Alice in Education Land: Meeting The Red Queen, Chris Binge

Meeting the Red Queen

In which Alice meets some old friends and seems to go round in more and more circles

This article is the second of a series, Alice in Education Land, to be included as occasional contributions to International School magazine, created by Chris Binge in response to some of his experiences in international education. Intended to be provocative and amusing, they are also used to provoke discussion when he leads workshops.

Alice followed the Bishop out of the classroom and saw the office he had referred to just down the corridor. The door was much cleaner and shinier than the classroom door and it bore a brass plaque saying ‘Director of School, Red Queen. Knock before entering.’

Alice knocked tentatively and heard a booming voice saying ‘Enter’, which she did. The office was cluttered with books, the walls festooned with artwork done by children of various ages, a large poster of the Values of the School, and piles of paper and files that covered every available space.

‘Madam Queen, how lovely it is to see you again after so many years. How do you do?’

‘I have done very well so far thank you, and I expect that to continue. Welcome to my school. Now then, here is your timetable. Is there anything else you need to know?’ With that, the Queen handed Alice a rather crumpled piece of paper that seemed to be a series of lists of three letter

abbreviations which meant nothing to her. However her ‘Impossible.’ first concern was to make sense of the conversation she had ‘You have got there.’ already had about mediocrity and exams. ‘So changes in a school are completely impossible, if you

‘I do have a question actually’ she began. ‘I have been want to keep everybody happy!’ Alice thought that circular speaking to the White Bishop and he has explained to me arguments seemed to crop up regularly in this conversation. why you espouse mediocrity because of the nature of the ‘Actually’, continued the Queen, ‘there are even more exam system. My question is: Why didn’t you just change the reasons for not changing things. Parents, you see, are experts way you did the exams? Set different ones at different times, in education, as are governors, administrators, politicians or even drop them all together if they were useless?’ and, well, just about every adult.’ Alice was looking confused,

‘You really are extremely foolish, aren’t you?’ returned the so the Queen explained. ‘They have all had an education Red Queen, wagging a finger in her direction. ‘Perhaps, when haven’t they? And the ones who are in a position to influence you have been in education as long as I have, you will not education are usually the ones who have done well out of come up with such ridiculous ideas. You cannot just change it. So, therefore it is obvious that their education must have the way schools run or exams are managed. They are a part been excellent and we can conclude it doesn’t need to be of the structure of what we do, what we are. What would improved upon. So we mustn’t try.’ concluded the Queen parents say, if we just decided to change things or drop with a self-satisfied smile. them? The very idea is unthinkable.’ Alice was frothing with frustration. ‘But this is just

‘I would have thought they would be quite happy if you another circular argument that doesn’t go anywhere. You were going to improve things.’ said Alice. are saying that educational policy is decided by those who

‘How on earth would they know have succeeded through education. that whatever changes we might So they think education is a success make would improve things? What evidence could we give that anything ‘So changes as it is, and have no motive to change it, so then the next generation of would be better if we hadn’t already made the changes to see if they in a those who succeed will be exactly the same as this one. Those who were better?’ ‘You mean that you cannot make school are can really see the need for change, because they have failed through a change unless you can be sure it completely education, are never in a position to improves things?’ ‘Exactly’ impossible, do anything about it. These are just excuses for not doing anything!’ ‘And the only way you can know if there is improvement is by making the if you want The Queen rose. ‘Not excuses dear, reasons! We operate within the realms changes to try them out?’ ‘You are getting there’ to keep of possibility. As a young teacher you will come up with all sorts of radical ‘So you can’t make changes unless you have already made them before everybody and different ideas about teaching and learning that you will gather from you want to make them.’ happy!’ various injections of CPD’.

‘Which is …?’ ‘CPD?’ asked Alice, who was already

‘That’s why they are called teachers you know. Because of the tea.’

struggling with three letter abbreviations, or TLAs as she learned to call them.

‘Continual Planned Disruption’ explained the Queen. ‘We organise it to take you out of the classroom and interrupt your teaching and expand your thinking. We do it to make you feel valued, confident in the knowledge that there will be no perceptible change in your practice when you return.’

‘But what about the new radical ideas that you said I would have?’

‘Oh, you will feel energised and enthusiastic, but then you will share them with the more experienced members of staff who will explain why they can’t possibly be put into place here.’ The Queen pushed Alice out of the room and headed off down the corridor. ‘Time for a cup of tea.’ she boomed.

Alice wandered back into the classroom muttering ‘They seem to drink an awful lot of tea’, when she heard a voice.

‘That’s why they are called teachers you know. Because of the tea.’ Alice couldn’t see where the voice was coming from. At first she looked at the door, but the door seemed asleep. She looked around and noticed that, up on a high shelf, there was an arrangement of books and board markers that, if you used your imagination, looked rather like a grin.

‘Why, is that you, Cheshire Cat?’ she called, staring quite carefully, and just starting to make out the rest of his features; the ears, the body and finally the tail.

‘Who else do you think it might be?’ purred the cat, who was now completely visible.

‘Oh Cheshire Puss, how wonderful, you are always so good at explaining things to me that seem so strange.’ said Alice. ‘Please tell me why they always talk in circles in education. Why do they never get anywhere? And by the way, I thought teachers were called teachers because they teach.’

‘I will answer the last thing first, which is the standard way in education. It is called Backwards By Design.’ responded the cat. ‘I will also answer your question by way of asking another question, which is another thing we always do in education. Which comes first in the word Teacher? Is it Tea or Teach?’

‘Why, Tea of course.’ said Alice.

‘Which is why it comes first in a teacher’s thoughts.’ The Cheshire Cat then turned to the question of circularity. ‘All proper, by which I mean complete, arguments must be circular. This is a scientific fact. You see any statement must have a reason, I am sure you will agree.’

‘Well yes.’ responded Alice. ‘Without a reason, why should we take it as true?’

‘Therefore no statement can be the beginning of the argument, as the reason will be another statement that must have come before it. So, then, any statement in an argument must have an effect, something that follows from it.’ continued the cat.

‘Why yes. There are consequences to everything.’ responded Alice.

‘Therefore no statement can be the end of an argument, because the consequence will be another statement. Clearly since any statement cannot be the beginning or the end, no argument can have a beginning or an end. Therefore it must be circular.’ concluded the Cheshire Cat, who was now chewing its own tail as if to physically demonstrate the circularity.

Alice left the room deep in thought, and resolved to find out about the other two values in the school.

To be continued …

Chris Binge is Headmaster of Markham College, Lima, Peru.

Email: chris.binge@markham.edu.pe

All the Alice in Education Land stories can be found on Educhanges.com, where there is also a link to an Alice Art Gallery of illustrations by such artists as Tenniel, Dali and Steadman, as well as an Alice playlist.