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FROM FROM THE CEO
WELCOME to our last issue of WorkLife for 2018. Can you believe it’s almost the end of the year already? Unbelievable! it seems like yesterday that I was writing to you to wish you a happy and prosperous 2018. But it’s already December and we are just a couple of weeks away from the New Year. How are your holiday plans coming along? Although it can be an exciting and loving season, sadly, for many, it’s also the Stress Season. I know because it’s the busiest time of year for our mental health professionals, therapists and coaches. For many of our clients, the busy-ness of trying to get everything wrapped up by an end -of-year deadline, the financial stretch that comes with gift giving or travel, family issues, or loneliness can all make it a difficult time. So with that in mind I want to offer a reminder to ‘Do unto others as you’d like them to do to you’. We need to be able to look after each other, it makes for a strong society. It’s also great advice to drive good mental health. For everyone. You see, we now know that often people with a mental health problem suffer from a sense of low status. In other words, they feel that they are of little consequence or importance to others. That’s a shame, isn’t it. Because a lot of the people who feel that way, are people who we actually hold very dear to us. But they don’t know it. They can’t feel it. So what can we do? Simple, tell them. When was the last time you took the time, intentionally, to show others how important they are to you? Do so, please, this in itself could have a healing effect on others and on your relationship with them.
Peter D ia CEO - z Wor Mentakl place H Instituteealth
If you yourself are going through a distressing and confusing time, we encourage you to take advantage of the coming season and focus on giving. Please, give yourself a gift, and resolve to make others people’s day a little better. It may be a smile, a hello or even a text of appreciation to someone you may have taken for granted. And let all of it fill your heart, and experience it’s healing effect for you also. Of course, I’m not saying that all mental health issues can be solved simply by love. I’m not. But if it heals just a little, just like the research shows, it does, then won’t it have been worth it? Maybe you can even share this special issue of WorkLife? What you will find in this issue: - From Bad Boy to Wiser Man, the Mel Gibson story and what we can learn. - Is your Workplace Ready for Christmas? - The Art of Accountability Leadership - Christmas Nutrition for Maximum Energy - Grudges that won’t budge I’d love to hear what you thought. Have a mentally healthy day!
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Author: Peter Diaz
n o s b i G Mel
mption The Road To Rede
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Not many people on the planet have not heard of actor and director Mel Gibson or seen one of his movies. Love him or hate him, he is a household name, an iconic figure. Through his art and storytelling, Mel Gibson continues to have an impact on the world we live in. Born in New York, Mel moved to Australia when he was 12. He studied at NIDA, and shot to fame starring in Peter Weir’s film, Gallipoli. Since then, he’s acted in blockbuster films like Mad Max, Lethal Weapon, The Patriot, What Women Want, and many others. As a Director and Producer, he is most well known for his movie Braveheart, which won a Golden Globe Award and two Academy Awards. But, despite all the success, Mel has had some very public demons. He has received some well earned criticism over the years. There was controversy over The Passion of the Christ, and Apocalypto, films which he directed and produced. At the same time, he was separating from his wife of 26 years, with whom he has seven children. In an attempt to cope with stress, Mel did what so many people do, and turned to alcohol. That was his undoing. So when I had the chance to meet with Mel recently in Orange County, California, I wasn’t sure what to expect. On the one hand I don’t condone his behaviour, on the other hand, for how long do we punish a person for their mistakes? I believe in recovery, compassion and in forgiveness. Life is rarely black and white. We all have strengths and weaknesses. Plus, you can’t trust everything you read in the media, so I was keen to find out for myself.
ON DEALING WITH ADVERSITY A lot of people seem to bring up your past. How do you handle the mistakes you’ve made? You own them, to begin with. You own your mistakes. And you pay for them. And you realise that they have repercussions. You can hurt people, hurt their feelings. I’ve paid for them, I’ve done the work. For me, it all stems from alcohol, which is like career death. Some people drink, I can’t. So I figured that out. I was a victim of the old demon alcohol for a long time. I’m an alcoholic. I don’t drink anymore…
Once you learn to live without that crutch, life is quite a beautiful thing and the beautiful thing about not doing it is, it’s better on the other side. Once you learn to live without that crutch, life is quite a beautiful thing.
What is your best advice for people facing adversity to successfully overcome them? It is tricky. You really have to uncover your stuff. Learn from it, and try to make yourself better. But the other thing is just to move on and not beat yourself up too much, because other people will do it for you anyway. There was a while back I couldn’t get out of bed, depression, and who knows. All kinds of things come to affect you. But it passes. Everything passes. I mean I had a rough decade, but I always just kept going. Just keep waking up. And keep breathing. That’s a good policy - wake up every morning even if you don’t want to.
