Mahalia A Place To Love Myself

A Place To Love Myself

Mahalia

[Flowers]

Theseus

A flower blossoms. Letting everyone know that winter is over. Except.. this is not summer? it’s winter still, the other flowers are resting but i cannot sleep again. it is winter and i should not be blooming. what did i do wrong? why cant i fix it? no matter what i do it’s still winter and it will be till it’s not. it’s frustrating and upsetting but i just need to face it, summer is soon, i just need to make it

[quarter glass]

thuy chau

(0:15:00) sand running through a narrow path, a fastidious and eye-catching mystique, teasing its merciless flow, racing to inform me of the possibility, that no one will ever get to see you again.

that i must find you. (0:13:49) i race through the front door, that’s never willing to close without a hard shove and lock, leaving the door ajar for once, and run.

my feet tear away at the gravel and concrete, each contact point giving a quick “hi,” then festering into a passionate war, that my toes begin to curl, and my feet tensing up.

alas i continue running.

(0:05:25) running to the forest, the moon no longer illuminating my journey, obstructed by a thick canopy, leaving me vulnerable in the shade, alone.

my clumsy step around the branches and vines,

i was told that when my glass turned around, i would have to find someone before all the sand fell to the other bulb.

so in a haste i left trying to find you, only i guess in too much of a haste, negligent to read who to find, or where to find you, jumping out to dilly dally in the wrong direction.

now you’ll disappear to thin air, while i walk bearing the weight of your life, because i simply didn’t care enough, to read. the. instructions.

(00:01:01) “are you there?!” i sit screaming in my last despair, unsure of the remaining time, hoping that out of all the places i could’ve gone, this would be the right one.

(00:00:06) only i have come to realize that it was not, sheepishly on the muddy ground, head resting to my knees, i have given up.

whoever you are, i sincerely ap-

colliding with the trees; so many, knees falling so hard it almost cracks the ground, i decide to stop for a minute.

(00:04:16) only that was a foolish idea.

[The Subject]

Tokumei No Sakusha

“Ambassador Visen,’’ the Esin spoke sternly, as I hadn’t responded to her previous telepathic messages. “Yes, Gitaro?” I replied quietly, still focusing on my console. “We have found a subject that is compatible with your neurodynamics,” she informed. Despite it being good news she was hesitant in her words and thoughts. “Good,” I thought simply. “And what is the nature of the subject?” I hoped that it wouldn’t be anyone important, it would cause an uprising in the Terrans that may jeopardize the mission. “A female, age twelve, named Azalea Mizu. she lives in the ‘downtown’ area of Vancouver, Washington State, United States of America,” I looked to her with concern, “Female? Are you sure a female will be biologically compatible enough?” I asked her. “Positive,” she assured. But still she looked at me with a face of hesitance and concern. Although she hid her true emotions from my mind, I could see on her face that she didn’t want to tell me something, but she knew she had to. Her lips parted, “But there is another problem… the father of Azalea Mizu – Tsuyoi Mizu – is a member of the U.S. Military…” I could tell that my loss of confidence made Gitaro feel distraught, her dark fur shined with the movement of her brows and the tufts of fur on her ear tips bounced as her upper ears moved down, and her lower ears turned back; her mane revealed bits of color as its dark pearlescent fibers followed with her head as her snout tilted down. She was nearly mirroring my expression. “What specific branch of the military is he a part of?” I

asked. The culture of the branches were very different from one another, and the threat to our mission would be greater with some parts more than others. I could read that my assistant suddenly felt as though she was underwater, and her uniform was constricting her gills. She loosened the purple collar that indicated her placement in the science division. “Tsuyoi Mizu…” she started hesitantly, indicating to me that this would no doubt be very bad news, “is a member of the E.P.D.D., Earth Perimeter Defense Division. The top secret division was established by Air Force, Space Force, and non-American officers 6 years ago, with the mission to protect Earth from a perceived threat of alien invasion. They have nearly unlimited access to the resources of America, Russia, China, and North Korea, and are completely autonomous,” she said, her voice sounding stern as always but with the undertones of a terrified child.

