WISE Relationships by WISE Magazine

features

2010 July - September Issue

05 17 13 23 24 10 09

From The President///

The Necessity of God by Rhonda Mouton

WISE Style///

Fashion Designers by Lana Meyon

Understanding Money///

Women & Money 101 by Hasan Harnett

The Groove///

Back to School Basics by Janelle Plummer

Understanding Money///

A Letter to the 85 by Lynda Harris

Feature Story///

Tips for Seniors by Betty Reynolds

Poem///

Words for You by Bobby James

on the cove r 17 24 35 37

Summer Skin Care by Courtney Menina Dressing Men for the Life by Grant Harris Good, Effective, Exceptional Leadership by Loretta Petit We Will Never Forget by Rhonda Mouton

in every issue + From the Founder + WISE Read + Understanding Money 2

+ The Groove + Welcome to the Table + Leading in Spiritual Excellence

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WISE TEAM

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F ounder & Editorial Director | Rhonda M o u t o n Intercessor | Monica L. Sa n d e r s Marketing Director | Leah C. Ta y l o r Legal Advisor | Judge Erania Ebron-M a r t i n

ART DESIGN & PH O TO < ------- --------------------------------------------------------------Graphic Artist | Andre Jo h n so n Photo Editor | Aja G r a n t Photo Editor | Annette We b b

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ST Y L E < ------- --------------------------------------------------------------Design Consultant | Lana M e y o n

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JOURNALISTS

• Wo r k f r o m h o m e • Li m i t e d o r n e w l y w r i t i n g a n d p u b l i c a t i o n e x p e r ie n c e

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D ISCLA IMER

WISE Magazine is published quarterly: Jan/March, A pril/J u n e , J u ly /

COLUMN I S T S < ------- --------------------------------------------------------------Leading in Spiritual Excellence | Elder Lorett a P e t i t The Groove | Janelle L. Pl u m m e r Understanding Money | The Hend e r s o n Financial Group & Hasan H a r n e t t Love and Consequences | Odell R u ff i n Ge opology Designs | Kamonda P h i l l i p s

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“Clearly, God’s promise to give the whole earth to Abraham and his descendants was based not on his obedience to God’s law, but on a right relationship with God that comes by faith.” Romans 4:13 NLT Are you in a relationship of obedience or faith? We are in relationships daily whether personal or professional, but have we taken the time to determine the purpose of the relationship. Some relationships are for teaching while others are for learning. Merriam Webster defines relationship as, “the state of being related or irrelated; relations, connecting or binding participants in a relationship.” Relationships whether personal or professional take work if you want successful results. It is okay to be in relations; however, consult God first. Why would you want to be on a job that does not use your talents and gifts to the fullest? Why would you want to be married to someone God did not ordain and God’s mate for you is waiting? Why would you be friends with someone that God did not approve? If your relationship is directed by God, you can overcome obstacles that may arise because you have the faith that if God has joined you, there is nothing or no one that can destroy it. Yes, even in God ordained relationships there are problems, but it is faith that should keep you. A relationship out of pure obedience is not always a relationship worth keeping. Faith in God will give you the strength not to give up. God will give you the strength not to give up, when unexpected things arise such as, attitudes, money, family, friends, and health. Relationship is important in all of these areas: marriage, health, business, finances, possessions, family, and friends. You may be asking, how all these things are

related? When God did not ordain that mate you married, trouble began and yes, you were to have children, but not with that person. So, your children are experiencing generational curses from a generation they were not to be born into. Somewhere along the way you forgot you were created in God’s image. Therefore, you eat unhealthy foods and do not exercise, thus, not taking care of the body that was given to you. What about those relationships everyone else thinks are good for you but behind closed doors you are being robbed of your joy, peace, self esteem, finances and mental state? The job you took making more money, but you’re overworked, unhappy and ultimately still don’t have anything to show for it. Life is all about relations and God is seeking a relationship with you. If you get your relationship right with God, other relationships will become easier. My daughter and I spent a girl’s day out at the movie to see the Karate Kid. It was a very interesting movie. Though, I had seen it before, this time I looked at it with more mature eyes. The one line I took away was Jaden Smith’s remark when asked why he won’t quit. Jaden replied, “because I am still afraid.” Are you in relationships because you are still afraid? Are you afraid to let go, be alone, or lose something? If you put your obedience and faith in God you will not have to be afraid because God will be with you every step of the way if you allow him. Why hold on to those things God did not ordain? Besides, holding on will not allow your true stuff to come forth. Don’t hold up your stuff! Get in good relations!

- RhondaMouton

july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

GEOPOLOGY DESIGNS

DeClutter Kills: Get Your Home In Order By Kamonda Phillips, Geopology Designs

Clearing your home of clutter upgrades your quality of life and now is the time to enroll. When your home is out-of-order, it reflects in schedules, work, relationships and finances, essentially affecting all areas of life. In my work, as a designer and life coach, Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ve found the people who constantly feel overwhelmed almost always have an issue with clutter in their lives.

Living with clutter creates unnecessary stress, frustration, chaos and confusion in your life. When your home is in-order, having everything in its proper place, your daily routines will flow smoothly. Imagine when you need something how good it will feel to know exactly where it is. No thinking about it, searching for it, digging through piles. It is exactly where it is suppose to be. When your home is free of clutter and in-order it brings a peace of mind and well-being to your spirit. Keeping your home clutter free and in-order requires establishing new habits, applying new organizational methods, and creating new household routines. It will require time, energy and motivation on your part. Once you have made the commitment to get started, youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll feel the effects almost immediately and, it will be easier to maintain the momentum. Clutter is the physical manifestation of internal conflicts which result in poor habits, lack of organization, emotional attachments, and too much stuff. At the core each item of clutter is a decision delayed. Those piles of clutter that have been accumulating in your garage, attic, basement and spare rooms are affecting your life. The piles of clutter you have in specific areas of your home have a corresponding effect in thatarea of your life.

photo by Eflon / creativecommons.org 6

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The main reason most people hold on to items and accumulate large piles of clutter is because of emotional attachments. We’ve all formed attachments to the things we own. Whether it’s a negative or positive attachment we can get downright territorial about our things. If you let go of your attachments, you ultimately let go your source of unhappiness. Attachment to our desires is about more than material desires, but also our emotional and spiritual desires. It’s attachment to how we think things should be, or how we would really like them to be. There is a simple solution. Keep your home environment clutter free, clean, organized and simple. Don’t overcrowd your space, cabinets or drawers with stuff you don’t need. Keep only what you need and decorate only with items you love. Nothing more! Envision your home and make a quick list of the cluttered areas. To avoid feeling overwhelmed break the list down into small projects that can be tackled over a period of time, rather than one big project to be done in a day. Using the three-box method is the most effective way to begin clearing clutter. This method forces you to make a decision, item by item. You will need three boxes labeled, “Store Away”, “Give Away” and “Throw Away.” Take the three boxes to the cluttered area. As you pick up each piece of clutter. Ask yourself, “Do I need it, Do I use it, Do I love it” then decide do I want to keep it, give it away, store it away, or throw it away. Make quick decisions and place the items in the appropriate boxes. Once the boxes are full, the storeaway box is for those items you can’t make a decision about at this moment. Store them for 6 months and if after that time you haven’t missed the items in that box, make the decision to either give or throw away the items. The give-away box should be removed from your home within five days. That leaves enough time to make arrangements to drop the box off at your local charity or goodwill. The throw-away box should be placed out for the trash pickup immediately.

photo by William Hook / creativecommons.org

When things are out of place and you have to search through stuff to find what you are looking for it can and does cause stress and frustration in your life. This process drains your energy. A task such as getting the kids ready for school can turn into a tense experience. Not being able to find a bill that needs to be paid until the late fees have already been applied or the service has been shut off. These are just a couple of examples of how clutter can affect your daily life.

