WRITERESQUE
VOLUME SIX SPRING 2023 LITERARY
VOLUME SIX SPRING 2023 LITERARY
Whatisthefirstthingyouthinkaboutwhenyouwakeupinthemorning?Idon't meanthingslike'coffee'or'thebathroom',though.Imean,whatisityoureallythink about?Iexpectformanyitwoulddepend,itmightnotbesomethingreallydeepor importantrightaway,buteventually,atsomepointofthedayoranother,Ithink mostofuswillgettothat–thedeep,carefulthinkingabouttheseriousstuffthat mattertous,whatevertheymaybe–thetypeofthinkingwecall'reflecting'.
Howoftendowereflectonthingsinoureveryday?Travelbackandforthintime, recalling,comparing,evaluating Somedoitforfun,somebecausetheyhaveto,and others,becausetheycan'tnotdoit Whichtypeareyou?IthinkImightbethethird typeonmostdays,butoftenamixtureofall.Cometothinkofit,itstandstoreason thatmostofusarelikethat.Beingonetypeofanythingisrare,afterall.
Cogitoergosum–asaspecies,wedo(over)thinkalot,butisreflectingonsomething thesameasoverthinkingaboutit?Linguistswouldmostlikelydisagree,butwhatis reflectingifnotdwelling?AndwhatwasitthewiseDumbledoresaid?“Itdoesnotdo todwellondreamsandforgettolive.”Isheright?I'llleavethat withyoubecauseI myselfwouldn'tknow
Andthen,wehavetheothermeaningoftheword Themagicalappearanceofanother you,orofanotheralmostanything,aslongasthereisasmooth,shinysurfaceforitto reflectin.Ah,yes!Theso-calledspecularreflection.Now,you'llnoticeIwrotealmost above Totellyouthetruth,whenIfirstwrotethis,almostwasn'tinit Ithought aboutitforamoment,niceandbriefastonotdwellonittoomuch,andcouldn't thinkofsomethingthatwouldn'treflect.Butthen,beingathirdtypereflector,I restartedthinkingofitinmoredepth.AndIthought,'Whatofshadows?Shadowsare 'athing',right?'
Althoughobviouslydifferentfromeachother,shadowsandreflectionscanalsobe quitesimilar.Asawriter,Ifindthemfascinatingnotsomuchbecauseofthephysics which explain their appearance, but because they both offer the psychological experienceofviewingsomethinginastrangelyfamiliar–yetkindofcreepy–way Theencounteroftheuncanny
Haveyoueverseenareflectionofyourshadow?Reflectonthisandletmeknow.
TeyaDancer Editor-in-ChiefTeyastartedWriteresque®shortly aftercreatingthenon-profitproject 'AnyoneCanWrite',dedicatedto buildingnewwriters'self-esteem andconfidenceintheimportance oftheuniquestoriestheyhaveto sharethroughtheirowncreative writing.Shehandles(mostly,but notexclusively)submissionsin fiction,scripts,international writing,andtravelwriting.
TeyahasaBA(Hons)degreein EnglishandLinguistics,andanMA degreeinCreativeWritingfrom NottinghamTrentUniversity
Shewasaneditorandacreative contributorfortheannualCreative writinganthology,Connections,in 2020,andaguestwriterforthe consecutiveanthology,Uncertain TruthsinNovember2021
Teyalikestoreadsstoriesandnovels whereexplorationofcharacter/self infictionisofmainconcern. Currently,sheisworkingon completingherfirstnovel,and publishingherfirstchapbook.
"Iaminterestedinexperimental writingfilledwithreflectionon philosophicalideasandtopicsthat areconsidered‘inappropriate’ I considersmyselfarebelanda dreamerbybirth;Ibelieveanyone canwrite butonlythefearlesscan begreat.”
Teyalovesspendinghertimewith herbabygirl,exploringthe outdoorsandtheworld.
"You'resurroundedbytheideaofexploringyourconsciousnessBecause withoutreflectionthereisno viewoftherootsthatneedtobe pulled"
AbigailElizarraraz 'Skeletons'
"Thewindwhispersblackblessings,thefishermendrawontheirboots. Adarkmoonrises–asunmadeofgloom.Andthereitis–night rushesonfromtheotherworldintothisone.Hagabulaeverywhere."
TodorP.Todorov 'Hernanisdreaming',Hagabula
Readonformorewonderful,internationalpoetryandprose.Each oftheworksfeaturedinthisvolumeofferatrulyuniquetakeonthe word'Reflections',andwehopeourreaderswillenjoythemas muchaswedid.
Onceagain,weofferourgratitudetoallofyouwhochosetoshare yourworkwithusandwiththeworld.
Witheveryissue,weoffertalentedindividualsthechancetounleash theircreativityandbecomethenextCoverArtistsforWriteresque LiteraryMagazineWepromoteallartistsandtheirworkinaspecially dedicatedpagewithinthemagazine,aswellaswithpoststhroughout oursocialmediachannels.Thisisagreatopportunityforeveryone wantingtobuildaportfolioasapublishedartist.
GetintouchformoreinformationEmailusat writeresquelit@gmailcom
Isatbeforemyglassoneday, Andconjuredupavisionbare, Unliketheaspectsgladandgay, ThaterstwerefoundreflectedthereThevisionofawoman,wild Withmorethanwomanlydespair. Herhairstoodbackoneitherside Afacebereftofloveliness
Ithadnoenvynowtohide
Whatoncenomanonearthcouldguess. Itformedthethornyaureole Ofhard,unsanctifieddistress.
Herlipswereopen-notasound Camethoughthepartedlinesofred, Whate'eritwas,thehideouswound Insilenceandsecretbled Nosighrelievedherspeechlesswoe, Shehadnovoicetospeakherdread.
Andinherlurideyesthereshone
Thedyingflameoflife'sdesire, Mademadbecauseitshopewasgone, Andkindledattheleapingfire Ofjealousyandfiercerevenge, Andstrengththatcouldnotchangenortire Shadeofashadowintheglass, Osetthecrystalsurfacefree! Pass-asthefairervisionspassNorevermorereturn,tobe Theghostofadistractedhour, Thatheardmewhisper:-'Iamshe!'
