heraldfreshmanissue2012final by The Yale Herald

The Yale Herald Summer 2012

From the editor Congratulations! You made it! Well, sort of. Now you just have four years of college and then a long life of labor and toil that may or may not include 10 years of grad school, child-rearing, and that thing where you can’t stop peeing. The good news is that we can help with the college part. So let’s just take things one step at a time. You’ve come this far, which means that in high school you were probably president of the student body. Or captain of the debate team. Or an oboe prodigy, or an Olympic swimmer, or a real whiz at calculating the area under a curve. Bravo! That’s very nice. The thing is, if you want to make it at Yale, you have to brilliant at a completely different set of activities. Like finding something edible in the dining hall, getting out of bed in the morning even when it’s hailing, taking care of an illness without your mom’s help, and ending up naked with people who actually appeal to you. Here at the Herald, we’re not really sure how one goes about becoming the star of the Yale Dramatic Association’s mainstage production, or the captain of the hockey team, but we’ve spent a whole lot of time trying to figure out the other stuff. A few tips right off the bat: go to sleep when you’re tired, don’t drink anything that smells like it might be rubbing alcohol, and for the love of Pete, stay away from the dining halls’ Tofu Crisp. You’ll find more advice from Herald staff past and present on what to pack,

where to party, and who to dump inside this issue. For the boring stuff, like printing resources and statistics about Yale’s investments in Asia and/or the biological sciences, look online or in the freshman issue of the Yale Daily News. In the next four weeks—well, the next four years—you’re going to receive more pieces of paper covered in important information than you can shake a stick at. Some will tell you who to call in case of a medical emergency; others will diagram for you how DNA replicates. In these pages, all we want is to help you be a functioning, happy semi-adult who doesn’t wake up facedown in a basement covered in Sharpie. Trust us, it’s not as easy as it sounds. Sharpie or not, this next stage of life is going to be a rollercoaster. You will meet wonderful friends. You will run out of underwear. You will become exhausted. You may fall in love. You may gain 15 pounds. You may come out. You may realize that you really, really miss your mom and dad. You will not be as good at some things as you thought you were, and you will be better at other things that you never even considered. So pace yourself. You’ll meet the right people, even if it takes time, and you’ll find the right extracurriculars, even if you skip the bazaar. And please, I meant it when I told you to go to sleep when you’re tired. If you like writing or making art, do it for the Herald! We have a big, beautiful new website launching in the fall, and we’d love your help. But even if journalism’s not for you, we hope you’ll be our friend. Good luck! And welcome home.

The Yale Herald Freshman Issue 2012 Editorial Staff Editor-in-chief: EMILY RAPPAPORT Cover Design: ZACHARY SCHILLER Business Staff: EVAN WALKER-WELLS WILL COGGINS Special thanks: ARIEL DOCTOROFF EMMA SCHINDLER Thanks for reading. Have a nice day.

—Emily Rappaport Editor in Chief The Yale Herald Summer 2012

WHAT TO BRING by Tatiana Schlossberg

Midnight, the night before college, you sit alone in your childhood bedroom. Your stuffed animals surround you on the floor as you share one last tea party before you have to grow up, once and for all. (This is how everyone spends his or her last night before college. Get hip.) Tomorrow, you leave for Yale. All your dreams have come true (except for your stuffed animals coming alive, but it’s just a dream deferred…for now), but one final hurdle remains: packing. Figuring out what to bring to college is one of the most difficult tasks in your young adult life. Sure, you know to bring at least one pair of underwear and a shower caddy—you’re no idiot. But it’s those essential items that will announce to your suitemates, friends and lovers: I have arrived. Well lucky for you, the Herald is here to help. The YDN will probably tell you to bring an extra loofa—just in case—but we’re here to bring you the alternative, weekly, inside scoop. Get ready for the Herald’s signature packing list, abridged version.

(Just in case.)

Shotglasses

The Yale Herald Summer 2012

A scale model of the Vatican You don’t have one of these?

A mattress cover

Look, which one of us wasn’t the editor-inchief of our high school newspaper, winner of the Nobel Prize, first Neanderthal in space, list just goes on and on! We get it, you did everything! Well guess what? In college, you don’t have that kind of time. Don’t sign up for all the publications and the ski team and the anti-gravity society and ballroom dancing and the Yale “entrepreneurial” society just because you don’t want to say no to the enthusiastic co-eds who will accost you day and night. Your inbox will be flooded with emails you don’t want and THEY WILL NEVER STOP. In the words of Robert Frost, “These wood are lovely, dark and deep / But I have promises to keep, / So fuck all y’all.”

Hangers

An armload of fun facts about yourself

Don’t you want the world to think that you know how to party? If not, it’s always handy to have somewhere to store extra paperclips!

Call me a princess, but these make a difference. Also, if you thought you were going to be sleeping on a featherbed, or that you’d be remotely comfortable without a mattress cover, you should also bring a grip on reality.

You are going to have more bonding activities and introductions in the first few days of school than you ever thought possible. After the inevitable “Where are you from?” and “What residential college are you in?” you’ll want to be able to *wow* your peers with something that will make them remember you. Try, “I have doublejointed toes” or “Believe it or not, I was the only survivor of the Titanic.” Feel free to try your own fictional narratives. When you get those quizzical looks from your new potential friends, you’ll know you’ve made it. If they walk away from you, whatever, you don’t need them anyway. You’re popular, you’re successful, smile, Jesus loves you.

Yale isn’t gonna give you nearly enough, and trust me, Jeeves will not be there to iron your tux after you leave it crumpled in the corner underneath a pile of a stranger’s vomit. Invest.

An extra loofah

Your C Hera opy of the ld Fr Issu eshman e, du h!

A realistic approach to extracurriculars

A working knowledge of a laundry machine

Endless patience A stapler Apart from the infinite introductions you’ll make, you’ll have to sit through a lot of things that you didn’t sign up for, including, but not limited to, Freshman Convocation, Kaleidoscope, Registration, Classes, Parties, Sleeping in a dorm. It’s important that you show your brightest face and toothiest grin to the 1,350 or so people who will all be your best friends by 2015. Tell them how much you love Yale! How you are intrigued by your roommate’s b.o.! They’ll wanna hear it, trust me. Alternatively, act jaded. It works for us.

But actually.

Seriously have someone teach you this before it’s too late. You’re thinking to yourself, “Oh, please, I got into Yale, I can do my laundry.” I was there. But before you know it, all your clothes are pink and too small for a teacup poodle. Swallow your pride.

You’re going to be receiving list after list in the mail of what to bring, advice from your parents or siblings and anyone else you’ve ever known. Their lists might not overlap with ours, but that’s a risk we’re willing to take. But the one serious piece of advice that we can give you is this: Bring things that make you comfortable and happy, that remind you of home without making you sad. This campus will be your new home for the next four years, and you should carve out within it a space that is all your own. Apart from taking shots, making yourself happy is the most important thing you can do during your time at college. So pack whatever will make that happen. But actually.

WHAT TO DO

Or, What not to do and how to do it.

by Carlos Gomez

o, you’re getting ready to leave home. Anxious? Excited? Does the thought of 4,000 new classmates make you pee your pants, just a little? You’re reading this, which means you already have a leg-up on the competition, but it also means you’re probably a loser (really? you can’t figure out what to do on your own?). But that’s okay. So are we. And so is everyone you’re about to meet (this is especially true for the ones who pretend they’re not. Econ majors, I’m talking to you). This list of dos and don’ts by no means includes everything you should or shouldn’t do in your first year (like attend your FroCo meetings, or get matching sheets with your roommate, or play dizzy bat on concrete), but they will get you started. Some are classics we want to make sure you don’t miss, the rest, lesser-known suggestions you won’t find in your Freshman Handbook. If you’re offended, we’re sorry, but maybe you should stay at home with your thumb in your mouth and your Pampers pulled extra tight. At the Herald, PC stands exclusively for Pierson College. Let’s begin.

1: Break up with your high school boyfriend/girlfriend No, really. You can’t spread your wings and enjoy your new college freedom with the old ball and chain tying you down. Small town hotties are great and all, but who doesn’t want a nerd in hipster glasses? (They know that the square root of 69 is 8.30662386, and they only had to work it out on their graphing calcs). Don’t wait until Thanksgiving. No one likes a Turkey Dump.

2: Make new friends! And repeat. Your first few weeks will be a maelstrom (you’re at Yale now, bitch) of name-games, handshakes, hand jobs, et al. You never knew this many people could be so interesting and fun and smart and cool! That is, until you realize half of them are practically aliens and the rest are clinically insane. Chances are, you won’t find all of your best friends the first day of freshman year, so don’t close yourself off just yet.

3: Drop premed Immediately. No, it’s not normal to spend 68 percent of the day in tears, surrounded by sleep-deprived zombies who are always ready to jab a sterilized scalpel into your left aortic valve for your Orgo grade. Who needs science anyway? Curves are only acceptable on your dance floor hook-up, which bring us to:

8. Go to Tour de Franzia 4: Wednesday Toad’s It’s been a long week. There are still two days of classes left. Your econ problem set can wait (forever). So study-break it down at Wednesday Toad’s. There’s no Claire’s cake, but there is DJ Action. And he is spinning the hottest tracks. Wednesdays are Yale-only, so you’ll always have ample floor space to test your latest moves. Celebrate hump-day the right way at Yale’s premier music venue—the only place in town you’re just as likely to take and get shot/s! (We kid, we kid. That’s only on Saturdays.)

