Published by Xenophobe’s® Guides. Telephone: +44 (0)20 7733 8585 E-mail: info@xenophobes.com Web site: www.xenophobes.com Copyright © Xenophobe’s® Guides Ltd., 2013 All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Xenophobe’s® is a Registered Trademark. First printed 1993 New editions 1999, 2004, 2008, 2013 Reprinted/updated: 1993,1994,1996,1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016 Xenophobe’s® Guides are revised on a regular basis and suggestions for updates are welcome. Editor – Catriona Tulloch Scott Series Editor – Anne Tauté Cover designer – Vicki Towers
Cover – Australian Surfer © Sheila Smart Photography, photographersdirect.com ePub ISBN: 9781908120038 Mobi ISBN: 9781908120045 Print ISBN: 9781906042202
Contents Nationalism & Identity
1
Character
9
Behaviour
16
Beliefs & Values
21
Manners
31
Obsessions
36
Government
40
Leisure & Pleasure
46
Sense of Humour
51
Health & Hygiene
53
Tucker & Grog
58
Custom & Tradition
62
Crime & Punishment
67
Business
70
Systems
74
Cultcha
80
Language
83
If you were to impose a map of Oz over a map of Europe, it would stretch from Madrid almost to Moscow. Australia’s land mass may be more than twice the size of India but its overall population density is very low – three people per square mile (as opposed to 937 per square mile in India), with 89% of them living in urban areas, and 22% found in Sydney alone. The Australian population is 22 million, compared with 4 million Kiwis, 64 million British, 127 million Japanese, 255 million Indonesians, and 321 million Americans.
Nationalism & Identity
Forewarned
Never make the error of underestimating the Aussies. They are friendly, laid-back and laconic, and they love to portray a casual disregard for everything around them, but no-one accidentally achieves a lifestyle as relaxed as theirs. Their character reflects this inconsistency between attitude and lifestyle – nothing is what it seems. Aussies love to portray Living in a country descria casual disregard for bed by one Australian Prime everything around them, Minister as the ‘arse-end of but no-one accidentally the world’ suggests that the achieves a lifestyle as inhabitants might be a little relaxed as theirs. odd. In fact, Aussies believe that it is those unfortunate enough to live elsewhere who are ‘one brick short of a load’. However, outsiders are pretty well convinced that you would need to be a little odd to actually live there. If you doubt it, they will suggest you cast your mind back to the last game of Aussie Rules Football you witnessed. This is the sport the Aussies call their own – with pride. Aussies do not go in for an emotional display of national flags and songs, except at sporting events. The groundswell of patriotic fervour that is periodically whipped up by the press and politicians is kept well concealed. There is no need to tell other Aussies
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how great the country is, they already know – and who else is there worth convincing? At official functions a brave attempt is made to sing the national anthem, but as nobody knows all the words except politicians – and most people consider them to be ‘scumbags’ – few are really bothered. The national anthem, Advance Australia Fair, was chosen by the Government after a competition. It defeated the much more upbeat Waltzing Matilda*, since even a nation founded by convicts drew the line at a national anthem about a At official functions, swagman (someone who roams a brave attempt is around finding work as a sheep made to sing the shearer or a farm hand) who kills national anthem. a sheep (a hanging offence), then avoids arrest by drowning himself in a billabong (pond). Nevertheless, at unofficial occasions everyone will burst into a rousing rendition of Waltzing Matilda. After all, no bloody politician is going to tell an Aussie what song to sing.
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Bordering on the ridiculous
Being so isolated from the rest of the world it would be reasonable to assume that a feeling of unity existed *Waltzing means to keep walking (dodging the vagrancy laws); Matilda/My Tilda/M’tilda is the pole slung over the shoulder carrying all your worldly possessions in a cloth bundle. 2
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among the inhabitants. However, this is far from the truth and you will quickly discover that patriotism manifests itself in an intense rivalry between the country’s six states. The place is so Name-calling is the Aussie way desolate and dry, of dealing with this situation and, their crows have to fly no matter how disparaging, each backwards to keep state wears its label with pride. the dust out of South Australians are called ‘crow their eyes. eaters’, no doubt from some early reflection on the poor farming quality of much of the northern part of that state. The place is so desolate and dry, their crows have to fly backwards to keep the dust out of their eyes. Western Australians have accepted the title of ‘sandgropers’. They have even invented a stuffed toy ‘sandgroper’ to cash in on their name. It is sold to raise funds for charity. There are plenty of advantages in living in a border-to-border sand pit but an abundance of water is not one of them. The other states have names that change from time to time. People from Queensland – the one state that really is different from all the others, with its rain forests, lush coastal strips, Great Barrier Reef and bananas – are not surprised by the epithet ‘banana benders’. Queenslanders call those from New South Wales ‘Mexicans’, because they are south of the border. Mainlanders believe that inbreeding is rife
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among the ‘Taswegians’ in Tasmania, which is often omitted from maps of Australia. Competition between states is spirited. Naturally the state you live in has the best beer, the best places to run a business and, by far most Inter-state rivalry is important, the best sporting typified by the annual teams. Inter-state rivalry is typiState of Origin Rugby fied by the annual State of League battles. By Origin Rugby League battles comparison, the Roman between Queensland and New arena was a place South Wales. By comparison, for wimps. the Roman arena was a place for wimps, and if a rugby league player is rendered temporarily insensible, play continues regardless.
