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FINDINGS

WHAT WE LEARNED FROM READING THIS WEEK’S PAPER VOL. 43, ISSUE 37.

Rich people get tax breaks for owning a second home. 7 Portland’s homeless community refers to living along the Springwater Corridor as being “out on the trail.” 9

The city will finally take control of outer Southeast Powell Boulevard. 11

Katy Perry is widely reviled by the fireworks industry. 17

ON THE COVER:

Real jojos are potatoes that are

quartered then battered and pressure-fried. 71 Woody Guthrie wrote a lot of songs about dams, including one that suggested one dam on the Columbia River is more impressive than the Empire State Building or the pyramids at Giza. 79 A Portlander was inspired to make a documentary about the history of graphic design after finding an old book at Goodwill. 89

OUR MOST TRAFFICKED STORY ONLINE THIS WEEK:

Mural Design by Tricia Hipps.

Painted by Robert Coronado, Tricia Hipps, Vanessa Rivera, Alyssa Walker, Aubrey Williams and Gryffin the Corgi.

They’re going to toll freeways in Portland.

STAFF Editor & Publisher Mark Zusman EDITORIAL News Editor Aaron Mesh Arts & Culture Editor Martin Cizmar Staff Writers Nigel Jaquiss, Rachel Monahan, Katie Shepherd Copy Editors Matt Buckingham, Nicole Groessel Stage & Listings Editor Shannon Gormley Screen Editor Walker MacMurdo Projects Editor Matthew Korfhage

Music Editor Matthew Singer Web Editor Sophia June Editorial Interns Dana Alston, Max Denning, Elise Herron, Jessica Pollard CONTRIBUTORS Dave Cantor, Pete Cottell, Jay Horton, Jordan Michelman, Jack Rushall, Thacher Schmid, Chris Stamm, Matt Stangel, Mark Stock PRODUCTION Creative Director Alyssa Walker Designers Tricia Hipps, Rosie Struve, Rick Vodicka Photography Interns Carleigh Oeth, Nino Ortiz Design/Illustration Intern Elizabeth Allan, Ann Gray

Our mission: Provide Portlanders with an independent and irreverent understanding of how their worlds work so they can make a difference.

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3

DIALOGUE Here’s what readers said about an 18-year-old girl who overdosed on a synthetic opioid she bought on the Dark Web using Bitcoin, and the Portland Police Bureau’s subsequent investigation that led to a major arrest (“Death by Bitcoin,” WW, July 5, 2017).

If your article had been published in 1994, it would have blamed “the internet.” Demonizing the blockchain will put you on the wrong side of history. Blockchain technology merges socialism and capitalism in a way that threatens those systems of oppression that are so commonly Alex Fallenstedt, via wweek.com: “This is sad. discussed in your paper. Bitcoin will do more to I hope there will be a day that drugs like these smash the patriarchy than a pile of pink hats could can be decriminalized and treatment centers ever hope for. exist. Putting people in jail solves nothing, neiFurther, how many times has your paper celther does letting them die like this. We have to ebrated (rightfully so) the culture of alcohol? DUI encourage treatment.” deaths occur nightly, yet we won’t see a “Death by IPA” feature on your Kate Daly, via Facebook: “Instead cover when a politician’s kid kills of reporting on these illegal, synthetic a family of four after driving home drugs causing minimal deaths, WW from Staggerville Booze Palace. should look into the legal drugs proThe girl in your story was killed moted by Big Pharma that kill thouby drugs, not Bitcoin. I know the sands each year, like Cymbalta.” media has a hard time being honest when our white suburbanites start Erin Piccolo, in response: “It is overdosing, but to blame the technol“Putting possible to look into multiple stories. ogy that was used to purchase it only people in echoes a dangerous, ignorant myth.

Reporting on one does not lessen the jail solves Otherwise, let’s ban cash and solve importance of another.” nothing.” the rural heroin problem, too.

Laura Frances, via Facebook: “Good P.S. Blockchain technology is transarticle. Would like to see more in-depth journal- parent and not as anonymous as you make it out ism like this from WW.” to be. You can find a ledger of every transaction at Blockchain.info. Underqualified feds relied on BLAME OPIOIDS, NOT BITCOIN blockchain/Bitcoin users to track the bad guys In response to “Death by Bitcoin” [WW, July 5, down. In other words, Bitcoin was also used to 2017], I am embarrassed at Willamette Week’s lack solve this case. I don’t see any mention of that in of research and extremely harmful media framing your article. of Bitcoin. You guys are usually better than this.

I expect more from your paper and will continBlockchain technology (Bitcoin, Ethereum, ue to support it, but you’re bordering on shutting etc.) presents solutions for real-world problems. down burrito carts at this point.

Bitcoin drives projects that close the wealth gap Ray McMillin in poor countries, facilitate the protection of medical records, ensure artists own their con- LETTERS TO THE EDITOR must include the author’s street address and phone number for verification. tent, protect women who are receiving abortion Letters must be 250 or fewer words. services in unfriendly cultures, etc. You are using Submit to: 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. the same logic against Bitcoin that Trump uses Email: mzusman@wweek.com against immigrants.

BY MA RT Y SMIT H

Do carbon offsets do any good? I can pay the power company for “100 percent renewable” electricity, but doesn’t that just mean everybody else’s power gets slightly dirtier? —Skeptical As a joyless policy nerd, I understand your objection, Skeptical, but let’s break it down for all the normal folks with social lives, who, like, go outside and stuff.

Let’s say you have a factory that makes M&Ms. About 30 percent are green, made from entirely renewable sources. The other 70 percent are gray, made out of endangered pandas. Every bag of M&Ms you sell to your customers contains a mix of the two colors in these proportions.

Eventually, some of your customers start to feel bad about the pandas. No problem! You hire some Bangladeshi first-graders to pick out the green M&Ms and put them in special, 100 percent green bags, which you then sell to your panda-loving customers (at a slight premium).

Now, everyone is happy!

Except, of course, that you’re just foisting more gray M&Ms on everyone else, while continuing to grind up just as many baby pandas as ever. And of course, if 100 percent of your customers suddenly demanded all-green M&Ms, you’d be screwed, since you’re already maxed out 4

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

at 30 percent.

To their credit, our local power provider, PGE, is not relying on this simple switcheroo to justify itsir green-power option. Instead, it uses your premium to purchase “carbon offsets.”

Carbon offsets involve bribing some (often Third World) actor to do a good thing he would not otherwise have done, or not do a bad thing he was planning to do. Say there’s a guy who’s about to sell his panda farm to a toxic-waste factory: You pay him not to do that, theoretically increasing the world’s panda supply.

We hope! But there’s always the possibility the dude never planned to sell his farm. Or maybe he takes the money, and sells the farm anyway a couple years later. Even if he’s on the level, the toxic-waste company might just buy the panda farm next door instead. Caveat emptor.

The real answer would be for everyone to eat a lot fewer M&Ms. Unfortunately, M&Ms are delicious. (Mmm, pandas.)

QUESTIONS? Send them to dr.know@wweek.com

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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U.S. Sen. Ron Wyden (D-Ore.) minced no words July 11 about Donald Trump Jr.’s coordination with a senior Russian official in June 2016, calling it an attempt to “collude with a hostile foreign power to subvert America’s democracy.” Wyden’s strong language matches comments of other U.S. senators on the revelation that President Donald Trump’s son met with a Russian lawyer on the promise that a senior Moscow official could provide dirt that would damage the Clinton campaign. “Based on the emails that Donald Trump Jr. released, the highest levels of the Trump campaign walked, eyes open, into a meeting designed to advance the Russian government’s support for Donald Trump,” Wyden said.

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The chaos of Portland’s May Day protests has resulted in federal charges for a 22-year-old man. A federal grand jury indicted Damion Feller on July 7 on two counts of malicious damage to property by fire for throwing lit flares into the downtown Target store and a police car during the May 1 protests. Feller was also arrested and charged with arson, criminal mischief, riot and reckless burning in Multnomah County Circuit Court in May. In a probable-cause affidavit, prosecutors said Feller confessed to police that he threw the flares.

Why? “Mob mentality,” he allegedly said, and “because I am a fucking idiot.”

City Commissioner Dan Saltzman has long championed making permanent the Portland Children’s Levy, which funds children’s services and must be renewed every five years. A bill he supported in the Oregon Legislature that would have created a children’s taxing district passed the Senate this year but failed to make it through the House. That’s significant in part because City Hall observers say Saltzman might consider retirement if he could secure this legacy. (Saltzman has repeatedly dismissed speculation he’s retiring next year.) Advocates for school and parks districts fought off Saltzman’s children’s district because limits on Oregon property taxes put them in competition with other taxing districts for funding.

HAYES

Cylvia Hayes Gives Interview, Blasts WW

The FBI announced last month it would not seek criminal charges against former Gov. John Kitzhaber and first lady Cylvia Hayes.

This week, Hayes gave her first interview since the influence-peddling scandal that ended Kitzhaber’s career, speaking to WW news partner KATU-TV. Hayes blasted WW’s investigative reporting, saying it contained errors and created a false narrative about her.

“I had so much rage and so much hatred toward the handful of media who were so dishonest,” she told KATU. WW proudly stands by its reporting.

NEWS

WHAT YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS WEEK

A N N G R AY

FOUR QUESTIONS:

NIESHA WRIGHT

House of Shards HOW THE LEGISLATURE’S PLANNED HOUSING REFORMS FELL FLAT.

BY R AC H E L M O N A H A N

rmonahan@wweek.com

The 2017 session of the Oregon Legislature concluded last week in a flurry of high-profile victories for Democrats, including a hike of the legal smoking age to 21 and health insurance coverage for undocumented immigrant children.

What didn’t happen: serious housing reforms.

House Speaker Tina Kotek (D -Portland) came into the session with big ambitions to confront the statewide housing shortage and wave of rising rents by limiting “no cause” evictions, removing local limits of where developers can build apartments, and even overturning the state’s ban on rent control. None succeeded.

Instead, Democratic leaders had to content themselves with small victories, mostly doling out more dollars to the state’s affordable housing budget.

Many of Democrats’ most far-reaching proposals had as much chance as a rich man making it to heaven, because they ran squarely into constituencies with the power to render reforms dead on arrival.

Kotek last week acknowledged she had come up short.

“In 2018, we will push to finish this session’s unfinished business on housing,” Kotek said. “The depth and breadth of Oregon’s housing crisis has finally made this issue too big to ignore.”

But it wasn’t too big to fail. Here’s how the Dems’ housing agenda died:

RE NT CON T R O L

 Senate:  For 32 years, Oregon has barred cities and counHouse:

NO-CAUSE EVI CTI ON BAN House:

 Senate: 

ties from capping how much landlords can raise rents. Kotek included a reversal of the state’s rentcontrol ban in House Bill 2004, a package of tenant protections that squeaked through the House.

But the Senate’s Human Resources Committee stripped that provision out of the bill to get it to the Senate floor.

This was perhaps Kotek’s top housing priority: a ban on landlords evicting tenants without justification. But Senate Democrats again watered down HB 2004 in committee so that the ban would apply only to tenants in month-to-month leases. That eroded the bill’s support, without managing to persuade its chief Democratic opponents: Sens. Betsy Johnson (D-Scappoose) and Rod Monroe (D-Portland), himself a landlord. At least one of them had to flip for the bill to pass. Neither did.

RE M OV I NG DE M O L ITIO N PR OT EC T I O N S FO R HISTO R I C DISTR IC TS

MORTGAGE I NTEREST DEDUCTI ON REFORMS

House:  Senate: 

Kotek went to war with Portland neighborhood associations this session, trying to remove their ability to block home demolitions in historic districts. But House Bill 2007 waited in line behind the tenant protections package. And when the eviction ban flopped, Kotek couldn’t rally support for taking on anti-development crusaders.

House:  Senate: 

Cutting the mortgage interest deduction was always a long shot. House Bill 2006 would have raised $300 million in revenue for the state by removing a tax break for homeowners paying off their mortgages. It would have removed the tax break for couples making more than $200,000 or for people who own a second home. The bill was never a priority for Democrats, and advocates gave it up for dead midway through the session.

Niesha Wright wants her money back.

The Portland woman this week sued U.S. Secretary of Education Betsy DeVos in federal court, challenging DeVos’ decision to delay access to debt forgiveness for students defrauded by forprofit universities.

Wright works in the mortgage industry and borrowed $26,000 to take computer classes at Portland’s now-defunct ITT Technical Institute. She applied for student debt relief under a federal program created last October. The program was set to take effect July 1, but DeVos delayed its start date, citing a pending lawsuit challenging the rule filed by a California trade association that represents a coalition of for-profit colleges.

Wright talked to WW about her time at ITT Tech and her fight to be considered for loan forgiveness. KATIE SHEPHERD.

WW: When did you realize you were wasting your money at ITT Tech?

Niesha Wright: The first time I realized it was in the second year of attending the college, when a student was actually teaching the class instead of the teacher. That’s exactly when I knew that this college was not accredited in any form. There’s no way a student should be teaching the class.

And the other moment was when I went through a class and discovered it was too hard. I dropped out—and I still passed that class.

What happened when you tried to get your money back?

I was refused, because the federal government had already paid out the loan. They flat out refused to let me drop out of the class and refused to let me get my money back. The class was not making any sense to me, which is why I was trying to drop out of the class. They refused to let me get a refund or to drop out.

How will the payments on your loans affect your life now that you might not be able to get loan forgiveness and your diploma has been rendered worthless?

It will put a strain on my credit. It will put a strain on my everyday life, because I know that balance of debt is hanging over my head without a significant degree behind it. My options are: (a) Do I go back to school and start all over to earn an accredited degree, or (b) do I just allow the government to say that I owe them money for an unaccredited degree?

Why do you think the Trump administration is taking away this relief program for students like you?

I think it’s more or less that they don’t know the obstacles of urban communities and the challenges they face, because they’re in a position of power and money. They’ve never had to go through these financial aid programs in order to succeed in life.

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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THOMAS TEAL

NEWS “ANYTHING THAT RAISES THE COST OF GETTING AROUND IS VERY TROUBLING TO ME. I DON’T WANT US TO END UP LIKE SAN FRANCISCO, WHERE PEOPLE ARE TRAVELING AN HOUR OR TWO TO GET TO MINIMUMWAGE JOBS.” —REP. KARIN POWER

HITTING THE BRAKES: Rep. Karin Power (D-Milwaukie) voted against the state transportation package because she feared it would burden the poor with new taxes and tolls.

For Whom the Road Tolls TOLLS ARE COMING TO PORTLAND HIGHWAYS. WILL THEY BE ONE MORE COST FOR PEOPLE PRICED TO THE EDGE OF TOWN?

BY R AC H E L M O N A H A N

rmonahan@wweek.com

Karin Power moved to Milwaukie five years ago when the rent in Southeast Portland got too high.

Since then, her political career has taken off: She was elected to the Milwaukie City Council, then to the Oregon Legislature, becoming one of the most promising new members of the House’s Democratic caucus.

Last week, Oregon Democrats managed to pass one of their top priorities of the 2017 session: a $5.3 billion transportation package that will widen highways, fix bridges and make streets safer for walking and biking.

Power voted no.

Among her reasons: The package authorizes tolling on two interstate highways running through the Portland metro area. And Power believes the package’s tax hikes and road tolls could place a new financial burden on former Portlanders who have been priced out of the city.

With the transportation package’s success assured, Power essentially cast a protest vote: She says Oregon should not begin tolling the highways until it gives working-class families protection from rent hikes and no-cause evictions. Otherwise, she warns, the burden of paying for roads will fall on the people who must endure long commutes because they cannot afford to live in Portland.

“Anything that raises the cost of getting around is very troubling to me,” says Power. “We need to change the approach of tenant protection in this state. I don’t want us to end up like San Francisco, where people are traveling an hour or two to get to minimum-wage jobs.”

The transportation package is the Legislature’s signature achievement in a 2017 session that ended last week.

Democrats got enough Republican votes to pass it in part by stripping the expansion of I-205 out of the bill—and agreeing instead to toll roads.

The bill passed July 6 says Oregon will seek federal permission to install tolls on two Portland highways—Interstate 5 and Interstate 205—from the Washington state border to Wilsonville.

They would be the state’s first experiment with “congestion pricing,” or tolls that increase with traffic, so that driving during rush hour could be more expensive than a midnight run to Taco Bell.

Power was one of three Portland-area Democrats to defect from the plan last week. In part, their decision can be traced to their districts—each of them is at least partly in conservative Clackamas County, where voters will rankle at not getting their highways funded first. But three of them cited road tolling’s potential to disproportionately impact the poor among their objections.

Rep. Susan McLain (D-Hillsboro), who championed the transportation bill, says the changes could benefit everyone.

“It’s giving people the option to change the use of the system so there’s not as much congestion,” she says. At a dozen town halls across the state, she says she heard the same thing: “We need to have you clean up the congestion in Portland because it’s wrecking our opportunities.”

How much the tolls will cost, how they’ll be collected, and whether they’ll apply to all lanes or merely charge a premium for express lanes are all still up in the air.

Over the next 18 months, the state is directed to study the cost of putting congestion pricing into effect along I-205 and I-5. That directive cues what is likely to be years of debate over how the pricing will be instituted—and how the money will be spent—to minimize the impact on lowincome Oregonians.

Oregon Department of Transportation spokesman Don Hamilton says the state would consider creating tolled fast lanes or simply installing tollbooths at a few key spots, such as bridges. Hamilton says all these ideas could involve charging more at peak driving hours.

Washington state has four tolled highways and uses congestion pricing. Rates for one 17-mile express lane of I-405 near Bellevue range from 75 cents to $10, depending on traffic.

“We don’t know what specifically will be tolled,” says Hamilton. “We have a group that’s going to look at this.

We’re going to work with local governments and local stakeholders to determine what we intend to do.”

This is Oregon’s first foray into congestion pricing—but the debate about how tolls impact working-class people is long and inconclusive.

An analysis of possible tolls for roads in Seattle by the Washington State Department of Transportation in 2009 shows a low-income working family could spend as much as 15 percent of its income on highway tolls.

Some local planners say the benefits of tolling—like faster rush hours—could outweigh the costs for lowincome commuters.

“This is something that could have a hugely positive impact on our low-income communities,” says Tyler Emilie Frisbee, a policy development manager for the regional planning agency Metro. “Or it could be a giant bust.”

Among the ways Frisbee sees that it could go bust: Congestion pricing could divert drivers off toll roads into low-income communities, creating greater air pollution.

Among the possible solutions: making sure there is no easy way around the tolls.

Power wants to make sure that if tolling is instituted, it’s on both I-205 and I-5, so that particular communities along the highways don’t end up with worse air pollution.

And she wants to make sure the money gets spent in ways that will help her constituents.

“We should be looking to fund further public transit” with the tolling revenue, she says. (That could be difficult.

Under the Oregon Constitution, tolls must go directly back into roads. Expanding roads to create dedicated bus lanes is allowed, however.)

To be sure, the transportation package includes several big benefits for low-income commuters—including up to $12 million for rebates on fares for low-income TriMet riders, long a policy priority for advocates looking for greater equity.

The bill also includes long-sought improvements to outer Southeast Powell Boulevard, a state highway that Portland wants to wrest from state control—after the state agreed to upgrade it.

The bill funds an estimated $110 million in improvements to outer Powell to make the transfer possible.

The champion of that agreement: first-year Rep. Janelle Bynum (D-East Portland, Clackamas).

But Bynum ultimately voted against the bill, as Bike Portland first reported. She, like Power, worries road tolls would hurt people in her district.

“In the case of I-205, the bill calls for tolling and other revenue-collection mechanisms that will impact the wallets of everyday Oregonians,” she said in a statement. “It is hard to swallow the idea of residents being forced to disproportionately carry the burden of paying for the road improvements, with no clear date for when work could begin.”

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NEWS

IN PORTLAND, OREGON

BY TH AC H E R S CHMID

@thacherschmid

STEVE MORGAN

Why do homeless people ride the MAX Green Line all day?

THACHER SCHMID

For most Portlanders, high temperatures inspire cold drinks, or a jump in a river. For Nathan Lewallea, who has epilepsy, the solution to 91-degree temperatures July 5 was different: the air-conditioned MAX Green Line train.

“I take it because I know for a fact that the heat will put me into a seizure,” says Lewallea, 25, who is homeless. He didn’t pay fare STATION TO STATION: Green Line MAX that day. “If I get caught? Oh well, a ticket’s a trains provide an air-conditioned trip from Springwater Corridor Trail to social services. ticket.”

Like many of the 61 percent of 4,177 homeless people who reported a disability in MultJobs can be far from shelter, Linda Wagner nomah County’s “point in time” count, Lewallea says, so the MAX is crucial. But “normies,” or has multiple challenges: He says he’s a drug normal people, can be judgmental. “They give us addict who “will use anything” and a convicted this look, like we’re…” sex offender.

“Junk,” Carl Wagner says. “Like junk,” Linda And like many homeless people, he finds the agrees. “And it hurts.” She wipes away tears. light-rail system indispensable, a way to get to The MAX stabbings have increased public services, work, shelter or a tent. Or just to stay suspicion about homeless people riding trains— cool. and intensified a debate about whether TriMet This summer has focused new scrutiny on needs more transit police (“Crime-Fighting homeless people riding the MAX—especially Train,” WW, June 7, 2017). on the Green Line, which runs from downtown Sean Fredrich, a regular Green Line rider, social services to makeshift camps along multi- says a few homeless people do panhandle aggresuse paths like the Springwater Corridor Trail. sively on the MAX. “It happens with some freThe May 26 stabbings on a MAX Green Line quency,” he says. He wants to see more transit train were a nightmare on what is otherwise police actually on the trains. a well-regarded, occasionally award-winning Transit police officers do “ride in trains and transit system. Two men arrested for the buses frequently,” TriMet spokeswoman Murcrimes on that train, Jeremy Christian and phy points out. “However, officers need to be George Tschaggeny, described themselves as available to respond to serious incidents, which “transient”—homeless—at jail intake; Tschagg- requires them to be close by their police cruiser.” eny lived under a Green Line rider nearby bridge.

Morgan Sette, 37, “ We w o u l d b e says he was inside for completely lost a while, but recently without the MAX,” found himself “out says Linda Wagner, on the trail again,” 47, who is homeless, meaning the Springalong with her huswa t e r C o r r i d o r. band, Carl, 46.

He’s playing cat and The Wagners are mouse with four new riding legally—they park rangers assigned get help from TriMet’s there by Mayor Ted fare relief and assisWheeler’s fiscal year tance programs for 2017 budget, which STEP BY STEP: A passerby gives low-income riders, took effect July 1. spare change to a man sleeping at the which distribute $1.5 He’d love to see Hollywood Transit Center. m i l l i o n a n n u a l l y. more fare assistance TriMet spokeswomfor the MAX. After a an Angela Murphy says the transit agency has no suspicious July 3 fire at the Clackamas Service way of tracking homelessness on its system, but Center near his camp, though, he’s worried help noted that the number of grant applications for may be harder to get. That fire is under invesfare relief from nonprofits (which distribute the tigation, and the center is currently providing fare assistance to the homeless) had increased services from its parking lot. from 70 to 87 for fiscal year 2018.

Where was he headed July 5? “I’m going (A new statewide transportation bill passed to see my [probation officer], trying to work in early July is expected to generate an addi- through that,” Sette said, adding that he paid tional $35 to $40 million a year for TriMet, part his fare this time but usually doesn’t. Homeless of which will be used to implement a new low- people, he says, often have to choose between a income fare program.) ticket to ride and eating.

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The soul of a city shows itself in dark times.

Like the rest of America, Portland has had a rough year, from the winter snowstorms that pummeled the city to the shocking stabbings on the MAX. But, as this edition of our annual Best of Portland issue shows, there’s a lot to celebrate.

When our mayor tried to revoke permits for an altright protest this June in the wake of the MAX stabbings, it was perhaps an understandable reaction. But to people who care about the Constitution, it was also dead wrong, and our local ACLU office (see page 43) immediately stood up to stop it.

Trump protests in Portland ended up showing a lot of what’s good about this city—from the local historian who offered free Blazer-themed spliffs (page 33) so everybody would chill, to raging grannies who’ve been at it since the ’60s (page 16), to the local dive bar that sells cards with envelopes pre-addressed to the president (page 42).

Every year, Willamette Week’s Best of Portland issue celebrates the unique people, places, quirks and moments of heartening compassion that make our city what it is, or that point to what Portland could be.

This year, more than ever, it’s important to stop and take note.

Sure, we take a moment to appreciate the city’s raunchiest Twitter account (page 44), our most famous tree climber (page 40) and our favorite high-fashion dog (page 22) and cannabis-medicated hounds (page 21). But we also admire a renegade American Legion post that dared turn itself into a homeless shelter during frigid weather (page 36) and a woman who tattoos nipples back onto the breasts of cancer survivors (page 19).

We also explore the wondrous parts of the city that are often hidden in plain sight, from the North Portland bridge few Portlanders have ever crossed (page 37) to a near-unknown English garden refuge (page 38) as big as our city’s famed Japanese Garden, or Oregon’s last surviving magic shop (page 16), run by a guy who toured with Sammy Hagar.

But sometimes, surviving dark times just takes a really good apple fritter (page 32), a Hong Kong bubble waffle stacked with ice cream (page 32) or a trip to a kick-ass waterfall and swimming hole that a hero from Vancouver just drained his savings to buy from a timber company so you could enjoy it (page 16).

Sometimes, freedom ain’t free. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

ds or W st Be 42

39 ns la st P Be aid 36 L es ac Pl st Be ps Si s, 31 te s Bi ff st Pu Be d an & ts gh 7 Si s 2 st nd Be ou S

4 n 2 Fu es st am Be G 21 & s al m ni A st Be 16 le op Pe st Be

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A woman in her 70s opens her Wonder Woman umbrella to shield herself from the sun on a sweltering Saturday at the community parade Good in the Hood.

She’s about to join a dozen other women around her age in a march through the streets of Portland, wearing garden hats pinned with “Black Lives Matter” and “Protest Like It’s 1967” buttons.

It’s easy to think protesting is the province of the young, and also easy to dismiss it as the folly of youth.

But in the past five years, the Raging Grannies have become a mainstay at Portland social justice events—a group of women 55 and over who dress up as really old women and chant things like, “If your s e x ua l ity ’s not straight/With Grannies you don’t have to mourn your fate!” “ We ’r e l i t t l e o l d ladies, so people are disarmed. They don’t think we’re dangerous,” says Megan Elser. “But you do not want to piss off the Grannies.”

The Raging Grannies began in British Columbia 26 years ago to protest nukes. The Portland “gaggle” was started five years ago during the JOSHUA SHERURCIJ

NINO ORTIZ

Best People

Best Grandmas

Best True Believer in Magic Before pulling the first Mexican magic shop out of Sammy Hagar’s money, before touring the country as the “Marlboro Magician,” before keeping the last magic shop in Oregon afloat amid vanishing mini-malls, Mark Benthimer was just a boy with a dream.

Ever since first lying about his age to join a Phoenix-area magic club, he’s been a passionate student of the dark arts.

“Pretty much the only thing I’ve ever done is magic,” Benthimer says. “Made my living since I was a kid. Almost got arrested when I was 12 years old because of magic. And mailboxes—I stuffed at least a thousand with this little flier. ‘Planning a party? Add a little magic! Magic by Mark.’ The FBI didn’t know ‘Mark’ was a kid and came looking.

Mail fraud’s a felony.”

Benthimer nevertheless landed $25 gigs—his corporate gigs now run $2,500—and built up enough of a bankroll for a 1991 move to Oregon.

And while his monthly All American Magic revues now feature ventriloquist performances and touring magicians from across the globe, Benthimer got his start in the ’90s performing for a much less family-friendly crowd. He was Philip Morris’ Marlboro Magician.

“The rules were very strict,” says Benthimer. “I was only allowed to perform for people who were smoking, I didn’t breathe in smoke, I didn’t bash Camel or Winston, and I didn’t hand out cigarettes.

I went all over the country. Four shows a night, 80 nights a year, I was on the road—mostly small 16

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neighborhood R&B bars, some bigger clubs, opening for bands. That’s how I got the millennium gig with Sammy Hagar.”

After appearing with Blues Traveler at Seattle’s Fenix Underground in mid-December 1999, Benthimer was booked for the New Year’s Eve show at Hagar’s Cabo San Lucas nightclub. Although the subsequent show was a success—“Sammy Hagar loved magic,” Benthimer said, “he’d shoot at me at with his fingers and call me a gunslinger with cards”—the club never arranged for the Benthimer’s work permit and paid his fee from the bar till. Stranded south of the border with thousands of dollars in 10s and 20s that he was loath to smuggle into the States, Benthimer canceled his return ticket and opened a store called Magic Fest.

“Nobody’d ever put an American magic shop in Mexico,” he says. “I was the first one, so I had to go show these, I guess, bishops that the tricks were just tricks and not, you know, evil magic—el Diablo.

It’s a real Catholic town.”

Many years and magic stores later, All American Magic thrives amid Mall 205’s shuttered storefronts as the state’s last remaining fount of magic.

This summer, Benthimer plans a regional tour and hopes to bump up mall performances to twice a month. “Our show is great—two hours of magic and comedy and ventriloquism and illusions and pretty girls floating in the air and people being cut in half.

There needs to be more than just comedy clubs and bars and airparks, right? The circus is gone. We’re it.” JAY HORTON.

Occupy Movement. Besides appearing at social justice events, the women also show up at Portland City Council meetings, where at a recent Tenants United rally they performed a five-minute choreographed dance to Black Eyed Peas’ “One Tribe.”

Megan says the Portland gaggle has particularly taken off since the 2016 election. While the women used to meet in houses, they now have to rent out larger spaces for their monthly meetings.

Many of these women were activists when much younger in the ’60s, and now the Raging Grannies give them a platform to get back into activism. Many are also new to Portland, having moved here from places like Texas or Tennessee when their kids did, and have found a haven for liberal ideals in the Grannies.

“We’re standing up for minorities,” says another Granny who’s wearing plastic Ray-Ban-style glasses with the WebMd logo stamped on the sides. “We have privilege and ingrained racism, but we’re really trying to address it.”

SOPHIA JUNE.

Best Waterfall Chaser Last June, a beloved swimming hole on the Washougal River was permanently closed to the public by the timber company that owned the land—it wasn’t a new policy, but the parking enforcement was. Anybody whose car was caught near Naked Falls got a $200 ticket. With logging done, Weyerhaeuser just didn’t want the liability.

But hero Vancouverite Steven Epling just couldn’t abide that.

“It represents the child in me that comes alive every time I get back there,” says Epling, who grew up visiting the falls.

The 37-year-old credit union manager sold his three rental properties and took out a small loan. Figuring Weyerhaeuser had no interest in the land now that it was finished logging, he put up an offer in March on the 131 acres around the falls.

It had long been a goal of Epling’s to own waterfront property, and while he says he wasn’t willing to sacrifice everything for that goal, he was willing to do a lot. “I sold most of my assets,” says Epling. “It pushed me pretty close to my limit.”

Epling doesn’t have previous experience with natural area management, and says there’s been a lot of learning along the way, but he hopes to one day add campgrounds.

“This is phenomenally better than anything I imagined,” he says. “I feel a tremendous responsibility.”

Epling says he recognizes the possibility of liability at a waterfall known for cliff-jumping, but he’s hoping for the best. “Maybe it’s naive, but I believe it’s more dangerous when no one is allowed to be there,” says Epling.

“People are getting it back. Are they really going to risk losing it again?” SHANNON GORMLEY.

COURTESY OF CALEB SASSER

Cabel Sasser just wanted some McNuggets.

But when the 40-year-old app designer stopped in at the McDonald’s in Centralia, Wash., while on a family trip in March, he was riveted by a 10-foot-wide, hand-painted mural portraying retro Happy Meal characters frolicking in the shadow of Mount Rainier. Grimace and Captain Crook lolled in a haystack. Ronald McDonald milked a cow.

“I’ve been in a fair number of McDonald’s in my life,” Sasser recalls. “They don’t have anything that would make you stop in your tracks and appreciate the artwork. I basically just totally lost my mind.”

The mural was signed by one Wes Cook—who, it emerged, was a prolific set and theme-park designer for more than four decades until his death in 2005.

Sasser is the skinny, animated co-founder of Panic, an app developer headquartered across West Burnside Street from Powell’s. The company has done a bit of work with Disney Imagineers: “We’re theme-park nerds,” Sasser says. He was now obsessed.

It took him two weeks and a $2,000 outlay on eBay, but Sasser was able to procure a collection containing more than 500 pages of original designs by Wes Cook: tracing-paper drawings and blueprints for theme-park rides, restaurants and costumes. The drawings, now in Portland, include work for Universal (a Popeye the Sailor Man boat, never built), the Shriners (a gigantic parade costume that would allow members to dress as the club’s Big Bird-like mascot, the Kisselbird) and the Walt Disney Company—which actually built several of Cook’s ideas at a Japanese park called Tokyo DisneySea. The eBay seller told Sasser he’d gotten them by buying the contents of an unclaimed Los Angeles storage locker.

But he hadn’t moved fast enough—the locker was 60 percent cleaned out, and the seller lost bids for two other lockers containing Cook’s work.

“Wes Cook’s life work was left unpaid-for in a storage locker in California,” Sasser says. “It’s everybody’s nightmare, right? It’s both exciting and heartbreaking.”

By Sasser’s tally, as much as 85 percent of Cook’s drafting sketches could still be out there—and he’s not done looking for it. He dreams of getting his hands on Cook’s weirdest project: a religious triptych depicting the baptism, crucifixion and resurrection of Ronald McDonald.

“Everybody consistently refers to him as ‘eccentric,’” Sasser muses. “Why doesn’t he have next of kin? Why was there no obituary notice?” And where can he find the rest of Wes Cook’s drawings?

“My theory is the McDonald’s stuff went first,” Sasser says. “McDonald’s collectors are bonkers.” AARON MESH.

HENRY CROMETT

Best Internet Sleuth

Best Indie Fireworker In truth, Portland’s finest underground rocket wrangler would rather spark the skies outside our city’s limits. Since moving from the Bronx several years ago, Brutha’s Pyro impresario Rodney Scott loves every aspect of his adopted home except those draconian local ordinances that prevent his vision’s fullest flowering.

“Fireworks are exciting,” he says. “Unfortunately, Oregonians are not.”

If possible, his clients are advised to hold their events in the more legally forgiving environs north of the state line. For Scott’s private annual showcase, he invites friends and family to the Vancouver, Wash., property of a former co-worker. “She lets me go to her neighborhood every year and blow it up.”

For Scott, the preparation begins hours before the show. “We fuse everything together and wait until dark,” he says. “It’s kinda like cooking. You gotta cut the onions, peel the potatoes, boil the noodles, and then you can actually prepare your meal. Same with fireworks. The setup’s the hard part. The fun comes from lighting ’em.”

Though guests may notice Scott only as he surveys the stance of the crowd and adjusts directions accordingly, his real work begins far earlier. The successful contract pyrotechnician must be combination wedding planner, personal shopper and magician, and he’s learned the importance of detailing each client’s available budget and preferred speed of detonation: “Do you want to see them blow up one at a time, or do you want sky puke?”

While questions about Scott’s own preferences are deflected with a practiced resignation common to private chefs and yacht captains, a few predilections become clear. He raves about Neon Super Shells’ midflight color change. He doesn’t care for fireworks set to music—too dependent on computer sequencing and dismissive of the all-important boom. And he actively despises fireworks set to “Firework.”

“Katy Perry,” he says, “is hated throughout the industry.”

Though he appreciates the technical artistry a coherent barrage requires, he’s no fan of the rapid bursts he calls “sky puke.” “I like slowly building to a crescendo,” he says. “That way, you experience every firework, you see the beauty of each growing faster and louder and brighter. That’s what I prefer.”

From lighting mortar tubes on milk crates to remotely choreographing nearsimultaneous bursts and breaks across the sky, Scott’s career path has followed a similar trajectory, but he’ll have to leave the underground for a truly grand finale.

Access to the more hazardous entertainment pyrotechnics requires an federal permit—wholly separate from his state license, which he does have—and a federally sanctioned storage magazine, which necessitates joining up with a professional display company.

Until then, he’s taking what jobs come around and striving to change the state’s mind about fireworks one Oregonian at a time. “The first one I converted was my wife,” said Scott. “She was not into fireworks.” JAY HORTON.

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CARLEIGH OETH

Best Dressers

Ask any mother: Clean underwear is important.

But while volunteering at the Operation Nightwatch shelter in 2015, Lewis & Clark College sophomores Paige Sanders and Ashley Garber were surprised to discover one of the biggest problems women living on the streets face is the lack of bras, underwear and tampons.

It’s a huge deal: Bras usually cost anywhere between $15 and $60, while panties usually cost $4 to $6 a pair.

So Sanders and Garber found the time between classes to start the Portland Panty Project to distribute underwear to Portland’s homeless women. The pair started a G o Fu n d M e p a g e , o n which they raised $3,000 to buy bras and panties.

Now they’re a team of four women, all of whom either still attend Lewis & Clark or recently graduated, who supply bras and panties to five different homeless shelters across the city twice a month, including three run by Operation Nightwatch. They set up a private room where women or anyone identifying as a woman can come in one by one and pick out bras and underwear.

“People will ask for specific things, and we try to get that as much as possible,” says Sanders. “After a couple distributions we were like, ‘OK, we need 36Cs,’ so you know what the ladies need from prior experience.”

The PPP women keep huge bags of bras and panties in their garages and cars, and are supplied by regular donations from Walmart and local businesses like Oh Baby—which provides high-quality lingerie—and from continuous GoFundMe donations.

“It’s so much harder for women on the streets than it is for men,” says Natalie Cerda, who joined PPP this year. “It’s so hard to find resources to get the stuff that they need.

We hope we can help a little bit with that.”

SOPHIA JUNE.

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Best People

You’ll probably only get tattooed by Mary Jane Haake for one of three reasons: You’re a diehard tattoo fan who’s heard about her work for years; you’re a regular client, like the Portland SWAT team; or you’re a medical patient.

Haake has been a staple of the Portland tattoo scene since the 1980s—she was featured in WW’s 1986 Best of Portland issue for “Best Tattoo Parlour.” But since then, Haake has become a pioneer in medical tattooing, as one of only two tattoo artists in the country credentialed by insurance companies to give reconstructive tattoos for mastectomy.

Haake tattoos more than 2,500 women each year, who come from all over the country for her to color-correct and tattoo nipples to postsurgical breasts that have lost theirs.

“This is a surgical site,” she says pointing to a photo of a mangled, discolored breast crafted to look like a small mountain by a doctor. She then points to a photo of the same breasts, with perfectly-painted nipples; it looks 3-D: “And this is a set of boobs. It’s just like oil painting.”

Haake, who lives in a huge Pearl District apartment with floor-to-ceiling plants and— at least on our visit—America’s “I Need You” blasting, first found tattooing in her late 20s.

After moving to Portland in 1976 with her third ex-husband, she worked for a law office during the day and took painting and sculpture classes at night at Pacific Northwest College of Art. For one assignment, she was told to walk into any

building and think about how what is in there could be art. So she wandered into a tattoo shop in 1970s Old Town.

“I’m Bert Grimm, and I’ve tattooed more people than anyone in the world,” a 78-year-old man greeted her when she walked inside. He was eating a tuna fish sandwich and drinking a glass of whiskey. Grimm had tattooed the entire circus casts of Barnum & Bailey, along with Bonnie and Clyde.

Haake was mesmerized. She went back that night after work and got her very first tattoo, a cabbage flower on her upper thigh. She later became the first person in the U.S. to receive a college degree in tattooing.

During her apprenticeship with Grimm, she learned the art of medical tattooing by watching him tattoo World War I victims, camouflaging scars from gas wounds and burns. She went on to work in the burn unit at Emanuel Hospital, a major credential that led to her getting authorized to do work for insurance companies. But if patients don’t have insurance, Haake barters.

Many women will cook lasagna for her, cut her hair or give her manicures.

“It changes your life,” she says of the work she does with medical patients. “Why would I do anything else?”

SOPHIA JUNE.

Best Reasons to Show Up for Jury Duty Jury duty is a little like doing laundry. It’s painful but necessary, essential to a functioning society.

Fortunately for the up to 235 prospective Multnomah County jurors called to the courthouse each day, Mayumi Pickett and Randi Davis are attuned to anxiety, fear and boredom. The two women are the public faces of the cavernous jury room, but they are anything but somber.

Pickett, who gives a brief orientation, says her predecessor used humor to calm and entertain prospective jurors. Pickett says she can’t tell jokes, so she employs trivia: The only state with a town called Hell? Michigan.

First state to allow female jurors? Utah, 1898.

The last? Mississippi, 1968.

She and Davis see every kind of person: Some are so intent on serving that they volunteer. One slept through dismissal and couldn’t be wakened—a security officer had to pinch the man—and another came back drunk from lunch and had to be escorted from the building. They’ve seen people find jobs in the jury room, and in at least two cases, they’ve seen people meet their future spouses.

To pass the time, they hand out board games, puzzles and books. Davis plays bad cop to Pickett’s good cop, reminding people they can’t leave the jury room or, without permission, the building. She softens her directives with what she calls “Dad jokes.”

Here’s one of her favorites: A grasshopper walks into a bar. “Hey,” the bartender says, “We’ve got a drink her named after you.” “What?” the grasshopper replies.

“You’ve got a drink named Steve?”

The women say they work hard to demystify what can be a confusing and sometimes frightening process, but prospective jurors still overwhelmingly ask the same two questions.

“Where’s the restroom?” they want to know. And “when can we go home?”

NIGEL JAQUISS.

Best Weather Oracle

MARY JANE HAAKE

Best Nipple Tattooist

Last winter, when Portland saw more snow than it had seen in 30 years, Portlanders had no idea what to do. Some didn’t know how much snow was a lot, and in some cases, they didn’t even know what snow was.

In such trying times, the Twitter account of Portland’s National Weather Service became the city’s most vital government lifeline—not to mention its 24/7 therapist, too.

The NWS Portland Twitter, run by a team of 20 meteorologists, answered every single question from Portlanders during the snowstorm.

When would Portland would be in the mid-50s again?

Would flights be delayed?

“We want to sound like we’re human, and want people to know there’s people behind the account,” says meteorologist Amanda Bowen. “It came about organically, based on the personalities of the people working here. We have people who like to joke around.”

Some of the account’s affirmations could have come from Rupi Kaur herself: “Bottom line: Don’t panic, prepare for the worst, hope for the best. No need to change plans now, but know you may need to,” NWS Portland tweeted Feb. 4.

“My daily mantra for probably the next 4 years. Thank you,” responded one user.

When a student asked whether he should study for his three exams, they did a little parenting. “You should definitely study for your exams,” they wrote, “but you might get an extra day of studying. :)” And when people used the agency as an emotional punching bag, asking, “Am I allowed to put my fingers in my ears and sing loudly so I can’t hear you?” the agency responded with effective de-escalation: “We have started doing that to each other at shift briefings. We are ready for the weather to quiet down, but it won’t listen.”

“We can’t write whatever we want,” Bowen says. “There’d probably be lot more sarcasm if we could.” SOPHIA JUNE.

