WORKLIFE February 2019
SIMPLY FABULOUS
14 sure fire tips that put feeling great well within your reach
READY, SET, FIRE!
Proven goal setting strategies to help you get the most out of your day
ARE YOU A CLOSET HOARDER?
We show you how decluttering boosts your mood and mental clarity
WHAT IF HE DOESN’T WANT HELP? Practical advice on what to do when people refuse help
DR PHIL MCGRAW
The Links between Social Media, Narcissism and Self Injury
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FROM FROM THE CEO
Many years ago now, I read something in a book that both annoyed me no end and changed the course of my life. The book was by Dr Phil and the quote was ‘you teach people how to treat you’. I still remember that because I knew it was true, I had taught people how to treat me and I didn’t like how they were treating me! But that wasn’t what annoyed me. What annoyed me is that, even though I could recognise it as ‘true’ it went against many of my closely held values at the time. It was time to make a choice for living a life of truth over one of delusion. This is still a key element if people’s long term happiness. Are they willing and committed to live a life of truth? to face the uncomfortable, annoying, inconvenient realities. Let me tell you, it’s not easy. And it takes a lot of practice and failing before it gets easier. It’s worth it though. One of the problems we must address, all of us together, is this obsession with being right, it’s hurting us as people, as individuals, as workplaces. But, again, as Dr Phil says ‘opinions are like assess, everybody’s got one!’. We are very pleased to be featuring Dr Phil on our cover this month. Our very own Lori Vann, the Workplace Mental Health Institute’s specialist in Texas, USA, caught up with Dr Phil and has shared with us what she learnt. I’m sure you’ll enjoy that. What other juicy morsels will you find in this month’s edition?
Peter D ia CEO - z Wor Mentakl place H Instituteealth
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- How to know if you are ready to work from home - What to do if people won’t get help (and you know they need it) - What the clutter in your home says about you - 14 fun was to stop feeling flat fast As always, we know you’ll enjoy this month’s edition and, if there’s a topic you’d like us to write about, please let us know. Have a mentally healthy day!
self-injury has had a dramatic increase in the last 10 years. Why do you think that is, and how do we start to develop a strategy to start decreasing the number of incidents?” “You know, I think it’s because of anxiety, and I think we have become a very, um, frankly narcissistic generation. I mean, with the advent of the internet, oh my God, people think they have to have an audience when they’re brushing their teeth! Really, look at Instagram and Youtube. The stuff people put on there, I mean, they’re opening a can of dog food and it’s on Instagram. Really!?” What McGraw says certainly rings true. The advent of iPhones, iTunes, and iPods
DR PHIL
The Dark Side of Social Media
D Author: Lori Vann
Dr Phil McGraw, more commonly known as ‘Dr Phil’, is one of the world’s best known psychologists. Dr Phil rose to fame by being Oprah’s therapist and appearing on the Oprah show talking about various psychology-related issues. His down-to-earth approach to psychology and direct communication has endeared him to millions. Lori Vann, the Workplace Mental Health Institute’s workplace specialist in Texas, USA, met up with Dr Phil recently. Dr. Phil and Lori have several things in common:
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they are both from Texas; they both have worked with some challenging counseling cases; and they also share a passion for addressing the alarming rise in Non-suicidal Selfinjury (NSSI) cases and suicide attempts. Dr Phil shared his ideas on the impact of social media on self-worth. Here is an excerpt from their meeting: “Dr Phil, you have worked with a wide variety of people over the years.” “I’ll say!” (chuckles) “It’s no secret that non-suicidal
placed the focus on an “I” or, more accurately, a “me, me, me,” world mentality. Advertising convinces us that the world revolves around each of us. It is as if we have regressed back to a toddler state where we only see the world as circling around us instead of seeing ourselves as part of the circle. So how does McGraw think this is impacting on the spectrum of mental health, and more specifically, anxiety? “So what happens is, they look at how many likes they got and if they don’t have a
lot of likes they get anxious and they feel rejected. So they’re measuring their selfworth as a function of how well they’re playing on social media platforms, and before they weren’t getting such instantaneous feedback. “Right now, it’s like all of a sudden, everybody’s paper is graded every day instantly. That wasn’t happening before, and now they’re getting instantaneous feedback and often times it’s not positive. And when it is positive, they get an artificial high, and when it’s not they go really down and they get frustrated. They don’t know how to cope with it, they don’t know how to change it. “So we see cutting behaviour and we see things like that, and when I talk to them, and I drill down with it, I find out that
they’re getting cyber-bullied, they’re feeling rejected on the internet.” The lack of social response and endorsement seems like a relatively new phenomenon, with the advent of the internet being a facilitator. But McGraw sees it from a more longitudinal perspective.
letters a day – and it is riddled with exactly what I am telling you right now. And that is such a good question, I’m so glad you asked that, in fact I’d like to speak with you about that some more – I’ll be in touch.”
