, 2 Woman’s Essence Magazine
Edito r’s note www.womans-essence.co.cc
Editor-in-chief Ojay Milah
Contributing writers Jemima Owen Ojay Milah Favor Olugu Tiffany Jasper Johneen Jones Vondie Lozano, Ph.D. Mai Bordelon Roger Thompson Alice Shown Melville Jackson C Yvon Shiju Am Raj Aryan www.home-designing.com
Cuisine
contribution
www.foodnetwork.com
Design Grafx Passion www.grafxpassion.weebly.com
grafxpasion@gmail.com
photography www.gettyimages.com
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Woman’s Essence Magazine www.womans-essence.co.cc womans-essence@live.com
The November edition is here now. Again we have loads of stuffs that would interest any woman, ranging from fashion to health. Making cover is La’Nae Jones. Wife, Mother and CEO Health Education and Resources With Opportunities, La’Nae is one powerful woman who wouldn’t let her struggle with asthma put her down. Rather she with her loving and su-pportive husband battles everyday to make sure people of Northeastern Ohio get the needed health education and assistance to continue living healthy. Away from the sweet home of the Jones’ is an instructive piece on how couples can avoid divorce. Women may be complex alright, but it takes a simple thing as flowers, box of her best candy mixed with a kind word whispered in her ears to make the ‘complex woman’ happy. But then if you are already divorced, and you are a single parent struggling to raise your child alone, you can find a caring community through a list of websites provided by Tiffany.
Now if you are not in the class of being married or a single parent, but getting set for marriage. For that dream wedding that you’ve been planning since Barbie days, getting to know the flowers that would suite the day could mean a lot. Another pointer to a happy day is making sure that the day is as much yours as it is your little brides. For the woman of fashion, this month’s celebrity style you are allowed to model for that red carpet event or casual outing is Screen diva, Cameron Diaz. Our fashion trend is the vintage cat eye sunglasses. This is the best way to achieve that 60s sex kitten inspired look you’ve always wanted. And then you’ve got the metal jewelry to take you back to the historical Bronze Age through the Iron Age, where armlets, torques and gauntlet-like cuffs were p opular. There’s the beauty tip on getting that perfect nude look. If any of the articles don’t answer your deepest questions, remember you can send us an email and let Aunty Neenee give you the answers. Enjoy reading!
Ojay Milah Editor Your comments, letters and Suggestions are most welcome. Write to womans-essence@live.com
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CONTENTS
18 The Cover Story
28 Weddings
Interview with La’Nae Jones From patient to health educator “How old you are is your business, how old you look is my business”.
The Mini Bride’s As soon as they see you walking down the aisle dressed like a beauty queen, it will mark the significant moment of the birth of their own wedding dream.
Culture & Art
Fashion Trends
6 Understanding The Culture of Muslim Women 7 Types of Clothing for Muslim Women
10 Prowling with cat eyes the swinging 60s trend
Career Management 8 Coaching Your Staff tips for female entrepreneurs
Celebrity Style
Education
12 Getting the Cameron Diaz look
9 How to find the best after school program
Beauty Tips 14 A Swinging 60’s Beauty Look Brightly Colored Eyeliner 15 How To Get The Perfect Nude Look
Jewelry fashion 17 Solid Metal Jewelry and how to wear it , 4 Woman’s Essence Magazine
12 Celebrity Style
39 Let’s Ask Aunty NeeNee
Getting the Cameron Diaz Look She is known to have an eclectic style, her style is also quite difficult to pin down because unlike most celebrities, she wears whatever she feels like and doesn’t dress to impress anyone but herself.
Why do men feel they have to have the upper hand in a relationship ? It’s not who does the pursuing, but knowing what to do once you’ve been caught that counts.
The Cover Story
Cuisine
18 Interview with 32 Chicken Fajitas La’Nae Jones
From patient to Travel & Destinations health educator 34 Brazil the Best Travel Destination
Health & Fitness Marriage & Divorce 24 Causes, Signs and Solutions for Depression 25 How Important Is Yoga for Fitness and Toning of Muscles
36 Avoiding Divorce - Like a baby, marriage needs to be nurtured in order to survive and flourish!
Parenting 37 Destined for Greatness
Relationships
Home & 38 Could you be afraid of closeness Garden Decor Why is it so hard to commit? 26 Flowers on Let’s Ask Aunty Neenee Balconies 39 Why do men feel they Weddings have to have the upper 28 The Mini hand in a relationship ? Bride’s 30 Knowing your flowers
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Culture & Art
Understanding The Culture of Muslim Women by Melville Jackson The position of Muslim women in their society is different from other cultures. Their society is largely patriarchal, and even the effects of urbanization and industrialization have not completely changed that.
Pre-Islamic Society This way of thinking and its effect on their culture is largely due to the influence of Islam. It has been said, although not thoroughly proven, that when Islam had not yet touched Arabian countries, its women had lived in a lot more liberation. This, however, is based on folklore and is not a certainty. But a strong clue is the worship of goddesses in Mecca, which points at the position of females at that time. However, there is argument to that claim. Some writers have said that female infanticide was widely practiced at the time, and that polygyny was frequently practiced. These claims are against the idea that Arabic women have ever had a higher place in society, but that the opposite is true. Whichever claim we believe, it is true that Islam as a religion has altered a ,lot of aspects of Arab society, and standardized the possi6 Woman’s Essence Magazine
bly ambiguous gender roles of the past. While some other cultures may disa-pprove of it, it has, at least, served the purpose of uniting the people in common beliefs. Also, according to experts, it has actually improved the status of female citizens, giving them a number of new rights, such as education and property ownership.
Marriage in Muslim Society The Muslim culture also altered the societys view on the matrimony of its women. While many customs were not abolished, they were looked at in a different light. For example, the practice of giving a dowry, which was considered a bride-price by the brides father to the groom, became a gift from the father to the bride, and was now considered her property, not her husbands. Marriage was also now considered as a contract. Consent of the woman was now compulsory, because she was no longer considered as a piece of her fathers property. This also led her to have
inheritance rights if her husband passed away. This used to be limited to male family members. It became recognized that a woman could bring bread and butter to the family and had the right to administer whatever it was that she earned through her own hard work. Divorce is actually more common in Arabic countries than in the Western world. This was happening even before modern times. In fact, they were allowed to marry more than once.
Education and Work Opportunities A Sunni scholar called Ibn Asakir declared that females were allowed to have an education even in early Islamic society. This is because Muhammads wives were schooled and successful, and he was motivated by the fact. Now, Muslim women continue to have the right to education, and the chance for employment in a large range of industries.
Regardless of the broadening of their rights and societys perspective, Muslim women are still said to have the primary roles of being wives or mothers before anything else. This is because of what is decreed in the Quran. It states specifically that Men are the maintainers and protectors of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). That is the primary basis for their position in their society.
