WorkLIFE August Edition

Worklife August 2018

Are You Still Multitasking?

Neuroleadership says Stop Now

t e e M

Sorry Is Still The Hardest Word 5 Ways To Improve How You Apologise Fake It Till You Make It Is It Hurting Your Career?

Doug Green A man and his dog helping thousands of kids around the world

From From the CEO

A

re you a DOG person?

It doesn’t matter. This month’s feature is about a dog called Shirelle. Or at least it is in principle.

The truth is that it is about a dear, wise, friend of mine, Doug Green. Doug is a psychotherapist who specialises in working with childhood issues. There is a lot that is special about Doug, but what is really unique to Doug, is his love of animals, and the way he incorporates them into his work.

So the story is about his dog Shirelle and what Shirelle taught him about life, love, loss, communication and healing. It’s about what Doug has done with that knowledge and how ‘Shirelle’ has gone on to change the lives of tens of thousands of kids and young people around the world, even after death.

Shirelle passed away many years ago now, but her legacy lives on.

What if I was to tell you that a dog has a website and that she gives advice to thousands of kids? Good advice. Sensible advice. Advice that they wouldn’t listen to anywhere else. That’s what Shirelle.com is, a place where Doug channels ‘Shirelle’ to help kids that normally would not talk to an adult. Yet a dog, a dog is ok, a dog feels safe. Especially a dog like Shirelle.

There are other really good articles in the August edition. All crafted to help people with their WorkLife. See what the emerging field of NeuroLeadership has to say about multitasking, find out how your diet may be making you depressed, and if you haven’t heard of the ‘apology languages’ before, you are in for a treat!

Peter D ia CEO - z Wor Mentakl place H Instituteealth

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And remember to share. We put a lot of work and resources in bringing this magazine to you, let it help as many people as possible.

Talk soon and have a brilliant, mentally wealthy, day.

THE TALE OF THE DOG THAT BECAME THE BEST THERAPIST, EVER!

D

oug Green is not just a deeply caring and kind human being, he has also been an exceptional family therapist for many years, and he credits some of his best work‌ to his dog.

Peter Diaz spoke with Doug about about his life’s work and how his dog Shirelle got involved in it.

And how, in the process, she transitioned from beloved family pet to family dynamics catalyst.

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into his therapy room with him whilst seeing clients.

Upon the commencement of a therapy session, Shirelle would greet the newcomers to the room with the usual inquisitive sniffs and licks of the hand if they were familiar, and then resume her comfortable, well-removed position in the corner of the room behind the clients’ chairs whilst the session commenced.

When asked about his dog, Shirelle, Doug Green lights up and refers to her as “The best therapist, ever!”

He has written about her contributions to family therapy in his book The teachings of Shirelle - Life lessons of a divine knucklehead.

The lessons began through teaching Doug a lot about life on a personal level. He began to notice how much joy and engagement Shirelle was able to extract from every moment.

She was very present in her interactions. Doug recognized that other people were able to notice this particular commitment to the present also, demonstrating Shirelle’s exceptional ability to bear influence upon others.

As Shirelle grew and aged, Green decided to allow her

Making eye contact with him, Shirelle suddenly began to bark loudly and earnestly at the man, with all of the energy of a parent giving a stern talking to their misbehaving children.

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After some time, it became apparent to Doug that Shirelle was able to sense the needs of his clients, and respond in ways that he was not able to do. If someone would get into a stuck place, Shirelle would get up and lay her head down in their lap. As a therapist, Doug jokes that could never do that and keep his licence, but it was a very therapeutic break when Shirelle did it.

Doug recalls one session in particular. He had been working with a young woman and her estranged father. She had done well for herself and her father had reached out to her to try to mend their relationship. Doug’s client was somewhat reticent, and decided to write a letter to her father to express in words some of the pain she had felt growing up, but agreed only to read the letter to her father in a therapy session with Green.

As would normally be the case, Shirelle greeted the woman and her father, then took her place in the back of the room.