“They’re feeling like they just don’t have the validation from their peers that they felt like they had. They probably wouldn’t have had it in the 50’s and 60’s either – they just didn’t know it.” It’s not an uncommon concern for McGraw, with more and more requests for help being received daily. “I’m seeing more and more teens coming on the show – and we get tens of thousands of
Lori is our non suicidal self injury authority and our Workplace Specialist in Texas, USA. If you want to have Lori deliver workplace training to your organisation please contact admin@wmhi.com.au .
See the video here for the full interview
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Author: Peter Diaz
Is Working From Home Right For You?
4 Things to Consider Before Taking The Plunge
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Our focus, here at the Institute, is workplace mental health. Why? because we see first hand the impact workplaces have on people, both positive and negative. But ‘workplaces’ are becoming more and more diverse. Some people work in an office, or a construction site, or, like my Workplace Specialists, a training room. For many others these days, the workplace can be their own home. Regardless of what our thoughts are about working from home, the reality is that the idea is getting traction. Working from home is
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becoming more popular and, for many, it is an attractive option. But what is the impact on mental health? Let’s look at the data.
Mental Health and working from home Not all is rosy in working from home. In a Stanford study, half the participants that were working from home changed their minds by the end of the study and preferred to return to work in the office. Why? Isolation - In a number of studies, isolation has been
identified as a big issue. Intensity of work - people working from home tended to work longer hours than if they were working in the office, putting their work-life balance at risk. Stress - Overall, employees working from home reported higher levels of stress, compared to regular workers. Sleeplessness was also a problem for some, with 42 per cent of workers working from home reporting waking up repeatedly during the night,
compared with only 29 per cent of regular workers. From the data, we can see that there can be some significant psychological risks to working away from the traditional workplace. But, it is not all doom and gloom. The reality is that many people thrive in a homework type environment and that many make it work for them.
Is working from home right for me? If you are thinking about working from home, it would be wise for you to work out if you are suited to working from home. How can you tell?’. Let’s look at a few questions you need to ask yourself:
How do you get energy? Are you an introvert (get energy from ‘alone time’) or are you an extrovert (get energy from being with people)? if you are an extrovert and absolutely must be with people, then working from home may be difficult if you don’t see people for many hours on end.
How well do you get along with technology? To work from home requires you to be up to date with most methods of communication online including phone and video conferencing. If you find it hard to even use technology, you may need to update your skills before giving working from home a go.
Do you like tasks highly specific and detailed? Or does your work require that?
Do you need others to support you while doing tasks? Do you have a high need to share what you do as you do it? Support in the traditional way is not as readily or easily available when working remotely from home. Working from home is better suited to people with high levels of skills and experience doing work that is not dependent on a fixed place of work.
Are you able to disconnect from work easily? To work from home you need to know when to stop. Many that work from home find that they work longer hours than if they were in an office. To the detriment of their health and family life. The good news is that, if you’ve decided working from home is for you, there are things you can do to protect your sanity and mental health.
4 tips for working remotely and staying sane 1 Reach Out and Connect - often Make sure you connect with your fellow workers. Don’t just wait for meetings to happen. You can do this through chat, text, ph. Just a quick ‘Good morning’ on chat can make you feel connected. Like you are not the only one. Don’t wait for others to do it. Take the initiative.
2 Make sure you have a start and end times, and stick to them
Overworking is a problem for those that work remotely. Make sure you don’t take work home, even if you work from home. Have a ritual that let’s you know ‘now it’s home time’.
