Women's LifeStyle magazine - February 2021 - Tiffany Dionne Kelly, "A Lost Girl's Journey to Hope."

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FEBRUARY 2021

Tiffany Dionne Kelly “A Lost Girlʼs Journey to Hope”

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LOCAL WOMEN, INSPIRATION, LIFESTYLE & COMMUNITY

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Contents

womenslifestyle.com

February 2021 ISSUE # 275

PUBLISHER Women’s LifeStyle, Inc

FEATURES

CONTRIBUTING WRITERS

6

Go Red for Women: Linda Mankin’s Cardiac Story

10

Tiffany Dionne Kelly, A Lost Girl’s Journey to Hope

Steve Lasater PHOTOGRAPHY

Ethnic and Cultural Festivals in Greater Grand Rapids EthnicFestivalsGR.com

Evan Krummel

LEARN & DO Two Eagles Marcus

5

Join In!: Community Volunteer Opportunities

16

Her Legacy: Ethel B. Coe

18

Reader’s Lounge

WOMEN’S LIFESTYLE, INC PRESIDENT Two Eagles Marcus SALES sales@womenslifestyle.com

HEALTH 14

Ask the Doctor: Heart Disease and Women’s Health

(616) 951-5422 CALL (616) 458-2121 EMAIL info@womenslifestyle.com MAIL 3500 3 Mile Rd NW, Ste A Grand Rapids, MI 49534

IN MEMORIAM Victoria Ann Upton Founder 1955 - 2018 To extend an uplifting, inclusive and vibrant invitation to enjoy life, every day, in our community.

ABOUT THE COVER Tiffany Dionne Kelly

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Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

Spotlight on Community Initiatives

Join In

Sponsored by Grand Rapids Community Foundation

Gilda’s Club Grand Rapids

Gilda’s Club Grand Rapids provides dynamic support to individuals living with cancer, their families and those who have lost a loved one to cancer.

The organization is seeking volunteers for tasks that can be done while social distancing, such as grounds work, sewing/knitting, phone calls, card making, remote office projects and virtual programming facilitation. gildasclubgr.org/ get-involved

Grand Rapids Urban League

The Grand Rapids Urban League supports all people in achieving self-sufficiency and equality. Their dynamic programming involves employment, health, education, racial equity and youth. Support their work by making a financial donation. Donations provide funding for training adults in areas of job readiness and retention, computer literacy, and entrepreneurship; providing technology for children and adults; providing educational opportunities and mentorship, counseling and more. To donate, visit grurbanleague.org/get-involved

Moms Bloom Inc.

MomsBloom believes that every family with a newborn baby deserves to have support, community and confidence. Our volunteer-driven programs ensure this belief becomes a reality for over 200 families each year. To sign up, visit: momsbloom.org/volunteer

Literacy Center of West Michigan

The Literally Center of West Michigan provides 1-on-1 support for adults in our community who face barriers due to low literacy. Volunteer tutors are only required to read and write English. While tutors and learners meet 1-on-1 (virtually), the Literacy Center provides robust support for both parties to order to make for a successful outcome. Volunteer orientations are current taking place online. Visit literacycenterwm.org/volunteer-resources

Scholarships are available to fuel your impact.

Each year the Community Foundation awardss more than $1 million in scholarships to Kent County students like Vanessa. More than 500 scholarships are available for undergraduate and graduate students attending college or trade school..

Apply by March 1 at grfoundation.org/scholarships.

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

5

American Heat Assocation

GO RED FOR WOMEN Linda Mankin’s Cardiac Story May 2019, another repair to an artery and was successful.

Since her recovery, Mankin still works at Corky’s Drive-in, but at a slower pace. She works hard to lower work-related stress.

L

inda Mankin injured her knee in 2015, and while getting treatment, she asked the doctor about pain she was having in her jaw. That doctor sent her to a dentist to examine her for TMJ. The pain continued, and they sent her to another medical care provider who treated her with medication.

The jaw pain persisted, and pain became part of her life.

Over the next few years she had an EKG; help from a chiropractor; and eventually a neurologist who determined the pain was coming from her spine, pinching her between the C5-and C6. These vertebrae provide flexibility and support to much of the neck and the head. Any treatment or medication only slowed the Mankin’s jaw pain for a few days instead of the months that she expected. In all, she saw eight professionals. Tests indicated her veins looked healthy.

“I was 70 years-old and they told me I had the veins of a 40-year-old,” said Mankin. “That encouraged me.”

Mankin, who works with her family at their business, Corky’s Drive-In in Allegan, found that the pain made it hard for her to work, but she would tilt her head back to ease the pain and continue working.

“If the pain got too bad, I learned to tilt my head back a bit with my jaw up in the air and I would get some relief,” said Mankin. “If I was walking down a flight of stairs, looking down could make the pain worse.”

She underwent spinal surgery and afterward went to a pain management clinic. Medication designed to last months lasted only days before the pain returned.

In March 2019, the jaw and headache pain were so bad that her husband Randy encouraged her to go to the Emergency Room. After a twelve-lead EKG, the staff asked her what she would like to do for further treatment.

