Woroni: Edition 4, 2012

WE INTERVIEW LAST DINOSAURS {15}

CAMPUS STYLE {20}

MATTER OF SIZE {17}

WORONI The Australian National University Newspaper Since 1948

Ian Young swings his axe

NO. 4 VOL 64

MAR 29

More than a hundred jobs to go as university slashes budget TOM WESTLAND, ANGUS MINNS & ZID MANCENIDO

INSIDE

100-150 staff job losses will form the centerpiece of $40 million worth of budget cuts announced Monday by ANU Vice-Chancellor, Ian Young.

At a press conference Monday afternoon, he outlined a plan to cut $40 million from the university’s budget, with $25 million dollars to come from staff cuts.

Although he initially refused to be drawn on how many jobs would be lost, he later nominated a figure of around 100-150 positions.

Professor Young also said that $15 million dollars worth of savings would come from changes in business practices at the university. Combined, the size of the cuts is equivalent to about 5% of the university’s total revenue.

When asked about the reaction of staff to potential job cuts Professor Young told the media that the National Tertiary Education Union (NTEU) had responded “positively” to the proposal and understood the financial pressures being placed on the university.

When contacted by Woroni, however, Stephen Darwin from the ACT Division of NTEU said Professor Young had “grossly

exaggerated” in saying that NTEU had responded “positively” to the proposal.

He went on to say that “nobody was pleased with this decision” and he was particularly concerned that the ANU might consider cutting jobs based on measures like research output.

Such metrics have recently been used to determine highly controversial staff cuts at Sydney University, where $63 million has been slashed from the budget, resulting in almost 300 job losses.

Mr Darwin did acknowledge that Professor Young has promised that the money saved will go into existing colleges, rather then towards new projects.

He also said that the Commonwealth Government should dramatically increase base funding to universities to prevent the need for such radical cuts.

In a discussion paper released at the same time as the press conference, the university stated that $20 million in savings will be reallocated to colleges and service divisions, while the other $20 million will go towards the budget surplus.

Professor Young said that the budget

CONTINUED PAGE 3

Dallas Proctor The trouble new undergrad with ANU President // P3 wireless// P3

Did Chancelry keep its word on student fees?

SPECIAL REPORT Pressure is mounting on the ANU Chancelry to justify the controversial allocation of the newly collected Student Services Amenities Fee (SSAF). This pressure is driven partially by previous commitments by ANU ViceChancellor, Professor Ian Young, that all revenue collected from SSAF would go directly to student organisations.

According to figures in documents ob-

tained by Woroni under the Freedom of Information Act, approximately 42% or $1.2 million of SSAF revenue for 2012 has been “top-sliced” from a total funding pool of approximately $3 million. This “top-sliced” amount will be put towards a capital maintenance and renewal fund, support for nonaffiliated student groups, a new mental health support officer in the ANU Counseling Cen-

On the Gareth Evans: lethal Kings the interview Highway// P9 // P12

NEWS//2

Tragic death of two ANU students on Kings Highway

Housing Review

PART 2: STUDENT INCOME

SHAN-VERNE LIEW

LISA VISENTIN A horror crash on the Kings Highway, 20 kilometres from Braidwood, claimed the lives of two ANU students on 11 March. Their Holden Astra collided with a gumtree, injuring a third passenger who was conveyed to hospital with serious abdominal injuries.

The two young men, whose names have not been released by the University, were Chinese nationals studying at the ANU. The fatal accident has come as a shock to the ANU’s large Chinese student community and Vice Chancellor Professor Ian Young has made counsel-

ling services available to all those distressed by the incident.

“We extend our deepest sympathies to the families of the students who have died. Our wishes and hopes rest also with the injured student and family,” Professor Young said in an official statement.

Tragically, the accident was one of several fatal incidents as roads around the ACT experienced heavy precipitation during the long weekend, which claimed six lives and sent at least two others to hospital.

Woroni’s Canberra correspondent Adam Spence investigates why the Kings Highway is so dangerous on Page 9.

Universal lunch hour serves up a plate of student activism

MARIE NGIAM & BEN HENSCHKE

er to arrive, was ANUSA’s experimental twist on the traditional sausage sizzle. In keeping with ANU’s tradition of instilling creativity among its students, ANUSA’s sausage sizzle was served with a helping of grilled spinach and mushrooms.

At around 1.40pm, ANUSA Education Officer, Tom Barrington-Smith introduced the speaker, Ms Caroline Le Couteur MLA, the ACT Greens Member for Molonglo. Ms Le Couteur wasted no time in getting her message across, encouraging students to “rise up and revolt”. An ANU alumni herself, she emphasized the potency of student unionism and the way in which student bodies can make an impact on society and its institutions. Perhaps unsurprisingly, one way in which she encouraged student participation was to vote in the ACT elections, which will be held this year and to find out more about the Greens policies and what they have to offer. Unfortunately, as universal lunch hour came to an end just as her speech began, this timely advice may have fallen on not deaf, but absent ears.

The deadline for the next edition of Woroni is April 16 Get writing!

EDITORIAL BOARD Angus Minns Uma Patel Tom Westland Victor White Nakul Legha Lisa Visentin Zid Mancenido Liv Clark

SUB EDITORS

Marie Ngiam Shan-Verne Liew Richard Keys Gareth Robinson Vincent Chiang Jess Millen Farzaneh Edraki Ben Henschke Tasman Vaughan Fergus Hunter

– – – – – – – – – –

Campus News Canberra News Comment Features Life & Style Reviewed Back Page At-Large Radio Radio

Besides high tariff and rental rates, the Report suggests this issue is also partly due to the ineligibility of students to access student income support such as Youth Allowance.

Of the 28% of students who reported receiving income support, “respondents expressed the view that either income support criteria are too stringent, making it insufficiently accessible, or that the amount of support provided by Centrelink was insufficient,” the Report states.

But not everything is bad.

“Work also teaches you to be really grateful, because if you don’t you might never appreciate how much it takes to afford things,” second-year ANU student Grace Harvey said.

Woroni obtained an advance draft press copy of the Housing Review Report, which is scheduled for release this term. The Report is based on Housing Review consultations, 2011 ANUSA Survey data and peer-reviewed research on Higher Education.

Indonesian Foreign Minister visits uni

MARIE NGIAM

ANU’s Universal Lunch Hour (Thursday 1-2pm) could not have been better spent this week, with the ANU Students’ Association serving up a healthy dose of student activism.

ANUSA’s theme of student welfare focused on the recent Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF) legislation, which requires domestic students to pay an additional $263.00 for full-time students and $131.50 for parttime students per year with the amount to be indexed each year. Many student groups at the ANU have questioned where this SSAF money is going to be spent, given that ANU is yet to distribute the revenue to student bodies.

The fanfare started long before universal lunch hour, with students encouraged to write down what they want their SSAF money to be spent on. These were written on ‘WTF’ stickers and plastered over two banners, which provided an appropriate backdrop for the guest speaker who was scheduled to speak later in the afternoon.

Perhaps the highlight of the afternoon, at least for students milling about Union Court for nearly forty minutes waiting for the speak-

According to 2011 ANUSA Survey Data, published in the upcoming 2011 ANUSA Housing Review, 25% of ANU students in paid employment have difficulties affording basic spend necessities.

Basic spend necessities in the survey question included mobile phone costs, reasonable diet and social outings.

“It’s hard for people who haven’t been fully self sufficient to understand. Sometimes you just wont buy things like tomatoes because you simply can’t afford them,” said secondyear student Alex Moody.

Students in consultation sessions reported working over five hours or ten hours per week, mostly to afford Canberra’s high rental rates and basic necessities.

“A common message among these students, particularly those working above 14 hours per week, was that their work commitments had affected their academic performance, and that they often skipped classes to go to work”, the Report states.

The Indonesian Foreign Minister, Dr Marty Natalegawa, returned to his alma mater to give the Centre for Democratic Institutions’s (CDI) annual address.

Dr Natalegawa addressed the need to refrain from Cold War-style containment policies against China.

“The Asia-Pacific environment would benefit from the avoidance of Cold War-type competition and conflict,” he said.

Many have interpreted this as a warning against a belligerent reaction to China’s rise, amidst President Barack Obama’s November 2011 announcement to send US military aircraft and troops to Darwin for training and protecting American interests across Asia.

“Indonesia has not been shy in presenting our problems to ASEAN,” he added.

One such issue is the treatment of the West Papuan independence movement. In 2010, West Papuan activists raised allegations of torture against Detachment 88, an elite counter-terrorist branch of the national police.

In response to a question from a West Papuan audience member, Dr Natalegawa condemned the “overzealous, overexuberant enforcement of the law by certain individuals, policemen or members of the PNI (the Indonesian National Party).” However, he believes that the government’s handling of the issue has improved.

“In the past that issue would have been swept under the carpet. But now, contrary to the past, the issue is tackled head-on, not only by people like myself, but even by people such as the President himself,” he said.

The Indonesian Foreign Minister also lauded Myanmar’s “profound” progress in improving its human rights record, but admitted that problems remain. He said Indonesia

ART DIRECTOR Yasmin Masri

WEB DIRECTOR Tom Garwood

For more content, podcasts and photos, visit www.woroni.com.au

could aid Myanmar’s liberalisation by speaking candidly on the issues it faced during its democratic transition.

Dr Natalegawa’s visit to Australia includes a meeting with newly appointed Australian Foreign Minister Bob Carr, as well as Defence Minister Stephen Smith and his Indonesian counterpart, Mr Purnomo Yusgiantoro.

This represents an important step in bilateral relations between Australia and Indonesia, as it the first time the Foreign and Defence ministers of both countries have held a joint meeting.

But people-to-people relations between the two countries have progressed slowly. “Many people in Australia do not give due credit… to what Indonesia has achieved. Popular perceptions in many ways are about a decade behind,” said CDI Director Dr Stephen Sherlock.

Despite the challenges facing Indonesia, Dr Natalegawa offered encouragement to Indonesian ANU students who might follow a career in foreign affairs.

“I hope what I am about to say will not dissuade you from joining the public service,” he joked.

His speech, entitled “Indonesian Foreign Policy and Global Democracy” covered aspects of Indonesia’s transition to democratic governance, its leading role in ASEAN and the way in which ASEAN can foster democracy within the Asia-Pacific region alongside other international organisations such as the United Nations.

Dr Natalegawa completed his PhD at the ANU in 1993, resulting in such familiarity with the university that he mistakenly welcomed the audience to Jakarta rather than Canberra.

Advertising inquiries, submissions and letters to the editor can be sent to woroni@anu.edu.au.

PRINTED BY CAPITAL FINE PRINT PUBLISHED BY ANU STUDENT MEDIA

Keep up with us on: facebook.com/woroni Follow us on Twitter: twitter.com/woroni

WORONI

Shake up education at ANU, says deputy VC TOM WESTLAND

s

e n

-

e

-

Young swings his axe

to see student support services increasingly measures were necessary to keep the unitailored to students studying more than versity in a sustainable fiscal position and to one degree. Around 40% ofVice-Chancellor ANU under- allow the university to invest in other areas Deputy (Academic) graduates are currently in double it has deemed worthy of funding. For example, Marnie enrolled Hughes-Warrington outlined degrees. he suggested that in order to boost medical her three top educational priorities for the With respect university to online ineducation, Pro- telling research at the coming years, Woroni inANU, a significant amount of fessor Hughes-Warrington outlined an money to be diverted from other areas of an interview that she intends to lookhad at imemphasis on expanding postgraduate the university. proving the experienceonof students underline education to degrees, allow increasing To justifythe these cuts the university cited taking combined people to attend fallingeducation investment income and increased deANU’s unable involvement in online the to access preciationincosts and university strengthening its involvement re- (due to recent capital develthe ANU’seducation. educational opment) as a major factor in falling revenues, search-led offerings. said it which havewho declined by about $40 million ProfessorSheHughes-Warrington, was to al- asrecently. took important up her position Deputy Vice low people (DVC) to access Professor Young also said that the recent Chancellor at the beginning of courses areas enterprise bargaining settlement, which the year,in said thatwhere the ANU needs to “go the ANUthinking might beofthe awarded wage increases to academics, had beyond ourselves as 4% increonly university pressure mentally better” and thatalso herput vision for on the university’s budget.

Professorthat Young said that a consultative the“Things ANU inhave 2020 never is of an institution stayed thebreath same…It’s “takes the away”. process would be undertaken to determine in notLast as ifyear, it were areas cuts the frozen Federal which Parliament es- would be made; however, he in a mode unchanged hundred noted that the tablishedfor theseven Tertiary Education Quality andcuts would not be “across-theyears.” but rather Standards Agency (TEQSA) board” to ensure that “strategic” cuts in areas that Professor Hughes-Warrington, stillupheld the university academic standardwho were across thethinks it can no longer afford works an historian and is preparing a book to spend money. tertiary sector.

This will require the ANU to on the concept assess of revision in history, said to the discussion paper, should its course offering againstAccording the Higher she wanted the Education concept of Standards “teaching” Framework, to be “strategic” cuts not be enough, “across-thea process considered in a larger board” cuts will be made to bring ANU staffwhich sense.

Professor Hughes-Warrington stresses She expressedwill enthusiasm the Learningatcosts in line with the average of other be led by for academic colleges the ANU. ing Communities However, currently operating at thewhether Group budgetof Eight universities. However, this when asked ANU as well asary thepressures interdisciplinary to be a point of contention, as currentlyVicefacingmay the emerge university Chancellor’s courses. theless restpopular of the Group of Eight universities are might lead to the abolition of She urged students to get in contact fundedProfessor differently to the ANU. courses, like small with languages, her if they haveHughes-Warrington ideas about the process Professor Young said that the $15 million was ofadamant that the consulation about academic changes. in cuts to university would continue to support its be are-made in the university’s business operations as of academic strength, “including strengths would possibly come from changes in IT and in procurement, although in areas where nobody else teaches”. he gave no curspecifics.

“We don’t want to see a standardised riculum across universities”, sheThe said.discussion paper makes mention of Turning to combined degrees, Professor Hughes-Warrington said that while the ANU had strengths in that area, she wanted

s

e

NEWS// 3

ANU-Secure: what’s wrong?

SHAN-VERNE LIEW

When the Vice-Chancellor can’t use ANU-Secure on his iPhone, there’s an obvious problem.

A memory leak in ANU’s network software, and higher than normal wireless demand, has ebeen responsible for ANU’s unresponsive wireless connectivity, ANU Dinvision Of Information (DOI) Director of Information Services cPeter Nikoletatos said.

ANU has been experiencing serious wireless connectivity issues since February, sometimes leaving lecture theatres and common rooms with minimal access to Wattle and other ywebsites.

- The network’s failure has spurred sevneral student-generated memes, including references to Lord of the Rings, and statements that campus wireless has been inaccessible because ‘ANU Secure is too secure’.

“Second to actual lectures and tutorials, the availability of wireless internet is the greatest necessity for undergraduate education on campus,” ANUSA President Dallas Proctor said.

“Students must be able to access Wattle and course content while on campus. It’s unreasonable to demand that students access course material only when they’re at home,” he said.

DOI released a software update on Friday, stating that the update should partially resolve the memory leak affecting ANU’s wireless network.

“It’s taken us a while to implement because we’ve had to confirm the effectiveness of the update in our test environment,” Mr Nikoletatos said.

In some locations, the poor connectivity is also a result of insufficient wireless access points, but DOI said that resolving this will span several weeks rather than days.

“This has become a very intense procedure for us, and we’re working as fast as we can,” Mr Nikoletatos added.

The university’s unsecured wireless network, ANU-Access, was shut down this January, channelling students onto only a single wireless network. But the DOI Director insists that decision did not cause ANU’s poor connectivity issues.

“ANU-Secure has a higher capacity than other networks,” he noted.

He assures the ANU community that the update on Friday should substantially resolve the poor connectivity issues on campus.

the hiring of a major management consultant company to assist in the process.

Reactions from ANU student groups have been cautious. ANU Student’s Association President, Dallas Proctor said that whilst “ANUSA is not principally against budgetary cuts by ANU” that they were “concerned about potential impacts to students if the students’ perspective is not central to the forthcoming process.”

Mr Proctor emphasized that, “teaching quality must be the most important criterion” when considering staff redundancies and that “ANUSA does not want to see changes which are detrimental to undergraduate students.”

President of the ANU Postgraduate Students’ Association, Areti Metuamate, similarly cautioned against budget cuts that could adversely affect student services, but noted that there were many areas in which staff cuts could be made without such impact.

How the university plans to cut $40 million from its budget

Business changes $15m

Job cuts $25m

Changes to exec at Students’ Association Dallas Proctor unopposed to replace Fleur Hawes as undergrad President; Rashid Kazak elected Treasurer UMA PATEL & ANGUS MINNS

Dallas Proctor – former ANU Students Association (ANUSA) Treasurer – has been declared the new ANUSA President. Nominations for the position closed, with Mr Proctor the only nominee. This negated the need for an election to be held.

