Published by Xenophobe’s® Guides London SW9 7QH Telephone: +44 (0)20 7733 8585 E-mail: info@xenophobes.com Web site: www.xenophobes.com Copyright © Xenophobe’s® Guides Ltd., 2013 All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. First printed 1999 New edition 2009, 2013 Reprinted/updated 2000, 2001, 2002, 2004, 2006, 2009, 2011, 2012 Revised 2013 Editor – Catriona Tulloch Scott Series Editor – Anne Tauté Cover designer – Jim Wire & Vicki Towers Printer – Polestar Wheatons, Devon
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Acknowledgement and thanks are given to Alexander Rae for his witty contributions.
ePub ISBN: 9781908120816 Mobi ISBN: 9781908120823 Print ISBN: 9781906042479
Contents Nationalism and Identity
1
Character
13
Attitudes and Values
19
Behaviour
25
Conversation and Gestures
28
Sense of Humour
32
Eating and Drinking
35
Health and Hygiene
40
Custom and Tradition
42
Obsessions
51
Leisure and Pleasure
56
Systems
63
Business
66
Culture
71
Government
77
Language
82
The population of Scotland is 5 million (10 million if you include the sheep) compared with 54 million English, 3 million Welsh, 5 million Irish, 64 million French, 34 million Canadians and 315 million Americans. Scotland is a bit smaller than Iceland, nearly twice as big as Switzerland, and could fit into France seven times.
Nationalism & Identity
Forewarned
If there is one characteristic that defines the Scots it is
that they are different. Not better or worse than anyone else, but definitely not to be confused with any other nation. A great deal of effort is put into being distinctive. Some people think this is all to do with the tourism industry, but they are quite wrong. The Scots do it entirely for their own satisfaction. The
fact that millions of visitors bring in many millions of pounds (tourism is Scotland’s second-biggest foreign currency earner after whisky) is quite incidental.
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Being Scottish is not
Living as they do on the simple and straightforward. north-western edge of Europe, For many Scots perfecting the Scots have evolved their their Scottishness is own way of doing things, and a lifetime’s activity. take great pride in it. Being Scottish is not simple and straightforward, and for many Scots perfecting their Scottishness is a lifetime’s activity.
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One of the reasons why the Scots love visitors is that only by having strangers in the country can their distinctiveness be fully displayed and recognised. This may lead you to think that the Scots are a nation addicted to showing off and boasting. Nothing could be further from the truth – they just 1
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want you to appreciate the fact that they are people who dance to their own particular tune. Knowing this enables you to appreciate their finer points: this is the essence of judgement, and all Scots are judges at heart. The Scots have a very sustained and steady sense of their own worth, and they don’t mind who knows it. Apart from such things as whisky, tartan, bagpipe music and Dundee cake, they Though they have been have given the world the Americans, Canadians or bicycle, gas for lighting, the Kiwis for ten generations first effective steam engine, the they know deep down pneumatic tyre, chloroform, in their hearts that they the telephone, television, the are really Scots. ultra-sound scanner, penicillin, paraffin, the mackintosh, the milking machine, the water softener, Dolly the cloned sheep… and if you didn’t know this, they’ll be glad to enlighten you. This is not a reticent, withdrawn, sorry-we’ve-bothered-you set of people.
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Exported Scots
Of all its products forged from steel and exported throughout the world there is nothing to compare with the people Scotland has exported. Over the past few centuries some 30 million Scots have been scattered to the four corners of the earth. There are special nuclei, 2
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‘little Scotlands’, in South Carolina, Eastern Canada, and the South Island of New Zealand, yet though they have been Americans, Canadians or Kiwis for ten generations, they know deep down in their hearts that they are really Scots. Many with only tenuous reasons for attachment are drawn to their ancestral land by sentiment. Forebears of the artist Whistler, whose middle name was McNeill, hailed from a small island on the west coast of Scotland and his American descendants make regular visits ‘home’. Scots, it seems, are often keen to leave Scotland, then spend the rest of their lives attending Caledonian Society Meetings, celebrating with haggis and singing mawkishly sentimental songs, with tears in their eyes, about their ‘Highland home far across the sea’. They always have a ‘Highland home far across the sea’, even if they came from Glasgow.