5: Resist the prepared food at Gourmet Heaven after Wednesday Toad’s And really, always. Yes, it looks delicious at 2 a.m., all crusty and lukewarm under the yellow heat lamps. But it looks markedly less appetizing when you’re lying prostrate on the bathroom floor of L-Dub, your chicken no-mein floating in toilet water and stuck to your shirt in equal amounts. (And even if you do keep it down, it looks just as unappetizing pouring over your fat jeans.) But you should:

Or RAD, or DKEs of Hazzard, or America F*ck Yeah, or Skanksgiving (okay, we made that last one up, but you get the idea). You haven’t done freshman year right if you haven’t done a real frat party with a real frat name (the more alcohol/sex/USA puns the better!). The Herald recommends DKE (for the music! Who doesn’t love “Wagon Wheel” followed by Tom Petty followed by Ke$ha?? We know we do).

9: Bike to East Rock Tour de Franzia may be over, but that doesn’t mean you have to put away your compression shorts for good! Escape the Yale bubble and take a scenic ride or hike to East Rock for a much-needed breath of fresh air.

10: Reexamine your sexuality Springtime at Yale means the sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and new fruits are in bloom. Start the trend and do it now. Because, really, there just isn’t that much closet space at Yale.

6. Stuff your face at the Freshman Dinner Sob uncontrollably at the last Harry Potter? Us too. But dry up, muggle—you can recapture the magic at Yale’s version of the Christmas Feast. No house elves (that we know of…), but there is a twenty-foot long challah (holla!). Extra points if you steal an ice-sculpture.

7. Shake your @$$ at the Freshman Screw

Okay, so now that you’re a lonely homosexual with no discernible career path, you are officially ready to enter the ivy-covered gates of Yale. Don’t be scared. We don’t bite. (Unless you want us to.) Remember, these ten commandments recommendations are just a starting point. Come May, you’ll have formed your own, personalized list of 2,892 dos and don’ts. And ultimately, this is the most important thing you will do freshman year: Figure out what works for you. Trust yourself. Keep an open-mind. And never eat the tofu ravioli.

Elaborate set-ups, tacky decorations, flashing lights, sweaty masses, questionable decisions—like prom but better! (Keep in mind: It only counts if you remember it.)

The Yale Herald Summer 2012

CREDIT/D/FAIL Cr

Free entertainment courtesy of your frocos! Perhaps, like I did, you’ve spent the last few months fearing the inevitable first-night dinner table conversation with your suitemates during which you will be expected to crack baseless jokes about how many times a week you plan to sexile them. Or perhaps, also like I did, you are dreading the anxiety attack induced by the impossible choice among the plethora of department-hosted panels that left you wanting more during Bulldog Days. Good news for you, you uncomfortable and misguided little prick! Your first evenings will be entirely consumed by information sessions covering everything from picayune paperwork to sweeping generalizations about social skills and race relations. You’ll learn not to accept mixed drinks from a guy who looks like he might put Nyquil in your mixed drink! You’ll learn that an independent tribunal is often helpful in intra-suite conflicts to determine whether Easy Mac containers can be left on the coffee table overnight! You’ll learn that just because the sidewalk passerby wears a hooded sweatshirt, it’s possible that he’s a Yale student and not a knife-toting hoodlum! Your freshmen counselors will bequeath these priceless nuggets of sage to your ignorant and groveling young selves. Thanks to these primetime presentations, you can sit on your alcohol allowance for at least another week! —John Stillman

F: Yale doesn’t make you hotter! Remember how when you dropped the Ybomb to a foine chick at home she thought you were a veritable hood figure? Or, ladies, remember how ghetto fab the b-boys thought you were in the club when you told them you were matriculating to a college founded by colonials? Well kiss the days of the Yale-conferred hookup goodbye! Your targets, believe it or not, will largely be sporting the same blue and white sweatshirts as you are. So no more freebies with the powerhungry condom-puncturer who thought you could get her off the waitlist. It’s going to take some creativity now. Try working such angles as “I just really couldn’t see myself at Harvard”; “I’m a triple legacy”; “I don’t actually go here…I just live up the road on Dixwell”; “I had no idea New Haven was so blue-collar”; “I’m the first student to go to an Ivy in my school’s history”; “I’m walking on”; “Bet I’m further left than you”; or the tried and true “I don’t live in Morse or Stiles.” Because Yale is a place where everyone’s greatest asset is cancelled out like a cruel game of personality Scattergories, and any competitive edge you can find is necessary. —John Stillman

D Fast-track the Freshman 15! Try this: Every time you swipe your ID and walk into the dining hall, imagine you’re stepping into the buffet on a cruise ship! Because look, you basically are, and you should revel in it until the realization sets in (around day 30) that you actually prefer Crispix non-powdery and croutons non-packing-peanuty. In the meantime, get a head start on the swollen face and inflated abdominals. Opportunities abound for plumping up, whether it’s a bottom-of-the-carton serving of orange chicken at a froco study break, or a carnivorous breakfast fit for a lumberjack/freshman whose patience for introductions and handshakes has left him equivalently exhausted. Fortunately for those of you who have looked forward to this unshackling of restraint, the Freshman 15 comes with a negotiable decimal place! —John Stillman

The Yale Herald Summer 2012

Cr Strange overlap of summer and school It’s nice to have a few days of summer at, like, school. There’s nothing like shaking some splendas into an iced coffee and sitting outside a library with an US weekly, you know? I know. It’s like…leftover Halloween candy in January, or maybe sitting down in the shower, or breakfast pie, or early morning physical activity—all strangely exciting because they rarely happen. It is not, however, like rain on your wedding day, nor a traffic sign when you’re already late, nor any of the other lyrics to the Alanis Morissette song, “Isn’t it ironic,” which, incidentally, may be a good song to play during these few days, maybe in your headphones during your solo ice skating session at the hockey rink (a great gluteus workout), on your guest DJ night at Hula Hanks, or maybe in the background at the Yale Political Union blue-booking party. —Sam Sullivan

Camp Yale. It’s like regular camp, except totally different. Frat parties, safe sex orientations, meet and greets, ice cream, cake, assemblies, forms—and you haven’t even started classes yet. The Herald brings you the Credits, the Ds, and the Fails of Camp Yale.

Freshman Buffet What’s another $75 casually stacked on your BARP bill, right? The student activities fee is an “optional” annual charge that automatically gets on all July Becoming A Real Person statements. If Yale’s tuition were even a little more like Oxford’s, this fee would, proportionally, be the cost of a Blue State run. (Did I mention you should take First-Order Logic?) But there’s no Camp Oxford. There’s a Camp Yale, it’s pretty literally a buffet, and you have money to make back. This is not the time to be discriminating; no panlist is too small or big, no info session too obscure or trivial, no classmate too perky or weird. But where’s the rub? you may ask. Ah! The four touchstone phrases of the overload at mail.yale.edu’s much-reviled Horde (forward rule to gmail, nownownow), thanks to your $75? Claire’s cake, ice cream, Thai food, and pizza. As in, there will be. To have and to hoard. As in, beware the freshman 17, 20, 23, 26 (names withheld, numbers real). Cold truths to face later, my dears. For now, what about the overlap of the microfinance meeting on voodoo capitalism and the business society’s Asia Tomorrow Conference?!? Can’t believe the second thing is real? See you at the Herald ice cream social. —Cindy Ok

Crunch Time Not only do they (you know, the Others, all these randos who pretend like they’re helping you but are secretly laughing at and feeling superior to you) not give you any kind of guidance on pooing, but no one actually teaches you how to shop for classes. Your frocos are the sweetest ever, tell you “sex is just not a big deal” (in the dining hall, standing on a chair, no less! Heyoooo) and provide you with lots of Claire’s cake, ice cream, Thai food, and pizza. But they’re so far removed from Camp Yale Round 1: Deferral Terminal that they don’t tell you about the deadlines (freshman seminar and English class online lotteries), the 4 a.m. signup lines (math classes), or the tiny little line on OCI that says “Permission of instructor required” (just. apply. you’ll get rejected, deferred, disillusioned. but always. just. apply.). Then everybody wonders why freshmen get stuck in big ugly lecture courses. Talk to people. Email professors. Meet with your froco. Ask people older than you, the ones who aren’t systematically being overstimulated, to coffee (and by coffee, I of course mean Claire’s cake, ice cream, Thai food, and pizza). —Cindy Ok

Partying No matter how great my little sunglass lanyard makes me feel, I have a sinking feeling that I really can’t party much longer, and that these Camp Yale parties really in a way herald the end of parties as we know them. Maybe the dog I bought as a party mascot for Camp Yale wasn’t a good idea? And I don’t like pinnies. Though I say this because I secretly want to wear one and feel really ashamed that I have no excuse to, a muscular physique being one valid excuse, among others. I particularly liked this one pinnie I kept seeing around last year, I think it was made especially for the Theta block party? Anyways, it was really pretty cool, and if anyone knows how to get their hands on one of these pinnies I suggest they do. —Sam Sullivan

