What to Say When You Attend a

WHEN YOU ATTEND A VISITATION & FUNERAL What to Say

Raise your hand if you get a bit nervous attending a visitation or funeral because you don’t know the right words to say? Yes, I see all of your hands! I know that I still get a little nervous going to a visitation of someone I loved because what do you say to the family? “I’m so sorry”? This may seem trite even though you are sorry. You’re sorry that the family is in emotional pain; you’re sorry that they’re hurting. There are things to avoid saying to a family such as, “She’s in a better place,” or “Heaven sure needed another angel,” or “You’re going to feel better soon.” Many phrases sound comforting; however, in the moment of loss, they offer no comfort. If you’ve previously lost someone (ex. your spouse) and are at the funeral home speaking to a new widow, do not compare your loss to theirs. Saying, “I know how you’re feeling,” can be one of the most hurtful phrases. You will never know how anyone else is feeling in their loss, even if you’ve lost your spouse previously; it’s never the exact same situation, therefore you will never know exactly how they feel. A month down the road, if you’re talking to the person, you could share, “You know, when I lost my spouse, I went through (blank). Are you finding the same after losing your husband?” This sentiment is supportive and helpful and will connect you as widows. You are coming to them as a friend and trying to help them with what you have experienced. When you’re standing at the funeral home though, when their spouse, child, or whichever

relation just died, there’s no comparison. Avoid those words and let it be about them. As a Visitor As a visitor to the funeral home, you can easily begin a conversation about the deceased, especially if you didn’t know them and only knew a family member. You can ask questions by looking at a photo board and saying, “Wow, I didn’t know that she tap-danced when she was younger,” or reflect on an item in the room, “Wow, they really loved football!” Ask a question about their life. Don’t talk about the death. The family has told that death story too many times and wants to tell you something about their loved one’s life. They want nothing more than to reflect back on the amazing life they shared with the deceased. If you want to offer condolences and keep it simple you could say, “I am so sorry; it’s really obvious that she was so loved,” or “Know that you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers.” It may seem cliché but it’s a nice sentiment. As the Grieving Family As funeral directors, we try to coach families on what may be said to them at a funeral or gathering time. The gathering time is for people to come and love on you as a family and tell you they’re sorry and give you support. However, guests may say things to you that actually hurt you, without intent to hurt. Remember that people are coming to show you they love you and they’re saying things they think are helpful but may seem cold. Examples of this may be, “At least he is at peace”, “God needed her more,” “Well you can always have more kids,” or “You are young and can marry again.” When people say these phrases, it is really a code language for “I love you and I don’t know what else to say.” Remember the intent is to love and support and that the person showed up; try not to remember that their words did not do what they were intended to do. Lastly, everybody reacts to death and funeral homes differently. We often talk too much and say the wrong things, as previously listed. Sometimes people’s nervous reactions are laughter, not being able to look you in the eye, or uncontrollable crying when they didn’t know the deceased well. Funeral homes are not somewhere people want to visit and funerals are a situation that’s uncomfortable for many people. If you have a loss, don’t take offense and don’t jump to conclusions. Remember that people are there because they love you. The visitation and service times are a great time of support for those who have lost someone. When you choose to support your friends, remember to keep it simple by sharing a story of the deceased or just a hug and let the moment be about them and their loved one.

Kari Northey is a funeral director and embalmer in Southwest Michigan. She vlogs weekly on her self-titled YouTube Channel, where she empowers, educates, and embraces her viewers with knowledge about funerals and disposition and caring for loved ones after a death.

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2020 GIRL SCOUT COOKIE BAKE - OFF

YOUR DONATION OF : ~ $10,000 gives 500 girls the opportunity to engage in the Girl Scout Experience ~ $5,000 helps provide outreach programming at three sites and sends a group of girls to camp ~ $2,500 sends an outreach troop to camp for the experience of a lifetime ~ $1,000 provides registration fees for 30 girls in outreach programming ~ $500 helps recruit and train outreach troop facilitators ~ $350 helps provide curriculum and supplies for 10 girls in outreach programs Individual tickets to the event are $55 per person or $400 for a table MORE INFO: gshom.org/en/events/bake-off-benefit.html DONATE NOW: girlscouts.org/en/ adults/donate.html

Kalamazoo is an amazing city where everyone from big corporations, to small business owners, to the stranger walking down the street next to you can come together to help the community. While Kalamazoo has many events throughout the year that bring the community together, there is one topic that everyone can agree on: Girl Scout Cookies! You read that right—an entire event dedicated to America’s favorite cookies, and for a great cause. The ageold question remains, which cookie is YOUR favorite? Samoa’s? Thin Mints? Let’s be honest, there isn’t a Girl Scout Cookie out there that I haven’t liked!