The young woman began to read her letter to her father,

whilst he sat beside her on the client couch. It was a difficult process for the young woman, who became quite upset, sobbing quietly as she read, paused, and read her letter aloud.

Doug noticed that the woman’s father listened with restraint, stiffening with discomfort at the claims his daughter was making about her childhood feelings.

His face became terse and flushed, his shoulders and back tensed, as he waited for the letter to come to an end.

“Well, I’m not sure that I agree with every point that you made,” he responded, when she finished.

At this point, Green recalls, the young woman began sobbing even more at his lack of acknowledgement of the neglect she felt as a child.

Doug sat silently to allow the moment to process in the father’s mind, desperately giving him an opportunity to redeem his position as one who was attempting to reestablish a meaningful relationship. The silence, it seemed, was doing little to achieve this outcome.

At that moment, Shirelle, stirring from her position in the corner, stood and slowly paced her way over to stand in front of the young woman’s father. Making eye contact with him, Shirelle suddenly began to bark loudly and earnestly at the man, with all of the energy of a parent giving a stern talking to their misbehaving children.

No snarling, no threat, just

sudden and loud barking, after which she slowly returned to the corner of the room and resumed her spot on her day bed.

“What was that about?” the man asked Green, perplexed and unsettled. Doug casually dismissed the dog’s barking as something that had caught her attention in another other room. Later, the young woman in the session spoke with Doug, and calmly stated that she didn’t think there had been anything in the other room, silently acknowledging what Green also believed – that Shirelle had truly acted as a ‘therapy’ dog in her validation of the young woman’s sense of neglect and disconnection from her father. She had recognized it as Shirelle’s attempt to reach and teach her father, and it had given her a sense of closure, even though it hadn’t been delivered by the party she expected.

After Shirelle passed, her legacy as a therapy dog continued, through the creation of a website called Ask Shirelle (www.askshirelle. com). This site encourages children (but also young adults and parents) to ask questions of Shirelle about ways in which to manage their circumstances and feelings.

In part, the website came about as a means of building a community behind Green’s book, for which he was struggling to find a publisher.

The website has since taken on a life of its own, with questions originating from

children and adults across many countries of the Englishspeaking world. There are writers from the US, Australia, the UK, India, every country in Africa, even Iran.

What is one thing that Green has noticed profoundly in the types of questions Shirelle has received? “For all our differences we are so much alike. The questions that get written in are so alike regardless of origin. Any time that you hear people saying ‘Oh people from there are bad’… oh my God, we are so much alike!”

Green believes that the site’s success is due to the nature of the responses shared. The answers are provided from a dog’s perspective, which is of non-shaming, and of absolute unconditional regard and free from judgement.

What would have been Shirelle’s one thing, that passion she describes in the response to a question on the website?

“I would say, embracing life, at all times. She embraced sleep.

When she slept you could see she would go into it fully, there was nothing else. When she wanted, there was nothing in the way. So it was actually the life, the passion was her thing.

“There was a time she had a nightmare operation (her spleen had exploded with a cancer) and they opened her up and removed the spleen.

She was a very long bodied dog and those stitches went the whole way. I went to the hospital after the operation

If a person is feeling unsure and uncertain or weak and they want to become more powerful, or a boss wants to turn their team into a more powerful team, what do they need to do, Shirelle?

If you don’t feel the power it’s probably because you don’t know your real passion, because if you had found your true passion, it woulºd take you over. We are very good children, and pursuing your passion is not convenient for the family, we need to get to our acceptable passions. I would think there would be activities that a group could do in a seminar or weekly meeting where the goal is to get people to connect to the passion, what they care about most in life. The essence of every character is what they want – every character has a single want – work out what that want is.

and there she was in a cage, she had tons of tubes stuck in her, and doped up and all that, but I was just so glad she was alive I was scared to death, and she looked up, saw me, and ‘Oh good, we’re going home now’ and got up and walked out, pulling all the tubes out.