Types of Clothing for Muslim Women Here are some of the different types of clothing for Muslims: 1.The Thobe: This is a long, loose, flowing robe worn by men. It is stitched like a shirt and reaches down to the ankle. Although it is typically white in color, it is available in other colors too, especially during the winters. 2.The Bisht: This is a cloak sometimes worn by men over the thobe. Usually, it is the religious leaders and high level government officials who wear these. 3.The Ihram: This is a type of clothing that pilgrims wear when they are on pilgrimage to the Hajj. It consists of the izar, which falls from the waist to the ankle, and the reda, which covers the upper body and the shoulders. 4.The Shalwar Kameez: This is worn by both men and women and essentially consists of a long tunic paired with loose trousers. Women may also team this with a dupatta, which is a length of fabric which covers the bosom and may also be used as a veil. 5.The Abaya: These are worn by women and are generally black in color. The fabric extends from the head to the toe. They are quite popular among women in the Gulf countries. of Muslim clothing, ranging from hijabs and jilbabs to the If you are looking for traditional eastern clothing for Muslims, abaya. EastEssence.com has over 10 years of experience in tralook no further than www.eastessence.com for a wide variety ditional eastern clothing. , Woman’s Essence Magazine 7
Coaching Your Staff tips for female entrepreneurs
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first.
s you are inspiring, encouraging, empowering and motivating others to find answers within them; you’ll be open to some side benefits of feeling re-invigorated and energized understanding. However, follow the process above
Questioning: Ask effective questions and wait for the answers. Dig into the answers instead of just assuming that you know what the person means with their first response. Understand what is behind the first answer. Usually the motivation for any action or behavior is hidden and it several layers down. If someone comes back with an answer that indicates that they don’t know the answer; then say something to the effect: “Well, if you had to guess, what do you think the answer/solution/course of action would be?” Slow Down: Before saying what you think about a situation or a way to handle something, first make certain that you have drawn out as much as possible from your staff. If your staff is talking fast or giving short answers, change the pace and ask open questions that promote reflection and depth. Stay Objective: As much as possible, show that you care about the person. Remain impartial while you are empowering them in this process. There will be times when you will feel tested and may want to jump in with your direction to save time, but you will become a better coach and referee if you learn to stay objective. Be honest: If there’s something that needs to be said, then say with absolute honesty. This isn’t about shattering egos or self-esteem, but it’s vital to be truthful in the softest way with warmth. Put the relationship first with the person and look for how you can best serve the person and the situation at the time. If you see that the commitment level isn’t there with a particular person, look for how you can help them to recognize, explore and make decisions of how they will make changes or deal with this. Be a Shining Example: Be what you would like to see your staff be while allowing the freedom to make mistakes. No one is , 8 Woman’s Essence Magazine
perfect and perfectionism leads to protectionism. However, do understand that people will automatically copy the leader. If you see behaviors or patterns that you don’t like, look to see what you are doing while being open and willing to change. People will subconsciously mimic you rather than taking advice to change something that they see you doing. Own Up to Your Mistakes: Whether they are current or past mistakes, there could be opportunities for your staff to learn from your mistakes. At a minimum, they will learn that they can admit their mistakes, but as a female entrepreneur starting and running a small business, you can use your story to deepen their Keep Raising the Standards: As you gain more experience at using these methods, you’ll become more self-confident and your advice, when you do offer it, will improve too. Your energy will rise because these conversations won’t drain your reserves. You may find at times that you will have to restrain yourself from just jumping in and telling someone what to do as you easily see the solution. It may save you time at the moment; however, the guidance and learning opportunities are lost. Coaching your staff through effective questioning does take longer, but as you are developing and empowering your people; over time, it generates a bigger payback because people are learning this skill so that they can use it with their teams and everyone is learning how to think independently while you successfully grow your business.
How to find the best
after school program by Maxine Wagner
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f your child needs a good after school activities program in order to receive tutoring services to strengthen their skills in a particular class, you may find that there are many after school programs to choose from. Each after school program caters to the needs of students. Some cater to the sports aspects, some focuses on math and science, some focus on reading and spelling, while others focus on alternative learning skills. Whether you home school or you send your child to school, he or she can benefit from a good balanced after school activities program.
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irst, you need to make a list of all the after the school activities available in your area that is easy to drive to and you can afford. While creating this list allow yourself enough choices in order to find the right one. You may need to take into consideration the miles away from your home, the hours of the after school program, and are there any type of extra curricular activities offered too.
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ext, you need to call around to after care programs that are on your list. When you contact them, ask to speak directly to the owner or the supervisor that is in charge of new admissions. Others may try to persuade you to talk to them but you need to speak directly to the person who started this after school program in order to understand their goals and what they have done to reach them. Your child’s education will depend on this answer so take your time in discussing this matter. Write down a list of questions that you may want to ask someone about their after school program. For example, if your child has a learning disability, autism, or ADD, you want to know whether their after school program can cater to their special needs. Some may while others may not.
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students who attend. Others may start n after care program should be flexible on their closing times because cultural programs that will give them time to express some of their cultural traits innot every parent is able to pick up their child by a certain time. You want to make cluding learning dances and dressing up. sure that you have the opportunity to come later if needed lways make sure Each after school program caters and make sure that that the after to the needs of students. Some someone will stay with cater to the sports aspects, some care program is your child until you accredited in order focuses on math and science, arrive. You don’t want some focus on reading and spell- to benefit from their your child to stand ing, while others focus on alterna- services. If they are outside waiting for you. not accredited and tive learning skills. your child is trying to obtain a credit, the board of education oes the after care program have any may not allow it if the after school group activities to strengthen character, socialization, and mental aware- program is not accredited. When in doubt, ask other parents of school aged children ness? Some programs can cater more toward sports starting up basketball teams, what they prefer to do for an after care program. football teams, and other sports with the
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Fashion Trends & Beauty
Prowling with cat eyes the swinging 60s trend by Favor Olugu
It’s out with the new and in with the old, the 60s fashion trend is so in this season and guess what it brought along - the vintage cat eye sunglasses. This is the best way to achieve that 60s sex kitten inspired look you’ve always wanted whether subtle or extreme. So without further ado, let’s take a trip back in time as we explore the 60s eyewear phenomenon as it was then and how we can translate it into our todays look.