“I thought, you better not be telling me I’m having a heart attack!” said Mankin. But further testing revealed three blocked cardiac arteries at 100, 90 and 70 percent.

She had an angioplasty, and there were complications.

Repairs were finished in only one artery when they placed her in an induced coma so her body could recover. Three days later she woke to find her family at her bedside. In

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What do I do if I’m having a heart attack?

Jaw pain is one of the cardiac indicators highlighted by the American Heart Association’s Go Red for Women campaign. (See infographic.)

Chest pain or discomfort is caused when your heart muscle doesn’t get enough oxygen-rich blood. It may feel like pressure or squeezing in your chest. The discomfort also can occur in your shoulders, arms, neck, jaw, or back.

Angina pain may even feel like indigestion. In Mankin’s case, it didn’t show as a heart condition in early medical tests.

What is Go Red for Women? In 2004, the American Heart Association faced a challenge. Cardiovascular disease claimed the lives of nearly 500,000 American women each year, yet women were not paying attention. In fact, many even dismissed it as an older man’s disease. To dispel the myths and raise awareness of heart disease & stroke as the number one killer of women, the American Heart Association created Go Red For Women, a passionate, social initiative designed to empower women to take charge of their heart health.

The campaign has worked to educate our community that a heart condition in a woman might not look like it does in a man. As with men, women’s most common heart attack symptom is chest pain or discomfort, but women are somewhat more likely than men to experience some other common symptoms, particularly shortness of breath, nausea/vomiting, and back or jaw pain.

In West Michigan, the American Heart Association has been working with the medical community and area women to spread the message that heart disease is not just a man’s disease and that nearly 80 percent of cardiac events can be prevented with diet, exercise and healthy living.

This year the association will host the Grand Rapids Go Red for Women digital experience on February 11 from noon until 2 p.m. Chaired locally by Kellie Norton, a director with Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, the event will highlight area survivors, have an medical moment, and have a silent auction.

Sponsored nationally by CVS Health and locally sponsored

by Spectrum Health, other sponsors include Blue Cross Blue Shield of Michigan, Meijer, Priority Health. Metro Health and the Metro Health Foundation are the Have Faith in Heart Sponsors. Media sponsors include Mix 95.7, The River 100.5, Women’s Lifestyle Magazine and WOTV4 Women. To register, go to Heart.org/GrandRapidsGoRed. There is no charge to attend this year.

If you experience any of these signs or symptoms:

•

Dial 911 immediately, follow the operator’s instructions and get to a hospital right away.

•

Don’t drive yourself to the hospital.

•

Try to stay as calm as possible and take deep, slow breaths while you wait for the emergency responders.

Women who think they’re healthy often misread the symptoms of a heart attack because they don’t think it could happen to them. That’s why it’s crucial to learn about heart attack, know your numbers and live heart-healthy.

National Wear Red Day, part of the Go Red for Women initiative, is Friday, February 5, and everyone is encouraged to wear a touch of red that day. We want to see you in red!

Post your photos to social media with the hashtag #GrandRapidsGoRed.

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

They are sometimes called “rescue dogs”, but we truly believe that we are the ones being rescued by them.

We want to hear your dog rescue story.

From abuse and neglect, to hope and happiness.

dogs@womenslifestyle.com

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

7

SPONSORED

Health Care for Black Women: Why It’s Different

by Akansha Das

In her victory speech on November 7th,

are less sensitive than those of White women.

Vice-President elect Kamala Harris remarked that often the most overlooked women

We can’t discuss healthcare and Black

in women’s fight for equality and part of

women without talking about the staggering

“backbone of our democracy” are Black

and devastating disparity in maternal and fetal

women. Sadly, this theme is not isolated to

death rates between Black women and their

politics. Extrapolating out, this week we wanted

counterparts. In Grand Rapids alone, a Black

to shine a light on the history of gynecology and

baby is twice as likely to die than a White baby

women’s health in America in regards to Black

as of 2017 and in the state of Michigan, Black

women and acknowledge the historical factors

mothers are three times more likely to die from

that make their current relationship with the

childbirth than their White counterparts. In some

medical establishment so tumultuous.

parts of the country - especially metropolitan areas - the disparity can be four to five times

The roots of the anti-Blackness within the

higher for Black women. This stark difference

medical community date back to the era of

of the Medical Bondage, a book about the history and sociology of gynecology). Dr. John Sims is well-known within the medical community for his pioneering of the vesicovaginal fistulae in the 1840s, which garnered him the sole bearer of the title “father of gynecology.” Yet the history books don’t note that Dr. Sims heavily depended on Black enslaved women as both patients and nurses/ surgical assistants and unfortunately did’t grant them with the well-deserved titles of “mothers of gynecology”. Undergoing the excruciating

Women’s Health Collective

stress hormone cortisol in their bodies. The heightened levels of cortisol is normal for all women around pregnancy but its heightened nature in Black women throughout their lifetime can lead to inflammation that can restrict blood flow to the placenta and stunt infant growth. Higher cortisol levels can also trigger preterm labor which can disadvantage Black

slavery according to University of Nebraska professor Deirdre Cooper Owens (and author

Akansha Das, Premed student volunteer with

Studies have shown that as recently as 2016, 40% of medical trainees

babies with a lower birth weight from the very beginning of their lives and contributes to the two-fold increase in low birth weight among Black infants.

