1977 v5 special

nt newspaper of v.Jorcester Polytechnic Institute

5, Number 270

Spree Day

ce sensors installed

by Tom Daniels unidentified flying object that was appast two months, this reporter proaching the earth at a high rate of speed.

Investigating reports of strange This researcher evidently d'-covered that bearing the wor~. " SPACE the UFO was headed straight for WPI, and that have been popping up was involved In a project to establish a campus. Originally, It was system of magnetic field monitors that these stlckera marked the throughout the campus. He said that any fOf future temperature regula1lng sharp rise in magnet activity would be a that would be controlled through a sure sign that the UFO was about to land."

Honny.vell computer. Recent InUpon learning of Cooke's dlecovery, this however. has revealed tNt this reporter talked with WPI President George cover story releeled by the Hazzard. The President aaid that the cover ~n~... Office. story had been used to give reaearcher8 Cooke, ace Newi{HHik cm>time to lay the basic groundwortt fOf the and typist, related the grizzly detection system. "Now that the truth is en enthralled audience of Sci-A known, we'll open it up to the entire WPI were assembled at IUt night's community," said Hazzard. " This is a movie, " Doc Hazzard." Cooke wonderful opportunity for project-related he had been typing late one work, especially In EE and ME. Of cour~e, the Nfi'W!Jpeak office, when he once the aliens have landed, we can look a conversation between two forward to a aeries of dlacualons, spon· assistants, who were In the sored by the Life Science Oepwtment and next to the Pub. "One of them the Humanltiea Department, that would the 'new seneo,..'," he said. focus on lnter-relatlonahlpl between our seemed quite upMt, and told two planets. Hopefuly, we will be getting a they shouldn't be talking about NSF g,..nt to defray eome of the cost of the lnfonnation. The flr8t guy must program. Other fundi will hew to come 11M, though, becauee he aurted from Mlflng tickets to curioeity ......_" the whole . - up to eome kkl Wlllhing his handL He Slid that President Hazzard uld that any students ant«~na hed been screwed up by , withlng to conduct allen-related products lnOW storm at the end of B term, ahoukl contact Prof. Oemetrv In the the next night, they began picking Projecta Center. He Mid that Student kind of strange tignall that were Government and the Social Commltt• wtll tram eomewhere In outer epace. be hOking a joint meeting ln the neer future vrt next rnomlng, NASA hed 1 to dllcu• a poaibll "UFO Weekend." technicians monitoring the redlo Those Interested In aervtng~on the Space They pinpointed the trans.Shot Committ• should send a note with and alerted the Strategic Air your box number to Tom Penet<. c-o this to be on the lookout for an paper.

the

......

Trssh in the wedge

Cleanup

Archibald Cox hired and

nstors, Inc. Note: uf

Th/8 ~~

tM fifth in-

a four p.n Mlrlu covwing DNA, IJlM& to tM v.y "-rt more/lty quat/on: Should tfHI wvcrure of tM E.

U..t th/8 ~ h .. fulfillfKJ ;,~ ., U..t It ha con816ttMtly taJcMr up NEWSPEAK for ffw COnMICutive we couldn't care ,.,. wh•t of it. If you didn't Hk• It, too this i1 the only ntiW$/)(IpM on AI letters lhould /HI ~ent to Box limply dropp#HJ into the fHMINf •. DTS. by

Tom D•nlel•

past month, we've been pro and con arguments ae to fiCOmbient DNA axperfmenta carried out here at WPI. In doing with all parties which haw an this vital luue: citizens, lab technicians, theologlsta, reactionaries, Daniel the lnd even the gentleman who wtll lliWiep the floor in the P3 facility.

POSSible viewpoint hiS been that ia, for the opinions of Group which will be mc.t affected llq)erirnenta: the E. coli bacteria. let ua review what we have

'-t thing we Investigated when we that WPI was conllderfng DNA experiments was the ..fe containment fac:llltlet. Or. F. Oanlalli, Head of the Ufa Science

department, w-. uMV811ebte for comment, eince he waa attending a molecular biology conference on Mars. Another rMmber of the department. who asked not to be quoted, Mid, "You should be tddng to Buildings and Grounds about that. They're In charge of all the phytlical changes to be made In the I*."

Gardner T. Pierce, Director of Phv*al Plant, was enthusiastic about the renovation. "At fim, we were going to put those fancy labs on the fourth floor of Salisbury," he said, "but that would twv.

COlt too much. Beaklaa, thoee fellows from the National Institute of Health who were going to give us the money, wanted to tend all kinds of lnepectora crawling around up there."

"That'• afl very well, llr, but where will we put the labs now?" I eaked. ''That's still up in the air. You .... ther8'a a little disagreement as to where they should be. Per10nally, I don't ... as to why we couldn't put the blasted thing In Aldan Hall. It seems to me tNt ell thoee fancy double-talk regulations· boll down to Ia having a good strong draft of air. Wrth our fan in Alden already, we could a&ap together a few walla, and have the place humming with the little buga within a week."

The Colonel, It turned out, wasn't the only one with Ideas for a P3 location. John Brandon, Director of Adml11lon1, auggeeted the Student Affairs office in the lobby of Daniels Hall. "As I aee It, It'a an Ideal alte. We would have one of the most

(continued on psge 9)

•

byS. B. Fine The edmlniatretion hal recently hired • new offlcial to help cleen up the dirty linen In WPI'a ctc.t. Thla new adminlatrator Ia Archibald Cox. Prelident Hazzard, shocked by the dirty trlcka and nasty habits of WPI atudenta, has dearned it~ to clean the school. NtiWipHk was gr1nted an axclullve interview with Mr. Cox. N~: Mr. Cox, what makae you qualified for thla dHflcult job~ Cox: I heve hed eecperience In thla aort of thing In Washington D.C. lfM I can handle anything ttia atudenta can dish out.

NrMPH~c: How do you Intend to handle the Wedge problem?

Cox: I intend to handle the Wedge In much the same menner I handled the problema In Washington. I will subpoena all the tabl8l in the Wedge. If that doel not wortc, I will subpoena the deck.t of cards and if the Wedge Ia still not ciMi1ed out, I wiH jail all the bridge ~ for contempt of edmlniatration. That I am aure will aofve the problem.

N.w~PHk: What other parts of the campua are under your jurladictlon7 Cox: My ~ion has no llmlta. I am authorized to clean up any other dirty areae on campus.

Nt1W$1)1Mk: What aree Will you emphasize after the Wedge?

Cox: I intend to go through the different departmenu one by one. I wlllatart with

Goddard HaM the chemiltly and chamklel engineering clepartrnenta. Some of thole tat. ara fltthy. The worst of them IIIIa Goddlfd 213. It even hae a nickname, the dirt lab.

N~k: How will you ct.l up theee labs. Many of th.n h.ve indapandent aourcee of money end m1ny of tha prote.oc's In charge of ttl.- 1D have tenure.

Cox: I have hired • apecl8l aaliltant, E. Howerd Hunt, to lmptement Opemton Goddard 213. He haa not Informed of his specific plena but the general strategy is to ~ure the atudentl. tt Ia alreldy worttlng.

The students are finding tt much harder to finish their projecta. Small thlnge are going wrong, such 11 lnatrumenta breaking down.

NewspHk: Ia It working?

Cox: Not yet, but I expect aubetentlal reeulta In 1 few weeb.

NIIWI/)fle}c: Have you bean informed about Spree Dey? Cox: Spree Oay7 NewsptMk: Y•, I have aoma plcturee from last yea(' Spree Day. Cox: They went me to clean that up7 Are they crazy? I'm not going to do that. They can take their stuPid job. I'll take Governor Oukakla'a job offer lnataed. Ewn a pro like me can't clean up after Spree Deyl

Frost interview

Nyquist tells all

by Roar J. Conman Former WPI atudent body Preeident John Nyquist haa agreed to be Interviewed by televlaion David Frost It ia reported by UPI. An undiacloeed fee Ia to be paid Nyquist, rumored to be about $3.76.

Public interest In the talecaata Ia expected to be high, since it Ia believed that Nyquist will reveal for the flr8t time where Student Government meetinga were actually held during the fiery tenure of hie administration. It Ia also expected that he will reveal where he could have been found during hil one year "hiding out" period.

According to Daniel T. Spaniel, personal secretary to Nyquiet, agreement wu

reached lilt week with Frost as to the taping of the show.. They are to be filmed In Florida by the Infamous Ctlf'I'IPUS VTN, the same firm reepontlble tor the video tapas screened at odd times by the WPI Social Committee. Nyquist wiU arrive by SAB vehicle next Thur.cily and remain for the flv•day filming et the Miami Project Center. t ne telecaata .,.. expected to draw audiencaeln tena nttlonwide, and 11 minute of advertising Ia baing aold for an unbelievable •1 .00. They will ba broadcast over WPICTV, Worcaater on June 4, 1977.

NEWSPEAK

Ediroaryals: HiHo • • • • •

Letters:

Hi HoI This is just a little something to inform the students of WPI that a new publication has hit the Hilll The new little mimeo rag hit the newstands just a few short hours before the April19 edition of good old Newspeak. The "first edition" was chock full of all kinda of social goodies concerning the groups that were going to be playing over the JP Weekend. On behalf of the entire Newsp1111k editorialataff let me be the first to extend a warm thank you, and continued hopes for success.

We ~ould have sent theae sentiments personally, you understand, but we kend of ran Into a slight problem.

There weren't any namea on the new rag I Of course, I realize that the editors of the new social gossip sheet would never have done anything aa nearly as vile as thia. It was all probably a big mistake on the printer's part. After all, who, on this campua, would have the nerve to berate both Rory "the Reverend Rory '0 waa afraid of getting taken . over by a bunch of people from the Social Committee") and me ("he wanted to leave more room for Watergate articlea about Daka" - most of which were written by me) and then not have the guts to aign their name to it1 No, airl Why, theae literary giants know that they could have walked into the Nt1W8fJHk office any week and uid, "Hey, guys, we know that you haven't got the free time to do anything Hke go to a concert, so we'll go and do the review for you." They could have, but they were men of great conviction, who wanted to do something bold and different. Heck, we understand that they ul8d mostly reprints and paraphr8888 from atuff we'd done, but we know that they're just starting out.

Now, guya, I realize that you'll want to do the right thing by us, and that you're no doubt on your way right now to c-ur office with an official letter to the Editor, that aaya ''We did it, and we're proud of it, even though it looked like it was written by a two-year old with a bad hangover." I know that your the type of guys that would put up before they'd shut up. Just let me close this out by saying that we at N•vnpHk deeply appreciate all that you've done for us. Until next time, then, a hearty HI Ho to allllll Tom Daniela DTS NFW

Yes, it's good herel I think it'a high time we at Newspok said something good about the WPI campus and the people here. We've spent weeka ragging-on people like the social committee and· student government without success, and it'a about time we looked at the other aida of thinga. We are just getting too excited about nothing (I mean, who earn If the food service doesn't pau health inapections - I don't eat there) and thla has got to stop. We really ahould listen to the complaints of those who feel this is unfair and right here give you the straight talk about what'a right on this campus. It is easy to tell that we have been overlooking these poll'l.ts and correcting thia Ia only fair - we wouldn't be fulfilling our journalistic reeponsibUity without it appearing hare In black and white for you to react Pulitzer prizes are not important, nor are circulation figures, but In reality that which counts is saying here what ia okay here.