Mr Proctor told Woroni that he was “very excited about working with all the ANUSA reps over the next nine months, as we get through the long list of projects we have planned. I’m really glad that the Association has managed to maintain its momentum over the last week. Also, I’d like to encourage every student who’s interested in improving ANU to get in touch with us.”

Mr Proctor replaces outgoing ANUSA President Fleur Hawes, who was forced to resign after being academically excluded from the university.

ANUSA Student Representative Council elected Rashid Kazak to the position of treasurer on the Tuesday 20th of March.

Tom Watson, current treasurer of the National Association of Australian University Colleges also nominated for the position but did not harness enough votes to overcome Mr Kazak’s support. The election was conducted by a secret ballot with the final result not being made public.

Mr Kazak was one of the Directors of this year’s O-Week, which reportedly earned a profit of $12,000. He told Woroni that he was “really excited, and really looking forward to the implementation of the Student Services and Amenities Fee (SSAF).”

Nevertheless he intends to “look into making ANUSA less reliant on SSAF and government funding and more on alternative methods such as sponsorship.” He views changes to SSAF as becoming more vague from year to year and wants ANUSA’s treasury to remain stable despite future changes and to ensure that student services are not sacrificed in future years.

NEWS//4 SPECIAL REPORT: HOW IS YOUR STUDENT SERVICES FEE BEING SPENT?

Chancelry under pressure on student fee

tre and shared administrative services for student organisations.

A further figure of approximately 47% or $1.4 million will be distributed to ANU’s major representative student organisations: the ANU Students’ Association (ANUSA), the Post-Graduate and Research Students’ Association (PARSA), ANU Sport and ANU Student Media (ANUSM), publisher of Woroni.

Approximately 10% or $314,000 of SSAF collected remains undistributed in case the amount of SSAF collected falls significantly short of Chancelry’s expectations.

Deane stated: “Given the size of $ I think we question the motives behind this ‘initiative’.”

“GAC has been running for over 5 years will be distributing the same $ as last year but now, and offers affiliated groups with a range taking healthy slice for capital works.” of important support structures, such as public liability insurance, free use of a variWhat will the university spend its slice of the student ety of facilities and equipment, administration assistance (e.g. model constitutions/ fee money on? budget documents/banking tips).”

In seeking to understand why the univerProfessor Deane has been particularly vosity “would seek to disincentivise the affiliacal in her support for using SSAF to establish tion process” Mr Proctor suggested that the a $200,000 fund to support clubs and individuniversity may be looking to “disempower uals, telling Woroni that purpose of the fund student-run organisations on campus in the was “to support student initiated activities long term” and also “be seen to be sponsorwhich enrich the cultural, social and intellecDid the Vice-Chancellor ing student initiatives, despite the fact that tual life of students as well as student initiated break his commitment to they have decided to cut the ANU Registrar’s pastoral support activities.” student organisations? discretionary budget to $0 in 2012.”

Professor Deane also said that the fund “is open to a competitive process”. Under her In an email to PARSA and ANUSA officers proposal, she would sit on a committee with Non-residential halls sent on 2nd July 2011, just after the SSAF legislation had passed the House of RepresentaEyebrows have been raised among some tives, Professor Young stated: “my intention quarters following a controversial univeris for these funds to be passed on to your orsity proposal to fund non-residential halls ganisations [ANUSA, PARSA] and sport for and colleges, such as Griffin Hall and Inthe betterment of our students.” ternational House using money from SSAF. When Professor Young was asked by While this year no money has been allocated Woroni whether he felt that he had reneged to non-residential halls, Professor Deane has on this commitment in light of the substanearlier indicated her desire to fund these ortial amount of funding which has been “topganisations with SSAF money. sliced” he said that he had promised to give In an email exchange between Professor all money to “students and student services, Deane and Mr Metuamate on 9th December not only to student representatives”. He said 2011 obtained by Woroni, Professor Deane that the allocation of funds this year was “enstated that she would like to “support both tirely consistent” with his promise.

Griffin and International House” and that ANUSA President, Dallas Proctor, said she believed “both are a reasonable expendithat although he was not privy to discussions ture from SAF $ but I understand there is held with the Vice-Chancellor in 2011, “it’s a student resistance, largely on the basis it is concerning fact that significant tranches of not open to all students.”

SSAF-derived funding are being allocated representatives from ANUSA and PARSA, PARSA President, Mr Metumate told to projects and causes that have always been as well as the Deputy Registrar for Student Woroni he was strongly opposed to SSAF funded by the University.” Mr Proctor went Services, which would distribute the money money being used to fund non-residential on to assert that all SSAF related expenditure based on applications from groups or indi- halls. “I think that the non-residential halls should be “purely by democratically-elected viduals. should be funded by the students who use student organisations” and that the funding Currently, most clubs on campus receive them in the same way all the other halls are.” should go towards “new or expanded services their funding from ANUSA’s Grants and AfSpeaking on behalf of ANUSA, Mr Procand amenities, rather than being regarded as filiations committee, while other groups and tor made clear that all student-run groups an opportunity to replace existing University individuals can seek money directly from that have participated in SSAF negotiations funding.” the university, including from the ANU reg- with Chancelry “spend funds exclusively on PARSA President, Areti Metuamate, told istrar’s discretionary budget. However, this events and initiatives open to all students”, Woroni that he felt that it was not a case of year, the university has abolished the discre- with the exception of groups like the WomProfessor Young reneging on his commit- tionary fund. en’s Collective and disability services. ment, but rather “it’s more a matter of some Arguing that non-residential halls are not Mr Metuamate supported the initiative of his staff having their own views about what stating that it was a “good way” for students open to all students, Mr Proctor said that should happen to the SSAF money and then and individuals to gain access to funding. ANUSA is “concerned with the precedent going ahead as if the VC gave no assurances Noting that only one postgraduate sits on set by this type of funding, for example by to us whatsoever when, in fact, he did say the ANUSA’s grants and affiliations committee, the possibility of applications from physical money would go to our organisations except he said that GAC was “not fairly representa- halls and colleges.” for an amount taken out for building main- tive” of the student body.

Although she noted that no money had tenance.” been allocated to Griffin Hall or InternaThe proposal to fund some groups directly This view is supported by numerous emails is, however, meeting with significant resist- tional House this year, Professor Deane did obtained by Woroni – as part of a freedom ance from ANU’s undergraduate student rep- not rule out SSAF funding for these bodies of information request – between Pro-Vice resentative body, ANUSA. President Dallas in the future saying that “any proposal to use Chancellor for Students, Professor Elizabeth Proctor said “whilst we are flattered by the SSAF funds to fund a non-residential hall in Deane and other university officials. In one University’s implicit affirmation of GAC’s the future will be discussed by the Students such email dated 2 December 2011 Professor structure and membership, we can’t help but Association Committee.”

“it’s more a matter of some of [Ian Young’s] staff ... going ahead as if the VC gave no assurances to us whatsoever when, in fact, he did say the money would go to our organisations...”

What is the Student Services and Amenities Fee? Last year, the Australian Government introduced legislation to allow universities to charge a fee to all students to fund essential student services. At ANU, full-time students will pay a fee of $260 a year Who decides how the money gets spent?

The Student Associations Committee comprising representatives of ANU Chancelry, ANUSA, PARSA, ANU Sport & Rec, and ANU Student Media will sit several times each year to decide on budget proposals.

Capital Maintenance and Renewal Fund Each year, 2 per cent of the value of buildings used for student services will be set aside to be used for maintenance and renewal of these buildings.

This will primarily apply to the Concessions Building (which houses ANUSA and the Brian Kenyon Student Space), the Union Building and the numerous properties held by ANU Sport & Rec. Non-affiliated groups & individuals L$200 000 has been set aside to be distributed to groups or individuals on campus who are seeking funding for a specific proposal. A series of guidelines for these allocations are currently be-

Who’s getting the money?

47%

43% “Topslice”

Student organisations

university spending

10%

Undistributed funds

How the money for student organisations is split up

32%

42%

ANU Sport

ANUSA

9%

Student Media

17% PARSA

COMMENT//5

Death to state funerals

There’s something very creepy about the idea of governments paying for famous people’s funerals, writes Tom Westland Kerry Packer was not a poor man, but when the end of the financial year rolled around and it came time to fill in his tax returns, the reptilian billionaire got quite good at appearing destitute.

Anyone who didn’t try to slither their way out of paying taxes must be barmy, he said.

Governments were simply too stupid to spend it on the right sort of thing.

And when Mr Packer died in 2005, the Government, in what must count as the most expensive practical joke in Australian history, decided to prove that the old man had been right, at least about government spending.

Mr Packer was given a state funeral, an elaborate operation procured for the blushingly modest sum of $73,000.

Exactly why the government was playing deluxe funeral agent for a media tycoon was never really explained.

In response to a few murmured protests, it was noted (by former ANU Chancellor Kim Beazley, no less, who was at the time Leader of the Opposition) that Mr Packer was a “business leader”, which presumably meant that the Government owed some kind of special duty to his carcass.

Last week, two rather more likeable Australians died: Margaret Whitlam, wife of the former PM, and Jim Stynes, the footballer and philanthropist. Their families were offered state funerals. (The Whitlams declined;

the Styneses accepted.)

Both, in my opinion, had done more to deserve the offer than Mr Packer, a man who knowingly sabotaged the cricket boycott of apartheid South Africa.

But who gets to decide which funerals will be government-sponsored? I’m no smallgovernment type, but I find it somewhat creepy when politicians start sorting through the death notices, deciding in which funerals they want the taxpayer to invest.

But it is, of course, merely a symptom of a wider, rather gruesome obsession we have with death, an event upon the commemoration of which we lavish vast sums every year.

And someone, of course, is doing rather well out of the trade.

The death industry in this country is worth more than a billion dollars annually, with one funeral company, Invocare, making $15 million in after-tax profits from a revenue base of $140 million.

The average Australian funeral costs somewhere north of $7000, a figure which doesn’t include the many ancillary costs – like the purchase of flowers and burial plots – that one seems to impose on one’s family simply by no longer being alive.

Of course, there are reasons – religious and cultural – why people spend money on

funerals, and though I personally can’t see the point in buying flowers for someone who cannot by definition enjoy them, it is, in the end, a matter of personal choice.

However, our governments need not be quite so sentimental. Having already compromised our revenue base by eliminating estate taxes – efficient, fair and not particu-

Illustration: Hannah Winter-Dewhirst

larly difficult to administer – in a miserable sop to the mortality entrepreneurs, state and federal politicians might perhaps think twice before they volunteer to bury private citizens at inflated prices.

Ian Young off the mark

Uma Patel on why the Vice Chancellor should be defending our student run bodies Ian Young has a conundrum. You can’t graph student ethos. You can’t draw a “lineof-best-fit” for how much students like daily life at ANU. The closest indicator ANU has is the line of students fitting as much free-Thursday-lunch as possible into their paunches. Maybe that’s why ANU’s ViceChancellor has found himself in such a predicament. Ian Young, a man who used to make his living by graphing oceanic wind speeds has found himself at a university that is famously known and appreciated for something as unquantifiable as “ethos”.

ANU is a university made up of students that are mostly not from the city in which they study. It’s why we are so eager to make a home, so desperate to make homies and so in need of our new institution to be homely.

And yet, it’s no secret that student representatives deny being consulted on the specifics of UniLodge’s plans to solve the accommodation crisis. It’s no secret that a huge portion of SSAF is being used to fund building maintenance. It’s no secret that ANUSA’s Vice President approached the Vice-Chan-

cellor to suspend Fleur Hawes’ academic exclusion and refused to exercise discretion.

It’s no secret that ANU’s Vice-Chancellor has settled into the role by discounting student bodies whenever a confrontation arises.

Most controversially, the Vice-Chancellor had an opportunity to show that leniency could be granted to Fleur Hawes, who chose to spend nights sleeping in the ANUSA offices in order to her serve the university, to add to the “ethos” of ANU. For wrong or right, he chose not to.

When the VC outlined his 30-page Strategic Plan for ANU last year, there was only one mention of anything extra-curricular (within a dot point where student housing also receives its only fleeting mention) and absolutely no mention of support for student led bodies. There was a lot of mention of research, educational effectiveness (whatever that means) and more public policy (which is a fancy way of saying more TV time for ANU’s lecturers and their opinions). All very important, graphable and box tickers for in-

ternational rankings but not agents for improving life outside the classroom.

This is not the first time the VC has had to deal with a student representative council. In 2006, Ian Young was at Swinburne University, their student union had just illegally sacked their manager, the President was purported to be blight with misdealings and Voluntary Student Unionism had just been introduced.

Young stopped funding the union, set up a new body and made students the minority on the board, disempowering them to do anything. What was hoped to be a 6-month model turned into a 6-year model. James Searle, the last student union president to see Young in charge says that the representative body became a corporation and Swinburne’s “ethos” died. Regardless of your opinion on whether he did the right thing, there is no denying: the man has just not seen a student led body that he’s happy with.

No, this is not a story for the pin-board of the student politicians. There is an observable correlation between conceitedness and run-

ning for student elections. However, more interestingly, after getting in contact with different universities across the country, an incredible statistic emerged – something that can be put on a bar graph that sets ANUSA apart from any other university’s student representative council: ANU students are twice more likely to vote in a student election than any other of the other universities (including Sydney and Melbourne). Voting indicates awareness, a want to have a say and respect of ANU’s students’ association. So, even if ANU students despise their own student politicians, they’re certainly not detached.

Yes, disdain for an ANUSA executive inevitably grows towards the end of their tenure regardless of their achievements. However, ANU students still want to know that the people they’ve chosen to serve them for a year will not be dispatched in March.

The views expressed are those of the author alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of the ANU Student Media Board of Editors.

Think we’ve gotten something so horrendously wrong that you’ve had to talk to your priest about it?

Then write a letter to the editor to woroni@anu.edu.au.

The best letter of the fortnight will win a kilo of ridiculously good coffee from Two Before Ten Roasters.

interACT_woroni_120307.indd 1

7/03/12 12:36 PM

COMMENT//7

A rising tide in the Torres Strait

Well, if a guy with a name like Campbell can do it...

ELISE THOMAS

It has been called a benign genocide.

The combination of rising sea levels and low-lying island nations is considered by some to be the world’s next great humanitarian crisis. Many of those islands at risk are in Australia’s backyard, but a few are even closer than that.

8,500 people live in the twenty small communities of the Torres Strait Islands. There is evidence of human habitation on the islands going back 2,500 years. Without immediate intervention, however, it seems unlikely that it will last another 30 years.

Many villages, and in some cases entire islands, are no more than 1-2 metres above sea level, leaving them extremely vulnerable to the impacts of climate change. Rising sea levels mean that tidal flooding already regularly inundates six islands. Roads are being eroded or washed away, graveyards are being disturbed and untreated sewage is making its way into fresh water sources and the sea.

Vital infrastructure is rapidly being lost and malaria and water-borne diseases are on the rise. Unless approximately $22.4 million can be found to repair damaged sea walls, Australia will soon be faced with thousands of internally displaced climate change refugees.

Torres Strait Island authorities have been desperately trying to attract the attention of state and federal governments for years.

In May 2011, the Chairperson of the Torres Strait Regional Authority pled his case to the UN, warning of a looming humanitarian crisis. Mayor Fred Gela has written several open letters to the Prime Minister and last year publicly questioned Ms Gillard on the ABC’s Q&A. Her response fell short of addressing the question.

The complete lack of action, and indeed lack of concern, shown by the government is most obvious in the failure even to mention the Torres Strait Islands in a major report released by the Climate Change Commission last year.

In December last year, Minister for Regional Australia, Simon Crean backflipped on a promise of federal funding for the rebuilding of the sea walls. In what MP Warren Entsch calls “a sick joke” the Minister now claims responsibility for saving the Strait and its 8,500 inhabitants lies with the Queensland Government and local authorities. A spokesman for the Minister was unaware of any relocation plans for inhabitants of the islands which are already flooded.

Then-Queensland Premier Anna Bligh refused to commit to funding new sea walls and instead planned to back a 2012 push for the Torres Strait to become self-governing thereby washing her hands of the problem.

And in the meantime, the waters keep rising.

Abbott backs himself into a corner DONG HYUNG SU

In his relentless quest to position the Coalition as a diametric entity to the Labor Party, Tony Abbott has constructed and committed to a narrative in which he is the economically savvy prime minister-to-be who will clean up the mess Labor has created. It is exactly this mentality that has forced Abbott and the Coalition into a political corner and exposed weaknesses in the Coalition’s message to voters.

For all the bluster and negativity about the economy-destroying carbon and mining taxes, deficits and spending, Abbott has offered little in the form of positive policy announcements. This only raises further doubts about his economic credentials and overall ability to lead.