“This was not good, I want to go home with you, I don’t like this place’. She embraced everything all the time. She certainly loved people and she certainly loved me.”

Doug Green’s book,

The teachings of Shirelle - Life lessons of a divine knucklehead is

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apologise to each other, and we discovered that there were five basic apologies.

“What one person considers to be an apology is not what another person considers to be an apology, so people are really missing each other even though they are trying to apologise.”

Do you recognise your own apology language from the following five that were identified?

’ so “Im

Accept Responsibility I was wrong, I should not have done that.

” … t u B

, y r or S

H

How to apologise so your colleague can forgive you

Author: Alison Skate

ave you ever received an apology that just didn’t feel like an apology? The word ‘sorry’ was used in a sentence, but it didn’t meet your apology needs.

Perhaps this left you feeling frustrated, with lingering disappointment, or perhaps feeling even more annoyed after the apology was delivered than beforehand.

Perhaps you have been the person offering an apology, a sincere one in your mind; regardless, your colleague remained unforgiving and held a grudge.

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For many individuals, all

Dr Jennifer Thomas and Gary Chapman, Baptist Pastor and author of The 5 Love Languages, researched the ways in which people offer apologies, and how they like to have an apology offered to them. Their research resulted in the publication of their book The 5 Apology Languages.

Chapman explains why apologies so often miss their mark.

“For two years we researched the topic to find out how people typically

they want is to hear the words, “I was wrong.” If the apology neglects accepting responsibility for their actions, many will not feel as though the apology was meaningful and sincere.

We are going to make poor decisions that hurt our mates, and we are going to have to admit that we were wrong. For someone who speaks this apology language, if an apology does not admit fault, it is not worth hearing. Chapmans says, “Don’t ever use those two words [I’m sorry] alone.

Tell them what you’re sorry for.”

asking what they would need you to do or say to make things right.

Expressing Regret

attempt to deflect blame and is understood as a sincere commitment to repair and rebuild the relationship.

Genuinely Repent

I’m really sorry, I feel really badly about that.

Make Restitution

I don’t want to do this again, I’ll do things differently in the future.

Chapman explains that expressing regret zeroes in on emotional hurt. It is an admission of guilt and shame for causing pain to another person. For those who listen for “Expressing Regret” apologies, there is no need for explanation or “pay back,” provided the apology is truly sincere. It doesn’t make excuses or

What can I do to make this up to you?

For someone whose primary apology language is making restitutions, no matter how often you say “I’m sorry”, or “I was wrong”, they will never find the apology sincere. You must show strong efforts for making amends. Finding the right way to make this restitution often involves

For some individuals, repentance is the convincing factor in an apology.

People with this apology language will doubt the sincerity of an apology if it is not accompanied by their partner’s desire to modify their behaviour to avoid the situation in the future. One important aspect of genuinely repenting is verbalizing your desire to change.

Your colleague cannot read your mind.

It is important to remember that change is hard. A person must first set goals for their change. After you create realistic goals, then you can start implementing a plan to change.

Request Forgiveness Will you forgive me?

When the apology is offered like this

The interpretation is this

“I’m sorry you’ve decided to feel offended by what I said.”

Not my fault, your choice.

“I’m sorry I didn’t get it finished on time, but I told you I couldn’t access my document.”

Not my fault, you knew about the problem and did nothing to help.

“I’m sorry if I did anything to upset you”.

I’m not acknowledging my specific behaviour; I may not even be aware of what I did.

“I said I’m sorry, but it’s not going to change anything now, is it?”

I’m not going to address this behaviour now or in the future.

Some people want to hear their colleague physically ask for forgiveness. It shows that you realize you’ve done something wrong. Requesting forgiveness is not easy. It often leaves one vulnerable to the fear of rejection. Requesting forgiveness assures your mate that you want to see the relationship fully restored. Requesting forgiveness is not easy. It often leaves one vulnerable to the fear of rejection, demonstrating that you are willing to put the future of the relationship in the hands of the offended individual.

