1987 technews special

The ro: 1\lf,ll 'JlC~.:Ulllle' 111.11 \\ 111m • lm ~ l~ honcncd bc~au'e ph ne ltnc~ ow1ll be ujl\: 11 for ordenng cl.t~!>C,, 1111!> '' rll 1,!1\ c more n~<•lll 111 lhe mcmrght conccn cumpcr!> 111 ll.rrnngton kr\lharuh "til Ill:' gt\Cil oul fnr thn~c con .en~ "Inch will drn" Ihe ho.mls "' nummrze lite u'c ul llamng10n (j~ m ,,, a c.rmpground R~.·.thtulg th:ll C:llllJ'k'n. rrc trnaH•IIl.rblc. the .ulmru"u.ruon "\\ rllmg lo m.rl..c lherr ,l,t\ us pll-.1"1111 '" JIP"rhll' A 'IICl·r.rl ~1.11on nf llollltii)11UII \\ rlllx·m,rr\.l'O oil'" ramsx•r flrlt•r II} "o llhlt trnh \!.Ill nut dutll.:r the hir,kdball ~111111 tfUIIIIl! i!•IIIH.'' illl<l JliUlliCC<. anJ t:alllJlCill "1!. illnol he: tr:unpkd. Dt\KA v.rlllx- tn,utul 1ng ,, dell'~~~ '..:" rn·. Rl•,rdcnti.tl life '' •II h..: flh'' nhng t..:nh ,1111.1 'lccpmgh.rg,, tnwlalc:d 'kl•pmphag' .md hug 'pr.l) lllr thn~e unlmtu rt.lll' ..:rllllll.!h lnl'll<l up on the •1uad Not \\ ;rmrng Ill h•• Jell UUI nl lhl.' ,td, the SIUdt:llt CIIUIN.'illlg C..:nt• r \\Ill ha11d CIUI lh·c Jc,lllrh 1111 \lgnrng up lor '''c" m.m.,gcmclll cl.t~~r' 1nth11\C \\atllng 111 lrnc

"rll

~ctnc,lcr

(

tliiiiiiCI~l'

I\

lll.IJIIt llltll.' h hllld thl' IIIII\ 1.'

J\\olllol tkiiiiiiO\hl'IC. ,J I cch "'.'llror :\J(' m.tJPI uml prc,~ti.:lll ol I cd1 l:h.llh.•m <1rg,ulii.IIHIII tl. '"tcd '" t;~·urng unhl.'.tltll\ t.rn' I he' f(,llllo: lh.n the k" lillie 1hc \llt('fl~.m u•llcgt• 'ludcrll ,l.uuJ, 111 lm the nmn- lillie ~he "til 'IICIId 111 I ort t ru lcrclalc U

IIICIII,H .tUIIHitll~ (II

1114111111\ I i ' ' I \1* I Mt I I ' ' ' 1 t1RII • Ill \1111 Jl

r crh 'ludcnl\ cnju) the 'eni,·c, of the nc" ticl..ctrun outlet at urium alter ra mpinJ! uut ltll nij!hl fur wurw rani\ and Dead 'old our in une hour. a OC\\ J'cch rc~urd.

Harrin~ton tid~ct...

,\udit· \t \ IIIII

The Tech News

The student newspaper of a technological university founded in 1865 by John Boyton and lcabod Washburn as the Worchester Free Institute of Industrial Science. Several attempts have been made over the years to rename the school to such absurdities as Worchester Polytechnical Institution, Worchester Polytechnlcal University (WPU), and University of Southern California -- Worchester. But these childish attempts have all passed without incident. We still call it Tech. Our parents still call it Tech, and alumni from whom Tech sucks all it's money still call it Tech. None of us thinks it sounds like a high school. We're a hell of a lot better than a high school.

April I, 1987

Vulume: .H gallons, Number: 62

Duke Picks Strauss as Mate r

hi l'u/1\ tl..ul l "'II Staff In a l>Urpnsc :mnounccmcnl ttlda~.

Ma,..achuscm gmcmm Mr,h:rel Duk.rkr' ,lak'\1 that Tech l'rc~rdcnl Jon C. S1rau" v.ouhl he hr' vrcc preo;rdenllal mrming m.llc ·•~ ''fhc Duke gc:m. up Ius c:unp;ugn lor 1he prcsrtlenC) 1\ Duk11l.;t~ ~Jl<l\.CMlhlll de~nbcd 1hc ~c:lrch for ollll.IIC '" •• lnng .mel h.u..t un~:,. Olll lch that Su.tu" \\o.l' lh•· dea r ta,nrilc."

Cl11llg hi\ 'n.rliOII:tl C~ptl\liiC .rnrJ hi\UII) ol pcrlllrnt.nlte' t\1 ptl'S' wnc, sum"' ll.ld IIIli ) ct ..lltnmcnh:tl llll lltl' prnpus,tl, hul m .. rdcr' •nthc.n~: th.n 1 llcdme " nnt ltl..cl).

H.\llllo~ IOUI l.t'l >C,If lkrllllfl\lfJIC., the: tmm~·nsc 'IIPJlttr11hJt he h." !rum the puhlic:.

Duk.tkt~ Mall nolctllhJt S!r.tu'~ \\OUid he 1111 cxccllcnt ~:.md•dalc, ~lnlC he ha\

expc:nenlC on a uauvrl.ll Jc.,cl, "rlh COO\tdcr.role \IIClC\~ Ill \\'on.:c,ICI II' pre,tdCill 111 ·1 t."Ch I he f edt Plan. untkr the lc,t~.kr,lup of S1rau", ha<o hccn o;ccn ,1, a 'taml.ml for cduc31innal ,·~ccllcncc v.nh "' lu" prKe 11nd prcl!nan~~ -lo\\crmg male· It• lem.rle r,llut, a, "ell a .. C\l·cllcnt pl •• c..:ml'llt 'en in•, tur all ul "' 'tudcnts" Strau'' '' I.JUt~k w t;rk1.· ~.:r~·thl lor lhc SUI. CC" lll lhC J'c~h pJ;tn, 'CllllCihlllj; \\ htdl h•.. dclraum.. dmlc huu lor. "'I o:.r. th t:a') IU'I w 'hem up .11td wl~ ;rholll ho\\ ~rcat 11 j,, .rnd forgcl tn mcnlltlll thai 11 '"'' been .trnund 1<1r a \\hilt.:, \\llhllut )"u.' ,,,nl Anllt C\\drug.. u mcmb,•r ot the t.:o.tlrtton lur 1hc hcm:m1cnt ol atr cuntlllhlllCt reparr •.1 l<x·.rl \\ .rlt.:hdug agcrwy.

To annnum.:t• 1he dccttnn ol Sll.llb' ,,, hi' runmng-malc. Uul.;al..l\ \ ''llclill.'dl. and tccmtinucd un pal!e ~c,cn J

tHI.IOU\ \ I'U\IU lltU

Uuk:t!.io, .mel ~trau.,, mt·tt em I h e Tt•t:h campo-. Ill di"-'""' ra mpaaign 't r:th'J.!~.

(;rogan Orders Schedule Changes Io

Dude'

I rum

l>c.m I lull.; Ciwg.111 Schctlulc ( hange!\ Secmg •., I m the hc~l Wrestler tilt'< 'ld<" (11 I hghiJnd .Sired. I' c tiel rJcd In ch.tngc lhl\ pl.tce' "oth~lulc to I IIIli) "t.'<.ond car""'' So hl.'rc 11 t\,UUJo.:,, \pril .H In 1 tla) ol I 1cm1 l m lcllmg L> .rnd I· tem1' O\crl,tp hct:.tll\c I v.anl 10 h.1\c more tun~.· In u ur \ugu!.l I ltr'l d t) nf 1\ lcrrn. )·' l..no\li, dudes! I \\,rnt }liU ull 10 h,l\e loto; of June lor \\Inlet lire'" JObs "'"' lhc tourn.lllll.'llh r•~l.. up '>1(.';1111 Ill Dnernbcr Sanlr und I urc thmkmg of 1canung up.rg.11m1 Ru"'·' .111J M.unl.rnd Chm.r W ut(h fur 1h.11 httul, dude'' .lanuar) 2 Btcak' mer' ge1 h.td; h•r C I cnn 1 brch 10 12 Sprrng Brc,,l.; Yuld~nv.. I v.um )OU dude' 10 I!CI h.Kk e.lll). 'o )IIU c.m "'.tr1 '1111111 ~IIIIIITI ''"' 111 lllllt' In 'I I ~h1f1, 11 Uot Shn Rc

hi'",..,,

Something Wicked This Way Comes '" l m' fur The T~~h campu' ha' tlrl.'t•lllc '"cpl up 111 ,, hl.td; lll.l£1t.: p.tr.tll"l:l "htch h.r, unlca,h..:d .t \\ h•rh\ md ul .u;.:u,;tlll•n .md jX'f\c~uuon II ~em' ,,, tl nul t•nc member uf I hi.' I ed1 l ommunll\ h·'' e'capetl un"'-'.llhcd Sl't:rel 'nurcl.'' 11.1\ c rt:\ ealcd thai Ihe llrc.tl pollnl ot lhl\ 1h1' rc,cnt m.tilm•,, " ,, vrlleu caml'ra v.h~th ha' OCl'll 111\l,rll..:d at th..· l>anrd' llall m.ulhtt"c' Au:ordlll£ 111 rcrt'nt repom,, 'lud.:m hchu' im h,,, hc1.'1l mumttuo:d lor \\CCI..' h} pr} ing ~·ye,,

t\pparellll). tht:~ reptm, ''' 'mmgc l'k'ha\ 1111 h.l\1.' hccn le.rl..mg htmcm~·f' nl the t.tlllh) .md .tdrmnt,lrauun lrom 1hc \CI) 11~1 d.r~ ut Ihe c.mlcr.r llhl.rll.llr•lll I "J' lookmg .11 lhl' lllllllllm .11 lund111111C, JU'l hl..e v.c h.rd ,riJ hc.•en dotllJ! dtHIII!,! I he fla\1 IC\\ d.l) '· \,lid t1nc 1'.111· tmll.' s.-nwr \ '"x r.tt.: \"'''alit Prulc,,or. 'You l..nu" , hl•111ng on ''In\ h m.nlhll\ "uuhl get tra,hcd 111.'\l, 1.1ughmg ill th.: l.rd' "hu \\l' l..nl.'\\ \H're l,nltng our d .... ~c,. s.une uld ~tutl. \II ol a ,u,ld..:n. th" tt'llntinued 11n pllJ!t• lhrt•cl

Wrestle Mania Sweeps Tech h1 ,\/~o \I mit, 111 f he tamou' llulk <lrnl!.lll l'o jU\1 llllC Ill 1hc \HC,thng £1.mh nn 1hc c..11npu' here Jl rl.'i.h E\t!l) De.ll\ 01\ ~Jill flU',, (Uifcrlll\ pre· panng lor\\ re,tlcm.mr.t I ~'(:h. Ihi.' ,,,u.,nuiii~J c:~otr.r\,tgaru.r \:Utre1111) lx-mg pl.mncd fur lhl' gr.llltl lljX'ntrtg ut 1hc nr\\ nmnulomc Ra) "1 he C.un" Shuht, llc.m ol Po:;mul\, Jnll) ln,h" Oloallcghcr. lhe ne\\ De:tn nl l'uh.