MaryElizabeth Coleridge,(1861–1907) wasaBritishpoet, novelistandessayist.The great-grandnieceof RomanticpoetSamuel TaylorColeridgeandthe daughterofmusically talentedparents,Coleridgegrewupina literaryandartisticenvironmentShetravelled annuallyfromanearlyageandknewGerman, French,Italian,andHebrew;later,shelearned GreekandLatin.AccordingtoEdithSichelin herintroductiontoPoemsbyMaryE Coleridge,herpoetryismarkedbyasenseof lossandchangeandheressaysbythe “downrightcut-and-thrustmanliness”style sheadmiredinWilliamHazlittColeridge livedwithherparentsforherentirelifeand shenevermarried.
TheOtherSideOfAMirror MARYELIZABETHCOLERIDGEAdrenalinehighupthesky,youshockedDonotbendoverme,night,
Noneedto,you’vegotlovers,right?
Fear,fearalwaysdigginghergraves,souls, asilenceyoumisplacedsolongagovethesoundswordsechoed kedbywater, glikenotomorrowwithlightAndyou,mycold,donotbitemetonight, Noneedto,assouls,andatousleddesire
Don’tmindgreen,orsilenceAssoonastheyleavegivebirth
Tolife,andGod,yourlastresource, Givetheskyhisownfire,but,mysoul, Don’tsetyourselfonfire,notyourfault
Ifdaysstartwhirling‘roundyou, Scalds,men,rejections,ofnoimportanceatall, Asyouchosefromthestartcolours
Andplainbooks,certainlynotlove,norlimbs, Youjustkeptslicingshredsfromrenegadeskies, Dissenters,thelunaticfringeThat’swhyskiescan’tgrabyouonthefly, NorcanSaharawantyouasaprophetJustanalbedoofwords
Breakingthroughstones,andbouldersDunnoifshefeelslikeamother,butyouinside Aplacewherethey’resokeen
Tocomeandmeetyou,
Inabrandnewcreation:
Aheavenlyvault,foliage,thatpearlywhite Settostrikebackatyoursoul.
uallyhangsout
ehavingseas,andimpassionateskies, eo ymatesshe’sgot,ashe’seversobusy
Lookingbackonamessylife
Wheretheycrashlosers, AndwrittenwordsexudeanastyscentBlessyou,fear,whycan'tyoushowup
Inherdreams?
Whycan’tyoufeelherlimbsonlyatnighttime?
Watchoutasthemobsareupinarms, Readyforaction,andmysterieseye
Yoursilencewithbadintent,whilehissing Onlywhenthewindfreezeslimbs
Wordscanrisefromthefields-
Butotherarethevoiceshoundingyou, Theyplay,theybetonyourwordslost
Inmaze,andcraze, Whoknows,maybeshe’llgetanotherlife, Theoneyouneverwrote-
‘Causetheharvestisaheapofchillystars, Sure,andthebirthofwombscomes
Fromdepthsofawildstuff, Yetthesoulisanimperviousground:
Overtheretheseeddissolves,slightlywornout, Yetincandescentwhenthehandsofancientghouls
RisebycandlelightSobackatbase,anddropthenoise, Thatgreedymoonthatsetsyouup
WithanAngelholdingblazingsplintersoflightWhere?Inclaustrophobicrooms,ofcourse, Theinnardsofdesire
Acondordescendsovertheocean,barelytouchingthewater–rejuvenation,grace.The wingsandthesky-allisilluminated,thewavesburstintoflames.Awhitesailshinesin theazure.Alinensheetathomerepeatsthesametune,gentlyblownbythewind.Two serenehands,thescentofsoapandspring.Andinthepalmofachild–thethreadof time.Theearthandthesky,therain,eachbladeofgrass,everythingrises.Thepeony opens up for the sun. A breeze whiffs, the primrose shivers, a bee lands in the blue blossom.Adew-drophidesinthewalnutleaf.Achilddreamsofbutterfliesilluminated by lightning. Someone is running. The afternoon drops shutter blinds over the corn fields; it is getting late. A woman is crying in the moonlight. Stars illuminate the firmament,firefliespaintoverthenight.Summeristhemotherofall,andtheworld never ends But there, something darkens The condor is looking for land, its wings capturedbyshadows Alonelyshipsinksintothesea Everythingisdistant–theyouth, thehours,theyears OnlySpainisforever,neverforgotten Thunderdevoursthedream ofthefishthatjustswallowedacastaway.Intheheartofthetiger,adeerisborn.Acold cycloneploughsthesteppe,chaseswolves,cranes,andsnakes.Thewildernessshatters, something in the taiga is silent. They are tying the boats at the harbour. The wind whispersblackblessings,thefishermendrawontheirboots.Adarkmoonrises–asun madeofgloom.Andthereitis–nightrushesonfromtheotherworldintothisone. Hagabulaeverywhere.
Hernanawakens,hisforeheadsweating.Hiseyesaremoony,stillunseeingbeyondthe dream. He rises up and walks along the deck. The night shines upon him – a cloak encrustedbyfire.Hestaresintothedarknessahead.Hisfaceisburntbythesun,hishair
scattered by southern winds, scorched by heat. His boots, red as blood, made of salamanderskin,creakoverthewoodenfloor.Thewindspreadsouthisclothes,tickles hisskin,makeshisbonestinglewithpleasure.Hisstepspiercethroughthesilence.How deadlyquietitishere.Theworldislost–itseemstohimthatheisthelastmanonearth.
