Filling Gaps

i no longer relate to the other patients I do not lack knowledge of ‘regular eating’ and ‘urge surfing’ nor do I lack evidence a single meal won’t make you gain 500 grams or eating ‘fun food’ won’t make you swell instantaneously... rather I lack willingness and courage. characteristics not found on a handout i do not share the ache to return to my life. no vivid memories of friendships adventures and dreams rather my existence has been reduced to calculating and planning avoiding meals or increasing the number of steps cutting corners and worrying that i will be caught an existence that is unsubstantial and meaningless. it seems that a group program cannot fill my gaps but perhaps neither can my illness filling gaps

MONIQUE WHITE

CW: MENTAL HEALTH, EATING DISORDER