ON FEAR and COURAGE You’ve taken some big risks at different stages in your career, and faced fear. What advice do you have for people who may be afraid to chase their potential? I tell my kids that ‘the worst thing you can do is fall on your face and fail, so what? Try again.’ Step up to the plate no matter how terrifying. One of my greatest fears is public speaking. At school I stayed at the back of the room and was pretty quiet, but going to acting school allowed me a place to express myself and face the great possibility of failing. Everyone failed. So I was asked to speak and I was terrified but I would do it. And gradually when you’re still breathing and you survive afterwards. WORKLIFE | DECEMBER 2018
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Wake up every morning even if you don’t want to You may make a fool of yourself. I was taught that early on in my acting career - that I would fail, and I did fail a lot. So I became calloused to constructive criticism and hardened up a bit. And when you just keep facing them, you find out they’re mostly just paper tigers.
ON SUCCESS Mel, what are the secrets to success? Try to pursue excellence. I didn’t start out thinking ‘Gee I’m gonna be [successful]…but of course you want to be successful at whatever you walk up to. You walk up to the plate and swing. But I understood from an early time, that I just needed to be really good at what I did. But I don’t consider myself a great actor. I’m ok, I get by. I prefer directing. The whole storytelling craft is my expertise.
Were you driven by money? No. I just wasn’t. I was raised with 10 brothers and sisters, and my family wasn’t wealthy.
There were financial difficulties but they never complained. I asked my Dad and he said it doesn’t matter what you make, because whatever it is you’ll live to just beyond your means. So I always took that into consideration when I was making one thing as a student, on $100 a month, to pay rent, food and carfare, tuition, everything. It was difficult. But I thought it was a king’s ransom.
So what do you think got you to where you are today? Get really good help. People who have strengths that you do not. Like I have a business partner who I’ve known since I was 24 years old, this guy in Australia and I. And he just knows stuff and I’ve learned from him cause it’s kinda rubbed off. I’ve had some incredible mentors, and some of the best people are really brutal in terms of constructive criticism. They are able to get to the heart of things pretty quick. I had a teacher when I was young and she was really tough, but it made you want to please her, so she was great.
ON WORK/LIFE How do you manage your time with your work and family? It’s not easily done. It’s a real juggling match and you have look at your life and actually sit down and think about it. Slice it up like a pie. Apportion time. Make an effort to keep all these things in motion and mean something. Because it’s your life. I remember one time my wife was saying ‘but you’re gonna be away!’ and I thought ‘she’s right, we don’t have a life if I’m off in north Africa working’, so I had to actually let things go that I wanted to do badly. And I said “OK. I don’t want to be The Gladiator”. You let jobs go that you really want for your family. I’m happy I made those decisions, really happy! So in a way you’re robbing from both sides. Then we took a picture together, which was a nice experience. As time has gone by, the more I think about it, Mel Gibson has done things wrong. Especially under the influence of alcohol. But he seems to have done what he needed to do to correct his life. What do you think? Do we use compassion here? I think so.
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Ready for Christmas?” At this time of year many organisations are in wind down mode with people planning to take leave around school and public holidays. Whether your staff is staying at work or taking holidays, here are some tips to use the next few weeks more effectively and avoid some missteps.
steps to identify and reduce potential risks to employees extends to after-hours functions. Since the consumption of alcohol is likely in these functions, the usual rules around acceptable behaviours should be re-stated at this time.
Planning
Don’t serve alcohol without making food and non-alcoholic drinks available. If someone does become intoxicated you may need to step in to intervene. Designate someone to keep an eye on this.
At this time, it’s reasonable to assume that many may be feeling a sense of urgency to get projects finished and many may be going on leave. This is a time where you will need proper preparation and clear delegation to avoid unnecessary problems later. If you are a manager, and workloads naturally diminish in your workplace, it might be a good time to remind people who have a lot of accumulated leave to take some time off. Some workplaces will need to function through the holiday season (and for those in emergency services, may get even busier). If this is the case, think about fair access to leave and the provision of overtime. Communicate what is expected of those who are still working and any changes that need to be put in place to cope with increases or decreases in workloads. Allow for some additional flexibility. If service levels are to be reduced or wait times are likely to increase, don’t forget to communicate this to clients. If you have a gift giving custom at work, remember that many cultures don’t celebrate Christmas so gift buying should not be forced on anyone. If you are in a workplace where people chose to participate, some guidelines around what is appropriate can be useful.
