Bloom Second Edition by womanistpsych

SECOND EDITION

FEMINIST PSYCHOLOGY | GOUCHER COLLEGE | SPRING 2019

Layout and cover designs by Liat Feller and Carlyn Maia. 2The symbol on the front cover represents intersceitonal feminism.

Special thanks to Dr. Nyasha Grayman-Simpson

Table of Contents 5 Foreword 6 Feminism is Not a Cloak 7 Ecofeminism 8 Her Life 10 The Homeless Period Does it Mean to be an 12 What Immigrant Women in the Workforce? 13 A Goodbye Poem* 14 16 Trying to Move On* 17 A Hero Like Me 10 Steps to Going to the Gynecologist When You are a Sexual Assault Survivor*

18 The Seed* 19 Confront Your Fear of Fat 20 Ugly Beauty 21 Bearded Lady 22 Quite the Look* 24 The Disorder is Not the Trauma 25 Narrative Therapy Drug Addiction Different in 26 IsWomen?* 28 Embodiment

*These pieces mention sensitive topics including but not limited to sexual assault, self-harm, eating disorders, drug use, strong language, and violence. Take care of yourself.

Foreword

While attending my 35th Goucher College reunion, the alumnae/i were invited to write down words of wisdom to share with the graduating class of 2019. I was flooded with ideas to share and yet, regrettably, I did not put my words on paper because I was immersed in the excitement and full schedule of the reunion weekend. Nostalgic recollections and multitudinous memories came to mind. My thoughts evoked a plethora of emotions about where life has taken me since my graduation from Goucher in 1984. Somewhere in all these reflections must be some words of wisdom I can pass on, I thought. Afterall, I was – I am – a Goucher Woman of Promise, as we were known in those years. That is the title that ushered us through graduation and dispersed the graduates of the Goucher College Class of 1984 into the world. We embarked on our varied journeys ready to change the world and to speak our truths. The world has changed much in 35 years. Societally, some things are better. Education is available through more resources than just the traditional classroom setting. Access to help and support is at our fingertips. Technology has opened up the information highway and has brought more awareness to both the positive and the negative in society. It has completely changed the methods by which we do most of our communication. And yet, despite these and many other developments, discrimination, abuse, and poverty are rampant, still creating difficulty and pain for far too many people. There continues to be much room for improvement. Speak your truth. Life is a series of experiences; some experiences chosen by us, some of them thrust upon us. Some of the experiences we endure are personal in nature, some professional, some societal, and some touch on all. While each of us comes from a different space and place, having travelled unique paths, what binds us together is that we are all human. We share the human condition of being different, one from another. Be it faith, culture, race, gender, sexuality, or any other identity or experience, the bottom line is the same. We are all human beings, hopeful for something better. Speak your truth. As I read through the works submitted to this edition of Bloom, I was moved by the information, the honesty, the vulnerability, and the emotions infused throughout. Among my reactions, a few of the pieces brought tears to my eyes and some evoked anger and sadness. Some brought hope. Reflections of my own experiences and those of people I’ve known came to mind. The creative methods used to express each author’s truth enhanced the stories told and the thoughts and information shared. Speak your truth. It has taken me years of life experience, both personal and professional, and wading through my own disappointments, challenges, and traumas to understand just how important speaking one’s truth really is. The sharing of truths brings awareness, support, and hopefully, change. While at Goucher, I was always encouraged to speak my mind. At that time in my life, I did not equate speaking my mind with speaking my truth. The stories, facts, and emotions shared in this publication reinforced for me just how important it is for each of us to speak our truth. That is a change for the better. As humans we are capable of learning from each other. Sensitivity is heightened by awareness. Knowledge is power. We cannot change what we don’t know or don’t understand. Speak your truth. Social change and the celebration of differences are conversations that have continued to be relevant to Goucher students and present in campus discourse. This edition of Bloom illustrates the important work currently happening on campus and shows the importance of giving a voice to those who might feel, or have felt, unheard. The sharing of information, through written words, art, conversation, and connection, are at the core of a holistic education. Thirty-five years later, I am still proud to be a Goucher Woman of Promise. Speak your truth. Thank you, Dr. Grayman-Simpson, for welcoming me into your Feminist Psychology class and for continuing the important conversations with my daughter (Goucher Class of 2021) and with all of your students. To all the Goucher Students of Promise, there’s much work to do to make our ever-changing world a better place. Share your stories. Express your concerns. Bring forth change. Speak your truth. Sharon Feintuck Feller '84

