Domestic Violence

Saving Lives from Domestic Violence

BY CHIRLANE McCRAY

One survivor used the word “red” in telephone calls with her best friend when she and her children were in trouble. A family living with an abuser placed a photo in a window visible from the street – when the photo was not visible it meant they were in trouble. Another survivor signaled for help with a special knock on the wall shared with a next-door neighbor. As a domestic violence survivor said in “When Staying Home Isn’t Safe,” one of my recent ThriveNYC podcast episodes, “If you can’t be strong, be brave. Go get help.” In her case, she left her partner after the smacks turned into punches. Survivors break through isolation in many ways, as the above anecdotes show. Domestic Violence Awareness Month is marked every October, but COVID-19 has changed everything this year. There have been surges in suspected and reported domestic violence nationwide since the pandemic, with a 19% uptick in calls to New York’s domestic violence hotline since April compared to last year. A New England Journal of Medicine article called domestic violence during COVID19 “a pandemic within a pandemic” because of a cascade of relationship stressors—crowded housing, unemployment, illness, isolation, remote schooling and work. In this moment of protests for racial equality and a higher profile for social justice movements, now is the time for all New Yorkers to become allies in the fight to end domestic violence, which touches 1 in 4 women and 1 in 10 men. Like so many social ills, domestic violence cuts across all demographic lines, exacerbated by factors like racism, homophobia, citizenship status, and poverty. We can all do much more than wear purple on October 22, a day historically dedicated to raising domestic violence awareness. Be an “upstander” not a bystander. Learn the signs of domestic violence and abuse by going to our NYC Hope web-

site, and memorize and share the phone number of the domestic violence hotline: 1-800-621-HOPE (4673) to connect to services. The ThriveNYC helpline at 1-888NYC-Well is also available 24/7 to talk, text, or chat with trained counselors in almost every language. It is a free and completely confidential place to talk about whatever is on your mind. The city’s Family Justice Centers (a one-stop shop for survivor services) closed temporarily because of the pandemic but services are available by telephone. Still active is the city’s network of services and assistance for survivors: shelters, food delivery, legal assistance, reimbursement for tele-health mental health services. Links to those services are on the city’s domestic violence support page. These strange, unprecedented few months have been a time to learn what we can do better. Survivors have told city officials that during the COVID-19 crisis they urgently need survivor-led spaces for peer-to-peer support. So for the first time ever, the city is supporting a series of public, virtual Survivor Town Halls in every borough, with two planned for Domestic Violence Awareness Month. One is on October 15 in Manhattan and one is October 28 in Brooklyn. Notably, the town halls are organized with grassroots organizations like the Voices of Women Organizing Project, the lead initiative of the Battered Women’s Resource Center. These 90-minute Zoom calls are an opportunity for networking, story-telling, and resource-sharing with fellow survivors and representatives of such key city agencies as the Administration for Children’s Services, the Department of Education, and the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene. Among topics to be discussed are financial survival, being undocumented, family court, mental health, and staying safe online. Cecile Noel, Commissioner of the Mayor’s Office to End Domestic and Gender-based Violence (ENDGBV),

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5 Signs That You May Be In An Abusive Relationship

Saving Lives from Domestic Violence/

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BY ASIA D. SMITH

Domestic Violence is a violation to a person at the core of their being. It betrays love, destroys trust, inflicts irrevocable damage, and often leaves a jaded perception of love in its wake. Many individuals that have been harmed by an intimate partner feel afraid, embarrassed, blame themselves, and believe they are unable to reveal their pain to family members, friends, or others; even when they are in dire need of assistance. Contrary to the very perilous myth, domestic violence is not gender based. According to the National Coalition Against Domestic Violence, 1 in 4 men have been victims of some form of physical violence by an intimate partner. Due to society’s general apathetic response when it comes to the abuse of men (despite the severity), domestic violence is often dismissed when men seek assistance from law enforcement and social services agencies. Men are threatened, physically, emotionally, verbally, psychologically abused, and in many instances seriously injured by the person that bears their last name; the one they have vowed to love, promised to protect, provide for, and never harm; by the person they share a child/children with. As an anti-violence advocate, I realize the hidden yet prevalent, destructive problem of battered men must go beyond refuting misconceptions, to aiding men in understanding the brutality of their experiences, and that domestic violence is caused solely by an individual who elects violent, abusive behaviors as their methods of ‘communication’. Domestic violence is an incredibly dangerous crime, and behaviors can be very difficult to detect; especially for victims. It can be as subtle as an unkind word or as blatant as a slap across the face. Insecurities are masked, and what appears in the beginning stages as attentive, generous, and concerned; becomes possessive, extremely jealous, and controlling. It is important to evaluate relationships daily, and take inventory of situations that may have given you pause. You might be experiencing domestic violence if your partner: Monitors your phone calls, emails, text messages, social media accounts; micromanages your time; make you account for every minute of your time (when you run errands, visit friends, commute to work); Is overly critical; insulting; humiliates you (public or private); makes threats; blackmails you to expose private / sensitive personal information; Acts insanely jealous; possessive; constantly accusing you of being unfaithful; smothers you/ ‘clingy’; shows up unannounced (home, job, gym); stalks you; calls excessively; Is hypersensitive; has unpredictable, rad-