A Word on Office Parties
Just because an event is conducted ‘off-site’ also doesn’t mean normal workplace policies relating to bullying, discrimination and sexual harassment don’t apply. The danger of questionable social media posts can also be minimised by ensuring everyone is reminded of your policy here. If you are having an event out of town or where people will have to commute, think about organising transport options for staff whether that’s minibus, taxi, Uber or car-pooling. If you are working in HR note that not taking action on legitimate complaints promptly can have negative consequences so know the policy and act on any complaints swiftly. Author: James Judge
James Judge is the Director of Australian Human Resources Professionals, and Adjunct Associate Professor at the University of Canberra. Contact James: admin@wmhi. com.au
An employer’s duty of care to take reasonable WORKLIFE | DECEMBER 2018
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The Fight Before
Christmas Author: Alison Skate
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“I’ve just got seven things left on my list that I have to tick off before your family arrives tomorrow. The trampoline needs to be put together tonight after the kids go to bed, the seafood has to be picked up from the docks – make sure you’re there nice and early please and choose the freshest looking prawns, oh and don’t forget to pick up ice – most of the presents are wrapped and in the big trunk in the garden shed, which I will need to bring inside tonight, but I still have Aaron’s and Emily’s gifts to wrap. I need to vacuum at some point, and then I can go to bed before the kids are up at who knows what hour this year. Remind me, please, to take the wine out of the beer fridge. Did you put the spare mattress in the kid’s play room for your brother?” “I’ll do it tomorrow.” Sigh “Honey, if it isn’t done now I don’t know when I’m going to find time to put on the linen before everyone arrives.” “Babe, I don’t know why you always go to so much trouble, it doesn’t really matter whether there are sheets on the bed. He’s a grown man, he can put them on himself. Can’t we just chill and have a relaxing time at Christmas for once?” Silence. Resentment. Impatience.
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Have you ever heard this conversation, or been a part of it? For a lot of people, mostly adults, Christmas is not a time of excitement, joy, connection and family, despite intentions and efforts. Paradoxically, the more we set intentions and put effort into this occasion, the more stressful it can become. The misalignment between what we envision and the reality, or what we want and what other family members are hoping for, can create bottled up frustration, ready to explode. Planning and compassionate discussion regarding the more common issues in the lead up to Christmas (or any family oriented gathering where pressure is typically high) can help to address some of the challenges openly before they reach boiling point.
Financial Constraints Marketing teams employed by consumer brands are exceptionally good at associating their products with joyful, cohesive and loving families. This emotional manipulation may influence some householders more than others, creating a mismatch in what budget is necessary to achieve a ‘happy’ Christmas. The earlier this topic is discussed, the more likely it is that all parties involved will be able to find a middle-ground.
ways that parents and step-parents are raising families. Early planning and compassionate discussion play a part in this challenge, too. Establish the schedule as early as possible to allow families to arrange travel, accommodation and other expenses. Ask your children and step children about their preferred arrangements to let them have a voice in the process where flexibility is possible. Co-operative parenting requires a lot of communication, so be willing to ask for some boundaries to be observed in the gift-giving stakes.
Warring Parties When there is tension between family members throughout the year, it’s unlikely that Christmas would be any different without some careful preparations. There are a number of ways to keep the pressure to a low simmer, instead of a raging boil. Sometimes the best way of keeping the peace is to keep those who don’t get along apart for much of the time. Consider a progressive celebration – lunch with some of the family, Christmas dinner with another branch, perhaps even a Christmas eve celebration with others.
Cap the amount of alcohol available, and try Plan in January? Absolutely! Budget a fraction to offer non-alcoholic drinks before the meal of the costs each week all year to save for a is served. It’s not often that we would drink gourmet family lunch with all the trimmings, a beer or wine before lunch at other times of napkins, new glass-ware – as long as it is within the year. Why change that on Christmas day, the budget that has been agreed upon. Once particularly as alcohol so quickly removes the the budget has been established, honour the social inhibitions that keep us behaving more agreement by not going over it, or trying to use appropriately? it for other expenses unless there is no other option. Plan for post-lunch activity, like back-yard cricket, frisbee, a splash in the pool, or board Gifts are another area where emotionally games. Keeping guests engaged in enjoyable driven purchases can create financial pressure. (perhaps non-competitive) activities and games Consider gifting experiences and your time, like can be a good way of bringing people together vouchers for fishing excursions, teaching a craft for a while without the burden of their history that others have admired, or bottling up your or grudges. famous spicy tomato chutney for gifts. Perhaps most importantly, try to maintain some Blended Family Christmas perspective on the day’s events. Acceptance of others (and ourselves), with our flaws and Festive occasions are not the time to be scoring differences, is one of the kindest gifts we could political points, or challenging the different ever give. WORKLIFE | DECEMBER 2018
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LOOKING THROUGH THE ACCOUNTABILITY LENS
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A senior executive I was recently coaching was sharing her frustration in having to chase her people for work that she’d delegated, she was of the belief that her people didn’t share her sense of urgency and she was beginning to question their capability. As we dug a little deeper, it became evident that the way in which she was delegating or ‘hand-balling’ these tasks was potentially setting her people up for failure and was ultimately creating dissatisfaction across the team and lowering morale. So, the first question I had my coachee ask herself was ‘What is it that I am or am not doing that is contributing to this problem?’. We’ve all been there, when we’re ‘busy being busy’ we can overlook the power of holding our mirror up and reflecting on how our own behaviour may be impacting our peoples’ ability to achieve the outcomes we require. So, we looked at the structure of how she was approaching
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her delegation and asked the following questions. Am I delegating in a planned and constructive way or am I hand-balling and hoping for the best? Am I delegating the appropriate task to the appropriate person in my team? Is there clarity around accountability and success measures? As a result, we identified an approach that supported individuals’ capability and empowered them to take ownership so that she could get on with leading rather than chasing. Here are the 5 things we implemented.