Best Live Book of Poetry Jim Hipsher is a 76-year-old human book of poetry. Each week, he visits senior living communities, where he asks residents to name their favorite poems. Eighty percent of the time, he says, he knows the poem they name and recites it perfectly. Among his most popular? Poems by Robert Frost, Maya Angelou and Shakespeare and eight-page epics by Robert Service.

He’s humble about this, which makes sense: He’s been performing poetry for the past 30 years, memorizing more than 150 poems. Hipsher gets most of his jobs from ElderAudience, a website geared toward activity directors at senior care facilities looking for performers. Unlike most, who charge anywhere from $50 to $200 an hour, Hipsher doesn’t charge a dime.

“It’s just for fun, always for fun,” he says.

“I just felt that I liked to perform, and people like it, and I thought it was kind of giving back to society. As long as they like it, I’m happy—I don’t need the money,” he says.

Hipsher says he first started memorizing in his 20s while enduring 50-below winters in Tok, Alaska, in the 1960s. The town would have open-mic nights at the bar, and Hipsher first started performing memorized

poetry. Eventually, he started writing his own poems too, mostly based on a friend who outlived the largest earthquake in North America in the 1960s and who outran a bear.

Hipsher continued memorizing poems and performing them for senior living communities in Alaska, in hospice centers and schools and at poetry slams. Five years ago, he won two poetry slams where he competed alongside college students.

“It felt good,” he says. “I’m a bit of a ham.”

Once he retired, Hipsher started calling senior living communities, which were often leery of him at first. But after he found ElderAudience, he started getting calls left and right. If you know elderly people in a care center in the Portland area, they’ve probably met Jim, who’s performed at around 40 in the past 16 years.

“Most of them are blown away because I do everything by memory,” he says. “I almost cried,’ this one guy told me. ‘You’re my Father’s Day present.’ It made me feel good, and then he gave me a box of candy. It was so sweet,” he says. “I like making people happy.” SOPHIA JUNE. Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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2762 NE Broadway • Portland, OR • 503.282.5824 • 8am-9pm 7 days a week 20

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CARLEIGH OETH P R OV I D E D BY D R , K .C . FAG A N

Best Animals

Best High Dogs

Best Goat Doctor The family was worried. Its 5-year-old doe was “acting like a boy.” But whom do you call when your pet goat has a sexual identity crisis?

When she arrived on the scene, Dr. K.C. Fagan knew something wasn’t right when the goat launched into a head butt, charging toward her legs.

The gentle, slender-muzzled, Bambi-eyed goat had been transformed into an aggressive animal with a large snout and the pungent odor of a male—think funky cheese mingled with a hint of ammonia.

The goat had also adopted the call of a buck, which sounds like an old man using his tongue to make farting noises. Not to mention her enthusiasm for humping all the other does in her lot.

Fagan had a mystery—and it was exhilarating.

There’s not always a textbook for cases like this, and not every patient is that dramatic. But in her role as the “Goat Doctor of Portland”—the nickname Fagan has adopted as owner of Vineyard Veterinary Services—navigating her way through the unknowns is one of the things she enjoys most.

Growing up outside of Crane, Ore.—a tiny town nestled deep in the state’s eastern reaches—Fagan always knew she’d end up working with animals.

It was the kind of place where cows outnumbered people, all her classmates were ranch kids and cattle guards at the school entrance kept roaming bovines at bay. Fagan is now based in McMinnville, where there would have been plenty of livestock around to keep her busy.

But Fagan changed her focus after getting a call for a sick pet sheep. The owners, distraught that their companion of 15 years was so weak she

couldn’t lift her head, were simply grateful and relieved to finally find a doctor who would even examine the animal. The sheep was reacting badly to routine medication due to advanced age. After IV fluid, some vitamin B and plenty of pain killers, the sheep recovered and is still puttering around at the age of 16.

Fagan realized there had to be other cases like this one, and she was right. “Nigerian dwarf and pygmy goats are on the rise as the “it” pet. And here’s why: because they rock,” Fagan says. “They have super personalities, they’re very curious, they’re super-trainable.”

She now takes calls originating everywhere from East Portland to Monmouth. Most cases, she says, are pedestrian: “Somebody’s goat ate rhododendron leaves, so it’s vomiting. That’s me. Somebody’s goat got bit by a spider and has a little abscess on its face.

They call me. Somebody’s goat has problems with urination or depression. That’s all me.”

But what was up with the identity-swapped goat? An ultrasound revealed the goat had a tumor that was producing testosterone. In all ways but the genitalia, her body had been telling her she was male, and the goat was referred for surgery.

Fagan faces a lot of situations, she says, in which a livestock veterinarian might simply have put the animal down: “When I pull out my text to say, ‘What should I do in this situation?’ and I flip to the page and it says ‘Cull’ or ‘Ignore,’ that’s not an option for these animals. They’re pets. Somebody loves them.”

ANDI PREWITT.

It isn’t always a dog’s life. George Tschaggeny Roxy, a 14-year-old chow-corgi mix, began suffering cluster seizures a little while back. Grover, a 7-year-old German wirehaired pointer, had “really bad” separation anxiety that made him jump through windows. For Peaugee—a 4-year-old pug— the problem was “general health,” which is a common problem for pugs.

But at tropic-themed Pakalolo dispensary on Southeast Holgate Boulevard, all the dogs seem pretty happy these days, if a little lazy. And it’s for a simple reason: All of them are on CBD, the non-psychotropic, therapeutic drug found in cannabis. Peaugee’s tongue happily hangs out of his mouth as he strolls past the house’s bright orange walls. And yes, his name really is Peaugee (pronounced pee-YOO-jee, as in P-U-G).

Owners and co-founders Justin and Adrienne Riggs began medicating their three dogs about two years ago, when Roxy started having troubles. The treatment has all but returned her to normal.

“She hasn’t had a seizure since,” Adrienne tells WW. Finding the right dosage wasn’t exactly a cakewalk, though. “CBD was a new thing back then, so people were reluctant to recommend anything,” Justin says. It wasn’t until Adrienne reached out to a vet in Washington that they found the right treatment, which had instant results.

The success the Riggs have had medicating their dogs inspired them to sell marijuana dog treats for $35 a box. Pakalolo may make its own brand in the future. Justin noted that he regularly sees vets and animal medical professionals picking up on the trend. The couple do their best to recommend dosages, he says.

“But we’re still in the learning process for this stuff,” says Justin. So far, the dogs aren’t complaining. DANA ALSTON.

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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BRIDGET BAKER

Best Birdwatching in Motion Birdwatching is generally a quiet, solitary affair. It’s also…well, kind of boring, especially when kids are involved. The Oregon Rail Heritage Center’s $5, 45-minute Saturday rides through Oaks Bottom completely flip the script, allowing you to board a train drawn by an old GMD-1 diesel locomotive, which travels from the Southeast industrial zone through Oaks Bottom before doubling back once it reaches Oaks Park. Whether you’re in the car or seated on an open-air platform, you can watch hawks, mallards, woodpeckers and other birds in their natural environment in the wetlands of the Willamette, all while getting a fun train ride for the same price as an all-day MAX pass. The train departs every hour on the half-hour, from 12:30 to 4:30 pm, and a ticket gives you access to the railway museum as well. As an added bonus, you’ll also watch bikers on the path next to the tracks get increasingly annoyed as the train blows its whistle, making it a cheap and weirdly satisfying way to spend an hour in nature on a Saturday while remaining seated. AP KRYZA.

Best-Dressed Poodle

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Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Best Place to Stash a Chinchilla COURTESY OF PET BARN

Auggie is, without question, the most stylish dog in Portland. The 6-year-old poodle has a distinct but eclectic sartorial edge, a wild-style eccentric spirit harking back to the Elton John of Goodbye Yellow Brick Road. He’s the Gigi Hadid of Portland dog fashion, appearing in a music video for the Australian band Pond, sashaying on the streets of Buckman and often making an appearance at the Revolution Hall dog park.

In fact, Auggie doesn’t just dress better than other dogs. If you’re anything like me, he dresses way better than you.

This was, in fact, my first thought when I encountered a picture of Auggie on a Reddit post devoted to deconstructing the dog’s Bowie-like fashion presence: “Shit.

This poodle is dressed better than me.”

In person, Auggie was even more intimidating. He had Miley Cyrus-style mini buns, a tangerine and violet paisley scarf and a plastic gold medal around his neck. He looked amazing. We’d like to say he’s humble about it—but apparently he isn’t.

“He knows he looks good,” his owner Bridget Baker told us after we tracked her down. (Baker has contributed photography to WW.) “He used to watch himself in the mirror.”

Since meeting via a Seattle newspaper ad six years ago, Baker and Auggie have been inseparable, she says, but the reason he’s taken to wearing clothes is apparently very simple: He’s always cold. Before he got his new wardrobe, he shivered constantly. In New York, she had to dress him in tiny boots in the winter. “I’ll put out his sweater, and he’ll run to me and sit,” she says.

Baker and Auggie have shared baguettes, clothes, beds and apartments. He’s been a major emotional support for Baker since she was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease six years ago.

“He’s definitely my most successful relationship,” she says. “He’s my best friend, my shadow.”

He’s also her muse: Baker uses Auggie as a model for high-fashion pet photo shoots (yes, he also does nudes.) But Auggie is an artist in his own right, too.

“He pees on everything; he’s like a graffiti artist,” she says. “He runs around and tags things. He doesn’t really know about dog behavior. He’s definitely a creative.” SOPHIA JUNE.

It ain’t easy when your pet is green.

Portland is home to multiple dog hotels, a themed pet kennel for every neighborhood, and even a chichi dog spa out on Sauvie Island. But when it’s time for that trip to Aruba, no one wants to take care of your b o a c o n s t r i c t o r, your bird or somet i m e s e ve n y o u r chinchilla.

Except, that is, for a little pet food and supply store in Cedar Mill called Pet Barn.

“Mostly it started out we had a lot of regular customers with large birds,” says Pet Barn sales associate Emily Hankins. “They’d go on vacation, they’d be in the hospital—we started boarding for close friends.”

But it turned out it was more than just bird people who were without a place to stash their pets, and soon they were stocking crickets to feed even more exotic pets.

“We had a red-tailed boa last year,”

says Hankins. “Her name was Athena.

We were told she was super-snuggly. We just had her around our necks all day.

Some people bring in their aquatic frogs.

We have a regular with degus. Degus are like gerbils— kind of, not quite.”

Some customers have become such regulars that petfood buyers will look for them every time they come into the store.

“The most popular is Jerome,” Hankins says. “A lot of people come in looking for Jerome, he’s an African gray parrot.

He’s 22 years old— he’s as old as me! He always says, ‘Hello!’ whenever the door rings.”

Nothing that will fit in a cage is out of bounds. Though they haven’t boarded spiders as of yet, tarantulas wouldn’t be a problem.

But there is at least one class of pet that Pet Barn won’t take care of for you. “No cats, no dogs,” says Hankins.

MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

HENRY CROMETT

Best Animals

Best Bunny Therapists In the rec room of a Northeast Portland apartment complex, a kid in a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles shirt is kind of freaking out over the bunnies.

The two rabbits are snuggled next to each other on a green blanket.

“They’re so soft I’m going to die,” he says, bug-eyed and smiling.

He’s talking about Winter and Paige Louise, two of Bunnies in a Basket’s therapy rabbits. With their handler and the organization’s founder, Sarah Baran, they visit hospice care, low-income housing and mental health facilities.

But today, they’re visiting a small group of kids around the age of 5 at the Beech Street Apartments.

Like most therapy animals, Winter and Paige Louise are furry bundles of unconditional love. But while Portland is still obsessed with Rojo the therapy llama, there’s at least one advantage bunnies have over other therapy animals: You get to swaddle them.

Before a kid gets to hold a bunny, Baran makes what she calls a “bunny burrito”—she wraps Winter or Paige Louise in a baby blanket and hands them to a kid to cuddle.

W h i l e o n e b oy c r a d l e s Paige Louise, she reaches up to gently poke his cheek with her tiny bunny nose. A chubby kid who’s holding Winter nuzzles the tip of his nose against the bunny’s.

“He likes me,” he says.

“Of course he likes you,” says Baran. “ You’re a good friend.”

SHANNON GORMLEY.

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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henry cromett

Best Fun and Games 20

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Behind second-story windows painted “EAT SLEEP FIGHT REPEAT,” McConnell’s Boxing Academy on Northeast Broadway looks like it may as well have been plucked directly from one of those movies about a former champ’s efforts to train the next generation of fighters.

But if you squint hard, a few differences appear: the pink pair of loaner boxing gloves, say. Or the framed poster near the entrance advertising a match between Wonder Woman and Supergirl. Or, one recent weekday afternoon, the purely female clientele limbering up before class, though owner Molly “Fearless” McConnell says males actually comprise a slight majority of the gym’s membership.

“It’s about 60-40 men,” she laughs. “The women just show up on time.”

According to McConnell, that’s about the only notable difference between the sexes. In the ring, “everybody spars together.” The décor is wholly in keeping with her gym’s central philosophy of openarmed acceptance.

“If you’ve never done combat sports,” McConnell says, “coming into a boxing gym can be really intimidating—especially for women but for men, too. A lot of gyms have, for lack of a better word, a very bro-y ’tude, and people get turned off by the atmosphere. Once we get people in the door, they see right away that we have a very welcom-

ing, super-diverse group of people here—doctors, nurses, teachers, a ton of professionals.”

While the gym also has a boxing fitness program for those with no desire to fight, McConnell is clearly most passionate about the dozen or so fighters hand-picked for MBA’s amateur competition team, which she trains in a style she calls “aggressive counterpunching.” Though she’s also worked with UFC competitors, McConnell’s is one of the few gyms in Portland to keep a tight focus on boxing and boxing only.

“I have no interest in wrestling and jiujitsu,” she says. “I’m an expert in one thing with a deep knowledge base. A bunch of gyms sell the fact that they teach this, that and the other thing, but they don’t have any individual expertise.”

McConnell herself never laced up a pair of gloves until, looking for a new fitness regimen after college, she wandered into a gym that happened to offer women’s boxing classes. Six months later, at the age of 24, she had her first fight. Six years later, after a long stint atop the amateur rankings, she turned pro, eventually retiring with a pair of junior welterweight world championship belts. “I feel like I didn’t choose boxing, it chose me,” she says, “and I think that happens to a lot of people. They come in, try it and fall in love with it. And sometimes, it really is like falling in love. Boxing isn’t for everyone, but when it is, it really is.” JAY HORTON.



Best Urban Golf

E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

“We’re here in Portland,” says the vaguely Swedish sportsman (and Sia ex-husband) Erik Anders Lang, “where a passion for outdoor living combined with one of the world’s most enthusiastic beer cultures have combined to the adoption of a unique game.”

In a 2016 episode, the Adventures in Golf host is talking about Portland Urban Golf, which WW first covered a bit back in 2004. But the game has necessarily changed: Perhaps no other sport is as responsive to a changing Portland than the one we adapted more than a decade ago to suit our industrial streets.

The rules are simple: Mazariegos puts up between nine and 13 pink X’s around a neighborhood to function as holes, and participants whack tennis balls at them, all while getting progressively more sauced at bar pit stops.

But back when Portland Urban Golf founder Scotty Mazariegos started setting up courses in unpopulated warehouse neighborhoods close to the river, there were—well—a whole lot more neighborhoods like that.

Since then, the crew has teed off with Daniel Baldwin during a strip club-themed outing. A dog belonging to someone camped beneath the Morrison Bridge kept disrupting the game by fetching their balls. And one particularly sweaty game was played in turn-of-the-century golf garb in summer.

On a recent Saturday outing, there was a whole range of skill levels and experience: a mix of Happy

Best Pop-Up Golf Course

GREG RAISMAN/ PBOT

Miniature golf lends itself to creative design. Not just the windmills and moats of the courses you played as a kid, but also the artsy kind you see in Portland from time to time. Putt-putt has been the subject of an art show at Holocene nightclub, local brewpubs and, now, even the city’s Sunday Parkways.

Sunday Parkways turns 10 this year. To celebrate the event, which closes streets to automobiles in neighborhoods around town so cyclists and pedestrians can enjoy them for the day, the city commissioned two local artists to create an eight-hole putt-putt course that pops up on closed streets.

“It’s a special year—we wanted to start engaging the public in active placemaking,” says Leah Treat, director of the Portland Bureau of Transportation. “This is the result of some creative thinking

from staff wondering how to engage with the public on subjects important to us.”

The city tapped Vicki Wilson and John Larsen, award-winning putt-putt designers with a background in public art, who once spearheaded their neighborhood’s efforts to create the Twilight dance club mural you see on the old Phoenix Pharmacy building on Southeast Foster Road.

The pair’s place-making is literal—their course is a hamster-sized tour of the city, from Big Pink to a backyard chicken coop to a stunning miniature of the iconic St. Johns Bridge.

Wilson says she put about 300 hours into the project, and thinks Larsen did about the same.

“It’s possible it could be much more, and totally impossible that it could be any less,” she says. “It was supposed to be nine holes, but there was just no way. There was supposed to be one grand finale hole that would have just killed [John].”

The results, though, are very impressive. We watched dozens of people play through on a 100-plus-degree Sunday in North Portland, all with big smiles on their faces. If all goes well, more art installation pop-ups could be coming to the already wildly popular Parkways events, meaning there will be more to see and do. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Gilmore hacking and driving-range-honed hip swivels, and of both first-timers and vets who’ve been teeing off with Mazariegos for a decade.

The hackers weren’t at too much of a disadvantage when it comes to the game. The day’s course, from a municipal parking lot off North Interstate Avenue up to the Faubion School—where skateboarding punk kids provided pyrotechnics in the form of smoke bombs—meant that particularly beautiful shots were apt to fly over chainlink fences or even onto I-5.

So far, they say, there have been plenty of runins with Johnny Law, but nothing too dire—they’ve been at it long enough that many officers know who Mazariegos is.

“At this point,” he says, “They just say, ‘Have fun, don’t break anything.’”

But the rapid encroachment of apartment buildings in the old industrial spaces threatens their streak. One of Mazariegos’ most infamous holes is now the site of everyone’s favorite object of derision: the Yard, that towering knife blade at the edge of the Burnside Bridge.

Just like the rest of us, the urban golfers are adjusting. They’ve been experimenting with a puttputt-style game, more conducive to the cramped quarters of the new city. Sure, it lacks the reckless abandon of smacking full tilt at a bridge foundation.

But who doesn’t need to work on their short game?

JAMES HELMSWORTH.

Best Rebound Last week, Caleb Swanigan made his debut in a Portland Trail Blazers uniform in Las Vegas, at the NBA-prospect dress rehearsal known as Summer League. He picked up where he left off at Purdue University by recording a double-double: 16 points and 10 rebounds. But the number that obsessed both sets of TV announcers—Blazers homers and ESPN crew alike—was 360, the pounds he weighed in middle school.

The 120-pound weight loss is bright frosting on a painful story: The 6-foot-9 Swanigan gorged on cookies and ice cream at age 13 because he didn’t know where his next meal was coming from. (“It is a lot more expensive to eat healthy than it is to eat unhealthy,” he told ESPN in March.) He lived in at least five homeless shelters in Utah and Indiana with his family before a sports agent gave him a stable home and dietary rules.

Seven years later, Swanigan, 20, is an All-American, Portland’s second pick in the NBA draft, and a surefire fan favorite—he fits the Jerome Kersey mold of beloved lunch-bucket Blazers who just seem to work a little harder on the court than anybody else. Maybe he’ll also serve as a nightly reminder in a city whose homeless crisis can seem intractable and eternal: With a little help, the people living on the margins of our society are capable of big things. AARON MESH.

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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Best Fun and Games E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

CARLEIGH OETH

Best Axe Throwers

Best Little Pinball Wizards Pinball is everywhere in Portland, though not necessarily for everyone. If you’re under 21, it’s possible you’ve never even seen one of the 700-plus machines spread throughout the city that mostly sit sequestered away in bars and age-restricted arcades.

The Pinball Outreach Project is out to change that. Founded by Nicole Anne Reik, a former accountant and onetime ranked player, the nonprofit’s goal isn’t just to introduce the primitive joys of flipper-smashing to a younger generation, but to explore the game’s altruistic potential.

“She wanted to marry her love of pinball with doing more for the community,” says Greg Dunlap, Reik’s husband and a member of the POP board.

Operating out of a tiny headquarters on Northeast 42nd Avenue—which also doubles as an all-ages arcade—the organization loans machines to children’s hospitals and hosts events for the Children’s Cancer Association. It’s even researched pinball as a form of autism therapy.

“It’s not as much about the pinball as the group interactions,” Dunlap says.

The POP arcade offers free play for kids under 13, with a mix of old-school predigital machines and newer, brighter models. If nothing else, at least it encourages children to look up from their phones and engage in a form of entertainment even their parents understand.

“Sometimes, you get kids in here and their eyes light up,” Dunlap says. “And when they get into it, it’s something that can bond across generations.” MATTHEW SINGER.

Best Late-Night Raffle Late on Friday nights, the hottest spot in Portland might not be where you’d expect: the Marathon Taverna on West Burnside Street.

The Greek-owned and -inflected sports bar looks like a motel from the outside and hosts decades of day-drinker regulars during early hours, while at night it’s a college bar without a college—with sticky floors, $4 Tic-Tacs and $3.50 mini pitchers of Rolling Rock.

Patrons are, however, handsomely rewarded for staying into the wee hours.

Around 12:30 am each Friday, bartenders hand out raffle tickets, circuiting the bar to make sure each patron receives one. Someone near you always seems to win something—usually a Bud Light bucket, a PBR hat or maybe even an XL Marathon Taverna shirt.

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Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Laurelhust Park looks as it would on any other sunny Saturday evening: dogs, sunbathers and families clustered on picnic blankets.

But today, there are also axes. Flying through the air.

Portland Axe Throwing’s founder, Eilif Knutson, explains that “there are a lot of different hashtags” for the style of axe throwing his club usually does, but it’s commonly referred to as modern axe throwing—2-pound hatchets, thrown inside a cage of PVC pipes and orange netting at a wooden target. Consider it archery, but with axes.

According Knutson, Portland Axe Throwing is the only axe-throwing club with a collapsible bike-mobile throwing cage—Knutson transports it around the city on a long, custom-made bike trailer. “We are by far the nerdiest club out there,” he says.

By that, he means they’re really into coming up with games with arcane scoring systems, like an axe-throwing version of tic-tac-toe. But they’re also pretty good: Last week, Portland Axe Throwing competed in Estacada’s Timber Festival where it placed third, and it often competes via Instagram with its sister club, Axe Throwing Ireland.

But for people who spend a lot of time throwing sharp objects at a target, everyone at Portland Axe Throwing’s barbecue seems very laid-back. Steve explains that axe throwing is how he unwinds after work. “It’s just meditation,” he says. “It’s a release.”

He’s right—it’s deeply satisfying and strangely addictive when the axe sticks in the target. SHANNON GORMLEY. But the final item kicks up the whole thing a dozen notches, making your long stay that much more affirming: You can easily walk away with 100-level Blazers or Section 122 Thorns tickets, depending on the season.

“We’re a sports bar, so we want to support the local teams and give something back to our customers,” says bar manager Anestis Polizos, whose family owns the bar.

The raffle is a longtime Marathon tradition dating back at least 10 years. The Blazers have given the Taverna season tickets for the past two decades—and while the staff keeps tickets to 10 or so games, it happily gives them away for the other 30.

“We’re a sports bar, so we want to support the local teams and give something back to our customers,” says Polizos.

“My dad’s been there for 40 years, and he loves the raffle, so he takes a personal joy in keeping it around.” SOPHIA JUNE.

M A R AT H O N TAV E R N A

Best Pro-Wrestling Archive an agreement with Vince McMahon to air old WWF matches, the show simply flew under other organizations’ radar.

Pulling from their own VHS collections, Davis and Bennett assembled the analog equivalent of today’s YouTube playlists, recapping classic feuds and compiling rare material, some of which still hasn’t made it to the vast treasure trove of WWE Network. They also filmed short vignettes, often featuring Bennett cutting promos on the station brass, to play between matches. Although the production values rivaled Extreme Championship Wrestling in crudity, when Ivan Kafoury—the “black sheep” of the Kafoury family, according to Davis—briefly resurrected the Portland Wrestling promotion in the early 2000s, he brought on Davis and Bennett to help produce.

After Bennett died of a heart condition last year, Davis, who now referees for a small company in San Diego, finally got around to putting the The Squared Circle online as a form of tribute at dailymotion.com/TSCGM. “I can’t imagine there was anywhere else in the country that there was even one show in the country like this,” he says.

MATTHEW SINGER.

Best Science Rapper When most rappers drop science, it’s usually just a wild rhyme. Michael Wilson, aka Coma Niddy, drops actual science: black holes, water bears, rogue planets and proper flossing technique.

While working in the digital media department at the New York Hall of Science in 2011, Wilson, on a whim, suggested making a music video about nanotechnology. It went mildly viral, and got written up in Wired. Since then, Wilson has filled his YouTube channel with educational bangers, covering everything from the Big Bang to face mites.

He currently has more than 14,000 subscribers. But Wilson—now the assistant manager of OMSI’s Teen Science Alliance program—didn’t set out to become the rap game’s Bill Nye. “When I first started, I was aiming for adult nerds and geeks,” he says. “I guess the visual style I had, which was also due to the limitation of my video production skills when it came to animation and stuff, began to resonate with younger audiences.” Make no mistake, though— he’s kept it pretty nerdy. What else do you call a parody of “Look at My Dab” reworked to shout out Dobsonian telescopes?

In terms of mic skills, no one’s going to confuse Wilson with Kendrick Lamar. But that hasn’t stopped him from becoming a celebrity, at least at his place of employment. “I’ve run into people at OMSI who go, ‘Hey, you’re that guy,’” he says. “And I go, ‘Oh yeah, I am that guy.’”

MATTHEW SINGER. E R I K M AT T S O N

The early ’90s were a bad time to be a prowrestling fan in Oregon.

State regulations had effectively bankrupted the regional scene. World Championship Wrestling never toured out west, and the athletic commission’s costly new rules prompted the World Wrestling Federation to stay out of the state for the next decade. Sure, its weekly programming was still on television, but that meant suffering through evil wrestling clowns, voodoo priests and lots of feuding hillbillies.

To get the good stuff, you really had only one option. The Squared Circle’s Greatest Matches aired on public access television in the Portland area on Saturday nights at 10 pm.

True to its name, the show featured classic bouts hand-picked by the ideal curators—two teenagers with little regard for copyright law.

“The way we looked at it, we were a lifeline for real wrestling fans in Portland,” says Tony Davis, who produced the show with his friend from Reynolds High School, Bryan Bennett.

A prodigious jabberjaw, Bennett talked Mount Hood Community College into giving him access to its TV studio at age 13. While he’d managed, through his friendship with local legend “Playboy” Buddy Rose, to secure

CARLEIGH OETH

Best Sights and Sounds

Best Lego Designer At a Lego builders convention last year in Seattle, one piece literally stood above the rest: an 8½-foot Multnomah Falls. Created by Portland Lego artist and investment firm partner Erik Mattson, the sculpture shows a column of smooth crystal water cascading below a meticulously replicated bridge crowded with smiling Lego people.

“It’s not really that I’m all that great at doing it, but I’m a perfectionist,” say

Mattson. His Multnomah Falls took him a year to build, over the course of which he rebuilt the base five times. He estimates the sculpture probably took around 100,000 pieces to build. “I don’t even know how to begin to count,” he says. “Other than take it apart, and I may never take it apart.” (Fragments of the sculpture are in storage boxes at Mattson’s house.)

Multnomah Falls was only the third Lego sculpture Mattson ever built. More recently, he’s also built a Lego Trillium Lake, complete with a Lego Mount Hood

looming in the background. This year, he helped build a Lego sculpture of the Washington Park Rose Garden that was displayed for the Rose Festival.

Mattson describes himself as “out of the Lego closet,” though he occasionally encounters people who dismiss his sculptural medium as childish. Still, he says, especially compared to more traditional mediums, Lego art has a wide demographic of fans. “I think it’s the most appreciated art form,” Mattson says. “It’s just that people don’t view it as an art form.” SHANNON GORMLEY. Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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Best Robot Alley Walking through an alley at night can be relatively daunting, especially after a few drinks. So when you’re suddenly startled out of a stupor by a commanding “Halt!” and gaze up at a tricked-out stormtrooper pointing a blaster in your direction, the instinct is to jump.

That’s the perimeter of Plastorm, the moniker that local artist and film editor Robert B. Fortney gave to his backyard studio along a North Skidmore Street alleyway between Kerby and Borthwick avenues. Less tendentiously, it’s a converted shed where he toils at his graffiti-inspired paintings and multimedia works. But if you were to wander into the yard—don’t do that!—you’d be forgiven for thinking it was a command center. The area is decked out with computer monitors, some of which feature images from the alley thanks to cameras mounted on the various sci-fi warriors. Two stormtroopers, Kylo Ren, a metallic owl named Bubbo, and a Darth Vader donated by a neighborhood fan guard the area, calling out to passersby either by automated motion-activated recordings or a delighted Fortney speaking through a mic.

Originally, it stood as something of a tableau-style security system guarding the yard: After all, it was only a couple years ago that the alley was rife with johns getting blowjobs and thieves ducking the cops. But now, Plastorm has become an essential stop for everybody from teenagers drawing robot penises on the fence-affixed chalkboard to passersby curious about commanding voice of what Fortney calls Captain Plasma.

But lest you think it’s all decorative, the imposing Imperial Guard has caused many would-be thieves to suddenly drop their goods, turning Plastorm and Fortney into happy and vigilant neighborhood watchmen. “They hear the sounds, drop their shit and run,” says Fortney with a laugh. “I’ve returned six stolen bags this year.” AP KRYZA.

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Best Sights and Sounds

Thank you Portland!

Mark Twain, Jimmy Carter, Tina Turner and Muhammad Ali walk into a bar in Portland— stop us if you’ve heard this one.

Along with being the last of the dive bars on inner Northeast Fremont Street, Daddy Mojo’s is a bewildering kaleidoscope of breakfast cafe, sushi joint, soul kitchen and sports bar. But it’s also the finest gallery of framed celebrity photographs and bric-a-brac in Portland, the singular obsession of owner Vilath Oudomphong, a Laotian immigrant who has lorded over Mojo’s with his saucy wife, Rika, since 2004.

It might seem random—signed mugs of George Clooney and Robert De Niro keep watch over the ladies’ room, while Abe Lincoln (unsigned) holds court next to Sinatra in a booth—but Oudomphong says his collection is carefully curated. There’s a theme here: historical figures, musicians (including more than a dozen unsigned Michael Jackson shots on one wall), actors and a ton of tennis stars. Oudomphong’s a rabid tennis fan, and his collection includes two replica Wimbledon rackets and shots of everyone from Maria Sharapova to Roger Federer alongside what he considers his greatest prize: a signed Anna Kournikova. He met her, he says, but had to buy the framed shot via eBay, same way he bought the mugs. All are certified authentic.

There’s also a section of presidents. Carter and Obama—both signed—stick out among POTUSes past, though it sounds like Oudomphong’s not planning on keeping current. “I’m not gonna hang Trump next to Obama,” he says, smiling as customers play keno on an early Wednesday afternoon.

“I’m not gonna do that.” AP KRYZA.

HENRY CROMETT

Best Celebrity Sightings

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Best Guitar Hunter Nate “Natron” Fasold has treasure-hunting in his blood. Back when he was a kid, his father, David, dove for Spanish galleons with famed treasure hunter Mel Fisher in Key West.

“When I would see some of the Spanish treasure,” he says, “I would imagine some of the sailors or pirates that have used them or worn them in the past.”

But Fasold, a thin 42-year-old with a curly mop of black hair, now hunts peculiarly American game: legendary guitars. The walls of his 5-year-old store Black Book Guitars are lined with his treasures.

“When I see old guitars, I think of the players who used them and wrote records with them,” he says. “That’s what gets me excited: the story behind the guitar.”

Back in 2015, he brokered the sale of Elliott Smith’s Le Domino for $35,000. Smith used it to write his first solo record, 1994’s Roman Candle, before it wound up in the possession of an ex-girlfriend. Fasold traveled to Boston and hand-delivered the guitar back to Portland.

In February, he auctioned a guitar that once belonged to Kurt Cobain for $80,000. The Hagstrom Blue Sparkle Deluxe still had Cobain’s DNA on the fretboard when a Northwest musician—who got the guitar from Courtney Love and asked to remain anonymous—approached Fasold looking to sell it. He has plans to put a 12-string guitar—once played by R.E.M.’s Peter Buck—up for sale in August. Buck himself authenticated the instrument with a note in the hardcase.

Fasold, previously better known for dressing up as a hot dog to play with his one-man band Frank and the Furters, has developed a rep at his shop as a guy who knows how to sell musicians’ valuable guitars.

Modest Mouse’s Isaac Brock recently dropped off a one-of-a-kind Wicks guitar, which hangs behind glass on one of the shop’s walls with an accompanying effects pedal. Scratch marks have already rubbed away part of the guitar’s body, Fasold says, the result of “sweat under hot stage lights around the world.”

Fasold is obsessed with verifying the authenticity of each guitar, sometimes traveling Pawn Stars style to avoid the “folklore” attached to some instruments. Before he’d sell that Cobain guitar at auction, Fasold showed it to former Nirvana guitar tech Earnie Bailey, who’d bought it for Cobain in 1992.

Later, a white Mosrite with an unusual logo underneath the pickguard sparked Fasold’s interest. After some research, he unearthed its origin: It had been specially designed for Don Wilson of famed surf-rock group the Ventures in 1966.

Fasold traveled north to interview Wilson, 84, who was delighted to see his old instrument.

“We played [this guitar] in Mexico City in 1966 and also in Japan the same year,” reads a note in the guitar case. “Finding gems like this that have a history, a pedigree, is what we live for,” Fasold says. “To actually see, play and own an item that made the music that’s on a record puts it in another level.” DANA ALSTON.

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y p p a H Hour Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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Best Bites, Sips and Puffs HENRY CROMETT

Best Junkyard Junk Food

Best Free Bagels Bundy’s Bagels had been open for eight months, and things weren’t going so well.

Joel Bundy makes better bagels than anybody (see page 45), but word hadn’t yet gotten out, and times were lean. “I really buried myself in debt—I think I had like $20,000 just in credit card debt,” Bundy says. “I was paying my bills with credit cards, it was bad.”

It got so bad, in fact, that he was turned away while buying supplies for his cart at the Winco on Northeast 102nd Avenue. “My card got rejected, and I’m like, ‘What am I gonna do?,” he says.

That’s when a stranger stepped in and took care of his entire bill.

“I’m like, ‘Thank you! And he’s like, ‘Just pay it forward.”

As Bundy’s cart has grown successful—he routinely sells out in a matter of hours on weekends—he’s done just that, and given all his customers a chance to do the same via a PayIt-Forward bagel program. Customers who stop in for those incredible salt bagels can also get a certificate for a bagel with schmear, which many customers take to give to the homeless people who congregate on Southeast Hawthorne Boulevard.

There’s even a tackboard wall where you can leave the passes for somebody to claim on the side of his cart.

“They go fast,” Bundy says. “For a while, they were all kinda stuck up there, but then word got out, and now t h e y ’r e p o p u l a r.”

MARTIN CIZMAR.

For 14 years, Alfredo Vargas has parked his taco truck on Southeast 111th Avenue between Foster Road and the Beggars Tick Wildlife Refuge, right next to the entrance to Pick-n-Pull, a sprawling automobile junkyard that does big business.

It would be an understatement to call the area a food desert, and it’s an unlikely tableau for highquality street food. But then again, people who shop in junkyards are picky, budget-oriented consumers.

Vargas, 54, a native of Jalisco, Mexico, says his cart, Los Cactus, gets a lot of business from DIY mechanics and also from repeat customers who seek him out. He parks his rig in front of Pick-n-Pull every day except Sunday

from 11 to 5, with a cooler full of icy Jarritos sodas, Mexican Cokes and orange Fanta.

A steady stream of automobile archaeologists flock to Pick-n-Pull, and many of them stop at Los Cactus for topflight tacos ($1), tortas ($5) and burritos ($5). Vargas’ carne asada, al pastor and chicken tacos are as good as anything you might find for three times the price at popular taco-andmargarita spots known for their lines. An aging reporter and a hungry teenager can eat their fill for $10, including tip.

Vargas knows he’s offering a bargain, but he also likes talking to people and seeing them satisfied.

“I’d rather have more customers than more money,” he says. NIGEL JAQUISS.

Best Super-Geeky Supermarket Beer Selection Most Portland grocery stores have solid beer aisles. You can almost always find great local IPAs and probably something rare and barrel-aged in the cooler. And a healthy portion of them now have growler bars, where you can get a fresh fill to go.

Yet, the selection at the brand-new Market of Choice on Southeast Belmont Street is still an eye-popper. Have you ever seen a grocery store with Cantillon sours and Founders super-limited Kentucky Breakfast Stout in the coolers?

Those Cantillon bottles have since been snapped up by eagle-eyed shoppers, but a recent visit found the store stocked with Fantôme Saison and Fantôme Vertignasse, Firestone Walker Parabola, St. Bernardus Witbier and hyped new Danish brewery To Øl’s Mr. Blue. No other full-service grocery is likely to have any of those, let alone all three. It also carries super-premium local offerings that most grocers would steer clear of given they top out at $30 a bottle, such as Alesong from Eugene and Ale Apothecary from Bend.

The selection—and the in-store bar and growler fill station’s all-Oregon taplist—is the work of Grace Schrick, a beer geek who was allowed to stock the store with the best and most sought-after brews.

“They really empowered me to do this, and to have what I think is good and people should try,” she says. MARTIN CIZMAR.

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NINO ORTIZ

Best Hong Kong-Style Ice Cream Bubble Waffles

There are few forces in the universe quite as compelling as the scent of freshly baked waffles.

When Phyu Hnin Aye got her first sniff while traveling through Germany and France, it changed her life: She became obsessed with making the sweet treats herself. But at her cart Puffle Waffle at Happy Valley Station, the troubled food-cart pod 60 blocks east of Clackamas Town Center on Sunnyside Road, she’s making an different waffle entirely.

“Portland is a food city,” Aye says. “People here are very eager and willing to always try new things.”

Aye’s bubble waffles look, as their name suggests, like bubble wrap made of sweet dough—but each of those bubbles is a fluffy egg puff. Though still very rare in the United States, bubble waffles are a ridiculously popular street food in Hong Kong, where they’re usually served plain. Aye serves her plain or chocolate waffles stuffed and stacked with Nutella or ice cream flavors from chocolate to matcha, plus a vast array of wild toppings: cookies and cream Pocky, fresh strawberries or blueberries, mochi, M&Ms and a mess of sauces. She makes her waffle dough just a little less sweet than you’d find in Hong Kong, for a beautifully balanced confection. Wrapped up in those bubbles, it looks a like a whole candy store just arrived in the mail. JANELLE ABULKHARI.

The apple fritter is the double-down of doughnuts, a thing of both great promise and great peril.

Done right, fritters offer everything you could ever want from a doughnut. It’s a balancing act every bit as miraculous as any cronut, a negotiated truce between fluffy cake and fried dough.

Its exterior is so lumpen that fritters require a feat of engineering bordering on the magical to achieve perfect crispness without burning the fritter’s edges.

Well, at tiny bare-bones doughnut shop Donut Queen, next door to the East Burnside QFC, Yusra Mohamed works that impossible magic on every single doughnut she makes.

For more than 20 years and through multiple owners, Donut Queen has stood at the edge of Tabor. And for about as many years, the shop has advertised the “Best Donuts in Town” on a little wooden sandwich board, a quality evinced by a doughnut originally painted as a glazed rainbow.

These fritters may as well be made of rainbows. For a mere $2, each one is the approximate size of a healthy newborn baby and retains its moisture within while attaining just the right crispness at the edges. And each fritter is glazed just enough to remind you that even in these troubled times, it’s still possible for life to be sweet. Among many contenders, this is the finest fritter in Portland right now, and we are privileged to have it in our city. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. 32

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ELIZABETH ALLEN

Best Fritters

Best Bites, Sips and Puffs At the pro-Trump, alt-right rally June 4, just nine days after the killing of two good Samaritans on the MAX, tensions were high.

Doug Kenck-Crispin did the best thing he knew how to do to help Portland keep its cool: He handed out free weed.

It was the second time Kenck-Crispin, 47, had brought special giveaway packages to local protests, and he offered his free goods regardless of political persuasion.

When he offered free weed to one Trump supporter, Kenck-Crispin recalls the guy was on to him. “‘You’re just trying to keep us mellow so we won’t fight all those hippies,” he said.

Well, duh.

Kenck-Crispin is a local historian who hosts the KickAss Oregon History podcast, specializing in the parts most inappropriate for schoolchildren. He’s no stranger to protests here— including the one that helped earn our city’s reputation as Little Beirut, when Reed students ate mashed potatoes dyed red, white and blue and then vomited them up to welcome Dan Quayle to the city. (The blue turned green in stomach acid.)

“I am not going to vomit at anyone,” he says, “but I’d love to see more of that protest art.”

Kenck-Crispin carries his pot in a tin decorated with images of so-called “Jail Blazers,” Trail Blazer players—including Rasheed Wallace, Damon Stoudamire, Qyntel Woods and Zach Randolph—who were arrested on weedrelated offenses.

He gave out some tins as well as marijuana.

It was the Trump supporters who provided the most gratification—and the highest risk. “I love to give weed to Trump supporters,” says Kenck-Crispin. “I found this unknown joy in it.”

He discovered that the solitary Trump supporters were eager to take a spliff, but in groups they could get confrontational. Some yelled in his face, but he wasn’t overly frightened, he says.

“I’m a pretty big white dude,” he says.

“My concern only goes so far.”

He also handed out samples to two former mayoral candidates among the counter-demonstrators. “They may not wish to be named,” he says. “I wanted to give weed to Ted Wheeler, but where was he?”

There’s one faction Kenck-Crispin hasn’t delivered his wares to, despite the fact many think they need to be considerably more chill—the federal law enforcement agents on hand for the protests.

“I just didn’t know,” he says. “Is it really legal? I’m not sure.” RACHEL MONAHAN.

Best Free Drinks on Your Birthday In Portland, you can find free booze just about everywhere. But it comes at a price.

Barber shops will hand you a sloshing shot of Old Crow or a Miller High Life in exchange for a $30 men’s short haircut. First Thursday galleries often supply beer and wine, but you have to hang in the Pearl.

However, there’s one place that attempts triedand-true altruism: EastBurn.

Between whenever you show up and when the following hour ends, you and nine of your friends can drink unlimited quantities of draft beer and/ or house wine on your birthday. Don’t attempt to haggle: Whiskey and champagne are off-limits without a credit card, so have one of your pals open a separate tab if you need a birthday shot. And make sure to schedule at least a week beforehand, because this dandy establishment will only accept up to two Birthday Power Hours at any given time.

When I called to schedule my BPH at EastBurn, I came clean immediately: I told the guy that I

don’t have nine friends. His response: Just scrape up whoever you can, and we’ll get them plastered.

And if you know what’s good for you, you’ll want some entertainment. Being in the basement of a bar that’s not a basement bar can feel a tad dry.

Schedule your Birthday Power Hour for Sunday, since that’s karaoke night downstairs in the tap room, which is where you’ll undoubtedly be banished for your Power Hour.