The less you have, the less you have to pick up, clean and put away. The things left should be most important to you and things that you love. In order to have an orderly house, you’ll need to make sure there is a place for everything in your home. Remember to return things you have used back to its specific location when you are done using it. To keep clutter at a minimum, practice this new rule, one-in and one-out. When you buy something, a new pair of pants, shirt or book, you must get rid of something. For example, if you buy two shirts, when you get home, you must get rid of two shirts. That may seem like a lot but if you have an item you have not worn in 12 months (a full season) chances are you are not going to wear it in the coming season. So decide to either give it away or throw it away. When you let go of things you’ve been holding on to for a long time, it releases the emotional attachment you had to those items. By clearing the physical clutter from your home you also clear the emotional, mental and spiritual clutter from your life. When your home is in order, the rest of your life will follow. There will be a sense of calm and peacefulness in your life. When you are free from procrastination, your life is simplified, and you feel lighter, gain energy, greater focus and motivation to achieve your purpose in life. -----------------------------------------------------------------Kamonda Phillips, principal designer & life coach at Geopology Designs. Offers personalized clutter clearing assistance. She can be reached at designs@geopology. com or to learn more visit www.geopology.com.

july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

FEATURE STORY © Aja Grant / Jhamerria Images

CHOOSING THE RIGHT BIBLE FOR YOU

By Elder Stella Reid

ibles come in many different colors, sizes, translations and languages. It can get complicated selecting one you can understand that will help you on your walk with Christ. First, decide what you want in a Bible. • Do you want to study? • Do you want to read it just like you would a regular novel? • Do you want to read more than one translation at a time? • Do you want other Scripture references for clarity? God wants you to know and understand Him through the Word of God. Psalms 119:18(KJV) states “Open thou my eyes, that I may behold wondrous things out of thy law.” Therefore, it is very important to select a Bible you can understand. When searching for a certain translation, read your favorite verse in various translations and then decide which one best explains or breaks it down for you.

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Types of Bible Versions: • The King James Version is the standard version. It gives basic Scriptures, but it is not the easiest version to understand, especially if you are new to reading the Bible or Christianity. • The Amplified Bible contains longer definitions in parenthesis of various words within the Scripture. • The New International Version is a version of the King James Bible that further breaks down the Scripture. • The Message Bible tells the Scripture in story form. It’s suggested for youth on a 6th grade level. However, more adults read this version because it is easier to understand and follow. This is a great version for new readers.

• The New Century Version is also a translation for new readers. It also breaks down the Scripture in story form and is even easier to understand than the Message Version. There are many Bibles that are word for word translations that capture what happened in the Bible days, thought for thought. If you are interested in how translations differ, you can also get a parallel Bible. • A parallel Bible has two to four translations, side by side, in columns, for comparisons. Purchasing a Bible does not have to be a chore. Decide how you want to study God’s word. Your choice should help enhance your studies. Bibles can be purchased at bookstores, online, and in your local churches.

WISE READ Read This Book The New Underground Railroad, Breaking the Chains of Economic Bondage.

This book demystifies the world of investments and explains stocks, bonds, wills, trusts and much more in an easy to understand manner by Robert Henderson, Jr., Certified Financial Planner, and owner of The Henderson Financial Group, Inc.

Words to You Imagine … my heart Vast like the ocean is deep, Radiant, like the sun is bright Harmonious, like the 8th note of a new melody. Whispers of words from the crest of you, Become a Living moment frozen in time, While the blossoming of your heart Osculates the growth within my life, Provide feelings of daily Victory, With an Embrace that’s never empty Yearning to know how this should be, Each step to grow closer, Like fruit ripened today… It becomes sweeter along the way. It’s a relationship like no other, Providing comfort in every way, Rewarding in perseverance Moreover, unselfish when giving. My words are not enough, To convey what you mean to me, But with each new day Cherish the time That becomes the essence of what we can be. Bobby James Copyright 2010

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he economy may be starting to pick up, but the picture still looks pretty bleak if you are unemployed. This is especially true for some of the most experienced people – those ages 50 and older. What can you do if you are in this situation? I often suggest clients use The Serenity Prayer by Rev. Niebuhr as their guide. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change”

by Betty Reynolds, CSACertified Senior Advisor (CSA)® Certified Life Coach

tips for seniors seeking employment

FEATURE STORY 10

“I did everything right – w rules – and now I’m out o

You cannot control the global economic downturn, corporate downsizing, or technological changes in the workplace. Furthermore, in hard times, it’s common for employers to lay off older employees who often make the highest salaries and cost the most in healthcare benefits. This is not illegal, as long as age is not the sole basis for the decision. Try to accept what you cannot change. Let yourself grieve your job loss, but don’t let anger and fear paralyze you or destroy your relationships. Know you are not to blame (and spouses, this is the time to be supportive instead of critical). Connect with a church or community support group to help you stay motivated during your job search. You can also work with a Life Coach or other professionals to help maintain your confidence, focus your efforts, and deal with any other stresses you are facing. “Courage to change the things I can change” Once you lay down the burden of trying to change what is beyond your control, it will be easier to find the courage to make changes that will put you in control of your situation:

Remove distractions –

• If family tensions are a distraction, call a family meeting and brainstorm ways to get everyone working together on your “team” to solve this temporary situation. • If working on your job search from your home is too distracting, find a coffee shop or library for computer searches.

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• If financial stresses are a distraction, re-work your budget and talk to creditors to eliminate as much pressure as you can. If you are a veteran, contact your local VA office to see if you qualify for benefits. If you think you may qualify for Social Security benefits because of age, marital status or disability but have not yet applied, visit www.socialsecurity.gov or call 1-800-772-1213 to discuss your situation.

Take care of yourself – You are your biggest asset – to yourself, your family and your employer.

• If family and friends give you joy, stay connected throughout this difficult time. Be the CEO of your life. Don’t be embarrassed to ask for help, support, and prayers. The best managers always have a team working with them! • If physical exercise rejuvenates you, make it a critical part of your routine. • If spirituality nurtures you, turn to this power for wisdom, strength and solace.

Focus –

Searching for a job is now your job. Every day get up, get dressed, and focus on your job search. For older job-seekers, this often means finding the courage not only to change your career direction, but also to change the way you search for that new career. Getting out of your comfort zone and making these changes in your job search could make all the difference: • Know yourself and your objectives: The more realistic you are about yourself, the better chance you have of success. Examine not only your work history and skills, but also your personal values and objectives. Then identify jobs and employers that may be a good match. With so many jobs and companies no longer in existence, explore new ways to use your transferable skills. For example, the social skills of older adults are often valued in customercontact jobs so you may want to target employers with those types of positions.

worked hard, played by the of a job! What can I do?” • Update your skills: Stay relevant and marketable. If you have been out of the job market for a few years or have worked for only one company in the past, chances are your skills – especially computer and communication technology skills - need updating. Search the internet to find out what employers in your desired field are looking for and get the necessary training. You can often get the training you need through volunteer positions or classes at your local community college or high school. • Update your resume: An old resume that lists your jobs chronologically may not be the most forceful way to present yourself today. This is especially true if you are changing fields. A resume that focuses on your skill sets could be more effective at this time. Of course, you can find sample resumes online. However, you might want to consider working with a Life Coach or other professionals who can objectively assess your resume, highlight transferable skills that match an employer’s requirements, and suggest ways to de-emphasize gaps in employment. • Strategies: The old method of looking in the paper for job posting and then sending out hundreds of resumes doesn’t work as well today as it did in the past. On the other hand, too many people make the mistake of spending every day surfing the internet and submitting resumes online. Many businesses today are swamped with online applications. So some prefer to hire from within or through referrals instead posting job openings.

business card with your contact information. You can obtain inexpensive cards locally or over the internet. You can get a confidence boost and tips on how to network most effectively by working with a Life Coach or other professionals. • Prepare for the interview: During your interview, instead of simply saying, “I’ve had 30 years in the business,” ask questions and use examples to highlight your transferable skills. Instead of talking about the way you used to do things, focus on how you can be of value to a company. Today, it is not unusual for employers to ask, “What’s your vision?” Be prepared to discuss what role you can play in fulfilling the company’s objectives. Plus, remember that appearance and energy are key factors. Anger over perceived age bias won’t help you land the job, and age discrimination is hard to prove. Instead, impress the hiring manager with your energy, appearance, and passion for the job. If the interviewer does ask your age, turn the discussion around to focus on your experience instead of letting that question throw you off track. Practice your interviewing skills so you will be prepared and poised. • Celebrate small victories every day: Stay upbeat by focusing on what went right – not what went wrong – each day. Keep looking forward to the next the conversation, the next interview, the next job.

Therefore, you need multiple strategies! Know your transferable skills, find the employers who are hiring, and join a community or faith-based jobsupport group for resources and encouragement. Most importantly, start networking. Recent surveys show most jobs are obtained through networking – both in person and through internet sites such as Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn. So, don’t be too afraid (or too proud) to ask family and friends if you need a little help using these online tools.

“Wisdom to know the difference” Remember The Serenity Prayer and the insights I have shared with you whenever you are feeling stressed or unsure of yourself during your job search. Pray each day for the wisdom to know when to let go and when to fight for what you want. Most importantly, remember that you are never alone.