People, and what they did, and how they did it. Don’t tell me what you did this summer. And don’t ask me what I did either. It will hinder my partying. You could tell me that what really made your whole trip to Uganda worthwhile was just seeing the faces of the children whom you taught to make medicine from scratch; to read bass, treble, and tenor clefs; and to purify water that can be found inside rocks; and I could tell you all about which turkey sandwiches to get at the deli that is open 24 hours a day on my block, and what hand gestures you need to use to ensure that you get the right amounts of whatever condiment you want, and the best way to sneak McDonalds apple pies into regal cinemas for the midnight showing of Friends with Benefits, but this would annoy me (and you? Maybe just me). —Sam Sullivan

F Unoriginality “What college are you in?” Worse than “do you sing?” (obviously in the shower I project my voice singsongedly, ask if I sing well, you gifted bitches); a step above “What was your GPA?” (I don’t remember, freak; one, my mental health, zero, yours). Find something other than the one of twelve names Excel randomly placed you next to. Please. What, did you say the residential college system gives one a sense of home within the bigger community in your Why Yale essay or something? How original. (No I mean so did I, but now that we’re in the bigger community let’s get past it.) Nobody cares what college you’re in, and don’t play the name-everyone-you’ve-metrandomly-in-this-person’s-college-this-personyou’ve-also-met-randomly-and-will-note-into-yourphone-as-green-shirt-girl-from-ldub-courtyard, either. And for the hate of small talk, never, ever introduce yourself as “Joey Fledgling, Ezra Stiles College Class of 2015.” Babble (Babel) on about something else. Anything else (except…no, not your Eurotrip, and not what car you drive). The humidity. What three colors you’d choose if you could only have three. How everybody’s Okay and everything’s Amazing. Maybe, later on, how everybody is not the most okay and everything’s not always amazing. Then fall back on talking in circles about—say it with me—Claire’s cake, ice cream, Thai food, and pizza. —Cindy Ok

The Yale Herald Summer 2012

GETTING TO KNOW 2016 by Emily Rappaport

od knows I’m no expert on friend-making. The first thing I said to one girl who ultimately became one of my best friends was that I didn’t believe her that her (kind of weird) name was her name. The first thing I asked a second friend was when she was going to stop hanging out with another girl in our entryway. The first time I met a third I interrogated her about the guidebooks she used during her gap year in South America. What do I know? Well, I actually know a couple of things that might be useful for you to hear. All of what you’re about to read is based on absolutely true stories that happened at one point or another when I was a freshman. Listen up. 1. Don’t tell people you’re going to run for President. I’m 100% positive that at least a couple of you who read this will feel alienated— but if you had grand plans to announce your 2030 candidacy during Camp Yale and this does absolutely anything in the way of changing your mind, it will all have been worth it. Please, by all means, dream big. Shoot for the moon. You want to be President, and I’m sure you’d do an awesome job. You’re super smart and charismatic, you did your Directed Studies summer reading, you were student body president, and you paged at the Senate last summer! You’re already qualified. But really. Don’t utter a word about it to a single person. Don’t even reveal it during those reveal-everything games on your FOOT trip. Don’t admit that your future candidacy is the reason you don’t want a beer, don’t admit that it’s the reason you don’t want to be in a photo with a red solo cup, don’t admit that it ever affects the way you do anything. I know that this doesn’t even remotely apply to the vast majority of you, but I promise, you’ll thank me too. 2. Don’t friend everyone on that resi-

The Yale Herald Summer 2012

dential college list you got. Because you got your assignments weeks ago, it’s possible that I may not have caught you in time to save you from this mistake. Fingers crossed that I did, because it’s just unnecessary. It’s also a surefire way of making yourself notorious because absolutely everyone will know that you did it. If newsfeeds are saying “Dwayne Wade and 35 other people are now friends with Kobe Bryant,” everyone will obviously know that you, Kobe, are the serial friender. There is no need to be Facebook friends with a stranger. If you are someone who genuinely cannot resist that Add Friend button, I guess I kind of get it—but please, at least wait until you’ve met the person, even if it was just a quick handshake. 3. Don’t carry your DS books around under your arm. Yes, everyone recognizes that those are the books for DS, yes, it’s great that you’re doing it, you’ll probably win the prize. Backpack, messenger bag, tote bag, purse, suitcase, grocery bag, garbage bag, hobo sack, whatever, don’t care. But put the books away. Also, nota bene for whoever heroically takes on the challenge of throwing the inevitable first-Thursday-without-apaper toga party: Make the Facebook event private. 4. Don’t leave your medical school applications lying around your suite. Honestly, my instinct is to tell you not to even print those medical school applications, probably not to even download them, possibly not to even think about them. But I can’t tell you how to do you, so my only demand is that you don’t leave them anywhere where anyone could ever see them. 5. Don’t scoff at people when they tell you they are in TD, Silliman, Morse, or Stiles Duh! Why am I even telling you this? OF COURSE the fact that you were randomly sorted into JE (or your papa was in it) doesn’t make you inherently cooler and better than people who weren’t. Right? You know that. (Weird, I know, but a lot of people don’t know that.) 6. Don’t make out with too many people during Camp Yale.

Send me a follow-up email if this one’s not self-explanatory. I don’t think you’ll be this stupid here’s a quick note nonetheless on avoiding the obvious clichés: no business cards, no resumes, no SAT scores, no talking about Harvard admitted students weekend. Just no.

All kidding aside, friendship really does just happen. Remember— it’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon.

All kidding aside, friendship really does just happen. If you’re like me, you’ll probably shy away from trite advice like this, but it’s too important for me not to share anyway: It’s not a sprint, it’s a marathon. It’s super common to change gears after first semester. Many of the people I spent my time with in the fall (who were almost all perfectly lovely and fun) seamlessly became people I saw once a week for lunch, or once a month at a party, or really never, in the spring. Conversely, the first week of second semester I randomly ate dinner with a couple of people I’d only vaguely known first semester, and almost instantly felt like they knew me better than the people I’d (happily!) been hanging out with all autumn. I met three

or four of my closest friends just before summer vacation—at this point, most of the time we’ve been close has been while Yale was out of session, but I can’t even remember what Yale was like before I knew them. And some of the people I’m most excited about spending time with this coming semester I met on a four-day training retreat for Harvest leaders after school was already over. For all I know, next semester could bring another cosmic shift. You will find your people. But I’m serious, shut up about your presidential campaign.

COMING SOON TO A LAPTOP NEAR YOU. The all-new www.yaleherald.com THIS AUGUST

I wish I could write for the Herald! Too bad I’m nine years old!

JOIN THE HERALD—IF YOU ARE OLD ENOUGH. CONTACT EMILY.RAPPAPORT@YALE.EDU

The Holy Grail The quest for the 4.0 by Christina Huffington

ven the most casual observer will have noticed the sartorial transformation of Yale’s typically informal student body over the past two weeks. Suits ornamented with “Hello My Name Is” nametags have replaced wellworn jeans, and students in shiny dress shoes navigate the snow-piled sidewalks in trepidation. The makeover is courtesy of On-Campus Recruiting (OCR) when investment banking and consulting recruiters descend on campus, interviewing hordes of applicants for summer internships. “It’s a bit of a herd mentality,” says one of the hundreds of students who partake in the interview process annually. The noted improvement in fashion, however, is not the only change OCR brings to New Haven. Yale’s campus—ordinarily a place that prides itself on the non-competitive environment it fosters—becomes home to very visible competition. Talk of grades and GPA—typically considered taboo or else relegated to discussion with parents or advisors—is common. So is this focus on the quantitative an isolated flare-up triggered by the presence of the

recruiters or does it exist, albeit below the surface, year-round? There is, of course, no question that Yale students are driven: They made it here. But this drive manifests itself in different ways among the student body: Some students demonstrate their ambition by seeking achievement in extracurriculars or athletics; others focus on the pursuit of knowledge outside the classroom, conducting scientific research or studying abroad. But for a select few students, ultimate success lies very simply in the pursuit of a number—in the pursuit of a perfect 4.0.