Uurn ' r 111 Cnukie.," Bw1' n, Dean ul D.•~·•· J .m~·• ' Regm .\~.1111 Rrl hanhnn, Dc.m ol Jump S1.rn,, · I Utm 1 \\ .u111.1 lk l'rc1 Kcnn..:th, Dc.m nt l J!x-raJr,m: lh..· ~l.r l,cd l>ean; .md lhl' lm rn~•hk \.rnA uc .rll h;.rnl .tl 1\ nrk prep.mng lttr 1lw cr"urng ll.rlll.: ...

"Wdl. ~·' ~1111\\ , I he t•llwr gu\' h..:rc 'llflulll r~·.rll\ lear thl' .m c ... uno: I lull, I Jt,' .til \\til wl~ .tnd g1.• IIIIo hnu .md e\ en hno hno and I m 'll)dll£ 1u ~ou th.u 11 '"" get 111 Ill) "il). Ill oa'h ) uu llln, Jude." ,,,Ill I hdk C.rttg;m 111 .1 ren·nl rntL'n IC\\ 111 ht' •'llrH' .rt th, Bn\ltll•ll l'111.t 'hop ,\!though hL' to; bt.·1-

th.m hh Ll1f11~·mpm.rnc,, lhc mhcr l ... ull' l!l(fllbcr' 'h11ulll 0111 lcel tll\lll.l}l.'d, tlrL' llulk' 1!!11tkn~y 1<1 gl\c mter· 'tC\\ .. dutlll£ mat~hc;; lall he U!>cJ ag;un't tum nr 'huuld the u1her l>eun' h Cllll,tdercd unfmnml.thlc h) 11111\1 k \\ICMkr I he In\ lllllhlc \ 1111 \,tor one. has mcm mTccl CH'I) lllO\C cvo:r m.~tlc durm~; .1 proft,,IOiltl 1\ rc,rhng mJILh .mY" herc .rnu ·r repun h. I\ c 11 th.•l he •~ 1111\lllll, 111 le'l ht!> mct.rl 1)\\ IW 1\cnnctl~ '"II h.t'll 1 ruled nul J brct lm lhe '''·'I oli'ilc tn 199.2, md \\ould hcmfll hom Ihe c:tmpu~ "rdc CAJMI'ure .r \ 1~ lllf\ "'1uld hrmg. <~lid 'n" trmnml! hi!rd. l·,cnlhc H111111!1 IS ptl'p.trlllg ltong uml h.ord Mil I r ll pl..• ~II)' I lll.tkc lhl'lll c.tl b.td 'ol\tfl oil D tl...r lw ~111 111 .1 tl'll'lll IIIICI\11.'\\ '\\'ell I 1111 gtllng tu m.lk\' .riiL't•m r' c.ll I>IR I' I fw \l.r,J-.t•d J) •.111, \\ h•>'e nh:nlll) I • h ~C\\ \ ha' lll'Cil IIJI,Ihk• 10 k ll'tiiHIIC IS llllll' 1h,11 'houltl no I he l.rkcn hghll) \\ l' 113\ e lt·nnlinm·d un pagt·l'i~hl l

1o:r

kilt!\\ 11

lcrt~ltltl'

'""d

New Rules to CRAP h1 \f ~~~ (/ h o/1 I fhc 1\lcch;uu,,rl l:ngmecrmg lJcp.rrt· llll'lll h,,, 'uhmltled the lol111"' mg prupm.. rl 10 lhc Commmcc 111 Rc!!ulalc At:.rll•·mrc Pohl} tl R \PJ tor t:tlll'tJcr.llltlll It .tpJln>\Cd b) { R,\fl, c.rlh Ml: 'llldl'nl (tndutlmg all narc1c"''' \H>Uid h.l\e 1o n•mpleh: ltH: hun drctl unu' of ~nuf'c/prnJell 'lillpmg \\Of~ In gradual c. l're'itllll) luurteen uml~ ure requ11ctl I he Tel h Jdmmr,tmlum pl.m~ ''' m.rl.c Spl'llill hoU,llll,! olfTtllli_!CIOC'Ill~ ll•r ~tudcnl~ 'pou'c", lhrldrcn !!r.mdduldrcn ilnd other

tlcpeudcnls S1Uden1 retm:mcnl pl.m' are .rl 1\llrlahlc II sludc:ms h.t~ e .m) que'>llono; or com rnellls .rhuUl tim pr(lpos.rl lhc\ ore urged to cont:r 1 Dean llull," <orog,m At .t currem < RAI' \CloSIIJfl llulk (irogan latt:d. \\ell. ) l;no\\, Ill )flU little llull;amamrc~. )'ll J;OIIJ l..eep tdlln your parent' lo ket·p sendmg m Well, ya kncl\\ !hose lnllrun p.tymcnt~. l>ude Ihe $300,000 pm."C tag per) e 1r "ex pen .. rvc, bu1 rcmemhcr, you can !!CI 1 IY..enl) pc:r cern dtsct•unl if )OU order through I ech TIX

\pril l.l9M7

TECH EDITORIAL

SCRAWLED JIB BERISH

Library Drives Students to Complain I" the hhtur I \\ nung rhr' kllcr hcl.IU'~ I h,I\C tncd C\C'I) lllhcr ,1\eiiU~· ,1\,lfl,thlc hi Ill~ htl,!l'l .,.,.. ., l.ldlon, but h.IH' etlhcl lx"Cn rp111rcd '"

Journalistic Ethics Defined

'"·'l'f'Cll .11 b) \nlll)

m.tg..11u1e '" I tlunl, hctau-...· C.u .mtl l>ti\cl '' ,,

nc,cr 111 1lw ught 'Pot m 1h.:

tlt•f'"''

f"''''

The

<111•1 11111 lllc l•cqtll'llll\ llll'lllllcllltcft•,

\(' 11111f 11111'1111111 It

\{OIIJI Ill /IIIII f.! /fa(/

"' ,,,/I'"~ f <lflllll.fc /111

I n th,• l·dth•t .

Ill. I 01111 o1 JUill<lr here. I \\ ·"" us hl cho~ngc the n.unc ul th1' '~hool I \\ IIIII thi' ..dhtol ht he c.tlkd C'.tllcdl l>n )IIU 1\1111\\ \\h) I \1,1111 till\ 'lhoul hi

bc tailed C',tll edt 1 Ht:utu,~· Ill) lather \~cut to cdl. But I dtd II< II get IIIIli C.tll C<.:h So I \\ant to ~h.mge the tMmc ol lc'h to CulTedt l lu:n tn} t:llhcr" 111 get mc a car.

can

- luhnn) B Goodbo) XI\ I: l

lcllll!llt/f.!c' Ill 1111 olllllllf'l(ll 1/ro<( J. 1111/ It atfc•1 lliiJI 1111/1 tl/11 \llfiJWII tf /lllllt:hlllll'\ I

till 11111 poll( l'llc'llol\ Ill Pill c/dl<'lll\//11! ('IIIII I

w/1 t'l "'' 1/lt'lll.,, 1111 lllclllt'l of u \ltlile•nfll<''' 1f1tlf'''

1\ <' 1/11

Sperm Baffles Student

IIIII }<'I lllr<lll <11/1/c/1 1'/'111'1'

llt•lt•ll~ 111 tlt1 /'''~''' t 1111 /111<1 thc·m ""till'

""'' llllf'''' l<lllf rite'\ lllcll 1 "' 1I'II/II '1'1'111 111 '''''e 11.

f,rul\11111< <', tlll\<1111' 11111'11'.1/c'clll/ 1111111/llllldll/11.1

•Itch·, 1 11( !twa/ dtllt:lloll't'\

lt1' tlotthtl'clthcll ,,.,, ' ll\/11//lt'l'l t'tlll lw """''"''ell""" 1""cl"m lllfl't I'll lt'I/IC'/1/1 IIIII II til tl\ t/tll.\1' II /r11 II ell// Ill elf I ttl filii C'l/111/f.i Ill' 111/1'1 /IIIII.\ 1/1 \('<Ill' I do IIIII (II"IJt I ( 01/1(' 11111tf ll(ft'l' 111•11 /'lei I/< 11/t,i/t rllldoll/ a.llc'l 1111'11/1'/111 11 ould .lo 11 1'111 1111/"c/1!1' II If\' II t "till/ the I I'C h 1111111111111111 Ill \/IIIII' II\ ctl•c cl< 1111 11/111111 ct/ 1/111111111'" Ill t/11 \lol\1<'1<111.1 1\ olftllc \lc'l 1 <Ill

f"""""

'""'' IIIII(' I ''fill 111 /lc•, Ill 11111111 .f111 l"t le'loii/C:II<II!<

ft•t

New Name Nominated

I fc 11,/ f</ol\ I II(C'JI t/1&' /1111111.11 11/!'1'11/lllt'll 1111tf

/II 1/11 11 01/o/ tltcll till 1 ell 1 '"'" c•c/ "/'11'1111111! 111111 f/111111 1 111 lillie h

11}r,, (l"f•JIIic/111111111/1 """'' " " " ' " (mJ.'

I thml. \\ h•lCH~I m.u~o~ge~ th~· horat) ' 'hould he I tn!ll •• I oru Lcli ,,rwn 'l\7 1111

mo~g.11111C'

nl/llll/1111111

ttmf I II It 11/t'/11 II 1111/d 11/11/ (' floltrl'f\ 41111/fll'/ h<tll\ I I Ill 1/11111'1111 //IHit'll, I \(II \\ !Itt I< IIIII \ 11/l'i/111111! II 1'1/1 I I fot I tl/11 I!I' Ill II lllclflt'l I t/1 c I '/'1'1 111/11 !!IIIII\ oft/It I, I'< rlUIJH Ill c/11 tj/1111 Ill I It< 'I ~ lfWir t•/,fl•t I 1111.f 1/l II II t/r1 II llltlc'fii'IICfc IU I /I IIIII 1/tc fill If f h1 I I 1 II} 111111 It'.

I I I I /u/./1 1ft ( 1111 rt mlt'l 1/1111 /lie/\ I I II ell Ill/ c d t/11/l II I <II /1 I II \1 II I Ill I 1 I /r1111 cl//c/111 I ('I' II 11/ \/1111

ull \\ ould '10p.

I'"' nu:ht. I rc,tll\ ~"' P"'l!d lltl I ''.:111 imo the hl>t.u y "' Inn~ up \OIII<!thmg 111 the lie\\ '"Ill', .utd I <:11ultl11 1 l111ll II \011 1\nu\\ \\hcrL' 11 \\,,-.: In ~AIIh the ~u.td .x lrud m.tg .wnc'! I he I\\ 11 ffi,l£.111111!' haH· nul IIIII£ Ill common I "U\ rca II) .1111\1>\ cd

flllllllh \\hen I ",,, .t lrl'"lun.ut. thl\ n~·\cr h.tJliX'IIeJ l~"h 111\lllth, the Ill'\\ l"lle ttl t',tr .11111 Dt11cr "·" .tl\\:t)' 111 the lll.!ht 'll"l. ,,, \\en.• 111111 <II lt\C 1111l'IC\Itl1£ h.td; l"lle' fitll .. t.uung 111 :\m emh.:r nt Ill} s, tph<~nllln.• >I!.II,

1/1111 I'll I, 111/111 1111/1'1

/11 •111<11/l'lllfl/ /II

lrhr.u~

1111, '' \er~ t·~ttd 1 cr~ nnputt.mt 111.1!!'"'"~· nnl.l I am 'ure I hal thcr~· '"" 111an> other,, hl..c 111) ,~·II. \\ ltttl'an'l \\.111 l<ll the Ill'\\ , ..,ue 111 ~:nrm• uut cadi

.lt~ttrllalt•tl '" th< uphold,,, of'"'''''\ tt~lll to (noll tltt' """'' thatotlft'lllhc \IQ/1/t Ill tl/11111 \tli 11'1\

h:kphune 1111,\\erer,, Ill)

~11111pl.un1 '' thh C.u .uul l>rl\cr

1ll " ' " ' " t/r1 11111/dut/tf tlu holl<hdtlf.!\ 11/tl/11 /'11/rl/1 /ll!l,.t'l,((/1' CIIIIIIIJIIII/tll/lollltl 111/llltl/111//

l!fltltl "''''

thmg... ,t.trtcd lu f" \Ht'llg.