For in-person networking, you will want to prepare a 30 second message so you can confidently tell everyone you meet exactly who you are, what you can do, and what type of job you are seeking. Then hand them your

Coach Betty

Dedicated to Your Success,

(Disclosures: CSA Disclosure Statement: “Certified Senior Advisors (CSAs) have supplemented their individual professional licenses, credentials and education with knowledge about aging and working with seniors. Know what those licenses, credentials and education signify. The CSA designation alone does not imply expertise in financial, health and social matters. Details: www.csa.us.” Betty Reynolds does not provide therapy or legal and investment advice.)

july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

LEADING IN EXCELLENCE

Good, Effective, Exceptional Leadership By Loretta Petit, MBA

ffective leadership exudes the qualities of both a servant and a leader; one who is able to galvanize the efforts of those around them while remaining sensitive to their need and the greater cause before them. All too often when there is promotion, there is undue change in one’s disposition as the expansion of power could sometimes cause an imbalance in judgment. The newly appointed leader can become egotistical, consumed with asserting authority. 1 Peter 5:6-7 tells us humility and due season are prerequisites for promotion.

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The same attitude and commitment that were probably key in a decision to promote the new leader will also be necessary to maintain effectiveness and continue to rise to new levels. Thus, humility should not be discarded. Some of history’s great leaders built strong relationships with those they led, exemplifying humility by remaining sensitive to the needs of those around them. Let’s use for example, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. He led thousands and formed strong bonds and relationships with those he led. Those relationships empowered followers to move out of the shadows and become leaders in their own right. While none ever fit Dr. King’s shoes, many leaders rose up after him and made a positive deposit into society. Dr. King’s effective leadership was partly due to being humble and relatable. People could identify with him and his ideals. As a leader and visionary, he gave people a reason to follow – he not only motivated them, but he was able to identify with them as well. The ability to understand leadership from a servant perspective enhances a leader’s objectiveness and judgment. An exceptional leader can be seen as a ‘shepherd’ to sheep with an imaginary rod and staff that he uses to steer rebuke and protect. When a leader develops a keen sensitivity to those around them, he or she is able to perceive weaknesses in his followers and provide guidance that would allow the

individual in need to make the necessary changes. The leader provides information to enable that individual to improve while simultaneously influencing change. Once God exalts you, can He count on you to; 1) Remain humble? 2) Build solid, sincere relationships? 3) Train your followers to stir up their giftedness? 4) Shepherd those you lead with care and consideration? 5) Effect positive change?

If you answered yes, then you are on your way to being an exceptional leader if you are not one already. At all levels, effective and exceptional leadership stands out and makes an impactful statement. This leader earns the respect of their colleagues, and most importantly, their followers... If you have been called to lead, please understand it is not all about you. God has you in place to prompt, mold, encourage and empower your followers to stir up their gifts that He may get His investment- and his glory, out of all those involved... Leaders remember to be careful when conducting God’s business. In many cases, an ineffective leader will meet the follower on the way down the ladder of life or success. So consistently seek God and go forth to do your best and be your best.

UNDERSTANDING MONEY

ow to help wipe out worry, nurture your net worth and finance your future? Nearly 75% of women are caught in the trap of worrying about their financial future, yet not quite sure what to do about it, according to Financial Experience and Behaviors Among Women, a 2008 study by Prudential Financial, Inc. The study notes the remaining 25% are equally concerned about money; they’re just not losing sleep at night. The good news is, with adequate preparation, women can help conquer their financial fears and help ensure their fiscal future is secure. Step One: Peruse Your Portfolio What will you live on when you retire? Do you know how much you need to maintain your desired lifestyle, and if so, do you know where the money is coming from? Many people expect to receive something from Social Security, followed by income from a pension plan. Other income sources may include 401(k) plans, IRAs, Roth IRAs and other investments. Take stock of money already banked and get a clear picture of what you can do now to help reach your goals.

By Hasan Harnett, Financial Services Associate

Step Two: Learn the Lingo SEP. IRAs. REITs. Index Funds. While you don’t have to become a Wall Street whiz to effectively manage your own money, educating yourself on the basics of saving and investing really is essential. Start at the library by checking out books on the subject to boost your investment IQ. Or you might consider enrolling in a weekend seminar or online class, depending on your schedule. Educating yourself on the basics of financial planning will increase your confidence and help you set goals that are realistic and attainable. Step Three: Confirm Your Coverage Adequate insurance coverage and the right health and life insurance benefits are essential components of a solid financial strategy. If you’re married, discuss the critical differences between joint and single life pension and annuity benefits. Under a single life option, when your husband dies, his benefits die with him. Also, in the event you outlive him, make sure that he provides for you after he is gone. In terms of health coverage, think long term. The fact is, proper preparation for long-term health care can not only alleviate fears, and it can also protect your nest egg in the event you become ill. Anxiety about aging is normal. But, allowing fear to keep you from putting a solid financial strategy together is really something to worry about. When it comes to preparing for your own retirement years, perhaps the most important thing you can do for yourself is simply that – be prepared. A qualified financial professional can help you make the right decisions regarding these important choices. The pay off will lessen anxiety now and well into your golden years.

IFS-A111870 Ed. 12/2008, Exp 07/01/2010 Provided courtesy of Prudential. For more information, contact Hasan Harnett, a Financial Services Associate with The Prudential Insurance Company of America’s Prudential Financial agency located in Charlotte, NC. Hasan Harnett’s office is located in Charlotte, NC 28211. He can be reached at hasan. harnett@prudential.com, (704) 526-9432 and (704) 442-1481 ext. 7204 july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

FEATURE STORY

â&#x20AC;&#x153;The fall of mankind in the garden,â&#x20AC;? a subject brought up by a male student, in a class recently, because he was having a problem with the modern day church allowing women to operate in leadership roles. Especially, since Eve allegedly caused the fall of mankind. Thank God for the teacher that day, she would not allow the subject to take over her class. Her wisdom spoke peace in the midst of a potential storm. The teacher and I laughed about the situation after the class was over, but we both agreed it is really sad that as intelligent people we still allow the real enemy of our lives to divide us.

sie Williams

By Minister Es

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hen we look at relationships we must review the first relationship of mankind: Adam and Eve. In Genesis 3:6-7 NIV, “When the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye, and also desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and ate it. She also gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it.” There are many people that fault Eve for the destruction of mankind, but Eve was only deceived like many of us today. How many relationships and marriages are broken due to deception? For example, a conversation or gesture has taken a wrong turn and because neither person is the bigger person to communicate, Satan plays with your mind. Instead of talking to your spouse or the person you are in relation, you communicate with an outside source. Be aware just like Satan was waiting in the garden to deceive Eve, he is waiting to deceive you. Yes, it is true Eve ate first; however, researching the two verses in Genesis 3:3-7, most translations put Adam at the scene of the crime. He was not across town planting new trees or out in the woods talking to the animals, he was along side Eve when she reached for and tasted the fruit. The scripture does not say she forced Adam to eat, he accepted what she gave him and he ate it. There eyes are now open [another level of understanding] they realized they were naked, and they created something to cover themselves. Have you eaten from the tree of knowledge, realized some things in your relationship, hid and covered yourself? Now look at this; God comes into the garden [Genesis 3:8-13] which is something He did on a regular basis. He calls for Adam because He’s not in his usual place; you know the rest of the story. God says to Adam, ‘who have you been listening to? You have done something I commanded you not to do.’ To Eve He says, ‘what is this you have done?’ Of course, just as men and women do today; they began to point fingers and blame each other for their joint decision. Yes, Adam and Eve were both responsible for the decision made in the garden, they were both given responsibility to rule and dominate the given territories assigned to them. They had to adhere to specific rules and regulations. Together, they choose to disobey God. Have you joined together to disobey God? When you don’t show love towards each other is an example of disobeying God in relationships. “Love means doing what God has commanded us, and he has commanded us to love one another, just as you heard from the beginning.” 2 John 1:6 Are you blaming someone for an unsuccessful relationship? Not just a marital relationship, but friendship, family, employment and most importantly your spiritual relationship with God. As with Adam, he did not take the blame, he replied to God, ‘the woman you gave me.’ God will not give you anything to destroy your life. God’s purpose for your life is for you to prosper and be in good health as your soul prospers. As mature men and women of God, we must not read this story looking for a woman or man to blame for where we are today in our relationships with each other. God created us to rule,