A single-minded desire for a 4.0 is far from universal, and success in attaining it is even more unusual. Yale has not released grade distributions since 1981, but retaining a 4.0 through eight semesters at Yale is rare. Trumbull Dean Jasmina Besirevic-Regan, GRD ’04, says that in her seven years as dean, not a single student has graduated from Trumbull with a 4.0. She adds that “only a handful” of students get a 4.0 in any given semester. Discouraging statistics, however, do not hinder the ambitious. Though they are united in their desire for a 4.0, students’ motivations vary. For some, like Mike Jones, MC ’12, it’s “about the pursuit of my personal best. I believe that is all A’s.” For others, gaining entry to a prestigious graduate school or garnering a spot at a top financial firm is the driving factor: A junior who wished to remain anonymous

points to this oft-repeated saying among his fellow law school hopefuls: 90 percent of what determines law school admissions is GPA and LSAT scores. Isabel Chen, SY ’10, who is currently enrolled in the Yale School of Public Health five-year joint program, feels the weight of grades now that she is applying to medical school. Having immersed herself in extracurriculars as an undergraduate, she is realizing that, at least in the admissions process,“GPA matters so much. I wish someone had told me, ‘Isabel, get the highest GPA you can, do stress over every single grade.’” Parental expectations can add pressure to achieve top grades. Besirevic-Regan gets calls from parents worried about their children’s chances of getting into top law or

medical schools. Amy Hungerford, the English Department Director of Undergraduate Studies, says that the students she sees stressed about grades are usually the ones “under intense pressure from their parents, often to get into medical or law school.” Most students, however, maintain that parental demands play little role in their quest for top grades. The aspiration for A’s—and the pressure that comes with it—is largely self-imposed. “Any sort of competition about grades is a competition you are having with yourself,” says John Ettinger, SY ’12. While Jones acknowledges that “Yale is a healthy place” and is cognizant of the dominant belief on campus that “in the classroom it’s not The Yale Herald Summer 2012

me-versus-you,” he still feels a “personal pressure to perform better than my peers.” Getting A’s, he continues, is “a lot about competition.” English Professor Anne Fadiman, who encourages students to take her creative writing classes Credit/D/Fail, says, “Particularly in a small seminar, grades can also encourage competition and discourage collegiality.” Hungerford adds that it is difficult for professors when they see students “feel shame, which they impose on themselves, for grades they deem too low,” adding that “a grade as seemingly benign as a B-plus can sometimes seem to inspire shame.”

Phi Beta Kappa, an academic honors society that inducts students based on their percentage of A grades, is one of the only visible manifestations of grade awareness on campus. Phi Beta Kappa —or PBK—began at Yale as what its current undergraduate president, Jeremy Lent, SY ’11, calls “Yale’s first secret society.” Phi Beta Kappa membership is awarded to undergraduates in three waves: once during junior year, once at the beginning of senior year, and finally at graduation. By graduation, a maximum of 10 percent of the class will have been inducted. While Lent acknowledges that entering PBK is “a very GPA focused event” the group itself is more of a “nice social

The Yale Herald Summer 2012

organization.” Haun Saussy, Professor of Comparative Literature and the graduate president of Yale’s Phi Beta Kappa, says that he likes “that PBK has developed some social and intellectual activities in addition to the purely honorific business of recognizing people for their academic achievements, like dinners, discussions, and many cups of tea.” Lent says that Phi Beta Kappa was never a motivating factor in doing well in classes. “It came as a surprise to me,” he says. Jones, too, says he wasn’t motivated by PBK until he got in, adding, however, that he now feels compelled to keep it because he is part of “an organization that stresses academic excellence.” The anonymous junior says that though PBK remains within reach, he views it as “a status thing” and says he’s “kind of mad” at himself for having ever cared. Phi Beta Kappa inductees seem, for the most part, to be reluctant to flaunt their accomplishments. According to Saussy, the inductees are “modest and humble as well as brainy, so you would not see them marching down the street in PBK sweaters or flying the 4.0 flag.” While Phi Beta Kappans may be humble, they certainly make an impression in class. Fadiman finds an “undeniable correlation between very high grades and intellectual fervor,” adding that the Phi Beta Kappans she’s taught “have all been especially curious and interest-

Phi Beta Kappa membership is awarded to undergraduates in three waves: once during junior year, once at the beginning of senior year, and finally at graduation. By graduation, a maximum of 10 percent of the class will have been inducted. ing.” Saussy, too, says that he is pleased to see former students inducted into PBK. “These are very often the people who said interesting things in class, who wrote interesting papers.” Still, he emphasizes that “by no means” do Phi Beta Kappans have a “monopoly on brains” at Yale. While Jones calls Phi Beta Kappa “a great award” and stresses that he was “very honored” to receive it, he points out a flaw in the way it is awarded. In focusing on A grades, Phi Beta Kappa doesn’t take into consideration is how “hard and rigorous a student’s schedule was,” he says. Within Phi Beta Kappa, the larger selfimposed gag against talking about grades holds true. Lent says that he tries both individually “not to talk about grades with anyone” and that talk of GPA is virtually non-existent within Phi Beta Kappa. “I guess it’s the GPA elephant in the room,” he says, laughing. Saussy finds it “healthy that we don’t talk a lot about grades and GPA here. And really, what is there to say?”

As could be said for the whole of Yale, the conversations at PBK veer more towards students’ “experiences, readings, projects, and travels.” Aspiring for a 4.0 can seem at odds with a campus culture where, in Ettinger’s words, “people really don’t talk about grades.” The anonymous junior echoes that sentiment: “There is a really strong culture against talking about grades and GPA,” adding that he has no idea who has a 4.0 on campus. Students for whom GPA is paramount can feel belittled by their more qualitatively-minded peers. “There are people like me who think very quantitatively about what we get out of the class and there are those who criticize that,” says Jones. “I think they would almost call us shallow in our conceptualization of what we want out of a class.” Students who are critical of Jones’ approach are often those who, in his words, “view classes as a purely educational pursuit that is defined by how

“There have been certain points when I could have taken a harder course than I did, but I was in danger in that class of getting a B plus or an A-minus and that didn’t seem to appealing to me,” —Mike Jones, MC ‘12 much information and insight they can gain from the class into their life or the lives of others or the world.” This view is “separate from grades” and Jones recognizes that if “your rubric is based off these qualitative factors of how much insight can gain, you’re probably less concerned grade-wise.” Jones uses an example to illustrate his point: “If I got a lot out of a class but I ended up getting a B-plus, I would still be unhappy with the class because, for whatever reason, I didn’t perform my best and for me that’s important.” Though his approach to classes and grades may differ from that of the majority of Yale, Jones feels no tension between himself and his peers. He doesn’t “look over peoples’ shoulders” and believes that working as hard as he can is an “absolute measure” and is irrespective of where he stands “relative to other students.” Ettinger’s approach is different. “Aiming at 4.0 is kind of silly.” Though he acknowledges that his freshman year, he “considered grading mechanisms when choosing classes,” he now believes that doing so is “kind of bad for you as a person.” He goes so far as to say that he is now “actually very much against” trying to have a 4.0: “I’ve tried very hard since freshman year— it’s been a real focus of mine—to make sure that grades aren’t at all a part of my decision making process. At this point I just take classes based on the content.” In his pursuit of a 4.0, Jones acknowledges that he has made a conscious decision to choose classes that will not pose a threat to his GPA. “There have been certain points when I could have taken a harder course than I did but I was in danger in that class of getting a B plus or an A-minus and that didn’t seem to appealing to me,” he says. The anonymous junior, who maintained a 4.0 through his first three semesters, remembers dropping a

4.0 academic tips from the Herald

class even though it was “really fun” and “probably worth it” because he knew he “almost certainly wouldn’t get an A.” Though he wouldn’t classify himself as particularly grade-obsessed, his reasoning for dropping the class stemmed from being one semester away from Phi Beta Kappa inductions. He didn’t end up getting a 4.0 that semester, anyway, and in retrospect he “probably regrets” the decision to drop the class. At the time, however, the motivation of Phi Beta Kappa and the belief that he had “come this far” made him adverse to “fucking it up this semester.”

For many high achieving students, the greatest reward for their hard work comes not from official recognition from organizations like Phi Beta Kappa, but from praise and encouragement from family. “There is so much positive reinforcement that comes from getting A’s,” Jones says, though he jokes that his parents don’t give him “a dollar for every A like they did when I was in second grade.” Reinforcement can also come internally. Lent sees his grades as simply “a byproduct of loving what I’m doing.” Rewards can of course take a tangible form. At a time when, because of the economic downturn, getting into top graduate schools and finding ideal employment is more difficult than ever, a 4.0 can undoubtedly open doors. This is especially true in professions like finance and consulting and professional schools like medicine and law. Ettinger, who is also applying to finance jobs this summer, emphasizes that recruiters stress that “the whole resume paints a picture, it tells a story. The GPA is only one component of that story and if all you do is get a good GPA then it’s not going to reflect well.” While many financial and consulting firms have cutoff GPAs to help them manage the enormous

1.0 “For non-science majors” does not equal automatic A.

breadth of applications they receive each year, a 4.0 isn’t foolproof. The general consensus among both applicants and recruiters is that, while GPA serves as an initial filter, students will eventually be forced to show that they are not, in Ettinger’s words, “one dimensional.” Kristen Holzer, a recruiter at investment banking firm Lazard Frères & Co., acknowledges that “GPA is important because it gives us some base of comparison among students” and helps compare “thousands of resumes,” though she cautions that a “student with a 3.9 and no leadership activity will flounder in comparison to a student with a 3.5 who is the president of club x and a member of club y.” A recent Yale grad now at a top investment bank, who has “spent time on both sides of the fence” recruiting and being recruited, says that while a higher GPA “will always help during resumé screens” ultimately, “networking and relevant experiences will go further in getting someone an interview than GPA in any circumstance.” A high GPA is “worth prioritizing,” she says, but it is not “what is going to distinguish a candidate from the crowd.” When applying to less standardized professions like writing and journalism, “writing samples and extracurriculars probably trump grades” says Fadiman, though she adds, “Most employers would be happiest to see excellence in all three.” Hungerford says that while GPA matters in the graduate school admissions process, “it’s the writing sample and the quality of mind demonstrated there that matter most.”