Far from being a standalone trend the resurfacing of cat eye sun glasses
and frames is rooted in designer’s such as Prada, Elie Saab and a couple of others revival of the late 50s through the early 60s look and since then, a bunch of alternatives have surfaced. The trend towards the 60s sunglasses continued on the spring 2011 runways: from the extreme retro frames at Jeremy Scott through the subtle cat eye shapes at the likes of Paul Smith and Twenty8Twelve. This trend is still going to be here come spring 2012, it’s not going away anytime soon so don’t be afraid to jump on the bandwagon. , 10 Woman’s Essence Magazine
Frames for Each Shape Different faces come in different shapes, from oblong to square to diamond to oval shaped faces. This being said, some particular frames or glasses would not fit people with a certain shape of face so the task here is finding the right pair of shades that fits perfectly. Here are some facts you need to keep in mind while hunting for the perfect 60s vintage cat eye shades. Generally speaking, cat eye frames with rounded out edges will work wonders to someone with a square or diamond shaped face. Those with round faces will benefit more from frames with sharper edges or frames that slightly curve upwards in a subtle way. Although the rules are never strict, hard or fast but the trick would be to try and try and try until you get the perfect pair that fits and is also right for your hair style. Don’t also be scared to experiment between the two extremes, which is the subtle ones and the very dramatic pairs. They all make different statements whether it’s fun and daring or sassy and classy or swinging 60s sexy kitten, each frame tells a different story.
enough to give you that vintage look. Try out this old but modernist swinging 60s look and please don’t forget to let us know what you think.
How to Wear Cat Eye Glasses The best thing to do is to get the right pair of 60s-inspired sunglasses and find a way that they can work with any of your outfits, from the very modern to the utterly vintage. If you are going for a vintage look, stick to anything from the 40s through the 60s, for more emphasis, tousle up your sexiest ‘outta bed’ hair, throw on your tinniest mini skirt, wear some colorful eyeliners beneath those cat eye shades and do a sexy cat walk but try not to meow *winks*. Though the 70s is seeing a major comeback always remember that you don’t have to pair the vintage cat eye glasses with vintage clothes, barely throwing them on is , Woman’s Essence Magazine 11
Getting the Cameron Diaz look by Favor Olugu
Although the A list actress is known to have an eclectic style, her style is also quite difficult to pin down because unlike most celebrities, she wears whatever she feels like and doesn’t dress to impress anyone but herself. Having said this, her style is usually causal and can also be quirky, free-spirited and glamorous. She has more of that naturally playful feel to her look rather than trying to look really sexy and overdone.
To get her look, throwing on a super short mini-
to frame her body without showing every bulge but for dress and wearing stilettos to show off your legs is so Cameron Diaz, though the neckline of the dress special events like movie doesn’t really matter. She wears necklines that range premieres or awards shows she takes a totally different from halter necks, crew necks to tube tops with approach to fashion and will sweetheart necklines. Even though she can bare go with long, floor grazing a lot of skin the 5’10 actress (who typically wears gowns. her minis with stilettos) never t’s also no big secret that comes off lookshe loves jeans, wearing ing like a tart them dressed up or down; in her minis she combines it with simple because of her basic colored tees or double lithe frame. But it’s also because breasted jackets and enhances her look with small details she sticks to - gold buttons, leopard print looser breezier heels and a big bag. fabrics (instead These details do not overof clingy ones) that don’t reveal shadow her whole simplistic her entire shape. look. She usually carries her Or she’ll choose Burberry Knight studded bag mini dresses that which is adorned with studs all over.it says rocker chic are made from yet cool with a toned down thicker, stiffer outfit. fabrics in styles constructed ,
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Celebrity Style
Cameron’s makeup style tends to be natural, especially during the day. At night she’ll usually line her eyes and highlight them with golden or bronze shimmer. She tends to play up her cheeks with bronzer or a rosy colored blush, and her lips with ruby, toffee, and nude colored glosses and lipsticks. She kinda prefers black eyeliner to red lips because she says and I quote ‘ I like black eyeliner. I think red lips are sexy, but they’re not as kissable. Guys are afraid to kiss red lips. They don’t want to get on them’.
Now you know how to get the A-list actress’s look, just remember pieces like a short mini dress, stilettos , nude make-up and a dressy hand bag is key to getting her look. try it out and lets know what you think.
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A Swinging 60’s Beauty Look Brightly Colored Eyeliner by Favor Olugu Since the 60’s look is back and trending all through the summer/spring and down to fall. The best way to get a beauty look that would absolutely go unnoticed is introducing a splash of brightly colored eyeliner (pink, purple, yellow, blue, etc.). It is the perfect way to add a pop-art-mod touch to your outfit especially when you team it with bold pink lips and a well teased hair for that 1960s sex kitten appeal we love. Follow the step-by-step how to on how to achieve this swinging 60s look.
1 Apply blush on the 2 Lightly conceal the
apples of your cheeks and lightly blend it up along the higher planes of your cheeks and then to your hair line.
6 Apply a light eye
shadow with a hint of sheen to open up the eyes.
outer edges of your eyes to give them a fresh look. This also provides a base for the eyeliner.
3 Apply black liquid
eyeliner to the inner corners of your eyes and wing your way up and elongate at the edges
4 Apply the colored
liquid eyeliner in this lashes if required. Make case yellow following the sure you cut the lashes shape of the already ap- to your perfect size. plied black eyeliner.
7 Do the same to the 8 Apply black mascara 9 Create full brows by lining your eyebrows with an eye
inner corner of the lash line.
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to the false lashes or to your real lashes, making sure the lashes are well separated.
5 Apply black false
pencil the tone closest to your brows. Always apply using an upward motion, set with gel if required. Finish with a contrasting lip color to make it pop.
Voila!!! The perfect 1960s makeup look
How to get The Perfect Nude Look by Favor Olugu
Since the 60’s look is back and trending all through the summer/spring and down to fall. The best way to get a beauty look that would absolutely go unnoticed is introducing a splash of brightly colored eyeliner (pink, purple, yellow, blue, etc.). It is the perfect way to add a pop-art-mod touch to your outfit especially when you team it with bold pink lips and a well teased hair for that 1960s sex kitten appeal we love. Follow the step-by-step how to on how to achieve this swinging 60s look.
1 Start with a flawless
base and always brush your eyebrows up. For fuller eyebrows, fill them using an eye pencil closest to the color of your eyebrows and apply with an upward motion.
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Curl your eyelashes with at least 2-3 coats of mascara and make sure your eyelashes are separated to avoid lumps.
2 Apply an iridescent 3 Use a soft taupe eye 4 Use a soft gold pig- 5 Apply finely on your
peach or light brown eye shadow depending on your color starting from the lower lid and blending it softer to the brows.
shadow and apply on the corner of your eye sockets
ment in the inner corner of your eye to open the eye area.
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8 Apply concealer to
9 Finish by wearing a
Apply an iridescent peach blush to your cheek bones, along the higher plains and work your way up to your hair line.
your lips- this helps to give the lips a true and natural color
lash line a black eye liner and darken towards the end to create the illusion of longer eyelashes.
peach or neutral colored lipstick. , Woman’s Essence Magazine 15
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Jewelry
Solid Metal Jewelry and how to wear it...