We recognize the tragic juxtaposition in Black women being the backbone of

believed that “black

the medical system and yet the ones least

people’s skin is thicker

where this health disparity no longer exists, we

than white people’s”

benefited by it. As we strive to create a future must remember that in the end it is racism, not race, that is the root of the problem. The complete diminishing of this gap will require reforms in housing, the criminal-justice system,

pain of gynecological procedures, the ten or

education, environmental injustice and

so Black women crucial to the perfection of the vesico-vaginal fistulae often had to support and

can not be entirely explained by education

help operate on women undergoing the same

level (in fact White uneducated women have

procedures (without consent) that they went

lower maternal mortality rates than Black,

through. This was all in addition to their daily

educated women), prenatal care, weight,

slave duties.

genetic correlations, or even environmental factors like diet, smoking, or alcohol use; thus far,

Along with the injustice of the situation, this

the only statistically significant contributor to the

practice perpetuated the idea that the bodies

Black maternal death rate is the cortisol effect.

even the implicit biases within the medical establishment. While we recognize these changes won’t happen overnight, we can continue to promote an anti-racist culture in every facet of society. After all, it’s time. We have the data and certainly the means to do so. There is no good reason not to change and improve our systems.

of Black women were invincible and “immune to pain.” Studies have shown that as recently

This states that the day-to-day stresses that

as 2016, 40% of medical trainees believed

Black women face (and unfortunately become

that “black people’s skin is thicker than white

their norm) from small microaggressions to

people’s” and that Black women are 22% less

explicit acts of discrimination, to the stress of

likely to receive pain medications than white

picking which battles they want to fight, to

patients because of the wholly inaccurate

even their statistical likelihood of being primary

belief that the nerve endings of Black women

breadwinners all heighten their levels of the

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+

Nisha McKenzie PA-C 630 Kenmoor Ave. Ste 103 | Grand Rapids, MI 49546 | 616.600.4950 | info@whcollective.com

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

Read more local stories online

www.grandrapids.org

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Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

9

“A Lost Girl’s Journey to Hope” An interview with sex-trafficking survivor, motivational speaker, and author

Tiffany Dionne Kelly

BY WOMEN’S LIFESTYLE

TIFFANY DIONNE KELLY IS A SURVIVOR. She was

kidnapped at ten years old, sexually assaulted in her teens, and in her twenties, she was a young single mother of four, struggling to take care of her family while attending cosmotolgy school. She found herself in a relationship with a “Romeo Pimp”, that forced her in the dark world of sex trafficking.

After four years of abuse and explotiation, she found the courage to stand up for herself, and her children. Leaving her abuser, and Grand Rapids, Michigan as her trafficker went to prison.

Now as a advocate, motivational speaker, and author a four-part book series, Restore | A Lost Girl’s Journey to Hope. Tiffany Dionne shares her pain, and her story to help encourage others to move into a purpose filled future on her journey of healing and restoration.

WOMEN’S LIFESTYLE: When people hear about sex trafficking and modern slavery. I don’t think that they consider that it could happen in their community. They believe it happens in the dark corner of the world, but this did happen here in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Can you share your story with us Tiffany?

TIFFANY DIONNE KELLY: Well, sure, so just to start, I wanna give you a definition of what sex trafficking is, and maybe you can, it’s a little bit easier to understand how this can happen anywhere. Sex trafficking is the commercial sex act that’s induced by force, fraud, or coercion, and if the person that is being trafficked is a minor, that will make it trafficking as well, the person that’s being sold, if the person being sold is a minor, that will make it trafficking as well. So that means that you can have a minor who appears to be

consenting, but they’re still being trafficked due to the definition of what trafficking is.

WL: Because they they’re not old enough to give consent?

Tiffany Kelly: Exactly, there, they’ll have the ability to give consent. So a lot of times when we see victims we’re not aware that they’re a victim because it appears as though they’re given consent. So, my story was I had what you call a Romeo Pimp or trafficker, and so what all that means is that we were in a relationship. He approached me and pursued me, much like somebody will pursue someone looking for a girlfriend. And so you know he was very charismatic. He was very funny, he seem to be really intelligent, and he’s saying like, he really liked me. And I found out much later that was not the case.

WL: Can you tell me more about where you were in life when this was happening?

TDK: At this point in my life, I was in my mid 20’s. I was in school. I was in cosmetology school, and I was just in a very broken place. I had four children at the time.

I did not have any money. I barely had the resources to go to school and take care of my kids. And I was in a very broken place emotionally, and so that really contributed to my exploitation.

WL: When you met the Romeo Pimp, what happened?

TDK: Yes, I met him while I was attending school. He was attending there as well, but one of the misconceptions about sex trafficking or human trafficking is that there has to be some movement, that there has to be like, crossing borders or crossing state lines or something like that and that the person might possibly have been kidnapped or something like that.