These explanations are excerpts from a report on the author’s 5 Apology Languages. You may have more than one primary apology language, in which case an apology would mean more if all of those elements were incorporated in an apology to you.

You can take the test for yourself at 5lovelanguages.com We suggest encouraging your whole team to learn and share their apology languages.

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3 Weird

S

But Nice Therapies That Actually Work ince the early 1980s we’ve seen, rightly or wrongly, a push to medicalise emotional distress, and we’ve come up with terms like mental health, mental illness and mental disorders in order to provide emotional distress a clout of respectability. And we can argue that it’s worked! We have finally introduced the discussion of what is potentially a fatal suffering into the vernacular.

Hurray us!

Flying in the face of it all, non medical approaches continue to get outstanding results for many and, as we teach in our Mental Health Essentials course, an effective approach to mental health is intrinsically flawed if it doesn’t include the many other approaches that work. I’ve decided to introduce you to some effective approaches that work, but you wouldn’t normally associate as having a therapeutic effect OR you might never have heard about.

Massage Therapy What is it: Surprising, isn’t it? Who would’ve thought? Good old massage.

Any type of massage where you get touched is fine. Apparently touch makes you feel emotionally connected, and it

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New Code NLP What is it: This is probably the weirdest. Although technically not a therapy, but many people are claiming miracle results with this one.

Now, in this one – and you may want to sit down for this - you get to talk to your unconscious.

Relationship Therapy What is it: According to Dr Stephen Gilligan, there’s a whole school of psychology that claims that mental disorders are nested in relationship troubles. That means that, whether you realise it or not, anxiety is based, at some level, on either poor relationships or the threat of a relationship dying. Extreme? Psychologists often are. They have to be, that’s where our psychological demons often reside. So, a good dose of counselling on relationships might do the trick, especially if it’s your romantic relationship that’s on the rocks! Then, consider attending together before it’s too late.

What can you expect: Set up a meeting with a fully qualified psychologist or counsellor and talk about how you are handling your relationships. What’s working, what isn’t, what could be better. If you are not that happy with your romantic partner, (which, by the way, is more common than what Disney would have you believe), OR if your partner is not so happy with you (who would’ve thought, right?), then go together before it is too late and one of you doesn’t care anymore (it happens often, it’s called apathy, and it is the death knell of any relationship - avoid at all costs) Whether you like or dislike this approach, you have to agree that it’s worth consideration, right? is theorised that that’s what causes the mental health benefits. So, it is important that you get touched. In a way that is appropriate for massage, of course. And always safe. The research shows that it significantly helps ameliorate depression.

What can you expect: If you like to be touched, then you’ll have fun with this one. Or at least you’ll get very relaxed.

There are many massage

therapists out there and most do a great job. Find one you connect with and like and apply regularly! Relax into it and enjoy.

What’s the thinking behind it? Well you see, what we are conscious of is about five plus or minus 2 chunks of information, the rest is unconscious.

The unconscious mostly operates without any input from you, yet it is considered to be very wise and effective. Consider your breathing, for example, it does what it wants but it’s pretty effective, right? So, what you and I are aware of is minute and what our conscious part of ourselves comes up with can be a little silly, to say the least. It is said to be lacking in wisdom, even if our ego tries to come up with reasons to make us look wise.

What can you expect: A strange session in which the practitioner helps put you into a mild trance and requests an unconscious signal from your unconscious signalling ‘yes’ and another one for ‘no’. Then a series of questions are asked to help your unconscious stop some unwanted behaviours, i.e., anxiety, from coming up at times when you don’t want them to. Yes, I know, sounds strange too. But many swear by it with some people claiming to have improved their health radically.

There you have it. Three approaches that most people don’t think about that many claim help them. Can you think which one you’d like to try? Or can you think of who else should have this information? Feel free to share, liberally.

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Is your diet making you

depressed?