dominate, and take over whatever he gives us as couples or as singles [Genesis 1:26-28] NIV. Too many times in relationships some people do not take the time to seek God for direction, not just for a relationship but also for yourself. Adam and Eve had everything a person could want or ask, and with God we can have the same. We must always be on watch because Satan lurks on earth everyday trying to destroy relationships. Yes, relationships are hard work even those ordained by God, but they are worth the fight. Suppose God gave up his relationship with us. Your eyes are now open, read the story again and see who God dealt with for the fall of mankind, he was right there in the garden with them, just as he is in the midst of us today. [Genesis3:1]NIV Now the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made. He said to the woman, did God really say, you must not eat from any tree in the garden? How many times has he caused us as men and women of God to question what we know God has said to us? We have the power and dominion to defeat Satan. [Genesis 3:14]NIV So the Lord God said to the serpent, because you have done this, cursed are you above all the livestock and all the wild animals! You will crawl on your belly and you will eat dust all the days of your life. Well, there it is ladies and gentlemen, we have been blaming each other for the fall of mankind but the real culprit in this story is Satan himself. He’s crafty, sneaky, and subtle while he comes to steal, kill and destroy. He will destroy everything God has called us to dominate, take over and subdue. So, man and woman of God, let us stop bashing and fighting each other. Join forces to defeat the enemy that is out to destroy our relationship with each other as well as our families, communities and our nation. [ Romans 8:37]NIV In all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. Learn to trust what God says and do not disobey. The only way to have a successful relationship is to obey God. Your relationship is worth it. Submitted by Minister Essie Williams/New Birth-Charlotte –Bishop Terrell L Murphy/Pastor. Photos provided by Nettie Eyes. july-september 2010 / wise magazine.org

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LANA MEYON Who is Lana Meyon, and what is Fast Lane Designs?

am a multifaceted artist and designer who has been called according to God’s purpose. I love people and enjoy seeing them looking and feeling their best. Fast Lane Designs, is a company that caters to the lifestyle of fashion. I see people and things as beautiful. Our job as a company is to get you to see it too. When did you recognize your gift of Fashion Design? I fell in love with it at about thirteen years of age. At that time I didn’t have the confidence, so I would sketch collections and hide them. I broke out of my shell at about twenty when I would alter the designs of my clothes to my liking. At that point I decided to pursue design wholeheartedly. I recognized it as a gift when I noticed designs I sketched years ago on the current runways. I thought to myself, “Hey I sketched something like that! That could be me!” How do you plan to use your gift and vision? I desire to use my gift to the glory of God as well as be able to make a living doing so. I sought to operate in purpose; my calling in fashion is to dress the individual from the inside out. It doesn’t make sense to dress up a hurting person. I want to start with building the inner man. In conglomerate, I have a book due out called Wear Your Virtue that discusses just that. I also produce fashion shows and have a spin off website (wearyourvirtue.com). I see myself with a lifestyle line of fashion, home décor, furniture, jewelry. I’m moving as God says so and it is exciting that He is in control. I completely trust Him with my gifts. What is your niche? How do you dare to be different? I believe my niche is empowerment through fashion. I dare to be different simply by being who I am. Where can your work be purchased? Are you on any Social Networks? The book Wear Your Virtue will be available online at wearyourvirtue.com and it will be advertised soon on, www.facebook.com/Lanameyon and follow me on www.twitter. com/LanaMeyon. Stay tuned, more to come!

Fashion shots provided by Kellisa Foster, make-up by Carmen Bilal/Polished Up ATL, Fashions by Lana Meyon, Models (Kortini Morton and Aryana Duplessis), Photography Louis Francis, Jr. and Bookcover by Ory. july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

JOHN McCANN What is E.R.O.S. Fashion? The label called EROS Fashion, an acronym for Everyone Rises Over Struggles, which is the message he aims to get across to everyone he encounters is also a message he lives through personally as well as professionally. When did you recognize your gift of fashion design? I didn’t recognize my gift for fashion until my freshman year of high school, but I have had a passion for clothing and fashion since a young boy. I loved wearing things that were different and creative when compared to others. Often, I would get ridiculed by my peers for dressing differently and now that gift has transpired into owning EROS Clothing Line. How do you plan to use your gift and vision? I plan to use my gift and vision to transform young Americans into a people that hunger after God and his purpose and will for their lives. My vision is to become one of the top clothing lines in the country and to expand outside the four walls of the church letting everyone know that through Christ everyone can overcome struggles no matter how big or small.

Who is John McCann? John McCann is a 20-year old young man attempting to change a generation of young people by bringing them the truth about life, happiness, and God through fashion and clothing. Although only 20 years old, John has traveled throughout the southern states bringing EROS clothing to the masses while spreading the message of Christ to young America. In addition to running EROS Clothing Line. McCann serves as an assistant pastor/ director of the Young Adult Ministry at Greater St. Stephens FGBC, under the leadership of Pastor Debra Morton and Overseer Bishop Paul S. Morton, Sr. McCann and Director of the Young Adults Minister Daylon Taylor teach and draw young adults throughout the city of New Orleans closer to God. He also has a passion for acting and has most recently appeared in two television series, HBO’s Treme, where he played the role of Demetrious Bray and TNT’s Memphis Beats, scheduled to air on June 22nd.

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What is your niche? How do you dare to be different? I would say our niche is every single shirt we design has a story or message behind it that we feel people can relate to. Unlike other clothing lines that only produce products that look good, EROS produces products that look good and also has a purpose. Events hosted by our company, whether it’s a fashion show or graduation party, have been blessed to draw crowds of hundreds of people. We don’t hide the fact that we are Christians. We close out every event in prayer to let people know EROS Clothing is not only a fun positive thing but it’s a God thing.

JONATHAN LEWIS Who is Jonathan Lewis? My name is Jonathan Lewis, a current biology pre-dental junior at Loyola University New Orleans and the current Head Student Assistant for the Provost and President. I am actively involved in my local church’s music ministry and youth department. As a co-owner of a clothing line, I usually get the same question from many people, “How does a biology major in college end up owning a clothing line?” I have always had a passion for clothes for as long as I remember. Known by most of my friends for mixing plaid, strips, and everything else you can think of, it came as no surprise that I’d be so heavily involved in the fashion industry. As a partner in EROS Clothing Line, I always strive to remember the main goal of the clothing line, which is to help others. As many should know, God never blesses someone to increase their own image or make them successful, but God blesses someone so they can be a blessing to others. God does not bless vertically but horizontally so blessings may flow from one vessel to another, and not always elevating only one person to the top. So, with owning the clothing line I have realized it is not for my own good or well being, but it is to be used as an outreach and soul winning technique. And we strive to keep this our main goal. When did you recognize your gift of fashion design? I first recognized my gift for fashion as mentioned earlier in the way I dressed with mixtures of different styles and patterns. I always seemed to get compliments on my style which has possibly triggered my own recognition of the gift of fashion design. I like to have a unique look, not for just self-image,

AS A CO-OWNER OF A “ CLOTHING LINE, I USUALLY

GET THE SAME QUESTION FROM MANY PEOPLE, “HOW DOES A BIOLOGY MAJOR IN COLLEGE END UP OWNING A CLOTHING LINE?”

”

but to show people that there are more ways than just the common way. How do you plan to use your gift and vision? I plan to use my gift for fashion as an outreach and soulwinning tool for the kingdom of God. I never want to get to full of myself and be blinded by the materialistic things that may come with owning of a clothing line, but to always be humble to why God has given me this talent and business. I eventually want EROS to be globally known and a common household clothing name. When kids and young adults are shopping for clothes for the beginning of the school year or the next big event, I want them to say, “I want to purchase some of the new EROS gear that just came out.” Impossible some would say but with God I say “All things are possible.” What is your niche? How do you dare to be different? I believe our niche is we are unique and different. How many Christian clothing lines do you see with the type of uniqueness you see when you look at an EROS shirt? Most times when someone thinks of Christian T-shirt or piece of clothing they picture some shirt with a cross or scripture on it that isn’t really hip or appealing, but they still may purchase it because of the substance of the message on the shirt holds. I have no problem with these types of shirts, I actually have some myself. All I am saying is that EROS is new and different because the shirts are actually the style and look that people are looking for and it still sends the same positive message as the other Christian shirts. But the catch is not just Christians are buying our shirts but all kinds of people are buying because they adhere and fit to every type of person while delivering the message of “Everyone Rises Over Struggles.” We dare to be different by showing anything is possible with God, no matter how old you are, what race you are, or what religion you practice. “If you knock it shall be open, if you seek you shall find.” If you’re interested in getting EROS Products visit Traffic Boutique on 212 Charters St. in downtown New Orleans, La., Mad Soulz on 2034 Woodmere Boulevard Harvey, La or visit us at www.eroscloset.com