1. Planning Take a moment (and sometimes that’s all you need) to determine what’s the outcome that needs to be achieved, by when and by whom…and then work backwards.
2. Determine the most appropriate person for the task Ensure that you’ve checked in with your unconscious bias when delegating, in my experience leaders frequently delegate to the team members they know will achieve the result in the way they want. The problem with this is that it can be viewed as favouritism, a lack of trust or even low commitment to authentic relationships in the team, let alone the stress from an increased workload of the trusted few.
3. Commitment to success measures All too often we finish with handing the task over and this is where it ends, frustration is ultimately imminent when this is the case. Make sure that you both know ownership has been handed over to the delegate, clear agreement frames have been created and be sure they know the task is now their responsibility and that they are committed to reporting ‘up’ to you rather than you having to chase. Be mindful to not accept superficial commitment sometimes we have our ‘happy ears’ on and believe that people will do what they say. Gaining full commitment by ensuring the delegate is responsible for creating the timelines within your expectations is the key to both your success and that they are crystal clear that if they run into trouble or need further information that it’s their responsibility to communicate with you in a timely manner.
4. Set your people up for success Make sure that you have awareness around how your team are moving towards the delegated outcomes and lead accordingly. Empower them positively so that they feel motivated to be successful, potentially even innovative. Make sure you have ‘subtle’ touch points along the way with enough time to ensure you can mitigate any problems should you need too.
5. Don’t rescue Leaders can often find themselves recuing when
deadlines get pushed and end up completing unfinished delegated tasks for members of their team. From a leadership perspective this may be a lack of confidence in having difficult conversations, holding people to deadlines or perhaps the late realisation the team member isn’t yet competent at the task and it becomes easier to do it yourself, which ultimately disempowers your people. At this moment you need to check-in with we call having a ‘need for approval or the need to be liked’. Ensure you are in the right mindset to approach each situation so that the development of your team member is front of mind, ask them great questions about the task, rather than bailing them out. These actions in essence are part of a situational leadership approach to motivating and leading your team, where some people, depending on their capability and commitment to a task, require different levels of guidance from you. So next time you feel frustrated that your people aren’t delivering what you want, hold the mirror up and see what you can potentially change to get a different and potentially better result.
Kylie Mamouney is a corporate coach with 20 years’ experience, specialising in Neuroleadership. Contact Kylie: admin@wmhi.com.au WORKLIFE | DECEMBER 2018
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Surviving Christmas with your health intact
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For many people, Christmas is a time to gather with family and friends to relax, exchange gifts, eat pudding and drink just a little too much cheer. This is a time when our day to day routine can drastically change. We find ourselves neglecting the routines we have established throughout the year that keep us physically and emotionally resilient.
Mathew Skate, a fitness trainer and nutrition coach for the past 16 years, and Alison Skate, Workplace Mental Health Expert, provide tips to navigate the challenges without missing out on the cheer.
Sleep Disruption Mat says: Sleep is one of the best things you can do to assist the body to repair after
vigorous exercise and maintain a long-term wellness plan. Put personal boundaries in place to ensure you are in bed, without television or other screens as a distraction, for at least seven hours of rest. Alison says: Christmas parties, travel, and the inevitable 5am start on Christmas day for those with young children, are all likely to negatively impact on the amount and quality of sleep you get at this time of the year. Sleep plays an important function in mental and physical health, particularly the deep sleep stage that we tend to experience between 2am and 4am. Things to avoid in the two hours before going to bed to enhance the quality of your sleep include alcohol and bluescreen devices like laptops and phones.
