TEEN GIRLS’ MENTAL HEALTH

SIX WAYS TO REACH A TEENAGE GIRL (and Maybe Save Her Life)

The new CDC statistics are grim: There’s been a huge spike in suicidal thoughts in teenage girls (and boys aren’t doing great either). In a dangerous world, parents need to connect with our teens more than ever. Mental health and substance misuse expert David Magee explains how.

Ashocking new report by the CDC confirms what many parents already suspected: Teenage girls are in crisis. A 2021 survey of more than 17,000 high school students found that 30 percent of the girls had considered suicide — a rate that’s double that of boys and almost 60 percent higher than ten years ago. Besides the unprecedented rise in suicidal behavior, the report shared other grim findings on sexual violence, substance misuse, depression, and other mental health woes.

Most parents receive news like this with a sinking feeling and a sense of dread. It’s not that we’re surprised; after the COVID years and the flood of stories on drug addiction, broken mental health, and the relentlessness of social media, how could we be? It’s that we feel so helpless to do anything about it.

The good news is that, actually, we aren’t helpless, says national recovery advocate David Magee. Despite the message you may be getting from all-grim news reports — not to mention your teen’s closed door, perpetual silence, and sullen stares — our girls are reachable.

“I’ve engaged with some 20,000 middle and high school students through- out the country in the past year,” says Magee, host of The Mayo Lab Podcast and author of the upcoming book Things Have Changed: What Every Parent (and Educator) Should Know About the Student Mental Health and Substance Misuse Crisis. “I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been talking about my own depression or my daughter’s eating disorder and looked out into the audience to see girls just wiping away flowing tears.

“Also, they are the ones lining up to talk to me the most,” he adds. “It just breaks my heart, but it also warms my heart because they are reachable. A critical key is to be there with them and for them — really see them and hear them.”

None of this is to suggest boys are not struggling, too. They certainly are — indeed, Magee’s own son tragically died of an accidental drug overdose in 2013 — and they need just as much parental attention, empathy, and understanding as girls do. The question is, regardless of gender, how do you reach your teens? Magee offers a few tips:

First, get the lay of the land. (Educate yourself.) Magee’s book title says it all: Things really have changed. Young people face a cauldron of pressures their parents can’t relate to. That’s why he joined with the University of

Mississippi’s Thomas Hayes Mayo Lab to create The Mayo Lab Podcast. This weekly program — available on all podcast platforms — brings together the best thought leaders in various arenas (mental health, drug misuse prevention, and parenting) so parents can access them in one place.

“The idea is to offer research-based insights and guidance to equip not just parents but also educators and students to start a different conversation in their own lives,” says Magee. “If we don’t know the realities our children face, we can’t talk about them in a meaningful way.”

Hold regular conversations to normalize how teens are feeling. Make it a priority to engage with your teens over meals and activities. Broach conversations on subjects you might suspect they are dealing with — bullying, eating disorders, substance misuse — and don’t be afraid to state the blunt facts. However, remember the goal here is to engage your teens on what they may be feeling, not to lecture, “catch,” or shame them.

“Your teens may seem to prefer sitting in silence, but don’t let them,” says Magee. “Too often parents just follow their children’s lead because it feels too uncomfortable to force the conversation or — as is very often the case — because we don’t know what to say.”

Ask open-ended questions. (This is critical.) Too many parents preach or hold one-sided conversations with our children. Resist this urge. Instead, ask questions focused on how they feel, rather than thrusting your angst and fear upon them. For example: “How did you feel when your friends were out together Friday night while you were at home with family?” or, “How did it feel when the names were posted for making the team and yours was omitted?”

“Studies show young people need to be seen and heard to become whole,” says Magee. “Open-ended questions open your child’s mind and yours. Their responses hold the capacity to inform and surprise and even deeply delight.”

Listen closely and you may hear clues. (The word “anxiety” is one.)

Magee calls anxiety the “safe word” for today’s generation. While they may not continued on page 32