I hope we have done you juatica, all you offended people, by printing the TRUTH ABOUT WPI. Roar J. Conman

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... 1

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acting photo editor B . AMrk Hecker

152·0027 ou1 of bullneu menaoer Michael Auger 752-9371 ~etlng ldvene menaoer

AMrk Ollugllo

753 9513 tctlng reg on editor SAFA 752·1131

ectlng ationg editor Gene Kalish

til..,

E.Coli 222 Meple Av..

Stnwlbury, Mea To the Editor.

Whet'•

~ joul'l"llllllm7

eo

ecflng ••• editors TomDenleta 756-SQ2

Grumpy

SUaenWrloht

Doprf Doc

acting feulty edvenarlft PeulyCINry 753-1411, X210 Prof. P . Patrick Done 753-1411. ~

long

Sleepy

Sneezy Happy Coke

......

HemburCMW

..Erl• ~tek•

SI!Tfioner

&roW

acting Ink splotch d lredor Alwyn Fitloereld acting publisher George Hazurd

To the Ecltor: Lice, you know, the ...., '-wl on ~ guye C8mpUI to be ...,_._ Alherned ,_ ~Howdo~­ p-. your whedlv8CIIIt. Ill\ IUm H yowe c:en't W1M

t.ctMt lb.

tcting staph tt\ls w.k Ceptaln COOke Tinny Tuttle Beth AMry Reddy

E . coli

'*

To the Ecltor.

I em, you know, ..,.,., conc.rned wfth humM rlghta. Mlny of the ltUCMnt8 8t WPI *-dy COIIIidlr me to be tMir Pt_..tt. I w.nt to be the tnt fMn to ~ ~ to end t-. uppo of WPI. If the people of WPI went me to be their Pf'eeid1ut, I wll.

.-on

To the Ecltor: I em writing thil letter to epotogiz8 to memberl of thl WPI community for my pelt IC'tlonl. I muM AY that, In Ntroepect, I Nld no right to cerry on In front of the feculty memb•ra of the Humenltln o.p.rtment wt.l I dilcoYwed thlt my eppllcation for • pen time prof..,....

Nld been turned down. Of courM, no men libl to . . hil proh nfaull competency chll• egad, but, ~ the time, I hed no Idee whet lt*1gl WPt expected from 1 teedw. I now ,...... thlt I juet em not aulted to t..ch mueic on the '-wl thet would be IPPfOPi lea. 1t WPI, end thet I wll undoubtecly be Mttlr off 1lnwtwe.

PI UPSILLON NU TAU actlny wt ,,.... tt\11 w.ek ling Bang

~*tYing,

Randolph ......

New Yen, New Yen

edlunct euxlllary

755-2519

c:ampua. Drlnkin,

• wide apreld. Thilltlte of be tolerea.d. Thefefore "PLAN" hll been chwn up. wtll tlke place lrnmedletttr.

1t The Pub wt1 no longer beveregea.

2) Mile end ...... binned from the WPI 3) Anyone In WorCIIIa next week, rwpent thllr 11n1 People wilhlng to do 10 Salilbury Pond,~ e.m. end 6 p.m., Mondly Beptilml wll be held nat illdl under conetrucdon. be BYOB. CBrtng your John A. DeRoee il life jacket within the nat Mv neme 11 God, end r,. &

To the Ecltor: I jult Mnt to AY thil. end perfKtly c:t.r, thlt I em nat I .wr been, en • ..,.._.,...., the Amerk:en people wl vlndic:lt1 me of tNa molt

IFC Corner:

acting . .lstant auoc:laM administrative klnda eorte former .,.n time '-mporery photo editor AMrle-Ann Robinson

To the EditOf: It hal come to my .. . . . . that much evil il tHing

New York, New Ycwtc

acting editor-In-chief Roray J . O'Connor 756-1331

acting newsteelur• editor B. Steven Fine 791-t151

To the Editor: Tom DanWe lhould check hll f80tl • Uttte more ~ly befcn he goee lhoodng off t"- big mouth ebout recoml*wnt DNA. Whet doee he know with bectn7 Why about ...,....... lhould ttM.I big lhot nn1rcherla-t Wtf1V with Ullng dWty tM tubal end a-ura, when they epend ~ on griPh ~ end lherp penc:lel lt'l .t»out lime that IOnWbody ltood up for .. the ltde guys_1r1 thle country! How would you . . it if "lOme jlrtt in I whb COM \WI trying to get you to grow .... lxtre t.d1 If you me, they lhould t8ke .. eyntMdc ~ ltic:k tte.n In • P2 lib, end lUCk the eir out through • at.ty hoodl

lAofwd a.rn.tlln

.. ,.n. _ _ _ _

acting pornographies edllor D. Rutt\ Lipman

To the Editor: I think that thole terrible thinga I've heerd ebout N~ ere .a llel. ROllY O'Connor ie • wonderful .,.,.,, and I'm turw tMt he wouldn't do anything • vile • hevlng one of hla ~ melee up • 1tory or • quote. You people lhould be 8INmed of you......,_ You ~ uw ..c:h end wwy copy of Roery'a ~. end lhow tlwn to your 8'8~1 eomedly, efter Roery hal become rich end f8moul • 1 big name publilhlr.

Mr1. MauriCe O'Connor Springfllld, M-.

PUNT, the WPI Honor Society which ennUIIIy ~ the 13 moet highly regarded people on the Hll, il proud to announce 111 11r?rrn "*'Qblrllhip lilt.

Thoee being Inducted Into the Alphl 8ogul Chlpter . . Robert long, Tech Reu1*1r for hil work In meldng ~ DIYI whet they n ; the pereon who decided to t ..l Ul when Spee Dey w. going to be held, H he or lhe .wr ldmitl who they n ; Jimmy Cart•, for IUCC:elefuly dodgileg the fiC1 that he'l • Nudeer Engineer while denouncing the 1pre1d of etomlc technology; the edltorill ~ 1t thl Telegram for burying the fiC1 that WPI hid won the City Crew Ct.npionlhip under • the heedline "CIIrtt Glrtl Win Crew Title"; · :.tohn POUieb-0.-t, for eurnplit.,.tng thl honeet connected wfth the entertainment induatry; the eomm-..OMr of Pubic HMtth, City of W~. for

bu..,...,..,

,.,. ......

Entropy

How to waste energy

by M~rk Keluy In thia article, I will dllcuaa the art of wasting energy. Talking to government officials is quite interesting when dealing with this t opic. Here are the results of an intervi.w I had with a Congreaman.

Q. How do you accompli#! the difflcuh t ask of wasting energy?

A. Well, there are several ways, one of my favorites Is the art of writing memos.

Q. How does this work?

A. Well, what happens ie you have a chain. One bureaucrat starta It by writing, say, five different memos, then the next bureaucrat who receives the memo hae to double the number of memoe eent out until it goes through the 2.000 different departments In our agency. a. What are memoe for?

A. They are uaed to convey Important information: how much your lllary should be next v-r, whet extra fringe beMflta you would lib (eexy ~ private office, payoffs from JpeCiel intereat groupe, etc.), and the many varioua ways ueed to cheat the IRS. Q. Haw you told the PNI!dent about this?

A . No, but I plan to write a long memo to him clecuaelng the aubject.

Q. Whet other WWY1 do you waste energy?

A . Oh, we have floor fights In the Houae and Senate whenever thinge get too calm.

Aleo, we can speed through the ltreets of Washington since we're aleo Immune from traffic laws. You ought to try It eome time, it'e a lot of funl a. How do you waite energy In leglllative aeeeiona beeldee that?

A. Well, we haw filibusters In the Senate. We hed one lest year 1Mt lasted for three weeb.

0. "tow dG yeu accompfilh this tak7 A . We heYe a congi'8IIIT\In rtld something imporr.nt like, lest year we rNd

Engineer with experience In

Muctic,... of maritime equipment. Must to serve at aee for on-the-job swimming skills Is a must.

Liberian Oil Tankers, LTD, 116 Jon. Locker, Wherezet. Liberia.

Hul, Pres.

Physics major with strong in meterology. Positions open Weather S8Mce, Buffalo, New office. Those w ith Eskimo given top priority.

Bright young engineer with Idea to get rid of large quantities of Free lied dog setVice and long provided. Inquire: Buffalo, N. Y.

CIOwlcll.

Mechanical Engineer - must be hand tools, wood-working, iron nella, clean living, no • must. Wanted for expanding Apply In person or by holy C. Kurus, Bob Jon11 University.

Automotive Engineer to dealgn llllpenalon svstem. Must be willing on location at remote, uncivilized In Central Massachusetts.

City of Worcester, Department of

a manu ~eript daacribing the intricacies of a '57 Edsel, a blurb on the cancer-causing properties o f milk when fed to A frican Army Ants, and the results of an import•nt, lt~rge -scll!e, investigation on the safety of talking Barbie Dolls.

0. How do you waste energy when the Jeasage of a bill is involved?

A. Well, it's important to realize that it 1luat be worded in clear, conciu legal language to cover .as many pages end provisions as possible. Last year we passed aslmplin.d tax reform bill that covered only 250 pagesl Then, we debate each provision for at leeat one day. a. How do you waste energy When you get to the voting?

A. Well, we stuff the ballot box when no one Ia looking and then we give a tong introduction when casting our vote, daecriblng our beautiful state, giving an empN1ic vote, and then asking for an explaNtion of your vote to last for a minimum of fifteen minutes. a. What happens if things don't go your

wrr7

A. There are a variety of different achemee thet a congreamen can rig up.

Arst, of couree, there is the filibuster.

Then, if thet doeen' t work, we storm the speaker at the podium and bribe him. Then, if thet faHa, we plant 20 smoke bombs in the chamber and steel the ballot box when they go off.

0 . Are those all of the ways you waste energy?

A. No, we waste energy by speaking, of couree, like I em doing in the interview wtth you.

That was the end of the interview, after thet the cong.--nan finished hJs talk of wasting energy by writing up a bill to increase the number of different departments in his agency to 20,000 and then ~M~nt to a party of a 'shady' nature In the Watergate hotel. (It doesn't take much imagination to figure out what he was going there fori.

WANTED: Person well-vetted in fluid mechanics. Challenging position available at world renowned establishment More liquids pour through our equipment every day than all other establiahmanta like this operation In the world. Contact: Manager of Goats Head Pub, Inc. WANTED: Young ME willing to learn locksmith's trade. Organization has baffling problem which has, thus far, deafened all experts. Desperately aeeldng the right key.