Abbott’s focus on the economic and budgetary shortcomings of Labor have backfired as more questions are now being asked of his proposed alternative policies and how they stack up compared to the government’s. This has gifted Labor ammunition to attack the Coalition with, the “$70 billion black hole” meme, providing a rare example of a Labor rhetoric victory over the Coalition.

While Labor themselves can’t exactly boast about fiscal prudence, currently presiding over a $37 billion deficit for this financial year, they can and are attacking Abbott’s

equally specious claims to it.

On the 18th of March Finance Minister Penny Wong released a costings document that finds the Coalition’s policies would put the budget $9 billion in deficit next financial year if they held office, compared to Labor’s projected $1.5 billion surplus, while also calling for Abbott and Shadow Treasurer Joe Hockey to be more forthcoming with policy details.

Although the veracity of the figures being thrown around is questionable, the thrust of Wong’s argument remains valid, Abbott and Hockey have some serious number crunching to do or at least to show to the Australian public.

So far Abbott’s promises include repealing both the mining and carbon taxes, an expensive exercise in tedium, as well as committing to personal income tax cuts. All the while attaining a healthy budget surplus, a tall order.

He’s also made a lot of noise about commissioning an audit to identify ways to cut unnecessary spending.

To fund his promises and attempt to maintain his air of fiscal responsibility Abbott will need to identify and make billions in savings, which he so far has been unable to do convincingly. Furthermore, his promise of an audit effectively acts as a disclaimer, “more

details to come after election” although this writer would hazard a guess that the audit will simply recommend cuts to services and slashing public sector jobs.

It would be unfair though not to mention his paid parental leave scheme, perhaps his single positive policy plan, his attempt at telling women voters he understands.

A point of interest is that Julia Gillard’s carbon tax will be paid by 500 of the nation’s biggest polluters. Abbott’s maternity leave tax levy of 1.5 percent would hit an estimated 3,300 businesses. Given this, it is a little cheeky of Abbott to try to fuel fears about the carbon tax’s effect on businesses.

Abbott’s unremitting critique of Labor’s economic policies has arguably served as his most potent weapon in his bid to gain office.

Now, with his own economic credentials and budgetary policies coming under increasing scrutiny, the tables are beginning to turn. The debate over which side of politics is the more fiscally trustworthy will come to a crescendo with the release of the Federal Budget on the 8th of May. It does not bode well for Abbott and the Coalition as the political narrative Abbott’s campaign is built on, the one being presented to voters, unravels further.

– a magic eye puzzle – a free hat Thanks!

Rosie ************* Dear Woroni, I’d like to begin with thanking you for this Each edition, the best letter to the editor will semester’s editions. You’ve clearly put a norwin a bag of coffee from Two Before Ten. mal amount of effort into your positions so I Send letters to woroni@anu.edu.au think a little lukewarm polite applause is an Dear Woroni, appropriate back slap.

I love your paper. But would love it more if Now that I’m finished not clapping in my you could please include: bedroom where I am not alone and not strokweekly recipes ing the loose threads back from my pillow – a price of coffee index girlfriend’s fringe and staring hopelessly into – a French/Latin language section her zipper seam, I would like to bring to your – a weekly podcast of the letters to the editor attention something which both Patricia and

I have found quite distressing.

I’m glad the subject has already been broached this week, for without pretext I’m afraid I don’t think I would be willing to implicate the CIA and the Greens in Woroni’s conspiracy against the English language single-handedly.

I have written to you in emails, texts, and spoken about it over the phone. I have gone so far as to climb the stairs in which Woroni’s shadowy overlords sit perched and beg to the very faces of those puppet-masters behind this ongoing conspiracy that I be allowed to do some proofreading before Woroni goes to print.

Alas, how ignorant I, Patricia the pillow, and indeed we all have been to the deliberate de-

mise and deconstruction of the English language.

I’m not saying Woroni WANTS to breed a generation of half-breed campus-caged mutants who spell the word accommodation with one ‘c’, I’m saying that that’s what the CIA WANTS you to believe. The Greens (the CIA’s Australian arm) have infiltrated far further into Woroni’s depths than Patricia and I had ever thought possible, which is why I write to you today.

Without going all A Beautiful Mind on you, we know what you’re trying to do. We know who you’re reaching, we know how you’re doing it, and we eagerly await public response.

Regards, The real Andrew Bolt.

TWO BEFORE TEN PRESENT

LETTERS TO THE EDITORS

tere t e L f th o eek w

IN THE LAB

52

The Weakest Link

Adam Spence investigates why the Kings Highway is so lethal On one of the Kings Highway’s sharp, winding bends, you’ll pass a small cave near the top of Clyde Mountain. It’s the nowblocked entrance to a tunnel leading into the mountain and under the road. Such was the importance of the road linking Canberra and the coast that during the Second World War, this tunnel was packed with explosives and manned by soldiers ordered to destroy the road if an invasion occurred.

The decision to locate the national capital inland was no accident. Security was the primary reason why sites on the coast were rejected. Australians, though, love the sand and the sea, and since Canberra’s earliest days the journey down the Kings Highway has been a tradition for residents.

Today, the highway remains the vital link between Canberra and the South Coast. It carries not only holiday seekers but also a growing number of commuters from booming regional developments throughout Queanbeyan and Palerang Shires.

The soldiers and explosives are long gone, yet the potential for destruction has remained. It’s something we’re frequently reminded of, exacerbated by the deficiencies of the road and too often realised due to the behavior of motorists. In a five year period between 2003 and 2007, 18 people have died on the kings highway, with a further 418 injured in road accidents.

Over the Canberra Day long weekend, two separate accidents resulted in the deaths of five more people, a tragedy that this time struck close to the ANU community. On Friday, travelling to Jyndabyne, Brian Burdett and his two young daughters Sky and Kayla died when their vehicle crossed to the wrong side of the road, colliding with an oncoming vehicle.

Within 48 hours, another accident killed two ANU students and seriously injured a third when their Holden Astra impacted a tree while overtaking.

Both accidents occurred not far from one another, on a stretch of highway between Braidwood and the Clyde Mountain. It’s a stretch on the eastern section of the highway; a section where despite having lower traffic

flows than closer to Canberra, the rate of casualty crashes massively increases.

For its entire length, the average number of casualty crashes on the Kings Highway is marginally better than the statewide average for rural undivided carriageways. This overall figure though belies the danger faced by those who travel its eastern reaches. Motorists travelling between Braidwood and Batemans Bay face average crash rates far higher

than between Canberra and Bungendore, almost double the state average. Within Eurobodalla Shire where the eastern end of the highway terminates, the Kings Highway has an accident rate almost 40% higher than the nearby Princess Highway, itself regarded as one of the state’s worst roads.

Following this month’s accidents, decades old calls for the road to be improved have again been voiced. While improvements

have been made to the road over time, most recently to support the new Joint Defence Headquarters near Bungendore, many deficiencies remain.

Significant lengths of the highway have lane and shoulder widths below those recommended by RTA standards. Some sections have no shoulders at all. Many sections of the road have aging pavement and poor structural integrity. The highway’s alignment includes almost triple the state average of high-risk corners.

Despite the inherent dangers of the road, one cannot escape the fact though that the majority of the 4000 people, who use its entire length daily, do not encounter harm.

Nor can one escape the truth that a high proportion of accidents result from the behavior and mistakes of road users.

NSW Police have indicated both accidents over the Canberra Day long weekend were the result of driver error. Speeding, likely mixed with fatigue. In the case of the second accident in which two ANU students died, reports suggest the driver was overtaking at speed on a section of road marked with double unbroken lines. An illegal maneuver, the driver lost control, impacting a tree some distance from the road.

This scenario is not unique. A majority of accidents on the Kings Highway involve single vehicles, running off the road, with a large proportion involving speed as a factor.

There is little prospect for improvement of the road in the near term, with plans suggesting no significant remediation work is to take place before 2014. In the meantime, motorists continue to face a road replete with potential hazards. With the Easter long weekend approaching, traditionally a high accident period, it’s important to realise that none of these hazards are insurmountable for drivers exercising care and who are aware of both the road’s inherent hazards and their own limits.

ELEANOR CAMPBELL

A trip to space

In August of this year, Washington will be hosting an event that will no doubt capture the imaginations of scientists and sci-fi nerds alike: The Annual Space Elevator Conference.

Over the course of three days, researchers, designers, and space enthusiasts will meet up to discuss the challenges of constructing a US$8 billion ribbon that will connect Earth and sky.

The current design consists of a tether fastened to the Earth’s equator, extending to a counterweight about 96,000km away (a quarter of the distance to the moon!). The elevator-riders’ destination will be a space terminal sitting at 36,000km above Earth’s surface. To put this distance into perspective, NASA grants astronauts their space travel wings at an altitude of 80km, Virgin Galactic will take you to 110km for the small sum of US$200,000, and Earth’s atmosphere ends at an altitude of about 1000km. The cable, counterweight and terminal will orbit Earth as the planet rotates, with the terminal itself existing in “geosynchronous orbit”, essentially orbiting at precisely the right distance and velocity to keep up with Earth’s rotation.

Getting to 36,000km in a space elevator will involve more than just hitting the ‘up’ button and standing awkwardly in a box, desperately avoiding eye contact with fellow lift-users. Travellers will be zipping along the Earth-to-space tether at 200km/h for about a week, contained in a shuttle capable of deflecting potentially fatal radiation.

For the past five years, NASA has been offering a US$2 million prize to groups that successfully develop a tether capable of withstanding the physical demands of space elevator travel. No group has won this NASA Strong Tether Challenge yet, but 2012 might be the year in which that changes.

Developments in technology have put carbon nanotubes at the front of the materialsrace for space elevator application. Consisting of a ‘mesh’ of carbon atoms rolled into a cylinder of about one nanometer in diameter, carbon nanotubes are the strongest known material in terms of tensile strength (withstanding stretching or pulling). Carbon nanotube fibre with a cross section of one millimeter squared would be capable of holding about 6400kg. That’s like dangling a Hummer from a ukulele string.

Using this super strong material, the “ribbon” space elevator tether design becomes feasible. A 20cm wide, paper-thin ribbon of carbon nanotube fibres would be sufficient to link Earth to the space terminal, before widening to about 1m to join the terminal to the counterweight.

Before the development of the space elevator can commence, a method for seamlessly joining carbon nanotubes together to form a 94,000km ribbon must be perfected.

Spinning fibres together like spinning yarn from wool might be an option, but there is no room for shortcuts where a project of this scale is involved.

The Obayashi Corporation in Japan has announced that they will be capable of building a space elevator within the next 40 years, so there’s every chance we will be lucky enough to witness one of the staples of science fiction becoming a reality.

BYE BYE, BO...

10

After months of allegations about high profile Chinese Communist Party official, Bo Xilai, Brendan Forde reports on the controversy surrounding how his head finally rolled.

Circumstances, it seems, have finally caught up with one of China’s most high profile leaders. Bo Xilai, controversial Communist Party chief of Chongqing has been removed from office, replaced by trusted and experienced Vice-Premier Zhang Dejiang.

Although the removal, which took effect last Thursday, has not yet been accompanied by a public investigation or prosecution against him, Bo’s career and record have been badly tarnished.

The implication of his removal is that he was involved in the corrupt activities of his erstwhile deputy Wang Lijun. Bo’s chances of elevation to the powerful Politburo Standing Committee, along with his desired return to hard-line Maoist policies, have been perhaps irreparably damaged.

As Party Secretary of Chongqing, Bo commanded significant power and influence. The decision by the Central Party to remove him cannot have been easy. Yet, equally, it was not surprising. Bo had become both unpopular and unpalatable in Beijing.

His public ambition received a poor reception among his superiors, and his high profile campaign against corruption had attracted much attention from the outside world.

Eventually, the very targets of his campaign, the wealthy elite of Chongqing, began to fight back as best they could.

Li Jun, a former Chongqing business figure

claims that he fell victim to the anti-corruption campaign after he refused to hand over a parcel of valuable land to the local government.

Li was arrested and tortured while his property development company valued at $700 million was seized by the government.

Another business figure, Zhang Mingyu, claimed online that he had evidence that linked the Chongqing government to crime figure Weng Zhenjie (who was not targeted during the ant-corruption campaign). Zhang has since been arrested.

Other allegations against Bo have come to the surface, including that he deliberately targeted deputy police chief Wen Qiang during the anti-corruption campaign. Wen had worked closely with Bo’s predecessor and rival, Guangdong party boss Wang Yang. Wen was arrested, convicted and eventually executed. Chinese politics can be a high stakes exercise.

The scandal involving Wang Lijun’s attempted defection to the US badly embarrassed Bo, and triggered much speculation that his career had received a mortal wound.

This speculation amplified when Bo was absent from the opening session of the National People’s Congress (NPC).

Bo was notably absent from the area where the members of the Politburo sit during such sessions. However, he later appeared at a side

meeting of the Chongqing delegates to the NPC. Addressing the delegates, Bo said that he had been surprised that Wang had become involved in a scandal and had attempted to defect.

Bo mentioned that he had even tried to convince Wang to leave the US consulate in Chengdu, but felt that he had placed his trust in the wrong person. He also explained his earlier absence with the excuse that he had been sick with a cough.

In many ways, the signal that Bo was about to be removed came from Premier Wen Jiabao. In the concluding press conference of the event, Wen warned that, without reform, China risked plunging into another calamity, such as the Cultural Revolution.

This not so-subtle swipe at power hungry officials such as Bo was further emphasized when Wen said that the current administration in Chongqing had to seriously reflect on the Wang Lijun case, and learn lessons; particularly lessons from the Cultural Revolution.

A speech made by Vice-President Xi Jinping in which he warned Party leaders not to pursue populism or fame and to abide by consensus driven government, was also published.

The move to publish the speech is telling: Xi had previously visited Chongqing during the height of Bo’s power. Praising his cam-

paign to spread Maoist songs, Xi sought to publicly associate himself with Bo. Xi’s back peddling also says a lot about the current power dynamics in China. While the removal of Bo mirrors other high profile corruption cases in China, such as that of former Shanghai Party Secretary Chen Liangyu in 2006, political considerations cannot be ignored. By adopting populist policies and actively cultivating an image of himself abroad, Bo violated the parameters of Chinese politics.

With the public fall of Wang Lijun, Bo could no longer resist those in Beijing who wanted to remove him. The replacement of Bo by Zhang Dejiang indicates that the Central Government sees Chongqing as something of a political disaster zone. Already, two high ranking local government officials have committed suicide; more prosecutions will certainly come.

The entire saga however raises important questions on how Chinese politics is reported. Undoubtedly, the membership of the next Politburo Standing Committee has already been decided behind closed doors.

While we cannot know for certain if Bo was to be elevated, removing a candidate so close to the change would be both unwise and destabilizing. Regardless, Bo will have great difficulty in resuscitating his career.

THE WATER WE NEVER SEE MATTHEW SIER

As Australians, when it comes to saving water, most of us think that we are among the best. To be honest, it’s probably a fair call given our overall response to prolonged droughts and tighter water restrictions throughout the years. We’ve shortened our showers, we’ve installed rainwater tanks and a lot of Australians have achieved a true sense of the actual value of water.

So what next?

Australian Andrew Liversis, CEO of multinational corporation DOW Chemicals, has repeatedly stated that ‘water is the oil of the 21st century’ and to be frank, he could be on the right track. One doesn’t have to be a genius to extrapolate the consequences of this, given the significant role oil has played in defining relationships in the international arena and many of the wars of 21st century. .

In fact, the ball has already started rolling.

Water conflicts have been at the boiling point for quite awhile. For example, China’s reluctance to let Tibet seek its own independence stems partly from a practical problem. Melting Tibetan glaciers provide China’s population of 1.3 billion people with an essential water source, meaning China is in no sense ready to allow Tibet to function autonomously.

The Jordan River conflict, Cochabamba, The Murray Darling Basin and the Battle of Beersheba may also ring a few bells to those who keep an eye on these things.

The human need for water ranges from the obvious drinking necessities, to the requirement of water as a vital component in the production process of a vast range of goods.

Naturally, the first of these uses we are quite familiar with, being thirsty little individuals in a sunburnt country. As to the latter, however, perhaps not so much.

Fundamental to the sustainable management of Australia’s water resources is an education of just how water is used in the production process. Amongst the uses of water are its cleaning, diluting and cooling properties. Transparency and awareness to the amounts that get used in these processes can mean that manufacturers can be held to some sort of account for the water that they use and potentially waste.

As consumers, we have the ability to buy products that are less water intensive. Some companies are already reinventing their products to embrace more water-aware operations. Take “Levi’s Waterless Jeans”. These garments use 28 percent less water than other types of Levi jeans. Millions of dollars are directed by companies into how to best market their goods, so it’s not as though they turn a blind eye to consumer thoughts.

