16 minute read
Cover Story
“It is a hard balance for clergy getting the check-ins and support that they need while being expected to provide that for everybody else,” says Rabbi Aviva Fellman of Congregation Beth
Israel. FILE PHOTO
Advertisement
Question
Continued from Page 13
We sit here in the early days of 2022, nearly two years of pandemic behind us with more to go ahead. Throw in economic uncertainty, socio-political tensions and a general sense of freeform anxiety in the air, and suddenly, “Are you OK?” seems to be perhaps the most important question we can ask each other, and yet it’s one we tend to avoid. So with that in mind, we asked more than 50 residents of Worcester County that very question. We intended it as a sort of temperature check, to gauge how people were feeling out there. Many responded with a pat, “Fine! Thanks for asking!” Others saw it for what it was: An opportunity to get real.
This is not OK
“I feel like, to some extent, the answer is going to be no,” says Rabbi Aviva Fellman, the spiritual leader of Congregation Beth Israel. She stresses that she wants to stay positive, but that there’s a point where you just have to acknowledge what’s happening in the world around us. “The answer has to be ‘no,’ if anyone’s telling the the truth, and the thought that it’s anything else is not giving credit or acknowledging what’s needed. You might say, ‘I’m more OK than others, but it doesn’t mean, ‘I’m OK.’”
“’Are you OK?’ begs a larger perspective than managing the next hours, days, weeks and months,” says Worcester Greater Land Trust executive director Colin Novick. “Am I precisely who I was before this and taking it all in stride? No. The last two years of pandemic, and the prior four years of political … short-circuiting … that has changed me and most everyone that isn’t cut off from society. None of us are quite who we were before, and I am willing to bet that many of us really haven’t figured out what that all means yet. I don’t think I have. In that bigger perspective I am not sure ‘OK’ is where I am at.”
“I don’t think any of us are OK, per se,” says educator Cara Berg Powers. “I often say we are surviving the pandemic on its easiest setting and it still sucks. With the two adults in our house working in education and policy, it’s hard to avoid how badly our big systems have failed and continue to fail and the ways that’s created lots of undue suffering. Even in households like ours, where we’ve not had our life acutely impacted by loss of life or income, juggling the changes and impact on our 8-year-old has been stressful. We’re all living through slow moving mass casualty trauma and existential dread. So all things considered, doing pretty well, I guess.”
“If you ever break a bone or face a medical setback,” says Novick, “you discover that the living through the recovery is a significant amount of energy. Working on keeping your chin up and a
Colin Novick, pictured on the Metacoment Monadnock Trail, finds staying positive requires a certain amount of energy.
COLIN NOVICK
Question
Continued from Page 14
positive mindset takes even more of that energy. You don’t have a lot left after all that, and you need to make your peace with the idea that just being is important enough and takes energy, and deserves respect. Yeah, you aren’t going to be able to do some massive things at the same time, but that’s just going to have to be OK.”
Life Must Go On
“In regard to the question, ‘Are you OK’?” says Rev. Clyde D. Talley, senior pastor of Belmont A.M.E. Zion Church, “that’s a deep question, but a good one. I appreciate the question. My response is that the world has always been in a constant state of flux. Things changing and things happening both in and outside our control. I tend to move and adjust with change as opposed to digging in my feet into any one stance or position as to my response to these things. I have found that helps to keep me steady and flexible when needed to move with change. In light of that, my answer to the question is that ‘I’m good.’ Not satisfied with the way things are in light of the pandemic but within my own circle where I do have influence or control, I’m good. This mindset keeps me emotionally balanced and positions me to help others who are not dealing well with the state of where things are or are not comfortable in dealing with change from a broad point of view.”
When you ask some if they are OK, “you’re asking to come into someone’s personal space, if you’re really going to be honest,” said Campbell. That’s an uncomfortable place for everyone involved, which goes a long ways toward understanding why so many people felt they needed to qualify their responses.
“OK? More like, ‘as good as can be expected, I guess,” said artist and conservator Bill MacMillan, before opening up more. “We started the year with the Capitol riot and ended with my dad passing away,” he says. “So many friends and family have lost people, been sick, are struggling with the impacts of COVID (physically, mentally, financially). Everyone’s baseline for what is OK has changed. Mostly I’m tired and worried.” Scientist and singer-songwriter Sean Ryder says that, for him, the answer to the question of “Are you OK is, “Yes and no. I’m reasonably healthy, I have a great job, and I can take care of my family. My mental health suffered somewhat during the pandemic. The past two years brought divorce, a move, a COVID infection that led to long term loss of smell, and signifi-
The Rev. Clyde D. Talley. RICK CINCLAIR/ T&G STAFF FILE PHOTO
Nelly Medina is the lead organizer for the Parents Union of Massachusetts, or PUMA. PUMA – under the umbrella of Massachusetts Jobs with Justice, for which Medina is the Central Mass. regional organizer – ran a food outreach program from the Rock of Salvation Church. SUBMITTED PHOTO
Question
Continued from Page 15
cant changes to my support network. Having said all that, I’m functioning reasonably well and I know of many others who are struggling much worse.”
