intoxicating images—men hacking their way through foliage with machetes, ramshackle boats floating toward elusive destinations—from director James Gray (Two Lovers), the movie hypnotizes completely. PG-13.

Bridgeport, Fox Tower.

The Wedding Plan

Wonder Woman

As a wannabe American-Israeli fixer, this is Richard Gere’s finest performance since Chicago. If you’re into pretty compelling nonsense, call anytime day or night; ask for Norman.

R. City Center, Fox Tower.

Fast, funny and pleasingly drunk on the joys of mockery, The Lego Batman Movie is as fun as the 2014 original but stars Will Arnett as a petulant, preening goofball who rocks out on an electric guitar and showers orphans with cool toys from a merch gun. PG. Academy, Clackamas, Vancouver, Vancouver.

The Lost City of Z

’Ello, love! It’s what seems to be the thousandth period romance this year, this time revolving around a screenwriter (Gemma Arterton) in the British film industry in 1940, marred by needless plot hiccups that make this film dissonantly depressing. R. Fox Tower.

Norman: The Moderate Rise and Tragic Fall of a New York Fixer

The Lego Batman Movie

Turns out having Hugh Jackman and cute child Dafne Keen perform Mortal Kombat fatalities on robotarmed mercenaries is a cool idea for a movie. R. Academy, Avalon, Joy, Jubitz, Kennedy School, Laurelhurst, Vancouver.

Their Finest

COURTESY OF GRAND ILLUSION CINEMA

Baywatch

Any Emily Dickinson biopic would require patience, and Terence Davies’ A Quiet Passion demands more than its share. PG-13. Cinema 21, Kiggins.

Smurfs: The Lost Village

Sony thinks moviegoers are dumb enough to pay money to see rote lessons in togetherness and acceptance acted out by tiny little blue people in blue pajamas. Save your money and buy some Haribo Sour Smurfs instead. PG. Avalon, Vancouver.

Snatched

Picture the worn-out gimmick of the hapless character on a mission, walking in slow motion while gangsta rap ironically scores their strut. Picture a film unimaginative enough to use that gag three separate times and you have Snatched.

R. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Fox Tower, Living Room Theaters, Vancouver.

T2: Trainspotting

It’s been 21 years since Trainspotting turned a blackly comic druggie caper into generational touchstone, and the follow-up posits that if you can survive the first rush of freedom and weather the inevitable hangover of crashing dreams, nostalgia becomes the last true habit. R. Fox Tower.

Far Out

BAD TRIP: VCR compiles VHS footage about drugs.

This Is Your VCR on Drugs is what it sounds like.

In the gloriously campy openi n g s c e n e o f T h i s I s Yo u r VCR on Drugs, a man in a multicolored T-shirt declares he’s “here to prepare you for the groovy trip you’re about to take into Psychedelic Headcandy.”

It’s the kind of invitation that would usually be a prelude to either a hallucination or an overdose. But film editors Brian Alter and Spenser Hoyt have used it for another purpose: to welcome you into the twisty world of VCR, which combines footage from charmingly tacky drug-trip and drug-scare VHS tapes to create a compilation that is at once weird, witty, horrifying and never anything less than transfixing.

It’s a world that was born at Scarecrow Video in Seattle, which Alter says has “a huge section that’s basically drugs,” like “old ’80s drug-scare videos, earlier ’60s freak-out stuff,” which of course includes Psychedelic Headcandy. While Alter confesses that the VHS tapes in this part of the store are “maybe not something that you would want to sit and watch an hour or two hours of,” he and Hoyt have successfully fused together bits of footage from the tapes to create a delightfully perverse rush of surreal imagery, including some sinister, sexually charged animation and hilariously solemn anti-drug videos, like one in which George H.W. Bush sternly reminds viewers that “drugs and alcohol can ruin your life.”

This Is Your VCR on Drugs unfolds with remarkable clarity and momentum. By establishing a clear and consistent editorial rhythm, Alter and Hoyt keep the movie from becoming disjointed.