LEFT: Group picture from left to right: (Marcus V. Branford Smith, Jeremy Woods, Willie Alen, Jonathan Lewis, and John McCann), John and Jonathan photographers Wayne Furarier and John Girgio Serrier.

july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

Toni Dangerfield

Who is Toni Dangerfield? Toni is a person who is inspired by God to create. I look to him as my first and biggest source of inspiration and use the things He has created for them to recognize the beauty in themselves and all the things that are around them. Equivocally, an artist, businessperson and â&#x20AC;&#x153;fashionistaâ&#x20AC;&#x153;. When did you recognize your gift of fashion design? I recognized my gift for design in the second or third grade. I would shop for clothing and what I was looking for was never there. Therefore, I would sketch what I want and have my mom sew it for me. It become an ambition my freshmen year of college How do you plan to use your gift and vision? I would like to see more people of color managing global design houses. That is my goal is to be a creative director over a major design house like, Gucci, Louis Vuitton, Moet or Hennessey. To encourage more students of color to take on more serious roles in fashion. To demand to be at the top of the brinks of fashion they uphold in song lyrics and the items they purchase. Following that goal, I wanted a retail store of my own label and a store for up incoming designers to showcase their work. What is your niche? How do you dare to be different? I have always been drawn to haute couture or one-of-a- kind pieces of clothing. Right now, I am trying to find a way to use fashion to help in some sort of capacity to fight poverty and illnesses that come along with such. Where can we purchase your work? I am planning on having my pieces on a website and local boutiques in New Orleans this fall. So look out for Toni Dangerfield Photos provided by Louis Francis, Jr. of Picturethis 504, Make up by Courtney Menina of Doll Face Beauty, and Fashions by Toni Dangerfield. 20

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july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

THE GROOVE

Back to School, Back to Basics Got Time for God? “A Divine Rega” By Janelle L. Plummer, MA

“A Divine Rega,” titled a message my father, a Pentecostal pastor, preached recently. Rega in Hebrew means “at one moment or for a moment.” As a young person, I had been inspired and enthused by that particular message. “In a moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing. The worst thing you can do is nothing,” said President Theodore Roosevelt. To all my young people, as you head back to school this year, remember you have to do the right thing---find time for God. Taking a moment out of your day to commune or converse with God seems almost surreal in this digital era, right? Getting away from your classes, extra-curricular activities, and social life seems like a challenge for many young people, especially college students. The New Living Translation of the bible in Psalm 30:5 reads, “For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.” It’s time to rejoice young people! You might be weeping today, but I guarantee you, if you have faith to just spend a “divine rega” with God, he will turn your tears of sorrow into tears of joy! In a moment, God can set you free! In a moment, God can restore you! In just one moment, God can give you peace of mind! Remember, as you begin to walk in spiritual excellence, He will lead and guide you. Nevertheless, time management is the key. If we learn to prioritize our schedule, we will discover God should be first in our daily schedule. Putting God first means you are asking him to direct you as you go about your day. In the King James Version of the Bible in Psalm 27:23 says, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.” Consider the book of Ecclesiastes in the bible written by King Solomon. In Ecclesiastes chapter 3, King Solomon informs the reader that there is a time for everything under the sun. He writes, “To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:” (Ecclesiastes 3:1) Young people, it is time for you to spend just one moment with God. The Master is waiting for you. Ultimately, finding a “divine rega” with God is not impossible even if you are a college student. Some young people do find time for God in the midst of their busy college. Here’s their advice to you: 22

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Nadia Trowers, 25 American University Alumna ‘07 Bachelor of Arts in Film and Media Arts Silver Spring, Maryland How do you find time for God, while in school? Attend campus offered services, bible studies or fellowships. They are usually not too long because they realize students have a busy schedule. If you could have “one moment in time with God,” what would you ask Him? Am I walking in the purpose He has for my life? What is your advice for finding time to spend with God in the midst of your school schedule? Sign up for a daily devotional that goes directly to your email account. Purpose Driven Connection is a good one! A short and sweet way to meet God each day.

Lynn Yarbrough, Jr., 30 Regent University, Alumnus ‘10 Masters in Practical Theology Maryland How do you find time for God, while in school? You really don’t find time, if you don’t make time you will always put God off. It requires commitment and discipline. If you could have “one moment in time with God,” what would you ask him? Father give me the grace to stay in prayer. What is your advice for finding time to spend with God in the midst of your school schedule? Finding time for God while you are in school is where religion/ legalism and spirituality go toe-to-toe. Finding time for God calls for one to be dynamic instead of static. While in school, I had to change my devotional time to different parts of the day depending on my schedule. It seemed kind of weird at first but it showed me that I had become a little legalistic.

How do you find time for God, while in school? I will try to read a scripture in the morning and mediate on it for the rest of the day. My Dad will also call me in the evenings, and we will have bible study over the phone. My school also has bible study every Wednesday which I attend if it doesn’t conflict with my schedule. If you could have “one moment in time with God,” what would you ask him? How am I doing so far” What is your advice for finding time to spend with God in the midst of your school schedule? My advice in finding time to spend with God is that you have to commit yourself the same way you commit yourself to your school work. I know sometimes you can get distracted with everything that is going on but you have to refocus yourself otherwise you will be lost. Take time out before you go to class to familiarize yourself with a scripture and prayer definitely works! All my young people, lets get into the groove! Don’t pass up your “divine rega” with God. He is waiting to commune with you! I leave you with a quote from Baltasar Gracian, “All that really belongs to us is time; even he who has nothing else has that.”

Nadia Trowers contributed to this column. For more information, contact Janelle at janelle@wisemagazine.com. Photo by Jhamerria Images.

David Alan Harvey / Magnum Photos

Antonia Washington, 24 Elizabeth City State University Major: Biology Washington, D.C.

1 in 8 Americans is struggling with hunger. Including people like your neighbor’s child playing outside, the parking attendant at your job, or the coffee shop employee around the corner. Who’s the 1 in 8 in your life that needs help? Go to feedingamerica.org to see how your support can help those in need.

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july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

UNDERSTANDING MONEY

A Letter to the 85 Percenters By Lynda V. Harris

There are three distinct types of people. • You have those who see, • those who see when they are told, • and those who will never see.

Those who see represent the 5 percenters. They make rules, set policies, call the shots, and control ninety percent of wealth and power in this country. Who exactly are the 5 percenters? They are Heads of State and other government leaders, CEO’s of the biggest companies, and heads of the biggest banks and investment firms. A few are big time religious leaders, media moguls while others are actors, singers and other cultural icons. These people not only have an audience but can move them to action. The 5 percenters are very good at separating people from their hard earned money. They are masters of optical illusion. They make people believe they must have the latest gadget, most expensive luxury car, or designer label clothing in order to have any self worth. All of this mind manipulation benefits and enriches the 5 percenters and ensures they continue to remain at the top of the totem pole. Those who see when they are told represent the 10 percenters. The 10 percenters know the truth and can see what’s going on but can’t do anything about it. They are constantly looking for knowledge and seeking wisdom. They recognize when they are being manipulated and find self-worth from within, not from what they wear, drive, or do. The 5 percenters can’t make any money off of the 10 percenters. They refuse to be dragged into the ‘earn and spend’ mentality. The 10 percenters are the dreamers and rule breakers. They will always question the establishment and ask why. And then we have those who will never see. Those are the 85 percenters. The 85 percenters are those who just won’t do right. The 85 percenters are the life blood of this country but they do not realize the power they have. They don’t vote, spend more than they earn, stay in debt, and have short memories. Even after being told over and over again they continue to engage in behavior that practically guarantees they will remain broke and not prosper. They don’t have a clue what’s going on and just follow the herd. The 85 percenters live in a world of illusion and contentment. They are easily manipulated by the slick Madison Avenue advertisements. They are always a day late and a dollar short. They can’t remember the last book they read and get all of their news from entertainment shows. The worst part about it is they do not realize they are being manipulated. How can 5 percent dictate to 85 percent? How can 85 percent be so weak to allow this? The 85 percenters do not seek knowledge but would rather be told what to do, when to do it, and they never question authority. Now in all fairness, the 85 percenters have a lot

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of distractions to keep them out of focus. The 5 percenters make it appear as if the 85 percenters are winning when in reality they are creating generations of consumers that maintain an ‘earn and spend’ mentality. Are you an 85 percenter? Do you know 85 percenters? You may not ever be a 5 percenter but you can certainly make it or help others get into the 10 percent category. Don’t succumb to the pressures of this material world. Material things will not bring meaning and fulfillment to your life. Educate yourself, seek knowledge, and stop listening to what the 5 percenters want you to hear. Break the chains of economic bondage. Lynda V. Harris Licensed Securities Broker 704-749-3830, www.thehfginc.com Listen to Lynda Harris every Saturday morning from 10 am to 11 am on WGIV 1370 AM, 103.3 FM and www.WGIV.net

By Odell B. Ruffin and Leah C. Taylor

he phrase “I do” is arguably the most important phrase many men and women will ever speak. It represents both a beginning and an end; the completion of one book while preparing to write on the blank pages of a new one. Most people dream of the day when these words can be exchanged with that special man or woman. Months of meticulous planning from choosing floral arrangements to deciding on a wedding cake culminate in a beautiful display of love in front of family and friends. However nobody imagines the day when the church turns into a courtroom, personal attorneys replace family members and both parties are standing before a judge to begin the process of divorce.