For a 4.0, sacrifices must be made. As the anonymous junior puts it, “When push comes to shove, what do you choose?” For him, “Grades and classes have always been the most important.” Jones finds these sacrifices are minor. One “small regret,” for example, is not having gone to Wednesday Toad’s quite as much as he would have liked. “But if I really felt like I was making social sacrifices, I would change my behavior.” Jones “firmly believes” that he could “probably get an A in any class at this school if I worked hard enough, and I think all of us could probably say the same thing if we dedicated enough time and mental space we could achieve the highest grade possible.” The anonymous junior, too, says

2.0 Do 2/3 of the reading. You’ll be fine.

that in addition having “a minimum level of intelligence”—which he believes most Yale students possess—getting a 4.0 is about “being strategic and trying as hard as you can.” This includes having the skill to gauge what is and what is not important. Or as Jones puts it: “I know what not to do very well.” What he does do, however, might be frowned upon by fellow students. “I like a collaborative structure,” he says. “What is brown-nosing and is it acceptable? And is it networking or is it brown-nosing?” he asks. “At the end of the day, would I have a 4.0 if I weren’t close to all my TAs? I don’t know, but it certainly helped.”

In his 2006 Class Day speech, Anderson Cooper famously noted that since graduation, “I’ve never been asked what my grades were at Yale.” Joseph Gordon, Dean of Undergraduate Education, echoes this sentiment: “I’d guess there isn’t much correlation between GPA and success in most professions.” Professors often attempt to highlight the future insignificance of GPA by pushing students to take risks while at Yale. Fadiman believes that grades “can discourage students from taking risks, since it’s so tempting to keep on doing what has already earned them A’s in the past.” She finds that with the grade incentive removed it is often the case that students work “even harder than they would have for a grade” because “they can feel secure that they want to write because they love it and not because of a sense of obligation.” Dean Besirevic-Regan, too, encourages her students not too place too much emphasis on the pursuit of a number, adding that she is not always “as impressed with a student who has a 4.0 but has done nothing else.” She advises her students to step outside their comfort zone, often finding that they are “more proud of getting a B-plus in a hard class than getting an easy A.” The “saddest thing” for her is seeing a senior take basic drawing for the first time only to find that “this is their passion and what they love.” Saussy encourages students to remember why they’re at Yale. “Previous human experience has shown that garnering rewards at one stage of life is no guarantee that you will be rewarded, or simply happy, at the next stage.”

3.0 Coordinate your exam schedule. Skip town early.

4.0 Never talk more than the professor. Ever.

The Yale Herald Summer 2012

Welcome to Yale, Class of 2016

Join the Yale Banner The Nation’s Oldest Collegiate Yearbook In 1841, The Banner, then a student newspaper, was first circulated in response to a violent riot between Yale students and the firemen of New Haven. In 2012, the Yale Banner Publications carries on the tradition of publishing high quality keepsakes since the first collegiate yearbook in the United States was printed at Yale in 1845.

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Write for the Herald blog! Contact john.stillman@yale.edu WRITE FOR THE HERALD BLOG! CONTACT JOHN.STILLMAN@YALE.EDU

YALE · GLEE · CLUB

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“Under the direction of Jeffrey Douma, the sopranos – indeed, all the voices – sang as one instrument, with flawless intonation… their treacherously clustered semitones and contrapuntal subtleties became otherworldly and transcendent. ” – Washington Post

“One of the best collegiate singing ensembles, and one of the most adventurous. This is the kind of glee club that has been conducted by Krzysztof Penderecki; it is to the television show Glee approximately what the Metropolitan Opera’s National Council Auditions are to American Idol. ” – NY Times

season highlights … Dvorak Stabat Mater with renowned guest conductor Helmuth Rilling :khkÈ H[gk_[c m_j^ OWb[ Iocf^edo @e_dj YedY[hji m_j^ >WhlWhZ WdZ Fh_dY[jed =b[[ 9bkXi J^h[[ 9^e_hi <[ij_lWb Wj 9Wj^[ZhWb e\ Ij$ @e^d j^[ :_l_d[ _d D[m Oeha 9_jo Ikcc[h Jekh je 9^_dW

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Welcome freshmen! Join us for a

Museum Open House

Thursday, September 13, 5–7 pm

ya l e c e n t e r fo r b r iti s h a r t 1080 Chapel Street, New Haven, CT Tuesday–Saturday 10–5; Sunday 12–5 Admission is free | 877 br it art britishart.yale.edu

Participate in the Student Guide Program: • Create and give public tours • Work with museum educators and staff • Attend special lectures, field trips, and programs • Curate a special Student Guide exhibition

photo: Richard Caspole

For information or to apply, call the Yale Center for British Art Department of Education at 203 432 6597, or e-mail ycba.education@yale.edu.

EATING IN

A look inside the hallowed, Hogwarts-like halls that will soon be responsible for saving you from starvation...

t’s pretty exciting when you first walk into any of the 12 undergraduate dining halls on campus. They look like they are straight outta 16th century England (that’s why you chose Yale, isn’t it?) and the menus appear to be...gourmet? The truth is, sometimes you want everything and sometimes you want nothing. But in the end, the food at Yale is better than what you might get at any other university across the country. What’s more, there’s variety—a lot of it. There’s always a plentiful salad bar if the hot foods don’t strike your fancy; if all else fails, a plethora of cereal—from Lucky Charms to All Bran— will suffice. Sure, over time, you are going to get a little sick of some of the scarier and vaguely ethnic dishes (peanutty tofu, anyone?), but at least Yale Dining is creative! To put it

one way, the default meal never has to be a cheeseburger or a slice of pizza. And that’s a very good thing. But let’s forget about the food for a second. The best part about Yale dining halls is that you feel like the most popular kid in your class when you’re in one. Trying to get a little work done during prime lunchtime? Forget about it. Our watering holes are so social, in fact, that trying to find a good spot for large groups to meet is one of Yale’s best attended sports.

Best Dining Hall Dish It’s a baroque symphony of cheeses, a Bernini sculpture of butter, a rich rococo splendor to shame your mother’s famous recipe. Said Olivia Scicolone PC ’14, “It’s … inevitable.” Yes, the Berkeley Mac ‘n Cheese— it’s perfection. So why “Berkeley?” The recipe was born in fall of 2003 as part of the brand new Yale Sustainable Food Project (YSFP). It was one of the first dishes to feature only seasonal, locally grown ingredients. Berkeley’s dining hall was the pilot program, and the dish made its way to the other dining halls in 2005. “We were going to use whole foods, not processed foods, and the idea was that we’d shred our own cheese, use whole butter,” said Berkeley First Cook Aldo Gargamelli, who, with YSFP Executive Chef Cathy Jones, created the recipe. “It’s not a light dish,” he added. And that’s a good thing, too. The milk-based Béchamel sauce is thickened with whole butter, and it uses award-winning Cabot cheddar from Vermont. A secret ingredient? “A little Worcestershire … and a little Tabasco,” Gargamelli intimated. A very worthy honorable mention goes to the Organic Plain Brownie, but nothing tops the instant classic, this cheesy masterpiece from Berkeley. -Vincent Tolentino

16 The Yale Herald Summer 2012

Best One-on-One Dining Hall: What’s the best dining hall at Yale for meeting oneon-one with somebody? At first, the answer seems like a tough one. Berkeley’s got the sweet loft, TD has the private VIP tables with all the old people, Davenport has the row of little tables by the window. The problem with all of these is that everybody-you-know is always there. And if you’re on a date or confronting your roommate about how she leaves her toothpaste caked in the sink, it can get really unpleasant to keep having to ask kids balancing plates of pasta and quinoa-mixed-with-stuff how their Thanksgiving breaks were, and whether they have a lot of finals (“Yeah, I do,” “Haha, yeah, me too.”). There is a correct answer to the question: the dining hall in the Hall of Graduate Studies. Eating there in the late morning, before the noon rush, reminds me of the time I went to the world basketball championships in Japan—for the most part, it’s silent (and when someone does talk, quietly, it’s generally in an East Asian language). There are other perks: stone, Gothic (actually no idea about this but it seems plausible) windows, a vaulted ceiling, a mix of individual and group tables, a fireplace, stained glass. Plus, there’s a Mediterranean wrap bar, ice cream at lunch, and at least five types of bread (focaccia, people). And the best part is, nobody-you-know is there! Which means that you can focus on your date, or your roommate, and you don’t have to wonder about whether that guy sitting at the next table is the one who gave you pink eye at the foam party. –Emily Rappaport