While Alter notes that some of the clips featured in VCR are from a “cheesier era of public information,” he also says working on the film made him recall some of his own experiences—while he’s “not a big stoner,” he says he’s had encounters with marijuana, mescaline, mushrooms and LSD. Yet he seems to view VCR largely as a celebration of Scarecrow, even if it is “appreciating maybe some of the worst stuff that they have.” BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. SEE IT: This is Your VCR on Drugs screens at Hollywood Theatre on Saturday, June 17 at 9:30 pm.

Willamette Week JUNE 14, 2017 wweek.com

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Patient Zero

A DISPATCH FROM A BELEAGUERED MEDICAL MARIJUANA PATIENT IN THE HEARTLAND.

BY ZON MU N DHEN K

It’s 4 am on a Tuesday in Dayton, Ohio, in my tiny place in the shadow of massive Wright-Patterson Air Force Base. I’m awake because my feet feel like they are on fire, and I think someone has misplaced a knife set in my back and shoulders. I have the shakes and I’m about to cry; I’ve already taken nine Naproxen caplets.

“Toothless,” one of my cats, sits on the back of my chair and tries to comfort me. I go to the only place I can for human support at this hour—the internet.

When Ohio voted to legalize medical marijuana last November, I honestly thought nights like these might be, if not over, at least drastically reduced. After all, out of the 21 conditions that were eligible for a medical marijuana card, I had five: spinal injury, chronic pain, seizure disorder, fibromyalgia and PTSD. I was a shoo-in if I could find a willing doctor. I had visions of dispensaries popping up like ’shrooms at an EDM Festival. Even if Ohio’s recreational bill was so bad even High Times panned it, it had big money backers and they’d want their cut of this new medical-only industry. Big money means big progress, right?

Not so much. The law passed in November and will take about a year to go into effect. In the meantime, we’re in limbo. So far, all that’s happened is that some cities have voted to exclude dispensaries, because, you know, pain patients are just criminals, really.

And I have no idea how to score—anymore.

A couple years ago, it was super easy. I lived in a hellish, water-stained, concrete block apartment building that I like to describe as “kinda stabby.” As in, people got stabbed there and I got to help clean up the blood. A guy named Jay lived across the hall. His specialty was Vicodin, but he also sold pot. It was crap, and I was lucky if it wasn’t laced with brake fluid or something.

He would offer to give me “free samples” in exchange for “massages.” Because I always told him “no,”, or, “hell no,” he spread rumors that I

had sex with my cat. Tragically, someone set the entire building on fire with careless crack smoking and I lost everything except my cat, my guitar and the clothes on my back. I was also out my dealer—no matter how much of a douche he was.

Finding a new dealer at the age of 45 is not the fun, lighthearted adventure it was in college.

Most of my friends have switched from illicit, sketchy “I swear it’s Northern Lights” to craft beer anyway. I don’t blame them. If I were doing this for fun, I’d have given up ages ago.

My online friends, meanwhile, suggest CBD oil, which I use when I can afford it. It works amazingly well, but a month’s treatment is about $240. A friend in Washington pings me, offering cookies made with her last harvest of White Widow and Bubba Kush. Both are the opposite of what I need; she mentions a friend who’s growing variants of Charlotte’s Web, and offers to put me in touch.

It’s incredibly kind of her, and I have the most awesome friends in the world, but if I know anything, it’s “Don’t have your drugs shipped UPS.” In theory, medical marijuana patients have what’s called an “affirmative defense” in cases of mere possession. Having edibles shipped UPS may be more than possession, though. But legal theory has never stopped a cop from beating someone’s ass and hauling them to jail, and even a night in jail could have tragic medical consequences for me.

So, which kind of suckage do I choose? Possibly get arrested? Or definitely go broke? What can I afford to give up this month? What bills can I defer? How little can I spend on toilet paper and food that isn’t pasta? I find the CBD oil for $208 on a site that will also send me a free $12 bar of “Vegan, GMO-free, anti-cellulite soap with sustainably harvested bladderwrack!”

Goody.

My feet are still on fire. The birds are singing and I want them dead. The road outside clogs with commuters to the base. I close the blackout curtains. I think about moving west.

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Down 1 Louvre Pyramid architect I.M. 2 Scraped elbow souvenir 3 Jon’s usual waitress, in “Garfield” 4 Feature on some Blu-Rays 5 “Rhapsody ___” 6 45th American vice president 7 Only U.S. state with a non-rectangular flag 8 It provides coverage 9 Episode summaries 10 City between Jacksonville and Tampa 11 Barrier later renamed for Herbert Hoover 12 Maladies 13 No-good conclusion?

