Spotlight on HSP Expert, Alissa Boyer

Strong Woman Spotlight: Alissa Boyer of LifeByAlissa.com

Do you get stressed when you have too many things happening at once? Do you feel like you have a sixth sense and can pick up what people are thinking and feeling? Does it drive you crazy when the lights are too bright, the TV is too loud, or the room is messy? You might be a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP), just like me and our Strong Woman Spotlight for this issue, Alissa Boyer.

Alissa supports HSPs in such a beautiful and empowering way that I just had to share with you. It wasn’t until recently that I discovered my own HSP superpowers. Alissa’s story and teaching style resonate with me personally and are a perfect fit for all women (not just HSPs) in our community. She graciously shares her story and more in our interview. Read on for revelations!

BELINDA: For our readers that are unfamiliar, can you tell me what it means to be a Highly Sensitive Person? And tell me how your company/website support women that are HSPs?

ALISSA: Being highly sensitive is a trait that impacts about 15-20% of the population. The term HSP was coined in the early 1990's by Researcher and Psychotherapist, Dr. Elaine Aron. The scientific term for being an HSP is "Sensory Processing Sensitivity".

IT'S IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT BEING HIGHLY SENSITIVE ISN'T A DISORDER; IT DOESN'T NEED TO BE DIAGNOSED. IT'S SIMPLY A TRAIT, SIMILAR TO BEING AN INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT.

(Readers can take an HSP Self-Test on Dr. Aron's website: HSPerson.com)

An HSP is someone who has a finely tuned nervous system and is more sensitive to the world around them. HSPs will be more impacted by sensory input like bright lights, loud noises, itchy fabric, strange smells, etc. Highly Sensitive People also process information more deeply and tend to notice little details that others often miss.

As a result of their deep-processing and sensory sensitivity, they often get overstimulated more easily which results in overwhelm and stress. HSPs also have an abundance of empathy as they actually have more active mirror neurons in the brain, which are responsible for empathy. They tend to be the caretakers, intuitives, and deep-feelers of the world.

My work supports women who are HSPs by providing specific tools, resources, and practices to help them learn how to thrive in the world. Many HSPs struggle with things like boundaries, people-pleasing, and knowing how to advocate for their needs.

As we all know, the world can be loud, chaotic, and sometimes a bit cruel which can be really hard on a Highly Sensitive Person! In my work, I'm passionate about helping other sensitive humans learn how to feel good in their skin and thrive in a world that can feel very overwhelming at times.

B: I absolutely love how you empower us unique souls and reframe many of the negative connotations associated with being sensitive. For our readers, can you tell me more about your story, how, and when you discovered you're a HSP? Or when you discovered that there was an actual scientific personality trait that brought clarity to why you experience the world the way you do (like I do too)?

A: Thank you! Yeah, so I discovered I was an HSP about 7 years ago. The discovery came at one of the darkest times in my life, which I now hear is common for a lot of other HSPs!

I was 22-years-old and had just moved from Minnesota to Southern California for an exciting internship opportunity at a corporate retail company. It was an exhilarating time in my life -- I was working for a cool company; I was in a brand new state; I was really finding my way in the world.

However, it was also quite stressful because I was hardly making any money so I was often broke. I was away from all of my family and friends, so I was often feeling quite lonely. In addition to that, my “cool job” started turning into a toxic environment when sales at the company began to plummet.

As my work environment became more intense and stressful, I started developing severe digestive issues. It started out with stomach aches after eating dairy and gluten, but eventually, I was getting sick after almost everything I ate. I started seeing different gastroenterologists but no one could figure out what was wrong with me. It was incredibly frustrating and lonely to be on this journey.

After seeing a third gastroenterologist who couldn’t help me, I decided to switch gears and try a holistic route. Thank goodness for that! In working with a holistic doctor, I began understanding that a lot of my digestive issues were caused by stress because I was such a sensitive person.

This is where the HSP discovery came in! I’d started getting into reading self-help books and my mom told me she’d heard about this book called “The Highly Sensitive Person” by Dr. Elaine Aron. She thought it sounded like me!

So, I basically devoured the book and for the first time in my life, I felt so seen. I finally felt like there was something that described me.

I’D ALWAYS KIND OF FELT LIKE THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME, SO WHEN I’D LEARNED THERE WAS A TERM THAT DESCRIBED THE WAY I WAS… I FINALLY FELT ACCEPTED FOR BEING EXACTLY WHO I WAS. IT WAS LIFE-CHANGING, TO SAY THE LEAST!

B: OK, ok, so I HAVE TO dive a tiny bit deeper into your gut health issues because I'm a self-proclaimed "gut health geek". What were the gut issues that you experienced and what got you to make the connection between gut health and mental health? (and really "everything" health!)

A: The gut issues I experienced were SIBO (small intestine bacterial overgrowth) and Leaky Gut. I truly began to make the connection between gut health and mental health upon working with my holistic doctor. It was pretty amazing! In addition to a specific diet and supplement regimen, he also had me come in once a week to work through subconscious emotional stressors. Each time I left his office, I felt lighter and more connected to myself.