I he nc" '"'u~ h,t, .ti\\U~' lx.>en ••ut 1\\Cl \\ct·l;s l.lll' nmc lime,, Ihe IIIIII I lll\ Cl " 11\IS"IIIJ;!. ,mJ thJI '' rc.1ll) "1"•'111111,! hecauo,c I 1 \<IU c.m 1 tdl ,, lll.l£.tiiiiC \\llhO!ttl ''' ltl\Cr 1111d 21 I rc.tlh M.c Ilk' ptl.lurl! I '"'h ''"'"'''er llfl' the pttlut.:

h o\e•ll 1 H c/tl/111! /11 hnt /II Jl',fJc• llr<1

holflfiC'/1

cm.l 111•1 ,\lljltc /..

c'lll tl/11"111:1111.! /lllflrllf'l 1<'11•111 be /tc/1'/11/,

I u the hi 11m: nuc' •Ill) lxldy know "hy w~· urc hll\ 10£ unnther ... p.:ml lime'! I don't think 111.11 the) .tr~· n.·edel.l ami I thmk 1ha1 the) 1al.e up too mu<h 111 the 'tuJcm bod) ·, tulle. )c;tr', theme "a' had .:1\liUgh: ·-.a\ e u hie • d•lll t

make one." Tht" year\ thcmc. "gl\c 'Ill 11 hun'· "lldtl'ulou'' I alw thmk th.u its unfair thai gtrl' \\lln 1 he .tlh•v."'i.l Ill don.tle -- l'clcr ~c~' !!9

u'''

cs

\'1111

Thisboxsavesourassesfromanylegalsuits(tweed,ect.)fromanyassholeswho think they can make a quick buck; anything that may seem inconsiderate, crude, malicious, disgusting, perverted, or in any way libelous, isn't because we admit here that all characters and references herin were created in the minds of the authors and have no connection implied orotherwiseto the real world. By reading this disclamor you hereby waive and release any and all rights or claims you may have against this publication its assignees, heirs, agents, administrators, or any persons or organizations connected with said publication.

REHAB ZONE .f

~\

The Tech News The student newspaper of a technologi cal university founded In 1865 by John Boyton and lcabod Washburn as the Worchester Free Institute of lndustlral Science Several attempts have been made over the years to rename the s chool tosuchabsurditlesasWorchesterPolytechnicallnstltution,WorchesterTechnical University (WPU), and University of Southern California - Worchester. But these childish attempts have all passed without incident. We still call It Tech. Our parents still call it Tech, and alumni from whom Tech sucks all it's money still call it Tech. None of us thinks it sounds like a htgh school. We're a hell of a lot better than a high school.

Tech Box : Don't bother mailing anything ; it won't get to us.

\\

' 1

C'..)..(\

~\\C<e'[

.td\ j,ur Su-..111 \ Kl..

'irntlation man.IJ!l'r f•a'is Slll!!er\

Ob~-~('~ "J...t) ~V'U"