3 Make sure you take good self care Up to 41% of those working from home say that stress is a big issue. Make sure you have techniques to prepare for the pressure and intensity of work. What’s your thing? Exercise is very effective, every half hour move out of your chair and do some stretching, walking, meditation, or breathing exercises. Some people have an app on their desktop that reminds them to be mindful every 30 minutes. This has the desirable effect of increasing your productivity too!
4 find your own way to work remotely There’s a lot of advice out there like ‘designate a space for work’, ‘make sure you dress up and don’t stay in PJs’, etc. The reality is that you are the best judge of what will work for you. Just be honest. Try one thing and, if it works, keep it. If it doesn’t, don’t do it again. Change it quickly. Be adaptable. We are all different and what works for me might not work for you. Find what works for you. Yes, there are some distinct disadvantages to working remotely but also some nice perks. Here I’ve talked about WORKLIFE | FEBRUARY 2019
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WHAT IF THEY WON’T GET HELP?
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One of the greatest challenges of assisting another person who might be experiencing a mental health problem, is how we respond in the cases where the person doesn’t want to get help. In our programs we teach staff at all levels of the organisation how to identify the warning signs that a colleague may be experiencing mental distress, and how to respond appropriately to have a conversation with the person and point them in the right direction for further, professional help. Participants are often relieved to have a clear cut process of steps to follow so they know they are doing (and saying) the right thing. The challenge when it comes to being a first responder though, is the question – what if the person doesn’t want to get help?
Author: Emi Golding
We can do all the right things, follow the steps, but ultimately, the decision to get help (or indeed follow the advice provided by the professionals) is up to the person themselves. And so it should be. It is that person’s life after all.
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But where does that leave us as a first responder? How do we handle these situations? In our training we go through the ways you can encourage the person to get help, and how to help overcome obstacles, but the fact remains that the person simply may not be ready to take that next step.
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And this is where we need to be able to manage ourselves, and our own emotional wellbeing. This is arguably the single greatest skill that a first responder or a helper can have – the ability to offer appropriate support and assistance, without taking over responsibility for the result. It is never easy, especially if we really care about the person, and we want to see them get better. Or on the other hand if we are seriously concerned about the risks of them not getting help. I want to make a proviso here – the following does not apply in the case where there is a serious risk to the physical safety of the person themselves, or anyone associated. If there is a risk of suicide, or that someone may be permanently injured, then we may need to get help for the person even if they don’t want it. But in most scenarios that won’t be the case. A term that has been used to describe the ideal state for a helper to be in is ‘compassionate detachment’. This refers to a state where you can feel and demonstrate compassion for the person, but you are detached from the expectation of any particular result for them. Let me repeat that – you’re not attached to the result. When we give advice, support or assistance, it is useful to ask ourselves
‘what is really behind my actions in this scenario?’ ‘Do I have an expectation here?’ ‘Am I truly giving altruistically, or do I have an agenda?’ Even if that agenda is seemingly good - that we want to see the person get better - it’s still an expectation that attaches our own sense of satisfaction or wellbeing, with the outcome from the situation. An outcome which, is determined not by you, but by the person who you’re helping. Ultimately, other people’s actions are outside of our control. So by having an expectation that they ‘should’ do something or ‘should’ get a certain result, you’re putting yourself in a situation where you don’t’ actually have any say over the matter. What if you could give (advice, support, assistance) without any expectations? Without expecting the person to follow through and heed our advice,
and without expecting them to appreciate it or say ‘thank you’? That is really respecting the person’s capacity and strengths, their right to self determination, and their personal power. And that is how you also ensure your own sense of wellbeing, knowing that you’ve done what you can, and the rest is up to them. So what do you do when the person won’t help themselves? You remind yourself that it is their life, and their choice. And it doesn’t reflect on you. Its not about you. It’s easier said than done, but when you can do this effectively, you’ll find that not only are you ensuring your own wellbeing, but you’re also allowing that person to take ownership and responsibility for their own wellbeing, their own life. WORKLIFE | FEBRUARY 2019
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Clearing Out the Mind By Alison Skate
“Once you’ve experienced an ordered house, your life will change dramatically. You’ll feel your whole world brighten. This is the magic of tidying. Not only will you never be messy again, you’ll have a new start in life.”
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The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. Marie Kondo
Big call.