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

Now I was kidnapped. I was kidnapped when I was ten years old, and those traumas that happened to me early on in life lead to that brokeness that I spoke about, right. And so I was taken when I was ten. I was sexually assaulted when I was a teenager, on more than one occasion and what we know about young people is that when they’re broken, it seems as though people prey on them, right, so it’s almost like, I had prey written across my forehead.

WL: When you were ten, and you were abducted, can you elaborate on those circumstances?

TDK: I really cannot because, as we will talk about later, I’m an author, and that story is really played out in my book. I don’t want to give out too many details about that because I don’t want to give the story away, but I was gone for a pretty long time. I was gone for almost a year. Just about a year, I believe. And when I came back, I, you know, came back to my family, my family was very loving and caring, and everything but I did not get any help, I didn’t get any counseling or anything like that. Everyone was very broken and hurt and upset by what happened, and it’s kind of like, we just brushed it under the rug and kept it movin and so because of that trauma.

It kept just being played out over and over and over again and my life as a teenager and I was looking for, I was broken. I have all the voids, and I was looking for something to fill that void, and, you know, men, in particular, took advantage of that brokenness.

“I was kidnapped when I was ten years old” TIFFANY DIONNE KELLY

WL: That is a lot to have to endure. When you were in the sex trafficking with the Romeo Pimp, how long did that go on, and did you still see your friends and family one that was happening?

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TDK: You know what? I did not see them as much, so what began to happen, it played out kind of like an abusive relationship. So think about somebody who’s involved in domestic violence. Early on, that person is being very charismatic.

It seems like the relationship is amazing, and it also goes really, really fast, right, and so they reel you in very quickly with their charm and their kindness and everything.

But then they start to encourage you to pull away, and they start to, you know, bring up the faults of others. They start to, you know, point out like, you know this family member doesn’t really care about you, this friend doesn’t really have your best interests at heart and so slowly but surely you become isolated and so that’s what was happening with me.

And so all of a sudden, I looked around me, and all the friends that I had were other people who are being victimized as well, and so I didn’t really see. But I didn’t, I wasn’t as aware as I would have been. If you know, I still have my real friends and my life. That’s kind of when I stopped answering the phone, stopped going around them. And then it just kind of became normal to just totally lean on him as my source of support.

WL: So when you looked at your other friends, you kinda thought that it was normalized, and you’re like, this is just how it is, right?

TDK: That how we live? Yup, everybody that I was around was being abused physically. Everybody that I was being around was being exploited in some type of way, and, you know, we just all just kinda lived and kept it moving. Yup. WL: Did your family ever notice any of this stuff and say anything, or they didn’t really know or couldn’t tell?

TDK: At that time, like I said, I was pretty isolated from my family. It took place over a period of time to where they weren’t aware of why I was pulling away, you know, so their attention was probably somewhere else, it was diverted to something else, and they weren’t quite aware of what was happening. They just knew that there was a change, and they didn’t like the change, and they would prefer that I would go back to my normal self, but they weren’t necessarily aware of why.

There were a couple of occasions where I had a very close friend growing up, and she was around me, and the person that I was with, the guy that exploited me, and I remember him saying something to the effect of “You know what this is just how Tiffany is” or something like that. She got really upset, and she said, “No, this is not

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how Tiffany is, this is how you are.” and she got very upset, and kind of confronted him. But again, that just made me kind of pull back from her as well, like I didn’t want people to see, you know, what was happening, and so, yeah, I was just more comfortable pulling away.

WL: Did your abuser present any threats, or how did they control you? What was your biggest fear of leaving that person, or did you even want to leave them, or didn’t you have the capacity to leave anymore? Were you too worn down from the situation?

TDK: I was definitely very worn down, and that’s the interesting thing about this type of exploitation. When there is... so we call them Romeo Pimps, you know. So when they finesse you, you feel like you’re in a real relationship and so they will say things like “You know I love you,” “You know I care about you,” and your situation with them has taken place like, a regular relationship would in some respects and so they’re saying things like, again like, “You know I love you. You know I care about you.” And so their control is much more psychological. Alright? And so they use your emotions to kind of play tricks with your mind, and for example, I had children, and so, he would do a lot of things with my kids. He would pick them up from school. He would play with them.

He would do all of the things that you want, you know, a romantic partner to do.

And then when I didn’t want to do something that he was requesting, he would berate me and make me feel like, how dare you tell me no and look at what I’ve done for you, and who else will want you and all these kids and who do you like, basically like, who do you think you are telling me no, in so many words. But it’s in the midst of a regular argument, you know. And so, I feel like I was being backed into a corner with my situation like I’m broke, I have these kids. I have this man who is seeming to help me, and why wouldn’t I do what he’s requesting me to do.

Very early on it was just very psychological, and now the first time that I performed a commercial act, I didn’t want to go through with it. And I told him I do not want to go through it, and I called him on the phone, and up until this point, we got along pretty well. We hadn’t had any arguments up until this point and so, it is just like the mind game but we hadn’t had any real arguments so to speak.