1

"';\. •. :...)\\

~~~Q

·.

t}

·~(' ~\ \ ~-'"

r_.,,, .._..,.~ .._ ~"-1"\<).. ....v \\: <.:l"\~ 1 ""~

tV·-./\

~~c..S ;

\

~ r,

'f

1\-..c'....,'t ~<'.;)..~ '\~~~

0o

0~0) t<.,,,"'~·.\'"-r;"', Q, .......

d

-......J

~li..:J.

,1'\) ..... (' ....

-

0

~~

hiUt\ t'ditur ll1•ll.md \\ \ltll' ..att..ati'Wthh•r' lo II toto 1\:-.,, II rm

da ....ilird l'<litur \

~C")r:}

_.

c. \:t..:n•: ;;Jo....r-,;~"'r, r..... r\(.~

\l.l~h~·<ll'<ll,\10

l:tl'lllt~

Bub Gu~c10nc

0-...D

~

<"t"-\\!. C'\\ \ ,_{)~ I'( ~:.! ..._(" • _ \--.4!.~ ~e... r Jo..'• 1'\ ~ \(". ~

t·ditnr·.IIUI·t hier

Jlili'IH•g ruph~ l•ditur

P._

~,.... -Qcy:..

Phone: (617) 793-Tech

IIlii)

-r h

'\Oil) IIIIIU' I

ltno 1M.u'

lurJ!t' t>ditur' J11n W.tpk.,.

Srcw 11.111 K.nh\ I l1trcl~

•v \o '" ,..J r 1

r ~,.....:.......\ • 1..., r, r~ "'' , ,.~

'"C"'.1t"'

C·~

·

·~v

r"-:::,

t

'\t

'-.)1

I

_,,

---

R.IJ~

'-"'( ~ ry.<~ IC:.

:i. i Th Te h N"'WS ofT<> fo met y Newspeak o• WPI has been published weak y n th Jd m yPa x pt when wr. don't feel Ike prmtong 1t nd when our pectator mp IS needed dl th lamed bouts of wrestler dean 'Hulk" Groga'l Letlers to the ed1tor are essential so wily don't you scrawl o"t some Jthbensh on lhr• b tck of a Boyton p,zza plate nnd cram 11 under our door 11 11 l1ts If 11 doesn't keep pushtng unhlltt tS illeg,ole. thnt's lhe way we love 11 We have a copy deadline but we're not gomg to tell you so guess at 11 and we mtgnt JUSt pnnt 11 Typesetting IS done by b1g Mac, we don't know h1s last name Pnntmg IS done by the same old guy, you know Postage IS nol patd nt all Subscnpt1on rate IS $tOO 00 per tssue but don't expect to see anyth•ng, we JUSt like the money Make all checks payable to The Tech News

Y.!.'"~C·-~ '.!:. ~ .:,-;: \ "-)

h e.. ~ .rv...._,,, (~\~rr 1 ~ I c::. w'"''Lr<.... ~<- b~\("Jf'{~~ 1 -,.._·~ _ "n,..,. ,..• t;t,N"\\(,. "'• t\ 1\.J <'>\ ( \ ~ ,...

• ' •·<-~ -I <..-.·c: ' I ~~C'- 0 ( ...

~--------------------STAFF --------------------~ Are you kidding!

-

"-\~ ·~

=-'''1

''"-....\¥;~ ..

.., ~ N):.~_ \ ,. c:'t:..\ 1

.:j""..,l..::, C"""'c~

'\c

--

-

\prll I,19X7

I f.CII

~f.\\

s

REHAB ZONE

My View From the Fourth Grade "Three"

h\' '"'"' \'nutll

lmll/lcl \ I 11th

M) n.unc '' Juhn cnt~ thuught 11 \\ould

no:\1 )C.1r 111 m,,t.;e 'ure ''e dnln't mi" all) thmg. At n•lk~:e 11 "ork' the ,,,me \\11}.

C\lept thl') fl' ll'ollh )I•U e\Cf) \CH'n \\Ceks lh.tt mu.'t tx· rc.tll) hcumg I guess 11' nc'e'• ~.If) though. hcC"JU'e e\er)h~KI) tdl" llll' \Ill· kg•· h.'ac.:her' ~.mt ~peal. l ngh'h I \\OIKicr 11 the) haH' tr.uhiJinr' 111 lhc ruum. ht..e 011 the l .N I ha\c a tueml "ho ~.111 t ~rx·a lo l ·ngh'h I Jco', from lh"ttlll I h;J\l' u du11- n.lllll'd Spot. i\1) p.trl·nt' named 11. I h··~ haH' ·• \\Cud 'l'll'l' til ht11no1.

I h~·.•r thero: urc .1 lotut dogs .11 1el h. It)(• I'm "urk1ng on n JliiiJl'll till' 111.1rkmg. ~fltKI We gut Ill dUIC"C the JlflljCd' uur ,el\c,, thai "ay "e II be ullcrc,lcd 111 "h.11 \\e'rc du111g. I h~ unl) protllem " that '"' h.1d Ill chOO'l' 3 Jlllljl't.:l th,llthe lca\hl'r \\allh:d U' hl do. \1~ prnJC~t I' ,, rcpun nn Tlte D) ll.lnliC ~.llurc ol the l.duc-at111nal S) ~tcm. .md It\ lmp.1ct~ on the Attllude' ot Stuth:nts

1 flll\/ll/111111011111

John .Snuth

1\1) p;u

be funn) tn pt\C me u

gtn{'rtC name I he) tire"' me 111 hlad. and "hue I he) und thetr fnend' .til pel :t htg l•mgh out ot It I Ia ha Ju,hua n'l.ed me tu \HIIe thl!. column lor hnn. he', hw.) "uh d.I'~C' und ull th.ll lk ftiC"' tu 1h1" 'dlu••l ~JIIc•l Wt•n.'hc't•·rTech St•me l.tndnl a HKot lltuml ..chunl I lllll.'" I k .tl\\ U)' "umcd to '' mk 111 a '''r\ 11:e 'I alton llo.· ·, tuhl nw a lut .•lll•ut thl' ''hoot I knn'' 11 .111 I thtnt..: that\ "hat I'm gmng tn " rile .trout SdiO(IIt~ cxpcn\t\C. I guc'~ llu"t' mnr\' the older you get I h,I\C tn Jl.l\ 11\e dulla~ a \\eck ror lun.he' I hat' SJ. (I a )Car Wl'l cost~ fift) umc' th.n mu1·h the) muM haH' good lum:hc I' c le.tmcd • lot lhh.) car. hut I d1dn'1 ha' ,. ln. Ill) teacher "1ll JU't rc·tl'ac h u" C\ er) tlung

Standing In Line: A Personal Perspective '" \fun Pun In Ill) 'iC\cn n11•nth' here us 1111 H· maJor. I ha\ c seen .t number til mange .md unuw.tl thtngs I haH~ ,h,~r~·d the \\edge "llh hag people (I thml.: the) an~ (.tiled Skdge B,ll,), ".11~ho:d the hr.l\c u;c ,k.lle un tht: nnl. u11 tht• (.,)u.Jd, und even nnn clcd .11 the rnultt· llllured s1de\\ .1ll. on th~: ln,IIIUlc \Ide ul Morgan l htll nn r.11m Saturd.t) '· But IW\ cr haH! I eApt•neoccd am tlung. hke the 'tudcnts 1tu1 \\alted 111 hnc \\llh me lor • 'P·"e 111 Cui· culus II I fiN could tell the) \\Crc odd because the\ \\Cre dres\Cd funn) 1hc 111rl' \\ere '' t:anng .,t.;,nsc" h1ch C\ ef)one t..:rn1\\' arc hla· 1101 remmd"r' ol the m.tlc donunauon ul our \IICICI} ),llld C\\!f) tfung C\Cf)OIIC \\!Ill' \\US Ill'• d1ed No\\. 11 ,, g1rl I'> gomg It I bdllllo.: hl'N:II h) \\C,IIIIl!:l ,1 ,t.;.n, -.h.: ,JJ(luhJ ,11 Jc,l,l hU) II at Bloonuc'' I he) .til h.td rc.1l lung. h.ur. "h&ch '" ''mpl) ,, p.un hl keep lc.m. I c.m tc11 )oU 1 It \\U' t'!\cn longer th.m the Sledge BJI\ hatr 1 I ha\C m~ h.nr cut real 'hon e~cl) three monlh hcc IU'\C I am 111 no "il\ gnmg t ' ' nfice Ill\ su~ce'" 111 Ill) ~holaslll career to spend lime pnmm111g m) 'ell fnr the male "IX·

ell''· no \\a) 1 lgnunng thclf homc-M.uned dotlnng. the~ 'ecmed hke cia") peuplc .11 fiN. .allhuugh the) \\Cfc u httlc ho~pp~ lor Wcm:he,tcr m M.1rd1 "hen e'en Hm P.1r\.: 1s UJ:!I~. The gu) hehmd me "J' mill guunnct nmkmg: he C\Cn 'P•lletl 'nm~· p.tr..ll') on me h) m1,take. I lhml.; he mu't h.r~oe hc:-cn .1 Ct\11 £"ngml"1:nng lll·•l"r lx•\.uU~ he to~lt..t."d Uhc•ut Jllllll' tjUIIC' U btl Ill' \\ol' .Ktualh prcll) Cl\11. tor .m I nllmccr, so I tned lo get h•' phone nurnhcr but he ""d he duln 1 h,,,c one We1rd 1 I hen I rnuml IIIII th.u the) \\ere k.tll) IIllO lk,l\) \t 'l,tl lllU\1 , lllC) \\~IC ,tiJI.III' ul "orne gruup r.1lled the I h.mklul De"e.t,ed, ur 'omclhmg hke th.11 I h.t, c a ~mNn uno Ou~ (),hlmw "h'' c.u, hH· gcrh•l,, "' I II} tu 'I.!) a\\ ,1\ 110111 pcupk• l1l..e tlt.tl lx'l.lll'l' j,!t'r· bll\ are n:.tll) t:Ut~· I Klltl\\ he dllC!oll I e ••• ue.ul g~rh1k though. IJCc.m-e Ill\ gerh1l Squc.l~) du::d Wl\1 he su1d hed1d111 \\o~nt 11 I " " real!\ glad when I fmo~ll\ ~;ut In the J.,J.; I cH:n got rm cia•"' But ''hat 1 long ''range tnp 11 ''"'

ICI\\ .1rd f"dut:ullnnal hi,IIIUllnn-;," 1\l tu.tll), Ill) JlriiiCt:t 1' tn hgurc uut "h.ll lh•· IItie mean,, AI T et: h. th.11 \\ •lllltl be l'o~llcd a PQP I hgure that "hen I get mtt• l nile!! c. I Cllll ~rue the report That \\uuld he lalkd an I(.,)P )l,.,hu.t told llll' th.ll 11 "h.u I "rue ,, ' l hnul IIC:\\ 'P••f'Cr lk told llll' IIIli tc1 \\file JhclUl \\ lllltl'll. ur I'd l1CI tll'.uh th1.:.u,, I her.·\ .1 C'athnhl !!Ill~' 'chuul 111 Ill) 11m n. !he) all h.mg .unuml Ill) ' l hu11l and get till' illl)' ltll,lff) thell hc~tl~' ollltl 'IIIII. It III,Jl.l'' the g1rh \\hll gu In Ill} 'lhnnl fl',lll) mac! I he wa) I ltgure 11. 11 a gniJ:!Ill'S 111 thl· twuhle nt p1c~mg up gu}'· I nught a' \\l'll ubhgc her. rlf!ht 1 It the: g~rlo, .11 m.) 'lhucll ~.~;ant tu du \\CII "1th the ill•)'· the) 'hould lc.nn 10 phi) the g.tme. th.u\ ..11 Next )t".•r. I gd lochtMhl' "hcthl'l I \\iJill to 1.1loc •.n or mu'll. \t ·l,·l·h the 't udcn" 11'"~tl. h••ll put II 111 lhe

t~

••I

... Something Wicked lcuntin ut"d rrom gU) ntalcn.lllll'~ Ill h1llll Ill the: lll,llll'<t\e,, Iouks .uuund rcull) m~Mcnuu'l}. then he "·•'~' hi\ .mn' 10 a pet:uh.lf. lll)SIIC.all,lshulll and p<.Mll' E\er\ rn;ullx'" ,utJtlenl) lx>Camc stuflttl \\ llh an IQP "urH'~ 1 I 'a" II I ""H',Ir 111 Ciod, I sa\\ 11 \\tth m) 11\\11 C)es rtwnlw luuk' .11 the C:illllCr.t, 'nul.:' e\111\ ••md d•~·•P· p;.· •• r,• I '"car, 11 rcitll) IMppcned!

Th1' 'tor~ 'prco~d thmugh the loiLUit) lil.c \\lldtu~. Sonn other t.tle' ul 'tnmgc.