“Feminism isn’t a cloak that I put on in the morning and take off at certain times. It’s who I am. I look at the world through eyes that are very alert to gender injustice, and I always will.” – Chimanda Ngozi Adichie

Rachael

Morgan

Maia

*contents are clippings from Us Weekly magazine

Maia Offitzer

The Homeless Period Emme Ahn “Just when you thought it couldn’t get any worse, your period starts.” Menstruation is a natural and healthy effect of being a woman. In order to have a healthy period, women need access to fresh tampons and pads, a clean changing area, new clothing if needed and privacy. This may not seem like a luxury to us, but to homeless women these necessities are often out of reach. Homeless women often start their periods while out in public and are then forced to use unsafe and unsanitary objects in order to manage their period.

women. A box of tampons of pads costs around $5-$10 plus tax and in public restrooms, a tampon or pad is about 25 cents which can quickly add up over a week’s time. Many homeless women resort to using ripped pieces of cloth or toilet paper instead of sanitary napkins or tampons, risking infection. 86% of non-homeless women report having started their period in public without supplies and 79% have been forced to use toilet paper or some unhealthy and unsafe object because their period started without hygiene products. Images from and to learn more, visit: https://www.homelessperiodproject.org.

Repeatedly using makeshift period hygiene products and not being able to thoroughly wash themselves, can quickly lead to health complications such as toxic shock syndrome, urinary tract infections and yeast infections, as well as vulvar contact dermatitis which arises when the genitals are not cleaned daily, or at all during menstruation. Menstruation hygiene products are taxed in 45 of the 50 U.S. states because these items are considered “luxury goods”. Homeless women are less likely to be able to afford these products and may have to choose between hygiene products or food. Many homeless shelters are not distributed governmental funds to put towards female menstruation products. These products are often ranked low on the financial list of priorities for homeless 10

“If a man could get razors anywhere, which a man could, then why can’t a woman get sanitary towels anywhere?” -Anonymous

“When I was homeless and I did have my periods, it was difficult, especially when you didn’t have any money to buy any sanitary towels, it was really difficult. I used to feel very depressed, it used to get me down. Why does a woman have to rip up a cloth to protect herself from bleeding?" -Patricia (a former homeless woman)

“What would happen if, magically, men could menstruate and women could not? Menstruation would become enviable, worthy, masculine: Men would brag about how long and how much. Congress would fund a National Institute of Dysmenorrhea to help stamp out monthly discomforts. Sanitary supplies would be federally funded and free.” -Gloria Steinem 11

What Does it Mean to Be an Immigrant Woman in the Workforce? Emma Sarr Abstract

What does it mean to be an immigrant women in the workforce? This piece tackles some of the struggles that immigrant women face when trying to become employed in the United States. To be women in the workforce is already a challenge. Women in the United States are not seen as competent and able-bodied beings as much as men are. Women recieve around 80% of what a man receives. Women are not given the same employment opportunities men receive. To be an immigrant is another image credit: instagram.com/atlast.of.beauty experience that is incredibly complex and hard to go through. There are many things an immigrant can go through. Some of those things are things like language barrier, legal/undocumented, cultural barriers, and many others. To be an immigrant women is a unique experience that comes with many challenges. This piece is a poem from an immigrant mother writing to her daughter.