Best Large Group Dining Hall It’s a familiar dilemma. You and your entire FOOT group/political party/soccer team/acapella group/philosophy class are going to dinner. You know that this is not a job for just any dining hall. JE will not do with its smattering of ‘intimate’ tables, nor will highlytrafficked Morse accommodate all your companions. What you need is a Great Hall. Something on a Hogwartsian scale, with long, empty tables and an endless supply of desserts. And although you may not be guaranteed treacle or house elves, you can get pretty close to Potter perfection in the Timothy Dwight dining hall. With its central table stretching from one end of the hall to the other, there is plenty of contiguous seating for even the most expansive of discussion sections. Sure, you may have to walk the extra block or two to get to TD, but all that exercise will definitely be worth the effort. Think of all the feeble-footed groups that falter at such a hike and turned back at Berkeley or Calhoun. Their defeat leaves lots of empty chairs and whole trays of red velvet cake just waiting for your hungry group to descend upon them. –Amelia Urry

EATING OUT ... and some advice for what happens when starvation is preferable to another bite of tofu apple crisp.

our first meal in the dining halls will be somewhat impressive. (If you’re not impressed, even the tiniest bit, the first time around, well, you’re...screwed. Sorry.) “Oh, they serve quinoa!” your parent might say. “They definitely didn’t serve quinoa in the dining halls when I was in school. How do you even pronounce that, you think?? Look at this fancy school you go to, kid!” No sir-reeee, I bet they didn’t serve quinoa in 1810. But they sure do here, at this fancy school you go to now, kid. And get this: They have it everyday! You could eat quinoa from now until the end of time if you really wanted to! OK fine, from now until May 2015. But still. That gives you plenty of time to load up. Believe it or not, though, there’s a possibility, ranging from “I love quinoa so f***ing much” to “Let’s casually eat at Barcelona the really fancy restaurant in New Haven not the city in Spain,” that there will come a time when you skip your swipe

Best Food Cart: The Cheese Truck. Who likes the Cheese Truck? Everybody likes the Cheese Truck.

Best Lunch Special No one does lunch specials better than Chinese restaurants, and no one in New Haven does Chinese better than Royal Palace. Rice, soup and your choice of entree for $5.50? Yes. Just yes. –The Yale Herald

and brave the world of nickels and dimes outside these hallowed walls. And when you do, we here at the Herald want you to be armed and ready for action. Most of you are probably thinking, “Who would ever spend money to eat off campus when there’s a compulsory total-coverage meal plan with access to 13 all-you-can-eat buffets? Not me!” And you are, for the most part, totally right. If it seems irresponsible and just kind of gross to eat off campus three nights a week, or even one night a month, you are, for the most part—yup, you guessed it—totally right. But who says some fresh air (and fresh food!) every once in a while is only for the Scandalous Lives of Manhattan’s Elite (xoxo Gossip Girl, eh?). A birthday dinner here, a late night snack there, a meeting over coffee, uh, there. There are occasions for which the Berkeley dining hall just ain’t quite right, and with this veteran advice, you can get the Best of New Haven without breaking the bank. —Emma Schindler

Best Fourth Meal It’s 2a.m. The dining halls have already been closed for basically a whole day, and you’ve been chanting nice things about women at DKE for way too long. Your tummy’s getting an attitude and is in need of some non-alcoholic solids. Sounds like it’s time for some... Mamoun’s! Right??? So suck it up and walk the….however many blocks it is from DKE!! (Google maps only had the Delta Kappa Epsilon Club in Midtown. Sorry.) Some fun facts about Mamoun’s: It’s open till 3a.m., and there are always people eating there who look kind of too old and kind of too cool to be eating at the same place as drunk college kids. (Who are they? Where do they go after 3a.m.?? I wanna know!) The service is slow, so go with people you like. You can only tell each other you’re ordering falafel so many times. Or, be the cool kid! Order something different…like dessert! They’re really sticky and fun to pick out of your teeth. Or a spinach roll. Not sticky but also fun to pick out of your teeth. Oh, and, according to Jeremy G. from the World Wide Web, Mamoun’s is a “great place for ditching unwanted out of town visitors after Halloween parties.” Cold. Hard. Money. –Emma Schindler

Best 24-Hour Food As a freshman, an unnamed member of the Herald Staff fell asleep under the hot food bar at Gourmet Heaven. Enough said.

Best New Business We returned to campus in August, our skin tanned and our minds ready to plunder the intellectual treasure chest that is Yale. Little did we know this year’s most significant development would come in the form of over-priced, low-cal diary product. Of course, we are talking about Froyo World, New Haven’s newest haven for girls and gays alike. In its wake, Froyo World has razed poor Liberry, with its sad-sack décor and faint smell of armpit. Ashley’s, beware! There is a reason the sugar high on High has WORLD in its name—its ambition transcends Frat Row. We admit: Upon first sight, we didn’t quite know what to make of this Japanese toy factory dipped in rainbow pudding. But thankfully, we forged ahead. By George, it is delicious! With enough toppings to keep Rainman counting for days, Froyo World never fails to send us into an orgasmic tizzy. Indeed, the bells of Harkness Tower are no match for the squeals of many a satisfied customer. But Willy Wonka’s ultimate fantasy is no onenight stand—she’ll have you coming back again. And again. And again. And then, before you know it, you’re in a long-term relationship and your father is warning you: “Guys don’t make passes at girls with fat asses.” But that doesn’t bother you, because this sweet siren is the best you’ve ever had. –Ariel Doctoroff and Carlos Gomez

Best Cheap Meal: York St. Noodle House

The Yale Herald Summer 2012

LAST FRIDAY NIGHT... For the traditional The fall semester is filled with schoolsponsored dances, a phenomenon you may have experienced in high school as awkward throngs of kids freaking to those Top 20 hits. Although the last part of that statement still applies, college dances are not the excruciating exercises in social frustration of your pre-teen years. Instead, many Yalies pre-game beforehand, and people are not afraid to let loose. One of the most popular of these dances is the annual ‘80s-themed Safety Dance that packs Commons with aviator glasses, leg warmers, neon tights, side ponytails, and people dressed as the Brat Pack. The music is so bad it’s good, and you’ll definitely want to get there early so you can do the running man to “Men Without Hats” all night long. And there’s Calhoun’s Trolley Night, which features a unique party theme: you identify you relationship status with your shirt. Before Facebook, remember, this wasn’t public information. Here’s the deal: red shirt means taken, yellow means it’s complicated, green means go—or give it a shot, at least. And if you’re thinking, “Why bother wearing a red shirt to a college dance party?” you’re right—go green or go home. Other dances worth checking out are those hosted by the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered Cooperative (the LGBT CO-OP). The CO-OP’s parties are a delightful mix of “YMCA,” “I Will Survive,” and ferocious hookups. Fall semester is also marked by a flurry of college-sponsored screw-yourroommate dances. They culminate in the Freshman Screw, an event that will either lead to a budding romance, or turn into your worst blind date nightmare. You don’t get to find your date; your helpful

18 The Yale Herald Summer 2012

and well-wishing roomies arrange everything for you, including how you and your appointed date will meet. Just remember to be extra- nice to your suitemates, or you may find yourself dancing to Shakira on the Women’s Table, rose in hand, waiting to meet your betrothed. Also of mention are Yale’s notorious naked parties thrown by the Yale’s fourth-oldest society, the Pundits, a group dedicated to extravagant pranks and tomfoolery. Rules include: 1) full nudity necessary although strategi- cally placed accessories are often employed, 2) eye contact is essential but a quick once over is unavoidable, and 3) no touching, no kissing, no canoodling of any kind—Megan Crandell, PC ’07, a frequent naked party attendee, explained, “A naked party is the most well-behaved collection of penises you will ever encounter in a single room.” A naked party is truly an experience—The Insider’s Guide to the Colleges even named naked parties the number-one thing a student must do before leaving Yale. — Celeste Ballard w/ Diana Bass and Andrea Lynch contributing

It may not be obvious (or even sound possible), but Yale students do, on occasion, know how to party. But tread carefully, eager partygoer, for all Yale parties are not created equal.

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For the fratstar Then, there are the fraternities. They don’t make up a clear majority of the social scene here, but you’ll definitely find yourself shmoozing and boozing at at least one of their parties during your Yale career. The upside of frats is that they always have gallons of alcohol, and you can almost always find someone to hook up with. The downside is that the floors are dirty—and, frankly, so are the people with whom you’ll suck face. One of the most infamous frat parties is SAE’s Late Night, a weekly gathering that starts around 1 a.m. on Thursdays. With beer pong in the basement, innumerable 30-packs, music pumping through the house, a huge backyard, and a gaggle of skinny nerds in popped collars waiting to take advantage of inebriated freshmen girls with negligible dignity (watch out!), SAE attempts the tried-andtrue formula for a good frat party. Aside from SAE, other popular frats that throw the occasional brain-numbing party are DKE, SigEp, Zeta Psi and Sigma Chi. Most have rooms conducive to gettin’ yo’ schwerv on with that hottie from section, and music that will have you dancing into the wee hours of the night. Perhaps the most notable frat and sorority events are the crush parties they host—classy gatherings for which members hand-deliver invitations to their crushes. There’s also DKE TANG, a knock-off of the Tyng college intramural competition. During TANG, which costs a nominal fee and takes place during Spring Fling weekend, teams from each college compete in an all-out race to—what else?—drink beer. — Celeste Ballard w/ Diana Bass and Andrea Lynch contributing

arty Tip: Herald P make Learn to punch.

