Xenophobe's Guide to the Swiss

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Published by Xenophobe’s® Guides. Web site: www.xenophobes.com E-mail: info@xenophobes.com Telephone: +44 (0)20 7733 8585 Copyright © Xenophobe’s® Guides Ltd., 2013 All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in whole or in part in any form. Xenophobe’s® is a Registered Trademark. First printed 1995; new editions 1999, 2008, 2013 Reprinted/updated 1996, 1997, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2010, 2011, 2012, 2013, 2014, 2015, 2016 Xenophobe’s® Guides are revised on a regular basis and suggestions for updates are welcome. Editor – Catriona Tulloch Scott Series Editor – Anne Tauté Cover designer – Vicki Towers

Thanks are given to John Purnell for his help and information. Cover – Figure in Traditional Alpine Costume at the Unspunnen Bicentenary Festival © Andrew Browning/Alamy; Old Switzerland chocolate ingots by permission of Goldkenn Switzerland. ePub ISBN: 9781908120908 Mobi ISBN: 9781908120915 Print ISBN: 9781906042509


Contents Nationalism & Identity

1

Character

11

Beliefs & Values

15

Behaviour & Manners

19

Obsessions

24

Systems

35

Leisure & Pleasure

44

Eating & Drinking

50

Health

54

Customs & Traditions

58

Government & Bureaucracy

65

Business

71

Crime & Punishment

79

Language

83


The population of Switzerland is made up of 65% Germanspeakers, 22% French-speakers, 8% Italian-speakers, and 0.5% Romansh-speakers, leaving 4.5% who say very little. The total is nearly 8.5 million – compared with 61 million Italians, 64 million British, 65 million French, 81 million Germans and 321 million Americans. Switzerland is virtually the same size as The Netherlands, and could fit into Spain 12 times.


Nationalism & Identity

The physics of fear

By any mathematical model nothing adequately accounts for the ability of a bumble bee to fly. Similarly, by any law of economics, the Swiss should not be doing so sickeningly well. A land-locked nation, with a home market smaller than London, speaking four different languages, no natural resources other than hydroelectric power, a little salt and even less fish, no secured The Swiss are markets for their products the only nation to make through colonies or being part the Germans appear of a trading block, they should inefficient, the French have come to earth with a bump undiplomatic and the long ago. Instead of which, the Texans poor. Swiss are the only nation to make the Germans appear inefficient, the French undiplomatic and the Texans poor. The Swiss franc is a better bet than gold and the Swiss economy more solid than the granite face of the Matterhorn. The Swiss rank amongst the top three highest per capita incomes in the world. But take consolation, they don’t enjoy it one bit. The Swiss claim, as they have done since the formation of the original threecantonal alliance in 1291, that their success is only a temporary state of affairs and it will all shortly end in tears. They stubbornly refuse to believe they are doing

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well and will even dispute the figures that prove it. So, like the poor donkey chasing the carrot, the Swiss pull their collective cart along ever faster, chasing the goal they passed years ago. Perhaps it is blissful ignorance that keeps the bumble bee airborne. For the Swiss it is anything but ignorance that keeps them flying so high – it is the fear that they will one day lose everything they have worked for.

A federal case

Switzerland is a federation of 26 cantons, three of which are divided into half cantons. (Half a canton is better than none.) These Cantons are like cantons are like miniature miniature countries. countries: self-financing, raisHistorically some were once ing their own taxes and sovereign states and many spending them as they want – still believe they are. from their own courts and police forces to education and even driving tests. Historically some were once sovereign states and many still believe they are. The cantons comprise nearly 3,000 totally independent communities, each making its own decisions about such things as their welfare systems, gas, electricity, water, local roads and even public holidays. Who controls this recipe for disaster? On the one side the federal government, and on the other the Swiss

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public with their unique and powerful direct voting system. By being balloted on every conceivable issue every three months, the Swiss dog actually appears to wag its own tail. Only after digesting the diverse and independent nature of the Swiss federal system and the differences in language, culture and tradition of the country can one begin to understand the often bandied expression ‘the Swiss don’t really By being balloted on exist’. However, here they every conceivable issue are, hidden in the centre of every three months, the Western Europe, in a land Swiss dog actually appears which bears an assortment to wag its own tail. of names – Schweiz, Suisse, Svizzera and even Switzerland. The folk who live here try very hard to persuade you that they are not ‘the Swiss’, but rather Zurcher, Berner, Vaudois, Luganesi, Genevois – the list is as long as the number of valleys. They have in common a red Swiss passport and the determination not to be like the inhabitants of the next valley. In their determination to be different, the Swiss are remarkably alike.