How they see others
Non-Scots are divided into two main groups: 1. The English 2. The Rest If you belong to The Rest, you have a head start. The Scots generally find strangers fascinating, and numerous tales have been told by the lonely traveller of how he was welcomed with open arms in some remote Scottish glen. As long as he wasn’t English of course. 3
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Americans are well liked, partly because many of those who come to Scotland are of Scots ancestry, but more because of their perceived uncomplicated openness and generosity. Canadians are equally popular, if not more so, because they are even more likely to be just a few generations away from being Scottish. The Scots also like Europeans, especially those from Scandinavia, who they see as fellow-Northerners, sharing virtues that combine They have always individualism and community managed to maintain spirit, and enduring the same an alliance with the testing weather conditions. They French – a feat not even particularly admire vibrant and attempted by any other fully independent countries European culture. whose populations are not much bigger, or perhaps even smaller, than their own – like Denmark, Finland and, of course, Ireland, that other Celtic nation, so similar in many ways yet so different in certain fundamentals. From the great mixer-blender of history, the Irish have emerged with fire on the outside and steel inside. The Scots are the exact opposite.
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The ‘Auld Alliance’
The ability of the Scots to get on with anyone is amply proved by the fact that throughout history they have always managed to maintain an alliance with the French – the Auld Alliance – a feat not even attempted 4
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by any other European country. The unkind might suggest that the only thing the Scots and the French have in common is that both believe that any race that dislikes the English couldn’t be all bad, but this is a vile rumour.
The ‘Auld Enemy’
The Scots have given the world a great deal, usually without asking whether it wanted it, but they are obliged to accept that the main conduit of innovation from outside – political, social, cultural, industrial – has always been that large The Scots have learned country to the South, the their pride, their nationality ‘Auld Enemy’, England. their characteristics good and Always more numerous, bad chiefly at the hands of the always richer, always ready English. They are not about to assert their superiority, to forgive them for it. the English have been thorns in the Scottish flesh for a thousand years. The Scots have learned their pride, their nationality, their characteristics good and bad, chiefly at the hands of the English, often violently. They are not about to forgive them for it. When God created Scotland, says a favourite Scottish story, he looked down on it with great satisfaction. Finally he called the archangel Gabriel to have a look. ‘Just see,’ He said. ‘This is the best yet. Fine
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mountains, brave men, lovely women, nice cool weather. And I’ve given them beautiful music and a special drink, called whisky. Try some.’ Gabriel took an appreciative sip. ‘Excellent,’ he said. ‘But haven’t you perhaps been too generous? Won’t they be spoiled? Shouldn’t there be some drawback?’ And God said: ‘Just wait till you see the neighbours I’m giving them.’ A concern shared by all Scots is that, as a nation, their behaviour is the product of a deep sense of being a lesser nation. A country cannot give up its independent nationhood, as the Scots did in 1707, without a few qualms and a sharp sense The Scots have always of what was being lost. Even had to shout to make before that, Scotland was twice their voices heard and turned into a province of their presence known. England (under Edward I, the ‘Hammer of the Scots’, and under Oliver Cromwell). Both times, independence was reclaimed – so they are used to picking themselves up and starting again. You can see this process at work in the country’s regular ability to reach the World Cup Finals in soccer, only to be knocked out in the first round. However, any fear of inferiority is misplaced. Like a small broadcasting station whose wavebands are jammed by another, the Scots have always had to shout to make their voices heard and their presence known. Otherwise the stifling proximity of England would
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have silenced them long ago and Scotland would be a sort of northern extension of Northumberland. Scots are quick to sense patronage and arrogance in an English accent, especially a ‘posh’ one. It brings out the latent prickliness in the Scottish character. (It’s not for nothing that the national emblem is the thistle.) They label the English as snobbish, class-ridden and self-satisfied. The two nations have been eyeball to eyeball for so long that what each sees of the other is more caricature than reality. The reality is that for 250 years the Scots and the English have not fought each other on any field more bloody than a sports ground. Most English people are Most English people blithely unaware of how much are blithely unaware of the Scots bridle at the use of the how much the Scots bridle terms ‘England’ and ‘Britain’ as at the use of ‘England’ and if they were one and the same. ‘Britain’ as if they were And what annoys the Scots even one and the same. more is when it’s a Scottish success that is being celebrated at, say, an international sporting event, and the English claim it as ‘British’. This goes some way to explain why thousands of Scots will be turning cartwheels if Iraq has beaten England at lacrosse or real tennis. Scots who have never seen a game of cricket have been known to go on week-long binges to celebrate the fact that some minuscule third-world country has managed to beat England at its national sport.