So I called him on the phone, I told him I didn’t want to do it, we’re actually at a strip club, and he was waiting on me to perform.

He had his friends out, and there were several people there that were waiting on

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

me to come out and perform. I told him I didn’t want to, and he got very angry and very irate, and I say that I was more addicted to the idea of being loved than any drug or substance or anything else that you could possibly be addicted to because of the traumas that I had endured in the past. So when I heard that anger, his voice and I felt like I was losing control of that.

I felt like I was losing control. I felt like I was losing something that I wanted desperately and so badly that I would kinda just do anything to keep it, right. And so I didn’t end up dancing that evening, and his friends were very concerned, and they were looking at him like what’s going on? Like, why are you so angry with her? And you know, I was fearful, and he hadn’t ever hit me, he hadn’t ever done anything to me physically up until this point. And so, but I was fearful because of his very quick change in attitude.

And so on our way home, I was kind of asking him, you know “what’s wrong, why are you so upset?” And he just went off on me. He went ballistic, he just totally went crazy. And he was telling me that he was ashamed of me. How dare I waste money like that? Because I had purchased items in order to be at the club that evening.

How dare I embarrass him, how dare I make him look like a fool. And he’s screaming at me at the top of his lungs, and he’s pounding his fist into his hand, and I felt like I was again losing control of the situation, and I felt like I wanted so desperately bad, and I got out of the vehicle to get away from him, and he chased me in the car!

That evening is when our relationship went from a regular relationship to me, to one to where there was a power and control, thing happening where he was definitely in control when I was doing what he told me to do or else. So there became an “or else” attached at that time but up until that point there wasn’t, and so after that violence ensuded when I didn’t do what he wanted me to do, and it just went from there, and it escalated from there.

WL: How long was it before you finally had enough, and it was time to, to get out of this?

TDK: The relationship ended for good after four years.

WL: And the whole time you were doing the commercial work?

TDK: You know what? I did most of the commercial work took place over the course of a year and a half, and then it would continue in a situational way

depending on what was going on and depending on what the need was.

WL: And then how did you get out of this, and what was the final straw? Where were you, what were you thinking, or how did you finally decide it was enough?

several hours later and he attacked me!

And through the course of this fight my children came upstairs, my older two daughters came upstairs as they normally would when something was wrong. They fought him off of me and called the police, and it was a really bad situation. He left.

TDK: The final straw for me was... altogether, I have five children, so me and that person had a child as well. The final

The police came that evening and they were speaking with me and my children.

I was concerned because the police didn’t

“

And it was like a light bulb, like a switch went off in my mind. Like, I am always in

danger with this person and it’s never gonna change. I’m always in danger. I’m always in danger.” straw for me was a situation where I was at my home. It was late in the evening, and he was upset about whatever it was he was upset about, I’m not sure what it was.

He was sending correspondences through text and phone calls, letting me know that when he got to the house, I should be prepared for him to, you know, do something to me. Do something terrible to me, and so I was fearful, and I was sitting in my home, and I was planning in my head how to protect myself and my kids, and it didn’t occur to me to call the police because I had called the police several times before and they hadn’t offered a whole lot of assistance and I was just like in this wait mode of fear.

And he ended up coming to the house

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

look like they really necessarily believed what we were saying, or, they didn’t look like, you know, they were paying too close of attention. They weren’t taking any notes or anything. They were just kind of listening to us speak, and all of a sudden it occured to me that me and my children we’re pretty calm. I think we were so calm because this was our normal, right? But we had gone through this so many times with this person that it was normal, and we just appeared too calm, and we didn’t look like we were in danger. So, they didn’t take it as that we were in danger.

So, I was sitting on the couch, and the officer was talking to me, and he finally turned to my daughter. She was a preteen, and he turned to my daughter, and

he asked her why she woke up that night because it was pretty late. It was pretty late, it was twelve, one o’clock in the morning, and she said, “I always wake up when my momma’s in danger.” And it was like a light bulb, like a switch went off in my mind. Like, I am always in danger with this person and it’s never gonna change. I’m always in danger. I’m always in danger.

Then the officer, it clicked for him as well in that moment. Like, okay, I see what I’m dealing with here, and he, you know, began taking notes, and the person who was exploiting me ended up coming back to the house that evening, and they arrested him and took him to jail, and he ended up going to prison. That was the end for me, and I knew that it had to be the end no matter how I felt and no matter how much I wanted the situation.

It had to stop because I couldn’t let it keep, you know, continuing with my children.

WL: But even though that happened, you still kind of wanted it (the relationship)?

TDK: Oh, yeah, definitely, definitely. I loved him and wanted to be with him and wanted the relationship to work, and I wanted it to be what it appeared to be. I wanted it to be a relationship and not one of victim and abuser.

WL: You’re out of the situation and at what point did you say you’re gonna write a book about your story and, did you also decide that you’re gonna become a speaker and advocate at the same time or, were those two different things?