Many generations ago, marriage was one the highest achievements individuals could attain. It was the ultimate symbol of stability and a significant factor in the foundation of the “American Dream”. Building a legacy began with building a family, and the institution of the family became a beacon of success. However, things have changed dramatically over time. According to the United States Census Bureau, in 2006 over 2 million couples in the United States were married and the divorce rate climbed to nearly 50%.

FEATURE STORY

A Conversation on Marriage and Divorce and what Lies in Between

WISE talked to three married couples: Marlon and Nyesha of Virginia; married eight years with five children, Ed and Khristen of the Washington metropolitan area; married three years with two children, JC and Lytaria of Northern Virginia; married two and a half years with three children, divorcees Jashima of Washington, DC; previously married for 12 years with two children, Karen of Maryland, previously married seven years with two children, and Leah of Washington, DC; previously married seven years with three children.

Photo by Jhamerria Images

TO HAVE AND LET GO july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

> WISE: How have changes in society affected marriage? > Karen: I think women have a better ability to handle their own stuff. Things are different and we don’t feel the need to stay in a relationship just for the security. Most women are handling their own business and that’s a big change. You can have everything you need without the husband. Society is different because women are more independent and capable of making sufficient income to take care of themselves. Therefore they are not as willing to put up with the submission required in marriage or listen to a man dictate how things are going to go… > Marlon: 50 years ago, men were working and women were at home. If a man was doing all these different things like cheating, where would a woman go and what would she do? One of the reasons why divorce rates have increased is because women are saying “I’m not going to do this anymore, I can make just as much money as you make and I don’t need that from you,” where as 50 years ago things were a little different. > Karen: I go to a church where the pastor doesn’t even believe in divorce. When he does talk about marriage, you can tell he’s a very difficult man to be with. Although he praises his wife for being this great woman for putting up with his crap for 20 years …why does that make a woman great because she tolerated a man who didn’t treat her the way she treated him? A lot of women don’t buy that anymore because it doesn’t make them happy…. > WISE: What factors cause couples to give up on their marriage and decide on divorce? > Karen: I think people have different expectations and objectives [about marriage] and it depends on the person. Some people may not have a breaking point. They are in for the long haul and being married is what’s most important. But for people that have certain expectations—when your happiness is not a priority for your mate, that’s when things start to break down. I’ve had girlfriends that even before they were married- you could see their happiness was not a priority. Because I was there and my happiness was not a priority for my husband, I would try to talk to them and let them know when you become married; it becomes so much harder- dealing with someone who does not care about your feelings the way they should… > Khristen: I have a girlfriend that’s going through physical abuse. I don’t think I could live in a marriage when a man feels like he can put his hands on me or belittle me. For me that is a breaking point. Physical abuse is something unforgiveable. > Nyesha: I have friends who have gotten a divorce and the cause was financial. My friend always felt he had to be at work and was constantly working to get extra. They were both working too much and they were never together. The time wasn’t there. It never became cohesive because the focus was always to get more. > Karen: You can tell the marriage is not going to work when someone gives up. If you have someone giving 100% and the other person giving 10% and you have a partner who is not flexible and not accountable for what they are bringing to the table, you’re in a very difficult situation to make a marriage work. With infidelity, some couples can recover if they know why it happened. There may be some ability to recover. But I do think 26

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if you have one good spouse giving 100 and the other person cannot respect it and is not appreciative of it, there’s no hope for that marriage. > Nyesha: And the feeling of love. Everyone wants to feel that first spark; that twinge you get when you hug and kiss. Eventually that goes away and your relationship has to be grounded in something other than the feeling you first got when you first got together. > WISE: What role does the church play in supporting the institution of marriage? Should the church play a role? > Marlon: More churches should provide more things like counseling before the marriage or really give sound biblical teaching about what it takes to be in a relationship; more than “wives submit to husbands.” There should be teaching on what a relationship is all about and exploring what Jesus said about relationships. > Nyesha: Because it is so taboo to talk about sex— and please understand there’s a difference between intimacy and sex—the church should play more of a role in teaching the difference between intimacy and sex. If more couples had that opportunity to learn what sex and intimacy could be like with your spouse from a biblical manner, it would definitely build up more relationships. We can’t let couples

in love and with communication...in our marriage, my wife allows me to take care of things. But when I’m taking care of those things, I’m totally thinking about her. That is what Jesus did with the church. Most of the time you can find out what’s going on in a relationship with a person by the relationship that person is having with God. If you see a man struggling with his relationship with God he is [probably] struggling with his relationship with his wife. I would say that on the side of the woman as well. > Karen: One thing I thought before leaving my marriage- I knew I would never marry a man who didn’t have a solid relationship with God and did not understand the role of a husband. Marriage is so difficult. You have to be in love with the institution of marriage and you have to be in love with God’s word-- you have to be in love with all of that in order to put in the necessary sacrifices to have a good marriage. > Nyesha: I’ve been with my husband since I was 18 years old. We have gone through fire and brimstone to get where we are now. We have been tried through tribulations and separations almost to the point of divorce. But we figured out what works for us. It may not work for everyone, but we know spiritually what works, and what God says is the path we should take.

Photo by Jhamerria Images

learn about those things from the world. > Leah: The church should take a more proactive role as far as marriages are concerned and the basis for marriage. Many churches –even though they are built on the standards of God are still manmade entities. So the things we believe as people affect us when we go to church. As people who think we know everything, we don’t always want to hear things…. so many don’t get all the information they need. > WISE: Are the roles in a relationship relative? Should they be strictly based on biblical principles? > Jashima: It’s a little of both. If you go religion wise, your husband is your head- he is your king and you are his queen. But if your husband loses his job and you have to step into the role of taking care of your husband and family, knowing [that] you have to give him his pride and let him be a man is important. > Marlon: I think when the bible says a man should love his wife as Jesus loved the church, that commandment is a bit stronger than saying a woman should submit to her husband. We stop at the part that reads “wives submit to husbands.” But really, how much did Jesus love the church and what did he do to express this love? How much did he go after the church… and all the things he said in order to build the church? How do you build? You build on a rock. How do you make it solid? You make it solid