Ulll:\plitlll\'d tK'LUrrcnt:cs tolhmctl M."' JUnk m.ul depo,II10I1,, nwlro\ th~t•r' ••pcn1np .md c:lu,mg fur nu.1pparent rc.1~>n .•md olhl·r lre.1k tmsh.•ps "ere reported v.llhm d:t)' ol each mher Inc ~auon to RltK:l. l 'tl I lung' ( Bl J l """' called m tu tmc,.ug.uc the mal tcr' m ord~r tn qudl the nsntp Jl.llliC .md h)s ltll.l lh.u had 'Jlrc.td thrnuch the t.1c.:uhy .md .tdmuu,tralu.lll. :-.;tlfl·,h•p munlturtng c•l th•· D.uucl., 11.111 111.111 1.1 thlll'' "·" ''l'ppcd up In 1H1ICr 111 lullhl'l £11.11 d .tg.un'l tlu' dust\.: mtrmlcr .1111111pcnctr:Jhle ,t.unk'" '1cl'l h.unn "·'~ '"''·•lied u,,.r the I'\ II I{ c.unpU!oo m.ul !<lilt I or .t d.l) M 'n lh~ 'IIUallnn \etllled Ill return lo normal It ,0011 hcL..nne t.kar hn\\c\er that th~ ''tuauon \\,1, tar be)Ontl control f{lJX'r" ol mudcnt' t;.l..mg plan· Ill other pans uf the t:.tlll Jlll' he • Ill to pnur 111 In nm nl the mnst 'tar lime f[ (l(llts, ,, ma" lc\ lt.lllllll ul gr .1d~ IIH r ag(•o.; cxcurr,·d wh1le .111 \ll1h.t1c \\so.; l.llo.: 1'111 fesMII "·'' prcp.11111g '"' gnHk rcpc•rts I ~\\l'.lt I \\11Uid lr) Ill IHIC ~I{ hul DISl" l.qll ·•PJlC·Iflng 1111 the '~rccn' II 11 snmetlung. \tllllC un,cen lurcc cnnuol· hng rll) linllt:f' When th1' n.'pllrt kill..l'll tu the rC\l or the lacUlt}. the dam Ill \lienee hur"t Prole,sor,, C\Cil A~'IX:Iale Pml c~'OI' nnd \clJUild A"l'tant l'rulc,,or;." ere r."du.ed

''"K:

"a' ,,, "il'

·~~-

u,ctJ tn ~:ct 111 c htMI\C their u\\-n da.,..cs. but I guc" the) don"t .my mnr\'. The) 'rt: lul ky I dun 1 l.nu\\ "h1t:h da~s 1<1 tal.c:. I bet the ...choul \\ouhl ha\c: real pmblcms 11 C\er) hod) tlel1dcd 111 tal.c the :-.arne c.:la'~ I "urpo..c the> t:nuld JU~t let nne ol the older ~ 1d\ te.teh some 1hc cla''oC'~ 01 cou~e. that ., aga1n.'1 the rule"· 'o thc.)'d ha\e UHull the t..&d an mstruc tw I tlun t tlunl. nn} held} "uuld mmd 1h.11 Wuuldnl II he lUI HI) II the\ lht"C ,1 k11l \\ hn t:uultlr!'t 'Jll.'.tk I ngh'h tu tc.tch the da"' 01 CtiUI\C. lllll'kiCI\ \\ 1111ld ~'>•• lh,tl 'IUJltd I plo~n on gmng 111 •ullcgc "hen I r~ t nldo:r 'I' uu h.l\e tu t;u tn l•tiiC£C 11 )UU \\ant 111 he u nulhon.urc I \\ant 111 he reall) n h I hl·ar th.tt )OU can make: a lot ol mone.) bctng an cnl1:nc:cr. hut I dnnl much ~are lor tr.un~ I ~uppc.•'c th.tt cltJC~Ill •~·•II) matter. though.,,., long a' I m m.•lmtg '"'"'''}. that ~ ull I hat m.tt tcr"

pa~e one) Ill \lli\CIIIlg h)'leiiC' a' rcp<.lfh tle\\ oll'russ

the campu' Student' hcgan 1n opcnl) accu't: other' nl usmg d,llf\II);Jnl't' :md \\lllhcr.lft to Jla" u:''"· rhe pararl(II.K p1tl h reaeho.:d u d1 m.t\ '" stmlcnt,, ll•r\Cernctl ,about the Jl(l'-'lblc ra•,mg ol l"·''~m~; lUtoll grade' through th• u'e ol hl,tlk m.•g•~. hcg.tn auu,lng each other ul prat:llllllJ; thl' tlo~~l; ·'"' " Y,·.th, lit..~· th.ll C.ll\ t~'''· man.' ..:ud unc pan1dy. h.tbhling ,tutlcnt, I rnl.lll. 11 \\ ,,, llllJl(~''lhlc' I ,tt11hetl tor a ~\lmk hour. 111.111.

111 lull .•md I onl} got .1 2'1 Then that \\etrd dude up th~ h.tll the one \\ho h't~n' tn Blad.

S.tbhath. \\CII I l..nm\ he Ol\111 t \tUtl) .nul he ll''' an N7' I rnean •• umc un \\hat the hcll.nn I ,uppo,~:d tn tlunk' I c.'C'hng' hl.c this h:~'e led tn \\lldl hunt' the lll..c' ol "l11d1 tht' ,t.ate h.1sn 1 sec II ,llllC th.: glol\ £1lf) tl.t\\ ut S.llcnt Inc ,ccrl'l olg.ml/.1111111 un c.unpu,, lle.1d h.t, Ulll''-llllte.ll) Ill:\ c•mc Ill\ nh eel 111 tht''l hun!\, m.llll.ll.lll\ 111\ollhng ll'lhHCs 111 '""1111 sur rnurulmg :1 hclpk". ouu,C'll ,tud[nt I he robed ligllll'' ~\nUid then pm il )C:IICI\' humm • tag on the ,tudcm Ml lh 11 h1' mm t: n nt' amund campu' t:an me mnnuorcd Jlc.ld ho1' C\Cil stooped an '"II h" r le\ el' 111 lh" era nl :.tlCU\at•on lllt.: tunc.: honun"<l "II( h llndmg pr.Jdtce ol lhm" 111 • uccuscd ,tu.Jcn" mhl ",,t,•r fln,ululc Pond l 111 order 111 cktcnmn~ 1he1r .lll•g•.tn(C \\ llh Sat .all ha;.; al••1 lx'lllllle ptt.:\,tl• nt Snm~·· hlllm\111' rrnm the \\ .... hbtllll '"'ul.c,t.ll" .tml .I rl\t.: Ill ahwnte~l\111 ,1111\" th t hummg .at 11tc ''·'"~ hu~ lx·gun :~,, "lllh lc,cr (nlllmuc' 1n 'Jlro.:.ad dl'lnnl &lunughnut the cumpu,, \\e c.m c nl\ hupc &hat SIKlll \\e \\llll.ncl\\ \\hllh \\lith I' ''luch

\

A' 11 feur of the Satin'' apprentice<. ~"teP'i the Tech campuo;, HEAD muunh an urrensh,e.

Unde<.ireablt> member-; or the Tech communit) arc r~ularl) brought to in~titute pond and ghen the ""ater test" . Tho~ \\ho ~unhe arc beaten, de· llm~d. beheaded. then hung before ~ing bumrd at the tnkc.

I he m mber.> of HEAl>. and e peciall~ the tlitt group called the lit AI> hunters, nre fufllling thert chartt or ~lting a atood eumpl for the campu~.

I H II :\1-.\\S

\pril l,IIJH7

Plant Services Car Plows Into Sperm Truck I hl' rl'l.lltH' 'tll'nn~ ol

"Four"

.1 'J1tlng .tlt..:rnnun "~' l>mt..cn ,,, Dun Su(t..', red plum .....:n icc"< C'hc\) <:u.t· 11\,n plu...,.cd intu the IFC S(X'nn Dmc Spcnn Van Onluokcr. "'ere umlmml) aghu,l. a' gullun' ol crranr 'crncn ooted nut from the tnu:turcd comer. ul the \lrtcl.cn trucl.. Mr Sod. c'capcd uninJured. run· ntng aero,., the quad yclltng. "ArrrrrrrrgjWghhh!

Sunu:llu<l) get tim 'htt uti ~>I nw!"

In a 'tatcm..:nt '''ucd the 1t11lm~ mg Uil)

b) Tc~:h plant wn· tee' ''att:d, "1\lt. Suet.. <tpp.trcntly Jell a... lccp <~I thc whcd ... "'c do nut plan to tOI.~utrc tnlll chc maucr uny lunhcr n " apparent that Mr Soc!. wu ... lutigucu lrum overwort..,"

In great ha,h: Ill ftnl\h hi' ufltcial duuc' tn a umely la,hton. Jon Entratl\ 'tapled hi' lett ntpph: to hi\ de\1.. In great patn und bleeding prolu,cl). he managed to reach the phone. rhe campu' fl<lltce came. but ~:ould not tul.c htm In the infirmar) ~cau ... e the dc'l.. "uuh.l nm lit thmugh the lloor 1mul·h 1.:.,, Itt m the unmurlcd poltce crui,erJ. Sgt H. Stur~~on Ding ~'pl<tincd. "Well.

I du nnu. I thtnk v.e 'huuld ha"e npJlCtl ht' mpple off. guy' !'~!a ll} don't need ntpple' The Captam thought I 'hould leave the nipple and l·all the paramedic,, though " When the paramedtc' arrivetl. the Jaw ... uf Lt fc were u'ed to pry the :ultng editor'" nipple hiO\C. Jun '' mal.mg a qutd.. rccmery und " thunldu i iO have t"'o mppk'

Dm e

Spuke'" llllt.trl

S.t,Ju:

~uung nn:n whn put 'u mu~:h hard \\llfl.. 111111 the dnvc. Hopefully they onon't be lletcrn:d I rum coming ba~:l.. ne~t "'eck."

Unton unately. that wa' not the ~nd ol the \tory , Car' became mtrcd Ill the 'emcn u' it dncd mthe ' un. The Worce.,lcr Fire Department wa' called in to ho-.e out the purling lot.

lf'C Sperm Ori\e 'Jpokes...,.oman, Sadie Tormental. at the \CCne or the recent disaste r. \\hen asked a bout the calamity \he comme nted, " It'., a s hume to see the product of such ha rd "ork ltlip beh\ een m)' finger:-.... I mean. uh. well. you kno" wha t I mean."

(Ed. Note: We detect a Freudian slip there, folks.)

At the -.cene: s purn wagon punctured by the infamous red CiUition driven b} Don Sock.

Editor Staples Nipple to Desk

Spcnn

1 nnnental lamented. "I lt.•cl hadl) tor the

THE PLAN HAS NOT CHANGED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS ll1 l:tthen llaJJ The 'tunning new' ''"' rcvc,tled ulda) ... 10 the l:ht day no ~.hange'>. alteration,, uddHton,, dcklllllh. or 111~ntoth ha,·c been made to the Tcth Plan Tht' h.\'. dt,tmhctl 'IU· dcnh and '·"·uh) ;thJ...e \\ho ha\c jlrcmn .~~.:, u,tumnl tutht\ nl•tcbuum ,,fl·h.tngl' tn clw uther\\ tw pl.tud unchan~tll_!! en\lronnh:nt ''" Tc~:h .

Adjunct as'txtatc \ t\11111!! pan-time profc"or l\tclville Wa,bindcr \lillc' "Pc(lplc ha'c JU\t become u'cd lo the con\tant changl' of the Tech Plan Sc\Crul btology pn>fc,,or' "'ere U\ing 11 a' a model ol gen.: mut.uiun.

No"' on hat are they going to do'1" W;~,buulcr hc;~d' the Spcctul C"urnmi,. stun lur Rcvhing and F.nhancmg Wtlrchc,terTc~:h\ tlntlergruduatc Plan. aho J.nown "' ~ C R.E.W.U.P W t\hllldcr j, not '"''~ tn pl.tcmg bl<~mc upon the ):!Uthy pan•••s.

"It\ ~cuu'c nl 'tudt·nt apathy I mcJn "hen lt·amc here tn the l.tte ''"'e' there \\Crc prn· tc't mar~:hcs. ,itin,, .md chug-a-lug cunte,t-.

But IHI\' .111 'lttdcnh ~::tre <tl141UI ' ' llu' name change hu,ulc'' und hc'" much the) arc pay

rng lor food . The unl) 'tuJent mmcmcnt yuu gct the'c day, i' dunng a lifl· drill."

