Deep End

Sorrow and Horror

Aala Cheema

CW: Sexual assault and harrassment.

A part of me is scared I’ll die A part of me is scared I won’t So, I float through each day Like whispery, wisps of nameless Ghosts Wondering whether the next day will be the salvation that I look for

Four days later I stand on the edge of the precipice Staring out at the sea as it rumbles, rumbling Comforting, honey slithers down my throat As I taste the sweetness of lies on my tongue Then a crow caws overhead and the rock crumbles underneath my feet

I’m falling Calling out for some invisible saviour To swoop in from the heavens and encase me in a cocoon of angel wings And then I might finally be granted some respite And then maybe I might actually smile a genuine smile Instead of lying in my bed telling myself lies As I make up excuses on the phone to my mother to excuse the fact that I’m high

Why do I always end up like this? I’m swimming in a cold sea As the current pushes against me Drowning me under the waves of sorrow Perhaps this time I may survive the horrors Yet my teeth chatter and my head aches And I can’t even bare to fake My smile

Crying Salty tears streaming down my cheeks The day we spent down by the creek When I didn’t want to stay But you made me pay For defying you How did you Somehow manage to slither into my being Until I was left begging For you to leave me But now you are a part of me

Free One day I shall be Maybe this will all be worth something In the end watch me disintegrate Like a paper submerged under water Bones crushed and buried under a crater You are a faker At least I am genuine in my reality

My life is not mine But I can say that I tried And when my reckoning sweeps over this city Bringing with it the floodwater that shall reveal the cesspool That is Broadwater, so that that road may finally leave me And perhaps they might just finally hear me Say fuck you from my outpost upon the roof

Safe from the havoc wrecking on the liars below I am free, thank you