Currently operating out of Beijing is a nonprofit organisation called Thirst, whose purpose is to change the way we as consumers understand water consumption in the production process. China, as the world’s leading

Journalists are terrible people to invite to dinner parties: it’s our job to ask the questions everyone else is too embarrassed – or polite – to ask.

JESSICA IRVINE Economics Writer The Sydney Morning Herald

manufacturer, the country with the largest population and lowest water share per person is the obvious place to start addressing this issue.

Statistics tell us 80 percent of Chinese know very little about the problem of abnormal water usage in the production process. However, when Generation Yers in China were informed about an impending water crisis, 88 percent said they would change their buying habits.

A long term goal of Thirst is to create a “water-mark” which can be used to identify goods whose manufacturers adopt water-saving and sustainable management processes on the factory floor. It would designate waterresponsibility in a similar way as the Rainforest Alliance mark which identifies coffee that comes from sustainable means and the Heart Foundation “tick’” indicating a health rating on foods.

By January 2013, Thirst is hoping to get 12 million signatures to a pledge stating that they believe water scarcity is an issue. We as consumers have more power in this area than we realise and through education and awareness, we can bring about the change that is required. It’s part of the master plan to address the sustainable management of water resources.

To sign the petition, visit www.thirst4water. org

WHY THIS MAN SPENT $17,000 ON A NEW NOSE

LITTLE MASTER’S MISERY

GOOD WEEKEND

WEEKEND SPORT

2012 FACES TO WATCH SPECTRUM

Fri Jan 20 10:10

WEEKEND

FIRST PUBLISHED 1831 NO. 54,375 $2.50 (inc GST)

January 14-15, 2012

MEET THE $10b HEIRESS

PAUL McGEOUGH

BOMB BLAST THAT ROCKED THE WORLD NEWS REVIEW

NEWS, PAGE 6

ANNE SUMMERS

SILENCE LIKE A CANCER GROWS NEWS REVIEW

OVERSEAS INVASION

Year of job Who’s for a dip? But there is a dark side pain to hit banks, shops Gareth Hutchens ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

AUSTRALIA is on the cusp of a white collar recession with insiders warning that thousands of jobs are at risk in the finance sector, after it emerged yesterday that ANZ planned to cut 700 jobs.

But the Herald has established the job cuts will total as many as 1000 by the end of this year, which will be more than the bank shed at the height of the global financial crisis.

They come a day after the Royal Bank of Scotland announced plans to close its investment banking business, leading to the loss of more than 200 jobs in Australia.

Economists have warned Australia is vulnerable to a recession this year with a wholesale funding squeeze in Europe raising debt costs for banks such as ANZ. Experts have warned thousands of jobs will be lost from the industry this year as banks scramble to adjust to an era of low credit growth and higher funding costs.

This comes on top of cuts of 2150 jobs between March 2009 and last September in ANZ’s Australian division. ‘‘We have run a policy of shedding jobs through attrition since October last year,’’ an executive said. ‘‘Temps have not been rehired once their contract has expired.

Secondments have been stopped. We have outsourced two whole floors of operations staff from a [Melbourne] office to Manila [in the Philippines]. If

700 2100

ANZ jobs to go this year

Australian jobs cut by ANZ in past two years

200

Local jobs lost in Bank of Scotland closure you count all those jobs since October, along with what will be announced in the next week . . . we will lose more staff than we did as a result of the GFC.’’ The national secretary of the Finance Services Union, Leon Carter, criticised the bank for shedding jobs when it had record profitability. ‘‘Yet again the first time anything gets tough in finance the only trick in their locker is to put jobs on the line,’’ he said. ‘‘It continues to be a highly profitable organisation that is making multibillion-dollar profits. They have an obligation to keep everybody employed.’’

The Financial Services Minister, Bill Shorten, said: ‘‘We haven’t been briefed specifically on any decisions of the ANZ in term of jobs.We regard any job losses as unfortunate.’’

Experts say banks will be for-

ced to cut staff numbers for the next few years to protect profit margins. The high levels of consumption and lending they enjoyed in recent years will not continue.

At the start of 2007 Australia’s banks, excluding ANZ Asia, employed 155,000. Four years later that figure had grown to 178,000 people, an increase of 23,000.

In ANZ alone, the number of employees in the group’s global operations increased by 12,000 since September 2008, from 36,900 to 48,900.

But ANZ’s Australian division has shed more than 2100 jobs in the past two years – from 19,922 to 17,768 – as it sends more jobs to offshore.

The job losses could exacerbate conditions in Australia – already vulnerable to recession. The chief economist at JP Morgan, Stephen Walters, said: Australia has not undergone adjustments observed elsewhere ... it remains vulnerable to shocks.

Economists also say we might expect a further shake-out in the retail industry, which employs 1.2 million people, following the jobs losses last year.

The Grattan Institute’s Saul Eslake said: ‘‘I wouldn’t be at all surprised if 2012 was a year in which some of the almostinevitable consequences for employment in retailing of the deterioration in retail trading conditions over the next couple of years came to a head.’’

ANZ staff wait for axe to fall — Weekend Business

Tertiary advisory days: your five-page guide to starting university

summer FESTIVAL OF THE COUCH

LIFESAVERS have a simple explanation for the spate of near drownings and a record number of rescues in recent weeks. ‘‘There was pretty poor weather leading into Christmas and I think that everyone was frothing at the bit to get out to the beach,’’ said Dean Storey, the lifesaving manager of Surf Life Saving NSW. ‘‘Then the sun came out. At the same time we had the big swell . . . and it all came together to create a couple of weeks of

carnage.’’ The solution to the problem is not as simple. Water safety groups are concerned that pool closures and entry costs are denying young children the chance to learn to swim.

While an estimated 1.2 million children have private lessons, experts conservatively predict that each year at least 50,000 children nationwide graduate from high school without being able to swim 50 metres.

In NSW classes are offered

through an Education Department, two-week intensive program in schools for students in years two to six.

The program – the most affordable in the state – is offered to 100,000 students but is not compulsory.

The peak industry body AUSTSWIM said in recent years issues of cost had made some parents reluctant to send their children for lessons.

The chief executive, Gordon Mallett, said: ‘‘If there is no local pool, despite any efforts the Department of Education may make, it starts to get more difficult. Then you’ve got the cost of

entry to existing pools, which is a barrier to some socio-economic groups, and the increasing cost of bus transport. ‘‘The Department of Education tries to minimise the cost but there are some limitations on that. It’s just a sign of our economic times at the moment.

People are being pinched a bit.’’

On the plus side, Surf Life Saving is enjoying a boom in the number of young people becoming involved in the volunteer rescue organisation.

This year it has 30,000 nippers on its books and the number has been rising annually for the past four years.

Come in spinner: Fiji pays Washington lobbyists for image makeover Dylan Welch SUVA, FIJI ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

THE Fijian regime of Voreqe ‘‘Frank’’ Bainimarama has recruited one of Washington’s most notorious lobbyist firms – that has been raided by the FBI and represents repressive regimes in the Middle East and Africa – to help manage its reputation and lobby foreign journalists.

And diplomatic sources believe the firm, Qorvis Communications, may be behind the decision by Commodore Bainimarama to lift the widely condemned public emergency regu-

Frank Bainimarama ... advice. lations, only to enshrine them in a permanent law.

The company is represented in Suva by a fresh-faced former business journalist, Seth Thomas Pietras, who has been in the

country on and off since October. A contract published by the US Justice Department under the Foreign Agents Registration Act reveals that in October the Fijian Attorney-General, Aiyaz Sayed-Khaiyum, signed a deed with Qorvis worth $US40,000 a month for a year. In return, Qorvis has agreed to provide ‘‘public relations services relating to business and investment to the government of Fiji’’.

But it appears to the Herald, which spent the week in Suva being lobbied by Mr Pietras, that his ambit is far greater than spin.

It is likely Mr Pietras, described

as Qorvis’s chief speechwriter, helped draft Commodore Bainimarama’s recent speeches, including his New Year’s Day address announcing the lifting of emergency regulations.

Several countries with an interest in Fiji expressed a belief to the Herald that, given the timing, Qorvis might have played a role in Commodore Bainimarama’s decision to lift the emergency regulations.

A diplomatic source also expressed concern that the kind of role played by such lobbyists in the Middle East and Africa was being imported to the Pacific.

News Review Fiji’s future of uncertainty Mr Pietras, an executive vicepresident of Qorvis’s geopolitical solutions section, is at least the second Qorvis employee to travel to Fiji, after Tina Jeon, an Olympic archer and Qorvis spinner.

In early November Ms Jeon posted on Twitter a photo of herself and Commodore Bainimarama aboard a boat in Fiji with the caption: ‘‘No better place to write a press release’’.

Last year, during the Arab Spring, Mr Pietras was Qorvis’s spokesman when its role in defending Middle East regimes was the subject of debate. ‘‘Our clients are facing some challenges now,’’ Mr Pietras told The New York Times. ‘‘But our long-term goals to bridge the differences between our clients and the United States haven’t changed. We stand by them.’’

In 2004 when Qorvis was raided by the FBI as part of an investigation into whether an advertising campaign it helped run broke federal law by not disclosing Saudi funding.

At the time, Qorvis was the beneficiary of a six-month contract with the Saudis worth almost $US15 million to help improve its reputation after the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001.

Last year an Egyptian steel tycoon with ties to the Mubarak regime retained Qorvis to manage his public relations during a trial regarding claims of widespread corruption. He was eventually sentenced to 10 years in jail.

The company has also represented the man widely known as ‘‘Africa’s worst dictator’’, Equatorial Guinea’s Teodoro Obiang Nguema Mbasogo.

‘‘We have kids who are doing nipper training, who are rescuing kids their age on days when the surf is a bit tricky,’’ said the nipper manager at North Bondi Surf Life Saving, Jim Walker.

North Bondi has 1400 children doing nipper training, up from 850 a few years ago.

A Bondi resident, Julia Palmer, was raised in England and wanted her daughter, Tabitha, to gain a better understanding than she had of safety at the beach. ‘‘We offered for her to do it and she loves it. She’s much more confident now in the surf than she was,’’ Ms Palmer said.

SYDNEY CITY shower or two 19°-23° LIVERPOOL shower or two 17°-24° PENRITH shower or two 18°-24° WOLLONGONG showers clearing 18°-21° GOSFORD few showers 17°-23° NEWCASTLE few showers 20°-23° CANBERRA shower or two 12°-24° ARMIDALE showers, storms 12°-22° DUBBO shower or two 15°-31° COFFS HARBOUR storms 19°-26° DETAILS PAGE 19 ISSN 0312-6315

9 770312 631063

Have you let your home loan go?

6.14 UHomeLoan

ubank.com.au

SPORTSDAY

First published 1831 No. 54,364 $1.50 (inc GST)

Call to cut city speed limits to 40km/h Anna Patty STATE POLITICS ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

TRAFFIC across the city would be slowed to 40km/h as part of City of Sydney plans.

Terry Lee-Williams, a transport strategy manager at the City of Sydney, told the NSW Parliament’s joint standing committee on road safety that the council would like a “blanket” 40km/h speed limit across the city in “predominantly residential areas”. He said 20 per cent of the existing city speed zones were 40km/h. ‘‘Once we do the CBD, that would take it up to about 35 per cent and we would progressively like to roll that through. I say progressively because it is a cost issue,’’ Mr Lee-Williams told the committee late last year.

The costs include hundreds of thousands of dollars in studies ‘‘and hoops we must jump through for the RMS [Roads and Maritime Services]’’.

The NSW Labor MP Walt Secord, who is a Staysafe committee member, said he disagreed with the council plan to introduce the 40km/h speed zone across the city, saying it would further congest traffic. ‘‘Recently at a Staysafe parliamentary hearing, the staff from Sydney City Council were advocating changing the entire city to 40 kilometres,’’ he said. ‘‘While I understand they have safety concerns, I fear that it could slow city traffic to a snail’s pace. ‘‘This would make journeys across Sydney even longer in duration and slower, especially at night.’’

A spokeswoman for the City of Sydney said it was the responsibility of NSW Roads and Maritime Services to approve any changes to the speed limit.

“The RMS is responsible for signposting and speed limits throughout NSW,” she said.

“The City of Sydney supports improving road safety and minimising the risk of injury and death in pedestrian areas

Howard honoured, for Queen and country

News — Page 3

Weather, or not

The most miserable summer in Sydney in 50 years. The coldest autumn nationally in more than 50 years. Record flooding in Victoria. A Christmas Day in Melbourne with hailstones the size of eggs. Massive floods and cyclone Yasi in Queensland.

What’s it all mean?

ROAD RULES Pedestrians in the city centre: 600,000 Vehicles in city centre: 85,000 International safety speed: 30km/h City of Sydney safety speed: 40km/h through the reduction of speed limits, as is international best practice. On any given working day, there are 600,000 pedestrians in the city centre and 85,000 vehicles. The slower the vehicle, the less risk of severe trauma to the pedestrian.’’

A spokeswoman for Roads and Maritime Services said it had “received a copy of the concept proposal for a speed zone reduction from the City of Sydney on Christmas Eve and is reviewing it early this year”.

The former Labor premier Kristina Keneally and the City of Sydney lord mayor, Clover Moore, agreed to a plan to slow traffic within the city centre to 40km/h by early 2011 in a memorandum of understanding dated September 13, 2010, when Mr Secord worked as chief-ofstaff for Ms Keneally.

A spokesman for the NSW Roads Minister, Duncan Gay, said the minister had not yet seen the City of Sydney proposal.

Mr Lee-Williams told the Staysafe committee in late November that someone hit by a car at 40km/h was far less likely to die than if they were hit at 60km/h. ‘‘Internationally it is 30km/h, but because it has taken about 12 years to get the RTA down to 40km/h, we did not want to push the envelope to 30km/h,’’ he said. ‘‘Traffic also flows better in crowded areas at a slower speed because . . . you do not get compression between intersections: the vehicles are moving easily; they do not have to accelerate, decelerate, accelerate, decelerate.”

Paul Sheehan, Opinion — Page 11

Road toll falls

The 2011 road toll was the second lowest since 1944, according to provisional figures from the NSW Centre for Road Safety. Last year, 376 people were killed on NSW roads, down from 405 the previous year. The toll has dropped from 524 over the past 10 years.

News — Page 5

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

IN GOOD COMPANY

On merit ... clockwise, from top left: Baroness Thatcher, Prince Charles, Sir Tom Stoppard, David Hockney and Sir David Attenborough. who was also appointed to the order yesterday, will join luminaries including the former British prime minister Baroness Margaret Thatcher, the playwright Sir Tom Stoppard, the naturalist Sir David Attenborough and Prince Charles.

The Governor-General, Quentin Bryce, said she warmly congratulated Mr Howard on receiving such a distinguished award. ‘‘This is a rare and singular honour for his service to Australia,’’ she said.

The Order, founded by King

Edward VII in 1902, carries no title but is considered an extremely high mark of honour and a personal gift from the Queen.

According to the Royal Family’s website, it is to be given ‘‘to such persons, subjects of Our Crown,

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

p.a.

Dirty business ... litter lines the foreshore at Iron Cove.

Photo: Jon Reid before, NSW Maritime’s latest annual report reveals. ‘‘One can draw the conclusion that there would be more litter in the harbour,’’ said Peter McLean, the NSW chief executive of Keep Australia Beautiful. ‘‘I hate to see

programs like this not continue in some form. It would certainly be very detrimental. We have millions of people living in that catchment.’’

Research indicated it was likely that since the end of the

drought more rain has meant more litter washed into waterways, he said.

Most of the man-made refuse consists of food and drink packaging dropped on streets and swept into the harbour through stormwater drains, a NSW Maritime spokeswoman said.

While the fall was partly caused by Maritime’s environmental service losing its flagship vessel for more than six months as a replacement was built, it also followed a decision in December 2010 to stop using detainees provided by the Department of Corrective Ser-

vices for the foreshore clean-up, she said.

Minimal risk detainees began working with government waterways cleaners 17 years ago and the program has contributed between 12 and 28 per cent of the volume of waste collected every year up to 2008-09, official figures show.

However, the program was suspended when the Department of Corrective Services began to phase out its periodic detention program last October, according to NSW Maritime.

The Herald understands that staff were unwilling to work with

higher-risk detainees receiving intensive correction orders, which have replaced periodic detention.

The detainees’ assistance was hailed as a success in previous years, as NSW Maritime crews worked to remove boating hazards and rubbish from Sydney Harbour and the navigable waters of the Parramatta and Lane Cove rivers over a combined foreshore length of 270 kilometres.

Four minimal risk detainees worked three times a week with government staff to clear debris in areas inaccessible to boats,

Gillard rebukes Hawke on unions Jessica Wright ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

THE Prime Minister has dismissed a call by the Labor elder Bob Hawke to slash the power of unions within the ALP. Julia Gillard defended the factional and union influences that were responsible for the destruction of Kevin Rudd’s leadership in 2010.