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lot of fashion trends from this season and last have been obviously influenced by a particular movement, era or style. This jewelry trend, however, is not different from any other trend. Its minimalist, modernist and a blast from the ancient past, it harks all the way back to the historical Bronze Age through the Iron Age, where armlets, torques by and gauntlet-like cuffs were popular. Favor Olugu
We’re talking about fierce ancient warrior influences and these fed into all kinds of cold, hard, solid metal shaped into forms of cuffs and collars and whether it is gold, silver, copper or bronze, it is a strong look right now, a look that we should all get fond of and not chuck in the pigeon hole. How to wear solid metal jewelry This trend should be worn with a little bit of the late 60s through early 70s spin, so with whatever you are wearing try accessorizing with a glamorous sleek gold choker or a heavy gold cuff bracelet. it can be worn with anything from swim wear to casually cooperate jackets/ blazers to maxi dresses .it magnifies tenfold in glamour when worn with maxi dresses, natural colored hues such as pale pink, grey, sheer, brown, white, and even black to give you the Grecian goddess-like look. The Metals In picking up this jewelry trend, you note that this kind of jewelry doesn’t need any form of embellishment; it’s all about letting the natural beauty of the metal shine. Look for cuff bracelets, hoop earrings, rings, think chokers and chains. In doing this also look for certain materials and like I always say though the rules are not strict, hard or fast, the most suitable picks are:
SILVER
BRONZE
GOLD
This jewelry trend is minimalCOPPER ist, simple and yet very modern. They have been spotted all over fashion editorials and runways this season from Elie Saab to Michael Kors in jewelry pieces made of gold, that the key to making any minimalist statement silver, bronze/brass and cop- is to invest in high quality pieces. Try them and per and they willing compli- let us know what you think. ment the sophisticated 70s look. Always be reminded , Woman’s Essence Magazine 17
INTERVIEW
La’Nae Jones
From patient to health educator , 18 Woman’s Essence Magazine
By Ojay Milah
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n this edition of WOMANS ESSENCE, La’Nae Jones, a powerful woman who’s been battling with asthma tells us how she’s been able to live a selfless life helping others with health issues find answers. A beauty consultant who believes “How old you are is your business, how old you look is my business”, La’Nae talks about her husband being very supportive and the best on the planet, with whom she’s blessed with two lovely daughters, Milah and Mikah.
Q
You were working in prestigious health systems, what made you start your own?
First, HERWO is not a health system yet. It is a nonprofit organization that is a provider of public health information and resources. I had the desire to develop HERWO since my childhood years of being a patient myself, to help patients from start to finish. Meaning, from the point where they tell us their specific issue, to we researching a solution best for them, successfully helping them through their problem, and continuous follow up. I wanted something that I could truly feel like I am being a help to people that I come in contact with.
Q
He a l t h c a r e is not cheap, how does HERWO manage to cater for the health needs of people as a non-profit organization?
HERWO was designed to “stand in the gap” for the residents of Northeastern Ohio. As with any State, Ohio provides resources for its residents, however with specific guidelines in place that doesn’t allow them to be a help to everyone in need. HERWO’s focus is to educate these residents about health issues, and then help them work through those health issues by connecting them to physicians, therapy, etc. We develop partnerships with these physicians, therapist, and health systems that will allow HERWO clients to be serviced at no cost to them. It may not always be zero cost to us as an organization, but the objective is to be a help to the client.
Q
How has it been possible trying to sell HERWO to several homes?
The way we are designed is to partner with these wonderful health systems, physician offices, State agencies, and other organizations to be able to maximize the help that Northeast Ohio residents receive. So it is fairly easy to pitch our organization because our goal is to provide hope and assistance to the areas of life where assistance is lacking.
Q
Taking care of people’s health is not an easy job. How do you combine this with the role you play as a mother to your kids and a wife to your husband?
Women are nurturing beings. Working in Healthcare does make me more attentive to the health needs of both my husband and children. For HERWOs clients, the role I play for my family has made me more sensitive to their needs during sickness, well visits, and procedures that they may need. I provide them all with more preventative care to be sure to limit sickness as much as possible, and I remain on top of their visits especially with Mr. Jones because as you know men are not fans of physician visits.
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Q
How does it feel having your husband as business partner?
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What is it that you love about your girls?
It is lovely! We both work in our areas of expertise. This allows us to have various teachable moments and introduce one another to what it is that we do. Micah is such a perfectionist and always business minded, where my heart gets in the way of my decision making. I have such a huge heart for helping patients that I overlook the business aspect sometimes and my husband never minds putting me back in line.
I love everything about those little ladies. I must say that I love their individuality the most. They are so different from one another, yet they accept each other for who they are. They are so loving and caring, but they can also be demanding as with any other lady. I don’t want to imagine my life without them now. I am so blessed to be their mother.
Q
What makes your husband unique and possibly the best hubby in the world?
Q
How important is your family to your success as a healthcare promoter?
He is the best hubby in the world and definitely unique. Micah has always been the best hubby to me. Having a wife who is very sick at times is not easy. Through my battle with asthma, he has been there every step of the way. Before we were parents he was at the hospital everyday, most of the time while working full time. Yet he never made me feel like my situation was too much for him. Now that we are parents, in times were I am sick and hospitalized, he may not be able to come everyday because he is at home fully taking care of out daughters, but he Skype’s me, calls me constantly, and remains active in my care by making sure I and the workers are doing everything needed for me to get better. He takes care of the girls from ponytails, dinner, story reading, and sending them off to school with snacks. I don’t know any husband or father who treats his ladies like Micah treats me and the girls.
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I will say very important. Clients often look at your personal life to see if it exemplifies what you are promoting. My family is the proof of what the outcome of my services should be. I also watch their health closely and use their situations to help me in providing information to others. Even though my daughters are Age 5 and 2, it is very important that I keep them informed with correct information about health issues so they will be educated enough to pass the right information along to friends and family.
Q
Away from business and making other people live a healthy life, how do you and your husband stay connected? Outside of HERWO, Micah and I make sure that we invest time in our marriage. We still date, and do things that make us happy as a couple. We compromise for one another because sometimes we like different things. We take time to still learn a lot about each other and cater to the things that each of us like.
Q
When not working or in the office, what can you be found doing?
Q
What qualities attracted you to your husband?
Aside from HERWO, I also own a business with Mary Kay Cosmetics as an Independent Beauty Consultant. I absolutely love Mary Kay and the opportunity it gives me to enrich the lives of Women and Men across the world. I am able to help people feel better about whom they are, and find solutions to issues that they may be experiencing with their skin. I am also able to offer the opportunity for others to take advantage of and be their own boss. I often say as a consultant that “How old you are is your business, how old you look is my business�. Mary Kay is the number one skincare brand and we offer the best age fighting skincare regiment to every customer.
I am attracted to Micah for his ability to accept me for who I am, and love me with all of my shortcomings. I love his desire to always want better for himself and for us as a family. He always wants the best for me, and pushes me to reach for more in all that I do. Like God, Micah is able to see the best in me. Micah is always on the go to reach the top. Most importantly he is a God fearing man who genuinely loves God, and that was the icing on the cake.
