Mahalia Stuck

[Stuck]

Mahalia

Trigger Warning: anxiety, depression, eating diorder

Almost two years now I’ve been stuck in a standstill, At the bottom of the sea. While all you perfect people look down and say “How pitiful. I guess I’ll help” But the help is snatched, not real, fake.

Never on my feet Always threatened The threat of forever falling Spiraling towards the ground An ugly collage of anxiety, depression, and screams.

Self hate, I must not be the only one To hate a mirror, Turn sideways and cry. Secretly bury myself in magazines, Envy all the perfect thin bodies, Hiding behind loose clothes So no one has the chance to point and laugh.

Dreams? Far, far, far out of reach.

Resources? Rarely available. The desire to be part of something bigger

Despite feeling so small and insignificant and weak. Stuck at a standstill Stuck in pause, the play button is broken. Shivering, cold inside.

Crying silently Screaming in my heart. “It shouldn’t be this way! Where’s my breakthrough?!”

What do you do when you’re stuck? When help is fake, When mirrors laugh at you, When you don’t know when it’s gonna end.