Mr Hawke, a former prime minister and boss of the ACTU, said in an interview with the Fairfax publication The Australian Financial Review that while his ‘‘first love’’ was the trade union movement, its influence over the Labor Party had grown to ‘‘suffocating’’ proportions.

First Tuesday

Exceptionally meritorious services ... Mr Howard at home in Wollstonecraft yesterday. ‘‘It’s a compliment to Australia,’’ he said of his award. Photo: Quentin Jones Kelly Burke NOT since Sir Robert Menzies has the monarchy bestowed such approbation on an Australian politician.

John Howard’s decade-long prime ministership and his dogged adherence to a constitutional monarchy have earned him admission to an exclusive club with a capped membership of just 24 after Buckingham Palace announced yesterday he had been appointed a member of the Order of Merit.

Only Menzies’ Knight of the Order of the Thistle, to which the Liberal Party founder was invested in 1963, carries more kudos. ‘‘I’m very honoured,’’ Mr Howard told the Herald from his home in Wollstonecraft. ‘‘It’s a compliment to Australia and a recognition, among other things, of the respect the Queen has for this country. I’m very grateful for it.’’

Mr Howard, along with the British artist David Hockney,

Debra Jopson THE amount of litter and waste Sydney Harbour garbage collectors pick up each year has plummeted to the lowest level in more than a decade after NSW Maritime suspended a long-running clean-up program that used prisoners on periodic detention.

The environmental services team, which clears debris ranging from plastic drink bottles to fallen trees from more than 5000 hectares of waterways, collected just 2284 cubic metres of waste last financial year, almost 500 cubic metres less than the year

%

Variable and comparison rate

INSIDE Bowser blues

NSW drivers could face more petrol price rises when the government bans regular unleaded fuel, pushing up demand for ethanol-blended and premium unleaded, the industry has warned. From July, petrol stations will no longer be allowed to sell regular unleaded in a bid to promote renewable biofuels.

as may have rendered exceptionally meritorious services in Our Crown Services or towards the advancement of the Arts, Learning, Literature, and Science or such other exceptional service as We are fit to recognise’’.

Although writers and artists have traditionally dominated the field, politicians appointed to the order have included Sir Winston Churchill, Clement Attlee and Baroness Thatcher.

Mr Howard becomes the ninth Australian appointed, following in the footsteps of the philosopher Samuel Alexander, the intellectual Gilbert Murray, scientists Sir Frank Macfarlane Burnet, Howard Florey and Robert McCredie May, former chief justice of Australia Sir Owen Dixon, artist Sir Sidney Nolan and soprano Dame Joan Sutherland.

Mr Howard is expected to receive his Order of Merit – an eight-pointed cross bearing the imperial crown to be worn around the neck – at a ceremony later this year.

Harbour rubbish pile on the rise after prison drain gangs get the brush-off

Take control and refinance with a UHomeLoan, and receive an incredibly low variable rate of 6.14%p.a. This great rate includes a Lifetime Loyalty Discount of 0.20%p.a. and is available on all new applications.

Only available at

The son also rises

The world of the box-set addict

Sun, sand and fun ... Tabitha Palmer, 6, centre, plays with Liv Knight, 7, and Harry Hamilford, 5, at North Bondi. The girls are in the under-7 nippers. Photo: Dallas Kilponen

STARTS PAGE 12

THE TENDULKAR DYNASTY DY YNASTY

Monday January 2, 2012

Economic conditions are preventing children learning to swim, writes Nick Ralston.

When children’s shows become naughty

such as mangrove swamps, the NSW Maritime spokeswoman said.

The agency expects to restart the program using volunteers provided by a non-government organisation in the first quarter of next year, another spokesman said.

Mr McLean said volunteers were difficult to attract. He warned that the loss of extra assistance with garbage collection coincides with the NSW government setting a target in its new state plan of achieving the lowest litter count per capita in Australia by 2016.

Mitt Romney and Ron Paul appeared to be running neck and neck in Iowa before tomorrow’s first vote on the candidates vying for the Republican Party’s presidential nomination, with Rick Santorum mounting a late charge. Contenders have been blitzing shopping malls, public meetings and local media.

World — Page 8

Classic stoush

Chloe Hosking won a thrilling first race of the Bay Classic and promptly called Union Cycliste Internationale boss Pat McQuaid ‘‘a dick’’ for failing to implement a minimum wage for women.

Third placed Rochelle Gilmore also called for change.

SportsDay — Page 32

SYDNEY CITY sunny 18°-26° LIVERPOOL sunny 15°-31° PENRITH sunny 16°-33° WOLLONGONG sunny 18°-26° GOSFORD sunny 15°-28° NEWCASTLE sunny 18°-26° CANBERRA partly cloudy 15°-35° ARMIDALE mostly sunny 10°-27° DUBBO sunny 17°-35° COFFS HARBOUR partly cloudy 16°-26° DETAILS PAGE 18 ISSN 0312-6315

9 770312 631018

Rates current as at 13 January 2012. The comparison rate is based on a secured loan of $150,000 over the term of 25 years. WARNING: This comparison rate is true only for the examples given and may not include all fees and charges. Different terms, fees or other loan amounts might result in a different comparison rate. UBank is a division of National Australia Bank Limited ABN 12 004 044 937 AFSL and Australian Credit Licence 230686.

You should consider the terms and conditions for UHomeLoan, available from ubank.com.au, before making any decisions regarding this product. Fees and charges and lending criteria apply.

UBA526/smhfp1_G3982327AB

‘Our great trade union movement is important to Australian society and to representing the needs of working people.’ Julia Gillard

1HERSA1 A001

Switch your new Smartphone to an Optus SIM for MORE.

Search Optus SIM.

Terms & Conditions: ~Must attach to your Optus Rewards membership before 15 March 2012. Triple points apply until 31 December 2012 to services held in the same name as the new service and attached to your Optus Rewards membership. You must be a Qantas Frequent Flyer member and an Optus Rewards member and link OPTUS13728/SMH/7x11 your membership to earn points. Points are only earned once payment is made for eligible Optus services through a validated Optus account which has been added to your Optus Rewards membership. Full Terms and Conditions at optus.com.au/points. SingTel Optus Pty Ltd ABN 90 052 833 208.

1HERSA1 A001

But yesterday Ms Gillard said the unions were the champions of ‘‘working Australians’’. ‘‘I believe our great trade union movement is important to Australian society and to representing the needs of working people,’’ she said. ‘‘It was the trade union movement, shoulder to shoulder with the Labor Party, that fought back and got rid of Work Choices.’’

Responding to Mr Hawke’s advice to the ALP to recognise the perceived negative association with the unions, Ms Gillard said the matter had been adequately addressed at the party’s national conference last month.

She tried to soften the public rebuke to Mr Hawke, once the nation’s most popular leader, saying he was an important part of the ALP’s history. ‘‘Bob Hawke is of course a living legend,’’ she said. ‘‘Bob is right to say that the Labor Party needs to keep modernising.’’

His criticism of undue union influence within the ALP mirrored the view of another former prime minister, Kevin Rudd, who savaged the power of the unions

and factions in a speech to the national conference.

Mr Rudd said the party had failed to take any significant steps to rein in the power of factions and union bosses. ‘‘While some claim we have moved forward on party reform, the truth is we have barely moved at all,’’ Mr Rudd said. ‘‘The stark alternative remains: either more power to the factional powerbrokers or more power to the 35,000 members of the Australian Labor Party.’’

An internal review by the former premiers Steve Bracks and Bob Carr and Senator John Faulkner recommended a guaranteed say for unions and Labor supporters in party preselections and aired dire warnings that the party faced a membership crisis.

Senator Faulkner has repeatedly warned that the ALP risks a wipeout of its membership – as ‘‘a small party getting smaller, [and] an old party getting older’’.

Ms Gillard welcomed the review but resisted the suggestion that the unions be given a say in policy and parliamentary decisions. ‘‘As Labor leader I will insist on the right to freely choose the executive of the federal parliamentary Labor Party,’’ she said at the time of the review’s release. ‘‘I have chosen my team of ministers and parliamentary secretaries and I will continue to do so.’’

Mr Hawke also addressed the leadership question that continues to dog Ms Gillard, saying he believed she was the best person for the job. ‘‘I don’t think they should change leaders,’’ he said. ‘‘There has been a lot of criticism of Julia, but you have got to give her credit for a lot of achievements and tenacity. ‘‘She has shown a lot of courage and determination, particularly on the carbon tax and the mining tax. When those things are bedded down they may even become positives.’’

Ms Gillard has refused to address questions about the leadership this year, telling reporters on New Year’s Day to ‘‘check the transcripts’’ of last year for her answer.

It is more than 20 years since Mr Hawke was prime minister of Australia but the ‘‘Silver Bodgie’’ has enjoyed a resurgence in the media, most recently in a renewed spat with the former prime minister Paul Keating.

The pair showed the passing of time had done nothing to ease the rancour in their relationship with Mr Keating this week blaming Mr Hawke for the wage explosions of the 1970s.

Mr Keating said that Mr Hawke, as the ACTU national secretary, had ‘‘nearly destroyed the economy twice’’. The spat coincides with the release by the National Archives of the 1982 and 1983 cabinet documents.

2011 a year in weather NEWS, PAGE 7

summer

Foreign-made car F ttops sales NEWS, PAGE 3 Wednesday January 4, 2012

First published 1831 No. 54,366 $1.50 (inc GST)

Wickets tumble as Test cricket hits fast-forward button There’s action aplenty as the five-day game takes its lead from Twenty20, writes Malcolm Knox.

AS IF obligated to compete with the evening’s entertainment, 22 Test cricketers of Australia and India romped through three bright and breezy sessions. The batsmen clubbed the ball to all corners when they weren’t losing their wickets. The bowlers served up bouncers, wides, late outswingers and unplayable in-duckers, with the occasional nagging length ball for variety.

Fieldsmen fell asleep if the ball hadn’t come to them in an over.

What is this new thing, and how can it be stretched to five days? Perhaps each team needs three innings in a Test. Perhaps there is no problem. Test matches have a natural duration of 31⁄2 days, and we should celebrate the plebeian uprising of the bowler.

While M.S. Dhoni and R. Ashwin were together, putting on 54 in 81 balls for India’s seventh wicket, an anxious Australian voice in the Churchill Stand muttered, ‘‘They’re digging in now – we need a wicket, Hilfy!’’

Resurgent Punter holds key to series If the opening day was all about Sachin Tendulkar, the central character leading into today is Ricky Ponting.

Summer – Page 26

How good is James Pattinson? ... Australia’s hottest new quickie celebrates the wicket of Virender Sehwag. Photo: Steve Christo

Bowler Ben Hilfenhaus did his bit, and concerns about a partnership lasting more than an hour were allayed. Mexican waves couldn’t even make a full circuit as a wicket fell first.

When security guards seized beach balls, they weren’t booed, because something had happened on the field to distract the crowd’s attention. Bill Lawry surely couldn’t cry ‘‘It’s all happening!’’ for fear of understatement.

When Dhoni won the toss, the crowd cheered – they were going to see Sachin Tendulkar. Of course, they never considered the Indian top three might bat all day, and they were right, though it did look, for a moment after tea, as though they might be back in for their second innings.

Tendulkar did not make his 100th international century. Two constants of his career – that he scores runs in Sydney and that his teammates let him down – collided, resulting in his dismissal for 41. He came to the crease at 2-30 when not one ball had been hit convincingly in front of the wicket.

From there it was a contest of his cover drive versus Australia. The bowlers fed the shot. He laced drive after drive between point and mid-off, then dragged one onto his stumps. As wickets go, it was a cheap buy.

In general the bowlers didn’t have to strike any bargains. Hilfenhaus rediscovered his fast bouncer to remove Ashwin. Then, like a child who remembers last year’s Christmas present was even better than this year’s, Hilfy used Continued Page 2

Economic woes hit US defence ambitions Daniel Flitton ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

AUSTRALIA is about to confront the biting reality of US military decline as its cash-strapped ally moves to abandon the longstanding doctrine of being ready to fight two wars simultaneously on opposite sides of the globe.

The New York Times reported yesterday on cuts expected to be announced this week by the Defence Secretary, Leon Panetta, to slash hundreds of billions of dollars in defence spending across ground forces, navy, air force and the nuclear arsenal.

Coming after earlier reduc-

tions, the US’s formal strategy to fight two large adversaries at once – as it did during World War II against Nazi Germany in Europe and Japan in the Pacific – will also be surrendered.

For 60 years the Defence chiefs in Canberra have had the luxury to assume Washington will be free to come to Australia’s aid, no matter what the US entanglements outside the region.

But those days are gone as a teetering economy forces deep cuts to the US defence budget – at the same time as many are concerned about China’s growing military ambitions.

Buzzcut Pentagon prepares to slash spending.

World – Page 8

The troubled F-35 Joint Strike Fighter, of which Labor has committed to buy between 14 and 100, is also reported to be targeted.

Despite the cuts, the US would remain the pre-eminent military power with the ability to fight and win one major conflict and ‘‘spoil’’ a second adversary’s ambitions in another part of the world. But The New York Times

reported that the cuts inevitably posed questions such as whether a reduced aircraft carrier fleet could counter an increasingly bold China or whether a smaller army could fight a long ground war in Asia.

Australia has already made plain its hope to see a greater US engagement in the ‘‘Asian century’’ as the Obama administration withdraws from Iraq and Afghanistan.

The agreement to train up to 2500 US Marines near Darwin, announced during Barack Obama’s visit to Australia in November, was widely interpreted as

insurance against China’s rise.

The US has also made clear a desire to shift the focus to Asia and Mr Obama used his speech to federal Parliament to pledge the US was ‘‘here to stay’’.

The shift from fighting two simultaneous wars against major forces recognises the significant changes to warfare during recent decades, with insurgent conflicts the norm and the growing use of drones and other high technology.

The Defence Minister, Stephen Smith, and the Minister for Foreign Affairs, Kevin Rudd, would not comment on the change.

Killer given passport, licence and freedom Saffron Howden and Alicia Wood ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

TRENT JENNINGS packed his passport, driver’s licence and, unsupervised, took off in a stolen car from a prison psychiatric hospital.

As authorities scrambled yesterday to shift the blame for the bungle that allowed the killer to walk free on Friday and outsmart police hours later, the nationwide hunt for him continued.

Jennings, 26, stabbed a man to death eight years ago during a casual sexual encounter.

He was granted day leave rights from Morisset Hospital, near Newcastle, only a month before he absconded from custody and allegedly arranged over the internet to meet a man, 50, at his home in Sydney’s Zetland.

Last Thursday, Jennings, pictured, tied the man up with his consent then stole some of his belongings, including his black Mercedes four-wheeldrive, police say.

That night he returned to hospital after curfew, having contacted staff to tell them his train was running late.

Satisfied with this explanation, hospital staff allowed him out unsupervised at 2pm the next day, the eighth anniversary of the night he stabbed Giuseppe Vitale, 32, in the neck after binding him at the hands and feet in a park at Narwee.

Jennings did not return on Friday evening and, four hours later, he was pulled over by police in the stolen car south of Coffs Harbour. His licence and vehicle registration were checked, he was issued with some fines, and allowed to drive off.

Last night, police across Australia were searching for the former Sydney waiter, who in 2005 was found not guilty of Mr Vitale’s murder because a court concluded he was in a druginduced psychosis at the time.

Yesterday the Premier, Barry O’Farrell, ordered a report from all relevant departments into the circumstances surrounding the getaway and the delay in notifying the public. ‘‘I share some of the concerns about the lack of information about his release or his escape,’’ he said.

This week the NSW chief psychiatrist, John Allan, will review Jennings’ case and patient leave procedures at Morisset Hospital.

The local health district Continued Page 2

SYDNEY CITY shower or two 20°-32° LIVERPOOL shower or two 17°-39° PENRITH shower or two 18°-39° WOLLONGONG storms, showers 20°-32° GOSFORD shower or two 16°-34° NEWCASTLE shower or two 20°-31° CANBERRA shower or two 18°-34° ARMIDALE shower or two 12°-29° DUBBO partly cloudy 19°-37° COFFS HARBOUR mostly sunny 18°-29° DETAILS PAGE 16

Get the Herald delivered the way you want it Choose the package that suits your uni schedule from just $30 for the year.

There’s the Digital Pass, with 24/7 access to the digital replica of the newspaper OR the Print + Digital subscription with 7–day newspaper access too.

Subscribe, save and stay ahead smh.com.au/anu

smh UNI PASS

ISSN 0312-6315

9 770312 631032

1HERSA1 A001

LIFE & STYLE// 12

Gareth Evans

THE INTERVIEW

The Chancellor of the ANU sits down with Fergus Hunter to talk university, work, federal politics and foreign policy.