Alonegnomefishtraversesthewaterunderneaththeship,andthedimbillows lightupforamomentinitssilvershining.Itdoesnottakeaninterestinthefleetabove, itseyesfixedontheoceandepths.Farbelow,somethinginthesandisstirring.Theland aheadisalreadyinsight,two-threehoursofsailing Monolithicpeaksandgreyrocks, shores
shoreswashedinmoonlightandbehindthem–woodsgrimasthebrowsofasleeping monster
‘Blackmotherland,wombofwonders!HereIam!’Cortescriesout Onlythewind andtheheartlesshowlofthewoodsreplytohim
Astheystepontotheshore,thesandstillfeelshot Despitethedarkness,allgleams white Everystoneandeverygrainofsand–allislight Theexpeditionunshipsand moves on foot through the narrow ford beyond the rocks, leading the horses loaded withbags,weaponry,sacksfullofmaps,compasses,foodsupplies,andtobacco
‘Salgado,’Hernansays
Salgado,hissecretary,iswearinganuncutbeard,framingasallowface;hishairis tiedbehindinaponytail Heturnsslowly–notawakebutasleep-walker Theflameof thetorchesilluminateshiseyes,turningthemintolakesofglass Somethingfearsome awakensinthere Analiengaze Hisskinisunhumanlypale–helookslikeahermit,a lostprophet Likesomebodyabandonedforever
‘God,whereareyou?’Salgadoutters Andthen:‘Nothinggoodawaitsushere’ Silencesetsin Thenhespeaksagain:
Acloudcoversthemoonforamoment;itgetscold Cortesdoesnotsayanything, justsmiles,butshadowsarefloatinginhiseyes Heistired,insomniadevourshisnights Justnow,beforetheystepashore,thedemonofsleepoverwhelmshim Hecommands thatagroupofHaitians,Africans,andagangofSpanishscumsbegathered–gamblers andthievesfromthebrothelsacrosstheislands.Afterhegivesorders,afewboatssetsail, disappearing between the ships. Rude voices, shouts, curses in Spanish and other languages, growling, and faint giggling can be heard. Then all subsides into silence. Sparksarebursting,ballsoffiredescenduponthesails.Thewoodenskeletonscrack, sigh,bendarms–charredbodiesthrownintotheocean.Amomentlater,everything burns–SantaMaria,SantaAnna,SanMiguel,andSanAntonioaresenttohell.Six moreshipsfollow–atriumphantprocessiontowardstheashes.Theseaisonfire.
WhenCortescrossestherockyhill,hefindsthreehundredmenandthirteenhorses, allsilentunderadevilishsky.Themengrowpaleunderthevaultofthenight–anarmy ofghostsgazingupwardswithmeltingeyes.Warriorsuntilyesterday,inuredtoblood andinjustice,theylooklikechildrennow,scaredofshadows.Whathavetheylost?Why dotheymourntheendofaworld?
‘Whereisthecourage,wheredidthebraverygo?’Cortesthinks.
Thefirmamentispaintedinabloodyglow;thespheresofheavenareburning.The priestDomingoriseswithhishandsstretchedupasifcallingsomethingorsomebody–
‘Nothinggood’
whowillsoonhimselfbeswallowedbyanabyss Cloudslikehungrydogsarerippingup heavens and stars Aguilar has taken off his boots and sits on a stump aside He is chewingonapieceofmeatwhileobservingthetreeswiththeirfoggycrowns Whenhe seesCortes,hestandsupandtakesafewsteps Hisravenhairisshining Grainsofsand scatteredbythewindaretinginghisface Awanderingstarisploughingtheexpanse above him He spits, and for a moment, everybody freezes, finding themselves in a strangesilence Asilencewhisperingomensoffateinthehearts,facetofacewiththe everlastingunknown ThenAguilarsays:
‘Thereyouhaveyourwombofwonders Thereyouhaveyourinferno’
Helooksaround Thewindiswhistling,thenightisclosingitsfist
‘Thesearetherockswhereourfleshwillrot Lookatthemountain Itknowsone wordonly,andthewordisdeath Blackisthesoulofthisland;blackandhollowwill youreyesturn’
The men are silent and listen Aguilar’s words bring back that frightening premonitionthatwashauntingthemanywayallalongthesail
Whereareourunbornchildren?Whoarethewomenthatweleftcaressingnow?Is thatwhywelived–todieinmisery?Toturnintogrinningskeletonsinastrangeland?
No,thereisnohopehere,inthisGod-forsakenland
‘Enough,Pablo’Cortesinterruptshim
'Youburnedtheships,youdevil!YouburiedSpain;thereisnoturningbacknow,' Aguilarreplies
'No,thereisn't,'Cortesagrees.'Nofreshbread,nomother'shug,nowarmbed, andsatedbelly.Norlover'sconsolation,normuttonandwine,norhomesweethome, orabell'schime.Andyourfather'shomeyouwillseeindreamsonly.Asailor'slifeisnot easy;hisdaysaremadeofbitterglory.Butbeproud,sonsofSpain!Andkeepyoureyes peeled.Notbychancedidfatecallushere.’
‘We begin the climbing in an hour. There is no home behind us; there isn't anything.Theonlywayisup'headds,pointingtothewoodsahead.Theashesofthe burnt ships crumble from the sullen sky. The cold stings the skin. A few debris are cuttingintothesandattheshore,thrownoutbythewaves.Nobodyuttersaword.
Shortlythesunrisesfromtheeast,theoceanissprinkledwithagoldenlight.Black smokeisdriftingoverthebushes.Themenarestaringintotheseainwhosebellytheir boatsaresinking,andtheirsailsarefading.Somewhereoverthere,ontheotherside,are theharboursoftheislands,illuminatedbysunandseduction,withtheirprostitutes, beautifulCreoles,andPuertoRicans,withthebrothels,pubs,andcushionypillows, withspicyfoodandmellowwine.
Furtheraway,beyondanythingvisible,beyondthenight,Spainlies–naked,bloody, proud,touchedbysunandGod
Theazurestartsglowing Themenheadslowlyupasteeppathbetweenthecragsand thetrunksoftrees Shortlytheygetintoavastforest Oncetheycrossitsboundaries, they cannot escape the uneasy presence of leaves, grasses, and branches They feel observed Theysensetheyarebeingcaptivesnotonlyoftheirownanxietybutalsoof another's Sincetheysetfoothere,theyareseizedbyunexplainabledespair,asifexhaled bytheearthitself Unknownbirdsscreamfromthedarkness Everybodystaresintothe shadows around them, and in their minds, they curse their own destiny, curse the madmanwholeftthemwithnoroadback,nohome,nohope Astheyadvance,their heartsarefilledwithavaguefear,suspicioncreepsintotheirchests Thedaygradually declines,leavingspaceforthetwilight;thetwilightturnsintobluedawn,theexpedition goeson Theyjumpoverroots,goroundstonesinoddshapes,amistlikeyellowmilk sticksontheirfeet,andrightnexttotheground,will-o’-the-wispsmysteriouslyflicker likepearls Nobodytouchesthem Itisstillbeforenoon,buteverythingstartsgrowing darker,theveilofanill-timednightfalls Inawhile,itgetssodampandstiflingthatthe horsesbarelymove,andthemenareallcoveredinsweat Thesweatdropsintotheeyes, dimsthevision,comesupinwetstainsontheshirts,makesthemouthsdryupinpain
High above the peaks, a condor is flying, its wings plough the azure, its gaze descendsupontheworldunderneath:thecoldocean,thebarelyvisibleshorelinearound theblackmountain–massive,endless,exaltedinthemiddleoftheworld.Alonenavel –aneyestaringominouslyintotheheavens.