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Three’s company

Röstigraben (which loses something when translated as ‘fried potato ditch’) is the expression coined by the Swiss media for the imaginary north-south divide 3


Nationalism & Identity

between the French-speakers, and the German-speakers. Rösti (pronounced rersh-tee) is the potato dish beloved of the Bernese and seen by the rest of Switzerland as symbolic of the slow, solid, dependable but starchy Swiss-German Any Swiss frictions are mentality. In their turn, the quickly oiled away by the French-speakers refer to the best lubricant known ‘Outre-Sarine’, i.e. those over to mankind: money. the River Sarine or Saane, the river that flows down the fried potato ditch, implying that those who live over the river in German-speaking parts are beyond the pale. The other divide that runs east to west between the Italian speakers and German speakers is called the Alps. The three-way pull between the Teutonic, Gallic and Latin has all the potential discord of Belgian or Canadian divisions, not to say those of Northern Ireland or even former Yugoslavia. Occasional cracks have shown in the Swiss armour like the independentminded separatists of the French-speaking part of Canton Berne, who voted themselves a new canton, Jura, in 1978, but not before they had thrown a bomb or two. Differences are apparent in the quarterly Swiss ballot. The German-speakers vote for the status quo and are strongly for environmental protection. The rest of the country, including German-speaking Basle

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(which has only been Swiss for 500 years), vote more radically. The secret of Swiss unity is that the population has few gripes and a ready solution for any complaints with their voting system. More realistically, not to say cynically, any Swiss frictions are quickly oiled away by the best lubricant known to mankind: money.

How they see themselves

The Swiss have a healthy belief that whatever originates in their own country, and preferably their own area, is the best, particularly the people. Thus, if the supermarket offers Italian strawberries at half-price, the Swiss will still buy locallyThe Swiss rarely grown ones in the firm belief that have a good word to theirs are vastly superior. say about their fellow They will rarely have a good countrymen. word to say about their fellow countrymen. Town-dwellers scorn their country cousins as prehistoric and naïve folk, while they in turn treat town-dwellers with deep suspicion for being too flash and smooth for their own good. There is also intense rivalry between Swiss towns. With its international airport, high-tech industry and smoothly efficient financial sector, Zurich regards itself as the only world-class Swiss city. But, as the inhabitants of Berne are more than pleased to point

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out, Zurich is not the capital. The Berners find the Zurchers too much like the hard-nosed bankers of that city. Both the slow Berners and the slick Zurchers look down on Baslers. Perilously close to France and Germany and home of Switzerland’s smellier industries, Basle is thought of as being contaminated by these Hundreds of Baslers influences and therefore not and Zurchers commute quite Swiss-German. Baslers daily to each other’s get their own back with their cities rather than sparkling humour and will take move house. every opportunity to pull the collective legs of their fellow cities. Hundreds of Baslers and Zurchers, both firmly convinced that they live in the best place, commute daily to each other’s cities rather than move house. Geneva, like Basle, has a reputation of being ‘not quite Swiss’. Every day thousands of French pour across the border into the city to work, and a fifth of Geneva’s residents has English as its first language. Clearly Geneva loses out to smaller Lausanne in the Swiss-ness stakes. Similar rivalries are played out between the Ticino towns of Lugano and Locarno – easily confused by tourists but worlds apart to the Ticinese. But both have a brake on their antagonism by having to bow to Bellinzona, which, though smaller, is their cantonal capital.

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How they see others

The Swiss, if happy with their strawberries, are always plagued by doubts about most other things. The biggest of these is that someone else might have thought up a better way of doing things. This leads them to look longingly over into the next valley and from there at every other nation on earth. After much national soul-searching, Switzerland finally joined the United Nations in 2002, but membership of the EU and NATO still lie a long way off. Officially, this is because it would compromise their unique democratic system and They have a Swiss neutrality. Unofficially, long-standing love affair the Swiss feel that they are not with America. This is worthy to join such august because the USA organizations, staunchly clingis everything that ing to their independence and Switzerland is not. the Swiss franc. The people voted no to the EU because nobody was able to convince them that there would be any great advantages in joining a poor man’s club. But they are constantly racked with worry, wondering if they made the wrong decision. They have a long-standing love affair with America. This is because the USA is everything that Switzerland is not. America is vast and uniform. Switzerland is small and diverse. The Swiss imagine Americans to be freewheeling extrovert cowboys

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roaming unhindered over immense tracts of unspoilt land, while they themselves labour under a strict bureaucratic system and social codes that place heavy burdens of responsibility on every citizen’s shoulders. The wildest thing that a Swiss can do is buy an American car – and many do. The British are admired for conquering half the world and not feeling guilty about it; and then losing it all again and not feeling a failure. The Swiss still see them as tea-sipping gentlemen despite the hordes of British football hooligans rampaging through the stadia of Europe. The Germans are openly disliked for being so confident, not to mention being able to speak German so well. At the same time, the Swiss The wildest thing are secretly jealous of German that a Swiss can do is confidence. The French take the buy an American car – collective Swiss breath away and many do. with their charm, sophistication and savoir vivre. And the Austrians are convenient neighbours who take the butt of many jokes. While the Swiss adore everything from other countries in small doses, it should be noted that there is a big difference between ‘things from other countries’ and ‘foreign’. The Swiss have trouble with defining what is Swiss, so it is clear that they will also have problems defining what is foreign. Almost 23% of the resident population of Switzerland is foreign. You