Th" unprecedented 1:1( t.. uf ~l'ntru\ cr...tul ~hangc cc,mc' nn the lwei\ nl one nl the mn't rudtcal mndrlicatum, )t't In a rncmorantlum d~tl'd ~l.tr~h ~ 1. S.C.R.h.W.ll.P rha~e<l IIIII thl' f.tcuh} ath t\llr prugrum l'hc <nlllllll,,ton luund th.tl ' tn(l lll.lll) 'tudent- were tgnonng thctr :t<hl\nr. .tntl taJ..mg d.ts'c' v.llhoul ftr,t taJ..tng thl' 'ugge,tt:c.J JlfCrcqUt\IIC\."

Nun1io ~kalloptni , head ut th~: 111.:\\ ly funned cJa,\ ''liUcn~·e enlor~ocmcm hoord. \Jid "J)uh ud\ 1\llf\ talktn 10 the 'tullcnt~ dtcln't wurJ..;, ,o·., me und tla bo) '· fthc clJ\s SCI.fUI.!Ill:C enfoRemcnt hoard I \~.t•'ll m.tl..c 'lilt' J.u ) uu's gu)' take yuur du"c' tn duh proper l•rtlcr ."

Sc,tllopint, "'ho h.t' .111 a'soctate's dcgrce Ill heilhh :tltt·rauun' tmm the L'ntH'r'll) nl Stdl) .ulmth that he h:ts nn lurm.tl pt>\Ht tu tn'url.' th.u 'tullenh t.t~.c th.: 1pprnpr rJil' t·our'c~. hut I eel~ th.tt tht\ t'i nnt m!Cessar) .

"We J.n""' \\here )t•u h\C, and, v. ell, u'd be 11 r~·.tl ,11o1rnc tl \ nu h.ttlto J;H 111 cia'' on nh n t.ru ken leg "

SOP Positions now open!

Make $25/hour plus benefits. l.Jet Tech Fuzz spend more tirne at Ne\vport Creatnery! Confiscate illicit sub. tances!

Apply at the Fiasco Aid Office in the Basen1ent of Boynton Hall. No one turned a\vay!

1\tullitalentt'd editor create!> ~elf portrait " hile awaiting rescue.

Students On Patrol

\pnll,l9!!7

SPORTS Tech Hoops Fail Again

"Five"

/11 U cttc-111\ lltfl\

Worcho:,ter Tct:h ml."n·, ha,lelball learn. '"'·•rroinung lh man) hm'. hult.'tl lo m.1kc lh" )'l.";tr', NCAA 011 1'11111 I Fin.tl Four I<IIIIII•IIHI."Ill In lacl. the tl."am dul not even rccdvc itn in1 llallnn HI th" Y'-'ar\ C AA TI11."

Recognize This Symbol? lO oks familiar, you probably

(l.... h!illll

prestigious journalistic awards.

identifies a newspaper as a

reci pient of the Walderman Prize.

Newspapers withouQ an only dream of similar accomplishments.

For more information onO ontact your local Walderman Foundation Office.

Walderman Foundation Program II Sh.tkedo"' n Street. Dark Star

~1Jchigan

cllalllflllllhlllp

IOUIII<IIIll."lll

n11."

£!Uarutan' nl the to!" pn:,ughn" hut ,1111 \\.dlknn"n 1".1111111.11 111\ uaunnal 'T ••urn;un.ml .1ho tgnnn:d the I 11Mh X7 Engmcer' I"" l.mu ol 1.11lurc 1' nPth1ng nc11 tn tho: ·r l."lh l"ngH~ecr' 1h" '' thl l.::!tlth ,tnught y~:ar the ll'UI11 ha' nm 'ccn Dl\ ''tun I P"''"'l'a· ''lll at:uun. ,\thletic Darel'lur HuU., Grng.u1 1' a ll';llh:r ul the cnllt:s ul the Tl."t:h Hn"Jl'''-'r' '\\ 1."11. )•' knn". th" 1' ,, real Ul'£r.ICC. In nul e'<'ll ~· ablo: It• pia~ c. dude ... hl' ,,ml 111 .m 1111cn te\\ dunn!,! ,, re{ em l;tg l\.'•1111 h••u1 .11 the f~cntrum When 1h1' rcpuncr Jlllmh:d nut 111111 Tcdt team' gcm·l.tll) mll\('ICII: 1111 the l>t' "'oil Ill Jcwl, \\htd1 \\UUIJ WCilllll [IICdUdl' l>l\"11111 I pt.hl·,ea,un pia). he -..ud. '\\.:11. \.1 I.no\\.

1ha1\ 11t> c~t:u,c. Tilt:) dc,aH' .thu,c. dude."

He .ulded that th,•unl) "U) 111 red II) the 'IIU<~· 11un "uulu be w ha\C the l'edt tc.trn pl:t) a Dtvt,tnn I ".ho:duk. $uhnu"mn-, Otrcclur Huh Bo'' agree' "ilh Gruran. " It '' 'itt~ I tn the h11111 c nl 1b" ,,·hnnl th.u ut lcJ\1 one nl uu1 tllJJIIr uthll."llc team' pl.t) on a nauunal lc'cl Whal mo'l aumu' a ,e,cntccn·)ear-olu mall' ur tcmale to

already know about one of the most

0

"'>·''

3.1-t 159

a l'Uikge ''a D1"i'1~1fl lul hku~ team. That's v. hy ll.tn.ard Is 'u Jlllpular" When 11 \1. 11' Jlllintcd out that I cdr h," an c.>~.ccllcnt v. rc:' 1hng tcurn "' wdl "' u numher of nowhlc pw IC"IIIIIUI "rc\lll."r' olnllflll:! Ihe dean... Htl\S 't:ulled. "v. huguc" h> '' h:~tltng m.IIChc•>! No, "·'"l.clh.tll ha, ,, much "ukr appeal" lk~ l.mng the Tl'l h h.l\~clhall program Ill\ 1\11111 I ''til nut he l'lllllll:!h 1o en~urc 1 ''·lllh;thlc tc,un hn't 11 ~·ucr 111r I ech 11101.1ll Ill ha\1.' a \1.'1) t_!IIIH.I IJJVI\1110 Ill 11.'.1111 th•tn .1' Dt"'l'ton I lt:tll11 v.lul h It"""' ;" llllllh •" '·'> Han,1rJ dn.:'' 'Oh' IOU'!) ." 'llld llc:~.t (',,,l~h Bcnlh Smart. \lot: "'II ha\c h> u11rac1 quahl) pl.l)Cr- In the ""'' ~~oc ha'e 111cd II> h.'l. r 1111 ,ulJd pia) cr' v. hu \\(IUI.t Ill "ell lllhl the \' ll(l'C\lCr Tc~h C0111111UIIII) und lUll nunl. nul tmmcd~;ucl) 'lhen. \\cd IJI'c tlu.:ut all h) JliiUIIl' 'li!:!!,!C\Iillll' In gnm \l~ Ill Cl!,!hl tm hl''· llu' h<l'll't .11\' •'}' "orlo.cd I he ho;ud ul IIU,ICl'' · \lhn .uc 111 lull agn:cnwnl "1th '" un tht,, _.,n,1dcred dlanl_!tnl! 1hc nanw nl the ''-hulll to the l "" cr,tt} ~nOod) l.c,l\1."' Vo.;:alu>nlc~' tl ~l.\'1 111 Incl. llf\1 d.t" pia) cr' 1111Cl cununy. h.:.'rl', hut 'IUdl.'nt rc.t~llllll Ill ch.mcmg till' 'lhllul n<tmc "•I' H'r) 11l'g.JIJ\·c. So \\l.''te plann1ng un gmbhmJ.! 'l'\ en·li"'' Ltbcral ""' majur-, and 'cndmg lhcm 111 \\'ur..hc,ler Vc~~:.l11unal I Clhlllc.tl H1gh St:hu()l, and IHlhnc.l) "1!1 kml\\ the d1ITct · cnt:c."

New P.E. Course Offered h.\ '\urm· Lu'

f hc Ph)'lcal Educauon depanment ha' announced that it will b..: oflering a OC\1. ac:robil.' da" fur Sludcnt-. and fnc uh) thi~ term.

This coun.e. PE2002, " atmed at helpmg those "ho have trouble budgeting their time chtcll) bccau~e they spend too much time tak ing cro~ps . Th~e exercises will mainly con-

UITORE: clump.

Tt-ch

\IUdt•nt.

""' of bo~~<cl·up.,, anu ... prc:.se:. and -,phmcter -.quab

Steven A''per-,on. Depanment Hc;ld. \tated, "Unul now. people have .,pe111 up to an hour and halt lakmg 'hit\. ~hort ol tal.mg 1he1r book' tntu 1he can Y.tth them, I do no1 know how lhc...e people could wn.1vt

Stre.....,~ Sphincter, all

he furiou'l)

auemp t\

a

tluick

ucadcrntcally. But "'ith the proper h."Chmquc' learned m thi' coul'\e )'ou can be! m and out ;h fa~t a' you can ...ay ·,qual and \\.i(ll!'," Th" nc\1. cnur,e i-. a rcwlt of a \ tudy ~pon~on:d by the Office tlf Re'!denual Life and 1he Student Coun~cling Center 'Je'u' Chri~t ! My Gr;~ndfathcr -,pend'

Afo'TER: (irndunte or feth bo"cl' mnH dTortle-.:.1).

crapp in~

Jc,, lrtJ.!l!IOI! umc takmg 'hll' than '"""-' 111 our 'IUdc:nt'. ex.clatmed Jamc' Cmlclua, C'oun-.chnJ! Center d1rcllnr, •• , he '>tUdlcd the rc,ulh.

Thcrl! " no IUcrcg"truunn fnr 1111' cuur,c. \O ju\1 'ho" up 111 ,\lumni G}m 1111 l'hur-tlo)' April :!, I ~1!7 v. llh an c"ra p.ur ut 'hon,

prugram lhe-.

()0

a

hi~ht•r

plane.

U\

hh

.\pril 1.19H7

New AIDS Prevention Technique Discovered

Tech to Build Omnidome "Six" h\ flt'lcn \S'IIc·C'I\ "' pan ol it' ~:ununutng dnH.' 111 upgr<~de the ljmtlit) ot 'tudcnt' allr;K·ted to Tech. pl.tn' .m: underwa) to u..e thi, yt•ar\ SAB budget .. urplu' to huthl .111 umtllllnmt· tu t'\lH'r Tcdt\ mudt hl.'rahkd tmmnurl h10th.tll ticld . "It'' •' t.td - "'hat mo't attrao' a 17-) car ullln1.1k Ill u culkgt• .ut· prl'll) ;llhlclll' l,ll'tlitle,." ,,ud Hnh Hu" he 1d 111 llmkr!!raduut~· Suhnll"tun' Snphnmur,· F.E matot Linu' Cw,t .rgrt'\'' I l hiN.' TCt'h i'>l't\tll'l' ul tht• \\ ur Ill c lit'' "' umnu1g ptlnl." he ,,ud But \\Ollld the 5fl mrllwn doll,tr S -\B \UrplU\ tx• Cll\tUgh Ill 1:0\ er thl' e\llCil'e' ttl till' prujl'll. coll'>tdermg thl' rnultt·htlhnn dnll.u pn.-c t.tg nl tlw ltdd "'ell! f\;o pltlhkm," ,,u,l Pl.mt St·rHt'c' D1rec111r Btll D111g ·,\hhough thl "'cragI.' ctmdorn I ' :.

1n~hc' long .•t tx-11 nrrH \\Ill 'ho\\ rll.lt .11 k.l,t 1111e cundnm '" I(KKI 'huuld hl' O\o.~r :!IKI ).uJ, lung. We ,qlf mcrcl) lrnd th,• lttnf:!C't rn the hatt:h ol rundnrn' t:urrcntl) lx'rng dl'>lllhUICU to 'tud.:nh. lUI II Ill h.tll. \lap!.: dtm n thl' edge,, antllill It up."' ~ot .til rncmhl•r, nl thl.' Telh rommumt~ .tre cnthu,la'tll' about the prvp<N:d nrnntdumc. htt\\C\cr.

"I fur une tlu.l mtt ~ hu<J\i.' tn ,utcml Wnr.:,•,ter T 1.'\'h hl'~-.tu,~· \II IIUI glllrltlU\ faljUelbaJI lllUrt." \,lltl Prl',hlll,IO f.E m.qor Mt"'} Pr1" "lt·.tme here bl'cau'"' I thuuj!ht Elm Pond looked rcall) neat in the 'prrng trnw. But ~~· haHm't hall an> 'Pring ''"l'C I l.trne here. 'u I'm thrnkrng ul tr,,n,lcrnng."

Senh•r \tan.tgcment \l,tj!lr l\\,tna c..ettuutmlwrc prupo,ed a t:nmpwmt'c Jurrng .t rnl.'llt lunl'htrme Ulll.'n ll''' · "I thrnk \H' 'hould dnml.' Elm PM!>." 'he ._;tid. '\o th;ll "elan h.t\1.' 'l'rrng tum.' 1111 thl' \\atcrlront .111 )C·If rnuncl 1 . l>rnj! ... artl th.ll Pl.tnl s,•n Ill'\ ,, 1<11 '"Ill~