21 Andrew Marvell’s “___ Coy Mistress” 22 Go bad, like kale 25 Willie of “Eight Is Enough” and “Charles in Charge” 26 Weeping statue of Greek legend 27 Be an ass in the lot, maybe 28 “X-Men: Days of Future Past” star Berry 29 Bought hook, line

and sinker 30 Specialized slang 32 St. ___ Girl (German beer brand) 33 “Peer Gynt” dramatist Henrik 36 Phrase before “Move ahead” in “Whip It” 39 McCafe option 41 “2017: The Year for Animal Liberation” sponsor 44 Martial art debuting as an Olympic event in Tokyo in 2020 45 Game show option after The Banker makes an offer 47 Bygone detergent with an apt brand name 49 “Leaving Las Vegas” actress Elisabeth 50 Boulangerie purchase 51 Airer of “RuPaul’s Drag Race” before it moved to VH1 52 MSNBC contributor Klein 53 ___ gobi (Indian potato dish) 54 “How to Train ___ Dragon” 55 National economic indicator, for short 58 Announcement of when Alaska lands in Washington, e.g.

Across in a way?

Cariou 1 Greek letters shaped 23 Debtor’s note 39 Part of an M.O.? like pitchforks 24 2010 Apple debut 40 Dies down 5 Retired NHLer 25 With 44-Across, 41 “Shameless” blurb Larionov whose exasperated complaint 42 “I would give all my nickname was “The about endless fame for a pot ___ and Professor” corridors? safety”: Shakespeare’s 9 Wright of 2017’s 31 ___Pen (injector “Henry V” “Wonder Woman” for some allergic last week’s answers 43 Montreal steak 14 Hosiery shade reactions) seasoning?

15 Neighborhood near 34 Garlicky dip for 44 See 25-Across Greenwich Village, sweet potato fries, e.g.

46 Part of Q.E.D. slangily 35 “Look ___ this way 48 Ear, in German 16 Bacteria in spinach ...” recalls 49 Left like a tossed 36 Seize suddenly football?

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Week of June 15

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

You have to admit that salt looks like sugar and sugar resembles salt. This isn’t usually a major problem, though. Mistakenly sprinkling sugar on your food when you thought you were adding salt won’t hurt you, nor will putting salt in your coffee when you assumed you were using sugar. But errors like these are inconvenient, and they can wreck a meal. You may want to apply this lesson as a metaphor in the coming days, Aries. Be alert for things that outwardly seem to be alike but actually have different tastes and effects.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Here’s a possible plan for the next ten days: Program your smart phone to sound an alarm once every hour during the entire time you’re awake. Each time the bell or buzzer goes off, you will vividly remember your life’s main purpose. You will ask yourself whether or not the activity you’re engaged in at that specific moment is somehow serving your life’s main purpose. If it is, literally pat yourself on the back and say to yourself, “Good job!” If it’s not, say the following words: “I am resolved to get into closer alignment with my soul’s code -- the blueprint of my destiny.”

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

Actress Marisa Berenson offers a line of anti-aging products that contain an elixir made from the seeds of a desert fruit known as prickly pear. The manufacturing process isn’t easy. To produce a quart of the potion requires 2,000 pounds of seeds. I see you as having a metaphorically similar challenge in the coming weeks, Gemini. To create a small amount of the precious stuff you want, I’m guessing you’ll have to gather a ton of raw materials. And there may be a desert-like phenomena to deal with, as well.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

There are three kinds of habits: good, bad, and neutral.

Neutral habits are neither good nor bad but use up psychic energy that might be better directed into cultivating good habits. Here are some examples: a good habit is when you’re disciplined about eating healthy food; a bad habit is watching violent TV shows before going to bed, thereby disturbing your sleep; a neutral habit might be doing Sudoku puzzles. My challenge to you, Cancerian, is to dissolve one bad habit and one neutral habit by replacing them with two new good habits. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, cosmic forces will be on your side as you make this effort.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

You’ll never get access to the treasure that’s buried out under the cherry tree next to the ruined barn if you stay in your command center and keep staring at the map instead of venturing out to the barn. Likewise, a symbol of truth may be helpful in experiencing deeper meaning, but it’s not the same as communing with the raw truth, and may even become a distraction from it.