Q
How was the early stage of your marriage, trying to settle as a new bride?
It was not an easy task in the beginning, because its two lives merging together into one. We also had the privilege of becoming parent figures to my youngest sister LaShie when we first entered into our marriage. That situation itself made it a little more challenging but it was one of the best and most rewarding decisions that we have made. Settling as a new bride was exciting and scary. It was now time to be the women I had always imagined myself being. , Woman’s Essence Magazine 21
Q
What’s the difference between being married and being single?
The difference in being married and being single is you adding another life to yours as a single person. As a married individual you now have someone else to consider during decision making, and all aspects of life. I think being married is a wonderful addition to life. It makes life more fun when you come across a rough time and you have someone to tackle them with you.
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How did you feel when you had your first baby?
When I had Milah, I didn’t know how to feel. I was so excited, shocked, and a bit scared. As I told you I had been taking care of my younger sister, but she came to my husband and I at 12 years old. When I had Milah there was this little innocent precious life that I was totally responsible for. That was the scariest thought. I had no real experience with babies before then, so this was all pretty new to me. But I mastered being a mommy and I wouldn’t trade being a mom for a pot of gold.
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Finally, what is your advice to business women who are married and find it difficult running their business alongside taking care of their homes?
As a woman it is hard for us to balance our lives because we wear so many hats. If one finds it challenging to run their business and take care of home, they should evaluate the method in which they are doing things. Honestly you have two aspects of life that you hold dear to your heart, so it is important that you find a way to do both to the maximum level. Sometimes it takes a few times to try different ways to do both, but eventually you find something that’s suitable to you, your family, and your company. No, this may not be the easiest tasks, but you can accomplish success in these areas. Women are made to be strong and successful beings, you just have to tap into what lies within.
Now that you’ve read about La’Nae, one thing you should always remember is that powerful women are not made of wealth and riches but simple selfless humans, who with the little or nothing they have still strive to assist others.
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Causes, Signs and Solutions for Depression by C Yvon
Being depressed can be described as feeling of being unhappy, sad, blue or straight down miserable. Everyone feel this kind of emotion in every aggravating situation, trauma or experience that hit us. Whenever this situation happens, being sad about it makes us human and perfectly normal. But when depression already interferes with our activities of daily living, it is already classified as a mood disorder under clinical depression.
Causes of Depression Until this recent time, medical experts stated that the true source of depression is still unspecified or unknown.
Depression can be triggered due to a very stressful or traumatic experience, a side effect of medication or can be inherited from your blood line. The most probable cause of severe depression may came from a stressful event such as death of a significant other, loss of job, financial instability, social isolation, emotional breakdown, break ups, or massive failures. Other factors that can trigger this mood disorder are familial and genetic markup, medical conditions relating with cancer, chronic pain, problems in sleeping, and side effects of medications. But most likely, the combination of a stressful event and heredity is the most probable cause of acquiring this disorder.
Signs and Symptoms of Depression A person who is suffering from major or clinical depression may feel or have : highly irritated, loss of appetite, poor or decreased concentration, restlessness and agitation, feeling of worthlessness or guilt, suicidal ideations, ineffective sleeping pattern (insomnia or hypersomnia), negative view of self or low self esteem
Solutions and Treatments There are a lot of medical and unconventional treatments for depression. Medical treatments involve the use of anti-depressant drugs and psychotherapy. There are also other programs that can help depressed people regain their energy and rebuild their life such as energy tapping, hypnotherapy or hypnosis, laughter yoga and many other mind body techniques. EFT or energy tapping is a combination of Chinese acupuncture and tapping. This technique can help you restore and rebuild your self-esteem back. It works by tapping your negative energies or your stresses away from the body and inviting positive energy to fill into your soul. Hypnotherapy or self hypnosis is one of most feasible and cost-effective means to continually battle and break free from the vicious cycle depression brings.
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It is designed to target your subconscious mind enabling you to accept your depressive state and eventually help you root out the source of your depression whether it is a painful life-changing event or a physical trauma. It then enables your mind to alter certain behaviors and changes the way you should feel and act whenever these factors are triggered again.
Health & Fitness
How Important Is Yoga for Fitness and Toning of Muscles
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oga as a system of physical rejuvenation exercise had originated from India and has been in existence from times immemorial. The word ‘yoga’ is derived from the Sanskrit root yuj meaning to bind the yoke. It is the true union of our human will with the will of God. If an aspirant dedicatedly practices Yoga exercises, his tubular channels will be wholly cleansed and he will achieve physical fitness as well as mental poise. by Shiju Am We are living in a fast-paced world and continued stress and strain are causing several ailments such as diabetes, blood pressure, hyperacidity, ulcer, migraine and hypertension. Yoga has the most powerful remedies for man’s physical as well as mental ailments. Yoga makes the organs of the body active and has remarkable effect on internal functioning of the entire human system. Make it a point to do some warm-up exercises before starting your yoga postures (asanas). Wear the right kind of clothes for performing the yoga exercises - loose fitting cotton garments are considered ideal. The practice of yoga has innumerable techniques, breathing maneuvers and asanas. Regulated breathing (inhalation and exhalation) is crucial to yoga. Your trainer will initiate you into the scientific method of breathing. If you are breathing rhythmically you will find doing yoga exercises easier as you can maintain a position for longer duration and you can stretch to your extreme limits. Yoga consists of a series of physical postures complemented by breathing exercises and healthy eating.
is because the ways of life of every individual is quite different from every other. Although yoga can be practiced by all age groups, some techniques are more suited and desirable for specific age groups. You can not derive the benefits of yoga if you do not practice the correct technique y or practice it irregularly. In fact doing yoga exercises on your own or under an ill-qualified trainer can even lead to physical injuries and other health complications. Yoga exercises do not require costly equipment, materials, or open spaces. The only requirement is a thick carpet spread on the floor and covered with a clean sheet of cloth. Drink plenty of water during and after a yoga session. Remember that yoga may make you sweat but for that reason, do not misconstrue it as a substitute for aerobic exercise. Yoga is certainly not a good aerobic exercise and plays an insignificant role at burning calories. But practicing yoga will unfailingly help you develop physical fitness and toning of muscles.