In addition to all the free booze and smirks you receive from the bartender, you’ll also pick up a free dessert in the form of either deep-fried cookie dough or brownie a la mode. You’ll feel flustered with all the free stuff you’re already being awarded simply for having graced the earth with your presence, so you’ll ask the bartenders what they would order. They’ll tell you to get the deep-fried cookie dough because it’s a curiosity. Order the brownie.

And dear Lord, tip your bartender: Chances are, no one else will be this nice to you for the rest of the year. JACK RUSHALL.

Best Food Foresters

HILARY SANDER

Best at Bringing the Chill to Portland Protests

Teague Cullen has some strong words about commercial agriculture. “Fucking bullshit,” he says. “European bullshit.”

Wearing dirt-smeared overalls emblazoned with a Green Day pin, Cullen stands under a walnut tree at the far end of Winslow Food Forest. Just over a half acre and tucked into a dead end near Portland’s southeast border with Milwaukie, Winslow initially looks chaotic and overgrown.

But that’s the way food forests are supposed to be, says Cullen, who runs the farm with his wife, Mel. Most American farms grow only one crop, he says, and farmers clear the land afterward, often by burning the fields. “So right from the beginning, it’s destruction.”

Basically a form of anti-agriculture, food forestry is based on the idea of creating an ecosystem instead of destroying one.

The difference is that it’s an ecosystem made entirely of stuff you can eat, like a more nutritious Willy Wonka forest.

Except Winslow is not quite yet a forest. Mature forests are like a multilayer garden, with multiple canopy layers of fruit trees and bushes standing over a sea of low lying vegetables.

The apple trees strategically placed around Winslow’s plot are still just twigs, so it doesn’t have a closed canopy. But already, it’s labyrinthine—rows of kale and chard, small Italian plum trees, five different types of fig trees and a cherry tree dotted with plump, glossy fruit.

As he samples multiple varieties of oregano plants, Cullen compares food forestry to a polyamorous relationship—instead of trying to force the land to conform to a predetermined vision of the perfect garden, you’re constantly adapting your food forest according to each plant.

Winslow isn’t their first go-around. The Cullens have already grown a food forest in Boring, helping clients develop their own biodiverse, edible gardens. They broke ground on this Portland forest in only November, but it already produces enough food that Winslow distributes to restaurants like Milwaukie Cafe and Departure, as well as to 15 private CSA customers.

It takes several years before a food forest becomes its own biodiverse ecosystem, but according to Cullen, it’s worth it.

“It’s a lot like sailing, where you’re waiting for this wind,” says Cullen. Eventually, he says, “everything just locks.”

SHANNON GORMLEY. Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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HALEY JENSEN.

Best Bites, Sips and Puffs

Best Pop-Up Elixir Shop Iris Eve Devine had a dream, but not in the Martin Luther King Jr. way. Hers was more David Lynch.

Devine envisioned herself meandering around a fragrant campground strewn with Doug firs. She saw herself as a much older, seasoned alchemist, supplying a group of retreatists with a rainbow of hors d’oeuvres: regenerating herbals, teas and elixirs.

And thus, Metamorphix Roots Regeneration was born—Devine’s specialorder and mobile elixir bar. Guests can sample various witches’ brews, engage with healing fire pits, and immerse themselves in the cleansing waters of Japanese cedar soaking tubs.

A New Jersey native, Devine’s interest in elixir alchemy was influenced by her parents’ specialty European liquor shop. She moved to Portland in 2009, and she self-identifies as a healer, herbalist, feminist and witch.

“When I’m doing a pop-up, I offer customized, regenerating elixirs with booster tinctures, extracts and powders, such as pine pollen, Krishna tulsi and Kunzite essence,” says Devine, who gathers and tinctures her own herbs.

Devine will add saké to some elixirs upon request, providing an earthy buzz.

Other concoctions do not explicitly intoxicate. Instead, her elixirs include, “seven intentionally prepared potions that nurture, restore, regenerate and nourish.” Some are specifically designed to combat hangovers.

Instead of debating the pretentiousness of Western medicine, Devine gives Eastern medicine a Western twist. And unlike counterfeit herbalists or simple incense enthusiasts, Devine sees herbalism as a blood oath between humanity and nature.

“An herbalist has a deep reverence for the plant world,” explains Devine.

“She gets her hands into the soil. I loathe the corruption of the pharmaceutical industry and am grateful to be part of the intentional self-empowering revolution that is, in fact, the absolute manifestation and resurgence of roots plant medicine.”

JACK RUSHALL.

Best Taco Best Margarita Best Mexican Restaurant

Thank you Portland!!

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Best Places HILARY SANDER

Best Play Place for the Overstimulated Best Outlaw American Legion “Write this down,” the post commander announces. “I’m not saying another word to you until you have a shot of Jim Beam with me.”

Dusk is settling on American Legion Post 134 on a Friday night. The dumpy Quonset hut sticks out like a middle finger on an almost comically gentrified stretch of Northeast Alberta Street between Salt & Straw and Pine State Biscuits.

Inside the Legion, it smells like french fries, whiskey and weed. A guitar player glances up from under his Stetson while he sings Johnny Cash standards and his own compositions—most of them feature the word “lonely” in the chorus.

The crowd, numbering about 30, is mostly men, mostly young, mostly with memories of Iraq and Afghanistan.

“It’s a fucking dive, it’s a shithole,” Al Artero says to me. “But we’re going to treat you like family here. We allow our veterans to synthesize a little bit. We think that’s going to lead to some real good—and so far, it has.”

Artero did three tours of duty, including “rolling into Iraqi neighborhoods while getting shot at,” before he turned 22 years old. Now he’s the lanky, bristle-bearded post commander in a place that, until this winter, most Portlanders without military service knew best as a bingo hall.

That changed last January, when the post turned itself into an emergency homeless shelter, giving cots to more than 100 people during a bitter freeze. “We were the only homeless shelter in town with karaoke,” recalls former post commander Sean Davis.

It was the public unveiling of a new-era American Legion, one that for several years had been establishing gender-neutral restrooms, LGBTQ trivia nights and social-justice slogans spoken

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by certified warriors. It was also a generational affront: The Vietnam vets at the state office didn’t know what to do with the Iraq War kids opening their bar to the public and inviting homeless people to spend the night. The Oregon branch of the American Legion threatened to yank Post 134’s charter—then quickly retreated in the face of bad headlines in the Los Angeles Times.

More importantly, Davis and Artero spotted something during the five nights of service: a purpose and camaraderie that reminded them of leading units in combat zones.

“These guys just started showing up,” Davis recalls, “these guys who usually just stay home on disability playing PS4 and smoking pot. It was amazing to see them just turn on. We’re completely wasting all the skills that they have.”

Artero now sees a bigger role for the post in civic life. It could become an emergency response network, bringing in local activists to provide grassroots services for people in need. It could be a place where Portland values and military service find enough common ground to help others. “For 17 years,” he says, “‘support your troops’ has been beat into the political consciousness of people. How do we own that? How do we say, ‘Here’s what our troops want to do’?”

The guitar player finishes his song. He raises a shot glass. “Here’s to this place,” he says.

Artero slaps his empty glass on the table, and shouts back: “It’s always yours.” AARON MESH.

Indoor play places are essential for kids—and even more so for parents— during the rainy season. But they can also be a total sensory overload, with sugar-addled demons going full Lord of the Flies while parents stare listlessly at pints and iPhones.

For a lot of kids, that’s the whole point.

But when you’re on the autism spectrum, this leads to an unbearable cacophony—a crazed fever dream of frustrated play.

That’s exactly what Spectra Gymnastics, in Beaverton, seeks to correct.

“I recognize the lack of resources, especially in the sports industry, and how much it can benefit kids socially, physically, cognitively,” says founder Karissa Johnson, an applied behavioral analysis therapist who opened Spectra three years ago in a nondescript office mall near Washington Square. Offering classes and camps for kids across the spectrum, the place has everything you’d need in a gymnastics space—rings, a floor-length trampoline, balance beams—plus tunnels, roller slides and other sensory-based equipment.

And on weekends, the open gym from 9 am to noon becomes a well-controlled free-for-all for all kids to come together under the shared banner of fun, with the staff controlling the number of little bodies admitted so no one’s overwhelmed. “ We could easily take open gym away and just do classes,” says Johnson, noting that integrated play is beneficial for kids on and off the spectrum.

“I’m very adamant about not doing that. We’re all about inclusion, inclusion, inclusion.” AP KRYZA.

For more than 40 years, the monolith has lurked hidden beneath the streets of Portland. It has been seen by almost no one, and is known to just as few.

But the monolith is beautiful.

In 1970, when paper company Georgia-Pacific erected the building now known as the Standard Insurance Center, it also commissioned two tremendous pieces of public art.

One of them you’ve probably seen: Located in front of the Standard Insurance entrance on Southwest 5th Avenue, The Quest is a ginormous piece of carved white marble that has been unofficially nicknamed “Saturday Night at the Y” or “Three Groins in the Fountain” because it looks a bit like a genital-free orgy conducted inside a bidet.

The other piece of art is an entrancing, undulating and mysterious 8-foot-tall piece of sculpted and reflective chrome located in a hidden underground tunnel.

Sculpted by local artist Bruce West in 1973, the untitled work is displayed inside a hall of mirrors that reflect the sculpture infinitely back and forth—a weighty monument to light and distortion.

But to find it, you have to take the elevator in the parking garage at Southwest 4th Avenue and Salmon Street. Once in the elevator, hit “C” to reach the concourse tunnel between the garage and the Standard Insurance building.

There is nothing in that tunnel except carpet and the monolith, plus the myriad reflections of the monolith bouncing among the mirrors. There will probably be no one else anywhere near, leaving the mirrors free of other reflection. As it turns out, the sculpture is all the more beautiful for being secret. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Best Endangered Costume Shop In a garish purple- and turquoise-striped building across from an auto body shop on Northeast Glisan Street, the heads of old Popeye and Olive Oyl sit on a high shelf.

There are Marie Antoinette, an Old West saloon girl, wedding and flapper dresses, cowboy garb, pirate blouses, a big yellow bird suit that’s definitely not Big Bird, beaver and pink bunny costumes, monks’ robes, togas, Renaissance formal wear and military uniforms. And the shop once made a tuxedo for a parrot that was best man at a wedding.

The 1940s-style costumes from Romeo and Juliet hang next to the counter, just returned from a school production.

But the clown garb sits mostly unused, having become recently unpopular.

The sign lit by small, old-timey bulbs reads “Helen’s Pacific Costumers.” In one form or another, this little costume store, opened in 1890, is one of the oldest retail businesses in the city. According to store lore, it’s been womanowned for all of its 127 years.

Inside are carefully stitched pieces for dozens of theater productions and all manner of parties as well as mascot duties, all available for rent.

The Helen for whom the current shop is named married into the theater-shop family. Here’s the official account from the store’s website: “In 1936, Al [Learman] meets Helen Brickman on a blind date. One week later they marry. Al celebrates the marriage with his friends, leaving Helen at home. After two days, he returns to his new wife. She was livid and he never touches alcohol again for the rest of his life.”

Helen died in 1991, leaving the business to her friend, Pam Monette. But after 26 years, Monette is planning to sell of the wares and the real estate at the end of August.

The volunteers who mind the shop for the four days a week that it’s open are desperately trying to keep the collection together. But that, they say, requires raising $200,000.

The rows upon rows of costumes overflow the building. Out back are a shipping container, two tool sheds and a Winnebago filled with costumes.

“It just breaks my heart to think of all these costumes being sold,” says Jay Lieber, one of the volunteers. “I’m trying to save the costumes. Every day in this place, it’s magic.”

RACHEL MONAHAN.

Best Secret Bridge What if I told you one of Portland’s bridges was an engineering marvel of its era that’s not just the largest and heaviest bridge built on the Willamette, but also a world-record holder?

Any guess which bridge I’m talking about?

The answer is the Burlington Northern Railroad Bridge 5.1, which was completed in 1908 at a cost of $1 million and had the largest single-span drawbridge in the world at the time. If the name of that bridge doesn’t ring a bell, it’s because it’s a railroad bridge between the Markham and St. Johns bridges that’s forgotten by most people. If you’ve crossed it, it’s almost certainly been on the Amtrak train to Seattle.

I crossed the bridge for the first time in January, and boated under it in June. Both times I was struck by its isolation and industrial-age beauty, like something out of Detroit-ruin porn tucked into the industrial fringes of the city. The Burlington Northern bridge (which is 5.1 miles downriver from Union Station) looks like a beefed-up Steel Bridge, but is colored in a calico of black, green, silver and rusty red. It’s framed by the West Hills on one side and the University of Portland neighborhood on the other. There’s nothing in particular near it but the bluffs and a massive grass prairie surrounded by barbed wire that, legend has it, was once a party pit for UP students. Those kids had a wonderful view of a secret bridge most Portlanders have forgotten exists. MARTIN CIZMAR.

COURTESY OF HELEN’S COSTUME SHOP

NINO ORTIZ

Best Underground Art

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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NINO ORTIZ

Best Places

Best RogueTaxidermist The Zymoglyphic region is a place that doesn’t exist, in a time that never was. But there is nonetheless a museum devoted to it, on the western edge of Tabor near the Cheese Bar. In a serene boarder’s room above a residential garage, you can witness the self-destroying automaton, a rusted-out clock with the arm of a crab. According to the helpful caption posted next to it, this automaton was made during the Age of Wonder—the era immediately following the bird carts, leaf books and shamanic totems that were emblematic of the Rust Age—and it is “of particular interest in this time because they occupied a mysterious gray area between life and death.” In another corner of the museum—near the leatherwing and the flightless spinybirds—you can visit a mermaid, who appears to be holding a comb made from the skeleton of a dead fish.

Somewhere between a natural history museum and a medieval cabinet of curiosities, the Zymoglyphic Museum is the beauteous creation of Jim Stewart—a meticulous and whimsical fictional world of found objects and

curios, where carefully arranged terraria display the skeletons of creatures that never were.

A software engineer in an earlier life, Stewart is a cross between a sculptor and a rogue taxidermist, making his artifacts from found, mostly biological parts.

“It all started when I was a kid,” says Stewart. “I had a museum when I was 10 years old. Wax and shells and arrowheads. I’ve been collecting things ever since, but then I tried to do something more interesting than having a pile of rocks.”

He is aided in his lifelong endeavor by his wife. “She’s an artist herself—she brings me things and says, ‘Zymoglyphic!’”

Their shared love of found objects, he says, was a form of romantic kismet. “She actually had skulls when I first met her. She had a little shoebox labeled ‘Skulls.’ I thought that was a good sign.”

You can visit the Zymoglyphic Museum every second Sunday at Stewart’s home at 6225 SE Alder St. Admission is always free.

MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Best Hidden Garden Much is rightly made of Portland’s Japanese Garden, which expanded this year. But few know that Portland has a public Scottish garden just as large, and in many ways just as lovely.

On Dunthorpe’s Elk Rock bluff facing Mount Hood and the river, flush from the grain business, a turn-of-the-20th-century Scotsman named Peter Kerr built himself a 13-acre garden manse in the old English style befitting naturalists and romantics—a place of winding paths and fish ponds and streams that is carefully tended to appear somewhat untended. At the Elk Rock Garden at the Bishop’s Close, there is an almost unfathomable bounty of plant life. Rare magnolias and chrysanthemums bloom, wisteria snarls against the manor walls, and bishop’s hat nestles against the oaks. Witch hazel grows in the parterres, where curving paths are lined with low hedges, and Japanese paper bush grows to the height of a man.

In Oregon’s wealthiest neighborhood, Elk Rock Garden is a place of uncommon serenity that is accessible to all. And in a sort of photo negative of Oswego Lake, it is a private garden that is always open to the public. After Kerr’s death in 1957, his children donated it to the Episcopal Diocese of Oregon on the sole condition that it always be available to the public at no charge. And so it is, from 8 to 5 every single day at 11800 SW Military Lane. MATTHEW KORFHAGE. 38

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Best Real-Life Fast and the Furious If you’ve ever walked down Southeast Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd. at 6:30 pm on a Sunday evening, you may have heard what sounds like an earthquake emanating from somewhere deep within the bowels of the warehouse district. Walk west and you’ll descend into the cacophony of hundreds of bass-heavy stereos blasting rap and EDM tracks, mixed in with the exhaust of hundreds of cars.

This is Red Door Meet, a weekly gathering of Portland’s automotive enthusiasts that stretches for blocks through the Water District, from Wayfinder to Bunk Bar. On a 90-degree day this June, about a thousand people of all ages ambled up and down Southeast 2nd Avenue. As vaping youths and their booty-shorted girlfriends walked along a crawling procession of top-dropped and candy-painted ’70s Impalas, they ogled $100,000-plus Nissan racecars, ancient Volkswagen Beetles with hoods deliberately oxidized into swirling patinas, and beat-up drift cars that look like something out of Mad Max. And that leaves out the surly cadre of bikers, Washington-plated lifted trucks, dudes in Civics, and dozens of other subtypes of street-car enthusiast.

If this sounds like a recipe for chaos, no worries. The organizers monitor behavior, with a clear statement of the rules on the 15,000-member-strong Facebook page: “No burn outs. No revving. No drugs. No alcohol. No disrespect. Keep it clean this is a family event.” WALKER MACMURDO.

MARTIN CIZMAR

HENRY CROMETT

Best Laid Plans

Best Flight Plan

Pat Beard had a pitch for Fred and Carrie.

The former professional cowboy-turned-Pendleton ambassador wanted to invite Portlandia out to Pendleton, the Eastern Oregon city famous for its rodeo and tightly tied to the spirit of the Old West.

“I wrote to the producers of Portlandia and I said, ‘Let’s do an episode where they fall asleep and wake up here during the Pendleton Round-Up!” Beard says. “They wake up and they’re like on a different planet.”

Portlandia didn’t bite, but you can live that very surreal experience on your own thanks to Boutique Air. It’s kind of magical: An hour after leaving Portland, you land on a bluff overlooking the endless horizon of high desert.

Boutique Air—owned by Shawn Simpson, a former Google employee—exists only because of a federal subsidy program called Essential Air Service, rewarding airlines that reopen abandoned routes to isolated rural communities. And so for $59 one-way, we made the 200-plus-mile journey in a matter of minutes.

“If it weren’t for EAS, the tickets would cost twice as much,” says Steve Chrisman, a city employee whose grab bag of duties includes managing the airport. “The difference between Boutique and other EAS airlines is, the others tend to be focused on the bottom line. They try to run it like a normal commercial airline and make money by hammering business customers with fees. That doesn’t work because you could always just drive. Boutique gets that and has made it really pleasant to fly.”

It is the most hassle-free flight I’ve had since early September 2001. Boutique flies out of an office outside the main terminal at PDX. You can show up a half-hour before your flight, park for free and hop on without going through TSA screening.

The plane is a Pilatus PC-12, a small, single-engine turboprop that holds eight plus the pilots.

In 50 minutes, you’re in a different world.

You probably know that Pendleton is home to the famous woolen mills. It’s also home to the Round-Up, a massive weeklong rodeo that draws 50,000 people, including every Oregon politician of note. Pendleton’s rodeo grounds are the Fenway Park of the sport, a storied stadium famed for quirks and atmosphere.

“Around here, we base our calendar on Round-Up,” he says.

“It’s like John Wayne meets Mardi Gras. The town shuts down for a week, and we have a party on the streets.”

Thanks to that rodeo, Pendleton has a number of worldclass makers, including the famous Hamley & Co., which custom-makes renowned rodeo saddles, and a hattery which uses blocks of wood from the 1800s to shape felt cowboy hats into the perfect fit.

Pendleton also offers tours of the underground catacombs that Chinese laborers built beneath the entire downtown, its tunnels servicing sheep-herder brothels on into the 1960s. Nearby, the Confederated Tribes of the Umatilla runs the state’s largest casino and Tamástslikt Cultural Institute, a massive museum that covers the past 10,000 years of the tribe’s history.

“I think some people in Portland would love to come out here on Boutique, order yourself a pair of custom-fit cowboy boots and a hat,” says Beard. “We’ve got worldclass makers out here. And more tourist destinations that most cities twice our size.”

MARTIN CIZMAR.

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Best Sign Thief

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When legendary rock club Satyricon was slated for demolition in 2011 after 27 years, Wendell Cunningham wasn’t going to let all that history go without a fight.

“As far as I was concerned, there was CBGB and there was Satyricon,” says Cunningham.

“Every band that came through Portland came through there.” And so when word came that the building was going to be demolished to make way for the low-income Macdonald Center apartments, he got an idea. “ We w e r e o n our way to church,” says Cunningham of himself and Jocelyn Kazebier, his partner and band member in punk b a n d t h e Q u i t s.

“And I said, ‘ We should go take the Satyricon sign on the way to church.’

All you have to do is look professional and act like you know what you’re doing. You know, I had a hard hat, and I had a white pickup truck. What looks more professional than that?”

And so before the building could be demolished, taking all the history and artifacts with it, Cunningham and Kazebier drove down to the closed rock club, and Cunningham got up on the ladder. The original plan was to take the entire marquee lightbox, but it was too well fastened.

So instead, he just pulled out the signboard— complete with the lettering SATYRICON RIP

1983-2010.

“We threw the sign into the back of the pickup, and then we went to church with the stolen sign still in the back of the pickup,” Cunningham says, laughing.

For a while he just kept the sign at his family’s home, but he started thinking that was unfair— so he got the idea he and other musicians who remembered Satyricon’s glory days should take turns holding the sign.

“That’s when Tres [Shannon, of Voodoo Doughnut] called me up saying he was interested. And you know, his house is like a museum of Northwest rock already. I said, ‘You know what? Give me free doughnuts for life and you have a deal!’” (Cunningham showed us his golden Voodoo Doughnut ticket, as proof—one of about 30 in existence.)

The Satyr i con m a r q u e e i s n ow mounted inside WENDELL CUNNINGHAM D a n d y Wa r h o l s frontman Courtney Taylor-Taylor’s Slabtown wine bar Old Portland, an entirely different museum of Northwest rock. Like a stolen antiquity from the ancient Greek bars of Portland, Taylor-Taylor swears it just showed up one day.

Shannon isn’t talking either.

“As to how it got there,” says Cunningham, “I can’t help you. That’s where my story stops.”

MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Best Social Climbing Tim Kovar may well be the most celebrated tree climber in the world.

The founder of Oregon City’s Tree Climbing Planet has led The New York Times up an 800-year-old California redwood, spent three days on an ascent for a National Geographic film shoot in Central America, and served as personal instructor for Richard Preston, author of The Wild Trees. He’s dodged bee swarms in Brazil, and sought out tree-dwelling king cobras in India.

But in Atlanta, he never imagined being one of the nation’s foremost tree-climbing experts.

“I was in my early 20s, still soul searching a bit, when a friend asked me to come do some work with him outside,” says Kovar. “It was just a change of pace.” After six months of grueling labor, an arborist friend asked if Kovar would help assist with lessons for an academy he’d begun called Tree Climbers International: “I remember thinking, tree-climbing school?”

Kovar arrived at the base of “these beautiful southern white oak trees,” he says. “There must have been 20 people from the age of 6 all the way up to these two ladies who were about 75 years old. And when these ladies put on ropes and got up 25 feet to the first branch, I remember looking at them in awe, thinking that these women have not climbed a tree in over 65 years. Those 75-year-old women, I don’t even know their names, were two of the biggest teachers of my life.”

Kovar eventually became chief instructor of Tree Climbers International in Atlanta before helping open the first tree-climbing school west of the Rockies. In 2010, he launched Tree Climbing Planet on 150 acres of forested Clackamas County farmland.

Many students, he says, are tree-canopy researchers. But there are any number of reasons to climb a tree. “We just had a student from Washington state who’s an occupational therapist, and she hopes to work with PTSD soldiers in the treetops,” Kovar says. “We worked with some muscular dystrophy camps getting kids out of wheelchairs. Pretty much anyone who wants to access trees, we have a course for them.”

Kovar believes that tree climbing can be a universal language. At that first climb in Atlanta 25 years ago, he says, “There was a family from Germany over near some very conservative couple talking next to this hippie chick—different political views, different philosophical beliefs —but, at that moment, everybody was getting along. Nothing but people just sharing stories about climbing trees as children. And that was where I set my compass.” JAY HORTON. 40

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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Best Future Salmon Savior When Adam Nayak was in seventh grade—an age when most kids are more freaked out about the troubled ecosystem of their own bodies—he was worried about what was wrong with Portland.

Specifically, he wanted to know what the heck had happened to all the fish.

This question sent Nayak on a four-year journey that led to him winning one of the top prizes in the Intel Science and Engineering Fair, the world’s largest high school science competition in the world. Up to now, the prize has mostly been dominated by kids from swanky prep schools on the East Coast.

In fact, Nayak, who begins his senior year at Cleveland High in the fall, is the first Portland Public Schools student ever to make it this far in the competition, taking home a $5,000 prize as a finalist for the prestigious award.

“It started from a simple question,” says Nayak, 17. A native of Westmoreland, he’d grown up biking the Springwater Corridor Trail, but when he visited his grandparents’ house along the Sammamish River in Washington state, he learned what was missing.

“When we saw salmon multiple times, up where my grandparents live, I started to think,” he says. “I remember asking, ‘Why don’t we see these salmon back in Johnson Creek?’”

For his seventh-grade science fair project at Winterhaven School, he measured the pH, nitrate and fecal coliform levels of the water in Westmoreland Park and found evidence that geese defecating in the waters were making it uninhabitable for fish.

(The city has since overhauled the park and improved water quality.)

He didn’t stop there, though. Last summer, he continued his research on Johnson Creek out of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration offices in Northeast Portland, using satellite image data to map out four different watersheds.

What he realized was that as Portland continues to pave over more open spaces, flooding could grow more severe. Flooding in winter is accompanied by severe water lows in summer, because with more pavement, less water gets absorbed back into streams.

“We’re not going to halt the increase in population,” says Nayak. “How can we interact with these changes in urban environment?”

He put his research into action, presenting his analysis to the Johnson Creek Watershed Council last fall, and reaching out to more than 140 businesses to work on solutions, like rain gardens, to mitigate the impact of more pavement.

His next project? He headed off to Greenland last week for a research project on a yet-to-be-determined subject. “I love to go where I can challenge myself,” he says. RACHEL MONAHAN. Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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ELIZABETH ALLEN

Best Words

Best Mysterious Bookstore Secret Forest is not a bookstore, according to its owners. It is, instead, a forest.

“One must have their third eye activated to see it,” they’ll tell you.

There are, nonetheless, plenty of books at the Southeast Division Street forest/ bookstore, not to mention a giant leering eye hanging over a door marked “Books.”

The shelves contain much, much more, however–ancient pottery, plenty of gnomes, war masks, books on feminism and science, and even a copy of War and Peace. Each room is littered with old tomes on everything from metaphysics to breastfeeding. Books devoted to the gothic and the occult share space with candles, vampire chess, pianos and paintings placed alongside unicorn shrines.

The pair who own it identify themselves only as the “Black Ghost Collective”— the business license says Joshua Milligan. They describe their collective alternately as a “back-to-nature movement” and a “metaphor for that which is forgotten.”

“In November of 2011,” they tell WW, “‘a friend of ours approached us and said, ‘Here! Take over my shop! Do what though wilt with it!’”

And so now they own an entirely profit-free, they insist, exercise in absurdity.

“We wanted to bring something special forth from our hearts,” they say, “something reminiscent of old Portland before the commercial takeover.”

Most people who shop at the store, they say, are “frantically relieved to randomly discover we exist.” But many are a little more confused. “Some people get very angry and yell at us or make fun of us and can be downright snide because we use dim lighting and candles which sets off their hoodoo alarm.” Some even demand to know exactly what the Secret Forest is.

To those people, they offer a much more simple answer: “It’s a bookstore.”

JANELLE ABULKHARI.

Best Official City Sign On a cold day in December, something strange showed up in front of Terry Currier’s 48-year-old music store, Music Millennium, at Southeast 32nd Avenue and East Burnside Street.

“It just magically appeared one day,” says Currier. “It looked like an official sign. None of us knew how it appeared there. My first suspicion was it was an art project, but it looked pretty official.”

The yellow and black highwaystyle sign carried a simple message: “HEARTBREAK DEAD AHEAD.” Currier recognized it as a lyric from an old Marvelettes song. But why it was there remained a mystery.

“I kept reaching out to people,” says Currier, “and finally one of my customers called the city.”

The culprit was a likely one: outgoing City Commissioner Steve Novick. In October, he’d also put up caps reading “Positively 4th Street” on Portland’s 4th Avenue street signs, for Bob Dylan’s Nobel Prize.

Novick believes that the sign dedication ceremony in December may

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have been his final act in office.

“You know the lyric, right?” Novick says. ‘“They say that love is blind, but it’s as clear as a highway sign.’ So I thought there should be an actual street sign somewhere in the world honoring the song, and the Marvelettes.”

He even reached out to Katherine Anderson of the Marvelettes, but didn’t hear back.

Despite its timing, Novick says the sign should not be construed as a commentary on the election he lost in a nail biter to incoming Commissioner Chloe Eudaly.

“I’d been meaning to do it for a long time,” he says. “Probably in August, I asked how much it would cost, and they said $400. I did deliberately put it on the approach to Music Millennium. I figured if they saw the sign, it might ring a bell.”

“He somehow got the city to a p p rove funds to ma ke tha t sign,” says Currier. “It couldn’t h a v e b e e n i n a b e t t e r p l a c e .”

MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

In the pinball machine-filled hallway next to the restrooms at Northwest Portland bar Paymaster, there’s a sort of kitsch emporium for the soul. There, in the bar’s darkest corner, a vending machine sells obscure salves for the wounded human spirit: herbal cigarettes, remaindered copies of The Catcher in the Rye and packages promising to furnish bargoers with their own personal spirit animal.

But the machine also offers a more earthly form of therapy: a note card inside a stamped envelope pre-addressed to Donald Trump. The card features an angel baby, and the envelope is decorated with pickup truck stickers so it might just get opened. It’s addressed to Trump Tower in New York.

A letter to the nation’s current president is now a bit like crying into the wind— for confirmation, see the Republicans’ obsession with gutting health care coverage despite the fact only 12 percent of Americans share their goal.

In the words of the Saturday Night Live version of NBC reporter Lester Holt: “Nothing matters? Absolutely nothing matters anymore?”

But I dutifully pen my own letter on the little angel-baby card, if for no other reason than a promise becomes more real when you write it down. Mine is also a tribute to a former mentor—The Village Voice muckraker Wayne Barrett, who wrote a book about Trump when the now-president was still just a garish, ethically challenged real estate developer. RACHEL MONAHAN. July 4, 2017 Dear Donald, How relieved were you that Wayne Barrett died on the eve of your inauguration?

Don’t be: Journalists he mentored are everywhere.

Take care.

HENRY CROMETT

Best Prepaid Protest

MARTIN CIZMAR

E M I LY J O A N G R E E N E

Best Troll

In a year when the First Amendment seems under threat from all sides, the American Civil Liberties Union of Oregon has emerged as Portland’s most dogged and consistent defenders of free speech—no matter who’s talking or what they’re saying.

“We think that the First Amendment rights are the cornerstone of all of our other rights,” says ACLU spokeswoman Sarah Armstrong. “But it can be complicated because we often have strange bedfellows when we’re talking about free speech.”

Strange bedfellows indeed. The ACLU of Oregon chided Mayor Ted Wheeler for asking the federal government to revoke a permit allowing far-right activists to hold a Trump Free Speech Rally. Just nine days before, Jeremy Christian—who had attended marches held by the same activists—hurled racist insults at two Muslim teenagers on a MAX train and then stabbed three men who came to the girls’ defense, killing two of them. Wheeler said the city’s wounds were still too raw.

But the ACLU wasn’t having it.

“The government cannot revoke or deny a permit based on the viewpoint of the demonstrators. Period,” the ACLU tweeted in response. “If we allow the government to shut down speech for some, we all will pay the price down the line.”

In March, the ACLU had been just as firm in its opposition when the Portland City Council voted to instate a rule banning “disruptive” leftist gadflies from council meetings.

“Free speech is an indivisible right, and everyone has to have it for the whole thing to work,” Armstrong says.

Recently, the ACLU of Oregon stood up for those who have very little power to raise their own voices, by tak-

ing on laws that bar homeless people from panhandling in Portland and Gresham. The cities settled the case and are currently changing their laws against panhandling after the ACLU challenged them on the grounds that they illegally outlawed an entire class of speech: speech asking for money.

The civil liberties group’s most recent free speech victory, on June 28, helped a coalition of conservation groups exercise the right to buy ads in Portland International Airport after the Port of Portland refused to post anti-clearcutting billboards because of their political message.

And there’s more: The ACLU had a major victory in April when Portland and Gresham settled in a case involving a woman who livestreamed the police in 2013. A Gresham police officer grabbed Carrie Medina’s phone, twisted her arm and detained her, effectively censoring her. The free-speech champions have also put pressure on Portland police to use a lighter touch when policing protests and to stop targeting protest leaders and political activists.

“Being known as a place where people regularly take to the streets, people are surprised when they see what the police response to protest is like here,” Armstrong said. “You’ll definitely see more from us on protest rights. We’re clearly not done.”

KATIE SHEPHERD.

WILLIAM GAGAN

Best Free-Speech Fundamentalists

Buyers are the new rock stars of the craft-beer world. Yes, buying beer to stock a tap list is a full-time job in Portland, and a high-pressure one at that. Back in March, we conducted a survey of the draft lists at the city’s top beer bars, hitting a dozen places in a single day, sampling the wares and rating the overall quality of the lists.

Not all the beer bars we normally love did well in this snapshot.

Specifically, our friends at BeerMongers fared poorly. Buyer Chris Tappan has, we said, “pretty much unimpeachable taste in beer.”

But not that night.

“I felt like they had the right breweries, but the wrong beers,” one of our raters said. To add insult to injury, BeerMongers’ former buyer, Jim Bonomo, won. Ouchie.

So BeerMongers decided to have a little fun at our expense, twisting the WW logo into a BM logo and printing our criticism on the back.

We were both chastened and honored. The mark of a truly great trolling. MARTIN CIZMAR.

Best Official Sportstwitter On Jan. 27, the heat from the NBA’s most fire Twitter account scorched the Memphis Grizzlies’ Chandler Parsons.

The pretty-boy small forward had spurned a contract offer from the Blazers in the offseason. So when he whiffed a 3-point attempt in a game at Moda Center, the team’s official account couldn’t help razzing him, posting video of the air ball with a reminder that “the NBA 3-point line is really, really far away from the basket.”

A few hours later, Parsons clapped back, taking a jab at Portland’s record and wishing the team luck in the draft lottery. Then C.J. McCollum stepped in to deliver the deathblow: “We won the lottery when we didn’t sign you.”

Instigating flame wars between players typically isn’t part of most sports teams’ digital strategy. But for the Blazers, snark is one element in an overall approach to social media that aims to reflect the voice of the fans rather than the front office. It hasn’t gone unnoticed: For three years straight, Complex has placed the official Blazers account at the top of its annual NBA Twitter rankings, calling it “the funniest and most consistent” of the league’s 30 teams.

“During a game, I want the Blazer Twitter account to be like your best friend sitting next to you at Moda Center,” says Cody Sharrett, the team’s digital content specialist.

Sometimes, that means heckling an opponent for a missed free throw or an egregious flop. Other times, it means laughing at your own misfortune. When the Warriors delivered a 25-point beatdown to sweep the Blazers out of the playoffs this year, all Sharrett could do was issue increasingly dire score updates: “22-A Lot,” “48-More,” “80-Enough.”

“When teams are getting blown out, I can’t stand when they go dark on social media,” Sharrett says.

“We’re not doing it in a way that’s saying, ‘Yeah, we suck.’ But we’re like, ‘Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow.’”

“Maybe it’ll be better tomorrow.” Spoken like a true Blazers fan. MATTHEW SINGER. Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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Best Words Best NSFW Twitter Ever want to find a gangbang without even trying? There’s a Twitter account for that.

Southeast Division Street’s Oregon Theater is technically a movie theater, in that pornographic movies play. But most of the real action there is off-screen—the theater is a thriving, self-contained world of sex, a hall of exhibitionists, swingers, gangbangers and gangbangees where, as our reporter wrote in May, “men bounce around like molecules, desperate for something to do with their hard-ons.”

Part as advertisement, part as pastime, whoever’s running the desk provides a running commentary on the interior activities at @Oregon_Theater, under the moniker “Joseph’s Party’s,” named after one of the theater’s employees.

“Another wensday gangbang at 8pm,” reads a July 5 update. “So thats today, we

need lots of cocks. Last time three girls and not much dick.”

“Just opened 15 people came in right away and a couple,” the account proudly announced earlier the same day.

Alongside hardcore pornography and ultra-close-up images of orifices, the Oregon Theater’s Twitter account provides helpful scheduling updates for the theater’s frequent parties—this Friday’s, July 14, will be ’70s-themed— as well as what one could call a play-by-play breakdown of any given evening’s activities.

“Foods out and girls are playing,” you may be informed, or “Spanish couple in here now getting warmed up…And gangbang at 3pm so looks like a good day.”

Follow now, but do not check while at work. WALKER MACMURDO.

CARLEIGH OETH

Best Library of Failure

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In the books of the Richard Brautigan Library, the humanity is so thick it’s almost unbearable.

“Do I have a jaundiced view of youth because I, myself, am no longer young ?” muses Gladys Hunt of Eugene. “I would like to know why life is so different than it used to be.”

The Richard Brautigan Library is three bookshelves in the basement of the Clark County Historical Museum. Amid its 311 volumes are books about frontier adventure, nuclear war scenarios and entire lifetimes of regret.

Every book is united in one respect: None has been published by any commercial house, and none of them ever will be.

These shelves exist because poet and novelist Richard Brautigan described a library of unpublished books in his 1971 novel, The Abortion: An Historical Romance. And 27 years ago in Vermont, a man named Todd Lockwood decided he would create the library for real.

Lockwood fielded submissions from as far away as Saudia Arabia but in 1995, he ran out of money. The collection was orphaned until 2010, when John Barber, a Brautigan scholar, arranged to have the library brought to a new Vancouver home.

In the dusty-tiled basement of the historical museum, the identically bound volumes take on an almost unseemly intimacy. Grammatical errors have been preserved, as has a great deal of sadness. Reading each volume feels like spying creepily on a life, a rear window onto human needs that feel far too naked to be made public. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

THOMAS TEAL

Best of the Best

THE THINGS WW HAS OFFICIALLY DECLARED “THE BEST” IN THE PAST 12 MONTHS. BEST PLACE TO SLED IN PORTLAND

Mount Tabor, specifically the spot “above the second reservoir where you can find the perfect mix of families and teenagers not so slyly drinking beers and using anything from kiddie pools to cardboard to bomb down the hill.”

January 11, 2017

BEST BAGELS

Bundy’s Bagels, made by obsessive workaholic Joel Bundy, who “thinks about quitting every day.”

February 21, 2017

BEST FISH CAKES AND BEEF PATTIES WE’VE HAD IN THIS CITY

The ones at new pop-up Jamaican Taste, cooked by former Bostonian Robert Bryant.

May 2, 2017

BEST WAY TO GIVE OURSELVES A FIGHTING CHANCE AGAINST THE BIG QUAKE

Build a disaster preparedness kit. “You’ll want to spread supplies across multiple locations—and in your car, which will be in multiple locations.”

Jan. 3, 2017

BEST LITTLE STRIP CLUB IN PORTLAND

Sassy’s, where the “casual vibe” and $2.50 craft pints till 7 pm add up to a situation where you’re “likely to find at least one woman for every two men.”

May 23, 2017

BEST TONKOTSU RAMEN

The version at Marukin, whose flavor “is like an elephant riding a unicycle, terrifying and amazing in the bigness of its balance.”

December 13, 2016

BEST-LOOKING MOVIE ABOUT HOW WOMEN THINK BY A MALE FILMMAKER

The Neon Demon, whose director, Nicholas Winding Refn, “seems to think women will fuck, kill and eat one another to appease Hollywood’s gatekeepers.”

December 27, 2016

BEST “OLD RELIABLE” BAND AT TREEFORT

BEST MAC ’N’ CHEESE TO EAT WHEN YOU’RE STONED

Velveeta Shells & Cheese, which we prized for its premixed cheese product. “Converting to that Velveeta life means you’ll never forget to leave the store with needed milk and butter.”

February 7, 2017

BEST BEER HANG IN VANCOUVER

Downtown Vancouver brewery Loowit, whose excellent taste in arcade games “either reflects the quality of Loowit’s beer or shows you just how much time employees spend back there amid the tanks.”

February 28, 2017

BEST EGGNOG

The nog at New Seasons: “Serve this with confidence and a stack of cheese from the discount remnant bin and you’ve got yourself one hell of a holiday party.”

December 20, 2016

BEST PIZZA

Apizza Scholls, to whom “no legitimate challenger has ever emerged. Whenever someone says otherwise, feel free to politely ignore the rest of their opinions.”

October 28, 2016

BEST BURRITO FILLING KNOWN TO MAN

Machaca, as prepared at a place called Carolina’s in South Phoenix.

May 1, 2017

BEST BOUGIE TACO SPOT IN THE SOUTHEAST

Xico, which we said “served margaritas in a sea of margs.”

August 16, 2016

BEST WAY TO WATCH A METEOR SHOWER

In case facing “where the least possible number of trees or hills will block your view” isn’t an obvious enough tip for looking at celestial missiles, we had a team from the Meteor Society confirm it. Science rules!

August 8, 2016

BEST BUTCHER-SHOP RIB-EYE IN PORTLAND

Thee Oh Sees, whose singer-guitarist John Dwyer likes to “whip his hair around,” “hold his guitar like a rifle,” and “talk shit about PBR.” March 29, 2017

Painted Hills, as it turns out. Quoth one of our tasters: “This steak is the ugliest, it is the fattiest and it is the best.”

May 30, 2017

BEST DRINKING ROOF FOR PEOPLE WATCHING

BEST BEER BUYER IN PORTLAND ON ONE VERY BEERY DAY IN MARCH

The one at 10 Barrel in the Pearl, which lets you look down on “upscale W+K employees, suburban boutique shoppers and terribly fit Pearl clubgoers.”

May 10, 2017

BEST MOVIE THEATER FOOD

The Academy Theater’s hot-plate Flying Pie pizza, which is “the best hype- and theme-free pizza shop in Portland.”

May 30, 2017

BEST MONEY PORTLAND EVER SPENT

Powell Butte Nature Park, which also represents the “best moonrise, best lover’s lane, [and] best spot to smoke weed outdoors.”

June 14, 2017

BEST ACAI BOWL

The “orange-pink, silky-smooth acai blend” of the Summer Breeze Bowl at Nob Hill’s KIVA, which “literally and figuratively towers over the competition.

January 3, 2017

Connecticut native Jim Bonomo at Tin Bucket, whose list was “like Christmas morning.”

March 7, 2017

BEST DONER KEBABS IN PORTLAND

The spit-roasted lamb sammies at California-based Spitz: “Thank you, Turks, thank you, Germans, thank you, Angelenos.”