Contact: WPI Pep Band.

WANTED: Mathematics major, for efficiency control type job. Good hand-eye coordination, experience i n juggling preferred. Common sense not required.

Inquire: John Curtis, Director of Auxiliary Operations, WPI. WANTED: Young men or woman Interested In high administrative position.

Free room and board Included. Prnent official leaving to become ringmaster for Ringling Brothers. Conact: G. Henard, Drury Lane, Worcester.

WANTED: Worcester Polytechnic Institute Grad. Experience gained In evading competency questions Invaluable In my .vork. Must be willing to work for peanuts.

Inquire: J. C., 1600 Penn. Ave., Washington, D .C.

The WPI Bookstore has a limited number of lead-lined bath-

!!.~lts now in stock. Students Interested in acquiring a suit

.....,ld send a 2000 word essay on "Why I Deserve A Bathing Suit," ::" with a non-refunditble S25 fee, to the Bookstore by 4 p.m., y 10.

.

FoR SALE : One United States Army M60-Al tank. Good con~, Used only for Indoor target shooting. OWner needs money to Z!_ car stereo. Contact Col. McDonald, ROTC, Harrington, for

....us.

IMPOftTANT NOTICE TO ALL ITUOENTI FftOM THI l'ftUIOENT: It muy lmpon•nte por lot nlnoe de Ametlcanot eecrlber MtH peleb1111 en tl c ue n o de beno au• p111flvlln: Juao de nevll•• H une bebe. no IUIO del ohlntot. Por f•vor une not e del preeldente tn Hll toplca con 20-450 pel•bret • Any forme turned In efter 4:00p.m . will btlnvtlld.

Paae4

War Declared on Beasts Gardner T. Pierce, Director of Physical Planning and Pla~t s~ · ee, has announced a concentrated e " to ride the campus of bents. This sh be especially welcome news to reeldenta of Morgan Hall, who have reported an increasing number of beeat attacks during the past month.

"It moat be the season," said one Morgen resident "This warmer weather seems to bring 'em out in d~" Another Techie stated ·that the b. .ta were becoming bolder by the day. "Just the other day," he said, "four of them jumped me in the middle of the partcing lot Imagine the nerve of them things, going after a guy in broed daylight!"

Mr. Pierce told NW4pH/c thet the clean up drive would begin on May 10. At thet time, the entif'8 campus will be ...lid off by specially

start to paint all windowsills white, in an effort to scare off the bents. "It's the oldest trick in the book," said Pierce. "ll's right out of the Bible. Our old friend, Chet Kulus, sent us the Idee."

It is rumored that the admlnietration was finally driven to theM extreme lengths due to the high number of fire extinguiehera lhat have had to be replaced. "It's the only way to drive off one of the ~ta " confided one Morganite. '·

Some students have expressed diapleaaure at the propoeed cleenup, aeying that they have captured several of the beasts, and ara keeping them as pets. A check with Mr. Pierce dilcovered that those students keeping ~ta as pets wiU be ,..quired, beginning at 6:00 a.m. on May 10, to keep the dom.tk:eted ~ on ,...._ at all tlmM.

Police Blotter . ,On Tueeday, May 3, 1m at 2:36 a.m., a student on Riley 2nd comp:Sined that two drunks were ataggering through the hallt, shouting an obscene vnlon of Lincoln's Geuaburg Addrea. Officer Slipshod in· vestlgated and found that the men were Officers Boozo and Lobotominakl of WPI Security. They were brought back to Stratton for sobering up.

On Wednesday, May 4, 19n, at 3:30 p.m., a atudent from Stoddard A complained that hie car which had been parked on Einhorn had disappeered with the only clue being a crnw left In the roed. Upon Investigation a atudent was found hiding

homemade atomic bombl under vartoua cars. The bomba were confl8c:ated.

On Wedneect.y, May 4, 19n at 11:ti0 p.m., Officer Crapgeme obeelll'ed three WPI atudenta overturning Boynton Hal. Students righted a.ne.

On Fridey, May 6, 1977 at 4:20 a.m., Officer Lobotominakl was found unconscious in the t.throom on the third

floor of Stoddard B. He 'W88 IDI'OIIIIIJII. .'1'e.JlCh1~1 to Stratton for sobering up.

Oo Monday, May 9, 19n at woman student complained U. wea in the sauna a young ........ dreued only in an argyle bow cufftlnka, atood on his heed, firat act of MadarN Burr.flv In Several aimllar compa.inta soon after. After three veatlgetlng, Officer Sllpahod sauna; he dllguleed himlllf •

and waited lnlidt. At 4:30 men bol"'t In and began ectMtJea deecribed abcM. be Tom ~. doing ,__. humorous article for punative action ~.

On Mondey, May 8, 1877 a Officer 8oozo found . . .

He wee dilguleed • • worr.r humming "Un Bel Oi" front Butterfly. He was brought beak for IObering up.

WPI vermin

Beautiful beast successful The WPI IFC 8pOiliOf'8d a " beautiful contest at Becker Junior COllege last week with great auccea A towl of oViO students entered the conteet, whoee flrat prize waa an d-expensa paid trip for three to Rorlda, M-. Other priz• Included a one day's aupply (4001 poundl of faelal mak•up and 144 25-pound ~ of Purina Dog Chow.

Joan M . Smith, winner of the ~. explelned her stretegy • followl: "It w.~~~

wut

very easy - all I did was the judges chambcn one at a time, to explain my position..."

Ms. Smith plana to travel with her pet bulldog SAFA and take the brothers of Phi Sigma Kappa fraternity In a smelly gym big as her third guest. The brothers have expreeeed keen Interest in the travel technique, • it reminda them of their houae.

·i Yes, I'd like

:************************************

*

** ** *

11

to enter die -

Win a Night With Your President" SweepstakesI

Nam----------------------------------------------------~----------------------------------~ Add~••-------------------------------------------------------Tel ________________________~

City------------------------------=------------------------- State _ _ ____;,_ __

Jt

*** * *** Jt Jt

.,....

* ,.....

male I am female. of age At night. t like to OaiMp alone 0 aIMp with e friend 0 aiMp with • friend who Ia Prealdent of the US 0 aleep with the Prealdent end alx or aeven Secret Service agenta.

I have committed adult•tr) Dnever D in my heart D In my bedroom 0 In the back aeat of a Chevy D in the bee~ aeat of en armored Ford llmoualne.

a::YT:~y:~::~:r: ~

*

I like peanut butter Dnot at all Dallghtly De lot 0 only with Jelly 0 only on certain parte of my body 0 only on certain parte of aomeone elae'a body (apeclfy which parte ) My aexual fanualea Involve D pH nut butter D cabinet membe,..

Oteeth Dam Ilea DSecret Service agenta Dl-year-old glrla with long, blonde hair.

'

preferably one which would aerve •• a Playboy centerfold, muat accompany thla apof youroelf,

--------------------Sign,____________________________ Date _ _ _ _ _ __

~"*********************....

- ~*******************

NEWSPEAK

Page 6

Section4

THE WEEK IN RBVIB'W

Sunday, May 10, l'#T1

Energy Crisis Solution

e•

President Carter got some good news this week in the form of a novel t-nergy conservation invention developed by a

IOn

at the Worcester Polytechnic: Institute in Boston, Maasachpsett.s. The device known as the Rankine Recycle Entropy Converter (or "wreck") was perfected two years ago by Professor Jobn M. Boyd after many years of Ul1k.nown research in bia garage.

Using such common houlebold ttema aa rUbber bands, paper clips, chicken wire, flour, and balloooa, its creator eovisiOI'll a time wben all Americana can live out a productive Ute baled on the absolute total cooaumption of energy of aD forms equal to the amount con.tained in three pllons o1 professor

gasoline.

"Sbucka I don't want any money for my

invention nor do I want any fame. 1 just want to con.trtbute my talent to mankind" Boyd quipped, A bandllome man, it wu at

lllle11i0na are to be reheld on Juoe S, u both men have flUed out the IIIIIHI~n~~.~ and have paid tbe $15.00 Jate fee. van Alstyne blred last coDIUltant by the govemmeot

tlon or eleettona, after -lllti4010 by a NatiooaJ Scleoce evaluatioo team at WPI studyeoatrovenial WPI Plan for education. It wu 1ee0 that alDIIebaodly made out the ICDII!OWII!S for more than 2SOO atudenta, a feat ao DO federal

computer baa even been able to _ ............ task.

Carter could not be for comment. An armed guard placed around the White House been rumored that tbe Stratecic ln Boulder, Colorado baa to scramble all jetl and not an enemy II found. Carter was In public on Februai'y 23 eatlnl

Pilcatinny Pen111ylvanla at tbe Peanut and Cottoo Festival. llllllllent F~ upon bearlDg the elected. His flnt respooae wu

I knew somethln8 waa funny wouldn't let me uy anything." caJJed on biB old hilh level adbecken to put together some spring campaign. If all bla schedule, by June 1, American pubUc abould name. He uya that this ~ded

be1p in the election,'' name recopltioo problems parts of biB primary campalgn

Reaaan bu pralled both the and van Alatyne for their honesty" In the handlinl of the has said that this il j\mt one example of the putneu of the ~IYSitem and a sign from God that

called on to lead this country despair and degradation that it." his new Polltical·Rellgioualty He&IZ.In has made it clear that and help from Americans regardless of of criminal actions, inor other unethical conduct. daoe with the intent to verify the He baa sought counsel with forNixon oo the matter. by leading pundits the spoiler election, his new positions will rnore defined before any lucid on hiJ candidacy. He baa late regiltraUon fee to the U)nllm11J8Ic)n and also tipped all ~un" and additional $5.00 before

into a seizure from whiCh be yet to recover. For four c:laya be bu been wretc:hinl around oo the floor of the Senate singing Handel's llallehlja.la a..... Try· inl to plck him up off the floOr. Mo Udall slipped on his untied shoe lace and auf· fered a brain ~ioo when his heed struck the cast on his arm.

Jerry Brown baa labeled both actiona u part of a large Carter Meta pbysic:al conspiracy and bas vowed to make resistance to any Carter ~lectlon campaign.

" 'lbe epwtimologieallmpUeations of his <Carter's) nefarious actions leave no doubt in my mind and doubtleu in yours, the evil existential nature of bJa way, his craving for sinful Oeah, his lust for your wives and daughters and an uncanny well thought out unethical way to aehleve his euds which are just as evU as hll means.

FOI' this reason I will take up the burden of strict tautology and defeat him as St. George defeated the dragon." Tbia statement was made alter the Jesuit Copclave in Hollywood, CA on Friday.

So at Jeast now it II clear that tbe nation can expect a real bone race for oUlce of the Chief Executive in the coming month.

INDEX g ':__/ ,r-..