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Nationalism & Identity
How they see themselves
The Scots like to feel that they are a rather flamboyant and colourful people – tartan inside as well as out. They see themselves as clever and well-educated. They respect knowledge and like to think that they possess plenty of it. In A Scotsman likes to feel Scotland there is nothing that, almost by instinct, wrong with being clever, so he could guddle a trout long as you show it by words or gralloch a deer. or actions rather than brag about it. To say of someone that ‘he has a good conceit of himself’ is neither praise nor blame, just a statement of fact. Scottish cleverness is not entirely mythical. A civil servant from Edinburgh made his first visit to see his superiors in London. When he came back, he was asked, ‘How did you like the English?’ ‘I don’t know,’ he replied. ‘I only met heads of departments.’ They also cherish their pragmatic, practical streak. A Scots housewife is, by definition, an able person who can turn her hand to sewing cushions, baking cakes, and making her own marmalade. She may darn her children’s socks and she’s sure to know six different ways of using up yesterday’s cold potatoes. A Scotsman likes to feel that, almost by instinct, he could guddle a trout (palm it out of the water) or gralloch a deer (disembowel it with his knife), even if he spends his day designing software or driving a bus.
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The Scots view themselves as independent-minded yet communally spirited, humorous and warm-hearted. A favourite word for themselves is ‘kindly’ which means friendly, good-humoured, easy-going, willing to share what little one has, thinking well of others, being part of the community. Well, every nation has an ideal to aspire to, and the Scots are no exception.
How they see each other
Scots identify one another by geography. When Scot meets Scot outside Scotland, only their shared Scottishness matters: they are fellow-countryfolk, though the cordiality will be When Scot meets Scot all the greater if both are from outside Scotland, only Ayrshire, or Auchtermuchty. their shared Scottishness At home they are rivals. A matters. At home whole mental catalogue of they are rivals. social reference points is held in readiness. The Scots are an analytical people and never take anything at face value. Their most severe criticisms are reserved for one another. This is not a matter of high standards, but of sheer competitiveness, and even jealousy. The rivalry between Edinburgh and Glasgow is famous. After their side won the European Cup in Lisbon, two Glasgow Celtic fans were setting off to hitch-hike home to Scotland when a car drew up.