I

s the modern diet of processed, preserved, emulsified and artificially sweetened food-like products making us a more depressed nation?

Researchers are sharing evidence that the answer is YES. According to the Food and Mood Centre of Deakin University, many common mental health disorders, including major depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety disorders, autism, obsessive compulsive disorder, and attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) are associated with nutrient deficiencies. Essential vitamins, minerals, and omega-3 fatty acids are often deficient in the general population, and are remarkably deficient in patients suffering from mental disorders.

These deficient diets are related to sub-optimal functions in both the brain and the gut. The brain is

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responsible for dosing our central nervous system with certain neurotransmitters that affect mood and sleep, whilst our gut is the manufacturing site that produces a large portion of those neurotransmitters (particularly serotonin). Poor diets have an impact on both the production and the distribution of these neurotransmitters.

Can eating a nutrient rich diet make you happier?

Studies have suggested that specific diets, as well as supplementation of vital nutrients and amino acids, can help support mood and effectively reduce symptoms of mental health disorders, however there is yet to be convincing evidence that a good diet is likely to boost happiness above a ‘normal’ baseline beyond the effects of a short-term dopamine release.

According to Dr Gary Wenk, a Neuroscience Researcher and Professor at Ohio State University, and author of Your Brain on Food, tryptophan is a substance found in most protein-based food and is the precursor to the neurotransmitters associated with mood and sleep (serotonin and melatonin).

Wenk advises that simply consuming more tryptophan (and producing more serotonin) does not guarantee that the

brain’s neurons will release it. If too much serotonin is produced, then the excess is simply discarded.

However, if you eat less tryptophan, your brain generally produces less serotonin, resulting in a negative impact on mood and sleep.

Whilst we have all experienced the short-term boost to mood that can be achieved through foods such as high energy carbohydrates, or dark chocolate, this is not sufficient to improve mood long-term.

In fact, a poor diet may even suppress this response in the brain.

A study published in the journal Neuropsychopharmacology (2014) investigated whether it was possible to deplete the brain’s reward chemical, Dopamine, in humans by restricting access to the amino acid Tyrosine, also found in plant and animal based proteins. Within a few hours the subjects showed a blunted dopamine reaction to rewards known to stimulate this response, and their overall mood was also slightly depressed.

Can a nutrient-rich diet help to prevent mental illness?

Julia J Rucklidge, PhD is a Professor of Clinical Psychology in the Department of Psychology at the University of Canterbury, Christchurch, New Zealand. According to Rucklidge, multiple studies from around the world demonstrate that those who eat a prudent, Mediterranean style diet have a lower likelihood of depression, whilst populations who have a diet high in processed foods have a higher risk of depression. Only one study in the metaanalysis failed to support these findings, but none indicated that the typical Western diet (defined as heavily processed, high in refined grains, sugary drinks, and low in fresh

produce) was effective at promoting positive mental health.

Can high doses of micro-nutrients support recovery from mental illness?

This is an emerging area of research, and to date the results are looking optimistic for the use of high dose micro-nutrients as a complementary means of supporting the recovery process.

Rucklidge has reported clinical trials with micro-nutrients that have shown significant improvement in the recovery figures for ADHD, mood disorders and Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Professor Rucklidge advises that a high-dose of micro-nutrients was administered in the studies, and that most multi-vitamins available at pharmacies and chemists do not contain the tested dose.

Too expensive to eat well?

Many have complained that healthy food is too expensive – from the perspective of money and time. Michael Pollen, author of The Omnivore’s Dilemma, warns against the myth of ‘cheap’ food, claiming that what is saved at the checkout is paid later in physical or mental health issues.

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What Neuroscience Says about

Leaders who

Multitask

A

s leaders, we all know that our time is at a premium, our priorities are endless with expectations increasing.

Not surprisingly, we find ourselves in situations where we’re juggling multiple tasks to keep our heads above water.

We’ve all seen this behavior, in fact some managers wear this as a badge of honor, explaining how well they balance many priorities by multitasking. So, is this really a good thing?