Dc<tn ul Wrc,thng Hull. GrnJ;an lllntrihuted hr' \It:"-' uunng. a rcc.:111 G.1la\) Wrl''thng. A"ul.'iminn ch.unpton,hrp bout ~~~ the Cl.'ntrum, "Well. ) a know. dome' arl.' duom. I '·'Y w \\hom 11 lllll) llllll:Cm and )Ou \\ill t.:arn that dome' arc bad and prt•tty '<ld and rl vuu dnnwd Elm P;trl. thl.' duel\' would gu em th~ l<~rl.:. Jude." When ;t,J\cd .1buut th.: pwpt•"·d donung. nt the IU<llb<~ll lidtl. lw rnmm<.'nt<.'J Wcll. ) a kml\\ ••t domed h.:ld ,.,ould) u.'lll m.lgilbu\.1\,_ hut.'""'"'· then our J!UIII Ill htk~·, lor IUitlltll \.IIUid Ill!\ l.'f l'(llllC lu trullltln. Ktd' t:uuld t.rl.c thcrr :w J;r.nnl u }Cill .uul Jt"t buy hccr That d he prctt) yue~:r. dUdl•."

Auduum;tl ~•II he aducved hy ,uh,trtuting the tr.rd1111111al wmt·,l\ltll.'d l;.tb\lrCI\ lhl.'tllur 1:1111\lrUCIIUil \\ ith WC'II~ \IUU) \IUdl'nt'· llla11) t>l \\hUill ilfl' anXIUU\ 10 \\llfl\ ten hnur \\Cl'~' agum. ·\ppht•atlllrh wrll bl.' ,1\·athtblt.: 'll(IO. "aiL h Tl'ch t'\c\\' lur tl<.'tatk Studcnt op1111011 '' hl'mg 'olkued on the .thtl\C pr11JXl'al'. lntch~'tl'd T el:hrc' arc urpc;d tu talk tu 'nmel'llxly in tht: Dean ot Studcnt' Ofllt:c Or lll.!rhap' tht.: pruJCC:I center. Or a'k cmt..' ol the 'cr' er' .11 tl.tlo.<l. B<.'tter yet. '>c:nu a rncntt> 111 AE.l 011cr the Dct We 1\.NO\\- he

'·''Ill!!'

e\"t'~

ol thl.' to.\ hole when you're done). trutt abo nfli:r... heightened -.cnwul <~"- ;r r... nc" und -.c'ICu.tl rlc.l\urt:. You never g~:t rCJI!ttcd." -,;ud M.tjur Ml\take.

Although hunana' nrc recommended h)the Anny Re\Can:h Divi,ion ' tudy ••t lcth 1\jC\\ \ pull \hU\Oo \ that 'OnlC \OoOffiCO Jlrclcr t:ul·urnlx'r.... S.ud f ucxh. ''Cucumber' arc tclhnrl'ally and \etcntt lrcally con,rdcred a I run. .:'''" thuugh rn<N pcopk con,rdcr.:d them a vel!l'tablc. I he I nut ol the plant " that pi!n \\ lttch 'urround' the 'ecth. therefore. the lU<.:umhcr i' both the frun <~lid the 'ccd' ol the planl. While uut \tudy tltd nut in'c'tagutc the u ...e ol vcgct.lblc,, cucumber' an: a fnut anti are a vmblc ahcmnll ve to bamma,," On her progmm la\1 Sunday. Dr. Ruth Wc\IC:hc\ter cnthu,i;Nk,lll)' Cntltlf\Cd the -.tully. saytng. "Many pco(llc ha\\.' knu"' n abuut th" method for ycurs. and I'm glud that it ' ' lrnally being 'upponed by the m<.'dKal lOmmu nuy."

Th" 'tudy hu' dearly 'hcd 'ome light un a grtm \UbJeC:t.

But rc,cart:hl.'r. arc nm yurning )Ct. "We'll l cep working unlil w~: fmd a way to either cure the di,ea'e or pro\ tde fruit to everyone "'ho need<. 11." ~ai d f ood,.

!CPS l -- The Army Ml.'drcal Rc,cart:h DrVI\1011 .umnunt:cd )e,tcrday thdt it ha' ltnally luund a method nl runuilinp the drc.tdcd AIDS eprtlcmtc: ~RU IT. U S. Army Mcd1cal Re,can:h Dtrci:tor.

General rocl(h ,atd Yc.t. lruu\ the ball,...ahcrn. 01 ' hould I '") that our re,c<~n:h ha' 'hll'' n that lrurt. uwd under the dr rec:trun' ul ,, ph"'''ian and m the pnva<:) uf unc\ 0\1. n hmn~. Gill "gnrlrc.mtly redu~·c the chatll'e' uf wntr.tlllng AI()S lmil thr' dNovcry. the onl} !'>Urc 'hot "·'' nl a\ord1n!! the 1lr1.'ad.:d dt,Cil\t: "·'' ABSllf\·Ef\:CI:. "Wt·\c curnc up "ith ;1 hcttcr 'olutinn". 'aid Fnmh. "We '"f!!!C'I hanana' lm the hull' !!irl' ;tnll watcnnclun lor tht: liulc hoy,. In Iau. "e arc 'uppl) rng tht:m to the lnmp,. ' . 'ntd tht• Gcncr.rl.

Ht: caut10ncd, ho\OoC\CT. that 'alct) ~:an onl) be cn,un:d rf the lruu '' proper!} di,pmcd of afterwnrd and not 'hnreu The cnll\tcc' arc ~cry cn thu\lu,ttc: about the ne\v plan One young \Oid tcr. Pn vatc Part\. remarked. '' Yea. belore fruit. I U\Cd to have 10 look for '>hccp. that '' when m) '>~Mer "a'n't around."

"Be\ldCll betO!! \UfC, COn\COJent, and dt,crete <You JU\t to" the watcm1clon out

You won't ever have to buy your class cards from slobs like these again!

'"'" llw pruJI'''·''·

Student Arrested, Charge: Scalping of Course Cards II\ I rt••l \m\1 ,,

ll na"nuJtl'\1 l'r.:"·-1 ,\

l'•lllllu~. \ hdug.lll youth ",,, .trrc,tetlthr' mnrnmg 111 ,unnclllnn "uh .tn 1111c!c!eJ ,,,,lprng ul I l'l h cour'c can!-. \\ 111.'11 apprchcmll.'d. the '"tcc:n ) c.lr·lllo.l :;.uuth h.td rn hr-. P""'c'"1un 'e' entl'l'll d.r" l .tr.J, lm < .1lculus II. thrct• c•ratclul D\.'.1d r rd.l'h, uml '''" IU·,\1> ~din"' mrge.ntun m.~rkl•r nh~111'

\lt<r .1 long .rnd h.ud 111\t:,trg.rtllllt. th\· J'cd1 I Ul/ lrn.tll) l•IUght up \\ llh thl' 'lhJ"Cl'l Ill the I elh p.nkmg h•t \n I>H"IIurncd 'Jterm \\,tJ!''" grl",lll) h.tmtx·red th<.' luglll\<.'' , 1.'\~'.lfll' Ollllt:r' ul the l.:ch h111 d"rm crnlthc )outh \Hrthrng hc!pJ..•,,I) uhuut 111 th~· lll1l<lll1arncd f"lll , fie' \\ ,1, ,t\h I\Ctl I hl· ullrler' hrnught the 'li'Jll.!t'l rn lur quc,tron1ng ult~·r ~alllng 111 Ted1 l>l:tnh Sl!f\· "1.'' II• .ud m e\tm:aung the ~uuth !rum thl' \ 1\\llll' mcdrum. Srnl c thl· )UUth " .1 mrnor. .111 rem.unlll!! rnlurm.rllon cnnccrnrng thr' oCl'UtenlC '' l'u1rcntl~ hl.'m~ hcld b) thl' Fu11.

I he l c1.h ~ ......... hU\\C\cr. J;.un~;,) .1dmi"'"" tllll• thi' prr,oncr \ hohhng ~ell .u Full I k.ul· ljliUIIL'I' Ill ortkr Ill IIIICf\ IC\\ thl' Ull<.'ged .....lpcr (l·d '\uti.' \ IL'\\ ''ell pl.tlccl 1''11) ch1ughnut' Irom 'l;c"' port l Cl'.llnCr) \\or!> C\ cr\> tunc I 'I he tfl•kml.mt r..:\ e.dcd tl1.11 hr-. u.ulll' " D11ug \k Keu/11.' .11111 urrgmall~ harl' 1rom "orne "lute plalC m thL' grcnt nurth Durrng tho.! dt,Cll"lllll, Ill' "'CIIll''' lllt"t cnnccmc•l "rth \lllllll); h" '"'" llllllteCII~·\· lie ,t.lll'd. · It'' 111) ht"C·hc.ul brother. B1•b. \\ hn hot ked .llltlw~c d.t,, l.trth, not lilt', ch. I \\ilS rn I)AKA lOI•klll up some h.ld h.t,•lll But hi..,· he got il''•') cut he p:ub.'d tlw van 111 the ""eel .111d ,tlllrlt tl' II HIC So. I hkl' thouplll thl' ~.~n "-·1' 111 the p.u~lll£ Int. hut ~hen I gt•l w the lot. I got u duuhlc Mtak.:r .md ,J..:uJtll-,1 uut <~mJ kll un,J got Jllll'll 'lou gu)' got a beer. dt!

In Lllllclu,ton. D1>ug ~I Kennc dcml.':. ht\ g1nlt ,md hcltl·ve hl' ts bcmg held undl.'r lal'c pretense,, The "here.tbuuh of thc alleged 'hn,c·hC'ad " arc prr,cntl) unknown

All purNow there's TechTix for all your classcard needs.

Just call us and leave chases come with a 20% discount.

Then pick up the tickets at your student ID card number. your convenience. following the Cards for Harrington Auditorium:

classes

•

go

on

sale

AA2001 -" Micro and Macro Alcoholics CM2111 --The Aesthetics of Dru~ Design.

SEGRIM7 -- Fluid Mechanics XX4321 -- Assassination for Fun and Profit MM!!!! --Stress and Anguish

1-800-TECHTIX

today

at

ll.l'll :'111-.\\ s

\priii,IIIH7

... Duke Picks Mate frum IIU~t· I I uptnron toured '~'ca.al ~.mtpus hulidlllg,,andmhnl! lh~· One luturc lllll,tlllll'lll md hie lt~ng IC'I lie\\'' r~luah1,h d \\ .u.. h,·mbuan 'ilh>Jh .and \h'I'JJO:r~·tl l<~h' Dul...tka' ,,_., ',,ahl) dent t•l lk.1rbram. :\l1d11g.an. "·'" ·""''" ''' ~II 111"' < rl'<IC IIII.II ~. ,md tlld 11111 't.'CIIl llllpre"~·d h\ IIW laUiatte' h..-'·''' I l!llc''' I 'h11Uill h,l\l' br11U~J11 Ill\ .111 UllldiiiOIIl'l 111. II amprc,-.c<l I'"' th.at 1,., h pl.au: one '' them th.ll tr.allh the .111 \'Oilthtann~·• rcpau people' IH•k' hl..c )I'll ~uul<l h.t\C 11\o.:d 11 111 a Jrll). qutpfll.''' 1h~ J)ul..t.• '"''t a•th,·r pea 'on,, '' lwn il'ked nl su.au" t.'\f'l1.'ft~·tu:c. '''l:lllt.'U !II IL•:t'' 'kepta~.al l>uk.ll..t' kll ll'lh 111lh Sta.tu". ht return laJ Bnwl..htll' to pl.tn thcrr 'rr.arcg) K.tlph \llru uht ..1 ''""''111 .11 lnah.m.a Sr.atl'. \c\t lh'l'k lll ~ta.m'' .u.ccpt-1. th<') 11all ~<H111 Jll'tlll.'d. ' I Jll"l dPn 1 '~'I: hu\\ tx-tng pre'' l~grn thctr '.amp.ugmng 111 L.m1c'1 ( hm .al lknt "' l l'~ h ll" "' hun l'IH>ngh 1.'\J)C lll'll~t· h1 ho: '1~ ,. pn:,itklll <•I till' en tan: llllllltr~ I I It,· c:.mapatgn tnu l llll 11l11d1 Su,lu'' lllC.tll, lhl• \Ill' pn_•,tdl'llt \I 1.' lt.t\ C 1111\\ r.U\ ,1 \\ 1ll N ,,, 'omp.lll\111),!. I ht.• l>atkl' '' lnugh. bo:er ~ompan~ h,·Jpr,·. or "'lllt:lh111g. dadul h~: 1 laolll lhl' pot.ttll la,·Jd, ul ldahll hl till' ,,tit Ju,t ,.,..," pran,•ap.tl ul .. nane IHgh 'dtuol 111'1 fl.th nl lt.lh, tlw ( .mdrllatl'' 11 111 ha1 c h> ollll't CIIOUgh, ) <I lo.:llll\\ !" ,·ndure C\lh~mc' ol teiiiJ'Io:ratun: .tntl puhlil'

CLASSIFIEDS

~ l'llnlinut-d