Apr 6, 2017

BEST SPORTING EVENT IN THE WORLD The Olympics. Duh. August 3, 2016

OREGON’S BEST BREWPUB BURGER WITH BEEF FROM A LOCAL RANCH

Terminal Gravity, in Enterprise, Ore., whose burgers are made from beef “descended from the cattle the Spanish turned loose on the open range upward of 500 years ago.”

March 2, 2017

LITHICS

HOTTEST AND BEST CHINESE FOOD IN PORTLAND

Well—in Beaverton, anyway. It’s at Taste of Sichuan, whose Swimming Fire Fish is “only, like, the fourth-craziest thing on the menu.”

October 27, 2016

BEST ICE CREAM-THEMED ICE-CREAM PARLOR

Cool Moon, whose Spicy Thai Peanut scoop is “weird done right.”

August 18, 2016

BEST DOLMAS, EVER

THE BEST NATURAL WINE LIST FOR 500 MILES

It was at Killingsworth Street wine bar Dame, whose sommelier just left to go work at Holdfast.

September 6, 2017

THE BEST HAZY HOPPY BEERS ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD RIGHT NOW

The ones at Alberta Street brewery Great Notion— including Juice Jr., our 2017 Beer of the Year.

February 28, 2017

BEST NEW HAZY IPA NOT BREWED ON ALBERTA

They’re at Hawthorne Lebanese spot TarBoush, “tart and spicy and sweet all at once.”

October 28, 2016

Breakside’s Something Wicked, which is “as soft as beer gets, with a body that has the yellow fuzziness of an old beach photo.”

March 14, 2017

BEST SPAZZ-OUT AT PDX POP NOW

BEST BAND FOR THIS PARTICULAR MOMENT

Consumer, who sings “like Jim Carrey doing karaoke in The Cable Guy.” July 28, 2016

BEST LITTLE GARAGE BREWERY IN GRESHAM

Hop Haus, whose wastewater-engineer brewer makes “a real clean beer, every time.”

February 28, 2017

Lithics, our Best New Band 2017, which sounds like “mutant disco made for actual mutants, played by the last humans left in the sewers after the coming Trumpocalypse.”

March 15, 2017

BEST BAR PIZZA PORTLAND HAS EVER SEEN

BEST GERMAN BREWERY IN PORTLAND

Associated, in the former space of hip-hop pizzeria P.R.E.A.M. This makes the experience bittersweet for “anyone who wants to see this city become aesthetically diverse, instead of continuing as one big cracker factory churning out whimsy and woolen caps.”

May 23, 2017

BEST SKI SEASON MOUNT HOOD HAS HAD SINCE OBAMA WAS A SENATOR

BEST GRAPE BEER WE’VE EVER HAD

“Whatever you said, you’re wrong. There isn’t one.”

September 28, 2016

The one that just ended. Mazel!

February 7, 2017

BEST NEW CIDER MADE IN OREGON THIS YEAR

1859’s Hunter’s Moon, aged for eight months in eight different tanks, using eight different yeast strains.

June 20, 2017

BEST SCUMBAG BREAKFAST

The perfectly portioned, expertly seasoned breakfast special at Yur’s—$6 for eggs, country potatoes, toast and a choice of side meat, served up in the morning with a $1.75 PBR. May 23, 2017

BEST DETROIT-STYLE PIZZA

It can be found Tuesdays at East Glisan Pizza Lounge, a “traditional red-top with a hearty, deep red sauce made special for this pie that’s applied in careful rows atop a thick blend of mozzarella and brick cheese.”

February 7, 2017

Upright’s Oregon Native, which “tastes somehow like both beer and natural wine at once, a merger of Oregon’s two great fermenting traditions in a way that does justice to both.”

February 28, 2017

FINEST PERUVIAN FOOD PORTLAND HAS EVER KNOWN

It was at Southwest Portland’s Paiche, our 2016 Restaurant of the Year—now open only from 7 am to noon, with a slimmed-down menu.

October 27, 2016

BEST BURGER

The plainest rendition of the burger at Grain and Gristle, whose beef “comes from a line of Herefords cultivated since 1856 at Oregon’s Hawley Ranch.”

March 22, 2017

BEST STAR WARS MOVIE

Rogue One, which is about “everyday people trying to justify, morally and practically, their roles in the struggles against an overwhelming, evil adversary.”

Sound familiar?

December 13, 2016

BEST DAD AT MUSICFESTNW

Ice Cube. “Yes, at age 47, Ice Cube is as embarrassing as your own father. And if you ask him, he’d surely tell you he doesn’t give a fuck.”

August 31, 2016

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

45

ADVERTORIAL

PATIO PAGES North 45

The station

Portland’s long-awaited heat has finally arrived! Our curated patio pages offer you some of the best places to grab a bite or a drink while you cool off & sink into summer.

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North 45 is a neighborhood pub with a love for international travel. Enjoy some time on the awardwinning patio by ordering one of the specialty mussel dishes and Belgian beer pairings, or choose from 150 different whiskies from the whiskey wall!

The Station is Alberta’s best sports pub serving pizza & pub grub, with a 300+ liquor wall for craft cocktails. Watch the game on the drop-down screens and 6 large flat screens, or bring your dog and join your friends on the patio!

If you live in Portland, chances are you probably love beer, sunshine and hanging with friends. The 10 Barrel Rooftop Patio combines all of those things for a truly wonderful experience. With 20 rotating beers on tap and a unique pub fair menu, it’s sure to be a Summer favorite.

517 NW 21st Ave, Portland, OR 97209 (503) 248-6317

2703 NE Alberta St, Portland, OR 97211 (503) 284-4491

411 NW Flanders St, Portland, OR 97209 (503) 224-1700

Buttercraft

patton maryland

produce row

Buttercraft Specialty Food and Wine Shop has a beautiful secret garden patio that is perfect for unwinding and enjoying a glass of rosé or draught beer with a house-made compound butter board.

Friday nights are Friday Night Flight Night, and the shop is available for private events!

Enjoy lunch, dinner, and daily happy hour at the Patton Maryland, know for their Southern Comfort dishes celebrating Pacific Northwest bounty. Bring your pup, play cornhole on the lawn, or kick back by the fire pit! Cold beer, inventive cocktails, and great BBQ make this a patio a summer favorite.

Portland’s original craft beer bar, Produce Row, has been at the pulse of the craft beer movement for over 40 years. Stop in for lunch, dinner, or weekend brunch, and enjoy one of 24 beers on tap on their year-round patio.

6664 SE Milwaukie Ave, Portland, OR 97202 (503) 683-1836

101 N Interstate Ave, Portland, OR 97217 (503) 841-6176

204 SE Oak St, Portland, OR 97214 (503) 232-8355

46

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

ADVERTORIAL

READERS’ POLL RESULTS

PORTLAND! For the third year in a row you nominated and voted for your favorite bars, restaurants, wellness centers, hiking spots and so much more. We couldn’t be more thrilled to announce the 2017 Best of Portland winners and finalists - flip the page to get started!

For more information about Willamette Week’s Readers’ Poll, or if you would like to be nominated in 2018 email bop@wweek.com

WW ADVERTISING SUPPLEMENT CAMPAIGN DIRECTOR GRAPHIC DESIGNER PROMOTIONS MANAGER COPY CHIEF

Iris Meyers Tricia Hipps Alie Kilts John Locanthi

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

47

Food & Drink Best RestauRant Le Pigeon

Gabe Rucker’s Le Pigeon is a nominally french restaurant known for its beef bourguignon, burger and, yes, grilled pigeon.

738 E Burnside St / 503.546.8796

Lepigeon.com Runner-Up:

Ringside Steakhouse Third Place:

Farm Spirit

Best new RestauRant Tusk

This slick Middle Eastern restaurant was our most anticipated restaurant of the year winds up winning the best new restaurant award.

This doesn’t happen every year, folks.

Best Lunch spot Nong’s Khao Man Gai

If you get here at the very beginning of lunch, you might just be lucky enough to find some chicken skin in your khao man gai.

1003 SW Alder St / 971.255.3480

khaomangai.com Runner-Up:

Olympia Provisions Third Place:

Pok Pok

One of the restaurants that put Portland on the culinary map, Andy Ricker’s fish sauce wings dispensary has locations spread across town and even one in Portland East, formerly known as Brooklyn.

But every Portlander owes it to themselves to make the Division Street and see where it all began.

Cafe Yumm

3226 SE Division St / 503.232.1387

Best Mexican RestauRant

Runner-Up:

Por Que No

In a shocking twist, ¿Por Que No? takes home this title once again. There really isn’t much left to say about Bryan Steelman’s taqueria: It’s tasty, the lines are long and Willamette Week readers absolutely love it.

3524 N Mississippi Ave. / 503.467.4149

4635 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.954.3138 porquenotacos.com Runner-Up:

Los Gorditos

pokpokpdx.com PaaDee

Third Place:

Cha’Ba Thai

Best chinese RestauRant Shandong

This Cheap Eats staple does simple things well, starting with their housemade noodles.

It does many things, like the house garlic-pepper sauce, very, very well.

3724 NE Broadway St / 503.287.0331 shandongportland.com Runner-Up:

HK Cafe

2448 E Burnside St / 503.894.8082

Third Place:

Nuestra Cocina

Third Place:

Runner-Up:

Best MediteRRanean RestauRant

Best ethiopian RestauRant

Tuskpdx.com Güero

Third Place:

Headwaters

Best sandwich shop Lardo

The food cart that grew into a fatty sandwich empire has now become into a Portland institution all before our very eyes.

1205 SW Washington St / 503.241.2490

1212 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.234.7786 lardosandwiches.com Runner-Up:

Bunk

Third Place:

East Side Delicatessen

Best BRunch spot Tasty n Sons

Chef John Gorham’s Tasty n Sons has been the city’s go-to brunch pretty much from the moment it opened it’s doors.

The lines may still be long, but that shakshuka and expansive Bloody Mary menu always make the wait worthwhile.

3808 N Williams Ave C / 503.621.1400 Tastynsons.com Runner-Up:

Jam on Hawthorne

Third Place:

Broder Nord

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Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Nicholas Restaurant

Nicholas Restaurant has been serving affordably priced mountains of shawarma, hummus and saffron rice to Portlanders for over 30 years.

Three locations.

nicholasrestaurant.com Runner-Up:

Ya Hala

Third Place:

Mediterranean Exploration Company

Best indian RestauRant

Bollywood Theater

Chef Troy MacLartay introduced Portland to the kati roll and other street foods of India half a decade ago, and Bollywood Theater has been winning the WW reader’s poll ever since.

3010 SE Division St / 503.477.6699

2039 NE Alberta St / 971.200.4711 bollywoodtheaterpdx.com Runner-Up:

Swagat

Yuan Su Vegetarian

Queen of Sheba

Multiple locations.

Laughingplanetcafe.com Runner-Up:

Hopworks Urban Brewery Third Place:

Mississippi Pizza

Best dog-FRiendLy RestauRant/BaR Lucky Lab

The Lucky Lab is more than dog friendly. They’ve been running Dogtoberfest, an annual charity dog washes to raise funds for animal shelters, for over two decades now.

Three locations.

luckylab.com Runner-Up:

Tin Shed

Third Place:

Bye and Bye

Best VegetaRian RestauRant Harlow

Somewhere along the quest to be Portland’s best glutenfree restaurant, Prasad’s sister restaurant also became the city’s best vegetarian restaurant. Harlow isn’t your typical gluten-free, mostly vegan bowl joint; it also has large, tasty breakfast menu.

3632 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 971.255.0138

Hawlopdx.com

The queen of Portland’s Ethiopian scene continues her reign for another year with gigantic portions for all.

2413 NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd / 503.287.6302 queenofsheba.biz

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Blossoming Lotus

Bete-Lukas Ethiopian Restaurant Third Place:

Enat Kitchen

Best itaLian RestauRant Nostrana

Living up to its name, Chef Cathy Whims’ Italian restaurant blends the recipes from the old country with ingredients from our very own lush Pacific Northwest.

1401 SE Morrison St / 503.234.2427

nostrana.com Runner-Up:

Ava Gene’s Third Place:

Grassa

Sudra

Best Kid-FRiendLy RestauRant

Best thai RestauRant

The logo looks like a minion.

There are probably some other

Third Place:

reasons kids like it, too.

Laughing Planet

Laughing Planet Third Place:

Farm Spirit

Best Vegan RestauRant

It’s a brave vegan restaurant that offers a Weekend Brunch.

Blossoming Lotus doesn’t just provide this service for hungover vegan Portlanders, it does it well.

1713 NE 15th Ave / 503.228.0048

blpdx.com Runner-Up:

Bye and Bye Third Place:

Harlow

Best gLuten-FRee RestauRant Back to Eden Bakery

Back to Eden Bakery is a wonderful reminder that living gluten-free doesn’t mean you also have to live pastry, cookie and cake-free.

2217 NE Alberta St / 503.477.5022

backtoedenbakery.com Runner-Up:

Harlow

Third Place:

Petunia’s Pies and Pastries

Best paLeo options Dick’s Kitchen

Chef Richard Shatnick designed the expansive burger menu at Dick’s Kitchen with the paleo diet specifically in mind. Everything here is grassfed and made in the healthiest possible way.

704 NW 21st Ave / 503.206.5916

3312 SE Belmont St / 503.235.0146 dickskitchen.com Runner-Up:

Cultured Caveman Third Place:

401 SW 15th Ave / 503.226.1419

mccormickandschmicks.com/ locations/portland-oregon/ portland-oregon/sw12thave.aspx Runner-Up:

Salty’s on the Columbia Third Place:

RingSide Fish House

Best oysteR BaR EaT: An Oyster Bar

Ethan and Tobias (see what they’re doing there in the restaurant name there?) opened up EaT nearly a decade ago to fill that cajun oyster void in this fair city’s culinary landscape.

Jurassic cart

3808 N Williams Ave #122 / 503.281.1222

Best BaR Food

Runner-Up:

Sweet Hereafter

Grab some jerk-marinated tofu and wash it down with a $2 Tecate at this vegan cocktail bar.

3326 SE Belmont St /

hereafterpdx.com Runner-Up:

Bye and Bye Third Place:

Migration Brewing

Best steaK house Laurelhurst Market

True to form, Portland’s favorite steakhouse offers some potentially life-changing cuts of beef without any hint of the snootiness that plagues most steakhouses.

3155 E Burnside St / 503.206.3097

laurelhurstmarket.com Runner-Up:

Ringside Steakhouse Third Place:

Ox

Best BaRBecue Podnah’s Pit

Brisket is good. Chips & salsa are good. Brisket served with chips & salsa is good. I guess what WW readers are saying is that Podnah’s Pit is really good. And they say this, like, every year.

1625 NE Killingsworth St / 503.281.3700

podnahspit.com Runner-Up:

Homegrown Smoker Vegan BBQ Third Place:

Russell Street BBQ

Best seaFood RestauRant Jake’s Crawfish

Portlanders have been eating crawdads at Jake’s for over a century, and it’s just as good as it ever was.

Eatoysterbar.com

Dan & Louis Oyster Bar Third Place:

Olympia Oyster Bar

Best BaKeRy

Back to Eden Bakery

Best pLace to eat sustainaBLy Bamboo Sushi

Bamboo Sushi opened as the first certified sustainable sushi shack in the world. The world’s fisheries may still be being depleted at a frightening pace, but at least Portland’s sushi aficionados can feel better about the nigiri footprint.

Three locations.

Bamboosushi.com Runner-Up:

Laughing Planet Cafe Third Place:

Farm Spirit

Best sMoothie/Juice BaR Kure Juice Bar

A healthy body is the key to an active, healthy life, and KURE’s superfood-stuffed smoothies and bowls are a great start to both.

The city’s Best Gluten-Free Restaurant also takes home the coveted Best Bakery title because you don’t need gluten to make amazing bread and pastries.

Multiple locations. / 855.777.5873

2217 NE Alberta St / 503.477.5022

Best desseRt house

backtoedenbakery.com Runner-Up:

Little T Baker Third Place:

Baker & Spice

Best Food caRt

Homegrown Smoker Vegan BBQ

This beloved, blasphemous, Jolly Roger-flying all-vegan barbecue joint is actually set to open up a full-restaurant in St John’s this summer, but at least it snagged one last Best Food Cart trophy before moving on up.

4237 N Mississippi Ave / 503.277.3823

Homegrownsmoker.com Runner-Up:

Koi Fusion

Third Place:

Chicken and Guns

Best Food caRt pod SW 10th & Alder

Portland’s largest food pod is also an excellent incubator for the city’s next generation of restaurants. Grabbing lunch here is like taking a peek into Portland’s future restaurant scene.

SW 10th & Alder St Runner-Up:

SE 21st & Division Third Place:

Cartlandia

Kurejuicebar.com Runner-Up:

Canteen

Third Place:

Greenleaf Juicing Company

Papa Haydn

Opening up its doors nearly 40 years ago, Papa Haydn has been churning out some of Portland’s finest desserts since before Portland was Portland.

coffee.

Three locations. / 503.477.8221

Casestudycoffee.com Runner-Up:

Stumptown Coffee Third Place:

Water Avenue Coffee

Best coFFee RoasteR Coava Coffee Roasters

“Coava” technically means green coffee, but here in Portland it means killer coffee roasted by a dude who repairs motorcycles on the side.

1300 SE Grand Ave / 503.894.8134

Coavacoffee.com Runner-Up:

Stumptown Coffee Third Place:

Water Avenue Coffee

Best BReweRy

Breakside Brewery

Breakside wins everything it’s nominated for, whether judged by a panel of experts or the unwashed, boozy masses of the WW readership. They make good beer.

820 NE Dekum St / 503.719.6475

1570 NW 22nd Ave / 503.444.7597 Breakside.com Runner-Up:

Hopworks Urban Brewery Third Place:

Commons Brewery

Best VineyaRd Sokol Blosser

Runner-Up:

In the summer, you can go hiking through this vineyard and see where one the nation’s most famous Pinot Noir is made.

Third Place:

5000 Sokol Blosser Ln, Dayton, OR / 503.864.2282

Best tea house

Runner-Up:

701 NW 23rd Ave / 503.228.7317

5829 SE Milwaukie Ave / 503.232.9440 Papahaydn.com Pix Patisserie

Lauretta Jean’s

Townshend’s Tea House

Tea can be black. It can be green. It can be chai. It can be a lot of things. Luckily for Portlanders, Townshend’s Tea House brings every kind of tea under one roof.

Multiple locations.

townshendstea.com Runner-Up:

Tea Chai Té Third Place:

Sokolblosser.com Elk Cove

Third Place:

Soter

Best wineRy Argyle

The kings of Oregon’s sparkling scene have now claimed the title as best winery of any kind in Portland.

691 Highway 99W, Dundee, OR / 503.538.8520

Argylewinery.com

Steven Smith Teamaker Tasting Room

Runner-Up:

Best coFFee shop

Third Place:

Case Study

Not every coffee shop flies their coffee bean farmers up to Portland for meet-and-greets with the shop’s patrons, but that’s just how Case Study cares about the quality of its

Hip Chicks Do Wine

Southeast Wine Collective

Best distiLLeRy Eastside Distilling

Opening in 2008, these mutton-chopped distillers were at the forefront of the Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

49

booming Portland liquor scene and have only grown better with age.

1512 SE 7th Ave / 503.926.7060

Eastsidedistilling.com Runner-Up:

New Deal Distillery Third Place:

Aviation Gin

Best cideRy Portland Cider Company

Thanks for including us in Best of Portland!

WE LOVE OUR CITY! Visit: secretaardvark.com

4138 SE Woodstock Blvd / 503.771.6714

This Tokyo-born ramen chain opened in Portland just last year, and the city’s ramen scene hasn’t been the same since.

Ottossausage.com Runner-Up:

Zach’s Shack Third Place:

OP Wurst

Best BuRRito Los Gorditos

It’s the vegan-friendly part of the menu that separates Los Gorditos from the competition in Portland’s stacked burrito scene.

8925 SE Jannsen Road, Clackamas, OR / 503.908.7654

Runner-Up:

3638 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.206.6283 Portlandcider.com Runner-Up:

Reverend Nat’s Hard Cider Third Place:

Two Towns Cider

Best BuRgeR Killer Burger

This burger shack was founded on the motto that everything could use a little bacon on it.

Or maybe a lot of bacon on it. Bacon may not be as trendy as it used to be, but Portlanders still love Killer Burger just the same.

Killerburger.com Runner-Up:

Slow Bar

Third Place:

Little Big Burger

Best pizza Sizzle Pie

Three locations.

Best RaMen

Marukin Ramen

609 SE Ankeny St

126 SW 2nd Ave Marukinramen.com Runner-Up:

Boxer ramen Third Place:

Boke Bowl

Best pad thai Pad Thai Kitchen

Third Place:

Pad Thai Kitchen makes Portland’s best pad thai because of course it does. It’d have to change the name if it didn’t.

Best hot sauce

2309 SE Belmont St / 503.232.8766 Runner-Up:

Losgorditospdx.com King Burrito

Robo Taco

Aardvark

If this condiment isn’t on the table at your restaurant or available upon request, check your GPS because you’re probably not in Portland anymore. tktk

E-San

Third Place:

Cha’Ba Thai

Best pho Luc Lac

9808 SW Quail Post Rd / 503.309.5030

This beloved late-night eating spot even serves a cocktail with pho mixed in.

Runner-Up:

835 SW 2nd Ave / 503.222.0047

Third Place:

Runner-Up:

Secretaardvark.com

Marshall’s Haute Sauce

Hot Winter Hot Sauce

Best sushi

Bamboo Sushi

Bamboo Sushi serves all the standard nigiri and sushi. They’ll also bring you a burning pagoda filled with mackerel if that’s more your speed.

It’s that kind of place.

Luclackitchen.com Pho Hùng

Third Place:

Pho Oregon

Best teRiyaKi Du’s Grill

This unassuming shack on Sandy Boulevard specializes in grill-kissed perfection over rice.

Sizzle Pie got its motto “Death to False Pizza” from a little-known 80s metal zine. It’s not just Portlanders favorite pizza, it is Portland in pizza form.

Three locations.

5365 NE Sandy Blvd / 503.284.1773

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Third Place:

Multiple locations.

Best Baguette

Sizzlepie.com Runner-Up:

Apizza Scholls Third Place:

Pizza Jerk

Best hot dog Otto’s Sausage Kitchen

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Double Dragon

The “Bailey’s Taproom of cider” on Hawthorne offers an indecent amount of cider options, including the in-house 13% ABV Scrumpy, the moonshine of the British cider industry.

Multiple locations.

50

the “platonic ideal of sausage, alder smoke, healthy snap and meat free of filler.”

This blend of beef and pork has been dubbed

by Willamette Week

Bamboosushi.com Mio Sushi

Yama Sushi & Izakaya

Best Banh Mi It’s be cool enough just to be able get a banh mi at drive-thru, let alone the best banh mi in town.

8308 SE Powell Blvd / 503.788.3098

Thebestbaguette.com Runner-Up:

An Xuyen Bakery Third Place:

Dusgrill.com Ate-Oh-Ate

808 Grinds

Best wings

Fire on the Mountain

Every bar has wings, but not every wings joint has it owns brewery. Fire on the Mountain has grown in leaps and bounds since it first opened up but its foundation remains unchanged.

Try the Caribbean Jerk.

Or the spicy peanut.

OrEl Jefe. Who are we

kidding? Try them all.

Taco title.

Hawthorne Fish House

Three locations.

3524 N Mississippi Ave. / 503.467.4149

Third Place:

Portlandwings.com Runner-Up:

Pok Pok

Third Place:

4635 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.954.3138 Porquenotacos.com

Buffalo Wild Wings

Runner-Up:

Best BageL

Third Place:

Spielman Bagels

This beloved local chain that doesn’t feel like a chain covers its bagels with enough seeds to make a loaf of Dave’s Killer Bread blush.

Three locations.

Spielmanbagels.com Runner-Up:

Henry Higgins Boiled Bagels Third Place:

Bowery Bagels

Best chowdeR Mo’s

You don’t even have to drive out to the coast to get this iconic chowder anymore.

They’re at PDX now.

Multiple locations.

Moschowder.com Runner-Up:

Salty’s on the Columbia Third Place:

Hawthorne Fish House

Best oMeLet

Mother’s Bistro & Bar

The omelet is the burrito of the breakfast world. Everyone and every restaurant has their own twists on this eggy delight, but Mother’s offers something: Rotating omelet recipes from mothers all across the land.

212 Stark St / 503.464.1122

Mothersbistro.com Runner-Up:

Gravy

Third Place:

Bijou Cafe

Best Benedict Petite Provence

Two eggs, poached. A burgundy reduction. A croissant. Smoked salmon.

Need we say more?

Multiple locations.

Provencepdx.com Runner-Up:

Genies Cafe Third Place:

Olympia Provisions

Best taco

¿Por Que No?

Some people thought $2.50 was too much for a taco when ¿Por Que No? opened its doors in 2005. That feels like ages ago as Bryan Steelman’s taco joint wraps up yet another Best

Robo Taco

Stella Taco

Best hot pot Hot Pot City

The spiritual sister of Best Pad Thai-winner Pad Thai Kitchen, Hot Pot City is fairly straightforward: you get a burner, some broth, a wealth of meat, vegetable and vegetable offerings and, baby, you’ve got a hot pot going.

1975 SW 1st Ave / 503.224.6696 Runner-Up:

Beijing Hot Pot Third Place:

Portland Fish Market

Best izaKaya Biwa

Burgers might not be the first thing that comes to mind when one thinks of Izakaya, but Biwa makes the finest one in town.

215 SE 9th Ave / 503.239.8830

Biwaandparasol.com Runner-Up:

Miho Izakaya Third Place:

Shigezo

Best donut

Blue Star Donuts

Butter, butter and more butter is the secret to the brioche that keeps Blue Star atop Portland’s donut scene.

QUIN

It may seem expensive when you’re at the register, but one lick of that lollipop and you’ll understand.

1022 W Burnside St / 971.300.8395

Quincandy.com Runner-Up:

Alma

Third Place:

Fat Man Candy Company

Best pie

Lauretta Jean’s

Kate McMillen—dubbed the “Queen of Crusts” by Willamette Week— learned everything she knows about pie-making from her grandmother, the titular Lauretta Jean.

3402 SE Division St / 503.235.3119

600 SW Pine St / 503.224.9236 Laurettajeans.com

Chongqing Huo Guo

Multiple locations.

Runner-Up:

Best sausage

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Third Place:

Best BLoody MaRy

Olympia Provisions

Olympia Provisions offers the platonic ideal of salame, loukanika, chorizo... Well, pretty much any cured sausage.

107 SE Washington St / 503.954.3663

1632 NW Thurman St / 503.894.8136 Olympiaprovisions.com Runner-Up:

Otto’s Sausage Kitchen Third Place:

Bluestardonuts.com Pip’s Original Donuts and Chai

Voodoo Doughnut

Best ice cReaM Salt & Straw

Not every ice cream maker would think to use habaneros.

Or olive oil. Or lavender petals.

But Salt & Straw did, and Portland is better for it.

Three locations.

Saltandstraw.com

Random Order

Pacific Pie Co.

Tasty n Sons / Tasty n Alder

The secret to an excellent brunch is an exceptional mary, and nobody in Portland does it quite like Chef John Gorham.

580 SW 12th Ave / 503.621.9251

Tastynalder.com Runner-Up:

The Country Cat

Edelweiss Deli

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Best chaRcuteRie

Third Place:

Best MaRgaRita

Olympia Provisions

The sausages get most of the headlines, but it’s important to remember that Olympia Provisions also serves one hell of a meat board.

107 SE Washington St / 503.954.3663

Ruby Jewel

Fifty Licks Ice Cream

Best FRozen yoguRt Eb & Bean

All of the dairy in Eb & Bean’s froyo comes from farms within 100 miles of Portland.

1425 NE Broadway St / 503.281.6081

1632 NW Thurman St / 503.894.8136 Olympiaprovisions.com

Ebandbean.com

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Laurelhurst Market Third Place:

Tails & Trotters

Best Fish & chips Horse Brass Pub

It’s only fitting that the city’s finest pub also serves the city’s finest fish & chips. Portland’s beer scene may never have happened without this place, and Horse Brass may never have happened without delicious fish & chips.

4534 SE Belmont St / 503.232.2202

Horsebrass.com Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Nectar frozen Yogurt Lounge

Tartberry

Best chocoLatieR Moonstruck

Moonstruck frequently collaborates with the robust local liquor industry to bring you the tastiest, booziest chocolate truffles on the market.

608 SW Alder St / 503.241.0955

Moonstruckchocolate.com

Genies Cafe

¿Por Que No?

The secret is adding a little chile to the salt around the rim.

3524 N Mississippi Ave. / 503.467.4149

4635 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.954.3138 Porquenotacos.com Runner-Up:

The Matador

Third Place:

Verde Cocina

Best MiMosa

Jam on Hawthorne

Who says mimosas have to have orange juice? Jam on Hawthorne lets you mix it up lavender, grapefruit, hibiscus and more.

2239 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.234.4790

Jamonhawthorne.com

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Third Place:

Missionary Chocolates

Alma

Best candy-MaKeR

Mother’s Bistro & Bar

Brix Tavern Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

51

Best cocKtaiL

(and all-vegan) restaurant in Portland.

Despite the name, the Rum Club has more than just distilled sugar cane. Between the gin, bourbon and, yes, full-page of rum cocktails, this joint out on Sandy has reached unachievable cocktail perfection.

720 SE Sandy Blvd / 503.265.8807 Rumclubpdx.com

1414 SE Morrison St

Rum Club

Runner-Up:

Expatriate

Third Place:

Clyde Common

Best taLLBoy Rainier

Here in Portland, we like our flavorless, mass-produced tallboys—or “pounders,” to use the parlance of our times—as locally sourced as possible.

Wherever beer is sold.

Rainierbeer.com Runner-Up:

Tecate

Third Place:

Pabst Blue Ribbon

Best stRip-cLuB Food

Acropolis Steakhouse

The steak bites might actually be the more famous than the dancers at Acropolis at this point.

8325 SE McLoughlin Blvd / 503.231.9611

Acropolispdx.com Runner-Up:

Casa Diablo Third Place:

Mary’s Club

Best Late-night Menu Luc Lac

Maybe it’s being open until 4 am. Or maybe it’s serving the readers’ choice for Best Pho in town. Luc Lac is the best place to grab a bite after a night on the town.

835 SW 2nd Ave / 503.222.0047

Luclackitchen.com Runner-Up:

Le Bistro Montage Third Place:

Dots Cafe

Best pRix Fixe Menu Farm Spirit

When Farm Spirit chef Aaron Adams became a vegan a decade ago, he thought his cooking days were over. Now, he’s made the best prix fixe 52 Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Sip on a refreshing Montucky Cold Snack while your friendly stylist touches up your undercut or turns your Audrey Hepburn purple.

Multiple locations.

Third Place:

Bishopsbs.com

Best Massage

Farmspiritpdx.com Le Pigeon

Beast

Runner-Up:

Best Food & dRinK eVent

Third Place:

Portland Dining Month

Portland Dining Month is that magical time of the year where the city’s finest—and sometimes most expensive— open their doors to serve a special meal at a modest price.

Tiger Tiger

Rudy’s Barbershop

Best naiL saLon Finger Bang

It’s the name isn’t it?

2725 NE Sandy Blvd / 503.477.9814

Fingerbangpdx.com Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Visit Nail Studio

Third Place:

Mississippi Nails

Vegan Beer and Food Festival

Feast Portland

Best cheF

Katy Millard - Coquine

Katy Millard once had a meal in Paris so perfect that she asked the chef for a job in the kitchen. She got it. That’s just part of Portland’s best chef’s origin story.

Third Place:

Best waxing saLon Urban Waxx

The long, hot summer is finally upon us, and the all-female staff at Urban Waxx is here to make sure your bikini line and/ or speedo zone is as smooth you need it.

Three locations.

6839 SE Belmont St / 503.384.2483

Urbanwaxx.com

Runner-Up:

Sugar Me

Third Place:

Jane Cowan Facials & Waxing

Coquinepdx.com Vitaly Paley

Gabe Rucker

Best patio

White Owl Social Club

A patio is more than just a place for smokers to congregate. The huge outdoor area at the White Owl Social Club plays host to music, events and pop up barbecue.

Runner-Up: Third Place:

Best tanning saLon Organic Bronze Bar

Organic Bronze Bar proves that a hand-applied spray tan can look healthy, organic and above all, natural.

Multiple locations.

organicbronzebar.com/portland Runner-Up:

1305 SE 8th Ave / 503.236.9672

Tan Republic

Runner-Up:

Bask Tanning

Third Place:

Best BaRBeRshop

Whiteowlsocialclub.com Teote

Rontoms

Best deLiVeRy Postmates

Food? Booze? Condoms?

Whatever your need, odds are you can have it brought it to your door and avoid the pain and discomfort of putting on pants.

Third Place:

Cloak & Dagger Barber Co.

The only barbershop with a bar, pool table and coffee table that doubles as a piano.

The staff at East Bridge Wellness approaches massage as a collaborative practice, pooling their thousands of hours of massage expertise to help you heal and recover.

1416 SE 8th Ave / 503.208.8843

Eastbridgewellness.com Runner-Up:

Zama Massage Therapeutic Spa Third Place:

The Bodhi Tree Clinic

Best FLoat tanK Float On

The dream of the staff at Float On, the largest float tank in Portland, is to give everyone the chance to float.

4530 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.384.2620

Floathq.com Runner-Up:

The Float Shoppe Third Place:

Mudra

Best soaKing pooL Kennedy School

This saltwater soaking pool is located where the old teacher’s lounge used to be.

5736 NE 33rd Ave / 503.249.3983

mcmenamins.com/kennedyschool Runner-Up:

Common Ground Wellness Center Third Place:

Everett House Healing Center

Best dentist Bling Dental

This Pearl-based dental practice will keep your pearly whites as white as can be. See what we did there?

926 NW 13th Ave #150 / 503.227.2444

Blingdental.com

Third Place:

Bishops Barbershop

Aspire Dental

Third Place:

Best chiRopRactoR

Third Place:

Wellness

This spa gets its name from the Finnish word for the steam that rises from when water is thrown on the hot coals in a sauna.

Bishops Barbershop

East Bridge Wellness

Runner-Up:

Best spa

Best haiR saLon

Zenana Spa and Wellness Center

Runner-Up:

Cloackanddaggerbarbers.com

Rudy’s Barbershop

Caviar

Third Place:

3608 N Williams Ave / 503.206.7118

Runner-Up:

Portland Pedal Power

The Dragon Tree Spa

Löyly

2713 SE 21st Ave / 503.236.6850

Loyly.net

Timber Dental

Renew Chiropractic Clinic

Dr Kristin Ochs’ and her staff use techniques and treatments based in science with the ultimate goal of preventive health care instead of reactive care.

3808 N Williams Ave #133 / 503.445.1188

Renewchiropracticclinic.com Runner-Up:

Evolution Healthcare and Fitness Third Place:

The Bodhi Tree Clinic

Best acupunctuRist Working Class Acupuncture

traditional midwifery and modern healthcare.

Multiple locations.

whallc.com Runner-Up:

Alma

Third Place:

Liz Clary - Rose City Midwifery

The goal of Working Class Acupuncture is to make acupuncture affordable and available to everyone.

Best gynecoLogist

3526 NE 57th Ave / 503.335.9440

Friendly, knowledgable and with an excellent bedside manner, Dr Johnson boasts a near-perfect score on healthgrade.com.

workingclassacupuncture. org Runner-Up:

Lisa Francolini – RiverWest Acupuncture Third Place:

Evolution Healthcare and Fitness

Best natuRopath

Dr David Chang Kwan Yin Healing Arts Center

Dr Chang combines naturopathy with acupuncture for a comprehensive, naturalistic approach to your health.

Dr Lisa Johnson Legacy Health

1130 NW 22nd Ave Building 3, Suite 120 / 503.413.7353

legacyhealth.org Runner-Up:

Dr. Lara Williams The Oregon Clinic Everywoman’s Health Third Place:

Dr. Laura Korman Synergy Women’s Health Care

Best pRiMaRy doctoR Zoom Care

Hyatt Training feels like a boutique with its tailored-to-you approach to physical fitness.

1622 NW 15th Ave / 503.360.0053

hyatttraining.com Runner-Up:

Firebrand Sports Third Place:

Fulcrum Fitness

Best seLFdeFense studio

McConnell’s Boxing Academy

Confidence and selfdefense go hand-inhand. Molly “Fearless” McConnell’ll make sure you leave the academy feeling good about your mean right cross.

Runner-Up:

One with Heart Third Place:

Krav Maga Worldwide Portland

Best MaRtiaL aRts studio

Evolution Healthcare and Fitness Third Place:

Multiple locations.

Runner-Up:

4231 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.231.1999

Runner-Up:

Dr. Sam LeVine – Docere Naturopathic Wellness

Best eneRgy heaLeR Jenna Bowers Prema Health

Sometimes our wounds are physical. Sometimes they’re psychological.

But sometimes they’re something else altogether. That’s when you schedule a session with Jenna Bowers.

zoomcare.com

Dr. Dahra Perkins - Elevate Health Third Place:

Dr. Denise Bilbao - Kaiser Permanente

Best RecoVeRy suppoRt centeR Alano Club of Portland

Runner-Up:

This historic community center hosts over 100 mutual aid support meetings a week for people battling addiction, no matter its form.

Third Place:

909 NW 24th Ave / 503.222.5756

2305 SE 50th Ave #200 / 971.407.3428

premahealth.com

Corrine Porterfield

Sid Snider SynergyWellness

Best MidwiFe

Women’s Healthcare Associates

The certified nurse midwives at Women’s Healthcare Associates bridge the gap between

portlandalano.org

One with Heart

McConnell’s Boxing Academy Third Place:

Renzo Gracie’s Academy

Best piLates studio

MegaBurn Fitness

The Megaformer M3S machines at MegaBurn have made the dream of high intensity, zero impact workout a reality.

1874 NW 188th Ave, Beaverton, OR / 503.430.5159

megaburnfitness.com Runner-Up:

Firebrand Sports

Best gyM

Best yoga studio

In a time when gyms mean expansive weight rooms and large classes,

79 6 0 S E S t a r k • 5 0 3 - 2 8 4 - 0 6 5 5 • N F P D X . c o m

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Hyatt Training

• PRICE BEST QUALITY CUSTOMER SERVICE

onewithheart.com

Runner-Up:

Fourth Dimension Recovery Club

FURNITURE STORE

mcconnellsboxingpdx. com

Mas Guru Agung Janessa Kruse has been teaching Pukulan (Indonesian Kung Fu) to Portlanders of all ages and stripes since 1981.

kwanyinhealingarts.com

Since 1975

707 NE Broadway St #201 / 971.266.1151

This chain of urgent care clinics looks more like an Apple store than a place you go to get stitched up after trying to open up a cardboard box with a scissor blade.

2330 NW Flanders St #101 / 503.701.8766

W

T NE BES

Pacific Northwest Pilates

The People’s Yoga

The People’s Yoga was founded on the belief Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

53

that health, balance and well-being is a human right that shouldn’t be financially restrictive.

Three locations. / 503.877.9644

thepeoplesyoga.org

combination. Pizza, beer and free music is next level.

3552 N Mississippi Ave / 503.288.3231

mississippipizza.com Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Laurelthirst

Third Place:

Rontoms

The Bhaktishop Yoga Center

YoYoYogi

Best cRossFit Crossfit Magnus

Magnus is latin for “great.”

Crossfit is latin for “getting swole.” crossfitmagnus.com Runner-Up:

CrossFit 503 Third Place:

VC Crossfit

Third Place:

Best Music FestiVaL Pickathon

As Andrew Savage of Parquet Courts once said in a WW article about Pickathon, “No advertisers, no waste, just music. This is what all music festivals should be like.”

16581 SE Hagen Rd, Happy Valley, OR

pickathon.com

Runner-Up:

Entertainment

Waterfront Blues Festival Third Place:

PDX Pop Now!

Best Music Venue

Best speciaLty eVent

Mississippi Studios

This renovated church has hosted countless local acts (and a few national one) in its day, including many of Willamette Week’s choices for Best New Band.

3939 N Mississippi Ave / 503.288.3895

mississippistudios.com

Crystal Ballroom

Perhaps McMenamin’s most iconic venue, the Crystal Ballroom hosts many national bands and the occasional 80s night from Lola’s if you’re lucky.

1332 W Burnside St / 503.225.0047

crystalballroompdx.com Runner-Up:

Doug Fir Lounge Third Place:

Revolution Hall

Oregon Brewers Festival

Pro-tip: Show up to OBF in the afternoon of the weekdays and you’ll avoid both the lines and the bros. You might not even have to shout “Woo” whenever someone raises a mug. oregonbrewfest.com Runner-Up:

FrightTown Third Place:

The Tony Starlight Show

Best RecoRd LaBeL Tender Loving Empire

Tender Loving Empire is a triple threat: a print shop, a boutique home decor store and the best record label in town.

Best outdooR Music Venue

Multiple locations.

Of all the historic properties McMenamin’s has renovated, there is none more ambitious than this 74-acre converted farm and poor house just 20 minutes east of Troutdale.

Third Place:

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St, Troutdale, OR / 503.669.8610

mcmenamins.com/edgefield Runner-Up:

Oregon Zoo Third Place:

The Gorge Amphitheater

Best pLace to see FRee Music Mississippi Pizza

Pizza and beer is a wonderful 54

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

tenderlovingempire.com Runner-Up:

Kill Rock Stars

Fluff and Gravy Records

Best RecoRding studio Jackpot! Recording Studio

It’s been 20 years since Jackpot! owner Larry Crane and Elliott Smith finished putting this ramshackle recording studio together.

Smith, Sleater-Kinney and REM are just a few of the artists who’ve recorded albums at this indie mecca.

2420 SE 50th Ave / 503.239.5389

jackpotrecording.com

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Third Place:

Best BLues aRtist

The Hallowed Halls

Map Room Recording Studio

Best LocaL Band

Elke Robitaille

Rae Gordon Band

This psych-surf-rock fusion outfit features a saxophone and this year’s Best Visual Artist-winner Kivett Bednar on guitar and vocals. thepininghearts.com

The Rae Gordon Band is a 7-piece Blues supergroup of local talent, including this year’s Best Visual Artist on guitar and of course, the city’s soulful blues icon Rae Gordon on the vocals. raegordon.com

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Third Place:

Best hip hop aRtist

Best cLassicaL aRtist

The Pining Hearts

ADDverse Effects

Those Willows

The Last Artful, Dodgr

Her name alone gives you a good idea of what to expect with the Last Artful, Dodgr: It’s got a reference to Oliver Twist, a reference to her hometown of LA, its baseball team and an allusion to a lifetime spent artfully dodging danger. soundcloud.com/thelastartful

Ural Thomas and the Pain

Curtis Salgado

Oregon Symphony

ADDverse Effects

The Oregon Symphony is the oldest symphony on the west coast and it was also one of the first nationally to hire an African-American conductor.

The late James DePriest turned it into a nationally acclaimed group during his 23 years at the helm. orsymphony.org

Third Place:

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Mic Crenshaw

Portland Cello Project

Best RocK/MetaL Band

Third Place:

Red Fang would be the Portland’s sludgy stoner metal kings even if they weren’t making self-deprecating, quirky music videos. redfang.net

Mel Brown

Red Fang

Runner-Up:

SKULL DIVER Third Place:

Les Green

Best Jazz aRtist Brown started off as a session musician at Motown records before moving out to Portland in 1973. Jimmy Mak’s may be closed, but you can still find this icon drumming about town.