That’s what I was thinking as I read the book’s introduction. I’d have never picked up this book if it had not sparked my interest as a Netflix series. I was certainly intrigued by the consistency with which the show’s participants reported feeling ‘lighter’ and more joyful as a result of having organised their homes. Kondo’s followers have shared their love for the method, with some sharing unexpected impacts like, “Since cleaning up my apartment, I’ve been able to really increase my sales”, or “My husband and I are getting along much better”, and “I’m amazed to find that just throwing things
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away could change me so much; I’ve finally succeeded in losing three kilos.” Why would tidying be so life transforming? Kondo explains that addressing your personal clutter changes your future, “You put your affairs and your past in order. You can see what you need and what you don’t.” Kondo’s approach is described as more than a technique for tidying a home, but an activity that identifies and addresses particular mindsets. I decided to use the Konmari method to see what mindset shifts were possible. I start, as directed, with my clothing. I declutter my wardrobe every couple of years, always rebounding with more purchases of clothes rarely worn. All clothes are piled on the bed in what initially seems like an unnecessary inconvenience. I’m instructed by Kondo to hold each piece of clothing to determine whether it ‘sparks joy’. First piece, no joy, an easy decision to discard. I remember that I have to thank the item for the purpose it served.
“Thank you, jeans, for keeping my legs warm and having a high-enough waist to keep my flabby parts under wraps.” Next piece to consider were some low-cost work pants.
“Thank you for being an affordable part of the incomeearning process.” Into the discard pile.
Next, a colourful blouse that I purchased on a holiday in Japan. Joy sparked, so it was returned on a hanger to the wardrobe. The process itself seemed relatively easy, but I was still not certain how this was going to create a shift in my mindset. Kondo talks about the just right click point. This is the moment when you realise the exact amount of possessions required to be happy, and that you do not need more to be happy. She explains that each person’s click point is unique, and therefore other methods using a fixed formula (such as discarding anything that hasn’t been worn in a year) often cause the clutter to rebound. Having not discovered my click point and having a pile of clothing on my bed, which now seems a more strategic than convenient place on which to empty the wardrobe, I push on with the process. I began to notice my internal dialogue, and the justifications for wanting to hold on to many items.
“This top is far too expensive to let go.” “I wore this to my sister’s wedding (once, three years ago), and it cost a packet.” “These pants (that are too big around the waist) have still got the tag on them, they’re not going.” I ignore the obvious pattern emerging. It’s only when I reach my much larger segment of ‘budget buys’ that I find it easy to discard again. Expressing gratitude to the items being
discarded is a powerful part of the process. A $12 t-shirt, “Thank you for the joy that was sparked by being able to buy something new when I had very little to spend.” That one came up over and over again. The shirt is folded like origami, a very mindful process, allowing the shirt to relax in my drawers. I pause, sitting on a space eked out on an edge of the bed, one hand covering my mouth to prevent the moment of realization from dropping my jaw open. My wardrobe was a reflection of the waves of worthiness I felt over previous years. Ebbing and flowing. Was I feeling low self-worth now, and was that why I was finding it hard to let go of anything could prove otherwise? Was that why it was so easy to discard the low-cost items that taunted me of budget constraints? Marie Kondo, in her book playing on Audible in the background, says that some clients had quit the process because they had expected her to do the cleaning for them. She states that she cannot do the tidying for them, they must do it themselves if it is going to result in permanent change. I could see why that was the case now, and the parallel to mental health recovery seemed obvious. My next shopping excursion will be a different experience. I’ll be asking whether the purchase is one that truly sparks joy, or if it is an attempt at masking pain. Next step, the kitchen pantry… WORKLIFE | FEBRUARY 2019
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14 Fun Ways to Feel Fab Fast
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Feeling flat, unmotivated, disengaged, anti-social, and without direction? These feelings are common, and don’t mean that you have any kind of mental health problem, but string a number of days like this together and you may be experiencing the early symptoms of mild depression. Perhaps you feel, instead, that you are constantly moving at a thousand miles an hour, and are concerned that you might burn
out, and notice yourself feeling less empathy and patience than usual.
So here is a list of some of our favourite self-care activities for you to choose from!
Whether these are early indicators of a mental health problem, or potentially increasing the risk of one developing, studies are demonstrating that engaging in non-professional supportive activities are helpful in the prevention of and recovery from mild to moderate mental health conditions.