Poem This world is fueled by prejudice beyond reason. Any differences that we see we decide to create judgments and bias on. To be an immigrant woman is incredibly difficult here in the United States of America. We face many struggles just to survive here. They do not give us opportunities like they do white men, white women, and men of color. You and I are some who are on the bottom of the social hierarchy. This is not a product of rational ideals but of bias and unjust prejudices. You and I are two things that society has trouble respecting. We are women and we are immigrants. Through the lense of these bias are the voices that say “You are women so you are not as capable as a man” “You are a immigrant so you do not belong here” These are constant biases and prejudices we must battle to deconstruct and prove wrong. Dear young daughter, do not be intimidated because of this pressure. Be inspired by challenge There is resiliencev in your blood. For you to be here took a lot of wisdom from our ancestors. Know that you also hold the same resilience that they had. Do not be afraid to take on the world and show them all you've got! Show them what it means to be a strong, independent, compassionate, hard working woman. 12

A Goodbye Poem* I hated having you love me. It was the worst. The type of love to put others in pain. But you didn't care, that's what hurt the most. What you did didn't make you a man. It made you into a fool. You hurt women and children, even when they did nothing to you. You took my pride from me. I hope it made you feel strong. This is a goodbye letter to you. I am finally happy to say you're gone. -Ria

10 Steps to Going to the Gynecologist When You are a Sexual Assault Survivor* Carlyn Maia

Step 1: Fill out the forms Leave the nosy questions as blank as your stare Step 2: Undress and allow yourself to be scared Surround your overflowing and imperfect body In the paper gown that never quite closes in the back Tug at the fabric and try to breathe Step 3: Surpress a scream It’s just the doctor knocking on the door Calm the vibrato in your throat and tell her to come in Be grateful you requested a woman Step 4: Mention your trauma and refuse any questions Make sure she can only pry one part of you open Don’t leave any room for her tools to poke you anywhere else Step 5: Don’t be yourself Turn slowly from human to sedated animal Keep your claws sheathed and your howls at bay Open your legs

Step 6: Remind yourself that you consented Do not growl at the doctor Step 7: Close your legs when she tells you she is all through Slowly remind yourself how to move Get dressed and ignore the nagging feeling you should call 911 To report being touched The police never helped you anyway Step 8: Let the nurse draw blood Your jealousy will flourish as they control the needle Stop yourself from telling them to make the wound wider or deeper Only apply pressure when they are looking Watch the blood dry Step 9: Go home Cry or go numb Run your blade across your arm where the nurse drew blood Do not apply pressure Wish away your body Wish away all sensation below the waist Do not apply pressure Press your thighs together and rock back and forth Do not apply pressure Step 10: Apply pressure

Trying to Move On* You left me feeling like the only way you would open your heart was if I opened my legs or mouth The hole between my legs was more important to you than the one you left in my heart, in my soul, in my self-worth “you could let me use your other mouth” “get on your fucking knees” I hate that you still have influence over my life That I still think about you and what you did to me you don’t deserve that you don’t deserve to take up a minute of my time an ounce of my energy space in even the briefest of thoughts but you do. your hands can no longer choke me but I can still feel your grip

A Hero Like Me Danielle Williams

The Seed*

Someone once told me that, "your eating disorder will keep burying you until you realize you are a seed and grow." For me, it seems like every time I plant the seed of recovery and a tree starts to grow, my eating disorder finds a way to burn it from the inside out. But I have to believe that if I continue to plant seeds, trees will continue to grow because if I don't, I may never find the strength to recover. My recovery has been anything but linear. Its been a journey of one step forward, two steps back, and another three in the right direction; but finding that right direction was not the flip of a switch that media tends to portray it to be. I have been in and out of treatment centers at varying levels of care for the past three or so years; from those experience, I have had to learn that my recovery is not going to be picture perfect. I'm going to slip, maybe even relapse, and that is okay as long as I recognize, adjust, and keep fighting. So, yes, I continue to plant seeds. And yes, my eating disorder does burn the trees down, but I believe if I continue to plant more and more seeds and trees continue to grow, I will have enough of a forest, enough momentum, to recover.