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‘Would you like a lift? We’re going to Edinburgh,’ said the driver. ‘That’s no good,’ they said, ‘We’re going to Glasgow.’ Edinburgh folk regard Glasgow as a trollop of a town, brash, noisy and vulgar. The Glaswegians retaliate with their view of the typical Edinburgher, ‘all fur coat and nae [no] knickers’. A character in a story by Neil Munro says: ‘All the wise men in Glasgow come from the East – that’s to say they come from Edinburgh.’ ‘Yes,’ replies a Glaswegian, ‘and the wiser they are, the quicker they come.’ The Highlanders There are other rivalries, regard the Lowlanders including that between the as being regimented Highlanders and the Lowlanders. urbanites little more Contrary to what many suppose, civilised than the mix of Celtic and pre-Celtic the English. peoples, Nordic settlers, AngloSaxons, and Flemings is shared by them both. Thus the differences are cultural rather than ethnic, and used to be underlined by the fact that Gaelic (in Scotland pronounced Gahlic, like the plant), once the language of the whole country, continued for centuries to be spoken in the Highlands. This does not prevent the Highlanders from regarding the Lowlanders as being regimented urbanites little more civilised than the English. Not to be outdone, the Lowlanders consider the Highlanders to be a crowd of lazy, dreamy, feckless subsidy-junkies. It was
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obviously not a Highlander who composed ‘The Crofter’s Prayer’: Oh, that the peats would cut themselves, The fish jump on the shore; And that I in my bed could always lie And sleep for evermore. Competition and rivalry come right down to local level, and neighbouring towns often have highly unneighbourly things to say about each other. Even within a town, people form tribal divisions. In the Orkney capital of Kirkwall, the annual ‘Ba’ [ball] game’ is fought out on New Year’s Day between two sections of the town, the ‘Uppies’ and the ‘Doonies’, and no Uppie would ever dream of siding with the opposition, any more than would a Doonie. Nothing can beat the vituperative energy with which small, schismatic Presbyterian sects excommunicate those who defy their narrow code. This happened to a one-time Lord Chancellor, who was expelled from membership of the Free Presbyterian Church because he ventured to attend the funeral of a friend who was Roman Catholic. The harshest judgements, however, fall on football referees who are invariably assumed by supporters of the losing team to be in diabolic conspiracy with the other side. They frequently have to sneak from the ground with their coat over their head. 11
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How others see them
Foreigners believe that the average Scotsman has legs like tree-trunks and arms like Popeye’s just after a can of spinach. He is supposedly prodigiously strong from caber tossing, has a red beard, Foreigners believe that a red nose and wears a bright the average Scotsman red tartan kilt and a tweed has legs like tree-trunks jacket that would tear the skin and arms like Popeye’s. off a lesser mortal in seconds. He drinks whisky for breakfast and eats nothing but porridge, haggis and salmon. He also likes to shout and fight a lot. As everyone knows, national stereotypes are notoriously inaccurate. In this case, however, the stereotype is an uncannily true thumbnail sketch of every second person you meet walking down Glasgow’s Sauchiehall Street on a Saturday night. The bit about the shouting and fighting is, anyway. To the English (who, however else they are viewed by the Scots, are not considered foreigners) the average Scotsman is a short, unshaven football supporter wearing a Scotland scarf which he holds out at arms’ length as if waiting for it to dry. By profession he is either a trade union negotiator or a comedian. He eats nothing but fish and chips, drinks whisky and likes to shout and fight a lot. To many other peoples (except the French), the Scots are English. They can’t understand what all the
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fuss is about when they say something friendly like: ‘I would like to say how much I admire you English and your excellent football teams.’ After this they think that the average Scotsman likes to shout and fight a lot. The French, who have been intimately connected with the Scots for centuries, have a saying ‘fier comme un Ecossais’ – as proud as a Scot. The Germans in the First World War called the kilted Scottish regiments ‘the ladies from Hell’.
How they would like to be seen
The Scots would like to be seen by others as they see themselves. Failing that, the Scotsman of popular imagination – a tartan-swathed figure of heroic strength, red-haired, red-bearded and spoiling for a fight – is an image that Scots are quite happy to accept, particularly the stocky, unfit, balding ones.
Character The Scots are a nation of polarities: sober and wild, traditional and innovative, inhibited and emotional. It is these contradictions in the Scottish character that are exploited by Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, in which the same individual is both the kindly doctor and his fiendish alter ego. 13
Character
Few people can show greater kindness and concern for misfortune than the Scots. But they can also exhibit a brusqueness, a touch of aggressiveness, as if they feel that the world is a hostile place and they must square up to it.
