How to Raise an Emotionally Healthy Son

FAMILY MATTERS

How to Raise an Emotionally Healthy Son

BY JANET HOWARD 311DIVORCE.COM

When you first held your son in your arms, your heart would have swelled with the love you have for him. In a few years, you realize that you must do more than just provide food and security for your little one. You have the responsibility of shaping him into the man that you want him to become, and you must start early. The next generation is counting on you to raise your son as a good partner to be, so be mindful of your actions and conversations with him. This is the 21st century where equality is asked, taught, and expected. You, as a parent, must mold your son into a respectful, decent, kind, humble, caring, and responsible human being and no one but you can do that. He sees you as a role-model and considers your behavior to be correct and normal, so it is on you what you teach him as right and wrong. It might get difficult at times, but remember your long-term goals and that every action you do now will contribute to it in some way. Here are some tips for good parenting to a son:

1.Teach Him How to Handle Emotions Teach him that it's okay to have emotions and how to handle them healthily. In past generations, the word 'manly' has always been defined as quiet and unemotional. Strength does not really come from hiding emotions but understanding them and politely expressing them. Do not dismiss his emotions — respect his emotions, ask him if he wants to talk, listen to him, and share your own experiences or advice. Share your feeling and thoughts with him too so he knows it is okay to talk to you and that you are friendly and approachable. Teach him that it is okay to jump in excitement, or cry when he is hurt. You might just be trying to calm him by making him stop crying, but this might send an opposite message, which is to hide and suppress his emotions. This can be very damaging to his relationships in the future, especially romantic relationships. Be empathetic but let him express. 2.Teach Empathy Empathy is a very strong and powerful skill that can greatly help in building friendships and relationships. When boys understand how the other person is feeling or might feel, they will not take extreme steps like bullying them. They will be respectful and kind. The best way to teach this is to guide them on how to behave when such situations turn up. If you see an injured puppy while returning home from the supermarket, bring it home and teach him how to care for it. Be polite to waiters, vendors, supermarket staff, and all the people you meet daily, especially if your son is accompanying you. Another way you can help him develop empathy is to encourage him to read fiction novels. Research shows that people reading fiction are generally more perceptive and empathetic because they can easily understand how the other person must be feeling.

3. Do Not Punish Unnecessarily

Boys can sometimes be very difficult to handle, and you might want to give in to the urge of grounding him or even hitting him, but understand that those are very unhealthy ways of teaching manners. By doing so, you are teaching him that rash behavior and violence are okay. You might feel that you need to be sterner and take away his freedom but be prepared for the retaliation then. If your son is acting out, a better way of handling the situation is to talk to him and try to understand why he is behaving so. Get to the root of the problem instead of trying to stop it temporarily. Teach him why what he is doing is wrong instead of screaming at him and taking away his television time. This will not only help him in developing problem-solving skills but continued on page 8

Healthy Son/

continued from page 7 also will grow a mutually respectful bond with you. However, not punishing your son does not mean you use the 'boys will be boys' mindset on him. Do not let him go scotfree if he has done something that needs to be dealt with, like bullying or misbehavior. Let him know that he has to face consequences for his actions, but make sure you make him understand why he is being grounded and what is wrong with his behavior.

4.Strengthen His Self-Image

Help your son develop healthy selfesteem. Praise him when he deserves it, but do not overdo it. Don't say things like 'you are the best footballer' or 'you are the best in studies' because that might set unrealistic expectations that he'll think he has to live up to. Failure to do so might tarnish his confidence and make him feel that he has let you down. Congratulate and praise your son for completing his tasks and mention the skills that he employed which you feel helped him in doing so. It doesn't matter if he fails at a task, exam, or competition, praise his efforts and make him feel good for doing his best. This will make him feel accomplished and also develop sportsmanship.

5. Be Affectionate

Hugs are something that can calm every human being. Skin-to-skin contact is precious and sadly it reduces as children grow up, especially boys. As they enter adolescence, boys grow physically distant from their parents. It is noteworthy that men who freely express their emotions and give affection are ones who were raised in an environment where physical expression of affection is normalized. If your son is pulling away, choose your opportunity mindfully. Kissing him in front of his friends might be quite embarrassing for him, but he certainly wouldn't mind a peck before he leaves for school. Boys are not usually vocal about wanting physical affection but certainly require the warm embrace of their parents, especially when they are sad.

6. Having/Being A Good Father

The father figure in every child's life plays a vital role in teaching them how a man should be. This is true especially for boys as the father is a live demonstration of what a good man is like. If you are a father, you teach your son by showing him how to handle situations and emotions, and, very importantly, how to treat women. When he sees you arguing with your wife but doing so calmly and respectfully, and apologizing when you are wrong, he learns that he must never be disrespectful to women, no matter what the circumstances are. You should teach him sportsmanship and spend time with him regularly. Physical activities like playing a sport, fishing, or camping can be very powerful and memorable bonding moments. Hugging and kissing must also be normalized; boys find it very affirming that their father is proud of them and is there for them.