Herald Party T ip: Play h ip-hop — from t he 199 0s. Herald Party Tip: Dance like someo ne’s watching. They ar e.

For the hipster Full disclosure: I have been to no more than ten frat parties since I came to Yale. For me, it’s simple math—there are about ten frats, and I only had to go to each one once to realize that I don’t like Natty Ice, keg stands, reggaeton, or themes of any kind. Coolers of Gatorade and grain are usually available alongside the 30-racks, for those of you who aren’t all that into making conversation. And there’s always a dark room with speakers where those incapable of standing unaided can slump and grind against a partner in time to the latest R. Kelly remix. SAE’s famous Thursday night late nights have been happening less and less frequently as New Haven cops slowly realize that there are real liquor laws in this state now, but you’ll probably end up there sooner or later. There’s also Zeta Psi’s annual eighties party, which happens towards the beginning of the year: Everyone dresses up but no one gets in. Pregame with dinner and show up early if you don’t want to spend the night in the Popeye’s parking lot,dripping chicken grease on your spandex and making eyes at the homeless. Or maybe you’re like me and not so into the frat scene. Maybe you want a quiet, intimate atmosphere where cigarette smoke will mask the B.O. and the dancing is a little less dirty, a little jerkier? A place where you can sip gin and tonics and lament the fact that you’re so not getting a place in “Systems and their Theory.” The off-campus “hipster” house party, my friend, is where you should be headed. These parties are often only publicized by e-mail (if at all) and are thus

ip: Party T Herald punch rink the d ’t n o de D you ma unless ch. the pun

harder to find out about if you’re not on an upperclassman’s panlist. This is where extracurriculars become crucial: sign up for a bunch (specifically: Volume (RIP?), WYBC, the Herald A&E section) and hope that someone cool spams you info about what’s happening on Howe Street. Or just wander around until you hear The Knife blasting from a likely looking apartment. Wait—don’t wander around New Haven alone at night. That’s dangerous. But let’s be realistic here. You’re freshmen. You live surrounded by your kind. Soon it will be too cold to venture much farther than the Old Campus gates. Therefore, get ready to spend a lot of time sitting on uncomfortable futons and wondering if maybe there’s a law stating that all undergraduates are required to have the same five posters in their common rooms. The room party is a hallmark of freshman year. Small, sweaty and awkward, these are the parties that will later constitute the best years of your life. —Zan Romanoff The Yale Herald Summer 2012

EDUTAINMENT

To go or not to go? That is the question—the question that you will get to ask yourself approximately seven million times per weekend. Because that’s how many events there are. Every weekend. Real talk.

Concerts Concerts in New Haven are a tricky thing. For the most part, if you want to be entertained, you’re going to end up at Toad’s Place. Toad’s has by far the most signficant line-up of any venue in New Haven, bringing in acts ranging from the mashup band White Panda to hippie extraordinaire Keller Williams. Sometimes even big name bands come too—the infamous WuTang Klan made a tour stop last semester (naturally arriving 90 minutes late to the show) as well as the hipster-flavored Broken Social Scene. So if you like being herded like cattle into an intimate (read: crowded) setting with some of your favorite bands, then Toad’s is the place for you. There is, however, the occasional concert at other spaces; Fence Club has been known to hold smaller concerts during “Funk Fridays” with rock bands from around the Northeast. SAE held a Nappy Roots concert last year in their house, while the band looked for “fine Yale dancers” to be in a rap music video. The concert scene at Yale can be good and has been in the past, but let’s be honest: New York is a train ride away. —Andrew Calder

Movies Besides Wednesday night Toad’s, there’s at least one activity that there’s just not enough time for but that every Yalie partakes in anyway: watching movies. Be it a private screening in the Film Study Center, a packed showing of The Room at the Criterion, or a 3 a.m. Saturday observance of Step Brothers, nearly every student gets his or her fill of films. And for good reason—Yale all but caters to the cinephile. For the serious auteur, the school maintains enviable ties to the industry through the Yale in Hollywood summer program. For the more casual fan, the Film Society offers several screenings a week, Bass Library has a dependable and convenient DVD collection, and films from the Study Center’s encyclopedic library are freely rented to anyone with a Yale ID. But Yale doesn’t stand out merely because it tracks movies as carefully as books. Just last week—literally eight freakin’ days ago—A.O. Scott, the chief film critic at the publication all Yalies read (The Economist was a good guess, but the answer is the New York Times), not only came to answer student’s questions about film criticism, but also critiqued several student reviews beforehand. What makes it all the more remarkable is that there are so many film-related events that it’s impossible to make them all. So while you may come to Yale for the classes, make sure to stay for the credits. —Sam Bendinelli

20 The Yale Herald Summer 2012

A capella A cappella at Yale is, quite frankly, climbin’ in yo’ window, snatchin’ yo’ people up. But actually. A cappella does not retreat. It does not surrender. A cappella will turn your friends into perpetually swaying, endlessly harmonizing, occasionally tux-wearing shells of their former selves. And your friends will like it. They will think that a cappella is the best thing that has ever happened to them. And they will think that their joining an a cappella group is the best thing that has ever happened to you, too. There are no innocent civilian observers in an a cappella world. Because as much as you try to hide from a cappella, your Facebook events section and inbox will repeatedly fill with invitations to jam after jam. Your friends, newly converted to the cult of a capella, will give you distrusting looks when you claim that you cannot attend because you have plans to…erm…uh… wash your hair that night??? Basically any event planned by the University will feature an a cappella performance because the administration shares the twisted belief that a cappella was God’s gift to Yale. So what I’m trying to say is NO I DO NOT SING, NO I DO NOT SING, NO I DO NOT SING. But if you do, you’ll fit right in. —Hannah Gelbort

Theater Thespians at Yale range from actors with professional experience to newcomers to the trade, but they all share a wealth of creative energy and a deep appreciation for the art. At the beginning of the year, uninformed freshmen can feel like the theater world flew by them, as auditions tend to happen early in the semester for a great number of shows. A full collection of the upcoming shows, as well as sign-up information and scheduling of auditions, can be found on www.yaledramacoalition.org. Students can get funding from the Yale Dramatic Association (known as the Dramat; www.dramat.org), which puts up sevens hows every year and uses the facilities of the Yale School of Drama and the Yale Repertory Theatre. Yale also has a Cabaret and an experimental theatre troupe called Control Group, as well as numerous improvisational comedy troupes and sketch comedy ensembles. In short, it’s all there for any Yalie aspiring to get involved. —Elias Kleinbock

BOOLA BOOLA The Game, also known as the Yale-Harvard Football Competition, will occur for the 128th time at the Bowl in November. Having it at Yale means you don’t have to put up with Harvard’s unsurprisingly draconian anti-tailgating rules. For the record, we lead the epic series 65-54, with eight ties. We’ve lost the past four Games, but that is fine because you will be there to cheer this time. For more fall entertainment, follow Yale’s unfairly good-looking soccer talent at Reese Stadium. In total, Yale has 35 varsity teams. First of all, goo support the ones your suitemates are on. Your next order of business should almost certainly be to go to an Ice Hockey game in the winter—last year our boys were ranked #1 in the NCAA for the first time in history. Ingalls Rink, commonly called the Yale Whale, is the team’s curvaceous home, and is likely within walking distance of your residential college and Old Campus. Fun fact: It was designed by the same architect responsible for the St. Louis Arch. A little more history: Yale played the first known ice hockey game in the United States in 1896, against Johns Hopkins, and our program is the oldest in the U.S. In springtime, follow our lax brothers in Reese Stadium, baseballers at Yale Field, and impossibly elastic gymnasts at Payne Whitney. If you’re around in New Haven in the summer, try not to miss The Race, also known as the Yale-Harvard Regatta. It’s outside New Haven, but predates The Game by over 20 years. It’s like watching the scene in The Social Network when the Winklevi get beat, but even more gratifying. What matters isn’t what team you yell for or which player you crush on; just before you get your degree, give a lung’s worth to Yale athletics. —Marcus Moretti

A little bit about IMs: Don’t fret, precious. We weren’t recruited either. But then no one asked us to join any teams after witnessing our athletic prowess. And when we tried to play club sports, we were told to leave. We were a little surprised, because we were the soccer superstar at our Jewish day school. And so it hurt for a couple secs and then we wiped our glasses off with a shammy and went about our day. But so then a curious thing started to happen. Our thighs started to touch each other when we walked. Our faces looked a little rounder, our stomachs a little…There’s really no other way to put it: We had become buffarillos. Just real porkers. They tell you about the Freshman 15, but they most certainly do not tell you it continues. So what were we to do? IMs of course! They are SO much better anyway. No one stops you on account of running a little funny or having to stop every now and then to take a puff from your inhaler. The possibility is limitless with Men’s and Co-ed Touch Football, Men’s and Women’s Soccer, Co-ed Golf, Co-ed Lawn Volleyball, Tennis, Cross country, and Table Tennis in the fall; Men’s and Women’s Volleyball, Squash, Co-ed Inner-tube Water Polo, Co-ed Swimming, Ice Hockey, and Basketball in the winter; Ultimate Frisbee, Co-ed Soccer, Co-ed Golf, Softball, Field Hockey, Billiards, and Co-ed Lawn Volleyball in the spring.