“I swore never to be silent whenever and wherever human beings endure suffering and humiliation. We must always take sides. Neutrality helps the oppressor, never the victim. Silence encourages the tormentor, never the tormented.” – Elie Wiesel

ical mood changes; explosive temper; denies/minimizes the abuse/ blames you for the violent behavior (your fault); and Threatens you with weapons; hit; kick; shove; slap; strangle; spit; or otherwise hurts you, your children, pets; cause visible injuries (bruises, cuts, burns); destroys /vandalize property (cell phone, car, home). Your partner might offer reasonable explanations, apologize, promise to change, attend counseling, or make spiritual commitments; however, it is crucial to understand that domestic violence is

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cyclical, becoming more frequent and severe over time. Despite many valiant efforts, victims cannot stop their partner's abusive behavior, and ultimatums don’t make people change. Abuse isn’t a couple’s issue, but rather the choice of the abuser. Know your strength. Know your limitations. l

Asia D. Smith is the Founder / CEO, Purple REIGN Social Services. Visit www.purplereignss.org emphasizes that allies must listen to what survivors need and be respectful of their choices, which might include staying with the person who has abused them. There is always hope and there is always help. We need every New Yorker to join us in this battle for equality, dignity, and life. In a time of rampant uncertainty, isolation and fear, we are stronger by standing together. As the marches and social justice protests across the country have shown, we can share a different vision for how we treat one another, even in our own homes and our most intimate relationships.l Chirlane McCray is First Lady of New York City. On Twitter @NYCFirstLady. This Op-Ed originally appeared in the Gotham Gazette

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What’s the Best Way to Get Out the Vote in a Pandemic?

BY LISA GARCÍA BEDOLLA THE CONVERSATION

Identifying supporters and getting them to the polls are key parts of any political campaign. The pandemic, however, creates new challenges for candidates trying to convey their messages and mobilize voters. Decades of political science research have made clear that mobilizing in person, either on the doorstep or on the phone, is the most effective way of moving voters to the polls. A well-run doorto-door campaign can be expected to increase turnout by 7 to 9 percentage points; an effective phone campaign can be expected to lead to a 3% to 5% increase in voter turnout. However, even before the pandemic, it was getting harder and harder to reach voters in person or on the phone. When I began studying voter mobilization in 2005, it was common for door-to-door get-out-the-vote efforts to reach half of the people they tried to contact. By the 2018 election, I found that few of the organizations I worked with reliably reached more than 15% of the people they hoped to connect with. It is getting more and more difficult to get voters to open the door to a stranger or answer a call from a number they do not recognize.

A shift from away from personal connection

That is part of the reason why over the past few election cycles, campaigns have shifted to other forms of contact, including mail and texting. The type of mailing that gets the most people to the polls threatens to tell recipients’ neighbors whether or not they voted. They use phrases like “After the election … you and your neighbors will all know who voted and who did not.” That type of message can increase turnout by as much as 3 percentage points. Texting is similarly effective. A reminder text has been shown to increase turnout among habitual voters by about 3 percentage points. Campaigns have developed texting systems that let volunteers reach broader audiences more easily than traditional texting. Canvassers send texts directly and recipients can reply, interacting with the canvasser via text in real time. Studies suggest this form of text outreach can have an even greater impact on turnout among those who choose to engage with a canvasser. Yet, as these outreach methods have become less novel, response rates have plummeted, creating the same challenges we see with in-person methods in terms of being able to have direct contact with voters. Even before the pandemic hit, candidates and campaigns were struggling to find ways to reach voters. The pandemic has only made it more difficult.

Getting friends and neighbors involved

In response, campaigns are moving toward asking people to contact people they know to garner support and turn those supporters out. Organizations like Michelle Obama’s When We All Vote ask people to commit to turning out three to five of their friends. These friend-tofriend approaches are seen as a way to cut through the noise, allowing voters to be contacted by people they trust and who will know whether or not they follow through on their commitments. It’s not yet clear how effective they will be, but these network-based approaches are expected to succeed for the same reasons why scholars believe social pressure works: They create a sense of accountability among voters, knowing that someone is paying attention to whether or not they vote. They also build on people’s existing political discussion networks, which are key to voter engagement. However, strategies and tactics that work on regular voters may not be as effective for people who are less likely to vote. About 40% of eligible voters in the United States did not vote in the 2016 election. So it is important that campaigns and organizations mobilizing voters make sure their outreach strategies are effective for previous nonvoters as well. The pandemic has fostered a flurry of new tools and devices designed to turn out voters, such as Outvote and Outreach Circle. Among other things, these platforms allow people to upload their contacts and commit to contacting individuals with whom they already have a connection. The likely lesson from these efforts will be that the most effective messengers are people’s close friends and family. l Lisa García Bedolla is the Vice Provost for Graduate Studies and Dean of the Graduate Division, Professor of Education, University of California, Berkeley

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