Wyoming Livestock Roundup • Volume 33 No. 6 • June 5, 2021
It’s the Pitts by Lee Pitts
Covid Prison Blues I can just hear this candid conversation occurring someday. “Grandpa, were you ever in a penitentiary like San Quentin or Leavenworth?” “No, little Billy, but I did do hard time in ’20 and ’21, in a far worse slammer called COVID-19. It was worse than any gulag, Chinese prison camp or even Alcatraz. Maybe you’ve heard about the Bird Man of Alcatraz, well I was known as the Bug Man of COVID-19.”
“Why were you called the Bug Man of COVID-19, Grandpa?” “Because I got so lonely and depressed looking through bars rather than going to them, I made a friend out of a black widow who visited my cell daily. I even taught it to do some tricks.” “Did you have a cellmate?” “Yeah, your grandmother.” “So, I guess you could
say you were a member of a crime family?” “I guess you could say so.” “What were you in for? Robbery, rape or murder perhaps?” “No, none of those, but I got a stiffer sentence than if I’d have been an axe murderer. Somehow, I got involved in international espionage and a worldwide syndicate, which was spreading a deadly Chinese virus. One day, a cop saw me walking into the drugstore wearing a mask and figured I was going to rob the place. He tried to shoot me, but missed and busted the Advil display instead. When I went to trial, the judge threw the book at me. He too missed and hit my defense attorney. But, he deserved it.” “Did you get sent to one of those country club prisons, Grandpa, where the
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guards go to lunch with the prisoners at a nice restaurant every day?” “Nah, all the restaurants were closed. And it wasn’t like I had a summer cell in the Hamptons. Keep in mind, my cell mate was your grandma. She was so upset at being confined with me that I had to sleep with one eye open and had to learn how to fight. She put me in the hospital and it was like solitary confinement ‘cause no one could visit me. The only good thing about being in solitary was I didn’t have to worry about bending over to pick up a bar of soap in the shower.” “Didn’t they give you an hour or two each day to go out into the yard for some exercise?” “Yeah they did, but it tuned out that my neighbors were some crazy people. There were undesirable char-
acters like One Thumb Frank, Ice, Humpy and the Seagull – all of them cold-blooded thugs. It was the Seagull who stepped on my pet spider on purpose and killed it. So, I made a shiv out of a plastic dinner utensil. But, when I stabbed the Seagull, my shiv broke and he put me back in the infirmary.” “Is it true Gramps, you can get anything in prison; contraband like drugs and booze?” “Oh sure. Prisoners were distilling the alcohol out of handi-wipes and hand sanitizer, but it didn’t help me ‘cause I didn’t drink. I didn’t smoke either, so I traded my cigarettes for extra rations. The only good thing about being imprisoned was the good home-cooked food in COVID-19. That’s why they called it COVID-19. That’s how many pounds I gained per year while I was in the
joint – 19.” “Did anyone ever try to slip you a file in a birthday cake or did you ever try to break out of COVID-19?” “Yeah, I dug a tunnel, but somehow got disoriented and when I busted out I came up in the warden’s office. For this, he cut off my free cable TV and took the government stimulus checks all the prisoners got. The warden was on the take. He was the biggest crook in the place.” “Did you get time off for good behavior, Grandpa?” “No, but when all the prisons got overcrowded and they started releasing mass murderers, I slipped through the cracks. But, the world had changed completely by the time I got out. I swore upon my release I was running so far away from COVID-19 it would take a hundred bucks in stamps just to send me a postcard.”