First class honours law student at Melbourne University, Masters student at Oxford University, 21 years as an MP, Attorney General, Foreign Minister, president of international organisations, chair of international commissions, and now the Chancellor of our university. It’s fair to say he’s done a bit.

Describing his role as “terrifically stimulating”, Mr Evans was enthusiastic to show his loyalty from the get go, claiming that the ANU is “absolutely right to claim to be the country’s finest university”, in an implicit dismissal of the main rival for this position (his alma mater and also where he holds a position) Melbourne University.

Ever the tease, Mr Evans slipped into the conversation that we’ll be hearing about some ‘major new developments’ in the university’s contribution to debate and policy, hastening to add that “I can’t talk about it now” but that all would be revealed soon.

On the challenging expense of student accommodation, Mr Evans labelled it “an issue that we’re constantly wrestling with”, not least because of the administration’s understanding that the “on campus presence” is an integral part of the experience, as well as an appreciation of the “economic imperative to keep the cost as low as possible”.

He acknowledged the problem, but didn’t take it much further, instead offering up the observation that “what you get for the fees is pretty extraordinary”.

On the new residences, Mr Evans said that he was “gobsmacked by the quality of the living environment” as well as the ‘quasi-college’ extent of services and support.

He added that the administration was “working like hell” to strike the “difficult bal-

ance” between keeping prices low and giving value for money.

Moving on from university matters, I asked for his thoughts on what now seems like the completely ancient ALP leadership battle.

He quickly mentioned that, due to his proximity to certain actors in the events (presumably the former Prime Minister and Foreign Minister, with whom he was going to have lunch with after the interview,) he didn’t

“When asked if he thought the outcome of the leadership spill was the best one, he conspicuously failed to mention the victor, instead fast forwarding to the appointment of Bob Carr as foreign minister.” want to comment too specifically.

When asked if he thought the outcome of the leadership spill was the best one, he conspicuously failed to mention the victor, instead fast forwarding to the appointment of Bob Carr as foreign minister.

When I probed him on whether he thought Kevin Rudd would have another go at the top job, he concluded that it’s not “beyond the realm of possibility”, but emphatically stated

that it wouldn’t happen “in the life of this parliament”.

Mr Evans has been a strident supporter of Bob Carr since he was first mentioned as a candidate for the Senate vacancy and foreign ministership.

According to the Chancellor, Carr is “an outstanding talent” who’s “not only got a voice but a brain to go with it”. Carr’s strengths are that he has “spent a lot of time absorbing information”, and is “nuanced in his understanding of global political issues” as well as possessing a “personality that people warm to” and “very good connections and personal relations with a lot of people in high places”.

On the ALP’s prospects in the next election, Mr Evans seemed calm and confident that a victory is entirely possible. “We’re only 6 points apart in two-party preferred terms, a number of governments in recent memory have bounced back from shortfalls of that kind in similar stages of the electoral cycle”.

He emphasised the need to “demonstrate the nakedness of the opposition…in its present mode of not at all contributing constructively to the public policy debate”.

Trying hard not to imagine a naked Bronwyn Bishop (sorry), I quickly moved on to policy.

First up, asylum seekers, an area he feels we have “to go back to fundamentals and recognise that we are talking about people who are seeking asylum from situations of terror, of despair, of oppression. And there’s a whole body of international law and practice, which says that their position should be supported”.

He summed up with a call to “get real about the scale of the problem and get civilised in the way in which we deal with it”.

It could be said that Mr Evans seemed distracted and rushed during the interview. In his own words, he “[hasn’t] been slacking it”.

He rattled off his 2011 travel in numbers with

“We’re only 6 points apart in two-party preferred terms, a number of governments in recent memory have bounced back from shortfalls of that kind in similar stages of the electoral cycle” eager precision: 11 overseas trips, one being 4 weeks long and involving 12 countries, 15 cities and 25 speeches.

He estimated that ANU related matters currently occupy 25% of his time (with the rest being Melbourne University, international advocacy and sitting on the boards of 6 global NGOs), and he’s keen to spend “more time, rather than less, at the ANU”.

To finish, I was keen to make him pick sides. Citing his education and position at Melbourne University, and his Chancellorship at the ANU, I asked him which his favourite was. He did the right thing and answered that now, “ANU really is where my heart is”.

Art & Culture

Nellie Peoples Steel Structure Brooch, 2011 Steel http://nellpeoples.tumblr.com/

LIFE & STYLE// 14 the whos, wheres, whens, & hows of what’s kicking in Canberra.

NEW RADICALS Sunday, 1 April - 6pm Street Theatre $25/$21

ART THREE EXHIBITIONS 13 April to 12 May Canberra Contemporary Art Space Free This isn’t actually called ‘Three Exhibitions’; there just so happen to be three of them and their names are too long to type out. It doesn’t seem like there is a coherent theme between them except that they all seem somewhat promising. One looks at females in fairy tales; another at experimental sculpture (no idea); and the last at glass ‘growing’, whatever that means.

HARDCORE PAWN: PLAYIN’ CHESS

STEPHEN PRIEST

Modern folk music? What is that?

That isn’t a thing. They say they use megaphones, bell-laden gloves, and melodicas. What is that? That isn’t a thing. They say you’re supposed to not just listen to the music but feel it. What is that? Ahh fucking hipsters. Next thing you know they’ll be asking you to cowbell with your mum naked in the forest.

MUSIC

Chess, once described as the game of kings, is today associated with the gifted, the bright and intelligent. As I am none of these, I hope to show that chess is, contrary to popular belief, the game for your Average Joe. Chess is a game of patterns. A limited number of patterns, also known as tactical motifs, make their appearance over and over. Getting better is often as simple as exposing yourself to the patterns again and again.

The Bishop Pin “The pin is mightier than the sword” - Reinfield The pattern that I’ll focus on this week is the Pin, using bishops. Taking my definition from Winning Chess by Irving Chernev and Fred Reinfield: “The pin is an attack against two or more hostile forces standing … diagonal). It is the most common, the most dangerous and hence the most important tactical weapon.”

Hence, a great place to start.

Diagram 1 – Black to move

NUTS MUSICAL AND COMEDY EXTRAVAGANZA Thurs, 29 March - 7pm Teatro Vivaldi’s $5 NUTS members, $10 not We at round[about] think that the word ‘extravaganza’ is bandied about a little too much in event descriptions. What does it even mean? We have no idea. This NUTS (National University Theater Society) Extravaganza, however, looks pretty tantalising: musical theatre standards, comedy by Satyros, and of course, cheap drinks. Sounds like fun, as long as nobody sings Les Mis...

THEATRE

ON PURGE BÉBÉ/BABY WON’T SHIT 3-5 April - 7pm ANU Drama Labs $10 A French play subtitled in English filled with poop jokes? A Woroni Editor slapping an ex-ANUSA VicePresident? Awkward sexual tension in a language you probably won’t understand but pretend you do to impress people when you go to a bar? Yes please.

SPACE

PUBLIC LECTURE Tuesday, 3 April - 5:30pm Finkel Lecture Theatre, JCSMR, ANU Free but RSVP The Administrator of NASA (TOP HONCHO), Charles Frank Bolden Jr., is coming to ANU to talk Space.

Presented by our Research School of Astronomy and Astrophysics and the US Embassy, it’s one of those very few public lectures held by science geeks that normal people are going to be interested in. We hope he’s going to talk about exciting things like aliens but more likely he’ll just be talking about regular things like humans landing on Mars. Also, considering how awesome the RSAA catering usually is, we wouldn’t miss it for the universe.

FRENCHIES

Now we’ve got the basic pattern down In Diagram 1, we can see that Black can’t move his Castle. To move his castle would pat, here are a couple of puzzles to keep leave his king in “check” – this is against the you busy!

Good luck! (HINT: Look at all checks rules!

In effect, the Black Castle is paralysed and and captures!) immobile. Like in business, when your enemy is paralysed, you must mercilessly exploit it.

Pile up attacking pieces and take him down!

Now let’s look at some more complicated examples.

Diagram 3 - White to move and win in 1

Diagram 2 - White to move and win in 1

Here, the Black Queen is pinned to the Black King, limiting its movement to only one diagonal.

So, we’ll take advantage of this! Moving the White Rook in line with the Black Queen does just this. Black can’t save both his Queen and his Rook – he’s forced to give one up.

Success!

Diagram 4 - Black to move and win in 1

LIFE & STYLE// 15

Last Dinosaurs

the interview

Lead singer of indie buzz band Last Dinosaurs, Sean Caskey, chats to Nakul Legha about making it big, touring with Foals, and living with his mother.

Interviewing lead singers of indie rock bands can be fraught with drama and tension but it’s still a surprise when, just a few minutes into talking with Sean Caskey, proceedings come to a sudden halt. A woman’s voice breaks through the telephone speaker.

“Sorry, it’s just mum,” he explains. She’s letting him know that the smoke alarm guy will be over in a bit. Have I caught him at a bad time? “Nah, she’s cool with interviews. Usually she’s at work.” This rather domesticated state of affairs is at odds with the image of the rock and roll life I’d conjured up. Lead singers of buzz bands aren’t meant to be nice to their mums. Are they?

Last Dinosaurs have every reason to be arrogant given their smooth brand of hookladen danceable indie pop has taken their debut album, “In A Million Years”, to eight on the ARIA Album Chart (the highest debut that week) and second on the Digital Album Chart. It was the Feature Album on Triple J and their hit singles “Honolulu” and “Time & Place” have been on high rotation ever since.

Yet Caskey’s reaction to chart success befits a band that has come of age in a digital era where traditional music charts no longer hold as much currency: “When our manager called us… we had no idea what the hell he was talking about. We still don’t know what that means but judging by their reaction, it’s obviously a good thing.”

They’ve achieved success at an enviously young age – the average age of the four-piece is 21 – but have had to make some big deci-

sions since coming together in high school.

“We were playing over 18 venues when Lachie [brother and guitarist] was still 14. We all started university; I started with civil engineering [which was] my main passion,” Caskey says. But when independent Australian label Dew Process came knocking, “I was like holy shit: I [dropped] engineering because…I thought I’d probably fail and waste a shitload of money on HECS.” Joining a label that includes artists such as Sarah Blasko and Bluejuice (and features a distribution deal with major label Universal Music) clearly helped when it came to recording the album in Sydney: “It was [our] first proper recording experience – to have someone else painting the painting for you is an experience for sure.” Though Caskey is unfailingly humble, it’s clear the big label influence afforded some luxuries: “We stayed in a place in Kirribilli on the harbour. It was pretty cool…it’s nice waking up at ten, eating breakfast, riding across the Harbour Bridge to the studio.”

The result is a slickly produced album as expansive in lyrical scope as it is deeply steeped in musical ability. “We’ve always prided ourselves on our musicality and ability to play i ns t r u m e nt s – [ e ve r y other member is] from a jazz background,” Caskey explains.

It’s rightly earned widespread critical praise, even drawing the admiration of Bloc Party guitarist Russell Lissack who tweeted it was the “Best guitar work I’ve heard in a long time.” Whilst taking inspiration from Phoenix and The Strokes, they’ve created their

“I thought I’d probably fail and waste a shitload of money on HECS.”

own musical niche – from the infectious riffs of “Zoom” to the epic balladry of “Used To Be Mine”. Trademark upbeat melodies contrast with Caskey’s darker lyrical exploration of mortality and transience: “I’m fascinated by the concept of melancholy – [it’s] something I’ve been brought up with [watching] Japanese film and the music in those films.”

The lengthy recording process inevitably took its toll at times (“when you’re sitting in a room for ten hours trying to do one song,…it can become really draining”), and Caskey muses about the antics the boys resorted to when staying at their producer’s farm on the NSW central coast during pre-production: “At midnight, we’d go for jogs to get our energy levels back up. We noticed a car would come past every five minutes – just one car – and we thought, ‘Let’s fuck with these people’. So we started to run in a single file backwards in pitch black in the middle of nowhere.”

Another time, yet again in the cover of dark, the boys were in a gully beneath a passing country road and a vehicle pulled over: “The guy must’ve gotten out to chuck a piss so we just started counting backwards from thirty really loudly. We got down to 15 and the car sped off…I reckon we might have done some psychological damage.”

“We were collectively thinking how we could mess with these people’s minds.”

When they aren’t busy causing psychological damage to roadside urinators, they’re touring with the likes of indie heavyweights Foals and Foster the People. Is it strange now being in the same musical sphere as bands they grew up being influenced by? “There’s stuff that I never even dreamed would happen. My musical aspirations as a kid…I reached them ages ago.”

And yet, in a promising sign they aren’t happy to simply rest on their laurels, Caskey says, “The awesome thing about touring with bands like that is, because they’re so professional and have done it for so many years, you get to learn how to do it. It was really valuable learning from the experts.”

Asked if he wants to replicate Foals front man Yannis Philippakis’ trademark stage antics when the band visits Canberra, Caskey seems eager: “Oh I’d love to. I’ve been practising by climbing trees. You’ll need to do erect some sort of scaffolding.” With a European tour on the cards (thanks to a deal with British label, Fiction) and an almost sold out run of shows along the East Coast, he’ll certainly have plenty of time to practise.

And with that, like his mother said, the smoke alarm starts beeping and the guy who’ll fix it is waiting for Caskey at the door.

“We thought, ‘Let’s fuck with these people.’ So we started to run in a single file backwards in pitch black in the middle of nowhere.”

Last Dinosaurs play Transit Bar on April 22nd.

LIFE & STYLE// 16 GAMECHAIR PHILOSOPHER

JIMMY BAI

Rinse and Repeat: The Curse of the Sequel For those of you who pay attention to the video gaming world, you’ve probably seen a lot of the same things lately. In the space of the last six months, we’ve had sequels to Assassin’s Creed (now into its seventh released game on all platforms), Mass Effect (6 games,

not including books and comics), Call of Duty (8), Battlefield (22 including expansions and downloadable content), we’ve had rereleases of Metal Gear Solid (9 not including re-releases, but including the original Metal Gear games) and Legend of Zelda (18, minus remakes), as well as weird hybrid repackages like Marvel v Capcom (5 of those alone), or Streetfighter X Tekken (if you include every iteration of each separate franchise? 25, with 7 of those for Streetfighter II alone).

If you hadn’t worked out the pattern yet, I’d actively encourage you to stop reading this column.

In simple terms, video games reproduce more than a certain Irish-American political dynasty marred by tragedy and scandal. And that’s not for lack of trying on the part of certain K*****ys: god knows Jack got through more contraceptives than Bill Clinton.

At their best, sequels make a series better (à la Grand Theft Auto). They enrich the universe established by the original games, they improve the small problems that made the older iterations less good, and very rarely they completely re-invent the wheel, showing you not only that your original wheel was in fact a triangle, but that circles no longer cut it: only cylinders suffice, biatch.

At their worst, sequels dumb down what made the original engrossing and eminently

playable (e.g. Deus Ex). They smooth out all the rough edges so that nothing sharp catches your eye again, and they destroy the credibility of the emotional investment you put into the original But this presents a problem for those who enjoy ‘the originals’, and it also presents a problem from the perspective of quality control. Where movies benefit from the simple limitation of cost (i.e. Harvey Weinstein won’t bankroll your blockbuster unless it’s a guaranteed hit), video games are an industry that can still turn a buck on loyalty and volume alone. Hence why Bioshock 2 exists (and is profitable).

The key recommendation I got when venturing into the strange wilderness of sequels was to approach each and every game on its own merits. The disappointments are lessened this way, and your own personal enjoyment is increased exponentially when you discover ‘hidden gems’.

It is patently ridiculous (but inevitable) to judge Morrowind against Skyrim, or Fallout 2 against Fallout: New Vegas, because they are different games, with differing amounts of artistic input, differing technical standards, and often wildly divergent creative visions. Those who put down one game due to a superior successor or predecessor are fundamentally wrong: it would be equivalent

to condemning every Sean Connery Bond movie because Casino Royale was perfect (and/or vice versa). Every game (apart from maybe those intentionally designed simply to milk the cash cow a little more… shame on you Assassin’s Creed Revelations) is made by a game studio that employs teams of committed individuals working to make the next game as good as they can. Those who dismiss the final product not on the grounds of the game itself, but on the grounds that it couldn’t be better are proverbial Australian ‘Occupy’ Protesters: not seeing their good fortune from the shitstorm faced by others, yet still demanding that someone else make their lives better.

A good sequel should, of itself, be a good game. If anything, the title should only induce you to take a second look. It shouldn’t make you automatically buy it like a good little capitalist drone. It shouldn’t make you assume that it’s automatically ‘not good’ compared to the last game.

It should, however, grant you engrossing escapism that grabs you momentarily and leaves you wanting more, weeks later.

