The Billboard has run out of staff members Page -3 April 1, 2004
WCGA to pay students’ tuition Page 9
Wislon Community College
What’s that awful stank? Page 47
Cheeseburg, Psychovania
Vol. 0, No 0
THE
WILSON BULLBOARD In case you haven’t gotten enough...
It’s all organic to me
Record growth expected
Squirrely Jimmie Hendericks Some Writer have been acting on behalf
of the mice, which have recently been banned from the greenhouse. The assertions of security in regards to the guilt of the skunk (who is believed to be in hiding in one of the dorms) have created controversy on campus. Students for Equal Rights for Rodents (SERR) claims that blaming a skunk is an example of species profiling, and just because photographs have been found of a skunk wearing a mask and carrying a torch does not mean that a skunk was to blame. It could have been a groundhog. Security requests that the student(s) harbouring the skunk come forward. According to security the case will be taken to Honor Council, “but it will be painless. We promise.” Security was modeling the new uniform at the time.
DO NOT OPEN! What are you looking for?.........Page 2 Can’t you find it?.......................Page 3 How come?..................................Page 4
A few weeks ago a squirrel fell through the ceiling in the old gym. While initially unsettling, focus was quickly shifted to an untapped student potential. Cabinet quickly acted and is thrilled to announce the acceptance of squirrels into the class of 2008. This news, exclaimed Dean Kary Bernhart, “means that Wilson will have the largest incoming class in 31 years! We are ecstatic that these new students have shown such interest in joining Wilson. They appear to have some of the best test scores
President Fredmenson was quick to hire a consultant to look at new housing accommodations. The consultants have recommended remodeling some of the campus trees and looking at the expansion of specialty housing into the Squirrels with Children program! Not everyone however was excited about this news. Student athletes were worried about the level of competition squirrels would bring. Tara Long says, “squirrels have such speed and agility, what if we have
ing the teams now?” Food Service staff is also worried about squirrels trying to hoard food and sneak it out of the dining hall. “We thought we had problems with food removal before!” exclaimed the director. The other challenge is squirrels are active during the day light hours. With the growing number of night classes, perhaps we should focus on recruiting the bats or raccoons for next year!
Photo by The Big Cheese
Last Tuesday evening at the Folsom Farm the large greenhouse exploded into flames; the cause has not yet been determined but campus security has been investigating. According to the farmer, who wished to remain anonymous, flames erupted around 2:00A.M. and quickly demolished two greenhouses and several surrounding trees. Work Study students attempted to quench the flames with crick water, but only managed to spread the fire farther. The conflagration eventually lost interest and gave up. Speculation abounds as to the origin of the destructive blaze. The first thing to be destroyed was the oldest greenhouse, so theories range from an illicit moonshine still to spontaneous combustion of the compost heap to a skunk arsonist. Security officers are leaning toward the skunk, who may
Guest Writer we’ve seen in recent years”. a more difficult time mak-
President reacts to feedback on campus master plan!
PETE HAS LEFT THE BUILDING “That’s not news”