I N T R O D U C T I O N
WELCOME TO OUR WORLD It didn’t happen overnight. When Joseph, a sophomore in high school, first learned that he had to use a wheelchair for the rest of his life, he refused to get out of bed. He didn’t want to know about cushions or leg rests or brakes. He want ed nothing to do with them. But slowly, with consistent, experienced, and compassionate rehabilitation therapy, Joseph learned to accept the fact that the wheelchair would be his legs. In time he even viewed his wheelchair as a symbol of newfound freedom. He was mobile; he could move. But the people around him initially perceived the chair the way Joseph had when he first found out he’d never walk again. To them, it was a prison, a tragic confinement. They saw only the chair. When Joseph rode his wheelchair down the street, strangers looked away, as if they were embarrassed. His neighbors smiled with pity in their eyes; they called him “strong” and “brave,” as if he had done something heroic by surviving his accident.
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The reception Joseph received in stores and other public places was even more painful. Shopkeepers all spoke to his nurse, his mother, or whomever else was helping him maneuver, as if Joseph was deaf as well as paralyzed. They asked his attendant what size Joseph would need, what color he liked, until he raised his hand and, glaring, told them he could “hear just fine, thank you very much.” That stopped them — for a moment. Their words would tumble out in a sputtered apology. But always, a few minutes later, they’d again awkwardly ask whomever was accompanying him, “What was the color you said he liked?” Restaurants were no better. Waiters actually looked at Joseph. They’d poise their pencils over their pads. But they’d always speak so loudly that Joseph had to clamp his hands over his ears. They also spoke very, very slowly, as if he was a foreigner and couldn’t speak English. The people with whom Joseph came in contact with weren’t at fault; they simply didn’t know any better. How can you mind your manners when no one ever told you what to do? Early on, we learn how to use a knife and fork. We learn how to say “please” and “thank you.” We don’t whisper to our friends in public. But what about meeting or working with someone who has a disability? We just aren’t taught the same way when it comes to minding our manners in the company of someone who, for instance, is paralyzed. Setting a table is ingrained in us. We learn how to dine in a basic, no-nonsense way. This is not so when it comes to learning how to treat some one in a wheelchair. It is fraught with our own emotion. We bring a lot to the party.
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WELCOME TO OUR WORLD
AT THE PARTY: WHAT IT REALLY MEANS TO RE DISABLED There are approximately 54 million people with disabili ties living in the United States today. They work, they have children, they have their favorite sports, they have lives. And, just as you are an individual, different from the person sitting next to you on the bus, each person with a disability is dif ferent — an individual. The disabled might have to use a wheelchair or a cane, or learn a silent language, but they are as unique as anyone else. And, as every individual who has studied the Constitution knows, they are entitled to the same inalienable rights as you, your family, and your friends. But there is a difference — just as there is a difference between you and, say, an Asian farmer who has never left his small village in China. People with disabilities are the first to recognize this dif ference. They call people without disabilities “able-bodied.” It is a much more neutral and positive term than “healthy” or “normal.” They call themselves “disabled.” These might only be words, but language is a powerful weapon. The more pos itive, affirmative words you use, the more you will start act ing the way the words and phrases imply you should. The first rule for disability etiquette? Recognize the difference between differently-abled people and respect it by using language that empowers. Here are some other “mindful rules.” They might seem obvious, but you’d be surprised how people — including you — might forget them at times:
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• People with disabilities are people. Note the emphasis is on people — not on the disability. People with disabilities are just like you and me — with personalities that are just as unique and interesting. • People with disabilities know that they are disabled. They know that you know. You don’t have to be embar rassed when you use phrases such as “see what I mean?” to a blind person or “make a run for it” to some one in a wheelchair. • A person with a disability does not have a contagious disease. Nor is the disability itself a disease (although it can sometimes be the result of a disease). • Don’t be condescending. Forget pity or a patronizing air that implies how grateful you are that you are not in their place. • But, don’t hold a person with a disability in awe either. Remember: People with disabilities are ordinary people, sometimes heroic, sometimes not. They want to be considered as real as you or me. • Adults with disabilities are just that: adults. Don’t add insult to injury by treating them like children. • People with disabilities can respond on their own. You don’t have to go through a third party to ask a question — unless the person with a disability needs a translator. • It may take longer for a person with a disability to get dressed or catch a bus. Be considerate! Taking more
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time is no indicator of intelligence, kindness, or being an interesting person to know. • And, yes, people with disabilities can have — and enjoy — sex.
THE DISABILITY AWARENESS HANDBOOK FOR FAMILIES, CO-WORKERS, AND FRIENDS The disability itself represents only one aspect of the dis abled population. It is a barrier, yes, but not an insurmount able one. Create more accessibility in the office, at home, and in the community — and the disability will be less noticed. Ironically, it is we, the able-bodied, who create the strongest barriers for people with disabilities to live healthy lives. Our prejudices, our ignorance, our fears — all these create roadblocks that keep people with disabilities separate. The Disability Awareness Handbook for Families, Co workers, and Friends can help. Consider this book your guide to the world of the disabled, an informative source book you can use over and over again to help you find the information that can start dissolving these barriers. One of the things you’ll learn is common sense: Some of this is edu cation and awareness, and some is plain old nuts and bolts — like knowing when to use a fork instead of a knife. Inside, you’ll find the information you’ll need to have bet ter relationships and to be a better boss, co-worker, family member, or friend. You’ll discover ways to show respect to a co-worker with a disability and to provide dignity to your family member with a disability at home. You’ll learn strate
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gies for handling a youth with a disability at school and help ful hints on how to respond when you meet a person with a specific disability. You are about to make your world — and your view of it — a bigger, better place.
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