Personal computers were the original logical multitaskers due to their ability

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to perform multiple processes through their CPU at one time. What a great example that humans began to follow, but what effect does going back and forth on tasks have on our personal CPU, the human brain, and at what cost to our productivity, or worse – our health?

Why is multitasking a problem?

The research over a number of years suggests that we reduce our productivity by as much as 40% when multitasking.

Neuroscience experts have now weighed in with research that provides an even more compelling lens, suggesting that the impacts are far greater than productivity issues: •

•

•

A study conducted at the University of Sussex shows that continual multitasking can damage your brain, they found people who multitask to have lower grey matter density in the area of the brain that handles empathy, emotional and cognitive control; The Institute of Psychiatry at the University of London found that multitasking on electronic media can have an impact on your IQ greater than losing a night’s sleep; Further studies have shown that when multitasking, you also lose the ability to store information in your long-term memory, causing learning difficulty.

Why the problem is increasing?

“There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse” Daniel Goleman

Humans love technology, mobile devices are an amazing invention and used effectively, can enrich the human experience. That said, there are ways in which, enticed by our electronic devices and allowing them to hypnotise us, we have fundamentally developed behavior that increases our temptation to multitask.

Technology is evolving so quickly, that it has become difficult to keep up with the

social impacts this is causing.

The misconception as a leader is, that we must be available 24/7, answer questions instantaneously, be the source of all knowledge across our entire business unit…Oh and still be able to think strategically and be on top of our own workload.

How can Neuroscience and Emotional Intelligence (EQ) help?

There is good news, as long as we are prepared to learn more about the science of our emotional intelligence and commit to a new set of behaviors.

Neuroscience shows us the link between the body and the brain.

This means understanding how our brain regulates our body and behaviour. The research shows that effective leaders utilise more parts of the brain that relate to the ability to visualise and strategise.

Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognise, understand and manage our own emotions, along with being able to recognise, understand and influence the emotions of others (Daniel Goleman).

This has been proven to be one of the greatest predictors of leadership success and progressive organisations use this tool to benchmark their leadership capability.

Understanding how Neuroscience and EQ combine, allow us to address our leadership challenges on both logical and emotional levels, meaning we can develop new

behaviours that bypass our poor habits. This is the cornerstone of the emerging ‘Neuroleadership’.

What strategies can help to avoid multitasking?

Drawing from the research and our experience, the following strategies can build resilience against multitasking.

1. Time = Money

When we respect our time the way we do money, we begin to spend it wisely. If I have $50 and the two things I want cost $50 each, I can’t have them both today, I must make a decision about what’s more important, right now. It’s the same with my time, if I have two tasks that will take an hour each to complete and I have only 1 hour, then I need to decide which is most important, right now. This approach not only improves productivity, but trains our brain to be decisive and to prioritise.

How to focus your time: • •

•

Be clear on your goals, know your priorities and your teams; Make a list of your high payoff activities, these are the top 5 or 6 things that will give you the biggest bang for your buck in your day; Get the 2 minute tasks done first e.g., Book the car in for it’s service, so that you can work without distraction on what’s important.

2. Manage Interruptions = Educate your stakeholders There is an expectation that as leaders we’re always ‘approachable’, yet when this motivates our people to Worklife | August 2018

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unexpectedly turn up at our door with non-urgent requests this becomes a problem. Educating your people to protect their own time as much as yours is imperative.

Consistently being a model of excellence with this behavior will help your people develop unconscious habits that promote positive productivity and in turn develop a culture of excellence.

distractions and focus on the present your brain creates a positive chemical reaction that makes you feel good. Reward yourself at the end with a quick hit of your Social Media and then become focused on your next activity.

The quick fix: • •

How to manage your time: •

•

•

Schedule time with yourself in your calendar and commit to completing your work Turn off your email popups and sound on your computer.