Confront Your Fear of Fat Layla Murray

It is time for society to confront its fear of fat, it is time for you to confront your fear of fat. We have a right to exist, and to take up space. We are worthy. I remember being in the my pediatrician’s office as a child, getting a routine checkup. I dreaded these appointments, because the same thing always came up. My mind, still developing, had finally lamented. “You’ll be able to wear the clothes that you want to wear!”, my doctor exclaimed excitedly, as I agreed to lose weight by my next appointment. Women are taught their inferiority from a young age. We are meant to be behind men; our attractiveness determining our worth. -- “We should not take up space”. Plus size women are “an embodiment of exactly what patriarchal society does not want women to be: visible”. Plus size women are perceived as being less attractive than their thinner counterparts, and we are perceived as being unhealthy and “bothersome”; we are told that because of our weight, we shouldn’t exist. We are told to hate ourselves because of our bodies, and society makes sure that we do. By this absence, we are told that our stories are not good enough to be told. Society wants us to hate ourselves, just as it hates plus size bodies. It is time for society to confront its fear of fat, it is time for you to confront your fear of fat. Plus size bodies are not unattractive, we are not ugly. We have a right to take up space, to not fear going to restaurants or not being able to go into certain stores. I should not have to fear getting on a plane and having someone complain about sitting next to me. I shouldn’t have to fear watching movies or listening to music in fear of being portrayed as a joke or being made fun of. 19

Ugly Beauty Madeleine Rickman

Trusting a mirror is never a smart idea; it fills your brain with lies and fantasies, that I am beautiful only on the outside: that I am only worth it if I am beautiful on the outside, that my brain and self-identity is only worth it if I am pretty. It pains me that there are stereotypes in this world, Being size 2, clear skin, nice breasts and butt. This is not my reality, I am a real woman with real flaws Being size 20, some acne, stretch marks, and a bruised past. Society has created this idea of perfection, women need to be perfect I am not perfect, I will never be, no matter how much I try. I will forever fight those ideas, I am walking protest I believe that I am beautiful not only when I wear makeup and Spanx But because I am loving, caring, and intelligent. Women are made up of more than their epidermis of organs and slush, They are made up of wit, fight, love, and most of all humanity. Nothing has ever come easy to me, confidence and self-esteem especially, It took a very long time to look in that devilish mirror and trust it.

Bearded Lady Liat Feller

Quite the Look* With legs that haven’t been shaved since last September And a face that no matter how much you shave The outline of hair will still linger With a small amount of opacity and petty hate for your existence The amount of times you rub that brittle hairs on your chin Just hoping that the next time you do You can wipe it all away, facial hair and all Like dark chalk on a blackboard When “woman’s” clothes don’t fit because You’re tall dark and 200 pounds of muscle and fat And you feel uncomfortable in them anyways Bringing out the feelings of being a disgusting mess of everything you hate about yourself Or how about your “breasts” that are just fat Building up from months of eating McChickens, McDoubles and other heart clogging food Even though you can’t do that shit anymore because you stopped working out cause you’re depressed Covering up every inch of your body, even on the hottest summer days Just because the thought of people Staring and judging your undesirable body outweighs the need for staying cool and comfortable And not imploding from the inside out, bursting into flames at the seams Looking at the world with tired sagging eyes Just wishing that transition would be as simple as counting to 3 Learning that you need to take absolutely everything into account Wondering if you could get away with taking hormones behind their backs But understanding that shit takes time Having a couple seconds to yourself, telling yourself that everything will be okay That things might actually turn out ok, but then immediately second guessing yourself Thinking there’s no way, no conceivable way, that this should be easy at all Knowing full well that your black body is seen As a threat in it’s pure existence, wondering if that police car that just passed you Will pull a U-y and confront you for suspicious behavior The story you’ve played a million times in your head

Living in fear that you’ll never make it pass 30 Because somewhere out there People see you as a category not even worthy of human And got damn it I am a fucking human, why can’t you see that? Feeling sick and disgusting about every single thing about yourself Not bringing it up to anyone Only because you told yourself that no one around you cares or wants to help But you know deep down, that’s a lie Because you are indeed loved Despite your feelings of loneliness and hate Knowing people love and cherish your existence, who be devastated to see you go You don’t want to hurt people like that Especially not the boy you fell in love with The one who loves every and all parts of your body, mind and soul Knowing he means the world to you, just as you do to him Not wanting to destroy 1 and a half years of beautiful cleansing progress Having that small amount of hope that can carry you Through most, if not all of the weather ahead Knowing that things have and will continue to get better Despite the storms and sinking ships you’ve encountered Or as I like to call it, “The depressed rugged black trans girl who is worried about the future And every little detail about and around her But slowing accepting herself along with the love of those around her” look I heard its quite the look

