Content warning: This story contains language that pertains to rape.
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You’re not alone What I had to do after I was raped
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he questions are always how, why, when, what were you wearing and who. Most of the time, they’re for the benefit of the listener, trying to satiate their curiosity. The questions should be, Are you okay? What can I do to make things better? You can’t force someone to feel better, but you can help them through it. Being raped is one of the most violent assaults any person can experience. There’s no one stereotype to how people will react to the situation because every assault is different. But sexual assault is sexual assault. There’s no justification that an answer to those questions could give. There’s no minimizing the issue. Survivors were violated in a way that nobody should ever be violated. When a 19-year-old man raped me, it was my first time having sex. It felt like someone had robbed me of something that I thought I would give to someone whom I really cared about. My virginity was something I had guarded since I was little. I had always understood the importance of it. But once it was taken from me, I had never felt so ashamed. It was a feeling I could never get back. It felt like I lost my innocence. The lack of support didn’t help either. I was too afraid to tell anybody because in some way I thought it was my fault. I couldn’t stop replaying the night over and over in my head. “No” should have been enough; even if I had wanted something to happen, the moment I said “No” everything should have stopped. My words should have been enough. I shouldn’t have had to fight. After everything that occurred, I really lost myself; I didn’t know what to do. Crowded hallways seemed to be louder and more difficult to navigate. I was afraid that everybody could tell, that someone had written “rape victim” on my forehead. I never wanted to be someone who experienced pity or someone who needed support. But everyone needs support. Nobody can get through life alone. There is no guide on what to do after you have been sexually assaulted. But I want to use my experience and pain to help others understand both that there are steps you can take toward recovery and that there are reactions more helpful for survivors than others. This is the way I decided to react to this situation: by writing, reporting and exposing what it’s like after — after being raped. There’s no right answer. What follows chronicles the decisions survivors have to make, among skeptics, often with few resources at their disposal. To those who have been there, know this: Whatever you choose to do is the right choice. Do what you’re comfortable with; don’t let anybody else tell you what you can or cannot do. That’s important. The control you have over your story allows you to have control over the situation, more than you could possibly know. This article is my control.
