Euphoria and Where She Lies Blair Morilly

Euphoria and Where she Lies

Blair Morilly

Joy. The euphoria that comes from being joyful. These are the things we all strive for in life. Whether that be money, power, sex, influence, experience, it looks different for every person. But rarely we stop and wonder what true joy means, even while we spend all our time striving towards the things we think we want. For me, it was eye-opening to sit back and really indulge myself in what brought me the most excitement and joy. Often when we search for happiness, we are confronted with what makes us unhappy, unfulfilled, and the importance of needing to change. I can understand how hard it is for all of us to authentically and honestly call ourselves joyful. But is it worth pursuing? Is it fulfilling? Life-changing? Absolutely.

For me, euphoria can present herself in many different places. For example, the situations associated with freedom. I remember walking out from the Vancouver airport on New Year’s morning, feeling the most alive and free I have ever felt. I was utterly alone, and definitely felt that way (it wasn’t one of those situations where it was like ‘the city or the landscape kept me company’, it was just me out there), but for the first time,

in that moment, there was no one else in the world that I could rely on but myself. And that’s a pretty rare thing to feel for someone like me. Someone who has lived in the same city her whole life, surrounded by her immediate family and friends. My home and the bubble I grew up in sheltered me, and this was the first time I willingly surpassed my horizons to discover what life was like beyond them. To confront who I really was,

on my own.

And boy did I find what I was looking for. I experienced what it was like to feel lost and afraid. To feel liberated and totally independent. Admittedly though, at times, the loneliness was unbearable. It’s hard to match the feeling of being in a fresh environment, with all this opportunity for new people and new experience and still feeling invisible. But the joy of exploration, of the discovery of self, of facing your fears and throwing yourself into the unknown, trampled those moments of loneliness tenfold. It was the bravest thing I have done so far, and I absolutely loved it. Euphoria visited me many times during those months, and

I was always so glad when she did.

I think euphoria can also arise from the thrill of achievement. Sure, that can mean in a physical sense

like your dream job or body or status. But for me, I like to view achievement as something different. Not necessarily better or worse, but perhaps a little less mainstream. I find I experience true joy through personal, meaningful achievement. From the way my niece looks at me, in what I interpret as complete awe, respect, and love. How she trusts me to look out for her and truly believes that my intentions are geared toward what I think will give her the best tools to use in life. Considering she is only two-years-old, I realise that this is a heck of a lot to assume about someone so small. But when you’re an aunty, you can’t help but get swept up by the love that you have and run away with it for a while. In reality, she probably just looks at me that way to try and convince me to give her that extra piece of chocolate I know she wants. That sounds more legit. But I like my version better.

We all know that euphoria intertwines with love. Perhaps the love you feel for another. Whether that be a new family member that has been brought into this world or the unexpected friendship you stumble upon, that is quickly becoming one of your most important relationships. That freedom of being your authentic self around someone who has never made you doubt for a second who you are and who you want to become. There is no magic potion, no perfectly scripted soliloquy that encapsulates how that feeling physically affects a person. How it affects me. But I would best describe it as warm, buzzing, intoxicating in

the best way possible. Euphoria can very easily do that to you if she tries.

I think there is a lot to be said about the joy that comes from doing what you love. From talking about it with loved ones to going out and letting your heart soar. For me, that’s doing just this. Writing. Creating. Storytelling. Warmth pulsates throughout my entire body whenever I think about it. I get excited at the thought of one day calling myself a published writer, of showing my work or having it read out loud to a crowd of people. Even thinking about having it critiqued, criticised even, makes my heart thump, as I would have produced something that was worthy enough to be read. And that’s the crazy thing about euphoria: she always comes into the room when you need her. Most of the time, she tells the truth.

To create and connect with others is all I am ever going to want to do. And I know that. For me, this right here is what true joy feels like.

Euphoria herself has laid claim to the land that is my heart, and I am forever grateful to her.