Next: Video gaming legacies: Two vast and trunkless legs of stone…

HARD WORK

SUE-LIN WONG SUE-LIN WONG “She works hard.” In our Australian con- “If you want to get into a good university in be as standardised as the Chinese sayings. my friends memorising dictionaries and

text, this sentence can be very loaded. It might mean, “She’s not the brightest spark, there really isn’t much going on up there, but she tries hard.” Or, “Sure, she does well and got a high distinction in Corporations Law, but she doesn’t really have a life.” Of course, sometimes “She works hard” isn’t a negative statement at all.

Here in China, I’ve never heard “She works hard,” used in a context other than one filled with admiration, the implication being we should all be more like her. Not only that, but when asked what the biggest differences are between English and the Chinese language, I realised one of the biggest differences is the sheer amount of vocabulary in Chinese that relates to perseverance.

One of the most commonly used words isn’t even really translatable. “The ability to eat bitterness” is used in all sorts of contexts.

China, you have to be able to eat bitterness” (ie. you have to be able to study hard). “The aid workers who helped recover the bodies of those lost in the earthquake ate a lot of bitterness” (ie. the aid workers underwent a lot).

“Those who fear eating bitterness will not achieve anything great” (ie. those who fear hardship will not achieve anything great).

Then there are about ten words for “diligent” in the Chinese dictionary – which overlap with the ability to “bear hardship”, which is also well represented in the dictionary.

There’s also internet slang which is half English, half Chinese and ancient Chinese idioms about grinding iron pestles into needles, wise men who move mountains one stalk of grass at a time and filling up oceans with pebbles I’m sure we could all think of similar words and sayings in English but I don’t think we could think of nearly as many, nor would they

American kids might be familiar with “The Little Engine that Could” but are all Australian kids? When making this observation to my Chinese friends, they say it’s part of the “Chinese spirit” plus China’s still a developing country. Did American English or Australian English used to have widely known stories about filling up oceans with pebbles?

As China develops, will they slowly lose these types of stories? My Chinese friends tell me stories about high school days where they sat at their desks from 6am-10pm, living in 16 people dorms, where the electricity would go out at 11pm, but where people would sneak into the bathrooms to continue studying since the lights stay on all night there. One of my friends told me her grandma taught her to sleep with thick, uneven cardboard under her back so that she would wake up early to fit in some extra study. I’ve heard stories about

bringing needles to class to prick themselves as they fall asleep due to only sleeping 2 hours a night.

My 12 year old cousin looked at me incredulously when I was surprised he had homework over the winter holidays. “Of course, why wouldn’t I? I have 60 pages of revision questions”. Due to a national, standardised curriculum, almost all Chinese children in Year One read a children’s story about a boy, Kuang Heng, who loved to study, but whose family was so poor that they couldn’t afford electricity. So what happened? He chiselled a hole in the wall and used his neighbour’s light to study.

It really brings a whole new meaning to working hard.

~ Out & About ~

Left & centre: Balloons aloft at the Canberra Balloon Festival (Photo: Yasmin Masri) // Far right: The Baldessin Cockatoo - For years, this fellow has been seen perched unpeturbed in the exact spot overlooking the campus. Neither rain nor hail dissuades it. (Courtesy of Adam Spence)

Size, lies and laziness

LIFE & STYLE// 17 WINE TASTING MARCEL DELANEY

KALISTA MAGNUS

Last Friday morning I met my friend for a mid-afternoon ‘de-brief ’ and cup of overanalysis. As we sat down, she slid her phone across the table with a text message she had been graced with at 2.18am the night before, and an explanation that it ‘had all started with this’. The message was as followed: “heyy wot u up to” Two conclusions can be drawn from such a message. First, if their spelling is slack, it’ll be the same in the sack. Second, they are attempting the ol’ mass booty-call. You know the ploy; the sexting multi-tasker prepares the s bait, selects a handful of recipients, unleashes the message, and lies in wait to see who bites, giving rise to the freedom of choice.

Attention mass-sexter: we know. Try masking it with a little personalisation next time, n because if spam can remember my name, so can you. And if your excuse for careless texting conduct is lethargy or inebriation, per, haps you should ask yourself if you are even e keen or sober enough to root right now.

Anyway, some background on the sender.

This guy, whom I will call Jimmy, had some s notable qualities – he was arrogant, outspoken and moderately good-looking. He was one of those flirty friends. The type that you know you will probably end up sleeping with, and then cut loose because ‘you actually went there’. But that’s not all – Jimmy liked to talk

about his large penis. He had successfully slotted it in the inside joke category, which meant that his meat and two veg was never off-topic over dinner. I will admit, the text had surprised even me (he had sincerely outdicked himself here), but I could not blame my friend for responding favourably. If someone tempted you with the chance to meet the zipper ripper of urban legend, it would not fail to catch your curiosity.

Sadly, it failed to catch at all – Jimmy was

“Your dick is not Pinocchio’s nose; it will not get bigger the more you lie.” small. Not average or slightly stunted. He was certifiably small.

Starting to feel insecure? Don’t be. Broadly speaking, the size of one’s penile asset is not essential, regardless of what pop culture and puberty tell you. I can’t speak for other men or women, but for me, some of the most interesting and energetic sex I have ever had, has come from what, at first glance, looked like a rather unimpressive machine. So don’t

panic and Google all the penoplasty facilities the nation’s capital has on offer.

But show some humility! To boast about your “Beastus Maximus” when it doesn’t qualify is false representation. Your dick is not Pinocchio’s nose; it will not get bigger the more you lie.

But size was not the issue.

“Then he went soft. He just couldn’t get it up and it slipped out like five times.”

Now we have all had the odd gincident. It is totally understandable. When you start the night by going hard, you might not finish because you’re soft. In my humble opinion, it’s probably the only negative side effect of binge drinking. But my friend took issue with the specifics.

“If you are too drunk to fuck, then you make up for it. Unless of course, you’re a complete cunt.”

And here it was, the essence of bedroom etiquette; written down in the informal bundle of rules that regulate the social practices of the sexually active. It was not size, or even false representation; it was the simple common courtesy of showing that you appreciate someone, by acting in the reflection of his or her efforts.

So to all the Jimmys out there – this is a mass-reply.

WASTED TIME During my time as B&G Sports Rep, I used to get pissed off with people who “didn’t have the time” to come to training when they were actually just bad at time management. I was particularly upset with people who filled their days with “dead time” — staying in the kitchen, sitting on Facebook instead of studying, etc.). Basically, I was a strong proponent of making maximal use of every minute of every day and the complete elimination of all dead time.

While this attitude still informs my life, I have recently begun to question just what constitutes wasted time. Some things are obvious – Facebook, viral videos, talking to people with whom you’ve exhausted all interesting conversation, tabloid magazines, the list goes on.

But other things are not so clear.

Many people ‘waste’ time socialising, but how important are these hours to building social skills? Similarly, partying is something that is

MARK FABIAN

often considered empty, but how important are loose nights for divesting someone of inhibitions, building memories, testing boundaries and getting the most out of youth?

Is sex a waste of time? It doesn’t really

produce anything lasting, especially the one night stand variety, and if you start the day with it then good luck getting anything done.

What about masturbation?

Another curious question is idleness and relaxation. Some things are pure laziness and other things legitimately constitute “recharging the batteries”, but what about those grey patches, like hours of pop culture absorption?

Back-to-back seasons of The Office or Family Guy can be thoroughly enjoyable, but they aren’t very productive. Does their viewing constitute wasted time?

What most of these questions ask is whether pleasure is itself something worth pursuing, or whether activities need to produce some kind of lasting effect for them to be valuable.

Illustration: Hannah Winter-Dewhirst

At the end of this article, you, dear reader, may feel inclined to insult me. Here are some suggestions.

Wanker, self-indulgent tosser, the engorged member of the one percent. But don’t be humbled by me - choose your own adventure.

On the weekend, I went wine tasting, and discovered that it is an excellent way to drink a great deal of excellent alcohol for almost nothing. The only costs are petrol, enduring the moral piety of the sober designated driver, and the passive aggressive stare of the wine man when it turns out that you, a twenty year old university student intending to suck the government teat dry, have decided against buying any wine after all.

Before I continue, may I take issue with the nomenclature ’wine tour’? The word ‘tour’ conjures up the concept of a wild Contiki romp. Its connotations are hopelessly middlebrow. Much more appropriate is the phrase ‘winery-hop’. This is redolent of the American strategy to vanquish Japan in the Second World War. It accurately suggests the feeling of mastery and superiority that is the hallmark of the wine-drunk. Wine-hoppers, thus, are conquistidors of chianti, ravagers of rose.

I digress. The point of this column is to provide tasting notes for some of the wines.

Eden Road Riesling I thought this one was a bit small. I like a long finish but no such luck. Though the suggestion of mineral salt was enjoyable, I was ultimately left unsatisfied by this wine.

Eden Road Viognier Smelling this wine was like having someone stuff apricots up your nose. A little too sweet for me.

Clonakilla Shiraz Viognier (Shazzy V as known in select wine circles) A hint of apricot and tangerine with a big pepper and star anise hit in the middle. Too expensive.

Murrumbatemen Hotel XXXX beer Worse than VB. Helm Reisling By this stage I was concentrating on looking stable. Five stars.

My advice for a day of wine-hopping: 1. Find a sober person to be your schmuck.

2. Pretend to know what you’re talking about.

3. Rip off a winery and get drunk for free.

This brings to mind Daniel Kahneman’s work on the remembering vs. the experiential self. The experiential self draws pleasure from the here and now, from the moment.

Activities like partying, socialising and pop culture absorption appeal to this aspect of our psyche.

By contrast, the remembering self is reflective. It considers what has been and whether or not that has left any meaningful lasting benefits. Participation in events like marathons appeals to the remembering self — the activity itself is gruelling, but the final elation and the lasting achievement are magic.

A life well lived appeases both the experiential and remembering self. A life of perpetual party, as espoused by Ke$ha, is shallow and phoney, while a life constantly checking things off a list never allows you to enjoy the moment. Time is priceless; waste it at your own peril. But if you’re anything like me, just remember that sometimes you need to stop and smell the roses.

REVIEWED// 18 LIVE MUSIC

Costumed, Muddy Abandon Secret Garden Festival

Aquified Aqua Live at The Palace, Melbourne

Photo by Hannah Morrow

Costume-clad party seekers gathered together last Saturday to dance the night away at a mud-ravaged farming property two hours north of Canberra, home to the annual, eagerly-awaited Secret Garden Festival.

Pants were deemed optional by event organisers but costumes were compulsory, making for a day filled with artistic voyeurism. Crayola crayons proved to be 2012’s most popular costume of choice, while an older male dressed as a thumb-sucking baby took the title for the festival’s creepiest selection.

The previous day’s bad weather pushed back the opening of the gates and forced a painful cancellation of all bands; a sting effectively relieved by the welcomed addition of cider and cocktails to an already substantial line-up of free alcohol. Scheduled bands included perennial Woroni favourites New Navy and local Sydney band Sticky Fingers.

Neither disheartened by the change of plans nor worried by the apparent destruction of decorations, revelers came together despite the unknown DJs’ questionable music tastes.

As the beats got heavier, the free booze flowed. Gumboots and Doc Martens sunk into the mud and the festival’s crazy costumes became mildly acceptable as more and more Batlow cider and Yellowglen Spritz were consumed. Midnight hit and the Aston Shuffle took to the stage - about the same time that it was revealed that there had been a clear miscalculation of the amount of alcohol festival hooligans could actually consume! This second blow didn’t seem to faze the drunk (or drugged) gardeners as the dancing, frivolity and good times continued well into the early hours of the morning.

As payment to the party gods, partygoers were struck by hangovers and blistering sun as they arose on Sunday morning. Headaches and stomach pains were cured only by the smell of Camden Rotary’s bacon and egg stall and the thoughts of bigger and better costumes for 2013. Fingers-crossed next year’s Secret Garden is less Glastonbury-esque.

Secret Garden is an annual non-profit festival organised to raise money for various charities including the Sarah Hilt foundation, which supports those affected by Meningococcal disease. For more information visit www. secretgardenfestival.com.au or www.sarahhiltfoundation.org.au.

– BRE McLELLAND

As I walked into Rooftop Bar in Melbourne last Wednesday, I was suddenly set upon by my girlfriends, armed with shiny stickers and glitter for an Aquavention. It was Aqua’s final Australian show that night on their Love Generation tour, and by God they weren’t going to rest until I gave in to those late-‘90s pangs of nostalgia (or was blinded by glitter bombs).

As we made our way into the Palace Theatre, it became clear that Aqua still reigns supreme for a veritable cross-section of Melbournites. The theatre was packed to the brim. Middle-aged school teachers, drag queens and girls who weren’t even born when “Barbie Girl” hit the airwaves could all be seen bouncing around in excitement to the classic 90s pop tunes being played by Sydney-based supporting act, Radio Ink. As Aqua came on stage dressed in all black and hailed by deafening screams, , they could

have been mistaken for a Garbage cover band instead of the bubblegum-pop Danes we expected. Nevertheless, for what the show lacked in visuals, it more than made up in ‘90s club-kid energy.

The set was a mixture of crowd-rocking classics like “Barbie Girl” and “Roses are Red” and hits (and misses) from their new album. The Palace went wild during new tracks, “[Fuck me] Like a Robot” and “Sucker for a Superstar [Starfucker!]”, while Aqua’s attempt at soul-searching, “My Mamma Said”, crashed and burned with most of the audience heading out for a cigarette after the opening chords. “Candyman” had been given a grunge revamp, and had the entire theatre headbanging by the end.

Though the music was a bit all over the place, Aqua has lost none of the addictive Scandinavian energy that drew us in back in 1997. Frontwoman Lene Nystrøm spent the

entire set gyrating, in black hotpants, all over the crowd and band. The mysterious guitarist, known only to us as ‘Glitter Beard’, was on more drugs than Charlie Sheen on a vision quest. From making out with the bass player during Candyman, to trying to cause his very own earthquake, he definitely stole the show.

The night climaxed (and so did a few of our neighbours) during the encore, when frontman René Dif appeared right in the middle of our group to sing the chorus of ‘Roses are Red’. Needless to say, the seven-year old girl in me lost her proverbial shit, which cast a bubblegum pink sheen over the entire evening.

All in all, though Aqua may never escape from the shadow of its 90s Europop success, they can still bring sparkly tears to the eyes of our Love Generation.

BULLSHIT BINGO

– AMANDA NEILSON with Tom Westland

Bachelor of Arts Edition

Next time you’re in, say, GEND3002: The Vaginalised Discourse of Anime, or any of your other jargon-filled, fashionable Arts course, why not play Bullshit Bingo with Woroni? Cross off each nonsense phrase as you hear it, and when you get Bingo, run out of your class screaming “Bullshit!”

phallocentric predialectic narrative transgression of homeostasis

paradigm alterity

hegemonic “gender” discourse (as a verb)

reification the Other of totality

interrogating the text

signifying the signifier neosemiotic

subsemantic sublimation

jouissance

heteronormative epistomology

discursive construct

FOOD

REVIEWED// 19

Pizza in a carpark Pizza Gusto 23 Lonsdale St, Braddon

ALBUMS

Last Dinosaurs In A Million Years 2012 Indie rockers Last Dinosaurs are proving to be one of the most hyped-up bands of 2012 after releasing their acclaimed debut album, In A Million Years. From their humble beginnings on Triple J Unearthed, the band has rode the recent tidal wave of indie pop to join acts like Foster the People on the worldwide stage.

Hailing from the city of Brisbane, Last Dinosaurs flaunt a dreamy but effervescent blend of surf rock that has gained them international recognition. Most notably, Bloc Party guitarist Russell Lissack has both warmly appraised the album and spoken eagerly of a

chance to cross paths with the band at Splendour in the Grass in July.

The lead single from the album, “Honolulu”, spectacularly showcases the band’s vivacious, romantic sound that captures the sun, the relaxed mood and the easy laughter of a summery beach paradise. The opening guitar line is stunning and throughout the track the guitars mesh seamlessly to create a lush backdrop of beautifully intricate melodies.

Touring the country on the back of their standout debut release, Last Dinosaurs will be making a stop in Canberra on Sunday the 22nd of April at Transit Bar. Make sure to catch them; if hype is anything to go by, this band is on the cusp of something huge.

The Shins Port of Morrow 2012 After a five-year hiatus following the release of Wincing the Night Away, after the addition of four new band members, and after two releases from James Mercer’s acclaimed side-project, Broken Bells, The Shins have finally made a long-awaited return to the music scene with their fourth studio album, Port of Morrow.

Devoted fans of The Shins may be slightly suspicious of the dramatic changes to the band’s line-up, since founder and lead singer James Mercer is the only remaining mem-

Canberrans have a strange obsession with eating good food in carparks.