Thewordjustpoppedupinmymind.Thesightresurrectedanoldmemory.Iread ityearsagointheDictionaryofprohibitedarts.Istillseethewordsunderthehorrifying image–chorusmaleficarum.Thedanceofthewitches.Ihadheardaboutthatdemonic dance.Inspring,theygatheredatdesertedplaces,heldtheirhandsandcalledtheDevil fordays.Thepictureshowedthemwiththeirfleshfallingofftheirbodiesandwitheyes ontheirbreasts.Butheretheywere,infrontofme,andIhadn’tseenanythingmore beautiful. For a moment I forgot the horrible fate of the old man. I forgot his last words.’
Aguilarlooksaround,hisgazepassesbythemen’sfaces.Theyunderstandthatthis isalookfarbeyondthedesert,beyondthemandeverythingfamiliar.
‘No,’Salgadoobjects ‘Thereisnodictionaryofthewitches’tongue Nohuman wordsholdthekeystoitssecrets.Thiswordisolderthantheworld.Thewitchesfirst learneditfromthegrass,readitinthemoonray,overhearditfromthestorm.Thenthey founditinthemselves.’
Theconquistadoresturntheireyestowardshim.Theydon’tsayanything;theyjust listen Sohegoeson:
‘Hagabulaisnemesis.Themanybecomeone.Thesun–night,thewater–fire.The world turns. Hagabula is awakening, beginning. And comeback. This is what the despisedandthevoicelessbearunutteredwithinthem.Theoppressed,whosehopeis blackenedrepeatitwithoutknowing.Thisisthesighoftheonewhoserightwasstolen, thesighoftheangry,oftheonewhosecryisalonevoiceinthewilderness.Hagabulais war.That’swhatthegrasswhispers,that’swhatthewindandtheleavesbreathe,thisis thewordsungbythewoodsandtheclouds.Theslavewillriseagainstthemaster,the hungry against the sated, the awake against the sleeping, the repulsed against the contented,thewomanagainsttheman,theweakagainstthepowerful,thesmallagainst thebig.Theearthwillrenouncethesky,thechildrentheirparents,thetreethesoil,the free the obedient, the nomad the home, the water the land, the wind the silence Hagabulaisaverb.’
Sometimesthegreenhorizondrawsnearer,thensuddenlypullsbackandvanishesinthe distance.Aguilargoesonwithhisstory:
‘I was crossing the fields near Marburg when I ran into baron Eulenbart’s procession.Aflamboyantcrowdofmusicians,hunters,troubadours,acrobats,whores, sommeliers, astrologers, perfumers, and other attendants of unknown vocation. The longsuiteraisedaterrificuproarsooneknewfromafarthatitwasapproaching.The barongreetedme,theninvitedmetojointhemontheroadtohiscastle.Eulenbartwas famousforhisgardenofbirds,whichmanywouldgivetheireyeteethforseeingeven fromadistance.Intwodays,thefeastofbirdswascoming,andguestsfromallcorners of Europe would arrive like they did every autumn. I better not miss such an opportunity,Ithought–thenobilityenjoyedsharinggossip,someonewouldhaveseen orheardsomething Thetracehuntingprecedestheheadhunting,soIturnedmyhorse andjoinedthecarnivaltrainatonce.
‘Thebaron’sgardenwasastounding.Itwaslocatedinsideagiantcagethesizeofa fortress, moulded with exquisite ornaments and translucent nets, gold-plated and paintedinbrightcolours.Filledwithchirping,wing-beats,andbeakknocks,onecould hearitlongbeforethecastleitselfwasinsight Thunderbirds,larks,vultures,seagulls, blackbirds, sparrows, eagles, hawks, owlets, snipes, and grouses – Eulenbart had collectedwhatnotinhisgarden.Allthebirdsoftheworld,hesaid.Therewerebirds with heads flat as shovels; birds crested and sac-like; others with eyes peeping from beneath the wings; birds chewing fire; birds speaking Portuguese; birds whose wings werepigmentedbytheirdreams,andtherewerealsothoserecitingversesknownonlyto theancientornithologists.
‘Afteralongwalkinthegardenthatendedwithloudcheers,theguestswere invitedfordinnerinthemirrorroom.Thedisheswerealreadyserved,thewinesparkled intheglasses,laughtervibratedinthemirrorsofwhichallthewallsweremade;thenthe lastguestarrived.CountessdeMuntuñohadn’tgotoffthecarriageyet,butatthetable thewordwasthatshewascomingforthebaron’smostprecious Itwaswellknownthat he didn’t sell the birds from the garden. For all these years, he hadn’t sold a single specimen.
specimen
AndhismostpreciousacquisitionhereceivedinPersia Godknowswhathe hadgiveninreturn–hehadtradedhissoul,accordingtomany.Eventuallythebaron hadcomebackwithaphoenixbirdwhichhekeptunderlockandkeyinahiddencrypt. Therumourclaimedthatunderthecastle,therewasawholelabyrinthofsuchpremises whereEulenbartwaskeepingthosebirdswhichhehimselfcalledlonespiritsonaccount oftheirincapabilitytolivetogetherwithanyone Neitherwithotherbirdsnorwitha humansoul.ButalsobecausetheirpossessionwasillegalfromGibraltartoPetersburg. Harpies,demonbirds,vampires,three-headedbats,dream-suckingbirds,basilisks,black roosters, moon birds. This was the baron’s secret garden. Somewhere over there, the phoenix changed its skin once every autumnal equinox. Countess de Muntuño was comingforthatskinandhadpreparedtwochestsofmoneyforit,itwasbelieved.Once fallen off the bird’s body, the skin quickly turned into ashes, but this fact obviously didn’tdisturbthecountess.Thenobilityspentlotsofmoneyonluxuries,anditdidn’t surprise anyone. Gold for ashes would, in any case, be the baron’s best deal. The countess’reasononlybecameknowntomelater.’