Let’s consider one further variation on the theme: The pictures in your mind’s eye may or may not have any connection with the world outside your brain. It’s especially important that you monitor their accuracy in the coming days.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

Maybe it wasn’t such a good idea to go gallivanting so heedlessly into the labyrinth. Or maybe it was. Who knows? It’s still too early to assess the value of your experiences in that maddening but fascinating tangle.

You may not yet be fully able to distinguish the smoke and mirrors from the useful revelations. Which of the riddles you’ve gathered will ultimately bring frustration and which will lead you to wisdom? Here’s one thing I do know for sure: If you want to exit the labyrinth, an opportunity will soon appear.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

Over the years I’ve read numerous news reports about people who have engaged in intimate relations with clunky inanimate objects. One had sex with a bicycle.

Another seduced a sidewalk, and a third tried to make sweet love to a picnic table. I hope you won’t join their ranks in the coming weeks. Your longing is likely to be extra intense, innovative, and even exotic, but I trust you will confine its expression to unions with adult human beings who know what they’re getting into and who have consented to play. Here’s an old English word you might want to add to your vocabulary: “blissom.” It means “to bleat with sexual desire.”

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

Your life in the coming days should be low on lightweight diversions and high in top-quality content.

Does that sound like fun? I hope so. I’d love to see you enjoy the hell out of yourself as you cut the fluff and focus on the pith . . . as you efficiently get to the hype-free heart of every matter and refuse to tolerate waffling or stalling. So strip away the glossy excesses, my dear Capricorn. Skip a few steps if that doesn’t cause any envy. Expose the pretty lies, but then just work around them; don’t get bogged down in indulging in negative emotions about them.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

“Dear Dr. Astrology: Good fortune has been visiting me a lot lately. Many cool opportunities have come my way. Life is consistently interesting. I’ve also made two unwise moves that fortunately didn’t bring bad results. Things often work out better for me than I imagined they would! I’m grateful every day, but I feel like I should somehow show even more appreciation.

Any ideas? -Lucky Leo.” Dear Lucky: The smartest response to the abundance you have enjoyed is to boost your generosity. Give out blessings. Dispense praise.

Help people access their potentials. Intensify your efforts to share your wealth.

Inventor, architect, and author Buckminster Fuller lived to the age of 87. For 63 of those years, he kept a detailed scrapbook diary that documented every day of his life. It included his reflections, correspondence, drawings, newspaper clippings, grocery bills, and much other evidence of his unique story. I would love to see you express yourself with that much disciplined ferocity during the next two weeks. According to my astrological analysis, you’re in a phase when you have maximum power to create your life with vigorous ingenuity and to show everyone exactly who you are.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

Years ago, a fan of my work named Paul emailed to ask me if I wanted to get together with him and his friend when I visited New York. “Maybe you know her?” he wrote. “She’s the artist Cindy Sherman.” Back then I had never heard of Cindy. But since Paul was smart and funny, I agreed to meet. The three of us convened in an elegant tea room for a boisterous conversation. A week later, when I was back home and mentioned the event to a colleague, her eyes got big and she shrieked, “You had tea with THE Cindy Sherman.” She then educated me on how successful and influential Cindy’s photography has been. I predict you will soon have a comparable experience, Virgo: inadvertent contact with an intriguing presence. Hopefully, because I’ve given you a heads up, you’ll recognize what’s happening as it occurs, and take full advantage.

You have a cosmic license to enjoy almost too much sensual pleasure. In addition, you should feel free to do more of what you love to do than you normally allow yourself. Be unapologetic about surrounding yourself with flatterers and worshipers. Be sumptuously lazy.

Ask others to pick up the slack for you. Got all that? It’s just the first part of your oracle. Here’s the rest: You have a cosmic license to explore the kind of spiritual growth that’s possible when you feel happy and fulfilled. As you go through each day, expect life to bring you exactly what you need to uplift you. Assume that the best service you can offer your fellow humans is to be relaxed and content.

DUCK

GEMMA

JERRY

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