Runner-Up:

Man Repellant

Coco Columbia

Best indie-RocK Band

Bad Panda

The Pining Hearts

Even these psych-surf-rockers have a hard time pegging their sound. It’s a little “dance-y and upbeat,” but also “dark and surf-y.” It’s Portland’s best Indie-Rock sound, however you want to describe it. thepininghearts.com Runner-Up:

SKULL DIVER Third Place:

Those Willows

Best FoLK Band The Hill Dogs

This psychedelic folk outfit is all about sex, drugs, folk and roll. facebook.com/thehilldogs Runner-Up:

Fox and Bones

Third Place:

Best coMedy cLuB Helium Comedy Club

The Helium may be frequent stop for national comedians, but it hasn’t forgotten the local scene with events like the summer Portland’s Funniest Person contest.

1510 SE 9th Ave / 888.643.8669

portland.heliumcomedy.com Runner-Up:

Curious Comedy Theater Third Place:

Funhouse Lounge

Best coMedy night Lez Stand Up

Comedy is a rare opportunity to see the through someone else’s eyes. Lez Stand Up gives you a window into the lesbian experience. They’re all women.

They’re all gay. They’re all

funny as hell. lezstandup.com Runner-Up:

Helium Tuesday Open Mic Third Place:

It’s Gonna Be Okay

Best ongoing coMedy eVent

Bridgetown Comedy Festival An annual comedy festival organized and booked by comedians for comedians, ensuring the very best of the Portland comedy scene takes center stage. bridgetowncomedy.com Runner-Up:

Who’s the Ross?

Third Place:

All Jane Comedy Festival

Best coMedian

Caitlin Weierhauser

As Willamette Week put in a feature about Portland’s best comedian, Weierhauser’s goal is to smash the patriarchy with a dimpled smile and a few giggles.

Runner-Up:

Aaron Ross Third Place:

Becky Braunstein

Arts & Culture Best dance coMpany

NW Dance Project

Portland’s largest dance company is known for its intense, daring performances and its frequent collaborations with contemporary international choreographers.

211 NE 10th Ave / 503.421.7434

nwdanceproject.org Runner-Up:

Bodyvox

Third Place:

Oregon Ballet Theater

Best dance studio

NW Dance Project

Portland’s best dance company also hosts daily classes open on a drop-in basis to a public

thirsty to learn how to dance everything from ballet to the nae nae.

211 NE 10th Ave / 503.421.7434

nwdanceproject.org

  

fetcheyewear.com | 877.274.0410 814 NW 23rd Ave., Portland OR

 

Runner-Up:

Afterglow Aerial Arts Third Place:

Ecdysiast - A Pole Dance Studio & Company - Vega Dance+Lab

 

Best pLace to see theateR

 

Portland Center Stage

Founded originally as the northern outpost of the Oregon Shakespeare Festival, Portland Center Stage presents a mix of classics like A Streetcar Named Desire and more contemporary work like Sex with Strangers.

 

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   



  

 

128 NW 11th Ave / 503.445.3700

pcs.org

Runner-Up:

Artists Repertory Theatre Third Place:

Shaking the Tree Theatre

Best actoR

Brian Sutherland

Not to be confused with the worst boxer of all-time, Sutherland is a character actor that we’ve all seen even if we aren’t in the theater scene.

He’ll pop up on Grimm one week and then you’ll spot him during the commercial break as well. facebook.com/ BrianSutherlandActor

   

  

   



  

 

Runner-Up:

Kelsey Tucker Third Place:

Vin Shambry

Best pLaywRight Andrea Stolowitz

Stolowitz already has two Oregon book awards, but it’s “Berlin Diary,” a play trying to understand how the Holocaust led to her family’s dysfunction, that’s been the talk of the town all year. andreastolowitz.com

   

  

   



Runner-Up:

Matt Stanger

Best spoKen woRd/ stoRyteLLeR

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

55

Brianna Barrett

Barrett’s storytelling career began with the darkest story: a Hodgkin’s Lymphoma diagnosis in 2013. From video series documentary her fight with cancer to “36 Perfectly Appropriate Dinner Conversations,” Brianna Barrett has made Portlanders cry, laugh and rejoice in the catharsis of it all. brianabarrett.com Runner-Up:

Jay Flewelling Third Place:

Emmy Blue and the Squatchie!

Best LiVe stoRyteLLing eVent The Moth

This New York-based storytelling organization puts on events all across the country—usually at the Secret Society and Holocene in Portland—along with a podcast and youtube channel. themoth.org Runner-Up:

Backfence PDX Third Place:

SLANT Live Queer Storytelling

Best MuseuM

Portland Art Museum

Between a permanent collected 42,000 works of art large, a consistent lineup of major traveling exhibitions and the Northwest Film Center, the Portland Art Museum has something to fill anyone with wonder.

1219 SW Park Ave / 503.226.2811

portlandartmuseum.org Runner-Up:

OMSI

Third Place:

Oregon Historical Society Museum

Best aRts FestiVaL TBA

Performance and visual artists from all around converge on Portland for the annual TimeBased Art Festival, creating a myriad of installations, temporary galleries and unexpected public spaces for art. pica.org/programs/tba-festival Runner-Up:

Art in the Pearl Third Place:

Wordstock

Best independent aRt gaLLeRy Disjecta

The not-for-profit gallery 56

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Disjecta has worked tirelessly to provide exhibition space for boundary-pushing contemporary artists for almost two decades now.

8371 N Interstate Ave / 503.286.9449

disjecta.org Runner-Up:

Blue Sky Gallery Third Place:

Gallery 903

Best pLace to Buy aRt Crafty Wonderland

Runner-Up:

Aubrey Janelle Third Place:

Sebastian Neri

Best FiLMMaKeR Kelsey Tucker

Tucker is a lawyer by day and model, actress, producer and filmmaker by night.

Runner-Up:

Matt Schulte

What began as a pop up in the basement of the Doug Fir Lounge a decade ago has grown into a biannual event at the Oregon Convention Center and a brick and mortar store.

Third Place:

808 SW 10th Ave / 503.224.9097

From Best Foreign Picture nominees to low-budget Bulgarian flicks about honesty and integrity, PIFF provides an incredible opportunity to experience the international cinemascape.

crafty-wonderland.com Runner-Up:

Portland Saturday Market Third Place:

Last Thursday

Best pLace to MaKe aRt SCRAP PDX

SCRAP is more than a studio that offers regular workshops for aspiring artists and hobby; it’s a place where people learn the beauty of recycling, reduce and reusing.

1736 SW Alder St / 503.294.0769

Tristan David Luciotti

Best FiLM FestiVaL Portland International Film Festival

934 SW Salmon St / 503.221.1156

festivals.nwfilm.org Runner-Up:

HUMP!

Third Place:

Portland Queer Film Festival

Best cLothing designeR Michelle Lesniak

Adventures in #Adulting Third Place:

Training Wheels

Local Business

Best BooKstoRe Powell’s Books

Powell’s just might be the only bookstore in the world that doubles as a tourist destination.

1005 W Burnside St / 800.878.7323

powells.com Runner-Up:

Annie Bloom’s Third Place:

Broadway Books

Best coMic BooK stoRe Things from Another World

Things From Another World offers a large selection of outsider comics to go with the standard Marvel and DC fare and its excellent online service.

2916 NE Broadway St / 503.284.4693

tfaw.com

Runner-Up:

Excalibur Books & Comics Third Place:

Runner-Up:

IPRC

This rule-breaking thrift store junkie won season 11 of Project Runway.

Third Place:

1123 SE Market St

Finnegan’s Toys & Gifts

Best VisuaL aRtist

Runner-Up:

scrappdx.org

Pop & Paint

Kivett Bednar

Bednar works with abstracted fields of layered colors in acrylic on canvases. Some look geometric, others like landscape, but always visually arresting. kivettbednar.com Runner-Up:

Jessie Jordan Third Place:

Sherry Dooley

Best photogRapheR Mirifoto

This photo duo shoots band and event photos, but it’s their personal projects where you get a true sense of their creativity. You may not want your wedding photos to involve long exposures and third eyes, but it’s nice to know that Mirifoto could make it happen if you did. mirifoto.com

michellelesniak.com Claire Doody Third Place:

Sarah Donofrio

Best zine She Shreds

She Shreds is a modern twist on an old (and kickass) medium: A zine dedicated to highlighting, describing and changing the way we look at women guitarists and bassists. sheshredsmag.com Runner-Up:

Vortex Music Magazine Third Place:

Nailed Magazine

Best LocaL weB seRies X-Ray

Seena Haddad’s web series shines a light on the hip hop community in America’s whitest city. vimeo.com/channels/xrayone Runner-Up:

Bridge City Comics

Best toy stoRe

Portland’s favorite independent bookstore steers clear of action figures and Nerf guns, opting instead for books, dolls, tea sets and building blocks.

820 SW Washington St / 503.221.0306

finneganstoys.com Runner-Up:

Thinker Toys Third Place:

Kids At Heart Toys

Best BaBy stoRe Black Wagon

Maybe your baby doesn’t care about fashion-forward accessories and indie labels just yet, but it’s never too early to set them on the right path.

3964 N Mississippi Ave / 503.916.0000

blackwagon.com Runner-Up:

Milagros Boutique Third Place:

Polliwog

Best Boutique

Presents of Mind

Sauvie Island bath salt, Damian Lillard socks, a Bernie Sanders action figure... Presents of Mind has all the kitschy errata that a Portlander could want.

the manchild in all of us.

hand-crafted.

902 SW Morrison St / 503.567.1015

2403 NW Thurman St / 503.227.5482

boysfort.com Runner-Up:

underU4men Third Place:

3633 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.230.7740

John Helmer

Runner-Up:

Paxton Gate PDX

presentsofmind.tv

Breighla James Boutique Third Place:

Folly

Best woMen’s Boutique Paloma Clothing

The majority of the clothing lines carried in this Hillsdale boutique are made in the USA using eco-friendly means. Paloma Clothing’s friendliness is not limited to the ecosystem, mind you, it also mails thank you cards to its reliable customers.

6136 SW Capitol Hwy / 503.246.3417

palomaclothing.com Runner-Up:

Sloan

Third Place:

Palace

Best Men’s Boutique Mario’s

This high end clothing retailer out of Seattle stretches the definition “boutique.” Don’t be surprised if you bump in Caleb Porter wandering the tie department.

833 SW Broadway / 503.227.3477

marios.mitchellstores.com Runner-Up:

Communion Third Place:

Threads Count

Best woMen’s speciaLty stoRe She Bop

This adult boutique puts a special emphasis on non-toxic body-safe toys, educational books and DVDs to make Portland as safe and sexpositive as possible.

909 N Beech St / 503.473.8018

3213 SE Division St / 503.688.1196 sheboptheshop.com Runner-Up:

Paloma Clothing

Best speciaLty shop Taxidermy is making a comeback of sorts, as long as the animals are as ethically sourced as the work you’ll find at Paxton Gate.

Third Place:

Presents of Mind

Best eyeweaR shop Eyes! on Broadway

1310 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.232.7575

pdxloungelizard.com Runner-Up:

4204 N Mississippi Ave / 503.719.4508

2300 NE Broadway St / 503.284.2300

Kitchen Kaboodle

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Third Place:

Best LeatheR goods stoRe

Best cLothing ResaLe stoRe

paxtongate.com

Tender Loving Empire

Presents of Mind

Tanner Goods

Tanner Goods’ belief that quality, longevity and value are all independent means they will only sell goods worth holding onto.

4719 N Albina Ave / 503.222.2774

tannergoods.com

eyesonbroadway.com MyOptic Optometry

Fetch

Buffalo Exchange Hawthorne

As far as affordably priced consignment stores go, one on Hawthorne Boulevard is going to have about as interesting a selection as you’ll ever see.

1420 SE 37th Ave / 503.234.1302

Runner-Up:

buffaloexchange.com/locations/ portland/hawthorne

Third Place:

Runner-Up:

Will Leather Goods

Langlitz Leathers

Red Light Clothing Exchange

Best window dispLay

Rerun

Anthropologie

This high end faux boutique chain feels right at home in the Pearl.

1115 NW Couch St / 503.274.0293

anthropologie.com Runner-Up:

Red Light Clothing Exchange Third Place:

Third Place:

Best antique/ Vintage stoRe Rerun

Furniture, clothing, jewelry, books, movies, music...you name it and Rerun will help it find a new home.

707 NE Fremont St / 503.517.3786

portlandrerun.com

Presents of Mind

Runner-Up:

Best shoe stoRe

Third Place:

Imelda’s and Louie’s Shoes

Imelda’s isn’t a place for stilettos or fancy high heels.

It’s more of a friendly, nopressure environment where you go to get your badass bitch boots.

3426 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.233.7476

shop.imeldas.com

Best Men’s speciaLty stoRe

Third Place:

The eclectically curated, selfprofessed manthropology boutique is catered towards

Maloy’s

City Liquidators

Runner-Up:

Boys Fort

Runner-Up:

Eyes! on Broadway is a full service eyewear shop where you can get those thick cat’s eye rims you always wanted.

Third Place:

Pencil test

betsyandiya.com

This Southeast shop with an exceptional collection of moderately priced vintage— and sometimes unique!— furniture far more interesting and well-made than anything you’ll find at Ikea.

PedX shoes

Clogs-N-More

Best JeweLRy shop Betsy & iya

This boutique offers patrons a view of the in-house studio space where all of its jewelry is

Vintage Pink

ReClaim It!

Best hoMe goods stoRe Kitchen Kaboodle

Kitchen Kaboodle has everything you need to bring your kitchen up to code, yes, but it also has a wide selection of groovy furniture.

Multiple locations.

kitchenkaboodle.com Runner-Up:

IKEA

Third Place:

City Liquidators

Best FuRnituRe stoRe Lounge Lizard

Third Place:

The Joinery

Best Kitchen stoRe Portland’s Kitchen Kaboodle isn’t like most kitchen supplies stores. It sells similar wares, to be sure, but it also runs Nespresso cup recycling programs and proudly displays employee-drawn sidewalk signs with Neil Diamond imploring people to shop local.

Multiple locations.

kitchenkaboodle.com Runner-Up:

Sur la Table Third Place:

Williams-Sonoma

Best spoRts stoRe/ outFitteR Next Adventure

Next Adventure is Portland’s alternative sports and outdoor store, by which we mean it takes disc golf as seriously as hiking, climbing and other outdoor activities.

426 SW Grand Ave / 503.233.0706

nextadventure.net Runner-Up:

REI

Third Place:

Columbia Sportswear

Best Running stoRe Portland Running & Walking Co

Shoe fit is important, but PRC also makes sure the shoes fit your running style and provide support where you need it.

8000 SE Grand Ave / 503.232.8077

portlandrunningcompany.com Runner-Up:

Foot Traffic Third Place:

Fleet Feet Sports

Best BiKe shop

River City Bicycles

Between the free tune-ups, upstairs test track and the vast selection—including a nearby outlet—River City Bicycles is Portland’s one-stop bike heaven.

706 SE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd / 503.233.5973 Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

57

ricercitybicycles.com

1961.

Runner-Up:

1834 SE 8th Ave / 503.231.1548

Community Cycling Center Third Place:

of Portland’s hottest pizza & pie makers

Gladys Bikes

Runner-Up:

Best haRdwaRe stoRe

Third Place:

Ace Hardware, Pearl District Baby Doll Pizza Via Chicago Ex Novo Ranch East Glisan Pizza Jerk

Ecliptic Petunia’s Pasteries & Pies Baker & Spice

This giant hardware store franchise allows local owners—like Uptown Hardware here at the Pearl location—to stock their stores with whatever hardware supplies to fit your home-crafting needs.

1621 NW Glisan St / 503.228.5135

uptownhardwareince. com/pearl-ace-hardware Runner-Up:

Woodstock Hardware

Artisan Pie Pie Artisan Event Event

Third Place:

Beaumont Hardware

Best geneRaL contRactoR Neil Kelly

The Best General Contractor in Portland all started seven decades ago with a $100 investment. While it’s known largely for its home remodeling, Neil Kelly offers a comprehensive range of services to make your house into your dream home.

804 N Alberta St / 503.288.7461

neilkelly.com Runner-Up:

Andersen Construction Third Place:

Hartwood Construction

Best pLuMBeR D & F Plumbing

August

5-9

1ST

Deep Dish Edition!

D&F’s team of licensed journeyman plumbers handle bother residential and commercial work.

4636 N Albine Ave / 503.282.0993

dandfplumbing.com Runner-Up:

PM

Three Mountains Plumbing Third Place:

Bruner Plumbing

Best eLectRician

Tickets on sale now!

$27 A PORTION OF EACH TICKET BENEFITS VILLAGE GARDENS

58

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

westsideelectric.com

West Side Electric Co

West Side Electric has been keeping the juice running smooth and safely at Portland homes and businesses since

Bridgetown Electric

Squires Electric

Best FLooRing coMpany

Classique Floors + Tile

This is this now-40-yearold Classique Floors + Tile’s first win in the readers poll, but that’s only because this is the first year we’ve included the “Best Flooring Company” category.

14127 SE Stark St / 503.255.6775

classiquefloors.com Runner-Up:

Floor Factors Third Place:

Oregon Select Wood Floors

Best LandscapeR Dennis 7 Dees (Powell)

This award-winning landscaper doesn’t just put photos of their previous work, each example comes with an in-depth description of just how that beautiful scene before your eyes came to life.

6025 SE Powell Blvd / 503.777.1421

dennis7dees.com

Best RooFeR

Fiedler on the Roof

It’s the pun every roofer wants to make, but few are able to actually pull it off.

Runner-Up:

Fiedler On The Roof Third Place:

Bliss Roofing

Best gaRden suppLy/nuRseRy Portland Nursery

Gardening is so much more than just setting plants in soil and occasionally watering them, Portland Nursery offers year-round classes to make sure you run into any surprises in your home garden.

9000 SE Division St / 503.788.9000

5050 SE Stark St / 503.231.5050 portlandnursery.com

Runner-Up:

Pistil’s Nursery Third Place:

Garden Fever

Best FLoweR shop Sammy’s Flowers

Sammy’s Flowers offers both traditional arrangements and some that try to replicate the vibe of the Portland streets their named after, from stately Winston Drive to the sleek style of Burnside.

1710 W Burnside St / 503.222.9759

sammysflowers.com Runner-Up:

Solabee Flowers & Botanicals Third Place:

New Seasons

Best gRoceRy stoRe New Seasons

Portland’s answer to Whole Foods has spread from it’s humble beginnings on Beaverton-Hillsdale Highway to locations throughout the metro area. It also sports one of the finest meat counters you’ll find outside of Gartner’s.

Best FaRMeRs MaRKet

Portland Farmers Market, Portland State University The PSU Farmers Market on the South Park Blocks is an ideal way to spend a sunny Saturday afternoon browsing the organic produce while munching a delicious Italian sausage from Salumeria di Carlo.

1875 SW Pedestrian Trailer / 503.241.0032

portlandfarmersmarket.org/ourmarkets/psu Runner-Up:

Hollywood Farmers Market Third Place:

Milwaukie Farmers Market

Best sustainaBLe taKeout seRVice Caviar

newseasonsmarket.com

Unlike most app- and webbased delivery services, Caviar charges a fee. But also unlike most app- and web-based delivery services, Caviar’s selection is carefully curated with the foodie in mind. trycaviar.com/portland

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Third Place:

Best Food co-op

Best Meat counteR

Multiple locations.

Trader Joe’s

Fred Meyer

People’s Food Co-op

People’s Food is one of those special cooperatives that not only kicked off the trend of community-owned grocery stores, it also hosts the longest-running farmers’ market in town.

3029 SE 21st Ave / 503.674.2642

Peoples.coop Runner-Up:

Alberta Street Co-op Third Place:

Food Front

GrubHub

GO Box

Gartner’s

Proudly defending the food chain since 1959, Gartner’s offers an indecently large selection of meat to go along with processing services for people who like their meat a little gamier.

7450 NE Killingsworth St / 503.252.7801

gartnersmeats.com Runner-Up:

Laurelhurst Market Third Place:

New Seasons

Best ethnic MaRKet

Best wine shop

The largest Japanese supermarket in the Portland area can be a dangerous place: Go in there without a clear objective and you’ll leave with a cart overflowing with gyoza, soba, sweet, sweet Beard Papa cream puff, and much, much more.

Portland’s finest wine shop prides itself on not taking this fermented grape drank too seriously.

Uwajimaya

105000 SW Beaverton-Hillsdale Hwy, Beaverton, OR / 503.643.4512

uwajimaya.com/stores/ beaverton Runner-Up:

Portland Mercado Third Place:

Fubonn Shopping Center

Vino

137 SE 28th Ave / 503.235.8545

vinobuys.com Runner-Up:

Division Wines Third Place:

Blackbird Wine Shop

Best BottLe shop Belmont Station

Somewhere between the 1,200 bottles and more than 20 rotating taps, the Beer

Goddess’ beer bar and bottle shop is the closest you’ll come to reaching true Beervana.

4500 SE Stark St / 503.232.8538

909 N Beech St / 503.473.8018

3213 SE Division St / 503.688.1196 Runner-Up:

belmont-station.com

Fantasy For Adults Only

Runner-Up:

Spartacus

John’s Market Third Place:

Saraveza

Best sMoKe shop Third Eye Shoppe

WW readers cast their votes for this soon-to-be closing Portland icon as an act of defiance to the rising rent gods.

3950 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.232.3393

Third Place:

Best RecoRd stoRe Music Millennium

Portland’s oldest record store and most storied record store has had this category locked down since the dark days before Willamette Week was published.

3158 E Burnside St / 503.231.8926

musicmillennium.com Runner-Up:

3rdeyeshoppe.com

Mississippi Records

Runner-Up:

Everyday Music

Rich’s

Third Place:

Mary Jane’s House of Glass

Best Vape shop

Division Vapor North

Third Place:

Best MusicaL instRuMent stoRe Trade Up Music

“Vape on, Portland” is the motto for this one-stop shop for Portland’s vaping community.

Just because you’re getting a new amp doesn’t mean your old one has to gather dust in your attic. Trade Up Music can help it find a new, loving home.

1207 NE Alberta St / 503.281.8273

4701 SE Division St / 503.236.8800

divisionvapor.com Runner-Up:

Digital Smoke Pdx

Best sKate shop Cal’s Pharmacy

You won’t find any actual drugs at Cal’s Pharamcy, just dope boards and threads.

1400 E Burnside St / 503.233.1237

calspharmacy.com Runner-Up:

Commonwealth Skateboarding Third Place:

Daddie’s

Best tattoo shop Atlas Tattoo

From the colorful psychedelia of co-founder Jerry Ware to the Native American-inflected naturalistic work of Cheyenne Sawyer, Atlas Tattoo has been creating some of the city’s best, most inventive tattoos for going on two decades.

1834 NE Alberta St / 503.335.8800 tradeupmusic.com Runner-Up:

Portland Music company Third Place:

Artichoke music

Best MoVie theateR Hollywood Theatre

You owe it to yourself to see 2001: A Space Odyssey and Lawrence of Arabia (and the upcoming Dunkirk) in their original 70mm with a beer in hand.

4122 NE Sandy Blvd / 503.493.1128

hollywoodtheatre.org Runner-Up:

Living Room Theaters Third Place:

Laurelhurst Theater

Best caMeRa shop Pro Photo Supply

Runner-Up:

Pro Photo Supply endeavors to be more than just a photo shop; it’s a gathering spot for Portland’s vibrant photographic community.

Third Place:

1112 NW 19th Ave / 503.241.1112

4543 N Albina Ave / 503.281.7499

atlastattoo.com

Scapegoat Tattoo

Icon Tattoo Studio

Best sex shop She Bop

This sex-positive, femalefriendly, all-inclusive sex shop draws its name from Cyndi Lauper’s ode to sex and masturbation because she bop, he bop and we bop.

prophotosupply.com Runner-Up:

Blue Moon Camera and Machine Third Place:

Citizens Photo

Best pRint shop Morel Ink

From tee shirts to posters to backpacks, you name it and Morel Ink will put a print on it. 59 Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

4824 NE 42nd Ave / 503.736.0111 Runner-Up:

Cedar House Media Third Place:

East Side Printing Company

Best scReen pRint shop Oregon Screen Impressions

This time-tested, eco-friendly shop on Northeast Broadway churns out over 15,000 prints daily.

3580 NE Broadway St / 503.231.0181

oregonscreen.com Runner-Up:

Little Red Press Third Place:

Seizure Palace

Best caR deaLeRship Wentworth Subaru

Not to be confused with the catchy jingles from JG Wentworth, Wentworth Subaru on Burnside is where Portlanders go to get the city’s signature car.

400 E Burnside St / 888.718.8299

wentworthsubaru.com

Green Drop Garage

Green Drop Garage is dedicated to the use of sustainable practices while tuning your car, all the way down to recycled oil.

1417 SE 9th Ave / 503.236.7767

5321 SE 28th Ave / 503.567.8344 greendropgarage.com Runner-Up:

Hawthorne Auto Clinic Third Place:

Everett Street Autoworks

Best BanK/cRedit union OnPoint Community Credit Union

OnPoint is a local, employeeowned community credit union that tries to be the very opposite of the frustrating, convoluted and impersonal experience of banking with a national titan.

Multiple locations.

onpointcu.com Runner-Up:

Advantis Credit Union Third Place:

Runner-Up:

Rivermark Community Credit Union

Third Place:

Best chiLd day caRe

Ron Tonkin Honda

Carr Subaru

Best used-caR deaLeRship CarMax

We’re just glad CarMax is getting Andy Daly some of that sweet, sweet ad money these days.

9405 SW Cascade Ave, Beaverton, OR / 503.574.2884

13570 SE Johnson Rd, Milwaukie, OR / 503.786.8887 carmax.com Runner-Up:

Powell Motors

ChildRoots

Not every day care stresses how eco-friendly their practices are. Here in Portland, we support those who go that extra mile.

Three locations.

childroots.com Runner-Up:

WeVillage

Third Place:

Growing Seeds

Best doggie day caRe

AAA Oregon AutoSource

Virginia Woof Dog Daycare

Best MotoRcycLe deaLeRship

WW readers’ favorite doggie daycare is also its punniest.

1520 W Burnside St / 503.224.5455

We’ve all driven past a special Vespa Portland mural. It’s a mural showing an idyllic Portland, a perfect Portland, a Portland where everyone owns a Vespa. While the company moved from Slabtown to MLK, we’d still like to think that Portland is possible.

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Vespa Portland

virginiawoof.com

LexiDog Boutique & Social Club Third Place:

Sniff Dog Hotel

Best pet stoRe Pets on Broadway

Runner-Up:

Portland’s largest independent pet store is here for the city’s entire pet community, from the well-being of your best friend Oliver Cromwell to donating pet food to local shelters.

Third Place:

2762 NE Broadway St / 503.282.5824

205 SE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd / 503.222.3779

vespaportland.com See See KTM

Motocorsa 60

Best auto RepaiR

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

petsonbroadway.com

Runner-Up:

Healthy Pets Northwest Third Place:

Meat for Cats & Dogs

Best dog gRooMeR Hair of the Dog

Not to be confused with Portland’s iconic brewery of the same name, Hair of the Dog focuses on the literal interpretation of the phrase.

1211 NE Alberta St / 503.284.9274

hodwashandgroom.com Runner-Up:

LexiDog Boutique & Social Club

Third Place:

Pawsitively Clean

Best VeteRinaRy pRactice

Alberta Veterinary Care

Pet owners love Alberta Veterinary Care’s emphasis on communication, including detailed emails and accessible health information online about your pet after every visit.

1737 NE Alberta St Suit 102 / 503.206.7700

albertaverterinarycare.com Runner-Up:

Northwest Neighborhood Veterinary Hospital Third Place:

customer-oriented broker that puts in the time and effort to ensure home-buyers find the right fit, location and price.

2923 NE Broadway St / 503.847.2722

Think-portland.com Runner-Up:

Urban Nest Realty Third Place:

Living Room Realty

Best MoRtgage BRoKeR

Mark Snow - Mortgage Trust

Not every mortgage broker can say they won “Top Male Solo” in a ballroom dancing class by busting a move to Usher. mortgage-trust.com/our-team/ mark-snow/ Runner-Up:

Steph Noble - Guild Mortgage Third Place:

Gary Boyer - Mortgage Monkey

Best hoteL The Nines

From the central location to the Urban Farmer to the rooftop bar Departure, the Nines is a special way to experience Portland.

Mt. Tabor Veterinary Clinic

525 SW Morrison St / 877.229.9995

Best dog waLKeR

Runner-Up:

Hot Diggity! Dog Walking and Pet Sitting Hot Diggity! has been Portland’s number one dogwalking service since 2001, partly due to its guaranteed pet-sitting service for members.

1631 NE Broadway St #715 / 503.887.0086

hotdiggitypetsitting.com Runner-Up:

Portland Mutt Strut Third Place:

Forest Bark

Best ReaL estate agent

Jen Lundstrom - Meadows Group, Inc., Realtors

Portland realty is in Jen Lundstrom’s blood, literally.

The University of Oregon grad is a fifth-generation Portlander and third-generation realtor. jenandsampdx.com Runner-Up:

Laura Wood - Think Real Estate Third Place:

Claire Paris - Paris Group Realty

Best ReaL estate Think Real Estate

Think Real Estate is a

thenines.com Hotel deLuxe Third Place:

Ace Hotel

Best suMMeR caMp Camp Namanu

Camp Namanu exists to fight the summer learning divide for children in-between grades.

Just an hour east of Portland, it offers an opportunity for kids to swim, make crafts and learn how to ride horseback, alongside many other healthy, outdoors activities. campnamanu.org Runner-Up:

Rock ‘N’ Roll Camp For Girls Third Place:

Trackers Earth

Best nonpRoFit

Oregon Humane Society

The Oregon Humane Society helps 11,000 animals every year and is leading the fight to end petlessness in the state.

1067 NE Columbia Blvd / 503.285.7722

oregonhumane.org Runner-Up:

The ReBuilding Center Third Place:

Mercy Corp

Best cReatiVe agency

Best Radio station (taLK)

Some of the best, weirdest and award-winningest ads of the past two decades came out of this shop, which began with three simple words: “Just do it.”

To go along with nationally syndicated programs like All Things Considered, OPB allows Portland listeners to learn about and confront local issues and culture through Think Out Loud and State of Wonder.

Weiden + Kennedy

224 NW 13th Ave / 503.937.7000

wk.com

Runner-Up:

OMFGCO

Third Place:

91.5 OPB

7140 SW Macadam Ave / 503.244.9900

opb.org

Sasquatch Agency

Runner-Up:

Best eVent seRVice coMpany

Third Place:

Vibrant Table

Catering is about more than just the food, and that’s what sets Vibrant Table apart. They coordinate the food with the music, entertainment, lighting, drapes and whatever else is needed to make your event a success.

107.1 XRAY.FM

90.7 KBOO

Best Radio station (spoRts) Blazer’s Edge Radio XRAY.FM

vibranttable.com

Hosted by blazersedge.com writer Peter Sampson, Blazer’s Edge is a weekly radio show that keeps you up-to-date on the ‘Zers with a local voice you won’t hear anywhere else.

Runner-Up:

5415 N Albina Ave / 503.233.2700

Third Place:

Runner-Up:

2010 SE 8th Ave / 503.297.9635

Hollywood Lights

Henry V Events

xray.fm

1080 the Fan Third Place:

Media & Personalities Best Radio station 91.5 OPB

Oregon Public Broadcasting provides a healthy range of local, national and international programming to keep your mind sharp and informed.

620 Rip City Radio

Best Radio peRsonaLity Daria Eliuk 94/7

Eliuk has been a fixture of Portland’s radiowaves (and airwaves) for two decades now.

Runner-Up:

Christa Wessel - All Classical Portland Third Place:

culture for over a decade now. bikeportland.org Runner-Up:

Blogtown, PDX Third Place:

Next Portland

Best LocaL podcast Funemployment Radio

In the years since recording a podcast a week after losing their jobs in 2009, Greg Nibler and Sarah X Dylan’s Funemployment Radio has gained national acclaim and spawned its own funny, crazy and sometimes profane podcast network.

4110 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.575.9120

funemploymentradio.com Runner-Up:

Unzipped PDX Third Place:

Reboot, Reuse, Recycle

Best LocaL tV newscast KGW

From the morning traffic cast to Canzano tucking you in on Sports Sunday, WW readers love their local NBC affiliate.

1501 SW Jefferson St / 503.226.5000

kgw.com

Runner-Up:

KATU News Third Place:

Fox 12 Oregon

Best LocaL news RepoRteR

Brenda Braxton - KGW

Portlanders have been waking up with Brenda Braxton as their morning anchor for over a quarter of a century.

7140 SW Macadam Ave / 503.244.9900

Robert McBride - All Classical Portland

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Best LocaL Radio show

Tracy Barry - KGW

opb.org

107.1 XRAY.FM Third Place:

89.9 All Classical Portland

Best Radio station (Music) 107.1 XRAY.FM

By Portland, for Portland, 107.1 XRAY fm gives a “boom mic” to local thinkers, comedians and journalists while also playing music curated by over 80 local DJs. 5415 N Albina Ave / 503.233.2700

xray.fm

Runner-Up:

89.9 All Classical Portland Third Place:

89.1 KMHD Jazz

The Score with Edmund Stone - All Classical Portland

Edmund Stone’s deep dive into the history of classical music and film scores is a must listen for music lovers and cinephiles alike.

Runner-Up:

XRAY in the Morning - XRAY.FM Third Place:

Mike and Amy in the Morning The Wolf

Best LocaL BLog BikePortland.org

Bike Portland has been educating, helping and advocating for Portland’s bike

Drew Carney - KGW Third Place:

Best Local Meteorologist

Matt Zaffino - KGW Whether you’re wondering if you should bring an umbrella or just curious about weather at the bitch beach this weekend, Matt Zaffino is Portland’s most trusted voice in weather.

Runner-Up:

Andy Carson - Fox 12 Oregon

Third Place:

Rod Hill - KGW

Best LocaL ceLeBRity The Unipiper

New York has Frank Sinatra, Cleveland has Drew Carey, and Portland has a kilt-wearing dude playing bagpipes on a unicycle.

Runner-Up:

Storm Large

Third Place:

Carla Rossi

Best pRoFessionaL athLete Damian Lillard

After an all-star snub this past season, Dame DOLLA led the Blazers on an improbably run to the second round of the playoffs all while also juggling a rap career.

Runner-Up:

Diego Valeri Third Place:

CJ McCollum

Best poRtLand eVents caLendaR Portland Mercury

Even we’ll admit it: The Merc has a pretty great events calendar.

115 SW Ash St / 503.294.0840

portlandmercury.com Runner-Up:

PDX Pipeline Third Place:

All Classical Cultural Events Calendar

Nightlife Best BaR Crush Bar

The drinks are stiff (and cheap), the burlesque is frequent and the atmosphere is inclusive here at Crush, Portland’s friendliest neighborhood gay bar.

1400 SE Morrison St / 503.235.8150

crushbar.com Runner-Up:

Sweet Hereafter Third Place:

Rontoms

Best new BaR Associated

Taking over the spot vacated

by P.R.E.A.M., Associated offers the best bar pizza in town.

2131 SE 11th Ave / 503.231.2809

associatedpdx.com Runner-Up:

Bar Casa Vale

Third Place:

Solo Club

Best diVe BaR Space Room

Portland’s favorite spacethemed dive got a renovation recently, making the annex look like an alien’s swinger Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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pad. The fishbowl cocktails are still stiff and cheap as ever.

4800 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.235.6957 Runner-Up: of Portland’s hottest pizza & pie makers

Sandy Hut

Baby Doll Pizza Via Chicago Ex Novo Ranch East Glisan Pizza Jerk

Third Place:

Yur’s

Best spoRts BaR Century Bar

Ecliptic Petunia’s Pasteries & Pies Baker & Spice

The only sports bar in town with bleachers to sit on while you watch the big game—and a rooftop patio to relax and unwind after the final buzzer.

930 SE Sandy Blvd

centurybarpdx.com Runner-Up:

Spirit of 77

Third Place:

Blitz Ladd

Artisan Pie Pie Artisan Event Event

Best LgBt BaR cRush BaR

Crush prides itself on being the friendliest, most inclusive gay bar in town, right down to the three bathrooms: one with a two man sign, one with two women, and one with a man and a woman.

ep De sh i D on! iti Ed

1400 SE Morrison St / 503.235.8150

crushbar.com Runner-Up:

CC Slaughters Third Place:

Embers

Best cocKtaiL Lounge Hale Pele

All the bartenders wear Hawaiian shirts here at what WW dubbed the “best little bar in fake Hawaii.”

2733 NE Broadway St / 503.662.8454

August

5-9

1ST PM

halepele.com Runner-Up:

Vintage Cocktail Lounge

Third Place:

Vintage Cocktail Lounge

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Blackbird Wine Shop

Best cideR house Portland Cider Company

While no longer boasting the largest tap list of any cider house in Portland, the Portland Cider Company is still the best place in town to grab a pint of ferment apple juice.

8925 SE Jannsen Road, Clackamas, OR / 503.908.7654

3638 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.206.6283 portlandcider.com Runner-Up:

Reverend Nat’s Hard Cider

Third Place:

Cider Riot!

Best date BaR Sapphire Hotel

Cocktails, mood lighting and ubiquitous blood red coloring create an unquestionably sexy atmosphere.

5008 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.232.6333

thesapphirehotel.com

Devils Point Third Place:

Casa Diablo

Best BeeR seLection on tap Horse Brass Pub

The Portland beer scene wouldn’t be what it is today if Horse Brass hadn’t been here at the beginning, buying kegs from fledgling brewers with big dreams.

4534 SE Belmont St / 503.232.2202

horsebrass.com Runner-Up:

Apex

Third Place:

Loyal Legion

Best happy houR Aalto Lounge

$3 dollar happy hour cocktails. We repeat: $3 happy hour cocktails.

3356 SE Belmont St / 503.235.6041

aaltolounge.com Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Bartini

Best casino

Best pLace to pLay daRts

Gold Dust Meridian

Spirit Mountain

Less than two hours southwest of Portland, you can gamble, smoke indoors and wait in buffet lines with septuagenarians to your heart’s delight.

27100 Salmon River Hwy, Grand Ronde, OR / 503.879.2350

spiritmountain.com Runner-Up:

Chinook Winds Third Place:

None

Best stRip cLuB Sassy’s Bar & Grill

927 SE Morrison St /

1111 E Burnside St / 503.233.1999

Runner-Up:

Ringside

Aalto Lounge

Runner-Up:

Noble Rot features one of the finest, sunsetviewing patios in all of Portland. Oh, and we hear the wine selection is pretty good, too.

503.231.1606

sassysbar.com

Runner-Up:

noblerotpdx.com

Noble Rot

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Third Place:

With 30 odd taps of grossly underpriced beer—everything is only $2.50 a pint during happy hour—Sassy’s is a hell of bar. There just also happens to be talented naked women performing advanced acrobatic maneuvers in front of a refreshingly mix-gendered crowd.

Best wine BaR

Tickets on sale now! $27

Southeast Wine Collective

Third Place:

Horse Brass Pub

It’s only fitting that darts, the finest pub game, is best played at Horse Brass, Portland’s finest pub.

4534 SE Belmont St / 503.232.2202

horsebrass.com Runner-Up:

Moon & sixpence Third Place:

Lucky Lab

Best pLace to pLay pingpong Pips & Bounce

Pips & Bounce is really more of a ping pong club that also happens to serve booze.

833 SE Belmont St / 503.928.4664

pipsandbounce.com Runner-Up:

Rontoms

Third Place:

Zach’s Shack

Best pLace to shoot pooL Goodfoot

Four pool stables and stiff drinks, just like how Fast Eddie would have wanted it. Goodfoot is a bustling bar and music venue but savvy Portlanders also flock here for its cheap—and often free—pool.

2845 SE Stark St / 503.239.9292

thegoodfoot.com Runner-Up:

Sam’s Billiards Third Place:

Rialto’s

Best pinBaLL spot Ground Kontrol

Pinball machines are more than a way to have a good time, they’re collectors items, windows into a forgotten time. The second floor has a collection of fantastic machines themed after movies and TV shows that time forgot, like the mid-90s Alec Baldwin vehicle, the Shadow.

115 NW 5th Ave / 503.796.9364

groundkontrol.com Runner-Up:

QuarterWorld

Third Place:

Paymaster

Best pLace to dance Holocene

WW readers’ favorite place to dance is also coincidentally a killer concert hall and wedding venue.

1001 SE Morrison St / 503.239.7639

holocene.org Runner-Up:

Goodfoot

Third Place:

Lovecraft

Best dRag show Darcelle XV

This drag show has been going strong since the titular Darcelle XV, the most venerable drag queen on the West Coast and former grand marshall of the Rose Festival, founded the Showplace nearly 40 years ago.

208 NW 3rd Ave / 503.222.5338

darcellexv.com Runner-Up:

Queer Horror - Hollywood

Theater Third Place:

2845 SE Stark St / 503.239.9292

Club Kai - Kai

anjaliandthekid.com

Best KaRaoKe

DJ Wicked

Voicebox

Voicebox’s private rooms allow karaoke to be a more personal experience for a few friends, even those who may feel self-conscious, to sing “Midnight Train” together.

2112 NW Hoyt St / 503.303.8220

734 SE 6th Ave / 503.303.8220 voiceboxkaraoke.com Runner-Up:

The Alibi

Third Place:

Chopsticks

Best tRiVia night

Geeks Who Drink McMenamin’s Mission Theater Geeks Who Drink is a group dedicated to bringing trivia, the thinking man’s pub game, to bars all across the country. The Mission Theater is the biggest and therefore best venue for pub trivia.

Runner-Up:

Quizissippi with Molly Anderson - Mississippi Pizza Pub Third Place:

ShanRock’s Triviology

Best JuKeBox Roadside Attraction

The appeal of this jukebox goes beyond its beautiful vintage design and huge collection of jazz music, it’s also free to use.

1000 SE 12th Ave / 503.233.0743 Runner-Up:

Mary’s Club

Third Place:

Conquistador

Best dJ

Anjali and the Incredible Kid

DJ Anjali & the Incredible Kid first introduced Portland to the driving beats of Bhangra, Bollywood and Global Bass on New Year’s Eve in 2000.

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

DJ Aurora

Best BaRtendeR Andrew - Aalto Lounge

Look no further than the cocktail menu at this stylish midcentury lounge (and packed happy hour spot) to understand why bartender and manager Andrew Moore was named the Best Bartender in Portland.

TALK:

5am 7am – 2pm

MUSIC:

2pm – 5am

3356 SE Belmont St / 503.235.6041

aaltolounge.com Runner-Up:

Amy Snyder - Lucky Devil & Devils Point Third Place:

Phoebe Newcomb Landmark Saloon & Brooklyn Park Pub

Best paRty oF the yeaR Red Dress Party

It’s that one night a year when Portlanders come together to put on red dresses and dance their asses off. reddresspdx.com

RADIO IS YOURS

Runner-Up:

Devils Point Bikini Car and Dog Wash Third Place:

Howl

Outdoors Best paRK Forest Park

The Wildwood Trail is over 30 miles of meandering, breathtaking goodness, just try not to get spooked when you stumble upon the ominous stone house.