Singer Jen Antkowiak feels similarly: “Am I OK? That’s a hard one because on the surface, everything is great. I kept my job, I have a nice home, my kids are doing well. But I feel … blah… Not excited to do much because I’m still a little leery of COVID and the mask wearing, even though I’m vaccinated. There’s also so much anger in the world. And that brings my spirit way down. I feel less free in mind, body and spirit. So it’s a struggle a lot of days to remain fully engaged with life. Sitting on my couch watching a movie has become the norm/ comfort zone. And I don’t like it.”
Indeed, with the pandemic dragging on as long as this one has, it works its way into the pulse of everyday life. People got married, bought houses, started new jobs, had children. Sometimes, you talk to people about doing these things in the time of COVID, and sometimes an uncomfortable guilt emerges, a sense of unease at being happy when others might be suffering, but joy is as much a part of life as loss. Indeed, it’s what makes loss bearable.
“I started in 2021 with COVID-19,” says community activist Nelly Medina, “which was thankfully a relatively light case, except it zapped my energy. I was hard on myself, but I learned to breathe, scan my body and mind, check in with myself, how I am doing, how I feel, treat myself with the same care I radiate to others, let myself off the hook, enjoy just being still. Today, I feel strong, new, improved, and ready to move into a new year.”
On that same token, activist David Slatkin says, “I’m feeling healthier and stronger than I’ve ever felt in my life. I’m also experiencing the painful realization that COVID is our reality until it’s not — which means it will continue for the foreseeable future. It hurt to let go of the idea of an imminent return to normalcy.”
That lack of stability was a refrain in the conversation, a sense that not only have the recent times been challenging, but that they’ve also revealed other societal fractures.
“I am OK,” says Worcester District 1 City Councilor Sean Rose, “but like many in the city, the pandemic is taking its toll. It’s as if we are playing a modern-day game of ‘cooties,’ with a dark cloud of uncertainty and
City Councilor Sean Rose campaigns outside the Unitarian Universalist Church.
CHRISTINE PETERSON/TELEGRAM & GAZETTE
Jafet Muzic
musician hip-hop artist
Jafet Muzic. CHRISTINE PETERSON/TELEGRAM & GAZETTE
Father John McGinty is pictured among parishioners at St. Matthew’s Episcopal Church, 695 Southbridge St., on Sept. 1,
2021. CHRISTINE PETERSON/TELEGRAM & GAZETTE Rev. Jane Willan, minister of First Congregational Church in Paxton.
ASHLEY GREEN/T&G STAFF
Question
Continued from Page 16
anxiety following us wherever we go. It has been exhausting for all of us. I look forward to us putting this behind us. I am hopeful we can continue increasing the number of vaccinated and boosted residents to minimize exposure. It has undoubtedly been a tough year for many. We have seen a divide in the city between COVID, the elections and fiscal uncertainty for some.”
“Overall I am OK,” says musician hiphop artist Jafet Muzic, “in the sense of having shelter and food. Being grounded spiritually really helps through moments of uncertainty. Rental prices are through the roof, someone working 40 hours a week at $16 an hour could barely pay all of the bills for simple living necessities. Food prices have sky- rocketed as well. Families don’t seem as close as they once were. Most people are at odds when it comes to politics and even moral standards. In a weird way it feels like life as we once knew it is at a standstill. So overall, I am OK, solely due to my wisdom and how I choose to view these trying times.”
Fellman notes that, “There hasn’t been any self-care that doesn’t come with an element of guilt,” and points out that that’s not particularly healthy. “If you don’t give yourself chances to regroup, you’re hitting the wall all the faster the next time.”
Checking In
Worcester District 3 City Councilor George Russell had an interesting response to the question: “I do appreciate you asking how myself and my colleagues are. It’s not a question we get asked often, or at least not as part of a true inquiry of our heath or well-being.” It seems an odd response, because there’s an expectation that city councilors would be among the people checking in with members of the community, to see how their constituents are faring. “I’d say for me it’s one of the ways I’d build rapport and good relationships with folks,” says Worcester District Five City Councilor elect Etel Haxhiaj. “COVID has caused so much loss and disruption, connecting with people will be even more important.”
At-large Worcester City Councilor Moe Bergman agrees, saying, “I think it’s important to check in on people — particularly the most vulnerable, which generally are the elderly — and I do that.” But even doing that comes with its own challenges. “Cellphones are not always what people use,” he says, “and some people are not comfortable if you just show up at their house, so it can be a challenge!”
It’s not only a challenge for politicians: It’s one clergy face, too.