The Disorder is Not the Trauma An Examination of Dissociative Disorders in Women Characters Ian Greenleaf In “United States of Tara,” a Showtime show that ran from 2009-2011, Toni Collette’s portrayal reflects what much of popular society believes about DID, or Dissociative Identity Disorder. There are questions from other characters, most notably her sister, about whether the disorder is even real, or if she’s just faking it for attention. The show does a good job when it comes to dispelling the myths about patients faking the disorder for attention, but it lacks in other areas. One major concern from psychologists was the over-the-top characters and stereotypes that her other personalities take the form of, from a shy child, to a male army veteran. On top of this, the show mentions the childhood trauma that first caused the other personalities to manifest only in passing, choosing to focus instead on the problems caused by the disorder itself. By doing this, the show chooses to view the disorder itself as the trauma, rather than the trauma lying underneath.

certainly not portrayed as helpless. He is able to control which alter comes out when, and to manipulate his therapist along the way. To emphasise even further, one of his alters gives him superpowers. Obviously, the science is absurd in that movie, but the more important thing to consider is the amount of agency he’s given compared to the two women mentioned.

In conclusion, based on this small media examination, women with dissociative disorders are painted with broad, cartoonish strokes, and often ignoring the real research that could have helped them limit their offensive portrayals. Additionally, women with DID (or “Multiple Personality An early example of dissociative Disorder”) are portrayed by the media as disorders in media is in the movie “The helpless victims, not of their initial trauma, Three Faces of Eve.” In this movie, a “timid but of their disorder. Men, meanwhile, are housewife” begins to experience blackouts portrayed as strong, and able to overcome and goes to see a male psychiatrist. their disorder in some cases, and able to use Once there, other personalities begin to it to their advantage in some particularly manifest, and the doctor concludes that offensive instances. It could be argued that she has Multiple Personality Disorder. this is indicative of the overall portrayal of The alters have similar issues as “United mental illness in media, both of women and States of Tara,” but a more important point of men. It is important that media begins to to consider about this film is that Eve is create positive representation for women portrayed as helpless, unable to do anything with mental illnesses, and now is the time to unless she is helped by her male doctor. start. Compare that view of Eve as a victim of her disorder with the view of the main character in the movie “Split.” In that film, the main character has many alters, but he’s 24

Narrative Therapy A phenomenological approach No diagnosis given Rewriting and reauthoring Valuing social justice, language, and questioning. A therapist’s role decentered focusing not on the problem’s causes, but of its effects. Externalizing, deconstructing... For all problems have exceptions a “unique outcome.” Objective truth means little when compared to the impacts of the societal, the political A new construction of reality should lend itself to positive change By emphasizing identity, relationships, and family, while encouraging letter writing, autonomy, and decision-making... making clients the expert... Narrative therapy is not only a phenomenological, but a feminist approach.

“The problem is the problem, the person is not the problem.” – Michael White and David Epston

Is Drug Addiction Different in Women?* Lily Mikolajczyk

After reading the article about sex differences in psychopharmacology it got me thinking about drug addiction and how that may be affected based on our sex. We’re currently struggling with a nationwide problem of an opioid crisis and the disease of addiction. There’s been progress towards making addiction a public health issue but that’s not enough we need address different treatment options including looking at the differences between the male and female addicted brain. As a society we’ve held men and women at different standards for years. Men who drink a lot are probably stressed out by work or they’re just boys being boys.

