Cherished: my motherhood journey

BY KAYSHIONA ACQUAYE

OnOct. 27, 2021, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl, Nahla Naomi-Essence Acquaye. She weighed 8 pounds, 4.3 ounces and was 27 inches long. I labored for 26 hours, which were the most exhausting hours of my life. I wasn’t able to eat anything because I could not keep anything down. I was exhausted, drugged up and in so much pain. I was induced in my 37th week of pregnancy because of some health concerns and every moment leading up to that day was much more important than the last.

When I first found out about my pregnancy, I was very depressed and disappointed in myself. I was a firstgeneration sophomore in college so the pressure felt immeasurable. My boyfriend, my boyfriend’s mother, my little sister and a small group of friends were all ecstatic. My boyfriend’s mom was so happy she literally started planning for the baby shower as soon as we delivered the news that we were expecting a baby. However, I wasn’t ready for a kid because I was still trying to figure my own life out. There was no way I was going to be able to figure myself out and care for a tiny human. I fell behind in classes and checked out from the world.

Not only was I dealing with my body growing a baby, but I was also struggling to find the motivation to keep going in school. University classes were being held via Zoom because of COVID-19 restrictions implemented at the time. A few months later the restrictions were lifted, which led to in-person classes again. Everyone was expected to wear a mask, but at least we weren’t all seeing black screens with our names at the bottom in white anymore.

Shanise Brooks, my success coach, Alan Bearman, who at the time was the dean of Mabee Library, and Jennifer Wiard, assistant dean for Student Success, all helped me develop a plan to get more accomplished ahead of time so that when finals rolled around, exams would be the only thing that I had to worry about. I was due in October, so with school starting in August, I didn’t have much time to finish everything before being able to properly recover at home. I communicated with all my professors about my pregnancy and upcoming due date. To my surprise, they were all willing to let me work ahead as much as possible. I felt so proud to have so much support from the staff at Washburn University. This was honestly the most motivated I had ever been in my college classes. I knew that I didn’t want to drop out or take a year off, so I worked my ass off to eliminate that possibility.

When October rolled around, I did what I could for my classes before going to the hospital to deliver my baby. Finals arrived and I was allowed to finish my courses. Meanwhile, my new baby stayed at home with her dad. Over winter break, I got to spend some much needed time with my new baby, which gave us plenty of chances to bond. I also kept Jennifer, Alan and Shanise updated on my motherhood journey. I shared some pictures with them and my academic adviser, Regina Cassell.

One month old Nahla gets her first newborn picture taken. Her mother, first-generation student Kayshiona Acquaye, is a senior mass media major and expects to graduate in the fall of 2023.

January came around and I still wasn’t able to find child care for my baby. In Kansas, it is extremely hard to find a daycare center. Most centers only allow four to six infants to a room. With that rule in place, I had two choices in finding reliable child care before the semester started: drop out and take a year off or bring my baby with me to school. That’s when Alan Bearman and Jennifer Wiard volunteered to watch Nahla while I went to class.

My support system voluntarily watched my daughter while I was in class for the first four months of her life. I had babysitters and a job where I could take my child along with me until my prayers were finally answered.

In early March, I found a child care center for my daughter. I was ecstatic about finding a center. I felt guilty about having the staff in Mabee Library look after her while I was in class, so her to be enrolled in a facility was important to me. The only catch was the facility closed at 5 p.m., which meant I could only leave Nahla there for two or three class lectures, depending on the day. Then I had to hurry to her facility to check her out before rushing to my job.

At the time, I worked for the YWCA in a before-andafter school program called “Kids Quest.” I would leave school at about 1:30 p.m., grab something to eat for lunch (because eating once a day is the norm for not only college students, but mothers too), drive to Nahla's daycare at First Baptist before driving about 15 minutes to McCarter Elementary before 3:15 p.m. to get ready to entertain and support elementary-aged children.

This was my every-day situation. I woke up at 5 a.m. –even when I did not get to bed until 2 a.m. sometimes – and hoped that I could get my hands on enough caffeine to carry me through the day.

My kiddo is just over a year old now, and I have found a way to manage my time between working, school, visiting the gym and being a full-time mother. Time-management skills are certainly some of the most important things I had to learn. Things can get in the way and derail any plans or mess up any schedules you made for yourself. That’s not saying that things still aren’t hard for me. I am still a student; I can only work on schoolwork at school, which leaves me with very limited time to study. Sometimes I do skip a class to work on an assignment for another class that is more than likely overdue.

As I drive out of the parking lot on campus, I resume my life outside of school. That means going to work, picking up Nahla afterward, making dinner when I get home, giving my kid a bath, reading bedtime stories, doing household chores and then eventually falling asleep. I have to plan my whole life around Nahla. This isn’t me complaining. I enjoy getting to spend every second I get with her. However, it can be overwhelming at times with my mental health and dealing with postpartum depression, as well as having to do a thousand other things all at once.

Nahla gets her picture taken at 6 months old while on an outing with her mom. As of this magazine's release, she is 15 months old.

When you have a kid, people expect you to give up. Society thinks that when women have kids, their life is supposed to be over because people act as if being a mom in your early 20s means that you’ve signed up for a prison sentence. Our lives do change. They become a little more hectic, busy and complicated. We can’t go out with friends unless we have a baby sitter. I’ll be honest, it’s hard not to miss my old life. But now I couldn’t imagine myself doing anything more spectacular at this moment without Nahla. My life changed, and it changed in the best way possible. I now know that I’m a very strong woman with so many blessings and opportunities before me.

My advice to any expecting young woman out there is to really just try and enjoy life. You can totally still do anything and everything you did before having a baby. Just like how “a period doesn’t stop nothing but a sentence,” a baby doesn’t stop you from having fun with your life or taking on and tackling new challenges. No matter what, make sure you are taking time for yourself and making physical activity part of your routine. It could even be something simple like setting your baby up in a stroller and going for a walk.

Get any and all help you can when you need it, because it may shock you who will be willing to help you out so you can enjoy every little second with your little one. They are only small for so long. If you spend all your time stressing about this and that, you’ll miss it.