underthespreadingtrees
andtwistedwisteria
aroundtable
wornandweathered
woundaroundus
adestinyof
barkingbeasts
andfootloosetunes
andburiedlackeys
andservingmaids
sharpoftongue
andsweatedbrow
tea?
atthistimeofday?
andcoffee?
now?
wedonotconform
apparently
onethirty-sevenisthetime
forcoldbeersandchardonnays
onahotsunday
inthevaleofDean
wheretheferryman
maneuversthewalkersandtheirdogs
acrossthegentleWye
inthisgenteelgarden
wewerehurried
andjostled
andmadetofeel
lessthanwelcome
althoughthelatesummersun burneddownuponmyneck and,onthisunhurriedday, Ifeltawearycalm agentlepeace
sticksandboughs intheriver
enticedbraveHercules
toenterthecoolflow
thoughsightwasblurred andbreathwasshort
theDevil’sChapelson wouldrepeat andreturn
asoftaswewouldthrow earlyintheday theriverduckslaughed fromtheirriverboatperch
wherecaptainsscrubbedandcleanedthedecks
whilenoisytalesofriverbank
regaledthecastandcrew ahead
Marachel’sabbey restoredwithtime
ahalfacenturysincefirst
wewalkedtheroof-lesshalls
andwall-lesschambers
nowwider,taller,morecomplete
thisday,aknightinmail anoratorinfullflow
withtalesofBeckhamandMonty
AquitaineandDeBurgh
withhorsesproudandsilent
quoitboysandjoustingsiblings revealingthestory'send instolenbreaths
Çaplanepourmoi
theBelgianaberration
theoneflawinaflawlessgig historytoldasitwastold
andthenmorewaffle
theBelgiandelicatessen
mastiffsandspuggiesandsuperheroes
fledtheabbeygarden
aswerolledtowardthesteelfingers
lacingourlandstogether
tohome where wearyfromamagicday
weunfurlumbrellasonthelawn
andhangthegownsaway
thereispizzaintheoven thereareolivesintheplan
therearefriendsandfamilyaroundus
asitwaseverthus
David Philip Ireland
whenIwasyoung
themostglamorousthingI’deverseen
wasthesignonthegateoffontanarecords
fromthewindowofthelumberingvauxhall
blurringpastthespectres
oflitarozaanddennislotis
dancingonthelawn
beyondtheprivethedgesandleylandiitrees
containmentwasnotinme
thethree-hourdrive
ledustotheouterreachesoflondontown
totwickenhamroad
andthefrontparlourpianoatonehundredandfifty-two threecoinsinthefountain
andmantovani'sdreamofolwen
perchedinvitinglyontheopenlid
thehousesmelledoftimesgoneby oflavenderandviolet
andplayerswhiskeyreadyrubtobaccy andthreeofthemlivedthere
mistersmithandhisdaughter,eva andmyfunnyauntybeattie
mistersmithcommuted
toaburlingtonarcadegentleman’soutfitters
wherehewouldcutandfashionneckwear fortheaffluentstylishofthecity
andtheoffcutsandsnippetsandsamplesofsilk
foundtheirwaytotwickenhamroad
attheendofeachworkingday
forthedolls’bonnetsandelegantpoohslippers
Ihavenoideawhatevadid
onceayounggirl
maybeasecretary
oralibrarian
lavenderandviolet
andthentherewasbeattie
auntybeattiewhite
whitehairandberet
apastrychef
somewhereinthecity
andshewasfunny
andalittlebitwicked
acountryfiedcitygirl
Ididn’tknowthehalfofit…
londonwasanabstractnothingtome
noonehadeverthoughttotakemeintotown
Imayaswellhavebeen
ontheoutskirtsofanywhereatall
sunderland,solihull,ortenburywells
thedorchesterortheritz
orthegreenmaninleytonstone
oratriponabustolookatthequeen
Iwouldneverhaveknownthedifferencebetween then,asIgrew,tonineorten mistersmithdisappeared,presumeddead andIwasallowedtoexplorehisgardenshed fullofglassdaguerreotypes, patchesofsilks andboxesofpeelingveneer, bonnets,andwinnieslippers then,aroundnineteen studyingfashionwithtextiles myjobplacement waswithpollypeckinlewisham
mytimehadcometogototown...
atrainridetopaddington blurringpastthespectresofbolanandono andatubetoonehundredandfifty-two bereftofmistersmithandevatoo butauntiebeattiewasstillthere asquirkyasever
lavenderandvioletandcotyimprevu
howmodernmistersmithhadbeen beattieandevaweremorethanjustfriends theforties,fifties,andsixtieswererevolutions revolutionarythings,georgiantrends thingsweredifferentupintown afarreachfromthemillsofthevalleys forayounggirl,freshoutofwedlock, nevertowedinasilkengown
whenIwasyoung,evaandbee werethemostglamorousthingsIcouldeverconceive lavenderandviolet bonnetsandslippers
freeastheair freetobe...
Abigail Elizarraraz
Youwritetorecognizeyourskeletons
Whathidesbehindyourperfectroutine
You'resurroundedbytheideaofexploringyourconsciousness
Becausewithoutreflectionthereisnoviewoftherootsthat needtobepulled
Inyourownversesandwords,youfindthehoneytoheal
Youforgetaboutthediggingsoilbecausethereisnousein buryingyourpastbeingsifyoudo notevolvefromthem.
Iusuallygetuptopeeonceanight,andoftenwaituntilI'vedecidedmysleepisover andit'stimetostartmyday.Igotupfourtimesthatnight.Whatthisurinemarathon was, I don't know, but it was absolutely irritating considering I had to climb the fourteenstepstotheupperfloorinthedarkeachtime.Thelastoutpouringwasat8:30. WhetherbecauseIwasexcitedorbecauseitwasalreadythree-thirtyintheafternoon, Berlintime,sleepwasoverforme.
Mymorningworkoutsessionfollowed,Ireallyneededtoexercise long on the plane. Then I gave Mariel and Susanna the tulip magn yesterdayfromtheAmsterdamairportonmywayherefromBerlin.