“I share your concern, Gitaro. No doubt this is a result of the Marfuan incident. Although, I don’t see how they could stand a chance against our ship,” I said, not feeling nearly as much confidence as I was projecting. “Because they have a ship of their own, Ambassador.” My face came to match the fear she displayed on hers, just as she had mirrored my expression earlier. “These people are the only part of the U.S. Military we truly have reason to fear.” I set my paws down from their position on the console to the cold hard gravity plated floor. “So you’re saying we may not survive this mission?” She nodded timidly. “Have you told The Pilot yet?” She shook her head. “Go notify him.” I sighed heavily and audibly, looking around at my undamaged, sleek, white, sterile lab. ‘This could be the last time I see it like this,’ I thought, ‘unmangled.’ The door slid open for my assistant as she followed the lines on the floor, the colors of which would lead her to all parts of the ship. It reminded me how small my lab was. It could only fit four of my fellow Esin at any one time, and some places were

occasionally hard to squeeze through. I looked at the colored lines once again, and I wondered if they lead out or in. My eyes followed the flow of the light coming from the ceiling lamp that illuminated the three biobeds in the center of the room. One of the beds was perfectly Esin-sized, the other only three fourths the length of my body. Fit for an adult human. The beds were conjoined by another in the middle, the same size as the bigger one. The walls of the circular room were lined with control consoles, and a single window showing the wonderful clouds of Neptune. Directly behind the beds were two display screens, one for Azalea’s vitals, and one for mine. “Ambasador Visen, report to the command center immediately,” said an unnatural computerized voice. I assumed that this meant I was to make contact with the Terran family. I gathered my composure, wrapped it all up inside a mask of confidence, and followed the orange lines on the ground to the front of the ship. “You arrived quickly.” The Pilot smiled at me like I was a cub who had made their first Kamoatti1. As if I had a reputation for tardiness, which I don’t.

“Is it time to make contact with Tsuyoi Mizu?” I asked, regretting volunteering to partake in my ridiculous experiment. But unfortunately, I was the only one crazy enough. “Yes,” the Pilot responded, “He has received the request messages and appears to have taken them seriously.” I nodded my head as he said this, indicating my approval. “The two-way U.T. is operational,” he continued. “Everything is ready for you… good luck.” I nodded once again as a sign that I was ready. The viewscreen then displayed the image of a man with jet black hair. As the helm officer filtered through the interference I noticed his olive skin, and slim, blue-green eyes, he wore a wrangled grayish knit tank top. “I am Ambasador Visen, I am here to–”

1 a Kamoatti is a self sculpture that an Esin makes for every year they live since the age of 10

“What do you want with my daughter?” the man abruptly spoke, completely ignoring my introduction. His face was contorted in a scowl. “Straight to the point I see. Well–” “I prefer not to beat around the bush.” His tone sharpened along with his scowl, his eyes glared like guns pointed at my head. “Well, Mr. Mizu, your daughter is the only one who can establish contact between our two races.” I was surprised that he didn’t interrupt a third time. “What does that mean, and why her?” Those questions were as sharp as his eyes that were still gazing into my soul. How could I even begin to explain to him? Those questions were too hard to answer, so I didn’t. “That is none of your concern, sir.” “Like hell it is! She’s my daughter!” he yelled, “And I demand you tell me what this is all about!” His glare was now clouded with a red rage, the color of his strange hemoglobin based blood. It was as if the guns that he pointed at me had been fired. I hoped that the fear I was feeling was not showing on my face, even though I knew he could not see me. All he must have seen was a black blob with a robotic voice demanding he give up his daughter. I couldn’t answer him; it would compromise the mission. I sighed. “I hoped that it wouldn’t come to this, but in the back of my mind I knew it would.” I looked back to The Pilot, whose face was a mask devoid of the fear that I knew he felt. Gitaro however, wore her fear on her sleeve. But something else crept onto her face. Shame. She felt responsible for putting me in this situation. But she had no choice, and neither did I. I took a moment to let a breath pass through my lungs, “We will have to take her by force.” The transmission was cut just as Tsuyoi’s rage was about to fire again. I turned to The Pilot. “I will need my shuttle, and three soldiers,” I demanded. The pilot nodded; he too saw no other course of action. “I’ll have my engineer prepare the Efgimu for departure, as for