--

/

Butz to Speak Earl L. Butz, former Secretary of Agriculture, bas been cboeeD u tbe keynote speaker at the lOS eommeoeement exercises of Worcester Polytecbnlc In-

stitute this Jwe. Butz wu choaeo by a joint trusteefaculty committee, cbaired by Profeaor R. V. Obon, deVeloper of the revolutionary mathematically based formula for acbool

desegregation used by Judge Arthur W. Garrity in Boston. 'nk committee made

their decision after lt·ilk.ing over a ~t, submitted by the student body, that contained sUch names as Billy Graham, Spiro Agnew, Jimmy Carter, and Farrah Fawcett-Ma.jora.

Butz wu born in Albion, Indiana in 1eo9 and attended Purdue Unlvenity from which he graduated in 1932. He received his doctorate from tbat same institution in 1937 and did his post-doctorate work at the University of Chitago.

He taught at P\u'due in the agricultural economies department for many yean and became Dean of Contin~ng Education aod Vice President of the University Researeb Foundation in 11MJ8. He was tapped by President RiclWd M . N'ucon to • become Agriculture Secretary in 19'71.

Butz continued to serve in that poet under the Ford Administration. He was forced to step down after indiscrete remarks made by him while on an airplane flight from the

-

Republican National Convention received national publicity.

Butz's remarks concerned the clothlnc. sexual, and bathroom habits of Black Americana. He has since defended these remarks, saying they were based on facts drawn from a 1976 Pentagon report General Harold Brown, author of the

report, accused Butz of buck passing, say-

• 111\Lnl')', a dl<;c:lpllne that Ilium I· the liv~o; and minds or lh~ dud.

nll l ~'l

P~U.

The Nation

TbeWorld

8

Ideas & Trends 8

ing "I was only doing my duty as a red blooded American patriot."

From his fli'Sl daya in Washington, Butz was viewed as a counterpoint to the seriousness of the Nixon White House. He became a favorite of the press with his quick wit and love lor a good joke. Butz'a sense of humor, however, was sometimes mblnterpreted. In response to a question regarding Pope Paul's strong stand against contraceptives, Butz remarked, " He no playa da game; be no ma.ka da rules." In return for tbll small joke, Butz was subjected to an outpouring of criticism from liberals and Democrats as well u some Catbolles and Italians.

Since his retirement Butz has remained in his Washington home where be is work· ina on a collection of poUtical humor.

first auggested that be bad aone off the deep end alter lnbaUnc too much prage au while be wu puttert.nc arOuod.

At weeki eod tbougb. IMependent ' scientists from 32 major universities and bUainelle* confirmed that bit approach and ciilcoyery were on tbe rlgbt tract.

Sergei Dariovicb of the V1admJer Lenin Institute ol Energy Reeeareh iDatJ:alated that Boyd had stolen biB ideal from the Kouak Riden ollOO yean ago. "Ruasia invented tbJa flrll Tbe caplta.UstJ have stolen another ooe." be said. He was on btl way to Boatoo to buy pianufacturtng rlgbts for his govemmeut.

Physics Profeaor Richard Feyum.an of Cal Tech, when uked bow come DO one bad tbougbt of the approach before, commeoted that it took a p-eat mind to come up with tb1a invention and that be wu aJad Boyd wu 00 om' aide.

Tbe proc:eu by wblcb the dilcovery worb il very complicated to explain to the

layman. Indeed many ldentiatl are still acratcblng their heads. Simr...- ~n: , the invention relies oo the 8ecood L;.w of 1bermodynamics to function. 1bll Law states that fOI' an engine to fundion, ar

automobile engine for 1nStance, it must reject 10111e heal What Boyd baa dooe iJ eflect is to repeal that law and subltitub his own. Boyd's COITa1ary aaya that in order for an eogiDe to function at its OJ · timwn level, It must not only keep all ita beat, but should steal some from wbereves.· It can.

On his demooatration automobile, Boyd installed what looked like a balloon ou the exha\mt pipe. Boyd explained that not only did be keep and reuse the exhaust PlieS indellnitely, but also employed the forces keeping the balloon from exploding. He drove tbls Cadillac all the way to California and beck. with out using any gasoUne at aiJ and it bad been rumored that he actually cre~~l'!ri some enroute. a "breeder engine."

GMC bu alread) arm All'leed that aD of its tm ears will be ( Quipped with one of these gadgets. Ford, t hryaler, and AMC are expected to follow suit. Stock prices for the major oU companies plummeoted and

Exxon and Shell have filed for bankruptcy.

President Carter meanwhile bad Andrew Young t~ aiJ of the OPEC nations to "go to heU ."

The Stock Market.

The Stock M.an,et was rocted earlier this week, wben the discovery of the Rankine Recycle Entropy Converter was announced to the investing public. Stocks of those companies dealing in rubber bands, paper cUps, cb!clten wire, Oour, and balloons, unexpl.air. :1dly sbowed a marked increase ln tradi 'i· Trading experts claim that Saudi Arabian interests were especially interest· eel in the new blue chips. Shiek Moula Tobw'n told the brokers that, " It's nothing, really. My country only wants to diversify our holdlnp. AI every investor knows, one must be prepared to take smallloaes, and then recover with risk-associated ~ vestments."

ftis speech at WPI is entitled "Why There aren't more Women In EngiDeerinl Schools."

Page 6

The World In Summary

Reaction to

Cancelled Election .

WASHINGTON, D.C., May IS - International reaction to the decision to rehold the presidential elections in this country has been swift and contradictory.

Cablegrams have been pouring into embassies at an unprecedented rate from puz.zled leaders soliciting opinions from their envoys as to the latest demonstration or the inherrent problems in a democratic society.

A senior official or the State Dept. bas explained that be bas had to bold briefings continuously for confused diplomats and that he is understaffed for this task. <Tbe State Department bas asked Congress for an emergency funding bonus for overtime pay for overworked staff members).

Henry ~. COIISultant on international affairs for ITT and former campaign aide to NeJaoo Rockefeller made tbil comment about the situation.

"It appears that the most confusing item for foreign officlala is the matter of a subordinate in government flriog his bon. It takes a lot of time to c:oovince people used to totalitarian forma of government that it is poesible for an appointed official to take actions in which the people. either directly or through Congress, have no say. It is almost impouible for individuals who have oot experienced freedom to comprehend bow we can allow ageocles like FCC, ICC, IRS, SEC, FEC, etc. to exist.

'I1lis is a pr'OCEIS8 of education which we must bear." • The reaction in the Kremlin has been one of fear. The Russians, according to our Moscow bureau, view this as another example of Nixonian saber-rattling.

Leonoid Breshnev, the ruler of this country, in a taped radio address had this to say, "'l1lat shrewd devil- we !mew be wanted to rule America in perpetuity. '...ook what he does now, America. He has made this deal with the Cbioeae to set up a puppet regime in Washinaton which be could topple wben he saw fit. 'nle world order will collapse if we noble citizens of Mother lhuia do not rise to this threat to our existence. I just never trusted his face."

Credence was lent to t.bia theory when it was uncovered that van Alstyne had been on the payroll of the White House transition staff since 1962. Neither be nor Mao Tie Tung had any comment to make to the charges by the Soviets. The Federal Elections Commission labeled the statement dangerous jinaoism and pcetentious even for the commuoiats. A press release criticized the grammar ~ and suggested that I!reznev take some English Jesaons from BerUtl. Newly installed Polish Premier Igor Sczeczchioakikozcha, said that, "while the Eastern United States was defmitely not under Soviet domination. that the Federal Elections Committee was." He added that this move was just being made to bolster the effect of Soviet propaganda. At an Albany luncheon engagement, not realizing that a tape machine run by Tony Ulauwich of the New York City Police Department was turned on under the table, Premier Sezzie, as he prefen to be called, lnadvertedly let sUp that CQnaresa had never actually set up the Elections Commissiona. "It was all p&abned in Moscow. They paJd ror televisian time and ran fake newspaper stories telling unsuspecting Americans that the agency bad been formed when in fact it hadn't.

Congress, on vacation in Tahiti forgot that they hadn't created it and were too embarrassed to cut funding when Goldwater finalJy remembered. Breahnev dld lt as a personal favor to Nixon. When he is reelected as Reagan's vice-president, the US and USSR will split up China." Mao Tse Tung had no comment on this assertion It will probably become more clear what this all means as the story develops in the coming week.

Surprise Package

Big Daddy

for Britain

Big Bash

ll was learned this week by archaeologists digging in Pourtsmouth, England, that the British Isles are not made of volcanic rock as previously thought, but of very dusty Teakwood. The head of the researchers, Dr. A. Fattah Chalabi of the Department of Civil Engineering of Worcester Polytechnic Institute, was markedly impressed by the grain and texture of the wood.

It seems that the "project group", consisting of 20 students, 15 diggers and 5 divers made the discovery while doing routine erosion studies at this seacoast town. The diver& uncovered huge chains connecting the island to the bottom of the

sea .

The British Minister of Health, C. Jerome Marshall·Brickman, said that this confirmed his thesis that the reason that the English were usually sick • in the morning was due to an acute case of sea· sickness. "I always knew it just wasn't the smell,'' said Marshali·Brickman.'' Often when in bed for the nlght, 1 feel tbla oscillatory motion that is unexplainable."

For Chalabi, this discovery is just another flower in his notable record of achievement. In 1956 as the main tbrult of his thesis at the University of Michigan, he conclusively proved that Switzerlaod was in fact composed of lee cream. "The mountaioa <Alps) were gigantic SUDdies put there by God," Cbalabi wrote. In 1182, Chalabi was again in the forefront of geological dJscovery with the demonstration that Italy was actually petrified LaSagne (LaSagne where mineral deposita trickle through the material and become exact replicu after many yean>.

His last great feat was the uncovertaa. in 1964, that the State of Georgia in Soviet Russia was made of goat's cbeele. Be bad particular trouble getting the information and hlmself out of the Soviet Union who

Ideas &Trends In Summary Two Towers TOo: Plan Obsolesc:eace. By M. M. Nosemyt. Worcester, MA.: Published by W.P.l. Mailing and DupUcating, 1m.

Reviewed by Tom Wikker.

This handsome volume, prlnted on the reverse side of faculty copies or project registration forms and bound by the energy generated by ita solar-coUector cover, purports to tell the story of Worcester Polytechnic Institute since 1965.

Well illustrated with old photos from Newspeak, it is largely the story of the "Plan," generated in the 1960's and extinguished in the 1970's.

The Plan was a desperate attempt to recapture the inspiration which had led to the founding of the school some 100 years earlier. Marked by individual initiative, a spirit of practical work, and a humane awareness of social need, that lnspiration had been derived in turn from the Rusalan technical schools of the 1760's. Russia in that period was ruled by Catherine n the Great, and the violation of her code of rewards may have led ultimately to the demise or the Plan, according to the author.