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Special relationships
One nation of people that has a special place in the hearts of Aussies is the Kiwis, but only because, being so close, the Aussies can’t ignore them as much as they would like. The other is, of course, Britain. Ever since Britain started dumping her undesirables in Australia, she has been seen in a parental light. The first arrivals wore clothing emblazoned with POHMIE (Prisoners of His Majesty in Exile). The fact that the English are still called ‘Pommies’ today is not to be taken as an insult. Well, it is an insult but an Aussie will only insult a friend, so it doesn’t count. 4
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There was some economic pain when, after centuries of preferential trading with Australia, Britain turned to Europe, but this did not lead to animosity towards the Brits. It was all down to the ‘pollies’ (politicians) and every Aussie knows that politicians have no connection with real The best use Britain people and real issues. serves is to provide victims Anyway, the Oz economy for the usually invincible is now ripping along, helped Aussie cricket team. by China and Japan wanting their ore. Britain is no longer considered important. The best use it serves is to provide victims for the usually invincible Aussie cricket team now and again.
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How they see themselves
In the 1950s and ’60s the English media carried advertisements promoting immigration to Australia by way of an assisted passage. The typical Aussie man was portrayed as young, big, bronzed and spending all day at the beach. The Aussie woman was young, shapely, bronzed and spent all day at the beach. These advertisements lured many unsuspecting Poms to their doom. For their ten quid fare they had to endure at least two years down under. During these two years many lost the will to return. Aussies were happy to have their trials of life portrayed as glamorous. Their attitude was that anyone stupid enough to fall for 5
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such a line deserved to live in Australia. Compassion has never been a strong point. In the 1980s, Australian television carried a government health campaign ‘Life – be in it’, including a sort of Aussie anti-hero. His name was Norm. He was 30–40 years old and had a huge For Australians, too pot belly. He sat in front of the much sport is never television all day watching enough. What’s more, sport. Beer in hand, of course. sport is about winning, Bronzed Aussies and ‘Norms’ none of this taking part co-exist happily, sometimes in nonsense. the same body – after all, surf clubs do serve beer. Apart from the pseudo-intellectual ‘Chardonnay set’, Aussies nowadays seem to have little interest in an image, other than to be seen as a great sporting nation. For Australians, too much sport is never enough. What’s more, sport is about winning, none of this taking part nonsense. When Aussie Rules was played only in the state of Victoria, crowds of 100,000 would turn out for big matches. When the Olympics are on, all Aussie newspapers will have tables showing medals won per head of population, thus conclusively proving that they beat the Americans – statistically at least. If defeat is undeniable, then such a small population could never have been expected to win. If victory is achieved, then what a wonderful feeling for the underdog to have downed the mightier foe.
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How they would like others to see them
Aussies would like to replace the outworn image of their beloved country being a convict settlement. They’re not crooks, they’re people with initiative. They would like others to see them as rightful world leaders in independent thinking. Suggest to an Aussie that they come from the breeding stock of criminals and they will be quick to point out that the stock was imported mainly from England. Further, they regret to this day that they couldn’t afford the criminal class of a better country. Aussies would like to In any case, in the 70 or so replace the outworn image years of transportation, only of their beloved country 160,000 convicts arrived. It’s being a convict settlement. a drop in the ocean comThey’re not crooks, they’re pared with the number of people with initiative. free immigrants. However, the fact that much of the present citizenry grew from deportees and fortune hunters (the quick-buck gold seekers of the 19th century) is not entirely lost on the population. These are seen as rugged individualists whose initiative was crucial for the development of a vast, harsh country. If the odd entrepreneur or pollie ends up back in the clink, even that’s no sweat. When former New South Wales Minister Rex ‘Buckets’ Jackson was in Berrima jail for financial indiscretions, his signed woodwork was in great demand in the prison shop.