Be disciplined when checking emails and do this at certain times of the day. Make sure your team knows this is how you operate Remove the distraction of your mobile phone when working on a specific activity.

3. Turn FOMO into JOMO Our effectiveness diminishes significantly when we split time between a task and checking-in with our social life on Facebook or Instagram. We are motivated by our Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO). Try switching your thinking to the Joy Of Missing Out (JOMO). The JOMO movement is all about shifting a negative state of mind (fear) to a positive state of mind (joy). When you reduce

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•

Put your phone in the drawer, on silent, with no vibration; If you can’t remove your phone from sight, turn off screen/banner popup notifications when you are working; Give yourself small rewards and check after an hour if you really have to.

4. Delegate, Automate or Dump When you can automate a task, create a ritual for something to be done at a certain time, or give the task to someone who has the capability to complete it at a lower cost, this reduces your brain’s ‘decision fatigue’. Be careful though, as author Tim Ferris says “Never automate something that can be eliminated and never delegate something that can be automated or streamlined.”

•

•

Determine what can be automated. For example, do you send similar emails every day? Create templates saved in your email client to save you time.

What tasks should you make redundant because they don’t add value?

Changing how we operate takes discipline.

Understanding how our brain is motivated to avoid a consequence or gain pleasure is the key to developing positive emotional triggers that assist us in changing the small details that will lead us to achieving those big outcomes we all seek.

Multitasking avoidance is only one example of how the science of ‘Neuroleadership’ can assist you in achieving your outcomes in less time more easily.

For more information on how you or your business can benefit from our expertise and programs, contact WMHI for a free conversation.

What to consider: •

Review your workload and determine what can be delegated. Using the four levels of delegation will ensure the person you delegate to has the skills and awareness to complete the assigned task appropriately

Author: Kylie Mamouney has been coaching corporates for the past 20 years, and is an expert in the science of Neuroleadership.

Contact Kylie at admin@wmhi.com.au

In business, do you fake it ‘til you make it?

D

o you believe in the ‘fake it until you make it” concept?

There are so many people faking it and making it out in the world. Hey, I was one of them. But, you know what, there was always this part of me that thought someone would someday find out I was being a fraud. I couldn’t enjoy what I had, because I was always waiting for something to go wrong. It took a long time to actually believe I was good enough.

This feeling of not being good enough is apparent in so many people. They are unhappy because fundamentally they don’t believe in themselves.

I was a real ‘fake it ‘til you make it’ type girl. We are encouraged to do this in the business world. “Say yes and then figure it out!” How

many times have I heard that. You just end up anxious and stressed and feel like you’re living a lie. You have this nagging feeling that somehow, someone is going to find out that you really don’t know what you’re doing.

Do you know what I have found as my litmus test as to whether someone is genuine or not? I look at their relationships. Do they have healthy relationships?

Can they put their family before their business? Do they treat their partner with respect and cherish their connection? This has been so eye opening for me. I have watched many a so called expert touting how to live your life and be a success in business, to find out later that they weren’t able to keep their significant relationship together. Now I know it takes two to make a relationship work, but I usually see that it is ego that gets in the way, to make up for the subconscious belief they’re not good enough. So, what do they do? They end up sabotaging their life.

To overcome this ultimate career sabotage, you must believe in yourself, like yourself, and feel good about yourself. You absolutely must remove those beliefs that

make you doubt yourself.

You then have what Marisa Peer refers to as Ultimate Confidence – the kind that is permanent and effortless and becomes part of who you are. Marisa Peer was named Britain’s best therapist

by Tatler magazine, Marisa has spent nearly three decades treating a client list that includes international superstars, CEOs, Royalty, and Olympic athletes. She has developed a type of hypnotherapy called Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT).

If you can relate to this and would like to achieve ultimate confidence, Please contact me and I will be happy to help.

Author: Sue Paton is a respected lecturer in psychotherapy, a certified Rapid Transformational Therapy practitioner and can help you remove those limiting beliefs that are holding you back in both life and business

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