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need Swiss parents, or a Swiss partner, or to be an artist, better still a rich artist, or have lived at least ten years in the country before you can be considered for citizenship. The ever-expanding This ever-expanding band band of foreigners in their of foreigners in their midst midst has provided the has provided the Swiss with Swiss with the perfect alibi the perfect alibi for everything for everything that is the that is the slightest bit imperslightest bit imperfect. fect. When service is poor in a restaurant, gardens are untidy, neighbours are noisy, cars are dirty, clothes not quite the latest fashion, the favourite scapegoat is saddled with the blame. With knowing looks, the explanation is proffered that the offending parties are not Swiss; they are not even tourists who are allowed to do whatever they want, but Ausländer – foreigners.

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How others see them

They tend not to. If the bumble bee’s gravity-defying act represents the prowess of the Swiss economy, then the chameleon’s ability to change and blend into its surroundings illustrates how the Swiss are not seen by others. The French-speaking Swiss are hard to differentiate from unusually pernickety French. The Italian-speaking Swiss are easily mistaken for slightly starchy 9


Nationalism & Identity

Italians. And the German-speaking Swiss can often be overlooked as being somewhat sedated Germans. The culture of the Swiss is diverse, so they do not have a ready caricature. Tourists demand cuckoo clocks to take home, so the Swiss are happy to accept Swiss francs for them, but in reality they are far too kitsch for Swiss tastes and originate in southern Germany. It is true that the Swiss army is issued with knives; but not the tourist version complete with scissors, tweezers, toothpick, nail-file, corkscrew and horse-hoof stone extractor. The Swiss are very image-conscious and care passionately how they are seen by other nations. They firmly believe they are subject to They firmly believe constant inspection and criticism they are subject to by the rest of the world. They do constant inspection it to themselves, so they reason, and criticism by the others must be doing it to them rest of the world. too. Thus they are devastated when Switzerland is confused with Sweden as it often is on the grounds that both are neutral, begin with ‘Sw’ and have snow. Even Switzerland’s capital city is a ‘Trivial Pursuits’ question. It is not Geneva, nor its biggest city Zurich, nor even, as more than one tourist has thought, Interlaken, but Berne. Such misconceptions are not helped by the liberal use of the name ‘Helvetia’, which causes confusion among young would-be stamp collectors. Its origins

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lie with the locals being called the Helvetii by the Romans. Swiss cars bear the nationality plate CH. This stands for ‘Confoederatio Helvetica’ i.e., ‘Swiss Federation’ in Latin – the Swiss opting for neutrality rather than choose one of their own languages. Perceptions of the Swiss as being dull, while at the same time displaying a talent for Clichéd impressions ruthless efficiency and a limitless of mountains, watches, capacity for hard work, are cheeses and gold bars uncomfortably close to the are genuine. truth. The clichéd impressions of high mountains, watches, cheese (with and without holes), chocolate bars and gold bars are genuine. But ask anyone in Zurich where the gnomes are and you will earn blank looks. The same applies if you want to buy a Swiss roll – no Swiss has heard of it.

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Character

Mountain mind set

The Swiss are unable to override their origins as a tough, mountain people. Though over 72% of the population work in financial services (banking, etc.), insurance and tourism, some 24% in industry, trade and crafts, and less than 4% in agriculture, today’s Swiss have lost none of their ancestors’ grit and determination. 11


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Eking out any kind of existence from farming vertical slopes requires a special kind of character, not to mention massive farm subsidies. It’s a lonely life on a mountain farm where relationships with others are more difficult to cultivate than potatoes. Swiss farmers are tough, independent, hard-working, resilient, well-prepared for every kind of natural disaster and, above all, staunchly conservative. These characteristics are shared by Swiss town-dwellers, who go about their daily lives as if they too were farming a lonely mountain cliff. Their thinking tends to The educational system be isolated and valley-like – does not encourage individalways worrying what is ualism. Add to this the over in the next valley and natural introversion of an whether the grass there essentially mountain people is greener. and you can see why the Swiss remain deeply suspicious of those who display great self-confidence and who are articulate in public. The terrain of their land exerts a big influence – mountains dominate the landscape and the Swiss mind-set. Their thinking tends to be isolated and valley-like – always worrying what is over in the next valley and whether the grass there is greener. It is generally recognised that farmers are the world’s greatest complainers. And the Swiss farmers are no different. Nothing is ever right for them. When it is not too dry for their crops, then it is too wet for