The Game in history by Ivan Dremov

The first Harvard-Yale battle took place at New Haven’s Hamilton Field in 1875, when American football resembled European rugby more than today’s game. Between 1875 and 1927, the last year Yale won a national title in football, the sport was shaped by Walter Camp, YC 1880, who coached the Bulldogs from 1888 to 1892. Camp earned the nickname “Father of American Football” for bringing innovations such as scrimmaging, the “11 men to a side” rule, and the precursors to the today’s “four downs for ten yards” framework. It was no wonder that with Camp on the sideline Yale went 22-5-3 against the Crimson in the first 30 Games. In the first half of the 20th century, football exploded on the national scene and, in order to satisfy fans, the University built the Yale Bowl, which opened in 1914 as the biggest football stadium in America with a capacity of 70,000 (after renovations, its capacity now stands at 61,446). Yale has gone 22-23-1 in home match-ups against the Crimson, and has played Harvard in the last game of the season every year since 1945. When the Ivy League was formed in 1954, Yale and Harvard became official rivals. The ’60s was one of the best decades for Bulldog football, as the the team won or shared four Ivy League titles. In 1968, quarterback and Heisman nominee, Brian Dowling, BK ’69, and running back Calvin Hill, PC ’69, a future NFL Hall of Famer and father of NBA superstar Grant Hill, led one of the finest teams of the century. Coming into The Game, Yale was undefeated, and the campus was ecstatic as they left New Haven for a championship game on the road against Harvard, who was also undefeated. A linebacker on the ’68 team, Andy Coe, TD ’70, recalled students “gathering in the Berkeley quad and calling to Brian [Dowling]. Then he’d show up at the window, and it was like God came out.” Dowling began the game with a superhuman performance, helping the Bulldogs build a 22-0 lead. Desperate, Harvard’s coach replace the team’s starting quarterback with backup Frank Champi, who had only thrown 12 career passes. Despite Champi’s inexperience, the Crimson used an opportunistic defense and a scrappy offense to claw back within eight points of Yale with 40 seconds left in the fourth quarter. With time running out, Champi hurled a pass at running back Vic Gatto, out for the most of the game with a hamstring injury, for a touchdown. The catch inspired hundreds of Harvard students to rush the field. It took 15 minutes to clear the grass before the Cantabs completed a two-point conversion and tied the game. The following Monday, the Harvard Crimson ran the infamous headline, “Harvard beats Yale, 29-29.” After a three-month search in 2000, Harvard Magazine traced the origin of the line to Crimson photographer Tim Carlson, who heard “a drunk undergraduate” utter “Harvard beat Yale” while celebrating Gatto’s touchdown on the field. The 1968 game remained a gold standard of excitement for the Yale-Harvard rivalry until 1999, when quarterback Joe Walland, TD ’00, put Yale ahead 24-21 with 29 seconds remaining and passed for the winning touchdown to tight end and former New Orleans Saint Eric Johnson, JE ’01, who finished the game with 21 receptions for 244 yards. The first overtime in the history of The Game took place six years later, when Yale blew an eight-point fourth-quarter lead and committed three turnovers in three overtimes; the Cantabs won 3024 on a Clifton Dawson rushing TD. Yale’s 34-13 victory in Cambridge four years ago ended a fivegame Yale losing streak, and gave the Elis the conference title in the process. Since then, each end-of-season match-up has brought another crushing defeat for the Old Blue. The Yale Herald Summer 2012

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Almost every admitted student has completed some form of community service in the past. And hardly anyone stops there. By graduation, 4 out of every 5 students will have participated in some form of service or advocacy through Dwight Hall.

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ESSENTIAL EVENTS Dwight Hall Bazaar Wed. 9/12 7-9pm

Meet representatives from over 90 community service & social justice organizations

Freshman Day of Service Sat. 9/15 10am - 2pm

Serve at a local non-profit to meet like-minded students and connect with New Haven’s needs

Don’t want to wait?

Search for a group that fits your interests at

www.dwighthall.org/match

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DO YOU KNOW YOUR ABCs?

Yale is chock full of acronyms, nicknames, and other weird lingo, but luckily the Herald is here to help you sound like a native. Memorize this shit. You won’t be sorry.

By Emily Rappaport, Emma Schindler, and John Stillman

ABP: Au Bon Pain. An important geographic landmark, even if you never step foot inside. Atticus: $1 coffee. $1,000,000 dollars for everything else. Inexplicably terrible service. Free bread outside at night. $1 coffee. Ashley’s: Ice cream! Right next to Flavors. Which, depending on your general worldview, means you either never eat Ashley’s or never eat Flavors. We encourage a happy medium.

Bluebook: n. Course catalog; v. To look through the course catalog.

Bursar: Charging shit to your parents, one Trolli® brand product at a time. Buttery: Amateurs microwaving chicken nuggets in your college basement. Open late.

Camp Yale: Orientation. Get psyched!

Q R

Claire’s: Ditto everything we said about Blue State, but for real this time.

Dean’s Excuse: The golden ticket. Extensions on everything; we recommend mono. DUH: Outdated name for Yale Health that is just so healthy that it refuses to die.

Q-Pac: A rude, elitist nickname for Quinnipiac University, whose students party in the Have on Saturday nights. QR: The distributional requirement that shall not be named.

River Tam:The section asshole of commenting on YDN articles. Ronnell Higgins: Yale police chief. Probably don’t forward his emails to your parents. Rudy’s: Food + drink @ Chapel + Howe. The Herald might actually not have any complaints. See you there! Don’t touch our fries.

Credit/D: Like pass/fail, but better because you can also get a D!

Panlist: Email lists for student organizations. We say: avoid the political ones because it’s an election year! Pundits: Student prankster group that organizes all things naked.

Blue State: The worst coffee, the worst food, AND the worst prices! And yet, we keep going back for more.

Box 63: New bar/restaurant that temporary stole the Wednesday night fratlete crowd from Toad’s. Honestly, their brunch is not okay.

netID: The key to everything you hate: WiFi, printing, your grades, and paying tuition.

Durfee’s: Shithole specializing in kikkoman brand sushi and Fuze fruit drinks.

Safety Dance: Annual 80s-themed Grindfest that is by all measures unsafe. Saint Thomas More: Catholic student center with an underrated library and free snacks. Soon things will sound less lame. We promise. Screw: A party worth pooping. Section Asshole: Hopefully not you. Slifka: Campus Hillel. Bagels & lox every other Sunday.

SOM: Yale business school. Fall Break: We haven’t actually had one yet, but we have a feeling it’s going to be just delightful. Feb Club: Parties for seniors every night of February. A tradition that dates back to the 70s. Only 3 1/2 years to go—hang in there! Flavors: Froyo joint that replaced the only remaining alternative to Barnes & Noble. At least it’s open till 1, right??

The Game: Harvard v. Yale, blah blah. Just kidding, we mean boola boola!

Frat City: Like Disney’s Magic Kingdom, but worse.

I L

Thain Family Cafe: ”When you’re here, you’re family!” The Farm: At the top of science hill. Go on Friday afternoons for delicious pizza.

Flower Lady: We’ll let her introduce herself.

Tap: If it happens to you, you will be pleased because you will be in an exclusive group.

The Green: First town square in America. Toad’s: Ugh.

G-heav: Gourmet Heaven. VIP: very important place.

Tyng Cup: The Herald tells you the Tyng Cup standings every week. The Herald doesn’t know anything about the Tyng Cup besides that it has standings

Gut: The easy classes you hope you accidentally end up in.

IMs: The Herald has come to suspect these have something to do with the Tyng Cup standings we have to report every week. (See: Tyng Cup) Ivy Noodle: An Asian noodle place like any other, but catering to students in the Ivy league (ooh ahh).

L-Dub: Old Campus dorm building that’s much cooler if you think about it as a Diddy slang term. LC: Linsly-Chittenden Hall, with entrances on Old Campus and High Street. Home to the English department and 99% of the Herald’s classes, including our science credit, An Issues Approach to Biology.

W Y

WYBCX: Yale Radio. Not available on the radio. Go to wybc.com.

Yale Bookstore: your one-stop shop for pleather-bound journals, hologram bookmarks, shitty desklamps, and other things that aren’t the book you need. Yale Facebook: If you thought no one would ever see your ID photo, you’re officially screwed. Yale Secure: Primary campus WiFi network. More like Yale Insecure! yale wireless: A hoax! Call us if you can get this to work. YDN: The Nation’s Oldest College Daily. YUAG: Yale University Art Gallery. The grossest sounding acronym, but the prettiest art. The Yale Herald Summer 2012

Click in and Learn Yale faculty in international and area studies are interviewed about their current research.

New webisodes air each Wednesday at noon

www.yale.edu/macmillanreport

The MacMillan Report is made possible through funding from the Whitney and Betty MacMillan Center for International and Area Studies at Yale.