Women who drink a lot are frowned upon and if they’re a mother it’s a betrayal to their family. Although we’re seeing more women in the workforce with extremely successful careers and boss positions we’ve typically equated this to a man's domain and they should be the breadwinners. This idea is a major risk factor that can send women into the spiral of addiction. Having the thought that they shouldn’t get an education or if they’ve only been able to receive a low education level and as a result have low economic status they’re more likely to become addicted to a substance. Lower education levels can come from many reasons but if you're a young girl who has to suddenly take on 26

the role of a parent that can have a major effect on getting a good education as well as drug addiction. Imagine at age 14 starting high school having to work after school, go pick up your younger siblings, cook dinner, clean the house, take care of your parents and then finally do homework if there’s even time before you go to sleep and do the exact same thing the next day. That’s a lot of stress and responsibility that a high school aged girl doesn’t need. It’s only draining more physical and mental energy from her and lowering her view of her own self worth. Which in turn would lead to drug addiction as a way to relieve stress or because she’s reached a mental breaking point. Another huge risk is physical or sexual abuse at a young age or in adulthood. And if you don’t talk about it or have opened up to someone you trust and they’ve said your lying that will increase the chances of you picking up the habit of drug use.

There’s not only outside factors that play a role in drug addiction within women, the hormones within our bodies also affect the way we process drugs. Women have less of the enzyme alcohol dehydrogenase which is used to break down alcohol and their bodies are made up of less fatty tissue and water. With those factors combined it makes women get drunk faster off of less

liquor and will have higher blood alcohol levels for longer. Women also have an experience that men will never have to go through which is childbirth. Although it can be amazing and give the greatest gift in the world there are a several factors during the birth as well as afterwards that make women susceptible to drug addiction. There are quite a few times in which a women may be given a pain narcotic such as fentanyl or percocets during her birth first is in the epidural which is a mix of anesthetic and fentanyl. The next could be from performing a C-Section or if there was 3rd or 4th degree vaginal tearing doctors will prescribe a percocet or other narcotic for the first few weeks. As we have now started to learn percocets and opioids are extremely addictive and addiction can be initiated from taking a prescription your doctor told you to take and said would be fine.

Another way pregnancy can lead to addiction is from postpartum depression which can cause some women to binge drink or use their drug of choice. This not only has effects on the mother but on the child as well from possibly getting tainted breast milk or not getting the proper affection needed for development and reaching milestones. Drug addiction is very scary and extremely serious disease, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to start educating society about risk factors, treatment options and that there is a difference between men and women when it comes to becoming a drug addict as well as getting off that substance as women have the highest rates of relapse. Addiction is a disease and a public health crisis and itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s time to start treating it that way.

Embodiment Sunni I tried to change, close my mouth more Tried to be softer, prettier Less awake You’d be a fool not to take me as I am Don’t take me for granted You’ll be regretting it

A little crazy, little sexy, little cool Little rough around the edges, but I keep it smooth My mistakes will make me strong

I need some shelter of my own protection Be with myself and center clarity, peace, serenity Can’t nobody love somebody, that don’t love I know it’s going to be better days themselves New life chances, no fear Don’t let them dim your light Extra special, something else A woman like the sun should always stay bright Don’t be a hard rock, When you really are a gem Don’t worry about me Cause I’m every woman I am a superwoman It’s all in me I am a warrior I’m a girl’s girl, I’m a boss in a man’s Don’t touch my crown world They say the vision I’ve found Momma said “marry a rich man” I’m beautiful in my way And I was like “momma I am that rich Cause God makes no mistakes man” What’s wrong with being confident

References First Stanza: Beyonce - Hold Up Second Stanza: H.E.R - As I Am Third Stanza: Kehlani - Bright Fourth Stanza: Zara Larson - Don’t Worry about Me Alicia Keys - Superwoman Chole x Halle - Warrior Fifth Stanza: Solange - Don’t Touch My Hair Lady Gaga - Born This Way

Sixth Stanza: Janelle Monae - I Like That Joss Stone - Right to Be Wrong Seventh Stanza: Fergie - Big Girls Don’t Cry Emani 22 - Better Days Eighth Stanza: King Princess - Pussy Is God Lauryn Hill - Doo Wop Whitney Houston - I’m Every Woman Ninth Stanza: Destiny Rogers - Tomboy Demi Lovato - Confident