> WISE: What does it take for marriages to work? > Karen: The energy level. When someone has made you angry… you still need to cook dinner, have sex, wash clothes— and it becomes difficult when you know you’re not getting what you need from that person. There are so many things it takes to keep a nice home, and when those things start to break down there is dysfunction everywhere. > Marlon: There needs to be mutual submission in marriage in order for it to work. How do we make each other happy? There should be so much time spent on being intimate so more things can work out. > Karen: The smartest man is the one who knows if he makes his wife feel like she is the most important woman on a planet, he will be a happy husband. But a lot of men don’t get it. > Nyesha: You have to be corny, playful. Be a cheerleader for your spouse! My husband and I spend a lot of time together. We drive into work together, pick up lunch and drive back home. We have kids. So the time we spend together was the time when we didn’t have the stress of worrying about the kids. And work was so stressful. I had to learn how not to take the stress out on my husband. Once you start taking the stress from other places to your home, it begins to drain the relationship. When I was stressed I could run to him as a refuge. And if your spouse is not that person you can run to…that’s one of the reasons people get divorced. They run to people who can “destress” them other than their spouses. > Karen: Actually finding someone you can enjoy in that way is a blessing. A lot of people do lose that aspect of enjoying each other. Everyone has to deal with the crazy stuff but they don’t always love each other enough to put up with it…..when it starts getting hot, you don’t have glue to go through the tough times because you’re probably married to someone you probably shouldn’t be married to in the first place. continued... pg. 29 july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

wisemagazine.org \ JULY-SEPTEMBER 2010

divorce and marriage from pg. 27 > WISE: What are the lessons you wish you would have known before getting married? > Marlon: I continually have things to work on, to make myself better. I’m a little rough around the edges. I don’t think I’m the most romantic person. But I’m constantly trying to do things to work on it. > Nyesha: I’ve learned not to take advice from women in failing marriages or bitter women because taking advice from people who are married but their marriages are not working is not a good thing. I’m learning to keep ‘our business’ our business, and just trying to continue to be spiritually grounded. > Khristen: Keep both eyes open. I was clouded by being in love and infatuated with my husband…..he wasn’t always the neatest person and as my boyfriend it was okay. But once we got married, that hasn’t’ changed. I would have recognized that and not fooled myself into thinking things would change now that we’re married. He’s still the same person, but now he just has a mate. > Karen: Red flags. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Don’t think the red flags are going to go away. Ask yourself, “What do you need to be the best person you can be with someone?” If that person exhibits a lot of things that are going to take you outside of you being your best, have the strength to walk away. > Leah: You have to want yourself and want to put yourself on a pedestal. You should be so into knowing and being one with God that he has to go through Christ just to see you for what you’re worth. It’s not the other person’s responsibility to make you happy. It’s yours. But what they should want to do is assist you in getting to that happiness. And if they are not doing that, then they don’t care about you as much as you care about yourself. > WISE: What is necessary in order for marriage to work? > Jashima: Communication, trust and religion. If you have common ground for all three it is going to succeed on a level where you don’t have to search if you both have your heads straight and set on a common goal. > Karen: Respect, purpose, accountability, understanding and compatibility. There has to be something that draws you to one another. > Marlon: Be a complete person in God and have a strong relationship in him, knowing your first happiness come from God. Continue to make that person happy not thinking about yourself. Make love an action. Not a noun. Take your cues from Jesus and practice mutual submission. > Nyesha: Knowing your spouse’s love language. We tend to speak the language we want to be spoken in, but we have to learn that person’s language to speak to them in their love language. > Khristen: Love without expectation and love freely. When you create expectations, you start looking for love in the way you want to be loved and not in the way that person loves you. You put blinders on and don’t see the person loves you in their own special way. If you suppress your expectations, you might start opening your heart.

Practical tools for Living a healthy lifestyle.

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july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

THE GROOVE By Glenn Blanco, Owner/Director Tutoring Club of Charlotte Photo by Netties Eyes

Eight Tips to Help Your Children Succeed Summer is coming to a close, the days will soon be getting cooler, and school supply circulars are in the mail, but are your children prepared for the school year ahead? “It’s normal for children to feel uneasy about the start of a new school year,” notes tutoring expert Larry Schwartz. “Some children act like a doom cloud is over their head, while others are simply apprehensive about starting new classes. Parents can ease their children’s stress by talking about what their own first week of school was like and sharing stories about their transitions into new schools or grades.” Children feel more relaxed knowing that the back-to-school jitters are just another rite of passage. Seven other ways to prepare your children for a successful school year are: 30

wisemagazine.org \ JULY-SEPTEMBER 2010

1. Take a Tour. A good way to fight anxiety is to take your children on a walkthrough of the school they will attend. For older students, ask if their class schedule is available and help them find each class they will attend throughout the day.

4. Talk to the Teacher. Let teachers know you welcome their comments regarding your children’s progress. Offer your email address as well as your home phone number so you can be conveniently contacted. Most important, encourage your children to talk to their teachers so they are comfortable asking for help.

2. Eat Right. Studies show that children who miss breakfast fatigue more quickly, are more short-tempered, and don’t perform as well as those who eat breakfast. If you don’t have the time to sit down for breakfast, find quick and nutritious alternatives, like a banana and a bagel with peanut butter.

5. Watch for Signs of Struggles. When a child shows signs of low self-esteem, low grades, or lack of interest in school find out why. The answer could be bullying, or it could be an indication that your child is struggling academically.

3. Get Organized. Will colored folders or pens help your child to take notes? Will bookmarkers help them remember what page an assignment is on? Remind children to keep their study areas, desks, and lockers organized. Structure and routine will help any student be better prepared.

6. Be Proactive. Study skills are not often taught in today’s classrooms. These skills allow students to do their best in and out of school by improving how they use their time. Tutoring Club offers courses that teach students how to study textbooks, take notes, outline, listen more effectively, prepare for tests, manage study time, and increase their reading speed and comprehension.

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Guaranteed. 50% OFF 7. Be Involved. Take time each day to sit with your child and have a one-on-one discussion. Don’t start the conversation with, “What do you have for homework today?” Rather, have meaningful conversations about friendships, hardships, stress and accomplishments. Start by asking them, “What was good about today?” followed by, “What was bad about today?” and end with, “How can I help you?” 8. Students Should Start Reading Now. Research shows that children who are encouraged to read on their own are more likely to succeed in school, giving them a tremendous advantage over students who aren’t. To quote the great children’s book author, Dr. Seuss, “The more that you read, the more things you will know. The more that you learn, the more places you’ll go.”

Values of Reading: • • • • • •

Broadens vocabulary Improves spelling and grammar Develops writing skills Increases critical and creative thinking Opens the mind to new ideas Prepares students for life

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A lot has changed in recent months. But the importance of life insurance hasn’t.

How to identify deficient reading skills: • • • • •

Slow reading Poor spelling Difficulty completing assignments on time Poor grades Statements such as, “I just don’t get it.”

Reading is a step-by-step process that begins early in life, and most often within the home. Most children are reading by the time they reach second grade, but some need extra help. If you notice your child has difficulty reading or comprehending what was read, seek help immediately. Start the school year right! We hope everyone has a successful and fulfilling academic year.

Tutoring Club learning centers offer exclusive TutorAid programs that are guaranteed to improve individual skills in core academic areas, including Rx Reading, Amazing Math, and The Write Way. Through the TutorUp program, Tutoring Clubs also offer individualized instruction in science, high-school mathematics, and teach basic learning skills such as note taking, outlining, time management and test preparation, including ACT and SAT test preparation, and instruction in most other standardized tests. For more information on Tutoring Club, visit www.tutoringclub. com or contact Glenn Blanco at 704-542-2322 or CharlotteNC@ TutoringClub.com.

Some ideas are smart, no matter the times. And today, life insurance remains one of the smartest and surest ways to help gain lasting financial stability for your loved ones. That’s because with life insurance, the death benefit guaranteed in the policy never decreases. Every policy issued by The Prudential Insurance Company of America begins with these words: “We will promptly pay …” Now and always, that’s a truly comforting thing. So during these uncertain times, don’t delay. Call me today for more information and a free, no-obligation life insurance quote. Hasan Harnett Financial Services Associate The Prudential Insurance Company of America 2701 Coltsgate Rd Ste 220 Charlotte, NC 28211 Phone 704-526-9432 www.prudential.com/us/hasan.harnett Hasan.Harnett@Prudential.com

Insurance is issued by The Prudential Insurance Company of America, Newark, NJ, and its affiliates. Each company is solely responsible for its own financial condition and contractual obligations. Our policies contain exclusions, limitations, reductions of benefits and terms for keeping them in force. Our licensed financial professionals can provide the costs and complete details. Withdrawals and loans reduce policy cash values and the death benefit and may affect any policy guarantees against lapse. All guarantees are based on the claims-paying ability of the issuing company. IFS-A158800 Ed. 12/08 july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org 31

WISE STYLE

DRESSING MEN FOR A PROGRESSIVE LIFE By Grant Harris, Owner & Chief Style Consultant at Image Granted, LLC

In whatever stage of life a man finds himself, whether a seasoned professional or college graduate, his image inside and out is paramount to his overall success. Appearance sends a message to men and women alike that he is either “large and in charge” or small potatoes and not a serious player in life. At Image Granted it is our mission to help men dress-- not for the life they lead today--but for the life they want tomorrow. Deciding What You Want The first steps in dressing for the life you want is simple—decide what you want! Without knowing what you want in life and having a plan to obtain it, a man is lost and it won’t matter what he is wearing. A man’s clothes can only improve on what God has already created, clothes alone can’t re-create it from scratch. It is important for a man to examine himself and decide the best lifestyle for him and how it fits into the world around him. Are you the man who wants to land a six-figure corporate office job with the corner office on the penthouse level? Or are you comfortable with being on the first floor and not being noticed by people? Are you looking to improve your dating life? Or maybe you just want to make yourself over and gain a new lease on life. Whatever the situation may be, a man MUST choose his path in life first, then he can add the necessary layers to his appearance to help him reach his goals successfully.