Ihadtransferred750eurostoMariel'saccount,nowshecounted , p Theexchangeratewasaround21.3pereuro.Wehadabanana-papayasaladandheaded outformyfirstwalkaroundCoyoacán,thecoyoteneighborhood Somewherearound thesestreetslivedtheartistFridaKahlo,knownforherNaïveart Herewasalsothe houseoftheBolshevikratLeoTrotsky,infrontofwhichhewasassassinatedinAugust, 1940.
Theskywasstretchedoutsilkyblue,withoutasinglecloudonitandthesunwas shiningcheerfully.ThetreesbeneathhadspreadoutjustliketheydoinBulgariainearly summer.GrandmaWinterwasover!
WewalkedthroughJardíndelarteAllendewheredailylocalartistsexhibitedtheirartfor sale.Therewerepaintingsofallkindsandsizesinthislittlepark,butthemostpopular werethecanvaseswiththeimageofFridaKahlo.Wecrossedthestreetandentereda largehallthathousedthelocalfoodmarket.Theyofferedcookedandrawmeats;there weremountainsoftortillasandjuicestandsallaroundus,alldrownedintheappetizing smokeofthegrillsandthechaoticshoutsoftherestaurateursandvendors.Themost popularofthemwasanoldmanwithabigsombreronicknamed"ElGuerro"or"the Blondone" Allhislifethelegendarybutcherhadbeenpromptinghiscustomerswith, "Hey,Guerro,areyouhungry?",sothenicknamestuck Hewaspullingthemeatsinthis market.Herewashishomeandhisbattlefield.Nowallthemerchantsaroundusedthe famous summon. One of them caught us and seated us at a table where a Mexican
familywashavingtheirlunch Wesalutedthemandsatonthebenchacross Therewas ahandsanitizeronthetable,whichweusedimmediately
After the swine flu outbreak, antiseptic gel was found at every eating place in this country. Customers used it before and after meals, it had become an invariable accessory,ahabit.Onourtablewerebowlsofslicedlemons,onions,parsley,cactusand saucesofdifferentkind–redandgreen,milderorspicier.Inthismarketyoucouldfind mostlyfingerfood.Yousitdown,sanitizeyourhandsandthenseasonyourtacos.If someonesneezedoverthebowls,though,thegelwouldn'tsaveyou.Anotherweakness beforeCovid-19.Youtouchonebowl,andanother,andvoila–nowyou'reinfected. Thereweredozensanddozensofhungrypeoplepassingbyhere.Andeverything washappeningsofast.
Thefamilyinfrontofuslookedpleased.Theywishedusbonappetiteandimmediately afterthemtheseatsweretakenbyothers.Weorderedporktonguetacosandcarnitas,a mixtureofdifferentpartsofpork Asastarterwewerebroughtchicharron–deepfried porkskins Itfeltlikeveryweirdcrisps,itwascrunchingplayfullyundermyhungry teeth.Ihadorderedpineapplejuice,gotawholebucketsomewherebetween700mland aliter.TheAmericaninfluenceinMexicowassecondtonone.Theportionofjuicy, fattymeatwasreallywelcometomyfamishedEuropeanduodenum.Wehadasolid meal,forwhichwepaid175pesos,orabout8.20euros.
Itwasthe8thofMarch,andwomeninthiscountrywerefedupwiththedaily repression,rapeandmurder,towhichthestateshamelesslyturnedablindeye.Two weeksago,ascandalhaderuptedoverthetwonextfemicidevictims.Aseven-year-old girl was raped and murdered, in revenge against her mother. Another 25-year-old womanwasbrutallyhackedtopiecesbyherhusband.Thistime,themediahadreleased picturesoftheremainsofthecarnage.
We were traveling on the blue line in the direction to the Revoluciónstation. There were already men in green and purple T-shirts among us Green stood for women ' s rights,andpurplestoodfor"pro-abortion"Itwasstill1:00pm,thedemonstration wasscheduledfor2:00p.m.infrontoftheRevolutionMonumentinthecitycenter. WegotoffatHidalgo,onestopbeforeRevolución,inordertoavoidthecrowduntilit was time to join in. However, the streets outside were already packed with women drifting in groups in different directions. In front of us were about fifty enraged feminists. Today was the long-awaited day for them. They were headed for Juarez Avenue.Theycarriedbannersandplacardswithslogansandchantedangrily.Inthe lllllll
AyerdelFuturo|InThreeWorlds:Ch208032020HeatontheStreetsofCDMX
behindthemremainedagangofbored,riotpolice.Weturnedaroundandwalkedin theoppositedirection.Itwasexpectedthatsomeoftheradicalgroupswouldattack men.Theywerearmedwithspraypaintsandintheirangercouldusethemasweapons. MarielwasworriedthatIwouldfallpreytothem,especiallyasIamtallandwhiteandI stoodoutfromthelocals.Theideaseemedcomicaltome.
Supportershadtowearatleastoneofthecolorschosenforthatday.Westopped infrontofabandanavendor Hewassurroundedbyacrowdofwomenandwasselling furiously Wewantedtobuyoneofeachcolor,butthepurpleoneshadalreadysold out Itiedthegreenclothtomybackpack,whichhadbeenhangingonmychestsince thesubway.Marielinsistedthatwedon'tgivepickpocketsachance.
Differentblocksofhundredsandthousandsofwomenwereoccupyingthelarger streets now. Some of them were led by sound systems, in others they were playing musicalinstruments,buteverywhereyoucouldhearthemchantingwiththevoiceof rage and anger. They left the walls behind them carrying messages of pain and frustration.Theyspray-paintedgovernmentbuildingsandoffices,fountains,busstops andmonuments.Thefacesofthesculpturesgotcoveredwithbandanas."Notoneless", "Therapingcockinthemeatgrinder","Hewhodoesnotjumpisamacho","Iprotest withmydaughters,soasnottoprotestforthem",“Wewantourselvesalive”.Theysang andshoutedandscreamed.Grandmothers,mothers,daughters,fathers,brothersand sonsofmurderedandmissingwomen.Theairwasonfire,thepowerofthemassof protesterswasoverwhelming.