Catherine was extremely fond of technically educated young man and took a personal interest in their careers. The names of men thus educated appear frequently on her list of 56 official lovers which she took in ber lifetime. The inspiration for the "Plan" can be discerned in the "plan" Catherine designed to select those Ioven. Course work at a tecbnical institute was not enougb to earn Catherine's affection. Candidates for her favor had to complete four tasks. In Russia at this time all free young men were required to serve either in the military or civil service; each young man with an education had to, before service, pass an examination in which he demonstrated his competence in either military or civil engineering <this was later broadened to

wanted to seU their cheese quickly in an advertising blitz before the rest of the world caught on.

Il is particularly this rationale that has the Minister of Land Resources troubled.

He worries about wood poachers anxious to make a quick quid, selling small hunks of the island.

"With proper development of this resource, Britain can fix her balance of payments, and achieve a lasting prosperity based not on energy, but wood ." Minister Reginald C. Farthingsgame was quoted as saying, "As we use up more and more of this resource, more and more of our citizens will become wealthier and wealthier. With their new found money we can all holiday In the Azores." It is seen that as the wood disappean another country would be needed for the Britishers to live in. The A~ores see a threat in this.

Arturo Tuscinini, President of the Azores bad this comment to make. "As lOng as the British bring with them some of their wood and pretty furniture and stuff, I aee nc) problem. Our people are wUUog to make some sacrifices in order to obtain Britlab butlers and maids. We watCh "Upatain, Downstairs, too. Also, we expect to give no special treatment to the Queen. King or Harold MacMillan."

A IJ'OUP of Italian fUrniture makers have approached the government to purcbase IOIDe of the wood to make chairs and cabinets. Valery Giscard D'Estang, President of France bad expreaaed the opinioo that all Commoo Market countries should share their aood fortune and wood supplies. He had stated he expecta the first shipments of hamber to arrive in Paris next week so that Freacb craftsmen can start making. LoWa XIV tables.

Tbe effect on Britain for the long tenn is still very much up In the air, but it is a little less glommy in London this spring.

Idi Amin Dada, President cllf and friend to all, announCed he did not reel at all slighted being invited to the Silver Jubille Britain. The celebration, ~.~-..25 years of rule by Queen ~~~~~~~ expected to possibly include this Nobel Laureate on the Became a Success in Six Dada has said that he could how be might overshadow U»· - ·.... joint appearance. "Sbe just am. It's easier to lose ber At the same press announced that be will '-" Jubilee celebration to cellllllrllt nihilation of 25,000 inferior, gle tribesmen. "l'se just Iowta They are a stumblin block~~~· slaughter." As part or Ugandan Air Force wW bleachers to knock off as as possible, while AmiD bullet proof bunker. lnvitat-. sent to President Jimmy Leonoid Breshoev, and a other COUDtriS. It iJ .nnii!III-IIIIIDJI'IIIIW .. always chivalrous Amio . . written invitation to Q'- . . . show that there were no ........ _~·• source of this .inf1Gml&ti411D preter who put it into stalldBhllll written Eogl!ab from tbe 1*11_ _ . on dead, untreated, animll .... 1 been originally writteo Oil. Also sCheduled to appear at • • • celebration are Allee Cooper, and at the special ...,._ If entire Manion Family wUl Sharon Tate murden. Sam directing the feativitiea fw aa

com,.,._.

IW-•

1\IAY recalll lalt~

andac Frida~

iD8 b memb

The audito nearbJ tbeb

abOUt ~ periO

Secun Tbe ~

IJIIdVf

sdencl dilcO &be WI technil oeede<

&betel

chemil them IIIIOke

Jive of

IDa un alfour trying

sum.

Power'

Admission will be free aDd • • - • to attend. Chicken IIDchri• available from a CODCellioolta•tlr1• run by Amln'a young da......_,

UIIIUC~

other fieldi as they emerged from the realm of magic). Around the time of the competency examloation, candidates also completed some project which demonstrated that they were officer material; completion of the task earned them tbe rank of Major, hence this was called the Major Qualifying Project. Tben, too, prospective favorites had to relate their competency to society in a.. "real life" experience. Potemklo (after which the battleship, about which the movie was made, was named) designed cities along the coast of the Black Sea; Poniatowski became Kine of Poland and founded tbe Warsaw Projects Center; and Orlov ap; plied the techniques or strangulation to Catherine's husband, Peter lll. Finally, candidates bad to demonstrate their sufficiency as lovers. Thla was done ideally in a OD&-OIH)De project with the Scottish Lady Bruce, imported by Catlierine due to her expertise, assisted at times by the Princess Duhkova, a graduate of Bekherov lnatitute. Since J_()!'ing inspired young men, overloads usually occurred in the laat term of the year, hence group sufficiencies, or seminars, were scheduled. The personal touch of a one-on-one project, however, was preferable. Catherine monitored the whole process through the Office of Student Affairs, with an alert staff.

Tboee who survived the Plan received high-paying, high-status jobs, living quarters connected by hallways to Catherine'• bedroom <the original "Sewer Parties" were held In tbi.s mue of tun· nels), and the peraonal utisfacUon of having mastered dlffl-challenging positi.ooe.

But Catherine abandoned ber &)'Item in the 1790's not, as some m.istaklngly believe, because abe Tooke (ale> to horsing around; her inspiration had come from France which experienced a revolution in 1789, and this scared Catherine. When she 1 realized her plan might rully lead to genuloe social change, to free and creative activity, she panicked. To regain stability and control s.be required all candidates to pre-,reglster, interim-register, final· register, and final-registration-register their intentions with a new Bureau of Bureaucratic Structures. Each of these registrations required her signature on a form. Although ambidextrous, this process took so long and soUred her banda that she neither had the energy nor muscular ability to fulfill the objectives of the Plan, and it collapsed.

InS

Having disculsed the inspiraWPI Plan Nosemyt chronicles the 1 - the Plan itself, its early ··-~ • tempts to find relevancy and mill. . the Cohen reports, the efforts to projects, the disaster. There Is attempt to demonstrate the significance of the disaster.

Speaking Cor myaelf, I reel we witnessed a great tragedy, the which is still unclear. PerbaJ)So_..forgot the heart and the brain. watching their P's and Q's, the WP1 about IQP's and MQP's. This intends to pursue the answer - ~ he finds a form to preregister w1tb

•

118bbl yards I

Ullliltel Alden Wilen

The Region In Summary MAY 1St- Wayland, Ma., WPI officials

reca1Jed 450 laid-off campus pollee officers

Jilt week after several hundred youths 11111 ackllts descended on a rock concert on FridaY and disrupted the event by snatch-

Ill tnmdreds of pr~ject forms from ~ or the audience.

The violence in the huge Ha.rringtoo ;dtarium spread to the Alden Hall and ..,-by streets as the audience evacuated 111e blilding. B~ore the dishubance ended 111aut midnight, one woman had been f11*1, another molested and dozens of JIIIOIII robbed. Chief Whitney of Campus

llc:mity aaid.

Tile trouble over project forms

~ a _ . development at this eampus.

JllllyertantJy three wee:Q ago, a life lliiDee proCessor made the tremendous tleMr)' that due to the unique nature of .. WPI Plan, a controversial accounting and the type of information on the forms, tbe combination of and make-up of the paper, the diiiDiealB and ink, aod the glue bolding loiletbE!r,, that when rolled and <or burned in a pipe), the forma olf a vapor that places "the inbaler" tllique euphoria that luta a minimum days. His discovery wu made alter to contact employees at the school House on unrelated busi.Deu. Aflel' ~DCCellfulUy pboiiing for 40 days and ProCessor Danielli walked tbe 100 to tbe facUity. He was greeted by the

••e.

..-..ay

sight of Everett "Alcapulco" AldiD dancing with a nuah-down valve. questioned by Danielli coocernin8 ...ual occurrence, Everett invited . . . . .1)1' to •tick his head up the . .rrt'f.'lpe~:JJ,qi~w;•ted. the professor cross-examination of two 1111111,_!8, one known as "Chops", the Bebley. They commented that didn't care who bad sunk the Maine, didn't like potato chips. immediate consequences of letting blow its dangerous fumes into •w'crcesb!.rair immediately were made to Danielli and a pbone can was to President Hazard to ask him to burning of the forms. Hazard was .,.illab>le at the time for adequate <He waa in the middle of his Truck Drivers Correspondence lessons), and the matter was to the Committee for Student Life

by Dean Reutllnger.

ReuUinger bas taken the im· action of callinl up tbe laid off llld bas also put Alliatant Dean in charge a secret catnpJS \U)o bunko aquad wbo duck around and try to overbear conversations suspected fonn smokers. Tbey are Donald's Ducks. This new .,.ID.lelllt bas reportedly put Sherer lot of stress and abe baa named assistants. Included are Assistant Bernie "the knife" Brown, Chief and Father Scanlon. It is boped Ducks can stop the spread of this by what e-ver meana necessary. the prime victim of this im· baa been the death of the a unique enterprise started at

M~~Gea& AHaln erew boldl

range of $100,000. 1'beee are the same

people Wbo redesigned the NBC television

emblem two years ago.

Tbe death of the WPI Plan is not the only of the adminiatrators of this campus. A scandal bu hit the Office of Student Affain alter the formation of Donald's Duc:D. Sherer bad expected the help of all the RA's in combating the drug.

An unidentified source named Dan Funk, bas let thla newspaper in on the fact that the other "bead" RA's, Jim Lunney, Jim Gado and Roberta "wingbead" Nielson, have secretly been conducting toun for unsuspecting freshmen in tbe area of the "great Washburn Pipe." 'I1Iese innocents are lulled there by promises of cheap sarsaparillas and tobacco for a mere 60 cents. Once in the clutches of the evil smoke, the RA's jack the price to $1.00 for a 60 second whiff in tbe pipe. 'Ibis money is said to pay for tbe "bead's" yearly vacation trip to Columbia. Dean Sherer is particularly embarrassed by this, in that she bas gone on these trips herself.

concern

I

As 80011 as it became· widely known which forma produced the magical sub-

stance in the smote from the pipe, a run on forms occurred in the Registrar's office, and in the office of Dean of Academics Advising. Dean van Alstyne reports that wben the rumors picked up, Within 15 minutes be did not even have a piece of paper left in his private commode. The students were burning every piece of paper. 1bomu Denny of alumni relations bas related that they have been receiving word of awful happy past graduates who have started burning their degrees. Tbe bookstore has been totally destroyed according to Harry A. Thompson, Manager. "The laughing, cheering dingos just stormed in and burned my Calculus books. It's a good thing for me lhey couldn't get into my safe where I k~p my Stash of forms."

It became clear on Thursday that the only papers that could bring on this "drunkenness", were the project Corms.

The first folks to get their forms hid them until Friday when the concert occurred.

