How to get over him

Get Over Him How to get over your ex without having to suffer the pain of heartache.

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Get Over Him My first heartbreak was the most painful thing, sleepless nights, crying all the time you name it I went through it all, not to mention how much denial and self-regret I had towards myself for not making it work. As time went on I realized that I was no longer in love with him but instead the idea of him and what could have been. When you read these tips its coming from someone who knows what you are going through but also what makes it easier. I only wish that I had known all these things before because it would have saved me a lot of nights curled up on the sofa with a bottle of wine and bar of chocolate, Although you donʼt need a break up in order to find a reason for a night in like that! On a serious note these are the most important things I learnt along the way, I can only hope they can help you as much as they helped me.

“You canʼt drive a car looking in the rear view mirror; you have to look forward to go forward”

#1 Quit stalking him.

Whether you want to admit it or not we have all stalked our ex, even though at this point you are unable to let go checking up on him will only drive you insane. Stalking him and seeing that he may have moved on to another girl will only make you more upset, and you will only end up comparing yourself in every way which will end with you stalking him even more hoping his new relationship will be over. You can spend minutes, hours, even days over thinking your situation trying to figure out where it all went wrong, or you can leave the broken pieces behind and work on fixing yourself. So the first thing you need to do is probably the hardest. Delete and block his number so then you donʼt stare at your phone screen all day waiting for him to call or message you first, because everything happens for a reason and you are meant for better things.

You canʼt change what happened in your past, this is so you make sure you change your future”.

You may slip and end up checking but just remember that horrible feeling you get seeing that his life is moving on, and use that as motivation to not go back there again.

#2 Make peace with the fact that you may never be 100% over it.

Many people donʼt get to a place where they are 100% over the fact that they will never be together again. After all youʼre only human and love is a powerful thing so still having feelings for someone doesnʼt have to mean you want them back. Sometimes itʼs the memories and the idea of what could have been that makes you hold on.

Writing down the reasons why you broke up will make it much clearer for you to see that it takes two people to keep a relationship going, so donʼt re-think your decision to get over him because youʼll only end up back at square one. It is ok to think that you messed up but on the other hand you must accept you are a good person, and that you did the best in your relationship. You are not the only one to make mistakes and being in denial is completely natural, but acceptance is key to in order to move on.

However the reality is that you are no longer in love with them but in love with the idea of them. As soon as you learn to accept the fact that what you had is no longer a part of your life, it should make the next step a whole lot easier.

#3 Itʼs all about self confidence “Believe in yourself and great things will come” Probably one of the worst feelings after a break up is thinking itʼs your fault by re-living all of the memories in your head and placing blame for things such as arguments on yourself. However you need to realize that itʼs not your fault and changing the way you look at the whole situation will help you realize this. Instead be thankful for all the positive remaining things in your life and think of it as time to re-evaluate your inner self in order to get rid of any self-doubt.

A way of doing this is to take pride in all your good qualities. Make a list of all the things that you would change about yourself and all the things that you would keep, this way you will be able to see all of the things that are holding you back from moving on from him or any self-doubt you may have. Take this time to talk to your friends about your feeling, you might find theyʼre going through something similar, or will be able to give you some words of encouragement. If he made you feel bad about yourself in anyway then youʼre way better off without him in your life, donʼt blame yourself for what happened, Remember that you deserve people in your life that make you feel good about yourself and who will value and treat you with respect.

Write down what happened and how it made you feel if youʼre caught up in the low selfesteem trap thinking you donʼt deserve any better, then imagine this happening to your friend and what you would say to them. Get away as far away as you can because this relationship was no good for you!

#4 Donʼt allow your ex to string you along.

Your ex may be sending you mixed signals which may leave you thinking there Is hope.

This isnʼt to say that he may not be confused about the situation but it also means that he wants you back. Although that maybe a hard thing to hear it is the truth and accepting it sooner rather than later will make getting over him a whole lot easier and faster. If he wanted to be with you and sort out any issues there was then you would still be together now. If you are receiving any mixed messages then reality is he is most likely stringing you along until he finds someone else so cut the string and do whatʼs best for you and youʼll be thankful later on.

“Donʼt be afraid to open your eyes, instead be afraid on what youʼll miss if you donʼt”

#5 keep yourself busy.