TDK: So, I knew that I had to do something extreme to get out of the situation and stay out, or else I would just take him back because I had left him several times before and just went right back to the abusive situation. So what I did was, like I said, he went to prison, and I moved across the country. I moved to California. I had to put, you know, physical distance between the two of us and just totally cut all ties with him and people who had anything to do with him.

And so, while I was there, I just spent a lot of time praying and, you know, just building myself up and my spiritual foundation. One of the things that was helpful for me was to start volunteering, and so I began volunteering with an antitrafficking organization, and I just wanted to, you know, give back and help other women. I had gone to counseling, and my children went to counseling so, I wanted to give back. Through that, I was able to find my voice and speaking and sharing and helping with something that was very fulfilling to me.

Continued on page 15

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ASK THE DOCTOR:

Heart Disease and Women’s Health

BY STEVE LASATER, M.D.

Dr. Lasater, I need your advice. Last year I entered menopause and, having become fed up with suffering hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness and mood swings, I finally asked my family physician to put me on some hormones. She prescribed some estradiol tablets as well as progesterone capsules, explaining that these “bio-identical” hormones are a better choice for most women than the alternative synthetic and/or animal-derived ones. However, when I mentioned this to one of my girlfriends, she urged me not to take the hormones because they could increase my risk of cardiovascular disease, which does run in my family. So I didn’t start the hormones, and am now so confused, and of course still suffering all the same symptoms as before! I don’t know what to do. What do we really know about how hormones affect cardiovascular disease risk in women?

Sarah A. Dear Sarah, Such extremely bothersome symptoms of menopause, such as you have described, are a nuisance (to say the least) that many women experience after they go through the “change of life” that is menopause. You did right to seek the advice and help of your family physician for dealing with these symptoms and I commend your physician for prescribing bio-identical hormones to help you. You are also right to be concerned about cardiovascular risk, which is the number one cause of death, not only among men, but also among women, in the developed world!

You are probably wondering if you have to choose between a) having your menopausal symptoms relieved, but having a shortened lifespan, or b) suffering with the symptoms and, while possibly living longer, being disappointed by knowing that you’ll just have to put up with the symptoms that much longer! Well, Sarah, the good news is that it is not this way at all — instead of a lose-lose choice, it’s a win-win one.

There is clear-cut evidence in the medical scientific literature that hormone replacement for women at menopause will not only dramatically relieve their symptoms but will simultaneously reduce their risk of developing cardiovascular disease. In 2012 a study1 by a team of endocrinologists and epidemiologists from Denmark randomized over 1000 healthy, recently postmenopausal women to receive hormone replacement therapy and after 10 years of follow up those treated had a 50% reduction in the incidence of acute cardiac events without any associated increase in the risk of cancer (including breast cancer), blood clot or stroke.

hormone replacement. In older women, the risk first increased, then decreased over time. Why? Oral conjugated estrogens, which are the kind from horses and are not bio-identical for women, when used as oral tablets in older women who had been in menopause for 10 years or longer, have been shown to increase a woman’s risk of heart attack for the first year that she takes them. However, after that year, her risk drops, not just to its pre-treatment level, but to a lower level than that of women who were never treated with hormones at all – in other words, hormone use then becomes protective and stays that way.

This transient increased risk in older women occurs because of the effects of the hormones on the liver, which receives a large dose of the hormones when they are taken by mouth. The liver responds by producing some destabilizing compounds that increase the risk of plaque rupture in the first year, but after that, the increased risk no longer exists. Note that this increased risk does not happen with oral estradiol, which is what your doctor wisely prescribed instead of the conjugated estrogen tablet. Another very important consideration is which progestin or progestogen is prescribed with the estrogen; your doctor again made the best choice by prescribing bio-identical progesterone, which has increased cardiovascular safety compared to the synthetic kinds. Unfortunately, and for no logical reason that I can see, many women are still prescribed the synthetic kind of progestin instead of bio-identical progesterone.

So, to sum up, my advice is to take the estradiol and progesterone that your doctor has prescribed and enjoy not only the resolution of your bothersome symptoms but also rest in the reassurance that statistically your cardiovascular risk is being reduced!

1.

Schierbeck et al. Effect of hormone replacement therapy on cardiovascular events in recently postmenopausal women: randomised trial. British Medical Journal 2012;345:e6409.

2.

Salpeter et al. Coronary heart disease events associated with hormone therapy in younger and older women. A meta-analysis. Journal of General Internal Medicine 2006;21:363-66.

About the author: Steve Lasater MD practices Bio-Identical Hormone Replacement and Age Management Medicine at Optimal Wellness Medical Group in Grand Rapids. He is committed to improving the overall health of men and women by using cutting-edge clinical principles that are both evidence-based as well as being customized for each individual. See more at www.OptimalWellnessMedical.com.