Rioting ensued when the have-not techies tried to bUrn those with forms, bodily. It is not known at this time exactly which

Best Sellers

ballucinogin is present or how the reaction occurs. The FDA bas dispatched the surgeon general and tbe Atlanta Center for Communicable Diseues to study the phenomenon. Under the direction of Dr. Timothy Leary, founder of the Leary of Temperance League, the government hu put the investiptive squad into action. Ita campus liailoo is Prof. Ollson of the Math Dept Mike Kyritsis of Mauling and

Destroying, printer or the forms, was not available ror comment and it is uaw;ned he is getting wrecked in his office.

Hazzard and the Board of Trustees have invited all on campus to the official funeral of the plan. It will be held in the vacated Boynton Hall which wiJI be loaded with what forms are left and then burned.

Hazzard has decided that if the campus community must be unhappy over the prospect of losing the plan then at leut they'll get a good smile out or the affair. In addition, the destruction will save the cost of fiXing the building. Hazzard is expected to announce at the gathering that for the school year 1977·1978, WPl will be on a swing shift. Yes, it •s a very sad-happy

time here at WPI.

May 10, 1m, The New Yark Times Book Review

•o•nCTJo•

or

lte•rll!a short five yean ago. Projects AD part of "Tbe Plan" and it became evident that the forma for the registration were dangerous lbe student body, Hazard immediately elaunissiooed the think tank of Lloyd ~Associates to either a) Replace tbe ~ with another of different design or ul fix the Plan to do without them. ~Uve "b" was immediately stricken ....... 1t was decided that without projects - school would have to hire more PI'Cifessors to teach more claases which ~ to chief of cost eHicleocy, John ~ IS economically untenable. The •..._'ill of the form has taken many ~~~apeS, each one unacceptable for one "-on or another. The most likely ::naement was scrapped by Prof. Long, Registrar, for being too easy for the ~nts_ to fill oul. "The need to participate 10 a learning experience," he was ~ as saying. The coat for this con- t work has been reported to be in the

alrategy aesaloo

1. MaratMD Mu, by Jobn Nyquist. Forward by Vicki

Bloomfield, backward by Moon Mullinl, WPl Bookstore; $1.2,1.

2. Naked to MIDe Eoemles, by Tom Kell, WPI Bookstore; $.01.

3. One Flew Over the Cuekoo'a Nest. by Bernie Brown, WPI Bookstore; $10.95.

4. Cox aDd Oan, by Tina Tuttle, WPI Bookstore; $32.89.

5. Lord, Grant Me, by George Hazzard, WPI Bookstore; $350,000.00.

6. Switch- Catc:b Z2, by John van Alstyne, $2.35 ($10.00 extra if after January 1, 1949).

7. Tenntnal Mall, by Bob Desourdis, WPI Book.store; will swap for PDP 11-to ln good cood.ltion.

8. Frettcb Ueateuat'1 Womaa, by Lt. Col. John McDonald, WPI Bookstore; $.15.

9. Tbe Art of Teaching, by I. PI, WPI Bookstore; free

(yesterday only).

10: Greal Sbort Dramas. by Gene Kalish, NA from publisher yet.

1. Body Clleeldog and Puddog, by ED "Shadow" Shea, WPI Bookstore; $2.98.

2. Engineerhlg, l...ocMely Speaking, by Lutz and Boltz, WPI; $25,000.00 3. Students GuJde to Antaclda, by Norman Rossi, WPI Book· store; $10.35.

4. TrainlDg Methods a.od Sueceufal Basketball, by Susan Chapman, WPI Bookstore; $1U8 (free to Ken Kaufman).

5. Teetotaler's GuJde to Vlrgin.la, by Dick Olsen, WPI Pub; 60 cents.

6. Solar Panellng for your Motoreyele, by Jim Demetry, 65 cents.

7. GrowlDgtbe Maryjane BegOilla lli your room, by Pat Dunn, S.lO from WPD. 8. 1be Hunt for the Gret~t White Killer Tuna , by Bill Trask, $6.95.

9. Suecesaful Penonal Relatlooa, by Don Reutlinger, with the assistance of Pam Sherer, WPI Bookstore , $4.98.

10. Co.t Analytlt of saccestful Personal Rtlations, by John Curtis, WPI Bookstore; $7.45.

Reeommeaded New Read.IDg 1. Danlelln the Uon's Din, by Dan Funk. Hardcover, $6.95.

Courageous Head RA. 'a vallant fight against the killer Pub. Ear·

splitting, wall-shaking action.

2. Plaelng Life oo Man, by the Life Science Department.

Sort, green, expanding cover, $1.6 mUUon. A tale to rival any SF. thriller.

3. Secret Uvea of WPI Female Engineering Professors by ?.

Covers only, $.02. Pages to be added if one is ever hired .

4. Unselfish Basketball by Rick Wheeler. Zone cover, 2 for 118.00. How a high scoring guard became a play maker and

defensive standout.

5. Roary O'Connor, Boy Editor by Roary O'Connor. No cover, newsprint. FREE. In searcb of Clark Kent.

6. Sacldag the Quarterbllek by Mike O'Hara. Double-covered $2.00 on a 14 point spread. Twenty-five ways, includln& two legal ones to the nt's uarterbaclt.

NEWSPEAK

Page 8

~aseai'Ch

Ltmara PETER J. MULVIHILL, Pvbfl.tl1r T A DANIELS, &nc~<tlw Editor DANIEL T, SPANlEL, Mo11011"1 &dttor GAR\' SOWYRDA,I)qfAty Mo11011n1 £dttor NORMAN KOSS!, .U.Uto11t NoMII"' Editor HARRY THOMPSON, Auo•tQI\I Mo11011"1 Editor AJ.fRED WHITNEY, ~uto111 No1101f111 Editor

FGUNied Ill Jf77 DOUGLAS KNOWLES, Publt.l\er IIH-UJS MIKE KYIUTSJS, hblUMr IIJS.IHJ ROGER PERRY, hbllalltT IHI·IHJ

ROAR J CONNAN. £dltorkll Pqe Editor R V. OLSON, A..t.&cr11t adttorlol P<11e Editor PAUL Q.EARY, Auoc:10te Echtor PATRJCK P . DUNN,Se"for.Editor GEORGE HAZZARD, A•JOc:fott Editor P'REDERtCK ANDERSON, Auoclote sc,... Editor

The Plan's Legacy Of aU -those educational Utans forged in Renaissance period of the late 60's, the last survivor, The WPI Plan may have made the largest imprint on Its times. It was an imprint stamped both with terror and utopian idealism.

But men are better motivated by job procurmeot than by mere education or the legends it bequeaths. Tbe opeo question WPI now tbat t.be Plan bas proved too unecoaomlcal to nm. is whether it leaves bebiod any &lrable changes tbat will give recent graduates some meaaure of emotional and economic atabillty. At this point no one seems to know.

ignorant, the experienced against the naive. Added to that was something akin to the work ethic. Tbe Plan's belief in the pt.rifyiog and disciplining influence of hard intellectual labor, preferably in the field, was something it no doubt brought fOrth from its own technological beginnings.

The power of these ideas no doubt saved the Plan for the first few years of its existaoce aDd assured lt.a place In history.

But it and WPI were in serioul trouble by the mid-'701 wben the IChool's attempt at <*t optimization caught up with the administrators of tbe new system.

Tbese diacoveriea have coincided with a If it did not. WPI may become ooe more reaurgance in interest in a degree in victim or the classical failure of engineertnC at any coet, to multitudes of authoritarian systemlzen to take account unemployed young Americana who of their own mortality. Yet the Plan's Wf'0111ly aee eagiDeertnc u one way to performance in its own lifetime was almost mythical It set out not only te • emure ooeselC ol a job. Tbe realization of this trend by the ac:bool hu beeo viewed u establish a new regime and system, but economieally attractive and a subject of aJ.o to shape a new man in a acbool of 2500 internal divisions. To recover this capital, atudeatl. In IIOIDe seoee it may bave WPI simply generated a new revolutioo, suooeeded., aJthoueb we bsitate to give much credence to the myth. buUdlna it around a •trooa accountiQI department, an organization of disgruntled and UDellli8btened fac:ulty, who In judging the Plana record today, ooe demaDd a return to the status quo, and would have to temper admiration for students from f'ami.lies of the unemployed. ecb:atiooal aecompJ.iabmenb witb a great Tbe result was a period resembling deal of skepticism. Ibl character and style auditing cbaoe, but a chaol orcbeatrated were fashioned out of a terrible time for by the Buainesa Office. It entered the midWPI. the 1950's and lteO'a wbeil its '70's strong enougb to execute ita opening engineers were being mauled and to the prospective students and to some aJauptered both by tbe fore. of rising measure of security ap.iost the powers of publicexpectatioua for trivial eutveoieoce the President of the college, the faculty, comforts and prGilli8el of quick pay-offs and the recent alumni. for thole enterpising indivlduala who put the sacrifice of being eometbing leu than human in their communlcative ability with As a policital perfonnance, the Business common folk. above creative deveJopment Office's coup had the virtuOsO touch. It was a performance that wu coeUy to the plan's for t.be "good of manlrlnd" : tbua helping to perpetuate a myth concerning the backen in Uvea, academic freedoms, and economic hardship. As with tbe more unerriDglnfallibility of technology' despite prestigious Ivy League sctioois, their ample evidence to t.be contrary. ..yment schedule bas kept t.be complaining students and families relatively Tbe stragglers were maUled and poor the uae of inept coeUy deci.alona, slaughtered by the Plan itself in the early affecti!Ja every pbaae of the students '70's aa it extended ita cmtrol over the perogatives. school. bY weeding out dillidenta who sought to inflict a rigid discipline upon the But the plan is now gone. And even students. Its tteed wu almple enqb: though it bad often aaid that a system is "Educational excellence grows out or the meaningLeu next to creative ingenuity, power of the mind." But the Plarw leaderthis remains to be seen. The real question ship employed more than terror for the is whether the accountants employed to untenured. As with succesaful revolutions all through history, it employed clua bold the acbool together and give it struggle as ita primary weapon, marenrollment stability can accomplish their task. This too remains to be seen. sbamog ~ knowledgable apinat the

Groundless· Allegations ~o

the Editor: I resent vtolenUy the allegations made against me in your story of Aprill3, 1m.

This story which connected me with reputed underworld and CIA type figures in some sort of assination plot to kill Fidel Castro in the early 1960's was totally groundless, misleading, character assasinating, and in a few words just plain not nice.

I have never been nor do I intend to become involved with unethical immoral agencies and organi.zaUons. I just have much better things to do. In 1963 I ended my normal exestance as an unthinking piece of humanity, and joined the monestary here in Dallas. Usually, no contact is made with the outside world after this split from hedonistic punuits.

Unfortunately, your article has put me in a bad light with the bead monk hear and unless I can defend myaelf, I run tbe risk of being sent u a missionary to Albania, a perfecUy dreadful country.