Forest Park is also home to the largest urban forest in the United States.

NW 29th Ave & Upshur St to Newberry Rd Runner-Up:

Mt. Tabor Park Third Place:

Laurelhurst

Best dog paRK Thousand Acres

True to its name, this

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

scenic park at the Sandy River Delta has 1,000 acres of woods, fields, wetlands and mud for your best friend to run wild.

Thousand Acres Rd, Troutdale, OR

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

There are several public beaches—a clothingoptional one—on Sauvie Island for you to take a dip in the Columbia River. Be on the lookout for Cancer Fish.

Mt. Tabor Park Third Place:

Gabriel Park

Best pLace to hiKe Columbia Gorge

Running the gamut from temperate rainforest to dry grassland, the Gorge is a great place to wander around Oregon’s scenic beauty and maybe see some petroglyphs along the way.

Runner-Up:

Forest Park Third Place:

Tryson Creek

Best pLace to BiKe Springwater Corridor

Most of the 21 miles of the Springwater Corridor are paved, leading you from Portland to Gresham with a homeless cat shelter or two along the way.

Runner-Up:

Banks Vernonia Third Place:

Eastbank Esplanade

Best pLace to Run Forest Park

Why run on city streets or a treadmill at the gym, when you can jog along this winding, 30mile trail through the woods?

Runner-Up:

Eastbank Esplanade Third Place:

Tom McCall Waterfront Park

Best FaMiLy outing Sauvie Island

There are plenty of beaches and places for your dogs to run around on Sauvie Island, one of the largest river islands in the entire US.

Oregon Zoo Third Place:

OMSI

Best swiMMing spot Sauvie Island

Runner-Up:

Secret Sandy River Third Place:

Rooster Rock State Park

Best sKatepaRK Burnside Skatepark Originally built by Portland skaters without the city’s approval, Burnside has been featured on Tony Hawk games.

SE 2nd Ave

and tears stand between Timberline Lodge on Mount Hood and coastal seaside, but that hasn’t stopped this Herculean 12-person relay from becoming one of the most popular runs in the land.

5134 SE Foster Rd / 503.946.8169

Third Place:

Runner-Up:

Shamrock Run

Portland Marathon

Cannabis Best dispensaRy

Brothers Cannabis Club

At a whopping seven years old, Brothers Cannabis Club is Portland’s oldest dispensary and one of the few to carry the rare Charlotte’s Web strain.

3609 SE Division St / 503.894.8001 Runner-Up:

Farma

Third Place:

Third Place:

Best head shop

Pier Park

Best goLF couRse

Eastmoreland

Across the lake from the Crystal Springs Rhododendron Garden, the now-100-year-old Eastmoreland Golf Course rivals Augusta in scenic beauty.

2425 SE Bybee Blvd / 503.775.2900

eastmorelandgolfcourse. com Runner-Up:

Glendoveer Third Place:

Heron Lakes

Best BiKe eVent Naked Bike Ride

The photos from this event is also one of our most popular annual posts.

Runner-Up:

Sunday Parkways Third Place:

Oregon’s Finest

Mellow Mood

Empower BodyCare Third Place:

Luminous Botanicals

5134 SE Foster Rd / 503.946.8169

gronchocolate.com Runner-Up:

Squibs

Third Place:

Periodic Edibles

Pypes Palace

Best cannaBis stRain Blue Dream

Bred to be a blend of sativa and indica, many Portlanders have a special, long relationship with Blue Dream.

Best Running eVent

Third Place:

Durban Poison

Dutch Treat

Best cannaBisinFused pRoduct

Best cannaBis FaRM Yerba Buena

One of the first eight cannabis companies in Oregon to receive a business license, Yerba Buena churns out some of the highest-testing CBD strains the world has ever seen. yerbabuena.com

Third Place:

7 Points Oregon & Eco Firma Farms

Farma

farmapdx.com

Third Place:

Co-produced by Willamette Week and Farma, the Cultivation Classic is the biggest organic cannabis festival around.

Bull Run Craft Cannabis

Best oRganic cannaBis seLection

916 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.206.4357

Oregon’s Finest

Cultivation Classic

Runner-Up:

1501 SW Broadway / 503.227.5099

Mary Jane’s House of Glass

Best cannaBis eVent

Dope Industry Awards

Artisanal chocolate is what you’ll want to eat after toking up, so why not knock out two birds with one stone? says WW readers.

Runner-Up:

My couch

Third Place:

Grön Chocolate

Runner-Up:

Third Place:

Hempstalk

Best ediBLe pRoduct

4119 SE Hawthorne Blvd / 503.235.7473 mellowmood.com

My house

Runner-Up:

Farma with its unique strain classification system and premium organic strain selection is what the future of boutique cannabis will look like.

Runner-Up:

Approximately 200 miles of sweat, blood

gronchocolate.com

The selection of glassware at this goofy head shop is almost gallery-like, from quality mid-range options Alien-themed pieces that are too expensive to ever smoke out of.

Pedalpalooza

Hood to Coast

Runner-Up:

While the umlaut makes it look like a fancy, potentially made-up name like HäagenDazs, Grön Chocolate is actually bilingual play on words.

Runner-Up:

Runner-Up:

Oaks Park

Grön Chocolate

MindRite

Third Place:

Thank You!

Best BudtendeR Samnang Chan Brothers

The best budtender as Portland’s oldest and best dispensary is also, coincidentally, the readers choice for the Portland’s best budtender.

Runner-Up:

Lydia Barclay - Farma Third Place:

Liv - MindRite

Best pLace to get high EVERYWHERE

Hehehehehehehehe Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

65

Street

“That’s a tough question when you’re kinda iffy about Portland right now. I’d say the music, though.”

“I know it’s a stereotypical answer, but I like how quirky it is here.”

“There are a lot of dogs here, and people let me pet them.”

what’s the best thing about living in portland?

“Actually being from Portland!”

our favorite looks this week.

Photos by sa m gehr ke

“Everyone is really nice and has tattoos and lets me tattoo them, and it’s great.”

“The weather. I’m from the East Coast, and this is so much better than the brutal winters.”

“Toss-up between beer, food and skating.”

TREAT F L E S ’ YO

visit wweek.com 66

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

“I literally moved here a few days ago from Boston, but everybody’s chill and welcoming here.

Much less bullshit.”

I Spent a Night in One of Portland’s Last Gay Bathhouses

I L L U S T R AT I O N S : L I Z A L L A N P H OTO S : C O U R T E S Y O F H AW K S

The Bump

I WANTED TO CHALLENGE ONLINE HOOKUP CULTURE

BY TRYING THINGS THE OLD-FASHIONED WAY.

BY JAC K R US H A L L

@JackRushall

A

E

R

TR

EN

AY

D

AT

E A M Y S TA I R W

UN

PRIV

O O

M S

So I talked to my friend T, who used to work at Hawks PDX on Southeast Grand Avenue and is a frequent flyer over at Sandy Boulevard’s Steam. I let him choose between the two. We ended up going to Hawks, because there’s a “Bisexual Night” on Sunday and my friend Jane wanted to tag along. (Women are generally discouraged from visiting gay bathhouses, which is daunting if you’re gay with allfemale friends.)

Around 10 pm, the three of us arrived at Hawks. Behind two ominous glass doors, there was a small stucco room with a ticketing booth. It struck me how entering a bathhouse felt like walking into arthouse theater. We paid our $25 for a ticket spanning the entire night, though we only stayed for about three hours.

ST

BO

N

T O H AW K S

The three of us belted Jane’s name through every door until one swung open. Jane’s glasses were missing and her hair was damp; she was accompanied by a guy who loosely resembled her ex.

The gray-haired guy gazed at me and asked if we all wanted to grab a drink. I surprised myself by asking him if he had any interest in pairing off.

“Sure,” he whistled.

I signaled to T that we would be quick. The gray-haired guy and I started making out around the corner when an earlier hookup of his found us and proposed a threesome.

A

A

CE

Upon entering the locker room, T was the most comfortable. Jane was a little less comfortable. I felt panicked.

We undressed and fumbled into the lobby. There, I caught a familiar sight cutting a corner: a recent Grindr hookup who works at Steam. He was here as a guest.

He saw me and ushered me into a private room with baby-blue brick walls. There was a rectangular mirror glued behind a cot. We hadn’t so much as exchanged “heys,” and there we were, alone together.

Typically, I find each repeated hookup with the same person to be more fruitful than the last, but this time I experienced something unexpected: a tinge of romance.

Entertaining pillow talk, he expressed wishing to move to South America. I gushed over the new David Sedaris diaries.

We asked a lot of questions.

The mundanity of our conversation juxtaposed with the surreal setting left me feeling dazed and slightly euphoric. I wondered if the mechanical nature of our introduction was why I hadn’t considered this Grindr hookup more romantically.

Eventually, we said our goodbyes. Bounding out of the room, I saw T gliding up a distant staircase.

Hawks is a maze. It’s a scatterplot of dressing rooms with netted ceilings that allow you to peer in from the tops of curvy landings. The glass doors of the steam room and the silver shower faucets dotting the walls make for funhouse mirrors.

I asked T about Jane’s whereabouts. He said he had had his fill and was ready to leave. Having encountered something sentimental, I also felt fulfilled. We set out in search of Jane—he said he thought he saw her last in the middle of an orgy with a gaggle of older men.

This was believable: I estimated that out of 50 or so people, the average person at Hawks was about 45. On bi night, the split was about 70 percent men and 30 percent women.

Most men were lone wolves.

For whatever reason, my resistance to the hypersexuality was rapidly wearing.

Nude bystanders tried their best to pinpoint when they saw Jane last and with which guy. Most of our peers sympathized with our impossible quest.

T and I resorted to the information desk. A suave, 40-something gray-haired guy pulled up beside us, clothed and ready to check out. He overheard our dilemma, and offered to help.

S

s a child of the early ’90s, I got a brief whiff of dating before there were smartphones. But as a closeted teen, there was one facet of LGBT nightlife that terrified me the most: gay bathhouses.

Gay bathhouses are gay sex clubs. Traditionally, they are divided into shower rooms, steam saunas, smoking patios, locker rooms and lounging spaces—nooks where men with towels around their waists can free their willies.

Then came Grindr. Gay bathhouses started delivering.

And like many millennials who have recused themselves from organic hookups, I began to favor my phone. Who still went to bathhouses? Was it mostly middle-aged guys or were there other young men like me?

Besides a sleazy excursion to notorious sex club The Cock in New York City, where I walked into a circle jerk, and an early-morning field trip to Berghain in Berlin, the world’s most tourist-heavy sex club, I had never visited an old-school bathhouse and have avoided public sex. To me, gay bathhouses—explicitly sexualized spaces—became so outside my comfort zone that I feared their parking lots.

But Portland still has two bathhouses, and I wanted to check one out.

I opted out of the ensuing romp. Watching from the sidelines, I fought back chuckles against the theatrical war cries. Unlike my perception of the disco days of gay and the height of the HIV epidemic, everybody at Hawks was cautious about using proper protection. (With the possible exception of the guy Jane hooked up with, who claimed his vasectomy was all he needed to stay clean.)

The gray-haired guy thanked me for our brief, but decidedly spiritual experience. The camaraderie was akin to having tripped on acid in a storage unit with someone for 12 hours. Gathering T and Jane, we fled to the car, proudly chanting, “Now, that was a night!”

Looking back, I continue to debate the online hookup apps that many people, especially non-millennials, seem offended by. These same people tend to look down on physical manifestations, like bathhouses, as being archaic or unsanitary.

It’s easy to denigrate a bathhouse as a human buffet, but at least nobody’s eating alone. When ordering Postmates for one, you dislodge from the subtle intimacies: the dinner table chatter, the polished silverware, the cooking, the bond formed through the process.

If anything, Hawks is a potluck. It’s not about selfishly piling up your own plate—it’s about bringing something to the table to be shared. In this case, it happened to be genitalia.

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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STARTERS

J O E L S H U PAC K

B I T E - S I Z E D P O RT L A N D C U LT U R E N E W S

THE TWO-WHEEL TAX : Oregon has become the first state to initiate a bike excise tax. The transportation bill passed last week places a $15 tax on new bikes that cost $200 or more. The bill was opposed by small-business owners and biking advocates. “We are taxing the healthiest, most inexpensive, most environmentally friendly, most efficient and most economically sustainable form of transportation ever devised by the human species,” wrote BikePortland.org editor Jonathan Maus in a blog post breaking the news. The tax is expected to raise $1.2 million per year and cost $100,000 to administer, which will go to ConnectOregon, specifically “for the purposes of grants for bicycle and pedestrian transportation projects.”

BOILING HOT: Hot on the heels of its big, new tea-making facility and tasting room in Portland’s Water District, Steven Smith Teamaker plans to open another new highprofile tasting room. This one is in Seoul, South Korea, and the company’s first tasting room outside of Portland.

In 2012, the late, legendary Portland teamaker—founder also of Tazo and Stash teas—was approached by Korean businessman Hosik Chang about exporting Steven Smith teas to South Korea. For the past four years, Steven Smith teas were available at cafes, restaurants and hotels in South Korea, and the company has been equally popular in Japan. In a phenomenon not uncommon in South Korea, the Steven Smith Korean flagship will be located inside Kia Motors’ ultra-futuristic “brand experience” pavilion, Beat360.

HIT ’EM UP: A construction sign displayed Biggie Smalls’ famous line, “Fuck bitches, get $$$,” to drivers headed northbound toward the Sellwood Bridge Sunday morning. The Oregon Department of Transportation wasn’t aware until they got a call around 7 am. By the time crew members arrived at the scene, a good Samaritan— apparently no fan of Biggie—had turned the sign away from traffic. The incident marks the first time a sign has been hacked since January, when someone programmed a sign to blast “vulgarities at President Trump,” according to ODOT spokesperson Don Hamilton.

LADY THINGS RETURNS: After a year-long hiatus, WW’s popular Lady Things column has made a triumphant return.

The column now belongs to Crystal Contreras, who will tackle issues of culture, race, gender and politics every week. Visit wweek.com to read this week’s column, which explores the Rainbow Gathering’s use of Native land, which Contreras calls, “The worst of the ‘We’re all one race: human’ brand of politics that many of the Rainbows adopt.”

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W E D N E S D AY

7/12

WW’S ’S BEST OF PORTLAND PARTY

THE AVALANCHES

You've been trolling us in the comments section all year, so how about you RSVP for our annual Best of Portland block party and come say that shit to our face, bro? But before you do, enjoy some great food and drinks from choice local vendors. Our treat! Willamette Week, 2220 NW Quimby St., 503243-2122, wweek.com. 5 pm. Free with RSVP.

Up there with Chinese Democracy and Detox as albums fans thought they’d never hear, the second Avalanches record, Wildflower, contains no hints of the 16-year struggle that clouded its creation. Jubilant and wondrous, it takes the group’s groundbreaking pastiche of samples and found sounds to the Major Leagues. Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., 503-225-0047, crystalballroompdx.com. 8:30 pm. $26 advance, $30 day of show. All ages.

T H U R S D AY

7/13

NORTHWEST STRING SUMMIT

DECEPTION UNIT

As Pickathon moves farther from its roots, figuratively and literally, the Northwest String Summit continues to pick up the slack for festies who demand at least three banjo solos per song. The lineup is secondary to the vibe, but we hear Yonder Mountain String Band has some pretty tasty licks. Horning's Hideout, 21277 NW Brunswick Canyon Road, North Plains, 503-647-2920.

See stringsummit.com for a complete schedule and tickets. Through July 16.

Portland Experimental Theatre’s newest creation is a madcap skewering of domestic life. With surreal staging, overlapping narratives and colorful balaclavas, Deception Unit mashes together banal dinner parties with the antics of a fake Polish punk band. Coho Productions, 2257 NW Raleigh St., 503-220-2646, cohoproductions.org. 7:30 pm. $20.

7/14

F R I D AY

THE REVOLUTION

Get Busy

BELINDA CARROLL

No group of musicians knows the music of Prince as intimately as his classic band, the Revolution, who reunited after his death and are touring the country, playing his most wellknown material—plus some recently unearthed obscurities from the just-released expanded edition of Purple Rain. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 971-230-0033, roselandpdx.com. 9 pm. $35 general admission, $55 balcony seating. All ages.

HAREFEST

Can't make it to Guns N' Roses in the Gorge? Your E V E NT S W E ' R E next best option is to catch E XC ITE D A B O UT Appetitetite for Deception, along with 17 other tribute acts, at J U LY 12-1 8 the seventh annual Harefest, the only all-cover-bands festival we know of. Pat's Acres Racing Complex, 6255 S Arndt Road, Canby, harefest.com. July 14-15. $50-$100. All ages.

7/15

THE BIG FLOAT S AT U R D AY

For the seventh year in a row, thousands of Portlanders agree the Willamette is clean enough to swim in, and are pretty excited to prove it by locking arms and floating around in inner tubes. It's still advisable to cover any open wounds, but we'll be damned if that water isn't refreshing! Starts from Tom McCall Waterfront Park at Southwest Columbia Street and Naito Parkway, thebigfloat.com. 11 am. $8 through July 14; $10 day of event. Discounted pricing under age 18. All ages.

BASTILLE DAY In honor of the day angry, hungry French people stormed the Bastille, Portland’s Alliance Francaise will hold a waiter’s race in which angry, hungry local servers win prizes for going really fast while balancing water on a tray. Also! Zydeco music, pétanque and shit-tons of wine and Hardy Cognac and French snacks from St. Honoré bakery, C’est Si Bon! crêperie and others. Jamison Square, 810 NW 11th Ave. Noon-6 pm. Free.

S U N D AY

7/16

TASTES OF SPAIN

» PORTLAND QUEER COMEDY FEST«

The final event in the La Ruta Spanish food festival that's been rolling since Thursday, this is also the biggest: 15 artisans and chefs from Portland and Spain kickin' out little bites of this and that, plus sidre and wine and beer, visiting Spanish chefs saying funny things onstage and, of course, plenty of flamenco sung and danced. Director Park, 877 SW Park St., larutapdx.com. 1-4 pm. $65 ($20 for kids 12 and under).

Day three of Portland’s first-ever Queer Comedy Festival features lineups hosted by long-time members of the local scene like D. Martin Austin and Belinda Carroll, plus out-of-town legends like Guy Branum. Go to portlandqueercomedyfestival.com for full schedule. $45 day pass, $65 weekend pass.

M O N D AY

7/17

ORQUESTRA PACIFICO TROPICAL

NOTABLE WOMEN OF PORTLAND

Orquestra Pacifico Tropical sounds like someone spiked the cruiseship punch, kidnapped the cover band that was supposed to play after dinner and replaced it with the hottest cumbia orchestra in the Pacific Northwest. Be sure to sneak a little somethin' in your Hydro Flask for this one. Sellwood Riverfront Park, Southeast Spokane Street and Oaks Parkway, 503-823-7529, portlandoregon.gov/ parks. 6:30 pm. Free. All ages.

Believe it or not, Portland’s not just the city of naked bike rides and brews—it has a rich history of enterprising women who helped make the city what it is. This nonfiction account traces the female history of the city we know and love, from Polly Johnson to Jean Auel. Co-authors Tracy J. Prince and Zadie Schaffer are here to bring that history to light. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 800-878-7323, powells.com. 7:30 pm. Free. All ages.

T U E S D AY

7/18

TWILIGHT TUESDAY

JULES AND JIM

The way the zoo is meant to be experienced: lions, tigers and free alcohol samples. Word on the street is that Pip’s Donuts will be there, along with four breweries, two cideries and a winery. Oh, and there will be live music, wildlife meet-and-greets and a "Howl and Meow" contest. Oregon Zoo, 4001 SW Canyon Road, 503-226-1561 ,oregonzoo.org. 5-8 pm. $5.

One of the most iconic French New Wave films tells the story of a love triangle that straddles pre- and post-World War I Europe. It screens at the Mission Theater in honor of its 55th anniversary. Mission Theater, 1624 NW Glisan St., 503-223-4527, mcmenamins.com. 5:45 pm. $4.

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An InternAtIonAl MArketplAce

Asian Barbecue Sauce Give your summer barbecue an Asian zing with your very own homemade Asian BBQ sauce!

Don’t want to make it yourself?

Fubonn Supermarket carries a huge selection of sauces that will inspire your summer cookouts.

Ingredients:

I • • • • • • • • • •

Preparation:

• Stir together all ingredients except sugar 6 tablespoons hoisin sauce* in a bowl.

2 tablespoons rice vinegar (not seasoned) • Cook sugar in a dry heavy saucepan over 1 tablespoon Asian fish sauce moderate heat, undisturbed, until it begins to melt. Continue to cook, stirring occasion1 tablespoon soy sauce ally with a fork, until sugar is melted into 1 tablespoon honey a deep golden caramel. Tilt pan and carefully pour in hoisin mixture (caramel will 1/3 cup minced shallot harden and steam vigorously). Cook over 2 garlic cloves, minced moderately low heat, stirring, until caramel 1 tablespoon minced peeled fresh ginger is dissolved and sauce is thickened, 6 to 8 1/8 teaspoon Chinese five-spice powder minutes. Cool to room temperature.

• Serve with shrimp, swordfish, pork, or chicken.

1/3 cup sugar

OregOn’s Largest asian MaLL

ONE STOP SHOPPING: Groceries · Housewares · Gifts · Jewelry · Restaurants Interested in leasing space at Fubonn Shopping Center?

Contact leasing@fubonn.com for more information.

2850 S.E. 82nd Ave • www.fubonn.com • 503-517-8877 9am-8pm seven days a week *Restaurant Hours may vary from mall hours

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Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Santé is your community LGBtQ craft cocktail bar.

Female-owned and always supporting local artists and musicians.

411 nW Park ave

#wweek

@pdxsantebar

I

T E E R ST

YO U R LY K E WE PERK

Shandong www.shandongportland.com

Shandong www.shandongportland.com

wweek.com

FOOD & DRINK CARLEIGH OETH

= WW Pick.

Highly recommended.

By JANELLE ABULKHARI. Editor: MARTIN CIZMAR. Email: dish@wweek.com. See page 3 for submission instructions.

THURSDAY, JULY 13 La Ruta PDX

A gastronomic festival devoted to celebrating the culinary culture of Spain, La Ruta PDX is composed of a series of events that’ll take place from the 13th to the 16th of July. One of its tastiest-looking events is the Ambassador Dinner series, in which $150 gets you a seat and drinks at a private dinner put on by some of Spain’s best chefs and winemakers.

Various locations, larutapdx.com. 6:30 pm. Through July 16.

SATURDAY, JULY 15 Bastille Day

In honor of the day angry, hungry French people stormed the Bastille, Portland’s Alliance Francaise will hold its 11th annual waiter’s race in which angry, hungry local servers run really fast while balancing water on a tray. Also! Zydeco music, petanque, and shit-tons of wine and Hardy Cognac and French snacks from St. Honoré bakery, C’est Si Bon! crêperie and others. Jamison Square, 810 NW 11th Ave. Noon-6 pm. Free.

If you want to become better acquainted with real Turkish food—the likes of which are scarce around town—check out Chef Umut Matkap’s four-course Summer Turkish Feast. Expect family-style recipes influenced by Matkap’s native Antakya, like summer mezze platters laden with artichokes, eggplant, bulgur and hummus.

Finish off your evening with a helping of halva, a soft candy made of sesame paste with caramelized nuts. Tickets at eatfeastly.com. 6:30 pm, $43.

SUNDAY, JULY 16 National Ice Cream Day

Did someone say “free ice cream”? The folks behind Salt & Straw are celebrating National Ice Cream Day by throwing a citywide series of giveaways at all their Portland locations that include free pints, merch and plenty of tasting flights.

Did you think the lines were long when pints cost $9? Just you wait. No seriously: Wait. Salt & Straw, various locations, saltandstraw.com. All day, free.

Where to eat this week.

1. Han Oak

511 NE 24th Ave., 971-255-0032, hanoakpdx.com.

Sunday and Monday dumpling and noodle nights are more on point than a credit union. $-$$$

2. Zilla Sake

1806 NE Alberta St., 503-288-8372, zillasake.com Zilla has been getting serious sourcing— including a terrifyingly good Hokkaidobred scallop. $-$$$

3. Marukin

609 SE Ankeny St., A, 503-894-9021 marukinramen.com.

Hello, summer! There’s now cold ramen at Marukin with house shichimi togarashi. $

4. Doe Donuts

8201 SE Powell Blvd., 503-333-4404, doedonuts.com.

Portland’s first vegan doughnut shop. $

5. Los Alambres D.F.

Los Alambres D.F., 1134 SE 82nd Ave., 503-213-0085, losalambresdf.weebly.com.

Alambre is like a fajita speedball— meats, cheese and peppers served up with tortillas. $

Anointing Oil

THE HISTORY OF THE AMERICAN JOJO, WHICH IS DEFINITELY NOT A POTATO WEDGE

BY MATTHEW KORFHAGE

mkorfhage@wweek.com

Ask a Portlander about jojos, and a lot of them will tell you the same story: It’s just a funny name people in the Northwest call a potato wedge. The name was invented here and is used only here—a country quirk of our nation’s upper-left corner.

Every Californian tends to hear the word for the first time when they arrive in Oregon, granting seeming credence to this version of events.

Jojos are a staple of old-school truck stops and bars all over Oregon and Washington, a word most locals will apply to any old potato cut lengthwise into wedges.

But there’s more to it than just frying up a wedge potato in a pan. The roots of the jojo go deep into the country’s industrial midsection.

Ask the man whose family is responsible for more of them locally than anyone.

“A true jojo is a potato wedge that’s been breaded, pressure fried and spiced,” says Paul Nicewonger.

For 40 years, the company Paul’s father started, Nicewonger, flooded the Portland area with pressure fryers used to make chicken and jojos. In the ’80s, every city in Oregon had something called a jojo. Oregon remains obsessed with the jojo—state-by-state slang maps show Oregon Googles the word disproportionately often—but it’s not unique, and probably not something that started here.

The jojo is intertwined with a technological wonder of the modern age: the pressure fryer.

Essentially, it’s a pressure cooker filled with hot oil that allows meat to be cooked quickly, at high heat, while still staying juicy. Pressure frying is the only reason fast-food fried chicken exists at all: Colonel Sanders had been experimenting with the process as early as the ’40s, when it was a dangerous and improvised method involving the occasional hot-oil explosion.

Alongside Henny Penny, the Broaster Company of Beloit, Wisc., was the one of the first to make a reliable pressure fryer, and so “broasting” became synonymous with the machines.

The brand-name has become genericized today.

While there are Broaster-brand broasters in

Portland at places like deep-Southeast dive bar Pink Feather and a couple other locations, a company called Flavor-Crisp really brought broasted chicken and jojos to Portland, distributed by a tiny family company in Vancouver, Wash., called Nicewonger, owned at the time by Paul’s father, Nick.

“My father actually invented the jojo,” Nicewonger says.

At the time, Nicewonger was distributing pressure fryers through the whole Portland metro area, selling the first ones to a chain of drive-in theaters in 1958.

According to Nicewonger, his father was at a restaurant trade show demonstrating the marvels of pressure-frying chicken, and just so happened to be next to some guys from Idaho who were hawking potatoes.

“A potato will clean up the oil real nice,” says Nicewonger. “He started cutting up potatoes at JOHN KIRK

Summer Turkish Feast

JOJO-ESQUE: Fryer Tuck “Little Johns” going in the fryer.

REEL M INN JOJOS

the restaurant show, threw ‘em out for people to have. People started grabbing ‘em and they wanted to know what they were. He called them jojos. It’s what he told me—he just said it’s what came into his head.”

Funny thing, though: Ron Echtenkamp, former president of Nebraska company Ballantyne Strong, which also sold Flavor-Crisp pressure fryers, independently told us the exact same

story. Except in Echtenkamp’s version, the guy who said “jojo” was a Flavor-Crisp salesman from the Midwest.

“The guy that actually started the jojo by accident was Ed Nelson—that was back in 1961,” Echtenkamp tells WW. “He was the VIP of the company for a while. Where it started was they were at the national restaurant show in Chicago. The guy was from Idaho russet potatoes in the next booth. He said, ‘I can show you how to freshen up that grease… ‘“ Nobody knows exactly what happened at that Chicago trade show. But Flavor-Crisp had a hit on their hands. Flavor-Crisp salesman across the country sold the idea of jojos with their pressure fryers.

“We started selling them in 1962,” says Echtenkamp. “We’d tell people, you cut the potato into quarters, it takes the same time to cook as a two-and-a-quarter to two-and-a-half pound chicken—you can cook a complete fried meal at the same time.”

Flavor-Crisp reps reportedly sold those jojos in Montana, Minnesota, Nebraska, Northeast Ohio, upstate New York and the Pacific Northwest—Echtenkamp says the company even had a trademark on jojos. This patchwork of jojo states allowed any place where jojos were sold to believe they invented the word themselves— Nicewonger told us that perhaps only people in the Northwest used the term.

The company no longer makes the fryers, and locally, Nicewonger mostly sells the breading—Henny Penny makes a lot of the pressure fryers now sold locally. But Nicewonger figures he and his father were responsible for a sizeable chunk of the jojos broasted in this town—including the old Flavor-Crisp pressure fryer they sold to the Reel M Inn. We’ll get more into the local lore as Jojo Month rolls on. For now, just remember that it’s not unique to the Northwest, and that if it’s not breaded and pressure-fried, it’s not a jojo. “There are a lot of places that will call anything a jojo,” Nicewonger says. “A whole lot of people call a potato wedge a jojo in this marketplace.”

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MUSIC KII ARENS

HOTSEAT

Revolution Redux

PRINCE HAD MANY BACKING BANDS, BUT THERE WAS ONLY ONE REVOLUTION.

BY M AT T H E W S I N G E R

msinger@wweek.com

Prince played with a lot of musicians in his lifetime. But if you ask Robert Rivkin, he was only ever really in one band. It happens to be the one Rivkin also played drums in—the Revolution.

“The other bands were like Wings. Are Wings like the Beatles?” says Rivkin, known to Prince diehards as Bobby Z. “I don’t mean any disrespect to anybody. But I just felt like we spent so much time together in creativity and interaction, and I think it’s what makes it strangely immortal.”

Few fans would disagree. Although the classic incarnation of the Revolution—Rivkin, Wendy Melvoin, Lisa Coleman, Matt Fink and Mark Brown—lasted only a few years, they supported Prince during his ascension to megalithic stardom during the Purple Rain era. And in Rivkin’s estimation, they weren’t just clinging to his lavender coattails, but sharing the experience.

After the group expanded then dissolved, Prince led several bands, but he was never truly a member of one again.

That’s Rivkin’s view, at least. Regardless, it’s hard to argue that any collection of musicians knows his music quite as intimately. After Prince died last April, the rest of the Revolution reunited for a three-night stand at First Avenue, the Minneapolis club he made world famous. Now, they’re touring the country, playing his most well-known material, plus some recently unearthed obscurities from the just-released expanded edition of Purple Rain.

Obviously, the star attraction is no longer playing alongside them. But as Rivkin explains, they feel like he’s still there in spirit—especially when they screw up.

WW: You met Prince just as his career was starting.

What were your first impressions of him?

Bobby Z: So I’m walking by the door of Studio A at Chris Moon’s studio for the very first time. I peek through the door and I see the afro. I got the side-eye look that we all know so well now. Back then, I was the same guy I am now, and I go, “Hey, what’s going on in here?” He looked at me like he just saw Dracula or something. But I won him over with a few jokes, and then I watched him record. He went out there and did drums first. And I went, what is he doing? What’s going on? How does he know where to stop and start? Then he played bass. Then he played guitar. Then he played keyboard.

Then he started singing. And I went, “This isn’t songwriting.

This is channeling.” And I was hooked immediately.

Was Prince basically Prince from the beginning?

Yes. That’s the thing that’s so interesting for me. I got to see everyone get fired. [Laughs] He was always driven, but he opened his own doors—many, many doors—with his brilliance. I was proud of him, to say the least.

Was Prince knowable even for someone like you, or was he fairly private even to his bandmates?

When we were kids, I was with him 24/7—movies, stores, restaurants, back to the apartment, back to Owen [Husney]’s office, recording, playing. As time went on, I always had a connection, but rock stars get busy. As Wendy [Melvoin] tells it, when he disappeared from us to prep the movie is when he really became a superstar, because he had so many things going at once. And sure, everyone’s got a mask on in some form. We’re all many different people, and he was no different.

PURPLE POSSE: (From left) The Revolution’s Mark Brown, Lisa Coleman, Wendy Melvoin, Matt Fink and Bobby Z.

Prince was a notorious taskmaster, and I imagine he’d be particularly harsh on you as a drummer. Do you have specific memories that involve him being particularly demanding of you specifically?

First of all, to pick a nice Jewish kid from St. Louis Park, Minnesota, and stick with him all those years and be his drummer is pretty commendable for him. I’m forever grateful he did that. Being a drummer for him is an extraordinary moment, because he hears everything going on in his head simultaneously, every part. But we had 100 million moments together that were incredible. And no one will ever know, because they were private moments. But they’re very rewarding to think back on, that’s for sure.

You’ve said that you feel the Revolution was the last time Prince was in a band, and after that he became a bandleader. What do you feel made the Revolution different from the other bands Prince would go on to play with?

I get in trouble when I say that. I don’t mean any disrespect to anybody, but I know, because I remained friends with him basically his entire life. I’d go out to rehearsals and see how he runs rehearsals with other bands, and my opinion is, he spent hours with us as a member of the band that he probably didn’t as a bandleader later. He was our bandleader, but we’re called the Revolution in the movie—one name—and he wanted to be a member of this creation. He created a band for him to be immersed in. Sure, he was a solo act when he started, and he was a solo act after us, in my opinion.

Was there any hesitation about taking this reunion beyond those initial tribute shows?

I have reluctance every day. We’re very confident in our skills, it’s just aging and health, and there’s a lot of things in life that go with doing this. By bringing it to people this way, it’s really helping us and we know it’s helping people. Because they’re crying. They’re coming to us crying. And it’s sad. The show has an element of being really sad. But we don’t know what else to do. I can’t imagine sitting home. What would [Prince] want me to do? I don’t know if he’d approve of what we’re doing, but he’d approve of what we’re doing onstage. And that’s what matters to me. Because we’re playing to him. If we make a mistake, we’re looking up to Heaven, not at each other. The band doesn’t care, but he would’ve killed me for that!

How much ownership do you feel over these songs?

Are you purely paying homage or does it feel like your music, too?

It absolutely feels like our music, because the Purple Rain album was a band recording. Fact is fact. There were so many creative ideas flowing, and his were 99 percent right all the

time. But if you had 1 percent—first of all, it better be damn good, and if it was good and it enhanced it, it brought everyone closer, and everyone wanted to contribute.

What’s your opinion on some of the stuff that’s happened over the last year, with regards to Prince’s catalog now being on Spotify and his vault starting to get raided?

You have to stream. You just have to. I understand his protest, but I also understand the demand for his music is overwhelming. Prince was always on top of technology, and you have to factor in his forward thinking, too. He was making a statement about not streaming at a particular point in time in his career, but he’s been known to change, too, for contractual or revenue reasons. But I believe you need to buy this [expanded Purple Rain] package to get the DVD and watch the Syracuse show. If you were too young—which everybody was, for the most part, 30 years is a long time—this will show you, if we’re getting any good reviews now, imagine what we’re doing with Prince on top. That Syracuse video will at least give you a peek back at this unbelievable show.

How much discussion was there about doing a fullfledged reunion while Prince was alive?

Yeah, we talked about it. Sure. He called us Mount Rushmore, he knew what he had. But like I said, I appreciated the fact he was a solo act when he started, and he needed his own space after the Revolution. Being in a band is claustrophobic. There’s no doubt. It’s a compromise on many levels, whether you’re Prince or not.

You last played live with Prince in 2013. What was that like for you?

I had a little heart trouble a few years ago. He wrote a statement saying when I got better, I’d play “Purple Rain” with him. And we went out there and knocked it out, and he said some really nice things during the breakdown that were unbelievable for me. It was a pretty incredible moment to be acknowledged by him for our hard work in the beginning, being nobodies together. I mean, literally—lots of nothingness there. We were a couple of goons running around.

What do you feel is the greatest misconception the outside public has about Prince?

That he’s not a normal person. He is a normal person. He’s an extraordinary person, but he’s still a human. He was just a driven leader of men—a king.

SEE IT: The Revolution plays Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., on Friday, July 14. 9 pm. $35 general admission, $55 balcony seating. All ages.

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= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Prices listed are sometimes for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply. Event lineups are subject to change after WW’s press deadlines.

Editor: MATTHEW SINGER. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, go to wweek.com/submitevents and follow submission directions. All shows should be submitted two weeks or more in advance of event. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings. Email: msinger@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 12 Blondie, Garbage, John Doe and Exene Cervenka

[NOSTALGIA ROCK] “Iconic” is a term thrown around all-too-frequently, but Debbie Harry has earned it. Sonically and fashionably, Harry and her group, Blondie, have some of the most recognizable hits and looks of the ’70s and ’80s. Their sound blended punk, pop, reggae and new wave in innovative ways, and their most recent release, Pollinator, shows them still making creative moves. Blondie brought in a distinct array of outside talent, including Dev Hynes, Sia and Johnny Marr, as part of the songwriting process. The results make for a somewhat disjointed collection of songs, but at this point in their career, Blondie can do no wrong.

CERVANTE POPE. Edgefield, 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale, 503-6698610. 6 pm. Sold out. All ages.

Melvins, Spotlights

WILLAMETTE WEEK'S GUIDE TO PORTLAND

2016

MUSIC

2017

Pub

lishe

Aug s: ust 16

Finder is Willamette Week’s annual guide to our city, featuring all things great in Portland. We’ll focus on the four quadrants in the Portland metro area broken down by neighborhoods. We’ll feature extensive business listings, places to dine, nightlife, arts, and the shopping that defines the City of Roses.

[DOOM GRUNGE] One of the most recognizable and influential bands in the sludgy history of Pacific Northwest post-punk and grunge, the Melvins have had a remarkably consistent career, managing to release nearly 30 albums in 34 years. Their latest, A Walk With Love and Death, is their first-ever double album, an hour-and-20-minutelong head trip. The first half is the muddy metal album you’d expect.

The second half is a bizarre, ambient collage of screams, dialogue and animal noises that sounds like a music box from Hell. It doubles as the soundtrack to a short art film the band produced, which shows images of dead chickens with bleeding necks and hippo teeth. How fun!

SOPHIA JUNE. Hawthorne Theatre, 1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd., 503233-7100. 8 pm. $21 advance, $25 day of show. All ages.

THURSDAY, JULY 13 Northwest String Summit

[MANY SHADES OF GRASS] See Get Busy, pg. 69. Horning’s Hideout, 21277 NW Brunswick Canyon Rd, North Plains. See stringsummit. com for ticket prices and complete schedule.

Tacocat, Sunbathe, Surfer Rosie

[PLAYGROUND PUNK] The fourpiece garage punk band Tacocat comes straight from behind the Safeway counter in Longview, Wash.

It was there that two of the members met before moving to Seattle to round out the rest of the band.

Now, 10 years later, they’ve released a slew of singles and two albums of 90s-inspired, Bikini Kill-certified punk, full of fuzzed-out guitar and sharp vocals. On their latest, Lost Time, they dress like the Go-Gos and sing about hating your period and loving Seattle, despite the tsunami risks. SOPHIA JUNE. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-288-3895. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

FRIDAY, JULY 14 Pharmakon, Caustic Touch

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[LIBERATION NOISE] On Contact, her third “official” album as Pharmakon, New York-based noise magus Margaret Chardiet is intent on conjuring “moments of connection/ communion/contact when the veil is, for a brief but glorious moment, lifted, and we are free.” But Chardiet understands that freedom from illusion can be sublimely terrifying. Her

journey beyond mere appearances evokes a Lovecraftian face-off with essential truths that can melt human minds. Pharmakon’s soundscapes of foreboding electronics and haunted shrieks make for difficult listening.

But consider what we’re up against here—minds trapped in bodies trapped in time trapped in the infinite. We should be scared. CHRIS STAMM. High Water Mark Lounge, 6800 NE MLK Jr. Blvd., 503-2866513. 9:30 pm. $12 advance, $14 day of show. 21+.

Algiers, Moon Diagrams

[ELECTRIC GOSPEL] The buzz hovering around Algiers’ sophomore record The Underside of Power continues to pile up, and for good reason. The quartet’s social commentary—set to punk-, gospel- and industrial-inspired sounds—is not just timely but poignant and crafty.

Frontman Franklin James Fisher lost his job amid the financial crisis and turned the receiving end of longstanding Wall Street corruption into dark and soulful resistance music. In an ever-authoritarian world, Algiers fights the good fight with creative and insightful music that’s as honest as it is eclectic and rambunctious.

MARK STOCK. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-2883895. 9 pm. $15. 21+.

Harefest 7

[COVERCHELLA] See Get Busy, pg.

69. Pat’s Acres Racing Complex, 6255 S Arndt Road NE, Canby. 5:45 pm. $50-$100. All ages.

Living Legends

[94’ TIL…] The name might be lofty, but among indie-rap heads Living Legends have earned their moniker through sheer longevity. Starting around 1994, the sprawling pan-Californian collective—bringing together MCs from Oakland and L.A.—has been an underground stalwart, maintaining a fierce commitment to hip-hop’s beats-and-rhymes aesthetic while also expanding its sonic boundaries. At this point, members like the Grouch and Eligh may be bigger than the crew itself—Murs, the group’s most popular alum, quit a few years ago—and recorded output has slowed considerably. Collectively, though, the Legends have a deep enough backpack of quality material to rival any other stable in the game.

MATTHEW SINGER. Revolution Hall, 1300 SE Stark St., #110, 503-2883895. 8 pm. $25. 21+.

SATURDAY, JULY 15 Unsane, Fashion Week, Norska

[NOISE METAL] Unsane is an institution. Formed in New York in 1988, the power trio—led by guitarist and angry shouter Chris Spencer—welded heavy metal girth to pummeling noise rock. Their early heyday ended abruptly when drummer Charlie Ondras died of a drug overdose, but Spencer powered on by recruiting Vincent Signorelli from Swans. The lineup has been solid since 1994, and the band has issued seven studio albums in that time, with an eighth coming this fall on Southern Lord records. This Portland show is their tour kick-off for a run to the 17th annual AmRep BASH in Minneapolis, which continues to celebrate an aggressive style of American noise rock that built a foundation for latter day torchbearers like Converge. Ash Street Saloon, 225 SW Ash St., 503-226-0430. 8 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

CONT. on page 77

COURTESY OF UNIVERSAL MUSIC

PROFILE

Bittersweet Sixteen IT TOOK THE AVALANCHES 16 YEARS TO FINISH THEIR SECOND ALBUM. SO WHAT NOW?

BY M IC H A E L M A N N H E IM E R

@somekindalove

When you’ve been working on a single project for over 16 years, the logic goes that few things might surprise you when you’re close to the finish line.

But according to Tony Di Blasi, one half of Australian sample-pop duo the Avalanches, turning in the final product was more shock than relief.