Another study2 from researchers in the US conducted a metaanalysis (a combination of separate studies) of 23 randomized controlled trials which enrolled over 39,000 women. They found a 30% reduction in the incidence of heart attacks and cardiac deaths among young postmenopausal women who were treated with

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Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

Tiffany Dionne Kelly Continued from page 13

And so I began writing initially, just journaling so I can see what happens, cause I was like, I don’t even know how I got here. I have no clue of how I ended up in this situation with this person who did so much harm to me. So I started off with journaling, and as I journaled, it became a book project, and it helped me first, it helped me to heal just for me to see what happened was very therapeutic and then you know, I wanted to be able to take that and help others. So that’s how things evolved, so I went from writing the book to volunteering to working to speaking.

it and put it to market and have gotten great feedback. So I’m glad I did.

with that. Let me go back to counseling again so, and that’s okay.

WL: Who did you think you were going to hurt?

WL: Yeah, you’re definitely gonna, you know.

It’s a journey to, to get to, to heal. It takes time. It takes work. It takes facing things that you don’t want to face and that you’d, most of us when it comes to trauma, we’d rather just try to bury it, but that’s where we get into problems is that if it’s not resolved, then that’s always going to be there.

WL: Was there a point when you didn’t think you should tell the story?

WL: Like it was embarrassing?

TDK: Absolutely. Yeah, like I said, you know, I felt like I was putting it on my heart to tell it, and I struggle with that even as I was writing I would stop, you know, for weeks at a time like this doesn’t, this is not going to benefit anybody.

This is not a story needs to be told, and I shared this earlier today that when I initially published my book, it was on the market for six weeks, and I unpublished it.

Because I felt like, you know, I’m going to hurt other people by telling this story, and it’s not something that the world needs to know. But you know, just through family and friends encouraging me, I republished

TDK: I thought I would hurt, you know, what is interesting if you were to ask me that question and we were in conversation, I would have probably named friends and family like just, just sharing the story in of itself. Like, this is not something that should be told but deep down in my heart.

TDK: Absolutely, it comes up and other areas of our lives.

WL: Does it get any easier to tell your story the more times you tell it?

WL: Yeah, I think that you know, you’re very, very strong for sharing your story, and it’s really, you know, you have the ability and the voice to be able to help a lot of young girls or even women or anyone that’s in modern-day slavery or sex trafficking. So I think, I’m really glad that you were able to find that strength, and courage to be able to tell your story because it’s very, very important. It’s very important for people to tell their story. So other people can try to find their healing or even, you know, escape the situation.

TDK: It gets easier, but there are layers to healing, I think. And so even though it gets easier, there’s still some things that where I’m like. Wow, okay, let me deal

WL: You have your book called Restore A Lost Girls Journey to Hope, and that’s a three-part series. How many books have been published so far?

TDK: Maybe. Yeah, maybe. But deep down in my heart, really, I was probably protecting him. Mm-hmm, the people that you know assaulted me early on in life. The person who exploited me, and thats what victims tend to do. And so, even all these years later, I think part of me was still trying to protect him.

TDK: So two books have been published so far, and I’ve actually decided to make it a four-part series because there were underlying things that I wanted to make sure got explored that took place even before the traffic into place. So yeah, it’s a four-part series. Two parts are currently published, and the next one will be published this year.

WL: How can our readers find out more about you, your story, how to get your books, or how to book you as a speaker?

TDK: They can find out about me, my story and book me as a speaker on my website tiffanydionne.com.

U.S. National Human Trafficking Hotline 1 (888) 373-7888 *Text “BeFree” to 233733 polarisproject.org

Connect from home.

Treating anxiety, depression, and more Teletherapy is available for all ages.

200+ licensed, West Michigan clinicians.

Visit pinerest.org/telehealth or call 866.852.4001.

Virtual walk-in psychiatry now available for adults from the Psychiatric Urgent Care Center. Call 616.455.9200.

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

15

Ethel B. Coe, Humanitarian

Every year in Grand Rapids, a Giant Award for Humanities is presented in the name of this giant from the past: Ethel B. Coe. Both before and after Coe’s stint at age 68 with VISTA, Volunteers In Service To America, she invested in her community through organizational life and as an entertainer. Coe broke barriers and built bridges.

WRITTEN BY SOPHIA WARD BREWER, FOR THE GREATER GRAND RAPIDS WOMEN’S HISTORY COUNCIL

Born in Virginia in 1899, Coe was sent by her parents to Grand Rapids for an education better than their country schools could provide. When she was eight, Coe lived with an aunt and uncle in a local African American population under 700, but she did not escape racism in Grand Rapids during the Jim Crow era. While a student at South High School, Coe became central to the city’s first civil rights case, brought after she was refused service at a local ice cream parlor.

ILLUSTRATION BY KIM NGUYEN HEADER ILLUSTRATION BY LIBBY VANDERPLOEG

A GIANT DOWNTOWN! Stroll along the north side of 20 Monroe Live at 11 Ottawa Avenue, and Ethel B. Coe’s mural image will loom over you. Artist Esan Sommersell has used comic book techniques to create a huge portrait celebrating the energetic Coe as an action hero. During 2020, the Greater Grand Rapids Women’s History Council joined Lions & Rabbits to co-sponsor the Women’s Way Initiative organized by Downtown Grand Rapids Inc. This project helps to reclaim positive ownership of often-overlooked public spaces and repurposes them to honor women significant to our city’s history. Stay tuned for the official ribbon-cutting event in March during Women’s History Month and learn more about other sites at www.womenswaygr.org, on GGRWHC’s Facebook page and in its newsletters.

