1 6
Story : 8
1 7
s
t
o
r
y
8
:
F
a
A
r
e
w
e
l
l
:
N
e
c
k
c
o
mongst all BDSM instruments, the neck collar
holds the most symbolic meanings for practitioners, especially for Dominant/ submissive couples. In a BDSM play, a sub being cuffed, tied or hung by his/ her master are only about physical matters, and all the pain and excitement end after that play. Being collared, however, is significant for a D/s couple; sometimes it could be a commitment ceremony within this community, with the collar functioning as a wedding ring. But this commitment is case by case: sometimes a sub has to beg for his/her collar by showing continuous devotion to the Master. Also, it may go too far to compare a collar directly to a ring because no document can support a collar’s legal rights. But before a BDSM couple step into a D/s relationship, successive negotiations must take place, ranging from their BDSM fantasies to their vanilla world* . An ideal BDSM couple wish to meet mutual needs in every aspect of life, including their careers and family members. For example, a sub might have to give up his/her job for as long as the Master wishes. Once a sub is collared, indicating that he/she hands over his/her power to whomever he/ she trusts wholeheartedly, this relationship may start existing 24/7 until either side wants the deal terminated.
l
l
a
r
.
1 8
s
t
o
r
y
8
:
F
a
r
e
w
e
l
l
:
N
e
c
k
c
o
This relationship may appear ridiculous to some, as if the submissive one has lost the ability to live as a mature adult. But they are simply acting out the D/S roles; they handle their everyday life as normally as non-fetishists do, and they pursue the same values while seeking a relationship – love, care and loyalty. The biggest difference is that they need an object to magnify their relationship in a fetishistic way. However, since wearing a neck collar to the workplace may be too flamboyant, it is usually replaced by any item that carries a symbolic connotation of power exchange. It could, for example, be symbolized by another circular shape, such as a ring, a bracelet or an anklet, or by permanent body decorations like piercing and tattoos. Even a word that represents their commitment is possible because many couples do not meet each other through the vanilla world; sometimes the Internet is the only channel that allows them to communicate.
With the token, whichever it is, received from the Master, a sub’s desire to be “chained” is met, and the dominant partner will then treat the sub correctly, as a reward. And this is probably the ultimate romance that
l
l
a
r
.
1 9
s
t
o
r
y
8
:
F
a
r
e
w
e
l
l
:
N
e
c
k
c
o
all people, not simply fetishists, look for in their lives. Some D/s couples eventually marry. The wife is the sub and the husband plays the dom. The wife always serves her husband’s dinner first, and then their children; when watching TV, the wife always sits beside her husband. In the vanilla eyes of their neighbors and families, this couple appears to be a happy family. Of course this circumstance could be reversed when a female takes the dominant role. Nonetheless, with this commitment the couple is able to prolong their relationship, which is more reliable than a marriage made in a court.
*Vanilla world: because vanilla is the default flavour for sweets, practitioners use this term to refer to their non-BDSM side of life.
l
l
a
r
.
o
r
y
8
:
F
a
r
e
w
e
l
l
:
N
e
c
k
c
o
l
l
a
r
:
a
f
t
e
r
w
o
r
▞ This is the last shoot for my book, and I named it “Farewell”. It was like a diary of a girl’s runaway trip when she faced the end of a relationship. We did this project at Beachy Head, where the last scene of Quadrophenia was shot: a scooter flying down the white cliffs means the end of Jimmy the actor’s life. I thought this was the solution to my self-healing process because I have been searching for ways to say goodbye to the past. . ▞ I handmade the feather neck collar for the project. While my hands were busy doing this time-consuming work, I kept thinking about my London life last year. Pieces of memory were scattered, I had to collect them, and they were as light as feathers. When the collar was done, somehow I felt my duty to the person I loved was completed. ▞ The day of the shoot was sunny and the scenery of the white cliffs was marvellous. But it was the makeup artist who alerted me, then I noticed that the model was almost fainting because I had asked her to stand as near to the edge as possible. Finally I went there by myself, picked up a white stone, and threw it into the deep blue ocean. I wished I could hear it dropping but I heard only the wind…. ▞ And I want to apologise because I should not have tortured an
as
so
su
nn y
acrophobic person, especially as she is my friend. ▞
da yw
t
at
s
Th
3 0
d
.