Being canny
The Scottish characteristic of being canny, or being called canny, comes in various forms. Firstly, there is the canny Scot who thinks carefully before he speaks. Some Scottish silences are merely the pause before the plunge. Deep and different things lie behind this – the wish not to offend being one, the desire not to be caught making some foolish remark is another. The Scots are not just sharp judges; they have long memories. One feeble utterance can mark a person down as a brainless ‘numpty’ for life. The Scots are not just It’s an environment in which sharp judges; they have you have to be canny yourself long memories. One feeble to survive unscathed. utterance can mark a Secondly, there is the canny person down as a brainless Scot who has developed an ‘numpty’ for life. exaggerated concern not to commit himself. For him it is best not to stick out in the crowd, never to be in any way ‘kenspeckle’ (noticeable). ‘Always be cautious before folk’ is the maxim of this individual, and nothing alarms him so
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much as being faced with the kind of direct question that probes into what he really thinks about some issue. A look of desperation will appear, he will glance this way and that, and finally mutter ‘Maybe aye, maybe no’. He may harbour opinions of the most extreme kind, but he would only utter them among those he knows share them. Centuries of Thirdly, and perhaps the most frugality ultimately had common, there is the canny Scot an influence on the who is a prudent person, mindful national character. of how much – or how little – is in his purse and how long it has to last. Before the Industrial Revolution Scotland was not a rich country. Its people were accustomed to making the most of things and wasting nothing. Centuries of frugality ultimately had an influence on the national character. The Scots learned to husband their resources in order to survive bad times, worse times, and times of real trouble, like when the English invaded. Bad times were normal, and therefore easier to cope with. Good times made them nervous – sooner or later a day of reckoning would come, so they saved whatever came their way, and stowed away their ‘bawbees’ in dark corners. However, even the Scots concede that this kind of ‘canny’ can be taken too far, as in the story of a host greeting an unexpected guest with, ‘Come in, come in. You’ll have had your tea?’
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Being thrawn
There is a national impulse, lurking just beneath the surface, to be contradictory. It is a form of bloodymindedness for which the Scots have their own term – ‘thrawn’. This virtually untranslatable word combines obstinacy, assertiveness, and more than a hint of wilful perversity. It is one of the steely elements in the Scottish character. What it means in practice is that a Scot will take pleasure in deliberately uttering the opposite of what has just been said, or doing something quite unexpected, just for the sake of it. And once the Scots get an idea into their heads, even if subsequently proved false, it can be very difficult to remove it.
Being pawky and being dour
Two words characterise the Scots. One is ‘pawky’ the other is ‘dour’, and they mean opposite things. Pawky is defined as ‘tricky, artful; dryly humorous’. The pawky Scot is a person with a droll grin and a wisecrack to accompany it. ‘Dour’, on the other hand, means ‘obstinate; austere; humourless’. The dour Scot has a grim expression, a grim mind, and a grim turn of phrase to go with it. It is a special Scottish talent to combine both characteristics within the same person. In a display of his dour aspect a husband told his dying wife that, all right, he would allow her sister to 16
Character
ride beside him in the carriage to attend her funeral. ‘But,’ he added, ‘it’ll fair spoil the day for me.’ The anecdote itself is a pawky one.
Hiding emotions
The Scots are not a frivolous people. Seriousness is a natural companion of the grey skies, the craggy architecture and all that porridge. Dangerously They value understatement, tempestuous surges must they don’t like fuss and they lie deep beneath stern believe in keeping their emoScottish countenances tions to themselves. A pat on if they are so reluctant the shoulder or a peck on the to let them loose. cheek may communicate their affection; they may tell you a joke without smiling; they may stand silent and apparently unmoved at funerals; they may say goodbye to their dearest friends without a hint of feeling. The highest form of praise ever uttered by many of them is ‘No’ [not] bad’. Being Scottish would appear to be a heavy responsibility. The Scottish writer John Buchan once solemnly proclaimed: ‘We are the most emotional nation on earth.’ He clearly had in mind that dangerously tempestuous surges must lie deep beneath stern Scottish countenances if they are so reluctant to let them loose.