“Yes, it is always good for us as servants of God’s people to be in touch and stay in touch with how our people are doing in every way,” says Rev. John McGinty, Rector of Saint Matthew’s Episcopal Church, “health wise, in their family life, in their mental health, in their spiritual lives. Those conversations are more vital than ever now. But it has been more difficult to do at times for a few reasons. First was the initial isolation the pandemic brought upon us all. The phone and newer technologies made contact possible, but it didn’t feel of the same ‘quality’ person-to-person as before the pandemic. Later, as we began to meet in church again and could more easily visit at hospitals, nursing facilities, and in people’s homes, it felt easier to talk. But in some measure a problem remains. When you add up the pandemic, and the divisions in society (which translate into divisions in churches and families), and the stresses (justified as they are) around issues of racism, violence and poverty, you come to a place where I find men and women of all generations and backgrounds are finding it hard to say how they are, to express it. They’re finding it hard to put into words. And since that’s also true for at least some of the clergy, the importance of being in touch ends up being accented by the difficulty of really connecting in the midst of the storm.”
Rev. Talley believes that it’s vital to
Question
Continued from Page 17
continually check in with his church’s community, as many “have been accustomed to physically attending church and their worship experience has been inside the church building. Now that most of us (including our church) have been forced to have virtual services, some members — especially the senior population — may seem somewhat disconnected from the church as most are not technically savvy to connect to a virtual service or have just become accustomed to meeting in-person.”
“It has been very important for me to check in with my parishioners during COVID,” says the Rev. Jane Willan, author and pastor of the First Congregational Church of Paxton. “I have made it a priority especially to check in with the elderly. I worry about their isolationism — which can be significant in the best of times but was much worse during COVID. I also worried about the young families as they struggled through distance learning. Part of the problem for pastors right now is that visiting in person is very limited. I do not want to bring COVID into any home — especially the elderly. Even though I am vaccinated, it is possible to carry the virus and now Omicron is so highly contagious. Some of my families are simply not having any visitors at all. So phone calls are the only option. I don’t know how other pastors feel, but I feel that I never do enough. And ‘checking in’ during COVID has been one of those things. COVID made everything harder. I tried my best to be there for my church members, but I feel as if it was never enough.”
Putting aside any particular beliefs in politics or religion, it’s kind of easy to lose sight of the fact that politicians, clergy and first responders are actually just people, and these times take a toll on them as much as anyone else.
“It is a hard balance for clergy getting the check-ins and support that they need while being expected to provide that for everybody else,” says Fellman, “and as the pandemic goes on, the level of exhaustion that we’re seeing in health care professionals and teachers and other workers who are deemed essential, the same level of exhaustion we’re seeing in them, is also happening in clergy.”
Etel Haxhiaj. CHRISTINE PETERSON/TELEGRAM & GAZETTE
On to 2022
In addition to asking people, “Are you OK,” we also asked some people another question: “What do you plan to do differently in 2022?”
“Surprisingly, not much,” said MacMillan, saying that sometimes it’s best to just pull things in and take care of your own family, friends and neighbors. “In 2022 I want to keep doing that,” he says. “I want to build those bonds, continue to work on my space and make sure that the ‘foundation’ is solid so that I can build in the future. It all sounds like making lemonade out of lemons, but sometimes (especially in times of crisis) you need to bring everything down to basics, focus on what is truly important and hope for better days.”
As exhausted as most everyone seems to be as we head into the New Year, there’s still, underneath it, a desire to find some purpose in this madness, to somehow grow from the experience.
Music promoter Deborah Beaudry says that, “in 2022 I think I will try trusting the universe again to provide for me … when I have felt at my lowest point there is always something that happens to pull me up and put me where I need to be for the next phase of the adventure, so I guess I will just start trusting that things will happen in their own time. I guess with COVID that’s the only way to do it so, as I’ve already had three vacations and several concerts canceled or postponed, and I’m a little bitter about it sometimes, but again: going with the flow is probably the only course of action here that won’t make my blood pressure rise more.”
Likewise, postal manager and open space volunteer Brittany Legasey says, “I’m going to try to solidify and grow around/into some of the boundaries that I worked hard establishing in 2021. Some are work-related, some are personal, but being able to balance my needs and the needs of others has been a long-term struggle for me.”
Rose is trying to look at the bigger picture for the city, even if he sees problems that still need solving. “In this coming year,” he says, “I hope to do everything in my power to try to bring people together. Between COVID isolation and our news sources decreasing, we have seen an over-reliance on social media as a beacon for opinion. I firmly believe that this media creates an emotional response in people, pulling us apart and creating division. According to some studies, social media is more addictive than cigarettes and alcohol. I want to see us come together on more neighborhood events, more community events, a call to service through volunteerism, and more connections between us all. Of course, I would like these things to happen as safely as we can make possible, given the pandemic.”
It’s a time for resolutions, and Medina says, “I resolve to be more compassionate in 2022. As an activist, I fought a lot of different battles in 2021. The work is rewarding but rough; seeing exploitation and inequities close up, I struggled to find peace. However, I realize that liberation is impossible without a peaceful heart. If I ask others to go out of their way to help the physical, mental or emotional pains of another and themselves, I must lead by example and with compassion.”
In the end, even resolutions find themselves in the shadow of the question, “Are you OK?”
“It depends on the person and the situation,” says Campbell, who says asking yourself that question is an imperative, “because it’s the only way to grow and evaluate our lives. The question is, ‘Are you OK, and if you’re not, why are you still doing what you’re doing?”