“You’d think it would be an exciting moment, but instead it was this really strange feeling,” Di Blasi says on the phone from Sydney, where the Avalanches have just curated their own festival outside the city’s famous Opera House.

“It was this huge part of my life that I was so absorbed in for years—decades—and then all of a sudden it was gone and something was missing. It felt very bittersweet.”

The feeling Di Blasi is describing—an eternal longing for something just off in the distance—is at the heart of the Avalanches’ landmark 2000 debut album, Since I Left You, a touchstone of the crate-digging era most figured would stand as the band’s lone definitive statement. Assembled from over 3,500 individual samples, it’s a party album that’s actually best for the afterparty, a pancultural mixtape curated equally from obscure golf instructional records and Madonna hits. It brought the group, which now consists of just Di Blasi and main producer Robbie Chater, waves of critical success, a growing cult of hardcore fans and crazy expectations for a follow-up that was teased and teased throughout the aughts until no one, band included, knew if it would ever see the light of day.

Released last July, the second Avalanches record, Wildflower, contains no hints of the struggle and self-doubt that clouded its fraught creation. Jubilant, wondrous and almost childlike in its sense of discovery, it takes the group’s groundbreaking pastiche of samples and found sounds to the Major Leagues, with live instrumentation and contributions from an eclectic group of guests, including rappers Danny Brown, Biz Markie and Camp Lo, Jonathan Donahue of Mercury Rev and David Berman of Silver Jews. (Berman also ended a long artistic silence by contributing a heartbreaking spoken

word track that became the album’s final track “Saturday Night Inside Out.”) The album’s mix of hip-hop, disco, wayward folk and psych rock somehow holds together, though piecing together so many disparate threads played into its long delay.

“There are definitely songs that came together every year during the whole period,” Di Blasi says. “The last couple of years was mainly working on ways to put it all together, which was quite hard to do. Since I Left You is a bit more similar from song to song, and on this one the individual tracks have stronger personalities.”

Di Blasi describes the album’s narrative as something of a drug-addled road trip, with the action moving from dense sprawl to a more pastoral countryside. “The start of the record feels like kids in the city hanging out, it’s a bit fun and crazy, and around ‘If I Was a Folkstar’ you get out to the open plains,” he says. “You go from hustle and bustle to peace and nature.”

Though the Avalanches credibly make what could be called “dance music,” their closest references are more in line with the warm summer nostalgia of the Beach Boys or other late ’60s psychedelic records. There’s a pastoral, longing quality to everything they’ve produced. Songs like “Since I Left You” and “Subways” sound timeless because they ’re composed of so many fragments of the past. If Since I Left You was hippie music for the Napster era, then Wildflower is a reflection of our current times—a well-curated Spotify playlist for your backyard barbeque or cross-country adventure. It’s the sound of two humans you thought you’d never hear from again, jumping back into the game after years of isolation.

“We cut ourselves off from the world during the making of Wildflower—we didn’t really go out much, which is terrible,” Di Blasi says, laughing. “It’s been amazing playing shows and being more socially active again. We have to make music. It brings so much joy to people and it brings so much joy to us. We don’t want to go away for another 16 years.”

SEE IT: The Avalanches play Crystal Ballroom, 1332 W Burnside St., on Wednesday, July 12. 8:30 pm. $26 advance, $30 day of show. All ages.

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MUSIC DJ Shadow

[ELECTRONICA] Twenty years later, you still can’t talk about DJ Shadow without mentioning his game-changing debut Endtroducing, Compared to last year’s re-introduction, The Mountain Will Fall, it’s clear Shadow hasn’t lost his taste for risk-taking. When you’re this confident in your creative vision, there tends to be a chance that it’ll backfire—see 2006’s hyphyinfluenced The Outsider and 2011’s spotty The Less You You Know, the Better. But The Mountain Will Fall is a cohesive beat frenzy, mixing sampling, EDM experiments and live instrumentation into a manageable listen that should sound wonderful live alongside his classics. ERIC DIEP. Roseland Theater, 8 NW 6th Ave., 971-230-0033. 8 pm. $25. All ages.

SUNDAY, JULY 16 Aimee Mann, Rhiannon Giddens

[TECHNICOLOR SADNESS] There’s really no such thing as a mediocre Aimee Mann album. She’s as consistently great as she is consistently somber, so when early reviews of Mental Illness, released last month, boasted of an especially despondent effort from the astute and prolific songwriter, expectations soared. Mann has never sounded more like a counterpart to midcareer Elliott Smith in Beatlesworship mode, elucidating misery with Technicolor studio glitter.

Tonight, she pairs with Rhiannon Giddens, formerly of string-band revivalists the Carolina Chocolate Drops, whose latest solo effort, Freedom Highway, is one of the most acclaimed Americana records of the year. CRIS LANKENAU. Oregon Zoo, 4001 SW Canyon Rd., 7 pm. $29.50-$59.50. All ages.

MONDAY, JULY 17 Lyle Lovett & His Large Band

[TIN PANHANDLE ALLEY] Decades past chart success, it’s tempting to blame Lyle Lovett’s dimming star on poor timing. Had he arrived just a bit earlier, the bigger tent of old country might have found room for his straightforward songwriting. The droll, incisive lyrics and manful fragility strung throughout those early collections would surely be trending among the unformatted generation had he not surrendered momentum to genretouring diversions. Release Me, his most recent album from 2012, ranges through jazz, blues and Western swing covers with practiced ease. But, even at his most rollicking, there’s a distant strangeness perhaps most comfortable along the fringes. JAY HORTON. Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall, 1037 SW Broadway, 503-2484335. 7:30 pm. $45-$80. All ages.

TUESDAY, JULY 18 Joan Shelley, Michael Hurley

[FOLK] Following in the tradition of Tara Jane O’Neil, Laura Marling and Julie Byrne, Joan Shelley brings a celestial innocence to the feminine side of an indie-folk scene currently enjoying a renaissance. Enlisting the finger-style guitar duo Nathan Salsburg and James Elkington as auxiliary players for her recent self-titled LP, and appointing Jeff Tweedy as producer, would normally suggest timidity from a relatively obscure singer attempting to expand her audience through association with some bigger names. Instead, Shelley comes forth with the bright, sophisticated effort of an artist at the height of their powers. CRIS LANKENAU. Mississippi Studios, 3939 N Mississippi Ave., 503-2883895. 8 pm. $12 advance, $15 day of show. 21+.

CONT. on page 79

S T E FA N KO H L I

FEATURED

Khalid

[R&B] Khalid Robinson wrote his debut album, American Teen, as a senior in high school living in El Paso, Texas. On the album’s title track, he describes the city as “where all the girls are pretty” and “all my boys are with me.” In “Winter,” he talks about how love grows older on colder days, accented by his thoughts of being lonely in his hometown. These are universal themes coming from a 19-year-old, but as you get deeper into American Teen you’ll find that they’re telling moments from a gifted soul singer navigating emotional turbulence. Songs of young love (“8TEEN”), belonging (“Shot Down”), and technology (“Location”) are delivered through a hoarse timbre and an instantly catchy blend of early R&B hallmarks and ’80s pop.

At this stage in Khalid’s life, his muse is the uncertainty of his future, and his promise to fellow teens and older folks alike is if you listen to him with an open heart, you’ll find something to relate to. ERIC DIEP. Roseland Theater, 8 Northwest 6th Ave., 971-230-0033. 8 pm Wednesday, July 12. Sold out. All ages.

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MUSIC CLASSICAL, JAZZ & WORLD Cathedral Park Jazz Festival

[OPEN-AIR JAZZ] For 37 years, the annual Cathedral Park Jazz Festival has brought some of Portland’s finest musicians out from their nocturnal haunts and into the sunshine and shadows of the St. Johns Bridge. Friday night’s concert leans more toward blues and soul, with appearances from Rose City Kings and Andy Stokes along with jazz vocals from Julie Amici. Saturday afternoon, Bylines Quartet offers theatrical jazz songs by singer Marianna Thielen and pianist Reece Marshburn, plus Midnight Serenaders’ Hawaiian-tinged

retro swing and Shirley Nanette’s tribute to the great jazz singer Ernestine Anderson. Cuban-born, New York-based pianist composer Manuel Valera’s Latin jazz trio headlines. Sunday afternoon kicks off with current and alumni members of the Portland Youth Jazz Orchestra, and continues with frequent sideman pianist Clay Giberson’s own quartet. The festival closes with the funked-up jazz and R&B by Michael Beatzilla Whitmore & The Store of Funk.

BRETT CAMPBELL. Cathedral Park, N Edison Street & N Pittsburg Avenue, 5:30 pm Friday, July 14. Free. All ages.

For more Music listings, visit

ALBUM REVIEW

Woody Guthrie

ROLL COLUMBIA: 26 NORTHWEST SONGS (SMITHSONIAN FOLKWAYS) Woody Guthrie was no fan of Portland. The folk singer and OG antifa was busted for vagrancy on an early visit to the city, and later characterized it as a backward boondocks.

“Portland is a place where rich ones run away to settle down and grow flowers and shrubbery to hide them from the massacres they’ve caused,” he once said. “Mentally, Portland is the deadest spot you ever walked through.”

But as a socialist songwriter with three small children trying to survive the aftermath of the Great Depression, Guthrie was in no position to turn down work from the Bonneville Power Administration, who hired him to write propaganda tunes encouraging public support of hydroelectric power projects along the Columbia.

The month Guthrie spent in Southeast Portland ended up being arguably the most productive four weeks of his life. Living in a small apartment in the Lents neighborhood, Guthrie wrote 26 songs, including the classics “Pastures of Plenty” and “Roll On, Columbia, Roll On.” All the songs from that fruitful month were recorded anew for Roll Columbia: Woody Guthrie’s 26 Northwest Songs, a compilation issued by Smithsonian Folkways Recordings.

There ain’t a “California Stars” or “Joe DiMaggio Done It Again” among these songs, recorded by various artists with the sparse acoustic arrangements you hear on Guthrie originals.

Whether it was his focus on the objective at hand, getting the damn dams built, or his distaste for Portland, Guthrie’s efforts here focus on the plight of Northwest workers and the potential to be unlocked were the land to be wetted with water from the river.

If you love dams, you’re in luck. Throughout, the majesty of the Gorge plays second fiddle to the wonders of civil engineering projects. To my ear, the most interesting of the lot is “Washington Talkin’ Blues,” recorded by Scott McCaughey, Peter Buck and Jon Neufeld.

They tell an altered version of Guthrie’s own life, following the story of an Okie forced off his land by the Dust Bowl, who heads up to Washington to claim a plot of land where there’s not enough water.

“Now what we need is a great big dam/throw a lot of water out across the land/People could work and the stuff would grow, and you could wave goodbye to the old skid row,” he wrote.

Other songs are awkward in their boosterism. The Grand Coulee Dam is ”the biggest thing man has ever done,” Guthrie wrote in a song where he compares it favorably to the Great Pyramid of Giza and the Empire State Building, which bizarrely transitions into a riff about Hitler.

Despite those shortcoming, the cocktail of hopefulness about evolutionary technology, working-class frustration and the spectre of creeping fascism give the record an almost unforgettable timeliness. Especially here in the deadest spot Guthrie ever walked through. MARTIN CIZMAR. GO: Roll Columbia: Woody Guthrie’s 26 Northwest Songs will be performed at the Alberta Rose Theatre, 3000 NE Alberta St., on Friday, July 14. 7 pm. $18 advance, $22 at the door.

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MUSIC CALENDAR = WW Pick.

Highly recommended.

WED. JULY 12 Alberta Street Pub

1036 NE Alberta St. Eric Kallio, Anna Tivel, Rocket 3, Tumbledown

Crystal Ballroom

Editor: Matthew Singer. TO HAVE YOUR EVENT LISTED, send show information at least two weeks in advance on the web at wweek.com/ submitevents. Press kits, CDs and especially vinyl can be sent to Music Desk, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Please include show or release date information with all physical mailings.

Email: music@wweek.com.

[JULY 12-18]

For more listings, check out wweek.com.

LAST WEEK LIVE

Revolution Hall

1332 W Burnside St. Sabrina Carpenter

Dante’s

1300 SE Stark St. #110 Perfume Genius, Serpentwithfeet

Edgefield

600 E Burnside St. The Domestics, Le Rev

Rontoms

350 W Burnside St. Cody Johnson 2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Sonny Hess (The Little Red Shed)

The Know

Ash Street Saloon

Bunk Bar

Fremont Theater

Twilight Cafe and Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Arlo Indigo, Sheers, Tino’s Dream

Crystal Ballroom 1332 W Burnside St. The Avalanches

Dante’s

350 West Burnside St. Jeff Crosby, Jonathan Warren & the Billygoats, Reno

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Blondie, Garbage, John Doe and Exene Cervenka; Moody Little Sister (The Winery Tasting Room)

Fremont Theater

2393 NE Fremont St. Dan Balmer, Louis Pain, Alan Jones

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

Melvins, Spotlights

Holocene

1001 SE Morrison St, Beach Fossils, She-Devils, Ablebody

Jack London Revue

2393 NE Fremont St. Chris Chandler, Anne Feeney

Horning’s Hideout

8 NW 6th Ave. Khalid

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

Dead Rabbitts, I Set My Friends On Fire, Set To Stun; Titans of Industry, Jeff Hayes Band, Ana Lete, Phantom Kids

The Liquor Store

3341 SE Belmont St, Lose Yr Mind Fest: Acid Tongue, Soul Psych, Salo Panto

Twilight Cafe and Bar 1420 SE Powell Drouth, Cartilage, Succumb

Valentines

232 SW Ankeny St. Larry Wish, Modal Zork, Walter Diego

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Jim Kweskin & Meredith Axelrod

White Owl Social Club 1305 SE 8th Ave. Diego’s Umbrella

THU. JULY 13 Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. The Dark Backward, Nails Hide Metal, Maxwell Williams

Ash Street Saloon 225 SW Ash St. The Heavy Eyes

Crystal Ballroom

1332 W Burnside St. Sabrina Carpenter The DE-Tour

MON. JULY 17 Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall

1037 SW Broadway Lyle Lovett & His Large Band

Kenton Club

2025 N Kilpatrick St Post Moves, 100 Watt Horse, The Washboard Abs

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Tacocat, Sunbathe, Surfer Rosie

Revolution Hall

1300 SE Stark St., #110 ZZ Ward

Spare Room

4830 NE 42nd Ave. Camp Crush and Subways on the Sun

The Fixin’ To

8218 N. Lombard St. The Riffbrokers, DRC3, Tiger Touch

The Liquor Store

Roseland Theater

836 N Russell St. Moon Bounce, Champ!on

529 SW 4th Ave., Mel Brown B-3 Organ Group

Mississippi Studios

1300 SE Stark St. #110 Cowboy Junkies

White Eagle Saloon

Jack London Revue

The Goodfoot

Revolution Hall

1420 SE Powell Krystos, Dead Nexus, Rotten Monolith

21277 NW Brunswick Canyon Rd, North Plains Northwest String Summit

529 SW 4th Ave, Coco’s Cacophony + Shreddy Symphony of the Subterranean 3939 N Mississippi Ave. Palm, Palberta

3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

Suss Law, Dog Soldier, Gaasp, Anti Sycotix

DANIEL STINDT

225 SW Ash St. Black Halo

2845 SE Stark St. Swatkins & The Positive Agenda 3341 SE Belmont St, Dead Men Talking, Stanley Nelson, Ellisa Sun

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. Thursday Swing! featuring the Juleps, 12th Avenue Hot Club

Twilight Cafe and Bar 1420 SE Powell United Defiance, Tough Guy, Seven Inches

White Owl Social Club 1305 SE 8th Ave. East Shadowhouse, Star Club

RAZE THE ROOF: They say you can’t have darkness without light, and this adage certainly rang true for Emma Ruth Rundle at her June 7 show on the roof of Revolution Hall. Rescheduled from a canceled gig back in March as part of the venue’s Sunset Series, Rundle’s solo performance saw the former Red Sparowes guitarist spinning tales of isolation in despair while the sun set over downtown, creating a startling contrast that was simultaneously haunting and serene. As a member of L.A.-based label Sargent House’s cadre of fashionably occult hard-rock acts, songs like “Hand of God” and “Marked For Death” found Rundle’s music assuming the role of the stripped-down chanteuse foil to the pulverizing force of labelmates like Russian Circles and Helms Alee. (The former milled about the deck in advance of that night’s opening gig with Mutoid Man at the Hawthorne Theatre.) For music so morose and wrought with pain, Rundle deserves a heap of praise for cutting the emotion with swirling guitar effects and witchy ambiance, which she proceeds to cut straight through with picking dynamics punctuating the cadence of her heartbreaking warble. Seeing a throng of heshers sway along on a posh rooftop during the golden hour was indeed a bizarre sight at first, but Rundle kept the crowd rapt with enthusiasm regardless. PETE COTTELL. Fremont Theater

2393 NE Fremont St. Bastille Day Celebration with the Eric John Kaiser Band

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

Jaymes Young

High Water Mark Lounge

Alberta Rose Theater

6800 NE Martin Luther King Ave. Pharmakon, Caustic Touch

Anarres Infoshop

21277 NW Brunswick Canyon Rd, North Plains Northwest String Summit

FRI. JULY 14 3000 NE Alberta St. Roll Columbia: Woody Guthrie’s NW Songs

Horning’s Hideout

7101 N Lombard St. Goop, Fake News, Gary Supply

Jack London Revue

Ash Street Saloon

Kenton Club

225 SW Ash St. Stumblebum, Dartgun & The Vignettes, Barret C. Stolte

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave, BUHU

Cathedral Park

N Edison St. and Pittsburgh Ave. Cathedral Park Jazz Festival

Dante’s

350 W Burnside St. The Bellrays, Dr. Boogie, The Lovesores

Doug Fir Lounge

830 E Burnside St, Joseph Arthur, Ray Goren

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale The Resolectrics (The Winery Tasting Room)

529 SW 4th Ave. Jonny Cool

2025 N Kilpatrick St. The Upper Strata

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Algiers, Moon Diagrams

Pat’s Acres Racing Complex

6255 S Arndt Road NE, Canby Harefest 7

Pop Tavern

825 N. Killingsworth Meringue, the Bedrooms, Petite

Revolution Hall

1300 SE Stark St., #110 Living Legends

Roseland Theater

8 NW 6th Ave. The Revolution

Sunlight Supply Amphitheater

17200 NE Delfel Rd., Ridgefield, WA

Train

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd.

School of Rock

The Evergreen 618 SE Alder St. Copy & Paste, Treasure Fingers

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave. The Mutineers, Jacob Cole, Matt Woods, Nick Foltz

The Fixin’ To

8218 N. Lombard St. Leading Psychics, The Needs, The Early Stuff

The Know

3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

Federale, Mascaras, the Savage Family Band

The Secret Society 116 NE Russell St. Pete Krebs and his Portland Playboys

The Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Disfig

White Eagle Saloon

836 N Russell St. Jacob Westfall; Zealyn, Sam Pinkerton

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Eagles of Death Metal, The Delta Riggs

SAT. JULY 15 Alberta Rose Theater 3000 NE Alberta St. Rock ‘n’ Roll Camp for Girls’ Summer Camp Showcase

Alberta Rose Theater 3000 NE Alberta St. Indigenous

American Legion Hall 2104 NE Alberta St. Wimps, Patsy’s Rats, Hornet Leg, Mini Blinds, Conditioner

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Unsane, Fashion Week, Norska

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave. Slow Corpse, Yaquina Bay, DoublePlusGood

Cathedral Park

N Edison St. and Pittsburgh Ave. Cathedral Park Jazz Festival

Dante’s

350 West Burnside DADA

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Jacob Westfall (The Winery Tasting Room)

Fremont Theater

2393 NE Fremont St. Manuel Valera Trio; Moonrise Nation

Hawthorne Theatre

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

Goodtimes

High Water Mark Lounge

6800 NE Martin Luther King Jr. Ave. Vacant Stares, Silence In The Snow, Hail, Tetrad Veil

Horning’s Hideout

21277 NW Brunswick Canyon Rd, North Plains Northwest String Summit

Jack London Revue 529 SW 4th Ave., Kirk Green Band

Kenton Club 2025 N Kilpatrick St. The Munsens, Disenchanter, Red Cloud, Chronoclops at Kenton Club.

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Andrew Combs, Barna Howard

Accused A.D., Bomb Squad, Millhous, Dead Friends

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St. The Vandoliers

Wonder Ballroom

128 NE Russell St. Little Hurricane, Jade Jackson

Roseland Theater 8 NW 6th Ave. DJ Shadow

Star Theater

13 NW 6th Ave. Raging Fyah

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave. Echopurr, Fire Nuns, Outer Space Heaters

The Fixin’ To

8218 N. Lombard St. Man Repellant, Shower Scum, Born Upset

SUN. JULY 16 Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Green Jelly, Headless Pez, God Bless America

Cathedral Park

N Edison St. and Pittsburgh Ave. Cathedral Park Jazz Festival

Crystal Ballroom

Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St. Lucien Dante “I AM” Tour

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Groovy Wallpaper, Will West (The Winery Tasting Room)

High Water Mark Lounge

6800 NE Martin Luther King Ave. Lavender Scared, Brave hands, Michete

The Firkin Tavern

1937 SE 11th Ave Rosechild, Tybo, Dean Cranston

The Know

3728 NE Sandy Blvd., Tig Bitty, Body Shame, Halfbird, Roadkill & The Pricks

Twilight Cafe and Bar 1420 SE Powell Real Real Talk, Body Academics, Blackout Curtains, Just Kitten

TUE. JULY 18 Ash Street Saloon

225 SW Ash St Dwight Church, Dwight Dickinson, Keith Cameron, John Underwood, Marc and The Horse Jerks

Bunk Bar

1028 SE Water Ave., Maggie Koerner

Edgefield

2126 SW Halsey St Troutdale Stringed Migration (The Little Red Shed)

Fremont Theater

2393 NE Fremont Street Super Doppler

Hawthorne Theatre

The Goodfoot

2845 SE Stark St. Jujuba, Bloco Alegria

1332 W Burnside St. Rockin’ For Tony DeMicoli: NuShooz, Quarterflash, Jon Koonce & the Lost Cause

The Know

Edgefield

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Joan Shelley, Michael Hurley

3728 NE Sandy Blvd.

The Fur Coats, Hawkeye, Charts, Devy Metal

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave. Darkswoon, Moth Vision

The Secret Society

116 NE Russell St. Basic Rights Oregon Benefit Concert featuring Montclaire, Sarah St. Albin, A Collective Subconscious

The Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Badr Vogu, Askevault, Hands of Thieves

Twilight Cafe and Bar 1420 SE Powell Blvd.

2126 SW Halsey St., Troutdale Billy D (The Winery Tasting Room)

Horning’s Hideout

21277 NW Brunswick Canyon Rd, North Plains Northwest String Summit

Fremont Theater

2393 NE Fremont St. Jake Ray & The Cowdogs

Mississippi Studios

3939 N Mississippi Ave. Rozwell Kid

Oregon Zoo

4001 SW Canyon Rd. Aimee Mann, Rhiannon Giddens

1507 SE César E. Chávez Blvd.

Dead Heavens

Mississippi Studios

The Analog Cafe

720 SE Hawthorne Blvd., Alvarez Kings

The Fixin’ To

8218 N. Lombard St The Wild Body, Eye O, Wet Fruit

White Eagle Saloon 836 N Russell St David Smith

White Owl Social Club 1305 SE 8th Ave Call the Cops, Rum Rebellion, Ground Score, Goop

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

81

MUSIC COURTESY OF TODD ARMSTRONG

NEEDLE EXCHANGE

Todd Armstrong

Years DJing: It’s been nine years since I begged my cousin to teach me how to mix vinyl. I would slow down his late ’90s trance records and practice mixing them into Rod Stewart’s “Do You Think I’m Sexy” for hours on end.

Genre: House, techno, tech house—I love sexy, groovy, funky music. Anything that subconsciously convinces people to wiggle.

Where you can catch me regularly: Mr. Projectile and I throw a party every other month at Holocene called Fuzzy Logic. We consider it our sonic church, and as your DJs we provide you with holy aural pleasure. I am also regularly willing to play wherever with whoever as long as I get to play my sweet, sweet house.

Craziest gig: My goodbye party at Chilkoots Charlie’s in Anchorage, Alaska. It was packed to the brim with beautiful people, and the excessive amounts of alcohol, nudity, sweaty dancing and illicit substances created one of the most memorable parties I’ve ever been part of. It made me want to leave Alaska over and over again.

My go-to records: Anything by Julio Bashmore, Kill Frenzy or Jimmy Edgar can get a party going. More recent additions to my forever files include some Lenny Kiser and Fritz Carlton. Of course, I always gotta mix in tracks from the label that puts out my music, Late Night Munchies.

Don’t ever ask me to play…: Top 40 or country. I mean, you could go ahead and ask, but I will just smile and say, “When I get the chance absolutely!”

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. DJ Rob F Switch / DJ EPOR

Killingsworth Dynasty

WED, JULY 12 Beulahland 118 NE 28th Ave, Wicked Wednesday (hip-hop)

Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. TRONix: Popcorn Mixed Signals

Killingsworth Dynasty 832 N Killingsworth St Final Report (industrial rhythms, cold waves)

Sandy Hut

1430 NE Sandy Blvd.

DJ Just Dave

The Embers Avenue 100 NW Broadway, Knochen Tanz (ebm, industrial)

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave, Event Horizon (darkwave, industrial)

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Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Death Throes (death rock, post punk, dark wave)

Tryst

19 SW 2nd Ave, DJ Phunkeechyld

Tube

18 NW 3rd Ave., Dubblife

Whiskey Bar

31 NW 1st Ave, Wu Tang Wednesday x Global Based: Pickster One

THU, JULY 13 Black Book

20 NW 3rd Ave, Ladies Night (rap, r&b, club)

Dig A Pony

736 SE Grand Ave., Papi Fimbres (afro punk & cumbia)

832 N Killingsworth St Punk Nite

Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi Ave. RapClass

Parasol Bar

215 SE 9th Ave, Vinyl Takeover w/ Tom Kay

Sandy Hut

1430 NE Sandy Blvd.

DJ Joey Prude

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave, Shadowplay (goth, industrial, 80s)

Whiskey Bar

31 NW 1st Ave, Latin Thursday (reggeton, merengue, salsa)

FRI, JULY 14 45 East

315 SE 3rd Ave, Tommy Trash

Beech Street Parlor 412 NE Beech Street DJ Ramophone

Where to drink this week.

1. Revolution Hall Rooftop Deck

CARLEIGH

OETH

BAR REVIEW

1300 SE Stark St., 503-288-3895, revolutionhall.com.

There’s nothing more posh than a rooftop bar—and this one’s finally open to the public, all the time.

n ht ight nlig Sunl ghtt Su Ligh er Li lver Silv w/ Si w/

tion Natio ise Na nrise oonr Moo M WHITE FIRE OG

2. Widmer Beer Garden

Sat July 15 @ 9PM

929 N Russell St., 503-281-2437, widmerbrothers.com.

Widmer’s got a brand-new beer garden across from the Gasthaus—with OP Wurst serving sausages, $3 beers on Thursdays and cheap-ass Hefe cans every time a passing train toots its horn.

2393 NE Fremont • fremonttheater.com

HUGE ORGANICALLY GROWN HARVEST!!

3. Bailey’s Taproom

213 SW Broadway, 503-295-1004, baileystaproom.com.

Well, guess who’s turning 10 years old?

Bailey’s, that’s who. This week, they’re softly kicking off two weeks stacked with little beer events, culminating in a block party.

4. Schilling

Cider House

930 SE 10th Ave., 971-352-6109, schillingciderhouse.com.

Schilling’s new 50-tap cider house might be spendy, but damn, that’s a great taplist. Look for multiple Spanish, French and British ciders on those taps, plus a world of local farmhouse and specialty cider.

5. Wayfinder

304 SE 2nd Ave., 503-718-2337, wayfinder.beer.

Wayfinder keeps getting more beer—including a German-style hefe loaded with banana, clove and bubblegum notes. Hot tip: If you ain’t eatin’, order at the bar and cart your beer straight to a patio bench.

6 NEW STRAINS FOR

$15 AN EIGHTH 5 STRAINS FOR

$20 AN EIGHTH 7 STRAINS FOR

TALE OF TWO ’VILLAS: Montavilla North, the Glisan Street business district running parallel to the much older one on Stark Street, is suddenly becoming kind of a thing. On a stretch already equipped with Vietnamese joints, storied dive bars and great Detroit pizza on Tuesdays, tiny two-month-old cocktail bar Blank Slate (7201 NE Glisan St., Ste. C, 503-206-4041, blankslatepdx.com) feels like that last piece that really ties the ’hood together—or, if you’re a nearby renter, scares the shit out of you. The Slate is the sort of lightly domestic cocktail bar Portland has come to specialize in, bedecked in the patterned wallpaper suddenly ubiquitous at such places, in this case a very pretty procession of greenery and lilies.

It’s the sort of spot where the Smiths plays on vinyl, there are flowers in vases and circular wall mirrors hang like doorknocker pendants from long chains. The food is both dainty and pretty—olive, oyster and focaccia fare with personal touches like fresh Hood strawberries from the owners’ garden, which add a little sweetness to their ceviche ($12). It’s a charming bar for a sunny day—the sort that offers a few idiosyncratic options among a very broad palette, whether a small list of to-go wines, three $5.50 beer taps (Baerlic, Montavilla or Barley Brown’s) or $9 classic cocktails. Among specialty drinks, the Last Word on the Left ($11) was a bit heavy on the lime to justify its esoteric and expensive ingredient list of mezcal, Bénédictine and Maraska. But the real fun and value came in the bar’s various liquor flights, whether $7 for local vermouths or $15 for three half-shots of 12-year Scotch. While Blank Slate remains a bit of a blank slate, there’s reason to suspect it’ll fill in nicely with the neighborhood. MATTHEW KORFHAGE.

Black Book

The Liquor Store

Holocene

Crystal Ballroom

The Lovecraft Bar

Killingsworth Dynasty

20 NW 3rd Ave, The Cave (rap, r&b, club) 1332 W Burnside St 80s Video Dance Attack: 70s vs 80s!

Dig A Pony

736 SE Grand Ave., Maxx Bass (funk, boogie, rap)

3341 SE Belmont St, Believe You Me 421 SE Grand Ave, NecroNancy: Courtney Lovefest

The Secret Society

Holocene

116 NE Russell St Bollywood Redefined w/ DJ Lemon

Killingsworth Dynasty

19 SW 2nd Ave, DJ Bad Wizard

1001 SE Morrison St., Dance Yourself Clean 832 N Killingsworth St Cake Party

Moloko

3967 N. Mississippi Ave. King Tim 33 1/3 (aqua boogie & underwater rhymes)

Parasol Bar

215 SE 9th Ave, Sappho

Quarterworld

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd Quarter Flashback (80s)

Spare Room

4830 NE 42nd Ave The Hustle (disco)

The Goodfoot 2845 SE Stark St Soul Stew (funk, soul, disco)

Tryst

Whiskey Bar

31 NW 1st Ave, Soulacybin and Spoken Bird + AfroQBen Buhlu PushNFractals MetaZen

1001 SE Morrison St., Slay (hip-hop) 832 N Killingsworth St Max Capacity

Moloko 3967 N. Mississippi Ave. Montel Spinozza

Quarterworld

4811 SE Hawthorne Blvd DJ RoCKiT

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave, Sabbath (darkside of rock)

Valentines

232 SW Ankeny St Signal w/ The Grand Yoni

Whiskey Bar

SAT, JULY 15 45 East

315 SE 3rd Ave, Wiwek + Vindata

31 NW 1st Ave, The Pool House

SUN, JULY 16

Black Book

Dig A Pony

Crystal Ballroom

Ground Kontrol

Dig A Pony

Star Theater

20 NW 3rd Ave, The Ruckus (rap, r&b, club) 1332 W Burnside St 90’s Dance Flashback 736 SE Grand Ave., Maxamillion (soul, rap, sweat)

736 SE Grand Ave., Emerson (hiphop, r&b) 511 NW Couch St. Black Sunday: DJ Loraxe 13 NW 6th Ave., HIVE (goth, industrial)

$25 AN EIGHTH 1979 NW VAUGHN ST. SUITE B PORTLAND, OR 97209 HOURS: 11-7, 7 days a week Just North of the Pearl District.

WWW.VESSELPDX.COM

WAX WEDNESDAY EVERY WEEK 20% OFF CONCENTRATES!

ALL PRICES INCLUDE CLUDE TAX!

MON, JULY 17 Ground Kontrol

511 NW Couch St. Reaganomix: DJ Rockit (80’s)

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave, Black Mass (goth, new wave)

TUE, JULY 18 Dig A Pony

736 SE Grand Ave., Noches Latinas

Kelly’s Olympian

426 SW Washington St. Party Damage: DJ The Grand Yoni

Sandy Hut

1430 NE Sandy Blvd.

DJ Sean from Pork Magazine

The Embers Avenue 100 NW Broadway, Recycle (dark dance)

The Lovecraft Bar

421 SE Grand Ave, Mood Ring (trap, witch house)

Tonic Lounge

3100 NE Sandy Blvd.

Toxic Tuesdays (goth, spooky)

Tube

18 NW 3rd Ave., Tubesdays w/ DJ Jack

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

83

PERFORMANCE COURTESY OF PORTLAND ACTORS ENSEMBLE

REVIEW

= WW Pick. Highly recommended.

Most prices listed are for advance ticket sales. At-the-door increases and so-called convenience charges may apply, so it’s best to call ahead.

Editor: SHANNON GORMLEY (sgormley@wweek.com).

TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit information at least two weeks in advance to: sgormley@wweek.com.

THEATER OPENINGS & PREVIEWS Deception Unit

Portland Experimental Theatre’s newest creation is a madcap skewering of domestic life. With surreal, overlapping narratives and colorful balaclavas, Deception Unit mashes together banal dinner parties the antics of a fake Polish punk band. A short version of the show premiered at Seattle’s On The Boards festival of new works last month, but PETE is bringing the full version to Portland. Deception Unit’s weekend run will cap off Coho Productions’ Summerfest, five weeks of oneweekend runs of theater oddities. SHANNON GORMLEY. Coho Productions, 2257 NW Raleigh St., cohoproductions.org. 7:30 pm Thursday-Sunday, July 13-16. $20.

Così Fan Tutte

In Mozart’s last Italian opera, two dudes decide to test the fidelity of spouses by trying to seduce each other’s wives. For their production of the comedic opera, Portland Opera will mix period costumes with Portland-inspired outfits, so there will be powdered wigs along with bushy beards. SHANNON GORMLEY. Newmark Theatre, 1111 SW Broadway, portlandopera.org.

7:30 pm Friday, July 14, Saturday July 22-29, Thursday, July 20 and Wednesday, July 26. 2 pm Sunday, July 16. $35-$110.

Cthulu: The Musical

In a way, it’s actually kind of surprising that puppet horror theater is a niche market—puppets are fucking creepy. Ashland-based touring company Puppeteers for Fears have been creating horror puppet shows for years now, but they’re just now making it to Portland. For their touring show Cthulhu: The Musical, the company has adapted H.P. Lovecraft’s short story for puppets and set it to live rock music.

SHANNON GORMLEY. Shoebox Theatre, 2110 SE 10th Ave., puppeteersforfears.com. 8 pm FridaySaturday, July 14-15. $15.

ALSO PLAYING The Addams Family

You can’t accuse a play of lacking sinister panache that co-stars a disembodied hand. Yet this refurbishing of Charles Addams’ freakish family by the Broadway Rose Theatre Company feels oddly lethargic, in part because it’s burdened by a blandly formulaic book by Marshall Brickman and Rick Elice.

The plot is powered by the antics of Wednesday Addams (Molly Duddlesten), who wants to marry a white-bread goofball (Colin Kane), even if it means disappointing her aptly named mother, Morticia (Lisamarie Harrison), and enlisting the aid of her bumbling father, Gomez (Joe Theissen). It’s a fairly wrote plot, and the Addams actors work overtime to enliven the story.

Yet even their profoundly creepy performances can’t compensate for the staleness of the central romance and a frustrating lack of slapstick energy. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Deb Fennell Auditorium at Tigard High School, 9000 SW

84

Durham Rd., Tigard, broadwayrose. org. 7:30 pm Thursday-Saturday and 2 pm Sunday through July 23.

Additional shows 2 pm Saturday, July 15 and Saturday, July 22. $21$50.

DANCE Rantum Scoot

Choreographer and dancer Bob Eisen’s works are bizarre yet transfixing, often combining fluid movements that devolve into chaotic thrashing, all set to off-putting music. The rest of the lineup for Rantum Scoot is also delightfully strange—Performance Works NW founder and director Linda Austin will perform a solo piece, there will be collaborative work by Sada Naegelin and Leah Wilmoth, and Gregg Bielemeier perform his piece, Hello, my name is Gregory Michael Christopher Bielemeier, first eliminated from the Spelling Bee and last chosen for the Team. It’s a rare opportunity to see works created and performed by dancers who aren’t in their 20s (both Eisen’s and Austin’s works deal with aging).

SHANNON GORMLEY. Performance Works NW, 4625 SE 67th Ave., pwnw-pdx.org. 8 pm FridaySaturday, July 14-15. $10-$20 in advance, $12-$20 at the door.

Pretty Creatives

Each year, NW Dance Project hosts an emerging-choreographers competition. This year’s winners, Alice Klock and Alysa Pires, had the arduous task of creating two new pieces in 18 hours that will be performed by the dancers from the company’s summer residency.

SHANNON GORMLEY. Lincoln Hall, 1620 SW Park Ave., nwdanceproject. org. 7:30 pm Saturday, July 15. $20 advance, $25 day of show.

COMEDY Portland Sketch Comedy Festival

It’s a consistent theme in the history of Portland comedy that having a festival really helps foster segments of the local comedy scene.

Stumptown Improv Festival helped create a platform for the growing improv scene, and Bridgetown was instrumental in transforming Portland into a nationally recognized hotspot for standup. Now, it’s sketch comedy’s turn. The first-ever Portland Sketch Comedy Festival is three nights of 12 local and nonlocal sketch comedy troupes. SHANNON GORMLEY. Siren Theater, 315 NW Davis St. Thursday-Saturday, July 13-15. See sirentheater.com for full schedule. All festival pass $84, four show pass $40, $12 individual shows.

Portland Queer Comedy Fest

Portland’s first-ever Queer Comedy Festival features lineups hosted by long-time members of the local scene like D. Martin Austin and Belinda Carroll, plus out-of-town legends like Guy Branum. Go to portlandqueercomedyfestival.com for full schedule. $45 day pass, $65 weekend pass.

For more Performance listings, visit

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

FROM THE GRAVE: Alexandria Casteele, Jacob Camp and Paul Susi.

All the Cemetery’s a Stage A NEW PRODUCTION OF TROILUS AND CRESSIDA LOSES ITS WAY.

BY B EN N ETT CA MPB ELL FER GU SON

Portland Actors Ensemble’s new production unfolds around a towering memorial at Lone Fir Cemetery. It’s a fittingly sepulchral setting for William Shakespeare’s Troilus and Cressida, a play defined by death, betrayal and characters who hunger for love they’ll never receive.

Yet those volatile themes are barely felt in this production. Troilus and Cressida is set during the eighth year of the Trojan siege, but the costumes in this version are contemporary—Troilus (Jacob Camp) wears an earth-toned military uniform.

Like his many of his fellow Trojans, Troilus ultimately ends up in the midst of battle, though he still finds time to turn his fancy to the witty and wily Cressida (Alexandria Casteele).

For reasons that presumably include the story’s deficiency of romantic prospects—many of the play’s men are monsters and/or fools— Cressida indulges Troilus’s advances. Much to her new lover’s dismay, their momentary bliss is interrupted when she’s forced to join the Greeks.

But even in the scene of her kidnapping, the difficulty of the task PAE has created for themselves is evident—Casteele’s performance lacks the vigor necessary for an outdoor performance, even in Cressida’s most tormented moments.

Outdoor plays mean the performances have to inhabit a much larger space than a traditional theater. Plus, Troilus and Cressida is one of Shakespeare’s most notoriously difficult plays. Director Patrick Walsh has helmed plenty of successful productions of the Bard’s plays and was the co-

artistic director of the Shakespeare-oriented Post5 Theatre’s last season. But this one is full of baffling conversations, a traumatically bleak conclusion and a sprawling ensemble that makes the two eponymous characters seem like afterthoughts.

The performances by Paul Susi and Landy Hite are a much-needed boon. Susi plays the Greek commander Achilles as a pouting, scarily angry baby of a man, and Hite delivers a chilling emotional meltdown as the Trojan commander Aneas.

The production has its spine-tingling moments—like during the battle that brings this Troilus and Cressida to a harrowing climax with a tornado of prop gunfire, spilled blood and a fight that features what look terrifyingly like kitchen knives. The action is a relief after the play’s scenes of ceaseless chatter, and the choreographed dance of assault and murder is so brutal and coherent that when a faux firearm emits a sharp “pop,” it seems like the real deal.

Even better is Susi’s performance during and after the violence. To watch him embody Achilles’ tragic arrogance in battle and his wounded regret after the fighting has finished is to realize that perhaps the play’s greatest mistake was authored by the Bard himself. After all, he was the one who fixated on the title characters while Achilles, who could have been a superior and thrillingly complex leading man, was nestled in the play’s grim narrative all along.

SEE IT: Troilus and Cressida plays at the Lone Fir Cemetery, SE 26th Avenue and Stark Street, portlandactors.org. 7:00 pm Thursday-Saturday, July 7-29. Free.

VISUAL ARTS c o U r t e S y o F U p F o r . d i g i ta l

REVIEW

Into the Hyperlinksphere AN ONLINE ART EXHIBIT SPANS TWO DECADES OF THE INTERNET. SHANNON GORMLEY

sgormley@wweek.com

This month, Upfor gallery has two exhibits.

Inside its physical venue in Northwest Portland, there’s Brenna Murphy’s Axis Spread— small 3-D-printed sculptures of tangled, colorful designs spaciously displayed on the gallery’s floor.

Then there’s Mark Amerika’s new work, Detail(s) from GRAMMATRON (Animated GIF Remix), which only exists on the gallery’s website. It takes about three minutes to get through.

Detail(s) is on Upfor’s website in advance of the British Computer Arts Society’s symposium in September that will be centered around the 20th anniversary of GRAMMATRON. It begins with black words that flash onto an all-red screen: “I am a writing machine. Not this tragic dream that mourns the loss of unity. A writing machine. Now here’s the story.”

From there, it’s not so easy to follow. A deluge of proto-internet-quality photos on brightly colored browser pages appear and disappear on your computer screen faster than you can keep up with.

It’s not that digital artwork is particularly topical—Upfor regularly publishes online-

only exhibits. But Detail(s) is the selfdescribed remix of Amerika’s seminal 1997 hyperlink labyrinth GRAMMATRON. Over a decade before the format became ubiquitous among webcomics like Homestuck, GRAMMATRON was one of the first long-form hyperlink narratives to be published on the internet. Built out of nearly 2,000 links, it follows Abe Golam as he wanders disassociated, like a digital Ulysses, though the city Prague-23. Embedded into words on each page are links you can click to advance the story. Some pages have just one link, others have several that are each a different path through the narrative.