Brodburger has moved on from its humble little caravan, but Pizza Gusto now appears to be the epicentre of no frills, straight outof-the-box dining in Canberra. And because a consistently good-quality product is being offered, punters have shown they’re happy to attend in droves, even if it means sitting in a carpark in Lonsdale Street to do so.

The Braddon incarnation of Pizza Gusto joins the original Red Hill mothership, straight into the midst of the fiercest competition. Owners Colin and Ailsa wanted to expand into a growing area of Canberra, offering a simple product that was both affordable and of top quality. Are they succeeding? The initial flurry of business seems to resemble wood-fired proof that the best place to open up shop is next-door to your main rival.

Despite their relative geographical proximity, Gusto is much closer to the Italian & Sons school of pizza-making than Debacle, and to my mind, that’s a good thing. But then again, the takeaway focus takes a bit from Crust around the corner, so you’ll forgive me if I was a little confused the first time around.

The pizza dough itself is very good. I’m told that it’s triple-proven (risen), which means there is less idle yeast by the time the dough hits your belly, and the Tuscan-manufactured Alfa wood-fired oven produces the perfect

mix of crisp crust and doughy centre.

After a reasonably thorough investigation, here are my picks. A classic Margherita ($16) is a good, light option; it’s everything you’d expect from a quality tomato passata and fresh basil. The Gusto ($20) is deliciously simplistic and a well-known classic: ultrathin slices of prosciutto are layered with mozzarella and baby rocket. The Arrabiatta ($20) of Calabrese salami and chilli is a valued offering for any chilli fan.

Some things could use a bit of polish however. Fresh rosemary on the Bianco ($9) instead of dried would put it in a different league. I think that the Supremo ($20) could do without pineapple. I do wonder whether the eat-in boxes are sustainable, and having a few on one table can prove a challenge. Then again, for a food where cutlery is a superfluous formality, I can see arguments for both sides.

Is it affordable? Without starting a debate about the relative incomes of different students, I reckon that Gusto sits in the more affordable range in a town with a severe shortage of middle-tier dining.

Pizza Gusto is unpretentious, relaxed and focused on the right things. It only opened its doors three months ago, so we’re definitely mid-honeymoon, but the ways things are looking, we’ll remain there for a while.

ber of the band since its conception in 1996.

But Mercer succeeds in creating an album that remains loyal to their beloved, signature sound that has defined the indie genre, while building upon it enough to win over new fans along the way.

Port of Morrow begins with a bang. “The Rifle’s Spiral” immediately sets the tone for the album with an up-beat, vibrant introduction. It is as if the band is immediately out to prove that they haven’t missed a single beat since their last release. Interestingly, however, the song features synthesised electronic instrumentation, hip-hop drum beats, and vocal melodies that are far more identifiable as a Broken Bells track; James Mercer’s side-project with Gorillaz and Gnarls Barkley producer, Danger Mouse, has invariably influenced Mercer’s approach to writing the Shins’ new album.

But, Shins fans, do not fear! “Simple Song”, the album’s first single, is an instant reminder

of The Shins of old. Vibrant and zany, the guitar riffs are superbly quirky and James Mercer is at his absolute best. The chorus is stunning and will make any cynical indie bopper ashamed to be “only into their old stuff ”. “Bait and Switch” and “No Way Down” are also personal favourites. They were the tracks that really clinched the album for me.

Don’t think of Port of Morrow as a revolutionary hit record or another indie staple like Wincing the Night Away, but more like coffee with a dear, long lost friend as they fill you in on all the exciting things they’ve been up to over ten warming, caffeinated tracks. And after wondering where on earth they’ve been all these years, it’s comforting to know that The Shins haven’t changed an inch from their quirky brand of indie pop you first fell in love with. This album won’t set the world on fire, but it’s a friendly reminder that The Shins, at least in spirit, are still alive and well.

– SIMON THOMPSON

– BEN LATHAM

LIFE & STYLE// 20

Dr Lasse Noren, Researcher, Solid State Inorganic Chemistry

Dr Lasse, Solid State Inorganic Chemistry

CAMPUS For more Campus Style, check out facebook.com/woroni

Woroni will be scouting Union Court on Thursdays

Yasmin Masri Nakul Legha

STYLE

LIFE & STYLE// 21

SPORT// 22

Football Fortune Teller Champions League Predictions JOSHUA CHU-TAN With the draw for the Champions League quarterfinals set in stone, it’s time to take a look at the match-ups of eight of the most prestigious club tournament in Europe.

Matchup 1: Chelsea vs. Benfica

Where has the loyalty gone?

MURRAY ROBERTSON

A recent chain of events in the Western suburbs of Sydney raised numerous questions.

Firstly, the NRL announced that the farcical nature of contract talks and mid-season signings needed to be altered and secondly, Israel Folau revealed that money and not the desire to be ridiculed by the sporting world was the reason behind the AFL’s sensational code swap coup. No big surprises there, but it raises the question of loyalty. Where has loyalty disappeared to in the sporting world?

Chris Gayle’s disdain for loyalty has resulted in his becoming the cricketing equivalent of a mercenary, a gun for hire. Most recently he was seen playing for the Sydney Thunder in the inaugural Big Bash League, yet a quick look at his Wikipedia page would also reveal that he has limited himself to playing for Worcestershire, the Western Warriors, the Kolkata Knight Riders, Barisal Burners and occasionally the West Indies. Chris Gayle is a whore.

Yet what real “team” would want a maverick such as Gayle to charge in for a season, have a hit and giggle, and then move onto to his next appointment? Although it has to be said that the loss of loyalty is no fault of Gayle’s, loyalty in cricket effectively died with the birth of the India-backed IPL and there will be no revival.

As my lovely girlfriend said when we were watching the 4th and hopefully last Pirates of the Caribbean movie: it’s dead.

Lebron James should get a mention here; Chris Bosh as well. While we’re going, you could put all of the senior players on the Gold Coast and GWS list let by maestro Gary Ablett. Kurtly Beale is a flag bearer, along with Lote Tuquiri, Mat Rogers and Wendell Sailor to name but a few. Which brings us to Karmichal Hunt and Israel Folau. Folau last week publicly stated that he crossed over for the money so he could support his family: potentially one of the most honest statements made by a sportsman. Yet it does not change the problem that Greater Western Sydney, the Gold Coast Suns and the Melbourne Rebels have: all new teams in hostile states. They are not a team, they are a group of young men with a coach in charge. They have no passion.

stronger than ever smashing seven goals past Basel in Munich. Their leading goal scorer, Mario Gomez, has ten goals to his name so far in the competition.

Munich have not had the greatest time playing away from home, though, drawing once and losing twice so far. However, they are on a hot streak in the Bundesliga at the moment having scored 20 times in their last three games.

Marseille had a tough time putting away Italian giants Internazionale in the round of 16, eventually winning on away goals. They’re Champions league campaign so far has been relatively inconsistent with three losses and a draw in total.

Funnily enough, two of those losses were in their home ground, but with Munich’s average away record Marseille must take advantage in the first leg.

It must be noted though, that Marseille won both games against Bundesliga leaders, Borussia Dortmund, in the group stages.

With a recent resurgence of the Blues, Chelsea certainly will feel optimistic about progressing further in the competition.

They had a fantastic comeback in the Round of 16 against Napoli, losing 3-1 in the first leg and turning it around with a brilliant 4-1 win at Stamford Bridge.

With Didier Drogba back in the squad and finding form, Chelsea pose a great risk to opposing defenders.

Benfica famously helped knock out English giants Manchester United in the group stages. They then overcame a 3-2 loss in Russia to win on aggregate 4-3 against Zenit St. Petersburg.

The Portugese team do not have a problem finding the back of the net, as they have nevPrediction: 1st leg draw at Marseille. 2nd er failed to score in any of their Champions leg Bayern Munich win. Bayern Munich proLeague matches thus far. gresses.

Prediction: 1st leg Benfica win at home. 2nd Matchup 4: Barcelona vs. AC Milan leg Chelsea win at home. Chelsea progress on aggregate.

Definitely the match-up of the quarterfinals. The reigning Champions League title Matchup 2: Real Madrid vs. APOEL holders face off against the leaders of the Serie APOEL is definitely the Cinderella side of A. Barcelona progressed in style putting ten the 2012 tournament so far. The first Cypriot goals past German side Bayern Leverkusen in side ever to qualify for the knockout stages of the round of 16. 3-1 in the away leg and 7-1 at the Champions League, APOEL took it one Camp Nou, with their talisman Lionel Messi step further defeating French outfit Olym- slotting five times past the keeper in the latter. pique Lyonnais in penalties, after a 1-1 draw The Catalan giants have only dropped points in the Champions League once, and that was one the final siren.

In comparison, Real Madrid put five goals against the team they’ll soon face again, AC on aggregate past CSKA Moskva. Madrid are Milan, drawing 2-2 against them at home in currently the leaders of La Liga, seven points the group stages. ahead of Barcelona. Like their rivals, Madrid AC Milan started strong in the round of 16 have also only dropped points on one occadefeating Arsenal 4-1. However, in the secsion, a 1-1 draw against CSKA Moskva.

However, their strikers have a far supe- ond leg, Milan survived a scare as they lost rior execution, having netted 24 goals this to Arsenal 3-0 narrowly avoiding elimination tournament, compared to APOEL’s seven. as they won on aggregate. Star striker Zlatan Jose Mourinho will most certainly fancy his Ibrahimovic is certainly scoring his fair share of goals in the domestic cup though, with 20 chances against the Cypriot side. goals in 22 matches. Can he bring his form Prediction: Real Madrid wins both legs and into the Champions League and will the effects of the Arsenal loss be lingering at the progresses. back of Milan’s mind? They certainly need to Matchup 3: Olympique de Marseille vs. pull it together if they want to defeat Barcelona.

Bayern Munich

There is no love. There is no desperation.

They are not spurred on by fanatical belief.

This is not to say there won’t be. They may well develop a culture within their club, but this process takes years and years of heartbreak, generations of fans and a united passion.

This brings us to our anomoly, our outlier.

In 2012 the power of loyalty was on full display. Geelong, that little town south of Melbourne, defeated Collingwood to take their third premiership in five years. When they emphatically won their first, in 2007, they had a burgeoning stable of young stars, players whose market value had sky rocketed over the victorious season. Rival clubs circled, ready to flash the big offers and entice these men with money and glory and status. Not one member of that grand final side in 2007 left that club.

They all remained, some on reduced salaries, some receiving a pittance for what they could be worth. Their victories in 2009 and 2011 reinforced the power of their loyalty: to the club, to the supporters and more importantly to each other. When teams travelled down to Geelong, the locals were nigh unbeatable, succumbing to Sydney last year for their first home loss in 4 years.

The supporters, the local supporters who Prediction: 1st leg draw at Milan. 2nd leg Both teams are well known and respected would run into the their stars at the local café Barcelona win. Barcelona progresses. in Europe.

After losing the first game against or pub, made that stadium into a fortress.

FC Basel 1-0, Bayern Munich came back When Geelong play GWS this year, with players who have lived in the same town their entire life, playing with their mates, with the unwavering support of the entire area, watch the difference, and see how far GWS has to go.

Watching GWS play last weekend at Manuka was like watching a new born foal stumble aimlessly around a paddock. When they kicked a goal, there was polite clapping from their new members. You can’t buy a team; however, you can buy Chris Gayle and you can most certainly enjoy Chris Gayle, but at the end of the day, there are no Chris Gayles in Geelong and three premierships will attest to that.

Almost The Back Page

ONEOAKCOALITION Welcome to our campaign...

Nakul was unable to file his report this week, as he was “really snowed under at my rewarding clerkship at a prestigious commercial law firm in Sydney.” Nakul sends his condolences to poor people.

Hi there, I’m still Tom! So this week has been pretty busy at Oneoakcoalition: I’ve been helping design a logo for our great new fundraising campaign: “Sponsor a Sponsorer”, where you can choose to sponsor an Oneoakcoalition world-changer as they make tough sacrifices to raise awareness.

I have loved designing logos ever since the head prefect at Scotch College asked me personally to design a banner for the rowing team (I wasn’t allowed to be on the rowing team because you could do one extracurricular activity after Chapel on Thursdays and I’ve been learning the clarinet since birth because Mother thinks that classical music is the music of achievers.) So yeah, designing the logo has taken up all of my time so I didn’t even get time to go to my Poverty Reading Group.

LETTER FROM EARTH JAMIEPLANET FREESTONE JAMIE FREESTONE

Dear Aunty Flo, Girth or length?

Regards, Open-Minded If you’re forced to make that choice, my dear – and we all have our crosses to bear – then I strongly recommend you plump for length. After all, there’s not much you can do from a DIY perpective to make your gentleman’s appendage any longer than it is; however, with a rolled-up hankerchief or a small tea cosy wrapped delicately around your fella’s archbishop-of-the-trouser, you certainly can improvise with girth.

Dear Aunty Flo, I have always wanted to enlist in the Army (not because I want to kill people; I just get turned on by the names of military hardware) but my girlfriend is a complete pacifist and I’m afraid she’d dump me.

Regards, GI No Dear GI No, You remind me a little bit of my eldest son, Quentin. Not that he’s ever wanted to be a soldier, mind. I wouldn’t have let him go to war, anyway – given his natural intelligence and unnervingly well-kempt fingernails, it wouldn’t have been fair to the other side.

No, the reason he reminds me of you is that he too allowed his partner (whose name is instantly forgettable) to prevent him from realising his lifelong dream of becoming a butcher.

My Quentin has always displayed a keen and studied expertise in meat and meat-handling, and was carving up our beef from an unnaturally young age.

When he told me that his vegetarian partner was opposed, I wept for a week.

So my advice to you, GI No, is to find yourself a new missus. And when the next coup d’état rolls around, your hemp-wearing, guarana-eating girlfriend will be the first up against the wall.

Got a quandary you’d like Aunty Flo to solve? Send a little letter my way at woroni@anu.edu.au!

WORONI BOOKSHELF

Hey Gzorgax,

NUCLEAR WAR

Apologies that this is an email; I didn’t have time to write a snail-mail letter this week. But at least I can include some links below to some hilarious shit on YouTube. Also, I’ve CCd in your mate Klangvar who I know wanted those links to the “pinata accident” vids. They’re pretty awesome.

XD Anyway you probs want to know how that Kony thing panned out in the end. Um, quick summary: dude who started it flipped and went all Lady Godiva on our arses; started messing with his own junk on the street in broad daylight; movement now discredited; people back to not thinking about tortured Africans.

I’d give you more but I’ve been pretty stressed this week, thinking about even bigger problems. That North Korea country I’ve mentioned before (the one with the constitution written by George Orwell) has long range missiles ready to point at Australia and may soon have more nuclear capabilities too. FML. This will only add to the set of nations that have weapons capable of destroying whole cities.

Moreover, at least two of those nations have automated systems which mean as soon as a missile is launched against them they will initiate a massive counter strike; this cascade effect of nuclear missile launches would precipitate a short lived war and a resultant clouding of the atmosphere that would destroy civilisation and most of the biosphere. It probably sounds like I’ve gone all preachy and that I should let others deal with it, but just hold off until I tell you our method of prevention.

There isn’t one. The fact of mutually assured destruction is what is supposed to stop mutually assured destruction. Proponents of MAD as a deterrent actually point out that no missiles have ever been launched, deliberately or even accidentally. It’s superb rhetoric because there really hasn’t been a single instance of a nuclear holocaust since the advent of MAD, or before.

But then again, right up until the instant of the atomic bomb being dropped on Hiroshima, there hadn’t been a single case of dropping nuclear bombs before. The entire course of human history had been the story of not-dropping bombs on Hiroshima. In fact, prior to 1945 every single person on Earth had been constantly not dropping atomic bombs on Hiroshima. And even including Nagasaki, if we take averages over time, we have been dropping atomic bombs so infrequently in the last few thousand years that it rounds down to zero. ;) And now, as we approach the Earth’s 4.5 billionth anniversary of not having nuclear wars, judging MAD solely in terms of whether it has prevented nuclear annihilation happening or not, it has an effectiveness rate of 100%... Which will drop quite a lot, in fact right down to 0%, if a single missile is ever launched. That’s the problem with using only past events to make predictions of the future.

As you can imagine for a problem of this magnitude, it is widely ignored. Frankly, as a trope, the Earth is bored by the hackneyed idea of nuclear winter; we’re much more interested in vampires, tapas and microblogging, all of which are massive on your planet too so there must be something in them.

Anyway dude, chat soon. Oh, and keep sending me those links to “Shit Gliese 667 People Say” — total lolocaust.

Jamie.

I’m into explanatory journalism – the answer to information overload.

I guess I’m just a frustrated teacher.

ROSS GITTINS Economics Editor The Sydney Morning Herald

Subscribe, save and stay ahead smh.com.au/anu

smh UNI PASS