7. Let Him Build His Personality

If you have a daughter and a son, do not differentiate their upbringing. Every child is indeed unique and has different requirements, but by teaching sewing and cooking to your daughter and not your son, you are denying the opportunity for your son to have basic skills. Let your child choose his toys and clothes, for his happiness is all that matters. If your son likes playing with Barbie instead of G.I. Joe, that will not make him feminine. It is just a small choice made by a child who does not grasp the concept of sexual differentiation, which itself is a toxic concept developed by a patriarchal society that does not believe in equality and healthy relationships. Do not force him to get into physical sports if he likes music or painting more. Encourage him and be there as a support system that he can always lean on. Even if he is into sports, expose him to softer pursuits too. Let him decide for himself. Teach him to do household chores or ask for help when you are doing them. These are great ways to make your son selfdependent as an adult instead of having to rely on someone else for minor tasks. Raising a child is not an easy task, but remember, consistency is the key to success. Don't expect to get the results overnight. Be persistent in your actions such that it becomes a habit for you and your family to have healthy relationships among yourselves and with others.l

HOME OWNERSHIP Everything You Need to Know About Real Estate Transfer Deeds

BY ANAND SRINIVASAN KAPLAN REAL ESTATE EDUCATION

The ownership of every piece of land in the United States is recorded and held at the County Recorder’s office. When ownership changes hands, this also needs to be reflected in the public records. This process of transferring interest over a real estate asset is known as conveyance. A transfer deed is a document that acts as the proof of conveyance. In other words, it’s the transfer of the ownership of a property. It has a property description that adheres to legal norms and identifies the current and subsequent owners. It also acknowledges the transfer between them in a language that legally specifies it as a deed. It should be noted that a deed is different from a title. It is the vehicle through which the transfer of ownership takes place and not a legal right to the property, partial or complete.

When Is a New Deed Required?

Aside from selling the property to a new buyer, a transfer deed might be required in a few other scenarios. For instance, transfer deeds are required as proof of transfer if someone is planning to transfer property to a family member or to a business at no cost or if someone is planning to fund a living trust. Changes in the names of the title of the property may also require a transfer deed as documentation. Transfer deeds are usually carried out between the buyer and the seller with the help of a lawyer. In either case, if you are the real estate agent for the buyer, it’s a good idea for the buyer to include you in the process as a witness. The witness is an important role should there be a conflict over the transaction in the future.

Types of Deeds

There are essentially three types of transfer deeds that are based on the particulars of the deed, such as what the grantor can convey and the warranties included in the deed. A general warranty deed is one of the most common forms of transfer deeds. It provides the greatest conveyance and protection to the buyer because it explicitly states that the property is free of liens and the seller holds no claims to its ownership. The buyer also reserves the right to sue the seller should this claim turn out to be false. A special warranty deed guarantees less than the general warranty deed. In this type of transfer deed, there is no guarantee against title defects or encumbrances that may have been present when the seller received the property nor does it obligate the seller to do anything further once the title is transferred. Special warranty deeds are frequently used by temporary holders of real estate assets such as corporations, trusts, or other fiduciaries who do not use or occupy the land for their own benefit. A quitclaim deed is a particular type of special warranty transfer deed that carries no warranties at all. It merely conveys the interest that the grantor had in the property, whatever that may be. Quitclaim deeds are used to transfer rights where there is ambiguity over what those rights are in the first place. This is mostly commonly used to clear up title problems or to transfer property within a family or between spouses (especially after a divorce).

Joint Tenancy and Tenancy in Common

When more than one person is purchasing a property, it is important to determine how these joint owners will take the title. There are two common types of shared ownership—joint tenants and tenants in common. The type makes no difference in most of the rights and duties of the coowners, but it does affect how the asset would be treated upon the death of a coowner. In the case of joint tenancy, when one of the co-owners dies, the share of the deceased passes automatically to the surviving joint tenants, regardless of the existence of the deceased owner’s will. In contrast to this, in the case of tenancy in common, the share in title of a dead coowner is passed on to their heir or the people named in the deceased’s will.

Recording the Deed

The last step in the conveyancing process is recording the deed, mortgage, or any other instrument in the county where the property is located. Even though it is commonly called the county recorder’s office, land registry office, registrar or register of deeds, the name of the county office involved with recording real estate instruments varies from state to state. This last step of recording the deed is extremely important because the owner’s interests are not fully protected unless and until the document is recorded. In addition to this, the sequence in which the deeds and other documents are recorded also determines the priority of various claims against the property.

Conclusion

Transfer deeds form the legal backbone to a buyer’s or owner’s right to a property. Poorly made transfer deeds or the absence of one could severely impact the right to property ownership. Even though these documents are generally short, as a real estate agent, it is important for you to understand their value and acknowledge their significance in the legal system.l

DON’T LET SOMEONE STEAL YOUR HOME.

Criminals prey on unsuspecting homeowners to illegally transfer property deeds.

Anyone can be a victim. Be on the lookout: check the status of your property with the NYC Department of Finance and sign up for alerts on any changes to your property documents.