Exercise Motivation Mat says: It’s easy to fall off the exercise wagon during the festive season. With so many things going on, plan your days to include consistent exercise. It’s OK to do a little bit less exercise, but remain consistent. For example, if you normally exercise four times per week, even two sessions per week will help you maintain your general fitness. Alison says: Exercise plays an important role in your mental health – both from the perspective of resilience and recovery. Engaging in light to moderate exercise (whether it is sneaking away from the extended family to get to the gym or just taking a walk after dinner) maintains a buffer zone that allows you to enjoy this
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time of year, and not become the Christmas Grinch.
Indulgence Mat says: Overindulging is the deal breaker when it comes to maintaining a healthy weight; Christmas calories always seem to be far greater than any other time of year. Drink lots of water to avoid confusing the feelings of dehydration with hunger. By all means, enjoy some of the festive foods, but select small portions to enjoy a ‘taste’ without filling up.
an opportunity to connect whilst engaging in activities that will get your endorphins flowing, ensuring that the activity is not only healthy but also a good way to create family bonds. Remember to enjoy some ‘me time’ too. Alison says: Family dynamics are created long before Christmas day, so there is often an expectation of judgement or disapproval before the door bell is even pressed. There is no personal growth in seeking ‘approval’, but finding a sense of ‘acceptance’ can be the greatest gift you’ll ever give yourself at Christmas. And that goes in all directions –acceptance of others, acceptance of how they see you, acceptance of who they may once have been and who they may become. We don’t have to approve of another person’s behaviours or choices to be able to accept them. And above all, accept yourself; give yourself a break, you’re doing the best you can.
Alison says: Over-indulgence can cost more than a couple of extra kilos. Christmas is a time to enjoy the company you’re with, and limiting the consumption of alcohol may be a necessary part of ensuring everyone enjoys the day. Provide a range of non-alcoholic drinks that still feel special – sparkling juice, quality tonic water, or mocktails can help people feel included without These are your four Christmas wellness tips in a the intoxication. Jugs of iced water encourage nutshell – sleep well, move often, eat and drink everyone to alternate water with alcoholic drinks. mindfully, and relate non-judgementally.
Family Friction
Mathew Skate is a Fitness, Strength and Metabolic Nutrition consultant in Brisbane, Queensland. Alison Skate is a Workplace Mental Health Expert. The two Mat says: When extended family are gathered, have been supporting mind and body health for a the walls can seem a little closer than normal. To create space plan some family-friendly activities. combined total of nearly five decades. Contact Alison or Bike rides, beach visits, and bush walks all provide Mathew: admin@wmhi.com.au WORKLIFE | DECEMBER 2018
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GRUDGES THAT WON’T BUDGE
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It was your idea, but someone else falsely claimed it as their own. A colleague has been promoted ahead of you, even though they have been with the company for far less time. A co-worker is dragging their heels on a joint project and you keep picking up the slack. Whether fair or unfair, justified or not, sometimes we just hold a grudge against someone in the workplace – and not to our own benefit. Here are four actions to release the burden of a grudge that won’t budge.
Address the concerns directly Grudges are the silent predator, constantly filtering experiences with the aim to provide
address it, the more likely it is that your evidence will make this challenging. Prepare yourself for a conversation (not a verbal standoff!) with the other person, and approach it with the intention of reconnecting with a new understanding. There may be information that is unknown to you that will only come to light once discussed without prejudice. Also, accept that there may not be a satisfactory outcome – and that you may have to release the grudge without an apology or acknowledgement of any kind from the other person.
Assess the cost to you Some people are jerks. Why should you let that cause you any pain? When we hold a grudge – even if there is a good reason to feel wronged – we replay the story over and over in our minds each time we interact with that person. This in turn releases adrenaline and cortisol as we recreate the experience neurologically. We experience the wrong-doing repeatedly both neurologically and emotionally when we hold a grudge and this response, over time, can lead to other behavioural and physiological changes that are unlikely to be in your best interest.
Consider the gains Consider what you can learn from the experience that has caused the grudge – how are you now wiser, more prepared, or more experienced as a result? Silently thank your colleague for showing you the strengths you’ve developed.
Give yourself a break
further evidence that you’ve been wronged, or that someone meets the characteristics that you’ve ascribed to them. The longer you wait to
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Consider how much of your mental and physical energy is being directed towards keeping this grudge. What if you could channel that energy and focus towards your projects at work, or in building other collegiate networks? It’s not about getting even, or even leveling the score, it’s about giving yourself the gift of walking away from a battle – that probably only exists within you.