Yoga provides numerous traditional and proven techniques for holistic health based on the teachings of the sages of yore. It is good to know that, research studies on physical and mental health, and other authoritative health sources are today stoutly supporting Yoga beliefs. The advantages of yoga include flexible muscles, supple joints, relaxed mind and efficient functioning of vital organs and muscle toning. Please remember that yoga is not a competitive sport where you will have to excel or outdo your peers. Stop yoga exercises if you develop pain or any physical discomfort. Consult your trainer and avoid postures or movements you feel uneasy. Yoga includes a variety of techniques and you need to choose those that are useful to you and most suited for your individual physical and mental needs. For instance, there are specific techniques of yoga for a housewife, a child, an athlete, a teacher, a student, or a factory worker. This
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Home & Garden Decor
Flowers on Balconies These days with people moving to apartments there is hardly a yard on the ground to spare for gardening. If you have a balcony or a deck off your main living area you could try somethings out. Here is some inspiration for you… Featuring some soothingly inspirational(and floral!) balconies… www.home-designing.com
by Xavier Fargas
by Eric
by Ariel
by Theophilos
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by David Blaikie
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Weddings
The Mini Bride’s by Jemima Owen
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our big day is not only a chance for you to feel like a princess, but also for your flower girls to as well. As soon as they see you walking down the aisle dressed like a beauty queen, it will mark the significant moment of the birth of their own wedding dream. They will look in awe at the decorations and drink in the royal atmosphere. They will receive the ‘don’t you look lovely’, and ‘wow look at that dress’. Basically, the flower girls are the mini bride’s. So, yes, it is incredibly important to dress them right. No pressure. But they have to be the cutest things on the day.
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o avoid your flower girls feeling like they’re in the background, try and find a dress that is similar to yours; keep in mind embellishments, lace, and accessories. If your dress has a vintage look, choose a style for your flower girl’s that accentuates that theme. So, remember that you will want to find your dress before theirs. A hoop slip is also a way to present that ‘princess look’. It is also essential to keep in mind the material choice of the dress, as anything uncomfortable will not sit well with them, especially when they’re sat down in the ceremony for some time; go for the silky, soft fabrics and there shouldn’t be any fidgeting.
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part from the style and material, it’s also important to think about the length of the dress; if you trip over yours you can work out how to pull it off as funny or at least try to, but if your flower girl’s manage to trip up, there might be some tears; and not tears of joy. You should be advised on this when you go out to buy them but if not, consider the age of your flower girls. If they’re quite young, the chances are they’ll trip over longer dresses; perhaps a shorter knee length dress would suit better. However if they’re a bit older, and they’ve not got a tendency to fall over, as some of us adults and younger children may do, then a longer, more elegant silhouette dress may be fitting.
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hatever dress you choose, make sure that they’re comfortable and they feel like princesses too – I’m sure they might not up stage you.
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Weddings
Knowing your flowers by Jemima Owen
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Unless you’re a florist or you enjoy exploring the floral world, you’re not going to know a whole lot about flowers, at least you shouldn’t be expected to. So what do you do when you come to planning your wedding and the flower decisions start to crop up? You can’t be expected to know the flowers that would suit your Cadbury purple themed wedding or your autumn theme. Some people have a favourite flower, such as lily of the valley, but what if you’re not sure what other flowers would keep to the classic tone of your day? The answers to these questions will lie with the florist you choose, and if they don’t have those answers they shouldn’t be providing your flowers in the first place. There shouldn’t be any anxiety running through your mind when it comes to deciding what flowers to have in your arrangements as your trust should be with your florist. As well as having a florist to ask, there are also other ways to find the crucial answers. , 30 Woman’s Essence Magazine
Bridal magazines are published for a reason; to provide brides with answers. There are many magazines specifically dedicated to the floral aspects of weddings that will give you the inspiration you need. Collect a bundle of them and rip out your favourite ideas, making a mood board or a journal to show off your ideas to the florist. These ideas can also be very useful in other areas of your planning, such as finding your wedding dress or the perfect colour for your bridesmaid’s dresses. However, this can also work well the other way around; your flower choices, especially the bridal bouquet and your wedding dress should be a match made in wedding heaven, so before you make any hasty decisions on your flowers, make sure you know the style of your dress. Don’t panic though, as this is the kind of thing your florist will go through with you. Another way to find floral answers is to use the one thing that most of us couldn’t live without; Google. There are plenty of wedding blogs out there now, presenting information and offering pictures of the flowers used in previous weddings to inspire and provoke ideas. Planning your wedding can be terrifying, but this is why there are enthusiastic suppliers in their expertise field, magazines brimming with advice, and blogs written by wedding experts to help the dubious brides. , Woman’s Essence Magazine 31
Prep time: 25 min Cook time: 15 min Makes: 6 servings Marinating chicken and peppers and onions in a highly flavored marinade and then grilling gives it all the flavor without fat. A spiced creamy yogurt sauce and avocado sauce wrapped in a corn tortilla with fresh cilantro keeps the fajitas healthy and fresh tasting.
Ingredients 1
cup packed cilantro leaves, plus extra for serving 1/4 cup lime juice, about 2 limes 1/4 cup low-sodium chicken broth 3 scallions, cut into 1-inch pieces 2 cloves garlic 1 jalapeno, seeded if desired 1 tablespoon honey Kosher salt 1-1/2 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts 1 red onion, sliced into 1/2-inch thick rounds 2 orange and/or yellow bell pep pers, quartered, seeds removed 1 ripe avocado, halved, seeded and peeled 1 1/2 teaspoons olive oil 1/8 teaspoon ground cumin 1/8 teaspoon ground coriander 1/4 cup fat-free Greek Yogurt 12 corn tortillas 1. Put the cilantro, lime juice, broth, scallions, garlic, jalapeno, honey, and salt in a blender, puree until smooth. Reserve 2 tablespoons; do not wash out the blender. Put chicken breasts in a medium bowl and the peppers and onions in another. Divide the remaining cilantro puree evenly between the chicken and the peppers and onions. Toss well to coat the chicken and vegetables and let stand, at room temperature, for 30 minutes. 2. Add the avocado, 1/2 cup water, and the reserved 2 tablespoons cilantro sauce to the blender. Puree until smooth and season with salt. Set aside. 3. Heat the oil in a small skillet set over medium heat until hot. Add the cumin and coriander and continue to cook until fragrant, about 30 seconds to 1 minute. Pour the spices over the yogurt and set aside for the flavors to blend. Stir before serving. 4. Preheat a grill for medium-high/direct heat cooking. Oil the grill grates. Grill the chicken and vegetables, turning, until the vegetables are tender and the chicken reaches an internal temperature of 160 degrees F, about 5 to 8 minutes for the vegetables and 12 to 15 minutes for the chicken. Let chicken rest 5 minutes. Place the tortillas on the grill until just warmed through, about 30 seconds. 5. To assemble the fajitas: slice the onions and peppers into thin strips and then slice the chicken. Place some peppers, onions, chicken and cilantro in a tortilla topped with the spiced yogurt and the avocado sauce.