For this reuon I pUblicly reittente that I have never been connected with either tbe CIA.or the Mafia. ·· Respectfully repentative, Fr. Lee Harvey Onald

R81110val

Unfair

COverage

To the Editor: I have been trying to get coverage 01 research from your newspaper : successfuly for 20 years now. I'm tirtdtt pursuing this method of obtainlnl 11'111111 from the government. I just want that if you do not print this . _ describing my activities I'll give a1J • senior editors on your stacr cancer bJ blowing radioactive dustlnto their offtai.

They'll never know how it got there 10 years all of you will die a. . . . deaths.

I am a professor or Mechuial Engineering at WPI, a four-year ldlollll Massachusetts. I believe I found lbe • swer to our energy crisis in the form 11a entropy converter that would attAch •~~t engine now in use.

I cannot go into the specifica af function. but I am sure when you ...a Jill... team of crack investiptive r~ can VERBALLY EXPLAIN ITTO~ I await your reply.

to._,

'-Ia

a

r

'l1le editors of this newa..per will . . . bullied by anyone, regard)e~~ of 1111 ...

eot•• •

posed intellect, in our new~ will not be ~ into repcll'1llc • unnewsworthy occurrence by tbnMa ft violence. We Prof. Boyd t.111 ..

IUppoeed invention and place it ..... I will do bim the most

suaest

To the Editors, 1 just want to say that I think it unfair that my job fDilbt be taken away from me by one unknown bureaucrat and his academic C()Wlter-part heocbman. I have promised to cut the red tape in WasbingTo the Editor: too; but I never said anyt.bin& about Once apin, we have wim..d .. putting myself out of work. terrible effects of as-thy OD ......

As a former farmer, bulinelaman, Jimmy Carter, wbo claimed to be tniJ Naval officer, pbysicist, Governor, acbool Interested in the destiny of tbe A--. committeeman, and Uons Club officer I people, blew the eotire elec:tiae . . have just one thing to say. I bave limply because be didn't take tbe • • organl7ed t.beae groupe and they are a flU out the proper paper work. a - t l poweriul force . If I do not get to stay in tb.is action, or lack tbereol, ~~lila. • power, we will ri.8e up In a confederacy; all millioas ol your dollan were .....,. II the farmers, busineumeo, the entire wbat amounted to ootbina men IIIII a United Statea Navy and Coast Guard, all giant public opnion poll. the scientilbl and engineers everywhere, Even if Carter DOES bother to all the past governon, except the ones and fill out the proper .,.....,....._ from New England, all the sc:bool councils, forma, aDd ..Y the late reea, we lllllltllt including the one in Bolton, and all the ourselves if we want tbia type of......., Lions, both clubmembera, and the ones in man in the White House. Juat tbb* tf IS Zoos, and we will drive this Yankee scum Billa would be pocket-vetoed beea.- llr from the race of tbe earth. were foraotten under yeeterdaT• In cloeing let me say that I think that our . newspaper! Summit conf.,._. 1IIIIIM people are our greatest resource. I know crumble because the President ol tile that in your ultimate falme:sa you will not United States forgot to order Air r...

Jet these chicken shit administrators atop One readied. me from fulfil.ling my destiny. 'l'bink carefully. On June 3, you baw . . chance to save America from t:be jriltl Hwnbly yours, Corgetfulnea.

Jimmy Carter Roary J . O'o.-

-

e -

lit-

Worceater, ...._

The Tlrn., welcome• lettere from reader•. Letter• for publlcadon mu.t ln· elude the writer'• name, addr... and t.lephone number. Becaaue of the lar••

volume of mall recaiWd, we re.rd IMIW arc UNlble to acltnowl~c or to ,.... unJK'bliMtad

r.tte ....

DID YOU KNOW7f'H•T THROUGH 1ltE @NIL IPREPARBDNI!SS ~OIILIUTION DI!SICINe& PROGRAM-

~·· · . 'i(HAT R&.S!.AV,STS AAI HELPING MAKI THIIR C~MUNITlES,

STATES,

AND REGIONs SETTER PREPARED TO COPE WITH DISASTERSSUCH AS NUCL.E~R AT~t< .

JIAOAI ~ft?

COHTA.C.T "ttUR LOCAL CIVIL DEFENSE

Presented esa public servlat by the NtrW Yerk Times Anti-Commie CruMdt·

''

•. .

I

NEWSPEAK

(continued from psge 1]

DNA dilemna ~ research laboratoriel in the ~ right at the crossroads of the ~ TheY could put the safety hood in till ~t ticket booth, so we could all

Wllch the ti&cteria grow,

day by day. Just think of how that would impreu ,oapective freshmen!" Mr. Brandon ~ thlt a group of students h• begun ClllfiiiNdlon of the ventalatlon system u pill ollf\ MOP. The project utiUz• a large ....,. on the roof of the building, which piiCid rllfK a vent pipe leading into the 1 idllt booth. A$ the windmm drwwaair from N . . IWYOUnding the outtet, air in the • baOih ftoM out due to the lower ~re in 1111 plpl. An early trial of the eylltlm wet Clllld s complete IUcceee, but, un.fartllniiiiY, 5,000 tlcbta to the Pou.tt• o.t Bind concert were lUCked out ~ 1he pipe, and ecatteNd aver a 60 !lilt fldlul. Promot.,. were forced to ClfiCII the concert. ~third location has been suggeeted by It Mix Profit, II former WPI Efflclency Control Officer, and current 8dvleof to ~ Governor Micheel DuUkia.

1n allltlr to the Life Sdence dlpertment, llulid, "It has been rnv experience that It 1 blat to utifae existing fecuttiel in a way wlich allows greateet poeeible profit. l'!~Wtfofe, I think thet the P3 lab ehould be bult on the site of the preaent Snack Ber. 1n dill wey, the facilities of O.ke could be .-t for IUCh things • ~ teat tubes ~ beakers, preparing cultures, and cllpaling of dud experlmen18. A Me·

Donald's franchise could also open In the Wedge, thereby providing the school with a broader economic bue."

Funding, aa always, will play a key part in determining if and when such experiments will begin. Sources such as work-study funds and money collected from parking tickets will cover the renovation required to establish the P3 lab, but operating funds will have to come from the student body.

Aslt mnda now, this wiD be on a negative check off beaia. An Item for "Lab F..." will appear on billa aent out at the beginning of each B term. Current eatimet.. put the figure at about t385 per student. You may, If you ao deaire, erose out thia and subtract It from your total bill, but Robert Long, Registrar, reporta that this may reault In some lfight inconviencea. "When the computer reeda thla, It autometlclllly lhuts down. We tried a elmple bill with the fee croaaed out, and tMI demm system wouldn't talk to us for three deya." A check with WACCC personnel produced a quick defense for the reliable DEC-10, "The poor thing wu onty doing what It wee told. The program was a little screwed up. When that negative bill came through, the machine deleted tM! per10n's name all WPI recorda from the files. After that, It contacted every computer In the country, deleting any known reference to the fake name. Of course, we'll fix the program as soon as possible, but, you know, with all these kids taking their CS-1011, it might be a couple of years before we can get to lt." The

..

Page 9

harried programmer added that the DEC·10 would play an integral part In the security of the lab. Computer monitors would scan the lab aree 24 hours a day. At the slightest .aigna of trouble, the System will Immediately set off a BUGS.BUGS alarm in the Campua Police Office. Security will th8t"l cite the offending bacteria for leaving the area without a WPI 10 card.

In tho third part of our series, we covered an open meeting of concerned WPI students In Klnnicutt Hall. Unfortunately, probably due to a . conflict with a Gong Show In the Pub, total turnout at the meeting was three N•wspt~llk photographera, the four panalilta, and a Lights and Lena crewman whO spent three houre recording the event. The panel, which waa composed of a representative from the Paranoid Investigation of Redoubtable Gall (PIRG), the Save the E. coli Defense Fund, a ......,.cher from the Oshkosh School of Synthetic Biology, and WPI Preeident George Hazzard. After posing for pictures, the group retired to Preaident Hazzard's backyard, where they 1 debated • the relative merlta of organic gardening for two and one half hours.

the bookstore, told us that he thought the research would be a shot in the arm to his sales. "Just 1magine it: the kids wlll be acared to death of every little bug crawling around In the dorm. I've already ord~t~ed a hundred cases of non·eemsol Raid, that they can pour into their squirtguns they've been buying."

The most powerful condemnation of the so-called " genetic engineering'' came from the horses mouth. We spoke to a Mr. E. coli, who claimed to represent the Brotherhood of Underprivileged Genes (BUG). He said that his clients had been totally Ignored by the government when the National Institute of Health formulated ita recombient DNA guidelines. "AI usual, the little guy is getting dumped on," he told ua. "Just because we don't have a lobbying group In Washington, those Dr. Frankenstein's In the white lab coats are getting ttWay with murder. Why, every day, some poor E. coil il getting crippledI Yea air, and do you thfnk th.n we get any compensation through Blue Cross and Blue Shleld7 Do you think that we get governm8t"lt subeidiled beakers? Nol I tell you, it's time for the bacteria of the world to unite, to form their own culture, and to start bugging people in high placeal"

Memben of the WPI community were at oc:lct..•·to whether the recnmti1nent DNA research should be conducted on c.mpua.

There you have it. Whatever the im· pllcationa of recomblent DNA reeearch, be they technological or moral, you, the aver astute student body of WPI, will have the ultimate deCision in your hands. A special referendum has been set, starting at 11:00 a.m. on May 10. FiH out the ballot below, and drop It In the designated ballot boxes which will be ,strategically placed around the campus, usually right next to, coin· ciding with, the loctrtlon of the nearest spent refuse relocation receptlclea.

John Nyquist, former student body president, whM contacted at his AnWctlc retreat, seld, "I don't think tMI's an laue that I have to comment on. No problema connected with recombinant DNA have. come to my attention, and I Just can't see commenting for the 11ke of commenting.

Some people have asked me if the E. coli bacteria should be mutated. I ask them if th•y think that the E. coli want to be mutated." Harry Thompson, manager of

CAMPUS PARKING for 1977 - WPI Police Dept.

Before reglaterlng your car for another fun ve•r at WPI, the following Information will be required.

A. Name:

-

~

c.r.INo.:

Renk:

•

.

' color bind? D Y• O No 8. Are you D. Whet color le your car? tPtaue ctn:.. en a..-wer) •. light gray b. clerk gray c. None of the abow

C. C.n you ,..d? D Y• O No

.

D. Do you E. Uo you

und~nd tnlfflc ligne7

a~

O Y• D No 0 8ort of O Meybe

- -· to endanger? D Y• O No 0 Occalorwlly

.

.. '

·-

ONo OThOt'OUghiY O PIIrdetly

· F. C.n you •be lntlmldatM? D Y•

G. How much money doee your old man he,.7 H. How much money do you he,.7

•

•

t. How much would you be wlmng to 'ahere' with the WPI Pollee Dept. It convlotM of a tnHic felony? •

- I;~

.J. How do you ret. your drtvtng eblltlee? O Good · O Bed O lueceptlbte

to tlcketa.

