Shrek: The Twinkie Heist, by Arwell Elfys

Shrek: The Twinkie Heist

By Arwell Elfys, age “21”

Seven years ago, a man stole 10,752 Twinkies and rode away on a donkey. He sold the Twinkies for $1 a stack. The police are still trying to identify this mysterious man to this day.

Present day... The man who stole the Twinkies was of course Shrek, and now he is running low on his Twinkie supply. Shrek decides it’s time for another Twinkie heist. He gets his friend Donkey and they go on another heist. Shrek’s plan is that Donkey is the getaway driver and Shrek will grab as many Twinkies as he can.

Shrek gets on Donkey’s back and drives to the Twinkie factory. When they get there, Donkey stays outside and Shrek goes inside. In the factory, he sees about 10,000,000 Twinkies. He grabs as much as he can and RUNS! He gets on Donkey and tells him to go as fast as he can. Soon, they are speeding on

the highway and the police are chasing them. Shrek gives the Twinkies to Donkey and surrenders.

Donkey gets to go home and Shrek goes to jail, where he waits for 18 hours, 7 minutes and 52 seconds... then… BONK! Shrek wakes up tied to a chair in an unknown place. “I have finally found you,” says an unknown voice. “Who are you?” asks Shrek. “I am the Twinkie Man,” says Twinkie Man. “Where am I?” asks Shrek. “In my shack,” answers Twinkie Man.

Shrek has to make a plan. He asks for a cigar and Twinkie Man says “fine” and grabs a box of matches. But then he changes his mind and says, “No, actually.” But Twinkie Man dropped a match without noticing, and Shrek grabs it. He lights the match with his fingernail and burns his chair so he can escape.

Shrek runs as fast as he can to his swamp. The thing is, nobody knows where his swamp is (it’s in the Bermuda Triangle). When he gets home, Shrek sees all the Twinkies in his yard! He knew Donkey would win!

But just then, a huge army of Twinkies shows up. It is the start of the Twinkie War. There are 228 Twinkies against only Shrek and Donkey. So Shrek does something smart. The smartest thing. He eats all the Twinkies in the world (except his own) and then sells his own to the world—and he put onions in the Twinkies for more flavour. In the end, Shrek is fulfilled.

To be continued in “Shrek’s Big Adventure,” coming this winter...