Lessons Learned at Funerals Take the Time to Show You Care

In the past few months, I’ve attended the funerals of several longtime friends. Each passing carried mixed emotions, including sadness that they were gone and a sense of relief that they were no longer in pain. While each had experienced some mental or physical decline in the last few months, they passed in relative peace.

For various reasons, I wasn’t in close touch with these friends in their final years, months, and days. We moved to a different neighborhood or town. We were no longer engaged in the activities (kids, work) that had started our friendship. Our lifestyles changed. I was busy. Each funeral provided me with the opportunity to get reacquainted with their kids…now all adults with children of their own. Each funeral and each “reconnection” taught me a lesson.

Don’t ignore the impulse to make contact! Take the time to pay a visit…especially when a friend is in a facility, be it 55+ apartments, assisted living, or memory care. Pick up the phone; knowing you’re thinking of them may be just the thing they need that day. Send a cheery card with updates on your activities and ask them how they’re doing. A hand-written greeting can become a keepsake and brighten yet another day. Every time you make contact, even with those who are still active, you may be easing the sense of loneliness that attacks all

By Marge Shoemaker

of us at times. At the least try to keep in contact electronically, through email, texts, or social media.

Some mourners left their children at home, commenting, “Kids are too young to experience the sadness of such loss.” Others brought their children, allowing them to say goodbye to an elderly friend. One lady complained about little kids making noise and being too active. Another commented that having youngsters there eased some of the sadness. A young man commented that he hadn’t been allowed to attend his grandfather’s funeral. “I never got to tell him good-bye or even grieve his loss,” he recalled. “I remember feeling abandoned when Grandpa died.” He took his kids to visit their grandmother in the nursing home and brought them to her funeral. “Kids need to know what it’s like,” he commented. “Death is part of life.” It’s a decision each family has to make for themselves…you know your kids best.

We all want to make things easier for the grieving family. Some supply food, allowing the family to concentrate on other things. Offering to contact mutual friends is another way to help. With so many details to handle, the fear of forgetting to let someone know is always there. Ask if there’s anyone special you should contact. Encourage those you reach to attend and pay their respects, even if they didn’t know the deceased. Taking the time to show you care is a comfort to the survivors.