When it was released in ’97, Wired heralded GRAMMATRON as “a model for a whole new level of reading.” The New York Times wrote “GRAMMATRON is Amerika unbound from convention.” Ominously, it also quoted Amerika saying “It’s a project that in my mind has tremendous potential, but at the same time can never really reach its potential.”

So perhaps it’s not surprising that Detail(s) feels like squashed dreams.

Composed of images and text sampled from GRAMMATRON, it’s a highly condensed version of the original. Instead of a hypertext, Detail(s) is a roughly three-minute

InformaTIon ovErload: Pages from Detail(s).

video—this time, you don’t even have to move your cursor to get to the end.

Calling it Detail(s) seems ironic in the bleakest way possible. With the same lo-fi production values of the original, the show hurtles through a series of flashing images, bright backgrounds and text you want to read but can’t keep up with. You’re forced to take in so much information at once, it feels impossible to take in any information at all.

One of the most legible parts of Detail(s) is a sample from the first hyperlink page of GRAMMATRON: “Abe Golam, legendary info-shaman, cracker of the sorcerer code and creator of Grammatron and Nanoscript, sat behind his computer, every speck of creative ore long since excavated from his burnt-out brain, wondering how he was going to survive in the electrosphere he had once called home.”

The video then loops back to the beginning.

In GRAMMATRON, that’s where the story

starts. There are several links scattered throughout the sentence, each a different way through Prague-23. But Prague-23—a seemingly limitless realm of digital pathways— doesn’t feel like it exists in Detail(s).

Twenty years after the launch of GRAMMATRON, it feels like Amerika is weary of what his creation has become (It’s like Commander Adama says in Battlestar Galactica, “You cannot play God, then wash your hands of the things that you’ve created.”). GRAMMATRON was never optimistic, but in 1997, it must have at least felt full of wonder and possibility, a world unbound by reality and fabricated out of ones and zeros. In Detail(s), the sprawling dreamscape of GRAMMATRON is a claustrophobic nightmare.

SEE IT: Axis Spread is at Upfor, 929 NW Flanders St., through July 22. Detail(s) on upfor.com through Sept. 30.

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

85

BOOKS = WW Pick. Highly recommended.

BY DANA ALSTON. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, submit lecture or reading information at least two weeks in advance to: WORDS, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: words@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 12 of Portland’s hottest pizza & pie makers

Mandy Len Catron

Baby Doll Pizza Via Chicago Ex Novo Ranch East Glisan Pizza Jerk

Ecliptic Petunia’s Pasteries & Pies Baker & Spice

Artisan Pie Pie Artisan Event Event

Love is patient, kind and apparently scientific. That’s the impression one gets, anyway, while reading Catron’s 2015 essay “To Fall in Love With Anyone, Do This.” The Canadian’s new memoir How to Fall in Love With Anyone blends personal romances with scientific knowledge and literary theory, and it’s all in essay form! Time to find out if those provocations on love you see on Facebook have any publishable merit. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 800-878-7323.

7:30 pm. Free.

THURSDAY, JULY 13 Christopher Husberg & D.J. Butler Those with an appetite for

fantasy will find plenty to love in new installments of Husberg and Butler’s series. Dark Immolation— the second book in Husberg’s Chaos Queen series—includes characters named Knot and Cinzia, and enough plot threads to make any Tolkein buff salivate. Butler’s Witchy Eye follows a girl with “a natural talent for hexing” named Sarah in a “flintlock fantasy.” Wizards and the Industrial Revolution? Sign me up!

Powell’s at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd, 503-228-4651. 7 pm. Free.

5-9

1ST PM

Tickets on sale now!

$27

Curtis Armstrong

TUESDAY, JULY 18

Kaitlin Solimine & Warren Read

Middle school proved that literature is sad, and a pair of new novels from Solimine and Read go far in proving the point. Solimine’s Empire of Glass follows an a teenager named Lao K, who tries to translate her mother’s novel, two decades after Lao may or may not have helped her commit suicide.

Read’s Ash Falls concerns a horrific act of violence in a small mountain town, and how the town’s community reacts. So, ya know, light reading. Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 212-782-9714, 7:30 p.m.

Free.

SATURDAY, JULY 15 Marjorie Liu & Sana Takeda

A PORTION OF EACH TICKET BENEFITS VILLAGE GARDENS

86

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

Gabe Hudson

Borchers—raised bilingually with French and German—died in 2013, but one of her eight books of poetry is finally getting the English treatment on Thursday.

Who Lives includes six sections translated to English for the first time by Caroline Wilcox Reul.

Forty years of editorship helped Borchers develop her voice, so expect perfect grammar and the like. Mother Foucault’s Bookshop 523 SE Morrison St., 7 pm. Free.

Ever wonder about that one guy who seems to be in every movie?

It might be Curtis Armstrong, a classically trained actor who’s appeared in Risky Business, Revenge of the Nerds, American Dad and lots of other movies and shows. Now the actor with a 40-year career has a new memoir called Revenge of the Nerd, which follows his not-so-meteoric rise.

Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 800-878-7323. 7:30 pm.

Free.

August

MONDAY, JULY 17 Here’s a question: How do you improve Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy? Pretty simple, really: add dragons and highschool drama. Hudson’s Gork, the Teenage Dragon combines all of these things into a literary acid trip through space and time. The titular Gork may carry the worst nickname in the world— Weak Sauce—but just wait until he conquers a foreign planet with his lady friend. Shrug-worthy?

Without a doubt. Sounds entertaining as hell, though. Powell’s on Hawthorne, 3723 SE Hawthorne Blvd., 212-782-9714, 7:30 p.m.

Free.

Elisabeth Borchers

Deep Dish Edition!

comics. Volume 2: The Blood collects 5 issues of “deco-influenced steampunk” adventuring into one book. There are monsters and shit! Plus, most of the characters are women, and they’re fully developed. Shocker. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 800-878-7323. 2 pm. Free.

Marjorie Liu and Sana Takeda unleashed their comic series Monstress in 2015 and have been showered in acclaim ever since.

They got nominated for an Eisner, for God’s sake—the Oscars of

David D. Levine

Planet-hopping badassery is always welcome in the world of books. Luckily the Hugo Awardwinning David D. Levine has an entire series dedicated to just that. The second book in his series starring Arabella Ashby follows her quest to rescue her fiance from the French clutches of a prison camp on Venus.

Swashbuckling is guaranteed, probably in zero-gravity. There’s also a weapon that can nuke a galaxy. Just another day in the vast reaches of space! Powell’s at Cedar Hills Crossing, 3415 SW Cedar Hills Blvd., 503-228-4651.

7 pm. Free.

Ian Bassingthwaighte

Remember the Arab Spring, aka “The Internet’s Gonna Save The World?” Turns out the real world isn’t as rosy. Bassingthwaighte— try saying that three times fast!— has a new novel named Live From Cairo that follows a colorful cast of characters in the time surrounding President Mubarak’s ousting in 2011. These include an attorney, an Iraqi refugee, a protest-friendly translator and a disenchanted resettlement officer.

Odds are they cross paths at some point, but who knows?

Egypt gets kinda crazy during a revolution. Powell’s City of Books, 1005 W Burnside, 800-878-7323.

7:30 pm. Free.

COURTESY OF GRAPHICMEANS.COM

MOVIES GET YO UR R E PS IN

Breathless

(1960)

Even if you’ve never seen Breathless before, it created you and everyone else with a quirky yet cool aesthetic. One of JeanLuc Godard’s most iconic films, the romantic tradjedy is one of the more accessible products of the French New Wave movement. Mission, July 15-22.

Bonnie and Clyde

(1967)

Starring Warren Beatty and Faye Dunaway, Bonnie and Clyde broke the seal on American cinema’s desire for sex and violence. But it’s also a seriously awesome outlaw tale that’s both alluring and bleak.

Pix Pâtisserie, July 12.

Elephant Man

HANDS-ON: Cece Cutsforth, one of the designers interviewed in Graphic Means.

(1980)

David Lynch’s second feature film tells the tale of John Merrick (John Hurt), a man whose facial deformity was exploited for entertaiment in Victorian England. Even with Anthony Hopkins’ killer performance as Dr. Treves, Elephant Man is perhaps the most understated work in Lynch’s filmography. But it’s still deeply haunting and blooms with Lynch’s empathy for every corner of humanity. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, July 14-15.

Retro Design OUTDATED GRAPHIC DESIGN MANUALS TURNED A PSU PROFESSOR INTO A FILMMAKER.

BY DANA ALSTO N

La Strada

(1954)

Who knows what today’s mindfucking films would be like if it weren’t for La Strada. Arguably Federico Fellini’s magnum opus, La Strada is a surreal, winding story of banality told through circus performers traveling through rural Italy. It screens as a film that influenced David Lynch’s career in NW Film Center’s retrospective of his work. NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, July 17.

Stop Making Sense

(1984)

New York New Wave swelled to high tide the moment David Byrne, wearing a loose-fitting suit, introduced “Psycho Killer” by pressing play on the cassette player he carried out on stage.

Captured by director Jonathan Demme, the documentary of a Talking Head’s 1983 concert is equally essential to the history of pop music and music documentaries. Clinton Street Theater, July 17.

ALSO PLAYING: 5th Avenue Cinema: Rebel Without a Cause (1955), July 14-16. Academy: The Goonies (1985), July 14-20. Hollywood: Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom (1984), July 15-16. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989), July 15-16. Raiders of the Lost Ark, (1981). Kiggins: Grease (1978), July 14-16. Laurelhurst: Vampire’s Kiss (1988), July 14-20. Mission: Jules and Jim (1962), July 15-20, The Umbrella of Cherbourg (1964) July 15-21 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971), July 16-22.

with a Kickstarter campaign and Levit’s own extensive research.

Inspiration comes from strange places. FilmOn paper, 85 minutes about typeface maker Briar Levit found hers in a Goodwill. and paste-up sounds like a dry bore. But Until she started collecting decades-old Means isn’t even the first doc to cover the graphic design production manuals while subject. Doug Wilson’s 2012 Linotype, has thrifting, making movies didn’t even enter been screened around the country, and her head. “I consider myself a graphic traced the creation of the titular machine designer first,” says the assistant profes- and its influence on the world. Wilson himself—also a graphic designer-turnedsor at Portland State. But the methods in filmmaker—mentored Levit during those manuals were so outdated—and her production process, supplying completely unknown to a younger historical footage along with generation—that she began to consider becoming a filmfilmmaking advice. maker as well.

But even with his help, Before the days of Adobe, Levit’s own talent is obvious graphic design was comright from Means’ opening pletely hands-on. Linotype credits, an animated title machines had to be loaded sequence with photographs with characters on metal of giant 1960s computers. blocks, and entire articles Wilson’s archival footage plays had to be glued on to oceans of an active role. Between interLEVIT blank paper. The manuals acted views with industry experts, there as a sort of historical journal for those are clips of happy-go-lucky educators techniques. “When I would show them to and advertisers from the ’50s and ’60s demmy peers...they had no idea about these tools onstrating the design and production proand processes,” she says. “And it seemed like cess behind newspapers and advertisements. people my age wanted to know about it, too.”

Listening to ad men spew superlatives about That was four years ago. This Wednes- a typewriter—“Automatic! High-speed! Powday, NW Film Center will screen Levit’s erful! Accurate!”—is hilarious, and amounts documentary Graphic Means, a film that to a puzzle-like watching experience that charts the history of typography and graph- begs for attention. ic design from its early stages to the age Levit turned to Seattle’s Norm Chambers of InDesign. Means, which premiered last (called Panabrite online and onstage) for April at a Seattle film festival, is the result of scoring, a product of her electronic music Adobe’s help—which supplied about a quar- fandom. As the film progresses from printter of the film’s budget after Levit reached ing press to PDF, the music morphs from out to them during post-production—along Moog to digital. dalston@wweek.com

Outside of Chambers, Means was made with a crew of all women. It was “a conscious choice” for Levit, who’s the former art director for the Portland-based Bitch magazine.

The film itself includes wholeheartedly feminist themes. Women played a massive role in the design industry as designers, a fact which Means iterates from the onset. “Typesetting did more to bring women into the workplace than any other technology,” says one early interviewee, a typeface designer named Dan Rhatigan. Even so, women received half of what men made.

“I’ve been a feminist for as long as I can remember,” Levit says. “I thought, ‘ Why wouldn’t I use this opportunity?’” That decision drives the film, and gives political meaning to pencils and X-ACTO knives.

Less exciting are the previously mentioned segments about typography’s inner workings. Despite some animation and editing that rapidly displays different fonts with artistic flair, it feels less like a commercial film and more like an insider’s class presentation. Making Times New Roman a riveting protagonist is a monumental task, and Levit can’t quite get over the hump.

But for a feature-length debut, Graphic Means is remarkably solid. Levit’s Goodwillfueled passion bleeds from every frame.

And even though taking on the patriarchy through typeface sounds unusual, Means pulls it off one keystroke at a time.

SEE IT: Graphic Means plays at NW Film Center’s Whitsell Auditorium, 1219 SW Park Ave., nwfilmcenter.org. 7 pm Wednesday, July 12. $9.

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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WAR FOR THE PLANET OF THE APES Editor: WALKER MACMURDO. TO BE CONSIDERED FOR LISTINGS, send screening information at least two weeks in advance to Screen, WW, 2220 NW Quimby St., Portland, OR 97210. Email: wmacmurdo@wweek.com. Fax: 243-1115. : This movie sucks, don’t watch it. : This movie is entertaining but flawed. : This movie is good. We recommend you watch it. : This movie is excellent, one of the best of the year.

NOW PLAYING Maudie

In this biopic of Canadian folk visualist Maud Lewis, Sally Hawkins embodies the mid-20th century painter with incredible resilience.

The whimsy Maud pours into her colorful landscapes is a tonic to her painful relationship with her husband Everett (Ethan Hawke) and her severe arthritis. Maud meets Everett when, looking for an escape from living with her Aunt Ida (Gabrielle Rose), she signs up to work as his housekeeper. Hawkins’ portrayal of resisting physical decay is deeply touching, and Hawke, one of Hollywood’s most prolific emoters, exercises ultimate restraint as Everett, breaking his wife’s heart as a grumbling, nearly unreachable soul. As a couple, they’re “like a pair of odd socks,” Maud waxes in one of the film’s most touching moments.

It’s a moment to relish, because hardship is far more common in their remote Nova Scotia cottage— the one Maud gradually turns into a four-walled canvas, illustrating petals and birds on every surface.

It’s not that Maudie wastes these two remarkable performances, they’re just the only two hues on its palette. Otherwise, it’s a paintby-numbers biography that resets constantly and clunkily with folk arpeggiating, and never really digs for Lewis’ deeper character or philosophies in its script. Who knows what made her great, the film says, but her essence was innately good.

PG-13. CHANCE SOLEM-PFEIFER. Living Room.

War for the Planet of the Apes

While the title tags of its two predecessors, 2011’s Rise and 2014’s Dawn, are virtually interchangeable, the “War” in War for the Planet of the Apes could scarcely speak louder. The third installment in the new Apes saga is designed like a classic Hollywood combat epic.

Though he’s now gray around his tortured eyes—the ones so human they continue to feel like a motioncapture miracle—the Messianic chimpanzee Caesar can find no peace. He must now face down an army colonel who resembles Brando’s iconic Kurtz in every way except for being played rather casually by Woody Harrelson. Marred by irredeemable, indistinct human characters, War feels every bit the technological achievement of Dawn without the inter-primate intrigue.

While the second film examines the hazards of tribal communication, War finds its meaning in suffering. In their quest for sanctuary, Caesar’s dwindling band of Muir Woods apes resembles history’s

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most abused populations: Israelites, Gulag prisoners, forcibly relocated Native Americans. It’s operatic, very long and intentionally little fun.

The stakes are cataclysmic enough to end this franchise, though they probably won’t. PG-13. CHANCE SOLEM-PFEIFER. Bridgeport, Cascade, Clackamas, Ceder Hills, City Center, Division, Eastport, Evergreen, Lloyd Center, Tigard, Vancouver.

Wish Upon

Newton’s third law of wishes states that for every wish granted by a numinous foreign artifact or spiteful djinn, an equal and opposite blood debt must be repaid. Basic physics aside, Wish Upon is the story of unpopular high schooler Clare Shannon (Joey King), who is haunted by memories of witnessing her mother’s hanging suicide when she was a child, and now lives with her father Jonathan (Ryan Phillippe) and dog in the same house 12 years later. Clare’s daily torment includes being nearly run over by her more popular texting-and-driving peers as she rides her bike to school, and later we see her engaged in an all-out lunchroom brawl with one of those same classmates. It’s never easy being a teenager, and Jonathan, realizing that Clare’s circumstances are tougher than most, tries to be a doting father and surprises her by gifting her a scary-looking antique Chinese music box scavenged from a neighbor’s dumpster. Clare comes to learn that the music box is not actually very useful if you just want to hear a little ditty, but it does purport to grant its owner seven wishes. Ignorant of the strings that usually come attached to such things, she begins making wishes. Wish Upon doesn’t offer anything new to the “be careful what you wish for” trope, but there are a generous handful of tense moments and amusing bits of dialogue. The film is well-paced, and all in all, you could do worse if you’re looking to see some blood. R. R. MITCHELL MILLER. Clackamas, City Center, Division, Stadium, Tigard.

STILL SHOWING 47 Meters Down

In this shark thriller, a recently dumped Lisa (Mandy Moore) thinks an Instagram post during a trip to Mexico will get her boyfriend back.

That gives you a pretty solid idea of the movie’s depth. Still, those seeking the heart-pumping adrenaline of a summer shark flick won’t be disappointed. PG-13. LAUREN TERRY. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Division, Tigard

C O U R T E S Y O F T W E N T I E T H C E N T U R Y F OX F I L M C O R P O R AT I O N

MOVIES

Casting Danny McBride as the alien was a ballsy gamble that paid off. Sadly, nothing else in Ridley Scott’s frenetic follow-up to the underrated Prometheus comes together as it should. R. Clackamas, Empirical, Vancouver

Band Aid

Relationships on the fritz make for some of rock music’s best mythology. In a twee reversal, Band Aid asks whether a civilian Carter-Cash or BuckinghamNicks could take up songwriting as couples therapy. Like so many premisedriven indie comedies, Band Aid crescendos with enthusiasm but has no idea how to strike a resolving chord.

It settles on letting its too-cute, Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus garage-rock songs soak in the limelight.

R. CHANCE SOLEM-PFEIFER. Living Room Theaters.

Baywatch

I am pleased to report that this movie is exactly as unnecessary and idiotic as you think it is. R. Avalon, Jubitz, Kennedy School, Valley Cinema Pub, Vancouver

The Beguiled

Sofia Coppola’s Civil War-era tale of amorousness and limb-severing vengeance follows wounded Union soldier John McBurney (Colin Farrell) to a Southern all-girls seminary, where his hosts (including Nicole Kidman, Kirsten Dunst and Elle Fanning) both vie for his affections and subject him to ghastly torment. It’s at times beautifully haunting, But Coppola suffocates The Beguiled with monotonously pretty scenery and the tiresome spectacle of awful people doing awful things to other awful people. R. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Living Room Theaters

Beauty and the Beast

Did we need this remake? Probably not. Is is pretty good? Yes. PG. Empirical, Valley Cinema Pub, Vancouver

The Book of Henry

Directed by Colin Trevorrow’s (Jurassic World), The Book of Henry tells the story of Henry (Jaeden Lieberher), a cute, dying, 11-year-old genius who lives next door to Christina (Maddie Ziegler), another cute kid with an abusive stepfather (Dean Norris). PG-13. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. City Center, Fox Tower.

The Boss Baby

Somehow, this movie isn’t a terrifying monstrosity. PG. Academy, Avalon, Empirical, Vancouver.

Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie

Giddy satire gives way to lazy bombast in this animated adaptation of Dav Pilkey’s children’s book series, which has too much of its titular underdressed superhero and too little of its prankster protagonists, two elementary schoolers (voiced by Kevin Hart and Thomas Middleditch) at war with the tyrannical Principal Krupp (Ed Helms).

PG. Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie Academy, Avalon, Empirical, Kennedy School, Vancouver.

Cars 3

Cars 3 is a tribute to the bonds shared by teachers and students, albeit with a slapstick demolition derby scene dominated by a comically sinister school bus. Yet it’s Pixar’s gift for imbuing inanimate objects with humanity that makes you care when Cruz and Lightning lean into the curves. G. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Oak Grove, St. Johns Pub and Theater, Tigard, Vancouver

Despicable Me 3

Conventional Hollywood wisdom dictates that animated children’s movies must vigorously trumpet the merits of kindness (good!) and condemn the evils of selfishness (bad!). Yet that memo clearly hasn’t reached the makers of this anarchic entry in the Despicable Me franchise, in which the bulbous,

reformed supervillain Gru (voiced by Steve Carell) finds his lust for mischief is stoked by his twin brother, a cheerful moron named Dru (also Carell). PG. BENNETT CAMPBELL FERGUSON. Bagdad, Beaverton, Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Milwaukie, Moreland, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Roseway, St. Johns Twin Cinema & Pub, Tigard, Vancouver.

of suspense that would have made Hitchcock crack a sinister smile, and intoxicating images—men hacking their way through foliage with machetes, ramshackle boats floating toward elusive destinations—from director James Gray (Two Lovers), the movie hypnotizes completely. PG-13. Fox Tower.

school. In an age of glowering caped crusaders, Homecoming reminds us that we should be having fun watching men in tights smack into walls. PG-13.

AP KRYZA. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, St. Johns Twin Cinema & Pub, Tigard, Vancouver.

Their Finest

Megan Leavey

T2: Trainspotting

Wonder Woman

Everything, Everything

This young adult movie about a girl (Amandla Stenberg) who lives in a bubble is just as devoid of logic, storytelling or disability rights as it sounds like it is. PG-13. Vancouver.

With a more expressive star and a more experienced director, this Iraq War tale of a U.S. Marine and her German shepherd could have been more than what it is: a glossy, facile and TV-ready tribute to a heroic woman who deserves a much better movie. PG-13. Clackamas.

The Fate of the Furious

My Cousin Rachel

Sadly, Paul Walker was the key ingredient missing in the eighth iteration of the Fast and the Furious franchise. At least there’s still a bunch of cool explosions and shit. PG-13. Avalon, Vancouver

Get Out

Yes, this movie is as good as everyone says it is, enough so that it makes you ask why other horror movies aren’t better. R. Academy, Laurelhurst.

Going in Style

Spooky, sexy and gleefully menacing, this fresh rendition of Daphne du Maurier’s novel is a terrific showcase for its stars, Sam Claflin as dunderhead lord of a coastal estate in Victorian-era England who seeks vengeance against the cousin of title, and said cousin (Rachel Weisz), whose masterful performance blends anguish, toughness and terrifying rage. PG-13. Fox Tower.

The Mummy is a bunch of haphazard action sequences hastily constucted a one-sided romance between an Egyptian zombie princess (Sofia Boutella) and Tom Cruise’s goofy daredevil Nick Morton. Still, it’s almost wonderous in its stupidity. PG-13. BENNETT CAMPBELL. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Eastport, Empirical.

Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

Paris Can Wait

I, Daniel Blake

An “I” precedes the name Daniel Blake in Ken Loach’s (The Wind That Shakes the Barley) 2016 Palme d’Orwinning film because its protagonist will eventually be driven to testimony. But Daniel doesn’t start out an evangelist for the English commoner, and neither does the film. Played as a grouch with a heart by comedian Dave Johns, we follow Daniel through a welfare system’s circles of hell in the former industrial hub of Newcastle. You’d be hardpressed to find a more sobering portrayal of a losing streak taking over a life. R. Laurelhurst.

Kong: Skull Island

Following the original film’s blueprint, Kong: Skull Island sends a boatload of explorers past the permastorm that’s hidden the titular archipelago for millennia. The similarities end there.

Shifting to Southeast Asia just after the fall of Saigon, Skull Island replaces Age of Discovery heroics with wartime ambience. PG-13. Vancouver.

The Lego Batman Movie

Fast, funny and pleasingly drunk on the joys of mockery, The Lego Batman Movie is as fun as the 2014 original but stars Will Arnett as a petulant, preening goofball who rocks out on an electric guitar and showers orphans with cool toys from a merch gun. PG. Clackamas, Vancouver.

Logan

Turns out having Hugh Jackman and cute child Dafne Keen perform Mortal Kombat fatalities on robot-armed mercenaries is a cool idea for a movie. R. Vancouver.

The Lost City of Z

This supremely entertaining tale of exploration and obsession unfolds in the early years of the 20th century to chronicle the storied search of Percy Fawcett (Charlie Hunnam) for an ancient city he believes lies hidden deep within the Amazon. With a buildup

I never thought I’d get a lump in my throat watching a superhero movie but here we are. Patty Jenkins’ telling of Diana Prince’s (Gal Gadot) WWI origin deftly balances action, romance, comedy and emotional heft like no other in genre has. PG-13. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Lloyd, Oak Grove, Pioneer Place, Tigard, Vancouver.

PREVIEW

The Mummy

Zach Braff’s Going in Style acts as a bitterly honest ode to aging, ageism and existentialism—themes that are always spry. What one might not expect is a plot that’s fairly heinous, both morally and logistically, with characters who remain justified and likable throughout. PG-13. Vancouver.

When the first Guardians debuted, its irreverent, hilarious, bizarro tone came out of nowhere, making audiences fall in love with Marvel’s D-list heroes at the confluence of Star Wars, The Ice Pirates and Buckaroo Banzai.

Vol. 2 isn’t the jolt that the first one was, but between all the action and its surprisingly poignant finale, it’s a welcome addition. We’d follow this band of charismatic assholes anywhere at this point.

PG-13. Bridgeport, Cedar Hills, City Center, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Fox Tower, Tigard

It’s been 21 years since Trainspotting turned a blackly comic druggy caper into generational touchstone, and the follow-up posits that if you can survive the first rush of freedom and weather the inevitable hangover of crashing dreams, nostalgia becomes the last true habit. R. Laurelhurst.

’Ello, love! It’s what seems to be the thousandth period romance this year, this time revolving around a screenwriter (Gemma Arterton) in the British film industry in 1940, marred by needless plot hiccups that make this film dissonantly depressing. R. Academy, Laurelhurst.

COURTESY OF BAKSHI PRODUCTIONS

Alien: Covenant

Would a lighter version of Eat, Pray, Love even be a film at all? PG. Bridgeport, Kiggins.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

Ahoy matey! Johnny Depp is washed!

PG-13. Cedar Hills, Clackamas, Division, Eastport, Oak Grove, Vancouver.

Rough Night

In Lucia Aniello’s first feature film about millennial women behaving badly, five college friends reunite for Jess’s (Scarlett Johansson) bachelorette weekend in Miami. The cast is packed with America’s stoner, foulmouthed sweethearts, including Ilana Glazer from Broad City, Jillian Bell (Workaholics), SNL’s Kate McKinnon and Zoë Kravitz. Johansson is our straight woman, the mild-mannered everygirl running for state senate and engaged to Paul W. Downs, who cowrote the film with Aniello. Downs and Aniello are both Broad City writers, and any fan of the show will endure girls’ night tropes (like slow-motion entrances into hotel lobbies and bikini-area grooming gaffs) for the shining moments of modern femalefueled comedy pointedly accurate for 25-35 year-olds. After a freak accident results in a dead stripper, the friends make the messy situation dirtier with every scene, like when Kravitz must seduce the swinger couple next door (Demi Moore and Ty Burrell) to obtain the tape from their security camera.

Rough Night doesn’t revolutionize wild weekend movies, but it’s a smart skewering of the bro’d out black comedies that have dominated the R-rated genre. R. LAUREN TERRY. Cedar Hills, Eastport, Fox Tower, Tigard.

Snatched

Picture the worn-out gimmick of the hapless character on a mission, walking in slow motion while gangsta rap ironically scores their strut. Picture a film unimaginative enough to use that gag three separate times and you have Snatched. R. Vancouver.

Spider-Man: Homecoming

The second reboot in a cinematic series that’s merely 15 years old is as interesting for what it leaves out as for what it tackles. There’s no damsel in constant distress. No revisiting the murder of Uncle Ben or a radioactive spider bite. Hell, there’s not even a world-threatening conflict. Instead, director Jon Watts takes Spidey’s first solo outing in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and puts him up against something far more daunting: high

he’s bakshi: Ralph bakshi with the vinyl edition of Wizards’ score.

Wyrd Revival

Andrew Belling isn’t sure his music is worth revisiting.

When Dennis Dread, owner of Portland-based record label Wyrd War, called Belling to tell him that his score for the 1977 animated film Wizards would be released on vinyl for the first time, Belling says he replied, “Are you sure you want to do that?”

Despite his uncertainty, Hollywood Theatre is screening Wizards this week in celebration of the vinyl release for the obscure soundtrack (it was released on CD for the first time in 2012). Belling will be in attendance.

“I’m not gearing myself up for anything, because I don’t know who the movie appeals to,” Belling says, “I don’t know what kind of person goes out on a Friday night to see a 40-year-old film.”

Wizards is a strange movie. Using a combination of traditional animation, rotoscoping and stock footage, it loosely depicts the story of two wizard brothers in a world destroyed by atomic war. It was made on a shoestring budget by animation legend Ralph Bakshi, who created the first X-rated cartoon, Fritz the Cat. “Wizards got buried to time and dust,” says Dread. Eventually, “It was discovered by stoners and counterculture-types,” he says. “The music got kind of ignored for many, many years.”

Dread describes Belling ’s score as “Sci-fi synth jazz scorched with atomic energy.” At the very least, it’s a lot to take in. “It’s all over the place,” Dread says. “Whimsical and fun and at times it gets heavy and he throws wah wah into the mix.”

But people like Dennis Dread have helped make Wizards and its bizarre soundtrack a cult classic. “They don’t come out casually,” Dread says about the film’s fans. “People come out with posters in hand hoping to get autographed. They’re passionate.”

Even so, Dread seems aware that releasing Wizard’s score on vinyl is a bit risky. “We do a lot of events that have very little commercial appeal,” he says about Wyrd War. “The main thing for me is how did Ralph and Andy Belling feel about it, and those guys gave me the most enthusiastic seal of approval I could possibly ever hope for. Financial ruin was not that important after that.” JOSH O’ROURKE. 40 years after the film’s release, Wizards’ score goes to vinyl.

see it: Wizards screens at the Hollywood Theatre. 7:30 Friday, July 14. $13.

Willamette Week JULY 12, 2017 wweek.com

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Cannabis for Capitalists A PROLE’S REVIEW OF LEIRA CANNAGARS

BY A LISON GOOTEE

What’s the most money you’ve ever spent on weed?

Until last week, mine was a $79 one-gram gram of Sitka Gold flower rolled in 2 grams of hash—an indulgence for a visiting friend’s first legal pot experience.

But I am decidedly part of the 99 percent, which means I’m not the target market for Leira Cannagars, which bills itself as “420 for the 1%” on their slick website.

Seattle-based Leira rolls cannabis cigars, the smallest of which is a petite three-and-one-quarter-inch cigarillo size that retails for $110 in Washington shops, like Freedom Market of Longview, where I snagged mine. They sell out “within hours or the weekend they are dropped,” the company told us, as cannabis users splurge on a product that “represents success, luxury, and sophistication.”

This cigarillo includes 4 grams of flower, coated with a half-gram of rosin, wrapped in cannabis leaves. It’s advertised as burning slowly over an hour. They also sell a six-inch Corona, which retails for $420, and which is filled with 12 grams of flower, sealed with 3 grams of rosin and also covered in cannabis leaves, that they claim will burn for us to five hours.

Leira works hard to make the packaging look lux as well: each cannagar is sold in a corked glass jar, topped with drips of purple wax. While I hesitate to embrace weed as a product for the bourgeoisie, I am a sucker for marketing.

My smoking history begins with Marlboro Lights in middle school and has plateaued at frequent bong rips and the occasional celebratory joint, so the information I have about cigars primarily comes from the media. Specifically, my firsthand knowledge is limited to the boxes making great pencil cases, and the flavored ones are best served gutted and refilled with weed, then sealed with saliva. Buying a cigar already made with Grape Diesel saves so much time (and saliva), even if it costs 100 times as much!

Leira has a lengthy video with instructions on cutting and lighting the cannagar, claiming

you need a cigar cutter and a butane lighter.

Considering my weed budget was already shot after this purchase, I decided to go rogue and skip the step of buying equipment that I likely wouldn’t use again. (My kitchen scissors and a classic Bic worked just fine, which was somehow both a relief and a disappointment.)

Here is one of the things I didn’t know about cannabis cigars: They’re hollow in the middle!

If you smoke them in the manner you usually smoke a joint, your mouth will be burned. A lot of times, even! This was a surprise—I was expecting the density of a blunt, but the cannarillo was shockingly lightweight.

Since I have smoked pot way more times than I have smoked cigars, it took a long time to figure out the best way to hit this thing.

The two friends I shared with were equally baffled, and I ended up offering up a regular old-fashioned preroll once we were tired of the discomfort. At one point, we recalled media impressions of people smoking cigars, and puffed out our cheeks and inhaled while giving tiny wet smooches to the cannarillo, a method that finally resulted in less burning and deeper hits, but also made the whole thing sort of gross to pass around.

One friend wisely said, “I wish we would have figured this method out $60 ago.” Indeed, for a 99 percenter like me, it was hard to enjoy the curling smoke without seeing it as money burning away between my fingers. I have to wonder why Leira didn’t bother adding inhalation instructions to their video—I suppose one percenters already know these things.

My final impression of the Leira Cannarillo is one of disappointment.

The idea is great, but the execution makes this a better novelty gift for a friend than a smoker’s splurge. I found the presentation tacky, reminding me more of Maker’s Mark than Montecristo. If I’d gone for the Corona and spent four times the money, I’d be outraged since you could buy an ounce of weed for that much and roll a ton of old-fashioned blunts.

Since I’m middle class, I’ll definitely be scraping the debris of the finger-burning stump left behind into my bong and dreaming of a

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Jonesin’

CHATLINES

by Matt Jones

“Arrangement in Black and White”--another freestyle puzzle.

53 “High Sierra” actress

28 Figures in Pollock paintings?

54 Invest (with)

29 Neologism paired with “embiggen” on a “Simpsons” episode

55 University of South Carolina team [giggle] 56 Daniel of “Home Alone” 57 Savvy

31 Unimaginably long time

Down

32 Jordan Spieth’s org.

1 Boston ___ Orchestra

35 Get in the way of

2 ___ to go (stoked)

38 Frivolous type

3 Cervenka of early punk rock 4 Borat, really 5 Abandoned property dweller 6 Pilfer 7 ___-majestÈ (insulting the king) 8 Years, in Chile

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9 Olden days

Vancouver 360-314-CHAT

Salem 503-428-5748 I Eugene 541-636-9099 Bend 541-213-2444 I Seattle 206-753-CHAT Albany 541-248-1481 I Medford 541-326-4000 or WEB PHONE on LiveMatch.com

ALWAYS FREE to chat with VIP members

(Unlimited VIP membership $15/week. No worries about minutes.)

MAN to MAN

Free Live chatrooms & forums! 503-222-6USA

10 Zany Across 1 Get the DVD going 10 When doubled, a Japanese telephone greeting 15 Mole ___ (sauce named for a Mexican state) 16 ___ impulse 17 Ancestor 18 Passed out 19 One of Sri Lanka’s official languages (besides Tamil and English) 20 “The Very Hungry

Caterpillar” author Eric 21 “Cool!”

22 Synagogue singer 23 Father’s Day gift that accessorizes another Father’s Day gift 27 U.S.-based Maoist group of the 1970s-80s (or an abbreviation for the thing you’re solving) 28 It may be captured from your laptop

34 Kid’s game 35 Gives the eye 36 Bird on Canadian coins 37 Scout’s honor?

39 “That’s so weird!” online

11 Indian, for one 12 Have no leads to follow up on 13 What a person who can eat constantly without gaining weight is said to have 22 Op. ___ (bibliography abbr.)

41 “The Imitation Game” subject

24 Compound present in beer

43 “___ come to my attention ...”

25 Spanish actress and frequent “Love Boat” guest star

32 Sport with mallets

48 “Not even close!”

33 Earlier offense

52 Therefore

37 Auto ad stat 40 Latent 42 Receive, as a penalty 44 “Join me for a ride!”

45 Ecclesiastical vestment 46 Airport bathroom lineup 48 Mediterranean fruit trees ...

49 ... whose leaves covered him up 50 “Rendezvous With ___” (Arthur C. Clarke novel) 51 Word after ring or coin

14 Situate between

40 Chaotic states

47 Scottish families

30 It’s between Laredo and Nuevo Laredo

last week’s answers

26 Latin suffix after “bio” or “techno”

©2017 Jonesin’ Crosswords (editor@jonesincrosswords.com) For answers to this puzzle, call: 1-900-226-2800, 99 cents per minute. Must be 18+. Or to bill to your credit card, call: 1-800-655-6548. Reference puzzle #JONZ823.

REAL PEOPLE REAL DESIRE REAL FUN.

Try FREE: 503-416-7098 More Local Numbers: 1-800-926-6000

Ahora español Livelinks.com 18+ 94

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Week of July 13

ARIES (March 21-April 19)

It’s not your birthday, but I feel like you need to get presents. The astrological omens agree with me. In fact, they suggest you should show people this horoscope to motivate them to do the right thing and shower you with practical blessings. And why exactly do you need these rewards? Here’s one reason: Now is a pivotal moment in the development of your own ability to give the unique gifts you have to give. If you receive tangible demonstrations that your contributions are appreciated, you’ll be better able to rise to the next level of your generosity.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

Other astrologers and fortune-tellers may enjoy scaring the hell out of you, but not me. My job is to keep you apprised of the ways that life aims to help you, educate you, and lead you out of your suffering. The truth is, Taurus, that if you look hard enough, there are always seemingly legitimate reasons to be afraid of pretty much everything. But that’s a stupid way to live, especially since there are also always legitimate reasons to be excited about pretty much everything. The coming weeks will be a favorable time to work on retraining yourself to make the latter approach your default tendency. I have rarely seen a better phase than now to replace chronic anxiety with shrewd hope.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20)

At least for the short-range future, benign neglect can be an effective game plan for you. In other words, Gemini, allow inaction to do the job that can’t be accomplished through strenuous action. Stay put. Be patient and cagey and observant. Seek strength in silence and restraint. Let problems heal through the passage of time. Give yourself permission to watch and wait, to reserve judgment and withhold criticism. Why do I suggest this approach? Here’s a secret: Forces that are currently working in the dark and behind the scenes will generate the best possible outcome.

CANCER (June 21-July 22)

“Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions,” wrote Ralph Waldo Emerson. “All life is an experiment.”

I’d love to see you make that your operative strategy in the coming weeks, Cancerian. According to my analysis of the astrological omens, now is a favorable time to overthrow your habits, rebel against your certainties, and cruise through a series of freewheeling escapades that will change your mind in a hundred different ways.

Do you love life enough to ask more questions than you’ve ever asked before?

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22)

Thank you for contacting the Center for Epicurean Education. If you need advice on how to help your imagination lose its inhibitions, please press 1. If you’d like guidance on how to run wild in the woods or in the streets without losing your friends or your job, press 2.

If you want to learn more about spiritual sex or sensual wisdom, press 3. If you’d like assistance in initiating a rowdy yet focused search for fresh inspiration, press 4.

For information about dancing lessons or flying lessons or dancing-while-flying lessons, press 5. For advice on how to stop making so much sense, press 6.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22)

The cereus cactus grows in the deserts of the southwestern U.S. Most of the time it’s scraggly and brittle-looking. But one night of the year, in June or July, it blooms with a fragrant, trumpet-shaped flower. By dawn the creamy white petals close and start to wither. During that brief celebration, the plant’s main pollinator, the sphinx moth, has to discover the marvelous event and come to gather the cactus flower’s pollen. I suspect this scenario has metaphorical resemblances to a task you could benefit from carrying out in the days ahead.

Be alert for a sudden, spectacular, and rare eruption of beauty that you can feed from and propagate.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22)

If I had more room here, I would offer an inspirational Powerpoint presentation designed just for you. In the beginning, I would seize your attention with an evocative image that my marketing department had determined would give you a visceral thrill. (Like maybe a photoshopped image of you wearing a crown and holding a scepter.) In the next part, I would describe various wonderful and beautiful things about you. Then I’d tactfully describe an aspect of your life that’s underdeveloped and could use some work. I’d say, “I’d love for you to be more strategic in promoting your good ideas.

I’d love for you to have a well-crafted master plan that will attract the contacts and resources necessary to lift your dream to the next level.”

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21)

I advise you against snorting cocaine, MDMA, heroin, or bath salts. But if you do, don’t lay out your lines of powder on a kitchen table or a baby’s diaper-changing counter in a public restroom. Places like those are not exactly sparkly clean, and you could end up propelling contaminants close to your brain. Please observe similar care with any other activity that involves altering your consciousness or changing the way you see the world. Do it in a nurturing location that ensures healthy results. P.S. The coming weeks will be a great time to expand your mind if you do it in all-natural ways such as through conversations with interesting people, travel to places that excite your awe, and encounters with provocative teachings.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21)

In late 1811 and early 1812, parts of the mighty Mississippi River flowed backwards several times. Earthquakes were the cause. Now, more than two centuries later, you Sagittarians have a chance -- maybe even a mandate -- to accomplish a more modest rendition of what nature did way back then. Do you dare to shift the course of a great, flowing, vital force? I think you should at least consider it. In my opinion, that great, flowing, vital force could benefit from an adjustment that you have the wisdom and luck to understand and accomplish.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19)

You’re entering into the Uncanny Zone, Capricorn. During your brief journey through this alternate reality, the wind and the dew will be your teachers. Animals will provide special favors. You may experience true fantasies, like being able to sense people’s thoughts and hear the sound of leaves converting sunlight into nourishment.

It’s possible you’ll feel the moon tugging at the waters of your body and glimpse visions of the best possible future. Will any of this be of practical use? Yes! More than you can imagine. And not in ways you can imagine yet.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18)

This is one of those rare grace periods when you can slip into a smooth groove without worrying that it will degenerate into a repetitive rut. You’ll feel natural and comfortable as you attend to your duties, not blank or numb. You’ll be entertained and educated by exacting details, not bored by them. I conclude, therefore, that this will be an excellent time to lay the gritty foundation for expansive and productive adventures later this year.

If you’ve been hoping to get an advantage over your competitors and diminish the negative influences of people who don’t empathize with you, now is the time.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20)

“There is a direct correlation between playfulness and intelligence, since the most intelligent animals engage in the greatest amount of playful activities.” So reports the National Geographic. “The reason is simple: Intelligence is the capacity for learning, and to play is to learn.”

I suggest you make these thoughts the centerpiece of your life in the coming weeks. You’re in a phase when you have an enhanced capacity to master new tricks.

That’s fortunate, because you’re also in a phase when it’s especially crucial for you to learn new tricks. The best way to ensure it all unfolds with maximum grace is to play as much as possible.

Homework

Do you let your imagination indulge in fantasies that are wasteful, damaging, or dumb? Stop it!

Testify at Freewillastrology.com.

check out Rob Brezsny’s Expanded Weekly Audio Horoscopes & Daily Text Message Horoscopes

freewillastrology.com

The audio horoscopes are also available by phone at

1-877-873-4888 or 1-900-950-7700

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