Like every year, the GIRL SCOUT COOKIE BAKE - OFF —held in downtown Kalamazoo at The Radisson Hotel—brings together local chefs in a friendly competition to create a unique version of their favorite cookie. This event supports Girl Scout outreach to low-income and at-risk girls in the community.

Today the Girl Scout organization is 2.6 million strong—1.8 million girls and over 800,000 adults who believe in every G.I.R.L. (Go-getter, Innovator, Risktaker, Leader) to change the world. The extraordinary journey began more than 100 years ago with the original G.I.R.L.: Juliette Gordon “Daisy” Low. On March 12, 1912, in Savannah, Georgia, she organized the very first Girl Scout troop. Every year since, her vision and legacy is honored by building girls of courage, confidence, and character who make the world a better place. With programs from coast to coast and across the globe, Girl Scouts offers every girl a chance to practice a lifetime of leadership, adventure, and success.

If you weren’t able to make it to this year’s event, check out the info to the left for some additional information on how you can donate, or even participate in next year’s event.

Your support for this event directly helps local Girl Scout initiatives, outreach programming and troops at Spring Valley, Boys and Girls Club, Douglas Community Center, Edison, Harrington Elementary, LaMora Park, Mayor’s Riverfront Park, Woods Lake Elementary, and PrairieRidge Elementary. Outreach funding will ensure that ALL girls will have the opportunity to become Girl Scouts. Outreach programming provides safe places and resources to girls who are faced with growing up too fast. Girl Scouts Heart of Michigan brings the benefits of Girl Scouting to those girls who need us most.

• Did you know that those highly regarded cookies are made from TWO different bakeries? ABC Bakers and Little Brownie Bakers. The look, taste, packaging, and name of each cookie may differ slightly depending on where (across the country) you buy them. Each of the 111 Girl Scout councils across the nation determines which bakery they partner with. Who knew?! • Thin Mints created by ABC Bakers are crunchier with a heavier mint flavor. Meanwhile, Thin Mints created by Little Brownie Bakers have a richer chocolate coating and more “distinct” peppermint taste. • Samoa’s made by ABC Bakers have less caramel & more cookie, compared to its counterpart made by Little Brownie Bakers that sports a heavier caramel, dark chocolate, and coconut layer. • It all started in Oklahoma. In 1917 a troop in Muskogee, OK kicked things off by baking simple sugar cookies and selling them in their high school cafeteria. The rest of the county started to join in after their recipe was shared in the American Girl magazine in 1922. • The first official Girl Scout Cookie sale took place in Philly in 1933 and you could snag of a box of 44 cookies for $.23 cents! • All proposed cookies must be approved by the national Girl Scout organization, which can change each year, but THREE are non-negotiable: Thin Mints, Do-Si-Do’s and Shortbread. • There really is a “Cookie Queen.” Elizabeth Brinton still holds the record at more than 100,000 boxes, with clients that include two former presidents! • Girl Scout cookies have brought in $700 million in revenue each year since 1999. • All of the girls pictured on the cookie packages are registered Girl Scouts or Girl Scout alumni. • There is an app you can download to find the nearest place to find Girl Scout Cookies called the ‘Girl Scout Cookie Finder App’ and you should probably download it immediately. • Thin Mints were originally called ‘Cooky-Mints’. Thin Mints didn’t make their debut until 1959. • Thin Mints are THE top-selling Girl Scout Cookie in America. Little Brownie Bakers make over 4.5 million Thin Mints a day during prime baking season. • There is a NEW cookie being introduced this year called Lemonades and Lemon-Ups (in select areas). • The Girl Scout organization will be 108 years old this year. NOW FOR SOME FUN FACTS ON YOUR FAVORITE GIRL SCOUT COOKIES!

So, the next time you buy your box of Thin Mints, just remember: what’s inside the box is super tasty, but it’s the amazing experiences that happen outside the cookie box that make Girl Scout Cookies extra special. When you purchase Girl Scout Cookies, you’re helping the next generation of young female entrepreneurs get an important taste of what it takes to be successful, work as a team, plan, and have a positive outlook.

If you would like to read more about the Girl Scouts or the cookies, visit www.girlscouts.org.

Rachel Kirtley has worked in all levels of the food industry for over a decade. She is currently a Social Media Influencer, Content Creator and Restaurant Reviewer. You can visit her at www.thekalamazoofoodie.com