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them. The prices they obtain for their produce are never high enough. The non-farming sector of Switzerland was quick to latch on to this characteristic and so produced a nation that is never satisfied with its lot and is in constant pursuit of unobtainable improvement. The Swiss have perfected the negative mental attitude so that it works positively. They have the happy knack of seeing the downside of The Swiss any situation. Not for them the have taken on their happy-go-lucky attitude that shoulders the burden of says ‘It’ll all come out in the being sensible for less wash’. They would much rather responsible nations. avoid getting dirty in the first place. Müller’s Law, the Swiss version of Murphy’s Law, states ‘Whatever can go wrong, will go wrong – but we will be more than prepared for it’.

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Don’t be happy, just worry

The Swiss feel that there are too many people in this world who, instead of working hard and preparing for the next disaster, are having a good time. So they have taken on their shoulders the burden of being sensible for less responsible nations – i.e., the rest of the world. The diversity of the Swiss people is apparent in the degree to which they worry. The German-speakers do 13


Character

little else. The French-speaking Swiss are great visionaries and philosophers with noble thoughts and global dreams. They worry that their Swiss-German compatriots do not share these dreams. The Italian-speaking Swiss have a terrible tendency not to worry nearly enough. Fortunately they account for less than 7% of the population. Living in a self-governing community with continual demands to make life and death decisions about your country’s future means there is no place for frivolity. One is supposed to worry Living in a self-governing continuously and prepare community with continual for all sorts of disasters that demands to make life and may overwhelm the world death decisions about your at any time. Thus, no buildcountry’s future means there ing may be constructed is no place for frivolity. without a nuclear shelter in the cellar. The rest of post cold-war Europe relaxes, while the Swiss, in theory at least, are stocked up with provisions to survive a nuclear winter. Once a year citizens are treated to a testing of deafening alarm systems that would be used in case of flood, nuclear attack, earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, etc. Only a Swiss government would concern itself about a small matter like running up a deficit. Only a Swiss government would devise a plan to counter the national debt problem by raising taxes. Then only the Swiss people would vote to actually pay more tax to elimi-

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nate their budget deficit. The Swiss are the first to acknowledge that they are too serious and too preoccupied with rules and regulations. But, when it comes to the crunch, they cannot help themselves and, falling impotently under their own spell, they carry on worrying.

Beliefs & Values As the Swiss don’t believe in themselves, they have to believe in other things instead. High on the list come work, paperwork, education, training, God, work and the Swiss franc.

Yodelling all the way to the bank

Small farmers are a classless breed and so too is Swiss society, the only real division being between the rich and the very rich. There are poor people in Switzerland, but as being poor is generally regarded as their own fault for not working The only real hard enough, the poor keep quiet division is between about it. the rich and the The Swiss themselves say about very rich. money: ‘You don’t talk about it, you just have it.’ There is even a law supporting this: Swiss employment contracts prohibit workers disclosing their salaries to colleagues. Job advertisements are

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similarly prevented from stating the salary on offer. When Mercedes introduced cars without the badges which indicate which model is which, it might have been specially for the Swiss market. It is a kind of reverse one-upmanship to buy a fantastically expensive car and then refuse to let one’s neighbours know which model it is and thus how much it cost. This is how the Swiss are with their wealth. They display it, but without badges. Not only are 500 and 1,000 franc notes in circulation (Swiss francs are almost equivalent to US dollars), they are happily taken in payment. It is not unknown for Swiss housewives to pay Not only are 500 and for a loaf of bread at the 1,000 franc notes in local supermarket checkout circulation, they are happily with a 1,000 franc note. taken in payment. Bells do not ring. Security guards do not suddenly appear. The note is accepted without suspicion or rigorous inspection and given no more than a cursory glance; and, equally remarkably, the change is instantly forthcoming from the till.

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The bells! The bells!

The church holds greater sway in Switzerland than in many modern western societies. This is witnessed by bell-ringing which the tourists find so charming but which many prematurely deaf Swiss living within 16


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earshot find rather less appealing. Bells start clanging at all times of the day and night – to tell the farmers it is time for lunch, to tell the farmers it is time to work again; on Saturdays to remind the faithful that tomorrow is Sunday and on Sundays to tell them ‘today’s the day’. Hanging out washing, Sundays, like the other six digging the garden, days of the week, are taken cleaning the car are all very seriously. Having flogged forbidden on Sundays. themselves nearly to death working through the week, the Swiss are rewarded with a genuine day of rest on Sunday. Hanging out washing, digging the garden, cleaning the car are all forbidden on Sundays. Commercial vehicles are banned and, on sunny Sundays ................................

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