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How they see others
Australia is home to 22 million people, about 3% of whom are descendants of the original indigenous people. After Israel, it is the most multi-cultural nation in the world. Almost any nationality you can name is represented there – British, Irish, Italians, Greeks, Slavs, Dutch, Germans, Spanish, Poles, Vietnamese, Indians, Lebanese, Turks, Chinese – and all have taught the Aussies their own brand of international relations. The rapid increase in Asian arrivals is even forcing this former European outpost to At any given time about recognise its geographical realone million Australians ity as an annex to Asia. are overseas and this is Statistically, 40% of Aussies not just the ones was born overseas, or at least on the beach in Bali. one of their parents was. In addition to their global family links, at any given time about one million Australians are overseas and this is not just the ones on the beach in Bali. Apart from the ubiquitous backpackers, Aussies are working in creative industries in London, teaching surfing in Biarritz, selling fajitas in Costa Rica, and many end up behind bars – cocktail, that is. The vast majority return home eventually, enriched by their experience but also even more convinced that Oz is the place to live. Australian broadsheets all have international sections, while television often leads with foreign items. There is a whole TV channel – the Special Broadcasting
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System (SBS) – devoted to ‘ethnic’ programmes, where you can watch everything from the news in Indonesian to documentaries about tractor factories in Uzbekistan. Admittedly, SBS does not have the same ratings as Neighbours. Aussies often think Multi-culturalism has revoof other nations in lutionised the food scene, so terms of their cuisine. Aussies often think of other nations in terms of the food they cook. Thus the French are difficult but may be worth the effort if you persevere. Italians are full of flavour but a bit unreliable, while the Chinese can be bland on the surface but with unknown long-term effects. The Brits are reliable but stodgy, while anything American signifies supersized and tasteless. As for the rest, if a country does not send them cars or play cricket, rugby, hockey, golf, tennis or compete in the Olympic Games – it doesn’t exist.
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Character Aussies are a sceptical bunch. They are also forwardlooking and optimistic. This means that the prevailing philosophy down under is cynical positivism. Lurking inside every Aussie are a number of complex characters. In order to make sense of them, they should be viewed in the light of component traits. 9
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The Aussie battler
Large tracts of farming land were opened up under government land settlement schemes. These schemes were all roughly the same: take one naïve family, add one axe, 20 sheets of corrugated iron, one packet of seed, sprinkle with empty promises, then dump in the middle of the bush. Crocodile Dundee Life for these early settlers and a handful of his was a constant battle. They friends still exist. They battled against the heat, the are alive and well on bureaucracy, the lack (or excess) farms in the wheat belt of water, the flies, the snakes, and on stations. and the isolation. It was a hard and lonely existence that gave rise to a special and hardy breed of people. Mick (Crocodile) Dundee is one of them. Mick and a handful of his friends still exist. They are alive and well on farms in the wheat belt and on stations*. The sheep shearers also had to battle. Apart from abysmal pay, the conditions under which they had to operate, in tin sheds in searing heat that would have crushed lesser blokes, was sheer agony. As a result, Oz had one of the first trades unions in the world, a shearers’ union dating back to 1886. Much of the Aussie’s disregard of the establishment is demonstrated
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*A term originally used by the colonial Government for their own agricultural and pastoral establishments where convicts were ‘stationed’. 10
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by Australia’s union heritage. Aussies are happy to bask in the reflected glory of their early battlers and harbour romantic aspirations towards adversity. But today the vast majority live in cities and cling to the coastal fringes. Their biggest battle is to keep the leaves out of the pool.
Mateship
Mateship is a unique concept, and understanding it is crucial to understanding the Australian character. It probably originates from the days of the penal colonists when men outnumbered women by 6–1, and grew stronger through the need for early free settlers to stick together in the face of many and varied hardships. Rugged individualism is all very well, but if you are going to make a success of living in the bush, you need someone to turn to if Mateship grew things go wrong. stronger through the need Mateship applies mainly to for early free settlers men, although Australian to stick together. society is not as male-dominated as it used to be. Women don’t use the term ‘mate’ but behave in much the same way, so have a sort of honorary mateship. The Country Women’s Association is a powerful force in the bush and not just because of the persuasive power of their pumpkin scones.
