Quality conversations

How To Learn More With Quality Conversations

Kathryn Marker

How To Learn More With Quality Conversations Being able to listen well, and have quality conversations, may possibly be the most important life skill you ever develop – and yet so many of us suck at it. There is so much to be learnt from others, when we really stop and listen. If we don’t listen, we don’t learn, and if we don’t learn, we never get any wiser.

In my previous post, The one thing most of us are guilty of that stops us helping others, I spoke about the importance of listening with empathy when our friends are in times of need. I realised as I wrote it how badly I need to improve my own conversation skills, so I’ve been researching the experts and this is what I’ve found.

Listening Is Really Hard If You’re Not Use To Doing It Properly It actually takes a lot of brain power and effort than doing what most of us do. It’s kind of like training a muscle, the more you do it, the easier it will be. In order to listen well, we really have to be in the present moment and let any thoughts that are coming into our minds just pass through – kind of like when we meditate.

Listen but don’t think about how you are going to respond, until it is time to respond.

Sometimes you think of a response, but then they divert into a slightly different topic. So just be there in the moment.

How To Learn More With Quality Conversations

How To Learn More With Quality Conversations It’s Not About You And this is hard. We are our own favourite topic, and so sometimes when we get into a conversation, instead of truly listening to what someone else is going through, we sort of wait our turn to either talk about ourselves, how we have had similar experiences or give our opinion, and that’s not necessarily right.

Yes you are important, and sharing personal information about yourself with someone creates connection, but it’s not ALL about you.

People Want To Be Heard It’s not always that we are looking for a solution, particularly women I nd. It’s more that we are looking for connection. Even when things are going bad in our lives, we may not want a solution, we just want a vent and for someone to understand and support us.

There is always something that someone knows that you don’t, there is always something to learn from everyone. There is always a reason to listen, so that when you do speak, it’s with wisdom and depth.

A Personal Story Of My Friends Doing This Spot On A few years ago I went through something really tough, and there was nothing to really be done about the situation. It was a waiting game. I knew everything was going to be okay, but it was one of those things where you just have to make it through the other side and survive in the meantime.

How To Learn More With Quality Conversations

How To Learn More With Quality Conversations What my friends did was perfect. They just, listened. They took me out for coffee and movies, invited me over for dinner and left me owers. It was incredibly touching.

But the point was, there was no solution to that situation. It was simply riding something out until it was over.

I think maybe it’s because no one my age at least could relate to having anything similar as far as that experience. They couldn’t relate to that horror, so they didn’t even try to advise me. They were just… there. Sorry I know I’m talking mysteries, but it’s not something that I should share, as it’s not just my story. And yet it was so profound in my life.

Sooo…

The real point of this is that you gain more from conversations, and you help others better, when you make it less about you, and less about talking. You will have your chance to talk of course, but it’s always better to have quality over quantity.

I really want to leave you with this fantastic (and funny) video by TED Talks with Celeste Headlee and she goes into 10 tips for better conversations. I don’t see the point in rewriting what she said, as she really can say it best lol.

Take Care.

Kathryn.

How To Learn More With Quality Conversations