TheentireMonumentoalaRevoluciónsquarewasfull Crowdsofpeoplecame from both sides of the main city avenues Paseo de la Reforma and Avenida de la RepúblicaaswellasfromthesmallerstreetsaroundthesquareandflowedintoJuarez Avenue.ThemarchaimedZócalosquarewheretheCathedral,theNationalPalaceand otherfederalbuildingswerelocated.Mariel'sparentswerealsosomewherearoundthe demonstration. Everywhere the eye could see there were people. I had never seen so manyatonce.Marielcouldn'tkeepitanylongerandcried;Ishuddered.
A group of masked girls smashed through the metal barriers protecting the MonumentoalaRevoluciónandburstinwithcoloredspraypaint.Theyleftbehind thewords:"Mexico,beautiful,loved,killerofwomen".Westoodonthehigherpartin frontofthemonumentandwatchedtheendlesscrowdflowdowntheavenuebelow us. It was captivating. I have witnessed much more violent demonstrations, but the scaleofthisonewasdevastating.
We met Miguel, Mariel's colleague He was accompanying his girlfriend who was jjjjjjjjjjjj
engaged in a dance group They wore handmade feathered masks and swayed their bodiestoanancientAztecrhythmledbydrumsandancientwindinstruments The dancerswereflankedbyachainofgirlswhoonlyletmeniniftheyhadtocarrywaterto theparticipants.
Anhourafterthestart,exhaustedbyemotions,wedecidedtositdownforabeer.All the restaurants and shops around were closed because of the demonstration. We managedtofindaworkingpubonJuarezAvenue,wheretheendlessmarchwasstill goingon.Thebarsweredownheretoo,thewindowscoveredwithmetalshutters.Two menfromthestaffwerestandinginfrontofthesmalldoorandinvitingpeoplepassing byinafriendlymanner.Weenteredthedarkasabunkerbarandtooktwoseatsfurther awayfromtheentry.Thewallswereplasteredwithcomicstrips,andoneofthemhad drawingsoftheRamones.Thetablebehindmewasoccupiedbyfivegirlsalsocoming fromthedemonstration.Weorderedaliterbottleofbeer,whicharrivedinafrosted glass,myfingersweregladtograspit.Thetelevisionabovethedoorwasshowingnews from around the world, and a small window in the lower corner of the screen was broadcastinglivefromMexicoCity.Somenastyright-wingjournalistcommentedthat therewere250peopleattheprotest.Impudent,insaneliar!Ablindonewouldhave countednot250,but250thousand!
Whilewewereenjoyingthecoolnessofthepub,outside,undertheheatofthe sun,radicalfeministsbegansmashingtheofficesandshopsofbigbusiness Worried aboutwhatwashappening,Eliseo,Mariel’sfather,sentheravoicemessage Hedidn't support the violence, whatever the reason was behind it We thought otherwise President AMLO, on the other hand, had said that he was giving up on the demonstration. Despite the increased riot squat presence, the cops did nothing but watchfromthesidelineslikeaflockofherons.
We finished our beer and returned to the battlefield. We came out just behind the demonstration,followedbyapolicecordon.Wewerenowbehindenemylines.Much ofthewoodenbarricadeshadbeentorndownandmostofthebuildingswerecovered by protestors’ graffiti. The windows of banks and multinational bloodsuckers like Starbucks,McDonaldsandtheHiltonHotelwereshattered.Linesofriotpolicehung onthesidewalks,wearingtheirheavyuniformsinthethirty-degreeheat.Anarchistand feministsymbolsofvaryinghueadornedtheirshields,sluggishlyloweredtotheground awaitingtheordertoattack. Amonumenttowomenvictimsofviolencewasrecently erectedinfrontofthePalaceofFineArts.Therewasaplaquewiththenamesofthose killedandmissing.Ontheplatformnexttothememorial,girlstookturnsand
passionately spoke through tears about the injustice to their loved ones, victims of brutality.Manyofthemofferedflowers.
JuarezAvenueendedandtheroadtoZócalosquaresplitinto5thMayAvenue and16thSeptemberStreet.Bothintersectionswereclosedwithtwo-metermetalfences. However,therabidradicalshadoccupiedthem.Theyslammed,kickedanddrewon them. Now was their hour. The long-awaited moment of triumph, publicity and revengeonaslumberingsocietyandstate.Nowwasthemomenttoattracttheattention notonlyofthecountryofMexicobutofthewholeworld.Severalmaskedwomenwere cuttingtheconnectionsbetweentheenclosureswithmetalshears.Otherstorethem downbyforceandeachtimetheysucceededeveryoneshoutedandchantedinvictory.
TheriotsquadretreatedtowardsEjeCentral.Ontheoppositesidewalk,awoman withasmallshoppingcartwassellingicecreambars.Nowtheentirepoliceforcewas suckingonthemeltingsticksandwatchingtheshowfromasafedistance.Theirshields hadalsobeenupgradedbythedemonstrators.Thesituationgraduallysubsided,the ranks of protesters thinned. The smoke from the burning flares carried by the demonstratorswastriggeringMariel'sasthmaandwedecideditwastimetogo.We snuckpasttheuniformsliningEjeCentralandheadeddownHidalgoAvenue,backto themetrostation.Theglasswallsofthebusstopswereshattered,thecallforjusticewas sentout.ThepoliceandthemediareportedthatradicalshadusedMolotovcocktailsin someofthebuildings However,Ididnotseefireenginesandtracesofburning
HappyMarch8,MexicoCity!HappyMarch8toallwomen.
TranslatedfromBulgarianbyAyerdelFuturoandeditedbyTeyaDancerinMarch,2023.
"HeatonthestreetsofCDMX"isthesecondchapterofthetravelogueInthreeworlds, firstpublishedinBulgariain2021.Iloveamemoir.Backintheday,memoirsandcelebrityautobiographiesusedtobe somesortofcheapmoneyspinner,justsomethingtoreadandthrowaway,withoutany realsubstance.Butthey’vehadarenaissance,andnowmyInstagramfeedisfullofthe latestmustreadmemoir.They’rehigh-brownow,toppingbestsellerlistsandwinning awards,andprovidemanywriterswithanopportunitytoreflectonmanydifferent things.They’vegonefromsomethingformulaictoanopportunitytobereallycreative, tellstoriesandputauniquetwistonaclassicformula,andwillalwayshaveprideof placeonmybookshelf.