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The mateship spirit flourishes with today’s ‘Grey Nomads’, retired Aussies who buy a camper van, then spend their twilight years touring the wide brown land. Victorians avoiding their (relatively) harsh winter are a familiar species in the remote Northern Territory. One GN who sees another broken down by the roadside will always stop to give help. Of course, they might not know a camshaft if they fell down one, but a bit of tea and sympathy goes a long way. Mates have to be ‘fair dinkum’, another concept central to the Aussie way of life. Fair dinkum translates roughly as having integrity ‘Fair dinkum’ and credibility, and being trusttranslates roughly as worthy. People may ask if you having integrity are ‘fair dinkum about that’, and credibility. often with a strong element of doubt in their voice. Thus a ‘fair dinkum’ politician is a rare species indeed. Above all, mateship demands complete loyalty. You never ‘dob in’ your mates – disclose their indiscretions to the relevant authority. Dobbers are thought to be lower than a snake’s belly and rate below even those who fail to pay for their ‘shout’ (round) at the pub. People who do not support the common good, such as dole bludgers (social security cheats) fall outside the mateship fold. A Government campaign to ‘dob in a dole bludger’ therefore raises interesting tensions in the Australian character. Will distaste for bludgers
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overcome reluctance to dob in? One Prime Minister felt that mateship was important enough to be included in a new preamble to the Australian Constitution. But he was doomed to failure. A referendum is required to change the Constitution, and Aussies always vote ‘No’ in You never ‘dob in’ referenda. After all, referenda your mates. Dobbers are are proposed by governments thought to be lower than and governments always have a snake’s belly. an ulterior motive. One such instance was when the citizens of the Australian Capital Territory (the Canberra ‘island’ within New South Wales) voted against self-government. To the mainly public (civil) service population, the ruse to pass financial burdens on to them ‘stuck out like a dog’s balls’. They got self-government anyway, with a corresponding increase in taxes, and the philosophy of cynical positivism was duly reinforced.
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The underdog syndrome
The Aussies love the underdog: the stoic little bloke who tries hard, who challenges the champion or the inflexible establishment. This underpins their continuous challenge to authority and to the status quo. The athlete striving to get to the top of a sport can expect total admiration and support. The reigning champion is nothing more than a goal post: something 13
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for the people’s champion to focus on. This can be a bit demoralising for the reigning champion who only yesterday was the people’s champion. Every Aussie knows that all champions are conceited and therefore deserve to be knocked off their pedestal. This is the ‘tall Stand out from the poppy’ syndrome: stand out crowd and you’ll be cut from the crowd and you’ll be down to size. Trying to cut down to size. Trying to grow tall is admirable. grow tall is admirable. Actually Actually succeeding succeeding is inexcusable. That is inexcusable. is, unless you can transcend mere success and achieve the god-like status of an Ian Thorpe or a Don Bradman. It’s not only obvious in sport. Open a business alongside a successful one and look poor, inefficient and as though you are struggling, and it’s a guaranteed way to snare all your neighbour’s customers. The Aussies will flock to give the new bloke a fair go. This characteristic can be used to good effect. If you want to enjoy being disliked, all you have to do is appear confident, content and caring. Every Aussie knows full well that no-one is as nice as they seem. If you prefer to be liked, all you have to do is act insecure, incapable and indifferent. Every Aussie knows full well that no-one is as bad as they seem. If you happen to have some unfortunate traits then you, more than anyone else, need friends. Just how much
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development in Australia has been stifled by this perplexing syndrome it is impossible to estimate. However, with very obvious support for trying rather than for succeeding, there is clearly more personal satisfaction in remaining the underdog.
Irreverence
You cannot stop Aussies from doing something they have already decided to do. There is no threat you can hold over them; they answer only to their own principles. Such primitive moral foundations produce the most irreverent people imaginable. During a passionate debate in the New South Wales Parliament a politician described another member of Insults are almost the House as ‘not having the terms of endearment and brains of a donkey’. (The if you don’t have a electorate would not regard nickname it can only be this as particularly percepbecause of some severe tive, nor a great disadvantage personality disorder. for a politician. It is the norm.) The Speaker demanded a retraction and much to his surprise got it immediately. The offender sprang to his feet: ‘Mr. Speaker, I was wrong and I apologise. The Honourable Member does have the brains of a donkey.’ Insults are almost terms of endearment and if you
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don’t have a nickname it can only be because of some severe personality disorder. If you have a leg amputated your nickname will probably be ‘stumpy’. A short, bald man could be known to his mates as ......... .....................
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