\\t•'q• J.!lll da'' t·ar<h. Ucad lh. all lhl' hl'\1 tirnt'' and 'l'~lt,. \11~ 'hm1, \n~ da''· \m 11 hcrc....l11r 1Itt• ri~hl

prkt•.Cunlat·t UcntJ.!... \l~:Kcallil' in tht• reel bt·l'r.lun•.

I

'\ccdt•d:

\ 1 \1111.\,

\111Hfl0.

c\pc:ri· in,truett·r!

':'\u

t•nn• nct:c~'ar.l .lh:cunll' an It luuk' gn•;~t 1111 \IIUr rl'\UIIll''.

I ht>rc: " rm uthcr till it hurt,.

hut

\\U)

"Seven"

mean Buh ht•hincl thl'

'.tn

tu

, ...,,, rc:h:'aw: ( 'unlrcrl c; ri, nl the kc.1huard.

j.,

lhl· dilu·

and

J,!Ct

fu~:k

111.1m•

~.:ht• Ill'~.

I gut mnruh: I on I)

rna h.

It ta\11:' Jln·ll.' bud. hut il

em"

damn

\llllllll h !~

Urin~.t

had. the fel•lin~.t uf I 'U1.!.I tu '1:1). unh. nu. put in " Ill') W\~ ...". nn nut that, umm , hrm ahuul " lit>~ Spike, S.. ll'athcr llah), I "ant • lu dumin.ttc ~uu all niJ,!hl tuna~.thl hn" uhnut \utile "'riuu' \S.. \1 '!" .. 1111il •• dun 't print thut ~

"ant n eal tht• Uct•unw .t ( S III::U in .. trut·tur!

Uun' t 1!11 lu jail cau\t' il )llu'rt' ~~ lit· lie 1!11.1. tht'.\ 'II he lm in' ~uu da.1 and ni~.:ht . \u cundum nwdtint'' either. ch.

\ uu can't J!CI \ .U. Iru m a hanana.

II ttunl..: I dunnu that ... that'' \\hal Lola told ml.'l

When a'ked what he replied. " \h. \'\ ell..."

felt

about

the

Oukaki<JStrau'-'

ticket,

Pre'iident

ha\ e the be'I bannno,. ~ou nut ,\OU didn't lt'U\t' ~our phone number "hen Ia \I "e met behind the fruit stand. ~lele,

/11 ~elf• f. f II II

I nm happ~ to :mnoum:e the mrmductmn ol the greate't h<Xlll to c.:ontr;u.:eptll't'' 'mce rhe l'rem;h )CJU knO\l ·\\ hat. cu,rom fir t:ondom' Ha11c ><IU t:\t'r h.ttl :1 pn•blcm \lith .tn off the r.tck condom! You knu\l , too ttght here. tou Ju~"c there, the kmu of thtng th.u make' hcr call 11 ntl and gu home tn a taxa. \Veil 1111\l )OUr tn•uhlc' .!Te V\Cf. Condmm & su,hi·R· l ' t'.lll nul hi ) nu "tth a ~ ondom th.ll \ltll ncctcnuatc alit• I tho: l'll:... t lc:otture' (If )OUr ll!r)

'pccaal huahl. lh1" ... penal \l!l"ill."C lllll)' £C4UI£C' l\\ Clll) mtnute .. of )'OUr ttme pJu, ho\\C\er lnl11! 11 t.tke' )OU tn get .... wdl. yllu J..no11.

1 "'' 'en tee •~ (InI}' 25 cenh an mch plu.. the l:lhl Ul a gtklc.l su,ha tlmner. Anti tlun't thtnl.. ~ou ha, ... a ltmn.:J dtoan.•. I he\ can do pl.uu, ptn\lllfk!'· lc.Hhcr. paddang.

popular d<!'corator C.:tliOI '· llr .tn> other 'pe~· tal ..en Kt'~ yuu llhl) rcqu.:'t.

Harringtun ;, the t>lan·.

PERSONALS

Re~an

Condom Corner

:\l akt• the heu't 11ith 11111 bad,, in 'X7.11cllo, heard ...I.\JII\1 d~ d' I '111\l d\CI''· \Cc. tan. 'in.\.14 15'11.', t, hrl.'al. u ncckl ieht 'cm. li~.:ht'cm f'et·h!

~ \H Rmnhu coll~e '>tudent -.cek' t)pe in order to kill him. liJ!hl t'ur thc e limination of female opprc.,,iun ra,l·i,t male·duminatcd, thi' b~

Be true to ~our watermelon.

S\'\M \\Unt'> pink. \\let•t. \\ tllcrmelnn rur J!lllld fricnd\hip and p41"ibl~ murc. di,crete and C'un,idered attracth e.

juil')

time\, I am

\\ a nted: a luminum foil \Hlr,hippcr "hu l'an nu lnnJ!cr a llm1 him,t'lf tn ht• limitt'i.l h~ the c:un,tr~lin t' nf J!r;n it~.

I cnjn,\ intcr)lhlm•tar) C\pluraticm and und~·r11 :.tf{ r photo.,~ ntht".i,, 'In'' icrdo' plc:1w.

WHY "HELGA" DORETY EX- TECH PENNY COLLECTOR DRINKS SWILLER LITE

"TO KEEP THE GIRLISH FIGURE"

II l II '1.\\S

Fuzz Fog

\

"What'? ... I don't knuw anything about it!"

I

<1//lfllfl'cf fl\

\~/ ~flllc/\11 Oil /)1//J.!

\11ril l. I CJH7

\pnl l ,lliX7

What's Coming Up \\ cd. ,\ pril I

l.uud. tw.t\ ~ 111\'l<ll llltl\ll Sit ;lilt Ill h;"CIIIl'lll Chtcl ''' lt'\.'h hr11. <'l11o:l lnlul. :lthrwd IP lm\et

3:.;o

p111

•

.tgillll ICJlOfll'd 1111111

4 1111 I O:\\ II amJ hbCl\ 1011' b.:h•" wr rcpPtlcd h) ~•ullcnt. su..Jl\!fl '' "' ,,_.,.n '" 'mn,•r ..r 1r.•v.h~tdg<· .lllu ln,tlllil<' '" lh,· 111111\.Hio.t•J \\hth.• l·ord l IlL :SU,j'l\!ll alh.:g.:JI\ ·""''d ... rmkm h•t dllel"ltnn' In \\ ortllt',ll't \ ~~~.ttimt.ll l"nhllt~~tll hgh SdH•nJ, ~ .1111 - Sluliclll nn l'aln•l cSOPl tlllltn'' ,U,Jllt'tllth hdl.l\ '"' '' tlhtn I<'< h hut .,,,,. tu•n I md otfi~t'r' 111 P'""'"ll'n 111 OJ'l\!llllm 1.11ncr' .md w\cr.tl p11um.J, ul t<lllltnlll:d ... uh· ,t,mcc' Op•·n ~onl.tillcl"o .mtl ,·unrmllcd ,uf>· ,1,111<'\:' ~ cll\lt"'••lo:d. 111' ttlcnl t<'Jllll"lt'LI tu U..:.lll nt Jump Sl.lrt,, J,Ut<'l Rcgtll \gam.

I pttt \ l.tlhcmallc' <k-p.trlmcnt rqn•n' ll•ud lliU,t< an1J \dhng ltntnha ..cnwnl 111 Slt,lllllll ll.tll SOP '<'Ill 111 til\ c ... ltg.lll'. ltml II\ 111 JHO!!"·''' 111 k\.h I u11 h<·.tdi.JUarll:r'

\II]UillC

lkaul ~ l':t)!C:tlll 1

t rmkrllthctl ''utlcnl Irom Datuel' repllrt ,wtlcnr' m.t"JUcr;•dtllj! 111 h.tlh ,,, l'.ttlnun hgut''' Hem hu .md Rill Sth J'll'l' h .trt' \.tuglu . •tf>thcd ••tlld \<'111 1111 1lwrr 1 pttt

llall

~;;til' 111

"'I" '1;:'\'i pnt

X. lll

lottml tlllt'llll'llllll' on Onttll lint Olltt'<'l \\ ·'' .td\ "cd.

I I pm · 1.:\'h I U// nl ftlW tl'pnrh \llllliJ~·rm~

h;~,lo.cl

I I'> pill ...,tmknl tttht I edt lutt ... t.tll"tt tutt'f •rl ,t(U\1<'111 bel\\ <:t'llllw 101111<:<1 R.:tll'!l,t 111111 IIlli lhc ltml-. .ttrll.unmg lht• Jll<>('t'O:lh 111 th . II ( Sperm Pr I\ 0: ll:dl r Ill/ Ulltn-r' ,0:111

\\ ltrL hc,ln I Ill' th;tt hrc '' fL'IllH\\'''· II II" pm IL•th r 11/ll1flltCI l,llllld !Ill\· Ill)! ,\Juh: llll<l'l.tl.ttc.l ••II ljtt.td .lrca < llltLO:t ·•I'Prl'it<'tl<i<~J. pta,(•tltn L u'l<t<h

&:\

pm .- l)rtJg IJMc. Alumnt <>)Ill. B.Y.U D

\lunda~. 1\pril 16

1111 \loru.tll lrd \:.uwn.tl 011.11 I .mtl lkp:trllltcnl L.tllt•d II• ·"'~~~'''

11 ,,,,...

L.uupu'

IJ

rcpun ... l cdt luu utlt• ,·r

1-tllttL'

:tlllolll'd.

I b put lo:dt luflltll•t·~:a' rcpon rlt.tl lftt• .1~\.Hklll I' 1111\' ltt•ll 1•! ,l '"'"' '11tiJIIPII

""'JlC< 1 111 ll.utttl~hll1ll.t", .ml ''-•'11'1111:!- 'f'' O:l' ''"''" \\,tlhl\\ mg 111 'Pw•.•tpprdlclldcd ·""' j.ttfetl I llltll'f t..lll~ lor ll•l\ ltUl'l-.' ollld Jm.• <'llgllll:' h• twlfll k.u "' ( ••kill '>l:<'l1<: .:! pm 1\l.nltcmaiJt'' dcpartmcnl Jl!illll rcp111" conunult<lll d!l\\ n lx>hm ')OP ;tg;tin 111\t''''g.uo: .... lind' th;U Tc~h r U// ha\C lei p;tn~ !!l'l uul nl h.tntl .tgarn. Jlan' '' du,ctl llm\lt .md olltt.cr' 'cntt Ll\\ IIIli! on Tho:tr \\ ay. .!: \II pm • Studcllll.tll' min report ...nmc· rhmg hut ,an 1 rcnwmh.·r "h.tt.

Frida~ • \pril

Ill a.nt • -1 p.m.·· IJ'(' SJkmt Drt\l'. AIJcu llall ~01'

OlltU'I' .tchr-.,J,tlld lt•hllllt!Utl'l<lu\'11

tn Ill\ C'l l_g,lH.•

' I hur'>. \pril !

7:\o prn 1\hduk <~gt!d nhlll rcpurh:c.l II• l'tt.· ".rllo.rltg hour' ol 1\.h•rg.m til a '' ''lll>lll, su ...pet'l \\ "' <tpprchcmbl. l>illhing ..... ,, .u.h ''cd .•md prompt I~ ~·nt~.·u:d IIIIP Mi" l t·t·h

CRAP 'l'lllllt.tr " Hm1 1u ht SI)O L nit' hill• 'qur S..:hedlll,·."

Greek Corner l>cha \lpha

... Wrestle

\\'c IIHI'ol

!he)

lUll''

,Iff fl'llll'lllh<.:r IIlli JlMI)tn!;'.

olfl: lll;tf ltl IIIII 1.UilliiiU<:d C\1'1

Wl• 11111,1 '·') fl)CI 10 t.lrmkmg. ll)t:l tn ;md nyet Ill llllld and C\ II mustc. ..\h'<lt'mtn'c is Ih.: onl) "a) 1u ..aw Ihe party .

L'lll'L'.

crnntinued rrum paj.te unl'l h~ar~l rumtu'o, thttl

he h<t' j,!nnc (111 -.thh(ltt~·at to thl Orit.:r11 I>Crh~tlkull) :rml ha' p.:rl'c~.:lto>d llw (h,·r-l nucr·TIIIIllll~ · Cru,hcr l';llo.t!utl\\ n. the Bl1umn Bull .mu th~ nutonuu' "Eco: to the E'l.\"lhccr. 1 ""\\flier JX'r,onallv wnuld put mnnc) on tht' un~nu'~ n but no dnuhl fommhr· hl•·lurn•.

u' tho: Iill thai "c n~:ct.l Out Sprrng Ru'h ,JtoUid L'tlllllllUC Itt k~:ep U' grm1 Ill!( nigger :tlld be ncr.

, ... ,

\\ c ;~rc cnntntdc,, DA!!

l'au lola 1au no\~

the lar,l!c.. t

mo'l "ell roundt.'\1 ,i.,ll'rhur~<l on campu,, thtmb to 1hc

11 I

j,

..uppnr1 of m1r friend' in lh.: Te..:h M.E. Department. The~ r..:all) lo.nuw htl\\ to gi\c

Pi luta Ep'>ilun The p..:nn) dn~c '' "' a htg 'uccc'' and \C<:m~o 10 bl• lc;tdn1g. to b1ggcr and hcth.:r lhtllf.'· l:llwberric' tu Hd~a lt'r lkmg chmcn 'i\ a m<xle!l I'M the latco,c s .... rllcr 1.11~ .td ull'\ all k~:cp lhal girti ..h ltgurc anu kl·c:r up the P.I.E. ~pirit.

SAFE SEX KIT Compliments of Tech News

Using our special patented system, you can prevent the risk of inconvenient diseases .

portable discrete comes in an assortment of colors fun for all occasions