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As a young woman, Coe was an active member of several women’s clubs, like the still-functioning Grand Rapids Study Club, whose missions were to uplift the race. She led membership initiatives and other projects for local chapters of the NAACP and Urban League; and, eventually, she played roles on every level: for the Michigan Committee on Civil Rights, on the Kent County Mental Hygiene Society, and on the Grand Rapids Better Films Council. Coe also devoted herself to youth programs — the Y-Teen Committee for the YWCA, the World Fellowship Committee — and in 1926 she became a founding member of the Junior Mother’s Club for parents of preschool children.

Coe’s social activism led her to run for public office and, when in 1951 she ran for the Grand Rapids Charter Commission, she became one of the first two Grand Rapids African American women to throw their hats in the ring. Coe ran again in 1955, this time for the Board of Education. While she lost both of these races, Coe paved the way for future women.

In 1923, Ethel had married Walter Coe, who became the first African American detective in the Grand Rapids Police Department. Not only were both prominent members of social and civil rights organizations in Grand Rapids, both were accomplished musicians. When Ethel sang the blues, Walter was her accompanist on piano.

A highly sought-after soloist and thespian, Coe often performed in churches, at NAACP events and for literary

clubs. Her acting career at Civic Theater and in other venues included “A Raisin in the Sun” and “King of Hearts.”

In 1967 at 68 years old, Coe was inspired by the poor treatment of Mexican laborers and their children in Michigan and trained for VISTA. After two years in Rhode Island, where she counseled needy families and supplemented community development programs, she was personally commended by Governor Frank Licht.

Coe joked about wanting to “play the lady” when she returned to Grand Rapids, but she stepped right back into her life of service with the Family Life Council of Kent County, directed the XYZ Senior Citizens Center and taught Vietnamese immigrant children English.

In everything she did, humanitarian Ethel B. Coe blazed trails.

Read more about early Grand Rapids women running for public office on our website’s new page, tabbed “Electoral.” With the Women Who Ran project, the GGRWHC will eventually finish the entire electoral history of city women. Follow them — and us — on Facebook and in Women’s LifeStyle and sign up for our hard copy and electronic newsletters at ggrwhc.org!

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

17

READER’S

is the founder of the Jim Crow Museum, a collection of 11,000 racist artifacts. Dr. Pilgrim has written several books, including “Understanding Jim Crow: Using Racist Memorabilia to Teach Tolerance and Promote Social Justice.” This book introduces readers to the museum and its collection of artifacts, asking important questions and stimulating discussion about race, racism and race relations. Artifacts range from rare antiques to newly manufactured objects which can be purchased today.

Read the book and either visit

In 1926, the Association for the Study of African American Life and History, a group that was founded in 1915, set aside the second week of February to honor Black history. That week, which coincided with the birthdays of Abraham Lincoln and Frederick Douglass, eventually evolved into Black History Month, which has been officially recognized by every U.S. president since 1976.

While the number of books on the history of Black Americans is vast and overwhelming, a good place to start might be right here in Michigan. David Pilgrim, Vice President for Diversity and Inclusion at Ferris State University,

Popular fiction, enduring classics and nonfiction.

“Beloved”

by Toni Morrison

“The Fire Next Time”

by James Baldwin

the museum or their website, where virtual tours are also available.

Readers of history may also enjoy “The Blood and Sinew of the Land: America’s Forgotten Black Pioneers and the Struggle for Equality” by Anna-Lisa Cox. Dr. Cox, a historian specializing in the history of racism with a focus on the North. She gained a following with “A Stronger Kinship: One Town’s Extraordinary Story of Hope and Faith.”

In her second book, Dr. Cox digs deep to uncover the stories of the lives of the tens of thousands of Black Americans who settled in the old Northwest Territory, which was then the frontier.

Focusing on the years between 1800 and 1860, Cox demonstrates that these pioneers often flourished and enjoyed equality of the law, at least initially, but that as the century progressed and competition for dwindling resources grew, their rights dwindled and racism and hatred grew along with oppression.

“The Fire This Time: A New Generation Speaks About Race”

by Jesmyn Ward

“Bud, Not Buddy”

by Christopher Paul Curtis

“The Known World”

by Edward P. Jones

“The Nickel Boys”

by Colson Whitehead

“The Black Jacobins”

by C.L.R. James

“Freedom is a Constant Struggle: Ferguson, Palestine, and the Foundations of a Movement”

by Angela Y. Davis

Mark Dunham is a librarian at the Krause Memorial Branch of Kent District Library.

2021 WINTER READING CLUB FOR ADULTS AND TEENS January 4 - March 31 Read six books and receive a Let It Snow prize mug. Read an additional four books to be entered into a drawing for an iPad or a winter cap. kdl.org/snow

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Women’s LifeStyle Magazine • February 2021

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