Personally,Ithinkthatreadingaboutotherpeoplecombinesourhumanobsessionwith ourselves with our curiosity about each other – we get to see the world through someoneelse’seyes,understandtheirpointofviewandthoughtsonhistorywhilethere issomesortofaspectof‘theindividual’,ofseeingtheworldthroughaspecificlens withoutthecognitivedissonanceofotheropinionsandviewpointsthatmimicstheway we often experience the world ourselves It indulges both of these curiosities, Plus, there’sthatultimatehappiness/sadnessofreadingsomethingthatreallyrelatestoyou, thatyoufeelasifyou’velivedthroughandexperiencedwheresomeoneputswordsto thethingsthatyou’vefeltandlivedthrough.
Doesitfeelmorerealwhenit’ssomethingthatactuallyhappenedtosomeoneelse?
Andthat’swherewegetintotheissueofthe‘ethics’ofmemoirs,asbothareaderanda writer.Howmuchofyourlifeandthelifeofthepeoplethatyouknowisitfairtoput ondisplay,especiallywhentheremightnotbehappystoriesoronesthatportraythem inthebestlight?Ourthoughtsandfeelingschangesomuchandit’ssuchapowerful and important thing, but does it remove nuance when a feeling is captured in ink forever,thatitcan’tbecaveatedorunsaidorchangedlikeourrelationshipsebband fmpp
andflowastimesandcircumstanceschange.Feelingsandrelationshipscanbesuchfluid things,andisitfreezingthisfluidity?
Doesthefactthateverythingspinssoquicklymakeitevenmoreimportanttostopitfor asecond?
Tolookattheinverseofthis,amemoircanbeacameracapturingfeelingsbothfleeting andthekindofemotionsthatstickandlast,makingsenseoftheworld.Theycaneven captureaslantofhistory,arealpersonwithareallife.
Asareader,isitastrangesortofvoyeurismtobelookingsomuchintosomeoneelse’s life?Thisparticularlyfocusesontheworldofcelebritybiographiesandautobiographies.
Whatmakessomeonenoteworthyandwhoselifeisworthyofrecording,orfuelsthat obsessiontoreadsomuchaboutbands,celebrities,people?
Itcanfeeloddtoknowsomuchaboutsomeonewhentheyknownothingaboutyou–I thinkthat’stheinterestingthingaboutamemoir.Asawriter,itmusttakemoreofan emotionaltolltoaccessthosethoughtsandfeelingsandputpentopaper,torelive experience I’vereadmemoirsofsuchstrengthandcouragethatreliveexperiencesthat mustbepainful.
Andwhilethetruthcanhurt,whataboutwhenthingsaren’ttrue?Whenpeoplehave beencriticisedforembellishingthingsandmakingthemup,howmuchdoesitaffectthe experienceofreadingit?Orofwritingit?Doesitmatterifit’sagoodbook?
Iguessalotofcentralquestionsaboutreadingandwritingcanbeunderstoodthrough thememoircosthere’sapuritytothewaythatit’stold.Whilememoirscanbeinfinitely creative,interestingandreflectthelife,talent,styleandpersonalityoftheauthor,there’s stillasenseofastrippingbackfromthekindofdevicesusedinliterature,ofitbeingthat mostbasicthingofhavingaconversation,tellingourlifestory,askingaboutourday They’reaspacetofeelconnectedtowordsandastoryandfindsharedconnections,and asawritertobringmoreofyourselftoyourwork,totransformexperiencesintowords likeakindofalchemythatmighthelpsomeone It’stakingabreakfromyourownworld andseeingitthroughsomeoneelse’seyes,learningabouthowtoseethingsfromother people’sperspectivewhenempathyforeachotherissoimportant.
Conclusion:Iloveamemoir
Amagazinethatcelebratesthebraveryofbeingdifferent,whatWriteresquestandsforis prideinindividuality.
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AbigailElizarrarazisawriterfromsunnySonomaCounty!Forthelongesttime,writinghas beenherformofpeaceandreflectionShe’spassionateaboutmorningsunrisesandallthings flowersAbigailiscurrentlyastudentatSonomaStateUniversity,pursuingherliberalstudies degreeinhopesofbecominganeducator.
AyerdelFuturowasborninPlovdiv,BulgariaandisnowlivinginBerlinHewrotethe travelogueInthreeworldsThebookwaswrittenduringtheauthor’sholidaysinMexicoin Marchof2020InthreeworldswasreleasedonlyinBulgarianwiththepurposeofbeinggiven justtofriendsandfamilyAyerdelFuturohaswrittenfewpoemsandshortstoriesaswellas dozensofsongsforhispunkbands,whereheistheleadsingerPresentlyheworksonhisnext book,StreetForce–astoryofHungarianimmigrantslivinginasquatinBarcelona.Thebook isgoingtobetranslatedinEnglishandreleasedforsaleinsearchforawideraudience
GabriellaGarofalowasborninItalysomedecadesagoShefellinlovewiththeEnglish languageattheageofsix,startedwritingpoems(inItalian)atsixandistheauthorofthe booksLosguardodiOrfeo,L’invernodivetro,Dialtrestellepolari,Casadierba,Blue BranchesandABlueSoul
DavidPhilipIrelandisawriter,poet,musician,artistandexperimentalist RattlesnakeJar,David’snewestbookandalbum,isavailablenowonAmazon. DavidPhilipIrelandhasworkedinmanyaspectsofthearts,includingmusic,theatreand photography,publishinganumberofsoloandcollaborativemusicprojects,twonovels, SlowPoisonandBloodstones,plustwoanthologiesofpoetry.
TodiscoverDavid’sbackcatalogue,visit:linktree/davidirelandmusic
TodorP.TodorovisisaphilosopherandassociateprofessorattheUniversityofSofiaSt ClimentOhridskHeistheauthoroftheshortstoryanthologiesTalesformelancholic childrenandAlwaysthenightBothbookswereoriginallypublishedinBulgarianbyCiela Publishers,SofiaandtheninGermanbytheGrössenwahnpublishinghouse,Frankfurtam MainHisworksweretranslatedintoEnglish,German,GreekandCroatianThestory"Van GoghinParis"receivedtheBulgarianliteraryprizeforbestshortstoryin2011 Hisdebutnove,Hagabula,publishedinBulgariabyJanet45in2022,wasnominatedfor Helikon'sBronzeEagleAward.
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