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Chicken Fajitas
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Brazil the Best Travel Destination
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he biggest country in South America, Brazil is known among nations by its paradise beaches, the carnival and the beautiful women. But in the past couple of years, it is also getting famous for its culture, festivals, history, forest and pantanal. The country is now in the 13° position on the world ranking of tourism and first in South America. However, its not an easy job to choose where to go in Brazil. Because of its size, to go from North to South can take over six hours by plane and each state is totally different from the one beside. by Raj Aryan
South Region Composed by three states, tourists can find the Iguacu Falls, between the border of Brazil and Argentina and its 80 meters high; they can also find the culture based on the German and Italian ancestors. Each of the three states have its traditional dish and festivals. During the summer, the most visited city is Florianopolis, because of its beautiful beaches; and during winter, Gramado is the destiny, because of its cold weather and snow.
Central Region Divided in four states – Mato Grosso, Mato Grosso do Sul, Goias and Distrito Federal – is where the country’s capital is located, Brasilia. States known by its farmers and the Pantanal, which is the world’s largest freshwater The biggest country in South America, Brazil is known among nations by its paradise beaches, the carnival and the beautiful women. But in the past couple of years, it is also getting famous for its culture, festivals, history, forest and pantanal. The country is now in the 13° position on the world ranking of tourism and first in South America. , 34 Woman’s Essence Magazine
North Region Among seven states, the most famous is Amazonas, where is located the worldwide known rainforest. Is the least inhabited region, which makes the ecotourism really important. The indians place, with tribes and dialects hidden inside the forest.
Northeast Region Its a combination of nine states, its the biggest region in Brazil. Bahia and Fernando de Noronha are located in this region. The paradises beaches can be found on those states, with clear and warm water; the best sea food can be eaten there; and the most relaxed people can be found. Its the region that economically depend on tourism to survive.
So, if you are young or a family guy, if you like mountain or beach, and if you enjoy good food and like to travel to amazing places, Brazil is your next destination. Start planning your summer trip, I am sure you will not regret!
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Avoiding Divorce Like a baby, marriage needs to be nurtured in order to survive and flourish!
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Some people say if a relationship needs to be worked on, then it is not a right one. In some aspects, this may be true; but on the whole, for any relationship to survive and flourish, you have to put time and efforts into it. by Mai Bordelon
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any men think that earning a living for the family is their fair share of contribution to their marriage, it is understandable if they don’t do much of anything else, and their wives should know that. So when their wives get upset because they feel that their husbands take them for granted, or are not bothered enough to do things to please them, in other words, don’t want to exert themselves to nurture their marriage; these men are baffled and don’t understand where their wives get such an idea. People keep saying that men are simple, they cannot read their wives’ mind, if their wives want something from them, why don’t they just come right out and say it? Of course, no one can read another’s mind; however, they should know that it is tiring and does not feel nice for the women when they have to keep telling their husbands what to do to make them happy, to make their marriage a success; don’t men feel that way when they are the ones who do the telling? And especially when the wives strive to please their husbands, and to nurture their marriage. It is natural for
women to believe that when a man loves a woman, he would want to do things to make her happy, and in the process to help their marriage to flourish; because that is what a woman would do when she loves a man. Usually, it does not take much to make a woman happy. Women are romantic at heart; flowers or even just a rose, a box of their favorite candy (does not have to be big or expensive), an emotionally moving phrase, a beautiful or humorous card, a compliment, a hug and a kiss with loving words whispered in their ears, etc...can go, each by itself, a long way to make them happy. Happiness is a moment in life. What kind of marriage do you think you have when you give each other many moments of happiness, more than moments of any negative feeling? Is it a happy marriage or a sad one? I believe you don’t need any help to know the answer. As long as both husband and wife remember that loving is making the other one happy, the result will be both of them ending up being happy and living a fulfilled married life.
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Destined for Greatness by Tiffany Jasper
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aising children without a co-parent is one of the most difficult jobs in our communities. Single parenting is a reality and once we are able to face that fact, we will be able to move forward as a society. There is a great understanding of how important and nurturing it can be to involve extended family members to help with the physical care and emotional molding of our children’s young minds and spirit. Whether we choose to be a single parent or are forced into the role, there are other entities we can tap into that will assist us with raising community and health conscious, respectful, fully educated and well-rounded children. I believe and have experienced that it does takes a “village” to raise a child. However, one part of that saying, I would have to add is, it definitely makes a difference if the “village” is healed and healthy. Growing up in Chicago’s Englewood community, I watched many unhealthy values and actions. It was a close community but it was riddled with poverty, low-performing school districts and in many cases lack of hope. However, what I depended on to help me through were my (married) parents who were advocates of education, community service and making sure we were heavily involved in positive, extra-curricular activities. Their logic was that if we (my brothers and I) had positive involvements in the community along with an appropriate upbringing, then we were destined for greatness.
2) Boys and Girls Club of America - www.bcga.org – A multi-facility where your children can become members up to the age of 18 years old. It is a place where they offer learning and play opportunities. Many offer after-school and summer programs. You will be able to search for the nearest YMCA in your city and state. 3) Girl Scouts - www.girlscouts.org and Boy Scouts of America - www.scouts.org – Scouting a tradition in many families and communities. Some of what they offer is many life skills, self-worth values and promotion of honor, integrity and giving back. They meet once a month excluding the summer. No fee to register but there is usually a monthly dues and fundraisers a few times a year. These suggestions are organizations more on a national level. However, if
you reach out to the neighborhood schools, churches and Park Districts, there are more programs that can enhance your child’s learning and development. Single parenting is not an easy job but there are positive people right in our own communities that are excited about helping us along our journey!
Finally, to assist all single parents out there, I thought this month would be perfect for introducing to some and reiterating to others how your community resources are there (even though you may have to research them) to assist in rearing our children. The following are a few organizations that you might be interesting in signing your children up for to add to their already current destiny of greatness: 1) YMCA - www.ymca.net –A multi-facility where your child(ren) or entire family can become members and take recreational classes, workshops, etc. You will be able to search for the nearest YMCA in your city and state. There is a fee, however they have sliding scale for those who may be receiving state assistance. Many offer after-school and summer programs.
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Could you be afraid of closeness by Vondie Lozano, Ph.D
Do you ever wonder why the men you’re really into aren’t that
into you? (Or guys, why the women you’re really into aren’t that into you?) Or why you don’t like the ones who are into you? It might be that you haven’t met someone who’s right for you yet. And it could be that the guys who aren’t into you have trouble with intimacy and closeness. But, if ALL the men you like aren’t into you. And if you RARELY like the ones who are into you... It might mean that at some level - you’re also afraid of closeness and commitment. I know it sounds crazy! But, that might actually be why you find those unavailable guys attractive - because they aren’t into you. (I know they also probably remind you of your father or your family. That’s probably true. But, if that’s what your father or your family were like, why would you be comfortable with closeness?! You probably never had any closeness. And the closeness you did have probably wasn’t that great!) Don’t get me wrong. I know you want love. And I know you need love. But, if you didn’t get the love you needed growing
up. And if you haven’t had good loving relationships as an adult, intimacy and closeness can feel unfamiliar and overwhelming. You might even feel vulnerable and afraid without even realizing it. So, what to do? Sometimes it helps to think about: How would it feel if you had the kind of love and closeness you really want? What about that kind of love and closeness would be scary? (fear of rejection, fear of getting hurt) How could you get close and risk in little ways to see if the other person is safe before you get closer and risk more? Would you ever want to share your vulnerable feelings and fears with the other person? (How they respond will tell you if it’s safe to share more.) When you only date people who aren’t really available, you play it safe. You might get hurt. But, you’ve been there before and you know what that’s like. It’s a bigger risk to actually get close to someone who won’t run away. Because then you’re in uncertain waters. But, if you go slow, you can test the waters to see if you want to go any further. You don’t have to jump in the deep end. In fact, it’s probably better not to. Instead you can start in the shallow end and just move forward one little step at a time.
