Laughter for a Lifetime The Upside of Oops Never Losing Your Perspective

As humans, we all make mistakes. Some of us seem to make more mistakes than others. Then there are people who seem to be cast members right out of the Keystone Cops, tripping over their own tongues and making huge gaffes. Is there help for these poor souls?

Well, yes, there certainly is a solution, but it does involve learning to navigate our social selves. Honesty is important, of course. Willing to admit a slip of the tongue or having simply forgotten something or someone is necessary. Steering through our lives without hurting the feelings of others or minimizing their lives can be a challenge, but this is a worthwhile task.

Do you ever wonder if your tongue is really working with your brain? Of course, in a perfect world, our brain works in league with our tongue and hopefully will protect us from too many verbal errors. This does not always happen. When we blurt out what we’re really thinking or feeling instead of using diplomacy, there is usually enough embarrassment to go around—for everyone.

Although my own husband of many years is a wonderful man, he DOES NOT enjoy social gatherings and makes every attempt to avoid them. You know what kind of social gathering we’re talking about here. For a man of few words, a 30-minute visit is plenty. Sadly, he is married to a woman who hasn’t stopped talking since age 2.

When we are planning to attend a shindig or soiree, I drill him on which questions not to ask, who should not be mentioned by name, and the ever-growing list of recent births, deaths, and divorces. No wonder he’s a nervous wreck by the time we arrive. Still, we do need to keep up socially, and so he endures. His “oopses” are not as frequent as they used to be. He has learned to become a listener rather than a talker, calculating that if he remains quiet, he will make fewer mistakes, thus offending fewer people. The upside of oops for him is that he is regarded as a very kind and caring person, willing to listen to everyone’s tales. These days, he is well-liked by everyone—except my mother, who views his quiet demeanor as being aloof. Well, you can’t please everyone!

I myself have had plenty of “oops” moments. As age creeps up on me, it is more difficult to sort out who is who. Often, I have been guilty of calling someone by the wrong name. This is embarrassing both for me and for my misidentified victim. People do love to hear their own name, but sometimes it is easier just to talk to someone without using their name. I do not recommend calling people “honey,”

By Sharon Knierim

“kiddo,” or “doll face.” This is actually worse than renaming someone in the middle of a conversation. To add to the frustration, I have a nasty habit of naming people what I think they should be called. This is really asking for all kinds of trouble, and I should break myself of this unkind and offensive habit. Someday I’ll get my comeuppance, blurting out “pie face” or “Barbie doll.” In fact, I will take this opportunity to predict my downfall.

Social gatherings offer the best opportunity for performing an oops. The challenge begins with issuing invitations. Who to invite? Who not to invite? This first hurdle can be painful. If you design a huge guest list and pare it down, there will be trouble. Someone will have his or her feelings hurt. If you plan to invite just a few intimate friends, you’re bound to discover someone was counting on your thoughtfulness by including them. There are often no winners here. You’ll have to do the best you can. Of course, you can always lie when the uninvited ask why they haven’t received their invitations. You can try this method if you like, but it won’t make you or your not-invited guest very happy. Tell the truth and invite this person to your next event. Most of the time, an oops like this does not have an upside, but you may be forgiven if you throw this person a surprise birthday party.

Call it a mistake in judgment, a slip of the tongue, too much honesty, thoughtlessness, or simply a lapse of memory, if you like. We all create an oops once in a while. Be brave. Keep charging forward. There is an upside to many an oops, and most of us are quickly forgiven. Besides, it makes us more loveable. It’s all a matter of perspective.