New wolf harvesting laws upset U.S. protection groups On May 26, wildlife advocates leapt into action, trying to revive federal protections for gray wolves across the Northern Rockies. Three major wildlife advocates, including the Center for Biological Diversity, Humane Society of the United States and Sierra Club filed a legal petition. This petition asked Interior Secretary Deb Haaland to use her emergency authority to return wolves in the region to protection under the Endangered Species Act. The petition seeks to restore protection in at least six states, including Idaho, Montana, Wyoming, eastern Washington, eastern Oregon and a small area in northern Utah. This push came after lawmakers in Idaho and Montana made it much
easier to lethally remove the predators. Legislation in recent weeks allows hunters and trappers to kill an unlimited number of wolves in the Idaho and Montana area. Legislative changes In May, Idaho’s Legislature passed Senate Bill 1211, allowing the state to hire private contractors to kill up to 90 percent of Idaho’s wolf population. Montana’s Senate Bill 314 could lead to potentially setting back 85 percent of the wolf numbers. Aggressive tactics, such as hunting from ATVs and helicopters, utilizing night-vision scopes and setting lethal snares that some consider inhumane are allowed under these resolutions. Idaho’s law also allows the state to hire private contractors to
remove wolves. “The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service was very clear a change in state law which allowed for unregulated, unlimited take of wolves would set off the alarm,” said Humane Society of the United States Attorney Nicholas Arrivo. “This is essentially an attempt to push the population down to the very minimum.” Andrea Zaccardi, a senior attorney at the Center for Biological Diversity, said “These newly enacted laws could decrease the gray wolf population dramatically.” Behind the scenes The reason for this legislative change in Idaho comes from lawmakers who introduced the goal to reduce the state’s 1,500 wolves to the allowed min-
imum of 150 to protect livestock and boost deer and elk populations. In April, Montana signed a law requiring wolf numbers to be reduced, but not below the 15 breeding pairs of the animals. “It wasn’t to reduce them to zero, it was to reduce them to a sustainable level,” said Greg Lemon, Montana Fish, Wildlife and Parks. “We’ve got the track record and the statutory framework to ensure they are managed at that sustainable level.” Idaho should be able to track how many are killed through a mandatory reporting system. The U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service has long contended it’s not necessary for wolves to be in every place they once inhabited
WAIC shares bookmark finalists Wyoming Agriculture in the Classroom (WAIC) holds a bookmark contest each
year for Wyoming students in second through fifth grades. Students create a message centered
around the state’s natural resources and industries to illustrate their message. The finalists, along with
their families and teachers will be honored at an annual celebration in Cheyenne.
to be considered recovered. It’s also noted that Idaho has slowly loosened hunting regulations over the last decade without a spike in animals hunted and there haven’t been any dips of low numbers. Resolution The protection agencies would like for the Interior Secretary to act before July 1, as this is when the laws will go into
action in Idaho. Bob Brown, Montana state senator and bill sponsor, said during a legislative hearing in March “We can’t sit by and allow our game, the thing which feeds so many families, to be taken off the table.” Cameron Magee is an intern for the Wyoming Livestock Roundup. Send comments on this article to roundup@wylr.net.
24TH ANNUAL Wind River Flywheelers Antique Engine and Tractor Show June 12 & 13 • East Park in Shoshoni, WY
SCHEDULE Saturday
10 a.m. – Tractor Drive – Highway 11 a.m. – Tractor Games 1 p.m. – Auction 1:30 p.m. – Tractor Pull
Sunday
10 a.m. – Tractor Drive – Highway 11 a.m. – Tractor Pull 2 p.m. – Raffle Drawing
$1 each or 6 for $5 • Do NOT have to be present PEDAL TRACTOR 4020 John Deere & lap quilts Tractor Donated by Stotz Equipment
ON-GOING ACTIVITIES Car Show • Engine Exhibits • Blacksmith Craft & Food Booths • Dutch Oven Cooking Steamed Corn • Museum Trailer
For Kids
Barrel Train • Pedal Tractors Sand Box
FREE TO ATTEND! 2021 Finalist – Lily Barker, Fifth Grade Uinta Meadows Elementary, Evanston. Sponsored by the Wyoming Natural Resource Foundation.
Food vendors and music (Packin the Mail) will be available for lunch, including Dutch oven cooking.
For more information, contact: Carlta Witthar 856-1164
or e-mail:
cmaule@wyoming.com
Vendors – call:
Cindy Leonhardt 856-6804.
2021 Finalist – Wyatt Williamson, Fifth Grade Moorcroft K-8, Moorcroft. Sponsored by First Northern Bank.
Branch 72 Early Days Gas Engine and Tractor Assoc. Supported by Wind River Visitors Council and Shoshoni, WY Chamber of Commerce