In working with him, I was able to begin making the direct connection that when I was anxious or stressed, my digestion was completely thrown off. But, when I was relaxed and feeling good, I was able to eat basically whatever I wanted without getting sick from it. I could clearly see the connection and it allowed me to get really in tune with my body.

I was able to fully heal from my digestive issues in a matter of months, and years later, I don’t have any digestive issues. This experience taught me the importance of having stress-reducing practices, so I’m incredibly diligent with my self-care which always includes meditation, movement, and journaling. I know this is the reason I’ve been able to keep my digestive issues at bay for all of these years after.

B: I love that! So many of us discount the affect that stress can have on the body, until we discover that learning how to manage our stress levels is the key to relieve so many ailments. Especially with the gut because it’s directly connected to our brains and mental health.

I’ve learned from experience, as have you, that such amazing things happen as a result of facing challenges. After going through your challenges and changes, what led and inspired you to eventually create "Life By Alissa"?

A: My whole journey is exactly what brought me to the work I’m doing today! When I learned about being an HSP and making the connection between my mental health and physical health, I felt so inspired. It was totally changing my life and I was bursting to share my learnings with others.

So, I decided I’d start a blog! I’ve always loved to write -- as a kid I would write books, but as I got older, the creative side of me fell to the wayside. My blog truly started out as a creative outlet and a way to share inspiration. My original tagline was: “Finding the beauty in the everyday.” I had no intentions of creating a business from it or anything like that.

Over the span of almost two years, my blog has evolved! I began to notice that any time I shared about sensitivity, I had a lot of people responding and resonating with what I’d said. I also loved writing about sensitivity the most - it was so natural for me.

So, I began making the connection that this was the specific message I was meant to share and began solely talking to HSPs beginning the summer of 2020. From there, it’s now grown into an HSP membership community, 1:1 mentorship, a podcast, and a sizeable Instagram following.

I also am a regular contributor to an HSP website called Highly Sensitive Refuge. It came together so organically and beautifully!

B: It’s amazing how everything unfolded the way that it did! But no doubt, the fact that you are an HSP is one of the reasons why you are so successful and are able to see what is resonating with your audience. It is a superpower for sure!

I love your website and blog! You've got a quiz on your site called "What's Your Empath Archetype?" Can you tell me more about that?

A: Thanks so much! So, I created the Empath Archetype quiz as a way to help sensitive, empathic people get in touch with the gifts of their sensitivity. I’ve found that so many HSPs and Empaths feel shameful of their sensitive nature and feel like it’s something they need to change.

I’m passionate about helping them see that it’s actually a superpower when we learn how to OWN and embrace it. So, I felt like this quiz would be a fun way for sensitive souls to get more in touch with their unique “archetype” so to speak!

I’ve found that there tend to be four main strengths of Highly Sensitive People. Creativity, Intuition, Emotional Intelligence, and Caretaking. So, these are the four different archetypes you can fall into when taking the quiz! Of course, I believe that each of us embodies all of these strengths, I just find that we tend to lead with one the most.

Also, it’s totally just for fun! I personally love taking little personality tests, so I wanted to create one myself.

B: It is a fun quiz! You have got such a great understanding of yourself and others. Can you tell me, what are the 3 tidbits of wisdom that you wished you had realized earlier in your journey?

A: First, you can do things your OWN way. I used to get caught up in thinking I needed to follow other people’s formula or blueprint. I’ve now learned that we do best when we can create our own path and do things in our own way. We’re unique and that is beautiful!

SECOND, BOUNDARIES ARE THE BEST WAY TO PROTECT YOUR PEACE.

I used to have zero boundaries and be a chronic people-pleaser. I would’ve saved myself a lot of stress if I’d had firm boundaries in place from the get-go.

Third, being supported by others actually makes you stronger. I used to feel like I needed to do everything on my own and that asking for help made me weak. I’ve now realized that in order to be successful in all aspects of life, support is a necessity!

B: These are such wonderful tips and are absolutely true. I also think that they are great for anyone, highly sensitive or not. Thank you so much for taking the time to share your story and expertise with us today!

Last open-ended question that I like to ask every woman that we spotlight: What is one part of your own wellness routine that you would recommend our readers to try, and why?

A: It’s my pleasure! This may sound simple, but make it a regular practice to check in with yourself throughout the day. So often we’re just moving so quickly from task to task, that we don’t even pay attention to how we’re feeling physically, emotionally, mentally.

If they don’t already, I’d recommend readers create a habit of assessing how they’re feeling every hour or so.

Notice if your shoulders are tense, jaw is clenched, or stomach is upset. Pay attention to the thoughts you’re thinking and if you’re feeling energized or tired. From there, you can then assess what you need to give yourself. Maybe it’s a 5-minute break, a stretch, a quick dance party, or a snack. But I’ve found it super important to be intentional about checking in and giving myself what I need!

B: Yes, I love this! As with your other tips, this one really is great for anyone… but I do know that it is imperative to do as a Highly Sensitive Person. Is there anything else that you would like to share with the WomanBeeWell audience?

A: If you've read this and discovered that you, too, are a Highly Sensitive Person... I want to let you know that you're in good company! Being highly sensitive is a beautiful gift. You don't need to change who you are. Instead, you just need to embrace your true, sensitive nature. You're in good company!