Becoming a Better Advocate for Yourself and Other Women at Work

Mikaela Kiner

So many things that happen at work can catch women off guard, making us question our confidence and capability. Women experience microaggressions, receive intangible feedback, and are interrupted more often than men. Worst of all, it’s not uncommon for women to internalize these experiences and blame themselves. Women believe if they had just worked harder, performed better, or chosen a different company then this wouldn’t be happening. Unfortunately, gender bias is deeply rooted in our society. The good news is, it’s not your fault. Still, these experiences are all too common.

How do you prepare for the unexpected, like hearing an inappropriate joke or receiving gendered feedback?

Too often, women have been discouraged from speaking up for themselves. They’ve been socialized to create harmony, and play down their strengths to avoid seeming pushy or bossy. The confidence and swagger that we admire in male leaders have been seen as aggressive and inappropriate when displayed by women leaders.

But now more than ever, women are asking what they can do to become better advocates, how they can stand up for themselves and their female colleagues. Here are some proven strategies that you can use to help all women rise.

ASK & AMPLIFY I have yet to meet a woman who doesn’t want to get better at asking for what she deserves. Often it’s even easier to ask on behalf of a colleague.

Ask for what you want and need — if not for yourself, then for the sake of women who will follow. Many women find it difficult to negotiate salary, ask for a raise, or request a promotion. But it’s often easier to ask on behalf of others.

Amplify other women by lending your voice to their ideas. Develop a buddy system with your female colleagues to reinforce each other's comments and suggestions in meetings. Many voices are hard to ignore.

Fight back against interruptions. If you notice a woman being interrupted in a meeting, simply say “Hold on, I’d like to hear Jennifer finish her thought.”

REHEARSE FOR #METOO MOMENTS One day, sexual harassment and inappropriate comments at work won’t be inevitable. Until then, it’s better to be ready for them. It’s common to freeze in difficult situations, and you can avoid that by planning ahead.

Trust yourself. If something makes you feel uncomfortable, don’t write it off. Talk to someone you trust to validate your experience.

Confide in a friend, mentor, coach, or therapist. Sharing your story can be cathartic and give you a much-needed sounding board. Brainstorm options for addressing the situation.

It’s an unfortunate reality, but you should be prepared to speak up for yourself. Having a ready response like “I didn’t find that funny,” or “I’ll give you 20 seconds to take that back” helps you avoid going into flight, fight or freeze mode when someone says or does something shocking.

SEND THE ELEVATOR BACK DOWN Women are stronger together so do all you can to stop perpetuating the “one seat at the table” myth and beware of female rivalry. Use your strength, position, and power to help the women around you.

Join forces with other women to ask for what you collectively need at work. Grassroots efforts against harassment or pay inequity have been used recently to influence leaders and effect change.

Help women through mentorship, advocacy, and creating opportunities. You can redefine how women interact at work by showing that there’s room for many women at the table, not just one.

Update your own expectations: Stop expecting more from female versus male bosses, peers, and direct reports. Stop judging women, including yourself, on personal choices including appearance and parenting choices.

#MOMTOO: PREGNANCY & PARENTHOOD AT WORK It can be hard and lonely to be a working mom, and mom guilt is all too real. Women sacrifice for their jobs and for their families. Setting firm boundaries can give you a sense of control and agency as you think about how you want to balance these two very important roles.

Moms - know and embrace your limits. Think through what sacrifices you are and are not willing to make as a parent. Will you travel? What if you occasionally miss dinner or bedtime; is that okay? Share your preferences with your manager and ask for their support.

Encourage men to take advantage of flexible work schedules and parental leave. When men use these benefits, it destigmatizes them for everyone.

Use suggestion boxes and company meetings to request more modern, family-friendly policies and benefits that reflect today’s reality. Ask your colleagues to do the same. More voices result in attention and action.

These are tough topics, but here’s the good news. Young women today have more tools, information and vocabulary than ever before. They’ve grown up in the ear of movements like #TimesUp, #MeToo, and #BlackLivesMatter. We’ve reached a tipping point, where future generations of women will finally get the respect they deserve. Until then, strategies to advocate for yourself and other women will continue to be a necessary part of creating more healthy, inclusive cultures.

Mikaela Kiner is Founder | CEO of Reverb. You can contact her at mikaela@reverbpeople.com. Join Mikaela at the Women’s Leadership Summit where she will share more about how today’s women can navigate the workplace while staying motivated and strong.

Register today for the Women’s Leadership Summit at wscpa.org/empower.