Why is it so hard to commit C ommitment O penness Me Me I nitiate T ime M ental E nergy N eglect T houghtlessness
Many people are completely into themselves they cannot place the focus on anything else. We have to quit placing this kind of personal significance into me... me... me... and give just a little. It appears to be so difficult to commit to having the ability to open your heart as well as your mind to someone else’ way of thinking.
Why is it so hard to give a little? Why are so many people caught up in their own methods? Rather than attempting perhaps something outside their own box. Something brought you to this individual to begin with, so why is it so difficult to utilize what that individual has to offer. We live in such a self-centered culture that ones cannot completely give of themselves, as well as being busy stressing about what may have to be sacrificed. Sacrificed, in the sense of giving more of our time to someone else or not being able to do what only “I” want to. Weather it be your time and effort, money or providing a bit more from you, no one person is an island. That can be a very lonesome place. Staying as well as determining a method to make it work requires work, and to commit to this method requires effort. Nevertheless we all know there will be those times when at , 38 Woman’s Essence Magazine
the end of your day all of the effort you put in has been well worth it and not to mention satisfying. Generally we are proud of ourselves when we have effectively accomplished as well as completed a far more challenging task. Remaining and dealing with a relationship can be a challenging and difficult task at times, but rather than walking away simply because it’s not exactly what “I” want to do; stay and conquer the challenge. There are times when ones walk away because the relationship has changed the lifestyle that one was used to, to some degree. Not due to any serious issues. Learn how to give of yourself a little. Learn to bend for the sake of your mate just a little. Learn how to quit being your own and only focus. Learn to commit to someone other than yourself. One successful and very effective lesson you will learn if you try is it’s really not that difficult to stay.
Let’s Ask Aunty Neenee
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Why do men feel they have to have the upper hand in a relationship ?
Need some advice? You can have your dilemma solved by our advice columnist Aunty Neenee, email womans-essence@live.com From this month your question and answer will be in Woman’s Essence monthly magazine
Hello and welcome to the Let’s ask Aunty Neenee advice page
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I’m so glad you have joined us here at Womans Essence, and I look forward to helping you find answers to questions you couldn’t, or wouldn’t ask yo mama. You know, the questions you’ve always wanted to ask someone, but were to embarrassed to admit you didn’t know the answer to them? Or you were to shy to “let them cross yo tongue”. Also, the questions that are just burning in your mind, or just silly, funny questions. Let’s just rap about what ever you want. I’m not mother, I’m Aunty Neenee. I’m not here to judge, I’m here to help you find answers, and discover things about yourself, and relationships that you may not have ever thought of or realized. I will always answer honestly. You’ll get my opinion, from my own life experiences; and let me tell ya, I’ve had some experiences! So pull up a comfy seat, and relax. Take a deep breath, and get ready to laugh, cry, and even be spiraled into deep thought. I love you all, and I can’t wait to hear from you. Peace and Blessings to you all!
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I was just asked a question by a young lady that is in a power struggle with her soon to be “ex-boyfriend”. She asked, Why do men feel they have to have the upper hand in a relationship? You know, as if they have to be the one to have the last word on any decision, and basically call all of the shots, even when we should have sex? Signed, Tired of being a Puppet
Dear Tired of being a Puppet, First of all, I know just what you mean. Some men are just born control freaks, and others want to be controlled. Some are looking for a partner, an equal partner, then some are looking for a mother! Usually, it’s the ones that think the purpose of having a women in their life is just to have someone to cook, clean, and sex them that are the “Puppet Masters”, or control freaks; Misogynistic if you will. They have no need for a women’s input on decisions because they don’t consider women equally equipped, or intelligent enough to do so. They are turned off if the woman was to be the one to instigate their sexual encounter. This is usually because of their perception, or what they observed of the women in their lives when they were children. The behavior that was modeled for them by these women, mothers, aunts, teachers, friends mothers, etc. and the reaction of the men around them set their ideation of what a women should be, how she should conduct herself, and behave, and what the mans’ reaction should be to their behavior. Some men are rebelling against a controlling mother figure. Others think they need that control, or direction from a woman. You will also find this controlling, and what some consider chauvinistic behavior in men that have a Napoleon complex, or what is also referred to as the “Small Mans”complex. They are loud, have an aggressive personality, (which means they discount others feelings). They are self serving, very jealous, and must be the pursuer when it comes to love games. They are the type that refuse to stop and ask for directions even if it means being hours late to an affair. The man that is secure in himself, and has had healthy relationships modeled for him sounds more appropriate for you. A man that observed strong, not controlling women through out his life is going to be more of a giving person, and lover. A man that has respect and honor for his mother, and a healthy relationship with her, will show
respect and honor towards you. A mother that is over baring and controlling, or always makes excuses for his bad behavior and doesn’t correct him creates a monster. If he has a servants heart; not a weak, wimpy, slave type of servant that is into Dominatrix; but a strong man that is not afraid to be pursued, or to give a foot massage as well as get one is what you should wait for. It’s not who does the pursuing, but knowing what to do once you’ve been caught that counts. Start by telling your Puppet Master how you feel, and that you don’t need or want that type of relationship. If he is not receptive, or doesn’t want to take your feelings into consideration and change, cut your Marionette strings, and run for your life. People with these controlling tendencies can also become physically, emotionally, and mentally abusive, and Ooo no, no, Aunty Neenee don’t play that! Get your hat, and get on! NEXT! Remember what Maya Angelou says, “When someone shows you who they are, believe them!” Prepare yourself to receive the man God has created, and designed just for you. After all, the Word says, “A man that finds a wife finds a good thing.” So, be ready when he finds you, and be what you want, and are looking for in a mate. You get what you give, and if you’re giving love and understanding and not getting it, you’re with the wrong one baby! So get on with your bad self! In case no one has told you, you are wonderfully, and fearfully created, and you are loved, and worthy of it. So love your self, and don’t settle for less than what God has for you! Best wishes Peace and Blessings, Aunty Neenee , Woman’s Essence Magazine 39
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