the soldiers I’ll send Hufosen, Jiuko, and Wumauro.” I nodded. I knew all those people. Hufosen was a male who preferred to keep all paws on the ground, a bulky physical type. Jiuko was a fierce and talented user of the shield, our genetically enhanced ability to create a physical barrier out of concentrated energy, and they were my main competition back in school. Wumauro was an analytical, tactical woman – she prefered long-ranged weapons. They would do nicely, but I still needed one other person. “I would like to bring Gitaro as well.” “Certainly, Ambassador. I’ll have them meet you in shuttle bay four,” The Pilot said, still with that mask of dissemotion. He was beginning to look like a Yogan. Gitaro and I walked out of the rectangular command room, and followed the white lines on the slate blue floor. She still had a fearful expression on her face, but it was the kind of fearfulness that she wouldn’t let interfere with her mission. The entrance to the shuttle bay opened revealing the wondrous sight of Neptune through the huge open shuttle bay doors, the only thing standing between us and asphyxiation was a force field that we couldn’t even see. Hufosen stood outside the door of the shuttle itself, seeming impatient. Wumauro seemed anxious, but in an excited way. Jiuko was hard to read, they always are. “We must go now. The longer we wait, the more prepared they will be,” scolded Hufosen. He stomped into the shuttle and took his place in the back seat, his dark flowing tail wrapped haphazardly around him. “The same goes for us too, Hufosen. We can’t go in without a plan,” argued Wumauro. She took her place next to him, her pronounced spine plates arched with her back as she sat upright. She tried not to touch her tail to Hufosen’s. Jiuko nodded slightly. “I agree,” they put simply. They sat on the other side of the shuttle, they had always distanced themselves from their fellow Esin. This is what I hated most about them. Gitaro looked at my stoic face. “So, Ambassador, what is 87

Wumaro had the energy rifle. I had done some reading up on the profile Gitaro had made of the Mizu home and family. I gestured to Tsuyoi’s room, where he most likely still is, as it was where he was during our message. “Wumauro, you stun Tsuyoi. If he is not in that room, search the house.” Hofusen had the current ribbon. I pointed to the room of the mother, Daria Volkov Mizu, who was likely still asleep.

our plan?” she asked with a hint of fear in her voice. I thought for a minute, to come up with one. I looked and realized she was once again mirroring my face; she was always doing that. “We will first set a course to Terra,” I replied. “Gitaro?” I prompted her. She nodded and began to set the course. I could feel Wumauro’s glare pierce my cranium like Tsuyoi’s had pierced my soul. She was very fond of plans, and I’m sure my apparent lack of one was frustrating to her. After some petty bickering among the soldiers, we arrived at Terra. “Put us in a polar orbit around their moon, and then we will transport down to the Mizu’s house’s coordinates. You are to stay here, Gitaro,” I ordered. I then turned my focus to the soldiers. They were all sitting somewhat uncomfortably. None of them had any knowledge of Terran ways. “You three will choose a non lethal weapon. We have a tractor pistol, an energy rifle, and a current ribbon,” I stated. That was indeed all we had. A tractor pistol only has three settings; compel, repel, and hold. The typical energy rifle however has twenty-seven, but the one we had can only stun a human. Our current ribbon was intact; its connective fibers were well polarized, the settings work great, but it’s simply hard to use without zapping yourself. The three soldiers scrambled to the weapons that were displayed on a table in the back of the shuttle as Gitaro prepared the transport sequence. I didn’t see what each soldier chose for their weapons but I didn’t care to look. The whoosh of the transportation beam was like a bell that sounded the start of our race. I made sure to keep my voice quiet.

“Hofusen, you make sure the mother doesn’t wake up, if she does, stun her.” Jiuko had the tractor pistol. I pointed to the end of the hallway at the girl’s room. “Jiuko, you and I will get Azalea.”

“Go!” I ordered in a whispery yell. Jiuko and I snuck down the hall. I creaked open the door of Azalea’s bedroom, where she lay sleeping deeply. There were no words between us, they obeyed my nonverbal commands. I had Jiuko place the sleeping girl on my back, and hold her there with the tractor pistol in case she slipped or awoke. The rest of the mission was a blur. All I knew was Jiuko and I got Azalea back to the shuttle, and that was all that mattered. I drifted off to sleep as Gitaro took control. I awoke in my lab. I felt as though I was sharing my space with somebody else, I must have been asleep when it was done. I tried to move but I was restrained by my own precautions. My eyelids felt heavy, I drifted again. I opened my eyes to the lab again, but there were flashing orange lights, frantic nurses, and blaring speakers. I tried to ask why we were in full alert when a touch to my neck put me out again. This time I opened my eyes to see that part of my vision was losing color. I could no longer see ultraviolet light in my left eye, I felt as though I was floating in a stasis tube. Minutes later a jolt made me aware of the fact… … that I was now in Terran hands. My mind wanted to deny, so I closed my eyes once more, and hoped it was all a bad dream like a frightened child. Damn those bipeds. I can only hope that this wasn’t all for naught.

full moon