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Character
This reticence to display ordinary human vulnerability can sometimes lead to gruffness. They have developed a challenging, brusque manner to protect the fragile, sensitive spirit within, and done it so successfully that it is never detected by others. Often such people are very surprised at this failure to perceive their marshmallow centre, and go through life feeling misunderstood and under-appreciated, becoming even more gruff as a result. Two things can be relied upon to release Scottish inhibitions. One is being abroad. The Scot abroad is infinitely more human than They have developed a at home. Surrounded by challenging, brusque manner people who don’t mind to protect the fragile, showing their feelings, and sensitive spirit within. warmed by an unfamiliar sun, the protective shell drops off. Taciturnity is replaced by garrulity, diffidence by confidence, shyness by expansive gestures, and the picture of the flamboyant Scot gains a little more colour. The other is drinking. It may take a little more alcohol to release Scottish inhibitions than it does with other people, but it works in the end. Few Scots avoid being imbued with the national qualities of reserve and seriousness, unless they happen to be a ‘character’ – the ones who somehow escape such constraints, often saying exactly what they think in forcible terms, or even embracing people in public.
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Attitudes & Values
There are more characters around, in all walks of life, than you would suppose. In fact, you will come to realise that if the Scots were to shed their seriousness, they would be noisier than the Neapolitans, more dramatic than the Spaniards and wilder than the Whirling Dervishes. Their reserve is not a defence against the rest of the world: it is a necessary protective cover, rather like the lid of a nuclear reactor.
Attitudes & Values
The Calvinist legacy
For a few decades in the 17th century the Scots were possibly the most religious race on earth – fanatically so, ready to kill anyone who opposed their extreme Protestant, or Calvinist, views. Ever since, they have been winding down towards a more easy-going approach. It has taken a long time: far into the 20th century the Scottish Sunday, or Sabbath, was notorious for its extreme quiet – and dullness. A humorous versifier summed it up: ‘… at least, to begin the week well, let us all be unhappy on Sunday.’ It was only after the arrival of television that the Scottish Sunday cracked. Nowadays, anything goes, including football matches, even on the Isle of Lewis, the last stronghold of the old Sabbatarianism, where the ferry service was strictly Monday to Saturday and 19
Attitudes & Values
the only Sunday service was in church. The Scots are still learning how to wear, more lightly than they have in the past, the formidable cloak of Calvinism, with its terrifying – or inspiring – insistence on the individual’s direct responsibility to God. You can encounter extremes of austere piety and wild behaviour, sometimes in the You can encounter same individual. extremes of austere piety Where God seems very close, and wild behaviour, the Devil is never far away, and sometimes in the the Scots often appear to have a same individual. close relationship with both. They tell a story about the Day of Judgement, with the damned all gathered in Hell, while God looks down on them. ‘Lord, Lord, we didna ken (know),’ they cry beseechingly. ‘Weel,’ says God, ‘Ye ken noo.’ Today the majority of churchgoers attend the established Church of Scotland – known as the Kirk. Although Calvinist in creed, many of the modern Kirk’s ideas, including the acceptance of women ministers and a relaxed view of ‘gay’ lifestyles, would make any old-style Presbyterian reach for his cursing book. The next largest denomination is the Roman Catholic church, which was never quite wiped out by the Kirk in its glory days and was greatly enlarged by floods of Irish immigrants, fleeing Ireland’s famines. (Exchanges of population between Scotland and Ireland are partly responsible for the religious hostility
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