Jog around the park Studies show that 30 minutes of moderate exercise, three to five times per week, is just as useful in recovering from mild to moderate depression as anti-depressants.
Volunteer Helping out others who are doing it tougher than you, and feeling as though you are making a positive difference, can help you feel grateful for your circumstances.
Attend a workshop Spend the day learning a new skill, whether it be creative or developing the grey matter. Choose something that you are curious about or always wanted to try.
Take a long bath Nothing particularly magical about the water (unless you are adding magnesium bath salts!), just setting aside 20 minutes for uninterrupted ‘me time’. Maybe you should lock the door.
Sound Bath Meditation A bath of a different kind! Tibetan singing bowls emit
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chimes and surprisingly important role in health gut strong vibrations during this microbiota. meditation session, to ‘clear the energy blockages’ and ‘heal the Date your kids body’. Is one or more of your Sleep children the source of tension or exhaustion? It’s a tough In some cases, simply repaying situation that can leave parent the sleep debt will make a and child feeling helpless, and marked difference to mental other children ducking for resilience. Try a sleep program cover. Take time to schedule on one of many apps available one on one ‘dates’ with each to help you achieve deep and child, for as little as an hour, restorative sleep. to reconnect outside the home over a treat or enjoyable Declutter the garage activity. Not only can the physical activity feel good, but there is a high chance of achieving mental ‘lightness’ by eliminating clutter from a crowded space. Enjoy the dopamine rush each time a new corner is cleared.
Plan your weekly meals Nutrition in the diet is much easier to achieve when preparations have been made in advance. Science is linking gut health to mental wellness, and good nutrition plays an
Watch the sunrise There is something magical about the stillness and serenity of this time of day, and a little joy (if not smugness) comes from knowing it is something not many are awake to enjoy.
Upgrade your flight This treat is often accessible to those who need it most – the flying commuters! Collect those frequent flier points and status credits, and use them once in a
while to fly at the pointy end and arrive home more refreshed.
Walk the dog Interacting with domestic animals, whether dogs, cats, birds, lizards, horses, or whatever takes your personal fancy, has a way of creating mindfulness – being present in the moment – and feelings of unconditional love.
Host a dinner party Maintaining meaningful social relationships has been shown to increase health and immunity, and prolong life expectancy. Your cooking doesn’t have to be great, but the conversation and laughter should flow.
Snuggle or cuddle Intimate and loving relationships are good for our health too. But you don’t have to be romantically involved - just giving and receiving a hug from friends, children or our parents promotes the production of feel-good oxytocin. WORKLIFE | FEBRUARY 2019
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MAP YOUR DAY FOR RESULTS
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Success is a habit that is established through the daily practice of achieving goals. When setting goals there are a few key questions to consider: • What is motivating the achievement of this goal? • How will I know when I’ve achieved this goal? • What are the actions I need to take in order to attain success in this goal? A MAP for your goals needs to include two elements - a Mission, and the Action Plan.
Mission
The mission is a description of the endstate you want to have achieved by the end of the day - it is the evidence procedure. It is a good idea to include a statement in your mission about what you will be able to focus on once this goal has been achieved. An example of a mission is: My mission, by 5:00pm on Monday, 25th of February, is to have submitted costings of the graduate recruitment program to the CFO, in order to focus on the EVP phase on the 26th. I’ll know I’ve achieved this mission when I’m
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looking at the Sent Items folder in Outlook, and I can see the email with costing attachment that I sent earlier. Including the next focus in your mission ensures that you remain towards motivated, or focussed on what you want to achieve, rather than the consequences you are trying to avoid.
Action Plan The action plan involves all the tasks that need to be completed in order to achieve this mission. Prioritise each task in order of importance to the mission, and then allocate a specific amount of time needed to complete each action. If you need to enrol the help of other people in an action ensure they are aware of the time frames. If there is a task on your action plan that you know you don’t want to, ensure that it is given a high priority so it doesn’t fall to the end of your list of actions. When you need to do something you don’t want to do there is a tendency for tasks listed higher on your action plan to take longer than necessary. Don’t let self-sabotage spoil your mission! Get that task out of the way as early as practical so that you can focus on completing all of the other actions in your plan on time. Set a maximum of three daily goals – the ones that will have the greatest impact on productivity. All other goals are likely low priority and can be delegated or reconsidered.