Putting Lipstick on the Pig Now of course, men don’t wear lipstick, but this is a term borrowed from the business world meaning to paint a better picture than what’s already there. Take something normal or average, and make it look spectacular. This is when a man decides how his wardrobe will help his achieve his success. Not every man needs to wear a suit and tie to be successful. But, on the other hand every man does need to look professional to get to the next level in life. Where do you start you ask? Start with a mix of dress and casual pieces made from quality materials, constructed to last for years, and provide a Laura seamless transition from the office to the beach.

A complete wardrobe should contain the following items: 32

wisemagazine.org \ JULY-SEPTEMBER 2010

3-5 dress/casual shoes • Look for Oxfords and Canvas sneakers.

5-10 dress/casual trousers & pants • Dark and light midweight wool dress slacks and khaki chinos (NO pleats).

2-3 sport coats and/or blazers • This is a standard when a

3-5 warm & cool weather jackets/coats • Cover up in the

suit isn’t called for. Preferably, navy blue and charcoal gray.

elements with a full length overcoat for winter and short hip length track jacket or windbreaker for the warm weather.

10-12 pairs of dress/causal socks • I believe the more socks the better (it’s my personal obsession). Mix and match materials, colors and patternsover the calf height.

1-2 pairs of dark denim jeans • The darker the denim the better. Stay away from the distress and different washes.

5-7 undershirts • Acts as barrier against sweat.

5-7 pairs of underwear • Boxers or briefs or nothing at all.

15-20 dress/casual shirts • Long sleeve dress shirts in a variety of colors, patterns, collars and short sleeve polo’s.

3-4 dress/casual belts • Smooth shiny leather for the office and dull rugged braided or burnished belts for casual.

3-5 suits • Start with wool in solid colors. As your collection grows, add different fabrics like cotton, flannel and patterns in plaid or pinstripe.

Whatever your preferences make sure they are clean and just as stylish as the rest of you.

3-4 pairs of shorts • Shorts

5-7 sweaters • You’ll be happy to have them when it gets cold outside. Try v-necks and crew necks in light, heavy fabrics and knits.

Outfitted with these wardrobe essentials, a man will be prepared for everyday life and for his ascension in the ranks of manhood and success.

should stop just above the knee, no trim, and no cargo pockets on the side.

Grant Harris is Owner & Chief Style Consultant at Image Granted, LLC; a Washington, DC based Image Consulting Company dedicated to solving the complex image, style & fashion issues of today’s professional man. Mr. Harris provides private & corporate wardrobe consultations, closet organization, personal shopping & other value-based services for men in need of practical & affordable style advice. Contact Grant at corporate@ imagegranted.com or 703.554.9184. Photos were furnished by Primer Magazine, Men’s Playbook and J. Crew.

july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

make over 85% of the financial decisions in the household

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Women

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Summer Skin Care Tips for Men and Women By Courtney Menina

For those dealing with acneâ&#x20AC;Ś. Find a cleanser with Benzyl Peroxide, Sulfur, and 100% fragrance-free. These ingredients will help with inflammation of acne, especially in the summer heat. After cleansing, use a retinol A topical on your acne blemishes. Then use an oil-free, 100% fragrance-free moisturizer.

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photo by Netties Eyes

BE HEALTHY! & BE HAPPY!

Join us! A LOTT of Sista Love meets every 1st Sunday 3:00-5:00 pm Web: www.alottofsistalove.org Email: lottofsistalove@yahoo.com

A LOTT of Sista Love is an affiliate of Kingdom Development 501(c)3 Non-Profit

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Sunscreen!!!! Sunscreen!!!! Sunscreen!!!! SPF 45+ Sunscreen prevents blemishes from darkening. Men and Women with Clear blemish free skin.... Exfoliate once or twice a week and moisturize with an SPF of 30+! For Ladies when removing makeup this summer, I recommend using a cold cream. A cold cream will unclog pores and rid impurities underneath the surface layer.

A Lott of Sista Love

Men and Women this summer the sun seems to be BEAMING right on us!!!!

If you follow these simple tips this summer, you will have radiant beautiful skin!!!!

photo by Karen Struthers / dreamstime.com

Courtney Menina is the owner and operate of Doll Face Elite.

FEATURE STORY

We Will NEVER Forget! By Rhonda Mouton On August 29, 2005, Hurricane Katrina devastated the lives of thousands in the Gulf Coast area. People were displaced from their homes, families, schools, and jobs. Hundreds of people are still displaced from the home in which they once knew all of their lives. Five years later, homes and neighborhoods are untouched since that day of destruction in August 2005. Society has moved on with their lives, but not many from the Gulf Coast. Families reunions are more sentimental and often because most families remain scattered across the country. Every visit to New Orleans feels less like home. The neighbors that once watched out for your home when you were gone are no longer there. The corner grocery stores that prepared the best “poboy” sandwiches bare only the stores name. Even the childhood elementary school the entire neighborhood once attended has been torn down. You can have a house anywhere, but in the words of the late Luther Vandross “a house is not a home when there’s no one there”. In the Gulf Coast region many are no longer there. What will happen to the homes? Will we ever have a place to call home? Will the memories fade? Remember to treasure each day because tomorrow is not promised. We are not promised to awaken in our own beds, homes, or lifestyles. Possessions can be replaced quickly; however, it is hard to mend broken hearts and spirits. On August 29, 2010 pray for the spirit of the people in the Gulf. Many people are struggling to remain hopeful that their lives will one day return to normal. As we reach the 5th Anniversary, there is still hope or restoration and resilience! We Will Never FORGET and DON’T YOU!

Photos provided by Aja Grant owner of Jhamerria Images. For more information about Jhamerria Images visit her website www.jhamerriaimages.com.

july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

Should You Have A Separate “Wifey” Account? Are Single Black Women Really Worth Only $5.00? What’s The Difference between a Stock and a Mutual Fund? Tune Into”

” With

Lynda Harris and Shella Sylla of The Henderson Financial Group Live From Charlotte, NC Every Saturday Morning From 10:00 TO 11:00 AM ET on WWW.WGIV.NET

Call us with your questions or comments at 704.553.1370. Keeping it real and sharing with you how to make money, grow your money, and keep your money!

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The Henderson Financial Group 9635 Southern Pine Blvd, Suite 132 Charlotte, NC 28273 Phone: 704-749-3830 www.thehfginc.com

WISE ON THE MOVE

WISE Magazine columnist and Henderson Financial Group Financial Advisor Shella Sylla in front of the AKA Regional Conference Poster of Regional Director, Ella Springsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; picture in Atlanta, Ga. Also photographed are Johanna Sylla, Martha Underwood and Shella Sylla all AKAâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s.

WISE Columnist and Henderson Group Financial Group Advisor Shella Sylla photographed with David Taylor at the Change Series in Charlotte, North Carolina. Yolanda Adams Health and Wellness Tour 2010 in Charlotte, NC photos by Jhamerria Images owner Aja Grant. Photographed are Comedian Rod Allison (bottom), Gospel Artist Earnest Pugh (right), Aja Grant and Gospel Artist Michelle Brown Clark (top).

FaithWorks International participates in One Night with Malik Yoba at the Playhouse Booth Theatre in Charlotte, North Carolina. Photo includes actors from L to R: Fred, Ericka, Actor Malik Yoba from Why Did I Get Married 1&2, Andrea, Robert, in back FaithWorks Owner Alvin and WISE Magazine Founder Rhonda.

july-september 2010 / wisemagazine.org

SAVE THE DATE

FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 10 SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 11

2010

CHARLOTTE LITERARY FESTIVAL

For more information, please visit www.charlotteliteraryfestival.com

DON’T JUST SURVIVE! LEARN TO THRIVE AND ENJOY LIFE’S JOURNEY!

Let’s Talk! 704-287-5724 CoachBettyR@yahoo.com Free initial ½ hour consultation – by phone or in person 6135 Park South Drive – Suite 510, Charlotte, NC 28210 www.WealthAndWell-Being.info and www.TLCCoachBettyR.com

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Bishop I. V. Hilliard, Founder New Light Christian Center Church www.NE WLIGHT.or g