,..

K. If you checked ·euaceptlble to tlcketa' for pert J, you may continue.

.

L. Do you

•rv• with WPI polleepolfoy7

D Y• U No.

M . If you checked 'y•' on quaetlon L. you mey regleter your car auDteet to the following provtelone.

I

WPI NEWSPEAK PRESENTS

"MEET THE PRESS" Three NEWSPEAK reporters interview an offset printing Press, discussing such key issues as the rising cost of newsprint, llccharine in printer's ink, and other pressing Issues of the day.

Tuesday, May 10,

at 8:00p.m. on WPIC-TV

RULli 1. Do not perk 1ft arMn aonee unr..e you have In orenae dloker, •••••t on l•nd•Yll bltwHn 2 IIMI I .

2. Do not perk In the red aone. blue nne, bleck aone, white aon1, or 0 aone on w•k d•Yll· S. ltudenta mn bo elvin tlokeu for tt1o follow Ina ,...one: rue, color. etllnlc ~Mack· around. ettltude. a reel ... meke of cer. type of Mrvlc• etetlon you eo to, rellelcn. w ..ther, how the officer on duty le eenlne elone wlttl hie wife, your len dental cheok·up •• • no. •

---

.

- Any Plreon who felle to PlY • pertclne tloket will be eubJeot to awlft end oomptete punlehment- your celouletor will be taken ewey for one week.

- You will feeleefe to know thet ever; now and then • WI" I policemen wlllt.ke time out from hie perpetual ooffee brllk. 811 ofl hie fat - ••· and protect your cer.

~

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Page 10

It's round, Rick/

,

•.

•

SPREE DAY will not be held this year.

Pse 11

NEWSPEAK

Trackmen dismembered thl..._ ln--thf:-John Bartcout end Box Pendorl zoomed In to Plftt Ave. but forgot The tntck teem are flnlltv bellde what they came for 10 they hNded fOf the themsetvee after their lmplemema end jogl Pub. Meenwhlle, the rett of the track teem oot the best of them. A epedel prK11c:e c.me acurrying over. Ruff Moron tried to meet called by Coech Peert Notcro. w.

VIUh OYir the '-'ce oot hit handa lt8y8d more than he berpined for. Arlt John attached to the pqla while hil body went Outchland. Paul Sidefeml, and L.any Rowplace. unknown. The dllta~ runnera your-boat chucked their IPNf'l piercing Nppened to be in the area u they~ Coach Notcroa' cigar. Things got worM • by for the third time thil year. Ike Murty, a traffic jam eoon erupted on Pert Ave. h Feet N--.a-c.na, and Tur Pemina 11 had aeema that Mick McMick belled a • gland look • their legt Ju* kept going Volk.swagen ...with hit hammer, tNt II. down the roed. Unfortunetety, the ftnieh Then Skeet Scarier flung hla pie pllte Una tape cut the top helvee of their bodlel through five people's nacka. Quick ~ off. Ml HOw-do-you-do edcMd to the woe McMick, Big Turd Morar, end eu. Chick I I he high jumped into a chick.en truck Coughln picked up their Meds and put where he couldn't keep away from 11 the them 200 feet In the air where they came peekers. All w.. not to.t howwer, aa with down on the 1ntennee of J-.lnQ cera. : bllrnlng can, and bodlee atrewn about, Screeming drMn qulcldy piled their Cll11n Coech Notcrc. decided to hew a picnic. a heap. From there, Handy Fellher hurdled The main couree w. the twNtrtuga from over car after car until flnalty torn In two 8primera Might Rob-hlrn--eometime and while striding over a convwdble putting the RUih To-many were speared with jeyallrw top down. To no one's IUrprile, the two and .wei up on dlecoe. A fun time w. space cadeU c.me flyi!'Q down ~ lrwpect hid by II. ltv 'Brnllltd

Editor's corner (dlrolrYIII:

WtA, another week hn come and gone, and .thl WPiapqta •me have carried on ...._winning t(Mtltion that we expect of ltlllft. Not thlt It'a e.y, mind you. I mean, wllh hiVIng to tllltt aD thOM bogus en;.atinll cou,...., when doe. a guy get a _,.. to do thl finer thlnga in life, like ga1ne dOWn to Beclc81' and tl'\rowlng wa'-' ~~J~oan~at thoM gllil who like to lay out on 1M tront llwnl In them aklmpy bathing

... ._men

Spaakk1g of akinpy, ha anybody ._rd tiiiJI thllt pledged to the Gam7 Of COUIII. you heven'tl Why should they admit h. when they could hive pledged to a . .t houiJ IJ(e Kap juat a couple of ~ ytrda tNtay7 Now Kap hal me, to _.... . can I tell you. Say, I hlllr that The Ala .,. gonna get me for what I Nld aboUt~ houa Cln you Imagine that, a llundl of a~ppoeedtr intelligent guys ,.a1n11 hot under the collr juat '**'ti MMMbody call«f them a bunch of paneiel7 He¥. tll't'l you aeen aU thoee pe...- that IOIIIIVUYwentend plan-.dln theftrat beM ..,_box7 Now, you don't IUppote thet - . . Ftnon had any1hlng to do with ._, c1o yOAJ7 Hey, ttter- were eome really . ., looking broads , In the stancb at .....V• double-t.dt!ri Not the usual lecMf 8l(den varietY. Could I help It if the _.went right bet\Win mv legs when I waa

checking them out7 BMides, 1waa too buay writing down all the guys that took called third atrikea laat week. Mf1 1 didn't take any, cause they had me playing bet boy. It muat have been something luid about the coach'a love life In last week's paper.

Hey, all you .lafk• out there that keep telling me you want to reed about stuff like leer<*~~ and girt's aoftbeH, and inlJamurala, lay off, will you. 1 meen, what kind of redblooded fraternity brother wants to reed about a bunch of ctow,. who 1•• to chaee each other arourw:l with Httla wicker baakata7 Look, If you don't like it. that's too bed, 'cauee thll Is the only newspaper on campus, and I've got a hundred guys down hefe at Kapp who haven't had a good fight Iince we tried to swipe the Gam's entire houee.

But, eertoualy, if I've got to rag on

....--~~=:-:'-::t'.

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::-cht:

=-~~~~~ ~~ gU: .. ..., make a guy laugh aboul Their at.renee flrat

buei'TIIn, their cute little hata, running around chaalng a piece of wrapped up atrtng, and thoee funny akin tight aul~ that let people ... their undafpental Well, thlt't about all I've got time for thla week. Remember. thet'e't a chugging conteet down hare at Kap thla Friday night A rat prize Is an all purple aporta car. Let' a all get down there and reely support the houee.

- The WPI Swimming Pool will be closed for repairs during :rerm E77. Students interested in swimming should contact Prof. Wilbur at the open pool reactor, Washburn, by 4 ·p.m., Tuesday, May 10.

There will be • meettnlot tile WPI Ecllel Club tills T11uncl8y at 7:30 In Morgan 713. Officers for 1m-11 will be elected at thll ,.,eetlng. Members must bring tllelr Ecllels to the meeting to be eligible to vote.

.

LIVING TOGETHER? Are you protected without a conventional marriage? The LIVING TOGETHER KIT includes a set of written agreements in easy to understand terms and certificate on simulated parchment ready for signatures. Seeks to protect both parties.

Strengthens your relationship. The per· feet gift.

Send name, address, zip with $10.00 check or M.O. to : Living Toge1her Inc.,

Bob Jones, Unlv., S.C. 00000

I did it • Found a

job in just

Two short years "With two years of college behind me, I began looking ahead. I found out I could get my degree and no thanks at graduation.

I got over two hours of sleep a night, and will have bills totalling $10,000 IOIY o•cONNOI TALKI A80UT

by

NIWS PI A K

graduation." You can do it, too.

Not only through reporting, but by having every administration official on your neck.

Enroll in your free time during your freshman or sophmore year, and you'll be trapped.

You may even have to take courses this summer, just to catch up with your regular school work.

CA L L

l 0 M

0 A N I I LS

A T

7 S 3 -1 4 1 1 I X . 4 6 4 0 I

VI SI T THI

NI WS PI AK 0 f f ICI

I N

I I LI Y

a AI

I M I N T

I DID IT. YOU CAN, TOO. ULCERS IN JUST TWO YEARS •

T0 D A Y I

• • •

What's Not Happening?

Tuesclay, May 10

Lecture, "Sociological impact of recyclable liquid containment devices" N.O. Return, Vice President, Alcoa Co., Speaker Noon, on the Quad.

NEWSPEAK editorial meeting, 11 :30 a.m., Douglas Knowles Memorial Office, Riley Basement.

CONCERT: "The O.nlels Fifth Jug Band" Features five WPI students performing Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, 6:00 p.m., Harrington. Tickets $15.75 at .Security Office.

Weclnesclay, May 11

"Wake Up, Whooplel" The world famous Black Watch plays military marching ' music, the Quad, 5:30 a.m.

First Annual R.V. Olson Look Alike Contest,7:30, Pub. COFFEEHOUSE: "The Count &lsie Orchestra: an Evening of Jazz" 9:00-12:00 p.m., Wedge.

Thursclay, May 12

Baseball vs. Cincinnati Reds (H) 7:30 p.m.

WPIC-TV "The Blob That Ate Dlka" anci"Potholes In Worcester" showings at 3 a.m., 5 a .m., and 12:59 p.m. Sponsored by your Social Committee activities fee.

Frlclay, May 13 .

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~,

"SAFA Appreciation Nighfl' 7:30 p.m., at The Gam. Travellog, "The Windmills of Holland", with Bryce Granger, Fifth floor, D.lniels H~ll, 8:00 p.m.

- Saturclay, May 14

Track vs. UCLA (A) .2:00p.m., Los Angeles Rallyards.

Flee Market, sponsored by O.niel the Spaniel, Alden, 10-4.

"How To Bake A Pie Using Quadrophonic Sound" Greg Dunnells, speaker. 9:00 p.m., Pub. 路 , Sunclay, May 15

Lights and Lens movies "The Sensuous Engineer" and "Bambi meets the Minnesota Vikings" Alden, 7 and 9:00 p.m., $5.00.

"The Care and Feeding of a Ten Speed Bike" 1:00 p.m., Pedcl..r Office, FREE. -

l

Monday, May 16

JV Tennis vs. Boston Lobsters (A) 7:00 p.m.

Lecture, "Engineering Applic.tions of Cyanucry ..t.Usecl Adhesives" Stick E. Wicket, speaker, 4:30 p.m., KinnicuH Hall. Sponsored by WPI Men's Glue Club.

Tuesclay, IAay 17

John Nyquist Testimonial Banquet, 7:30p.m., NEWSPEAK work room Tenth Annual WPI Commuters Club Night, 1:00 p.m., WPI student Union Buikllng.