“Old ways wonʼt open new doors- unknown” Experiencing and trying new things will create new happy memories which will stop you thinking about the ones from your relationship. You no longer have to make time for him or sacrifice anything that you love to do and do the things you have always wanted to do because there is no better time than now. Itʼs now or never! When you decide to live in the moment and not the past you will find that youʼll be much happier as no good can come from living in the past. Try taking on hobbies such as meditation which helps negative emotions or feelings that might be holding you back. This is your opportunity to do what you want without anything holding you back, so make a plan and take action!

Go on a vacation. It doesnʼt need to be far away, in fact is could be as close as the next town or city but a little time in a place that doesnʼt remind you of him will really give you a new perspective.

#6 Time is a healer “just because its stormy now does not mean you arenʼt heading for sunshine” Time is a healer and it helps to know that you are not in this alone and that you can get over him. If you ever find yourself questioning why you are no longer together just remember that there was a reason why you broke up. Why would you want to go back down that road again when it caused you so much pain? Why would you want to re-live all the heartbreak of another potential breakup if you got back together? Donʼt be angry or frustrated every time you find it hard to cope without your ex, having self-confidence is key to moving on, and a good way for that feel good factor is to focus on your health and wellbeing.

#7 You canʼt be friends “Enlightenment is the goal, love is the game, taking steps are the rules” This is the final and probably the hardest thing to do but it will save you the most pain.

Cut him off completely because no matter how many times you try to reason with yourself and still be friends, you have to accept the harsh reality that you can never be friends with someone you once loved. You will only be torturing yourself and prolonging the pain and hurt youʼre feeling. Once you have made this step and accepted it you can truly move on, because the pain of knowing that you can no longer have contact with them will only be holding you back from greater things in your future. Always remember everything happens for a reason and only time will tell what the future has in store for you.

#8 out with the old and in with the new “if you are brave enough to say goodbye, life will reward you with a new hello” Breakupʼs can signal a new beginning. Get rid of all his stuff, organize your personal space, and this will leave you feeling refreshed and ready for new things to come. Do something that makes you feel good like working out. New start new you! Getting rid of old habits that you picked up on while you were a couple such as, always needing someone to be there to hold your hand every step of the way. This will allow new

opportunities to come into your life and new memories to be made for your mind. Losing someone that you gave your heat to is one of lifeʼs big challenges, but there is hope!

Chances are that person will make little difference to how you feel in the long run.

Moving on takes time and it will not be easy, but staying positive and focusing on the good things that you have to offer to the world will help. You will be able to make that move from “ex” to “next”.

#9 Be selfish! Itʼs all about you Straight away we start thinking about all the good memories and begin to wonder what their new partner has that we didnʼt in order to make our ex happy. In a way sometimes we can secretly revel in the fact that they might be suffering without us. So when we know they have moved on it can hit hard and bring back all of those raw emotions that we worked so hard to move on from.

Why would put your self-worth, your happiness, your dreams and ambitions and your entire life on the back burner just so you could be with your ex again. Sometimes people do it just to hold on to the chance of being with their ex in the future. A direct consequence of begging and pleading only makes your ex think ʻwell if you are that desperate to be with me then you must accept everything that I wantʼ, and in the case that he cheated on you, it will only give him the satisfaction of knowing you will take him back every time. If you try to convince your ex that their new partner is not right for them, itʼs only going to make him want to stay with them more. Its like telling someone not to press a button because it will only make them want to press it more. They might even let the rebound relationship run longer just to spite you.

#10 No re-bound guy!

As women one of the first things after a break up is anger, and we all think of ways to get revenge, and one of these ways is to get him jealous and make him want you back.

However by doing so youʼre only pushing the hurt and heartbreak you are feeling to the back of your mind. It may seem like the easiest thing to do to avoid dealing with the situation but trust me when I say that the insecurities that it may have left you with will only come back to haunt you in future relationships.

Donʼt rush into a new relationship straight away! This may seem like the solution to end the pain and heartbreak you are feeling but I can assure you that it is not. You may end up realizing that your new partner is someone you barley know or donʼt really have interest in, and this would not be fair on either of you. So donʼt focus on getting even

focus on yourself and forgive yourself for whatever part you may have played in the relationship ending. As the truth is that unless you let it go and forgive yourself and them then you canʼt move on no matter how many books you read on it.

When youʼre newly single the best thing you can do to not only get over your ex but begin to enjoy life again is to take care of yourself. Do the things that you couldnʼt when you were in a relationship, spend time with your best friends, go on a last minute getaway or just sleep in until noon. Be extremely selective with your time and only engage in activities that fill your heart with joy (besides work of course), and soon enough youʼll meet someone new and fall back into a relationship where your time and heart will shared with that one special person. For now though be selfish and make it all about you.

What next?

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